F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 106 - The Most Romantic Teenager

Episode Date: October 12, 2020

In this episode two very romantic adult men lament the troubles of being romantic teenage males.  Topics include only looking for sex online, threesome preparation, dealing with your partner having sex with someone else, teenage romance, a healthy way to get your partner to embrace a healthier way.

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller. And my name is Nas Bang. And we are here as your fuck buddies on this podcast. We are a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations and then we turn them into sexy, sticky situations.

Simply put, we find questions either from our wonderful listeners or from the internet and we answer them for you. And then you don't have those questions anymore and everything's, and no one will ever wonder that question ever again. No, it's gone for good. From all human memory, actually. I don't even know what we answered last week, because they've been erased from the souls of our ancestors. Yeah, I mean, like, it's just replaced with the knowledge of our answers. Mm-hmm, which are always concise.

We never meander. No, not at all. Or joke, heavens forbid. Nope. Nope. This is a 100% serious podcast where we do nothing but alter the fabric of time and space and collectively alter the knowledge of the human race. Mm-hmm. So how are you doing i'm doing okay um i've been playing a lot of genshin impact as we were talking about before we started recording and i'm slowly i don't know i feel like i need to order a body pillow like an anime body pillow now just all right just to fill the role right i don't know if it's any nerdier than anything else you play i it's got a heavy like layer of cringe on it it's like you know if if uh

if what i do is nerdy that's the bagel and then genshin impact is like an inch layer thick of peanut butter on top of that bagel doesn't make any sense i'm really hungry i'm also very hungry let's let's record quickly so we can go eat. Yeah. You know, I guess it starts off with a question we got tweeted to us from one of our brand new friends of the show. I give them an agent name because they didn't specify, and I'm always hesitant to just throw their name out. Yeah. It's going to be Agent D8.

They say, hi, I'm 26, 26 and i'm wondering is there an easier way to hook up with someone than dating sites oh sorry easier way to hook up with someone with dating sites than pretending you want to date them how do you get guys just for sex another relationship or ghosting you i have more questions too but i'll leave it at that i feel like as a lady it like if you go on reddit it is the exact opposite problem yeah i think you are in the best position to be wanting this uh like this situation you know what i mean yeah i mean like i literally have a hard time looking for questions nowadays because literally everyone is like what's wrong why does everyone just want casual relationships how do i find somebody who doesn't want to just have sex how do i and it's like that's 90 of what's out there and like the dating question universe so the fact

that you're you're on the flip side of that seems to me like you're you're in the buyer's market you know what i mean like i feel like it shouldn't be that difficult for you to make this happen like as a woman you are totally able to just say hey i'm only looking for sex and like you're going to be good people are going to take you at that no one's going to be offended you're in like the best position like you can actually just be straight up about it yeah i mean like you're like i said like you got pick of the litter man like you're you're doing all right unless of course i don't know where this person is located unless you're like I said, like you got pick of the litter, man. Like you're you're doing all right. Unless, of course, I don't know where this person is located. Unless you're in like a very conservative sort of area of the world. You know what I mean?

Where it's sort of like this hookup culture is kind of frowned upon and everyone has kind of been socialized that it has to be this monogamous relationship situation. That's true. That's true that's true so if like if that's the situation i think you just kind of have to be covert because no matter how conservative anyone is if you just look at like american politics uh everyone's a freak you know what i mean like everyone's very happy to like sort of bend the rules when it comes to getting fucked yeah especially like people's personal values often do not reflect their outward values or what they want other people to do look at priests but yeah i feel like depending on where you're from you can be straight up and like you

don't even need to have it in your like bio you know what i mean like if you are like online dating you don't necessarily have to state it. Again, you totally can. But I do think that's going to maybe color the type of people you get. But again, if you're just looking for the kind of person who wants to fuck, then why not? You know what I mean? Like it's kind of a value judgment that you need to make. And especially you can make this depending on how it goes. Like have it in for a month or two.

See who's messaging you and then take it out for a month or two. Cause if you're talking to someone and like you meet up with them again, like you don't need to be like, I want a relationship before the first date. You know what I mean? Because not like realistically you shouldn't with someone, you're not going to know them that well anyway. Um, and you can just be straight up. If you meet someone, you like them, be like, Hey, you know, I'm totally down to fuck fuck but i'm i don't i'm not looking for anything serious and honestly i think as dane said buyer's market you're gonna be good yeah i would i would actually tell you not to put in the like just looking to hook up because like that automatically gives some vibes that probably aren't uh you know in line with who you actually are um and it's definitely going to alter

the the first impressions people yeah you know what i mean so i would i would put out just like a general like we've said all the time where it's like you don't have to you know seal deal in terms of like becoming monogamous until way further down into the line so just treat your your dating experience as is and if you want to bang them at the end into the line so just treat your your dating experience as is and if you want to bang them at the end of the first date just be like hey bring me back to your place or hey let's go back to my place and then fuck them also it makes it a lot easier because you're not looking for sort of all the boxes really all you need to do is like do you have chemistry are you attracted to them can you put up with them long enough that like to fuck?

Because really, you only need to be able to like them enough to be able to hang out for an hour or two. Really? Yeah. I mean, like, that's where I would I was going to go there next. So I'm glad you brought it up. I would also wager or like strongly encourage you to not sleep with people just because you think they're hot. If they make your skin crawl, because I did that a lot where it was like i found people very very annoying but i also found them very very attractive or i you know i wanted to sleep with them and so i i kind of like glossed

over the fact that like really didn't love them as a person or really didn't like you know get along with them on sort of like that that chemistry. And it just leads to really bad sex or at least really like uninvolved sex. And like, if you're not having good sex, don't bother having it at all. In my opinion. That's one thing I was going to say is like to, even though you're not going to want to date these people or be, have a relationship with them, like, and I want to like capitalize dating and relationship because you're still going to have a relationship with them. And I want to capitalize dating and relationship because you're still going to have a relationship with them

if you're sleeping with them more than once. And it's like you don't have to treat them all that differently. You just don't have to put a label on it because if you're getting on with these people and you actually enjoy being around them, again, even if it's only for that time and even if it's only for sex, you're still going to have a much better sexual experience than if these are people you are actively trying to not like or actively trying to

treat differently so i just would say to not be afraid of still treating each other well and being you know somewhat close because that's the best sexual relationships you're gonna have yeah yeah exactly because like if neither of you are invested in each other, then like, you're just going to sort of be like, you might as well just have a fucking dildo, like one of those suction cup dildos and ride, you know what I mean?

Cause like, that's essentially like if you're treating another human being just as a sex toy, it's going to be, unless it's part of like your fetish or your role play or whatever, you know what I mean? Like there's time and place for that. But like,

if it's just sort of your overall sexual uh philosophy of just being like i'm gonna ride that dick until i come and then i'm done it's like i don't know i i think there's much more to sex and there's a lot more redeeming qualities of sex than just like finishing um i think there's you know it's it's the journey as well in my opinion um and if you're not having fuck or fun when you're fucking if you're not having fuck when you're funny yeah um i mean i feel like that that works too yeah it's true you gotta have the whole package i think as much as you're just sort of like looking for sex and that's it i think you still gotta like the person you still gotta be invested in the person you still gotta care like the person. You still got to be invested in the person. You still got to care about the person. And that's how to have good sex. Yeah.

Like that's, and like at the end of the day, like I said before, it's like, if you're not having good sex, don't bother fucking having it at all. There's no point in wasting your, your time and,

you know, taking the inherent risks of having sex with multiple people. Uh, if it's not good sex. Yeah, no, I agree. So like,

yeah, don't be afraid to be upfront in what you're looking for. I think like as a female, you have a far better just like position for that. Like people are, you know, it's going to go better for you in some ways. And on top of that, don't be afraid to be close to people, even if you're not dating them. Now, there was one last part of the question. How do you get guys just for sex and not a relationship or ghosting you? I think that one is harder to answer. Well, so here's the thing. The relationship thing, I think, is easily solved, as we mentioned prior to, but also like with the conversation.

If you slept with them, like if you're seeing them on a fairly regular basis which is another thing i recommend it's like don't think that just because you're using someone for sex or like you know you have a sexual relationship that you can't see someone repeatedly because again that is the key to a really good sex life is having a consistent partner because like the more you learn someone the better the sex gets yeah sex is practice especially with different people. And you know, you're always going to get better at fucking and being fucked by the one person. The more you do it.

Yeah. As for ghosting, I think that you're also in the position of being like, if you're just looking for sex, yeah, it might suck if you find someone you really enjoy having sex with and then they fucking fall off the place of the face of the earth. But if you're just looking for sex who cares yeah it shouldn't be that much of an issue and honestly i think if you're not trying to create this artificial coldness between

you and the person you're fucking and you're being honest about your intentions i think your like possibilities of being ghosted are going to be far lower or they'll happen very rapidly. If someone isn't into something casual, maybe you'll get ghosted very much at the start, but that's just because you're being clear about what you want and they know that that's not what they want, which is what you want. You don't want to be in this situation with someone who's not on the same page as you. So if you're getting ghosted quickly like that, then it's just that you're weeding out the people who aren't right for your situation but when you're being honest and if you're not afraid to be somewhat

close to these people i don't think ghosting is gonna be an issue after that yeah and alternatively like don't don't be shy about like maybe hinting towards that like sex is mostly a for sure thing because like no dude's going to be like, I would, I imagine most of the time guys ghost women because they think a more sure thing has popped up or they think that like sex isn't going to happen with that person. Like that to me is probably like the top reason dudes go. Some women is that like the top reason dudes go some women is that like oh

a woman he thinks he has a better shot of having sex with has become available yeah I guess depends on you know the situations but sure um so I think that like if you're you know if you make it sort of you know get that wink in there of being like

oh it'll happen tonight obviously don't be so upfront front and blunt about it but like you can be as you can be as up front as you want oh yeah I guess um so like if if people if a dude knows that like all he has to do is go on this date and not be a fucking asshole and he's gonna get laid I have

a hard time believing ghosting is gonna be a real big problem for you yeah I think the ghosting thing won't be an issue anyway good luck if you want to send us those other questions we're here yeah or any follow-up questions and good luck good look at your fucking sexcapades because like there's a lot of shame for people who just want to fuck sometimes and it's awesome that you're still going for it so just enjoy it and like sex should be great so i think the most important advice is just make sure that the sex is great. You know, that you're enjoying it.

We'll go with this one. This comes from Reddit user. You know what? I'm not going to read his username because it is racially charged. Oh, no. But they ask, I feel really sad and angry after a threesome. I need help. I've recently done a threesome with my girlfriend and a close friend of hers or of ours slash hers.

I feel extremely bad and sad now. And a looming wave of doubt is over me since this is her friend that always keeps her company when she's in university. Am I stupid for thinking like this? I feel like the fact this guy's name came into her head as the first choice seems kind of sus to me. I need help, y'all. I literally can't breathe. These are thoughts you should have had before doing the threesome. You know, good use of sus though i'm loving that has has he vented when you're around i i feel like at this point like this dude needs to vent in terms of talking to your partner well yes

for sure need to talk to your partner but like i think you need to make sure you don't have doubts like this before you get into a situation like before we get on to what's really happening here i think we've talked about before but it's like if you're doing something like this you need to be sure and being sure like i'm sure the fact that this guy went to university with her or is going to be around her wasn't new information after the act right like you knew this so presumably you either ignored this which is terrible or you came to terms with it in which case don't go back now yeah it's one of those things where you have to when you're about to have a threesome with someone you need to double check with your partner and yourself

and being like hey are we cool with this because like you can't expect the situation in which, you know, this person to change. You know what I mean? So if it's a coworker, a friend, you know, you know, someone you go to school with, like you can't change those things, really. Like you're they're still going to go to work and see them. They're still going to go to school and see them. They're still going to go to their like hang out with their friends and see them. So you can't sort of remove this person from the situation just because you want to have sex with them once just for fun.

Yes, you need to think it out and like understand the context and realize that that's going to be a continuing concern. And it seems like this person didn't do that or thought they were OK. And then the thing happened. And now all the doubts are back. Yeah. or thought they were okay and then the thing happened and now all the doubts are back yeah so at that point you have to then sit down with your partner and just kind of like let it out you have to sort of open the floodgates and be like hey so we had the threesome you know tell her whether you enjoyed it or you didn't and you know be like hey i had i had a lot of fun during it but now i'm sort of freaking out about things and i'm you know i here

are the things that i'm thinking about thinking about him and you together alone at university i'm worried that you might have feelings for him and that's kind of why you wanted to bring him in and like sort of just lay it all out and be like let's talk this through you know don't make it accusatory don't be like hey did you you know, is he the reason you wanted to bring this guy in because you have feelings for him? Hey, baby, um,

do you find him attractive? Is that what you fucking, you know? Yeah. You don't want to come down like a ton of bricks on there. Yeah. Sort of lay down what your concerns are and like what your fears are, um,

and frame them in such a way that it's important for her to see it as your problem and not necessarily hers. You know what I mean? Because realistically, it is your problem. And then you guys can hopefully talk it out. Hopefully she can reassure you and sort of like tell you about her relationship with Hamlet in a little bit more depth and sort of, you know, assure you that nothing else is going on. And at the very least, like she'll have it in the back of her mind so that like, if she's hanging out with this guy,

like she'll know that like you might be prone to being upset or like she can be, you know, conscious of that as opposed to if you don't tell her and they hang out and you have a little like shit fit in your mind and they're upset and she doesn't know. And then all of to if you don't tell her and they hang out and you have a little like shit fit in your mind and they're upset and she doesn't know and then all of a sudden you guys are fighting exactly because that kind of thing like you might be like you know what i'm fine with it in the way that you know we all tell ourselves we're fine with things that we're not fine with

but that like you said like that festers and you know, grows into resentment or that grows into annoyance. And the next time you guys hang out, that when you have this conversation, you have to talk about it until you're ready to move on. Don't just sort of be like, OK, yeah, that's fine. If you're not satisfied with an answer, you have to keep talking about. Yeah. That's the thing.

And it's like it's kind of on you to sort this out because you got into this situation with your eyes open and it's not fair to then take it out on this person. Of course not and there's also like they could still be under the assumption that everything was fine yeah they

probably are um so yeah just you really gotta firstly again it's too late for you but for anybody else talk it through really think it through put yourself in your shoes after the act put yourself in your partner's shoes after the act and try to come up with a situation where you guys aren't going to be freaking out like this but if it's done one realize that like this didn't happen without your consent it's not like it was some underhanded trick or anything like you were consulted you agreed and on top of that just like it's your responsibility now to work it through with your partner because that's what you do your partners the best threesome like pre-threesome uh talk advice i was ever given was imagine your partner having sex with your third person without you there

and if that makes you uncomfortable like if you don't like the idea of your partner being fucked by this person, you probably aren't going to be comfortable in this threesome. Cause everyone, like when they think about threesomes, they think about how great it's going to be for them. And don't realize that like at some point in time that the focus will not be on you most likely, and we'll be on your partner or the other person and your partner will be engaged with that person. And I think that freaks a lot of people out because a lot of people have that fantasy in the rose colored glasses of being like,

oh, it's going to be great. I'm going to have these two people all into me. And it's like, yeah, but that's not going to happen the whole time, most likely. Yeah. Unless it's a really terrible threesome for them. It's not going to be just about you. Yeah. yeah unless it's a really terrible threesome for them it's not going to be just about you yeah so you really need to think about like be okay with being able to watch your partner be fucked by another person specifically the person you're inviting in yeah but yeah you gotta

communicate this is by team ex-wife why am i not bothered by essentially my guy having sex with someone else i really have had a run of bad luck when it came to men. Anyway, started seeing this guy like six weeks ago. He was nice enough, my age, he's a dad, I'm a mom. Neither of us want more kids. I optioned him as boring through text, but he lives 45 minutes away from me. He would come down to see me every Saturday. On Saturday, we had a huge party for a local festival.

I took him with me. He was wasted drunk. We share a few friends, so at 4 a.m., I was ready to leave, and he wasn't. I didn't take much of it. I took him with me. He was wasted drunk. We share a few friends. So at 4 a.m., I was ready to leave, and he wasn't. I didn't take much of it. I just left him there, and he came home at 7. I had sex with him when we woke up, and we had a decent day. That evening, though, a girl messaged me on Facebook and was like,

Hey, I fucked your man, I guess. Sorry about that. Whoa. I wasn't truly upset. I mean, I kind of am, but I'm not as devastated as I should be. I asked him about it, and he said he was blackout drunk and doesn't remember. He never really said sorry. I'm humiliated a little bit, but not mad at him. Like we weren't extremely exclusive. We hadn't had that talk. I just stopped texting him back and scheduled an STD screening yesterday. But does it make me fucked up that if in a couple of weeks he was like, hey, I'm sorry, I'll do better. I would

be fine with it? No. I mean, I think there are some things you kind of need to reconfigure in order for this to be a healthy situation. One, I don't think you should wait a couple weeks for him to contact you. Yes. With like, hey, sorry, like, if you like this dude. And if you're not pissed off. Yeah, I think you need to sort of talk about it now and be like, hey, so about what happened the other day and, you know, get your grievances out, get what you're feeling out.

Let him respond in kind and be like, if this is the time where you good opening to have that chat or alternatively as it seems you are okay with be like hey we need to sort of discuss the parameters of a relationship and that being like you know if we're going to sleep with other people uh we have to make sure we wear protection or you know whatever your preferences are and and parameters are for this and sort of hash it out a lot of people think this isn't sexy or like romantic or anything but it's like they're the fundamentals of having a healthy relationship i also feel like she really needs to figure out if she is angry or not because like there's a lot of i wasn't upset i mean i kind of am but not as much as i should be uh i'm humiliated but not as much as I should be. I'm humiliated, but not mad at him. We aren't extremely exclusive. There's a lot of gray, nothing specific here.

You know what I mean? It's like, I wasn't truly upset, but I kind of am, but not as devastated as I should be. That makes it feel like she's not annoyed, but thinks that she should be. Humiliated a little bit. It all seems like she's okay with it, but from an outside perspective

feels like she shouldn't be and is worried about what other people think but also the term extremely exclusive there is no there's no gray area you are you aren't yeah it's a binary yeah exactly we've said this fucking every episode and i'll continue to say it but like that that needs to be a thing you realize you were not you are not exclusive um you know is it kind of shitty to go out with someone and fuck someone on that night out yes totally i i think so but at the same time if he was blackout drunk and doesn't remember there are other issues here you know um yeah the whole relationship reeks of no communication yeah you know i mean like it just it just reeks of like assumptions and hoping that everything works out like i mean and that's apparent with the like oh well if he contacts me you know a couple weeks from now with

this like canned response that i'm expecting yeah she's written a script she's like if this script happened i'll be okay with it which makes it sound like she is okay with it but feels like she needs a way to allow herself to be yeah like again i think it's all like external pressure here where she feels like she shouldn't because she thinks other people will judge her for it you know and it's like it's a super passive yeah it's a super passive like stance to take on this issue of just being like, I don't think I'm angry and I'm going to wait for him to see how I feel about it all. You know what I mean? It's like, no, don't don't just like kind of wait in out how you feel about it and like talk to him about it

and then make a plan going forward either continuing to see each other becoming exclusive you know opening up and talking about the parameters of what you can do to keep this healthy and fair or you know or moving on yeah 100 and like first step is literally like fuck other people's opinions or what you think those are um literally like feel what you're feeling and understand why you're doing it and just work on that basis because if you're going by what you think other people feel you're gonna be fucking miserable but also don't be a child you have kids he has kids i assume you're somewhat like mature don't just that's a terrible assumption well i know sorry i was gonna say aged aged i assume you're of a certain age right you know at least 20 something or i don't know either way you have

a kid you're old enough to fucking talk to someone instead of saying i just stopped texting him back and i'm waiting a few weeks for him to say hey i'm sorry so i'll be fine with it you know what i mean like just like fuck all that shit you're being childish you know what i mean and like if you want to be annoyed sure you know what i mean i think it's a gray area on whether you are allowed or not because you're not exclusive but i do think it is kind of bad form to go out with someone and then just run off and fuck somebody else.

But also, it was apparently blackout drunk. So it's like, you know, should you have left them there? I don't know. There's things, and it's like,

you can feel how you feel about them, but you need to know what you feel and then act accordingly. Not just like, take a step back and see what happens. I don't know. Yeah, it's, yeah, it's 100's 100 a passive stance and you need to sort of take control of the situation for your own you know

happiness and mental sanity yeah because if this works out some way that's acceptable to other people but not what you want you're gonna probably go with it but you won't be happy so just find out what you want to do and fucking do it. You know, if you're not mad at this, that's fine. You guys weren't exclusive. There's nothing wrong with that. You know what I mean? You can be okay with that. Yep. So forgive and as Dane said, come up with new parameters

if these ones aren't working for you. Alright, this comes from Reddit user Ven2122. Am I too romantic as a teenage male nowadays? I guess what I'm asking is whether or not being a romantic teenage male is weird or not. Like I don't care too much about sex, but I care more about just wanting to hold the perfect woman in my arms, caress her, and kiss her lovingly, and have her astonish me in her effortless and beautiful mannerisms, such as her innocent and her shy-sounding laugh, and her loving and intelligent intelligent nature and her beautiful, almost twinkling dark brown eyes and her long, black,

beautiful hair. I don't even know what I'm saying, I just feel sometimes that me being romantic this way comes off a bit strange to others, even though it's natural to me, and as you saw before, I get sidetracked a lot when talking about this. Anyway, is this normal for someone like me? Or, whether or not it is, will I find someone just as if not more romantic nowadays? I know deep down there must be someone like this, but I know it's rare, and I'm still a bit concerned about it.

This is the best question you've ever brought. Oh man, I hate when you're just walking out of the room and you're like, damn it, I'm a romantic teen male. Fuck. I'm too romantic for this teenage homie. I'm just too romantic. It's like the one guy, am I good at sex? Am I too good at sex

that I haven't had? Am I so good at sex that even though I haven't had it, I'm not a virgin? This dude hasn't said a single romantic thing at all. He's just weirdly described a person that doesn't exist. I'm sorry. You don't think that being astonished by her effortless

and beautiful mannerisms is romantic at all oh my god that was effort oh it was effortless those mannerisms wow frankly i'm astonished it's not just her mannerisms, okay? It's her innocent and shy-sounding laugh. What does that mean? Like, this... He's just describing a weirdly specific person that he wants to hold, I guess? And caress. And be astonished by? And caress, of course. This sounds insane.

I think this person is just hoping that, like, they're, like, gone fishing. they've thrown out what they think is the most irresistible lure and they want to reel in some astonishing cuties yeah but what he's really done in fact is just make himself look like a serial killer yeah he's just kind of like put his fishing hook through like a pile of garbage and it's like this will get me something yeah yeah this is like if if no chill was a teenage male yeah we found them or like if an alien was like trying to analyze a teenage male from like space and you know come down and be one of us

i am too romantic like this is like bad ai yeah it's like it's just so cringy and like look man i get it you're a teenager you think you got it all figured out you think the world is the toughest place because you're too romantic but you need to take a breath and realize like it's not romance it's just coming on really strong and it's it's awkward and it's uncomfortable to be described in those ways and you're also projecting sort of this standard of beauty that you have constructed in your head and you're going to be projecting that onto every woman you meet and that is so unfair to do to people it's it's so like the specificity is the problem.

You know what I mean? Yes. If he was just like, oh, I want to like, you know, be with someone and like support them like in general terms. Sure, whatever. But be like your shy laugh and your dark brown eye. Like that's the kind of specificity a serial killer has when they go and pick a victim. Yeah. Nothing about this rubs me the right way. sounds weird you know what i mean no i know you like to be rubbed the

right way by romantic teenage boys yeah well my shy laugh gotta astonish somebody doesn't it it's better yeah you've got to crank the fucking 11 you gotta bring it down to a two like i guess you gotta figure out what being romantic is like that none of these things you're astonished by someone is romantic that doesn't make any sense like doing romantic things are being like thoughtful

and being and like doing things for someone and you need a someone to do those things for you can't just presuppose somebody like you need an actual existing human in their own context and you need to do things that are good and nice and thoughtful based on that person what you're doing is the complete opposite you're inventing a human and like of course things are romantic and perfect because they don't exist yeah and what you're

gonna do is you're gonna fucking shoehorn the first woman who gives you any sort of attention into this fucking persona you've created and then what you're gonna do is you're gonna be disappointed and you're gonna be fucking frustrated and you're gonna be sort of let down and then you're gonna turn around and say oh i'm just too romantic for this person And then you're going to turn around and say, Oh, I'm just too romantic for this person. And then you're going to fucking turn her into a lampshade or fucking, you know what I mean? Like you're going to chop her up into little bits and put her in your freezer so that you could eventually use the parts that you do like to

construct your perfect, creepy Frankenstein woman. And then when the police drag you in front of the court, you're like, Oh, too romantic for you guys too. I knew it. I am too romantic.

This doesn't make any sense. This question doesn't make any sense. Just take a step back and get experience in a real relationship. Yeah. You need to like hard reset everything and like bring all your expectations down to zero. You just got to like get on your, like to zero you just gotta like get on your like the soundboard of your fucking head and just like pull all those levers all those sliders down down

down and be like okay i need to start in the real world stop projecting my hopes of other people onto them and just sort of when you meet someone don't try to fit into this weird box that you've described as romantic yeah and don't try to fit them into this weird box of a woman you've just kind of like mind conjured yeah you know and and like the thing is i know we're being a little harsh here there are total positives like the fact that you are you want to be romantic and you want to you know step aside from what is often you know super toxic like uh treatment of women like in in young men where it's like being romantic is being a simp or you know caring and blah blah blah blah obviously you don't care about that obviously you're willing to to be that person

and that's great you just need to do it in reality yeah i mean like there you could argue that this is sort of like the flip side of the toxic coin of sort of being like women need to fit into my oh believe me i'm i'm not saying this ain't less toxic i'm yeah entirely only half joking about the serial killer thing but yes no it's true like the fact that you aren't viewing women as sex objects is great but you're sort of pulling in the opposite direction of idolizing them as these creatures of perfection which they're not it's so unfair to do someone like women are not perfect nobody is perfect they have their flaws whether it's physical or you know their personality or whatever like

maybe their brain sucks maybe their brain sucks as hard as yours does and then it's physical or, you know, their personality or whatever, like maybe their brain sucks. Maybe their brain sucks as hard as yours does. And then it's a perfect fit. But yeah, there's, there's always going to be issues with every individual person and you're never going to find that perfect person. You're getting, you might find the perfect person for you and that's great,

but that person will not come without her flaws. And right now, she will come with her own personality that you don't get to just copy and paste over. Yeah. Look, they're not your monster girls, okay? The vibes I was getting were so strong. I didn't want to say it, though.

Yeah, this is strong monster girl energy. Right? I just need to create the perfect woman, the perfect monster girl, on top of their to create the perfect woman the perfect monster girl on top of their disgusting matriarchy because you know what's gonna happen is like just like this dude is like he's not happy with one monster no the first the first book he just wanted a monster girl yeah and then he then he made himself a monster girl and now he's got presumably an army of monster girls and where and he always preached equality and romanticism but

where are all the monster girls for the rest of the man? Where are they? I know. Now no one knows what the fuck we're talking about. No, it's true. If they haven't listened to our last episode. I assume at this point, if you just picked it up, the podcast, in your hands

and put it in your ears right now, we had an episode last week, and we talked about this. So listen to that. So go listen to that. And then the thing you don't get from that week, listen to the one before. This is actually a beautiful marketing ploy.

It's not just bad podcasting. It means you have to listen to every single thing we've ever recorded. I'm going to hit you with this one. This is different, but I, you know, this might throw me away, please.

I, female 22, really like him, male 23, but there's a few butts. So I've been seeing this guy for a couple of months total sweet guys this guy's multiple butts well you you've ruined the question yes there's no such thing as too many butts that's true next question let's go i've been seeing this guy for a couple of months total sweetheart brilliant mind hilarious great cook

and extremely skilled in bed the thing, he's a bit of a big guy, and I am a fitness enthusiast, so our lifestyles are different. I don't want to sound superficial because I'm not. I genuinely care for him and always have a blast with him, but at this point I'm more attracted to his personality than his looks. But I really want to encourage him to start working out because I think I deserve to be physically attracted to him as much as he is to me. I make efforts to look good, and it only makes sense to expect him to do the same. I know some people might not agree, but I treat partners as equals and I don't only want him to lose weight so I'm attracted to him, but also for his own good because at 23 he can still get good habits anchored.

Any advice on how to talk with him without sounding like I don't like him or that I only care about looks? Oof, okay, this is tough. One, you must have been attracted to like unless he's put on a significant amount of weight from the time you met him you know what i mean because like i had to doubt you were like ah none of this dude better get to know him uh so you must have found him attractive at some point in time i think at this point you're sort of getting into like that that relationship fatigue that we all kind of get into and like start trying to find problems with our partners do you know what i mean that makes sense to you yeah well i want to posit this question to you, Dan. The title. I really like him.

Does it sound like she really likes him? Yeah, I mean, like, I get it. I understand her, like, where she's coming from. I asked you a question. I think she does really like him. Okay. The thing is, the first question is great. Or the first sentence is great.

There's almost nothing else about her liking him after that well to be fair she's like she listed off like the essentials of of being a good partner but apparently that's not essential enough okay but i have a second question. Okay. There's a few butts. Yeah. Can you list a few butts? I mean, it only seems to be one butt. Exactly. This is a... Again, I feel like they want validation off the internet because they've one fucking issue.

They're trying to blame it as, you know, there's all these other things, but it's just one thing. Yeah. You know, and the fact that they are trying to frame it as something else, I think means they know that they're in the wrong. Yeah. I mean,

I also know that like, you know, if, if a partner starts putting on weight or, you know, it's, it's a pretty common question of being like, my partner has put on weight due to,

you know, pregnancy, whatever, whatever, whatever. And like, that's affecting their physical appeal and like how do i bring that up no this person hasn't put it on he's just had it yeah

that like that for me is sort of like the the confusing part is like if if he's always been this size it seems weird to me that like at now you're like wait a minute okay especially if he's skilled in bed obviously fuck this dude a couple times so like i don't understand what why now the issue has arised and the only thing i can think of is that like they've hit that point in the in the after the honeymoon phase you know what i mean where all those great things have sort of like been taken for granted. You know what I mean? And now she's starting to look for she's starting to see sort of like the flaws, which we all do in our relationships. You know what I mean? When you when you get past the like, this person is amazing.

Look at her twinkling dark brown eyes. You start seeing sort of like a little bit more of their humanity. And that tends to be the worst parts of us. So like, again, I'm not really sure I agree because it's like, I feel like you get to know more about them. But it's like when you meet someone, it's all on the shallower end of things, right? Where it's like you see someone and you judge them, whether it's in real life or on Tinder, by their picture, by how they look. And then you meet people. It's like it's when you get to know them that you really learn who they are inside.

So it's like, sure. Yeah. If after a while there's that, you know, but it's like this hasn't been a fucking secret. You know what I mean? And if it's how long they've been together, 10 months. Yeah. See that for me, I'm like, you've you fuck this dude presumably multiple times oh he's extremely skilled in bed that's what i'm saying so it's like i i can't imagine that like at the

beginning of the relationship his weight was a deal breaker okay now this is why i'm so negative on this question let me just read out this fucking bullshit from the middle which i don't know if it's was the same for you but i it makes my skin crawl okay i really want to encourage him to start working out because i think i deserve to be physically attracted to him as much as he is to me yeah i make efforts to look good and it only makes sense to expect him to do the same. Like, that's weirdly entitled and shitty. Like, ah, he's attracted to me. I deserve to be as attracted to him as he is to me.

Like, what the fuck? You know what I mean? Like, that's a really toxic-ass thing to think and say, especially because i don't know that's like yeah no i i understand your point and like i get it um but like you know i i know i've been on the opposite side of things where it's like you know when when i watch amanda get fit and like work out and like put in the effort and you know be like man i'm a fucking slouch you know what i mean um so i guess it's kind of the same thing where it's like no because you're totally allowed to think like oh like i should do whatever i should be doing

more yeah yeah but can you imagine if she turned around and was like uh i think i deserve to be as attracted to you as you are to me yeah no i would you not be out that door and gone yeah you know like and the thing is like later on she's like you know i want to lose it's not i only want to lose weight so attract to him but for his own good like blah blah blah like that i i could get behind more you know what i mean but the fact that the very first thing she does is start with this mad fucking, like really offensive talks. I don't know. It's just so blah.

Yeah. No, you're putting yourself on this pedestal and imagining yourself so far above them. And then being like, I deserve, you know, it's fucked.

It's making it all about you. And in this really shitty way, I don't know i hate it yeah i yes okay i agree um to put in some practical advice for people who are dealing with this in you know not this specific sense i think inviting partners to work out uh is a great way to help them lose weight. You know what I mean? Like if you try to encourage them to join you in your fitness activities, it's not necessarily you being like, hey, do this.

But it's like there's no real other way other than being like, hey, you should work out more. And like, I don't know if there's a good way to do that i feel like there are good ways to like just invite him to the gym with you or invite like if you find a enjoyable way for him to be active that you guys can do together preferably then like problem kind of solved right like if you guys regularly go and like i don't know maybe like paddle boarding or fucking rock climbing or judo or something if you find something like that you both enjoy you can both do it together and you will get fitter as a result of doing this activity it won't necessarily be you know hey you need to lose weight or blah blah blah like it's all the

benefits are there you're doing something fun together and the getting fitter or healthier or whatever is just kind of like a byproduct of this fun you're having because obviously if they're not going to the gym or whatever it's probably because they don't fucking enjoy it which i get because i hate going to the fucking gym yeah you know but it's like if you're doing it in that positive way people have just an aversion to working out too you know i mean like the dude's a big dude for a reason yeah you know like he's probably just not into it and like but the thing is it's like sort of i hate going to the gym and i'm fairly fucking fit like you couldn't pay me enough to go to the gym regularly because i fucking hate what i'm saying is physical activity you are also very physical like active you know i mean like you cycle you know 10

kilometers a day and you climb and all that. There are people who just don't want to do that at all. Like there are people who don't want to walk. Yeah. But like, it doesn't sound like he's that bad, you know? And on top of that,

it's like, I feel like there's always going to be something you can find to that you will enjoy. You know what I mean? Like I'm imagining that the conventional shit doesn't do it for him like going to a gym or just something is like he needs to make that choice himself unfortunately like you can't really trick someone into getting fit the same way that you can't really trick them into like changing their diet it's like other than you know cooking for them every day like if someone it's not a trick it's like just try some more active stuff

together and it's like if something sticks great if not like what's the worst you've gone on some fun dates and if anytime you recommend something active he's like no fuck that then yes you have an issue if he refuses to do anything active that's one thing it doesn't sound like that though it sounds like this person is you know in the like maybe not ultra fit category but nothing bad right again this person was fine with him for 10 fucking months yeah i mean like i said like i feel like this person has hit the the fucking fatigue wall of the relationship and wants to find a reason to get out you know what i mean like i think that like she has all these great things but she realizes that like oh i like i'm not actually into this person as much as i am um

and so i'm gonna renege my thing of her sounding like she's really into him because i think because i think i think like i think she like you said i think she's looking for a reason to people be like no leave see i don't think she wants to leave i think she wants to change him and i think her way in doing that is real twisted and fucked up i don't think she has necessarily like good intentions you know like nothing about this is positive to me but i think they want to like mold this person like keep all the good stuff but just like twist the rest into like her little like image and i wonder if it's like societal pressure like maybe a gym friend fucking said something or whatever i don't think it's even necessarily coming from her but the fact that's like i deserve this and i make efforts it only

makes sense like it all seems like it's for appearances you know i don't know but i do think if you do have an issue like this and are coming from a positive point, you know, maybe do just get a whole bunch of physical things that you could maybe do regularly. Try them out and see if anything sticks, because if you're doing it together, you're turning what could be a really toxic, shitty conversation that could destroy someone's self-esteem into something fun you're doing together and getting a whole bunch of dates out of it at the same time yeah it's it's tough like i i see the questions all the time of people being like my wife has put on you know like 60 pounds during covid and i don't know what to do

because like it's it's a it's a tough conversation yeah like uh most times the the solution is like talk about it but like that's the funny thing. Usually we're like communication. And I don't know if we've said that once in this question, because it's such a tricky fucking thing to handle without really hurting people, you know? Because the thing is, is like, if someone puts on 60 fucking pounds, they know. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's not like a surprise.

It's not like they're like, oh shit, really? I didn't notice. And nine times out of 10, the reason people keep putting on weight is because they get frustrated with themselves. And whatever caused them to put on the weight just gets compounded in that sort of like frustration. You know what I mean? It's like, it's the amount of times where I've been like, I should start working out. And then I don't. And then I'm like, well, fuck it. If I'm not working out, what like, it doesn't really matter if I eat a whole fucking

pizza tonight. You know what I mean? It's like, so I, I don't really have the answer to the, the, how do you talk to a partner about their weight question? Because it's one, thankfully, one I've never had to have. So I don't have to have like personal anecdote to go with it. But two is like, I can't imagine trying to sit down with someone you care about and be like, you got to lose weight. Yeah. Which is why I think like, you know, my idea of just like suggesting active dates. And again, if something sticks, like if you guys go rock climbing every week, he's not going to keep that fucking weight. I tell you that.

I hate this question. You go. So um so yeah let's go into tinders so this one i actually found this we're gonna go into our little red flag series here where we take people's online dating profiles and we for want of a better word judge them harshly um no we basically just point out any red flags that stick out to us because the amount of people who seem to think they deserve an online dating date but then have some wild ass shit in their profiles you know um so this one i found on twitter and they had posted it not to us but whatever it's it's public consumption and they were like oh this is my profile like what the hell i never get any matches like i was basically being very bitter about how they don't get uh how they don't get matches and there are a lot of people being like no you're good blah blah so i want your

opinion it's a guy i'm too drunk to taste this chicken. I'm not a standard of beauty, but damn, I'd make the elephant man look good. Ball. I'm not sure who women on Tinder are swiping right on, but it doesn't seem to be me. Maybe I need to have a picture with a fish while shooting a gun in a truck while voting at the same time. A picture with shades on and some random homeless guy I paid 20 bucks to be my friend in a photo. A picture of me reading a quantum physics book in a chair while sipping tea. Oh man. I mean, I don't think you needed to preamble that with the bitterness this man is feeling because it is dripping off his profile. Yeah, I wonder why he's not getting any matches.

I mean, just to start off being what is too drunk to taste his chicken mean is that a reference to something uh the very first comment was what the fuck are you talking about the chicken he was like it's a movie quote i guess from talladega nights but like it's it's not a good quote yeah no also like it's not even like a like a movie people care about. To be fair, it's pretty good, but, like, of all the quotes in that movie. Of all the Will Ferrell movie to quote, like. Yeah, but it just doesn't make any sense.

He's also capitalized the D in drunk for reasons unknown, so it makes it even more confusing. Yeah, and then just sort of the like the pity party you throw yeah immediately it's like i'm ugly and then gets weird about like he says damn i'd make the elephant man look good which like the way he phrases that entire sentence i'm not standard beauty but that means you're gonna follow with like some kind of standard of beauty but then you say you make the elephant man look good which i assume you're making a joke about the elephant man being ugly so then you're going to follow with like some kind of standard of beauty, but then you say you make the elephant man look good, which I assume you're making a joke about the elephant man being ugly. So then you're saying you're uglier than him, which one kind of mean on the elephant man,

you don't look good in that sense to starting off by saying you're ugly, not great. And then three, you immediately follow up with like, no one swipes right on me. Yeah. It's. And then like,

I don't know. You go about homeless people yeah i just the whole thing reeks of sort of like bitterness and like no one wants that energy especially in 2020 man like no one needs more negativity and that is literally all you're broadcasting out is just sort of being like i'm grumpy and i hate everything yeah and also like guess what we all hate everything this year sucks everything sucks right now and we don't need another person who sucks in our lives right and a lot of it feels real like i deserve women oh like you know what i mean it's real like in sally

yeah especially with like being like oh i'm not i voting enough. Like, what are you talking about? I don't know. I hate it all. You know what? That was the only part that was humorous, right? A picture with a fish while shooting a gun in a truck while voting at the same time. Like, he's taking the piss out of the fact that everyone has fish pictures or truck pictures

or gun pictures. And lately, voting pictures are like the thing, right? Yeah, but here's the thing. It's like the most widely you know hated photos are those things yeah so he's like making a joke like i don't have those things but everyone else seems to lol like it's the only thing that even like grasps torch towards humor you know what i mean but like yeah it falls so flat yeah it's so bad dude why are you posting this on your account and being bitter about not getting matches i'm sorry but you need to fix that take over bitter i'm sure he also

i'm sure he also did not take anyone's advice oh i'm sure well a lot of people who i assume were his friends were like no. Like it's not that bad. You know, it's like when people like hurt themselves and they're like, oh, is it bad? No, man,

it's good. You're going to survive. Yeah. No, you're good. Is there anything you want me to tell your family? What? You're good.

No, you're fine. What do you want me to tell your parents? What? Any last words? When I was, when I was in drama class we were playing a game and like i uh we did something one of my buddies like pretended to turn

around and run but he fell when he did it uh and he was like on the ground being like oh fuck oh oh and we're like laughing because we thought he was kidding he's like no no fuck off like that really hurt and he rolled up his pant leg and he's like it's like does my knee look okay and his kneecap was literally on the side of his leg oh no um and he's like is it bad we're like no man it's good you're all right we're like it's fine just don't move your leg it's just like for the love of god don't fucking move your leg and he's like why why we're like it's fine just don't move your leg and i. And I feel like that's the embodiment. That's the energy this Tinder profile has.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So this one is actually a screenshot of a chat. This is the girl who had been approached over Tinder. And I don't know what happened before in this conversation, but she's like, are you that much of a pussy? You just sent memes. You fucking beta. And then he sent a GIF of Ralph Wiggum saying, I'm in danger. And she just sent memes you fucking beta and then he sent a gif of ralph

wiggum saying i'm in danger and she just says you fucking beta oh man i love that energy yeah uh i assume they're married by now yeah gotta be not a single red flag there okay and then this is the last one and this is a lady who i believe is in america and it says resp respiratory therapy student cute enough to take your breath away smart enough to bring it back oh okay yeah that's a 10 out of 10 for me i like it i could have i could have used a little little sprinkling of fucking COVID joke in there. No one wants a COVID joke, Dane. I want a COVID joke. No, man.

Like, honestly, COVID jokes are the most classless form of anything right now. Like, any media I consume, if they make a COVID joke, I'm out. Are you ready for sex writing? Yes. Okay. This is Kissing the Coronavirus by MJ Edwards. She was supposed to cure the coronavirus. Instead, she fell in love with it. Dr. Alexa Ashingtonford is part of a crack team of scientists tasked with finding the cure to the devastating coronavirus.

Little did she know, she would end up falling in love with it in this steamy, viral erotica. Kissing Coronavirus is a steamy viral erotica kissing coronavirus is a steamy tale about forbidden love and dark desires come to life and yes this is a novel you can go by it has 1.3 stars is it Chuck Tingle? it is not it's MJ Edwards Chuck Tingle would never

write something so tasteless it's got strong Tingle energy though it does it's like the evil Tingle alternate Tingle thank you very much for listening friends it has been It's got strong tingle energy though. It does. It's like the evil tingle. Alternate tingle. Thank you very much for listening friends. It has been a pleasure.

We hope you're doing well in these crazy times. We hope you're staying safe. We hope you're being nice to each other. If you have a question you'd like to send us, you can reach out to us on various forms of social media. You can find us at Facebook at facebook.com slash fckbuddiespodcast. You can find us on Twitter at fck underscore buddies. You can email us at fbuddiespodcast

at gmail.com or you can find us online at www.plentyofbeef.ca or fbuddiespodcast.com. Hell yeah. Thank you to Josh Eagle and the Harvest Cities for their song Paper Stars. And yeah, guys, I just hope everyone's, you know, keeping up, keeping going. Keeping on, keeping on.

Keeping on, keeping on. You know, we're going to get through this all together. Make sure you vote and make sure you don't vote for Trump. Yeah. I mean, like, I think it's very important to exercise your right to vote as long as you are not voting for Trump. It's nice to vote for people that care about people it's wild it's a it's a wild fucking idea but anyone who isn't actively

trying to just burn the country to the ground so they can make some money probably a good one to vote for also who isn't like a fucking wild twitter maniac yeah or just a personal super spreader right now it's kind of fun like somebody posted up a thing on reddit that has gotten probably far more votes than they wanted but they were trying to prove uh that the democrats created coronavirus as a hoax and they were like isn't it funny how all these republicans are getting, but no Democrats are. And it's just like, they're just being bombarded with like videos and pictures of Democrats wearing masks and Republicans refusing to.

And they're like, gee, I wonder why. I mean, like just the, the absurdity of it where fucking Trump was like, Biden's always wearing that big ass mask. Every time I look at him,

he's wearing that big mask. And it's like, yeah, but he's also not dying. So he literally gets sick that week like anyway that next day is still that

week you asshole I guess fuck you we're gonna finish this boy off with a Pornhub comment because we've already done sex writing shaking things up man this comes from Pornhub comment, because we've already done sex writing. Yeah, I'm just shaking things up, man. This comes from Pornhub user PetiteElitist. And he says, her internet ad says she's 5'3",

while her Pornhub porn star profile notes that she's 5'5". I might need Ace Venturi to crack this one. What is wrong with people? I don't know, man. My name is Dane Miller. And I'm Niles Bain. We've been your fuck buddies.