F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 108 - The War on Boys

Episode Date: October 26, 2020

The lines have been drawn in the sand.  You're either with us or against us.  The War on Boys begins now!  Topics include a brief history of Canadian serial killers, virtual work dress codes, supporting new hobbies, nocturnal smackdown, how to dirty talk if your partner started it, homewrecker avoidance tactics.

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love Hello friends, my name is Dane Miller And I'm Niles Payne, and this is Fuck Budd is Dane Miller. of society. I knew it. I felt it in my bones. I know. It was coming. Like yesterday, the role of the father was dismissed as unnecessary while single motherhood was celebrated? Unforgivable. Honestly, I feel like a world that rejects the foundational attributes of masculinity is in

danger of leaving itself vulnerable to the manifestations of evil. Society is failing boys by denouncing the very essence of their natures as that of the devil. I don't have anything to say other than just always agreeing with everything that you're saying about this. Boys are just restless and rambunctious by nature. But schools ban dodgeball, tag, and even recess. Without competition, without the beneficial loop of effort failure, effort success, boys become stagnant, left without the requisite skillset to contend with a complicated world and as we all know we need to recognize the inherent value of masculinity because emasculated men are prone to fits of rage and vengeance you know what i was ironically being like yeah i'm gonna play around but they're banning dodgeball no i'm pretty sure they're not

banning recess in schools i don't hey, I don't care about recess. Yeah, but like. What I care about is dodgeball. But if they're saying dodgeball, tag, and even recess in a sentence on recess is bullshit, I'm less likely to believe dodgeball and tag. That just sounds like bad research to me. The boy who was told his innate nature is that of the devil has left an internal struggle that becomes increasingly impossible to resolve as he becomes a man.

Who's saying this? It's the war on boys. D this? It's the war on boys. Dane, it's the war on boys. It was declared. Did you not know this? Get down! The bullets are fucking coming in! These aren't bullets. These are just sort of like crumpled up notes of a madman.

Do you know what the real problem is? Is it, again, that boys are the devil? It's self-esteem. We shouldn't be giving young boys self-esteem it says that despite their flaws and character defects I'm fine just the way I am self-worth equips people with the power to contend with the world but self-esteem leads them to languish in their own inadequacy never realizing their potential so there was a newspaper delivered to the mailbox of every building in my apartment today

uh called the epoch times have you ever read it um i don't think i've ever read it but it's like the little booklet thing right it's like a it looks like a real newspaper you know oh like i get home and my girlfriend was just like enjoy and handed me the newspaper and like it's half of it is about how like china is like undermining canada at every turn and the other half is about like masculinity is under attack and this whole thing is like the destructive follow the male emasculation the second heading is the war on boys war on boys is real these were all quotes by the way uh none of these reflect my views um i think i think everyone gathered that you were reading off of some lunacy it's a wild like article that claims that like because people

are like rejecting toxic masculinity that they're creating like serial killers and like school shooters and shit but it's such a bizarre article because it's like oh self-esteem is the issue and i'm like yeah because all the fucking incels who shot up schools are suffering from too much self-esteem everything that they were saying is like the the actual causes of violence like you know i know what I mean? Like stripping, stripping boys of their emotions and teaching them that the only way that they can achieve greatness is through like competition and success. Like that's the only way that they're, they have a place in fucking the world is exactly what breeds just

absolute lunacy. Like either man, hyper aggressive, you know, you make either manhood hyper aggressive you know you make dudes hyper aggressive or you like make people super insecure that they like you said like become incels and become violent in other ways so uh manhood used to encompass responsibility stoicism honor and strength there's inherent nobility that characterized the man a self sacrificing meta hero who could overcome hardship while adhering to a moral code it gave boys and men something to aim for

but today's world masculine is no longer a term of endearment but rather a symbol of oppression and violence oh like this fucking sucks so much i didn't know there was a war on boys but damn now we're in the trenches and we just gotta gotta go out and fish. There's literally a picture of a man fishing as part of this. It's fucking the dumbest shit. It also, like, in a very weird twist, then also disparages, like, modern male murderers. Did you hear about the two kids up in Manitoba who, like, killed a bunch of people? Nope. It, like, happened a while ago where they, like, killed someone, went running, and then, like killed a bunch of people. Nope. It like happened a while ago where they like killed someone,

went on, went like running and then like killed two more people. They basically say the, someone like interacted with them and then they have a quote from them. And it says, can't see those kids killing anyone. Can't even shake a hand properly. Lol.

Soft baby hands. He said in the Facebook post. What? Yeah. That's the problem is we've turned all these kids into soft babies who no one thinks that they can kill them. Yeah, far from the cold calculating persona of Ted Buddy, I assume they mean Bundy, or Charles Manson. No, no, we're talking about famous Canadian serial killer, Ted Buddy. Our modern killers are often just troubled adolescents, hell-bent on an irreversible

path of destruction what are you trying to say yeah it's like i'm sorry are our serial killers not manly is that your big concern here that we don't have enough macho killers running around they killed like i think at least three people and this article posits that the real crime is that their hands are soft. I mean it is an embarrassment. Not like our fucking real man's man Ted Buddy. Ted Buddy the manliest serial killer ever.

You know what weapon he used Dane? His bear goddamn hands. No just bears. That's what I mean. He climbed inside of a bear and used their hands. And it was alive, too. You know how long you have to hold your breath to live inside a bear to kill someone?

Yeah, he then married that bear. Like a real man. Like a real man. He was inside of it, so therefore he married it. Just beware out there. It's the war on boys. War on boys. Boys, you be careful out there. Pew, pew. Harden up your hands before you go killing yeah

hey make sure if you're gonna go kill someone learn how to fucking handshake make sure you got tough calloused man hands yeah i'm sick of these baby hand boy killers baby hand murders oh that sounds like a good horror movie yeah i i read that and was just i literally went through and underlined all these things and i was just retching the whole time. Guys, out there, you're fine. You're allowed to not be this dumb, stupid, outdated, bullshit version of a man that, ironically enough, caused all these fucking problems. Be the kind of man you want to be. That's all it is.

Once you're good. Once you're not hurting people. Once your hands are hard. If you are going to hurt people, aspire to be like Ted Buddy Canadian serial killer superstar the most friendly most manly murderer he was so polite about it oh man he was everyone's buddy that wasn't even his last name but

they gave it to him after his death they were like you know what fucking murderer but he was a good dude yeah man he's a good friend good murderer he always bring you like a 10 pack of 10 bits? Oh yeah. But the 10th one was just needles. The 10th one was his fist.

And his fist was a bear's fist. We should move on. Yes we should. But stay down. Stay in that trench. Don't look over. Is this like the war episode? No, obviously. We're in a fucking trench. Don't look over. It's just like the war episode? No, you, obviously, we're in the fucking trench.

Pew, pew! Quick, throw a dodgeball at them. Wait, you can't. They banned them. I'm just saying, if I'm going to, if they're actually banning dodgeball, that's the only way you'll get me on this side.

If someone tells me that dodgeball has been banned, I'm I'm going to start thinking there is actually a war on boys. I also love it's just like because women don't like Dodgeball, right? Women can't be driven. Women can't like competition. Women can't be rambunctious and energetic, right? That's not what they're saying. No, you're twisting the word. What they're saying is Dodgeball isn't ingrained into the DNA of women.

It's not crucial for the development of women. Women can function and become perfectly normal humans and valuable members of society without dodgeball. I don't know. Have you seen them? You remove dodgeball from the male equation and we're fucking useless. Then we start murdering people their soft hands you need a dodgeball in those hands to callous them up exactly you know how you fucking toughen up a man's hands you give him a soft ball that can't cause any injury even if you throw it hard see now it's supposed to be a nice nice hard rubber ball that stings when you hit whether you're catching it or

you're getting yes man that's why I turned out this way. Exactly. Soft baby hands, Spain. Are you ready? Yeah. Where do you want to start? Because I got a fucking plethora right here. I want you to get us out of the trenches first.

We're never going to be a trench, because guess what? This is one of the battles in the war on boys, straight to the front lines. This is my throwery, gullible maybe. My wife went to weirdly elaborate lengths to manipulate me into dressing slash grooming the way she wanted. Hello. Background info. I'm a 28-year-old male. Wife is 34-year-old female. Yes, I'm aware there's an age gap.

No, I don't think it's relevant. We've been married for three years. Back in April, I started a new job working entirely from home because of COVID. I'm my wife having asthma. She didn't feel safe with me doing my old job. So anyway, when I got hired, they sent me a flash drive with the company software I would need to do the job. My wife collects the mail from the box on her way back from work and opened the envelope addressed to me with the drive accidentally came in and gave it to me. With the flash drive was also a letter congratulating me on being hired

and laying out the virtual office dress code I'd be expected to follow. At the time, I was like, WTF? But she said it made a lot of sense and it was a good idea. So it'd be important to me to have ways to separate my work life and home life while existing in the same place, and the dress code was one way to do it. She's a psychologist, so I trust her judgment on stuff like that. Seemed to make sense, I guess. The code was pretty standard. Tucked in polo and slacks, nothing special. Weird part was that it required all men to be clean-shaven before the start of every shift, and also hair had to be short and neat. Kind of sucked because I've been growing out a beautiful beard that I liked, but I went with it because, you know, I'd already accepted the job, needed money, and it wasn't that big of a deal, I guess. Fast forward six months, on a Zoom call with some colleagues, and one of them comes in wearing a dumbass Pac-Man t-shirt. Coworker jokes. leagues and one of them comes in wearing a dumb ass pac-man t-shirt co-worker jokes i'd love to know is it just a pac-man t-shirt and he's like that's fucking dumb or was it like a

really dumb one like pac-man talking about like bouncing alien cheeks at area 51 yeah it's like pac-man being like leader of the pack it's oh yeah yeah or pac-man saying there isn't a war on boys fucking dumb shit. Yeah, Pac-Man holding a sign that says ban dodgeball now. Ugh, Pac-Man saying self-esteem is good. A co-worker jokes, maybe we need a dress code around here. You know, office banter bullshit. Of course, I was like, herp-a-derp, we do have a dress code.

And they were like, what? So I made a complete fool of myself going about how we definitely had a dress code and how actually they'd all been failing to meet standard guidelines for months. Ha, I was such a smug prick about it too. And then they were like, dude, seriously, there's no written dress code. What the fuck are you talking about? So I got to thinking, I knew my wife hated the beard. She'd said so several times and I'd never actually been the one to open the envelope. A couple of days stewing on it, I said to her, did you make up the letter? And she just smiled and shrugged and was like, yep. Like it was no big deal. I tried to get annoyed about it, but then somehow she got annoyed saying how I never

took her feelings into consideration. And the fact that she would have to go to drastic measures behind my back was evidence of how terribly important it was to her. And clearly I didn't understand that. So somehow I ended up being the one getting a lecture. I ended up apologizing even the classic yes ma'am treatment. You married guys know how that is lol, and got out of her office. Now I'm thinking about more, and I'm now again back to thinking it was fucked up. Like, this letter looked legit. She had the company logo on the top corner, printed the real address on the footer, found the name of my boss, signed off with his name, even wrote a whole female dress code section, although I was the only person who was ever going to see it, just to make

it seem genuine. Thing took a lot of thought and effort and it's just so fucking weird right am I going crazy here or is it really fucking weird so now I'm torn not sure if I should keep following her dress code or not I'm kind of in a good routine with it now so it wouldn't be a big deal to keep it going I know she'll get super pissy and moody if I don't but otoh on the other hand I'm worried if I do, I'm going to start resenting her and feeling emasculated every day. Hashtag war on boys. I get dressed for work, you know. Plus, just big picture for a second, I don't think I should tolerate her doing shit like that,

but maybe I am being insensitive. I don't know what to do anymore. What do you think? How should I approach this? To be clear, other than this one admittedly bizarre incident, she's the best person ever, and I truly love it and enjoy being with her. I don't want to blow it into a huge thing if it's not one. Thanks for reading.

It is a huge thing, and she's not the best person ever. That is a wild thing. What are you talking about? Like, this is like serial killer shit on the level of ted buddy like this like this is this is absolute like peak sociopath nonsense the fact that she went to like like the the level of detail she put into this letter and the amount of effort that she put in one that means she went through your fucking mail to do this which is a federal crime at least here in Canada. Because like how quickly do you think.

She would have been able to type up that letter. Or maybe she found the thing. Withheld it for a few days. Like she could have fucked your work over. If you were like under some kind of deadline. Or whatever like the whole thing. Even just that process is fucked. I mean like.

We could list off all the. The you know. Situations and how this could have been bad but like it is bad it like there's no redeemable like the fact that you're like oh she'll be mad if i don't do yeah yeah like who cares like the fact that she is a psychologist and is using these like fucking wild ass games to literally control your life. Like this is some like Neil LaBute fucking shape of things bullshit. Who the hell is that? He is a. No.

Shape of water bullshit. It's a it's a play where the I mean, I want to spoil it. It's a great play. Don't tell me. Don't spoil it. There's so many people. Listen, there's thousands upon thousands of people listening. If you

want, there's actually a movie of it with Paul Rudd. Hell yeah. Literally anything with Paul Rudd, I'm on. Oh my god, I fucking just can't handle all of this. Like, you need to end this relationship because here's the thing. You saying, oh hey, this

one time is a bit strange. This is the time you caught her because here's the thing. You saying, oh, hey, this one time is a bit strange. This is the time you caught her. That's the thing, right? You would have gone. You could have gone forever without knowing. You also could have lost your job or your friends in your job, which you also might have done. Because if someone said that to me and was like, hey, oh, but what about the letter? And then, like, you would either think they're crazy and

making shit up or that maybe their wife is a fucking psychopath and is fucking with them and either way you probably don't want to associate with that person or considering it has the boss's name on it like imagine if you had like lorded it over someone or like been like hey you got to do this what's his name told me and it got back to the boss you could lose your job because you probably look like a crazy person yeah i mean like like i said like there's so many there's like an infinite amount of scenarios how this could have gone worse than it is and it's already like rock bottom bad yeah like it really is like this is sort of like some of the like aside from aside from, like, actual physical abuse. This is more, like, I can't think of a worse thing to do to a partner than to manipulate them so efficiently into being exactly what you want.

Like, fuck this. And over such a small thing, too. Like a beard? Imagine if she actually wants something. Yeah. What's she going to do if she ever wants to have kids? Yeah. Imagine you don't.

All of a sudden, there's going to be holes in those condoms. Exactly. She's taken your consent. She's taken your free will. She's taken so much from you. And you need to understand that like the only way to get that back is to leave her because one this won't stop you've just proven that she can do whatever she wants to you and you will just be like well this is fine like you've opened the

floodgates now she now knows she has carte blanche to do whatever the fuck she wants to you and this time she just has to make sure she doesn't get caught like that's all that's happened in this situation even then it's like the risk of getting caught has kind of disappeared because she can flip around on you walk off and then you just go oh well it's easier like i'm i'm married you you men know what i'm talking about just nod to the wife am i right no like don't let yourself be abused like this don't let yourself be abused like this. Don't let yourself be fucking manipulated and fucked over just because you don't want to have an argument. Because guess what? You're going to have an argument eventually.

And it's probably going to be over a way worse situation. Or she'll just take over your life. Like, this is gone girl level shit. You know what I mean? Yeah, 100%. To me, at this point, it's like, if she wants out of this fucking marriage, how do you think she's going to get out? Do you think it's going to be with a very rational conversation?

No, it's probably going to be with, like you said, some Gone Girl-level Russian nesting dolls bullshit. Yeah. You need to have... Honestly, I would say just leave. Because it is a terrifying level of manipulation and distrust. Because again, if she didn't like your beard, she could just talk to you about it. And if she talked to you about it and you were like, yeah, OK, problem solved and if she didn't appreciate if she didn't like take that answer that wouldn't be cool and that would be the way to do it you know what i mean but instead i as far as i'm aware she didn't even mention having asked before but like i'm not sure if it's better or not that she didn't right because if she did and didn't take no for an answer and manipulated that's fucked but if she decided to not even take the basic step of asking you and instead went to this

like how it doesn't matter anything literally how could you trust anything from now on every letter you get every email you get every time someone says something to you how would you ever be like shit is this not her manipulating me into something or even like things as simple as like oh hey do you mind while you're out do you mind picking up like some ice cream sandwiches and she she's like, ah, damn, sorry. I forgot. It's like, well, is that her telling me I'm fat? Like it's like everything she does. Now you're going to have to sort of like peel back. You're going to have to sure.

Yeah. Which that's not a way to live a life. So I'm a hundred percent saying you have to end this relationship because at this point she has removed all reasons for you to trust her and without trust as a fundamental like you know the foundation of a relationship it will not succeed it will only end poorly one way or the other i don't know how it's going to manifest as ending poorly but it will and that is a promise yeah i don't think someone who's going to go to this much elaborate lengths all at the expense of your everything,

is going to have a rational conversation about this. They're either going to flip it back on you like they already did, or they're going to nod and wheedle and apologize and then just be more sneaky next time. That's the thing. The only reason she's ever admitted to it was because she got caught.

Like you said, it's like she's only going to now be sneakier yeah and be more clever it's she's already proved that she's fucking crafty as shit and also like be careful when you run she seems scary i'm not gonna lie yeah this comes from reddit user unexistent username uh girlfriend 27 female wants to become a food blogger and in a year spent over a thousand dollars in kitchen tools and cookbooks that she never used. What to do? I don't feel like she uses me, as some might think. I think she's stuck in this moment where she buys and reads a lot of stuff about blogging or cooking, but she can't find the courage to start it. She has a

part-time job, but I, a 35-year-old male, pay for the majority of foods and bills. She doesn't earn too much. It's not a problem. She also cooks for both of us and cleans the house. The problem is that since January, she's spent over $1,000 on kitchen tools, cookbooks that she doesn't even use, even if she says she wants to start having a food blog and a food channel. She continues to buy one or two more cookbooks every week or so. What can I do? I'd like to help her be help her out because she doesn't seem too satisfied with her life

so far. So maybe that's why she started dreaming about becoming a food blogger. It's as if this is her idea of a happy place. I support her, but I don't know how to let her start doing what she wants to do and not only spending money over it and dreaming about it. Is this difficult to start? Any advice would be awesome. And then he does do an edit he says she she pays for all of her own stuff fifty dollars or so a month she puts the rest of the money aside uh with his to pay for bills and

stuff she doesn't spend money on any other things okay so she's not spending his money on the stuff no no it's all her stuff and then like like whatever else she earns, she puts aside to contribute to bills and stuff. OK, well, that's makes this so much less negative of a question. Yeah, right. Because it's like, you know, if she's wasting her own money or whatever, like presumably is bringing her joy. So she or hopefully anyway. So it's not really a waste. And I guess the real question is just how does he help her?

Yeah, that seems to be his like, what can he do to assist? I think there are kind of two things you need to do initially. One is do your own research. Look up people who have become food bloggers, look up people who have become bloggers in general and kind of just read their experiences and see like how they did it. And obviously there's no kind of like one true path or whatever. It's always going to be mostly luck, I think, in things like that.

But it might give you an idea. Like maybe there's a famous food blogger who has like a food blog book or, you know, something. There's bound to be some website out there with at least some steps. And at least that'll give you ideas and kind of like help ground you because I presume if you're not in the food blogging kind of like sphere, you're probably not going to know that much about it. So like try to educate yourself so that you can be helpful. But secondly is like being passionate because for all you know, she's already done all that research and she knows. And like, if you're passionate and excited about her project, like that's going to help

egg her on. Um, and I guess just maybe like sit down and talk to her and be like, Hey, do you have a plan? Like, is this something that you like seriously want to do? And if so, like, you know, what, what are the next steps and can I help, or can I just support, but either way, I'm excited about what you want to do so like let me in on it or you know if she isn't gonna do it like i don't know do you have to have the question of like do you need to keep spending like a thousand dollars on on cooking stuff for a whole like what three quarters of a year is pretty hefty i guess depending on what you get you know but like surely there's a limit to what cookbooks and tools you need. or her like food channel or blogger. You know what I mean? Cause like, if she's like, he says that she cooks for both of them. Like if she's using the food processor and this and that,

that then like, cool. Like it's, it's being used. It might not be being used for the reason she said she was buying it, but like, fuck it. Like if she enjoys cooking that much and she wants fancy tools and fun toys,

then like, it's not really different than like me buying a video game and beating it in a month and not playing it again really yeah um so like you touched on a lot of good points i think one of the big things is is to like yeah sit down with her and even i would even like be like hey can you show me some of the channels that you like and sit down and watch a couple youtube videos with her and that way you can sort of like wrap your head around what she's trying to accomplish. And like, while you're watching that, you can also be like, oh shit, that's, that's really like, you know, you did this dish that's similar to that.

Or like, oh, I saw you do a dish that was as good as that. Or like your dish looked that good. You know, you can support that way. Hopefully, honestly. And offer suggestions if you can think of them as to how she can best sort of emulate what's happening so even if it's a matter of being like hey if if you want to do this like maybe on her birthday or for christmas or something buy our camera and it doesn't have to be like a crazy expensive good like like pocket digital cameras or even just a fucking tripod for our iPhone.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Or even like smartphones. Yeah. Like my phone right now shoots 2k. Like you can, you have a great camera in your pocket. So just get her a tripod and start from there.

Like recording on your cell phone isn't really frowned upon anymore because they're so fucking good like the only thing i would say that you probably need to invest in is like wireless mics you know what i mean um if she wants to sort of like narrate or talk if she's just showing and doing whatever it's like then fuck it who cares um and then sort of embrace her and like give her the tools she needs to get going um and then and just kind of hope like give her the tools she needs to get going um and then and just kind of hope for the best like even if it goes nowhere even if like one person watches once she launches it share it on your facebook tweet it out you know what i mean like

nothing's nothing's better than seeing like having your partners back in their creative endeavors because that's scary you know what i mean like any sort of like if someone wanted to release a song or a you know film a movie or poster photography revealing your art to people is scary yeah so like support is is so hard to get and it's like you know having having you share and hopefully your friends then will share. It's like even just having those like 12, 20 people, whatever, share is going to be so good for her confidence and also for her branding. And like, you know, that's such a good way to help and a solid way. It starts from like, I mean, that's how we started, right? Like we started with our friends.

Oh, yeah. And our friends shared it to our friends. And like, that's how you grow. And like, it's arguably like we've only had our friends really this this whole time you know what i mean because like we've never had advertising um we've never like a social media we've been trying to push lately but like in general it's been like the people we know and thank you to all of you of course um and like that's that's incredible you know we appreciate it more than anything so yeah i think i think that is the way to go about it i think you need

to sit down with her sort of discuss a plan um be passionate about it like niall said be involved in it and then try to help her as much as you can and if it doesn't seem like she's going anywhere if this just seems to sort of be like a pipe dream that's taking your mind off of the arc you know the pretty year the war on yeah the the pretty bleak year that it's been then you know what let her be if it's not draining you of finances and whatever like just let her do her thing because like why not it's not hurting anyone yeah i would say a few things is one like exactly what dane said it's like it's not your, which I thought this question was going to be about because I'm so used to negative ass questions. So like, if if it's not crippling her debt wise, you know what I mean? Like if it's driving her to the ground, sure, you can be concerned and you can bring that up. But like, if if that's not the case, and if it just makes her happy, and like, you know, everyone spends their money on something. So it's like, fuck like fuck it you know don't don't be the kind of person that's like you have to go somewhere with this like hobbies can just be hobbies and it's like we live in a world where that's kind of rare these days where it's like a lot of the time it's like what are you gonna do

with it though like when you're gonna make money or like you know so it's like maybe she has mentioned being a food blogger because she feels like she has to because everybody's hobby is kind of monetized these days yeah everyone's got that like side hustle it's like yeah exactly you can do something and not try to fucking yeah he said monetize it so if she's not like super into it like by all like leather you know what i mean once it's not harming her or you which it doesn't sound like it is but on the side, like don't also try to take over either. Like, as I said, like by all means, your own research, you can have a, like a reasonable input. You know what I mean?

So you're not just going in with your, you know, your own ideas that may or may not apply to the industry, but like, it's very possible. She knows what she's doing and she knows more about the industry. So it's like, don't try to take over. Don't try to speak over her um listen if she has stuff from certain like sources or research that she's done and like if you feel like one way is going to work but she wants to go another way like you know it's her project so like don't try to take it over don't try to like grab the the wheel of the ship and turn it you know support but support, but hopefully in a good way, you know, just be like, what can I do to help? And then do that thing. I look by all means,

if she's doing something crazy or like mad, you can be like, all right, here's my advice. But you know, it is still her project. And like, I think sometimes people forget that and that could be awful, but good luck. That's it's cool. It's nice to, to have somebody be positive. All right. Ready for the next one it's by soppa papa 442200 wife is hitting me in my sleep hello reddit i installed cameras in my room yesterday and had them set to record as recently i've woken up with scratches and bruises all over my body i caught my wife doing this once the other night and reddit advised me to record it and while i saw disturbing results she shook me for a bit and gave me a punch to the thigh

i'm not sure how I should handle this. She like the punch to the thigh was on camera. Mm hmm. One boys. You should. Yeah. Sleep war on boys. Well, I'm sleeping boys.

Let's sleep. Boys lie. You should never hit your partner regardless of anything. This is so. Yeah, I don't think you need advice. Like, get out out if your partner's abusing you again like i know that is a very simplified version of abusive relationships but if you were like hey where are these coming from and she was like i don't know and then you record

her just wailing on you one night yeah then like you the mystery is solved and this person like is bad for you physically and literally like dane said there's no harm in like getting an answer off them first before you unveil the fact that you have a video of them which is again just a wild scenario um i yeah ask them be like hey like do you have any idea like what what's happening here? And blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm sure they're not going to be like, yeah, when you're asleep, I fucking punch you motherfucker. Um, and then be like, okay, I have a video of you. Like, and by all means, one, make sure you're safe in this scenario. And two, maybe record the conversation because if it's your wife and legal things happen,

et cetera. Um, I would say maybe have a friend over i don't know but or have the the conversation in the room in which you've installed cameras yeah um but i think the the thing to do here is i don't even know if you have to talk to her about it because again she's hitting you while you sleep that's pretty like there's no like coming back from that i don't think that's pretty fucked up it's not like well you did this you pretty like there's no like coming back from that i don't think that's pretty fucked up it's not like well you did this you're like damn you're right that that does make it okay because there's not much that makes it okay you know i would i would argue that you shouldn't

have this conversation or like you shouldn't reveal that you have footage of it i think you should go find a divorce lawyer first before you have this conversation. Yes. Yeah. This is what's happening. Here's what's happened. Like, here's the V of the proof of it. Make a copy of it. Make sure there is backups of it with people that you trust. Um,

and, and explain the situation and get the legal advice first because stupid shit happens. And the legal system doesn't always like, I hate to be the guy who's you know quoting the war on boys but like in in family situations like this the legal system doesn't always take the side of the dude especially in abuse cases i think we we know that there are a lot of bullshit times when it definitely favors men like we're all aware of that but there are

also on the flip side a lot of cases where men you know like child custody cases for example yeah and do not do well in those regardless of of anything uh you're right abuse cases are the same um 100 talked with a voice lawyer divorce lawyer divorce uh you need to get out of this relationship because like that's a crazy fucking thing to do anyway and like when does it stop like when is a punch in the thigh not enough right that's the thing and like scratches and shit it's like i don't know it's like if this is satisfying some dark urge you know that's what fucking kickboxing classes are for not you know nighttime fight club okay let's be fair let's not fucking talk down kickboxing kickboxing be great it's not dark urges it's no that's what i mean it's like if you want to hit something you go to a fucking multi-class or you know a boxing class or

something and you weigh a lot of bag for an hour yeah i assume it's just punishment you know what i mean it's it's she's getting her own revenge what also worries me is like how are you sleeping so thoroughly like is she also drugging you yeah that's my like that was my first thing of being like if someone hit me in my sleep i would probably wake up oh yeah maybe not like if it was very soft anyway yeah i don't know there's there's a lot of things happening here but again as with the other question you just gotta get out there's like there's no there's no excuse here that would be like oh okay unless it's some weird sleepwalking thing on her behalf maybe but even then i feel like talk to a divorce that divorce why do I keep saying divorce divorce lawyer and just

get the next steps because like I'm sure even if it isn't that's probably going to be a defense in court and like maybe if you have consecutive videos of them just like coming up and fucking with you at night then I don't know either way divorce lawyer keep the evidence keep it

safe and get the fuck out of there no one no one should be hit, let alone when they're fucking asleep. Okay, this comes from Reddit user Katie Utah. Do most people swear and talk dirty during sex? My husband and I, 24-year-old female, have been married now for a little over four months. Both strong Christians.

We were both virgins when we got married, so figuring it out. But we are both addicted to sex. A few nights ago, my husband said something I've never heard him say. He said, I want your pussy so bad. I was shocked for a brief moment since he's always been so proper. But right after that moment, then I ended up being getting super horny and we had had the best sex we I've ever had. It made me want to talk super dirty to him while having sex. Is that normal? It's all new to me. And since we have been very proper, I don't know how it came across. Or I don't want to

come across as wild, but he started it first. Any advice would be awesome. Hey, he fucking started it. Hey, man, he said he wanted to fuck my pussy. He started it. He started it. Takes one to know one. He started it.

Whatever dirty words you say, bounce off me and stick to you. I know you are, but what am I? Just go for it. 100%. You guys are 21-year-old horny fuck children. Yeah. You're going to want to do everything. Every new thing that happens, you're going to be like, this is the best.

Also, let's point out no guy is gonna be like oh if you turn around like hey i love your dick or like oh i can't wait to have that dick or like hey your dick is really big or hey your dick is the best and also because you're like a virginal 21 year old you could be just like it's the biggest dick i've ever had and it's true yeah i mean you're you can also like there's so many things you can do you can lean into like the good you know Christian woman and be very sweet and

innocent and demure if like you know talking dirty isn't your thing but it's still dirty sounds like she wants to talk dirty though sure I think she's just worried that he will be like whoa whoa whoa thought you were my pure Christian wife and she'll be like you started it did not like you said i highly doubt this dude is going to be like ew gross why would you say that to me yeah wait you like my dick oh

ruined it um and if for whatever reason he you, it kind of fucks with his vision of you, that's something you should talk about on another question. Um, you can, again, like I said, you can sort of like play the sort of, you know, Ooh, this is, this is so bad. This is so naughty. Is this, should we be doing like, I'm sure he would love that. Well, I think if he has an issue with you saying something like that back to him like it might happen you know what i mean like maybe he's been

a romantic teen the most romantic teen his whole life so romantic and now that he's gotten married like he has this vision of you in his mind and maybe and again this is very plausible uh you saying something like oh i fucking want your dick or something, he's going to be like, wow, that's not like the demure Christian wife I thought I had or something, which, let's be similar thing to me I figured it would be the same and like if he has this weird thing where he's allowed be crass and sexual but you're not you guys need to hash it out I need to hash it out immediately like not wait and like let it fester and unsure if you can do it again

and you know it needs to be a thing that you bring up like tootsweet um and it sets up a really healthy sex culture of being like when something comes up you talk about it yeah and and sort it out because like you're gonna have the best sex that way yes and your sex you you love it right now if you keep that up you're gonna keep loving it more and more as you grow as you mature together and as your healthy sex life flourishes um whereas if

you get insecure and weird and don't do this even though you want to and think it could be fun or if he gets weird and you just kind of like let it slide by then you're gonna always be terrified of taking any next step because you're not gonna know what he wants or doesn't want and instead of talking about it you're just gonna like so you can't do that now if he also isn't a big fan of you dirty talking you could always forge a letter from his boss letting him know that it's actually company policy to let your wife dirty talk you yep um because guess what we're turncoats we're gonna help you win the war on boys uh you gotta get that letter header right now from his work you gotta get that logo you get their proper address find out his boss's name take open his mail get his flash drive we we literally put the

instructions in the question one it was a secret don't do that please this is our like this is our espionage like our decoded mission messages to the women yeah we've been this has been a what would their side be called in the war i mean just the girls right girl power maybe i guess girl power sounds so juvenile it's like calling some of the proud boys yeah but you think the war on boys is a juvenile war on boys is the most serious thing i've ever goddamn heard dane yeah and like for advice in terms of dirty talking if you don't know how to do it the best way i like the best advice i've ever heard given to people who are like i don't know how to dirty talk i don't know just ask them what they want to do to you like ask questions to what they're

saying um obviously there's a there's a point of diminishing returns where it might just seem like you don't know what do you want to do with pussy what do you want what what do you want to do with it yeah also like the the question you asked like if he's like i want to fuck your pussy why why do you want to fuck it that's not the right question who who do you want to fuck it with or where like there there are where do you want to fuck my pussy i guess which room i guess okay yeah all right i thought you were like where like it's like it's it's a pussy it's it's a singular location also just like be honest like you don't have to like watch a porn and be like well shit i need to call him daddy you can

do what you want you know what i mean just be like hey i love your dick like that's that's some good dirty talk right there and that's hopefully honest yeah and like if you got turned on by him saying that he wants your pussy there's no harm in you just when you're horny returning the favor and being like hey i really want your cock right now yeah that's like you're just follow his lead he started it after all you fucking started it i learned it from watching you um but yeah it's it's super easy like you guys have like like i said like this is sort of the floodgates are all the baby like everything you're gonna do is gonna blow your fucking mind most likely and you're gonna find what you like what you don't like good news you found what you liked pretty much right off the bat or at least one of the things you like play with it so lean into it

play with it figure it out oh and also a great thing to do is to tell him that you were really turned on when he said that yes because maybe he was insecure about saying it and maybe he doesn't know whether or not he should have and it might be that he will never say it again for that reason he helped you know and you could literally just go up to him like whisper in his ear and be like hey it was really hot when you said this and guess what on what your dick boom yeah boom because like positive reinforcement when somebody does something you like is very essential. Yeah. Because like, it's hard to like gauge whether someone's into certain things. And if you, if you're not sure as a good sexual partner, you know, I wouldn't push it until

I was a sure. But again, as a good sexual partner, I would talk to them. Yeah. I would institute as, as a couple, as young as you guys are and new to sex, I would definitely institute sort of like a post sex chat. You know what I mean? as a couple as young as you guys are and new to sex, I would definitely institute sort of like a post-sex chat. You know what I mean? Like when you're cuddling and doing your sort of like,

you know, post-fucking cuddle or clean up or whatever, kind of give a rundown and be like, I really, really like that. That was really good. Like, I like this position. I like that. If we do it again, can we try this? And like open up these like sex doors that you've had closed and chained for

so long and, and let the good times fucking flow, baby. To be fair, they're already really good at assigning blame. Like he started it. So like when you're done immediately try to pin it on the other person. Like,

all right, you ready? One more. Yeah, we get one more. One quick. Okay. This is off brand new

friend of the show off twitter they're gonna be agent agent cerebellum and they say need dating advice asap i was flirting with someone so gave them my number after a week of flirty texting they told me they're married exclamation mark exclamation mark their feelings towards me seem to be growing and so are mine towards them okay so you didn't know when it started that there's a little bit that i don't know if it got deleted but it's still in our thing i really like this person i think they do too but i don't want to be a homewrecker what do i do yeah i mean that the very it's a very easy like don't pursue this um yes there's there's there's nothing beneficial to ruining someone's relationship because it's it's like if you're a decent person that's going to weigh on you and it's going to directly affect the relationship you have with that person

and and there's no going back from it there's no way like i meant like how is that your love story yeah and i'm not saying that, how is that your love story? And I'm not saying that every person needs this grand love story. But, like, imagine this all works out. Great. Cool. And your kids are like, so how did you meet? It's like, well, I stole your father from his current relationship. It's bad mojo.

I think what you need to do is just sort of you need to cut ties, I think. Be like, hey, unfortunately, I'm really really into you but you're in a relationship and that's a shitty thing to do to someone and i'm not a shitty person sorry but you know i'm out yeah and you don't even have to be like that aggressive you know what i mean you can just you do you do we're on boys we're on boys no i do agree with dane entirely where it's like it does suck being in this situation because you're not the one who made these promises right you're not the one who's technically beholden to to this kind of like pact that they've made you're just a free agent a single person and it's like if they like you you know you're not betraying anyone's trust who

you know or who you've made a promise to but you are fucking over someone's marriage which is like a pretty big deal and as dane said like there's no real benefit for you it's like you're either they're gonna leave their uh husband or wife i'm not sure the gender is in this equation and it's like if they do one that's a lot of pressure on you all of a sudden right because now it's like if you know after a few weeks things don't work out you're like shit they threw away their fucking relationship for this their marriage you know they're getting divorced now but two it's like presumably for all their friends and family like you're going to be that person again if it progresses at this point um and if it doesn't

then what's the point like if you do you really want to ruin someone's kind of like relation like strong relationship like this just for like a fling you can get that i'm sure somewhere else right and again like dane says it's like if it does go anywhere which presumably would be the point it's going to be poisoned and weird and And if it ever somehow gets good, how are you ever going to get it out of the back of your head that they broke up their marriage to get it with somebody else? Like, are you going to be able to be like, I trust them? Yeah, that's the thing. It's like, it's such a sort of, I think it's a little bit of a toxic rhetoric to be like, you know, once a cheater, always a cheater. But like, it's like, if I started a relationship with someone who left their partner to be with me because of like I was courting them outside of their relationship, I would 100 percent be like, cool.

When does it happen to me? Yes, that's a real bad precedent. So I just don't think there is a healthy way that is respectful of your like self worth you know what I mean because like there's also a very good chance that this guy is going to be like you know the classic oh yeah I'm going to leave her I'm going to leave her we just have to wait it's not the right time along or it could be a girl either like I don't

know the gender exactly sorry yes but like that's a pretty common trope in extramarital affairs of them sort of like keeping this secret affair on the side going and constantly dangling that carrot of being like i just have to wait until this like it's a bad time you know a pandemic blah blah blah yeah that's like you're worth more than that you know you're worth more than the weight of somebody else's broken marriage on your shoulders you're

worth more than like the antagonism of their ex-spouse which again also could be putting you in danger like you don't know these people but people can get pretty upset about cheating and a broken marriage and who knows kids and houses like she can get messy and then all of a sudden you're in the middle of that yeah and on top of that it's like you have all this weight of the marriage and of their expectations and of the family and like random strangers, hatred and all this shit was like you could just go out and find somebody new who isn't entangled and respect yourself. You know what I mean? Because you don't deserve that. You deserve more. This person has shown how much weight they put on relationships. And like, to be fair,

it could be a marriage that's about to break down or they could be whatever. But again, like that's a them problem and not a you problem. You can't be making excuses for them. If their marriage is bad and they want to get out of that marriage, then let them know they can talk to you after that happens, you know,

but don't stay along for the ride. You know, this thing is like you know, but don't stay along for the ride. You know, this thing is like anyone, like, I don't know. I, unless it's like an abusive relationship in which like someone can't get out because of their life,

it's in danger. But like, if your marriage is just failing, that doesn't absolve you of the responsibilities of that relationship. No, you know what I mean? So if, if it's that situation,

if, if sorry, man, your marriage is shit, but like you're still married. So either take responsibility of it, that situation, if sorry, man, your marriage is shit, but like you're still married. So either take responsibility of it, fix it or get out of it. You don't get to sort of like use that as an excuse to be a shitty person. Yeah.

Like, honestly, my advice would be to like if things are very obviously flirty, just be like, hey, I know you're married. Honestly, I'm not really comfortable with this. Sorry. obviously flirty just be like hey i know you're married honestly i'm not really comfortable with this sorry and if they mess you like hey but i just want a friend then that's probably not what you want out of it anyway and i also imagine it's a lie or if they're like well it's a bad like marriage or whatever then you could just be like okay well i'm sorry to hear that but like you know what if you end up getting a divorce or you end up like ending this then then let me know but until then like i hope you guys managed to work it out or you know good luck and then hey if they're serious and if they do break up with their shit it's probably gonna be really nice for them to

to have someone who's on their side who they know understands the situation and who they're attracted to and get on with and if they were never going to do it in the first place then you're better off because you've gotten out of this shitty like being strung along awkward situation i think that's probably the most positive thing you could do or you could just stop contacting them because again imagine if you were married and your spouse was doing that that'd be pretty shit yeah honestly i wouldn't even say the whole like if you do break up because like all they have to do is just be like yeah i broke up with them you yeah i mean i would just say i'm sorry you're in a relationship and i don't feel comfortable having this sort of contact with you sorry you know hands

up back away all right we gotta end this boy all right i've got one profile for our red flag series good that's all we need that's all we have time for. This is Kelsey. I'm 33, newly single, 5'2", 120 pounds, conservative. Wasted time is worse than wasted money. Don't waste my time. Five words describe me. Funny, adventurous, stoner, nature lover, opinionated. Do you want to know what he does? No, no.

Are you sure? Oh, okay. She says five words to describe me, not five things. Nope. Yes, yes, yes. I'm a true Aries aries love watching hockey and football love animals have a doberman named louis and an african euromastics lizard named bubba looking for my teddy bear i love beards and men who are tall if you smoke weed bonus if not we

can work on it lol now when she said she was 120 conservative, does that mean she is conservative in political views or is the 120 a more conservative weight? I don't know. That would be a wild thing to be like, it's 120 if we're being conservative about it. I mean, like, there's no real red flag here. Like, it's not a good profile like there's i i mean i guess like like again conservative red flag for me but not necessarily for other conservative people um i guess the like you know if you're not smoking weed we'll work on it that's kind of weird right i feel like that's also just kind of a like you know shitty dig joke thing like i don't imagine they'll probably at least i hope

they're not gonna be like they're 100 going we're gonna teach you to smoke weed damn it they're 100 going to also it's a very strange position to be like i'm conservative but i also smoke weed and i love nature yeah it's like well you might want to review your political views then because like those aren't exactly on the top of the list yeah but also like the the fact that that, like, I'm conservative, but I also like things that aren't valued by conservatives. Fierce five words, but I'm going to use six. And then I'm a true Aries. That killed it for me. Oh, I forgot you said that.

Yeah. No, that's a zero. You know what? The only thing here that I like, actually. The doggo? Yeah, the doggo man the doggo and the fucking lizard which i don't even know what that is but it sounds really cool let's look i like dobermans yeah dobermans are fucking good boys uh apparently uromastics are the best pest pet lizards they're chunky boys and i'm okay with that so that that kind of saves it for me but but no. Also, I'm looking for my teddy

bear. That's weird. Did you lose it? I think. Did she? Where'd she lose it? Do I have to help her look? This is a bad joke and I hate it. I know. It's awful. Let's finish this shit. Thank you, everybody. We love you. Thank you very much for listening. It is always a pleasure to meet you. Yeah.

My thank you wasn't good enough. Thank you, people. Not really. You sound like I didn't say mine. You know what? We're done. This is the last. You're waging war on this boy. I told you. I'm a turncoat.

I don't believe in it. We love you very much, and we hope you're being safe and taking care of yourself and each other. If you have a question for us and you want to ask a question for the the podcast for us to give you advice on you can find us on facebook at fck buddies podcast you can find us on twitter at fck underscore buddies you can hit us up on instagram at fuck buddies podcast uh where else email you can hit us up on email f buddies podcast at gmail.com or you can visit us on the internet at f buddies podcast.com or plenty of beef.ca thank you josh eagle and the harvest cities for the song paper stars and thank you everyone who's

just been been awesome we love you guys yeah also we have like more listeners now in the philippines than we do in like the united states man philippines are the best. We love you guys. Somehow, I assume it's all, you know, our two super fans and friends of the show that's just slowly taking over the Philippines for us, so we love you guys. Thank you very much for listening. Two best friends of the show. And hey, if it's not from them, feel free to let us

know, but we're just going to assume it's them because they're the fucking best. Absolutely. Also, we were number 12, or sorry, we were number 9 in Finland this week, we were number 12 and or sorry, we were number nine in Finland this week down then to 12. So to all the Finnish listeners, hell yeah.

Do you have some sex writing? This is not. Bad sex writing. OK, there's there in the doorway is a tall, breathtakingly handsome dinosaur shirtless and

chiseled in all of his muscular glory. He's covered in tattoos, giving his scaly green canvas, a more exotic edge. And his eyes are wide and yellow. His face is covered in a perfectly timed five o'clock shadow, not long enough to be a beard,

but perfectly emphasizing his dark features and strong jaw. His hair is long and dark, providing an angry Gothic frame to his handsome mug. Sorry, angsty, gothic frame. You'd like him. He's spooky. He appears to be a parasaurolophus. I'm vaguely aware that I'm supposed to respond at this point, but I'm too entranced by his

shirtless body to say anything. He's damn near comically toned, his rugged, prehistoric shape something that shouldn't naturally exist outside of fitness magazines or romance book cover. I've seen plenty of handsome dinosaurs before and still managed to maintain a coherent conversation with something about snabe twists my brain completely around on itself, rendering me helpless. I'm sorry.

The, the body of this dinosaur shouldn't exist in a fitness magazine. Should only exist in a fitness magazine. Or what was the other thing uh romance cover those are the only two acceptable places for this super jack tattooed dinosaur and this is trans wizard harrius porber and the bad boy parasaur alophus by chuck tingle now does it look like like is it a lizard person or is it literally just a dinosaur uh it's a dinosaur person okay i'm saying i'm telling you right now please right here i'll do it i'll be

honest i'm gonna jerk off too because this dinosaur sounds spooky and very sexy yeah this dinosaur is a babe that's gonna do us for oh boy maybe we'll i'm gonna post this on the old instagram tonight okay i'm gonna i'm gonna pop back in for a tiny little snippet more can you go longer the dinosaur questions sexualis secundus i announced proudly waving my wand in the air the two of us watch as my clip begins to swell again incredible snabe remarks with a grin I also love how this dinosaur is clearly meant to be Snape. If I was going to describe Alan Rickman in the Harry Potter movies, this is... Attitude, sexy, prehistoric. Just impossibly jacked.

Okay, one more. I'm sorry. I'm gay, Bumbleborn says. Uh, what? I stammer, a little confused. That's cool. I just wanted to say it clearly in the story instead of claiming later, it was there in the subtext the whole time. The woolly mammoth continues. Terthingle is my hero. And that's why, for one, we had good sex writing. Thank you very much for listening, friends.

This is going to do us. I'm still processing anal mom. So there's going to be no comment this week again. Wait, anal mom? She's one of the generals in the war against boys. I bet. My name is Ted Buddy. I am the boy general.

And we've been your bug buddies. Good night.