F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 111 - How to Categorize Women

Episode Date: November 16, 2020

Aren't you just sick and tired of never knowing whether you want to date, have sex with or just be friends with a woman?  Well, have we got a revolutionary trick for you this episode!  Topics include psychic girlfriend, giving up sex for religion, literal cabin fever, sexual tension day games, long term sex drives, an earth shattering way to deal with women, having a real sexy teacher.

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love Hello friends, my name is Dane Miller And I'm Niles Payne. And we're your fuck buddies. We are a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky sexy situations and we turn them into sexy sticky situations.

Simply put, we find questions either on social media or through our incredible listeners and we answer them for you. I can still hear that cat, he purring. He's purring so loud. And that's just what he's going to do. I'm not mad about it. How are you doing? I'm all right. How are you?

I'm okay. I guess. Yeah. I mean, as good as we can be. Yeah. It's just bad news after bad news, I guess, aside from Biden, which, hey, hell yeah. Good job, America. I mean, we'll celebrate that once we're we're actually there um but on on

positive news i got to see your face this week it's true it's true it was a little bit distant it was in a park but we managed to enjoy the kind of weirdly warm november we're having and fucking good the spring type weather we're having mid-november yeah do you want to just jump jump right in here let's jump right into it okay uh i think we'll start here this is by throw away and walk away i male 27 think my girlfriend female 24 might be psychic and i don't know how to talk to her about it my girlfriend for almost seven years she's always had a weird way of predicting things every now and then but it's been happening more and more, getting more

detailed, and it's starting to freak me out. For example, a few years ago I was in the backyard and she was standing in our back door talking to me. Couldn't hear her, so I just told her to come outside. She said she didn't have any shoes on and was going to step on a bee and get stung. She'd been outside without shoes plenty of times, so I used that to persuade her and remind her how unlikely it was. So she

stepped outside and stepped directly on a bee and got stung. She kept telling me it would happen. I didn't think anything of it, except it was a weird coincidence. Another time, I woke up to the microwave timer instead of my alarm. I set my alarm for seven, and she sets one as well, in case mine doesn't go off. We never had both of our alarms not go off, and we've never used the microwave as a third alarm. When she started waking up, I joked about being thankful she said it since our alarms didn't go off, and she mumbled something about how she knew they wouldn't. Again, I thought it was a weird coincidence.

But there's been other little times and things. Like she told me to switch lanes and we avoided a car accident. When we were walking, she stepped dead in her tracks because she saw a four-leaf clover. I asked her how she saw it, and she said she just had a feeling it was there. Or when we used to play Battleship, practically every guess she made was a hit. We stopped playing because it wasn't fun anymore. Little things like that, until recently. We had a friend come back from Korea, and when we met him, he had a gift bag and says it's for us.

Without opening it, my girlfriend says, I've been needing new pencils, thank you. Our friends and I were both confused, and she said that's what's in the bag. Korean pencils with cute eraser tops and a super cool Harry Potter carrying case. We laughed it off when we got home and opened it. That's exactly what in the bag. Korean pencils with cute eraser tops and a super cool Harry Potter carrying case. We laughed it off when we got home and opened it. That's exactly what he got us. I have the feeling I'm going to be accused of a troll. And for that, I've been on the fence about posting this, but it's getting to the point where it's starting to scare me. And I don't think she means to scare people.

I don't even think she knows she's doing it. Every time it happens, she just kind of shrugs her shoulders and says she had a feeling and moves on. I want to talk to her about how I feel, but I don't want to think I'm crazy as neither of us are really spiritual. I also don't want to feel her put on the spot or like, I think there's something wrong with her. But at the same time, I feel like if this is somehow a thing, it's important for me as her spouse to know.

Am I crazy for thinking there's more here than coincidences? Should I talk about it to her? And if so, how? You need to set up the trap. You know what I mean? Like you need to set up a, one You know what I mean? Like you need to set up a, one of those times where it's like,

you have to like throw a knife at her when she's not looking. Mm. Mm. Mm. Yes. So a sharp object at her when her back is turned. I like how we're starting this episode. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Or like set up, maybe cut her brake lines in her car and don't tell her and see if she's like, I'm going to walk to work today because I don't trust my car. You need to do everything you can to kill this woman. It's it's sort of like the witch. You know what I mean? Like, oh, if we burn you and you burn to death, you're not a witch. I have things to say.

One logic. I didn't think we were going to go. I actually didn't know how we'd answer this. And I appreciate that you went with the most logical, safe route because you're right. Actions speak louder than words. She could tell you she's a psychic or you could make her prove it. Right. I like this.

However, I'm thinking back. Remember the murder girlfriend who tried to push him off a cliff and tried to, like, makewerve the car and kill him effectively well she thought he was a psychic she was trying to prove it she was like damn he didn't fall off the cliff so he knew that much but he didn't move out of the way i gotta try pull the car the steering wheel while he's in the car yeah maybe that's it like she kept doing it and like instead of start he didn't stop it but he didn't die so she's like is he trying to pretend he doesn't know but he's able to like get out of it like maybe every time he's better he's more in control of his powers like he doesn't mention that he's psychic um okay in reality what does it matter that's it like why does it fucking matter and also if you want to bring it

up it'd be really easy she'd be like wow it's crazy that you knew how there were pencils with in a harry potter like fucking pencil case in there and instead of her just being like yeah i kind of had a feeling you could be like well that's a lot more fucking specific than a feeling yeah it'd be one thing to be like oh it's art supplies yeah because you're an artist and your friend usually gets you arts like you know i mean like those are connecting dots but you'd be like oh it's got cute pencil erasers and a harry potter case like those are those are pretty fucking specific guesses yeah so it surely it's got to be easy to bring it up and also don't matter ride this fucking wave like i think it's

one of those things where if you if you draw attention to it yeah it's gonna go i mean it's got to be off the cuff so next time you're at the fucking drugstore be like you know i'm gonna grab a scratch card babe why don't you pick it yeah that's the thing like ride this fucking wave nothing bad has happened so why do you care well she did get some baby but that was because she he tempted her to do something she knew she should exactly so technically she was protecting herself yes the only bad things that happen tend to be when she doesn't follow her advice yeah which maybe she won't want to if you start accusing her of being some kind of stephen king league character yeah i would 100 just like start playing the lottery and be like, get really gambling.

But like, don't tell her, you know what I mean? Like, don't be like, hey, I'm going to buy a lottery ticket because you're so lucky. Don't do that. That's how you fucking kill the mojo. What you have to do is be like, go to the fucking convenience store, pick up your lottery ticket, call her and be like, hey, babe, I need five numbers. Any five numbers. And then she'll tell you or however many numbers you need. And then write those numbers down and just do that every week or you know don't be that predictable because i think

she's she seems like a smart cookie she'll figure it out yeah but the thing is she can see the future she'll know what he's doing and she'll give him fake numbers so she'll heal back off because she needs her freedom she can't be extorted like this she doesn't want to just be a psychic piece of meat that's the thing she this good you don't need to ask her because you've already asked her in her visions and clearly she's steered away from the timeline where that happens so she doesn't want to talk about it yeah i i mean this is like bewildering if it's true it's crazy and very intriguing yeah but i don't know if you necessarily like i i don't think there's any heart like i don't know why this guy is so scared of like just talking about it yeah imagining it like what does he do when he happens like i imagine i assume he's just like oh it's just

you know isn't that neat and then she walks off and then it's just like he dramatic music scared at her yeah on his face exactly that's a hundred percent it you know he just like goes completely rigid like standing plank and just a wide-eyed stares yeah just like a soft piano like a couple notes on the piano as like a leaf blows by his face yeah uh it's just it doesn't matter one two you could talk to her about it easily three it's what it doesn't matter like yeah it's just weird about it at this point just start trusting her gut instinct if you know what i mean like you have the beneficial of this sort of you know guardian spirit looking over you she's definitely going to be a show over the next two years yeah it's going to be this so don't

worry about it all Alright, hit me. This comes from Yeah88. My boyfriend wants to stop having sex because of religion. Oh. We've been together for a year, and I know he's been trying to be better with his religion and learn more about it. I'm not religious at all, and honestly, I don't think I will be. The whole

concept of Christianity specifically doesn't make sense to me, but to each their own. He doesn't want to have sex anymore until we get married, which we have talked about, but that wouldn't be for years. As I continue to think, I'm realizing I don't want to sacrifice what I want for years to satisfy something I don't even believe in. I don't want him sacrificing his religion to have sex, and that's not what he wants. I also don't think it helps that we have sex all the time. I'm just conflicted ranting looking for advice um well you kind of seem to know what's going on like you shouldn't have to do something

you don't want to do but if he there's something he doesn't want to do then you guys might just be incompatible you know yeah like it's it's a really i mean shitty situation to be like ah damn we don't work out especially if you like the guy but yeah it's like if if the pieces don't fit you know i mean like if you're putting together a puzzle and and all the pieces you're just kind of like cramming whatever one kind of like fits yeah yeah you might be able to finish the puzzle but it's gonna be a jumbled goddamn mess yeah like eventually you guys will be on a double date with someone and you'll be talking or you'll tell them how your life is and they're gonna be looking at you the same way if you just

super glued parts that do not work in the puzzle together and didn't do it at all and we're like oh look i finished this and someone look at it and be like yeah good good job oh yeah like they're gonna be too awkward to tell you put them together yeah they're gonna be too awkward to tell you put them together yeah they're gonna be too awkward to tell you your relationship sucks but it will that'll be plain to see um and the thing is this person maybe he's just flirting with the idea and if you said yes he'd be like oh okay you know so and if you say no maybe he'll actually like give it proper thought and be able to land the weight he needs to know whether it's worth breaking up the relationship or not. So you need to be honest because if you're like, hey, I'm not down

with that, then maybe he will be like, okay, my religion is too important. Or maybe he'll be like, yeah, you're right. I'm not either. Because if you haven't answered him yet, he doesn't have to think about it that seriously because for all he knows, you might be down. Yeah. It's incredibly important. It's why I don't like you know things like you know whether you do want to get married or whether you do want to have kids it's like well it's not something you should really discuss like right off the bat especially not in like the courting phase but like it should be something sort of broached at some point towards the beginning of a relationship because like if someone absolutely doesn't want kids and someone

absolutely does might not be the best fit but at the same time you can also sort of like you know put both cases down and make compromises find a middle ground find what does work what doesn't work there are tons of things you can do when you know you guys want different things and the sort of like worst case scenario is you guys don't match and you break up yeah breaking up sucks but it is so much prefer so much better than wasting years of your life and getting miserable and you know as it sucks that we don't fit together right now but parting gracefully is gonna be so much better than oh we've grown to hate each other and waste our time and hurt each other in the long run yeah and it's like i know we had a big conversation about talking about how you know relationships that end poorly weren't a

waste of time but like in this situation it kind of is because like it's not that the relationship you're not getting out of this anything out of this relationship at this point. You know what I mean? You're actively working against yourselves consciously doing things that you don't want to do. Yeah, there's a very big difference between like, oh, my relationship ended badly, but I had a good time. And I'm going to do a thing that's going to make me miserable now, and we will break up in a year or two. Then you're setting up those two years as a waste you know yeah absolutely so yes what else talk to him be honest about how you feel about it encourage him to be honest with you about how much this means to him and then be mature adults and and you know care about each other enough to sort of be like hey i wish you the best luck this

isn't going to work for me i'm going to be unhappy and or i'm going to force you to do something that is going to make you be unhappy so let's split ways best of luck yeah and no matter which way well actually not no matter which way but if he's like okay yeah let's keep having sex feel free to check in on him in like a month or two because it's also possible he'll say the thing he doesn't believe in because he wants to save the relationship you know like you can't mention it by encourage him to be honest you know check in afterwards and like kind of do your due diligence to make sure they're not just kind of trying to tick the boxes you know make sure they're happy yeah i mean maybe it'll be useful get like a picture of jesus above your bed just so you know that it's been sanctified by the lord that's how it works right as long as

jesus is watching it's cool but he's always watching so everything's cool even murder this is by under midnight sun for the first, I see what marriage problems are, and I, 29-year-old female, am terrified for me and my husband, 35-year-old male. My husband used to kiss me every single morning when I was half asleep as he was leaving for work. One time he joked if he ever stopped kissing me, lol, I would know he doesn't love me anymore. Well, he stopped kissing me. I'm beside myself. He says it's just because of quarantine and he doesn't leave the house anymore that he still loves me, of course.

I know he does, but I can't let it go. The more I hold on to little things like these, the more I drive myself mad. I suppose I'm looking for advice from seasoned couples, people who know how to respect their partner and be good to each other for the long haul. We just got married in August. It was wonderful. It really was. I'm so, so happy to be married to him. And if I think about it, I picture him in the car crying and smiling on the way to the wedding.

We've been together five years, all generally good, not without occasional disagreements, but honestly so easy resolved. We spoke kindly to each other always. He is a quiet lumberjack kind of man who is hardworking and honest and even keeled. How is this even possible, what we've been going through? I'm in that trap now. I get it. Why they say marriage is hard, work not easy. Before I thought, why do people get divorced? Outside abuse, cheating, assholery. Now I get it. Your interactions are different every moment.

I nag about everything. I cannot help myself. I try. One day I'll tell myself, go one whole week without saying a thing. Only get two days in. For example, he hates dishes. Will not do them. Okay, I think. I can sacrifice that. I love this man enough that I will do the dishes for the rest

of my life. I really will. But then he stopped thanking me for doing them. And he stopped hugging me from behind when I was doing them. So I get annoyed. And then he kicks his shoes off in the middle of the room. And I nag. And he withdraws. And he's quiet. And I'm crying. And I want to talk. But he won't. And my anger grows. He stops wanting to have sex, and oh god, it hurts me. I can't figure out what to do. This is not every day. This is a particularly bad month. The stress of building a house slash quarantine slash the vicious circle of my nagging wanting

him to die. Thus, he stops being affectionate, and the lack of affection is driving me to nag and cry and be a total claim. I am literally terrified. How do I stop this? Edit. I guess I should clarify. This is not about the

division of chores i'm chill with that he is kind of messy however he does his part i will always say that he takes the trash out before i even notice it does my laundry warms up my car in the morning shovels so much snow and helps in the garden etc he is also building our house right now with his own hands all capitals on top of a full-time job that is more significant in salary to mine. I'm on him about everything. His mood, his tone, the dogs, how he's building this wonderful house. Lord, help me, I regret this one. And yes, the dishes. The further the gulf between us, the more I chase with criticism. And he retreats, and I follow with anger. I suppose I should just zip it and smile and get my own hobbies and let him rebuild himself. And it's the question of if I care for him and affectionate yes i care deeply try to show it for example he wants his back and head scratched every night and i do

it despite the lack of reciprocation that's the end of it huh that's i don't know man i was on a wave where i'd be like oh i think i figured it out and then she'd say something else i'd be like well i don't don't think i got a grasp on this one then something else would come up like oh okay i think i know what oh nope nope nope there's something new here um i think this is a like a severe case of cabin fever like that's that's what i'm getting from this is that she i don't know what she does i don't know if she's working i don't know but like it seems like she's actually going insane like it seems like she's going mad there's a lot of a lot of that better batch vibes from this like yeah it just rambles you know that's the thing is like i think there's such

a non-issue that she's desperate like this is like she needs something to happen and she's making up things to to sort of like add substance to what's happening yeah like what i like she keeps raising things like oh he he stopped kissing me but then it's like they've talked about it and he said that he still loves her and it's just like quarantine like he's getting up he's not leaving the house he's going to the next room like he's explaining why the routine is breaking and also reassuring her so it's like why is she bringing it on like why is she bringing it up why is it still an issue like you've talked about he's reassured you and his his reasons kind of make sense it's like i can't let it go and i hold on to it and go mad

and then she like blows up about the dishes but then down below he does everything so it's like why is why is that an issue like do you hug him for behind every time he takes the garbage out? Do you thank him and kiss him every single time he does something? Because it sounds like you're doing the complete opposite. this is sort of a a mental illness of some sort and not like either depression or anxiety or something because like it's one of those things where like she's fully aware of what she's doing she just doesn't seem to have any control over her doing it which is a pretty common thing in she seems to think she has no control over, especially things like, yeah, like anxiety and depression. It's like nine times out of 10 people are like, oh, if I just get out of it's like a mental thing but i think part of it is that she has this weird hang up on the fact that they are now married right it's like it's been since fucking august for things to take that quick of a downturn it's it's just because like she's putting so much more weight on things because they're married like realistically

nothing should have fucking changed if you're in a healthy relationship you're in a healthy relationship you know what i mean yeah so i think she's letting that label like dictate and like add all this weight and meaning and she's already freaking out about divorce even though it's been a few months like and i'm sure the coronavirus and the general climate is playing a part in this you know what i mean like there's no way that she's not like being affected by that and that's fine but you need to realize you need to look at that you need to look at what you're doing and like maybe talk to your husband to be like i don't know why i'm nagging you all the time i don't know why i'm freaking out about these things because

if he like thinks either that like if you told him that you're doing it and you don't know why you're doing it that's gonna kind of i hope like make him feel a little better about everything because right now you're just shitting on him for no reason and like he probably feels like a piece of shit yeah 100 especially if this guy's like working a full-time job and then in his spare time building a fucking house with his bare hands yeah like um he warms up your car in the morning like i don't know there just seems to be like he doesn't really seem to have changed a whole lot other than like small things that yeah you don't mean like any rational person will realize that like the little things that you do at the start of a relationship especially and like after you get married those like extra little things they're gonna like kind of fade

away and it might sound sad it might sound you know not as romantic but like yeah chances are this guy's not gonna give you a hug from behind every time you wash the dishes like they do in the movies sorry that's that that's just reality your lives are going to change and the way you guys behave together you're going to get more comfortable in just being as opposed to like desperately requiring displays of affection to affirm like if you can't just like sit in your relationship and know that he loves you without you know little forehead kisses or little back hugs and stuff like that then you guys are in a bad place yeah and like honestly how the fuck would he even have time to hug you from behind while you do the dishes on top of building a

house with his bare hands while also working a full-time job like it's true like when are you washing the dishes it doesn't matter because his hands are always filled with lumber probably he is a lumberjack type you just need to call like just take a breath and like you know if it is a cabin fever thing like dame was saying or it's just like you're putting way too much weight on on marriage or it's just the whole coronavirus thing getting all up on top of you these these are all valid but you need to be able to deal with them and not dump it all on your partner because guess what that is a surefire way to get divorced if you

use your partner as a punching bag because you're upset that's fun yeah i think i think what you said like you definitely need to like let this guy know and be like i'm aware of what i'm doing i hate that i'm doing it i'm trying to figure it out yes that's like that would it's not solving the problem but it's gonna definitely fucking help and then if you start doing it he can be like hey heads up you're doing it again which i'm sure in the moment you will hate but it will start the conversation and he won't just withdraw and he won't just be like well i'm being assaulted again for no reason you know verbally or or otherwise like you really need to start the healing process by letting him in and by really looking at it and not just like throwing blame away you know i mean like oh i just

keep doing it like you are in charge of yourself you know and you need to remember that and not just be like act like it's some external force um but i mean like there is there is a degree of like you know lack of control that people have as we mentioned with like mental illness so like no i know but this seems like one of those cases where like she doesn't have like she doesn't get to make the call because she's like set herself boundaries being like i'm gonna go a week without nagging which is a crazy thing to say to begin with but like and then immediately do it it seems like whatever part of her that has control over these actions so like i think she desperately

needs like professional help like she needs a medical professional to sort of help her work through whatever it is she's working through. I do think like couples counseling is definitely, or even just singular counseling is definitely not going to be a bad thing in this situation. But I also know that a lot of times people will very quickly go to like, oh, that's not my fault. External force, even if they're not necessarily suffering from like a mental illness,

at which point it is, you know, that degree. And I think just even if you keep that in mind, even if you still can't change it, once you don't reach the point of like, well, nothing to do with me,

then you're going to be doing slightly better than before. You know what I mean? Um, but I think, yeah, all the stuff we've said, just like try and come up with some kind of like either separation. If you're stuck at home together, like maybe you're both working from home. I would imagine like a lot of people are doing and it's quite hard. Then you're probably going to need some time apart because you're going to spend all the time together while also maybe feeling like you don't spend any time apart because you're going to spend all the time together while also maybe feeling like you don't spend any time together because there's a difference between proximity and the actual like,

you know, significant, like good time together, right? Quality time. Um, so maybe a little bit of separation and then some parts of actual quality time, like turn the phones off, have like an actual like date night, watch a movie, cook for each other. You know, like try and introduce part like moments of alone time with moments of actual quality time. And I think that'll hopefully help even out this shit. Definitely let your husband in on what you've been going through. Even if you can't immediately fix it, that will be a step. Because even if you're still being shitty, he will at least know that you don't necessarily agree with what you're saying.

It'll be, it'll be a little balm on his wounds at the very least. A part of me wonders if it's guilt of like, like she keeps talking about like division of chores and like all this stuff. I wonder if like, it actually is like a subconscious realization that like maybe she's not pulling her own weight. You know what I mean?

He's like, he's doing all these chores and he's building a weight you know what i mean he's like he's doing all these chores and he's building a house and he's working it's like maybe she's starting to feel inadequate and a very common thing that people do when they feel inadequate is try to like put other tear down the other the people around them that are making them feel inadequate yeah or to project onto them right yeah so i would i would definitely like like i said i think this woman needs to talk to someone who is you know certified to to help in these situations because it 100 sounds like there are there are layers of things that are happening

here that need to be addressed oh dang you dang. You want to talk about layers? Yes. So I think we're both pretty steadily on the husband's side so far, right? I think even she's on the husband's side, really, to a certain degree. Uh-huh. So I looked in their previous post history, or her previous post history, six months ago. Am I the asshole for putting my foot down because my husband keeps abandoning me in the forest now dane the post has been removed and i cannot find it anywhere

and i'm dying because i need to know what is happening in this forest i mean he is a lumberjack type yeah and it was uh maybe he's not making a house for them maybe he's making a house for him and uh um it's so annoying because it's literally the only reason it was deleted was because it was too like it broke their 3000 character limit and all i want to do is find out what happened to this forest so maybe the husband's not so innocent as we think maybe maybe they weren't hugs from behind maybe he was like trying to like choke her yeah maybe there were bear hugs yeah yeah oh man see this is this is a tough thing about entering question is like we're getting a very very thin slice of the cake.

Yeah. I would also love to know, is he actually abandoning her? Because, I mean, last time it was like, he doesn't do the dishes, but actually he does everything. So, like, it might be like, oh, we go out for hikes and I fucking wander off. Yeah. I refuse to leave the woods, but then he drives away at the end of the day like an asshole. Yeah. I don't know.

This is bad. Yeah. But please go get help because you need it to deal with something. I'm not sure what specifically, but it's something is causing trouble for you and you need to sort it out. I'm going to do two very quick rapid fire. Cause I saw like, like five or six variations of the same, these same two questions. They're not really connected together.

But I saw these two questions like repeated over and over and over again, when I was looking for questions today. And I want to just like, we've talked about them before. I'm pretty sure, but I do want to just answer them because it seems to be on everyone's mind. So one is from Reddit user Beckinator. But again, like I saw multiple times and it's building sexual tension during the day.

Any ideas for talking about sex slash building sexual tension while away from your partner to get them fired up for later? It isn't natural for me, but I know my boyfriend really needs it to build up his sex drive. And then the other question is, and this comes from Reddart Kreetact, does sex drive usually go down after living together? We used to do it all the time, but we'd both get quite, oh, we used to do it all the time and we both get quite horny often, but lately I'm barely into it and he's never horny. We've been together over three years and started living together in August. It is normal for a sex drive to go down that much from living together and is there a way to get it back up a little uh is it normal yes we've talked about this before i'm pretty sure everyone in the world knows that like relationships in general like your sex drive

does decline yes no like i don't think there's any relationship where that doesn't happen at some point you know what i mean? And that's fine. It's also like the first time you see them and you get nervous and you're like, shit, I hope I don't say the wrong thing. That also goes away. You get used to each other. You get comfortable. It's like that's not necessarily a bad thing. But yes, it does happen.

Ways to get rid of that, I guess, are, you know, you can talk about it. You can try new things. You can spice about it. You can try new things. You can spice it up. Like, you know, adding a little spice and just like making sure there aren't external things that are, you know, fucking it up. Because it's like, I know if I'm working a full time job and building a house with my bare hands, by the time I get home, I barely have the energy to hug you from behind when you're doing the dishes, let alone fucking rail you. Especially when you're nagging me about putting my shoes in the middle. Yeah. And I forgot you in the forest. Maybe that's what she's nagging about.

Yeah. Oh, this bullshit again. Really, Janet? I left you in the woods one time and I have to hear about it forever. What if like, he's literally building them a house and until the house is built,

they are living in the forest. And that's what she's nagging about. Like, oh, just woke up in the forest again. And he's like, honey, honey, I'm sorry. I'm trying to build the forest and that's what she's nagging about like oh just woke up in the forest again he's like honey honey i'm sorry i'm trying to build the house she's like okay yeah no it's cool just leave me abandon me in the forest here it's like i'm trying to build the house as quick as i can i've got my jungle laptop here i'm trying to do my work try to build this

house um another thing to do for the for the sex drive and and with it going down is like now said talk to your partner about it so you're both aware of it on the same page and not neither like there's a risk of one person wanting to have sex more and the other person like not really wanting to and both of you guys pretending like it's okay that that tends to be troublesome um so both getting on the same page if both of you are just like yeah no we're we're all right like that's fine like if you guys are both satisfied and happy with the current amount of sex that you're having it doesn't matter yeah if you if you guys both want to have more sex then you have to start figuring out ways to do it and the first way to do

it is the answer to every fucking question is talk about it and come up with a plan, whether it's designating like Thursday night as fuck night. If that's what you need to do to maintain a sex life that makes you guys comfortable, that's fine. Don't worry about what it might seem like to outside forces. If you guys find a system that works and it keeps you both satisfied and you're both happy with it, who fucking cares?

It might be the least. I've never heard of anyone scheduling sex to have enjoyed it. and it keeps you both satisfied and you're both happy with it, who fucking cares? I will say, I've never heard of anyone scheduling sex to have enjoyed it. Yeah. I mean, like, I do know, I know two couples. Granted, they have been married forever and they both have multiple kids.

How many houses did he make her with his bare hands? I don't think he stops. I think as soon as he's done one, he starts on the other. Shit. Okay. Right? But yeah, like I know, I know married couples I don't think he stops. I think as soon as he's done one, he starts on the other. Shit. Okay. Right. But yeah, like I know, I know married couples and like, especially parents, they, they get

a babysitter like every Wednesday and it's Wednesday's fuck night. And like, that is like the, the light in the middle of their week of being like, they look forward to it. And that's, that's a really great thing. Like, and I think one of them's been married for like look forward to it and that's that's a really great thing like and i think one of them's been married for like 12 years so appreciate that you know what i mean so it's like schedule sex everyone from now on never not schedule it yeah i mean like if it works it works i know i don't think i would be crazy about scheduled sex but then again i feel like if you had a kid you probably probably would have to, you know? Yeah. I mean, like thinking about kidless lifestyle.

Yeah. We're thinking about our sweet, you know, bachelor lifestyle or like, you know, entanglement free lifestyle. And now the other one. Both of those things sound like we're single and neither of that is true. You don't know. Oh. Yeah. No, we're both not single.

And the other one is building sexual tension during the day. i'm pretty sure faces all day yeah like everything you say wink emoji yeah no matter what yeah like you said especially like if you're a if you're a man under under the age of 30 and maybe a woman too i don't know i'm just having been a man you said the winky face after something. Even if it's in no way sexy, I'll find the sexy in it somewhere. I see what you're saying. I know what you're putting down.

I'm picking up what you're putting down. I have no idea what you're putting down. Now we're talking about Diesel. My big thing is... Like, you know, like Zac Efron kind of doing side eye just send it um what i would uh warn against is don't send nudes no send send clothed you know teasing photos that's fine maybe you're like maybe your butt's looking great in the jeans, but don't send, you know, naked pictures because like,

you never know where they are. They could be at work with their boss right over their shoulder. They could be, you know, abandoning someone in the woods. And if they see that they're getting a nude off some other girl, then they'll know they're about to be banned in the woods. And then there's a struggle.

It's not even about like people seeing it well more about for me like about that for me mentally like i would rather see like what you're wearing currently and think about taking it off than a picture of you already out of it. You know what I mean? It's like being clothed or suggestive. Has this kind of like teasing hinting quality. It's like when you're naked. You've almost gone too far. But I don't disagree. Or I do kind of disagree. I'm down with nudes.

It's all good. But I think a good one is just to be like. I can't wait. You can be vague. Or you can be specific. But just be like I can't wait to do X when you get here you know what i mean like i or like i'm gonna jump you the second you walk through the door i hope you're ready you know or like when you walk through the door i'm gonna be on my knees you know anything like that and like that's something you can build up to and

wait for talk to your partner about whether or not those things work because i also know people who get very anxious about that kind of stuff and it throws them off their game or get too horny and then by the time they get there they'll just explode yeah so like i know i know people who um specifically hate sort of like the this is what i I'm going to do to you, or like this is going to happen, because like they're then at that point like on edge of being like, well, hopefully I can get hard when you're just like right

off the bat coming in the door and that like spooks them. So talk to your partner about like whether or not these things work, because nothing would suck more than you doing these things, them feeling anxious about it and you being like, it's not working. They're not interested in me. It's like, no, just the tactic needs to change.

Also, I think this person in particular needs to talk to their partner because they're saying they need to be hyped up like sexually, I guess, over the course of a day, which to me doesn't sound very realistic. I don't think I've ever met anyone that needs to be hyped up slowly over a day to get turned on enough to fuck at night. And on top of that, they don't seem to know how to do it. So it sounds like they've never really fully talked about it. So one, talk to them because they seem to have particular needs. And if you're getting it wrong, maybe just slow it down. Maybe you're the kind of person that does want to jump on them the second they're through the door. And they do need more time in terms of like foreplay or like patience in the moment, then they select text conversation all day. You know, like make sure you know your partner's needs because this person has particular needs, which is the sound of it, then you need to know

those. And it's not bad to ask, like, it fact quite good to ask you know because it sounds like this is a particular case so find the particulars right we could fucking him and hall all day but if they need something specific you need to be the one to ask for that yeah there's no harm in being like hey like when you're at work what what would get you going you going? You know what I mean? Or even just like what, if I were to do something sexy during the day, well, what would you want it to be? Like,

I know it's not the most like alluring question, but knowing that in the mark, exactly. Knowing that then sort of opens up you a world of potential to be alluring. So don't worry about like being embarrassed about asking specific questions like that. I'm going to, I'm going to do two more just to ruin your day. Okay. One is hopefully quick.

That's from seduction Reddit. Are you ready? Oh God. This is from Audrick S13. What if after first few conversation with a girl or boy, you classified them in order to avoid confusion for either of you? Classify. It seems too formal and inhuman.

Let me use categories or sort even though they're not that much better. I personally have been confused many times in a relation or confused the other person because I couldn't decide whether I was looking for a relation, friendship, or sex. I was changing my behavior towards girls and act like a friend when I want a relationship or else and i ended up in a friend zone or ghosted this is why i thought of categorizing girls after a few conversation know whether i'm coming for a relationship friendship or sex and act alike it will save me time and unwanted drama anyone who's got something to add on this is welcome thanks now is he saying like during a conversation he's like okay you're a sex i can only assume that is exactly what he's saying it's like all right great this was a great third conversation you are now sex uh you i'll go over there you're going to be in

friendship i guess um let me tell you right now you're on thin ice. There's two options. There's that or he has decided in a groundbreaking discovery to make his mind up. I guess, like, how about after I talk to someone a few times, I decide what I want? Yeah. what i want yeah i mean like other than you having a spreadsheet of all the women you've ever talked to i guess three times or whatever his metric is you then have a like you know three check boxes three columns and you check which one they are in it's like but yes we all do this you have to your mind about life in general like everyone does this with everyone you talk to where it's like

you recognize oh i'd want to have sex with that person or like hey this guy is a good friend or like this person's a fucking asshole yeah it's like i can't stand this person that's just how human beings and our mind works unfortunately you seem to need an extra step of coming up with the wild idea of like mate yeah oh man this is this is why people have such a hard time dating because people think it's revolutionary to decide where you want to like have what what kind of relationship you want to have with them yeah or just like or just that they think that like feelings are are categorical you know what i mean like like as if you couldn't meet someone who is a friend that you slowly become more attracted to and want a relationship or or want to have sex with or vice you know i mean find somebody you

have sex with and realize they're cool and you want to just be friends or get rejected and get over it so it's like it's very strange that that this is his his mentality of the world but it also isn't surprising that there are men out there who think that women should be subjugated to their own category and like that's their slot in the world it's like i promise you chances are none of these women want to be any three of those things with you um you don't get an opinion your sex yeah it's you shut your mouth sex quiet sex friend is talking whoa shut up both of you relationships coming in hi relationship uh are you ready for this yeah this one's pretty spicy it's by tore mads and i don't know if yeah i'll read the title i guess i tried to kiss my social studies teacher today.

I'm so humiliated. My mom says teachers are trained to deal with this stuff and I have to go back. Can I talk her out of making me go back? I guess I should say I'm 16. He's probably 30-ish or so. I have the most screwed up year ever. My parents are going through a divorce. My dad is fighting for custody even though I hate him.

He pays no attention to me and is already living with a woman that's 10 years older than him and she's a bitch to me i had to spend the weekend with my dad and spent the whole drive to school this morning with him screaming at me and not paying attention to driving because sandy was tired of me being disrespectful can we just point out how fucking sandy how much of a dick move this is he calling sandy by her first name even though like it's on the internet and she'll probably never see i hate you sandy fuck you um i've already been acting out with boys because i'm so fucking lonely and i feel like my life is shattering to pieces my social studies

teacher is a really great guy pretty cool they listen to black sabbath and guns of roses like me he was also a pro snowboarder in college. Well, I might try to kiss this social studies teacher. Yeah, no wonder. He pulled me aside after class, asked if everything was okay because I failed the quiz this morning. I said I was having a hard time. He said his parents got divorced too at my age

and he still has a hard time with it so there's nothing to be ashamed of. I don't know. We talked for a while and he sort of put his arm on my shoulder and I totally thought he was hitting on me so I reached up and tried to kiss him. He backed away.

He backed way away and said no, no, that he was sorry that I had to leave, and he didn't mean anything that would lead him to want to kiss me. I was so ashamed I started crying and walked fast out of the room. Felt awful for the rest of the day and ditched at lunch, and don't think I can ever go back. My mom was awesome. I can tell her everything. She said stuff like this happens way more commonly than people think,

and he's trained to deal with me tomorrow. She said she wants me to go to the counselor in the morning and make sure the school knows so he doesn't get in trouble i don't think i can ever go back i'm so ashamed how do i talk her out of making me go back man i don't know if talking about the counselor is a good idea like the the whole like telling the school that this happened it's probably gonna end poorly for this guy yeah that that's one thing I would be worried about. It also might be in, like,

I don't know. I don't, I don't know the exact rules, but it's like, if he didn't say anything about it to like save her or like to just kind of brush the incident away. And then they found out, would he get in trouble or like vice versa?

If no one says anything about it and it comes out later, is he going to get in trouble? Yeah. I don't know. Cause like, I don't know one says anything about it and it comes out later, is he going to get in trouble? Yeah. I don't know. Cause like, I don't know. It's, it's,

it's a tough, tough situation, but I mean like, hopefully if you're like, Hey, I tried to kiss him and he, you know, fucking jump through the fucking wall.

Um, hopefully they will believe him and he doesn't end up like under investigation or people are just gonna be like hey cut your ties man sorry but we can't have this out you go yeah um i get it like you seem to desperately need a male role model or like a father figure or just yeah like a like a solid male presence because your dad doesn't seem to be cutting it for whatever reason um mostly that bitch sandy um so i get it this guy like you connect with him on you know things like music tastes and presumably he's probably a younger

dude um you know what i love is like she's like he's probably 30 ish or so and that's such a young person like thing and i love it because like he's probably in his 20s or he's probably in his 40s yeah you know what i mean like i that's just i don't know he's 30 he's old like whatever so like and and your mom is right teachers are trained to deal with this and i'm sure this isn't the first time a female or male student has been inappropriate with him oh god presumably sounds so sexy yeah presumably he's also probably a pretty good looking dude i'm just picking up good looking vibes from him so it's like i'm sure you know it sounds like he's nice that's a nice yeah to actually give a shit about your students that way i I think, I think what you should do is talk to him after class again and apologize.

Let him know that what you did was inappropriate and that you do feel bad about it. And, but like that you do appreciate him, him being like, you know, caring about you and, and,

and showing concern for you. Because I think nothing would suck more than this guy being like, I can't ever do that again. Yeah. Like I fucked up. I think nothing would suck more than this guy being like, I can't ever do that again. Yeah, like I fucked up. I think there's, like, he's never going to be, like, you didn't upset him or hurt him. Like, again, unless he's worried about his career, which is, I guess, possible.

But, like, if you're like, hey, I misread the situation, you know, oops. He's not going to be like, yeah, you asshole. Yeah, you suck. Like, you haven't done anything bad. He's going gonna be like, yeah, you asshole. Yeah, you suck. Like, you haven't done anything bad. He's gonna be like, oh, it's cool. Like, we've all been young. You know what I mean? Like, it's hard and you're dealing with a lot of shit. He's gonna be able to look past that. And then if you're just like, look, I really appreciate what you did for me,

though. Thank you. You guys are gonna be able to move past this. You know, it's great that you have a mom who is awesome, who you can talk talk to who knows about this as well she can hopefully back you up uh between the three of you hopefully you can make sure that nobody gets in trouble for this and you know but like not going to school isn't the way to do it you know what i mean like i was almost gonna joke and be like you gotta just pack your bags and fuck off to the next county because that's you can't come back from this but like it's really not that embarrassing you know no one's gonna know apart from him your mom and you and on top of that it's like you need to go to school right like it's important especially if things are shitty you know what i mean like if you do well in school and

you get out the sooner you'll be able to fuck off away from Sandy and your asshole dad. Yeah. And also, it's good to know, like, I think something that would really benefit you is knowing that there are men out there who can be compassionate and care about you and not want anything in return. Yes. Not kindness isn't sexual interest. Because I feel like because she says she's acting out with boys which i presume means you know either sexual contact or you know making out or whatever um so i think i

think that's i think that's a really good lesson for you to learn it's like you can there are men out there and and you should expect men to not want anything returned for compassion. Um, and that, that I think is like a really, really nice thing to have, especially in a, in a mentor position.

Um, so it's like as, as sad as this question is. And as, even though I did laugh, cause I thought it was going to be a much, no, it definitely, a much sillier question.

And even in a sense, it's not like there are positives like this guy sounds really nice her mom sounds really cool obviously it's a mortifying situation like i think you know there's a part of you like the high school part of you could imagine something like this happening and just your world dying just being like oh god you know like and i you know uh and we get it you know that sucks and it's gonna be tough as hell to go in uh but you can't just not go to school because you know that would suck and and also just like you know you you understand that you're acting out and

you're you're doing stuff like don't do things that are negative like hurting yourself is never gonna you know show your dad or whatever you're just gonna hurt yourself more and it's gonna be harder to deal with your dad and the divorce and everything like i get it but like just try to take care of yourself yeah take this time to invest in yourself it's i mean i had a very, very easy upbringing in terms of dealing with stuff. My parents were together and blah, blah, blah. But I desperately

wanted to get out of my hometown. I was very, very unhappy there. What I did was I focused on, I put all of my energy and effort into leaving my hometown as fast as possible. Weren't you the youngest teen to ever graduate? I mean,

no, not ever. I'm pretty sure there was a whole show about it. But yeah, like just try, try to take care of yourself. You know, there's nothing wrong with,

with hugging up with boys, you know, but there is something wrong with doing it for the wrong reason and doing it with the wrong people, you know? Yeah. Like if, you know yeah um like if you know if going home sucks that much join a club like join an after school like karate club

or like a chess club or rock climbing club or something because one you'll be doing positive shit two you'll make friends three you won't be home you know what i mean you'll have an extra hour or two at school like these i don't think any of those exist anymore well right now yeah fucking covid but you know what i mean yeah take it easy you'll you'll survive i know you're a high school and a teenager going through tough things and everything feels like the end of the world um you will survive reflect on this i think you're gonna look back at this when you're 20 and be like man mr snowboard school's hell like hopefully this is a good a turning moment where you can sort of like really hold like other men

to his standard uh and expect sort of that same level of respect yeah fucking chad slopey was the best social studies teacher i ever had yeah it's gonna be like the positives are one the more embarrassing situations you you manage to make it through and survive think things are gonna be less embarrassing in future two you're gonna have a really funny story to look back on that's that's fucking classic gold that's currency when you get to university or you know work later on in life yeah all right um all right yeah we gotta end this boy fuck you sandy yeah fuck sandy i really don't know what time we're at maybe one or two tinder sure so at the end of every episode um nile has been bringing in a collection of online dating profiles and we we've rated we used to look for red flags, but now I think we're just critiquing them as a whole.

Yeah, well, we're pointing out the red flags really by critiquing them and in not pointing out red flags, we're saying that they're good. Yes. saying that they're good yes uh this is blue competitive pc gamer astrophotography noob elderly dog mom baby weeb simps only i have a thing for edgy alt girls who cosplay oh and totally down for friends too i assume simps are i assume that's a joke. Why would it be? They want people to simp after them. I guess. But that would, therein, make her pushy mediocre. I think people who claim people simp after them mean they're obsessed with them and don't actually think about the deep meaning. Or maybe she's just admitting it in her thing.

Like, hey, it's a mediocre vagina. Which I don't know what that would be. You know what I mean? Like, what would's a mediocre vagina which i don't know what that would be you know what i mean like what would be a mediocre vagina like what vagina would i look at and be like i can't imagine it maybe one horrendous but other than that they're all pretty damn good that's the thing it's like i i really i really do think it is a binary of like, oh, God, no. Or yeah, there's really no gray area. I'm going to say seven because chances are she's got a spooky aesthetic. It's true. And you also like edgy old girls.

And I doubt if they were cosplaying. No, this is Elena. I gag on my toothbrush. So don't get excited. Is that it? That's it. I fucking love it. That's, I think that's a 10 for me.

It's, it's pretty funny. Viola. Don't swipe right if you want threesome, because I'm bi, not an animal. Thumbs up. Okay. It's a weird flex, but alright. I don't like that because it's kink-shaming.

It's like weird people are like... If you want a threesome, you're an animal. I mean, I get it because... I'm sure when people see bisexual, they're like, Hey! Yes. So I understand the animosity, but I also don't think it's fair to throw people in

sexual boxes like that. So that's a three for me. Yeah, I'm going to give it a four, because it's a weird energy, but it also just gives absolutely nothing about them, apart from that they're bi. It's like, if that's your whole identity, you're not doing great. And lastly,

we have Maz. Read my bio, angry face. Like steam coming out the nostrils face. English French. I like the lavish lifestyle, shoe emoji. Talk money to me, money emoji. Modeling, red dress emoji. I can share my Instagram and Snap to certain people only.

Stop asking if I'm real. I know I'm a bad bitch. Kiss face. Buy me food. face heart face heart eyes so she's like read my profile I offer nothing that other than I'm shallow read my profile give me money yeah that's a hard one for me this is energy i don't want to deal with yeah i i hate it however i can share my instagram and snap to certain people only who are these certain people what is this old ancient curse she's under is she like a business person who can only talk to people

through business means yeah it's it's a weird phrasing of saying i can only like if she said i will only yeah then it's like okay i assume it's people you find attractive and or are throwing money at you no she's saying that i can means that like there is a metric and you have to meet it i think that's it right i think she's been she's taken taken over by some kind of like impulse right so maybe she's possessed maybe she ran afoul of a genie i don't know but the read my bio angry face and then that i think those are the clues and everything else is like her instagram is just pictures of like how to break the curse but you only get half of it on the instagram and you need to find one of the other certain people who gets her snapchat to find the other half and then that person's your soulmate yep

and then you free her you find your soulmate everything's great okay let's end this boy thank you very much for listening uh the world is looking a little bit better I think not for us I don't know we just got 1500 fucking cases I know I'm trying to find something man like we're we're almost out of 2020 it's almost my birthday that's something

if you want to shoot us a message and get a question answered on our podcast you can send us a message on Facebook a question answered on our podcast you can uh send us a message on facebook at fck buddies podcast or you can find us on twitter at fck underscore buddies we've going to get a lot of twitter action lately we literally just got some twitter action so we're going to have to do something right before the the uh bad sex right Um, you can also hit us up on, uh,

Gmail or email. You can send us an email at F buddies podcast at gmail.com, or you can hit us up online. We have a contact form. You can fill it, choose your own agent name and everything. And that is a F buddies podcast.com or plenty of beef.ca. Thank you to Josh Eagle and the harvest cities for their song paper stars.

And so we just got tagged in something on twitter and it's the message is also man why are you liking my damn dating profile matching and then not respond responding to my messages and then we're tagged and it says fuck buddies can we come up with a name for this it isn't ghosting because you have to actually make contact before you ghost uh i don't think this is a men'sspecific thing. I think, I would argue that it probably happens far more frequently to men. Well, I think that's probably why it's an issue here, because it's

weirder when men do it. Yeah, I guess. I don't know. Can we think on this and come back next week? Okay. We did get one suggested by somebody right underneath it, and I was going to see what you said and then put that forward and see which one won. Okay. Because if we just say what they said, we're not going to see what you said and then put that forward and see which one won. Okay.

Because if we just say what they said, we're not going to be very creative at all, are we? Right. What about dying? Because you can't speak if you're dead. Right? It's a little bit more dramatic than ghosting. I mean, yeah, it's like,

you know, this guy matched me and then died. Or poking, because it's almost like, you know, those really juvenile Facebook pokes. yeah um like i don't know like it's it's almost like the online i do kind of like dying so uh the person who i don't know i don't know who they are i feel like these the people in the chat are all librarians And I love that we have just these this little cohort of librarians who are buds. It's great. They say clams are clamming.

Oh, I like clamming. Right. Clamming. I'm good. That's why it pissed me off when I read it. It's like, well, she got there. Yeah. Yeah.

I think it's got to be clamming. Ready for some some sexy right rights. Oh, this is from Dune. He will succeed or he will not, Nyla thought. Whatever happens, it is God's will. She could feel her heart hammering, though. His venture was like sex, she thought. It was not passively erotic, but it came to a rare magic the way it seized her.

She had to keep reminding herself that he was not for her. He is for Siona, if he survives. And if he failed, then Siona would try. She would succeed or she would not. Naya wondered, though, if she might experience an orgasm should he reach the top. He was close to it now. And this is about a man climbing a mountain. It was only when she saw the rope come snaking down again that she had her orgasm. So she came watching this guy climb a mountain yep as happens obviously now is it a metaphor uh i'm pretty sure it's not at all i think it's like a contest like the most manly person could climb this mountain and like you know they'll get the title of

whatever i can't remember i haven't read this book in like 20 years um is this the book with spice it is it's a spice book right yeah all right i just assume it's a spicy mountain what could be spicier than coming when you see someone climb a mountain hell yeah um thank you very much for listening my name is dave miller i am now spain we've been your fuck buddies go build a house Music