F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 113 - Spoonful of Cheese

Episode Date: November 30, 2020

During these trying times, its important to check in on your friends and see if they're doing okay especially if they were absolutely never doing okay.  Topics include an innovative use of bodily fluids, the desire to be a classy wife, post break-up couples therapy, getting used, cum prevention techniques, bragging about being an adult.

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love Hello friends, my name is Zane Miller And I'm Niles Payne And welcome to our podcast, Fuck Buddies You do this so strangely now Hello friends, my name is Dane Miller. And I'm Niles Payne. And welcome to our podcast, Fuck Buddies.

You do this so strangely now. We're a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations and turn them into sexy, sticky situations. Simply put, we answer questions that we find either on Reddit, Yahoo that one time, or sent in from our lovely listeners on the topic of sex and dating. Yeah, you've done it. You've done it. Some might say the perfect intro. Yeah, I think we could just call it here. I think it is so satisfying to hear us

finally nail the intro that I think that people don't want to hear any else. I think you did say stickuation earlier. Oh, I'm almost positive I fucked up my name as well. Oh, what did you say your name was? It was just like, it wasn't a smooth. It was just kind of like a garbled mess. Okay, I like it.

So this is good energy to start a podcast with. Yeah, do you want to go straight into better energy? Yeah. This is by ThrowerASnotty. I was disgusted because my girlfriend used her snot as lube during a blowjob. Now she's mad. My girlfriend was giving me a blowjob and ends up with a little runny snot dangling down her nose. She proceeded to grab it and rub it on my dick.

I recoiled and said, Jesus, that's fucking disgusting. She's now mad at me for saying that. Say she thought it would be hot and it isn't cool for me to say she's disgusting during sex. She wants me to apologize and slash show some remorse. I get how she feels, but come on, that's kind of disgusting, right? I don't think I need

to apologize nor do I want an apology from her. Can't tell if I'm being unreasonable. I think they both have points. I think it is bad etiquette to call your partner disgusting whilst in the act. I will also say there is an entire subgenre of porn

of like super gross blowjobs. And that is one of the things that is incorporated into it. So who knows? Maybe she was like, this is things that people are into because she saw some of that. But also, I wouldn't enjoy this, the visual sight of it. Nor the slimy feel of it, maybe. I think that that viscous, slimy feel would not also be good.

I think that would probably be the most redeeming quality of this. If you didn't know what it was, maybe. but when you did know what it was no yes like if you were blindfolded and you were like what is this viscous slime slimy thing it's like a more solid it's like a rope of lube yeah uh maybe but you do know and also i think you're being very kind dame where you're like yes you shouldn't call your partner disgusting during the act. However, how do you not when you're blindsided with snot lube? Well, here's the thing is like blindsided with snot lube, Dane. This is a knee jerk reaction. But you're not the one who's going to be ingesting said snot lube.

It's all part of her body. Well, yeah, it's her. She can do what she wants. Yeah, that's fine. It's not it's all part of her body well yeah it's her she can do what she wants yeah that's fine it's not it's not on her obviously if she was gross she wouldn't have done it or she thought it was gross she wouldn't have done it so it doesn't matter but for him it's a knee-jerk reaction he said it i i feel like it's pretty appropriate to i don't think it's the kind of thing he had time to think about was reaction i'm not saying but like i think that there is some ground where he like

you they can meet in the middle and be like he can be like i'm sorry i called you disgusting it just took me off guard you know what i mean but it seems like he is completely against apologizing for calling her disgusting which i don't think yeah i think also she's not disgusting what she did was disgusting yeah she did a slight slight thing that grossed you out. Again, I'm not here to yuck anyone's yums. I'm sure there are people out there who would be into this. So I'm not going to call the act itself disgusting. Sorry, what I mean is in this thing, from his perspective, what she did was disgusting, not her.

And saying that's disgusting or whatever and not apologizing. Obviously, you're at your most vulnerable when you're naked and when you're, you know, going down on someone and you're fucking and all that. So I imagine she took it kind of hard when in this vulnerable state you called her or you said that's disgusting. And she internalized that. And you can be like,

if you know, I think an apology is, is fine. You don't have to say you're okay with getting snot on your dick. No, not at all. But you can be like, hey, it was nothing about you. I just, like, was taken by surprise. Because, like, hey,

depending on what was happening, if it was, like, a lot of, like, gagging and, you know, a messy blowjob, maybe she didn't even actively go, oh, and my snot should join the party. She was probably just, like, gathering every part of what was going on there you know what i mean that's the thing is like the the holes that can produce liquid

are so close to each other say that sentence again can you repeat that please that's a one time only man oh are you sure yeah this is this is gonna be good for our metrics because everyone rewinding the podcast is going to be, you know what I mean? Well, it's going to be bad though because they can never get past here. There's going to be like a three second spike in our metrics. But you know, if there's like a hand being involved in there

and it's in close proximity to mouth and nose. Yeah, like I can imagine that there's probably been some stot on my dick before. Probably, yeah. I definitely didn't notice if it was. Now, the thing is, that's a different question, though. Like, if it's, like, messy saliva, everything, like, I'm assuming if, like, snot is dangling out of her nose, it was probably some kind of, like,roating like eyes watering kind of whole deal where like yeah the waterworks are flowing but what if it wasn't what if it was like a really

like sensual like slow blow job and then she was just like you know snot rocketed right onto his dick and just or like she very calmly like stepped away from the dick went rummaging and then just fucking smeared it on well okay because those are very different things yes i i don't i'm hoping that's not the case i but like i think it's somewhere in the middle i don't think this it doesn't sound like it was a complete like oh it happened oops and it doesn't sound like she was aggressively being like i'm gonna i'm gonna conjure something for this occasion i it was probably like oh runny nose she probably was like add it to the mix but like i like i said like i i think this is the time where like you

you meet in the middle yeah i i think completely refusing to apologize is is unreasonable he says can't tell if i'm being unreasonable i get get how she feels. If you get how she feels, then fucking apologize because how she feels is presumably self-conscious that you called her disgusting during sex, which I don't think anybody wants to hear. Unless you're like jokingly farting on someone or something. I don't know.

Or it's, you know, there's, you know, degradation. Okay, very true. So yeah, by all means, make sure that she knows you don't find her disgusting. And you can also set boundaries be like hey in the future i'm not really into that like mouth juices are kind of like the only juice i want during a blow job yeah that's the thing you get to now get a list of bodily fluids especially the holes that produce fluids that are clustered close together and uh you get to just make a little Venn diagram of the ones you want, the ones you don't want,

and the ones that are okay to get smeared on your dick. Yeah. So there you go. Have a chat. Fucking apologize. All of the bodily humors that you're okay with on here. Yum, yum, yum. Bile.

That's the only humor I can think of right now. Blood, bile. Blood. I think, is poop also one of them? Probably. I think poop's one of them? Probably. I think poop's one of them. Let's move on. Sorry, I forgot that I opened this up, but now I'm tempted to read it.

I can't remember if I did this, so stop me if it sounds familiar. Although, I really don't think you would be able to tell. I still get emotional and tear up sometimes. When I heard a song on the radio today i thought about my ex he didn't treat me right but we had some good times hugging twirling around the kitchen most of the times he holds my hands when he hugs my waist when i give him food just when he's happy from something i did i'm happy the time i gave him a spoonful of cheese, he was like, wow. And I treated him. wow a spoonful of cheese the time i gave him a spoonful of cheese he was like wow

he was happy he told me he didn't have oh he was happy and he told me i didn't have to but i really wanted to it hurts me the times he told me he wants to find someone else because i think i did love him i clung on to him very hard he gets mad at me when i eat too much oh my god i forgot how hard it is to read these. He gets mad at me when I eat too much or doesn't know to do things. I had a point of clarity. He isn't the guy that I want to be with. I want to live somewhere beautiful with a smart and can provide for me husband that gives me a ring and wants children, takes me out sometimes to classy places.

I never knew, but I want to be a classy wife. Oh man, you got a long way to go. I know that guy can't give me that. And when I found out he's bisexual, it won't work. Jesus Christ. I don't want to see him one day getting his ass fucked

or other weird fetishes. This person's treatment of bi people is terrible and I don't think we've ever really brought it up. It's sad that I loved him, but he's not the one I want to be with. Yeah, I don't know what she has against bisexual people. Well, like, a lot of people are like this. I saw an exchange from Grindr going around recently where, or actually wasn't, it was about Grindr, but either way, he was like, he'd gone on a date with someone and that person admitted that they had, uh, you know, dated women before. And he got home and sent them this really like message being like,

well, you're not really gay. So when you figure it out, like me, you know, don't even bother, blah, blah, blah. And then a bunch of people were like, Hey, I'm really glad you broke up. And he was like, thanks. They're like, yeah're like yeah because you suck um they deserve better and it's tough for bi people out there you know and this whole like you know you don't count as straight i'm scared you're gonna go explore the rest of your sexuality is so fucking dumb it's like it's also there's also like this fear that like because people are attracted to both like for this in this example almost exactly where she's like oh if he's with me i don't want to come home one day and see him getting fucked in the ass as if like bi people can't control themselves yeah or can't be loyal right they're all just sexual

deviants because they are attracted to both men and women that like the second the opportunity arises they gotta fucking get it it's really weird because it's as if like uh i don't have to worry about women if because i'm a woman but men and it's like i'm sorry but they're still gonna be attracted to other women too like yeah it's kind of the name of the game you know but it's weird how just like that mental like leap of like oh shit also man like anyway yeah sorry that's the whole thing don't be shit to the bi people in your life guys like if you have a bi friend get a spoonful of cheese just get a spoonful of cheese for him oh man i i love like it's actually this really weird experience listening to better batch speak because it's almost like every time you're on board with the

sentence it changes it's like my brain is like weirdly like trying to catch up with the leap so i'm like okay we're on the cheese oh okay we're we're clinging oh there's fancy places oh he's by and it's just like it's just a fucking trip man we need to like she's her brain is or like her like stream of consciousness is like an mc escher painting you know what i mean it's like you're you're going down one stairway and then you're like oh fuck i'm now upside down and like in a completely different hallway i don't even know what to say to that i don't is there advice yeah the advice is don't be shit to buy people because Because let me tell you, she's gotten all the advice in the world. She's actually moved on to off of like advice subreddits.

And now it's just like in the ranting subreddits. Because I guess she got tired of people being like, you need professional help. You need Jesus. Okay, we'll do this. I'm not going to read the title. My new girlfriend has recently broken up with her ex to be with me. Oh, sorry. This is by.

Oh, deleted user. My new girlfriend has recently broken up with her ex to be with me. Oh, sorry, this is by... Oh, deleted user. My new girlfriend has recently broken up with her ex to be with me. He has not taken it well, to put it mildly, and in my mind has been doing everything he can to manipulate her into staying with him. She is very sweet, and it's hard for her to say no, and I think she feels a little bit like she owes him because they've been together for seven apparently mostly bad years before I came into the picture.

He is now insisting that she go to couples therapy with him though, saying she needs to do it for him so he can get over her. She doesn't want to, but he won't leave her alone, getting his parents and even going behind her back and getting her parents involved. She bought a house with him and it's important for her to make sure things end positively because she still has a lot of shit to arrange with him unfortunately. I told her I trust her to do what is right for her and she says she really doesn't want to go to therapy and will probably cancel but hasn't done it yet. That said, I also told her I don her to do what is right for her and she says she really doesn't want to go to therapy and will probably cancel but hasn't done it yet. That said, I also told her I don't like it and couples therapy would be to try and stay together basically in its manipulation.

At this point, he isn't thinking about her at all and only himself and he's basically just torturing her at this point. This might even come out in the therapy if she ultimately goes, but my strong opinion is she doesn't owe it to him at all to do it, especially if it's true that she doesn't want to. I guess then my question is, should I tell her I don't like it and I don't want her to do it? Then should she really entertain couples therapy with her ex for any reason other than trying to stay together, especially considering she's now in a relationship with me? I really want to support her, but I'm disgusted by her ex's actions. He seems to totally disregard her own wishes, take advantage of her sweet nature and tough position considering houses, possessions, etc. still need to be and tough position, considering houses, possessions, et cetera,

still need to be disentangled. And to be totally honest, I also feel like her deciding to go isn't fair to me. It makes me feel, I don't know, hurt or insecure or something, but ultimately I would feel horrible for what he's putting her through. I appreciate any insight or advice because this whole situation is bizarre to me.

Thanks to anyone who wants to help. And this is new girlfriend's recent ex is insisting. she go to couples therapy with him so he can get over the breakup. The question asked her got it right at the end where most specifically, it is super unfair to this dude to agree to couples therapy. When you're in another relationship is very strange. Like the point of couples therapy is to repair the relationship. What this guy needs is just therapy.

Like if he needs to. It's not couples therapy because they're not a couple. Yeah. Well, that's what I mean. It's like if the whole point is like, I need to get over this breakup. We need to do couples. It's like, no, no, no. That's not how this works.

If you need to get over a breakup, you see an actual therapy, like a solo therapist. And you go to therapy to deal with how you feel about the relationship she has absolutely no bearing or responsibility to help you get over this it's like yeah in a mutual breakup or a friendly breakup you can definitely work with your partner to sort of be like you know give closure move on blah blah blah but like it by no means is it required of another partner to make sure that you get through a breakup okay not at all like your own like you know again sure if you can get closure or if you guys can end amicably great but again it's not like your kind of commitment to each other ends

when your commitment to each other ends yeah right like there's literally nothing and this person like he's not doing it for any other reason than to be a shit and to not let go and to exert manipulation on this person like there's no you know maybe he's hoping he'll feel better at all this but the only thing i think is going to make him feel better is if you guys get back together or he makes your new relationship suffer as a result of this exactly yeah i mean like that kind of get the vibe i got off this dude too where it's like either he's trying to steal you back away or he's trying to implode your most recent relationship i don't think there's anything else and the thing is as dane said if it is for him to feel better or

get over it again not not your fucking problem. That's on him. And honestly, couples therapy is not going to help him with that. No, I mean, and the thing is, like, I don't even know if I trust the therapy that like, I'm sure this dude is probably pulling fucking strings being like, hey, you know, if he finds the therapist, I'm sure he's like, I really want to get back.

Like we were trying to repair. Like, I don't, I don't know if I would trust him to be honest about his intentions with his therapist. Exactly. Although like, what would like, would it not be also kind of great to show up on your first day? And when they're like, so what's going on?

You'd be like, hey, so we broke up. I'm in a new relationship and he's kind of extorting me to come to couples therapy so that he can get over it. And he's like still holding my belongings and house like, you know, we haven't sorted that out. So that's kind of, you know, weighing over me, which is why I agreed to come and just letting hopefully a good therapist be like, hey, dude, that's real fucked up. Or even just walking out at that point.

Yeah, I'm worried that like the second you step foot in there it's you know what i mean you've kind of entered the the social contract of of agreeing to this um and i and like because then he can play the card of being like oh you gave up on us and that's another card you can play with your parents and shit yeah i just i want to hope that there would be a good, you know, like, I mean, like, I don't think there's any harm. I think what could be harmful is that, again, like your, your shit hasn't been sorted out. So maybe try to sort that out before you even agree or disagree. You know what I mean? Be like, Hey, look, I'm, we're really busy with this.

That's all I can focus on right now. Maybe if we get this sorted, because if it does get sorted, then that's one less thing he can hang over you. And then you can be more free. Like if once that threat isn't there, you realize, Hey, I actually really don't want to go.

Then don't go. And if after that threat's gone, you're like, you know what? It can't hurt. Then you can go knowing that like you're willing to do this and not just that you're very scared that you're going to get fucked over. So the way it seems to me, it's like she needs a lawyer and he needs a therapist. Yes. Like that, that kind of just seems to be the way it needs to go. And

I'm not going to give legal advice cause I don't know shit about this, but I would maybe try to get the contact info for the therapist that he's like presenting and like maybe email them and be like hey so my ex you know what i mean do sort of the spiel that you said but instead of going kind of outlining why you're not going yeah you know what i mean and then be like if you could perhaps refer to him a private therapist or if you offer those services i think that would be more beneficial than a couple's therapy because I have no interest in repairing, maintaining or reentering this relationship. Yeah, that could be good.

And especially then, like you could probably get the details off and be like, I just want to talk to them, vet them, see what the situation is, you know, and then send them an email explaining the situation and maybe they'll be able to help. Or, you know, at the very least, they'll probably be like, okay, maybe don't come because this sounds super unethical and I can't really be a part of it.

Yeah, 100 percent that those I think that's the most actionable advice I can give other than like, yeah, get a lawyer, get your, you know, owners and property, all that shit sorted out and move on. I don't I don't think this is a good idea, but for the question asking her, I think you're a hundred percent in the right to feel like this is unfair to you. If she gets bullied into going, because like, you know,

there's, there's nothing worse than being like, Oh, she's going to get fucking like realize that maybe she does want to give it another try. Like it just kind of like, it's, it's a lot of anxiety for you and whether she does or doesn't, know i mean like hopefully you can trust her and you believe her at her word and

saying that she doesn't want to re-enter this but at the same time it's like if i was dating someone and they were going to couple therapy with their ex there's always that little nagging voice in the back of your head being like they're gonna get back together because that's the point of fucking couples therapy yeah i think it's fair to definitely feel weird about it because it's a weird situation. But like, I do think, you know, it's very weird for her too, right? Like more so, like she's the one in the worst situation. And it's like, if she decides to go, I'm assuming the only reason she is, is because she feels like she has no other choice.

So like, as much as it is weird for you i would probably say like put that to the back of your head because like i don't again unless there's something else weird going on here i would imagine the only way she would say yes is if she felt she had to and if she felt like she had to with all her like belongings and home kind of like hanging up in the air like i get that but that, you know, for her more so than anyone else in this situation, I think. So, you know, I guess be there and support her and understand if she feels like she has to, but also be open with your concerns. You know, I don't think like staying the strong silent type is going to help anyone in this situation. Like let her know that you're uncomfortable with it you know in a supportive way um and try to help her

come to a good you know a good destination here preferably one that doesn't end up with her being bullied into going to therapy although if that is the case hopefully the therapist will do what's right yeah and also like like you said like don't be afraid to sort of stand your ground be like this is a bad idea because sometimes people need to hear that like a lot of people deal with self-doubt and be like oh should i do it should i do this should i do that sometimes it's nice to have someone kind of like outside of this situation and be like this is a bad idea and the feel like you feeling like it's a bad idea it's correct yeah you know what i mean like it's hard sometimes to think out of context and the context is your shit at risk and also like guilt over this person

who's apparently so broken up you know what i mean like all this stuff it's like it's hard for you to be objective because you're in the middle of it so yeah i mean like i think that the best advice i ever get or like like the times I feel most comforted, when I'm sort of, you know, up in the air about something is when someone is definitive about, like, I'm happy to have like hash things out with people and like, you know, bounce the pros and cons and stuff off that. But if someone feels strongly that like, this is a bad idea. I usually know that but need to hear it from like a third party. You know what I mean?

Or even at the very least, like it's kind of the do I get spaghetti or burgers situation? It's like if someone says spaghetti, you're going to know instantly in that moment that they say it. You're going to be like, hell yeah. Or you're like, actually, I want that burger. You know, I know this as like the coin toss method. And every time you reference it, you always like related to two different kind of foods. Yeah, I'm a hungry boy. I know. All right.

You ready for another one that you're going to give me? Talking to a new guy when he said he'll take me home. Full memories of my ex came back. It was the purest with my ex, even though it wasn't pure in the end. No, I'm not going to read. i was so excited for just just getting memories of my ex and i playing around in bed non-sexually just i loved him and it hurt the most when he infected me and broke up with me when i was in the hospital i still remember that still makes me tear up. That's a bold move.

When he told me if I was pregnant, he will leave, I was very sad. I know he's dumb, so he won't have a smart child, but it's still his child. I really let my ex have me, but I don't trust him because he's harmful. I wish I didn't love my ex because there's no point. We will never

get back it's tiring i don't want to have you tried couples counseling the thing is like i don't know why she's saying she's having a kid like this has been going on for like two years now and she's never mentioned a child or pregnancy i would just love to know and even there it doesn't really seem like she said that she was just that he said he'd break up if she was but like then went on about her dumb dumb future child um i keep having dreams of my ex the last one i was living in his house for two years and he was away i was mad at him for being gone for so long he sat on his bed and i walked towards him i sat on top of him like how we used to i told him i missed him and asked did he get rid of the disease because

i know i did i know i love this man but because he can't give me my needs i will resent him and look elsewhere he doesn't love me it bothered me for a long time but now it doesn't because i felt love when he was silent this it's not enough for a lifetime though it but now it doesn't. Because I felt love when he was silent. This, it's not enough for a lifetime though. It takes two to give and take. So beautiful. I have crazy dreams of my ex fucking someone I find as an attractive woman. My ex is

combined with two other cheating exes into him so they were all in his soul. Three cheaters in one. Okay, I'm done with Better better bitch do you want an actual question uh or do you want to did i use my slot for better i don't know if you if you got one you want to do go i got a million you know that no you go you go i i see i don't know where to go with this but i'm gonna go here i guess uh not sure if i was used or not this This is by N2RKIG. I've been talking to a girl from a dating app for three weeks.

We've never met before, but we have FaceTime. Currently, both of our parents are in the hospital due to non-COVID related illnesses. So she invites me over to her house last night at 1230 because she didn't want to be alone. I go over, but I don't expect anything sexual to happen since it's our first time meeting and her parents are sick. When I arrived, we went straight to her room and she started being flirty. Long story short, we ended up kissing and I went down on her and she finished. She then said she wanted to go to bed and I asked if she actually wanted to go to bed since I didn't finish. She said, well, you don't have to finish every time. So she actually wanted to go to bed. We lay there for a few minutes and she asked me if I want to stay the night or leave. I choose to leave because I can't fall asleep in other

people's beds. I left with no kiss goodbye when i got to my car it all kind of hit me and i feel used i didn't expect to do anything sexually but we did and she got what she wanted but i didn't am i overthinking this or was i used it's a tough call because we have someone on instagram where it was like what was the hashtag waste his time 2020 or whatever so like people like that exist wait what remember there was that whole like hashtag thing of like waste his time 2020 or waste his time 2019 or whatever like so like i know that like there are women out there who do take it upon themselves to like quote unquote waste his time but at the same time it's like i don't know would you have been really upset if like she blew you and then was like

okay bedtime so i think firstly we need to get it out of the way that's like you there's never any like you never owe anyone sex so it's like if you go down on someone and they decide they don't want to do anything after that that is totally fine like you make the cost like you chose to go down on them they gave you exactly do that yeah like there's there's no owing right like it doesn't matter you could have gone down there five times it's like if she doesn't want to go down on you or fuck you you know that's fair um and that should never be a thing you know what i mean and if you're trying to extort or bully somebody into something or, you know, that's, that's shit.

So like blanket statement, let's get that out of the way. And that should just be a clean and fast rule. Like no one is ever required to do anything they don't want to do. Is it kind of shit to not reciprocate for your partner? Totally. I think, you know what I mean? Like girls deal with this all the time. You know what I mean?

Like the amount of questions we've gone through where people will not go down on women at all, let alone in a situation where it's like reciprocated or whatever. Um, and that's also shit. You know what I mean? And I think if it was the other way around, we would be coming down pretty hard on this and being like,

this guy fucking sucks. If a guy invited a girl over, it was like, Hey, blow me. And then she did. And she was like, Hey, what guy invited a girl over was like hey blow me and then she did and she was like hey what about me and he was like nope going to bed and it was like are you gonna stay or leave we would be like hey this guy's a douchebag yeah that's fair you know and that's like i i don't think she's not a douchebag like she gives me douche chills and i

think it's the phrase you don't have to finish every time seems like there is a chip on the shoulder exactly i mean this seems vindictive a little bit and i think that's really like regardless of man woman whatever i think that kind of like approach to sexual interaction and sexual sort of like you know transactions your shitty partner you know what i mean yeah if you have finished and your response to them asking for similar treatment as well you know finish every time that's kind of shitty you know because it's not a oh i don't want to or like oh i'm not comfortable doing it it's not that it's i don't want to and that i'm not going to you know what i mean just like nah um and that's the thing it's like if after she's like look i don't feel well or like oh i'm not comfortable totally fine you know

what i mean it's like that that's cool like again it should never be owed right it isn't owed there's no kind of like obligation here however being a good partner is about give and take yeah i mean it's it's hard not to say that you were used i think you made a good point whereas like if if this was uh switched around if a dude invited a woman over to his house at 12 30 got a blowjob was like hey you want to stay or you want to go because i'm going to bed right now yeah like we would 100 be like yeah this dude like literally just called you over to get off and now once you leave because like i'm a i'm assuming that it wasn't a question of like do you want to stay over it was a question of like you can go now you know what i mean yeah yeah and i get it i don't like to fall asleep in other people's beds either and it's like

after something like that like what's really the point it's staying you know what i mean it's like yeah that's a real weird morning after that they don't want to do anything further and you guys don't really know each other it's kind of like you stay and it gets awkward because you either go on the basis of what they've said in which case you don't prompt for anything more sexually and then like why are you there really you know or you don't go by it and then you're a shithead yeah i mean this is why i never did like you know if if i met with someone on tinder or even if i met with someone in real life and got their number i rarely did the like late night first meet booty call kind of thing because i like it's it's so fucking weird especially off tinder because i'm like i don't know who you are and i don't know that you are the person you say you are and i don't

want my organs sold on the black market yeah or like they could just show up and be one entirely not anything like they said they were or portrayed themselves as or to be fucking annoying and weird and it's hard to get shitty like this yeah it's 100 so it's like i i had a very strict rule of like i would always meet with someone first to get a good read on them and i'd have no problem with sleeping with them that night. Like, that's the thing. It's like, if it goes well,

bring them back. Sure. And if it doesn't, then, you know, not to waste your time. And that's like booty calls for people, you know,

are your vibe and kind of your level and down. Right. Yeah. And like the whole, like it always weirded me out when people booty calls people they never slept with before. Yeah, because I'm like, if I'm going to if I'm going to booty call, I'm going to go for a sure thing. Like I'm going to go with someone that I know I have sexual chemistry with that.

I know this sex is going to be good and that I know that like we'll be on the same page the next day. Yeah, because you don't you want it to be fun. It's meant to be like down dirty quick easy good not like awkward yeah that we gotta like shit are they this oh like fuck that that's not fun no um yeah now the thing is so i think okay am i overthinking this or was i used yes you were used uh is it that big of a deal not really like i you know it can suck a little bit um i mean like what like take this as a learnable moment and be like i won't do this to women in the future yeah don't like never do that to somebody else hopefully the question asker is not like that

but you know it sucks no matter what gender you're doing you're doing it from or to it's like just you know be a decent partner but again it's never owed or anything so don't also feel coerced into it um but like i don't know if if you don't like how this person treats you don't see them again you didn't really lose out you went down on someone for a little bit fuck it like i'm sure it was fun until you realized it wasn't gonna happen to you but in the comments it's all women saying realized it wasn't going to happen to you. But in the comments, it's all women saying, well,

it happens to us all the time. So get over it. Not so helpful. Not so nice. Yeah. This is the problem. And like a big reason why we started the show was, is like,

that's kind of the, like the, the what's the word I'm like, we're not atmosphere, but like the culture of people talking about sex is it, it devolves into like, well, that happens to us or that never happens to us. Or like when you go on online dating or like dating subreddits and it's always like women have it so easy. And it's like, well, no, there's different challenges for everyone. And like, you're, we're allowed to

discuss what sucks and what doesn't suck and like at this point in time to be like oh it happens to us all the time so fucking deal with it is is bad shit because at that point it's like the rare you know extending of the bridge and you guys have now met and we can now sort of bridge that gap and be like yeah i hear you i understand what you've gone through now and that sucks i'm sorry like, you can start trying to repair kind of the inadequacies and like sort of the you know, the inequalities

of the dating between men and women. Yeah, like obviously it sucks that happens to anybody but like this person is going through the same thing so being like, hey, it happens to me a lot. Like as a girl, that guy will be like, damn, I get it even if he didn't before, which hopefully he did because it happens to me a lot like as a girl hope that guy will be like damn i get it even if he didn't before which hopefully he did because it doesn't take a fucking

meant doesn't take mental gymnastics but it's like the opposite is happening here where everyone's like fuck you deal with it haha glad it happened to you and it's like no why would you do that yeah because that kind of mentality just sets to further divide and also breeds apathy for the things that like, you know, in this case, women are trying to make make it bring into conscious social consciousness. You know what I mean? So it's like the next time this dude hears about women complaining, but he's like, well, what the fuck do I care? Yeah, it happened to me and no one cared about me. So like, I'm not going to try to fucking champion your cause. You didn't give a shit about me.

Why should I give a shit about you? Yeah, and it's it's a bad way to look at the world but like you know that's kind of how it works it was i remember getting into a conversation about um i shared an article about like eating disorders within men and like how the numbers are actually like quite staggering and no one really talks about it um and someone was just like they said something crazy like not enough men have died because of this for me to care yeah and i was like how can you as a human being say that there's like a a quantity of lives that need to to be lost yeah Yeah. Regardless of like gender, race,

you know, whatever for you to care about an issue, especially when, you know, I remember being in high school and being in like the media studies course. And like, all we talked about was the image of women and the roles that like media had on women.

So it's like, that was very much in the social, you know, consciousness. And we talked about it. And it was the Dove campaigns of being like, love your body, blah, blah, blah. Like body positivity for women has been around for a while. And thankfully, it has.

And I hope it's probably saved a lot of lives because there's a little bit more of a conversation about it. But there really isn't that conversation for dudes. Yeah. And it sucks whenever it's brought up. It's like, hey, fuck you guys. We have it worse. Which like, like you know the problems are fucking there like no one is denied well people are i'm sure but they shouldn't be but like that you know we should all be able to work on problems collaboratively like saying this shit thing has happened to a guy shouldn't be well

it's happened to a girl too fuck you it's your's your time. You know what I mean? It should be like, yeah, let's, let's all get rid of this. Yeah. The mentality of like, we've had it worse. Like it is so detrimental to progress. Even,

even when it's right. You know what I mean? Oh, a hundred percent. But like empathy is how you build like collectiveness. Yeah. So like if, if the people who have gone through it now see

you know themselves on the quote-unquote opposing side you can then start melding those the sides you know what i mean you'll now have a bubble or like a venn diagram of like both the sides being like we've experienced this and we're gonna work together to stop it on both ends of the spectrum. And like, definitely, I, you know, I'm not saying you need to go in, like you need to feel that kind of like connection and like building with someone who's done these things to you at all. But like, if it's just a unrelated guy who's in a similar situation, like it can be all too easy to be like, fuck you. You're a guy like that other guy, but they're just a different person you know i mean we're not saying reconcile with the shit bags you know but yeah yeah i don't know let's i mean like i think the point that we're both trying to make here is let's be fucking cool with each other yeah like unless you unless someone

has done something like specifically that person has done something to you that has not been cool and you have a reason not to be cool with that person okay great fine yeah by all means be not cool when not cool is warranted like being not cool is great but when it's let's be nice to each other yeah and and like take care of each other like when when one of us is knocked down let's help each other up and not look at like specific groups and be like well they need to be knocked down a little bit. Yeah. You got me one. Yeah.

I got one more. I keep having dreams. No. I lied. This comes from Reddit user Slackman13. Question about stopping briefly during intercourse. For pretty much my whole adult life, I, now 55-year-old male, have stopped briefly, 3-10 seconds while having intercourse, if I felt like I was too close to coming before my female partner had orgasmed.

For some women, I'd have to do this, and others not so much. After stopping 2-4 times, I can typically go for as long as 45 minutes, if that's what she wants. Recently married, my wife is super tight for me, so I have to do the stopping strategy to prevent myself from coming too soon i was surprised when she told me that no man she's ever had sex with has had to stop even for a few seconds that was so surprising to me and i thought i would come here to ask is what i do unusual p.s she almost never orgasmed with previous guys but she does frequently with me with the help of the toy there's like a regularity to this that kind of baffles me in a sense but like i get it it's like friction like the thrusting motion is what's you know causing the friction which you know stimulates your

genitals which makes you come so it's like if you stop that motion you have a few seconds to like you know you're kind of edging yourself i guess yeah and i think everyone has these like one way or the other has a little technique that yeah like it's a little more you know gas in the tank i've definitely done you know and i think if you just stop and do nothing it's weird and i really hope the guy isn't doing that, but it kind of sounds like maybe, but it's like, if you're stopping in a way that they don't even notice, you know what I mean? Like you can just pull out and go down on her, for example.

Yeah. You can like, just go as far in as you can and like pull them in close to you and like kiss their neck while you're fucking rubbing them or something. You know what I mean? That's like that, like intensity is detracting from the fact that you've stopped or you can even make it a teasing thing where it's like you stop and you're gonna like play with their clit and like kiss their neck and like make them beg you to keep going

yeah those are all times when you're not thrusting and you're not continuing that like you know stimulation but it's also not like hello are you still there you know it's not like a zoom call you think just got dropped right like yeah like if you're pulling out and then t-posing and just standing there for the 10 seconds that you need sort of like yeah like but like i'm assuming this dude isn't just fucking like going limp for 10 seconds and then you know springing back to life i assume he's doing what we're talking about here where he's like you know keeping the interaction going yeah i don't think that's weird i think like like i said i'm assuming most dudes

have something they do along these lines yeah well i've always heard the like you know do baseball like tally up baseball numbers or like think about your granny fuck you know what i used to do my my technique when i first sort of like started figuring out how to be decent in sex um was i would pick a inanimate object in the room. Like your Iron Man Funko toy? Yeah, exactly. No, I would look at the chair and just be like, chair, chair, chair, to the rhythm of my fucking. Chair, chair, chair, chair, chair, chair, chair.

In my head, not out loud. I bet it was out loud. I hope not. I can just imagine you dead, like fucking eye fucking a chair. That's not even like behind her. So you can't like pretend you're looking at her. You're just like twisted right around, like fucking eye fucking a chair. That's not even like behind her. So you can't like pretend you're looking at her. You're just like twisted right around, like not looking anywhere near her, just yelling chair.

To be fair, it was usually like doggy chair. But yes, I would. I would usually. That was like my my thing. And then like. But then, you know, I adopted the take a second and like tease go down you know just you know pull in close like all the things you mentioned like that's my bread and butter now to to maybe last a little longer yeah and i think i think the trick here is she's like

no man i've ever had sex with has ever done this but then he's also like oh she's also never orgasmed with another man it's like it sounds like they didn't really give a fuck about it and just kind of pounded their way to completion yeah that's why these dudes have never stopped because they didn't care enough about your sexual satisfaction to do so that's the thing it's like if she was if it was the case where like they never stopped but they always made her come that would suck for everyone involved but like who fucking cares you're the one one married to her doing something right and two bringing those big o's bringing those big o's home yeah it's like i jury o's my thing is like i don't know we might be

reading too much into the insecurity of this it might just be this guy's curiosity being like hey am i a fucking weirdo yeah like maybe the wife was just like interesting like you're the only one who does that or you know because it might have been like huh i wonder if i am the only guy i'll go to the internet i guess we're used to more terrible questions so maybe it is just a pure coincidence thing in which case one don't fucking matter you're the one making her come but But two, no, I think everybody has had, everyone who gives a shit, you know what I mean? Or, you know, who has ever needed to last a little longer has definitely done something like this.

You know, some kind of distraction or time-buying mechanism. And I don't think it's weird at all. In fact, it's good that you care about your partner's pleasure. That's awesome. Man, I remember there used to be, I'm sure the site still exists now but like back when i was you know probably high school or whatever when i first started watching porn there was a dude who would literally like just haul off and slap his dick as

hard as he could and it fucking made me laugh every time i saw it like that was his sort of like you know way to stop himself from coming oh no and i don't know if it was like an act or something because like it would be the first like you know 30 seconds of a blowjob you'd be like oh you're too good you're too good and then haul off and just fucking just slap the shit out of his dick for like a good like four or five seconds and you're just like so like multiple slaps or just one big like I mean Hollywood style slap sometimes he would give him that big singham style

slap but but no like sometimes it would be like a good like three or four just like you know solid solid taps I used to have very very bad sexual stamina when I first started having sex. And I was always just like,

pretty sure everyone does. It's today. The day I try the slap. Did you ever try it? No, I don't think because I, but the thing for me is like pain is so opposite to my arousal. Um,

that I'm, I would be worried that I would slap it so hard into like flaccidity. I don't know if that's a word, but you know what I mean? Like I would go from a wrecked to like slap and then just like West spaghetti noodle and go from a wrecked to just wrecked. Um, I don't remember why I told that story,

but I just, Oh, last year. I just, I just thought it was, it just makes me fucking laugh every time I think about it. Well, really also slapping something brings more blood to the area. So you might just arouse yourself more. I mean,

yeah, like I'm sure there are dudes out there who have done that and been like, well, I have found my fetish. That's all I can think about now okay got one more maybe a quick one this is by it's butterfly effect since breaking up a few days ago my ex texts me about him doing the very things i needed him to do during the relationship what does this mean is he trying to hurt me my ex-boyfriend and i 25 and 26 lived together and

we had a lot of arguments about him not doing enough about the house. After a few months of him not doing anything, I said it felt as if he didn't love me anymore because he doesn't seem to try and whenever I tell him he needs to do more, he apologizes but still doesn't do anything. He agreed and we broke up.

I moved back in with my parents and he stayed in the apartment. However, since I've left, he'll constantly send me texts like, I cleaned and cooked, lol. Reading those kinds of texts hurt me because they're the exact things I needed him to do during the relationship. Why would he be sending me something like this? Is he trying to brag about how much better off he is without me?

We broke up on friendly terms, both agreeing there was so much love there. I mean, yeah, it sounds like this guy's just being a little bit of a shithead. I don't think he's trying to win you back, especially if he's saying LOL. I think he is. Not LOL. LOL's like coy, like, hee hee, I cooked and cleaned, like, poke. No. Yeah, 100%.

No. I think this guy is literally just being a fucking dick. And like, not a real dick because it really doesn't mean shit, but I think him just being like, you know, oh, we broke up and it's like now he's like i cooked and cleaned you know imagine that well if it's like self-deprecating like i'm cooked and cleaned like as in him being like finally i you know because i guess now that she's gone he actually has to do these things yeah you know maybe he's finally realizing and it's just being like well well maybe that's his apology like i cooked and cleaned because he knows that's

significant because he's never done it before maybe yeah maybe he's just letting you know that he's doing okay so how what his thing the second you say lol though the second you throw in that lovely you know oh sandwich it's so disingenuous so i don't believe some people some people put lols in everything the lol is now it's become the most meaningless thing you know what i mean like i'd love to know i i can't remember back in the day when i put it was it was it saved for moments of like high hilarity was i like actually considering or literally laughing out loud? Because now it's basically a fucking comma.

You know what I mean? Because it's a clean lol. Lol literally means nothing anymore. But it's got strong meme energy. You know what I mean? So that's why I feel like, hey, you throw lol at anything, I immediately assume you're being disingenuous. I don't know. I think he's trying to be like,

lol, MBD, but look what I did. I think if you have no intention of getting back with this guy, I think you just throw fucking shade back at him. Just be like, cool, you're an adult now. You know what I mean? And like, just throw him back. Because like, one way or the other, it's like, that was what you felt

anyway. You know what I mean? You were like like this guy needs to fucking grow up and do things and that's why you guys broke up or this guy is fucking you know being kind of like a shithead to you and you're just returning the volley yeah send them a bunch of pinocchio memes and say you're finally a real boy lol yeah like i i don't think and if, if for whatever reason he is trying to be fucking, you know, sweet or, you know, seriously trying to get your attention, hopefully those sort of like things will have him rethink his tactic. Because right now it just seems like he's,

you know, kind of rubbing your nose in it. Well, you know what? It doesn't actually matter what he's trying to do. What matters is what you're trying to do. It's like, if you don't want to get back with him,

it doesn't fucking matter if he's trying to get back. You know what I mean? Yeah. If you are trying to get back. Yeah, send that shade right back. He's in a jokey, playful mood. You could be in the jokey, playful, like, ah, your next girlfriend will love that.

Good job. Just be like, cool, I did that for, you know, every day of my adult life. This isn't an accomplishment. What are you talking about? Maybe get him to take pictures of his food and just like Gordon Ramsay fucking tear it apart. You call that

a fucking salmon? You donut! That's my favorite thing he calls people on fucking TikTok or whatever he does. Thank you very much for listening. This has been our show and we're glad that you joined us. It's nice to have you here. You know what? If you could just share with a friend this week, that'd be great.

Yeah, it's actually my birthday tomorrow as of recording this. So it'll be past my birthday when you're listening to this, which means you're late on my birthday gift. So what I'm asking from you for my birthday is it's super cheap. It's free even. I just want you to share our podcast put it on your social media unless you work as a teacher or something in which sharing a thing called fuck buddies might not be cool then just send it in private to a good bud yeah send it to someone who's like maybe

having some dating issues or who enjoys podcasts of the same kind of variety or if you send it to someone who's so secure in the relationship that it's funny for them to just look at all the dysfunction around them because i know probably like half the people i know are in very healthy committed relationships who listen to this podcast yeah a bunch of the people that i know that are like you know ride or dies are are like married or otherwise because that's one thing that i think occasionally like people are like oh i'm not single and i'm like you don't you don't need to be honestly sometimes it's less depressing to be not single and listen let me tell you you will love your partner more at the end of every episode have

you ever thought about breaking up just think about the one time that somebody just snotted right in the dick you know i'm not gonna to knock until it happens. Well, I still got to get you a birthday present, so maybe that'll be it. Oh, baby. If you have a question that you'd like to send us, if you are in a relationship or single and you need our advice, that's what we're here for. So reach out

to us on Facebook at fckbuddiespodcast or on Twitter at fck underscore buddies. You can find us on Gmail at F buddies podcast at gmail.com, or you can visit us on the internet at F buddies podcast.com or plenty of beef.ca. Oh yeah. Are you for some tenders right after I thank Josh Eagle and the harvest

cities for the song paper stars. Um, yes, we can do some tenders. I do. Do we usually do tenders after this? Yeah, I don't don't know it doesn't matter i don't know either anyway nile finds tinders and by finds i mean people send them into us uh of horrible online dating profiles sometimes some good ones and we comb them for red flags ready for this this is uh j. Christ follower, swirling heart emoji. Content creator, star emoji.

I love to create, flashing camera emoji. Love to laugh and am goofy. Goofy face emoji on brand. Trending singer and songwriter on Spotify. YouTuber. I assume it's going to be YouTuber. Nope, that's a new social media platform. It's weird.

YouTuber. Yeah. Camera emoji. Like like video camera emoji finishing a sound engineering degree enrolled in a youtuber in the university and working on getting ordained hell yeah gold digger not gold digger gold digger okay swirling star creation. A little sapling emoji. Artists, Spotify, iTunes, YouTube. Esthetician, extrovert, people lover, purple heart. New single out this month with music video. Smile, smile.

Not looking for someone who follows naked girls on Instagram. Big happy face. Modest is H. H? The letter H. What do you think that means? I honestly really confused by that i'm gonna type it into google and see if anything happens like for me i'm not into the vibe for this this seems generally people

who consider themselves content creators generally okay all right uh this kind of stuff it like it's like it tends to be all they do and that is exhausting to me you know what i mean it's like if if the only sort of like if like this probably is the person who's like on instagram making stories all day and like you know replying to tweets all day and it's like it tends to just be really really exhausting for me i know a few people like this and i'm just like i uh just stop just like talk to me for a second, please. So those are,

those would be my red flags until the end with the modest H thing that boggles me. So this is going to get a real, this is rare. I don't usually give the score up, but it's going to be a three. So when I looked up modest as H, it came up with modest is hottest.

So maybe that's what they wanted to do and then ran out of jesus took the wheel and they you know because also the god stuff gets me i'm not i'm not into that i'm sorry yeah anyone super religious also like modest is hottest like that is like i hate people who critique what other people wear like i know we're in a social world and like you know what you project out blah blah being modest as a person but also the irony of like being a content creator is kind of the opposite of being modest it's like yeah being modest is like i shouldn't bother people with my shit being a content creator is like look i'm worthwhile and like you know i'm not casting shade because we're two guys who talk into the fucking void for an hour every week and assume someone will listen. It just seems like mixed messages.

I'm giving her the one. This is Horse Girl. Okay. So her picture is the camera roll of a iPhone. So it's just like loads of little different thumbnails of them in baffling amounts of print and often posing in front of what looks like a Zoom background, which is also them in the same clothes in a different angle. It is very visually painful to look at. Yeah, it doesn't sound great.

I'll send you a picture. Actually, I'll send you right now. Let's see if this works. It's a whole experience. So'll send you a picture. Actually, I'll send you right now. Let's see if this works. It's a whole experience. So what did you just send me? Because that looks like the most virus. It's not. You're good.

Oh, wow. Mm hmm. I like that. Is this an oh, oh, yeah. OK. You like that? These are all videos, too. Yeah, they're all videos.

All 15 second videos. so i'm just gonna get reading bisexual circus tent emoji like libra circus tent emoji artist i'm whimsical but i take my life projects very seriously i love to meet people to do projects with dance studying building fixing in brackets open to friendship but also looking for someone to date consistently and with intention horses and butterflies are my favorite animals and my birthstone is sapphire butterfly emoji you know what despite the nightmare that this profile is i bet this person's probably actually pretty chill i'm saying that as someone who's so far removed from the the situation of actually engaging with this person if it was actually me in the situation i could not say no to this harder but i'm saying if i were to bet i bet this

person would be cool as hell the the whole the image like it's literally visually painful to look at i don't know what's going on there so it's either the process of someone who has no idea what on earth life is or what they're doing. Or is very. Much taking the piss out of the whole thing. One of those would be quite fun. One of those would be hell. And then the profile itself is quite boring. Yeah.

It's just kind of like. But the thing is. Also they really like horses. So I'm going to give it a zero. I know how you feel about that. I feel like the profile only seems boring because of how batshit crazy the picture is. Maybe.

Because the profile, there's nothing really wrong with the profile. The brackets like studying, dancing, fixing. What are you talking about? What's wrong with that? It doesn't make sense. What doesn't make sense about it? It's just all over the place. No, she likes to do projects. Those are the areas that she's into i guess projects about

studying what does that mean dane okay yeah you got me there i don't know right give me a rating uh it's gonna be a three for me and then last but not least we have bella i am not from this world and you may not understand this we have a lot of people claiming to be aliens and not from the world that seems is that a thing well you may not understand it then well it's true so the big metal monolith they found in the desert yes in utah yeah i can only assume that's where bella came from oh that's true yeah maybe um yeah that's again there's a three i don't know what the hell's going on like i said this is why this is why people in relationships should be happy with who they're with because this is what you could be dealing this is the sea that you could be wading

into right now but you don't have to because you have that sweet sweet person next to you it's true give him a kiss wade into their sea give them a hug and then just fucking slobber all over their genitals speaking of genitals are you ready for bad sex writing yeah so this is uh an interesting one i don't know if we'd call it a poem but it was found on men writing women reddit and it's a cross post from the incels without hate reddit and the title is I can't comprehend a vagina I'm just gonna read this for you it sounds like a Lovecraftian oh you wait

okay I can't comprehend a vagina a gap between the thighs emptiness a blank space where there should be something to fill in the void but there's nothing then a slit as if someone snipped the flesh with scissors Okay, so I... wants nothing more than to taste and touch and feel it with every sensory instrument that i own what's wrong with me okay so i okay my dude i think you're thinking of mouth and hands as your sensory effort let me just remind you that hearing is a sensory instrument so you don't rub your ears

vision just smell put an eyeball right in there like come on knock it off um i hate everything about that it does however you know i was pretty spot on about lovecraftian he is describing a vagina as if it was some sort of eldritch horror which i guess it is now i'm wondering he's saying oh damn i look at the vagina there's an an emptiness. There should be something there, but there's nothing. Maybe look into dicks. Have you heard of dicks? Have you considered dicks? This might make you feel better.

There is an alternative to this gaping hole, and it is dicks. Yeah, what's wrong with me? Maybe you're not straight, dude. That's cool, too. Have you, here's the thing, though though is i've mentioned it very eloquently earlier is there's a lot of holes on the body are these the sorry are these the ones that produce fluid that are clustered close together it could be but like does he see does he look at every hole and is like there should be something there maybe he's triple phobic yeah i don't like i think that i mean like my my my penis has a hole whoa

should there be something in there as well are you just really into plugging things up look if that's your your steez how you gonna hear a vagina if your ears are plugged huh plug it with the vagina two holes one ear oh ear. Oh my God. You just got to get all a person just plugging all each other's holes. I hate this. Well, thank you for plugging our holes. People, please plug our podcast too.

Yeah. Thanks for letting us plug your ears with our voices, our voice holes. God, my name is Dave Miller and I'm now. And we've been your funk buddies.