F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 114 - Good Teen Fun

Episode Date: December 7, 2020

There's a very big announcement involving Sexmas at the end of the show, so make sure you stay around to hear what we've got planned.  Or you could skip ahead to the end, but we know you wouldn't do that... would you?  Topics include learning what Dain's scented candle is, being your true self, how to stop being attracted to women, navigating a Hall Pass, the importance of a safe word, our big Sexmas plan!

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller. And I am Niall Spain. And welcome to Fuck Buddies Podcast. We are a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations and we turn them into sexy, sticky situations.

Simply put, we find questions either online or from our lovely listeners and we answer them for you. On the topic of sex and dating. It's beginning to look a lot like christmas that's a pretty good segue so dane i gotta ask you where does your story take place uh is it the yule family tree farm is it santa claus indiana is it rudolph's mountain lodge is it snowy shores a little beach town where it magically snows is it the north pole or is it Hotel de Glace, the Canadian ice hotel? Are we going to make a Hallmark movie right now? Something like that.

Okay. I think, you know what? I'm going to flip the script a bit. I'm going to go with the beach town that snows. Snowy shores? Perfect. Who's the main character? Is it Carol, the sought-after architect?

Noelle, the rising corporate exec? Holly, the baker with big dreams? Nicholas, the farmhand going to vet school? Klaus, the next Santa Claus? Or Gabriel, the high school music teacher? I think I'm going to go with the farmhand training to be a vet. Which incident starts their journey? Does their fiancé break up with them after five years?

Are they let go from their job right before the holidays do their parents want them to take over the family business do they feel lost so their best friend suggests a change of scenery do they have to move for a new job or do they need research for an important project oh definitely like change of scenery wait no what's the one that's like the best friend so they or they feel lost yeah i think he's like a small town vet. And now he's like taking care of like tropical like dolphins and shit. Okay, all right. Who's their love interest?

Is it Dickens, the influencer and investor? Juniper, the animal rights advocate? Winter, the botany graduate? Emmanuel, the inventor of this season's hottest toy? Tinsley, the aspiring singer? or Alfie, the undercover prince. All those names are terrible, but it's definitely going to be the Animals Rights activist, for sure. Okay, how did they meet? Were they high school rivals who kissed at prom?

Engaged before the main character moved away for their job? Did their parents introduce them? Did they collide outside of a coffee shop? Did they reach for the same snow globe at a gift shop? Or did the main character's car break down and she has to give him a lift? I think probably the outside the coffee shop, I think, is the way to go. Like she's on her way to a protest. He's on the way to like the marina.

You, there's dolphins in this snowy winter town? Okay. You and my girlfriend had almost the exact same for a while. I know, but it's a snowy beach. Uh, it's a snowy beach that sometimes snows. It magically snows. Yeah. Quite often.

Assuming on Christmas Eve. What big problem do they need to work together to solve? The main character's mom has dropped out of the cookie baking contest. So they compete in her place. They find an injured reindeer and their effect to health too obvious. They both lied to their parents about being engaged. So pretend to be in a relationship. The love interest daughter dreams of having the main characters jobs.

They develop a mentorship or their, their favorite local business closing down. So they create a fundraiser to save it, or the mayor is canceling the parade. So they put one together on their own. The one about being the getting shut down job getting shut down favorite local business yeah which is the lake aquarium what nearly tears them apart an ex's proposal a job offer a lie a jealous friend conniving parents

or jack frost himself oh i see this is all very grounded in reality but i think like a jack frost like final fight in a in an aquarium where all the animals are in danger that could be pretty fucking dope that would be jack frost okay and finally how do they get together in the end? Love interests admit their feelings in a holiday card, snowed in during a blizzard. Main character declares their love at the town Christmas tree lighting. Mall Santa says they remind them of himself and Mrs. Claus. Love interest comes caroling at the main character's door, or main character decorates a cookie with a heart. Snowed in, for sure.

Perfect. Jack Frost working his magic. Oh, sorry. That wasn't the end. One more, I think. How's the movie end? main character decorates a cookie with a heart uh snowed in for sure perfect jack frost working his magic oh sorry that wasn't the end one more i think how's the movie end love interest proposes they get married they kiss on the mistletoe they put a star on the tree the main character's dreams come true or they celebrate new year's um i think kiss under the mistletoe i think that is the little bow on the top there all right we've got to got to the end, and you are Frosted Coconut Snowball. Is that my donut? Cookie?

That's your scented candle. Oh. Frosted Coconut Snowball. Snowball. Like this candle that combines island and holiday scents, you're an adventurer. As soon as you've checked one item off your bucket list, you dive headfirst into the next. Because this was, for some reason, to figure out what holiday candle you are. Nice.

You know what? I'm not going to lie. That was pretty fun. I'm glad. I figured I'd take a leaf out of Kyle's book and play a game. I would be very tempted to buy that candle after all that. Oh, okay. Wow.

I thought you'd- Also, be very tempted to write this movie. I'd watch the shit out of it. Maybe I will write it. Ready for questions? Do you want to hit me? Because my first one's quite long. Or should we just get it out of the way? No, let's get it out of the way, because that way we know time-wise, you know?

Okay, I'm going to try speak quickly. This is by Throra Ninja Legend. I, 28-year-old male, cosplayed and LARPed as Naruto to prove a point. Now my girlfriend, 25-year-old female, is pissed. Can to prove a point. Now my girlfriend, 25 year old female, is pissed. Can I really should be saved? My girlfriend, 25, and I, 28, have been together for five years. She's always been into Dungeons and Dragons, Lord of the Rings, high fantasy

content in general. I'm into it somewhat and enjoy indulging her hobbies, but I'm mostly an anime fan. On the other hand, she has no interest in indulging my hobbies. I play D&D with her, do a yearly Lord of the Rings marathon, go to Renaissance Festival three times a year, but she has no interest in even trying to watch anime with me, going to conventions, etc. She thinks anime is pretty cringy and would rather let me partake in it by myself. That's fine. Whatever. Our relationship is mostly good.

The issue is, around the beginning of this year, she started going out in public dressed as her elf persona. She'll wear elaborate medieval gowns, fake elf ears, speak in a fake Irish accent. This will happen multiple times a week when we go shopping, visit friends, and more. Even showed up to dinner with my family dressed as an elf. She talks about nature spirits and the mother goddess and basically is randomly LARPing as an elf. While I was trying to be supportive of her, it can get embarrassing. Tipping point was I was on a Zoom call with my family so we could spend time with my cousin undergoing chemo.

My girlfriend joined the Zoom call from her own room, fully dressed as an elf. She was doing the accent. My family was confused but polite. At one point she said, I will send my wishes to the lunar goddess, ask for her blessing of recovery, and her magic will help cleanse the illness from your body. I was mortified and the call ended very soon after. I took her aside, spoke to her politely and gently, saying something like, I want to support you and will always love you.

I know you like dressing up to your character, fantasy stuff, etc. But I would like it if you could lighten up on the cosplaying and LARPing randomly in everyday life. I'd be happy to put aside a day a month we can go out together like this, but it can be embarrassing. And the comment to my cousin was a little inappropriate.

She blew a gasket, started snapping and yelling at me, going about how I'm trying to repress her. I should never be embarrassed of my girlfriend expressing her true self, etc. And that she was humiliated by what he said and that it was salt to the wound, suggesting just doing it once a month. Didn't want to talk about it after, so I apologized. She acted as if nothing happened, continued to be an elf. I mentioned she should bring it up with her therapist

and it offended her because she said I was implying she had a mental health issue. So I decided enough was enough. I couldn't stop from being an elf, but I could retaliate. She was meeting up with three friends while I went to meet them. I decided to dig up my old Naruto cosplay

and drove to meet her at the park. I was in full getup and waved to my girlfriend. She looked at me like I just shot her dog. I put my arms behind my back and Naruto ran as fast as I could to meet them meet them so the true ninja is always on time believe it made some hand signs randomly with my hands her friends were horribly confused had no idea what to do we walked and talked a bit and she took me aside privately and started yelling saying i was humiliating her there was being petty and trying to get revenge on her and bully her because she

likes cosplay i told her because she's comfortable enough to be her true self, I was inspired to accept that she'd accept who I really was. I told her cosplaying and being Naruto in daily life was something I always wanted to do, but wasn't brave enough to do it until I had a significant other that was okay with it. I realized I couldn't control her and be cruel, so instead decided to embrace my inner ninja

and become Naruto. I asked her if she could be supportive of me like I am with her. She wanted to yell more, but we had to go to a cafe. When we walked there, one of them asked what I do for a living and I said, I'm going to become the strongest ninja

that ever lived. I need to train harder and refuse to lose to Sasuke. Believe it. And I let them know I had to use the restroom and Naruto ran to the bathroom with my hands again. Once this was all over and we were home,

she sobbed and said I humiliated her, how Naruto and anime were way cringier than fantasy LARPing and I was trying to punish her. I insisted on being my true self and she's a massive hypocrite. I let her know as long as she's randomly allowed to be an elf, I will be doing the same as Naruto. It's been a few days she's not happy with me. She went

out as an elf the other day. I was dressed normally. We got to the bookstore though. I went to the bathroom with my backpack and changed into my Naruto cosplay before once again running out to her saying, Let's find a good bowl of ramen, believe it, and making more random hand signs. Well, she ends up walking out, hasn't talked to me since. Here's where I think I might be the asshole. I have no desire to be Naruto.

It isn't my true self. I am lying about that. She is 100% right. I'm just doing this as revenge for her being an elf so often and refusing to compromise. I really am just doing this to make a point i'm being petty is that relationship salvageable i tried to bring it up a few times before cosplaying as naruto i really tried seeing if we could compromise she refuses not to be an elf and sees nothing wrong how she acted in the zoom call she basically thought i was controlling and unhinged for suggesting she act like an elf less often

now i'm being petty in return and is spiraling out of control help oh man there's so much like where my my head was and what i was wanted to talk about at the beginning of this question i don't even remember what it was anymore and i don't know if i know what I want to talk about now. There's a couple of things. I was like, he was, I was on his side up until he started wearing the costume. And that is because like,

yeah, it's like you should be able to, regardless of like what you're into, whether you're a furry, whether you're into LARPing or role playing or, or whatever, any of those things, you have to understand like there are situations where you kind of have to water that down and when you're

talking to someone who's going through chemotherapy in a life sort of threatening or this is their kind of like last straw of keeping their life going your persona doesn't mean shit and you kind of have to understand that as like a human being and being like this isn't about me being an elf for them or for myself it's about me being there to support them yeah it's kind of like wearing like proper clothes to an interview or you know not cursing in front of children it's just like you know just being aware of your fucking context and not being a dick yeah um like there's no heart like again i don't care if you want to be a furry sure great but i also think that like if you then go to your grandma's funeral in your fursona i think you have missed the social cues

or the social expectancies of what you should be doing. And it's like, this is the time where you respect your grandma and the space and the situation, and you put on a suit or whatever, and you go as yourself and that doesn't make you any less of what you think you are you know i mean like it doesn't all of a sudden erase years of you wanting to be an elf or you thinking you're an elf or whatever um it just means that like you're a little bit aware that like this is going to draw attention to you and detract from the current situation.

Now, that being said, I think to then be in a relationship with someone like this and you have, you know, made your point of being like, hey, this is a little bit much for me. Is there any way that we could do X, Y or Z? Or then even to be like, hey, this also like it also seems to have come out of nowhere. If I understand the question correctly, like this seemed to be like a thing they did on occasions. And then now she is seems to have from the beginning here, which like part of me was like, is it a pandemic thing? But they did say that like, it started at the start of the year. And I don't know, like, is, is March considered the start of the year? You know what I mean? Yeah. I don't know. Either way you've talked to them about this you have then been like hey if

this is like this is a new development have you talked to it with your therapist and they got upset by that sort of like the whole point of a therapist is to talk about your life on a day-to-day basis unless you're treating something very specific but But if you just kind of have a therapist that you go to, that's kind of the thing that you have them for, right? Like you just talk to them. And if you're failing to mention the, like if you're not going to your therapy sessions in elf costume,

that might be a pretty good indicator that like, maybe this isn't your true self. Yeah, that's a good point. If you're too ashamed to bring it up and you think the very fact of bringing it up is him insinuating you have something mentally wrong, then that's kind of what you're viewing it as. Yeah.

I mean, it's like I was reading this or watching like a TED Talk-esque thing about how a lot of people don't self-promote their own art or don't try to like, because they subconsciously know that it's not good or they're worried that it's not good. And that is a big reason why I like most people won't be like, oh, hey, watch this thing I made or listen to my podcast. And they just kind of like keep it to themselves is because they're worried about the quality of the content that they're creating. And this, I think it also applies here where it's like, if you're not willing to address this with your therapist, or if you're not willing to, you know, go as your quote unquote, true self with your therapist, someone who is you're paying to

objectively sort of like, you know, diagnose your true self, then that should be telling so the reason why i picked this question is because it's as if we got half this question and they took what we definitely would have suggested as bullshit advice and ran with it yeah yeah i mean like i could see us be going well you gotta fight fire with fire like you're naruto. And I think it's kind of glorious. And like, in one sense, yes, obviously not a great idea. In another sense, there isn't really any difference. You don't get to be like, hey, this is my true self, but that's not your true self. Like if someone's like, yeah, it's my true self.

And you're also abiding by that thing. You kind of have to go with it. Well, I will also say that like this guy admitted that this is not his true self i know but you're still being a hypocrite if you're like that's embarrassing but what i'm doing isn't unless it's very obvious that this guy is like mocking you if someone put on fake elf ears and a bullshit irish, I would feel mocked. Yeah, it's like, I think at this point, you have to realize that you're not compatible.

Like, she seems to want to have a certain kind of lifestyle. And I'm sure that there are plenty of dudes out there who are more than willing to also be an elf or a fairy or a wizard or a orc or a hobbit or whatever, you know whatever exists in her realm with her like i could guarantee you that there are people who are into this and will happily do this with her and if she's not embarrassed by if they want to go grocery shopping as you know lord and lady of the woods great cool but if you don't want to do that if you if you don't want to spend like sort of the the you know the most mundane tasks with your partner then that's a very clear

sign that like you guys probably shouldn't be together yeah also like you've kind of done everything right you've talked to them politely presumably you said you did and you've also taken the petty hot like the petty low road you know what i mean like there's literally nothing else to do but suffer so if neither of those things have worked just you gotta leave and hey maybe the fact that you're that serious about it will make them rethink things i doubt it you know and even if they do i think you should be hesitant but i think that's your only option is to just go let them know like hey i'm not really down with this it's it embarrasses me and also you were very inappropriate on the call with my dying cousin so

yeah and then get out i would i would say this is one of the situations where a, like, ultimatum doesn't really exist. I don't think you should be like, hey, I'm not into this. And her being like, oh, wait, never mind. I, you know, I'll cool it. Because, like, she's made it clear that she doesn't want to. The only reason I brought that up is that, like, I feel like maybe she wasn't really thinking about it when he mentioned it. And now that he's like, okay, I'm out. She might actually properly thinking about it when he mentioned it and now that he's like okay i'm out she might actually properly think about it but at the same time it's like if you've already said all these things you're right like anything she that's why i said be hesitant because i can't

imagine you would genuinely go back on it it would just be one of those things you're prolonging the suffering again yeah and it's like okay cool you might be comfortable in the relationship now but like now she's gonna be like uh well i wish i was able to be an elf more and which isn't fair to her like i don't think necessarily you guys have i mean like you being petty has you know that is a little bit of malice but like i think it just means you know she was probably always this way and when you guys met she watered it down to be quote-unquote normal and as she got more comfortable with you she decided to sort of like you know let her hair down and her ears up um can we make that a term now girl get home let your let your ears up and then i think you know

she got comfortable with you and did that and then you were like oh shit not for me which is why we talk about why it's always important to like not don't pretend to be something that you're not at the start of relationships yes this happens exactly all of a sudden you're dating you know galadriel lady of the forest yeah which like honestly galadriel is awesome but but the thing is like you're not in the forest you don't presumably you don't know maybe maybe that's why our other person kept abandon you're not in the forest. You don't know. Presumably. You don't know. Maybe that's why our other person kept abandoning their wife in the forest. They're like, come back in hell or don't come back at all.

Are you ready for this? Yeah, I don't know. This comes from Reddit user InternationalAd1546. Like ADD or AD? AD. It looks like just a bunch of garbage. How to stop wanting to be with women. I'm tired of being attracted to women. And I want my life and thoughts back.

Is there any way I can kill my attraction to women forever and have my life go back to normal? Is that it? That's it. Oh, man. Well, okay. Deep inside you, there are two wolves. One wolf is your attraction to men. One wolf is your attraction to men. One wolf is your attraction...

No, I have no idea. Yeah, I have no idea. I think you have to find videos of women doing the grossest shit imaginable and just put on a VR headset or pry your eyelids open a la Clockwork Orange and just submerge yourself in just pure disgustingness. The horrors of femininity. The horror, yeah.

Like, oh, just read the poetry that we read last week about, you know, gaping monster vaginas. I'm glad you brought that up because I want to, I don't, you know, we don't like doing callbacks in this show. We're not a big fan of it no we would never say things that make absolutely no sense you haven't been listening for our non-stop role of over two years of podcasting not a big fan but I'm gonna do it just as once and have you tried dicks have you thought about dicks? If you don't want women, like if you, if you want women so badly that it's ruining your life, perhaps try dicks.

Dicks can be great. I'm just saying, it's like, if, if it's not for you, okay, fine. Nothing, nothing, you know, lost really, but maybe, maybe the, the whole desperate, uh, you know, vying for women is just a cover-up for something maybe you're desperately looking for women because you don't want to embrace a man that's true um i will say this all this was also in the comments i try not to look or talk to women because it's getting worse i'm 17 and the obsession is growing more and more oh man you're only 17 right yeah he's going through puberty this is puberty dude, dude. Oh dude, yeah,

it's puberty. Also, it's like, what is it distracting you from? Like school? Just fucking study, dude. Yeah. Jerk off a bit, I guess, dude. Yeah, jerk off. That clarity you feel afterwards. I believe it's called post-nut clarity. I'm gonna tell you

right now, it's like every person that age is distracted by the opposite side or the sorry the people that they're yeah or the sex is that they're attracted to yeah the people that they're attracted to are are ruining their goddamn lives that's just being a teenager friend man like i remember feeling elated as a teen when me and the girl i like drank from the same can of coke once i was like oh god almost kissed technically oh yeah i remember being on a school trip and we went uh i think we went to like downtown toronto um and i was sitting on a bench and it was kind of cute it must have looked like coming to paradise compared to Brampton.

It really was. I'm not lying. It was like, you know, walking into, you know, arriving at Mecca. I'm just giving Brampton shit.

Cause I, I don't know. I'm playing off everybody from here's giving Brampton shit, but I don't feel like I've earned the right to give places shit. Cause I'm just like, I'm just painting by numbers here. I don't know. I've never really been to these places.

I've never experienced them. It's terrible. It's like, if you start giving Tala shit from back home, it's like, you can't do that. I can, I will.

Fuck you Tala. Oh wow. That's where my mom works. And she's the only good thing about it. Aw. Yeah. Don't, my guy,

like relax. You're 17. Everything's going to seem like the end of the world. You'll be fine. You're horny as hell. Hormones will do this to you. It's not going to ruin your life. If you do think that you're having sort of like wild ass thoughts about women, perhaps

of like violence or, you know, unquenchable sexual desires where you think you might do something you will regret, maybe talk to a therapist, talk to someone or a counselor and have someone like a professional can help sort of make sense of all this for you. Because right now you're going through like hormonal changes, body changes, mental change. Like this is sort of when everything just kind of like gets cranked up to 11 in your body so take it easy take a deep breath it's not the end of the world you'll be fine have you tried pretending you're an elf because then you'll have no problem with women yeah i mean alternatively you might find a very like small group of women that you do very well with um or also like the one part that worries

me is where he says he tries not to talk to or interact with women. And it's like, maybe your problem is not that you love women so much or whatever. Maybe it's that you don't really understand that women are people yet, because if you're not even talking to women, it's not a good sign, bro.

How about you get a fucking friend who's a girl and just like chill. Yeah. Also like the way you're talking also sort of is the beginning of blaming women for your problems yeah which are not like women existing is not a problem no and it is not something you can be angry at so you need to sort of like take a breath perhaps talk to your mother or or another woman in your life maybe you have a sister maybe you have a female friend that you can talk to and sort of like i don't even know how you do this without being seeming like a lunatic um but like understand that like women

exist attractive women are going to exist and those women might interact with you at some point. And none of that means anything or none of that could mean anything. Yeah. So you need to just take a breath, relax and understand that women are going to exist outside of your existence as well. Uh, they might not even think about you. They might not notice you and that's fine just kind of center in it and realize that women are people and nothing they're doing is directly affecting how you feel about them yeah and like also you don't have to be on the outside looking in you could have a relationship you're 17 you know what i mean go out and meet women if you're doing it in a healthy sense you know what i mean and aside from meet women if you're doing it in a healthy sense you know what i mean and aside from that if you have if you don't want to do that or you feel like you can't

put all that horny energy into something else like go join a club or fucking go to the gym and then when you get to university you'll be swole and everyone will love you anyway that addendum to that or like a little like caveat being fit is not the be all and end all you can't just go to the gym get shredded and be like i deserve sex now you do also need a personality i hate to break it to you yeah but like there's a million options for you out there and you just need to like be able to get a handle on it so jerk off make friends with, like genuinely don't do it as like a prelude to trying to get into their pants, invest in yourself by like, you know, making sure you don't fuck up at school and that you do, you know, find hobbies and put that energy into

it and also put yourself out there. And if you're this horny, hopefully you'll be able to meet people and have a lot of good teen fun. Good teen fun. All right. Let's do another question. Cause we're half an hour in Good teen fun. All right. Let's do another question because we're half an hour in. Hell yeah. All right.

This is from a beautiful listener. They're going to be called Agent Ranger. Ooh. So my girlfriend, 25, and I recently agreed upon having a hall pass. She wants to see if she's gay. Not bi. Gay. Basically.

I've never done this and neither has she we get some ground rules everyone gets checked partner has veto right it's just a one-off for now and no bringing back to shared bed obviously there's a lot going on to make this happen in the first place but that's another question we've been dating for just under four and a half years and live together for half of it if not more any suggestions on using the hall pass obviously covid protocols fuck with it massively too it just seems like bad timing but i guess you know for half of it, if not more. Any suggestions on using the hall pass? Obviously, COVID protocols fuck with it massively, too. It just seems like bad timing.

But I guess, you know, if you're having sort of a crisis of identity, you know, you don't really get to pick and choose when that rears its ugly head. So, I mean, like, COVID's not going to last forever.

And hopefully, at some point, someone will listen to this outside of the current times. So let's just remove COVID off the table because everyone knows what to do. Well, would suggesting waiting be a good thing? Do you think? That's the thing. It's like, I don't know how dire this sort of crisis is.

Like if she's having, you know, a massive sort of, you know, breakdown over this or or it's directly impacting, say their sex life, or their actual relationship. I don't know if waiting would so like, I would say, if it's not an urgent matter, absolutely wait until, you know, the vaccine has rolled out, things have calmed down, cases are down, and that risk is minimized. Because taking one problem out of the equation is going to make this a smoother situation yeah i think the more problems that are gone the better and it's like you know as you said like there's no telling kind of how severe and serious or whatever it is but like if at all possible maybe wait like we have rumblings of a vaccine on the horizon like

hopefully we won't be in this for too long you know what i mean and it's like even maybe the time to breathe between now and then, knowing it'll happen, but not having it immediately happen could be beneficial. I don't know. But anyway, let's throw that out there, get rid of it. So without thinking about COVID. I like the idea of the partner veto, but I also don't like it. And here's why I say that. If Amanda came to me and we had this situation for whatever reason whether we opened up again or or hall pass situation same thing and if she was like i think i would like to pick this person i might be able to have a little bit more outside expertise and saying like hey that might not be a good idea because maybe you work with them or you're you

know they're part of a close circle where this could directly impact, you know, your your social life. So like maybe pick someone who who the ramifications of this going poorly won't have such serious repercussions on an important part of your life. I think that's kind of the the key to a veto is to use it as a you know second set of eyes as to like seeing the ripple effects of it as opposed and like the downside of it is it could be jealousy i'm assuming that the reason the veto is there is not to help people make smart decisions but more so to avoid jealousy right like there are certain people that you wouldn't want to sleep with or you know what I mean, right? I doubt it's that

because presumably your partner can make those decisions for themselves and don't need your input on that. I think it's a way to avoid hurt feelings. But my, sorry, I think you were finishing something. So you go and then I'll get onto why I think it's a bad idea.

No, no, go for it. to why i think it's a bad idea uh no no go for it uh my worry is that it's almost the opposite because i know a lot of people if they're in that kind of open relationship it's kind of like don't like don't ask don't tell kind of deal because then you can keep that jealousy kind of at bay a little bit more or like you know whatever it's like you talk about it if you need to or whatever um i also think like putting rules on it like that it means then if you do sleep with someone without asking them you're a bad guy right but sex isn't always like that like what if you're out in the night out or you go on a date and the date goes really well and like you you're like, oh shit, I have to hold on, text my boyfriend, make sure

he's okay with it, or vice versa. If every week it's like, hey, can I fuck this guy? And you're like, yeah, I guess, but then it doesn't go anywhere. So now it's the next person. It's like, I feel like you're either gonna get inundated with like, hey, can I fuck this person? Can I fuck this person? Well, didn't it say it was a one-time thing?

Yes, but if you've never gotten around to it, you know you know like let's say you go on a date and it didn't work out but you've already kind of done the prelude of like hey are they okay yeah yeah so it's like i feel like until it works out you've done it so many times and each one is like a needle maybe in the heart and it's just like this weird situation but vice versa like if you don't do that and you're still like waiting for permission and like let's say everything just goes really well and you know how it is like you could be having drinks and then suddenly you're back on fucking you might not have time to get permission either so it's like either you're kind of inundated on the front end with possibilities

or there's a chance that if things do go well they haven't asked you and then you feel betrayed well i don't think at least the way i would imagine this playing out and the way that I feel like it should play out is that it's not a traditional dating situation. Like, I don't think if you're going to do a hall pass, I think it means that you have a very specific person in mind and you probably know they're going to already say yes i don't think it's like i get a hall pass great get on tinder and like you know get your matches and then get your dates lined up and be like are these people okay i don't think that would be the right way to tackle it i think it should be like you have someone specific in mind that you want to sort of pursue and that would be like the hall pass you know if that was the case what's the point of the veto, right? Well, that's sort of like if they have the person in mind,

I assume that like they, they're still keeping things very vague at the moment. Chances are, I imagine if she's like, hey, I think I might be gay. There's probably someone very specific that is making her feel this way. Maybe, but like it also could just be

like she hasn't felt attraction to other women over the course of time whatever but like i imagine there is probably a very specific reason why now is the time that she wants to act on this i'm not sure i agree with you at all um i think it's it's it's possible but i think it's also possible that they just even if like those feelings are spurred by a certain person you know it's highly possible they don't have somebody lined up, in which case they will have to hit Tinder or, you know, shop around as it were. And you know yourself, like sometimes it's just sex, sometimes it's not. But either way, it's never guaranteed.

You never are like, I'm going to fuck this person, you know? Well, this question is difficult as well, because like you haven't talked about the ramifications. If she's gay, what happens to your relationship? Are you going to stay together? Because that seems like it's probably not the, you know, obvious solution. You might be able to,

I don't know. Maybe you'll stay in a polyamorous relationship in which you guys have a non-sexual relationship while she pursues a romantic and sexual relationship with a woman. But like, this isn't a typical sort of hall pass scenario or even a polyamory or like an open relationship situation because there's an unknown factor of like whether or not she is gay or not yeah and i feel like that is you like you really need to set down the parameters of being

like okay like how is this going to work do you have someone in mind or are you going to like you like you're saying like go on dates if you have someone in mind, cool, let's discuss them. And then hopefully like the veto won't need to be used because you can like make an argument for that person as to why you think they're the one that will really help you figure it out. Yeah. Alternatively, it's like, I don't know if one time or like one single sexual experience is going to be enough for you to be like, yep, that's my sexual preference. Yeah. And I also guess like it. Yeah. I think you need to sit down and maybe, maybe these rules have been kind of established. Maybe not, but it's like one, the veto it's like, can you veto? Do you need to give a reason? Or can you just veto whoever you want, whenever you want, because you know, you feel whatever, you want, whenever you want, because, you know, you feel whatever,

you know, do you ever have to give a reason? And if so, can they ignore your veto or is it concrete? Two, like, do you have kind of a game plan if it does go, as Dane said, like if she does decide that she is gay, like what happens then? Because, you know, the sooner you guys talk about the better. But I think more importantly is like, it's just a one-off for now. Me, like, if you do have to go and shop around a little bit, like what counts for that one-off? If you make out with someone on the date, does that count? Or do you have to fuck? And if so, like, what's the gray area between getting there and fucking?

Because if you go out and start making out with like 19 different girls like you the the question asker or them like does that count or can you kind of like toe the line up until you fucked someone you know like it's it's a really it's kind of yeah like all those gray areas will kill you right because someone will be like oh you can't be angry at me it's not one of the rules like i do think you kind of have to be really specific it's like the things like that are worrying me are like the jealousy in general which it's always going to happen it's a relationship where like you know you're in this difficult situation and like the pain you might cause each other and like the end result and i think the more specific you are about these things

the better i honestly think the hall pass is a bad idea. I think the concept of hall pass is a bad idea in every context, in every situation that it's ever been, you know, sort of like posed as a, as a possibility. I don't think it's a good idea. And I've been there and it's never worked out well. Yeah. I especially think this is a bad idea because I think all the things you just said make sense.

I don't think the the the veto shouldn't exist as a veto per se it should exist as a moment in which you guys can discuss honestly how you would feel if that person was chosen you know what i mean like if you were to be if she was to be like hey i'm thinking about this person and if that person is a friend of yours or someone you know that works with her or something and you can say like well i'd be really uncomfortable with the fact that like you know i'm really good friends with her if it doesn't work out it'd be really weird or like if it does work out and you guys end up dating and i get left behind

that will really suck for me like i think that kind of open and honesty would be kind of helpful or even like on on a broader scale just like no one we know no one we work with and maybe even no one we will be seeing kind of like outside of random chance because then there's less room for being hurt in the future right whereas like if it's like you know one of you goes off and fucks your co-worker or one of your friends, then that's not a good situation for anybody. You know what I mean? 100%. I would say, like I said, the whole pass is bad. I would say move into – I would say take a break because I'd say split.

And I know that's probably not the answer you want to hear, but in order for this this to work i think she needs way more than one partner like presumably she's been sleeping with guys her whole life if that's not enough to decide whether or not you're into men then i don't understand how one sexual experience with one woman is going to be like oh yep it's women i think with the full break there is no rules so there is no breaking of trust you know exactly like you can you can really have to like decide on it really have to be like hey this is a break and there's no like we're not allowed to be jealous we're not allowed to like kind of needle each other if we get back together and be like try to figure out how many people like there's none of that we're on a break it is our time it is the exact same as if we like before we met yeah and also be on board with that both of you maybe still just the no one we know but like that's kind of common courtesy when you break up

but i think it's important to say i think 100 a hundred percent. You're right. I think you absolutely need to be like no one. We know whether from work, our social lives, like no common friends and no one you work with. No one I work with. Yeah. That way, if we get back together,

you don't have to worry about like at a company Christmas party, be like, Hmm, you guys seem a little flirty. Like there's none of that in your face. Obviousness. Yeah. I do think like you either have to go so hard on the rules that like there

is no gray area or, and I do think we both agree on this, just a general actual full break because then there isn't that rule, you know, no one's lawyering it by going, well, we said this, but you did this. And like, exactly. That just leads to more opportunity for, for being hurt. Yeah. Either way, this is a tough situation uh i think it's great that you're supporting your partner because it can't be easy for you or them i i assume yeah so like i like that the love is there uh i just want to make sure you guys don't end up hurting each other or yourself i think bringing up the fact that the love is there is like kind of the most important thing and you kind of have to like it might be difficult at times to remind yourself that like you do love

this person or maybe it isn't i hope that's the case but it's it's very very important to realize that like the reason you're doing this is because you care about this person and the reason i assume they're one comfortable enough to bring it up to you and to want to stay with you while they're figuring this out is because they love you you know what i mean because it would be easy if you didn't love someone to just leave and figure it out on your own right like and i think the fact that they're as comfortable with you as they are and obviously you guys are so close like this is a good sign even if it's a hard situation yeah and because like there might be also a thing where it's like to,

to do a hall pass for one specific woman or one sexual experience with a woman, it could be like, maybe she needs to sleep with other dudes too. And like, that might not be an easy pill to swallow, but I don't know how they've been together for four years, five years.

Yeah. Four years. So it's like, that's a long time. That's kind of like where people kind of hit the, that's around the time the sexual fatigue kind of like hits in for most couples um so it's like it might it might be beneficial for her to sort of like have a whole sort of like cornucopia of different sexual experiences to really round out how she feels because it might just come down to

the fact that like maybe she's bi and she needed a few more samplings off the table to understand that. Or maybe she's, you know, maybe she is straight. Maybe she is gay. It's like the outcome doesn't really matter. At least with the full break,

when these things come up, she can deal with them or act on them. Even if they're there or if they're not there, you know what I mean? Whereas in the rigid hall pass thing then that necessitates maybe another question or changing the rules and it's kind of like that painful back to the drawing board

like weirdness and then it's like well why did it change and then you're hurt again kind of almost you know what I mean or the fear of bringing it up again and just being like well you know I got my one that's it because like maybe like if you do sleep with a woman and you're like, well, maybe I need to like try with another dude.

Like that's a harder conversation. I think it shouldn't be, but I, it definitely would be. So yeah, I think taking this, this break and maybe like, I would also say, don't put a timeframe on it. Don't be like four months. Just it's, it sucks so much. And I know this isn't the answer you want to hear but like it's the whole you know love them let them let them free kind of situation and just kind of

do your own thing focus on your own thing and this is why everything is really important to kind of like if you can wait until covid's kind of released or you know has has kind of dissipated from the social norm and that way you don't have to worry about that either either way good luck with this situation it's a tough one but i hope you guys both make it out all right yeah i hope whatever ends up happening you guys still remember that you love each other and that if it's a if it's an ending then it's one filled with love and if it's if it's a new beginning then it's also one built on like the the love that you guys already had like you're just building on top of it so also let us know how it works out uh like i'm really

curious and i and i really hope it does work out for the best for both of you guys whatever that may mean i have a i have a fairly long question but i think it's a fairly quick answer so i'm gonna do this one this comes from reddit user foxy ginger partner says she feels insecure when i state my needs in bed. This is really nuanced. I'm in a new relationship with a wonderful girl. However, I don't know how to set boundaries around sex without her taking it personally. I'm very confident in what I want in bed, and I'm not afraid to tell her, and I've researched a lot about consent. I do have trouble with relinquishing control or quote-unquote bottoming in bed, and I'm learning to trust her. We've had conversations in the past where she's asked me to give her less direction because it

makes her feel insecure about her abilities and I've let off as much as possible and let her take the ropes when I'm being submissive. I think we've really improved. However, there are still times where I need to tell her what to do because what she's doing directly causes me pain. The last time we had sex, I told her to stop doing something because it hurt, and afterwards she told me that she realized it hurt me, and was just about to stop when I said something. She said it made her feel insecure that I had said anything in the moment,

and asked that I not do it in the future, as she can figure it out on her own when something isn't right. I believe her, we are very in tune, but I push back. I firmly believe I reserve the right to say anything as soon as I am in unwanted pain, and I shouldn't have to wait for her to recognize it on her own. It seems like basic

communication and respect to me, and I can't imagine having an ego so bruised, or so easily bruised, that you would want your partner to endure pain while you figure out something is wrong. Other than this, I'm very affirming in bed, and I enjoy sex a lot. What do you think about all this? Doesn't seem like an area I need to compromise in. No, you should never be silent when you're in pain. Pain is a bad side. Obviously, it's your body saying, hey, this needs to stop.

The sooner, the better. Even if she, oh, I worked it out eventually. It's like, cool. Your dick is very sensitive. You might not have eventually. I think this might be to women. Either way, your genitals are. Yeah, you're right. You might not have eventually. I will say, I think this might be to women. Either way, your genitals are. Yeah, you're right.

I shouldn't have assumed. Your genitals are very delicate, no matter who you are or what you got. And if you're in pain, that's not a good sign. And you should definitely let somebody know. And you should never be like, hey, you made me feel bad by telling me I was hurting you. That's fucked. Look, it never feels right to be told you're doing something wrong or you could do something better. But that your partner can tell you that means they trust you. And that should be the more important thing here.

And you should want to be able to help them. Also, like, can you imagine the fear of living where you know your partner's never going to say anything? So you're like, damn it. What if I do fuck up now? What if they're actually in pain? I've signed away my rights here or they've signed away their rights. And now they can't tell me this is fucked. For the person in question, do not stop at all, especially not when you're in pain.

No, it's tough to say because they don't specifically say that they're doing like bondage or dom sub stuff, but they do talk about bottoming. They talk being submissive. So like there we talk about all the time. It's like there's a there's a reason that the BDSM community has a safe word.

And that is because sometimes it is not obvious when someone is in pain or sometimes it's not obvious when the pain you're causing isn't pleasurable because some people enjoy pain and there are pain that people enjoy and there are pain that people that don't or there's pain that people don't enjoy. So it's like maybe instituting a safe word would be a less bruising, like a compromise, but not a compromise, because it's not you saying ow don't do that it's you saying you know spaghetti and that might be a fun way to you know let your partner know if they're hurting you and it's also a community like accepted widely known way of communicating these issues in bed man i didn't even consider the fact that they were doing bdsm because if they were and they are acting like this they shouldn't be doing bdsm that's that's

my thing it's like i don't know if it's just sort of like maybe they're biting or i don't know what they're doing but they did say like bottoming and being submissive so i wanted to bring that up where it's like if you are doing something like this that has if you do it incorrectly could do real real damage to people then you need to like if your partner is being like hey i want to i want a means to communicate that i'm being hurt listen to them like there's no there's no amount of ego that matters when it comes to the safety of your sexual partner at all yeah and i would say if this persists it's a new relationship get out i think it doesn't matter how much you like this person doesn't matter how much the sex is good when it doesn't hurt because it just takes one time for

someone to take it too far or one time for her to you know quote unquote not get it for you to be you know choked to death or you know something happens something breaks something snaps who knows but also if they if they can't even listen to you saying hey don't hurt me they're not gonna be a good partner in bed because later on if you're like hey do this thing i like there it's gonna be the same reaction like oh you upset me like oh like i knew i'd get to it eventually that's like if they can't be serious about your needs when it's your fucking pain, that's not good. Or even things like outside of the bedroom. Yeah. Like, you know what I mean?

Like the ego of this and the fact that like being told and being like, oh, I know I was going to do it or I could have figured it out myself. It's like, OK, but like sometimes the nice thing about a relationship is not having to figure it out. Like, I love when Amanda just kind of like tells me there's something that she wants me to do. Yeah. I, you know, I, I would say I thrive in those moments because it's like,

there are sometimes things I miss. Yeah. Um, you can't read minds even no matter how good you are. Like, yeah. So it's, I don't know.

It's, you need to have that communication in the relationship. So like flat out, even if they weren't injuring you, you cannot have a relationship where someone's just like, fuck your feelings. My feelings are more important. They're literally saying your physical pain is less important than their wounded ego.

100%. And that needs to be maybe like something you need to bring up and be like, hey, this conversation we've had is like, you're prioritizing your ego over my physical safety and if they don't understand the relation there or if they get upset again then you could be like okay cool i can't trust you enough with my safety in or out of bed like this is the this is the choice you're making right now is that like you want to feel you know secure over my physical security yeah um and if people get upset about that then it's like cool i don't want you in my life as a sexual partner or at all all right we should end this boy all right thank you to josh eagle and the higher cities for their song paper stars

you can't just i did it out there i did it jesus all right i felt the dire need to thank josh eagle and the higher cities for their song paper stars you can't just i did that out there i did it jesus all right i felt the dire need to thank josh eagle and you're not gonna stop me uh thank you very much for listening uh like i said uh in every other episode prior to this it's a pleasure to to record this with you and for you um also we just got our our spotify stats back this uh like for the the wrap up of the year and y'all are fucking real cool thank you very much for listening and following we had an absurd jump in in listens on spotify and we for some reason if you're in the philippines we love you you're our number one listeners you beat out like the whole world I think you double our next place

which is Canada which we're from our own home turf you have double the listeners there and we get to bully the people we know here into listening we haven't done to bully you guys we've said it before that you guys are the best but like now it's literal fact

you know like it's not even just us saying it anymore. It is proven Philippines is the fucking best. And you guys are awesome. Thank you. Um, so thank you very much for everyone who supported us and listened to us and shared us and,

and followed us on all the various social medias and on Spotify. It means the world to us. Um, it was a really, really good pick me up this morning. Uh, it was something that I really needed that I didn't know that I needed. So thank you very much.

It's awesome. We can't thank you enough. Hell yeah. If you do have a question that you would like to ask us for us to answer for you, you can hit us up on Facebook at FCK Buddies Podcast. You can find us on Twitter at FCK underscore buddies. You can email us at FBuddiesPodcast at gmail.com, or you can visit us online at F buddies,

podcast.com or plenty of beef.ca. Are you ready for a Tinder or two? Oh man, we've fucked this whole order up. Didn't we? No. Yeah. Yes.

Let's do some tenders. Uh, I have eight. That's too many. Yeah. Oh, I have nine. Pick a number between one and nine.

Uh, seven. This is Andy. No mask. Is that it? many. Yeah. Oh, I have nine. Pick a number between one and nine. Uh, seven. This is Andy. No mask. Is that it? Yep. Cool. Now,

do you think he's saying he's lost his, uh, and he's like, a girl. Oh, sorry. Do you think she's saying she's lost hers? Be like,

sorry, no mask at the moment. Uh, is she saying that you have to wear no mask? It's no full stop or period. However you want to say it. Mask, full stop slash period. Okay.

So I'm assuming she's just a violent anti-masker. Cool. That's a 10 for me. It's a minus 10. Oh, by the way, I'm anti-masker now. If Dane was an anti-masker, I would have cycled over to his house and slapped him. Kyle would be hosting this podcast. Yes kyle would be hosting this podcast yes kyle

would be hosting this podcast uh that's a minus 10 for me yeah for me one and eight three uh this is sadies well i lack in height tits and class i make up for with competitive alcohol tolerance low self-esteem and razor sharp wit i once my mother, what does he see in her? And she said, we used to have a saying for people like that, must give good head. I don't know how to use epigraph in a sentence. Playful in a mental way, subtle as a dump truck, aura like a cactus.

It gets weirder, don't ask how. Blah. Man, I was really hoping she was going to use epitaph incorrectly. Because that would have been funny. That would have wonaph incorrectly because that would have been funny that would have won me over that would have been good it's like you why would you set up a joke like that and not pay it off i know uh bad comedy writing zero you mean three right no i can give this one a three and you got one more if you want between one and seven uh one this is mika mx girl equestrian tattoo artist music enthusiast chev girl car truck fan artist animal lover foodie party starter model gun lover

all these things have no space between them so it's like gun lover is one word but lover is a capital l chev girl chev there's a capital g but it's all what the hell is a che L. Chevgirl, Chev, there's a capital G, but it's all one word. What the hell is a Chevgirl? I assume Chevrolet. Oh. Bold, sarcastic, funny, quit drinking,

which I don't know if that's a command or a like, I quit drinking. I'm assuming a command. Drive a big truck, diesel ain't cheap, no dog filters.

If I super liked you, it was probably an accident yeah everyone says that she got them clumsy fingers she doesn't know how to operate three buttons um yeah no no i mean i was like i didn't really care up until gun lover yeah like honestly i will say not my not my vibe that i want in my life i don't think there's anything like you know maybe you're into guns and chev girls that's fine yeah i don't know yeah again like i don't know if you're like here's the thing i think guns are cool you know i mean like i think competitive shooting is cool i think like action movies are cool i think loving guns yeah is a weird thing i don't know i like that's a that's a weird line for me again i'm totally cool with target shooting

i think that like i would love to be a member of a gun range where i could shoot guns at target well a friend of mine is an award-winning uh like sports shooter cool yeah i think that's really really fucking cool and it's awesome and like them they've shown me their guns and shit and it's like awesome because they respect them and they're very like safe and blah blah blah i don't even think they'd consider themselves a gun lover and they have more guns than i'll probably ever see in my life exactly so yeah that's a that's a three for me. All right, hit me with some sex writing. Okay. Now this is one of the Black Friday hits on Amazon. Deep Space is a Nightmare. This is going to be the back of the book effectively, right?

Oh, okay. Deep Space is a Nightmare. I'm the only cadet aboard this starship. My superiors trusted me and a few higher-ranked leaders to transport an alien prisoner, one of the most powerful warriors in the universe. We won't let them down, unless I fall in love with him. That's not going to happen, right? When I see him in the interrogation room, muscles rolling like hills of granite, I fear the worst. His eyes are darker than wine, and the smile is captivating. They want me to take this guy to the worst prison in the outer cosmos, but I'm starting to think

that's a bad idea. He's not a criminal. He was a born warrior and there is nothing like his touch. And this is alien captive mate. None of this makes sense. Like, you could be a born warrior and still be a criminal.

Presumably, it'd be pretty easy to do that. Dane, it clearly says he's not a criminal. Presumably, it'd be pretty easy to do that. Dane, it clearly says he's not a criminal. He was a born warrior. So clearly a born warrior cancels out the fact he's a criminal. And there is also, might I remind you, nothing like his touch. Why would they just be like, hey, you random new dude. Here's a super powerful born warrior rippling granite man.

You get in there. I just love like we won't let them down unless i fall in love with him unless i just immediately fuck up everything also just like alien captive mate the the cover is a purple man with so many abs and so many tribal tattoos why have we not written a sex novel yet it would be too easy but also too hard i haven't done it have we well you know what if people start sending in suggestions uh we will write a sex novel that's fair we need to do like one of the hallmark things but for sex novels yeah because like you pretty much gave me a whole movie there it's true you know what if someone wants to rewrite the hallmark thing and i'm looking at you kyle

you can give us like different options and we will make we will write a erotic novel and we'll put it on amazon oh maybe that'll be our sexmas episode okay all right right there's some energy we can bring to sex miss is is we will just we will make a on air full episode of us just making a sex novel for you okay there we've done it if people reply so send us in some suggestions should i reread the uh the headings we'll put it on our social media okay perfect um thank you very much for listening. What have we done? I'm Niall Spade. This is a terrible idea. My name is Dave Miller.

And we've been your fuck buddies. Why? What is it with you? You're just fucking up the order. Thank you, Josh Eagle. Stop it.