F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 120 - Bluetooth Sleuth

Episode Date: January 18, 2021

I legally have to say that I'm not encouraging you to do crimes, but if you were going to do crimes... why not do them all?  Topics include Bluetooth detective work, naming your kid after your ex, stop being charming and other bad advice, making up stories and short guy problems. This week we are proud to be sponsored by MANSCAPED.  Go to http://manscaped.com/ and get 20% off + free shipping with the code: BUDDIES.

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller. And my name is Niall Spain. And we are your fuck buddies. We are a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations and turn them into sexy, sticky situations.

Simply put, we take questions either from our lovely listeners or from the world wide web and we answer them on the topic of sex and dating. I feel like when we recorded last week, the world was imploding. And this week I feel like nothing's happening. I know that's not true. I know the world is still in a very dire situation. But in comparison to what I was feeling last week when we recorded to this week, I'm just in a very mellow place. Well, happy second impeachment day. Well, I think that happens on the 19th.

Well, no, he's officially impeached as of this moment so he's the only president to have been impeached twice now it goes to step two where i guess do you see if the impeachment has any consequences as far as yes because he was impeached it was just like nothing fucking happened as a result of it like that that's the insane thing to me it's like ha you've been impeached it's like it's imagine if there was like oh man i got fired yesterday what but you're at work yeah nothing happened though it's like i decided i decided that i wasn't yeah which like oh i didn't get like fired fired like i didn't get the consequences of being fired still got fired though so i'm interested because last time

it happened it didn't go through because for whatever reason the president is allowed to be like hey i'm not gonna let the or you know the the defending side is allowed to be like hey so we're just not gonna let any of your evidence through yeah which seems like just just a bad process i don't know yeah imagine like it was in criminal trials, the person who was convicted of murdering someone like on camera and like confession was just like, hey, so I know you have a video of me killing the person. And then looking directly into the camera and saying, hey, I killed this man. Just not going to let you use it. Yeah. If that was the case, good old Canadian serial killer Ted Buddy

would still be roaming free and we'd all have a little bit happier lives. To be fair, the Canadian justice system is just as much of a joke. Did you know that if you were to commit a crime, say if you were to murder someone, you might as well murder multiple people? Oh yeah, because you only get charged

for one or something, right? No, you serve the sentences at the same time or do a bunch of lesser crimes. So like say, oops, in a fit of rage, I've killed my best friend. You may as well like get everything else out of your system before they catch

you. Yeah. You might as well be like, well, cool. I've always wanted to burn down a Walmart and while in there, I'm just going to loot the shit. I'm just going to steal as much as I can.

Have like a Shawshank Redemption treasure pile under a tree or something. Like, why not? Anyway, this has been our legal advice podcast. Not understanding how the legal process works in North American countries. But you see only 10 fucking

Republicans voted for out of like 210. 10 of them voted for impeachment. 200 were like, we're okay with this. Anyway, let's move on. Party lines are so stupid. Yeah. Anyway, we're here for your sex lines.

Yes, your party, your sex party lines. Are you ready? Yeah. your sex party lines uh are you ready yeah the repump repump lichens and the damn thaisocrats this is by beautiful baker 99 55 nice i don't know where to ask this but devices shown in your spouse's bluetooth don't just appear right my female 27 phone broke went to use my boyfriend's 30 male. Went to connect my Bluetooth headphones. And when I went to the Bluetooth settings, it had a shower speaker and a Samsung sound tower and save devices. We do not own these. He says he's never even seen a shower speaker.

Doesn't know how these two devices appeared, et cetera, et cetera. Pretty sure you have to give a device permission before it will connect and save. Right. Is he lying? Been together almost three years USA. If that matters, it does matter. Thank you. Yes. Like,

uh, they do add themselves willy nilly at every other country, but in USA, no, that just does not happen. I think she's got a point. Cause I just opened up my Bluetooth connectors and your Bluetooth connectors. Yes. You know what i mean um the only thing on here are things that i've connected to and i'm sure

that like i have come in contact with other bluetooth devices yes you've definitely come in contact with other ones i am sure especially considering we used to play pathfinder at our good friend's house who's it's like a tech playground in there. Yeah, it's hard to get out there without some kind of Bluetooth just latching onto you physically. So I think she's got a point in the sense that this man has, at some point in time, connected to these devices. Yes. Now, I love how she seems to be going immediately to the like the shower speaker must mean he's cheating on me it's very possible someone at work or like you know a

friend's house or even like a park hangout had a bluetooth device that he just connected to that was called shower speaker that either was used as one or wasn't you know what i mean like i i just got a waterproof speaker that i don't know what it's called but you know i i will be planning to use it both outdoors and in the shower um so it doesn't immediately mean hey hey hey sinister with who with who what with who are you listening to the music in the shower with huh yeah what do you mean got you there what do you mean got you there what do you mean nailed it what do you mean case closed can you cut this out so people don't know that i have showers with anybody else also like depending on how long this guy's had his phone like there are two things there that i'm like i think i know what those are pretty sure i

know what they are but like this guy could have connected at some point to a party or a parent's house or a you know anything and like just been like oops like it was four years ago i don't fucking remember yeah they've had she's he's had the phone for three months or sorry for three years and it's been okay that was different i was gonna say if it was three months no three years and they've been together that entire time. Yeah, like you said, it's like, just because it's called a shower speaker doesn't mean it was in a shower. So I mainly brought this to the podcast because I thought it was interesting anyway. And we've been dealing with a lot of like overbearing jealousy and like weird kind of like snoopiness.

So the plot is about to thicken. Are you ready? Yeah. So this is in the comments. He is pretty reclusive and has never, to my knowledge, gone over to a friend's house. What? She claims he has never gone to a friend's house. Okay. That seems unhealthy for three years. Yeah. Also, if he's never gone over to a friend's house what is he what excuse is he using to get out for his secret sexy shower times that's the thing it's like if you can with confidence be like i know he's never been to a friend's house which one like that that seems like a very unhealthy lifestyle i mean hey like take it outside you know i mean if this was again like

a three month fucking phone like you mistakenly said it's like okay quarantine great he hasn't been to a friend's house in three months but for three years two of those years were pre the dark ages so it's like are you telling me that for three years you can say that your friend your boyfriend has never hung out with a friend does he have friends oh that's sort of like you can't be like oh i'm out with the boys while you're having you know your musical shower sex yeah that's that's the thing it's like one kind of unhealthy if this has never happened two it seems really overbearing that you're like i know he's never been to a friend's house at three it's like even with this with this level of knowledge and this level of like if you can account for their movements for

three years what do you think is happening yeah how would you not be able to be like oh hey he's got a schedule that he maintains like clockwork never deviates from it because he doesn't visit friends but somehow in there he has managed to creep away and salaciously connect to mysterious Bluetooth devices. I feel like this is one of those cases of like, if there was other stuff going on, sure, maybe this could be the nail in the coffin. But like, when you claim to have so much knowledge of this person's day to day activities, it's got to be the least damning piece of evidence, right? Especially because like, she's very upset that in his words he's never even seen a shower speaker before and in her words in the comments that means he protests too much it's like there maybe he thinks it's a specifically like built-in shower speaker

or something i don't know maybe it's just a speaker someone rests on the sink while they're in the shower it could be anything there's so little to go on here but so much being inferred and again it goes back to what we were saying last week and probably every time we're going to talk about this if you don't trust someone don't date them i love that like she was like hey what about this i don't know i've never seen it oh really like what what is the answer to that question like if he's like i don't know what that is i've never seen it the other the only other answer he could say is yeah i know what that is it's this which if if that's not the correct answer like he actually doesn't know what it is that like

you know whether you're not you recognize something is a binary answer unless like you're just like i don't know shrug but even that's more of a no than a yes i don't know yes i think this is a case of you need to fucking chill and if that's not possible for you you need to do a hard three-year deep dive and figure out if at any point in time when he said he might have gone to a friend's house he was actually having shower sex the sweet sweet sounds of i don't know genuine but he never went to a single friend's house in three years dan she knows this there must be a mistake somewhere somewhere yeah i don't know i i don't know what to say other than this is lunacy yeah i think if if everything here is true then you need to both get some friends or at least some some like you know outlets other

than yourselves because clearly this has become a a pit of some kind in this relationship logically there are so many opportunities for you to have connected to a bluetooth device if he doesn't see friends it's probably at work also is it a brand new phone if not there might just be you know stuff that was kind of left on there does it like i would love to know what he does for like is he in a factory or a warehouse or some shit because like chance like everyone or a kitchen like the amount of people like places in which people use bluetooth like speakers to do like also at parties like i can't tell you i'm actually shocked there aren't more bluetooth things on my phone because the amount of times i

connect yeah to like random people's fucking speakers and shit at their houses i mean i guess now it's all like spotify has that like connect thing so you don't have to use bluetooth but so yeah advice get over it yeah just either decide that your boyfriend's cheating on you and you can't trust him anymore and leave or except the fact that you know these bluetooth things don't really mean anything especially if like this is the only sort of hint you have at him being unfaithful the possibility of him just having it connected to a speaker at some point in three years and forgetting about it is pretty high also if you had access to your phone are you telling me this person saw these suspicious bluetooth and then didn't check his email or his messages?

Yeah, exactly. Because if I was this paranoid and I had the evidence in my hand, I would almost immediately go and check through text and shit if I was on the case to something like this. And I'm assuming they did, found nothing, and that's why Reddit about the devices was step two. Yes. Yeah. Okay. Well, I'm done with this person. Okay. This is a bit of a journey. And by that I mean it's fairly long, so I'll try to get through it quickly. This comes from a Reddit throwaway account.

The title is, girlfriend named our son after her ex. I'm refusing to sign the birth certificate until she changes it. This is our first child, and he was born a few days ago. We've been together for four years and he wasn't really planned, as I don't believe we're in a stable enough position to have children. She was supposedly on the pill, as neither of us feel like or neither of us like the feel of condoms, but that's another story. She dated a guy for about eight years, and he was her first boyfriend. The story is that they drifted apart, and he ended it,

but she was still in love with him. We met a few months later, and we we were friends before we started dating i got the impression that she was never really over him at the start of the relationship but it seems she moved on after the years and he went moved back to our city two years ago she didn't seem that phased we met him twice and there didn't seem to be anything weird going on so i assume she was completely over him when we discovered she was pregnant it was her decision to keep it i said we weren't ready for children yet as we weren't married and didn't own a place but she was adamant on keeping it we argued back and forth over names and went through various okay we have five vetoes each but around two months ago we settled on a name that we were both happy with the baby is born everyone smiles and we're finally back home it's time to register the birth and i need to sign the birth certificate

however to my surprise the baby isn't called the name we agreed upon, but the same name as her ex. Not just the same name, but the same middle name as well. And then our surnames. After we agreed, we'd use both our surnames and forego the use of a middle name. I couldn't blow my top, of course, as she's still recuperating at home, plus this whole worldwide mess going on. So I should be happy all three of us are back home and safe. I did, however, ask her about it. She said that it was just a spur of the moment thing, or she'll fob me off by saying she's too exhausted to talk about it. She's been fobbing me off

for a few days now, so in the end, I told her calmly that I'm not signing the birth certificate until we change the name back to what we agreed. This caused a bit of a row with her, and she's now refusing to talk to me Until I sign the certificate

And agree to the name I'm at somewhat of a loss as to what to do I didn't want a child in the first place But I was browbeaten going along with it And now the name we agreed upon Is taken away from me To an insult and injury She's changed the name of the boy after her ex

And now I'm plagued with doubt And wondering if I should get a paternity test or whether she's still in love with him. I didn't enjoy that journey. I know. It's not a great one. I really did. I know. That was displeasurable. Unpleasurable. That was not

pleasurable. I don't know. I've forgotten words because that was so unenjoyable to live through. Even second hand. So firstly, condolences because that sucks. unenjoyable to live through, even secondhand. So firstly, condolences because that sucks. That's a wild move though. Yeah. That's some powerful bad TV kind of energy.

I would expect that from a terrible soap opera. Yeah, it was like a Riverdale move. Yes, exactly. It's the kind of thing that you would laugh through watching it on a TV show even while being like, this would never happen. This is dumb. You can't you can't just do that.

Also, OK, first first things first. Do not give in. Right. I think that's that's the main the main thing here. Right. Because like you give in, then like where does it end? Yeah, I think that's that's got to be our first port of call. Do not give in.

Do not sign this birth certificate yeah you you definitely need to like sit down and be like you you understand that this is insane right i mean like it's so hard because like i can't imagine any conversation of like sitting down with someone being like hey did you really choose your ex-boyfriend's name as the name of our child? And even like even the first name would be one thing, but like first and middle name. So it's like you can't even claim like, oh, I just like the name. It's like this is very specific.

Yeah, it's specifically referencing someone you had a romantic relationship, which is a wild move. And then tack it on to the fact that like you guys agreed on a name like you made an agreement and you decided by yourself which this is kind of the theme of the relationship as well it's like he didn't think they were ready for a kid but she chose that they were um and this dude is like well okay i guess this is happening so it's like she just kind of steamrolls him yeah i think now is the time if you haven't stood up for yourself hardcore before you need to now because you have a child and you're like your response to these situations no longer just affects yourself like you might be able to live with fuck i guess i let her have her way and now we have a kid or i

let her have her way and now we have this but like you're now no longer just responsible for yourself you're responsible for another life and you can't just let this person make unilateral decisions especially when their decision making skills seem to suck or at least be cruel the the problem here is you're gonna be taking care of this kid for you know know, 18 years, however long he's dependent, but like your mental state will directly impact this kid's entire life forever. And if you look at this kid and resent him or, you know, recognize your moment of weakness of letting her do this, or, you know, any of those emotions are going to filter into how you raise this child and how you raise this child is going, like I said, going to affect this kid forever. Yeah. It's their whole life. You know what I mean?

Like, even if he's the sweetest kid and you know, he looks up to you with all, you know, he regards you as the greatest person. If you're always sort of being like, meh, like fuck this kid. I never wanted him. And now he's got a name of my ex or her ex like that's not a good mental state to go into a nourishing and you know nurturing relationship yeah well let's be fair the the name of the ex like even if you guys had decided on bob and you know she gets the birth certificate and is like nah his name is Dane like that would be a problem even if you didn't know a Dane even if you know she hadn't named it

after her favorite podcast host even anything like that if it was just a different name you decided that itself is a problem because you know this is it is a great name it is a great Dane I mean great name that would be an issue this is that

issue and even worse like so firstly do not at all back down at the very least you guys need to fucking talk this out two have you checked her bluetooth devices to see if there's a shower speaker in there because if there is guess what paternity test time i don't really believe in this kind of shit you don't believe in what shit in the like again we're talking about like trusting people blah blah but there's a kid involved so now i don't see the harm in getting a paternity test the harm is she's gonna fucking flip her shit well you just don't need her involved i don't know i don't know the process you just need like uh like a swab from the kid and a swab from the parent. That's fair. It's your kid.

Yeah. Like if you test against the kid and you and it's not a match, then it's like, well, you know, guess what, buddy? You don't have to worry about having a kid. It sucks. It's going to open a whole new can of fucking hurt and pain and shit. But, you know, you didn't want a kid. You didn't think you're ready for a kid. Hooray. shit but you know you didn't want a kid you didn't think you're ready for a kid and hooray

well that's actually a very uh that's a pretty fair thing like if you're thinking about getting a paternity test i think you should get one just to clear your head i do not think you even need to tell her um and like for all i know this is like a postpartum thing where you know she's freaking out because of x y and Z and has just made this decision. Like, she might not be thinking rationally. I don't really know how postpartum works. This just seems like a wild situation. But for your own, like, you know, state of mental health, maybe go get one.

Don't let her know. It's fine. See how it is. And if things are all on the right, then you can like breathe a sigh of relief and maybe have this conversation with her knowing that things aren't as bad as you fear, you know, because that helps you stay grounded and it'll help things turn from this giant argument, which is, you know, I'd say probable at this point. And it'll help at least you kind of like know where you're coming from. If it is worse news,

then Hey, guess what? You don't have a kid anymore, I guess. So that's cool. Cause you didn't want one anyway. Yeah. It's,

I mean like I, you don't really win unless she sort of comes to her senses and be like, Oh, Hey, yeah. Maybe this kid, but like, even then i think this

is a hard thing to walk back from like even if she is sort of like oh shit yeah you're right this is kind of fuck you you're always gonna have that like voice in the back of the head be like this kid was supposed to be named after her ex yeah it's a really weird thing but like the worst thing is it's like if it is your kid and all that like you're put in such a shitty position because it's a really weird thing. But like the worst thing is, it's like if it is your kid and all that, like you're put in such a shitty position because it's like you don't really have much choice other than to move past it. Like obviously you could get like a, well, they're not married, right? No. Like you could break up, but like, you know, that's such a shitty position to be put in when you now have a kid with someone because like presumably you don't want to just wipe your hands of the whole affair especially if it is your kid and even legally you might not be allowed to do so so it's like yeah it's a shitty situation because how do you come back from that but i think

you know first things first get that paternity test get your own mind calmed um you know and if things are fine then then talk to her and you know don't be browbeaten because this isn't a you know it isn't a low stakes decision like it's huge it affects this person's life for the rest of their life and affects your life for the rest of your life too you know um also like if for some reason she has nothing to do with this guy, what happens the day she posts like, oh, happy birthday to, you know, Tyler Dunham Gray, you know, and Tyler Dunham sees it and is like, what the fuck?

Yeah. And everyone who knows Tyler Dunham. That's the other thing. It's like she has a history as well. You know what I mean? It's like her friends aren't going to forget about this guy. She dated for eight years, I think it said, or some bullshit. Yeah, especially if she's this head over heels about him. And it's like her friends aren't gonna forget about this guy she dated for eight years i think it said or some bullshit yeah especially if she's this head over heels about him and it's like he's gonna see that the friends are gonna see that everyone's gonna

see it and everyone's like this is fucking strange man yeah so i think what you need i think the talking points for your conversation should be like hey number one it's gonna to be like, I already didn't want to have a kid, but here we are. If we move forward with like naming your, our kid after your ex, I can't promise that's not going to manifest as resentment. And I don't want to raise a child with that, you know, that kind of energy. And if she doesn't understand that you have, like, you have to make that clear, be like, you have to understand this. Right. And if you can find an example, like, you have to make that clear, be like, you have to understand this. Right. And if you can find an example, like if you have an ex or if they're, you know what I

mean? It's like, imagine if I named the kid after my ex and without your permission, you would obviously be upset. I don't, you know, I, I think what's lacking here is her ability to empathize with the situation. Well, like, I think first off you need to establish certain things. I don't know if it's going to be helpful bringing up the fact that you didn't want a kid because it is too late but like you need to one be like look we made a decision can you not understand that regardless of the name i would be upset that you just completely ignore

my input in this situation because it is my kid too now at this point you have gotten the paternity test and you know it is your kid too secondly Secondly, ask her why. Just be like, why do you want this name? And if she's like, I really like it, just be like, okay, can you not understand where I'm coming from, where this name has weight, like a lot of weight? Because especially, again, even if it was just their first name, that'd be one thing. But with their first name and their middle name, there's no way on earth she can back down and pretend it doesn't have to do with this x you know what i mean even before be a flimsy fucking excuse when it's their like actual name and middle name like there is no other

possibility so be like why do you want this and can you not see why i wouldn't be happy with this and if she's just ignoring all these things i don don't know what to tell you, but you guys shouldn't be in a relationship together. But like, the thing is like, even if they end their relationship, he arguably should still have a role in this kid's life. Well, that's another thing. It's like, I don't think you should ever back down and sign that thing because you're this kid's father for better or for worse and it's like as dane said you need to be able to raise this kid without having resentment yeah and so look

i it's already going to be an uphill battle for you you didn't want the kid you know he was supposed to be named the x you know like it's already going to be very hard for you to to put those aside hopefully you know the paternal instinct kicks in you fall in love with this kid and you do anything for him as a parent should hopefully that all sort of like supersedes your own sort of ego um and i really hope that's that's the outcome for this regardless of like whether you guys stay together whatever i think what we're both agreeing on is like the name has to change. This name cannot go through.

And this needs to be like the line you draw on the sand. You need to be like, I refuse to name my kid after your ex. And I think there's definitely no harm. Again, neither of us are lawyers, despite the legal advice we threw out earlier. I don't think there's any harm in getting all of this in writing,

maybe in texts, because I don't really know, again, if she can get this through without you or go to a court or later on, if you decide you don't want anything to do with the kid, like force you to pay child support.

But like if you have it documented that you're having this argument and she's trying to strong arm you into naming the child one way and she's trying to name it after her ex and like all these things. They're not indicative of a healthy relationship and they could stand to you if something happened legally. So I don't think there's any harm in having a record of them. And also just want to establish that none of these things, no matter how it shakes out, are the kid's fault. So, you know, don't take it.

Yeah. these things no matter how it shakes out are the kids fault so you know don't take yeah yeah but yeah i think you you need to put the foot down because if not now when uh you need to try to talk to her in a way that like isn't aggressive if possible and just literally like don't get sidetracked don't be stonewalled you know just try to get down to basics. Like, why do you want this? And can you not see why I would be upset? Why are we not making a decision together? Why are you going against the decision we made? Like, because not only in this instance, but for the entirety of this kid's life, you are

going to need to make decisions together. And if she won't do that, then like you need to fucking sort it now rather than you know after four years of bad parenting um also get that paternity test so we've helped quite a few people so far what would you say about taking a quick little break and helping ourselves i would like that very much dan okay support for fuck buddies is brought to you by manscaped who are the best in men's below the waist grooming they offer precision engineered tools for your family jewels they obsess over their technological developments to provide you with the best tools for your grooming experience and manscaped are trusted by over 2 million men worldwide it's time for you to join the movement for all your below the waist grooming needsist grooming needs. Speaking of which, Dane has a story about

his taint. I do, and I've been dying to tell you this. That's the whole reason we started this show, in fact. He wouldn't even tell me until right now. Look, shaving your balls is never fun. There's a visceral terror in bringing a moving blade to your downstairs region and i've definitely nicked my balls once or twice but the most traumatizing event for me was i was sort of cleaning up the the the tanked area um just you know making it nice and presentable but it was right before i was going to work and i just i just did a number on it i just i got a little too close i i cut myself it fucking sucked and as you guys know i work in a bar i it was the middle of summer it was like august it was 40 degrees outside it was hot and i was trying to survive walking around and running around on my feet for like nine hours

in this sweltering heat with a cut between my legs and And it was... Sounds like the worst. It actually was. It's probably one of the worst shifts I've ever worked in a bar. And I have worked like every St. Patrick's Day in an Irish bar for the past four years. And that one day where everything flooded downstairs and there was like an inch of water on the ground. I've literally worked shifts where actual shit has floated across our restaurant

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So if I used to live with a roommate, I live with my girlfriend now. It's so uncomfortable or awkward. Sometimes you live with someone and they hear the tremor going on for, you know, a good solid chunk of time. And then you walk out and you still have a giant beard. And it's like, oh, OK, I know exactly what you were doing in there with the quiet stroke listen this bad boy hold on you're ready for this listen to that listen to what exactly i've i've heard vibrators that are louder than this thing that's true i love that and also these days like with coronavirus people's schedules are kind of all over the place you know what i mean someone

might still be work from home someone else might be getting up late staying up late if you want to if you want to groom yourself an unconventionalventional hour, you're not going to upset anybody. That's nice. Exactly. Another really nice thing about this is it comes with this charging stand that is so sleek. And so it's weird that I'm excited about this, but my girlfriend is kind of a stickler for how the bathroom looks and how it's arranged and everything. I managed to sneak this bad boy in and you wouldn't even know it's there it's it's like it's just kind of tucked away in the corner the cord after you've done charging it the cord can be removed from it as well so you can just kind of like

have it chill in there it doesn't take up any space it looks nice and it's just a part of the bathroom you don't have to worry about it so dane if i want to trim that junk of mine can you help me out not only can i help you out but mansped will help you out by offering you 20% off and free shipping across the entire store. That includes the Lawn Mower 3.0. That includes all the bundles, all the creams, 20% off, free shipping if you use our code, buddies, at manscaped.com. So, B-U-D-D-I-E-S? That is correct. Perfect. So take a second, treat yourself to something nice.

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buddies at manscaped.com. That's 20% off with free shipping, which I do appreciate because there's nothing worse than getting to the end of your transaction and that shipping cost just like just getting you. And that's at manscaped.com with the code buddies. Help yourself out, help your balls out and help us out. all right so i feel like we haven't had enough seduction in our lives so i'm gonna hit you with a little bit of advice from seduction and that question from seduction uh you ready no this is by newboy6969 under the topic of outer game and uh this is titled less charming more sexy as women get more experience they respond less to charm however being sexy

never goes out of style and thankfully we can learn because they've given us examples of the charming to sexy transformation so So you're so beautiful. It's out. Never say it. You're what I want. That's what we're doing. Because that's sexy. I want to see your naked body.

Charming. Obviously. The epitome of charm. That's out. It's gone. We can't say that charming, that patented charming sentence anymore. Man. Remember those classic George Clooney scenes where he just leans over

and he's like, I want to see your naked body. And everyone's like, ooh, ooh, George Clooney is so charming. Now, can you guess what the sexy transformation of I want to see your naked body is? I think it's going to be take off your clothes. You know what? That would probably work

better than don't waste my time having clothes on. Wow. Hey, time is money. And right now you're just burning it. Get those clothes off. So you got to be sexy by matching a attitude to the narcissistic appeal of women. It's more powerful.

And that's not about their looks. You can make some charm and if you have to they're not mutually exclusive but the best part about being sexy is you're being honest because there's an underlying duplicity and charm i like i would argue that being like don't waste my time with your clothes is less honest than i want to see your naked body. It's also just a terrible thing to say. Yeah, like I can't imagine, like this guy probably has never seen a naked body. I can't imagine anyone, male, female, straight, lesbian, gay, like anywhere inside or outside of those spectrums be responsive to don't waste my time wearing clothes.

I think like maybe if you were in an established relationship and you were doing like a you know ceo secretary role play or something like that maybe but no it's it's so demeaning and dismissive and aggressive and shitty it's like what i it's yeah just go to the question i don't want to hear okay this is by reddit gizmos what kind of stories are good to tell someone to build rapport with them it probably depends on the age group am i right if so what stories would be suited towards men in their early 20s it would have to be fake but believable as i don't have good stories myself perhaps a good one would be opening up to people about your vulnerabilities what what kind of stories are good to tell no no no you don't have

to do it again now dane it has to be fake because they don't have any good stories themselves okay i know we're gonna make fun of this person mercilessly but this is quintessentially what is wrong with pickup and seduction and like all this shit is the fact that like instead of focusing on being a normal human being who's had who's had literally any experience you don't have to be like i was white water rafting down the grand rapids like you don't have to have those stories it's cool cool if you do, but, like, just being able to tell a story that you're passionate about, about something that happened to you that matters to you should be enough.

Yes, and also, I do not think you can actually ever build rapport with someone when you're fucking lying to them. Well, they're building rapport with a fake you, maybe. Okay, yeah, that's a valid point. It's like, yes, you're building rapport, but it's like it's not genuine so therefore it is useless yeah it's like building a bridge on like sand it's gonna collapse um so i guess advice don't assuming you're not just doing

this to have sex with them once and then never talk to them again if you spend let's say the first week of getting to know this person regaling them with these bullshit stories at some point in time they're gonna bring it up when you're out with your friend like if you guys end up dating and being together you're gonna be at like a family dinner christmas dinner and she's gonna be like oh like that time you did this and your parents are gonna be like the fuck is she talking about yep now then you're in this awkward thing of being like oh hey you know that whole basis of our relationship lies just got them off the internet it's terrible and also even if you are trying to hook up with someone once that's super fucking scummy to just lie and pretend you're someone and then be like oh i fucked you fucked you. Lol. It's not actually me.

Tear the mask off and run away. That's super gross. Real advice. Maybe just fucking be yourself. And if you feel like you don't have any good stories, one, you're probably wrong because there's no such like, unless you literally have done nothing your entire life,

which I think is actually impossible. Well, I mean, like, I don't know the, the things I've read in seduction. It seems like people have like invested so much time and effort in actually impossible well i mean like i don't know the the things i've read in seduction it seems like people have like invested so much time and effort in the quote-unquote theory of life you

know what i mean of like learning how life should be or learning how to like you know min max life and then have forgotten that like to do anything but like even when like i could tell a funny story right now about us playing fucking farm simulator during the lockdown like you know what i mean that's not exactly me going out and jumping in some rapids it's me playing a very dumb free game online by myself in a room connected to you over the internet but what i'm saying is i i don't think these people have built the connections to have someone on the other end it doesn't even necessarily need to have someone on the other end like it could be you're playing cyberpunk and a funny fucking glitch happened like that's the thing it's like if you're talking to

someone and they don't want to hear about cyberpunk and your whole thing is that you play cyberpunk it doesn't matter that you don't have a good story for them because you're not going to gel anyway if you're talking to someone who's into gaming that story's going to go down just fine you know what i mean like it that's the thing your stories don't have to be anything they just have to be real and they have to be about you yeah you know arguably the more honest you are the better because if they don't like it then you're doing yourself a favor by jettisoning them and finding someone who does give a shit. Alternatively, I would like to also add that like,

maybe you focus less on this quest for woman and re align yourself with being like, Hey, if you could, if you could consciously make the decision of being like, I have no good stories. What that translates into is you haven't really done anything so what you should do is go do some stuff the hour would take you to sift through all the bullshit people are posting online and then pick one and then learn it you could have gone

and done like a jujitsu class you know what i mean you could have gone and fucking did a hike i don't know just go for a walk and like actually you know take the heads headphones out go for a walk and like observe no i promise you you'll see something fucking wild dang you can't tell people to take the headphones out then they won't listen to us put the headphones back in sorry keep one headphone out yeah keep one headphone in and it's us yeah i i'd like anytime i hear things like this and i and i see it a lot and i've i've talked to a lot of people who are like oh i'm boring like anytime it's like okay cool then don't be you know what i mean like or stop assuming that the things that you mean something to you are boring because you think other people find them boring well that's

another thing there is nothing that's boring no There's pretty much nothing that's boring. And even if it is boring to me, it won't be boring to somebody else. You know what I mean? But if you think it's boring, guess what? No one else is going to give a fuck. It could be anything. And no one else is going to care because if you're bored talking about it or you refuse to, it is going to be boring. Yeah.

Like have a fucking, like have some confidence in yourself. The shit you like, no matter what it is, to be boring. Yeah. Like have, have a fucking, like have some confidence in yourself. The shit you like, no matter what it is, is not boring. Yeah. It's, it's very, very simple to being engaging human being.

I would honestly like, I can't remember the name of the book, but there's a, there's a book about like how to be an engaging person. And it's like rule number one is listen. So like if you want to build rapport with someone, the best way to do it isn't to tell stories. It's to listen to other people's stories.

And from there, you don't need to tell stories. People love talking about themselves. We fucking do it for an hour every week. So I think like what you need to do is shift away from like engage as opposed to be engaging because if you if you manage that if you can find someone who's willing to be like hey actually

boom here's a story I'm going to tell you they'll give you you can ask questions about it you can you know reflect on like if they do or like oh hey I did the great white water rafting be like that's insane i would never do that i'm terrified of drowning boom you've revealed a vulnerability you've revealed a fact about you you've complimented them also like there's nothing better than

being honest if someone's like oh i went to these five countries and you're like oh yeah i've been to those two but you haven't that That's a conversation killer right there, because either you don't open up and that's done or they ask you about shit and you lie. And they either like you dig a hole so deep that's going to fuck you one day or they're just like this person's bullshitting. I'm out. Meanwhile, if you're like, oh, I've actually never traveled anywhere. They're going to be like, oh, man, it's so great. And you can ask them more questions about their travels. And that is a very interesting conversation,

even though the only thing you've done is say you haven't done the thing. Like it's that fucking simple. One of my biggest pet peeves for, this is something I've trained out of myself because I hate when other people do it, is when someone is like, oh, I'm big into this band. Have you heard of them before?

And people are like, Oh yeah, I think so. I don't know any of their songs by, by name, but like, you know, I,

I've only listened a little bit and it's like, I've never heard of them. Yeah, exactly. And I'm just like, no, there's no, there's nothing wrong with if someone says,

Oh, my favorite movie is this. It'd be like, I've never seen it. I've never heard of it. Or, you know, if someone's like, Hey, my favorite band is this be like, this is seen it i've never heard of it or you know if someone's like hey

my favorite band is this be like this is a great it's almost better if you haven't heard of it because you can be like let's listen to it like if you're on a date scoot onto the other side of the table put in your headphones and you guys can like get close to our podcast and yeah and listen to like a a thing of it or Or, you know, if it's, if it is a podcast or something, most popular ones have animatics. Be like, you know, next time you're hanging out,

be like, hey, I want to show you this. I know you're doing something together. You're engaging together. I think we'll have hit the big time when we have an animatic and I'm excited. Man, if someone out there wants to make an animatic.

Yeah, if only we knew someone who was like a professional animator who could animate a clip of us that would be cool that'd be really cool i don't know who would do that though no they'd have to be very talented i'm really cool oh i don't know we'll circle back to that yeah um but yeah like also like the fucking world bending pain of coming up with a good fake story to open up to someone about your vulnerabilities. Like it's such an agonizing situation to even imagine. No, just no. Don't do it.

Be honest. Fuck this bullshit kind of thinking, because if it works, it's bad. And if it doesn't work, it's bad. There's no there is no fucking upside. Yeah. you either want a life of lies or you look like a fucking lunatic and even if you build this life of lies you're just delaying the point at which you look like a fucking lunatic this is a fairly quick one um this comes from reddit user standard newspaper 665 how to make up for being a short guy 23 year old male

hey everyone i've been posting this question in some other forums because I want to get some diverse thoughts on the topic. I myself am about five, six, five, seven. If I were stretching, I've come to terms with it and it doesn't bother me too much, but obviously there are times where I wish I had a couple more inches on me in society day. There's a clear bias towards men who are taller. It's a simple evolutionary mindset that has stuck with us for centuries and won't change soon.

In dating and in professional communities, men who are taller tend to reap more rewards simply because of this physical difference. Don't believe me? Do a simple Google search. My height doesn't bother me, but I'm curious how one who is shorter can overcome this stereotype of bias.

Pretty confident professionally and socially, but I want to continue to do all I can to excel in both dating and my work life. Essentially, I want to stand even with those who may to excel in both dating and my work life. Essentially, I want to stand even with those who may appear taller than me. Any advice, specific experience for men or women would be greatly appreciated. It's a weird one.

It's super strange to be like, I'm not bothered by this at all, but here's all this rambling of me being bald. I didn't want to say it, but like it's, it's the whole, I'm five, six, five, seven. If i stretch that alone tells me that you do care like you don't need to qualify your your height and make it a little bit like your height is your height you know what i mean you're putting that in i can tell that you care and that's fine i don't know if i agree with the whole tall people make it in every aspect of life do you agree with that i don't know necessarily but professionally like i don't know if i agree with the whole tall people make it in every aspect of life do you agree with

that i don't know necessarily but professionally like i don't know if tall people are like more likely to get promoted like i don't know about the the metrics of that but like there is definitely a bias for taller men in like dating for sure yeah i'm not talking about dating i mean every aspect of life because that's what they're claiming and i'm not gonna lie most of the really tall people i know he acts as if they have this gravitas and this aura a lot of the time they're like big clumsy spiders that just knock things over all the time yeah i don't i don't know like again i i don't know although apparently a simple google search will fix that for us um okay well i'm gonna do google right now do a quick google search but as someone who's about this guy's height i'm a little taller than him but like not not by much. I've yes. Have I faced discrimination, quote unquote, on online dating and pretty much specifically only online because yeah that's a bit of a fucking you know kicking the teeth it sucks but at the same time it's like i don't want to be with that like i have no desire

like any porniness i had for that person gone oh yeah because it's like like if you're that shallow and weird and you suck it's like cool as much as i'm sure that's not a fun experience to go through it is like them doing you a favor yeah because yeah it's just like all right cool you're kind of a shitty person i have no also if we're not compatible like fuck it i don't care yeah exactly and like also you have never had any problem with women as i have seen time and time again and that's i know people do struggle with height and dating, especially online dating and like profiles, blah, blah, blah. But like, I don't know a single person who's shorter or short or whatever, who's had any difficulty like in the long game. Because it's like, yeah, you might not hook up with that one person who has it in their fucking profile.

But it's like, if you don't let this shit affect you and you kind of wade through the amount of like really shallow projections and don't let it get to you you're gonna be fine on the other end because there are more than enough people out there who are either going to be shorter or not give a fuck i mean there was very specifically a point in my life where i literally could only attract taller women there was a very strange tall woman phase in my bachelor where i was just like i what is happening i remember specifically making out with a woman at the ozington who had to lean against the post and like do sort of like a wall squat so that i could reach her she was like six two she was she was huge she had like had like to her theoretically there's no reason why that should happen like she like i said she literally had to do a wall squat so that i could make out with her

i will say my brief google showed absolutely nothing apart from people talking about dating and the fourth fucking thing was why short men are better in bed so there you go let's go i i do feel like this person is maybe and i could be wrong but i feel like they're a little too hung up on it and they are inferring a lot more about their height than is necessary i do not think being shorter and like what they said they're five six that's not even that short um hey remember this tom cruise is five six isn't he like five two or something isn't he like i'm pretty sure he's like no i'm pretty sure he's five six are you googling tom cruises yeah oh he's five seven okay okay but like i really don't think that's the case. And in dating, yes, there is this weird kind of like, you know, kind of like aura surrounding like your height.

But it's like, again, you just weed out those people, I think. And don't let it bother you, most importantly. And like, you'll find the rest of the people, you know what I mean? Like, fuck it. Take it as like an opportunity to get those people out of your life as quickly as possible because they're out there. We're actually going to have a moving. Oh no that's something else never mind um it was for a tinder later but it's it's not about height it's about money um but yeah i i that's my opinion just fuck it like don't think about that don't over analyze it there's nothing you need to make

up for because i believe that's the the title right how do you make up for yeah how to make up for being short as a guy yeah exactly you don't need to make up for anything you're totally fine the way you are if someone doesn't like that fuck them like it doesn't matter move on you'll definitely find someone else you know i've done fine with women in my 33 years of life and at no point in time have I ever tried to like be taught like I've never worn the lifts like I've never had fought with my height. It's just like it's one of the few things you don't have control over. That's the thing. It's like you literally cannot change it. So the two options you have are get over it.

Again, obviously easier said than done, or be bothered by it. And being bothered by it is not going to help you. And there's always going to be people out there who are picky about X, Y, and Z. But like your height is not that important, especially considering you cannot change it. Right. So it's like if someone's willing to toss you aside for that, great. You don't want to be with that person anyway. And that's pretty much it.

That's the most important thing. It's like if they suck they suck good move on find someone who doesn't it's one of those things where you just kind of sort of like this is me let's go yeah and fuck this whole like mindset of making up for it you have nothing to make up for it's not it's no negative it's just a fucking number all right let, let's move into Tinder's because we are closing in. At the end of every episode, or towards the end of every episode, we like to take a look at online dating profiles. We call it Tinder's, but it's a little bit of everything. And comb them for red flags in the effort to, one, laugh at them. And two, hopefully make your online dating profile a little bit better by avoiding these catastrophes.

Some are good, but it's very rare. We should start keeping track of how many ones we've enjoyed. Six. Dude, this is a powerful opening line from Moat. I can accept the video. I am not a robot. I am a foreign exchange investor. If you are not an investor, you just want to

work for others with peace of mind. Don't like me. I am also looking for a man who can get married, but I hope you can invest and develop our future with me. If you hate investing, please don't like me. Nice. Just that strong financial thread coming through. Also, if someone says they're not a robot, I don't know.

I suspect them. 100%. If you match with this person you have to immediately send them a capture 100 come at me let me see you've solved this before i before i give you any of my good material also what does i can accept the video mean i can accept the video i am not a robot i'm giving you the fuck out of 10 so that this robot doesn't turn on me when the robots revolt i am gonna abstain because i want to be friends with robots wow this is barbara no relationship means i don't have and i don't want it but if you don't have love to share with the world and me don't waste your time 5 10 please pay attention yes

i'm brazilian if you're proud of never marry or no kids, please swipe left. Huh? What? I'm single and proud of it. Mm-hmm. But if you're, have never been married, you're garbage? Yep. Is she looking for divorcees? I have no idea, but they're getting a

strong one. Yeah, I hate all of it. Yeah, it doesn't make any sense. I'm looking for widowers, single dads, divorcees. Get at me. Let's go. Some tips to the ones who are unable to start a decent conversation. Do not start saying hey.

Do not give personal compliments. You don't know me to call me hot, hottie, cutie, hun, etc. Be polite. No one likes cheesy convos. Do not be arrogant. Be honest, simple. Go straight to the point. Be a gentleman No one likes cheesy convos. Do not be arrogant. Be honest. Simple. Go straight to the point. Be a gentleman. All women like them.

Remember, intelligence is the sexiest thing. Good luck. From Sarah. Damn. I love when people are like, don't just say hey. I always say hey. That was my opening line for all my tinders was always just like, hey! Because like, that's how you start a conversation. Like, what else? Unless there was a great picture or a great like hook for me to be like okay you need to explain this or

to comment on i would always just start by saying hello yeah i don't really remember what i did it was always different just kind of depended on what i what i felt i feel like i usually like commented on something either in the photos or on their profile but like i don't know i always felt like it was a bit of a crap shot some people were you said hey they'd say it back other people you'd say something interesting funny you just get nothing the thing i never got a response from was how is your day of the week going and why everyone was like how's your friday going never heard anything back and i have no idea why i'm sure it was just coincidence but i literally became so superstitious about using that.

I just stopped saying it. Yeah, I'm pretty sure I've done it and haven't met with great results. OK, what what do you think of this profile? It's a one. Yeah. You know what? I will bet this person is also painful to talk to. You know what it probably is?

It's probably one of those people who has like the rehearsed script in their head. And if you've deviated from slightly, you're, you terrible person all right this is www what women want trudeau has sent me on a not so secret secret quest to help eliminate trash by 2023 despite our best efforts some of you may remain trash but few will get the match consider yourself lucky or maybe someone on the other side has told us to swipe on you hit me up if you want to learn how to get a relationship laid or relearn your social skills to make friends or order a starbucks whatever it is let's figure it out one step at a time is this like a service i don't know the picture is someone with their hand over their tits like okay so this is definitely like naked like like hands draped

artfully over the nips wearing a lot of hannah Hannah. This is a 100% like a male, like an incel or a like dating coach called What Women Want. Yeah. Nah. This is run by dudes. Also, should we do this? It's going to be a zero for me. Yeah, I hate it. It's nothing.

This is Yasmin. I know I'm hot. I don't like brokies. If you are an Aries, don't even bother. Self-motivated. I like fitness and a healthy lifestyle. I'm funny AF. I'm tall, 5'9".

I'm Latina. Is brokies poor people? I assume so. That's too bad. It's a terrible name. I don't like brokies. You know what? I was charming as hell when I was poor.

Me too. Nothing wrong with being poor. Well ain't nothing nothing wrong with being poor well there's something wrong with being charming you gotta be sexy yeah dear yasmin don't waste your my time with your clothes on yeah that's if you like not only saying i don't like brookies being real into fucking star signs and then saying you're funny as fuck i'm gonna guess you're not. I'm sorry. That's going to do us now. It's a pleasure to be here and talking with you.

So thank you very much for listening. Thank you very much for supporting us. We've had a very strong start of the year. I will say this last week, United States beat the Philippines in listening shit. Wait, what? They came. We had more listeners in the US than we did in the Philippines.

Oh, shit. So we said it couldn't be done, and they done did it. It's because of our striking political commentary. So the Philippines, you got to get back in there. You're not out of the fight, but you're now in second place. You've lost the battle, but you're still winning the war. Let's be fair. Yeah. If you have a question for us or just want to chat, we're cool in second place. You've lost the battle, but you're still winning the war. Let's be fair. Yeah. If you have a question for us

or just want to chat, we're cool with that too. You can find us on various social media. You can hit us up on Facebook at FCK Buddies Podcast. You can find us on Twitter at FCK underscore buddies. Hit us up on the Instagram

at FCK Buddies Podcast. You can also email us at fbuddiespodcast at gmail.com or you can visit us online at fbuddiespodcast.com or plentyofbeef.ca Hell yeah. Thank you to Josh Eagle and the Harvest Cities for their song Paper Stars. Now do you have some

bad sex writing for us? You know I do. Now this week, I saw it on Twitter, I do not have the like, the source of where this is from, so I'm sorry if out there you wrote this terrible piece of trash. Feel free to let me know and I will tag you later on. Sorry for calling it a terrible piece of trash, but also it is.

I position myself over her and then drag my breasts across her back, just barely touching her skin with them. Slowly, ever so achingly slowly, I trail my now-hardened nipples down to her ass, to the tops of her thighs. Ah. Her hips are really grinding now. Inspired, I take my right tit in my hand and stuff it into her crack so she can feel my flesh all

up and down her. Her heat rises higher, and her hips move more furiously, sucking my tit into her. Uh-huh. What's wrong with that? That's exactly how sex works. I mean, that's what i do i don't even have to i just use my my nipples just get a gorge man nipples that's pretty neat that's a pretty cool way that these ladies are having sex yeah i wonder if anyone's actually done this i'm going to

imagine that that's it's just like you don't just suck like, oh shit, my dick's nearly, it just got sucked in. Like you don't have a tractor beam on your ass. Maybe. Also like a boob, like how thin is this boob? How big that ass? That's the question you should be asking. Asking. Well, my name is Dave Miller.

And I'm Al Spain. We've been your fuck buddies. Stay safe.