F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 122 - Niall's Condom Sack

Episode Date: February 1, 2021

I don't care who knows it: Leader of Men by Nickelback is a pretty good song.  Topics include recurring tattoo troubles, three round sex requirement, post-sex clean up techniques, what makes sex bad, Dain's murder closet. This week we are proud to be sponsored by MANSCAPED.  Go to http://manscaped.com/ and get 20% off + free shipping with the code: BUDDIES20.

I put my trust in you, and I trust in love I put my trust in you, and I trust in love I put my trust in you, and I trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love Hello friends, my name is Stane Miller And I'm now Spain We're your fuck buddies oh okay thought i'd you know start an inquisitive note my audio demo reel back when i was trying to do the whole acting thing my uh my voiceover demo reel started with that i was like i'm dane miller i did it as a

joke and like and this is why you're now in podcasting yeah this is why I never got a single voiceover gig like damn he can't even read his own name yeah I mean like because when I did it both the director and the like engineer like died and they're like we have to keep that and I was like because you have to do a bunch right like they you do like five six seven just like rapid fire of like introduction so they get like you because you have to do a bunch, right? Like, you do, like, five, six, seven, just, like, rapid fire of, like, introductions. So they can get, like, you have an option to choose it. And when I did that one, they were like, there it is. Keep going.

I was like, okay, sure. And one of the guys is, like, a, like, you know, he did, like, three voices on all of the Canadian Sailor Moon episodes. So, like, it's a big deal. That's the most big you can be as a deal. Hey, back in the day oh you think i'm joking dubbing anime that's where it is i once talked to the man who uh voiced the green power ranger for the irish power rangers he said it in irish so that's my claim to fame that's pretty good wait did they dub the power Rangers in Irish accents? Yes.

No, not in Irish accents. The Irish language. Oh, that's wild. Yeah. Also, SpongeBob. They have SpongeBob in Irish. It's fucking great. That sounds like a nightmare.

Hey, we can watch it sometime. I wish we wouldn't. It's going to be the first thing we do when this fucking lockdown ends. I'm going to abduct you into my home and force you to watch irish spongebob tell people what the podcast's about dane oh we're dating a sexy place show where we take your sticky sexy situations and turn them into sexy sticky situations oh no nailed it this time did i do it so i kind of blacked out there for a second date's getting progressively worse at this either way uh we find questions on the internet or from our good buds and we answer them uh for you to listen to every monday i wonder if my voiceover teacher would be a guest

on our podcast do they fuck he was the voice of melvin on sailor moon you think that man doesn't fuck i don't know who melvin is i've never seen i Superman. I don't know if Melvin is the name. He was the nerdy character. Definitely gets down. Then yeah, he can definitely be a guest. I got hit with this one. We're gonna get out of the way because I don't know if this is our bag, but it is sex advice, I guess.

And it does coincide with a lot of your interests. This is sent to us by Agent Guinness. Cats! Oh. How do I get stupid sexy cats to stop spraying their hot horny piss all over my front door? I get that they just want to get their fuzzy little dinkies wet, but goddamn, help. Huh.

Uh. I mean, I've only ever had neutered cats or spayed cats, so've never had to deal with the the horny cat syndrome yeah me neither uh we did have one cat that even after getting neutered still did a little spray thing and and he kind of just became slowly a fully outdoor cat which he was down for he was a fucking hunter through and through so he was happy but still yeah there was a girl on my street who had a dog uh who they did not get spayed so like when it would menstruate it had to wear like dog diapers no and that's a pretty fucking wild thing to see that's pretty wild that's pretty much all i have to say on the subject all right well i'm just gonna go into my first question then because as funny as this is phrased which it is i

don't know if we can do cat advice i'm sorry we're the wrong podcast for that so this is phrased, which it is, I don't know if we can do cat advice. I'm sorry. We're the wrong podcast for that. So this is by Small Purple Rabbit. I, female 29, broke up my boyfriend, male 27, after he got a tattoo with a classmate, female question mark, of his. I've been trying to figure out how to write this. I need perspective on one event. I left my boyfriend this past Friday and moved in with my parents again.

We've been together since August 2019. I feel terrible even though I was the one that ended the relationship. I still love him even though he did things that were hurtful. What was heartbreaking is that he thinks he did nothing wrong. Started making jokes by having sex with a classmate of his. Since he, oh sorry, a classmate. Every time it's mentioned, it's in like quotation marks. Just in case you can't see me do them in the air.

I know he has an abrasive sense of humor, so I let it slide. Then he took me to the pizzeria where she works for lunch. I thought, okay, no problem. Then he kept getting lunch at the pizzeria, which is an hour away. Then they started hanging out, at first with other classmates, then just the two of them. Then he told me that when he graduated from nursing school, he wanted to celebrate his graduation with only her. By going to the bar, they started frequenting together.

Then he told me he wanted to buy a used Michael K kors watch repair it and give it to her unless i wanted it keep in mind for my birthday he got me a mop then this past friday okay then this past friday he disclosed in front of other people that he got a matching tattoo with her after getting drunk at the aforementioned bar with her he told me about the tattoo after he told me i told him you're telling me this in front of other people so i don't make a scene then he proceeded to make a scene he told me basically to go to my parents house if i didn't like the fact that he and his classmate got a matching tattoo i told myself this is it our relationship is over as i walked away he kept mocking me saying okay i assume like n-sync uh i called my mom from my truck told her everything and now i'm back at my parents i put up with a lot because i wanted to make this work i put up a lot with a lot because

i love him when we started dating there were red flags but i thought the good outweighed the bad i was wrong this saturday i picked up the remainder of my things after speaking with him i let him know i wish i hadn't things hadn't ended like this. He looked at me and said, you moving out is stupid. I've always treated you like this. This is not true. On Friday, when I initially left, he told me not to contact him. I told him the same.

But on Saturday, we agreed to keep in contact since we have bills tied to each other. I haven't initiated contact. He has missed me a couple of times. I respond cordially. I don't plan to go back to him. He became someone I didn't agree to date. I didn't agree to date. I didn't agree to date with someone who obviously hurt and mocked me.

I'm admitting information for the sake of brevity. Being insulted and ridiculed in front of other people is a straw that broke the camel's back. I thought I was a good girlfriend. Clean cooked and looked after him. I was even his elderly father's caregiver at one point. I was close with his family and close even with his best friend. I took care of his father's dogs. I say this because even though I ended the relationship, he checked out since he met his classmate. I rang this pains me.

I don't know if I'll trust another man again. Heart untrust or shattered. How can I trust again? How am I supposed to love again? I feel sadness and the bitter taste of betrayal. That took a hard right turn from where I thought it was going. I literally thought it was going to be one of those situations where it's like he's hanging out with a classmate. And it it was going to be one of those situations where it's like, he's hanging out with

a classmate, and it was just going to be like, yeah, he has a friend, and they got matching tattoos, and it's not a big deal. But no, wow, this dude sucks. When his, like, his defense is, baby, I've always treated you like shit.

Why are you changing your mind now? Is fucking powerful, and so goddamn terrible. Now, the thing is, we don't ever see what the tattoo is. I don't think it really matters. It definitely matters. If it's like something super fucking dumb, like if it's a palm tree. Like, I almost got a palm tree with a bunch of other people drunk on a beach in Thailand.

That wouldn't have meant shit. You know what I mean? Whereas like if it's something super unique to the two of them, like there's a lot of scope between like if he got her name tattooed on him, that would be weird. Right. But if you're admitting you're focused, you're like zeroing in on the tattoo and not everything else that is like orbiting the tattoo. I'm focusing on the tattoo because that's why she broke up with him. So obviously it's a big issue to her too. But I mean, like the, this dude's behavior with his classmate,

like is definitely problematic and troubling, especially with like the watch mop situation. Now, now Dane, he said he would get it it repair it and give it to the friend unless the girlfriend wanted it regardless of what the tattoo is his justification of i've always treated you this way is all you need to hear really like it doesn't matter what the tattoo is yes so for some reason i think well actually i'll get into this in a second i find it hard to fully believe the things this person is saying because it's very melodramatic and like they never talk about what the tattoo is and like the classmate it's like what's wrong with going to the

pizzeria with you you know what i mean like he took me to the pizzeria where she works for lunch if something was going on i doubt he'd be doing that so why is it listed as a problem you know what i mean the tattoo why is the tattoo a problem you know the mop sure but like that's that's it's oh that's already a problem that has nothing to do with this it's like if the mop isn't the problem it isn't if it is why wasn't an issue before now right why'd he get you a mop that's a fucking terrible ass present you know so it's like there's so many things orbiting this that it's hard to tell what are the actual things and what are now being thrown into the mix.

Like, it seems really fucking bizarre to be like, hey, for graduation, I'm only going to celebrate with this girl, not you. That's a terrible thing to do, to the point where I find it hard to believe it went down that way. But, unless you have something else to say, I have a second part to this. I understand why she's saying what she's saying, being like, oh, you know, first we went to the pizzeria and he took me to lunch and then stopped bringing me and only started going to this pizzeria an hour away. It's like, I understand why she's bringing it up.

We are cursed with the one side of the story situation. But using the information we have available to us, like it does seem like he ended up sort of committing more to this other woman than his girlfriend. You know what, Dane? How about some more information then? Sure. My boyfriend, 25, wants to get his best friend's name, a woman, tattooed on his body. Hello, Reddit. My boyfriend, 25, and I, 27, met in February of this year at work. We became a couple three weeks ago.

After knowing each other for a couple of months, I'm starting to question his emotional intelligence and maturity, something that could destroy our relationship. I love my boyfriend, and as he has shown me countless times, he loves me too. What I'm about to disclose troubles me. To begin with, he wants his best friend's name tattooed on his body. This friend is a woman, a woman he met in high school, and she wants to do the same. Before he told me of his intention, he told me a couple of days ago they were Facebook married, and he wasn't going to change

his status because they did this to piss off her boyfriend. I don't mind, but I don't use Facebook. Then he disclosed the fact they used to sext. Not only that, he told her he loved her a while back. He also disclosed at one point she wanted to have a child, and he volunteered to be that child's father. I don't have an issue with this or the friendship because it all happened before they met me.

However, today he told me they were legally married because she needed health insurance. Then he said it was a joke. He does this where he tells me a lie and tells me the lie is a joke because he wants to fuck with me. But he has said this joke multiple times and the more he says it, the more it hurts. Etc. Back to getting the tattoo issue. He wants his friend's name, who's a woman, tattooed in his body. I suggested we could do that if he liked, and he rejected the idea, since she's his ride or die, and we haven't known each other long enough to do the same thing. Here's the thing. He dated a co-worker of ours

Actually, this just goes on for- Oh, actually, no. This is great. He dated a co-worker of ours before we became a couple, and added her to his will. Even though the relationship didn't work out, and she treated him horribly, he loves his car so much that if he dies, she gets his sports car. He told me since she's the only person he knows that will love his car the same that if she if he dies she gets his sports car he told me since she's the only person he knows that will love his car the same way he does

he wants her to have it on the condition she doesn't sell it and then there's a whole bunch about how he's a good man she's never had a tattoo before so it's a big deal for her to offer to get one he's a good man again i was hospitalized and he stuck with me but my heart is breaking because i don't understand why this tattoo is a big deal, especially for me. And this is the exact same person a year ago. Okay. So I was so confused by all the information that I went and tried to figure out what the tattoo was. I even messaged them.

They did not reply. And I found this old post. And with the ages, it makes sense that it's the same boyfriend, which adds a whole brand new scope on this. If the tattoo was an issue beforehand is it possible that it's a different guy but it's still an issue about tattoos or is it the same guy in which case did he not get a tattoo with the first girl and now is getting one with a second girl are they the same girl well she says classmate so it could be the same person because

they said it was a high school friend right so but this is a whole different thing where he was planning it for ages. And now she doesn't she like didn't like it as opposed to the other one where it's a surprise one that she had no idea of. Was it a surprise? Because it's just as you know, she he got it. It could have been like the same tattoo that was always planned. Just she never knew he had it or was going to get it. Maybe it's a lot though, Dan. I think we should either way. It's like a series on this. same tattoo that was always planned just she never knew he had it or was gonna get it maybe it's a lot though dan i think we should either way it's like a series on this this is enough

drama for a whole riverdale this doesn't change how i feel about this guy or my answer to the question where it's like don't feel bad that you broke up with this guy he sucks he also seems like borderline so sociopathic like adding people arbitrarily to the will like i like everything who was the will at 25 what and like getting facebook married to piss off her boyfriend like none of it makes any sense to me none of it screams maturity none of it seems like he's a good partner like every part of this seems like you are you've done yourself a favor he's done you a favor by provoking you to leave him like all of this is good news yes does it hurt yes does it suck sure but does that mean you're never going to love again let

me tell you you will because it sounds like pretty much anyone's gonna be better than this guy yeah the the like the whole like on, oh, I'm Facebook married. Oh, we're going to have a kid together. Oh, we're actually married. Like, it just seems like he's trying to needle you and get you jealous. The Will thing is wild. I don't understand why you'd be upset at it, though, really. Because it's like, fuck it.

If he wants to give his car to someone, why does it bother you? But I do love how all your problems are tattoo based. Maybe date someone whose tattoos are against their religion. Yeah. Or someone who has, like, paper skin where they can't tattoo because they'll just pierce right through them and break their bones just completely unravel their skin like breaking a frozen water balloon ever see that i have it's great yeah uh yeah i think it's skin though no not when it's a human person but hey you'd be'd be safe. Cause show them that video and be like, this will happen to you.

Maybe find someone who doesn't know that human bodies don't act like that. I tell them that that's what it is. And then you'll be safe. No tattoos for you. Yeah. So your options are date, maybe like a seven year old or a hardcore old Testament Christian. There you go.

We've solved it. Hey, guess what? Both these people will probably be more mature better partners than this guy that's true i find it surprising you're so on her side but maybe it's just because you haven't read the whole thing like in depth because it's just there's a lot of weird stuff from her angle too man well like i said like the the telling thing is him being like i treat you like this all the time well Well, if that is, if that's a direct quote, if he is though,

is it bad for him to at least be able to like admit it? Right. It's not that like, he's not lying or making excuses. If she's suddenly like, whoa, what the fuck? And he's like,

I do this all the time. Maybe he never knew he was a massive dickhead. And that's one thing, but it's like that itself. I love how you're so offended by that, but it's like, if he's saying like, I do this all the time, like, and he does, then she should have been gone long before.

You could say that about like any abusive relationship of being like, I've always hit you. Why are you choosing now to leave? I feel like abusers usually don't say I've always been like this. They're usually like, oh, no, no, baby. Here's an excuse. And then whatever. That's why I'm saying this guy sounds like a sociopath where he's like, I treat you like shit all the time. Why is this the point where you're choosing to leave?

As opposed to being like trying to cover it up or trying to make excuses, trying to get her to stay. I guess it depends what she brought up while she was saying this. But yes. Maybe he just buys her mops all the time, man. Baby, I get you mops all the time man baby i get you mops all the time and you said you love it you said you love mops all right hit me uh this comes from reddit user right wing pegging club oh god she says she likes to go three rounds whenever she has sex how exactly do i do that i get the do it three times, but the actual logistics of it are

pretty confusing and even a bit intimidating. I've got a high libido and plenty of stamina, but even for me, if I'm not once really hard, I'm pretty spent, probably for a minimum 10 minutes. And each round of sex is usually decided as quote unquote over after the guy comes, right? Do I end a round without coming? Why not just do one really long session? I think she's just talking a big game. What do you guys think? We're both in our 20s and I'm more experienced. We haven't had sex due to circumstances,

but we're going to any day. I have been discussing it a bit. So like so much wrong. We once we once got yelled at, not yelled at, but we were kindly reprimanded by a tantric sex. Like page on twitter because we said that like most guys only like come once and like multiple orgasms for guys pretty rare um i still stand by that because it is pretty rare like you have to literally go and delve into tantra and

and all that or be a particularly i don't know blessed person to be able to do that like the general norm not to say it's impossible obviously um but the general norm is like you know once and then at least a small gap right so to that end going three rounds as a matter of course it's just not realistic if if you think three rounds is three times like you you all coming three times or like fucking in three male involved ways if it's that she wants to come three times sure that's totally different like i i think he kind of got it correct when he said she's talking a big game yes it it screams to me like i the closest i've heard to this was off someone who i then found out was a virgin and i was like what i was wondering why

you're saying all this mad shit that doesn't make any sense um i was very confused because i was like god what are they talking about like this is some weird like obnoxious arrogant energy they're bringing to to these discussions and it just turns out i guessious, arrogant energy they're bringing to these discussions. And it just turns out, I guess they were insecure and we're trying to like sound better than I don't know. Trying to make up for it, I guess, with big talk. Yeah, but like I want to I want to walk back a bit to the point where he says each round of sex is usually decided as over after the guy comes. Yeah, that's just so wrong, which is why I was saying if she wants to come three times, sure. If she like has a thing where she wants to come three times, it's also kind of weird just to be like, that's what I expect.

It's so arbitrary. It's so like I've never gone into sex being like, well, this isn't over until I've done, you know, X or like I need to be like it's she's acting like sex is like well this isn't over until i've done you know x or like i need to be like it's she's acting like sex is like a daily in a fucking sex is a recipe this will all make sense later okay cool like it seems like she's like being like well you know doggy style for five minutes and uh you know three orgasms it's like who fucking cares like good sex is good sex regardless of you know how many times you guys have come or blah blah blah if you've enjoyed the sex then you've had good sex then what does it matter about any sort of other arbitrary parameters that you've like pre-existing walking into the situation.

Like it makes no sense to me. Yeah, you could have like one big orgasm. Or just like hit the point where like you're done. And it's, you know, maybe it's one. Maybe it's two. Maybe it's fucking five. Like there is no, or there shouldn't be like this arbitrary number. Because then it's like, let's say you're done after one or two.

But your partner's like, well, gotta keep going. And like, what do you say then? Oh, sorry. This time I'm breaking my rule. Why? Like, it's just everything's so bizarre. So what I'm saying is if it is like her orgasming three times, it is a lot more possible than you coming three times. But it's still fucking weird.

Nothing about this is right, because even if it's in the possible realms they're making weird claims and weird statements that are just going to make sex unenjoyable and bizarre and if it's not that then they just don't know how it works and you're going to have a very sore dick trying to figure this all out i also think there's a like my big problem with this despite all sort of like the little things we just talked about, my big problem is she's setting parameters about their sexual relationship without discussing him at all. You know what I mean? They also haven't had sex yet.

There's been no communication as to like, like if you have to go to rent and be like, I don't know what she means. Then it's like, okay, you've, you've, you're starting off on the wrong foot of like,

if she's like, Hey, I, when I have sex, I like to go three rounds. An accurate or like an appropriate question would be like, what do you mean by that? Because then you don't have to guess. Then you don't have to wonder.

And hopefully she will explain it. And if she doesn't explain it, then it's like she's not going to be a good sexual partner if what she wants requires guesswork. I think we could already establish she's not gonna be a good sexual partner at least initially like nothing that she said here it makes for anything the only way i can see this having gone down that isn't like super bizarre it's like maybe she just got carried away they were dirty talking he's like oh yeah i like bubble it's like oh yeah i always go three rounds and she's like why did i why did i say that oh fuck what why did i say that what does that mean maybe she's just actually really into mma and thought you guys were talking about something else he was like i'm gonna choke you she's like i know i always go three rounds man

you think you're gonna make me tap out i fucking always go three try submit me my big issue is that because like it it sort of has the same vibe like what if this dude like if we flip it around and a guy was like oh yeah you know every morning i i have to wake up with a blow job so you gotta give me you gotta give me a blow job every morning because that's just how i like it it's like you don't get to make those claims you don't get to make those decisions i i like to come every day you know i like my partner to make me come every day. Like, you can't just say that.

Yeah. Yeah. Literally anything. Like, even if he's just like, oh, I only finish in her mouth or on your face. You know what I mean? It's like, cool. That's great for you. But like, you do need the other person's consent and agreement in order to do these things, regardless of what you like.

Yeah. in order to do these things, regardless of what you like. Yeah, it's super unrealistic to impossible to expect you to be able to come deflate, you know, re-engage and, you know, repeat three times. So that's off the table. It's super weird for her to like demand three orgasms per go. And if you get those two off the table, what's left? Aside from actual boxing, in which case if she is experienced and you're not she's gonna kick the shit out of you that's not she will she will beat the hell out of you yeah but i do understand why he didn't go what what do you mean because i'm

sure he doesn't want to come off as like you know not experienced or you know ruin the sexy vibe because like if you guys are like back and forth about fucking and it's coming up you're excited as she says something like you don't want to be that uncool person who's like wait what what what do you mean no but i also don't want to encourage people to not clarify what their sexual partner wants no 100 i i'm not saying it's the right thing to do i'm just saying i understand why he didn't do it yeah for, for sure. And like, there's a time and place, right? Like if you guys are sexting, then yeah, for sure. Carry on with that.

But then like, there's no harm in later bringing it up with your partner and being like, hey, so, you know, we talked about this. You mentioned that you wanted to go three rounds. Like, let's talk about that because I don't think I could do it. Yeah, that's totally fair. This is by Overhead Sprinkler. Can someone give me a step-by-step guide of what to do after sex? How do you clean up? So you get done having sex and now there's a cum-filled condom hanging off your dick. What is the first thing you do? Do you keep the condom on?

Do you take it off? If you keep the condom on, do you just cuddle with that rubber cum-filled bag on your dick? That seems pretty gross to cuddle in. If you take it off, do you make a joke about it while the girl lays in bed looking at you? If you take it off, where do you put it? Is there a trash can in your room or do you have to run to the bathroom with it? Do you keep tissues in your room for that sort of thing? Don't your hands smell like latex now?

Do you wash them? If you don't go wash them, you still have pussy juices and common lube and latex on your hands. Isn't that annoying when you smear it all over your phone? What about the girl? If she wants to stay and cuddle, doesn't she need to clean up? What things does the girl need? Do I need to give her tissues? Don't tissues fall apart and get fuzzies all over your hands? Would a towel

be better? Wet wipes maybe? For that reason, should there be a trash can on both sides of the bed so she doesn't have to hand me her gross tissues slash wipes? Can I go to the bathroom and wash up? And another thread, a dude said this gives the impression to the girl that sex with her was disgusting. What about dribbling out cum in bed do you keep a spare towel between you where do you put this towel beforehand i'm serious everyone likes to act like they know what they're doing but what are you supposed to do during the awkward moments immediately after sex i get that we're gonna make fun of this guy for his frantic nature yes it's it's a lot let's get that out of the way for now i love this and it's adorable but it's whoa whoa dude i well here's the thing is

they're all valid questions i think at some point in time these have all crossed everyone's mind i don't think maybe as manic as this but like i'm sure every dude has been like should i go get her a towel or you know i mean like all those little things where it's like especially the first time you have sex like i don't like you don't really know the protocol and i'm gonna tell you my dude there isn't really one i'll say hats off for the foresight to realize that this is what happens at the end because like i think a lot of people especially once your first time you're not thinking about afterwards you're thinking about it and only it and it's only when you get to the end that you're there and you're like oh damn

i don't have a trash can in my room and my parents are downstairs so i can't just waddle into the hallway condom in hand why would you be waddling if you have your condom in your hand because there's two on your feet, too. And it's slippy. Because you've stretched it over, both of you. Both your legs are now hopping like you're in a sleeping bag. Yeah, 100%. How else do you do it?

I mean, there you go. That's the answer to the question. You take your condom off your penis, and then climb inside of it, and walk your way down the hall 100 there you go but yeah this is a lot though what's your after sex ritual what do you do i was gonna make a joke about just rubbing your dick on the sheets like that one question we did but like i'm pretty easy going you know i've got i've got a trash bag in my room usually i'll get rid of it as soon as possible

i've definitely back in my less experienced days done, like, cuddle with the condom on. But, like, as you slowly grow soft. I do want to stop you right here. You said you have a trash bag in your room. Yes. Is it in a garbage can as well, or is it just a loose condom?

It hangs off the back of my door. It's just a bag. I'll put trash in there. Is it specifically for condoms? No, it's just in general. You know, like if I have paper. I don't usually put much in it, but... Okay. Maybe that's weird.

I think it's a little weird. Okay. Well, maybe I'll get an actual trash. But I do have a treasure chest where my condoms are, so it evens out. That's fair. Yeah. I think I'm on more on it. Like, I'm a...

Once I finish having sex sex i want to get that condom off immediately yeah i would say do that because when i was younger and less experienced i definitely would like get in the like you know cuddle uh and then you slowly go soft and then it's it's either gonna fall off or get lost or they move and then you just get you slop it somewhere no one wants that you also don't want to like get into a nice cuddle and then have to move you know what i mean as you slowly you know so i would immediately after you're done you know have it somewhere in arm's reach get rid of that fucker and then you can cuddle nicely it's all good uh the sooner the better really also usually they're not paying attention anyway

when you've just finished they don't know where they are that sounds weird but you know what i mean uh so it's like you have a grace period where they're just like whoa and you get to just like bin it lie down in bed not worry about it and aside from that like unless it got really messy or like you're doing anal and you want to go wash your hands, you know what I mean? Like, fuck it. Like, you just had sex. It's messy, whatever. Like, you're probably a little sweaty, probably got some stuff on your hands, but, like, it's nothing you both haven't seen or touched before.

It's, like, maybe don't smear it anywhere, but, like, get a fucking cuddle in if that's where you're at. It always weirds me out when people are like, ew, it's like you guys literally have just gotten all your juices everywhere like now is not the time to be coy about what's where you know what i mean like chances are you've got you know vaginal secretions in your beard and on your mouth and in your, you know, all of your hands on your thighs, like don't get fucking weird about it now. Like sex is messy. And if, you know what I mean? Like,

and depending on what you guys are doing, like maybe she wants you to finish on her or maybe she's a squirt. Like the amount of juices being swapped between the two of you, like grow up. Don't worry about it. do get it like i like i said i'm a big cleaner guy i'd like to get the condom off as soon as i can i usually give it a quick pat down and with with like a kleenex or something um if you want to be a little more pat it down the condom yeah just let it know it's done a good job. No. Yeah, no, you pat it.

You don't pat it down. That makes it feel disgusting. You just, like, give it one of those, like, I... Good job, buddy. Also, here's a tip. Don't flush your condoms down the toilet. No, don't do that. I know a person who went to their parents' cottage once as a teen,

and they flushed a bunch of condoms down the toilet, blocked it, and then their dad had to fish their used condoms out and was not happy with them yeah that that will just fuck up your pipes throw them out if you're worried about you know depending on how close it is to your bed like get rid of them like just empty your garbage can at the end of the night otherwise your room is gonna probably smell like old semen which yeah you don't want to smell like old jizz and that's the thing so there is it's like the the 10 second rule when you drop something your juices and everything they're fine for a cuddle you know what i mean yeah they're fine for like a good hour at least depending on what you're doing but you don't want to leave those juices on you on the bed on whatever for, for too long. You know what I mean?

So like, if you have a big cum filled bucket beside your bed, not great. Also, it is very, it's super, super healthy and like highly recommended that you pee after sex. So like,

especially if you're a girl, especially if you're a woman, it's not so much of an issue if you're a dude, we using condoms, but like no harm in taking preventative measures against UTIs. You know what I mean? So if you do need to slip away, then slip away to the bathroom. And like, no one's going to be like, oh, wow, he went to the bathroom after sex.

It's like, yeah, like you should to get in there. And if while you're getting up, if you want to ask her if she needs anything while you're up, then you're being courteous. You're you're you know, you're taking care of your needs. to ask her if she needs anything while you're up then you're being courteous you're so you're you know you're taking care of your needs you're seeing if she needs anything problem solved like you just relax there's i think that is the key to this is relax there's definitely nothing wrong with having a towel and tissues on hand you know i mean just in general but especially if like you're gonna come on someone or like you know they're a squirter or whatever like just have them on hand it's not that hard you know it doesn't have to be a special towel it could be one of your towels just fucking wash it afterwards you know i have some we specifically

have a sex towel there you go especially yeah i just have them on the side of the bed now if you are somebody who is you know squeamish about juices or whatever, ignore us telling you to calm down because that's not going to help. And just be open with your partner about these things. Like try to, you know, if you do want to go clean off, try to do it unobtrusively. Don't like run off yelling, ew, and like holding your hands away from you

like they're on fire. You know, feel free to be open because like if you feel that way you feel that way like there's no harm um but you know just be cognizant of like how somebody might view that if they're not used to it you know but that's about it like you do you but you don't have to overthink it but do get that condom off you as soon as possible yeah i used to love like giving people the the chance to also decide whether or not they wanted to stay you know what i mean like taking the the you know three minutes to go to the

bathroom and sort of like give myself a little splash and and wipe would i would come back and like sometimes if they were fully closed i'd be like okay i know you you just want to bounce which is cool great whereas like if you go right into sort of like the cuddling, it's kind of like implied that you're. And it's also harder to leave if you do want to leave. But that's, you know. That's a different question. It's a certain kind of fucking. Yeah, that that was just like one thing I really liked about being able to like wander off and give myself a clean is I allow people to sort of make a decision.

You should always allow them to make a decision, Dan. Only if I finished do they get to make a decision. Only if I've gone three rounds and a half. I think it's that time. Yeah, we've talked about cleaning up juices, but what about cleaning up the downstairs? I'm trying to think of a word that means hair arrives with juices and i don't know why i don't know why i walked myself into that corner anyway let's take a quick break spruces sprucing we've talked about vaginal juicing

now let's talk about testicular sprucing. There it is. Let's go. Now, Dan, I think we can all agree dating during a pandemic is competitive and tough, but don't worry. There's optimism with Valentine's Day right around the corner. I want you to be prepared for this holiday by presenting the prettiest dong possible. That's why our sponsors, Manscaped, have created products that will make your Valentine's Day date say, wow, great set of balls you have there.

I have actually at some point had someone compliment my balls and it was it wasn't like asked for, but it was like, hi, can you compliment my balls? No, it was just like we were just talking and someone was just like, yeah, like you're great balls. And I was like, that's a weird. OK, but now having really sort of like given myself the luxurious ball treatment, like I'm ready to have my balls complimented whenever.

Yeah, I'm almost sad that more people aren't seeing my balls. And it's it's a thing I don't think I've ever thought in my life. But, like, they're sleek. They smell fucking great. I will say the ball deodorant is, like, it's like cologne almost. It's good. It's nice. It's no wonder 2 million men are already trusting Manscaped products to make their testes their finest.

So I don't know about you, but, like, my favorite gifts are the kind of gifts that like it's good for you too you know what i mean right it's like a little a little gift for yourself as well so for any of the girls out there who are listening who have some you know some men that need scaping in their lives give them a gift that's good for you and them you're gonna get some clean balls that smell great in your life and the best way to get started with that is heading over to manscaped and getting the perfect package 3.0 it's the ultimate hygiene package for your below the waist grooming needs so what's what's the headliner in this package dane uh it's gonna be i mean i know what they want us to say they want us to talk about the lawnmower 3.0 and yeah it's fucking incredible but for me it's it's those smelly goods things know what I mean? The ball deodorant and the crop reviver.

You know what? I get you because I feel like as a man, you don't have many smelly good things, right? It's like if I go into my girlfriend's side of the bathroom, there's stuff in there I don't even know what it's for. There's specific creams for nose cream and hair perfume and shit. We don't get that. Especially not for our balls. No. Specifically not for our balls. You can't spray cologne on your dick no you just can't do it it's it's not balanced unlike all the stuff that manscape gives you it has like a proper ph

balance and is specifically designed to be put on the sensitive area that is your balls yeah it smells good and also we did have that one question arguing about people spritzing their genitals with like underarm deodorant back in the day. Never do that. We said never do that back then. Now there's a reason to never do that. But let's talk about the La More 3.0. It is the pinnacle of male grooming accessories.

It has advanced skin safe technology to make sure that you will never nick your balls again. If you use it properly, I'm sure you can probably do it if you are an idiot and don't follow instructions. But it would be a challenge. And it features a cutting edge ceramic blade to reduce grooming accidents. It's also waterproof, so you can groom it in the shower. There's not going to be a pube murder scene on the bathroom floor or in the sink. This will come into our next question, by the way. You'll thank us for this.

We've already talked about the Crop Preserver and the Crop Reviver, Ball Toner and Ball Deodorant. Keep your balls from sweating, smelling and sticking. And like, they are very good. They will set the mood, especially for Valentine's Day, if you know what I mean. Wink. Wink?

We mean sex. I mean, yeah, it's refreshing. Like I've started doing it when I get out of the shower after I've like, so I'll work out and then I'll grab a shower. And then I used, I used the ball toner as just like a quick, like,

and it's just like, it just, it's the difference between having a good shower and having a great shower. And when you have a great shower at the beginning of the day, you know, what's going to be a good day. Like it just changes your mindset. What's even better is there are crop mops,

which are ball wipes. You can just keep them in your wallet in a date because you never know when the magic can happen and if it does you can be prepared yeah just pop into the bathroom pull it out of your pocket give yourself a quick like rub down it's unintrusive it's quick it's easy you toss them out and you're fresh as a fucking daisy on top of that manscape boxers are one of the most comfortable i've worn. They do look very good. They're sexy boxers, but honestly, just like, I would wear them to work just because they are nice to have on. Yeah, as soon as I got my package, I was like, I'm putting these on.

And I ran to the bedroom and tried them on. And then I pretty much immediately after that ordered another set. I bought three more pairs of boxers. They're probably the most comfortable pair of underwear I've ever worn. And they also have the similar sort of technology that the ball deodorant does. And it's meant for anti-chafing and reducing wetness and swap crotch. So if you're a person like us and you're active and you're running around, you'll thank yourself because you won't have that dreaded swamp dick. You know that you've like sort of taken care of everything below your waist.

You're looking good. You're smelling good. You don't want to neglect the upper body because that's arguably the half that most people are going to interact with on a daily basis. That's why you can get Manscaped's Refined Clone and their signature scent. It's got all the sort of like smelling deliciousness power of the other stuff. But this is something that like everyday people can smell on you without, you know, shoving your balls in their face. It'll also help you get to the point where you can shove your balls in their face. Yeah. Everyone likes people who smell good. Like there's, I think it's a universal trait where it's like, if you smell good, you are immediately like knocked a couple

pegs higher and the sort of like head turning ability. You're already ticking boxes. What can we do for you? We've told you about all this great stuff. Now we're going to give you a Valentine's gift of our own courtesy of Manscaped. We're giving you a promo code to save yourself 20% off the perfect package or any of the other products on the store uh you get 20% off and free shipping by using the promo code buddies20 that is b-u-d-d-i-e-s-2-0 this works internationally and your balls will thank you so get 20% off and free shipping with the code buddies, 20 at manscaped.com. It's time to make February 13th international trim your pubes day with manscaped.

Okay. Are you ready? Is it your turn? Is it my turn? I got to hit you with something. It's my turn. Okay. we had a good little discussion question last before the break so i'm gonna i'm gonna hit you with this and i think it's gonna it's something that that we should talk about i don't think we've talked about it this comes from reddit user silky bonjour which is a great name by the way that's perfect i'm curious to know what you guys consider bad

sex is it slow boring too rough no chemistry hey y'all i'm honestly curious just to compare my past sexual experience with you guys because i think towards the end of my relationship i was having very very boring sex with my ex there was no chemistry and it seemed like we just did it uh to get off rather than enjoy the experience let me know there's nothing wrong with slow there's definitely something wrong with boring yeah i think they were just listed like it's slow sex bad sex for you so this is a personal thing yeah i don't think slow sex is ever just bad sex it may be someone but i feel like that just means you're with someone who's doing it wrong maybe i mean there might be people who hate slow sex i don't know but again like we're not here to yuck anyone's i'm not here to yuck

give me your yum right now spooky Spooky girls, yuck. Take that back. So, for me, I think, like, timid sex. And I don't mean, like, you know, you can roleplay timidity and you can, you know, whatever. But it's, like, if you're not, like, if you're not confident and if you're not, like, into it... Well, being into it, firstly, you know, that's a different thing, you know. But it's, like, if you don't act like you're into it, you're just like if you're disengaged i think like that's definitely one like if someone's just giving you a hand job or a blow job or like foreplay and like they don't feel

like they're into it they're just like you know painting by numbers they're ticking the box that kills it for me but other than that it's just like you know if you're not doing anything if you're just lying there like a corpse obviously not not great and the other thing is like really obnoxiously loud fake reactions because i had someone i've told you about this before it was like porn for the hard of hearing it was terrible so those are a little a little soup song of mine you go you go for yours yeah i think a lot of that I will mirror, uh, especially the, the loud, like over the top reactions. It's,

it's a lot to take. And, and even if it is genuine, it feels fake. Um, and it also, it's like, it's inconsiderate.

Like no one, you don't need to broadcast to everyone that you're having sex. And I know there are people out there who are just naturally loud, but like, you can be aware of your, the noise you're making like 90 of the time so you know sometimes if you lose control that's fine cool great but like most people our age have roommates or live in buildings that have neighbors so like that takes me out of it like if i was ever with someone who's really really loud i'd be like fuck this sucks for my roommate right now and that isn't something i should be thinking about while

having sex exactly anything that's taking you out of the experience and it's like again a bit of loudness is fine you know what i mean even if you're a loud person whatever but like if you just don't give a fuck enough to even try to modulate it or you're just putting it on that sucks um and the other big thing for me is um not listening to either verbal or non-verbal cues of things where it's like there would be times where uh for me it's nipples like for some reason you were going for the nipples women always go for my nipples and i fucking hate people touching me like i get no pleasure from it and nine times out of ten the like licking will always be biting i don't know why it happens but the amount of times i've had women bite my nipples and it's like okay you've tried something out and

i'll be like hey i'm not into that and they don't listen i immediately like do not want to have sex anymore like i get like a like a toddler and i like i want to cross my arms and like pout and that means like that is not that is not sexy for anyone um so i think and there are also other times where like i will if you know say like a leg is cramping or something i'm like oh i gotta like switch position they're like no i like this it's like well cool but like yeah my leg collaborative yeah it's like i understand that you're enjoying this but like maybe we could work something else where i'm not dying yeah um so it's like i i the the give and take of sex of of you know working together and like if that if i feel like i really have to sort of like beg you to be

a participant or or a team yeah then i'm not gonna probably want to have sex with you again yeah i think a lot of what i was saying kind of goes around that too it's like if if you're not putting the work in but i am or like if i'm putting in more interest and you're not like if you're not meeting in the middle you know unless again it's like some situation where you're role-playing or you know one person's tied up that's different yes um but if you're not kind of honoring the pack because it's a team fucking game that that just sucks i just thought it would be something interesting because like we always talk about like what you should do and all that i thought maybe maybe nice to just vocally express what we don't like in sex uh anyway because we just speak what i've just

we just spoke about like you know grooming downstairs if you have like if you have shaved but it's come up a little bit and it's prickly don't grind it on my my sensitive ass dick that's not great like be aware of your body it like, I don't like needle your clit. Right. So it's like realize that a dick is quite sensitive and treated accordingly. Yeah. All right. Hit me.

All right. So I think I'm going to toss out our red flag, Twitters, Tinders, Tinders, our red flag, online dating profiles, and kind of amalgamate them with my,

with our last question. And we sent out a bit of an online blast. We've got a pretty good response from a lot of people on this one. So this is going to be an interactive kind of bit of them, bit of us question. This is by Dr. ButtsXPhD. What would you consider a red flag when going to a guy's apartment for the first time? I'm trying to make sure my apartment isn't woman repellent. Before you ask, I keep it extremely clean, wondering what else would turn a girl off.

Do you want me to hit you with our responses, or do you want to hit me with what you think first um so here are the things that i used to do to like prepare to have a lady over to my apartment uh one i would empty my garbage can you mean the bag that hangs on the back of your door yeah or or if you're niall your trash sack that you just have collecting old condoms in the corner of your room so i would yeah i would always empty my garbage can i would make my bed and i would clean my toilet those would be my three big things solid um everything else it's like i i wouldn't put a whole lot of like posturing in like what i had available like i had a a shelf over my bed with like a bunch of nerdy shit on it and i wouldn't ever move anything because that's me those are things that i love

those are things that i'm into i'm not going to tailor what i present to women in order to appeal them you know what i mean and i agree i don't think you should do that like by all means have things tidy and clean you know what i mean those are two different things um but you don't need it like clinical you know what i mean you don't need like scoured surfaces and gleaming everything because like if it feels like a showroom or like a serial killers den it's gonna be weird uh one thing i would say that like once you hit a certain age like the sexy girl posters i think you need to retire i would imagine just get rid of them i've never had like a sexy girl poster up because i always thought they were a little like weird but like i that's

just it's not a great look if you're trying to come across at any kind of maturity i also think like back to your like clean the garbages thing you gotta make sure there's absolutely zero evidence of you having had sex with other people because that's gross right if someone like looks in the you know bin beside your bed and sees a used condom it doesn't matter how long ago it was doesn't matter that you were safe it's a gross thing to see and it's going to ruin the whole experience for them so just like just clean clean that stuff out you know don't have like your cum sock or your cum brag or your cum tissues stacked anywhere like just make sure that stuff's out of there i think the biggest red flag is when you come in and everything is covered in uh

if it's been like dextred so everything's like plastic wrapped and they've got like a table with a bunch of knives on it did i ever tell you the story about my plastic wrap situation i was gonna get you to talk about your one where you're there's a giant room full of mannequins because that seemed to me like a red flag. Oh, yeah. Well, I mean, like, yeah, there's this one, I mean, lovely lady who I ended up sleeping with for ages, but she was a fashion designer. And when I was going to the bathroom, her whole back room was just filled with various mannequins. And it was terrifying. I think I would probably red flag various mannequins and it was terrifying i think i would probably red flag the mannequins them specifically or her well like the mannequins are the red flag she's not a red flag that you shouldn't keep seeing the mannequins game yeah no i or at least warn people when

they're going to the bathroom and it's nighttime and that you have an army of mannequin it's like i get it those are her like she uses those for work great but no i i was doing a film uh way back when and it was it was set in like a yeah yeah so like i have i had i mean i still have them but i had a bunch of like weapons and uh like costumes and stuff and i had that all set up in my i had like this huge double closet that used to be like a his and her closet and one side like was a single door which was my stuff and then when i broke up with my ex i had this huge double door closet that had nothing in it so i turned it into sort of like my armory and wardrobe thing and at the time it was like guns and weapons and handcuffs and balaclavas and you know bullet

proof vests and shit but i was also working on a film at the time and it was set in like a warehouse with sort of like that plastic wrap uh like quarantine area kind of thing so i had like meters and meters of this this plastic wrap roll that i had tried i fit most of it under my bed uh but i still had a bunch of it that was just kind of like chilling in this closet and uh the the woman i just finished sleeping with wanted to get a shirt and I was like I just grabbed off the closet and she opened the double door closet and revealed what I'm sure looked like a murder closet because

it was filled with nothing but weapons and plastic wrap and I've never seen also there was I had all my like YouTube gear in there as well so I had like three tripods and like little like handy cams all set up on it as well. Hooks and barrels of formaldehyde. I've never seen someone nope the hell out of my apartment faster than that.

And I don't blame her. She did not surprisingly never respond to any of my texts ever again. Well, good job. Don't do that, people. Or at least like, again again if you have a room full of mannequins explain that first yeah and if you have a murder closet don't let people open it yeah okay so we have a response uh on twitter that says loose hairs in random spots is a total red flag your bachelor fine your bachelor with random hairs stuck to your walls

and now it's on your toilet and in your belly button red flag red flag red flag and then on instagram we get a whole bunch of responses i'm just gonna read them out feel free to stop me at any point and just you know comment on them or agree or disagree or whatever uh dirty bathroom is our first one dirty sheets and hair in the bathroom dirty sheetsirty sheets, 100%. Don't have that. Got to keep them clean. All right? If you got clean balls as a result of Manscaped, you got to have clean sheets. And if IKEA wants to sponsor us too, we will delve into that in further detail.

One dish and one set of utensils only. That's fair. Yeah. You should have enough to be able to at least, I think, four people at least. I mean, it's hard not to. Every dish set comes with four. It's fair. Yeah. You should have enough to be able to at least, I think four people at least. I mean, it's hard not to. Like every dish set comes with four. It's true. No furniture.

It's a red flag. Sticky surfaces. Yeah. Doesn't give a house tour. Okay. That's weird. Yeah. If it's like they don't tell you where the bathroom is, sure.

But like, I don't think you should be like, oh, hey, hey, I just brought you home. So hold on now this is the kitchen this is where i do my omelets and you know i've been getting really into waffles um this is the live you know you don't need to do that now the only time like i would say sure if you live alone and you wanted a smooth way to transition naturally into the bedroom if you have roommates it makes sense to go right to the bedroom if you live alone you can be like hey let me show you around and end in the bedroom and now you're in the bedroom great okay right like i understand that but like if like when i was living with my roommate i wouldn't be like oh hey sorry buddy

like i'm just showing my tinder date around anyway here's where my roommate hangs out like this is dave's room hey dave come come see what's your name again um sheets aren't freshly washed i do not want sloppy second sheets what's in this fridge are there any books or any sort of artistic visual in the house that's fair but the fridge thing don't go through my fucking fridge that's weird did i tell you about the person who started cooking me up my pierogies from my freezer without asking me? Yeah. I went to the bathroom. I come back.

She's nowhere to be found. She's in the fucking kitchen boiling pierogies without permission. If he doesn't recycle. How are you going to find out? I mean, I guess like rummage around under the sink to see if he has a recycling bin. You got to bring a can of Pepsi with you

wherever you go. And when you get in, you pop it, chug it, and hand it to them. And watch them with fucking eagle eyes see where he puts that can. Dead Bodies. Yeah, checks out. MAGA Hat. Fair.

Nickelback album. Okay. I disagree. You can't shame people that hard for their musical preferences. No, there's nothing wrong with Nickelback. They fucking, everyone loved How You Remind Me. Don't lie to yourself. Have you heard their sea shanty no yeah they did a version of Rockstar as a sea shanty

because of the whole TikTok trend they created their own TikTok just to do this one shanty and they haven't put anything else on it's great that's incredible I mean their first album is actually a pretty decent like alt-rock album yeah they got some good shit this one's weird to me doesn't have a second phone charger yeah yeah i don't love that i mean like i don't to me what why like why would they have a second phone charger it's like you know if specifically it's like you're expecting them to have the same phone as you presumably bring your own fucking cable if your phone's gonna die if you've got a phone that has a weird ass cable just put a small one in your fucking bag it's fine or your coat

yeah that's super fucking weird because like if i had if i was seeing someone who had an iphone if you've got a phone that has a weird ass cable, it's put a small one in your fucking bag. It's fine. Or your coat. Yeah. That's super fucking weird. Cause like if I had, if I was seeing someone who had an iPhone, it's like, am I supposed to have like one of those Uber, like multi dongle charging cable? Cause like,

that seems like you're just like catering to having multiple people over. Yeah. I would imagine like the same, like half the world would be like, Oh, well you got so many chargers, boo. Uh, mattress directly on the floor over the age of 22 yeah that's fair you gotta you gotta have a good bed frame i'm not

good but just like an actual one no soap or toilet roll that is a red flag oh 100 we can't wash their hands or how you poop it yeah you're gonna go down there it's gonna be an unfathomable swamp the thing is if you don't have any toilet paper what do you what are you wiping your ass with and you don't have soap because presumably whatever you're using probably isn't sanitary yeah this is the one way you know we talked about fucking utis that is a one-stop shop for utis on the best case scenario uh dirty smelly sheets dirty bathroom no sign of real food in the kitchen again stop going through people's kitchen like food insecurity is a thing

like you don't know this person's financial status leave him alone yeah also it's like i get it if you're on a date and like you come over and you're like oh like i'm hungry like it's kind of on you to have eaten before you came guys can always get takeout but also it's like if he doesn't have fucking like spinach in the fridge who fucking cares yeah uh his house is messy as fuck sure no pillowcases yeah that's I agree yeah okay no books I also agree yeah he asked me to leave because his parents were coming he was 32 or 17 crying laughing face i mean it depends like now dane were they coming for a visit was this you and were you trying to get someone out of your place yeah did you just pull a knife on this man that's a valid thing if

like if his parents were coming to visit him or like texting was like hey where the neighbor was fucking by like great okay yeah i feel like it would be weirder like on the opposite side of things like would you want to be like oh i'm now trapped here with his parents like after we just had like sweaty mattress on the floor sex now if it was because he you know was a 30 year old man still living at home then it's like okay i get it that's fair and lastly but leastly, things taped to the wall, you're an adult, get a nice frame and hang that Zeppelin poster.

Yeah, that's fair too. Okay, so if we change that, I think a lot of those are applicable kind of across the board. Is there anything you would add specifically going to a girl's place? I think for me specifically, it is, and it happened to me a bunch of times

where it's like, don't invite me back to your place and then expect me to hang out with your roommate or like the amount of times I've gone. And like, they've been like, Oh, do you want a drink?

It's like, yeah, for sure. It's like, okay, cool. And then we'll like, I'll go to the kitchen with them.

And then, you know, their roommate will walk in and then we're expected to like, hang out with them. It's like, I don't like, I don't care about this person. I'm here because I wanted to get you naked.

Yeah. So can we, can we not hang out with your friends? Yeah. I feel like I would be very cognizant of that. If like, you know, say my roommate came home, I'd be like, oh, hey, blah, blah, blah, whatever. But it's like, you know, it sucks for the person you're with. Cause they just have to awkwardly be like, hello, I am stranger. I'm in your home.

This is great. It's, it's so strange. And it's like, I i feel like it's a it's a lady and lady thing i've been brought home and then the female roommate will come out and then like i don't know if they're vetting me or what the situation is and i'm just like should i just bounce because y'all just are having girl talk right now and like yeah i don't know who or what you're talking about, so I'm just going to skedaddle, because this is not what I signed up for. I feel like a lot of it is vetting, but sometimes it's just like,

the girl who brought you home doesn't want to feel, like, shamed or, like, slutty for just being like, we're going to the bedroom, so it's like this false dance of, like, we're all respectable here. Or it's the roommate just fucking with you. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, we should probably end this we should i will just point out one really quick thing there's a lot of people talking about hot dick in the comments or hot dick scent in the comments of

the original question it's very funny what is hot dick it's the scent of hot dick like your dick has been stewing in your boxers and you haven't manscaped it. Fair enough. Well, we have an option for that. Thank you very much for listening, friends. It has been a pleasure, as always, to deliver our advice to your ears. If you have a question you'd like to reach out to us and for us to answer it, you can hit us up on at fckbuddiespodcast, or you can find us on Twitter at fck underscore buddies on Instagram at fckbuddiespodcast or online at fbuddiespodcast.com. Or you can email us at fbuddiespodcast at gmail.com. Thank you to Josh Eagle and the Harvest Cities and thank for the song Paper Stars.

And thank you for everyone who replied on Twitter and Instagram. You guys are the best. I also want to give a quick thank you to our good friend, Kyle Crawford, who has been helping us out on our social media and everything. You're incredible. Thank you very much. He's straight up revitalized our entire Instagram account and we love him.

Do you have some sex writing for us? Yeah, I'm going to hit you right now with it. Great. So at the end of the episode, I'll trolls various forms of media to find really poorly written sex scenes and other stuff sometimes and makes us sit through it. Her nipples rained down in his mind in the form of hard, glittering gems, diamonds and quartzes, and those faceted clumps of rock crystal one grew in a jar on a string. Her breasts were ideally small, precisely the size of a cup of his hand.

He weighed them and measured them, marveling, brushing them, with his palms or the tips of his fingers, the same way, again and again. With his now-cost-off girlfriend from his previous school, he devolved the Formula, capital F, and had then become imprisoned by it. First kissing with tongue for a fixed interval, then tits for a fixed interval, then fingering for a fixed interval before, cumulatingly fucking. Never a step neglected nor a change to the order. A sex recipe. Cool. Sounds like this guy has lots of fun to have sex with just being pelted by nipple stones i thought more thinking about his like you know down to the second yeah the thing we complained about earlier on even though imagine like making out with someone and then like being

like oh i'm gonna unbuckle his pants and give him a blowjob be He'd be like, no! I have yet to complete tits and fingering. Like, just looking at his watch like 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, fingering. Stops kissing, grabs her by the face, palms her down so he can get access to tits. Yeah, sex doesn't work like that. That's some advice for you guys. My name is Nate Miller. And I'm Niles Payne.

And we've been your fuck buddies.