F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 124 - Live Every Day Like Your Girlfriend Says It's Your Last

Episode Date: February 15, 2021

Are psychic girlfriends becoming more common or are we now just waking up to reality?  Topics include a problematic predication, soup spilling seduction, learning where the dishes go, wanting your lingerie to linger a little longer, and texting back a frequent texter. This week we are proud to be sponsored by MANSCAPED.  Go to http://manscaped.com/ and get 20% off + free shipping with the code: BUDDIES20.

I put my trust in you, and when I'm trusting, I love you. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and when I'm trusting, I love you. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller. And I'm Mal Spain. And we're your fuck buddies. We are a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky sexy situations and turn them into sexy sticky situations.

Simply put, we find questions either on social media or through our lovely listeners. And we answer them for you on the topics of sex and dating. I apologize if there is a loud noise in the next couple of minutes. My cat is looking suspiciously at a shelf that he absolutely cannot reach i like that because we're starting off the podcast with with an air of tension now everyone's gonna be like half yeah half listening to our advice and half like oh what's that pussy gonna do what that pussy do you want to hit me with it or we're just gonna go into it no i mean like i've had a i don't want to say a good week because a lot of my shit has broken okay but i've got a

bunch of new cool toys out of it it's stuff that i've wanted to do for a while but like i couldn't justify it because the things that i had worked like so for example my monitor uh i've wanted to get a new monitor for a while for whatever reason reason, the top right corner had a line that was slowly getting longer and thicker across my monitor of dead pixels. I was like, okay, cool. Now I have an excuse to go buy a new monitor. And then my phone died, which I've been needing a new phone. I had the same phone for like four years. And I was like, it was on its last legs.

And then it finally died. So I was like, cool, now I can go get a new phone. And it sucks because I spent a bunch of money, but I also got the things that I wanted to buy and treat myself to without feeling bad because I needed them. Okay, I like it. I don't know. I had a weird week. You want to talk about it?

Nah, let's just get into it. Alright, let's do it. I, 29-year-old male, am with my girlfriend, 29-year-old female, for seven years. She is a lot into astrology, tarot All right, let's do it. my views on her regarding this either. We are both geologists and not exactly superstitious people who believe in hocus pocus. She thinks of this as a quirk of hers, a part of her spirituality and I have accepted it for what it is without mocking her. Three months ago she came to my cubicle at the workplace in the middle of a busy afternoon and told me my life is going to be cut short. I joked around and asked what? Am I going to die? I was clearly humoring her as she grew silent and said yes. I think I told her I had work to do and forgot about it.

Every day for the past three months, she keeps telling me to be careful. For example, drive safe and small instructions here and there. Frequent text messages about whether I've taken my insulin for DM1, which I assume is some kind of, uh. It's diabetes type one, I assume. Yeah, I know what the M is. Last night, I told her clearly, honey, it's got to stop. I'm getting annoyed and it's no longer quirky or cute anymore.

She said quietly, it will stop in three days. I'm getting annoyed. It's no longer quirky or cute anymore. She said quietly, it will stop in three days. It's getting close. It's over. I asked her, what the fuck does that mean? She said she saw it in her crystal ball. I have less than 72 hours left. And then she proceeded to cry.

I consoled her the entire night that I am here and this is bullshit. It doesn't mean anything. It's crap salt to vulnerable people to trap them. She proceeded to point out some past predictions which came true, like the time I actually forgot to take my insulin and she texted me that I had to take it, or the time I didn't get my engines checked and she told me to, like she told me to avoid a certain colleague because they will catch the virus and two weeks later they did, etc. I told her those were mere coincidences, even a broken clock is right twice a day. She seemed inconsolable. This morning she told me she wants me to take the next three days off work citing health reasons i said it's getting

out of hand and that she just needs me to stay home for three days and when the danger passes and if i'm alive she will not do this ever again my girlfriend is a reasonable smart woman but i'm confused with this behavior it's irking me i don't know what to do sure i could take three days off work but i don't want to entertain this i thought of this as a quirk of hers and it was never a problem between us i don't know what to do. I've tried reasoning with her. It is not like she is imprisoning me, but I don't know how to deal with this. Now here's where

I stand on this. What if she's right? We've had a lot of psychic girlfriends lately. And I was thinking, what if it's the psychic girlfriend from a while ago? Maybe they broke up. I don't really know the timeline on that question. What if she's moved on, and now she's putting her powers to good use, like I think we told her to do to become a superhero. I don't really know the timeline on that question. What if she's moved on and now she's like putting her powers to good use? Like I think we told her to do to become a superhero.

I don't know. Here's the thing is staying home. Is it the way to do it? Because like it's, it's when you actively change your routine, you're fulfilling the prophecy. You know what I mean? Like anytime that people have like tried to avoid death by doing something

different, they simply just sort of like put everything in motion. So for all we know, he stands in like a wet puddle while plugging in a hairdryer. And that's how he died. Cause he's at home. Well, it's like Edipus,

right? Edipus was told he was going to kill his dad and fuck his mother. So he's like, right. Peace out, run away from home. And what'd he do? He killed his dad and fucked his mother because he ran away from home.

Yep. Like that's what happens. But now the catch 22 is if you don't do it, then you've, you're fulfilling the prophecy by going to work. And in this case, you have a shitter last three days because you're in work. Yeah.

So I say like, if you're going to die anyway, take those three days off and enjoy it. Right. Go do some crazy shit. And the best part is if you're dying in three days, that means you're not dying today or tomorrow. So you do whatever the fuck you want. Well, yes.

That is assuming that you do intend to die on the third day. Well, I mean more like you can't die, not like you won't have consequences. So it's like you can just go bungee jump or do something super dangerous because you will't die not like you won't have consequences so it's like you can just go bungee jump like or do something super dangerous because you will not die i also don't think that's true it's it's fact like if he puts a gun in his mouth and pulls the trigger it's not just gonna bounce out and be like ah sorry this is supposed to happen tomorrow it'll probably just cripple him if this was you what would you do get a new girlfriend just like for real i love how he's like oh you know it's a quirk it's not a big part of her personality and he's like she reads her thing every day and sends me mine every day and i'm like

okay so it's kind of a decent part of her personality and then later on it's like oh she saw in her crystal ball i'm like okay i'm sorry if you have a fucking crystal ball this is a giant part of your personality like that's no one casually has a crystal ball that's the thing it's one thing to have like a crystal ball that you got at like that weird store in the mall that sold all those pewter like statues and everything like it always smelled like incest like if you got your crystal ball there as like, you know, you were into crystal balls when you're a teenager and you've always just had it,

but like to own one and use it even at all, like even if you use it once a year or if you've used it once in the time that you've had it, it's like, there's something going on there. Like you believe in it enough to try to use a piece of glass. Cause let's face it. That's not crystal.

No, it's just glass. Just tempered glass. Yeah. I'd be a little scared just a little bit. Cause what if she is right? Uh, if I could take three days off and I didn't have any travel plans and let's

be fair, it's COVID. No one has or should have travel plans. Yeah. Fuck it. Take three days off. Hopefully we have some fun. And then I would make it a condition that if I don't die, that's the end of this crazy

bullshit. And if I do die, I've had three fun days. In fact, maybe I milk it. Maybe I got my last meal and you know what I mean? You know, you could treat me to my favorite takeout. Oh, you know, one of one of us would need to end either me or her obsession with crystal balls. By the end of those days, one of those things would be dead.

I would use this as a golden opportunity to like not do anything for three days. You know what I mean? Like if she thought I was going to vacuum. Oh, guess what? I'm going to be plugging that in and be like, holy shit, which is not around. They just sparked. Just gave me a really nasty shock. I don't think I should do that and that

oh am i supposed to do the dishes oh you know maybe maybe cut yourself a little bit on a knife be like oh whoa this big sharp knife almost slit my wrist and just constantly doing just be like everything's a danger babe the only thing that's safe is me holding this PlayStation controller. And maybe sex. Yeah. Now, I'm just going to take a brief break to read the first 10 pieces of advice. Okay. Remind me in three days. Remind me in three days.

Remind me in three days. Remind me in three days. It's just like a thousand people who want to see if this guy's dead in three days. Did you watch The Ring? Maybe that's the thing. What if we're going to die in three days now? Oh what if it's like it's follows thing and because we read this post and now we're reading it to our listeners well sorry guys beans sorry well actually if we're dead by monday don't listen to this episode because it'll be more than three days shit they would have to listen this far to to figure it out yeah yeah yeah well what you got to do is share the podcast so that you keep living.

Oh, yes. Yes. Yeah, that's actually the real reason we're doing this episode is so that we share this so we don't die so you won't die

if you share it. It's the only way, guys. It's the only way. But in reality, I think you need to... It's tough because he's already talked to her.

You know what I mean? It's not like he was just being annoyed and not saying anything but like he sat her down but like hey this is nuts and she got very emotional and inconsolable i think he said so it's like there's really nothing more you can do i i think if you really care about this person i think you really do need to sort of like set the boundary which she seems to have said she's like if you take the three days off i will never mention again and i think you need to be like okay like sure i will take the three days off for you because i care about you and i don't want you this upset but we need to discuss the like how prevalent this is in our lives and how intrusive it is in our lives because i don't want this to be a thing that you can then use to get me to do things you know what i mean like and it'll be tough to make

it sound like you're not accusing her of manipulation but like this would be a real cool way to do it yeah well remember we had fucking fake email so guy would shave his beard wife. Like people aren't above doing like stuff like this. Maybe she feels like maybe she's at home from COVID and you're going to work from COVID and she I don't know. Right. Like there could be anything behind this or she could honestly believe it. And either way, I don't really think there's much you can do for the next three days unless you're so sick of this. You want to dump her immediately in three days though, unless you're dead,

you need to end this. Like not the relationship necessarily, but any more mystic mumbo jumbo, right? If in three days you were still alive, that is the end of it. And if in three days you're dead, she needs to start being a vigilante or something.

Yeah. And if in three days you're dead, she needs to start being a vigilante or something. Yeah, she needs to meet up with a very skeptic cop and sort of solve crimes together. Yeah. Now, there is an update. It is just a eulogy. I would like the update. Still alive, folks. Thank you for checking on me. Inbox is flooding.

Sorry I couldn't get back to you all sooner. I went to work and didn't feed her paranoia at all. She wasn't happy but couldn't do much. She came to check on me inbox is flooding sorry i can get back to you all sooner um i went to work and didn't feed her paranoia at all she wasn't happy but couldn't do much she came to check on me too often we work together we made a deal that if this premonition doesn't happen she'll stop sharing horoscopes and we put this esoteric stuff to bed because i'm getting annoyed by it since it didn't happen i'm very much alive she has no choice but to keep the deal no more tarots and weekly predictions i suppose she doesn't have depression ocd schizophrenia mania dissociation or any other mental illness isn't on cannabis meth or datura whatever that is she just thinks it is spirituality and edit she is not a killer psychopathic sociopathic or anything else i have failed to respond to a previous comments thanks well that's

good to know hopefully it all works out for them I'm glad she's not taking anything like more extreme measures. And it seems he's alive. So we did it. Oh, man. What if it came up like she really was so spiritual that she realized she had to kill him to be able to keep being spiritual and thus fulfill her own prophecy? Fuck. Hit me. Hit me.

This comes from Reddit user. They were roommates. Fuck. Alright, hit me. Hit me. This comes from Reddit user TheyWereRoommates, lol. I think my, a 25-year-old male, roommate, 23-year-old female, wants to fuck me because how she enjoys my food. The title says it all, but I'll give some context. Now, do you think the title says it all? Um, yeah. She likes food and wants to fuck him. About a year ago, I, a 25-year-old male,

was looking for a roommate because rent prices where I live are ridiculous. I didn't want to complete strangers, so I sent the offer to my friends. None of my friends needed a place, so they directed me to a mutual friend of theirs that I didn't really know all that well. I met Amber, a 23-year-old female, fake name,

who was desperate for a place because her parents kicked her out. Over this past year, we became extremely close as as friends she had gotten out of a relationship like three months ago and cut to now i think she's trying to flirt with me which i don't mind but i'd prefer if she was clear about wanting the dick because i don't want to ruin our friendship if i'm wrong because of covid she's been very comfortable around me we're quarantining together she walks around in bra and panties when we movie night, she rests her legs on me. She finds every excuse to touch me, and she's really loud when using her vibrator. I have no problem with any of these things, and I kind of hope she continues.

The nail in the coffin was last week. I usually cook two portions of food because I'm not a dick. This time, I made tomato soup, and we ended up eating together at the table. Every few spoonfuls of soup, she let out a slight moan. To be honest, I was rock hard in a matter of minutes i couldn't focus on my damn food she spilled soup on her sweater and took it off revealing a white tank top where i swear to god i made eye contact with her nips after she was done she got up and adjusted her shorts to where her ass was falling out of there and went back to her room i went to the bathroom for personal reasons i think she's trying to get my attention but i'm

worried that i'm reading shit wrong and I'm going to ruin things. This has been going on for quite a while. And I think she wants me to initiate is what I'm telling you all suggest that she wants me to tear that pussy up or is she just that comfortable? Okay. Can we just point out that tomato soup is the sexiest food and I'm glad someone's finally admitted it. Like there's nothing,

nothing sexier than having some homemade tomato soup with your roommate. Technically, he didn't say it was homemade. This could literally just be run of the mill canned tomato soup. Oh my God, it probably is. Also, okay, let's go. Let's flashback to before we read the whole question to where she got kicked out by her parents. And let's remember the title and imagine how worried you're gonna be if you go to her house one day and her dad's a really good cook why do you think she got kicked out what if they all eat

like that oh yeah honey this is delicious oh spilling soup on themselves and shedding clothing this has nothing to do with his cooking ability. Yeah. Right? Like, at no point did the cooking seem to have any indication, any, like, influence on anything other than the fact that most recently she decided to spill soup on herself. Maybe.

Yeah. I love how it's like, I'm expecting some kind of, like, a bunch of scenes of him cooking food and her being like, I don't know, anything. But no, it's just he had tomato soup with her once and she was being flirty. Terrible title. Title does not say it all. Okay, thank you.

I think what you need to do, right, because it's already pretty unrealistic that she got this sexual over tomato soup. You need to make the least sexy food imaginable. Something that looks, tastes, tastes feels and smells bad and if she still spills it on herself and is you know rubbing it's like this dirty muck just rubbing it suggestively on her like neck then she's trying to get in with you if she's like maybe it was just some real good tomato soup or she's just clumsy but are we we ignoring all the other factors. It's about food, Dane. He said it and I'm ignoring anything that doesn't have food. Fair enough.

Okay, wearing brown panties at home, being comfortable, could be flirty, could not be. It depends on the person really, right? Legs on you during the film. Again, kind of same thing. They're erring on the flirtier side of things, but like nothing concrete there.

Loud vibrator could just be her jam, right? Maybe she's just a really- Could just be inconsiderate. Exactly. She could be an inconsiderate as fuck roommate. The whole soup spilling, top shedding. I don't know. See, you know what gets me is the shorts up her ass crack.

Depending on the type of shorts, I don't think you'd be chilling at home in uncomfortable shorts. So if she's wearing uncomfortable shorts, that could be an indicator. But again, maybe they're just tight, comfortable shorts. My girlfriend has a pair. If she like sort of pulls them up, they're still like comfy pajama shorts. But like, I get a decent little eyeful of booty. That's what I'm saying. There's, you know, it's depending on the short that could just be the way they are or i think if you're if she's wearing uncomfortable clothing in lockdown

that's probably an indication she's doing it for a reason if she just looks good in shorts that's not necessarily her being flirty dude here's my stance on this it's like if i were a betting man i would bet that she probably is interested probably i also would like caution people right now because like i can't imagine what it's like to be single and shut away for covid thankfully um but like i'd probably be so horny i'd do some bad decisions so you got to take that into account because the pandemic will end and hopefully soon so you're gonna have to live with the things you do afterwards yeah and that's my it's like i am a pretty you're you're an advocate of not yes you eat right i i never get strung i would never date a girl from work hey

look there are exceptions to the rule sometimes and i i knew what i was doing was a good idea i i just think i think living at home is there's no escape from it so if you sleep with someone especially someone who doesn't have somewhere else to go like she was desperate to find a place because she had been kicked out of so like i think you need to like take a step back and see the big picture and realize that like if this ends, this could have a very dire effect on her. And I'm not saying that to remove agency from her, but like you said, you guys are in quarantine. You guys might make some bad decisions and she might be an exceptionally, you know, sexual being as evidenced with the loud vibrator that like, maybe this is clouding her,

her judgment. I think you need to take into consideration like before quarantine that you guys live together and what could happen afterwards before you make any moves yeah like i i understand the removing agency thing and all that but it's also like it's also shitty just to not consider somebody else's like position you know what i mean because your actions are going to have consequences on them no matter what. So I do think you always do have to consider the other person's side. And I'm the opposite of Dane. I've made some very silly decisions. I've done the roommate thing. I've done the coworker thing. I've done the boss thing. I've done the neighbor thing. All the bad things, I've been there. And honestly, they've mostly ended fine.

But I always went into them with the willingness to deal with them if they went badly. And some of them weren't great in the future, if that makes sense. So it's like you got to really take those things into account and like be ready to deal with things if they fall out. But also in this case, it sounds like it's going to go worse for them. But you do have a lot of stuff at stake here because you have your living situation. You have your friendship with whoever

they're friends with who introduced you. You have their living situation because again, if things go south, they're like, hey, I actually cannot leave because of my family issue or like housing. You guys could just be stuck together, you know, or you'd have to be a dick and kick them out, which isn't great.

So I would definitely caution you and look through all those things because it's one thing to fuck your roommate it's another thing to fuck your roommate and then be stuck with them for another few months like literally not leaving the house stuck with them yeah you need to also be prepared that this is like a quarantine thing yes and that when this ends she could resume having sex with other dudes and like that could have an effect on you as well because i think a lot of people don't think about the idea of like it's one thing to be aware you know the person you're sleeping with is sleeping with some like other people but like to be in the same house potentially as like if she comes home one night from a night out and brings a dude home chances are she's going to be as loud as she was with her vibrator yeah maybe louder and maybe he's

a loud a loud dude too i don't know maybe he's gonna holler from in there do a little yodeling uh you yeah that's the thing like right now whatever happens now it's going to completely change once the world opens up you know so you really have to get that in mind. Other than that, I think we gave similar information. You got to start doing roommate movie nights and put suggestive food on the table and only watch Friends with Benefits by Justin Timberlake. Not by him, but with him.

No, by him. By him. He wrote, directed, starred. Another move you can make is like if she shows up to movie night in her bra and panties and be like ah damn i feel overdressed should i like you know take some clothes off and that's like a playful way to sort of like gauge her reaction if she's just sort of like yeah do whatever you want then like okay cool she's probably not really into it but if she seems excited by the idea maybe you have a little bit of like a little bit more of a nudge in the direction she wants to go.

Yeah. And the thing is, if you make tomato soup while you guys are having this movie night in like, you know, a state of undress and she starts doing her usual like tomato moan, you're you're going to show that you have a boner because you're wearing boxers. It's going to be very obvious. And you'll know within about a minute because if she looks at that and makes a comment and moves over, yeah, if she looks at that and just stares at the screen. You're forgetting that this woman is a very clumsy soup eater and because she's not wearing a sweater, that scalding tomato soup is going right on her boobs. So you've ruined movie night.

Oh, so what then? What do you mean what that like no one wants to have sex after burning their boobs well i'm sorry sure someone does this tomato freak you think she isn't doing that on purpose but she's always had buffering layers she's got no layers now this is straight skin on soup action hey if you were that clumsy and you feared burns would you strip away your protection knowing your predilection for spewing hot tomatoes on people? That's a good point.

She a little freak and that's cool. Really think this over. Really wonder if like your friendship and a peaceful living situation is worth potentially having sex with someone once. And then if you do think it is worth it, you know, make it, make some some moves make some subtle moves the movie the

undress comment and shoot your shot if you're willing to take the risk but know that you are taking a risk and there's like there's no magical crystal ball that you can look into oh wait oh shit don't listen to us go check your horoscope

dude yeah fuck man why have we even been giving advice this whole time i mean maybe hey there's a there's a play for you get a crystal ball and be like hey i this weird it says this thing's it says we're gonna fuck in three days yeah shit and then see if she's there in three days if she doesn't come home hey there's your answer yeah if suddenly her clothes are on a lot more often what if they both mix it up and the one guy they probably fucked when he didn't die and what if she dies because he said they're gonna fuck oh this is why you don't play with crystal balls but also edit out the part where i said just to your horoscopes. We got to keep that secret under wraps so people keep listening.

So just to start off, this is a lighter issue and I'm not going to leave my husband over it. I would just love tips from people who've dealt with the same thing. I'm working from home right now. My husband is off with full pay. I was responsible for chores and cooking and everything while I was on maternity leave. But now I'm back at work and he gets to do whatever he likes with his day. I just ask that he makes sure the house is in decent shape and that he makes meals sometimes. I still do roughly 50 to 75% of the cooking any given week, plus the laundry and whatever tidying up I can manage.

Big issue is the kitchen is pretty much always a mess. He keeps saying he'll get to it and maybe once or twice a week he does a big clean and the countertops are covered with clean dishes. Eventually he puts them away, but a lot of things end up in the wrong spots and I can't find them when I need them. I brought this up to him and he said he won't put away clean dishes anymore since he does it wrong. I said, no, that's not fair and he needs to learn. Sure, it's not critical,

but he shouldn't be half-assing a job and making it more difficult to do things. He feels that since he didn't know where anything went at his parents' place growing up, where he lived for 20 plus years, that I shouldn't expect him to know where anything goes here either, despite us living together for several years now obviously i'm not going to let this happen my mental load is already too much but i'm at a loss as to how i should convince him

i just want to know some good ways to tell him that's a dumb attitude and he's a grown man who needs to learn yikes i actually had like skimmed this and i didn't read the part about his parents place that's a wild fucking thing to say i mean i just i can't imagine being an adult and being like like i will be the first to admit that there are times where i'm like i don't know where something is and i will ask amanda because she tends to do the organizing she puts everything away when like we moved she like found a spot and that's where it is and i have no problem with that but i know where our dishes are do you though i do do do i know where the like super specific cleaners are specifically in the back cupboard no i don't and i will take

a look and if i don't see it i'll ask amanda but like i know where to put the plates i know where to put the spoons i used to go to your place once a week to record a podcast in the closet and i know where your dishes are i mean unless you have a giant fucking kitchen and like you're you know part of royalty and have like a plate for every you know dish and occasion like i feel like you can't have that many dishes no this is just like i don't know like it's what a child would say and do well i don't know where they are no i'm not doing it this is bullshit and you cannot let him do say and do well i don't know where they are no i'm not doing it this is bullshit and you cannot let him do this no and like i don't really know what to say to

like i know what i would say to the dude but like i don't know as a partner like she seems to have been like hey i need help please help me and like if your response to that is no then like you're a bad partner so the thing is there are a few ways to do this and i think the most fun to talk about is the petty way and the petty way there's a few of them there's there's so many petty ways to do this is like on on the weekend you wake them up early or you know you guys get up and you get out a label maker and you go, hey, I know you've been having a lot of trouble with finding stuff. So we're going to go through, you know, closet by closet and you're going to make some labels and put them on. Like treat them like a child. Be like, if you cannot find them, we'll make labels and we'll put them on here to help you learn.

And hey, maybe he actually has a legitimate problem with it. And if he's like, okay, cool. Labels them up and you guys go on your merry way, problem solved. More likely, he'll be like, I'm not a fucking child. Like, I don't need this, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. At which point you're like, cool, then problem solved. But that's a little aggressive and petty. Yes. Then again, kind of deserved in this situation, I think. Other than that, it's like, you need to be like, cool, like, you're able to figure things out. You're a grown-ass adult what can i do to help you if you need help we'll do it if not can you learn yourself you know because like she's done the work before

and she's working now it's like if he has free time at home it only makes sense that he would at least do his share i'm actually really bad at this. Like I don't have an attention for detail like Amanda does. And what I think it is acceptable level of cleanliness in certain areas is not acceptable for her. You know what I mean? Or she sees it as dirty. And so part of being a partner is sort of refocusing and retuning the way you see things and then trying to anticipate how your partner would feel about something so like what i started doing was when she was at work i would try to like i would go to the kitchen and be like okay i think this is fine but can i do something to make it better for amanda that is and it's like i i slip out of it a lot because like especially right now

where like nothing really seems to have any sort of shape in terms of time at home or anything. But I think it is important to try to not match what you want your place to look like, but try to find a compromise of what you think your partner would like it to look like and put in a little bit of effort. And nine times out of 10, it takes like 10 minutes, 10, 15 minutes of me, you know, doing the dishes or putting the dishes away or wiping down the counter, something like that. You know what I mean? Just choose a simple task, do it so they don't have to do it later. Like honestly, most of the things, even the more grueling things, they really don't take that long. And especially if you're like any way regular at doing them, it's really no time out of your day whatsoever. You know what I mean? And also it's literally,

it's what you should be doing in a fucking relationship. Like you guys are a team. You know what I mean? If for example, you hate dishes and she hates garbage and one does all the dishes and one does all the garbage. That's cool. If you agree to it you know

what i mean unless you have a fucking standing arrangement that's fair or have some love of just overworking yourself then it should be at least fucking 50 50 so don't be a shitty partner and don't come up with dumb childish like just sounds like the most spoiled asshole and it's like you can't be like well my parents spoiled me so now you have to spoil me you're a fucking adult dude maybe something to talk about is setting up like a chores chart and not like you know the the one you kind of do for kids but like just be like okay cool what do you like like what will you do yeah do you know how to do the laundry great you do the laundry do you know how to take the garbage out great you did a lot of garbage and i'll do the dishes okay cool you know what i mean like fine that's

great that's it it might be a little sort of like meh in terms of the execution of it but like if it works and it gets the shit done and you guys are on the same level then who cares and honestly the label idea you don't even have to make it that petty you can literally be like would you like me to label stuff for you or do you you want to label stuff together? Like, is that what you need? Because like, I think something that basic will probably get the conversation started. Because if he's like, yeah, problem solved. And again, if he's like, no, then you can be like, okay, well, what do you need? Because this is a ridiculous excuse.

Although I don't think I would ever let anyone label my personal apartment. I don't even like when people, they wanted to label our fucking bar. And I was like, absolutely not. This isn't a fucking back room of a footlocker. Get the hell out of here. If people can't figure out where the glasses go, maybe they shouldn't be a bartender. You haven't sounded

more like Schmidt in your entire life than right there. What is this? The back room of a footlocker? It's true. It's fucking disgusting. And I hate label makers. Well, that's the best part is like, if you pull that out, hopefully he'll feel the same. And he's like, shit, I have two choices. I've learned to be an adult or I have fucking ugly ass labels everywhere.

What you could do, which I think is like one rung down the pettiness is be like, okay, we're going to put these together away together and you will know where they go. Let's be fair. I'm sure at points he has made food, or, you know, grabbed fucking cutlery, or had a pint, right? Or a fucking cup of tea, or something. He knows where the shit is. Like, this isn't

any way realistic. I know. I don't understand a world in which someone doesn't know where the essentials are. Like, like again i'd get it if you pulled out the like wild ass slow cooker that you use like once every four years and you're like i don't know where this goes because like i'm sure there's shit that amanda has like i don't know where to put her coffee grinder i have no idea because i don't use it but i know it's there somewhere but like sure okay that's fine but like if you're

looking at a stack of plates and cutlery and you're like don't know where it goes man then i have nothing for you either something is terribly wrong or you are a fucking horrendous partner speaking of horrendous partners we've got something for you that'll make you a great partner nice smooth segue. Segue. Let's take a break. This week, we are sponsored by Manscaped, the best in below the waist male grooming. Now it is the day after Valentine's Day, but it's not too late to really just get yourself in order.

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And also you would irritate the hell out of down there. But this way you literally, your balls are going to smell as good as your neck and your wrists. Yeah, all the stuff that they use, the sprays all the creams all the lotions are specifically ph balanced for your downstairs region in making sure that you are safe to use them because like mal said other stuff deodorant cologne that is not meant to go on your sensitive downstairs on top of that i'm actually wearing the t-shirt right now and it's very comfortable. And the boxers are like real good. Not only are they anti-chafing,

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shipping off the entire site. This comes from Reddit user SpiritualCourage99 Launcher Insight. Hey guys, first time posting here i need some advice and a man's opinion point of view so i have lots of lingerie that i never wear mostly because my husband doesn't care if i wear it or not he doesn't see the point in wearing it if he's just going to take it off i like to wear it more often but if he doesn't do anything for him why bother so my

question is slash r is lingerie turn up for for some guys. Does it make it look like a woman is trying too hard? Does it make you feel obligated to have sex? And when you're not in the mood? Just curious what a man's perspective might be. I can't imagine it's making him less turned on. He's probably I imagine like just telling you you don't need to do that every time like he probably feels like you're being put out for his benefit and he doesn't necessarily care. You know what I mean? Like, I feel like a lot of guys don't realize girls like wearing lingerie.

They think it's all for them. Either do it for me no matter what, or no, it's okay. I don't mind. You don't have to do it. Yeah. I mean,

like I also kind of get where he's coming from, where if someone is wearing something very sexy, I kind of want to keep them in it but if you're with someone you really enjoy seeing naked it is also like like there are times where i'm like i love what you're wearing right now and i want to keep you in it like particularly skirts and stuff like that where i'm just like oh it's so hot that you're wearing that but also i want you naked so like i understand that sort of like but that good. That's like a nice problem to have. And you can like wear the clothes half the time and take them off the other

half. Like it's, it's a good problem to have. Yeah. I think what you need to sort of not investigate. Hell yeah. No investigate, get a fucking magnifying glass.

What you need to invest in is a little bit of teasing. You know what I mean? Like I feel like if the idea of lingerie is you come out lingerie and then he tears it off it's like yes that's pointless but if you come out and tease him and you know maybe give him a lap dance or a blowjob or like make the lingerie part of foreplay and make taking the lingerie off part of sex, then I think it's win-win. Like you get to feel sexy in it. He gets to enjoy it, but then you're naked.

So I don't think even if you're wearing the lingerie and you tear it off, I don't think that's a waste. Unless the lingerie takes long, like takes a long time to put on or is like, you know, cost intensive putting on or taking off. If you look good for fucking five seconds and then he's so into it that he tears it off

and you don't mind, I doubt he minds. Like, I think the only time this question is an issue or this situation is, is if he actually is actively turned off by lingerie, which I can't imagine happening. The only issue I could imagine is that he worries that like he's not giving you your kind of fair diligence. If he just takes it off,

like he's worried that he's putting you out or not enjoying it enough. If it only lasts for a minute, but it doesn't sound like you mind that. So fuck it. If it's, if it makes you happy, I don't think he's going to mind by all means. Try to bring it up with them.

Like if you think he's actually going to be upset by you wearing lingerie, maybe try to get to the bottom of that, But I can't imagine he's going to care. So the only reason he's probably not asking is for your sake, right? If there's not much difference to him between bra and panties and lingerie, then why would he go out of his way to be like, hell yeah, do this thing that I know is effort and time and money for you. I'm imagining it's more like a blaséness than an active dislike so if it's going to make you feel sexier go for it yeah and i would say like maybe look into the type of lingerie that you're wearing because like if you are wearing the kind of like corset stuff

that has like a thousand buttons and knots and clips and all that stuff it's like that could be enough to sort of like take people out of the moment of being like okay well now we gotta sort of work our way step by step through getting this off yeah it's like yeah that could i can understand how that might throw a wrench in sort of the mood particularly if this is sort of like if you guys kind of like just get down and dirty real quickly so maybe invest in some sort of like easier to remove lingerie and like some nineties or some like, you know,

sheer stuff. I don't know. Um, but I would talk to your husband, like Niall said, and be like, Hey, I really enjoy wearing these things.

Are you specifically not into that? Or would you prefer they'd be easier to take off and like kind of parse out the situation because really we can't tell you what your husband's into and with the information that we have we don't know what your sex life is like either because like if it really is sort of like sex with you guys is he gets you naked he fucks you and then he's done then it's like yeah okay i understand that this dude's sort of like i don't like lingerie it stops me from fucking and it's like okay well that that's the bigger problem here and not the lingerie but if it is sort of like you know you're wearing this elaborate multi-buckle many snapped thing and it takes you know 10 minutes to get you out of

okay i i understand that as well. Yeah, I can see that. This is from Seduction. It's by Schwozaland. Girl is blowing up my text after date. Went out on two dates with this girl, but we haven't had sex yet. She did not want to on the second. Cool, but she's been texting me nonstop since. I usually

wait a couple of hours between responses, but she'd reply right back within minutes. Not really sure how to approach this. Should I just stop responding for a bit i don't want to play any mind games it's just overwhelming lol i don't want to play mind games but i am specifically choosing when to reply to these messages yeah i never understood like i'm a unless i'm doing something specific i'm a pretty quick returner of texts. If I'm going to text someone, it's probably because I want to talk to them. So why would I then wait? But it also seems like this guy doesn't really want to talk to her.

Yeah, that's the thing. Right? He's like, oh, it's a bit much that she's texting me this much. And this might be because you said this is a seduction, right? So this might be coming through the lens of the pickup artist of being like oh she's too needy oh i don't want to seem like a beta because i'm texting her too much like that might be at play here yeah like if you want to if you want to talk to her talk to her if you don't then like just sort of you know just keep doing what you're doing respond when you want to respond but like don't try to measure out these responses to not seem whatever i think that's a really good point it's like like what's the issue here is it that

you're trying to do something else and it's you know you feel bad that you're not replying as much as she is because like you know i get it some people are on different kind of like texting scales you know some people are really into their phone or can multitask quite well and other people it's like you know depending on what you're doing you don't want to be looking at your phone every two minutes but like if you don't want to talk to her that's a whole different issue if you do what's the problem with her messaging you like it sounds like she's interested and surely that's what you'd want just take like 10 minutes sit down and text with her and then be like okay i'm gonna go you know work out or i'm gonna go play a video game or i got a zoom call with my friends and then then she knows that like you're not available to text anymore and you guys had a solid you know little chit chat yeah if you just stop texting

like that's shitty because that's not a nice feeling they're gonna wonder like what's going on but also you said i usually wait a couple of hours between responses that sucks man i can't imagine texting a girl and her waiting a couple of hours between responses. That sucks, man. I can't imagine texting a girl and her waiting a couple of hours between every response. Cause I would just stop. I wouldn't care. Like the effort to try and talk to this person would be so monumental that by the time they responded, unless it was the most fascinating fucking response, I would be so done with this person.

You know, again, not that I need them to respond. Like if they're doing something that's fine but if for some arbitrary reason their general approach is wait a fucking few hours and then reply every time no thanks yeah it's it's so like if i do that i'm going to forget that they texted me and this is like the reason i don't respond to text is usually because like i'm taking a 30 second p in at work and this is the only chance'm going to have to like look at my phone for the next like four hours. I see that someone says to me like, OK, cool. I don't have time to respond. Put it in my pocket.

And then I forgotten because I've removed the notification. Fuck mind games. If you want to text them, text them. If you don't want to text them, don't text them. If you're doing something, feel free to be like, hey, sorry, I'm,'m you know i'm on a zoom call with my friends uh i'll talk to you later you know but you can't do that all the time so it really comes down to do you want to talk to her or not because this is a good sign yeah like what could you possibly be doing that like you can't take 10 minutes out of your day to like chat with someone

you're trying to have sex with yeah also like Also, like, it's so easy to text people. It takes two fucking seconds. So again, like, unless you're, you know, arms deep in a fucking open chest surgery or something. It's like, okay, great. Fine. If you're just fucking dicking around on Reddit, looking up fucking pickup artist techniques, then like, fucking answer the text. And if she's fucking spamming you with messages and it's too much for you, maybe don't have sex with her because it doesn't sound like you guys are compatible. It's true. Should we wrap this up and get into some tenders?

Yeah, let's do it. Actually, I'm going to hit you with a softball. This is throwaway 3920. Is it okay for men to sit down in the toilet to pee? I always sit in the toilet to pee whenever possible. It's much more comfortable and seems like you get every last dropout while sitting. Is there anything wrong with that? Is there anything wrong with it?

No. Is it more comfortable? I mean, I guess it depends on how long you're peeing. But the idea of what is essentially a squat for, you know, 15 seconds of activity doesn't, like, I'd rather just stand. Well, he's sitting. I know. But, like, you like not squatting sit down you sit down as like a squat action then you gotta stand back up barely that's that's it's

more effort than just standing there for 15 seconds okay this got weird but is there anything wrong with it no no no do whatever you want who cares why would you even ask this question who gave you shit for this it's totally fine i i promise you there is a Friends or a Seinfeld or a Will and Grace episode about making fun of a dude who sits down to pee. I promise you. No, like it's totally fine. Do what you fucking want, man. Especially if you're more comfortable. Boom.

Hell yeah. Get more pee out. Ready for some tindies? Yeah, let's do it at the end uh before we finish up we like to comb through online dating profiles for red flags and also just to make fun of them because it is a nightmare out there guys and i'm sorry that you have to deal with it but we hope to either find red flags and point them out for you or give you advice on how to make your profile a little better hell yeah so this is l l works at no i'm not a model influencer or whatever uh with random letters capitalized in that i don't like to make bios

about myself i hate pizza reese's stubborn and feisty af deal with me is like a sour patch you're welcome smiley face she hates re hates Reese's like Reese's peanut butter cups. I assume so. The sentence pizza. I hate pizza Reese's stubborn and feisty AF. So does she hate that she's stubborn and feisty or is she bad at constructing sentences? I'm going to wager she's bad at constructing sentences. Also, I don't unless you're allergic to peanuts i'm highly suspect of anyone

who's not into a peanut butter cup yeah also pizza pizza's gotta be like the the most accessible food the amount of things you could do with pizza to make you like it like do you not like bread cool like okay fine that is that's sort of. But like there's cauliflower crust. There's like so many gluten-free options now that aren't cardboard. There's dairy-free options. There's vegan options. Like you could do anything with pizza. White sauce. No sauce.

Tomato sauce. Barbecue sauce. Whatever. Kurt, when I get pizza, I get like a tandoori like butter chicken sauce sometimes. Hell yeah. That's the thing. You can literally do anything. This person's getting a zero from me.

And their anthem is Yellow by Coldplay. Oh, boy. That is not expected. Okay. All right. Sure. I'm switching it to a 10. Okay.

This is Yoon. I don't like self-righteous people so please make sure you are a normal and friendly person before you say hello please make sure you are not a self-righteous person oh oh hmm now do you think this is a using the wrong word situation maybe it seems weirdly aggressive for such a thing it's like a yeah a, do you think it may be a translation situation? Maybe. Either way, it seems strange that they mentioned it twice. Yeah. And, like, that's pretty much all they mentioned.

Wouldn't you say it's kind of self-righteous to not want people to contact you unless they're a certain way? Oh, damn. I hate to say it, but you showed her. Yeah. Got her there. You got her there. I'm going to give it a one for pure bafflement. I'm going to give it a five because I'm not sure.

Yeah, I think a three because it's not offensive. It's just bland and confusing. Okay, this is Aguida. Guac on my chipotle. Av old-fashioned and dating grew up in the business fave a fresh day in retail excited by shopping malls plus customer service plus internet don't watch tv reach goals currently reading essentialism book emoji family is everything health is praise emoji five four this is this is like half dating profile half linkedin profile the whole mall customer service is like i don't want to like i'm not i'm not here to like return something now are you telling me the sentence fave a fresh day in retail

excited by shopping malls plus customer service plus internet, don't watch TV, doesn't titillate you. It does, just not the right things. I have absolutely no idea what that means. Yeah, I don't know either. It's just super into just the internet, just the concept of the internet. Right, but like, why the shopping malls and customer service like i don't know that's what i'm saying i feel like someone accidentally put you know like the the

teleporter thing from the fly i feel like someone accidentally put her online dating profile and her resume in there and have accidentally smushed it together in a Jeff Goldblum sort of monster of a dating profile. Yeah, I'm so confused, but I kind of like it. It's a six. I'm going to give it a five because I'm not sure if I want to date her or hire her. I just wanted to unpack this. I want to find out what's happening. Okay. Pretty alt girl with a strap. I enjoy art, lo-fi hip-hop, and sci-fi movies. Interested in FLR, someone who shows affection and gift-giving in acts of service. Simps and gimps only.

I feel I'm so torn on this because alt girls are kind of my jam. It's true. Guns, however. Don't say she has a strap. Does she mean strap on? Because by the picture, it looks like that's what she means oh see in my mind from the mean streets of brampton i figured she's saying she had a gun i was half and half but she's wearing a lot of leather okay well maybe it's both shit yeah maybe trinity from the matrix is wearing

a lot of leather too and she had a lot of guns that's true simpson gimps only okay maybe maybe it's not as threatening as as originally intended or maybe more intimidating i'm not sure yeah i don't know i don't know either i'm gonna give it a five i'm really middle of the road on this one today i'm gonna give it a seven they seem pretty clear on what they want yeah i think just the the poor choice of wording on whether or not you're going to fuck someone in the ass or shoot them, I think needs a little bit more clarification. Now, in case this clarifies it more, she says alt girl with a strap and then there is like a emoji of like space. I don't know if that clears it up. It didn't clear it up to me.

No, absolutely not. So I didn't. If anything clears it up. It didn't clear it up to me. No, absolutely not. So I didn't. If anything, that has confused me more. And lastly, we have Mika. If Mother Teresa, Einstein, and the goddess Athena had an offspring. Yeah, I'm kind of into that. Yeah, I like that. A little mythology reference.

I mean, like, I think you need to look into Mother Teresa a little bit more because she wasn't as cool as everyone might think she was. But the, you know, the idea of like, oh, I'm smart, I'm compassionate and I'm also a badass. OK, cool. I also think it's one of those ones that like it's not there's nothing wrong with having not caught up on the Mother Teresa train yet either. It's not so widespread that you're like, oh, you like that? Also a powerful open. If you just prove you're really woke

and be like, hey, so about Mother Teresa though. Because let me tell you, no woman likes more than any time when I was online dating and someone quoted John Lennon, I was like, hey, you know John Lennon's a real piece of shit, right?

You know he was like an absolute terrible human being, yeah? Yeah, we love it when you mansplain their profile to them. And yeah, no, it never went well. Because people will die on the John Lennon hill. And I will die on the one across from it. I also, I am, now that I have a phone that works, I'm going to be starting a Tinder for us. Oh yeah.

Um, so if you're swiping, I'm going to try to set the, the range as far as it can go. Uh, so if you see, see me swiping, say hi.

Can we do one of those things where we're like in different countries as well? Uh, I think you have to pay. Ah, and I am not giving Tinder a cent. If anyone wants to donate, we'll also set up one in the Philippines. Oh, that'd be awesome.

Thank you very much for listening, friends. That has been our show. We are always very happy to record for you every week. It's true. Love it. If you want to reach out to us and ask us a question or just say hello, you can find us on various means of social media.

You can find us on Facebook at facebook.com slash fckbuddiespodcast. You can find us on Instagram at fckbuddiespodcast. You can find us online at fbuddiespodcast.com. You can email us at fbuddiespodcast at gmail.com, or you can tweet us at fck underscore buddies. Thank you to Josh Eagle and thevard cities for their song paper stars you ready for some bad sex writing absolutely now again tell me if we've done this one before i don't think we have this is a stranger at palazzo d'oro by paul thoreau the softness of her skin in the dark far softer softer seeming because of the dark, was irresistible.

And the aroma of her lily-fragrant perfume, mingled with the cat-smell of her steaming cunt, made me salivate and pant like a lion, my nose tormented by damp fur and hot blood. Still I could not tell where her soft skin ended and her silk began, and the complexity of her vaginal lips'm like, have you had sex? Do you know that it's not called pussy because it is cat related yeah cat smell of her steaming cunt

is probably one of the worst things I've read I think yeah I don't love that at all no what what has your cat been doing Paul what that pussy do my name is Dave Miller and my name is Dave Miller.

And my name is Niles Spain. And we've been your fuck buddies.