F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 125 - I TikTok'd My Fortnite, Doc!

Episode Date: February 22, 2021

You know what they say, kids will be kids especially when crippling themselves while sexually pleasuring themselves.  Topics include a political hot-take, Sing your own D, living and dating with herpes, being tempted during tough times, maintaining your interests in relationships and Dain's re-entry into Tinder.

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love Hello friends, my name is Dane Miller And I'm Mal Spain And we are your fuck buddies Hello friends, my name is Dane Miller. And I'm Mal Spain. And we are your fuck buddies. We are a dating and sex advice show where we take your sticky sexy situations and we turn them into sexy sticky situations.

Simply put, we get questions either from our lovely listeners or from social media. And we answer them for you on the topic of sex and dating. And boy, has winter come back. Yeah. Yeah, winter. Winters are getting around this year visited texas yeah for the first time i don't know for the first time first time ever but you if you are in texas let's just get this out here right off the bat i hope you're okay i hope you're safe i hope you're okay um i'm glad you're shitty ass fucking mayor in Austin, I think it was, fucking resigned.

I don't think it was a major city. Okay, did you see his shit? Yes, yeah, I saw his bullshit. What a dumb fuck. So in case you haven't seen what we're talking about, which I find it hard to believe because we saw it in Canada and it was like every other person's post. There was a mayor in Texas who was who was pretty much his statement was like stop looking for handouts only the strong survive fuck you for not having power or water yeah if you have a problem man up and deal with it yourself uh he's now asking people to stop

harassing him it's like dude you have a problem with harassment man up and deal with yourself and like the the best thing is is like these people aren't asking for handouts. All of them are paying for utilities. They are not receiving two of the essential mandatory things that we need, which is heating, aka shelter, and running water. They're not asking for handouts. They're asking for the things that literally sustain life and that they're already paying for. It's also his literal job to make sure these things are happening. And he's just like, nah, handouts, man. There's been a very strange, and I've noticed this a lot in Facebook comments and politician on Twitter and shit,

where people seem to think that it's not the government's responsibility to take care of private citizens. And I'm like, that is specifically the sole purpose of government. Like, laws. The reason we have laws is, at least the concept behind having laws, is to protect the people living in that area. The reason we pay for healthcare. The reason we pay taxes. All those things. We pay for the police.

We pay for medical services, at least in Canada. we pay for the police we pay for medical services at least in canada we pay for you know school oh no you definitely pay for medical in america well i mean like tax pay i'm just joking because it's ridiculous but it's like all these things all these things that we pay into all these institutions are specifically there to serve the public yeah and so i don't know when and why it's like we've switched i think it's because like the whole you know everyone is now hyper aware of socialism and specifically how fucked capitalism at least late stage capitalism is fucking everything up and so i think everyone is kind of panicking be like that's what the point of government it's like you understand that like

you know the right is supposed to be you know we want less government intervention but now all of a sudden the government's just like what are they supposed to be doing in your weird fantasy world where they're not taking care of the people they're just meant to be coddling businesses and honestly they're doing a great job business daddies government is business daddy and it just wants to suckle wall street at the teat and like you know hurl cash at them and give the finger to the regular people on the other hand. Anyway, this is our political advice podcast. Obviously, you can tell we're a dating podcast. Do you have a question?

Yeah, let's do this one. This is by Unique Interaction 8. I've sucked my own dick and I've been having back pain since. I want to visit a chiropractor, but I'm afraid of being embarrassed if I tell them the reason of my back pains. What do I say if I visit one? I don't know if this question counts as a medical advice question, but I really want to know what to say. I'm 14, have to go with my parents. They will be there.

What do I say? Holy shit. One, how? I guess they bend over real hard. So hard that they may have blown their spine to Kingdom Come. Hopefully that's not the only thing they blew to Kingdom Come. Oh, am I right? This is a wild thing.

You've accomplished every teenager's dream somehow. But you don't need to tell your chiropractor that this is like, you could literally say it's like, oh, I did a somersault at school in gym class and i really hurt myself it's the same range of motion you don't have to be like hey so i tried really hard to suck my dick and that's why my back well now what if well one while schools are out two what if the parents then call the school and they're like whoa whoa whoa why are you doing somersaults why are you having to do somersaults kids do stupid shit all the time but people sue people for stupid shit all the time but people sue people for stupid shit all the time too then don't say it was school mandatory like how many times

you see people do fucking cartwheels out on like resales and shit i don't know man it's then it's this person who wasn't like like supervising them properly it's their fault they get sued you've ruined a life well done dane then just say you did it fucking at home yeah just be like oh i i like you know i was on the floor and i decided to try to like you know roll forward for whatever fucking reason again you're 14 you do nothing but stupid shit as evidenced by this question like all you do is stupid shit when you're that age yeah it's just say you've rolled or like, you know, somersaulted out of bed or something.

As long as it's the same range of motion. That's pretty much it. You know what? I think maybe something that is completely just so foreign to, to older people. So just say Tik TOK or Fortnite. Yeah. Say you're doing like a Fortnite dance on Tik TOK.

Yeah, exactly. That, that exact phrase they've, they've signed out. They're like, Fortnite dance on TikTok. Yeah, exactly. That exact phrase, they've signed out. They're like, I don't understand. Okay, whatever. And no one's going to get angry. No one's suing TikTok.

And they'll be fucking sued to kingdom come themselves if they come after TikTok. Really on this getting sued thing, huh? Dane, the only reason I haven't sucked my own dick is I'm living in fear of getting sued. By your dick. By my dick yes maybe also just going forward like if you're trying to do something and it hurts you don't do it especially when it involves your dick if you reached your dick you wouldn't let back pain stop you at least not the first time but you But you've learned a valuable lesson here. And let me tell you, when it comes to your penis, if something is causing you pain, stop because it's

going to fuck shit up. You don't want to go forward in life with a fucked up dick. This person is either going to have more range of motion after this injury or less. So he's going to have to try one more time to see which that is. Don't encourage this. I don't think this person needs any more encouragement. He needs advice. And the advice is, this hurt you once, don't try it again, despite Niall encouraging you to give it one more go. I'm not saying, I'm not encouraging

them, I'm saying I know they're going to. And I'm trying to encourage them not to. The best comment is that someone you were taking a piss and someone just started sucking your dick and you tried to headbutt them off your own dick. The best comment. You win the internet today. But yeah, just tell them something they won't understand. And honestly, the private won't even ask.

But if they do, just get the general range of motion right. And that's all they need to know. This is a listener submitted question from Agent Tiara. Is herpes stopping me from having a long-term relationship? Hi, guys. I really need your opinion. I'm a new listener, and I think you have... Oh, I'm a new listener,

and I think you both have great perspectives on relationships. Thank you, and welcome. Also, nice way to enter with a compliment. We like that. Yeah, now we're going to give you good advice. If you didn't say anything nice, we'd give you real bad advice. Like that dick sucker. It's such a hostile term, but not incorrect.

No, not at all. In my 20s, in my first adult long-term relationship, my boyfriend gave me herpes. We were together for five years and partly because I thought no one would ever accept me with an STD. Now, 15 years later, I know herpes. We were together for five years and partly because I thought no one would ever accept me with an STD. Now, 15 years later, I know herpes isn't a big deal. It doesn't affect my life in any way except when I start a new relationship and I have to tell someone. Some guys have seemed cool about it. Some have not been so cool.

I think there is still a huge stigma of STDs and haven't had a relationship longer than six months since. I can't help but wonder if this STD is stopping a man from wanting something long-term term with me i think i'm a catch my life is very together i'd be a great partner i don't understand why i've been single for so long and i have to wonder if it's because i have herpes please help so this is a really important question and i think uh the stigma surrounding stds or stis or which one's the proper one these days std uh sti i i think they're more or less interchangeable when i was in school they made a big deal about like switching it to stis yeah whether or not that switched back or not i don't think it's that important anyway if i got it wrong i'm sorry guys um but the stigma surrounding them is is pretty fucked up to

the point where like a while ago i had a scare and I like what I was worried about wasn't, you know, what was going to happen to me. It was, you know, how are people going to treat me? How are future relationships going to go? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I don't think I ever actually thought about what would physically happen to me. And like, luckily it turned out I was fine. But like for that whole, like two weeks, like waiting for your fucking blood test to come back, it's a terrible fear to go through. And that sucks because, one, they're not rare. So many people deal with it.

More than one of every six people age 14 to 49 in the U.S. has general herpes, which is a statistic that surprised me. And here's an important thing to note. Of those people, 90% of them don't know they have it. But like the stigma is out there and it's severe and it sucks, you know? I think as with hopefully most things, like we're getting better day by day, but like I think people really need to make a concerted

like effort to get better. And it really does suck when you're someone who has been exposed to something like this and like you just have to deal with exposed to something like this. And like, you just have to deal with other people's ignorance for, you know, ever to answer the question is herpes. The reason why you're having trouble finding a long-term relationship.

The, the shitty answer is maybe we don't know, you know what I mean? Like it very well could be a deterrent. Sure. But at the same rate as like being a single mother could also be a deterrent or being, you know, too tall or too short. Like it's just one more thing in the air or like the cocktail of dating and relationships. And like I said, there is a huge stigma attached to these things because of ignorance.

A lot of people don't understand that, like having herpes isn't the end of really anything. You can still have sex you can still have a healthy sexual relationship you like you can do all the things and as you also noted like it doesn't have a severe impact on your health there's plenty of medications now available to help manage and control outbreaks and suppress and suppress yeah so there's there's tons of things now available that more or less make herpes trivial. Not to tell you not to worry about it, because if you do have herpes, you should be taking precautions for yourself and for any partners you're with, such as telling them and wearing

protection and not having sex during an outbreak. There's antiviral you can have every day that both suppresses and makes recovery times quicker when you do an outbreak, etc. Yeah, there's a lot of stuff to do. Because I guess we both we want to do two things here. And let's talk about herpes and stigma, but also answer this question. My thoughts on the matter. And again, without more detail, it would be hard to to really answer this question, as you said, but like six months is a decent stretch of time. I would imagine if it was herpes, it would happen quite early on. Like six months is a decent kind of stretch. So that's half a year. Yeah, exactly. I know a lot of people who've never

had relationships that long. So like, I think it would, it would impact earlier unless during those six months there were constant references being brought up to it or a lot of complaints when there were outbreaks and you had to take a break from sex. Because other than that, I imagine your sex life was active during that time. And honestly, I think if it's a deal breaker for someone, that would happen quite quickly. Yeah, yeah. That's kind of where i would air but again it's like for all we know those six months were fraught with oh my god i can't believe you're having an outbreak we can't have sex now and in that case yeah maybe by the end of six months

you can infer that but i honestly think unless they're bringing it up a lot it's probably something else you know because six months again to me is quite a long time. Yeah. And like I've had, I believe I've talked about it, something called molluscum contagiosum, which in fact is not a Harry Potter spell. It does sound like it though. Sure does. And it's, it's not specifically an STD, but it is something that can be attracted sexually and is very contagious as per its name suggests. And one of the things that happens

when you get something like this is you feel like there's like a wave of anger and disgust and sadness and like you go through this sort of like cocktail of emotions of you know being upset that you have it and maybe being upset at the person who gave it to you if you know and then you start like i remember like my skin was crawling because i was just so grossed out by it um and then like you get really sort of depressed over it too because there really isn't anything you do in regards to like catching it after you've caught it um so it's like there is this sort of like whirlwind of emotions that people go through and that could definitely color your approach to relationships. Thankfully,

it sounds like you kind of have a good grasp on it. You've, you seem to have that managed, which is nice, especially you've had it for 15 years. So hopefully you've, you've come to terms with it from a mental health standpoint. But I can also imagine that like sort of those same emotions go through

people when you tell them of sort of like that all that stigma and all that sort of like what if isms kind of hit fear because i think a lot of people don't and like i like i'm somewhat one of them you know what i mean like i was surprised by how many people in the u.s had it i wasn't really up to date on the fact that there's like daily antivirals you could take like ignorance is a thing you know i mean a lot of people are super uninformed and it's like this boogeyman that you've heard of right but you don't really know anything about it other than like it's bad and that's it that's all you know right yeah it's a very common punch line for for a lot of jokes. Exactly. Yeah. So like, all you know is negative shit.

So, you know, I think knowledge is definitely a factor here. And like, as per what Dane was saying, like, it's one of the one of many things me and Dane shares that we both had at different times unrelated that same STI. And yeah, you feel completely disgusted with yourself, you know, and you also don't want to tell people because you're worried they're going to judge you or anything like that. It's a horrible position to be in. And it would be so much less horrible if everyone wasn't shit about it. You know what I mean? And like, I don't think a lot of people are even actively shit. I think it's the fear, but also just like the stigma and the kind of the societal like, you know, punchline and like TV

shows are usually pretty bad at portraying it and like everything. So I definitely think it's something we need to as a society get better at. There's also a bunch of online resources that are available to people. If you if you have been, you know, tested positive for an STI, you can definitely like go online and find like lists and lists of places that often have have message boards forums and that kind of stuff to talk with people who are living with stis especially things such as herpes that has no cure um and i don't have it and i was already uplifted reading some of the stuff of people being like like i have a friend of mine who um who has who has herpes and is, and is married. You know what I mean?

It's like, it's, it's not a deterrent. Like it does not mean that your life is over when it comes to romance or relationships or sex. It is, you know, it's just a thing that happens and it's completely manageable. Have you heard of positive singles? Yeah. That was another thing I was going to suggest is there are tons of websites actually that focus specifically on people who are herpes positive.

Yeah, Positive Singles is there's over 2,040,000 people registered, and it's basically a herpes and STD dating and support community, which is really cool. So just like as an option, if this is a concern for you, like at least in this case, like it would even the playing field somewhat and therefore maybe it'd be worth giving a shot. I don't know. I really wish we could answer more specifically as to whether or not that's why it ended, but it all depends on the person you're with, the situation as you guys dated. I would just try to look back and see how many times it was an issue because honestly, unless it was a vocal

issue, I would imagine it is not the, at least not the full reason. You know what I mean? Because again, six months, that's a decent chunk of time. I'd also say that there are plenty of people who don't have an STI who are in the same situation as you as not being able to find a long-term relationship for any number of reasons. So there are like the variables and the possibilities as to why you're still single are infinite. And unfortunately, we can't answer them without a wider or sorry, a more narrow view of what's going on in your dating life. You seem to have a really good grasp on living and dating with herpes. I would put that in your back pocket. You've dealt with it.

Hopefully it sounds like you seem to have a pretty positive outlook on yourself as well. So that's really great. I would now try to look beyond your past relationships and stop worrying about whether or not herpes is the reason for the relationships not panning out and just focus on being the badass that you are apparently.. Like, just move forward and keep staying positive. Keep being honest. And eventually you'll find someone who's cool. I would say just keep trying your best. And I know that's a really generic advice, but it's all I can give you at the moment.

Like, I think we could tell from what you sent in that you are a cool person and, like're doing the right thing with regards to like your situation your relationships you know if it is the case that this was the reason like it sucks but it also doesn't mean that there's no hope because a lot of people are dealing with this and a lot of people have surmounted that obstacle and a lot of people aren't as kind of out of touch as people who still hold stigma to uh to stds and stis and whatnot so it's like you know worst case it was and fuck it it doesn't matter and best case it was something else and you know you keep being you and i think everyone would be all right yeah so if you do have you know a more specific question uh in terms of maintaining a relationship or you know something you're going through currently by all

means hit us up we will we will dive into it with a little bit more detail for you. I think the main takeaway here is don't blame the herpes. It could be a factor. It could not be. There could be any number of reasons. As long as you're not letting it affect how you act within a relationship, you should be okay. Yeah. And I think that's the most important because if it is or if it isn't, it's like you can't you know you can't magically make it go away so it doesn't really matter it all that matters is that you don't let it affect you uh this is by tori am i bad i 32 year old male think i may be having an affair behind my wife's 33 year old female beck how do i go about ending this and saving my marriage so you think he thinks he thinks he might be having an affair.

Okay, cool. I've been with my wife for 17 years. I love her dearly. We don't have a perfect relationship, but the love and compassion is there. She's my partner. I'm grateful for her. Past year, our marriage has been tested. I'm a nurse.

I've been working long hours and have many scares with COVID. I've been struggling with alcohol since it happened. I wanted some relief and I've been indulging more than I should. Me and my wife have often been fighting. She lost her job and is focusing on keeping our daughters in check while also trying to find a new job. We aren't intimate very often. We try, but she's too stressed with everything going on and she hasn't been into sex. She tries her best, but I'm just really in need of more in that aspect of our relationship.

We've been arguing more than usual. It's not us. I don't know why this has been happening, but it's wearing away at me. I'm in other things too that have been piling up, but like I said, I can feel her love when I see her face in the morning. She cares about me and my wellbeing. There's this coworker that since COVID I've been getting closer to. It's kind of horrible,

but she reminds me of my wife when she was younger. They look similar and have similar personalities. We bond a lot and we're very close. I think I have a crush on her. I know she has feelings for me. A few days ago, she made a pretty forward advance on me. We ride together to work and it was my day to drive. When I dropped her off from work,

she invited me in for a second. My wife was waiting on me, but I still went anyways. She told me she really liked me and she told me she wanted me to spend the night with her. I froze. I wanted to tell her that she knew I was married and I couldn't do that. But what I said was not now. I'm not ready. I couldn't even fully reject her. I wanted it. I wanted to do it badly. Even driving away, I considered going back so many times. When I got home, I told my wife we hit traffic. I don't know why I'm like this. I don't want to hurt my wife. I have two little girls, and if they knew what their father had in his mind that night,

they'd never be able to trust me or any man. I don't want this to hurt anyone. I'm even afraid of hurting my co-worker's feelings by rejecting her. Is there a way for me to end this without hurting anyone? Oof. Yeah, that's a heavy one. Yeah. I figured I'd temper it, temper the dick-sucking one with some.

Yeah. You know what? You didn't have an affair. Yes. Let's get that out in the open. We could talk about the gray area of emotional affairs and kind of stuff. You guy, he's he's a nurse. He said,

yeah. Yeah. So it's like, you're in a pretty fucking wild time right now in terms of mental state, physical, you know, like you're in sort of mortal peril on a day to day basis. And on top of that,

you're living a normal person's life outside of the hospital at home where you're a father and a husband and there are problems at home as well so it's like with the amount of shit that is on your shoulders and the amount of stuff that is compounding the pressure that you're under it makes sense that you are actively seeking greener pastures you know what i mean and it's like i'm not trying to excuse infidelity because it seems like this guy knows it's wrong and he's actively working against sort of his background psychology you know what i mean like the subliminal sort of shit that's happening in the background of his body and mind being like please just do something good because all we're doing is seeing like people die and our relationship crumble and so it's like it's

like yeah i i totally understand why this attractive younger version of your wife who wants to sleep with you is an appealing prospect yeah well like even if it wasn't mortal peril on a daily basis the sheer like chaos and stress, both mental and physical, because like I know like nurse hours and doctor hours are insane. And on top of that, it's like hospitals packed. I assume they're in America, you know, where they're just pretending none of this exists or we're pretending. So it's like the scenes I've seen, let alone all the heartbreaking death and everything. It's fucked. And also, even if you weren't, everyone's having a hard time right now, being stuck at home, losing your job,

not knowing when the world goes back to normal, not knowing if normal is what you want to return to or if there's something else you could do, et cetera, et cetera. So your wife's having a hard time. Your kids are having a hard time. You're having a hard time. You're doubly having a hard time because you have to deal with that and work. but i do think like look was it the perfect answer to that situation no did you do something wrong not really you know what i mean like you didn't do anything you just weren't perfect every single sane person has probably been in a situation where they've at least thought like i'd like to have sex with that person. But that's nothing wrong. It's part of our human nature

to find other people attractive. It's what you decide to do with those impulses that decide your moral fiber. And you didn't do anything wrong. Yeah, you were in an attractive woman's house and she said, like, come sleep with me. And you said, no one left. You did say sleep with me. And you said no and left. You did say not now, but you still said no and left. So just get that out of the way. You didn't

do anything wrong yet. I could tell by the fact that you're posting this that you are conflicted, I guess, at the very least. I think, look, if there's a problem with your marriage, which obviously there is if you're having thoughts kind of slanting this way, you need to sit down and think as to why that is and if there's a fix and what you can do, right? Your wife is stressed and doesn't want to be intimate, then like, you know, talk to her. Maybe go to marriage counseling. Maybe see if there's a way, like a babysitter that can come in. I don't know where you are and what COVID restrictions are like and whatnot, but it's like, clearly this is an indication that there's a problem, so for you to be okay you need to solve that problem.

As for hurting your co-worker, just tell her you're married. She obviously knows, but just be like, look, I'm sorry, I'm married. No one's going to be upset, and if they are, they're an asshole. That's the thing. I don't think there's any harm in explaining to your co-worker. What I would recommend not doing is tell her that you feel the same.

You know what I mean? Don't give her the like, look, I'm really into you and I really like you, but I am married. Cause that's because that's a yes and no at the same time. And it's kind of like, it almost seems like you're hinting at her to like, keep going and she'll get there.

Exactly. And it also sort of like leaves the door open in your mind as well. So I think what you need to do is have a conversation with the co-worker as well and be like, hey, I'm really sorry. I let this go a little too far. Stress at work has sort of like, you know, gave me a lapse in judgment. I'm really I'm really sorry if I led you on, but I am married. I love my wife and nothing's going to happen. She's not going to be upset.

And if she is that that's her problem. You know what I mean? She sucks. And then you can move on. Yeah. If you leave the door open in her mind and your mind, you haven't solved anything. If you shut it on your side, even if there's still temptation, then hopefully they'll get the picture and it'll be easier for you to resist temptation when they have also ceased overtures. Exactly. But in the meantime, you need to try to fix what's going on in your relationship. And that could be marriage counseling. That could be anything, depending on what the specific problems are. And you also need to determine, like hard on yourself but if you want to make it work make

it work and if you don't don't cheat on your wife file for divorce and and go through it like you know the respectful way don't kind of ruin someone's life or like you know don't don't be cruel to someone for for no reason other than you're stressed i i think the key and you kind of mentioned it i think the key and the solution to this problem is when he said, like, when I wake up and I see her face, I can tell that there's love there and she cares about me. I think you need to actually vocalize that sentiment. I think you need to talk to your wife with that sort of, that poetry.

You know what I mean? Like, and I'm not saying use poems or write her a poem. No, you're right. No, one step further, do a rap. That's just modern poetry. I'm saying sit her down and be like, hey, just be genuine with her and show her your appreciation and let her know that like, it's okay that she needs a little bit of time and it's okay that she's stressed and you understand because you're dealing with the same thing. And I think that hopefully we'll sort of get you guys down to neutral.

I don't think it's going to solve your problems. I don't think she's automatically going to like start squirting and want to fuck you immediately. Start squirting. Just, just, you know, spraying,

spraying all over the place. I don't think that's going to happen, but I think, I think it might sort of diffuse a little bit of tension, get you to neutral, and then you can start building from there. So I'm not a hundred% sure that I agree, because I don't know if they've actually talked about these problems.

And I do think they need to talk about these problems. You know what I mean? Like if he's just playing the, you know, stiff upper lip, come home, be a husband, go to work, be, you know, I feel like he could be running himself ragged, which is why he is so worn down and just wants to escape to a place where he doesn't have to care or do anything sorry yeah that's true i assume they had talked about it because he was like he was

like oh she doesn't want to have sex with me because of these reasons so it's like i guess he could be assuming i thought it was like they discussed the problems and know the or know the causes in my mind it could be as simple as him being like, hey, wanna fuck? And her being like, I'm too stressed right now. And just kind of like leaving it at that, you know what I mean? But like, either way, even if they have talked about them, these problems haven't been solved so like, they really need to talk

them out, and if not together, then with a professional, or both. Because there's something here and it needs to be fixed. I definitely think what Dane says is gonna help. I don't know if it'll solve anything or everything. Like I said, I don't... The combination of the two, you know, like remind yourself and remind her

of what you guys love about each other and your relationship, but like really start to talk about these problems because ignoring them clearly isn't working. Yeah, I think it's a great way to start the conversation. Getting back to the basics of what the core of your relationship is, which seems so fucking sweet and wholesome and pure that like, I think just sort of like resetting to that, like Nell said,

addressing the issues at hand, if she's stressed and you're stressed and then you try to talk about this, I think it's a recipe for disaster. I think if you like, you know, crank all the dials down to zero again, kind of like just be, you know,

a good dude and sort of like tell her how you feel. Because like I said, I think all the things you are eager to tell us about her, there's a good chance. You probably haven't said that to her in a while. And I think a lot could be helped by getting that out. Yeah. And also maybe even just look into taking a break, you know, not together necessarily.

Although, you know, if you both want that, sure. But like, if you can take a little time off work, I don't know what the situation is, but like maybe the two of you guys, even if, you know, obviously travel is kind of off the table right now, but like, even if you just have a little staycation, stay at home, watch a movie, you know, maybe you can put the kids to bed early and just get some takeout or something you know like take a step and like breathe because clearly you need it and i'm sure she needs it too so and the another thing i was thinking is like when he mentioned his daughters being like oh i want them to be able to trust men there's no no harm. I think what you're saying is true.

I think a date night would be so useful right now. There's no harm in including, if you have two daughters, include them on the, like, take them all out for a date. Yeah. Pamper all of your ladies in your life. And I think that, like, grounding yourself at home and just sort of, if you can take some time off work and, and really just sort of like rededicate yourself to what's, what you've got at home.

Uh, I think you will quickly realize that like, it was a moment of weakness and that you've got everything you need and it's just going to take a little bit of work because you're, you're just running an uphill battle and everyone, everyone kind of like looks at that sloping. Like it'd be a lot easier to slide down to the bottom than it would be to run up to the top. So good luck, man. I really hope you,

you pull through this cause you seem like a good dude. Yeah. Where our thoughts are with you. This comes from Reddit user catching nails. Hi guys. How willing are you to watch girl shows? If a girl you're dating wants to watch one? Context. I've only ever dated hyper-masculine guys, and although I don't want to put that down,

I will say that it gets really boring just talking about cars in the gym for months. Unfortunately, I grew up with a dad who would legit walk out of the room if I even started on a topic of my own interest, so I grew up with the mentality that if I want to keep a man's attention, I can only ever cater to him. This has left me feeling really empty, constantly seeking companionship and people who I have nothing in common with and not realizing until after it's over. The guys I went out with only compounded and solidified that belief. I just want to know how out of reach it is for me to venture into asking a guy over to my place and watch a show that I choose. Firstly, there is no girl shows. I knew you were going to say that.

In a sense. I'm going to argue that in a sense though, it's like, I think there are shows that are made for girls. Like it literally intentionally, like people are in a room being like, we need to appeal to this demographic. Um, but like every,

every show has a target demographic and millions of dollars to like, start that out. So it's like technically there are shows that are meant to cater to women but does that mean women or men can't watch it? No absolutely not yeah but also it's catering towards this idea of woman which like we've seen on you know

seduction like not every person is the same at all even like along gender lines like it's ridiculous so I think we can all throw that idea out the fucking window because it doesn't exist me i will watch like you fucking name it i probably already watched it you know what i mean like i've burned through gossip girl with exes i've burned through the oc one tree hill i've watched fucking reality tv that i thought i hated and actually i quite enjoyed some of it um you pretty much name it i think if you're dating someone that refuses to watch

girl shit uh they're probably an asshole however just because they don't want to watch some stuff that's considered girl shit doesn't mean they're an asshole if that makes sense because there are some shows i think are garbage that would be considered you know girl shows and i just wouldn't want to watch but if i didn't want to watch them because they were girl shows i think that would be me being an asshole like you could not like something on its own merits i just wouldn't want to watch but if i didn't want to watch them because they were girl shows i think that would be me being an asshole like you could not like something on its own merits i just think if you're saying it's because it's a girl show you're an asshole specifically riverdale i know i talk on my shoulder i almost want to get back into riverdale um because like i only saw the first few episodes and it was garbage but then it became a very fun kind of

garbage by the sounds of it, where I guess they just threw darts at a wall full of plots and things just happened. Did you see the trailer I sent you for the next season? Yeah, no, it's not a fun kind of garbage. It's not a, ha-ha, this is bad. It's like when you look at the synopsis of a season, like when Amanda tells me what's going on in the show,

I find that funny. But to invest an hour of my life every week into it, it's not funny. It is a soul crushing spiral into insanity. Yeah. It's a garbage show, but yes, I'm fully willing to watch pretty much anything with anybody. And like, again, if, if one or two shows fly under the radar, that's fine. Also, it depends what you like. I don't know't know do you like garbage i think like we're focusing on the tv show thing which is not the issue like this is the the oh my roommate likes my food does she want to fuck me it's like it's the misdirect you know what i mean she specifically says that like dudes like her dad used to walk out on her if she talked about her interest she only dates dudes who want to talk about cars and fucking the gym it's like sounds terrible by the way this this has nothing to do

with tv shows you want to watch this has nothing to do with dudes who are watching quote-unquote girly shows this has 100 has to do with the men you're choosing to spend your time with and invest your time with now she did specifically ask about shows and i was answering that before we got into the deeper meaning and you haven't yet answered well i mean like her question is how willing are you it's like yeah i'll if it's not a garbage ass show i will watch it like i started watching riverdale with amanda and then when it got to the point where i was dying inside the screenwriter in me was screaming and bursting through my chest i was like i'm not watching this anymore this is a

waste of my goddamn time and it's like that's that's fine i think if if you enjoy a show you enjoy a show you watch you watch you who cares yeah and also like in a relationship i think it's a really good thing to have shows that are just for you because like you know if if your partners in work or out with their friends it's like it sucks to sit down and be like oh i want to fuck i can't watch that because we're watching it together. Oh, I want to damn it. We're watching that together too. So that's a good thing. But anyway, onto the deeper meaning, if your partner doesn't care about your interests, they suck. It doesn't matter whether it's a man or a woman or anything else. The whole thing about a partnership is that you care about each other.

And that includes interests, hobbies, et cetera. they don't have to be obsessed with it in every facet and they don't have to watch every episode but like if they leave the room when you talk about it or if they like belittle you for liking it they suck and find a new partner yeah i mean like i don't think i would ever you know go out of my way to go to a burlesque show like by myself because it's like it's not like on my list of interests, not that high. But if Amanda wants to go to a burlesque show, of course I'll go because she has fun and I enjoy having fun with her. You know what I mean? Like like it's it's sort of a this is fun regardless of what we're doing, because you're having fun and I'm having fun with you. I don't care if she wanted to go to a fucking like, you know, worm museum. If I don't care about worms, I don't care if she wanted to go to a fucking like, you know, worm museum.

If I don't care about worms, I don't give a shit. Like spending time with your partner should be fun, regardless of whether or not like both of you are super invested in whatever's happening. Yeah. And also you're allowed to have separate interests. This is something we've talked about a bunch of times where it's like,

if Amanda wanted to do a burlesque show one night and I wasn't really feeling it, she would go by feeling it she would go by herself or she would go with friends and it's like that's fine you're you should do that yeah like i think you really need to have a certain sense of like positivity and support in your relationship kind of no matter what you know what i mean like if you like x thing or whatever there should be just that base level like oh cool like even if they're not super into it it's like that's great that you're into it and like i'm willing to

support that in whatever capacity um do they need to be like that's it it's my new favorite show too no but if they leave the room when you talk about it or belittle you for it they suck get a new boyfriend or girlfriend yeah i think what you should consider doing is taking a quick pause on dating and re-interest yourself in the things that matter to you and reinvest in those things because it sounds like you kind of push who you are to the side in order to date people yeah and that fucking sucks don't do that so i think what you need to do is like that little box of stuff that you've pushed aside pull that out and sort of rummage around in it watch the shows you want to watch listen to the music you want to listen to you know do the things you want

to do that interest you and then be like reintegrate them into your personality and who you are and be like hey this is this is me this is what i'm into the next time you meet someone or go on a date talk about those things or mention them or whatever and if they're like oh oh you like country i can't possibly date a girl who likes country they'd be like cool bye yeah then you've done yourself a gigantic favor because in the like competition between being single for a bit longer and suppressing half your fucking desires to be around someone. Guess which one is a lot easier? And like more fun.

Yes, yes, 100%. You'll be single, but you know what you'll be doing? You'll be watching Riverdale or listening to country or whatever it is that you love that you're worried people won't like. And you'll be happy because that's what makes you happy. As opposed to being around someone who's just like, so I drove my Mazda to the gym. Yeah, it's like, hey, if you're into the gym and cars, that's totally fine too. Like, I'm not ragging on that. I'm making a joke based on what their exes only did.

Yeah. Yeah, you have so much more to offer than being a sponge of like just being talked to. As we say, every fucking answer to every question that we give is communication. And communication doesn't work if you're only being talked to. If you don't have any... Yeah, it's a two-way street.

If it's only going one way, it's a bad relationship. And therefore, every relationship you've had is bad. Our podcast's a bad relationship to all our listeners. No, we do answer their questions. Never mind. Yeah. We did it.

Specifically, we say the very first episode that we want it to be a communication. That's true. Damn it. All right. Should we light this ship on fire and send it down the river? We should.

Before we end the show, we'd like to comb through some online dating profiles and take a gander at what's happening out there and look for red flags in the effort to either make your profile better or just laugh at the people who are floundering. You want some tinders? I do. And guess what?

This week, I got some of my own. Mmm. Because I did in fact, start a tinder account. Amazing. Now, is it just our logo? Is it our faces? What's on this one here? I didn't know if you wanted to be involved so it's my facebook profile picture and then our logo and that's it has anyone responded to you well no let me just tell you i said it so that i was a straight man

but i wanted to appeal to everyone that was my settings i am'm global, so you might be able to find me. If you want to find Stain, send a screenshot because this will be fun. I do swipe left on everyone. Unless your profile has nothing on it. I don't swipe... Do you swipe right on everybody?

I swipe right on everyone, yeah. Sorry. I say yes to everyone. I only say no if you have an empty profile. And that is specifically because you only have no if you have an empty profile. Okay. And that is specifically because you only have a certain amount of likes every day. And I don't want to waste it on people who are not providing me with content. That's fair. But let me tell you, if I was a gay man, I would be fucking crushing it because I matched with, I would say, probably every dude that I said yes to.

Hell yeah. And many of them ignored my Tinder profile and tried to chat me up. Okay. Let's hear some of this. Any good openers? No, no. It was all very, very lazy. I didn't respond to anyone yet. But all I got was, hey, man, how's it going?

How are you? And hey, handsome. I like that one. Isn't that nice? Yeah, I'm into that one. You want me to hit you with one or do you want to... Yeah, you go. I gotta like... This new phone, I'm still learning how to like do shit on it.

So I'm trying to find my screenshot. So you hit me. This is from M. No hookups. All caps. Here to possibly network with people in the entertainment industry that is a musician producer etc if not making friends isn't the worst here gentlemen only swipe left if you're not an animal lover swipe left if you swear and disrespect at women like the at sign so i think she tagged every woman in the world that's how you do it swipe left if you egotistical swipe left if

you cheap i believe chivalry isn't dead i'm high maintenance can't treat me right swipe left if you egotistical swipe left if you cheap i believe chivalry isn't dead i'm high maintenance can't treat me right swipe left swipe left if you're not humble swipe left if you're narcissistic swipe left if you're not family oriented yeah i like what like every now and then it's like swipe left if you you know think pineapple belongs on pizza but like to have a full list of good shit to swipe left on i like the second i see anyone say swipe left and then have a thing that's not a joke i immediately swipe left yeah this is pretty bizarre because it's such a weird like mix of things where it's like i'm here to network with people in the

entertainment industry it's like is this the place for that and also then why do you have a whole like list for your possible lover yeah unless like he doesn't want that she wants only wants family oriented people in the entertainment industry also misspelt musician and most things in here nice i'm gonna give it a one. Yeah, that works for me. I'm going to give you, I'm just going to softball this one for you. This is Julia. She says, me being here is a red flag.

Any red flags in that one? That's it? Yeah, that's it. You know what? I trust Julia. So I'm going to give this one red flag. So it's from a 10 down to a nine. Yeah.

Okay. This. Okay. This is, this is Eric. Do I know this? I don't think so. Is he blonde? He's 43. Then no.

Greed is the truest poverty and satisfaction is the truest wealth. Only those who have experienced severe cold, know the warmth of the sun. And only those who have experienced hardships in life can understand the value of life. Let's see what's here. Find a life partner in the valley of life. It sounds like a car ad almost. I'm almost positive that, yeah, that is a Mazda ad copy. Yeah, and you know what? It kind of makes me want to buy a Mazda. It doesn't make me want to date this man.

Give it a five. It's so blandly non informative about who they are. It's just generic quotes. And like, even if you wrote it yourself, it's just so fucking like try hardy. Yeah. You know what I mean?

It's like nothing, which is why it gets a five. Yeah, I agree. It's a five. There's nothing wrong with it. There's nothing great about it. It's just like,

if I saw it, I would be like uh so what like if if this is what you're representing this how you talk all the time because i don't want any part of that oh true maybe it's a three yeah i'm i'm actually leaning towards the the no side which would be yeah i'm gonna give it a three yeah that that makes sense it's not good and it doesn't indicate much about that person. But how about Veronica? Positive vibes only. Consolation emoji. Don't ask me how I'm doing during the pandemic. See no evil monkey emoji. I'm fine. I'm not bored. Tell me the fun thing you did during covid dancing emoji call me crazy but i start doing polar dips cold emoji wave emoji can you beat me lol i'm not crazy

with the energy but like i fucking get it i bet most people's fun like i would love to know how many times people are like how are you doing the like how are you holding up during the pandemic because i said that like anytime i check in with friends that i like i don't talk to a whole lot it's definitely on that list so like i could probably i understand why she would be like okay just don't ask me that here's what i'm doing i get that but she says don't ask me how i'm doing during the pandemic and then immediately says tell me the fun thing you did during the pandemic it's like you can't be like oh i'm sick of all this pandemic shit and then immediately be like hey so let's specifically talk about the pandemic

see I read that more as like specifically the phrase how are you doing during the pandemic fair that's what I read even if it's like how are you doing during the pandemic you could be like oh it's cool I got into X which is what she immediately

then does you know what I mean? Yeah, that's fair. So I just feel like maybe she's just sick answering that question. Yeah. Maybe it's like, don't talk to me about the negative side. Like talk to me about something positive,

what you're doing, which I get, but I find it weirdly worded. Um, this is Jay new to Toronto, cuddle bug, avid pun enthusiast. Nice to anime eat.

Yeah. And that is the word anime. as in, like, the cartoon, dash E-T. Ooh. Wait, I thought you were going to make it into something sexy, like E-A-T. It's Polly, Pan Polly, N-B, dumb. Believe me, when I say I support a script better than you do, heart face emoji, hashtag call her daddy. Also, sorry, did you say dumb? Yeah, that is the last descriptor.

Aw. I don't like that. I like everything else. Because it's like, cool. You get a cuddle buddy you can watch anime with. Who's going to rock a skirt. Like, that's great. Because it's what you're up to.

And also then, talking about the skirt can lead. What if you rock a skirt? Then you can pull out your own. And you're off to a sexy start. You're about to ruin all also then the talking about the skirt can lead. What if you rock a skirt? Then you could pull out your own and you're off to a sexy start. You're about to ruin all of it, aren't you? Yeah. Because he says he loves making puns and then uses anime as a way to say meat. Anime to you. But that's not.

I'm just saying if you're going to say that you're into making puns and then you fucking like just vomit that on the like he said he's into making them did he say he was good at them oh true he does say avid pun enthusiast yeah like if you're like a wine enthusiast it doesn't mean you're a wine expert and it doesn't mean you're a vintner it just means you you know try to buy a $15 bottle once a week. Fair enough. I don't love the pun. It's not great, but it does tell me that he likes anime. He's getting a six in my book. I'm giving him five because I think he shit the bed on that pun. Also, we didn't vote on positive vibes only.

Don't ask me about COVID, girl. Oh, I'm going to give her a six. I'm going to give her a five. I'm going to give her a five. And last one for me. This is Jen. Natural gray, liberal, homebody for art, active for nature, and because I love cheeseburgers. Balance, I'm a nerd. Don't ask what my tattoos mean.

It's a stupid question. If we match, I probably won't tattoo you, so don't ask. How about we talk about anything but tattoos again i get the feeling that the the like go-to opener for this woman is hey i like your tattoos what do they mean yeah i think maybe the the hostility could have been a little bit more playful because it comes off as like a bit aggressive but overall i got nothing wrong i'm gonna give a seven yeah yeah it's it's fine it is funny because they do list their job and they're a tattoo artist so it's like it would feel weird to be like oh hey i'm a writer don't ask me about anything to do with writing because like i get how it's annoying but like imagine just feeling

like you can't ask about their job or like day-to-day life yeah i'd be one thing if like you know if it was just about the tattoos that she had because like i would definitely want to talk about being a tattoo like i'd love to talk about tattoo artists about there's a lot i don't know about it yeah i think like a six seven for me as well um and finally this is alia big tits little heart some please teach me french i don't smoke sorry let's go get slushies i don't care it's winter does that somebody please teach me french no no some please teach me french okay i thought you said taste me french okay and here here's a little bonus this is my little special first time bonus. She does have a picture in which it looks like a Snapchat,

like one of the things you used to be able to like caption on a Snapchat, like that black bar across the thing. And it says what he won't do, his friend, brother, dad, and uncle will. Hmm. Okay. That's not great energy. That's a little threatening. She'll cast a wide net to prove you wrong, won't she?

Uh-huh. Hey, it's little heart, man. Well, yeah, the little heart that gets me. It's like, is she in medical danger or is she just a shit person? She sounds ruthless because she's going to fuck your entire male family. Yeah, she will fucking. Oh, you won't watch this show with me? Hold on.

I got numbers of all your relatives. One of them will. She's playing the numbers game man that's a i'm gonna give it a three because it intrigues me with like the violence but i don't like the possible like heart failure in her future or just the manhunting yes yeah uh i you know i'll give it a three. No, I'm going to give this a one. Okay. Because she does have feminism listed in her interests. Okay. You get to pick five interests on Tinder now, and feminism was one of them. And I'm not sure if this really is copacetic with that idea.

What could be more powerfully pro-feminine than bullying people in if you don't do it, I'll do it to your extended family. Yeah. I love it. Thank you very much for listening. This has been our show and I'm glad that you joined us. Yeah, you guys are the best. Thank you everybody who has come back

week after week, giving us their messages on Facebook and Twitter and lovely questions and support and just kind of everything. You guys are the best and we have amassed a really cool group internationally and it's fucking wild to think about but literally every single interaction

we've had with you guys has been great and we love you all, so thank you. Yeah, also, again, we gotta do it. Shout out to the Philippines. You got us on the Spotify trending page for sex and dating or sexuality, whatever their categories are. We were on their like discover list. So thank you very much, guys. That's that's all you.

Yeah. You guys are knocking it out of the park every goddamn week. And I love it. Soon as we can travel. We'll come say hey. Hell yeah. goddamn week and i love it as soon as we can travel we'll come say hey hell yeah uh if you would like to send us a question you can reach us in a variety of ways you can find us on facebook at facebook.com fck buddies podcast you can find us online at f buddies podcast.com or plenty of beef.ca that's pretty much all the questions we've been getting from listeners have been coming

through our contact site. So, uh, thank you very much for, for using our site and, and asking us questions. Uh, you can also tweet us at FCK underscore buddies. You can find us on Instagram, FCK buddies podcast.

Oh yeah. You ready for some bets? Oh, thank you. Josh Eagle and the harvest cities for the song paper stars. Are you ready for some bad sex writing? I am. Yes.

Are you comfortable? Yes. Are you ready for some bad sex writing? I am, yes. Are you comfortable? Yes. Are you ready to grip your loins as this erotic prose flows over you? I'm going to try to blow my back out, suck my own dick. Hell yeah. Okay, well, there's been no better time.

Have you ever read Dune? No, I haven't. Well, this is from Dune. There was an addled beef swelling in his loins oh boy and he felt his mouth open holding clinging to the girder shape of ecstasy then a sigh a lingering ground swelling sweetness a collapse oh how sweet to let that come into existence nice uh we can no longer refer to boners as anything but adult beef swellings from now on yeah i also like the idea of like don't

don't tell your partner don't be like oh i'm about to come be like i'm about to make this semen exist how sweet to let this come into existence uh hey baby can, can I let this come into existence on your face? I'm about to make this come exist. I love it. That's a fantastic phrase. Good job, guy who wrote Dune. I believe Frank Herbert? I don't know, you're the writer. Yeah, like I know everything about

writing, Dane. My name is Dane Miller. And I am now Spain. And we have been your fuck buddies. Have an adult beef swelling on us.