F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 127 - The 20 Second Rule

Episode Date: March 8, 2021

This week's episode is a little shorter than usual, that's just to help us transition into a more manageable 20 second format.  Topics include the cure for insanity, bringing a gun to a genital fight, fighting your girlfriend's dad for the bill, applying fashion rules to relationships, managing online relationships and a real good crop of Tinder profiles.

I put my trust in you, and when I'm trusting, I love you. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and when I'm trusting, I love you. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dane Miller. And I'm Mal Spain. And we are your fuck buddies. We are a dating and sex advice show where we take your sticky sexy situations and turn them into sexy sticky situations.

Simply put, we find some questions either online or from our lovely, wonderful listeners. And we answer them for you on the topics of sex and dating. Do you remember where you were when Elon Musk's big rocket blew up? Is this sex history or is this an actual rocket this is an actual rocket it was his test launch today i think it was spacex i'm like 90 sure it was spacex another one blew up oh yeah it blew up real good like it they they landed it which let me tell you i was watching a live stream of it and they cut to a shot of like the because, I don't know what the rocket design is, but it, like,

when it comes back to Earth, it falls horizontal. And then they activate the rockets, which, like, puts it back upright for landing. But they showed a shot of it, and I swear to God, it looked like... It looks very fake, right? It looks so fake. It was, like... It looks like

Thunderbirds, like, where they have the rope, like, the wire on it, and they're just like, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, but then reverse. Well, it looked like CGI that hadn't been color corrected for the, like, the shot, or, like, the plate that they were shooting it on. So I was just like, did they just cut to, like, a CGI shot of this? Is this all CGI? Is any of this real? like whoa it's a weird time to like to question it because did you know coronavirus is cgi the the technology we have it would be very easy to do this it's not a complicated thing to do 5g 5g indeed you just watch 5g but yeah they they did if it was real they did successfully land it and then like as they were talking about what a great job they did it just blew up

oh no and I don't know if it was intended like I don't know if it was like a controlled destruction being like hey this thing's we can't use it anymore and the likelihood of it exploding somewhere else is too great so we're just going to blow it up here but it was

it was just funny because all the streams I was watching people were like this is incredible this is history in the making oh no well that's yeah no i didn't see that at all i didn't even hear that but on the topic of sex science i feel like a lot of people right you know we've been in for a year now almost a lot of people are dealing with headaches acne and insanity and i feel like we should go back to the history books and find a cure that we can all get behind and, you know, easily use. I'm excited for this because I do have a slight headache today.

Okay, butt plugs. That's what they were initially invented for. Self-retaining rectal dilators may be used by any intelligent person as the original ad copy states. And you can just fix all those things okay here's the thing this was made up by a gay dude who was giving other gay men the subtle nod of being like hey you're you're smart gay people aren't bad shove this up your butt and you'll like

everyone will be okay with it i'm pretty sure it's made by real doctors dan like everything is gay people can be doctors niall it's made by real doctors dan like everything is gay people can be doctors nile it's true i just think this guy was probably like look we need sex toys for our butts and we live in a time where pretty much anything's secure for insanity you see what i'm saying is obviously it it works so the fact that you're saying it's this thing is like think quite reductive because we all know insanity, headaches and acne have been cured by this. So why would they do this for that reason when there's also them curing these three very important things? That's what I'm sure. So like, yeah, maybe that was an added benefit, but obviously when it works so well, like I haven't had a headache in months since I put mine in. I remember when I went to the doctor as a teenager and I was just like,

is there anything that I can do about the pimples? And he's like, yes, insert this into your asshole. Yeah. You have a terrible doctor. I actually saw that. Where did you see that? I saw that also online. I fucking love science right now.

And probably went got shared around, you know? Yeah. Packaging noted they should not be used by anyone under the age of eight without doctor supervision. So there you go. That's a... Man, imagine, like, especially, again, I'm assuming this is like maybe 1800s, early 1900s. Do we have a timeline on this? Because like at that point in time...

18th century. It's sometime... Oh, it ended sometime after 1800s. So 1700s. Okay. So, right. At that point in time, pretty much everything was chalked up to insanity. Oh yeah, and pretty much everything cured it.

Yeah, so it's pretty cool that these people were just aching for a reason to shove something up their ass. Yeah. I'd love to know what other things, like historically, we've tried. Like, you know, back in the Stone Age where they're like, oh, shit, cut his arm off. Maybe if we put the severed arm up his ass, it'll reattach from the inside. Are you ready for a question? Yeah, I could do something. All right.

I think we'll start here. Speaking about dangerous shoving things in places. This is My Boyfriend Wants to Do Dangerous Stuff in the Bedroom by Thore Bfbe. Dangerous stuff. What do you think the dangerous stuff is? At this point in time, knowing the internet, knowing Reddit, I don't know, man. It could be something as normal as anal sex or doggy style or something as wild as chainsaws. So I guess we'll find out okay we just started

dating officially two months ago and he told me this is the phase of the relationship where sex starts to get boring for him and kink should be introduced he wants to do stuff with handcuffs guns and other scary looking objects i don't mind a little hair pulling and maybe light choking i told him my concerns that's dangerous especially the gun thing could go so wrong and he said it's never happened with him and it wouldn't happen and nothing could go wrong this is my first relationship and he was my first also i know cakes are normal for some people and they do this all the time do i go along with it or is it really dangerous he also made it clear that sex isn't enough for him and he needs this to keep going and i don't want to lose him woof and it is it is a real gun. I mean, is it that that I just assumed it was?

Yeah, I was hoping, like, if it's a rubber gun, sure. That's fine, I guess. A little roleplay, a little fakery. That's okay. A real gun is just emphatically not okay at all. Yeah, I have a ton of, like, you know, prop guns and stuff that are just plastic and stuff. It's like, they're completely harmless. They don't even have triggers.

But if you have a real gun, I mean, like there's ways to safely handle real guns. And none of those include ever pointing them at a human being. Yeah. Like literally ever. That's that's like gun safety. Number one, it doesn't matter if you've emptied the gun. It doesn't matter if you've just emptied the gun personally. You never pointed at another human being that is like the first thing they ever teach you is like

if you're going to point a gun at someone you the only time you should be doing that is if you intend to use it that's the only reason to ever do it the amount of times people have you know left a round in the chamber even if they've taken out the clip etc it happens all the fucking time and the risk of that happening just to get your rocks off no especially with someone who's like who's so adamant about being like it's not enough for me i will leave if you don't do this it's like you don't know the extent of his kink the a part of his kink could be because there's like a live round still in the chamber.

You know what I mean? It's like, you don't know. And you've known this guy for two months. So there, I don't know if it goes that extreme. I would like to believe that it doesn't, but there's a good chance that it could be,

you know what I mean? Like it could be part of his kink is knowing that like, all he has to do is pull a trigger. But also like two months and sex is boring? Yeah. Like, we've talked about how sex kind of loses its, you know, its sharp appeal eventually. You know what I mean? It happens, you know.

I wouldn't even say ever been boring for me, but, like, two months? Yeah. This is not the phase where sex gets boring. That's the fucking like honeymoon phase that's when even if you're into other shit like even just seeing your partner is like whoa if your honeymoon phase is four weeks eight weeks what and that's not to kink shame anyone if you want to introduce kinks into your relationship two months in you know i mean fuck it great cool but to say that like sex is no longer enough for you and then

to be like if you aren't willing to adopt my kinks you know no questions asked no compromise on the table i'm leaving yeah that's not how anyone who expresses their kink healthily acts gun involved or not if someone's like i need to choke you or i'm out that's that's shitty you know what i mean like if for some reason that's their kink and you know they can't have sex without it you can go about it a better fucking way than that you know that's the thing if you are that dependent on a certain level of kink or a certain you know act for your sexual pleasure that's not something you bring up after like that's something you should kind of get out of the way immediately or you know within the first little bit of starting a sexual relationship with someone is sort of like me like hey just you know i i've enjoyed the sex

you have but like for me a pretty fundamental part of my sexual experience is this put it on the table for them to either pick up or you know talk about or whatever but to be like i'm gonna leave if you don't do this even when someone's like hey this is a bit much for me yeah especially like it's definitely something you need to talk about before you start like officially dating yeah um this person sounds like super bad news and not just because you're probably gonna get shot yeah and like if this is his entry level yeah like where do you go from there like if you're bringing in again even if it's a gun that's had its trigger and firing pin removed and you know it doesn't have a slide or blah blah blah blah all these precautions to make

it safe if he still wants to bring in a real gun as like, you know, dipping your foot into the pool. What where do you go from there? Like the incline into the deep end is pretty steep, in my opinion. Yeah. But honestly, like I know this advice is going to sound weird given the topic. You have to stick to your guns. And if you're uncomfortable, you know, state that. Be clear.

Like consent is paramount in these situations. So like don't give it if you're uncomfortable, you know, state that. Be clear. Like, consent is paramount in these situations. So, like, don't give it if you're not comfortable. If he leaves, that's fine. You're going to be so much better off. That's the thing. It's like, we don't have a whole lot of information on this dude. So, like, I think it's, like you said, super important to be like, hey, I'm not comfortable with a gun, real or otherwise, or whatever your stance is. If you don't mind a rubber gun, great, cool.

You can get those at like any martial arts stores, self-defense stores, any of those places sell them and they're fairly inexpensive. But if you're like, hey, this part of your kink does not make me feel comfortable. I wouldn't enjoy it and I don't want to participate in it. Could we try X, Y, and Z? It's like, if you're cool with handcuffs, do handcuffs. If he needs like an air of danger, it like try some role play you know what i mean try like a burglar cop something role play in which he has the control and but like it does sound like he's probably going to lean into like rape fantasies you know what i mean like if like

why else would you ever need a gun otherwise to force someone to do something regardless of what it is it's like if you're not comfortable with it do not like this is not the time to meet someone in the middle you know what i mean this is not the time to consent because you don't want to lose them this isn't the time to well i can get over it you know you you need to stand your ground and you need to be very clear about what you're comfortable in what you aren't and if they can't very clear about what you're comfortable in, what you aren't. And if they can't deal with that, then you're doing both of you a favor by ending things. Yeah. And if like you did say that you were inexperienced, that he was your first and this is your first sort of sexual relationship. That's fine, too.

There are tons of communities online like Reddit dedicated to kink and safe kink and safe BDSM. All of these resources are available to you. So there's no harm in looking it up. And like, I'm sure there are templates somewhere about talking to your partner about kinks and establishing safe practices for these things. So educate yourself so that you're not going in with sort of the naivety of, you know, he knows more than you, because it would be very easy for someone who is to manipulate you into thinking that this is normal or what he's doing is okay.

Or what you're asking is unreasonable. If you can go in with a little bit more knowledge, even though you lack the experience, you can still be backed up by knowledge. Yeah. There's a lot of, I feel like King communities in general are always super positive and very helpful

for insiders. Like on Twitter, there's a bunch of people. Actually, we've mentioned Lady Pim before on, I think it was on a tweet chat thing we were in, but she has a The Bedpost podcast. So she is an active

dom and has kink stuff on her Twitter all the time. So I would recommend going over there. I know she has a bunch of people in the community that post. There was a really good post about consent going around a while ago and stuff like that. So people are usually really open and inviting and positive. So do your research. Dane speaks the truth there. It's like if you can can come at this from like a place of strength and knowledge, then it'll be less likely that you're going to be, you know, misled or mistreated, but stick to your guns. And by that, I mean, no guns. Yes. Uh, so good luck. I hope you're safe. Uh, if this doesn't work out, don't feel bad. Don't feel like you've done something wrong. You, your self-worth is more important than appeasing other people's sexual

fantasies and desires. You make the right choice. If this ends by being honest and truthful to yourself. Yeah. If somebody leaves because you're looking out for yourself in like, you know, a healthy way, it's not a loss whatsoever.

And don't let that discourage you from doing it again in the future. This comes from Reddit Darth Llama. What is the proper paying etiquette when your girlfriend's parents take you out for dinner? I have met with my girlfriend's parents once before and we went out to eat. I covered the tip when the bill arrived because I have a weird thing about not letting people buy me food because I was taught growing up that it was rude. I'm seeing them for the second time next week and we're going to Golden Corral for dinner on the first night. I realize that people generally don't tip a face. Do I let the parents pay for me or do I try to pay for myself or do I try to pay for me and my girlfriend? Any help would be awesome. And I do realize that

I'm overthinking this. Uh, yeah, you know what? I always find it awkward when you go out like, cause you don't want to seem like a freeloader, but like, I feel like I I've always offered and I've never really had the parents take you up on it. You know what I mean? And I think it's because like often it's them, you know, initiating the invite out. Like, whereas if you were like, Hey, let's take you out, maybe you'd be able to handle the bill. I don't know. Anytime I've offered, um, they've usually, you know, just flat out refused or ran to get the credit card machine. Yeah. But there are simple things you can do if you feel so badly. And I think for a lot, it's like offering is nice and it's good to even just to hear that as the person buying the dinner and that's kind of all they need or want. If you do feel uncomfortable, there are a few things you can do, I think. You could recommend like depending on, I've never been to Golden Corral, don't know what the fuck they do there,

but if you guys all eat, you could be like, hey, how about I get dessert? There's a place down the road, and again, I don't know what's going on with Corona in whatever country this is from, but if you can get ice cream or a fucking cake or something down the road, you covering the dessert kind of extends the night.

It's nice. And it's you kind of like contributing or just bring a bottle of wine and like give it to them, I guess, when you pick them up or they pick you up. Whenever like Amanda and I go out for dinner with usually her dad and her stepmom, we will usually go to a bar or something afterwards. We usually meet for an occasion, either to go to see a show or a musical or go to listen to some music because her dad's really into jazz. I will always try to,

if they will let me pay for dinner, I will always cover the drinks at the bar that we go to, or at least try to. Again, sometimes her dad can be stubborn and and sneaky or or the stepmom even uh she's awesome too and like they're amazing and i love them dearly both of my parents are great um about that kind of stuff and like i will sometimes have to like really fight especially if they've like if i've been staying over a lot you know what i mean like there have been times where i've gone to stay at like one of their places and they have like you

know bought us food and like bought groceries for us and stuff. And it's like, I'd always try to be like, Hey, can I take you guys out for dinner, please? I remember the first time I, we went out for dinner with her dad. I like snuck off and paid and I do not think he was very happy with me when I did that. That's another thing. It's like sometimes if you press too hard or if you get sneaky, like it can be weird. Like,

I don't know. It all depends on the person and the situation, I guess. But like, it is tough. I think if you want to pay for dinner, I think you have a strong, you have a better chance the second time you do it because you can say you got

dinner last time please let me take care of it this time yeah and that's i think that is the the stance you got to take on this um because when it shows that it wasn't like a first time it was it wasn't like a one-time thing when you offered to pay the first time and it shows that like you're like you actually want to do this you know what i mean and that you want the like you don't want to be a freeloader even though i don't think any parent would ever think that you know what i mean yeah it's kind of a weird power move to be like hey come like we're inviting you out for dinner and then be like oh you're not gonna pay for it fucking loser yeah it'd be one thing if like you sat down and like ordered the most expensive thing

and ordered like you know 120 bottle of ordered the most expensive thing and ordered like, you know, $120 bottle of wine and be like, Oh, thanks. Thanks guys. Yeah. Peace. But yeah, just it's parents love to take that. Like anytime I try to offer to pay for dinner with my parents, like, no, it's just not going to happen. Like my mom will literally solid snake metal gear solid sneak away and pay without anyone noticing if she she even like gets a hint that i want to pay for the bill she's very stealthy

she's surprisingly stealthy the only time i ever get to pay for dinner is their anniversary or birthdays and stuff like that so yeah like i wouldn't worry too much about it and i do think like you know getting dessert or bringing a bottle of wine or even just like some flowers for the mom or something i feel like that is enough and if not you can always be like look you've done this either let me get this time or be like look we've got a place near ours uh you guys should come and we'll treat you sometime you know yeah that's yeah extending an offer for the next time being like hey uh you know next time we meet up let's go to a place that we like. And it's my treat. Yeah. I think that's, I think that's a great option. Yeah. I think it's always a little different if you're the one instigating the meetup, you know what I mean? And then I think they'll also feel a bit differently about

being treated and it could be a nice bonding place if you take them to a place that you and your partner like, so yeah, a nice way to do it. I did want to throw in place that you and your partner like. So yeah, 100% to do it. I did want to throw in here that you should absolutely 100% tip your buffet server. Just because you're going up and getting your plates and like serving yourself, quote unquote, they're still taking care of you. And every time you get up and you come back and your plates are gone and your waters are magically filled, it's like that's them still doing their job. So tip your buffet servers.

Yes. And if you're at a wedding and it's an open bar, tip your bartenders. Just tip people. Yeah, tip anyone who's providing you a service tip. Especially in this mess of a time we're in. In these precedented times. It's got to be precedented by now, right?

Like, how unprecedented can they be after a year yeah in these common times in these stupid expected times are you ready yep i 23 year old male have a problem with my girlfriend 22 year old females private hygiene or personal hygiene private hygiene sounds fun though uh and And this is by WeirdStuff58. Private hygiene. They're washing you. It's a little Hall & Oates for you. Okay.

Okay. So my girlfriend has a problem with hygiene. She can go a bit long without showering, to where BO builds up pretty bad. Whenever I try to mention, she gets really upset and constantly cites this one rule. If it can't be fixed in 20 seconds, don't say it. But like, does that mean I just can't mention it?

Also, she never blows her nose. She just takes the nearest blanket or cloth object around her and blows her nose. I personally find it gross, but again, she gets upset if I mention it. How do I bring these issues up without causing too much upset? Whoa, that took a hard fucking right turn. There's a big difference between like, oh yeah, my girlfriend sometimes gets BO because she doesn't shower a whole lot

to blowing your nose on whatever is the closest thing near you. Do you want to hear a story about one of the worst flights I ever took? Probably not, but sure. So I get on the plane and I'm sitting beside this woman and I don't really pay her much mind. I close my eyes and I'm listening to a podcast until I detect

that she has taken her shoes off. How could I detect this? Because I could smell it quite powerfully. So that was already unpleasant. She then kept yelling at her husband who cleverly had sat four rows back. I feel like he knew, but she didn't want to let that distance stop her and just kept being like, Mark, Mark. And like just yelling things at him. And he just seemed to ignore her the whole time. He was pretty happy back there. What a legend. Whenever she blew her nose, she would just reach down to her T-shirt and blow it in her own T-shirt.

That happened like five times. This is why we're in a pandemic yeah 100 i'm surprised i didn't get the bubonic plague just being beside that because like it was the perfect whammy not only was she spewing bodily fluids but like i was so stressed that my immune system must have taken a dive i was not a happy boy for that flight so maybe it's this person's daughter. Who knows? Could be. The 20 second rule is fucking wild. Like that's imagine living your life being like everything is fine unless I can fix it in 20 seconds. Yeah, that's the worst part about this, even though the nose thing is pretty fucking terrible. It's like, well, here's the thing. How long does it take you to get a Kleenex it's definitely under 20 seconds so it could it could immediately be fixed it literally takes

no time and effort to reach over and grab a tissue but she didn't buy any so she'd have to go to the shop and buy them i guess that's way more than 20 seconds you fucking idiot like imagine going through life where it's like i can fix the tiniest shit like stuff that's so so irrelevant that fuck it you know they probably don't even need to be fixed and that's it anything else like the big shit the stuff that arguably would need to be fixed god no how dare you suggest that did she go to guess what? Like, learning takes longer than 20 seconds. Imagine getting a test and being like, I can't learn this in 20 seconds.

What the fuck? Well, sorry. Sorry, what's the point of this? Excuse me, ma'am? Miss? Miss? Yeah, I have a question. Is it about the math?

No, no, it's what's the point of this? It's going to take longer than 20 seconds for you to explain this to me, so why? Why bother? Darla, you failed math. Oh, no. no you're gonna have to retake the course could i retake the year in 20 seconds no well i'm not doing it miss yeah well sorry miss i'm not gonna do it like that is the worst it doesn't make any sense it's terrible and this person is a garbage human for saying it

um because let's be fair to to the poster here it's pretty hard this person is a garbage human for saying it um because let's be fair to to the poster here it's pretty hard to bring up to someone that they smell yeah that's a tough thing to do and we we say you know we try to promote fucking communication and this guy's doing it he's out there in the trenches doing the communicating and he gets this garbage the thing is it's like it it's it's so important to talk to your partner about things and very rarely are the things that you're talking to your partner quick easy fixes right so like is he just never supposed to bring like he's just supposed to live in misery like uh let's take out the the body odor the blow in the nose like maybe she i don't know

says disparaging remarks about him or you know insults maybe he's an artist and she's always saying you know oh it's not that good and he's like hey can i can we just talk about this like i don't want i don't want you to say that anymore it hurts my feelings and she's like well can't like can't fix it in 20 seconds so it's like the whole point of talking to your partner about problems that you have within the relationship is that you work on them together. You don't just like cross your arms and be like, well,

it's not an immediate fix. Like, what can I do about it? It's like pretty much nothing in the world can be fixed in 20 seconds. No, like it blows my mind that this is a sane person's response to anything. Cause like, no,

you're right. Can you have a shower in 20 seconds? No, but you can say i'm sorry you know i will i will try to be a bit more aware of my personal hygiene from now on have you heard of the 20 second rule before no so apparently and it kind of like jogged my memory when i read it someone mentioned the comments where it's apparently like an appearance thing so like let's say you're going in for a meeting and like you know just before they leave the door they're like how do i look and you can be like oh your fly's undone you know 20 seconds cool um oh like your hair is out of place here let me as opposed to like you

know oh you have a big stain there if they can't change it there's no point mentioning it because it's just going to destroy someone's confidence that's not the situation you fool whoever this person is so i think maybe she heard that and was like damn that's great advice it just applies it to everything now yeah like unless you decided to bring this up like as you guys were walking out the door you know what i mean like you already had right um but if like if you know you're sitting at home and you just kind of be like you you broached it while you guys weren't doing anything that's a different story but like if you're walking out the door you'd be like oh baby you you know you stink a little it's like well there's nothing i can do about it now one if you're in a relationship don't do this don't blow people

off like that when they're trying to communicate with you. That's a terrible way. And I would say an impossible way to go through life in general. Just get a tissue. Don't just blow it on a blanket. That's there's no excuse for that. Like trying to if you tell your partner like, hey, stop blowing your nose on our bed sheets or our towels. Stop that.

Like that should i know we're talking about like don't set hard ultimatums and stuff but like that would be a deal breaker for me if i you know i would prefer someone wipe their sex juices like that one guy off like that oh yeah you know i could deal with sex juices way more um because like it's kind of more of a happenstance thing. You know what I mean? Because one, you're probably going to get some on there anyway. That's the thing. If someone was directly like. Yeah, if they were like hold on and like bunching up the sheets and just really wiping themselves clean.

Wouldn't be a fan of that. But I would be more of a fan of that than this. Can you imagine how crusty your sheets would be? Ugh. No. You'd probably like move at night and like get scraped. I hate it. It's so fucking gross.

So, yeah, you need to tell her that that rule doesn't exist in this life anymore. And if she's upset and breaks up with you, then she's someone else's smelly, grotty problem. Oh, boy. I hate it. This comes from background to three, two, four, nine. I feel like I'm a bad person. Five months ago, I met a girl on Discord and we kind of really clicked. We would speak for hours on Discord.

Sometimes the call would reach eight hours. We would watch movies together, but suddenly she starts pulling away for some reason. And that made me anxious and clingy. The whole thing ended up with her blocking me. And I still don't know why I got blocked. That is making me feel as if I'm a bad person, because in my mind, only creeps get blocked. I never tried to talk anything sexual with her. I was really just into spending time with her. But the fact that I got blocked makes me think that I was annoying to agree that she had to block me.

I feel so bad about myself. Hmm. No more context? That's it. The clingy bit is throwing me some red flags. Yes. that's it the clingy bit is is throwing me some red flags yes because we have no description of what clingy means and it's like i hate to break it to you clingy usually isn't cool sexy fun it often takes form of creep um you know and if you're clingy and creepy to the point where they block you, then yeah. However, considering you met this person on discord, I'm also imagining you don't know

that much about them. You know, like I feel like online, like that's why people get catfished online all the time is because it's a medium through which like you either don't or don't have to kind of like unveil a lot of stuff about you. You might not know what they look like. You might not know the real name or where they live or whatever could well be they have a partner who found out about the discord shit and blocked you um it could be anything it also depends on like what you get like it she could have had a partner which was uh totally on

board if you guys were just hanging out and like you know not talking about anything sexual or not being flirty or not being romantic. Like if you, you know what I mean? And if you, or she got the vibe that like, maybe you were getting a little too attached and kind of was stepping it off a bit.

And then you double downed on the effort to remain in contact. Yeah. It's like, you might not have been creepy, but she might've been like, Hey, this is crossing boundaries that i have no interest in and you know you didn't take any of the hints she was giving

and might have just decided you know it's easier to explain or like block you and not have to deal with you then explain like hey like you're being too much because it's also not really her job to do that yeah also like the amount of times women have to have that conversation with people versus the amount of times that conversation goes well it isn't a really great like you know what's the word i'm looking for balance on that yeah a great percentage great comparison i don't know you know what i mean it goes badly all the time so i can't exactly falter for being like well fuck it this is maybe the easier option to just cut ties if if that was the case which again with no context we don't really know yeah so i would say maybe work on your chill a little bit uh also maybe don't invest a

ton of effort and resources like mental and emotional resources into people you meet online uh especially if it seems platonic like again i don't know what the nature of the relationship was but something tells me this was probably someone who was having a good time chatting with someone new and you might have crossed the line or got a little too attached there's also a thing that's like it's one of the reasons why i rarely add people i don't know as like friends and stuff on when i'm playing online gaming and stuff uh because it's like sure i enjoy playing with you for the time that i played with you it's like but the likelihood of me wanting to do that again very very slim yeah a lot of the times for me if i'm on if i'm playing anything it's i either very

specifically want to play with the friends i know uh you know you dane adam my brother like or i want to play by myself yes there's There's very, very, very... Actually, there's never a time where I want any kind of stranger. Like, there's times where I've played, like, you know, nine games with some rando who seemed cool. And maybe we chatted, maybe we didn't. And they added me, and I'm like, fuck it, why not? And I've never played with any of them again. I've even, like, accidentally clicked on, on like join party or invite them when i've meant to invite you or whatever and i turn off my playstation i've done that like three times

and they've never done anything wrong i just i just don't want to have awkward chats with a random person you know what i mean it's like it's my zen time um i'm being deadly serious i've done that at least three times and then like whoever i'm on with is like where are you i'm like rebooting hold on yeah it's uh it's one of those things where it's like especially like on discord where like they can usually like unless you're going invisible which if you're on a social site like discord you kind of don't want to be invisible specifically to talk with like your other friends or appear offline or whatever but like if every time they go online you're hitting them up being like hey let's watch a movie hey

let's do this hey let's do that let's talk for eight hours it's like sometimes they don't want to do that and if every time they went on you sort of bombarded them with the the need to be a part of whatever the hell they're doing, I would unfriend you too. Unfortunately. Yeah. So, look, obviously you, because a lot of people would be in situations like that and at no point ever consider their own kind of input.

They would be like, this person sucks, or like, fuck them. They wouldn't go like, hey, was I creepy? Did I overdo it? So, hey, good start. I would look at what you did. Try to be as, you know, unbiased as possible and like try to like legitimately see

were you doing too much? Were you creepy? Were you weird? Were you overbearing? You know, just think about it. And if you were, fuck it. You learned, you're going to move on. The likelihood of something developing

from this random Discord chat, like chat is admittedly quite low. So it's not like you really fucked up there. You know what I mean? I think the odds were against you for anything more meaningful than the occasional chat. But it's a lesson for moving on. Unless you did something terrible, you're not a bad person. And also you don't really know what the context was on the other side of things. So there's a lot of reasons to be more forgiving to yourself. And there's some opportunities to learn. So take them both. You know, don't beat yourself up, but don't just blindly give yourself a pass.

You know, look at what you did. See if you can do better and move on and don't beat yourself up. Yeah, 100%. Do we want to move into Tinders or do you want to hit me with one more quick question? Yeah, you know what? I was actually kind of feeling us just moving into maybe it's a quick episode. Who knows? All right, let's do some Tinders.

All right. all right let's do some tinders all right before we finish up our show uh we like to peruse tinder and other online dating profiles that either i've found on tinder myself as i swipe as fuck buddies or uh we get sent in from our lovely listeners we comb the profiles for red flags we discuss what works what doesn't work in an effort to one, laugh at them. And two, make your online dating profiles a little bit better, a little tighter. Make you a little more successful. You got one for me? You got a spicy one?

It's not spicy. I just enjoyed it. This is Chelsea. She's 23. She says 5'4", but 8'4 on stilts. Please tell me that's it. That's it. Oh, that's very good.

I like it. That's very good. It's a nice, real, like, you know, everyone's always talking about, like, oh, but this height and heels. And it just threw me for a loop. Because I was immediately going to scroll past it because I assumed it was going be like some fresh bullshit my height in in heels or my height and whatever but i was like oh that's that's actually pretty funny so this is a 10 for me does she have a picture of her in stilts she doesn't unfortunately it's gonna be a nine for me for that reason she lost a point there good try but get get that still pick okay this is Becca. Work in fashion logistics.

Enjoy true crime, ukulele, ultimate frisbee, scotch, knitting, cigars, outdoors, all the food. To be honest, probably won't message first. Spent all my relationships making the first move, so I'm okay with a switch. Don't check in here often, so if I don't reply right away, don't take it personally. Hmm. Okay. I don't, like, I kind of understand the whole fucking like not gonna reply first i get it really but like i think here's the thing it's like it's so unnecessary

to say because one nine times out of ten on online dating women are so inundated with matches that like i feel like you really gotta do something for someone to message you first yeah and on top of that it's like it's weirdly bitter and like also kind of sounds like like this girl's basically slamming her her luggage on the table being like i've got baggage yeah here's all my baggage all my relationships have made the first move so i'm okay with a switch it's like that's not a i made the first move and then the rest of the relationship was equal that's a i'm making a switch from putting in effort it sounds like to me yeah that's fair that's yeah like it's not that she made the first move and then the rest relationship went fine i assume it's like she was always the one putting in effort and she's basically telling me she doesn't want to put in effort anymore

i'm sorry. No. That's a four. A five. I'll give it a five. I like the first paragraph. Yeah, I'll give it a four, because it would probably turn me off. This is Steph. She's 22.

She just says, gaslight me. Okay. Let's try. Let me tell you the the pictures she's provided make it very hard to tell if she's joking with with nothing else but that all i can give it is a five because i'm confused maybe a four because it's it's a little it's it's all might maybe funny i guess although why is she joking about gaslighting i don't know it's a four yeah i's maybe funny, I guess. Although, why is she joking about gaslighting? I don't know. It's a four. Yeah, I'm going to give it a four as well. Because gaslighting is a pretty serious problem, especially on online dating.

So I don't think we should really be joking about it. Like, if there was more to the joke, if there was a punchline, maybe. That's the thing. It's like she's reaching for humor, never really i don't know it's just like i was like i think the initial pause any positivity i had was like because i was waiting for something else i was like okay like there's some kind of playfulness going on here and then there's nothing else so now i'm like oh it's it's not good playfulness i don't think i don't know yeah so it's a four yeah same all same. All right, this is Amanda.

Excuse me? Oh, shit. I mean, this is... Umda. Run my own business. Business marketing. Old soul hippie vibes. Fart emoji.

Ambitious money emoji. No hookups. Non-smoking. Will not date a smoker. Stop sign emoji. You. Don't rely on fast food and can cook spirituality. Do you avoid emotions? Lover and not a fighter. Ambitious. Educate yourself on

world matters. Educated or self-educated. Don't care about brand name clothing. Kind to others. Don't lose control, but you can accept you have emotions. Really, really digging their heels into the emotion category, huh? If huh hmm also cry on the first date you're dead to her wait did she say that no okay i was like did i miss that one do you avoid emotions dane yeah i do yeah i try to play it as straight face as possible it's true i've never seen you crack a smile i've never seen you cry laughing about cutting a flamingo's neck off of garden shears. Don't get me started. That probably sounds terrible out of context.

It was Cards Against Humanity. Nope, don't say anything else. Damn it. I'm cutting that out. Okay, it's your funeral. You're going to get cancelled. Hell yeah. It's too much.

Also, can we please... It's not a fart emoji. I'm pretty sure it means weed. Maybe. I think it's a fart, though. You know what? I actually thought it was like you know when a cartoon runs away and there's like a dust left behind them i thought it was that

emoji and i just was calling a fart emoji for for fun but that doesn't make any more sense does it i think it's like like exhaling smoke can you not tell everyone how uncool i am right now no you've you've been doing it for like a year all that i know but you're telling them i've told you before they're like i didn't listen though did i you never do give me a rating for this i mean like i don't mind the sentiment of of encouraging men to be more emotional i just don't think this is done well so i'm gonna give it a five yeah like it kind of almost sounds very threatening like you know what i mean gonna give it a five yeah like it kind of almost sounds very threatening like you know what i mean like there's a difference between like oh i'm cool with men having emotions

and like show your fucking emotions you know on top of that it's like the only thing she puts down by herself is business and ambitious and no hookups and won't date a smoker it's like i don't know anything about you you know what i mean like those are the most boring shit like you're ambitious great who isn't you ran your own business what business you know what about you. You know what I mean? Like those are the most boring shit. Like you're ambitious. Great. Who isn't? You ran your own business. What business? You know what I mean?

Like that's what you got to ask her. I guess. This is me anything and I'll tell you. This is Amber. I'm giving her the five. Oh, Amber. Okay. If you can't laugh at yourself, I probably will. It's tough being a single mom or so I'm told.

I wouldn't know. I don't have kids. Is that it? She also says, let's get pizza. I wouldn't know. I don't have kids. Is that it? She also says, let's get pizza. Okay. You know what? That could be a 10 for me. It's a 10 for me.

When I read it, I was like, ha. It actually made me do my reading to myself exhale. I like it. Yeah, no, that's good. Also, it's probably a pretty smart self-defense mechanism because i'll bet there's guys who saw that and are like oh i just swiped immediately yeah so like you're weeding out some assholes while reeling in people who aren't as much assholes uh yeah time for me are you ready for sarah this is my last one i'm honestly just looking

for a kind healthy man who will try to break my body in half using his penis. Damn. Okay, Sarah. She's going for it. You know what? I think it's funny. I think it's clear that she's a little bit of a freak. I'm going to give that a 10 as well. That's a 10 for me. I laugh my ass off.

Yeah, that's real good. This is Ben. Hell yeah. I laugh my ass off. Yeah, that's that's real good. This is Ben. Hell yeah. I think you're going to like this one. OK, it's pretty much encompasses what it means to appeal to Niall. Gemini Nightmare, lover of obscurity and things with hooves. God, is that it? That's it baby oh like that if if there was like a spell that created like a dark miasma of

my my worst fears it would probably be that they are my gemini nightmare yeah that's a that's a minus six now let's let's stop and think not horses aren't the only things with hooves yeah but like it's still weirdly specific yeah if i was like love things with tongues that'd be creepy but goats are pretty cute goats are pretty cute yes and they have hooves don't they i'm pretty sure they have it's still a weird thing to say what about things with feet you know what i mean with fins not crazy about them has no no feelings or doesn't like them i guess uh it's it's also so he doesn't tell you anything about ben ben i want to know more about you what do you mean it doesn't tell you anything about ben it tells you everything you need to know about ben he's a gemini nightmare loves obscure things, and he loves things with hooves.

It's a minus six. I want to give it a ten because I think it's fucking hilarious, but I'm also going to give it a one because anyone who describes themselves as a Gemini nightmare, I don't want any part of. It is, I will say, it's probably one of the most evocative things i've ever read on a tinder so i looked up gemini nightmare on google on the first thing people also ask why are gemini so scary i guess that's a thing is gemini a dangerous sign are gemini's the craziest uh i've signed oh wait What sign does Gemini hate? They hate Sag.

That's me. I'm also Sagittarius. Are you? I don't even know. Yes, I am. I thought you were Capricorn. No. Hmm.

Sagittarius, baby. No wonder we're both so powerful. Right? Minus six. Yeah, I'm giving it a one. This is my last one. Okay. hit me. This is a good, it's a good crop. Trevor's going to round it out. Did you say Terver? Trevor. Okay. I'm a regular guy looking for my best match. I like going to the gym, hiking, running, swimming, beach days,

tea travel, which I think is just a typo or not. I't know if this dude's traveling for tea can i join him this sounds delightful well it's the letter t oh maybe that's just what he calls traver or travel because his name is trevor yeah i'm also worried that it's some kind of like obscure online slang we don't know about and it's gonna have meanings yeah because if that was the case he would also like going to the tea gym and tea hiking so yeah i think that goes anyway he likes dinner movie or dinner out movies and spending time with my family and friends also i'm philip not trevor oh you know what i like that because it's it's got a twist like all good plots should have fucking zagged on you oh it's definitely not

tea travel though if his name is philip right i just wanted to like really nail it home that his name was true damn i do love so many people doing that like remember the one person whose name was ray and not rat that's the thing it's like i don't remember if i entered my name into or if it connected to facebook still because before it was like it connected to your facebook yeah right so and then it pulled like the the details off that so it's like are you telling me your facebook on facebook your name is trevor but your name is actually like what game are you playing on facebook yeah i don't know it's it's a very common thing especially like the amount of profiles that i've been like going into a lot of people are like that's not actually

my name or that's not actually my age yeah guys how are you fucking this up so badly you know what the age thing it could be like if they were young and they lied to say they were 18 to join and now they're like you know two years older than they were 10 years ago maybe but the name i don't know uh i'm gonna give it a six because it's a little bland and i don't know why i've never liked when people are like i'm actually this age or my name is actually this even though it's very funny in this situation personally it just it's like if you can't even get that right what are you going to get right yeah it makes me wonder why you have a different name in the first place like do you want to know why they didn't fix it?

Why? It takes more than 20 seconds. Thank you very much for listening, friends. That's going to do us for this week's fine installment of our here show. Pretty bold of you to say it was fine. Unless you're like, it was fine. I'll never tell. Yeah, thanks, guys.

We love having you. It's almost been a year. Probably has been about a year since we did an in-person recording, right? We're getting close. I don't, I think we... Maybe one more recording? Yeah. Because in two weeks, that was when shit kind of went down.

Yeah, St. Paddy's Day is when we all locked down. So yeah, probably would have been about that. Yes, it's been a year of remote recordings. that was when when shit kind of went down yeah st patty's day is when we all locked down so yeah probably would have been about that yes it's been a year of remote recordings also a year of still no missed episodes 127 episodes straight no gaps yeah that's kind of crazy i never thought we'd do it when we said at the start we're like we're never gonna miss an episode well now touch wood but yeah it's wild to me that we're still going. So pretty good streak. Even if something does happen,

a 127 episode streak is got to be some sort of record. Yeah. Let's take next week off. Yeah. Fuck it. We're not taking next week. No, we're not. We will be here.

Same time. Same RSS feed. Same boys. Maybe I'll be different boy boy you can't tell me what to do my name is actually trevor and i'm philip i'm gonna t travel down to your fucking closet oh i'm gonna breathe my suspect air all over it and who knows maybe that's what we'll miss next week yeah and i'm gonna blow my nose on Oh, anyway, if you want to get in contact with us and send us a question or even just say, what's up?

Uh, similar to the hit commercial from the nineties Budweiser and like, what is that? That's a good podcast from the past right there. Uh, you can find us on various means of social media. You can find us on Facebook at facebook.com slash FCK buddies podcast. You can find us on Facebook at facebook.com slash fckbuddiespodcast. You can find us on Instagram

at fckbuddiespodcast. You can find us on Twitter at fck underscore buddies. You can find us online at fbuddiespodcast.com plentyofbeef.ca or you can email us at fbuddiespodcast.gmail.com.

Did you see I started some beef with plenty of fish? No. So they posted up being like, hey, just so you know, we're going to be going down for maintenance. And I was like, hey, just so you know, plenty of beef has never gone down. And someone was like, wow, that's real cool. Like, how could you do that? And I just kept doing like the, who me?

And it was great. And then they were like, nicely played. Although, did they actually reply they didn't but some people got offended on their behalf they knew not to mess with us how beef it's like rock paper scissors beef beats fish every day 100 are you ready for uh some some brief bad sex writing i am yes well i'm gonna pull a fast one on you because instead i'm gonna thank josh eagle and the harvard Cities for their song, Paper Stars. Damn, you got me.

When she'd stopped crying, Madeline composed herself before the mirror. Her skin looked blotchy. Her breasts, of which she was normally proud, had withdrawn into themselves as if depressed. What? There you go. Is that it? That's all you you know now you know if your girl's depressed oh man i was wondering why man his boobs just kind of like disappear every now and then but then you know when our cats show up just boom titties yeah or when she's startled and they blow themselves up in self-defense yeah Yeah. They go horizontal like those lizards

that like fan their... Like the dinosaur that spits acid? Yeah. Jurassic Park? That's how tits work. Just oil clouds. Seek and escape. My name is Dane.

My name is Niall. Just kidding. It's Phillip. And we've been your fuck buddies. Why did you not say your last name i don't know i panicked it threw me so hard goodbye