F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 128 - Bugs Bunny's Big Rabbit Penis

Episode Date: March 15, 2021

Do you guys remember that scene in Space Jam where Bugs has an existential crisis over the size of his absolutely massive donger?  Topics include Niall and Dain's cancel culture corner, an indecent proposal, the Lola Bunny injustice, talking about your exes with your current partner, peeing your date's pants, first date attraction, and a whole new crop of Tinder profiles to rate. This week we are proud to be sponsored by MANSCAPED.  Go to http://manscaped.com/ and get 20% off + free shipping with the code: BUDDIES20.

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller And my name is Niall Spain And we are your fuck buddies Dane, get down

Oh no Dane, get down quick Quick, under here Is it a war on boys again? Get the fuck down and then I can tell you Okay, I'm down The censors, Dane Haven't you heard what they've done to our girl Lola Bunny?

No Wait, what are they doing to Lola Bunny? Have you heard all this controversy? I mean, I know about Pepe Le Pew I know he was cancelled Oh, just don't you know about Pepe Le Pew. I know he was cancelled. Oh, just don't you know about, well, just strap in tight, because there was a post,

there were many posts, many news articles, many upset people online. One such post, there are new pictures of Lola Bunny from Space Jam sequel, and look how they massacred my girl. And I have a choice selection of quotes from this article, or not article, from the comments section.

Can you explain what they've done to her? Because I don't know what you're talking about. And this is an audio medium. The comments speak for themselves. But basically, she's wearing a longer tank top, I guess. And her breasts are slightly less prominent. That's about it. Did Lola have big old titties? I don't recall.

Well, the funny thing is, they were, yeah, I think so. See, it's funny because a lot of the things that they've been sharing are the wrong, are using fan art instead of actual art. Yeah, she's got like a crop top and like slightly more prominent breasts, I guess. But do you think people are very upset? Because we have,

went from Betty to Karen. Well, our generation got the nice one. This generation got the one they asked for. Damn. Censorship is officially as bad as it was in the 50s. Don't say or speak anything that offends the masses. No creativity allowed. Unless the censors approve. No, how dare they? I will not have my Lola

done so dirty. All capitals. Why would you destroy any chance of watching this by doing that? Is that a male or female rabbit? Asking for a friend. As a furry, I'm in extreme anger right now. I'm surprised she's not 400 pounds with short red hair and a nose ring. Hashtag progressive.

Damn. And then, for some reason, women aren't allowed to have breasts anymore. It has nothing to do with being sexualized. It has to do with the fact that apparently looking female isn't okay anymore. And in order to be a strong character with intelligence and strength, designers keep removing breasts and femininity to that character. They remove all femininity, so they're just genderless. But male characters can look male.

Just take a look. Those who know, know. Yeah, those who know do, in fact, know. What? I'm not sure, but they know. They know it. Went from Betty to Karen. You've read that as well, and it still doesn't make any sense. They're everywhere.

Yeah, people are very upset. I just thought I'd hit you with that to get you in the mood. Yeah, it's funny. I was actually going to ask you how you felt about everyone's favorite beloved Looney Tune, Pepe Le Pew, getting cancelled. So it's funny that you brought some more Tune Squad energy

to us. Um, I couldn't give a shit. That's my thing. I'm like, who liked Pepe Le Pew? No, not at all. Also, like, wasn't he super gross and creepy? And it's like, they're just removing that. Yeah, like his whole stick was like forcing himself upon that poor cat.

Like that was his whole bit was just him being, like, really sexually aggressive towards this cat that he thought was a skunk. Get over it, guys. Like, who the fuck cares? And that's the thing. No one actually gives a shit. They give a shit because they're like,

No sensors are coming. Yeah. You know, no one actually is like, Damn, I love that pervy skunk. No, I'm not my pervert skunk. He was such a creep. He made me feel like home. It's like the whole dr seuss did we

talk about dr seuss last time where it was just like i don't think we did but i do love how everyone's missing the point on the whole thing i love that people are acting like we're banning cat in the hat or that we're banning the books it's like they're just being taken out of publish but also like they're not being banned the people themselves chose to do it yeah so it's like it's not like anyone was like ah dr seuss get the fuck out of here dr seuss the corporation that owns their shit or whatever like the trust um because he's not around right i don't think so um anyway they were like ah we realize this kind of isn't great so let's you know be proactive and just fucking fix it there was no need for them to do it other than you know like decency and they went and fucking did it so let's you know be proactive and just fucking fix it there was no need for them to do

it other than you know like decency and they went and fucking did it so it's like cool but they're not being canceled they just made a choice it's like everyone's out there acting like people just start tearing the books up can we just talk about the fact that no one read those books the books that they took off like i never read and i've read a bunch of Dr. Seuss. My parents were all about Dr. Seuss. I'm starting to think maybe they're secret racists. I do get that. No. But my parents gave me Oh, the Places You'll Go for a graduation gift.

That's cute. Dr. Seuss has an actual sentimental value in my life because, I don't know, I do revisit that book from time to time if I'm feeling particularly uh you know unmotivated or discouraged in my pursuits do you know the effort it took me to not say horny when you paused after saying when i'm feeling particularly and i've fought for the words do you know how much i fought to not do that because i respected your emotional moment

and my connection to my parents. Thank you for not sullying that with arousal. But yeah, it's like I have like no one read fucking it happened upon Mulberry Street or if I own the zoo or whatever the fuck the books were. It's like those aren't the quintessential Dr. Seuss experience. You can still read Cat and the Hat. You can still eat green eggs and ham.

One fish fish two fish blue fish red fish like all those fucking books are still available your kid's childhood is going to change zero amounts because of the books that were taken off of publish also if you really wanted to read these fucking nightmares of books you could still do it they still exist no one's like you know fahrenheit 451 them and also like uh in in the fucking like positives for the dr seuss people if you're so concerned about them they've got a fucking resurgence of sales because of i guess either people appreciating their gesture or being so upset that they're being canceled so they're like back in the charts for the first time in years

yeah i had someone be like unbelievable can't believe they're banning doctor or like cat and hat it's like how how did this get so fucking twisted and how are you so dumb that you can't take five seconds to look up what was actually taken out of publication to be fair you gotta be like a little more understanding with these people because they had to suffer through that and lola bunny in one week. That's true. And Pepe Le Pew. Nobody cares about Pepe Le Pew. You think I didn't see that? I saw it. I didn't bring it

to the podcast because I didn't give a shit. Now, Lola Bunny, I can't believe they did my girl dirty. Yeah. That's true, man. Alright, hit me with a question. You know, we're going to start with this energy because I'm all about it. It's come from MaleficentPace9606. Okay.

Indecent proposal. Ooh. Hi all, a quandary for you. I've been on a couple dates with a girl, and she feels I offended her by suggesting she wears a little less makeup. She's already very pretty. She in turn has called me old, broken, nothing to live for, bald as a

boiled egg, hairy like a baboon, desperate like a tramp, and worst of all, poor at parallel parking. Damn, girl fucking took him to town. Anyway, she says my comments constitute harassment, and thus she's going to make a report to me to the police, write to my children's school, and turn up at my running club. She works in risk and compliance at a major bank and thus believes in rules and etiquette she also says she has zero attraction to me but has strung me along for the last three months as backup while she dates the good ones however she says she won't shot me to the police if i agree to have sex with her and i started sending me naked selfies with the note i'm so horny we could be banging should. Should I have the sex? Oh, man. Oh, God.

It's too early for questions like this, Dane. Yeah, just a forewarning. This is the earliest I think we've ever recorded. Also on our day that we don't normally record. Yeah, the energy is out of whack. I just drank a whole coffee. I'm going to be fucking chewing the mic by the end of this. Yeah, this is wild.

I'm going to go out and say that i get the temptation sex is fun having the sex is great this person sounds like the baddest of news the reddest of flags and like if someone's willing to report you to the police over nothing guess what they might be able to do if you've had sex with them like i have no trusted faith in this i will report you to the police girl who's then also saying like hey get in bed with me like god no the the powerful energy of being like you are this you're ugly you're you got nothing to live for you're also let's have sex yeah it is a i would say a a power move seen only by men on tinder that it it is just so powerful i can't really deny that i am impressed i'm also horrified and you know it's funny it's like i started this question being like this guy's kind of a douchebag because the

whole like wear less makeup thing not not a great look depending on how it came up. But I'm going to guess, actually I was going to guess it was going to be having like come up in a really douchey way. Maybe it didn't now because she sounds a little volatile. Yeah.

So, I mean, there are a few things to discuss. One, you don't get to fucking decide how much makeup somebody wears or what people do for their physical appearance if you guys are happen to be talking about the subject you're welcome to say it's like you know i think you look great with or without makeup that's fine to say but to be like hey can you wear less makeup because i would find you more attractive especially this early in a relationship isn't really your place you don't really get to to

sort of dictate what people look like because maybe she has you know acne scars that she's really self-conscious about and this is her way of of dealing with those insecurities and maybe she just likes wearing that much makeup like or maybe she loves wearing makeup yeah it makes her feel like a fucking badass like maybe she rocks it maybe in the morning putting on makeup is like a fun thing for her and you know who fucking cares it's not your position to do it that's why initially i started off thinking this guy is a douchebag yeah then all the other shit happened and i kind of forgot everything she's doing is a much larger red flag but i think we'd be remiss if we didn't talk about how we got here in the first place, which is people can do whatever the fuck they want.

And if, and if it's something that you don't find attractive, then don't date them. You know what I mean? No one, no one is making you date this person. If you prefer women who wear less makeup, that's okay.

Then find a woman who wears less makeup. Don't actively search for people and then try to bend them to your will. And that goes for, you know, men, women, anyone in between and outside of. Yeah, what are you, Sauron? Fuck you. Read your question. Yeah, no, 100%. But also, keep the text

maybe blackmailing you for sex and then if for some crazy reason she does go ahead with this quite lame threat, because I don't think you can really get in trouble for telling someone they should wear less makeup, then you're going to have a leg to stand on if someone's like, hey, what happened? You can be like, I don't know,

was it from this person who's threatening me to have sex with her? And then you'll be okay, but also just cut contact and don't have sex with them. Yeah, absolutely. The only way this would actually be harassment is if like you are her boss. No, that's the only way this could get juicier. This is by throw a stupid shit.

Please help. My boyfriend, 28 year old male, is freaking out over a cartoon character's design. Sorry in advance for any typos or issues. I'm just typing this as quick as I can because I don't want him to know I'm writing about them. We live together. He spends a lot of time online, especially Twitter.

There's a character in Space Jam who was redesigned for a movie sequel this year. My boyfriend is pissed about it. He says because feminists are trying to attack male sexuality. This is a cartoon rabbit character. He showed me pictures of new design next to the old one. I'm like, the only difference is she wears a t-shirt instead of a crop top. I said, I don't see the big deal. He got nasty. He says, of course you wouldn't. The world already caters to you. Anyway, he's been on Twitter all yesterday and

today posting about it, muttering angrily to himself. It's freaking me out because he never acted like this before. He's mild and easygoing. What would make him snap like that? How can I calm him down? I grew up around a lot of anger, yelling, and people who'd explode out of nowhere. He knows my past, that these things scare me. When I remind him, he I grew up around a lot of anger, yelling, and people who'd explode out of nowhere. He knows my past, that these things scare me. When I remind him, he said he'll care about my feelings when the world stops silencing him to protect people like me. What does that mean? Huh. You're really

on the Lola Bunny kick today. I don't know what you're talking about. It never said Lola Bunny. It says that feminists are trying to attack male sexuality and it's a cartoon rabbit character. Maybe they took away Bugs Bunny's big penis. Yeah, they did remove Bugs Bunny's giant animated rabbit dick. His swollen poker.

That's what I want to see in Space Jam. I just want to see a change room scene in which we just get to see the Toon squads fucking junks. I would love if they're like, hey, look guys, we know a lot of people are upset that we're coming for male sexuality. So don't worry, we fixed it. And then they give Bugs Bunny just this immaculate penis. And like, then you'd have to have all these like, you know, MAGA hat wearing like Lola Bunny people, I guess, praise this really nice dick, which I think would make them break in half. It'd be great. It's strange to me that your boyfriend,

like you never noticed this kind of behavior from him before. Because she said that he was never like this. He just kind of, Lola Bunny seemed to be the straw that broke the camel's back here. Well, let's be fair. It is the most dramatic thing that's happened in the last two years hey of of this year the last two years no no no never mind the capital riots happened on the 6th well the joke was that a lot of dramatic things have happened in two years no i was trying to say that nothing else has happened this year but we did have an attempted coup on one of the largest nations of the world it's like i said it's

strange that this seems to be his like breaking point which makes me think that like perhaps he wasn't as cool as you thought to begin with like i don't know how involved you are with his social media presence but like maybe take a gander through his posts and see what he's been like tweeting out or who he's been tweeting because like if he's suckling upon the Ben Shapiro teat. The most sapper teat there is. Maybe it's time to cut your ties. And be like hey. If you think that the world caters to women.

Maybe not going to be the best partner. Yeah. Like that's just a wild misrepresentation of the world like how'd you get to that fucking realization dude also not not a very good trait in a partner if they're just going to completely ignore your reality and be like oh i'm hard done by i'm gonna say it's mostly red flags like sure by all means be attracted to a cartoon rabbit if you want do it, in your own time and not in a, I'm going to make this a giant issue and yell at you kind of way.

Like, unless you're, like, you're comparing being like, oh, the world, do you know how hard it is for me? They changed my cartoon bunny. You had to fight for the right to vote. Like, okay, dude, sorry. Yeah, I know you get paid less than me for the same job, but guess what? I can't see as much of that cartoon rabbit's tits as i used to be able to you know if he wanted to take a stance on like

any other thing like abortion which is a fucking you know polarizing topic maybe that's where he wants to draw the line i don't know but to like really sort of throw your relationship under the bus for a cartoon character is like it seems so strange and like maybe maybe this is back like maybe this is a snowball of him just being like first my my sweet skunk boy got cancelled then my fake book doctor man got cancelled and now my bunny and our fuck in the coup didn't even go through his, maybe it's just like a trifecta of like, you know, illustrated characters getting the old kick in the nuts. If they even have them anymore. Yeah.

War on boys. War on cartoon boys. So I guess there are three questions. What would make him snap like that? I assume like he just feels like he's being victimized for some reason. How can I calm him down? Not sure sure he can and also not sure he should maybe just like ply him with like there's gotta be dirty fan art of lola somewhere ply him with those are you fucking kidding are you fucking kidding me there's got to be of course there is yeah that's exactly what i said there

has got to be you seem sort of unsure apply apply him with those until he calms down and then dump him because he has no idea what reality is you could also like try to open a real conversation and i don't think it's going to work very well but like if you do care about this person and want to try to salvage your relationship you can sit down and be like hey do you actually think that like women are being catered to and then show them like all of the various laws and shit that are being passed in places like alabama and texas that are distinctly you know attacks on women's anatomy and their right to choose and yada yada like there are so many examples in which you can show him that the world does not in fact cater to women and be like

this is the reality this is the truth and you are currently putting a cartoon character's body presumed also probably drawn by men or like at par to actual human suffering so i just want to make sure that that is what the stance you're going to take and see how he reacts to that and if he is going to like start a parrot back the bullshit like men's right far right ben shapiro style of like woe is me world's against me even though i have every fucking advantage known to be like oh my sexuality is under attack it It's like, no, we're just under like, we're just looking at a broader scope now, as opposed to being like,

Oh, is there a woman on screen? Gotta have her tits out. Maybe it's just like, literally it could even have just been a designer being like, Hey, why would this one character have a different outfit to the entire rest of the team?

Then be like, I don't know, to show off her tits. And they're like, do we want that in the kids movie? No. Okay, cool. She has the same top. Everyone everyone else has here's another thing you can do introduce him to the bechdel test and be like cool let's okay if we're going to talk about you know men or women being catered to let's find let's go through like your top 10 tv shows and see how

many of them pass this very, very basic test. Yeah. Like the Bechdel test is so basic and simplistic that when you look into it, you're like, like this should be, you know, it's not going to work in like anything. They look at like almost every movie and you're like,

Oh God, there are episodes of super girl that do not pass the Bechdel test. That's terrible. There, there are episodes of like female driven shows that do not pass the bechdel test which is atrocious and for those of you who don't know what the bechdel test is it is a uh like a set of guidelines in order to see if there's a benchmark for writing compelling women in tv and i believe it is uh female characters who have names talking to themselves about

something that doesn't involve a man's storyline. Two named female characters talking to each other about something that doesn't, other than a man. Which sounds so goddamn basic, but I remember when I was re-watching Buffy I was like, holy shit, the first two seasons? What we, like

when you think Buffy, you think of like, oh, strong female characters, because you got Willow, you got Anya,'re on you're buffy you know like you have all these really powerful women characters the first couple seasons i don't think a single episode passes the pectile test hey move a question oh yeah basically sorry uh what dane said talk to them try to get your issue out in front of his oblivious ears and if he he's like, okay, shit, I'm sorry, I overreacted. Maybe there's a chance here. More than likely, it's going to be another explosion. And that'll probably tell you all you need to know about the relationship,

which is that it should end. This comes from Reddit user LimpInternet1742. Men, does it bother you if your partner is open about their past relationships with you? If so, why? I'm noticing a pattern among men I date. Most of them get weirded out hearing about my previous partners. From my perspective, I feel like sharing my relationship history and knowing theirs is an important part of getting to know each other. The people I've dated were formative to my personality, interests, perspectives, boundaries, preferences, etc.

I assume the same goes for anyone I date, and that's why I would like for them to share about their past partners as well. I also feel like it can enhance sexuality because I can learn what they liked, didn't like, and so on. Furthermore, it feels weird to censor myself around the person I should be the closest and most open with. I guess I'm asking to get a male perspective on this because the pattern reveals that I'm clearly not understanding something. Yeah, I like to hear about my partner's past partners and like i like to talk about mine occasionally like

i feel like if you've been in any kind of significant relationship it's a large part of your life and your past and yourself you know what i mean and like to not be able to talk about that is super fucking weird to not be like to be like oh shit gotta write off four years of my life because i just can't mention it on the flip side i do think you know it depends what and how you're talking about you know if i'm just like damn this girl used to have the best putt you know like some crazy shit like that or like hold on hold on hold on rewind what did she have the best the best puss okay obviously dan i just wanted to double check yeah i was trying to come up with the worst term and that's all i could come up with really which is probably for the best you know like if you're

just like oh my my partner used to have the best cock and i'd just be on it like every day it's like all right what are you bringing to the table here other than making your partner feel insecure i guess so like if you're not doing that i think it's fine you know what i mean i don't love when people are so insecure that they can't hear about things that happened in the past. I feel like that's not healthy in a relationship. So it's like, yeah, if you're talking, I think you should be able to share your pasts with each other because writing off that length of time is shitty. And you shouldn't be jealous about it. But you should also still kind of have a care for your partner's you know self-confidence and whatnot and not just

make weirdly sexual remarks about your exes for no reason i think there's also like a frequency also plays a role into it if like in every situation you have a story about one of your past partners it starts to like look like you're not over them 100 like you can make pasta with your current partner and not tell them the story about how you and your past partners used to make pasta like it doesn't that doesn't matter despite the fact that it might have been a big part of your relationship it might have been the moment you fell in love with your old partner like those don't have really any bearing on your relationship together while they may absolutely have you know a significant impact on you and who you are as a person not everything needs to be shared you know what i mean like not

every big moment you've had with another person needs to be imparted upon your newest partner because it doesn't really matter to them because you're they're getting that story through who you are currently if that makes sense like that's kind of what i was saying is like there needs to be a point in what you're saying you know like not just like oh me and my ex me and my ex like they're just like think of it from their perspective it's like as dane said if it's overly repetitive and it happens all the time it does sound like you're not over them if you're focusing on your past relationships instead of what's currently happening you're gonna feel like you're ostracizing your partner if you're talking about your sex with them all the time they're gonna

feel like they're not good enough etc like by all means be free to mention it or like talk about it at some point but like it definitely shouldn't be a common like a constant thing you know yeah also when you're talking about sex you don't need to involve the other person in the equation because like we're all pretty smart people we can figure out that like if you're asking to do something that we haven't done yet i assume it's because you have done it in the past i don't need you to be like you know if you prefer to have you know your hair pulled or your legs pushed up in a certain position or whatever or to be spanked you can just tell your partner be like hey can you spank me or hey can

you pull my hair or hey can you do this you don't have to be like so my past partner my ex used to do this and i loved it yeah 100 it's like when you're out for dinner and you're like you know what do you want to eat you don't be like well when i was a child my dad used to make steak so i think i'll do this you just go i'll have steak yeah like there doesn't need to be a backstory to all the things that you like because we can like we can gather that the reason you are the way you are is because of your experiences or the things you like in bed are because you've probably experienced them in the past, enjoyed them, and that is why you like them currently. You don't need all of the details of who used to fuck you this way in order to realize that, like, oh, you've been fucked this way, and this is what you enjoy.

Yeah, the point of what you're saying is, I enjoy X, and saying who you've done X with, and, you know, how often or whatever, literally doesn't add anything to the point of that, which makes it feel like you're saying that for a reason, you know what I mean? So yeah, you're completely oblivious or you're trying to needle somebody, you know what I mean? Yeah. You shift the focus from what you're asking to the minute details that don't really matter. Like if you're like, Oh, Hey, you know, I want to be spanked is much different than saying I used to, I loved when

my, my ex used to spank me. Cause now the statement is not about the spanking. The statement is about the ex now. And that completely muddies the water in terms of your intention, despite the fact that you're just trying to elevate the sexual experiences and you love your partner and you enjoy the sex. And you're just trying to, you know, add in something that you enjoy. You've completely changed the context of this conversation. Even if you were just like, my ex used to take me for ramen instead of saying like, I want to go get some ramen. Then it sounds like, hey, like you've done something wrong here.

Or like, it just, it doesn't sound like you're hungry. It sounds like you're trying to get a different point. Yeah. So it's like, you wouldn't do that. So why would you do that in bed? So that was my thing. It's like, I, like you said, I why would you do that in bed? So that was my thing. It's like, like you said, I definitely agree that it is important

to talk about partners. I think, especially when it comes to idiosyncrasies or things that might sort of set you off. Like, for example, if you had a partner that didn't take you seriously, or if you had a partner who sort of like blew you off whenever you were trying to talk about something seriously, I think that's like important to talk to your partner,

like your current partner about and be like, Hey, just so you know, when you do that, like I had a partner that used to do that and it really upset me. And when you do that, it brings like those kinds of conversations absolutely are so crucial to making sure that you have the communication to not fall into the same pitfalls as your previous relationship did.

But like we've, we've also said, if it's small, minute details that are just kind of a part of your life that may have manifested from your past relationships, you don't really need to mention the relationship. You just need to sort of like be the person that you are currently. And people will kind of figure it out.

Like you don't need to give every Sarah fact, a, a historical background check yeah i i feel like i want to say it's kind of common sense but i think having read questions for almost two years i don't know if common sense does exist but like just think about you know what i mean like the frequency and the the topic and like when comes up, those are all things that can make it seem like you're way more into your ex or not over them than you are. Or maybe you aren't over your ex. Either way, you should know what is and isn't appropriate to bring up and when.

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It's a powerful development. It's not like grandpa, like full pelts. It is literally one long black hair that likes to just kind of be like yo what up here i am and it's one of those things where it's like i've never looked at it so like i won't notice it it was it it was a big deal for me at work because i shaved my head and when you're wearing a mask you pretty much just see ears and when that's the only hair that you can see and it's like i would notice it at work and it's like well fuck i pretty much just see ears and when that's the only hair that you can see and it's like i would notice it at work and it's like well fuck i pretty much can't do anything about

this unless i take a fucking you know paring knife and try to to cut it out which is super not advised yeah or pull it which is sore yeah well even that it's like it's difficult to do with like your bare hands you know what i mean yeah um or try to like get those fucking you know those big like you know office scissors in there and try to clip it that sounds dangerous how could you do this safely though dane well we're in luck because manscaped's performance package is the ultimate men's hygiene bundle and the number one overall seed this season this is the package that includes the weed whacker ear and nose hair trimmer right that provides proprietary skin safe technology which helps reduce nicks, snags, and tugs in those delicate holes. Look, fellas, 79% of partners polled admitted that long nose hair is a major turn-off.

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When things get hairy, make sure you call a manscape in clutch times. So when I grew up, I was first attracted to a cartoon rabbit in space jam i just found out no i'm just fucking with you uh this is by user kill rats peed myself first date i shouldn't be laughing. I'm sorry.

This is going to be a really bad question. The next line is going to make me feel real bad for laughing at it. I was wearing my dates clothes when we went on a hike in the mountains we were far from the bathroom so i decided to go off the trail to the woods to my horror the pants buckle would not come undone and i peed in his pants how do i recover from this we're going on another date surprisingly oh fuck me uh i mean it's it's pretty powerful that like presumably you walked back down in still the winter in a hike pissed pants that sounds like a fucking nightmare i hate wet pants like if i get caught in a storm or like

you know you know it's snowing and and the the snow is melting on my pants and my pants are wet that is probably one of my least favorite sensations i would say definitely top five worst sensations is like wet jeans so the idea of finishing a hike where you're far from the bathroom in in pissed pants sounds like a nightmare so i think i would give you a second date on that resiliency alone yeah just pure badassery yeah wet wet pants suck if it's not your pants and it's actually pee and you have to move that's terrible and you're on a date like the sheer embarrassment i'm surprised that it didn't kill you i do appreciate that this person presumably went back and just had to be like yeah pissed your pants there there are things that i need to know like did he know that you pissed your pants

did you keep the pants and fucking like wash them and bring them back to like what happened why are you wearing his pants i do have one thing from the comments to add because someone was like does he know and in all caps kill rat says he does i was wearing his pants so he did know that she pissed herself i think like i've been on dates where the woman has slept over and, you know, she got her period that day and she had like, you know, made a little stain in my bed and she was mortified as, you know, most people I think would be. But I didn't give a fuck. Like, I don't care. Who cares? And I think if you really like this person like stupid shit like this happens all the time it doesn't make any like

i congratulations to this dude for being chill about it i think i would be in the same situation i know there are a lot of people who wouldn't be but i think nine times out of ten like we've all been in embarrassing situations you know i mean like we've all been in in something like this i think it shows a lot of empathy empathy i think it gives a little bit of faith back in the human race of this guy being like yeah shit like that happens i like you it's like that happens i i feel like okay take a second and think about it from his perspective. If she's wearing his clothes, presumably he was the one that suggested the hike. And she was like, oh, I'm wearing this. And he's like, it's fine.

Just throw on my pants. Right? So probably his idea. But two, the reason you pissed was because his pants wouldn't come off. He probably feels terrible. He's like, oh no. Like there's probably a post on dating advice somewhere where it's like oh no i brought my date out and gave her pants so she could hike with me but she

couldn't get them off and had to just pee in them i'm a terrible guy how do i salvage this yeah like he probably feels like an asshole it's like i think this is despite the the framework i think this is a really wholesome post i think this is a really really cute story despite the the framework i think this is a really wholesome post i think this is a really really cute story despite the fact that it is soaked in urine yeah um i i think like i think you have something really cool here if a dude or anyone if someone if you do something embarrassing such as peeing yourself or pooping yourself or you know having your period like any of these things that like you might think are mortifying or embarrassing their bodily functions sometimes stupid shit happens sometimes you know we lose control of things and if you can overlook that as a human be like well that doesn't change anything i still think you're cute i still like you I still like hanging out with you and you know

fuck it who cares I think that's really cool uh so I I don't remember what her question is but like you don't need to salvage anything he's going on a second date with you just try not to pee yourself this time yeah 100% I think uh like how do I recover from this part it already happened it happened when you came back with piss-soaked pants. Like, whatever you did worked. So, like, I don't think you need to recover from this. Like, you guys presumably can laugh about it. Like, I would just say don't be offended if he mentions it.

Because, like, obviously he doesn't really give a shit if you guys are going out on a date. You know what I mean? So, it's like, if he's willing to talk about it or joke about it, and it and if you are by all means do it that's the best way to get over something and like this could be a very funny story one day at your wedding and you can play it up too like wear a dress the next time you hang out and be like not gonna happen this time you know what i mean like like i would love that like i think i would i would like fall in love with a girl if if this happened and the next time i saw her she was wearing like a dress or a skirt being like not this time not gonna get me this time p pants not

this time i would like i would melt that would be so endearing and so funny that i would i would just be completely enamored with her on top of like the fact that he's a really nice guy for being able to for just not being a dick about it right the fact that you could be confident and like have the humility then to to move on and also just be like you know admit that it's a funny embarrassing situation and like move on and be like positive i think that would be very adorable and endearing and like it shows your character shows his and both seem good you know what i mean like being ballsy enough to go out to the next date and just be like hey it's me the girl who pissed your pants uh i think it could be a framework for something really good so it

seems like fuck the recovering you've already done it i would just say don't get weird about it after the fact you know what i mean like don't don't let the embarrassment of it like you know because if you suddenly like we don't talk about never happen like if you get weird like that i think it could sour the thing because it's like you're almost punishing them for the fact that it happened it's like fuck it it happened be okay with it i'm like if he gets weird about it fuck it it's a funny story you have to tell sometime because like how often do you pee someone else's pants on a first date that's great yeah just like next time you have to go to the bathroom just be like hey i gotta go pee can i borrow your

pants perfect that's how you recover from that um now i'm just gonna do a brief shout out for the ironically named faith in strangers in the comment section who writes did you write this while you were still sitting in this piss soaked pants hell. Thank you for making me lose my faith in strangers. You know that guy is just like, just staring at his computer. He doesn't move. Just be like, I gotta know. As she did reply a day after and just says, no. Oh, ruined his day.

She pissed in his pants, am I right? That man is never going to finish again. All pissed in his pants. Am I right? Man is never gonna finish again. Alright, hit me. Or we... Yeah, I don't know where we're at. Yeah, let's do one more and see what happens. We did a short one last time. If we go a little over this time, fuck it. This comes from a Reddit throwaway account. Met a real cool girl,

but there's one problem. What is it? I recently went on a first date with a really nice girl. She's almost everything I've been looking for. Nice, funny, shares my same interests, is younger than me, but not too much. That's a weird thing to look for, dude, but okay. We first met in person at a little cafe, and we were just chatting until they closed. I didn't even notice three hours had passed, and there was no lull in the conversation at all.

She also messaged me right after and told me how much she liked me and how cute she thought I was. Now, can I say this is a cute meat story, but where's the pants pissing? Did he piss her pants? If so, I'm not interested. All options now need some sort of pant pissing. The problem is though, I didn't really feel any

physical attraction to her. I've seen pics of her as we met through online dating and mainly communicate via Snapchat, where we regularly snap pics back and forth. But she looked nothing like I saw in the pictures when I met her in person. She said on her profile that she was a big girl. And that doesn't bother me. I don't mind big girls to an extent. When it gets to the point that it's becoming very unhealthy, I start not liking it.

I still want to give things a chance. I'm just wondering if that physical attraction will come in time. Also, a few people I've talked to, a couple of family members and a coworker, all said the same thing. Maybe she can go on a diet. I don't know how I feel about that. I've been dieting and exercising for a while to try and lower my weight and improve my health and would like to be in a relationship with someone who could also be a diet gym buddy. It feels scummy to me, though, to ask the girl to go go on a diet as if I'm saying I can't date her unless she changes herself for me and I really don't like that. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I also understand if I get hate for that, that's fine. I'm just new to dating and confused. So don't say go on a diet. Yeah. Very much like the makeup question earlier, it's not on you to change the things of the people you meet to better suit whatever the fuck you're into um if you're not physically attracted to somebody don't fucking date them

because it's a large part yeah it's tough because like i think like i've definitely grown more attracted to people the more i got to know like like especially in work like there have been times where like i meet people i'm just like nothing registers on the the like physical attractive schedule but like as i work with them get to know them hang out with them more i'm like I meet people and I'm just like nothing registers on the, the like physical attractive schedule. But like, as I work with them, get to know them, hang out with them more, I'm like, okay, you're actually kind of a babe. And like, I don't know where that like kind of that shift kind of happens. And I think it is like a big part of personality.

So if you really like this person and if you really enjoyed your first date, I would try like, I don't think there's any harm in going on a second date yeah no i i agree that there's no harm in going on a second date and i agree that it's definitely like attraction especially in what you're saying like a situation where you know somebody for a long enough time but like that your attraction to them can change but in that situation one you haven't already picked out a flaw and started going it would it would be better if x and two it's like you have a natural environment in which to yeah like learn about them and have that change when you're not dating because it's like you're

not actively pursuing a relationship with them exactly it's like you're slowly getting to know someone and finding yourself more attracted to them it's not like you're slowly getting to know someone and finding yourself more attracted to them. It's not like you're dating someone hoping that that comes. I do think a second date is fine. You know what I mean? Like, you know, I think even maybe up to three dates just to, you know, because at that point you don't even really know their personality. So it could be that they're a fucking babe. And on the third date, you're like, man, you're an asshole. Yeah.

I don't think that's an issue. However, I do think there's a point at which you're just leading them on. Yeah. I don't think that's an issue. However, I do think there's a point at which you're just banked on the hope that she will change. And like you've already said, you're against like trying to manipulate her or convince her to change who she is. And like if you like as I'm learning right now, as I'm trying to like work out and eat better, it's like if you don't want to do it, you're not going to do it. Like you really need to like commit to it or even if like you want to play the game of being like you know trying to trick her into going for walks and going to the gym with you and yada yada it's like if you don't have the exercise and the diet component working together nothing's going to change she could go for you know 20 kilometer walks but still you know if she doesn't eat better it's not gonna change it well also even if like you start doing this it's not a quick

process either it's not like you magically hit that 30 day like fucking like those are all bullshit or wildly unhealthy so it's like even if you get to that point of that you find like you're comfortable enough you've been dating long enough that's not weird for you to suggest this thing then like you could be like lined up for two to three years worth of cajoling and working out and everything just to be like damn it's been three years i'm still not attracted to you lol sorry like it's a wild thing it's like you can't do that it's like if you don't like somebody like again give it give it two or three dates if you want to figure it out like it there's no harm in meeting someone and not knowing immediately whether you're in fucking love with them. I would just hasten to say that do not try to change people like that because that's going to crush her self-confidence and it's not going to fucking work out for you.

And it's just cruel. It's like you don't get to decide what – well, you can decide what you like in people and go after the people you like. You don't get to twist people into your vision of them. On the one side, he does seem to be very aware of that, which is – Yes, yes, I know. I'm speaking a little heatedly mainly because we've seen questions like this before and other people do have no problem doing that, right? So it's like you don't get to do that and it's very unfair to date someone if you're not attracted to them like if you're dating someone just because they're hot and you don't

like their personality that's shit if you're dating someone because you like their personality you don't think they're attractive that's shit you know what i mean um so sure like give it two or three dates after that if you don't like them you don't date them being attracted to people is like the easiest part of dating you know Like the physical attraction part of things is, is the part that like, shouldn't be the problem. Cause it's, it's the thing that's instinctual.

Like we don't really have a choice on it. Yeah. You either find someone attractive or you don't. And that could change over time as we've talked about, but like, if you're, if like, you can't kind of bank on that like i i've

there have been plenty of people who i you know didn't find attractive to begin with and never found attractive you know what i mean it's it's sort of a rare occasion where it's like i didn't find someone attractive and then over time i've been like oh okay never mind i was wrong it usually takes a decent chunk of time as well which you can't do as like while dating someone, because then you're, you're doing it under false pretenses the whole time. And that's not fair. Yeah.

You're just spinning your wheels, hoping that, you know, when you take your foot off the brake, you'll, you'll be good to go. And that's not the way to date. So definitely do not ask this person to go on a diet.

And don't date them more than a few times to try to figure out if you're attracted to them you know if if you just love their personality then fucking become really good friends maybe yeah i mean like it might be a little crushing because she seems really into you with like the text of being like you're really cute blah blah there's no harm in being like hey i don't really feel the romantic spark but you're fucking awesome the problem with that on the downside of that is that she may think that she still has a chance if there isn't one so you know what i mean like that like that's what i've definitely done that where like people i've gone on dates and like i've really

enjoyed my time with them but i didn't feel anything romantically for them and i've been like let's keep hanging out because you're really cool. But like, I don't want to pursue a relationship with you. And then only for like two months later, I get a drunk phone call of them in tears being like, I really like you. And, you know, it's breaking my heart. It's like, well, I could have avoided this pain for you. I'm sorry. Yeah. But I also think like if you're being honest and you do like them, like and you're straight up about your intentions, it's not on you to try to figure out whether or not they will, you know,

take that, like, invitation in bad faith, you know, for them. So I think by all means, like, give it a shot. Maybe be aware that that's a possibility and, like, act accordingly if things start skewing. That's, yeah, I feel like go that route if you don't find them attractive. Don't lead them on too much and by all means do not try to change them after just meeting them all right tindering yeah let's do it at the end uh before we finish up we like to comb through online dating profiles for red flags and also just to make fun of them because it is a nightmare out there guys and i'm sorry that you have to deal with it but we hope to either find

red flags and point them out for you or give you advice on how to make your profile a little better did you want me to start with one yeah pick a number between one and six dang five i will straight up roast any bitch who matches with me y'all disappoint me worse than you disappoint your father six feet seven inches those are two separate measurements, by the way. Wink. Casual AF. The mask doesn't need to stay on during sex. Dot, dot. This is a dude, I assume. Yes.

Okay. So is he saying any woman he matches with, he's going to fucking roast? And then it's also like, hey, let's have sex. I believe he says any bitch he matches with, he will roast. Okay. So that's not an all-encompassing bitch. It's just like you're a bitch he's gonna roast you who knows i'm assuming it's that he's misogynistic yeah i i assumed with with the like dick measurement inclusion i thought that he was calling all women bitches presumably yes um also y'all disappoint me worse you disappoint your

father just coming in hot with some real negative misogynistic energy. Yeah. I'm sure this guy's just getting all sorts of just powerful matches. Yeah. Also, the mask doesn't need to stay on during sex. I just assume that means he doesn't give a shit about the pandemic. I don't know. Also, let's be real.

This guy is not having sex. No, not at all. But he does feel desperate enough to put in that he has a big penis in his thing. Yeah. Good job, dude. That's going to be a one for me. Yeah, that's a hard one. But he's casual AF. What a surprise. This man doesn't want a relationship.

And now I'm just going to follow up with this one while we're talking about masks. Five out of ten without a mask. Six out of ten with a mask. I will take my mask off to eat your ass. You know i i really think you could have bumped up to a seven you know what i mean saying that like the lower half of your face is just dragging down one point you know what i mean like if you're gonna lean into it lean into it but say you're a seven that's fair um i i do like the the or do i i don't know the the self-deprecation is kind of funny kind of sad. I enjoy it. I think it would be funnier if the numbers were high. If it was a six to an eight, but to say five to six, like...

Yeah, it's a little dismal. Yeah. Lean into the joke if you're going to do it. Right, yeah. But also, I will take my mask off to eat your ass. That's some powerful sexual energy coming through. It is. Also, did this guy not know that eating ass is a good way to get Corona?

Hey, maybe that's a conversation starter. If anyone out there matches with this person, let them know. Maybe. Maybe. This is Justine. Oh, I'm going to give this guy a five. I'm giving a five, too. Yeah, five out of ten.

Six out of ten with a mask. This is Justine. She says, I put the hoe in shoe. Please tell me that's it. That's it? Hell yeah. It doesn't make any sense and I love it. That's a 10 out of 10 for me.

Yep. Yeah, she did it for me as well. That's fucking great. Are you ready for Sarah? Yeah. Date me, you cowards. 10 out of 10. 10 out of 10 10 out of 10 right there i love it uh this is lauren she says i got a fat ass a good attitude bio stress me out upside down

smiley face i like it it's an 8 out of 10 yeah hell yeah i got nothing wrong with that yeah short and sweet and really if i'm being honest two things I kind of look for in a woman. Like, two of the main things that I look for on a very surface level is someone who's got a good attitude to them. Someone who's got a fat ass. Yeah, also, bio stressed me out too. I get it. Oh yeah, anytime I have to write one of those things, fuck it. Okay, this is Michael. He's into astrology.

Praise hands. More than just a big dick eggplant emoji, peach emoji. I expect you to treat me as a human being and not just a meat stick wink emoji, meat emoji. Prefer to be worshipped like pizza and taco ee ee. Aloof

mystic dipped in a cult sauce. Kinkier than the Discovery Channel, but they spelt the like T-H-E-E. Tend to read myself into sleep. Zero dot B-J-N-N-L-L and deprivation dot buck emoji. Just your average L demigod looking to share your GF and BF with understandy. I can't tell if this guy is like some sort of weird sex Muppet. And like, that's just how he talks. Like that's his character.

Or if, I don't know, he was like deprivating or, you know, doing like a blowjob deprivation maneuver while he was writing this and like had mild spasms. Yeah, I don't know. There's some bizarre like spelling stuff happening. There's just some some weird energy. A lot of random emojis prefer to be worshipped like pizza and tacos don't you like a meat stick i'm more than just a big dick it's some weird energy yeah it's a lot of like humble bragging in combination with absolute nonsense yeah i'm gonna give it a four oh yeah i'm gonna give it a three okay i love it no I don't love it either. Do you have any more or will I hit you with my last two?

Hit me with the last two. All right. This is Elisa. Looking for a monogamous long-term relationship. Somebody I can date that I'm not ashamed of. No male sluts. If you want to get your dick wet in every vagina, but she did a star instead of the I in dick and a star instead of the G in vagina. Don't write to me. Go carry on with your lifestyle.

Get HIV and die. Just to let you know, it takes 12 months to show positive results. I'm negative. We're not going to sleep around with polyamorous, AKA sluts or anything of that sort. I care about my health and wish more people nowadays cared about their health too. COVID free and vaccinated.

Whoa. I don't love the poly shaming. Or the go get HIV and die. Yeah. I don't love the poly shaming. Or the go get HIV and die. Yeah. This person sucks massively. A real toxic relationship she has with sex. I'm pretty sure the fucking HIV takes

12 months to get a positive is just wildly false. Also, if she has been vaccinated, I'm presuming she's a healthcare professional. Because she ain't over 80. So she's a terrible healthcare'm presuming she's a healthcare professional because she ain't over 80 so she's a terrible healthcare professional and she's a fucking slut-shaming asshole uh it's like a minus 10 for me i hate it yeah like you fucking suck sorry girl and then last but not least mona you really gotta get your thinking cap on for this one, right? Okay, all right. A woman can live beautifully, but she must live beautifully. I mean, it's not wrong.

Is it? No, it's absolutely true. So all women have to live beautifully? Thanks, Dane. No, she didn't say all women. A woman can live beautifully, but she must live beautifully. Yeah, I could say the same thing. Like, you could live richly, but you must live richly.

Oh, I have to? Yeah. If you want to live richly, you have to live richly. It makes complete logical sense, and I'm gonna give this this wisdom guru a 10 out of 10. How can I? No, it's a 3 for me. Well, someone's

not living beautifully. I don't know. I'm in three for me. Well, someone's not living beautifully. I don't know. I'm in pajamas drinking coffee. I'm living pretty happy right now. That's not beautifully, though, is it? Thanks for coming, everybody. We love you. Thanks for listening to our fine podcast this lovely day. Whatever day you're on right now, listen to this. It's a lovely one, unless it's not.

Turn to the person beside you and go, Hey, listen to fuck buddies and they'll say what and you go and you put a put a finger over their lips and you just say this one's about someone who pissed someone else's pants and then you run into the night run away gambol into the into the fog and if you're on a bus or public transit just grab one of the fire escape windows and dive out and and i know it's not much to ask but we'd appreciate it yeah it's the least you could do after 128 episodes the least you could do is this for us please we got up early to do a morning episode just so we wouldn't break our own broken streak for you

even though we joked about not did we joke about it last week i'm pretty sure we said we weren't gonna do an episode this week shit we could have gotten away with it and everything. Fuck. Damn it. Well, we fucked up again, guys. If you would like to reach out to us and hit us up with a question of your own, uh, construction,

you can find us on various social media on Facebook at facebook.com slash FCK buddies podcast on Instagram at FCK buddies podcast. You can find us on twitter at fck underscore buddies you can email us at f buddies podcast at gmail.com or visit us visit us online at f buddies podcast.com or plenty of beef.ca hell yeah thank you to josh eagle and the harvest cities for their song paper stars now dan i would like you to get comfortable i'm so comfortable this is some sex writing his muscular chest glistened with sweat from the hot georgia night air the dark curly hairs around his nipples ebbed and flowed with the gentle breeze that blew his long shaft pointed up into the air as if angry with god himself

angry that he was born with a baseball bat between his legs. He sighed as she touched his broad shoulders. It was as if he were a golden ox created to be idolized. Yet his demure smile and dimples purred like a kitten. His perfect ass clenched as he adjusted his stance in the damp grass creeping between his toes. His balls were like two tennis balls, worn and fuzzy from getting beaten day in and out massive tree trunk my dick is just too big please god why did you do this

so what i appreciate was this is a this is a post on red Reddit's men writing women in which women try to write men like men write women. And it's glorious. Oh, okay. All right. Cool. I've ruined it for you, didn't I? A little bit. I'm sad that this wasn't someone's real attempt at.

Because I was like, look, as a person with a dick, I don't think my dick has ever caused my balls any sort of injury. Yeah, but do you have a baseball bat that you're angry about God that he gave to you? It's true. I will say, if you didn't tell me this disclaimer, I would have thought this was like an actually published, like it is, they did a very good job. They did do a very good job, and I appreciate that. I'm sorry for ruining it for you.

I just felt it remiss not to let you know. Thank you for joining us. My name is Dave Miller. And if we haven't been censored, like everything else, my name is Niles Bain. We've been your fuck buddies.