F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 130 - Snuffles Snarfed My Snippers

Episode Date: March 29, 2021

And as the last light of humanity slowly flickers away, the words echoed one last time, "I am immortal."  Topics include cryptic sex AIs, unhealthy ways to express doubts, when to a bail on catfish dates, peanut butter dog crimes and masturbation material. This week we are proud to be sponsored by MANSCAPED.  Go to http://manscaped.com/ and get 20% off + free shipping with the code: BUDDIES20.

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dane Miller. And I'm Niall Spain. And we are your fuck buddies. We are a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations

and we turn them into sexy, sticky situations. Simply put, we scour the internet and we delve the minds of our fine listeners for questions on sex and dating and we answer them. You got anything to talk about? I feel like, I mean, like, I survived my first week of work. That's good. That was pretty neat that so far yeah uh that's very good i'm glad i'm glad you survived um i honestly i don't want to talk about it but have you heard about the super straight trend yeah yeah yeah yeah that's garbage hey man if if we could make up sexualities so can they now please explain super straight for people who don't know what it is uh super straight is

basically trying to turn being transphobic or homophobic into a sexual identity so you can get away with it yeah it's very mature it's's very smart. Their symbol is SS. They all, I'm sure, think is very clever. It isn't the grinder colors, which I find very funny, especially because a lot of people got upset when that was pointed out to them. It's a garbage thing. And everyone who is part of it is either very ignorant or a garbage person. So that's just, you know.

Yes, to further Nile's definition it's like their definition is you're straight if you love or if you're if a man is into a woman or a trans woman you're super straight if you're only into biological like born female yeah which is such a stupid like yeah like nile said it's people who are so desperate to to like fight the science that trans people are real and exist that they needed to

do this kind of bullshit. And again, like you said, they think they're so fucking clever being like, well, it's I can. Why can't I make my own sexuality? But but like are also missing the point yeah i'm not racist i'm just super white i could say what i want now right i can make up my own ethnicity like no dude it kind of like so a friend of mine has a kid and that kid i guess

their mind was blown the other day because they realized that like calling someone a loser, like they knew calling someone a loser was a bad thing. But then they found out that like, when you lose a game, you are in fact a loser. So they were like, whoa. So you mean I can call you a loser right now?

Like that means technically it's not okay. It's fine for me to like beat someone and call them and turn around and just be like, you're a loser. And their parents were like, like, there's more to it than that. And you could see the gleam in the kids' eyes, like,

where they knew there's probably a grace period before they got in too much trouble where their defense could be like, but they did lose. So technically, I can call them a loser all I want. And it's like that kind of, like, weird, like, childish loophole that they're trying to be like, I can't get in trouble while they can be a shitbag. Yes it is the like it's funny when people try to act smart under the guise of ignorance yes exactly it's like it's one thing for a kid to do it because like

they literally haven't experienced enough things in life to understand that like nuance exists like no kid understands nuance yeah and even there there's a lot more ground to stand on than the super straight bullshit so also we've been made completely obsolete me and you oh yeah hit me with a question i'll explain well can i just guess that ben shapiro has finally launched his dating podcast no it's even worse actually probably it's probably better because he's just such a bastion of sexual fortitude that we wouldn't be able to stand in the face of that uh okay i here's a question i don't know how to talk to the cute girl in my sociology class how

should i approach her perfect it makes me nervous that i can hear you typing right now which makes me like leads me to believe that maybe there's an AI involved here. There is. How did you know? Have you heard of Kokeshi? No. The Berlin sex doll AI. Okay.

I did see. I think Tickle are doing a thing. Oh, Jesus. Oh, no. Okay. So Tickle are doing a thing, I think, where they're doing an interview with her which is funny and i was like what the hell is this because it sounds terrifying um so i did to it and it's like you can talk to the ai and it just like flashes up weird plastic sex pictures on the side so i

asked her i said i don't know how to talk to cute girl my sociology class how do i approach her and damn she solved it let's see i am immortal christ is that all she said that's all she said it was very scary yeah we've like i don't understand why people keep fucking with ai specifically when you try to replicate something as like as very very uh organic as like sex you know i mean like robots have no need for sex whereas organic creatures require it in order for their species to continue so it it like always terrifies me when we sort of like program ais to be like hey here's a real big glaring weakness in our like just the the existence of our species here's how you could fuck that up yeah also like

like robots are the complete opposite of sex and that's why i think people have a lot of problem and get frustrated with sex a lot is because like they want a one-size-fits-all approach like it's a seduction thing right girls are one thing how do i solve that it's it's not realistic a robot's gonna do terribly so just a very brief i go i ask the question they say i'm immortal i say uh okay they go all right i say so should i message her they say i'm immortal again i say is that all you say they said rise like the tide and book a time with me come and play i said not after that and they said okay well at least they're not pushy that's true yeah although it like again it does sound like they're sort of dog whistling for a robot revolution in the

whole rise like the tide yeah and also just repeating I'm immortal over and over again it's just like maybe some people are into that uh maybe that's that's a kink oh actually I think we discovered a new kink on twitter okay so uh someone messaged lady pim with a picture from her twitter there's three images they sent them one was her the next one was her turned into a jigsaw and then the next one was her jigsaw pieces scattered across the carpet and she was like oh that's weird is this a new kink and they were like yeah so i was like what's it called jigging and they were like, yeah. So I was like, what's it called? Jigging. And they were like,

sure, why not? And I looked at their profile and that's all they do is they take sexy pictures, turn them into jigsaws and throw the jigsaw pieces on the carpet. Well, that seems like, I don't understand.

I would understand if like, if you like fucked up the pieces in the sense of like, you put it together, like abstract. So that like the butt and the boobs are like right right beside each other you know and we've all gotten a glimpse into the mind of dame well i'm just saying it's like what's the point of like being like you know what i really like sexy pictures you know how i want to see it not at all yeah i don't know maybe he like

just slams his dick into the jigsaw until the result is that the pieces are all over the carpet yeah maybe or maybe it's just like you know how like when people at the beginning of quarantine when everyone was like doing puzzles because what else are you gonna do and they were just like you know you always take a before and after picture maybe that's just his way of just being like here's my before picture and he just know, just jerks it too hard to ever finish. Maybe. Maybe. Hit me with a question. Okay. Is it normal for a guy to think about the woman he loves this

way? Okay, hold on. Let me type this. Okay, good luck. There were lots of reasons why I left my ex of two years, but his doubts about me were a big part of it. He had a mental illness which caused him to doubt his love a lot, at least he claimed. And then she gives a little sampling of things he would say to her.

I wish I'd met you later in life. Once or twice I've wondered if you'd be okay if we went a month long break so I could sow my oats, but I'd miss you too much within like a day. Sometimes I think being with you is a chore and I wish I had more time to enjoy college slash my bros slash my PS4.

Sometimes I compare you to my friend's girlfriends and two of them are hotter, but they aren't really. That's my anxiety. Sometimes I think I'm jealous of Paul because he gets to have sex with Amy. A few times I thought I could do better because your Snapchat score is lower than mine. A few times I've wondered if I find you attractive at all slash if you're just cute not hot and seeing you dressed for the nightclub might help me gauge he'd always make it clear these were his anxiety and it's the opposite of how he really feels seeing how doubts are normal were these normal should i expect my next boyfriend to be the same will he just know to be quiet my ex started saying these things around seven months.

I feel like this person's just an asshole and is taking a really shitty excuse by just being like, oh, it's a mental illness, lol, just to get away with being a garbage person. Yeah, because like, like the only like mental illness I could think would be like Tourette's and maybe like being bipolar well there is relationship OCD which is relationship substantiation or ROCD in which you suffer and are consumed by doubts about your relationship okay your love for your partner their attraction to their partner their compatibility with their partner and their partner's love for them however and yes they can be irrational unfounded and detrimental to day-to-day life but at the same time like you still make a conscious effort to bring it up to people and

that's still very shit right like i feel like you if you are depressed and your depression you know you're like oh i think you're a shitty friend to your friends you don't really get to just blame depression on that right like you it's not on your friends to deal with you abusing them because of your illness even if that's what's happening here it's weird that she would acknowledge that this person has presumably a fairly rare mental illness if that is what if at all and then to be like should i just expect everyone to be like this it's like no you were in again i'm going to assume that this person isn't lying about a mental illness because like you know we don't really have any grounds to to believe or disbelieve so it's like you are aware that you are in sort of like a unique situation with this

person and surely you know that like your friends hopefully aren't dealing with this as well like if this is your only experience in a relationship you should know that like normally and specifically in a traditionally healthy relationship you are not constantly sort of like held up to other people or someone else's like objective or objective sort of like view of what you should be judging from what brief examples i read on the relationship OCD, like there is no mention of being like a mean partner in that way. I think it's mostly internal doubts. And regardless, it's like if somebody has a mental illness, by all means, support them in that. But that also doesn't mean making yourself a punching bag or just dealing with everything they do. So if the case is that they're being horrible in this way, you can let them know that that's how you feel. And if necessary,

take therapy together or like work towards towards helping them get away from these behaviors or deal with their mental illness in a better way. One thing that might be useful in this situation, like if you feel if this person, you know, has these doubts and then feels compelled to share them, despite the fact that he's like fully aware that he doesn't actually feel these things, like take up journaling, my man, have a little journal that you then write these thoughts down. And so you can see them manifested and be like, oh yeah, no, these are, these aren't how I feel. Cool. Close the book, move away. it seems unfair to burden your partner with things that you are aware of not being true and it also seems to me like the way he mentioned that he like suffered from mental illness it never seemed to come from a like when he's not undergoing one of these

episodes they talked about it and he like laid it on the line to me from what you read out. It sounds a lot more like that's like my get out of free, get out of jail free card. Like this is my excuse. Don't worry about it. Like, oh, don't worry about it. It didn't really mean anything. Not like, hey, let's actually talk about this one. I'm not undergoing this. So we can really like apologize for these outbursts and understand them, which is why

I doubt that it maybe is what he claims because it seems quite heartless. So either he doesn't have it or he's dealing with it in a terrible way. Again, unless there is like another something that we don't know about, which like, you know, affects the social filter. That means you just kind of like blurt this kind of stuff out. That's the thing. We're not like, you know, doctors, we're not mental health specialists, we could be entirely wrong here. But it doesn't sound very positive mental illness or not it sounds like this person isn't taking the necessary steps to care for you in this relationship and it also the one thing i really wanted to bring up because like

we really can't speak on this dude's behalf because like there's so many things that could or couldn't be at play and you touched on it where it's like you have a responsibility to yourself as well and as much as we want to care for the people in our lives that we do love and care about who might have mental illness or physical disability or stuff like that where it's like sometimes you do need to take a step back and have to reevaluate if this is going to be detrimental to you in the long run especially with like fairly new relationships. Like it's one thing, you know, if you've been together for, you know, 20 years and there's a car accident and blah, you know what I mean? Or, or, you know, towards the end of your life, you start developing, you know, Alzheimer's and stuff like that. What you're not dealing with

that kind of severity yet. So to get into a relationship with someone who has a preexisting condition that you're aware of that hopefully they will disclose to you. If you think it's going to work by all means, go for it. But if at some point in time you realize like it's not going to work and it's taking a drastic toll on your own mental health there's there's nothing wrong with saying i'm sorry i can't do this and i know that's a hard thing to do and i know that like a lot of society would probably like a lot of their friends or even your friends might think less of you. But it's so unfair to sort of be like, well, I'm now shackled with this person because I thought I could make this work. Yeah, well, you're never obliged to date anybody for any reason.

Right. And on top of that, it's like if you don't have, you know, the mental fortitude or like, you know, the self-confidence to weather this kind of torrent of abuse on the regular, if you stay with them, you're not doing them any favors either. They're not going to have a good time in a loveless relationship. You know what I mean? So it's like, maybe think about it that way. But regardless, this person needs help. Whether or not they have a mental illness, they can't just be degrading you like that on the regular. And no, relationships shouldn't be like that. Moving forward, should you get into a relationship and someone treats you like this again, try to reassert your self worth and not necessarily to them, but to yourself, and realize that like, you don't have to be the brunt, like, don't allow

people to compare you don't allow people to doubt their affections for you and by all means even like a relationship with you know no one being mentally ill those kind of doubts will pop up from time to time especially as the relationship goes on like you start thinking you know you could have those things being like has this run its course and and maybe it has those are those are valid doubts to have but not at the expense of your partners. Like, if you want to discuss it, discuss it with your partner. But don't constantly be like, you know, sometimes I don't think you're that attractive, but it could just be me. Maybe if you go through all the effort of getting dolled up and dressed up for the club, I might be able to say you're hot.

But we'll see. Like, that's such a shitty, bizarre thing to say to someone it's like if you put in all this effort while i sit here and judge you maybe you can be upgraded to where you just should be because we're in a loving relationship together you know what i mean it's like fuck you dude please take care of yourself uh and and by all means if you have a partner with mental illness try to figure out the parameters in which like don't just accommodate it if if it's bothering you actually try to talk about and be like hey when you say these things can we work out a way in which you don't just accommodate it if if it's bothering you actually try to talk about and be like hey when you say these things can we work out a way in which you don't bring these up to me constantly can you can we work out a way in which you can like i said journal it out or something um and as now suggested go seek professional help because that will that will

get you the the best results 100 and even if it's, if it is some kind of like, you know, almost like Tourette's thing or whatever, where like things just come out, when you're not having an episode, then talk about it or like, you know, live in a world where you can,

like almost like aftercare for BDSM, where you have the time to reaffirm your love and like talk to each other instead of just ignoring it and like kind of letting it slide. This is by jkitskj. How do you politely leave a date after early, after realizing if you've been catfished? instead of just ignoring it and like kind of letting it slide this is by j kits kj how do

you politely leave a date after early after realizing if you've been catfished oh oh man that's happened to me and i've i've stuck it out this is pre-covid and and everything but i was i always treated dates as an opportunity to like have a conversation with someone i probably wouldn't ever have a conversation with and that was that was a big draw for me especially when i was i was dating a lot of people on like social or uh online dating stuff like that where i was just like hey there's no reason i would have ever connected with you and now i get to have a conversation with you hopefully it turns out well so yeah i've definitely it's been rare but it's always either been an age thing or a weight thing happened to me once and it was both

yeah where it's either you've shown old pictures or misleading pictures regarding how old you are or your weight and the thing that bothers me it boggles me so much of just being like we're gonna know yeah you know what i mean like if i come in and you've used a headshot or like a picture when you were 20 and you're actually 42 i'm gonna know unless you have incredible genes, in which case it doesn't matter. Or, you know, the same thing where it's like, if you were showing pictures when you're, you know, 80 pounds lighter and you show it, like, I'm going to see it. You can't hide it from me anymore. I'm not going to like, yeah, that that's the thing. It's like, I don't understand

why people do this because if I see someone who looks a certain way or whatever is a certain age or, you know, anything on Tinder, it's like, sure, maybe I won't swipe, but I'm going to have a much less negative reaction to wasting time and effort and showing up and being misled. You know what I mean? Like nothing's going to be worse. And like, they might've totally been fine with you, but when you show up and you've blatantly lied, you know what I mean? I find it is just so self-defeating because you're putting yourself in a lose.

You're setting yourself up for failure. Yeah, I don't get it at all. Because like you said, you're starting the date with just a kick in my face, more or less, you know what I mean? You've kicked me in the teeth and you're like well hope this goes well it's like no you've you've lied to me you've misled you know i mean like there's why would i want to have this date so to answer the question i think if you're not pressed for time if you're not if like if they're not fucking like milking you for free dinner or whatever i just play it out you know i mean like

try to enjoy yourself try to have a an engaging conversation um use it as like a practice date to sort of like take a step back relax and have like a casual conversation because now the presumably if you're not attracted to this person you're the nerves of like oh am i gonna kiss her should i invite her back to my like all that kind of stuff has gone. And so try to remember how you are on that date for people that haven't lied to you or haven't catfished you and use that same sort of energy of being relaxed and like just approaching it as a normal conversation or as a chance to have a conversation.

And yeah, the thing is like sometimes you meet someone, you talk to them and like once you get over that initial shock of being misled you'll realize you're actually attracted to them you know what i mean um or you'll just have a good time i will say if it's something like because there's a difference between like you know some cunning photo photography and some like kind of old photos and just straight up like i'm not that like i used someone else's picture and i lied about everything and it's like for me if it's like the more the bigger the lie the easier it is just

be like actually i'm gonna head you know what i mean because our like if someone's gonna lie to you that much already i don't think that's a good sign in general you know what i mean so like and you just met this person realistically you do not owe them anything so if it's a big thing fuck it like you can just be like oh hey uh you know i thought you said x y and z this is not your picture i'm sorry but i don't appreciate whatever or even just make an excuse and go i don't really think you owe them anything but i do think that if it's if it's a small lie or if it's like you know again the person like i went on a date with someone who was a lot heavier than

they were in their pictures and a lot older than they were in their pictures um and i was like fuck it we sat down we had a really nice night you know we had a few drinks there's nothing wrong with that like fuck it yeah because the thing is someone's obviously insecure if they're doing this so like what's the harm in having a drink? That's going to be so much more of a bomb to their self-esteem than you just being like, peace. You know what I mean? I would also love to know, like, I wish I could see just world stats of being like,

how many people would have still said yes to you had you been honest with your photos? You know what I mean? Because I imagine your success rate would probably go up. You might not get as many dates or as many matches, but I'd imagine that the people who you're matching with and going on dates with are attracted to you. You know what I mean? You might not even be as bad in someone's eyes as you think you are,

but you're making whatever you are five five steps worse by like misleading someone there are so many people who are into everything yes you know what i mean so like the idea that like you're trying to cater to categories in which you do not fit for people who are looking for those categories to sort of like you know reduce it down to its elements. It's like, if you're, you know, a curvier woman, there are plenty of dudes who are into that. So you're now taking yourself out of the pool of people who would find you attractive and putting yourself in a pool of people

who wouldn't find you attractive and being like, why am I having no luck here? Online dating is the worst. I give up. Yeah. And it's not even like physical stuff as well, right? Like you could be like, oh yeah, I'm super into reading. And then when you show up and your book's not even like physical stuff as well right like you could be like oh yeah i'm super into reading and then when you show up and your your book smart date is like oh what do you read

and you're just like bullshitting you know what i mean or even like like because we've seen so many people through seduction it's like oh there's this girl who's into football how do i lie and pretend i like football you show up they're gonna be like yeah this person just completely catfished me they're they're nothing like who they pretended they were. And this date sucks. So I say if you've the time and it's a smaller lie, fuck it. Have a drink. Enjoy some time and maybe bail early. And if it's big, don't feel obliged to stay, especially for women, right?

Like, because I feel like that's a lot more threatening when it's this like completely false person. And now you're just kind of like beholden to sit at a dinner with them. You know what I mean? You don't ever have to feel like you need to stay. Yeah, no, not at all. You know who won't catfish, you know? Us.

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I'd love to, because let me tell you, it's going to be my saving grace now that I am back to work. The Crop Preserver is an anti-chafing ball deodorant I'd love to, because let me tell you, it's going to be my saving grace now that I am back to work. The Crop Preserver is an anti-chafing ball deodorant that ensures that your afternoon stroll doesn't end with your balls sticking to your leg or smelling like eggs. The Crop Reviver is a spray-on toner for your balls. It's made with soothing aloe and witch hazel extracts that will give your testes a little bit of a boost. I love that you could just go to a shift and just, like, give it spritz when you're going like if you were single and you were done work you're going out with the crew

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This comes from Reddit user SadSammySalad. Oh. My husband gets home from work about two hours before I do. I always call him on my way home. Last week I got off earlier than usual and decided to surprise him so I didn't call him. When I got inside I walked towards the living room to find my husband on the floor with no pants on, letting our dog lick his butt. Then I saw him dip his finger into a jar, I think it was peanut butter, and apply some to his anus. I was so shocked I just walked back towards the kitchen, opened, and slammed the door closed and yelled, I'm home.

It's all I can think about for the last few days. I can't look at him without feeling disgust. I don't know if I should have the awkward conversation with him or suffer silently any thoughts oh no see this is one of those things where i get i'm just like reddit are you fucking with me i don't know there's a lot i hope aren't real it's pretty fucked up it's yeah this poor dog that's not okay this is like someone is writing an american pie movie because didn't they do that in the american pie movies they put peanut butter on the balls or is that just something i know that was like said in one of those teen gross out comedy yeah i feel like it was always like a joke when you were in like high school where someone would be like oh peanut butter blur

but like ew ew for everybody you know what you got to do because you can't really ask what's he gonna say if he did it he's gonna say no If he did it, he's going to say no. If he didn't do it, he's going to say no. And you're left where you are in this prism of curiosity. What do you mean if he didn't do it? Some. What if he was spritzing his balls with the Manscaped Crop Reviver? Okay, well, I do want to remind you that these are people paying us, and I don't know if they want it. Okay.

Blank out the words what if he was applying some kind of topical lotion you know like maybe i don't know what he works as maybe he had chafed thighs or chafed butt cheeks and maybe he was like oh man i gotta put the cream on and he got down on the ground and the dog was like i smell sweat and just like got in there and he was like oh no now back to my plan okay you gotta get home and when you get home you know make make the noise like make sure he he has time to pull up the trousers and come in and then what you immediately do is you start to kiss him you bent him over and you're like i'm gonna rim you for the first time honey or the 10th time i don't know maybe he's you know maybe you do it. And then does his butt crack smell like dog breath?

Or peanut butter. Or peanut, or both. So here's, here's my. Wait, wait, wait. What are his skid marks? I guess the dog probably does a good job. Nevermind. Here's, here's my idea where you don't have to get sloppy seconds from dog rimming.

You just need to smell. You don't need to lick it first, Dane. Then it'll smell like your saliva you need to walk in and be like babe i'm home i'm hankering for some peanut butter and if he's got the jar with him like unless you have like a whole stockpile of peanut butter it's like how is he gonna be like oh i was just just in the living room with some peanut butter well that's another thing where's your like what's your peanut butter look like one is there finger marks in it two like does it only go down in volume when you're not there okay i'm glad you brought up the peanut butter and because here's the thing the the dog licking making your pet

your beloved pet who's pretty much like an extension of your family lick your butthole is heinous i assume it's not a one lick scenario so this man is double dipping his oh yeah his butthole and his dog drool back into this fucking peanut butter jar yeah that's the disgusting thing for me i think the disgusting thing is the like tricking a beloved canine into bestiality. That's pretty fucked. But then also the pretty much all of it. So you need to rim him, smell his butt. Tell me what's going on.

I think you need to you need to make sure this wasn't an isolated. Like you said, maybe it's just a wrong place, wrong time. Everything went so sideways. This is like a Ben Stiller meet the fuckers, hilarious mix up. Maybe this has never happened. Maybe he's so ashamed of himself. Maybe he never wants to talk about it. Okay. Yeah, maybe there's a question on Reddit somewhere where it's like,

I was trying to put cream on my poor, sore butt cheeks when my dog just jumped in there and snarfed me real quick. My wife got home a few minutes later, and I just couldn't say it to her. And now the longer since the incident, it seems like I have something to hide. What do I do? I'm in hell. I can't look at snuffles the same way again after snuffles snarfed my snippers oh boy they're not great it's not great and i think you need to maybe try to do this like come home early again and see if he you know take a sick day and just kind of like or set up a nanny cam

or you put sedatives in the peanut butter like dog friendly sedatives i was gonna say let's not kill this poor dog it's been through enough what like maybe food coloring so the dog will poop a certain color call bill gates and get the chip that he's putting in all the vaccines put that in the peanut butter and then the dog will have the chip and then you can just scan them using bill gates new app throw out your current peanut butter jar get a new peanut butter jar and make sure you like because if there is just like one you know suspicious finger dip in there it's like okay someone is doing dog crimes with this peanut butter yeah you gotta you gotta solve the dog crimes i do like the nanny cam idea

i feel like that's okay and again it's like it's not necessarily an invasion of your privacy like it's your home right and you have something to be suspicious of put a nanny cam in and the thing is importantly it's like if this is real which it seems very possible that it is the better amount of evidence you have because one you won't be gaslit into believing that you you know saw something wrong two if he tries to turn friends and family on you all the better for you to you know have a little have a little back on and three if you're getting divorced which i'm imagining most scenarios do not last through dog crimes. When he goes to try hardball you with the lawyer, you could be like, hey, no, look at this video, dude.

Yeah. Like this is going to ensure that you don't get fucked over if anything goes south. So I think you got to try to catch the dog crimes. Also, that video will make a fucking hilarious zoom background and hey maybe you'll get a sponsorship from the peanut butter company because like sniffles is snarfing that real quick it's just going going town i have a feeling you don't understand how what brands want to be associated with because i don't know if if jiffy is gonna be like oh yeah your kids will love it and so will your dog he'll lick it out in the jiffy okay maybe with one more question

why are guys so insistent this is constant boy problem why are guys so insistent on being sent selfies by girls they're talking to are they just trying to build up masturbation material hi not sure if this belongs here but i wasn wasn't really sure where else to ask. I'm 22, talking to a guy 22 I met on Bumble. He's fairly attractive and seems interested in me, and I'm considering meeting up for a date. We're both vaccinated. However, he's borderline pushy about me sending him snaps of myself. We haven't spoken in person, so I don't know if it's all lighthearted or if it's a little more aggressive than that. He hasn't asked or insinuated that he wants nudes, which I would definitely be uncomfortable with if he asked, just that he thinks I'm pretty and wants to see more pictures of my face. But like, why is he so insistent?

My profile has plenty of pictures of me and I guess I could get the idea of trying to weed out catfishes, I guess. But like, even when he does snap me back, he has like a fraction of his face in frame or just sends text messages. Another more general question, I guess, and not to be crude, but do guys ask for these pictures specifically as masturbation materials? This isn't the first guy that's been insistent about me sending snaps of myself. In the past, when I've tried to ask why they were so insistent, there usually wasn't an explanation. Rather, just them getting weirdly upset or switching the subject.

Sorry if I sound ignorant, but genuinely curious. I tend to be bad about being confrontational when I'm uncomfortable, and even more so when I don't know what's going on. All parts and advice appreciated. Yeah, okay. This is an interesting one, and I like it. Good. Me too.

That's why I brought it. I think there are two things at play. One, I think most guys are hoping it'll be a sexy picture. Yeah, there's definitely no harm if you're like, hey, send me a picture, and she takes it on herself to put on a bikini or a bra or drop that shirt low. No one is or just get them out. No one's unhappy about that.

Yeah, no one's, you know, every guy is. Well, I don't want to say again, we're generalizing it, but it's like nine times out of 10. If someone is asking for a picture, they're hoping it's going to be a sexy one on the flip side i think there is a power dynamic that is also sort of like in the root of it as well of like men as a as a you know whole have been for years and years pretty much since like media existed we're we're taught to consume images of women you know what i mean and and that like women's worth directly correlates with the images of them that we can see if that makes sense i know that's really fucking deep but if you look into like marshall mccluhan and that kind of stuff where like the

media is the message it it's it's i think there's a little bit of that of like gross dudes almost think that they're owed this i'm sure some do and i'm sure that could play into it but for me it's like we kind of talked about earlier with the catfishing thing it's like your profile only means so much right don't get me wrong catfishing her thing of being like is it to veto catfishing that could also very much be a thing too yeah because like you know even if they're being honest you've chosen those four pictures specifically or those five pictures or whatever the fuck so it's like if you're getting like just a snap out and about that really helps round out the reality of whoever you're talking to in in two senses one

where it's you know thank god i'm actually talking to a person who's being honest and it's not just like a fucking painting and two it gets you excited to to see them you know what i mean it doesn't necessarily mean you're jerking it but like it's nice to see someone be like oh shit she's really cute or she's really hot or he's a babe or look at those abs you know and more importantly she says that he messages her pictures and she doesn't send them back that's a big red flag to me wait no she sends him and he doesn't send back No, he says a bunch of pictures But like when he sends them

It's just like, you know, part of his face or whatever Yeah, he's not sending pictures of him back What? No, he's sending pictures And it's part of his face or whatever She never mentions sending them back She says, well, my profile has plenty of pictures of me No, I think it's implied that she's sending pictures to him Isn't she? I don't know He says, he thinks I'm pretty and wants to see of pictures of me. No, I think it's implied that she's sending pictures to him. Isn't she?

I don't know. He says just he thinks I'm pretty and wants to see more pictures of my face. She never mentioned herself sending him any pictures because she was sending him pictures and he was like, oh, I need more or like. But she's sending. Isn't it in response to like he always sends me pictures of like half his face or text. Like, I think that's what he's sending in response to the pictures he's asking for no i don't think so yeah that's what i understood it is i feel like he was just like she's saying that he asked for all these pictures

but when he snaps me he only has like a fraction of his face and frame yeah so i don't know if that's the case because it's kind of unclear if it is the case that you're not sending pictures back at all i could kind of understand why it would start to be brought up more and more because you'd imagine there's a reason why you're not doing that, which you'd imagine means you're probably catfishing someone or there's something going on. But I also like, it's not on people's like it,

it's not women's jobs to say every demand of a like random dude to, you know what I mean? Like if a guy's like, send me a picture oh you don't have to no of course not but like also if you're gonna go out on a date anyway or like you guys are talking you imagine like a picture at some point isn't unreasonable you know what i mean especially these days when like instagram and fucking especially snapchat right you're snapchatting someone and they're sending you back texts but not pictures that's kind of weird that's what the guy is doing no the guy is sending pictures or he said she says like

half of his face is in frame or texts yeah yeah so all we know is that the guy is sending pictures she never mentioned sending one is what i'm saying okay it sounds like her point is that like he's barely showing anything of him i think is the point she's trying to make no her point is that he wants her to send pictures but the ones he sends he's not even all that much in frame so i think she's like it's kind of ironic that even though he wants all these pictures even the ones he's sending me aren't exactly illustrating his entire self yeah i'm torn on this the amount of women who have multiple men being like send me a picture i want to see a picture what are you wearing send me a picture i'm sure it's fucking exhausting yep and to then be like am i expected to do this in order to verify my existence and it's like i understand in reality that like yeah there are people who are

catfishing and like a picture here and there but it's also like i don't know not a requirement if i was if i wasn't sure if i was being catfish, if I was like, I'm, my catfish senses are tingling here and someone wasn't going to send me a picture, then I'd be like, okay, fine. Then I'm not going to go on a date with them. Yeah, I completely agree. I'm not saying she should send him a picture. I'm saying I can understand why he would be suspicious if someone doesn't.

And it's totally within his right to then not go on a date. You know what I mean? It's also in her right to not send a picture. i'm just saying that's probably where it's stemming from maybe yeah i mean there's also like if if you actually like there's no harm in making a joke about thinking someone's catfishing you you know i mean like if you're if you if this guy is constantly sending photos of himself then like you could just be like you know not catfishing you ha ha ha blah blah blah like try to make that the reason, as opposed to you just constantly being like, I want to see pictures of you.

Show me pictures of you. Also, like, I guess you could have a private Instagram account and that's kind of, you know, you don't have to share that with them either. I don't know. I'm so torn on this because like, understand the problem but I don't necessarily think that you know sending pictures is the answer well I'm not sure if the net like I think she's just trying to get

to the bottom of why he's asking it's not what do I do it's why is he asking and I think I don't think it's for masturbation material especially if he's asking for pictures of your face no one's like with the amount of porn that exists yeah no one's gonna be like you know what's like with the amount of porn that exists. Yeah. No one's going to be like, you know what I really need?

The picture of a random person on the internet's face. Yeah. Is he hoping it'll go further? Probably. Is he going to angle that it goes further? I'd say you probably have 50-50 odds. Maybe worse. I don't know.

But like right now, I think it's just either to build excitement for the date that hopefully you guys will be going on or to verify who you are. I really don't think there's anything malicious. Of course, you shouldn't ever feel obliged to send these things. You know what I mean? Like, you don't owe anybody anything. Like, if he's nervous, you're not who you say you are. Like, that's not on you.

Fuck it. You know what I mean? If you want to assuage his fear, sure. If you don't, fuck it. Like, that's very clear. You're never beholden to anybody else to do something you don't want to assuage his his fear sure if you don't fuck it like that's very clear you're never beholden to anybody else to do something you don't want to do um but if you're talking to people and they're sending you like pictures of themselves and you just flat out refuse to and you maybe see people being weird about that or not showing up for dates that might be why they might just be

getting catfish tinglings which again you don't necessarily have to fix but you should probably be aware of that which is the downside of being attractive on tinder they were like probably a fair handful of women where i'm just like i went on dates with them just being like this is gonna go so poorly and then when they actually walked in i was like hold on a second so you're not here to take my kidneys. You're not like three Russian men in a like a motel trying to lure me somewhere. Yeah, there is definitely a level of hotness that just like, you know, that like narrow died gift. That's just me like replying to all the messages like, OK, sure.

I'm waiting for you to slip up Russian, but. Yeah, exactly. It's like I'm waiting for that link just hit me with that link let me guess the tinder app doesn't work very well message me here it just asks for a credit card information just to make sure you're real yeah you got me one more are we gonna go on to uh let's do some tinders speaking of tinder uh at the end of the episode before we wrap up we like to peruse Tinder, find some choice profiles,

and either make fun of them or congratulate them in an effort to make your online dating experience a little better. You know what? I spread a wider net than usual today. I'm going to start

I'm going to start with Axel. What kind of energy do you think Axel's going to bring? I hope he's going to welcome us to the jungle. He is into festivals, spirituality, outdoors, astrology, and podcasts, which seems good for welcoming people to the jungle and also because podcasts are great. You heard it here first.

But he says, 99.97% of girls on here all look the same. Same trout pout, asking for respect, but dressed like you work in a knocking shop. And Instagram usernames you can feed yourself obsessed lives no imagination no wonder why we're in this mess now is he saying in this mess because is he blaming this on covet on these people i assume i hey maybe we all know it's women trout pouting that spawned the pandemic also i assume this person is like european or british or... Because, like, knocking shop?

Yeah, I don't... I've never heard of that, but... Hey. New one every day. Axel gets a fat zero for me. Yeah, fuck you, Axel. I really was... I was hoping he was going to be good, so I'd give him a sweet child of nine, but...

Ooh. This is Tristan. Pros. Works full-time as a child and youth worker. Can start a fire with two sticks and a matchbook makes a presentable plus one never been addicted to crack i'm six two since i guess that matters cons not ryan gosling can and will serenade you in the shower my brownie recipe will absolutely wreck your diet i'm a rebel i cross the road without looking hit me up what recipe brownie

okay yeah that's a pretty solid one i like it i'm giving it a he's getting the sweet child of nine yeah i'm thinking nine i quite like it it's it's a good like awareness of life as well as not being an asshole or a bitter shit and it's kind of funny well he should look crossing the road though yeah i mean tristan that's not being a rebel that's being selfish it's being an idiot yeah this is dave okay so i keep seeing how some ladies are looking for nice honest genuine guys but probably go for good looking ones who probably cheat do good luck with that but if you are willing to take a chance on me then i will treat you right in the relationship and in the bedroom if this sounds appealing then you know what to do christ like it's so upsetting that there's so many of these profiles of guys being like i mean women do it too i get like everyone does it of being like i'm this

if you're not looking for this or you're like the the immediate switch of like attack dog you're wrong i'm right anyone who doesn't want me is looking for something stupid. It's just so exhausting. This, yeah, this is just like, if you start off saying, oh, people are looking for nice guys, but they're going to probably cheat on you. If you take a chance on me, I'll treat you right in the relationship and the bedroom. It's like, no, you won't. I know you won't by the first two things you said. I know 100% you weird, bitter shit. things you said, I know a hundred percent.

You weird, bitter shit. Yeah. This guy's also getting a zero. Zero. A hundred percent. This is Candace. I'm looking for someone to share everyday adventures with who keeps my dimples exposed and appreciates a good prank every now and then to keep life spicy.

Serious applicants only. Oh, the pranking. Now, do you think she's like Winston level? That's a hundred percent. Serious applicants only. Ooh, the pranking. Now, do you think she's like Winston level pranks? That's 100%. The first time I read it, I was like, this is a person who's either probably like does something so little or takes it too far. That's the thing. It's like if pranking has made its way into your profile, like she hasn't used that many words. And a large portion of them were about pranks, which means she she don't prank you.

Yeah, it's a big part of her life. And I do. I just want to set the precedent like there is a precedent on this show that women who prank their boyfriends tend to translate into them trying to kill their boyfriends. Yeah. Yeah. We had a good a good run with the pranking. I'm hard on this. Like, I'm split on this one because like i

do like the profile that's good yeah you know what i i would do it because i'd like to see the pranks but then maybe i don't show up for next week's episode you know what i mean see i i would it's a great opening line of being like best prank you've ever pulled or what's the prank you've always wanted to pull but haven't been able to those are both great and also i'm not gonna lie if somebody told me a good prank i would probably fall at least a little bit more into them 100 i would be like depending on on what the prank was and like how elaborate and creative it was i would my my attraction regardless of like physical attraction would probably sway one way or the other yeah it would it would rocket if it was good and it would dip if it was lame because you can't come in with big prank energy and then just like oh once i like took the batteries out of the remote control

i'd be like no i'm sorry if the prank was i took the batteries out of the fire detector and started her in her in the garbage can like got him. This gets a nine again. I'm going to give it a nine as well. I also dipped into Grindr this week. So this is two miles away. Did you make a Grindr account? I didn't. No, I found it online.

I don't know where it originated, so it could be two miles away from someone 100 miles away. I was just spicing it up, Dan. Jesus. Okay. So they're 26. They just joined recently, and this is meat for free use. I'm just a piece of garbage

fuck meat. Treat me as such. Mentally unstable, so treat me like shit. Man, if I hear someone describe themselves as mentally unstable, the last thing I want to do is treat them like shit. Yeah, that that's what got me, too. It's like... Like, I'm all for, if you want to be used, if you, like, if you want to describe

yourself as usable fuckmeat, what's that? It was garbage fuckmeat. Garbage fuckmeat. If that's your style, fuck it. I don't care. I'm not here to judge. That's cool, but like, that, yeah, the correlation at the end doesn't work out. Yeah, no, I want my garbage fuckmeat

to be stable and feel loved after the fact. If you want to be treated like shit temporarily on a consensual and positive basis. Sure. But not because you're mentally unstable. I'm going to give you maybe a hug. I'm giving it a, are you okay there? Out of 10.

Yeah. This is Sam. How many seven-year-olds could you take in a fight before they could overpower you? What would your last meal be? Deathbed or if life takes a turn prison lol what do you feel most misunderstood about is there anything you've wanted to talk about but felt like it's never organically come out in a conversation with anyone i like the first two questions i don't like the third what do you feel most misunderstood about yeah it's too like

it's too deep or like the what do you feel most misunderstood about and what do you ever want to talk about but it's never come up is that the same question or two different no those are two different ones okay i don't like either of them really really fourth one no because i feel like it's too deep like it's the other ones are jokey and it's like could actually lead to like a proper conversation the other one is like it's like when you say oh how are you and someone like turns to you and they're like the answer no answering is fine even if you answer negatively but it's like oh like you know you're working i was working once i'm like how are you and she turns me like my sister just died and i was like oh god i'm so

sorry and then she like followed me around the shop and like was telling me about it and i was like i i can't like it's hard enough to to like talk to people you know let alone a complete stranger like this is inappropriate i'm sorry but you know, let alone a complete stranger. Like this is inappropriate. I'm sorry. But yeah, I talked to her for the whole thing and I consoled her, but it's,

it's not the right place or time. And I feel like that's this, right? You don't want to open up with like, Hey, let's really get into this. Maybe, but I don't think it,

like, I think if you were a savvy dater, I feel like he could use those as, as a means to say funny things. I think if you are a savvy dater, you like he could use those as as a means to say funny things i think if you were a savvy dater you'd have a funnier question i see i like the thing that's never organically come up because like it could literally be anything you could literally use any opener at this point in time and you could like like whatever the fuck you want to say i think like you could literally just be like you you know, I'm upset that,

you know, Doug always used different color people to represent different ethnicities and erased racial bias from, by Doug cartoon. It never comes up, but I want to talk about it. It's fair. Skeeter was black.

I said it. You did. I thought you were going somewhere else with that. Yeah, no, I'm giving it a seven. Yeah, seven's a good number. I'll give it a seven too. Yeah, again, I think, and also it's like four questions is a lot to answer all at once. Well, I think it's more like pictures, but still.

I feel like the first two are good. Also, like, is unlimited seven-year-olds an answer? Because like... They'd get to you, man. They'd get to you, still. I feel like the first two are good. Also, like, is unlimited seven-year-olds an answer? Because, like... They'd get to you, man. They'd get to you. Eventually. I guess, eventually. Is it just unlimited that are just going to keep coming?

Because, like, do I get breaks? I assume not. I don't know. Are you ready for this? Yeah. I also went to Kijiji. Oh, no. But don't worry.

This isn't weird or creepy or anything. It's about an apartment for rent. Yeah. Hi, how are you? Would you consider staying in my one plus one condo unit? I would like to offer a rent free stay for female roommates who are friendly and fun to talk to. I am 28 male fashion model looking for a crime partner and someone who can play wing woman open relationship optionally haha we can discuss more if it sounds interesting to you better discuss before you judge me it may be worth it you can talk and always say no if you're not comfortable i can send you photos of the place or do a virtual tour or you can come for viewing million dollar view fully furnished high rise

60th floor unobstructed view of cn, Rogers Center, downtown skyline, sunsets. The picture you see is the view from the bedroom. I do like how he says partner for crime. Is that what he said? What was the crime bit? Crime partner. Crime partner, right. Which is almost partner in crime, which is a common euphemism for buddy.

But no, crime partner just sounds like you do in fact intend to do cry yeah maybe he's like i want someone that not only can i fuck but also do crime with which hey does sound like a great combination but there's something just unerringly creepy about this oh yeah 100 the amount of times i've looked for like when i've been looking for apartment hunting a big reason why i fucking hate apartment hunting is, and I'm sure it's everywhere, is are these ads where it's just like, you know, one bedroom plus den or like, you know,

two bedroom apartment looking for a roommate, you know, $1,800 a month if you're a man, $200 a month if you're a woman and willing to cuddle in bed with me every night. Yeah. It's like, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. Not great. Not a great look. I'm going to like, cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Not great. Not a great look.

I'm going to, I'm going to end with this. This is Christine. I'm not a super here, but I can take away your body pains. Just massage me on Insta for more info. It's powerful. I think the Tinder bots have now moved into massage.

Mm hmm. Baiting. Cause that, that was like the other one. Yeah. I thought it was going to be like, like I'm not a superhero, but I can take away your pain. So that was like the other one yeah i i thought it was gonna be like like i'm not a superhero but i can take away your pain so i was like i can be your hero baby i think that might be what they were trying to do but just didn't get any of the words right

your pain and i will stand by you forever well we've deafened all our listeners oh i've given it a six because it's it makes me think of that song i'm giving it a one because it is 100 gonna give me a virus do you remember when we were singing that song or we were going to a karaoke and then they were like you can't do it you have to do the other hero by nickelback yeah because yeah it was the one girl's like it was her song yeah thank you very much for listening, friends. We appreciate you very much. And we love you. We do love you.

If you'd like to ask us a question or just say, hey, whatever, it's cool. You can message us on all sorts of platforms. You can find us on Instagram at fckbuddiespodcast. You can find us on Facebook at fckbuddiespodcast. You can also find us on Gmail at fbuddiespodcast.gmail.com. You can tweet us at fck underscore buddies, or you can visit us online at fbuddiespodcast.com or plentyofbeef.ca.

And there's a little contact form you can fill in. You can choose your agent name, you can write a question, and we'll get it, and we'll answer it ASAP. Yeah. Also, thank you to

Josh Eagle and the Harvest Cities for their song Paper Stars. And thank you to Belgium for getting us into their top 20 this week. And hello, Belgium. Welcome to the party. I would do fucking anything to go back to Belgium. Yeah. That was very, very fun. If anyone listening has ever seen or knows who Boogie Boy is,

you've become our new best friend. What up, New Zealand? We've gotten a whole bunch of downloads off you guys in the last few weeks. So, hey. If you're a friend of Sarah, a new Canadian comic over there, tell her we say hello. What's up? If not, you should probably check her out because I hear she's real funny.

Yeah, she's all over the place. Cause I hear she's real funny. Yeah. She's all over the place. Uh, Sarah Douglas, she, she performs all over New Zealand. Uh, and she's fantastic.

She's one of the sweetest people I've ever met. Uh, so if you see her out there, go, go check out one of her shows because you guys are allowed to do that because you guys didn't fuck up your pandemic response. So good. Yeah. Let us live through you guys.

All right. Do you have some bad sex writing for us? Yes, I is age of gaia by james lovegrove he was naked under the covers she approached the bed with slow stately grace how do i look she gave him a twirl magnificent he said and he meant it there was so much of her her breasts were immense mountainous possibly larger than the breasts of all the other women he had slept with combined. They gave a delicious ripple as she moved. Her buttocks, across which the base of the negligee was stretched taut, had the ripe roundness of watermelons.

Imagine... God. If, yeah, I, I, it would be like an Akira-style monster if that happened. Yeah. Like, I'm hoping this is just the second person he slept with because after that it gets pretty you know maybe and like or maybe four people max is what you could like cap out at i don't know before you have just some sort of horrible titty monster yeah or you know i'm not gonna i'm not gonna throw my hat on either side of the fence on this one

I'm gonna wait to see how it turns out to be honest what do you mean I just