F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 131 - Girth Brooks

Episode Date: April 5, 2021

Sure, 2020 was bad, but nothing is worse than finding out someone beat you to Girth Brooks.  Topics include, zombie sex robots, nude roommate blunder, nothing gay about pegging, finding your bad date's Twitter, a return to the fever dreams of BetterBetch, amnesia as a defense. This week we are proud to be sponsored by MANSCAPED.  Go to http://manscaped.com/ and get 20% off + free shipping with the code: BUDDIES20.

I put my trust in you, and when I'm trusting, I love you. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and when I'm trusting, I love you. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller. And I'm Niall Spain. And we're your fuck buddies. We are a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations and we turn them into sexy, sticky situations.

Simply put, we find questions online from our wonderful listeners on the topics of sex and dating. And we answer them. We delve into them. We just get all up in them. You know, I don't want to jinx it, but I feel like we've done a pretty good job on our intros recently. Yeah, you know what? You've actually said the words in a way that makes them sound like words. And I've remembered to say them.

True. I'm very impressed. Thanks. So you know that's the end of it, right? Yeah, I'm gonna fuck it up so hard next week. Sex robot clones of dead partners created with 3D scans could walk in near future. Those are words that you've put together in a way that I don't like.

Lux Botix artists would use sophisticated modeling to create a mold and place a skeleton inside. They're also hoping to create sex robots that truly walk on their own in the near future. Well, okay, like sex robots that are walking around. Great, cool. It's the part where you now have zombie sex robots that are upsetting to me well what i love is like in the very first line of this article they say they can replace dead

partners using groundbreaking 3d modeling i don't know if uh i would claim that a a plastic sex robot would replace my dead partner yeah i mean like sure i can no longer have sex with my dead partner. Yeah. I mean, like, sure, I can no longer have sex with my dead partner, but, like, hopefully that's not the only sort of reason you kept them around. Yeah, you'd imagine there'd be more to that, and even if it was, I don't know if a lump of plastic

could just quite get there. Unless, of course, not only do you keep them around for sex, but they also never did anything in sex. Although I guess once they can start walking around, maybe they can move that booty. I also, I,

I thankfully, you know, knock on wood. I've never lost a partner to, you know, death, but I feel like on the long list of things that I would want to do after the death of my partner would be to fuck a robot that looked like

it. Yeah, especially because the robot would arguably be, you know, corpse-like, and that would be still, hard, and motionless. Not unlike a corpse. Yeah. Yeah, 100%. But don't worry, robot would be painted and fitted with lips, nails, eyebrows, and all other required features. Good! I expected that would just come as standard imagine you get your dead partner's sex doll and there's no eyebrows or nails or lips i would argue that anyone who took advantage of this opportunity would be abusing it i feel like anyone actually using it for its intended purpose is abusing it true but like you know there's going to be that creepy like friend zone person who's who's made the sex doll of you and pretended you're dead oh i didn't think

about yeah like how do you like how do you monitor that i guess like do you have to show up with their death certificate even then it's like do they have to come in like how do they do the scans they measure you like do you have to be a willing participant to come in and be measured because i think that's the only way that this could even approach being chill yes if because even then prior to coerced into going in or whatever but like i can't imagine a situation where they don't come in one to measure but two just for consent purposes yeah imagine like you know you bring your your loved one to you know get embalmed and get dressed up by the funeral director be like okay great now that you've done her makeup i'm just gonna zip on over to the 3d sex printing place oh but great great idea you open up a one-stop shop get that

synergy absolutely you call it furnace sex robotics no and you say too hot to handle wink oh there you go you put a uh what are the what are the things called that you fuck flashlight you put a fleshlight in the urn okay so yeah see this this is how yeah i think it's not creepy if you cremate your partner because then there's no possibility of you fucking them right so it's like if you can't fuck them now if you've cremated them and put a fleshlight in the urn there is in fact a high possibility that you fuck them i feel like this is a very triggering line of yeah it's i i meant it as a throwaway line to make you laugh and now we're taking it seriously i don't like that um let's talk about the little nos x video you seen it i actually haven't even heard the song yet what i know it's

just it's one of those things i'm so like far behind and no one shared the video on on facebook so i haven't clicked it yeah it is really hard to to look it up on youtube everything is hard these days all right that's fell wow okay we're going there uh it's it's a fucking work of art it's majestic i didn't think i'd like it as much as i did just because everyone was going off about it but also i was like is this the same guy who did old town road and it is in fact the same guy who did old town road so now he's only had like two singles right like this is his second single one is the pinnacle of straightness and one is the pinnacle of gayness. So it's like, where's he going next?

The thing that I love is he still managed to piss off like conservative white people with both songs. It's made me love Old Town Road more than I already did. Yeah, the story of Old Town Road and how it got made and how Billy Ray Cyrus showed up onto the track also is like one of my favorite sort of modern music stories. I don't know that. Can you lay it on us quick? Yeah, no, no. It's very, very quick. So when Little Nas first

released it, it got a huge backlash of a bunch of white people being like, country is ours! Essentially. And then Billy Ray Cyrus was just like, oh oh so you need like you need someone to like lend legitimacy to a black man a gay black man's country bop so he got on the song just to further aggravate and like sort of you know lend an air of quote unquote legit, like white legitimacy to it, but strictly from a sense of like furthering these people to like disprove the, the weird,

like moral thing they were trying to do. It's like, yeah, cool. Keep, keep giving out. Now you've got support from someone who's like, you know,

towering in the industry. So you don't get to tell people what country is or isn't when like one of your stars is stepping in. Yeah, exactly. It's like short of like having Garth Brooks show up like that. Just call him Garth Brooks. That's what he's known on. Garth Brooks.

Garth Brooks is the best porn name I've ever heard in my life. And I'm taking it forever. I'm going to I'm going to edit this. So you didn't say that. So people think i'm very smart i promise you that there is a song there is already a porn star named girth brooks well i'm looking it up we've got to look it up oh that's so good girth brooks at howdy bitch on twitter no it's just it's just some girl who shares memes but damn that's incredible yeah

girth brooks porn star page damn it, they got there first. All right, we should hit into this. But also, you should check out that Lil Nas X song, because it is, it's just a work of genius. And like, oh man, it's so good. And just like, having seen it after knowing how pissed off everyone is, it's just like beautiful to watch. All right, you want to hit me or do you want me to hit you? You hit me. Let's do this this is my throw ra th 90 my 24 year old male roommate 24 year old female accidentally showed me her nudes and now won't talk to me my roommate was showing something

on her phone she accidentally scrolled to a nude i played it off by saying that's funny and went back to what she was doing me on her what and then went back to what she was showing me on her phone we both left it off and went on like normal. As stupid as the title sounds, she's been avoiding me and acting distant since this happened two weeks ago. I tried talking to her to see if something was wrong, but she just awkwardly brushed me off. Even when I tried to talk to her casually, she acts distant. I understand there might be something else going on entirely she doesn't want to talk about, but I just want to know if it has anything to do with me. For reference, she's normally more talkative, and we've gotten in the habit of eating dinner and a movie every night.

Ever since the incident, she won't spend five seconds in the same room as me any advice is appreciated this is one of those things where it's like it's really hard to tell if you're completely reading into a situation that has nothing to do with you because like the guy's right like anything could have happened that she could be dealing with on her own you know i mean completely unrelated to this and you're only looking at it through the lens of like your experiences with her but it could also very likely have something to do with this as well it's weird that you guys were fine like when it happened and like you would think that a lot of people if if they were this mortified by it that she's now avoiding contact with you, like currently that she wouldn't have been as laughing about it the first time,

like when it actually happened. Now, did we do this? Was this us? I'm pretty sure we suggested something similar like this. When someone was saying they want to sleep with their roommate during lockdown, I'm pretty sure in the many things we threw out,

there was a gambit similar to this. Is it possible? She was like, oops oops that's my naked body you know this is how i kickstart this i couldn't quite find that justin timberlake movie to put on but this should be a nice second option and then he just went that's funny and she's like crushed maybe but like i feel like if that was your plan it's not a good plan the follow-up was weak yes definitely doesn't mean it wasn't the plan though i assume he didn't say that's funny to the nude i think you say like that's funny to whatever she was showing him on the phone originally he said i played it off by saying that's funny and went back to what she was showing me on her phone yeah i don't know that sounds like maybe he was like he was by saying that's funny and went back to what she was showing me on her phone. Yeah, I don't know. That sounds like maybe he was like, oh, that's funny.

Like this thing that we're looking at right now. Maybe. I don't know. Because it's weird to like, just be like, ah, there it is. What a hilarious picture it is. That seems like a strange thing to do. You all seem like you don't know what you're doing. I feel like it

is possible, not highly feel like it is possible not highly but it is possible that this was a gambit and i also think it's possible that she got offended that the only thing you did was like maybe she just is embarrassed that's fine i guess it also depends like what kind of nude was it you know what i mean was she just like spreading her ass like face down or was she like oh here i am like reclining on the sofa you know also i feel like this usually happens when someone else is scrolling not yourself like you usually have an idea of where your nudes are right well he said he went back to the old picture right so maybe he was scrolling i think she was she scrolled yeah she accidentally scrolled oh so like could be

a gambit she could be upset that you said that's funny or she might just be embarrassed that you saw her naked either way i would love to know what you do in the i tried talking to her see if something was wrong but she awkwardly brushes me off did you specifically just say hey you've been distant lately like is something wrong because there's no harm in being like hey obviously stop me if i'm incorrect here but like i'm worried that you've been acting a little differently since i saw that picture on your phone i just want to like talk it out because i've really enjoyed hanging out with you lately and i don't want you to feel awkward yeah i mean that's the thing it's like it'd be one thing if you guys like never hung out

if you guys were just sort of like the roommates that kind of like you know you bump into each every now and then in the hall and then like go to your own rooms and but like having dinner and watching a movie every night implies that you have some sort of friendship and some sort of connection and i think like you said there's absolutely no harm in saying exactly what niall said to sort of suss out the thing you guys are friends like work it out figure it out and if there is some sort of attraction i guess now's the time to sort of like hopefully she'll bring it up or whatever because it doesn't seem like he's all that like oh i saw her now i'm really attracted to her like that doesn't seem to be the issue on his end at least alternatively you just show her your just show her send her a picture

of you naked yeah that's another thing you just gotta be like look i've got i want to show you a slideshow and the slideshow is like hey and then you click and it's like are you okay and you click again it's like we used to have dinner and movies and then you click again it's just your dick yeah and you're like there you go and then you walk out of the room backwards hands up in the air raining confetti down it was good enough for a friend's episode it's good enough for you i'm going to imagine that when you tried to talk to her you didn't actually lay it down you know i mean you started to get around to the subject and she awkwardly brushed you off be specific just like hey this happened this happened this happened i feel like this ever since whatever you know it's very easy just actually lay it out and then she will either be like yes or no and if she says no sure fuck it trust her and then

if things are still weird a week later, maybe you can bring it up again. Or maybe you just got to show your dick. Yeah. And I do want to stress here. Don't show your dick. We're joking. No, yeah, we are totally joking.

This is how this started. Yeah. This comes from throw away my bum story. Hell yeah. I asked my wife if we could try something. And now she's accusing me of being gay i told my wife i desire to be pegged by her this turned into an argument when me supposedly being gay and using her and the kids as some kind of cover-up to hide me being gay the thing is i'm not gay

or attracted to guys at all i just thought it'd be something fun to try together as i've already found it that i quite enjoy anal play on my own. Well, your wife sucks, dude. I assume this is like insecurity on her part, probably of herself, but also just an entirely broken view of the world. Yeah. It's like, I want a woman to commit a sex act on me. You're gay! What?

Yeah. Like, you couldn't be further from the mark. This is like the people that won't wipe their butts in America because they think it's gay. There's nothing gay about a butt. A butt in itself is a butt that there's sexuality or sexual, uh, preference associated with it. It's just a butt. Having pleasure from your butt is not gay. I'm sure no it's just like I could go on a million ways like your wife is dumb and you need to I don't know try to talk to her and explain that but like if it's this entrenched that she has such a whip reaction I don't know how far you're gonna get with that but like

you shouldn't feel ashamed for wanting pleasure and she should feel ashamed for one because it's all pretty fucking homophobic as well yeah um so for being a giant homophobe and for being a shitty partner uh yeah she should feel shame i remember in high school or was it college i don't know i know it was high school because it was like it was a big deal at the time anyway there was a rumor going around that this guy

had uh fucked one of his girlfriend or you know a girl he was hooking up with in the ass. And instead of like that being the story, somehow it quickly spun into him being gay because he only wanted to fuck people in the ass. And like, it blew my mind, even as a as like a 15 year old kid or a 16 year old kid, however old I was at the time time being like, my dude is probably like one of the few people who's having sex with women in high school. And he's the one who's getting called gay. And I was just like, it was so blown away.

And like, as you've mentioned now, I understand that like the association of like anal sex being a gay thing and anyone who wants to have anal sex is gay or secretly gay is so rooted in like misinformation and homophobia and like just straight up ignorance on sex because like you said it's like a man wants to you know engage in sex with his wife it might not be a traditional or a very common way of having sex in the grand scheme of things. But like, I don't even think it's as uncommon as people think. Like maybe like what play is huge for a lot of people on both sides of the table. And it's just like,

I don't know. People are bizarre. And the thing is, this is, it's funny you bring up like high school stories because this sounds like the kind of shit a 14 year old would say to another 14 year old. You know what I mean? Like it definitely has no place in a mature married relationship um i don't really know other than like maybe

like going online and finding some communities like the pegging community i'm sure has online portals in which you can look up articles up and just show her and be like hey just so you know it's like one my prostate is in my ass and that is sort of like the male clit as close as we get to it you know what i mean it's like it's a it's a huge pleasure zone for men uh it's like a g-spot so it's like you know tell her that and also just be like the only saving grace i can imagine is that she was so blindsided and you know it preyed on other insecurities like obviously i'm imagining she feels this way if she feels like she's not enough for you you know it

might not even have much to do with you you know what i mean like if she's insecure and then she hears this and they tuck her by surprise and she's heard some dumb shit her entire life it's possible that she just reacted in the worst way and, you know, and that maybe given some time and a conversation she isn't shit. That's what I would hope, that that's as bad as it gets, but I have my doubts. But either way, it's like, you gotta

sit down and talk to it. You have a family and you got kids, right? You know, you're married. It's gotta be sorted out one way or another. So, it seems right, like, just find a community if she needs to see something like that and just explain fucking biology to her and just be like you know tell her that what she did was really shitty and hopefully you guys can move past it if she's not as awful as it seems she is and if she isn't then fuck it like it sounds like she's not the kind of

person you want to be married to anyway. Yeah, it's always tough when there's kids involved. But I think that hopefully you'll be able to educate her and help her realize that like pegging is has nothing to do with being gay at all or sexuality at all. It's literally just a another sex act that can be added to your repertoire if you want to if there was something if she was directly averse to it and didn't feel comfortable doing it that's fine that's great you know i mean she's 100 allowed to not want to perform in a sexual act with you but to to so ignorantly switch it around and attack you and your sexuality it makes no sense um so honesty and your marriage and your family you know like she's accusing you of lying to her and her your entire family for their whole lives i guess that's not nice to hear no exactly it's it's a pretty tough

pill to swallow to realize that like someone so quickly on the drop of a fucking hat accuse you of not caring about them like that's always like such a gut punch when like anyone in my life at any point in time if anyone's ever like oh it doesn't seem like you really care about you know things I'm going through that's the

worst thing to hear especially as like an empathetic person I fucking hate to hear, especially as like an empathetic person. I fucking hate to hear that. I haven't, you know, given someone the inclination that I that I care about them or something that they're going through. Like that sucks. And to hear that from your wife, that like she's convinced that you don't care about them, that that's that's hard. Yeah. So you got to have have to talk hopefully she's

not gonna be shit but like you know if she is this problem isn't about pegging that problem is about lack of social intelligence lack of kindness an excess of homophobia insecure you know it's a lot of things that are all ingredients for a bad marriage so it's like if it falls apart it didn't fall apart because you wanted to explore pegging it fell apart because your wife wasn't as great as you thought she was so good luck my man i hope it works out for you hopefully a conversation and some education will will turn it around for you uh you ready for a quick dip into seduction before before a question? Sure. This is Steve77307. Finding late 20s, early 30s girl? I'm 29, male, who prefers someone close to my age. Is it me though or is this age group hard to get to? College girls are too young, 18 to 22, and I'm getting older by the day. Occasionally there

might be a mid-20s girl, but the bulk of my age group graduated several years ago. Church groups are on the very young side, usually high school graduates from last year or the year before. Day game can yield some results, but takes a while to find one, and once I do they're usually married or a teen I mistook for someone older. There's the girls working in stores, but most of them are last year high school graduates again. Bars clubs are really not my thing and I don't flourish in those environments. I'm naturally an introvert. Most girls there are non-mainstream too, i.e. cigarette-smoking, emo bicycle gang types, which isn't my thing. It seems like most girls in their early 20s

pack themselves away with a husband, job, and kids and only come out when they need to. They stick to their closely-knit friend circles they made when they were younger and make little more. How dare people, specifically women, make intense, long-lasting and meaningful relationships and not be willing to be hit on by people from seduction?

No. How dare they? You're going out, you're trying to get some shopping done, and then when someone comes over to offer you, you know, maybe drinks or sex at their place later on that day, you end up being a young teen or even worse, someone with a relationship. It's I've always been a strong proponent saying if you're in a relationship, you shouldn't be let out. Well, I love that he seems upset that the people in relationships seem to never come out but also seems to be upset that people are in relationships i it's just it's such a weird baffling take on life where it's like where did these women of a specific age go nowhere they're just holed up in their relationships and all the clubs are filled

with bike gang girls who smoke what clubs clubs are you going to, dude? Also, I mean, other than the smoking, it sounds kind of fucking cool. Yeah. Spooky emo bike gang girls. I mean, like, yeah, my man, you're not making a case for yourself because that sounds fucking rad. I'm not a big fan of smokers. That's my personal preference. But like, if I walked into a club and i was just like holy shit this is all

a bunch of cute fucking biker girls okay yeah it's but that club doesn't exist and neither does this person's worldview uh you gotta chill man and also there's more places to go than the mall church camp and college as well as bars like go do a fucking class or something, dude. Make some friends. Yeah, and then end up becoming lifelong friends with them? No, thank you. That's fair. That's fair.

Ready for the real question, though? Yeah. Dating fail. How do you proceed with this? This is by DJG09876. I, 22-year-old male, met a girl male met a girl 23 year old female through a dating app we matched clicked real well decided to go on the first date it went really well even suggest a second date as we finished the first second date bowling night i picked her up chatted her up and

she did with me and brought her there we were there about an hour and a half i don't know i assume like i chatted her up she chatted me up and I brought her there. It's like he drove. We're there an hour and a half. Things are going very well. We talked about ourselves some more and exchanged some friendly banter back and forth before she gets a call from her roommate. She says, my roommate is high on Benadryl.

Took two bottles. After this, I'm going to call it a night. Her roommate fosters kittens and is severely allergic to cats, I guess. I said, okay, and brought her home. Since I'm unfamiliar with the area, I got a little lost bringing her, but we managed okay. Dropped her off, gave me directions to leave the parking lot, thanked me for a good time, and I asked if we should do this again. She said, I don't know, maybe. I can be convinced. I took tonight as an L. Like, lost. I arrive home, go through Twitter, find her Twitter, and decide to take a peek. I found two very recent tweets of her talking mad

dirt about me. One about how I tried to kiss her and she ran away from my car. Another about how I do not understand anything she talks about. Unsure of what to make of this. I'm inexperienced with dating as I'm about a below average looking guy. Unsure of how to proceed with this. It would be one thing to just say tonight was bad and leave it at that. Did I do something wrong? I'm entirely unsure. Before the tweets, I even told a few of my friends about it and they told me the situation where she needed to go home was too specific and she probably really need to go home and take care of what needed to be taken care of. And her playfulness of suggesting a third date

tells me she would like a third date. I didn't believe them because I just felt off, but this clarifies it. How do I proceed with this? Do I drop her or tell her that I caught what she did? I wouldn't want to date her, but what would you do essentially? If I ended up finding tweets about, and like, I'm not going to say it's like, oh, you shouldn't have creeped her.

Because like, fuck it, it's social media. Everyone does it. It's not a big deal. Also, it's in the public sphere. If she didn't want this known, she wouldn't have put it on a public platform. So let's get that out of the way. Nothing wrong there. You're fine too if i found someone was talking

shit about me i wouldn't like i would immediately have no interest in this person right like it would be a done deal with me i would be like cool this person's kind of shitty and yeah it's it's fine to have your feelings hurt by this and feel a little shit about it because like that sucks you know whenever have someone like talking shit behind your back, but I would just, it would just be such a hard pass for me that I wouldn't, I wouldn't bother like contacting me. Like,

Hey, I found the tweets. Like, there's no point in that. Cause that just opens you up for someone to be like, you're being creepy. You're stalking me. Like,

you know what I mean? Like that. So like, just avoid that, avoid the drama and just, just move on. Like, I know you say, Oh, you're not used to dating. Cause you're an average looking guy. It So like, just avoid that. Avoid the drama and just, just move on. Like, I know you say, oh, you're not used to dating because you're an average looking guy.

It's like, it doesn't matter what you perceive your, your attractiveness is. Your worth is what matters. And it doesn't matter how attractive you are. You matter more than that. You know what I mean? Like you're someone who's shit talking you like when she thinks you can't know, that's terrible. And also, like for me, not only would I, again, entirely lose interest, like this is like being smacked in the balls with a red flag. Right. Like there's nothing good about this.

I would also be worried about spending time with her if she's making shit up like that, because like it's going to be believed. Right. You're a guy she's a girl if she says something people aren't gonna be like oh yeah i i believe you sir don't get in any other situations with her definitely don't stir the pot by messaging her fuck it fuck the whole situation never contact her again and never let her contact you it's a lost cause and this person sucks now i will say one thing maybe look over what you did and make sure that you weren't weird and creepy because the message kind of speaks to me of uh oh gotta go there's an emergency like wink which could just be her trying to get out of the date with you which

you know if she's doing that i don't imagine she'd be doing that for no reason right like the tweets are public and she might be like making shit up to you know whatever but like there's no reason for her to make that up when it's just you and her so if she felt the need to flee the date in a kind of immediate setting something must have been wigging her out there's no harm in in analyzing what you did because maybe you did do something creepy or say something wrong yeah you might've been a little too aggressive or a little too forward or a little too, you know, quick on the,

the attempt to kiss. Like, did you like, I'd like to, he also never mentions that he tried to kiss her, right? No. So I don't know if she entirely,

you know, made that up or if he went for a hug or like, you know, anything like that. Um, if you did go for a kiss, it is very easy if you don't do it correctly or you do it the wrong time for it to be weird especially because like she's in your car

and like it is a little creepy with the i got lost bringing her home because if you're meant to be being brought home and then they start driving the wrong way that can make you feel not okay so it's like if she was already uncomfortable that's adding fuel to the fire at which point like even if you went to give her a hug or something maybe it looked like you were going to give her a kiss or whatever but like i think if i was under someone's power had already felt uncomfortable and then they start lagging bringing me home i would feel very uncomfortable it's funny that he he mentioned that when like she doesn't mention that in the tweet later on. So it's like she's not complaining about that publicly.

So why does he feel the need to explain why he took so long bringing her home? Either way, I don't think you should try to salvage this. I think you should you should learn from your mistakes if you made any and move on, because I think any attempt to clear this up or move on or I guess third date, I think it's just going to be either. It's going to be so cringy on your part. It's going to be so try hardy. Also, you're going to be wondering if every time she's on her phone, if she pulls out her phone on the date, like,

are you tweeting trying to pursue this any further than it already is, is a night or like a recipe for disaster. So don't do it. Just move on. Yeah. There's no, no good comes from pursuing this because if she is making shit up and whatever, then you're just going to be in more positions where she could do that. And also,

she's not a very nice person. And if she isn't, then you're going to seem very creepy reaching out and finding her on social media and pursuing her. It's literally just a lost cause in any way. So fuck that whole scenario and relook over what you did and hope that you didn't do anything weird. And if you did try to rectify it and move on. Yep. I like it sucks that it didn't pan out, but there are plenty of fish in the sea as the saying goes. Yes. Now, you know who would never tweet mean things about us?

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with the code BUDDIES20 at manscaped.com. It's spring cleaning, baby, and your balls will thank you. A weird dream of all my partners. Is this Better Bitch? And one hookup. This was in darkness in a dance floor. First boy was a boy I loved and hugged a lot.

He was perfect, but he had other ideas. Second guy was someone I hated and I found him ugly and gross. Did he smell mean? We did have a very sexual relationship, but I did not like him. Third guy was a dude from high school who I thought was cute. We were having sex in a washroom stall in the dream. He picked a very skinny girl instead. He did not like me at all.

And it was a pure hookup. His tattoo was stupid. Last man was my ex. In the dream, I saw his face clearly. It was the first time seeing his whole face in dreams. His nose, eyes, and that little smile he has. I put my hand

out and wanted to shake it for truce. I know I love this man, but we can't be together because he has an STD that is hard to be cured he's also very stinky dirty and mean he walked away and my dad tried to kill him

this is like the best show I've ever watched then he hit my dad I was like what the fuck why did you hit my dad I was going to hit him hard for doing that. I see my last ex as a lover, but not the one as he is too cruel. Oh man. My advice for better batch is to stop fucking people. She doesn't like, and also who are stinky. I was looking for

questions and I was just wasn't finding what I was looking for. And whenever that happens, I'm always like, I wonder, wonder how better Betch is doing. And let me tell you, she discovered the breakup subreddit. Just bombed it. Holy shit. It is literally post after post after post. And let me tell you, here's what they all say. I'm finally over my ex.

My ex is dead to me. I don't care about my ex anymore. I finally moved on. Always. Yeah, well, there's nothing that proves you're over something more than posting about it incessantly. Yes, for two years straight. Also, at one point, I read one of the posts that was like, my ex is dead to me, and I thought he had died again. But no, no, just in her mind, he's dead.

Okay, okay. I think we cleared that he's immortal right yes yeah yeah yeah i'm starting to wonder if he's like the embodiment of disease himself so like pestilence while he's while he's chilling waiting on the apocalypse exactly okay i wouldn't be surprised if if better bet was sort of like pandora you know i mean like well maybe when we'll find hope in her box i don't i definitely don't i wouldn't search no um are you gonna hit me with another one or do you want to i'll hit you i'll hit you with a real question okay because i got i got something real spicy waiting in the wings okay let's let's do that then this is is by ThrowRAAmnesia. My 29-year-old female husband, 30-year-old male,

faked having amnesia for longer than he actually did. Oh, baby, this is why we do this show. Okay, let's go. I've been married to my husband for five years. Two years ago, he got in a horrible car accident, which caused him to temporarily forget the previous year of his life. We're in the middle of a divorce, which he initiated, but since he couldn't remember it, his family expected me to just pretend things were good

between us until he recovered. I agreed for two reasons. One, I still loved him and wanted to help him, and two, we had an agreement that I would continue living in our marital home with our two-week-old baby, and the thought of moving with the baby was overwhelming at the time, and I couldn't stop him from moving back home, so I really didn't have a choice but to deal with it. Things were incredibly difficult when he first moved home. I felt like he was stabbing me in the heart each time we interacted because he was a kind and loving man I thought I was married to again, but I knew once we got better we'd be getting a divorce again. The worst part was he seemed to love our son very much and was constantly talking about how he would do this and that for

him. He also asked me about my pregnancy a lot and kept asking me if he was a good husband to me then. I had to lie because the whole reason we were getting a divorce was that when I found out I was pregnant, my husband suddenly decided he didn't want to ever have children and wanted me to have an abortion, which I refused to. Oh, sorry, wanted me to have an abortion. When I refused to, he filed for divorce. As far as I was aware, my husband had amnesia for about six months. He only started remembering things when everything was already good between us and I've practically forgiven him for everything that happened before. Recently, my husband and I announced we were having a second child to his family. A few days later, his sister-in-law, Evie, called me, told me my husband and his family had

all lied to me about how severe his amnesia was and for how long it lasted. According to her, he started remembering things a month into moving back home, but he was in denial because he couldn't believe he would behave like that towards me. It was my brother-in-law's idea to pretend he still couldn't remember because they believed I would keep up the charade as long as I thought he was in denial because he couldn't believe he would behave like that towards me. It was my brother-in-law's idea to pretend he still couldn't remember because they believed I would keep up the charade as long as I thought he was unwell and would give my husband the opportunity to prove he can be different. Although I don't believe Evie's reasons for telling me were entirely selfless as she's been having problems with her husband and my in-laws for a while she claimed she was telling me because she thought I should know the truth

or I was going to tie myself to him for even longer with a second child. I believe her story because she sent me screenshots of conversations between my husband and his brother. When she first told me, I was so furious. I was going to confront him, but by the time I had an opportunity to do so a few hours later, I had become numb. I've known for three days, but each time I think I should say something about it, I can't. I believe part of this is self-preservation because things have been very good between us and to think of the good times won't last is devastating. What do I do? I'm happy in my husband relationship. So is it even worth saying anything at this point,

especially since I suspect Evie is using me to get some revenge on our in-laws. Oh boy. Speaking of stuff that sounds like it's out of a, you know, soap opera. Yeah. Like a novella.

Holy shit. There's so many layers. Cause like the fundamental problem here is this guy's a liar. Yes. Like, that is the big issue. And, like, a part of me wonders if the amnesia even existed at all. Yeah. Yeah.

Like, I wonder if he just sort of, like, you know, had a psychotic break when this kid was happening. Which is a fairly common thing. You know what I mean? Like, when you realize you're about to become a father and you don't think you're ready, there's, or like any sort of parent, a lot of stuff happens. And so

maybe this guy just fucking snapped, and then like once the kid was born was like, oh, I fucked up. And this car accident happened, and he you know, concocted this brilliant idea. Or maybe the car accident happened and he, you know, concocted this brilliant idea. Cause like, or maybe the car accident happened and he saw his life flash before his eyes

and was like, shit, I'm an asshole. And I have this good thing and I don't want to throw it away. Or he didn't want to move out. Cause he was sore from the car. Yeah. I like,

I don't know. It's such a tough thing to, to gauge because there are so many layers of like deception and so many layers of like this guy already being kind of a jerk. You know what I mean? Like to insist that your partner gets an abortion. And then when they refuse to divorce them, that's a pretty fucking,

you know, terrible thing to do to your partner. Yeah. It's fucked up because it also like i don't know it's you want to believe the good stuff but how can you believe the good stuff when he lied about something pretty big and even if you do that poisons all that good stuff that you've made together right yeah but like here's the thing is like if he did have actual amnesia despite the fact that like if he started to remember things, but had a change, like, I really don't know what to do here. And I, this is like one of the few questions that actually stumps me on a moral basis, because like, I don't know what I would do, to be honest.

I know, I know for sure I'd be pissed to find out that he lied. You know what I mean? Like, obviously. I also know for sure I would have to talk about it. i think not talking about this is off the table right like i think we can both agree this has to happen there's no i'll ignore it because you know i don't want to ruin the good times because they won't be good times because this will be eating you up inside and also if your read on evie is correct she won't let you not bring it up because she's brought it to you and if nothing happens she'll bring it up and then the husband will

know you knew and it'll be season four that's the thing i i think yeah i think the snowballs of lies i think what you need to do is bring it up and then you need to like just have it out you know what i mean yeah and i don't mean like you have to fight about it but i think you need to be like okay here we go. Cars on the table. I know you lied about having amnesia. I know your parents were in on it or, you know,

I know your family was in on it and I need to know why you did this. I also need to know if the amnesia was real to begin with. And like, if you're committed to staying with this guy because you like who he's now become, you know what I mean? Like if he's, you know,

like we said, had a whole change of heart. If that's the case, then like, yeah, there's a, there's a become you know what i mean like if he's you know like we said had a whole change of heart if that's the case then like yeah there's a there's a chance you could salvage your marriage but if you continue to play the lying game in which you're all hiding these you know big secrets of like he was lying about the amnesia and you're lying about knowing about it it's not gonna work That is the worst foundation for a relationship, especially when the foundation of the relationship also starts with divorce. Yeah. And that's another thing. It doesn't seem like you've really talked about that

yet, right? You haven't mentioned that you've had like this, this proper, you know, reconciliation over that. You said his memory came back after things were already good, but like things were only good in the way that you couldn't bring up the divorce because you didn't want to kick him out or get kicked out. So there was no making things good. Things were passing or passable until you

reached the point where you guys could talk and then you didn't. And now you've got more shit to talk about. So you 100% need to talk. I don't even know if you need to like get a like a therapist like couples counseling maybe you need to go to couples counseling and talk about this with them because this shit is is too heavy for this podcast which is maybe why i shouldn't have brought it but no i think you're right i think 100 you need a professional like

mediator in here to sort through it because like all I can see what, what would most likely happen, despite like as much as I'd love for you guys to just sort of like spill your guts out and get it all out. What's most likely going to happen is half truths and tiptoeing and, you know, beating around the bushes, worried that you're going to say the wrong thing. You know what I mean? So it's going to be a lot of like almosts and what's going to happen is it what's that that's then going to turn into wondering you know even more about you wondering being like oh was he telling the truth about that if that's the case so what you need to do is you definitely need to go see a therapist so that they can sort of like peel the

layers of like okay well you're saying this and you did this why did you do that you know i mean like i yeah you you need a professional in here yeah i 100% think so and the thing is it's like you probably needed one anyway because you were going to get divorced and you had this horrible time and now you were thrust back together where you, I'm sure, were his caregiver warring with, you know, the image in front of you of this man you used to love and that fighting with the memory of the man who was trying to divorce you

while you were kind of beholden to looking after him. That's a pretty fucked up situation to be in, especially with a young child and another one on the way and all this shit. You needed one anyway, and now you definitely need one. Also, I do have to say, it's pretty fucking irresponsible to get pregnant again yeah you probably definitely shouldn't have done that but as for evie's thing where evie's like i want you to know before you

tie yourself to him even longer because you have a second kid it doesn't change anything that you have a second kid in terms of like, you know, being with him. If you were going to divorce him when you had one kid, you could divorce him when you have two kids. It's not like every kid you have, you have to be married for another three more years. Yeah, that's not a thing, right? If it's going to be hard, it was going to have been hard anyway. And regardless, it's not going to be easy if you have a lying husband you don't love. So it also kind of feels manipulative on her side of things if if she still thought this guy had amnesia to and him being like oh

i love this kid so much to then try to get pregnant with him while he's still suffering from amnesia knowing that the reason your relationship was falling apart with the beginning was because of having a child it seems really shitty to and like again i have no no love for this guy but it seems really shitty to try to presumably trap him with another child like it seems you you would imagine that like even if it wasn't an intentional trap there's no way this could have happened by accident right like you would imagine that with so much weight hanging above having had a kid before you'd fucking take precautions at least this time because again obviously didn't talk about the first fucking time either right or else

you imagine the issue would have happened before he got pregnant or she got pregnant um so yeah that seems like an issue so maybe here here's some actionable, actionable advice. Wear a condom. I like, again, I don't want to seem like I'm, I'm putting a whole lot of blame on her, but I think you definitely need to think about like having, having a kid is a, is a huge issue and you need to make sure that you're ready for it. And it's, you know, this guy seemed like, it seemed like they might have been on the same page. And then he, you know, panicked and was like, yeah, I guess the wording is kind of vague. But yeah.

So it's like to do that again, to put yourself in that exact same position. And it seems like the only reason you do it is because now you thought he had amnesia. And now all of a sudden has this change of heart and loves his kid where despite the fact that you knew originally he has no interest in having children and if there had been some kind of like oh no we talked about everything and you know once he got his memory back we went back and resolved all the issues that never seemed to happen no and even if it did you've now found out something that would kind of void that conversation a bit because you know he lied to you about amnesia for a while um so it just seems like a

bit of a disaster but you you have to be careful with these things like it takes two to tango you know what i mean like you can't blame it on him that you had this kid and he can't blame it on you like it's it's a thing you did together and having a second one in these circumstances seemed like a very bad idea. Super irresponsible. And the most fundamental thing with relationships is trust. If you don't have trust in your relationship, then you don't have a relationship. You have a fucking time bomb. And I don't think at this point in time

anyone trusts anyone in this relationship. I would extend that even into the family. It seems like you are all playing this weird game of fucking chess with each other. His parents are willing to lie to you. His brother and his wife hate each other. And she's manipulating you to get back at them. And like, that's a fucking cluster shit. Sounds like a fucking cluster shit sounds terrible fucking nightmare i

think what like needs to happen is if you if this relationship is going to survive one therapy 100 yes like no question asked two you need to maybe consider a hard break from this family maybe and also just like communication guys in the rare occurrence i think communication is at the bottom of the fucking list like like in terms of priority and shit you guys need to get done i guess you've got a a man who will lie about a year of amnesia maybe communication isn't the way forward because he's too good at it his deception score is through the roof so yeah it's like i really don't know if it's worth trying to salvage this because it seems like such a fucking mess.

Like sometimes the best way to like deal with a house fire, a fire is to let it burn itself out. You know what I mean? Like, and get a new house. Yeah. Like sometimes it's like no amount of water is putting this out. We just kind of have to make sure it doesn't burn down the rest of the neighborhood.

Yeah. So go, go see a therapist and get it out you can't not talk about this and i think you need professional help those are two defining things i can say so i mean good luck if if things start going really poorly maybe fall down and pretend you have amnesia and get the hell out of there was there even a car accident? That's the, like the, the problem with this is at no point in time, can you believe anything anyone is saying?

Yeah. From, from him to his family. So like you literally have to go back in time and think about everything that these people have ever said to you and be like, were they lying? Yeah. And that is a horrible position to be in

terrible absolutely like the worst yeah all right so every week we get sent in some tinder profiles or resource them ourselves through our fuck buddies tinder account that dane operates and we go through them for green flags red flags suggestions or more usually no-nos. You got some no-nos for me, Dane? I don't have a whole lot. I'm jumping on right now to see if I can get some fresh ones. So I'll let you. I can hit you. I got a few.

How about Jasmine? 30. Tinder. Looking for alpha black guys. Boyfriend wants to watch me with a real man. Okay. So cucking is fine. Whatever.

People are into that. I think the racially charged fetishization. Yeah. I think that is my big red flag there. Yeah. I don't think it's, it's necessarily cool, but like, Hey, you want to, you want to cook? That's cool. If he's down, you're down.

That's fine. But like 10 weirdly specific race, not cool. So it's a four for me. I'm going to give it a one. Cause I think in this climate, no, I just didn't want to. weirdly specific with race not cool so it's a four for me i'm gonna give it a one because i think in this climate no i just didn't want to cast shade on on cooks that's fair i got i got one from grinder that i found online this is sorry guys dot dot dot for any of the guys i hooked up with last night i tested positive for gonorrhea and anal warts sad face please go get tested i'm

not here for negative comments this could happen to anyone it's the risk we all take relationship status married that's unfortunate i mean at least he's letting people know true but is that the best way to let people know because you have to rely on going back to the profile if you've already matched or matching with the profile i'm not sure how gonorrhea or grinder works um i mean i also you know don't know the specifics of gonorrhea either um but like is it like a dating site in which you can revisit a profile or is it like tinder where it's like yeah it's like tinder where like if you match you know oh i think so either way like because if's the case, it's like just messes with people that you fucked. There's a better way to do. Yes, that's the better way to do it. Right. Making it on your public profile. It screams of like, here's some effort, but not

really. Yeah. You know, like you've done something to make yourself feel better, but you haven't done anything to actually help. You open the patio door or like a balcony door of your apartment and just like, hey, guys, I was tested positive. Well, I did it. Yeah, exactly. That seems more like you trying to assuage your own guilt than you actually fixing the issue. Message the people you fucked, dude. This is gold off Tinder.

Societies progress past the need for white women. Is that it? That's it. Damn. A bit genocidal for my liking. Also, his anthem is, or their anthem is is because it does say they're non-binary my anthem my name is god in brackets i hate you by i hate god okay oh that's powerful energy but i will probably have to give it a four i'm gonna i'm gonna give it a four. I'm going to, I'm going to give it a hard one. I just felt weird giving that one less than the other one. So now I'm stuck.

Four is my new one. I fucked up from the get go. And now here I am. Now I just look like an asshole. Okay. I'm going to retroactively give them both a one. There we go. There you go.

Uh, this is Renee 28 frequently answered questions answered one DTF. No. Two. What are you doing tonight? Not you. Three. Dig B? No. Two, what are you doing tonight? Not you. Three, dig BDSM? Oh, big dick but shitty manner?

No, I don't dig assholes and jerks regardless of your dick size. Four, how are you? Good, until you ask me the above questions. And then it's there, Instagram. I mean, I guess you want to get it out of the way, right? Make it a streamlined process. I love when dating profiles have FAQs. I just love how weirdly bitter it is.

Also, it's like literally it's like, fuck you for asking me these questions. I didn't even ask them yet. I just swiped you. Also, she thinks BDSM means big dick shitty manner. I don't know if if she's like taking the piss out of it or if yeah, if she literally doesn't know what that means i don't know i don't dig a-holes and jerks regardless of your dick size that like it doesn't see nothing about the rest of the profile makes it seem like there's a humorous bone in their body

so i'm guessing that this joke is beyond them maybe yeah i don't know i don't know it gets a two for me yeah i don't i'm not crazy about it either but i'll give it a two as well this is daryl he's 55 and his profile picture is a poorly drawn cartoon that says it's a woman looking into a mailbox with the caption stupid computer keeps saying i've got mail and that's it that is some powerful 55 year old energy that is strong 55 year old energy one because like that you got mail was an aol thing and i don't think anyone fucking uses aol anymore no yeah it's a badly rendered joke that has nothing to do with what's currently happening like that was only relevant 20 years ago yeah man he has proven his age. Good job.

We know you're not being catfished. Exactly. I was going to say, unless he's like a primo catfish. Oh, yeah. Unless it's like a really, really attractive 24-year-old woman. A twactive?

A twactive. And I think I'll end my... We got two. This is Morgan. In search of some good connections. Learning to flirt since you can't see my peach emoji. If you know me, know you don't.

And you didn't see this laughing face. Okay. I mean, I don't understand why people are so fucking weird about online dating. It kills me. It's so unattractive. It's like, just own it. No one cares. I mean, I will say that anyone who like finds their long-term partner on online dating is kind of embarrassing

yeah yeah that's the worst no one no no cool person with a mildly successful podcast would do that people are so weird about online dating it's like i get it like back in the day when it started it's it was different than it was new and it almost seemed like you were sad if you were one of the people doing it these days literally every single fucking person in the world is on multiple apps. Like the stigma is gone. You're only being weird when you're all like, like I actually hate whenever anyone's like, oh, I went on here as a dare or like my friends made me. It's like take fucking credit for what you're doing. It doesn't matter.

Yeah. Like I'd get it if like maybe you're from a conservative family and you don't want your parents to know you were on online dating sure but like your friends it's like i assume if you're a single i assume you're on something yeah right like i assume you're on bumble or hinge or tinder or any of the other fucking percent so like no one gives a shit no one's gonna look at you and be like oh samantha oh you're on tinder oh my god samantha's on tinder like no one gives a fuck i do like the idea that she said she's learning to flirt because you can't see her butt that's funny because it implies that she has a nice butt and i i appreciate that yeah sure make you you know

that's fine but you know what the in search of good connections and if you know me, pretend you don't. They take it down quite a bit, so I'm giving it a five. Yeah, I'm giving it a five as well. And I was going to hit you with one more Tinder just because I don't want to have to remember for next week. So this is Polly. Running too fast will easily lead to insufficient stamina. Running too slowly will lead to falling behind. If you quit halfway, your previous efforts will be ruined. If you do not participate, there will be no chance of winning the race. I mean, they're not wrong, I guess. It's just weird. Like mansplained racing, I guess.

Yeah, and also life. Yeah, I guess. Like, yeah, if you don't do anything, you won't get anywhere. And if you, I guess, kill yourself, all everything would be like. All your previous efforts are ruined. Yeah. I mean, like, cool, I guess. It's a bad dating profile, so I'm going to give it a three.

Yeah, it's getting a three because it's better than the ones that got twos and ones. Exactly. Yeah, I had to give it a three because I made a than the ones that got twos and ones exactly yeah i had to give it a three because i i made a pretty hard baseline of what what a what a one and a two were today thank you very much for listening friends it has been a absolute pleasure to spend an hour with you uh thank you for joining us it means the world to us yeah we love you guys and it's just awesome every time we we hear back from you guys every time we see you guys. And it's just awesome. Every time we, we hear back from you guys, every time we see people who are listening, it's, it's just the best. We love you guys. And thank you,

please. If you would like, let one of your friends know, we had a really lovely comment during the week. Someone found us on Tinder. So if you're listening, welcome aboard. You seem cool. Yeah. Thanks for joining us. You seem awesome. Thank you for not only joining us, but commenting and then letting somebody else know that's badass. And we really appreciate that. Um, and yeah, just hit us with any questions. I don't think again,

we've missed a single one. So, uh, you want to get on the show? You'll get on the show. It's very, very easy. So,

uh, if you do want to reach out and send us a question, uh, the best way to do it would be good at F buddies, podcast.com There's a contact form that you can fill out. You can choose your own agent name, which

is like our code names because you don't use real names in order to preserve your anonymity. Or if you want to connect with us on social media, find us on Twitter at fck underscore buddies or on Instagram at fckbuddiespodcast. Thank you to Josh Eagle

and the Harvest Cities for their song Paper Stars. All right, ready for some bad sex writing? I am. This is quick, and this is Leave the World Behind by Ruman Alam. She flipped onto her stomach,

the sheets warm from her body, so the transit of warmth against her vulva was that of her own body, and flopping around in the bed was an act of masturbation no that's how i know no that's not how it works that's how i do it you don't just flop around yeah from your own body heat yeah because it doesn't seem like she's she's like stimulating herself it just seems like it's heat to heat and that's how that's how women come. Yeah, warm sheets and you flop around.

Who knew it was so easy? Man, imagine being a teenage woman and finding a teenage girl and finding that and being like that's how it's done. Put your sheets in the microwave. What are you doing, Claire? Shut up, mom. Don't bother me, I'm flopping.

My name is Dave Miller and I'm Niles Bain. We've been your fuck buddies.