F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 133 - Totally Not A Serial Killer

Episode Date: April 19, 2021

You know what they say, all the good ones are either taken or still alive.  Topics include arousing duvet related sexts, how to handle confusing consent,  if they only maybe like you, reciprocating by receiving, being a phone person in the age of texting, how not to handle a fetish.

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller And I'm Niles Spain And we're your fuck buddies. We are a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky sexy situations and we turn them into sexy sticky situations.

Simply put, we scour the internet and we receive wonderful questions from our listeners. On the topics of sex and dating, we answer them for you. Now, do you have anything pressing? Because I'm kind of horny to just do a bunch of questions today. You know what? I was feeling the exact same way. Hell yeah, let's do it. I'm going to go first though. Okay.

This is by IHatelife101. Disgusted. I've been talking to a guy we met online and it got to the point where I felt like I wasn't really into him anymore. I let him know this and he said, okay, I suggested maybe we could just be friends. The next day day he sent me a video message in the message he had a mattress and he was sliding his fingers in and out of it

in a very suggestive fashion and said this is what i want to be doing with you what do i do this man cut a hole in his mattress i assume he bunched it up you know like he grabbed it and like folded it over to form a slit, perhaps. Okay, but unless this is a shitty futon, that's still an impressive feat of like mattresses don't just fold. Oh, you know what? I was thinking duvet. No, mattresses are like the. Now, I will say I am paraphrasing because the text was deleted from earlier. So I'm pretty sure it's duvet.

Let's retcon this whole thing. It's a duvet. Man, the mattress would be powerful. That's what I'm saying. I was like, is this man just folding a mattress in half to finger it because that he's just that's a flex right there he's like i have hulk strength sorry it's a duvet okay i mean regardless it it's still gross and it's a weird move it would be a weird move if you guys were like having sex like if you guys were in a

fuck buddy or a sexual relationship to have someone fake finger you know betting yeah even then like the only time that works is if it's a joke if you have the kind of relationship where like you're messing with each other and like you're being sexy by doing things that aren't sexy you know but you really need to know that you're doing that or you're young and like everything is horny you know i mean like there's that age of like you know just getting into college or whatever and like everything can be sexy uh because you've just started fucking and like oh he's fake fingering it it's i want that yeah and you know who who knows maybe that is someone's you know maybe he dated someone and that was something that really got them going. And he thinks this is what everyone wants to see.

Regardless. It doesn't matter. This woman has said, Hey, I am not into you. Let's just be friends. That doesn't mean to crank up the sexual advances. Yeah.

That's the complete opposite of what you should be doing. And clearly this guy just isn't getting the message. So fuck the friends thing because clearly he's not on board i say block him and move on yeah it's a weird move and he's not listening to what you want and neither of those things are great if it was like a really like a power like maybe he made one last like big hurrah and it was you know worked but if you're grossed out by this you don't like him there's no harm in being like cool this isn't gonna work a bay and yeah block and move on just be like obviously you don't get it uh bye and then just just block this is a question off of instagram it is a repeat question asker you

might have remembered pinot boy toy oh yeah he's bad model exploits um prior to he does uh he does have a little update just saying that he... Looking back, he does think that maybe he went overboard with the jealousy and that could have caused some issues. So it's good that you've clocked that for yourself. It's always good to not just assume that

you're the one who's always doing the right thing. To look back and be able to critically observe and analyze your past relationships and see where you might have made mistakes is crucial in growing as a person. So good job, you. Yeah, it's hard to do too. Especially with things like jealousy. It is very easy to mask how jealousy works and being able to clock that for yourself is so, so important. So good job. However, he's got another dilemma. I have another question though, and this is about a previous model that I was seeing prior to the bad swimming

model. I was going to make a joke about it has to be another model and I'm glad that it is. She also had a boyfriend before and I was one of the reasons why they broke up because the guy found out she met up with me on Valentine's Day last 2020 when she said she was about to get some sleep. That's a bad move. Meeting up with

cheating on someone on Valentine's Day? God damn. So we went out for a couple months but I said to end it because she would always tell me the morning after we had sex that I took advantage of her, and she did not want to have sex. This happened on multiple occasions, and I would always ask her if this is what she wants before we did the deed, and she would not respond but instead kiss me torridly. What the fuck? So the last time we did it, I intentionally booked a room with two separate beds and did an experiment she took a bath first told me afterwards that nothing was going to happen between us i told her that's cool proceeded to take a shower after that shower i went out with the towel covering my dick and purposely dropped it making it look as if it was an accident she took notice and laughed but i proceeded to my bed and told her that you ain't gonna taste this

tonight after an hour though she asked me to sleep beside her and hug her because she was cold. I obliged and warned her though that no sex was gonna happen. As soon as I got in bed with her and cuddled with her, she began stroking my cock and I got horny. I proceeded to kiss her on the ears and neck and she continued to moan so I shoved my dick inside her and fucked her to kingdom come. The next day, she told me I took advantage of her again and she was very upset. I told her I thought she wanted it, but she was having none of it, so I took her home. After that incident, I decided to end the relationship for fear of being accused of rape if I continued the relationship. Now, after four months of no contact, she suddenly messaged me and says, what's up? What's your advice?

I feel like I should keep my distance and avoid trouble. P.S. She was the one who invited me to the bad swimmer model, or she was the one who invited the bad swimmer model to the party after last year with mucho gusto and undying libido. Pino boy toy. Hell yeah. That's a great sign off. This person's bad news. That's a real weird thing to say. Although like we said before communication, like you should have talked after that and been like, okay, well, I definitely never want to do that to you.

So like we need to lay our cards out on the table and like straight up be like, hey, do you want to have sex or not? You know what I mean? Like in general, and like maybe the next time you had sex, because I can't imagine like any situation where this should ever happen more than like once.

Yeah, you should have put your foot down instead of doing this like power play experiment situation, which if i if i would to suggest going forward don't do this this isn't this isn't a good way to handle the problems you should have been like you know asked her do you want to have sex and if she doesn't answer you be like i need a yes you know because last time we had sex you said i took advantage of you and i don't ever want to do that you know and be genuine about it because it sounds like you don't want to do that. So it's be like until you say yes, I'm not going to have sex with you because I don't want to take advantage of you.

And I want to make sure we're on the same page about this. Yeah, because there are there are such things as like tacit consent and all these things. You know what I mean? It's like, you know, if you're in a relationship, odds are every time you don't need to be like, hey, just so you know, is it okay if we have, you know, you're in the swing of it. You understand each other. But when someone gives you tacit consent and then the day after tells you that that wasn't what it was, you have to be really careful the next time because like either they're lying to you for some reason, which sucks or legitimately that's what they meant. And in which case you definitely don't want to repeat it. I think I told this story before, but I went on a Tinder date with a girl once and we went back to mine and like things are going really well. And we were

like, you know, making out and like taking clothes off. And at one point she was like, you know, I forget the exact word, but she was like, Oh, I don't want to, I don't want to do this. And I was like, Oh, okay. Shit. Like, sorry. Um, so i dialed it back and like you know we're we're talking for a bit and again it's the first date she said she didn't want to do anything i imagine she's probably feeling uncomfortable so i was expecting for her to like leave and at one point i was like oh do you want ahead and she's like no i might just stay here so i'm like okay and then we get into bed and same kind of deal it's like she takes off all her clothes but. But again, maybe she just wants to sleep in that. That's fine.

And then she like grinds up on me, like when we're like in bed and, you know, hands start to wander. And I was like, okay, did you change your mind or, you know, what's happening here? She's like, no, I don't want to. And I was like, okay, sure. And then she got like really weird. And eventually I was like, look, I don't understand what's going on here. And she was like, look, where I come from, you're not meant to say you want to have sex. So like,

I can't say that you're just meant to like have sex with me. And I was like, well, I'm never going to do that. Like I, that's not where I come from. And that is literally a crime. I was like, I, if you want to play a game like that, that's fine. But we need to literally talk about that because right now I'm not going to have a, I'm not going to have sex with you unless you say you want to have sex and it actually got pretty hot because she was like really reluctant to say it which was weird but like obviously she wanted to and then she was like really embarrassed to say it anyway it was fun but there was a whole thing where like i was just like flat out refused to because that's not cool yeah and it's like that needs to be and then like look man i get it in the heat of the moment when you're horny and you've got a

beautiful woman in front of you and all you want to do is fuck. And you like get the strong sense that also she wants to fuck. It's, it's very easy to sort of, you know, be made of a little bit of jelly and, you know, kind of be like,

well, this is okay. But I go, and I don't think it's, it's not even like oh you know the climate today you have to be super careful the fuck that bullshit that doesn't mean anything what we need to do as men put our foot down and be like if there's no consent i'm not going to sleep with you for two reasons one yeah to protect yourself for sure if if she's going to constantly

accuse you of taking advantage of her that's bad bad news for you. Because if it comes down to what he said, she said, no one wins. You know what I mean? Like your name is going to get fucked up, blah, blah, blah. And again, I don't want to like get into those kind of semantics because it's a tricky conversation to have when we're not really talking about that. And two, we need to undo this culture of sex being taboo and women not being able to ask for sex. And like, there's so much socialization about that, where consent gets muddied from women's side of things, because for years, we've told them that they can't want sex. Yeah, if you're promiscuous, you're a slut or whatever, which just means then it's hard for

people to give consent in certain times, like because they feel like they can't or that they shouldn't, even if they want to, which then leads to people either genuinely thinking they had consent when they didn't, or using that as an excuse, which neither is good. So the reason I bring that up is because we desperately need to, and I think the onus is pretty strongly on men to remove the gray area of consent and not wonder and not be like, oh, she's playing a game or and like there's a bit of onus on women to if you want to have sex, say you want to have sex. And if you don't want to have sex, don't have sex. But we need to remove the this like weird thing.

And I don't know how much it's still happening, but it happened all the fucking time we've talked about it a bunch of times where women have told me that they don't want to have sex and then the next day chastise me or refuse to go out with me again because i didn't have sex with them yeah that's happened to me as well it's happened to a lot of people i know it's i think it's happened to probably any any male or man who's who's dating women regularly it's probably happened to them. Um, and that situation is so fucked because as we've talked about, again, this socializes men to assume that women saying they don't want to have sex is a test as opposed to consent. Yeah. And that is so dangerous for everyone involved, everyone in the whole spectrum of genders and, and dating it, it's, it's such a fucking mess. So we need to, and I think, again, this fucking mess so we need to and i think again this is

sort of men need to do this be like i don't feel like i have consent here so i'm gonna take a step back and you can find sexier ways to say that but i think you need to make it clear being like hey i'm not sure where you stand right now and until i get a clear yes or no i'm not gonna proceed any further we can make out for sure but sex isn't going to happen if i'm not sure yeah and i think that needs to be like the gold standard going forward for all dudes no 100 agreed you know like if there's any ever any doubt or in this case where you've been explicitly told after the fact in this weird thing and like again i i can't see a situation where she means that in this situation, like,

because you've seen each other multiple times. And, you know, but again, I'm not going to get into that because it's a whole messy thing. We don't have every example and all that. Regardless, you need to be sure if there's ever a doubt, like, you can't play these games and be like, oh, you know, she's done X, Y, and Z. So that's pretty much a yes. You just need to talk to her. And I would recommend like more specifically on this question i would say probably not to meet up with her because that seems like a lot more trouble than sex is worth you know what i mean yeah um i also don't necessarily know why she would do that again it could be a similar situation the one i was talking about where it's like uh she just doesn't feel like she should be allowed.

Yeah, it's unbecoming, and it's more of a self-preservation-y cultural thing. If that's the case, and you'll know better than us, maybe give it another shot, but never go further than, you know, never go far without a yes is what I'm saying. If you do want to give it a second chance you need to make sure that cards are on the table and like everybody's direct and clear and knows where they stand so yeah that's there's there's my two options either fuck it obviously you've no problem finding

models there are plenty more efficient to see and it's better for everyone involved if you know where you stand and you don't have to worry about you know the legality and all that you know those games aren't fun but if for whatever reason you do want to you just need to make sure with both of you that that you're where you're at and where you want to be and that consensus there i would say there's no i would not see this person again i would say this person has repeatedly accused you of taking advantage of them despite the fact that that doesn't seem to be the case. That to me is one of the biggest red flags that I have absolutely no interest in ever having in my life. If someone, if someone, if that happened the first time, I would apologize profusely.

I would try to understand the situation. I would try to understand what I did wrong and where the communication breakdown was. And I would be like, Hey, I never wanted to do that. And I'm very sorry. Thank you for letting me know it will never happen again yeah no 100 the only reason why i'm giving the second option is just because of that experience i had with this person where like i understood where they were coming from after they talked to me about it but like what they wanted me to do was to just

have sex with them without consent effectively you know know what I mean? Which is so fucked up from my perspective, but from theirs wasn't. So it's like, I kind of understand a little bit more in some situations that people feel like they need to do that. I don't know if that's this situation. I feel like question asked will know more sexual promiscuity, like culturally varies from country to country.

So I'm, I imagine that's what it is, but I could be wrong. Cause for me like it would 100 if i didn't have that understanding be one of those things or be like fuck this i'm out but the the difference between your situation and his situation is she wanted you to have sex with her so if you had had sex with her i don't think she would have then turned around and accused you of taking advantage of her yeah probably not see what i'm saying is like i think like the it's it's not the but like until until i told her to like not be playing that

role which again was like it was a long conversation and it was like the whole thing i think she would have continued to play that role so i think like maybe it wouldn't have been like oh you took advantage of me i think next time we met up which we did she would have been like, oh, you took advantage of me. I think next time we met up, which we did, she would have been saying no again, if that makes sense. That's kind of how she explained it to me, is that she was expected don't get a yes we're not having sex and you've got to have the willpower to to follow through with that yes if if you don't think that you can you can hold yourself to that standard do not see this person again and i think that's that's where the line has to be drawn it's like if you really don't think you have the willpower to not have sex with this person without the yes don't see her again and honestly you probably just shouldn't but you know the options are to not have sex with this person without the S, don't see her again. And honestly, you probably just shouldn't. But you know, the options are on the table for you.

And thank you for writing back and writing in letting us know what's up. This is by Strange Designer 8214. What to do with a girl who I had sex with in our first two dates, but then she says she doesn't want to do it again until we're in an official relationship. I met a girl a week ago, and after the first two dates and having sex, she said she wanted to slow things down. Went out two times after it, and when I tried to do eye contact with her, she just says, stop looking at me like that, because I feel nervous when you do that, and I can't talk. Also, she avoids physical contact with me, even touching hands, and she doesn't flirt with me at all.

When I flirt with her, she just makes a small laugh or says, don't make me shy. At the same time, she asked me to give her a shirt with my perfume on it. We barely text sometimes. She replies fast and sometimes not. One time I asked her, do you like me? She said maybe. Yesterday I wanted to call her, but she said she is not in the mood and she wanted to watch her series. I'm confused. I don't know how to deal with her because it's my first time to be in this position. I know it's really early and it's only been a week, but I want to know if she's friend zoning me or not. I feel that I like her so much. I just want to spend more time with her and get to know her much more. What should I do?

Should I give her space and don't talk to her until she does? How did this question simultaneously sound like it was written by like a 17 year old and also like a 60 year old? I don't know. It was a trip to read though. Is this, is it two women? Sorry. Cause they said perfume. Uh, I'm assuming it was a trip to read though is this is it two women sorry because they said perfume uh i'm assuming it's a non-english speaker right and they meant cologne okay i was

i just wasn't sure if it was if it was hey i could be entirely wrong it doesn't tell uh me so maybe that's just me being all heteronormative if it was two women it could be someone who isn't quite comfortable out in public yet which is what i was maybe thinking like and that's a an avenue you can kind of explore of being like you know when she's happy to go on dates with you but the second there's sort of like any physical contact she's worried about the public eye seeing her out that's fair um but, if it's just, if it's, you know, uh, a heterosexual couple,

um, this sounds like, uh, the first thing again with the, the not wanting to like make eye contact or, or any PDA makes me think that maybe she's seeing someone and doesn't want to be caught double dipping. That's possible. Uh, those,

so those are my, like the first gut reactions to this question. Alternatively, you guys might just be super young. Does it say ages? It doesn't say ages or genders. Okay. So I assume these people are very young.

Yeah, I'm assuming. And even from the, like, it's my first time doing this. So either they're young, both in relationship experience and life age, life age.

That's a great way to put that. Or they're young in just the dating experience, which is pretty much the same thing, right? I'm assuming so, again, just by how it's worded. But unfortunately, no details. I think the devils are in the details in this one, because it's hard to sort of dissect what it could be without any kind of laser focus a little bit. But okay, let's sort of break it down into its parts. I think you need to, as with every question we answer, almost always, you have to sit down and be like, hey, so I really like you. But I feel like we're kind of not on the same wavelength right now.

And I just want to check in and see if you are still feeling this. If, if you're not, just let me know and we'll move on. Uh, yeah, that's a hundred percent. And it's like, this person seemed to have tried at least a little bit. Cause they said, do you like me? And she said, maybe, which is a, it's a real shit answer. So I don't know, maybe this person is very inexperienced and nervous because i don't know why you would get so nervous after having sex two times you know what i mean even once i could understand it more but two times and then to to kind of start cutting off like this i wonder if it is i don't know i would assume it's some kind of weird nerves thing because i would assume it's them leaving like backing out and like being less attracted to you.

If it wasn't for the give me your shirt with like your smell on the thing. Because that's a weird thing to do if you're trying to create distance. But you got to talk and not even just like, hey, do you like me? Maybe like leave it at that. You got to just be like, hey, so like we had some fun physically and you don't seem to want it anymore. You know, you want to be kiss you and eye contact. You're being you're being strange. And like, I just feel like you're withdrawing a bit and just literally try and get an answer off her. And if she refuses to answer you, then it doesn't really matter if

she likes you or not, because you don't want to date a person that is that useless with relationships. You don't want to be in the dark trying to fucking get answers on the internet from people that don't know the details, right? You really need to, much like the other question, you need specifics and hard lines and facts. You don't need feelings and guesses and pain. Don't just give her space and not talk to her until she approaches you because that way lies madness. So you got to lay it down, talk to her and just be like, know what you want. You know what I mean?

If you want to just keep continuing the relationship casually, or if you want a relationship or whatever, because if she's like, hey, well, what are you looking for? And you can't answer that, that question is not going to go anywhere. Figure out what you want and then talk to them and be ready to say, you are talking to me less, you're texting me less, you're physically withdrawn, et cetera. And see what she says. And if it's not a comforting answer or it's not a clear answer, I would just give up on this because no one needs that stress in their life. A part of me wonders if she got the bullshit advice from her friends being like,

if he doesn't buy the cow, he shouldn't get the milk kind of bullshit of being like, oh, sure, you've had sex with him twice. That's a little taste. But like, if he's not going to lock you down or be exclusive with you, then doesn't get sex anymore the female dating strategy fucking subreddit i wonder if she just saw that and was like oh shit i was here being nice and genuine yeah because like that kind of switch and then like oh i don't want to talk to you because i'm gonna watch my tv show all these all seem like lady negging yeah it's like the female version of seduction yeah which makes me wonder like a part of me probably wonders if perhaps she got some of that bad that street advice you know cut with baking soda like the non f buds uh like standard yeah yeah last i checked we were still triple star

platinum rated right it uh yeah it wasn't certified by the FBA. Yeah. The fuck buddies Alliance. Yeah. Like, I don't know if she did the 17 year course, the people that gave, uh, this advice that we did, um, at Harvard. A classic 17 year Harvard course. Yeah.

Well, you know, time is money and money is sex. I don't know what that even means. Um, yeah, I, I would imagine money is sex. I don't know what that even means. Yeah. I would imagine she's either, I don't know, like cheating on you, doesn't like you, but doesn't know how to say it. Just super inexperienced and shy and having a breakdown or has received terrible advice. Either way, you need to talk to her. And if she doesn't have a clue, just get out of there because you're just wasting your life. As we've said a million times, communication is the foundation of a great relationship.

And the worst answer you could ever get from anyone is maybe. Yeah, that's bullshit. Maybe she's trying to be coy or funny or sexy. It's not cool. It's not good. Here's the thing. Depending, like, there are ways to say maybe and say yes. You know what i mean whether this was the

thing and he just wouldn't pick up on it or if she is just trying to be aloof for aloof reasons then yeah that fucking sucks either way you gotta sit her down you gotta talk to her and if you can't if if it's still more sort of vague bullshit then be like cool i'm not gonna invest much like there's no way i want to get into a relationship with you if you can't have this simple conversation. If you can't handle this, then there's no way I want to be in a committed relationship with you. Sorry.

And then fucking moonwalk out of there. This comes from Reddit user Best Assistant 238. Is consent implied in marriage? I woke up to my wife sucking my dick this morning. I have never seen that side of her before, and it was awesome. Now, if I were to attempt to wake her up by placing my dick on her lips, would that be weird and non-consensual? No judgment, please.

I just want to know. It is always safer to garner consent. And in this situation, you can do it by being playful and sexy. Because you have this thing that happened. So you can just be like, Hey, when you did that the other day, that was super hot.

And then maybe just be like, you know, maybe one day I'll wake you up with my dick on your lips or, you know, going down on you or whatever. And like, see what she says to that. So it's,

it's funny you mentioned that because this guy, there, there are two things. One, no, consent is never implied in marriage. Consent is never really implied in anything. Yes. Wives, girlfriends, husbands, boyfriends, they can all rescind consent at any point in time. Just because you're in a relationship with someone does not mean that you have consent with that person.

Yeah. And again, we'll say this one more time this is the episode of repetition consent can be rescinded at any point in time as well so you could have consent from your wife and while you're having sex she might say hey i don't want to do this anymore that's that's her right yeah and you have to respect that i know a lot of you know that a lot of fucking people out there don't, which is why this podcast exists. I will say this. I will repeat it so that you can repeat it and we can all live in a happy, consent, sexy world. That being said, you are implying that the reciprocated act would be to of her waking you up with a blowjob is to wake her up by making her give you a blowjob.

Yeah, that was the bit that kind of threw me because it's like that. That's the complete opposite. It's like, oh, she did this thing for me. So now I'm going to go and do this thing for me. Yes. Yeah. If you want to repay the favor, if you thought that was hot, then you need to repay the favor by performing oral sex on her not sort of waking her up in order to perform oral sex on you yeah now that's not to say she wouldn't be into that but i think if you want to open these doors you should you know reciprocate in kind yeah it's funny because like my advice was what i was thinking of when you were telling me the question. Because I assumed that was what he was going to go to.

And hey, if she's into being woken up with a dick on her lips, that's fine. Some people are. Yeah. But I would definitely have gone with what you were saying and assumed that he was going the other way. And that would be a cooler way. Regardless, there is no... Technically, she didn't have consent for what she did to you. Unless you guys had talked about it before, which it doesn't seem like it has.

So, like, you can easily solve this problem by bringing it up and talking about it. And, like, it's still sexy because, you know, you can talk about what happened and, like, say how much you liked it. And then be like, oh, would you ever, you know. You can get into this in a very natural sexy way it's so easy that you don't have to guess you don't have to wonder about consent because you can talk to her about it and it's like you're not going to ruin anything because she's still going to be asleep if she agrees to it you know what i mean it's still going to be that that pleasant surprise yeah i mean there's no harm like it's not like this was a situation where you didn't like something

and you don't know how to bring it up if you like something there is no harm in like a week two weeks whatever later coming up behind your partner and being like hey so i know this happened a while ago but like i think about this all the time and how fucking awesome it was and i loved it you know what i mean i think like that is the greatest compliment to have someone tell you that they still think about something you did like on a whim. That's one. It's a great thing to compliment your partner on that kind of stuff. Two, you could then be just ask this very simple question of being like, would you be

interested in me returning the favor sometime in the same way? And right there, she could be like, and don't be offended if she's like, no, you know, I don't feel the freshest in the morning. and right there she could be like and don't be offended if she's like no you know i don't feel the freshest in the morning cool you know and then you can proceed to ask me like what would you be interested in like me waking you up with my dick you know on your lips you're then opening up the door to the conversation and your sex life is only going to get better the more you do this yeah there's literally no downside. Whereas like, guess what? If you wake her up with a dick in her mouth and like, she's tired or she can't get back to sleep or she has work the next day or anything like that could fucking suck, man. Like this can

be the opposite of sexy. Like even if you wake her up by going down on her, I think she'd be, you know, there's a whole different thing there. think either way safest sexiest best option is to talk about it beforehand one is you giving and not liking somebody giving something is a lot better i think than not liking somebody taking something that's the thing it's like a blowjob is an obligation you know what i mean like going down no one's like oh i have to get eaten out you know what i mean it's like great she just lies there gets fucking pleasured but to wake her up with your dick is to be like you now have to put an effort yeah wake up and like do do stuff for me you know that that's not that's not the same ballpark dude um and also like it's very possible that she will you know not feel sexy in the midst of sleep you know what i mean like maybe she wants to freshen up or anything like that.

So definitely be prepared for a conversation. But on the upside, when you have this conversation and you tell her how much you liked it, that's going to increase the likelihood of it happening again for you. So like it's win, win, win. Just talk about it. And there is, on what Dane said earlier,

I'm just going to repeat it. There is no implied consent because you're married or dating or you know anything like that i always tell people like there are times where i'll like be telling a story about my sexual exploits and people were like oh you're so lucky i was like it has nothing to do with luck i mean maybe you know luck always has a role in things but like i like, the number one way to achieve your fantasies sexually is to tell people about your fantasies sexually in the right environment, of course. But like, if you never mentioned that you want to do whatever, like if you never tell your partner to be like, hey, I'm really into spanking and I would love to spank you then you're just relying on them hopefully just either one figuring it out or two guessing or three exactly like you know it's there's there's

nothing worse than like wanting to do something and not sure if you should if if you bring it up to your partner you're like hey i would love to spank you and they're like i'm not really into that well then you know you know there's no more and it might be a little bit of a bummer because it's like a fantasy of yours even if it's amer, it's better than like having in the back of your mind every time you're fucking because it's going to take you out of the pleasure. And on top of that, it's like, or you doing it and then being upset in the moment of ruining the sex. And then you've got like this this black mark on your sex life, even if it's a small one. It's still like that one time that like things didn't really go down well. Maybe that's in the back of your head now.

You had a conversation. It's done with, you know, you can move on. And also they know you want to do it. So maybe if they change their mind, they can approach you. You know what I mean? Like it's healthy. And it facilitates a sexual relationship in which the partners communicate with each other. Because who knows?

Maybe that will give her the courage to express something that she's always wanted to do, which might be something you've always also wanted to do. So it's like the importance of communication in a sexual relationship, whether you're dating or not, it doesn't matter if you're having sex with someone, the more you talk about it and the more you talk about the things that you want and like, and don't like the better the sex is going to be. And the more, the greater the chances of a fulfilling sexual relationship, but also the greater the chances of a fulfilling sexual relationship but also the greater the chances of the things that you've always wanted to do being done so don't be afraid to one compliment your partner if they do something that fucking blows your mind and you

know you were so out of it that you didn't think to mention it it's not too late you know what i mean by all means talk to them at any point in time be like hey i think about whatever you know i think about that morning blowjob all the time and i fucking loved it and you know give her a kiss on the head and be like thank you for being incredible yeah and no one's gonna take that poorly and if they do i think there's a problem somewhere down the line but you know if you're in a healthy relationship, no one's going to be upset with that. So I do have an idea because, Dane, you're completely right. Talking to her is never going to work.

So what you got to do is you get a piece of paper. You cut out a bunch of Zeds, right? You arrange them in a pattern on the duvet you folded in half. And then you put some lipstick on it. And then you stick your dick in the duvet, and you send it to her and say, this is what I want to do to you. She'll get it 100%. It's very clear, and it's not creepy or weird. Yeah, and everyone finds simulated bed sex sexy. Yeah.

How many questions we want on the same topic? Yeah, it kind of went off theme here. Yeah. How many questions we want on the same topic? Yeah, it kind of went off theme here. Yeah. This is by Terminator0214. Okay, guys and girls, I need a bit of help. I'm having success in online dating with getting matches five to six a day on Tinder, two to three a day on Hinge, two to three on Bumble, and my conversations aren't terrible, decent replies, but I need some advice. How to keep it fresh and move it towards a date. I'm incredibly charismatic and charming in person, but I'm a phone call guy, rarely text.

So how do I let the personality shine via text? And as an added bonus, the first piece of advice is if you're a phone call guy, just get them on the phone. Ask them for your number immediately and give her a call. That's the highest voted piece of advice that they are apparently following. See, again, not FBA. Yep, not FBA at all. That's like zero star rating, not even platinum.

Probably would. Not even good would. Drift would. One, sorry you're a phone guy, but throw that out the fucking window. It's not going to happen. It's never going to work. Nobody wants to get a call, dude.

No, here's the funny thing is one of the women that I dated, who is actually very, still very dear to me and is still a really good friend and taught me so, so much about polyamory and jealousy and open dating. She refused to meet up with me until we had a phone call. And I was about to bail on that so hard and i'm so glad that i didn't because you know i i adore her um but then that

wasn't a off the bat like hey let's have a phone call right now oh god no and even then it sucked here's the thing i don't think my technique when i was on tinder was to get off tinder immediately if i vibed with someone and we had a good rapport i would always be like let's swap numbers you know what i mean or ask them on a date like i don't i don't i didn't do the whole like back and forth let's chat for weeks because it's whatever you end up talking about all the shit you should be talking about on a date and then when you get to the date you got nothing left to say yeah i was always a pretty quick move to a date or, or fuck it.

Because again, like if like you're kind of talking to a point where you, you get the fact that you're not a fucking weirdo or that you have something in common, right? That's really all you need to establish. Cause after that, as you said,

you're just wasting what you're going to say. And you're just fizzling out because if you don't know a person and don't see them you don't meet them like you're not really gonna go further i would usually ask someone out on a date if i if i got the like the vibe from them within like 15 minutes talking to them on tinder if it was like a quick wow okay that's that's a lot quicker than i would have done it oh yeah no i it was like one of those things and like i wouldn't maybe like time and place but i would say you know i would always try to like find a way to work and be like let's grab drinks you know like just very blatantly because like that's what they're what we're here for you know i mean we're not here to fucking chat well some people are but i would yeah i would i would

try to get a phone number and get the idea of meeting out a meeting up very, very quickly. Yeah. For me, it would probably be like two or three days if we're like talking, you know what I mean? But again, it all depends. Like if you sit down and just have like an incredible conversation with someone, I would have no harm in being like, yeah, let's go out. I think my first Tinder date, and to be fair, she invited herself over towards mine. It was like in a few hours. I got very picky, uh, with tinder dates towards the end um or like you know once the novelty of tinder wore off i was like you know i was either a yes or no like right off the bat like if i got really boring one word answers from people i would just be like

oh yeah fuck that get out so it was like if someone really caught my attention i'd be like okay considering how many like matches and shit and like just the sheer amount of like volume that is out there. If you sort of peak my interest quickly, then I don't see why I wouldn't ask you a quickly. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. That's the thing.

You don't need much, but like for me, it's just like, you need a rapport and like the idea that they're pretty cool, you know, but you really don't want it going on too long because the excitement starts to wear off. And again, you're kind of like wasting the chat you're gonna have and like the anyway you don't want to go too long but definitely don't give them a fucking phone call i will i will like

bet you right now that nine out of ten people immediately will stop talking to you if you're like hey send me your number i'll give you a call and and i would say 10 out of 10 apart from i just don't want to deal in absolutes it's not inherently weird it is but it is like social like it's so fucking like i don't want to talk to anyone on the phone no i call my the only people like i talk regularly to on the phone are my parents i talk to my old landlord on the phone that's about it um it's just no one wants to do it anymore and because like when you're on the phone you can't multitask no you're pretty much stuck wandering around your house and like maybe petting your cat that's what i usually do when i'm on the phone no no one wants to do that no one wants to tie down especially

online dating because this might hurt your feelings but they're not just talking to you no the whole point of online dating is you're shuffling your cards around. You know what I mean? You're not putting all your eggs in one basket, which is why when someone caught my attention, I made a move. Because like, especially with women, it's like five minutes, 10 minutes. They've got like seven other matches

that they're talking to. Yeah, at least. So it makes no sense. Also, yeah, just don't call them. Yeah. For God's sakes. And you know what? You can definitely mention, be like, and if someone's like, hey, I'm into that.

But trying to get their number and just calling them. It's also like, because you're trapped. It's almost like that guy that pushes you into the corner in the bar and won't let you leave. You know what I mean? It's like texting. It's like you can bail at any moment. You can reply on whatever. Like you're not there.

Where it's like with calls. It's like, hey, you're in this bathroom with me now and you can bail at any moment. You can reply on whatever. Like you're not, you're not there where it's like with calls. It's like, Hey, you're in this bathroom with me now and you can't get out. It's, it's no bueno. No, don't do it.

No, a hundred percent. That was weird. What? No plan. It's just, you said a funny, um,

this comes from sex throwaway. P boyfriend wants me to stay completely emotionless during sex. We are both 18. We recently started having sex and he doesn't want me to move at all. He said it's a turn off when girls feel too alive during sex and that he cannot enjoy himself. Oh yeah. And that he cannot enjoy himself when they move around. One time he wanted to tie me up to the bed to restrict my movement, but I don't like ropes.

During sex, he tells me to make my body as limp as possible he even told me to pretend that you're dead i told him it's pretty fucked up to ask me to do that however one time i agreed to do it and it's the first time he had an orgasm he shuddered and said we need to do it again i don't want to have sex this way and honestly find it kind of creepy or super creepy he vehemently denies it's a fetish and said that people have different tastes i told him that he can't just expect me to stay completely still every time we have sex he said that his exes two of them happily fulfilled his request every time we talk about it he gets all defensive says that

i'm acting like he's some creepy serial killer he gets upset and accuses me of being judgmental should i be worried have you confirmed the existence of these two girlfriends on this mortal coil? Yeah. Is there a reason that they're ex-girlfriends? Have they also broken up with life as a result of him? I don't know how you can top, you know, pretend like you're dead. Yeah. Like that's, that's a weird thing to say, but somehow he manages to top it with saying,

I don't like when girls feel too alive. Yeah, that's also, let's be fair. No one is going, I'm not a serial killer unless they're a serial killer. You know how many times I've had to say I'm not a serial killer in my life? Never, never. I've never had to say that. I've never had to reassure someone that I'm not a serial killer because the things I'm doing are too serial killer-y. So I was walking down

the highway because we had to park to get to this national park, like just on the edge of the highway in the back arson nowhere down by Blue Mountain. And as we were walking down the road, there was this giant wooden house with all these bird houses, like hundreds and hundreds of bird houses

stuck to the outside of it. And my girlfriend was like, oh, these are really cool. And while she was looking at them, a guy came out of the house. It's like creepy old dude with a beard and was like, oh, you want to see where I make them? And I was like, no.

And she was like, yeah. So he brought us into this giant like wooden shed, which was just to the brim filled with like saws and blades and, you know, all these things. And like just really weird wooden carvings and all this stuff. blades and you know all these things and like just really weird wooden carvings and all this stuff and you know it was pretty cool if you knew the person who did it we're in the middle of nowhere and this guy was really weird and we get in and like you know he's like rubbing a hand along these saws he's like i'm not a serial killer like cool

you're definitely a serial killer yeah you're definitely this is if i had not been there if i hadn't been like let's go we'd be dead she'd be dead everyone would be dead your girlfriend would be turned into a birdhouse i'm sure he grinds them down and oh yeah so yeah jesus okay if somebody wants you to do something you're never beholden to do it first off even if it's a normal thing and not at all terrifyingly creepy like this is secondly it's terrifyingly creepy every part of it it was every bit of it is creepy individually and all together it's it's fucking awful i love how he was also like it's not a fetish everyone has their own particular taste yes my man that's a fetish yeah no fetishes are the things we all have right just like fetishes don't have to be

super weird but this one my dude is super weird yeah also like it's even even if this was again something normal it's a fucked up thing to be throwing his exes in your face like none of this is nice even again discounting the fact that he sounds like a crazed murderer i think you just gotta get out of this relationship because this person clearly doesn't care about your life but also they don't care about you know your wants and your desires and your input and your autonomy like they want you to do things their way or fuck it you know they're willing to disparage you and gaslight you and you know rub their exes in your face and you know detract from your enjoyment purely for their own uh all of which are hallmarks of a terrible partner yeah i mean like right off the bat what do we see we see

manipulation we see gaslighting we see you know i mean like abuse uh yeah verbal abuse emotional abuse the laundry list of red flags for this dude is you're 18 you do not have to put up with this shit i mean no one has to put up with it, but like this, you're too young to think that this is the way shit goes down. Yeah. And thankfully she seems smart enough to be like, Hey,

this is fucked. Also, I'm not doing this. Yeah. Um, like I can't get it. The, the,

the phrase feels too alive. It's chilling. And Hey, let me tell you, I'm, I used to sleep with a woman who I literally had to tell to like, cool it because she was, you know,

too wiggly. She, she, you know, she tried very hard to be an active participant at all times. And I had to be like, Hey, you got to calm down.

You don't need to work as hard as you're working. Sometimes you can let, you know, let me do the work and other times you get to do the work. And then you're like, look, I just don't like when women feel alive. Yeah, look, all your moving makes it very, very obvious that you're not dead.

And two, when you move around, your heart beats faster, and that also implies that you're living, and I just, I can't deal with it. Oh, great. Now you're blushing. Now you're red because you're embarrassed. you look less like a corpse than ever. Yeah. Get out of this.

This dude's garbage. Maybe call the FBI. I'm sure there's a healthy fetish community where this is a thing. Yeah. Okay. Like jokes aside, like I think maybe this person is so volatile because maybe he's ashamed of what he likes because, you know,

I get it. Like we're making jokes about off the bat here. That sounds really creepy. He probably understands that sounds creepy and like, hasn't come to terms with it yet because fuck it. If that's what you're into, that's fine. But it needs to be with someone who's also into that once nobody's getting

harmed. Right. Or at least like, like there are better ways to introduce your fetish into the relationship because she could have been into it if he had approached it in a different way like if he had been like hey i'm really into this and like introduce the concept of it but to like to introduce it by being like i don't like you need to do this. Yeah. I mean, it's like regardless of what it was, like,

even if like it was doggy style, you know what I mean? Like if he was like, you need to be bent over. I can only fuck you bent over. You need to stop moving. Like that sucks. A hundred percent.

I'm like, I feel like even if they meant, even if they're not, you know, creepy. And if we just want to throw jokes aside, it's like this person clearly hasn't come to terms with their own fetish yet. Because one, they're denying it's a fetish. Two, they're not chill about it. They're trying to force you in. They're getting all defensive and aggressive

when you talk about it. Like you're making me feel like a weirdo. You're blah, blah, blah. Like obviously they feel weird about it too. So I think this person really needs to, you know, learn to accept that part of himself and to like get more involved in fetish communities and know how to like healthily express these things. But that doesn't take away from the fact that you don't need to put up with any of this and all the stuff that he's doing to you around this issue is wrong. Yeah.

A hundred percent. It's it's, there's a lot of learning on his end that needs to be done and it's not your responsibility to do it you can on your way out kind of like tell him be like hey so 100 this is a fetish you don't need to be weird about it people have them that's fine but you need to learn how to deal with this healthy like in a healthy way in a respectful way in a mature way and i highly suggest you look up online how to do that. Because right now this isn't going to work great that your exes played along with it,

but I'm not going to. And the way you dealt with it is ensuring that I'm not even going to be with you anymore. So you need to learn how to deal with this. And like, he can choose to learn it or not, but it's not your problem anymore. And like, if for some reason he's listening right now, take that advice, learn how to deal with your fetish. If anyone here has a fetish that they maybe mishandle, like, you know, don't be ashamed of it. Again, once you're not hurting anybody and once the people engaging with you are, you know, complicit and giving consent and again, also not being hurt, you know, unless they want to be. And just make sure you're doing these things healthy because there's nothing wrong with the fetishes once the parties are you know cool with it all right shall we move into tinders yeah let's do it okay at the end of the episode we like to peruse online dating to find profiles that either glow or not glow the opposite of glow dim maybe they glow or maybe they're just no yeah we comb them for red flags and we give you our thoughts on them in an effort to entertain you and hopefully improve your online dating game. This is Katja.

It's pronounced Katja. I know you will still message me and ask about it. Lol. I can, but don't really like to lead the conversation. Hope you like to be in charge. Dot, dot, dot. Thanks for clarifying your name. Is it a weird name?

Like, is the spell strange? It's spelled K-A-T backwards R. Oh, okay. So it's like Russian, I guess. Yeah, yeah. Like Ukrainian or something. Yeah. That's fine.

Cool. I don't know. I don't have a problem with her being like, you know, you'll probably talk about it anyway. Because like, I probably would too. You know what I mean? The not liking to lead a conversation. That's a red flag for me makes me nervous because that probably means that you don't put in any effort in

maybe maybe a one letter response like a k maybe a lol no big deal like a lot of like nvds a lot of acronyms how was your day good yeah good you yeah maybe not even the you just good maybe not the like hope you like being in charge dot dot dot makes me think that there's a little bit of sexual playfulness there maybe i mean i also considering it's like it's still part of the same sentence so it just sounds like hope you like to talk to a blank screen like if you want to be sexually playful, that line opens you up for a lot of creepy shit. You know what I mean? Like that's a real good jumping off point for not the best responses.

Yeah. One second later, you're getting a whole bunch of folded over duvets. So I'm going to be saying this is a three for me. Yeah. It's pretty boring. The name thing's fine. Hope you like to be in charge. Sure.

But like, I don't like to leave the conversation. Like it's boring at best and then shitty at worst right there. So yeah, three. This is Robin. Leather worker, bartender, projects guy, and overbearing cat mom who prefers grit over grace, seeks lovers and pals open to all kinds of transparent and honest connections. I like my park walks foggy, my bike rides moonlit, and my soundtracks doomy. Would love your podcast, Reckos.

I can guarantee that birds will distract me. I love it. Right? Yeah. It's energetic. I get who he is. He likes podcasts. Can you recommend us?

Sorry, it's a lady. Oh, I don't know why. What's their name? Robin. Oh, I thought I heard Robert. Even better. I actually like it more now. It's fucking cool.

Personally for me, I like the idea that she's open to all kinds of transparent and honest connections like that. Like if I were ever to go back on Tinder, like if a man and I decided to open up, that would be like, that would be my people. I'd be looking for those people.

And that would be like what I would put out there. So this, this profile, like I'm giving a 10 across the board it gives you everything i think so it's got personality uh they seem genuine they seem fun they seem interesting yeah i have i have no qualms here it's a 10 yeah but also you should match them and send them our podcast i just try to hell yeah and now i have our people wanting to meet instantly and having no patience can swipe left.

In the world of instant messaging, she is a four-page love letter. Heart. This goes against everything I think online dating should be. Online dating should be spur of the moment, spontaneous. It should be, you know, you match with someone that's like, let's meet for drinks tonight. Like, why not? Why would I fucking waste my time talking about things we could be talking about in person and actually connect. I also feel like if you feel this strongly about it, it's not even like I don't want to meet you that day. It's like, you know, within a week, I'm sure is also still going to be too soon. My big red flag here is the she's a four page love letter.

Like you have a woman in mind and you are going to try to. Oh, no, this is a girl. Oh, sorry. Oh, she describing herself. I assume so... Oh, no, this is a girl. Oh, sorry. Oh, she's describing herself. I assume so. Oh. Either way. I guess you could also be looking for ladies as well.

It was not a lady who swiped her when they sent it to us. Fair enough. I assume she's talking about herself. And not gonna lie, I don't love either of those. Because it doesn't tell you shit about them, apart from that they're a little bit pretentious, maybe. And also want you to put in a lot of work. Even being like, I'm a four-page love letter.

I'm not an instant message. It's like, okay, cool. I have to grind to get to know you, maybe. And the other thing, it's like, if you have no place you want to meet, that's not what online dating is to me. You know what I mean? Yeah. I appreciate that you let people know up up front but at the same time i know absolutely nothing about you it's it's like a two for me i'm gonna give it a five because it's

like meh like it doesn't really offend me uh now that i know it's not a guy looking for a four page love letter um i would have given a lot less for the yeah it's just it's just nothing for me so i'm just gonna give it five i think a five is generous it probably is okay well that's all the tinders i got thank you very much for listening it has been a pleasure to record this podcast for you on this fine evening it's been beautiful and we love you we appreciate you spending your hour with us it means the world to us we know uh the days are short and for you to give us a little sliver of your time is very, very kind of you and we love you for it. Yeah, we were top 12 in the Indian sexuality Apple podcast chart. So welcome, India.

How's it going? If you have a question, you would like to reach out and get your question on the podcast. We will talk about anything. We'll answer any of your questions as best we can. So don't be shy. Don't hesitate. We will keep you anonymous. All you have to do is head over to fbuddiespodcast.com and head over to

the contact page. You can assign yourself an agent name, which is what we will refer to you as to keep your identity secret and fill us out a question and we will answer as soon as we can. Thank you to Josh Eagle and the Harvard City's first song, Paper Stars. Some bad sex writing for us? You know it. This is actually from

the D&D like monster book. Ooh. Driders are sexually dimorphic. A female drider's lower spider body is sleek and graceful, often similar to a black widow's, while its upper drow torso retains alluring curves and a

beautiful face, with the exception of sharp poisonous fangs. A male drider's lower body is bulky, like a tarantula, and its upper body is wiry and bears a hideous face more spider than drow, complete with fanged mandibles. Hell yeah. Those spider girls are sexy. Spider-Man, though, nope. Not so much.

Hideous face. They don't have sleep backs. Sorry, ladies who are into Spider-Man, though, no. Not so much. Hideous face. They don't have sleek backs. Sorry, ladies who are into Spider-Men. You're stuck with the uggos. You already have a sexy Spider-Man. Tom Holland's good enough for you. Damn it. To be fair, he does have a sleek back.

He does. His back is sleek as hell. I tell him that every Instagram post he ever makes, I just say, hey, Tom, that back looking sleek. I'm going to tweet that to him right now. I'm going to do it too. Uh, my name is Dave Miller and I'm now Spain. We've been your fuck buddies.