F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 134 - Quickies With Dad

Episode Date: April 26, 2021

In these trying times, it's important to have a quickie with not just your daughter, but everyone in your family.  Topics include a clueless dad, more Tinder tactics talk, the worst proposal surprise, dealing with rejection and the importance of your teenage relationships.

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller How's it going kiddo? My name is Niall Spain And we are your fuck buddies.

That's a two episode callback. You forgot to do it last week, didn't you? And we are your fuck buddies. This is our podcast. You are our listeners. Welcome. We are a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky sexy situations and we turn them into sexy sticky situations. Simply put, we answer questions. We get them online. We get them from our listeners. They're on the topics of sex and dating, and we solve them perfectly, leaving no room for doubt, error, or any questions further. Even when we say we're joking, we specifically want you to do those things that we tell you not to do.

Yeah, it is the law. Once we finish speaking, you have to immediately do what we said. Even if you didn't ask the question. Legally speaking, none of that is true. Yeah, please don't. When we say we're joking, it's usually after we say something terrible. What's up? How are you? Oh, you know, I got to have a filling today because the first time, the only thing worse

than getting a filling and going to the dentist is going back to the dentist to get the filling redone because the first time it was done, it was done poorly hey dan i heard you like fillings so we're gonna put fillings in your fillings pretty much although this time so the first time i got this filling done i didn't have the guy was just like it's not that deep you don't need any like pain like numbing so we're just gonna do it never listen to a dentist if a dentist ever says you don't need numbing agent when numbing agent is an option don't listen to them they're a liar you should always get it because no matter what you're doing to your teeth drilling into teeth should never be experienced like unless you're like yeah unless you're a cia operative and that's part of your training to resist torture

get the numbing agent although i will say this one fucked me up because i was numb for like two and a half hours almost three hours yeah we were meant to record two hours ago but we couldn't because dane was just drooling all over the place i got that fucking mumble tongue i'm just hoping it randomly comes back even though that's not how numbing works but i fucking hope not i'm pretty sure it's just a stroke i feel like it's question time yeah how do you how would you like to begin this horny horny okay my dad just asked me if i wanted a quickie should i tell him what that really means by uka celity he meant quick test because we were at the test center i just said no like covid i assume so who knows regardless yeah i mean it's it's tough one he definitely needs to know because like you can't have him saying

that like what if you if you're with your friends you know even if he just uses it as a means to like you know a quick something like maybe he's gonna like I don't know microwave you all some popcorn yeah I can make up a bunch of quickies you guys all want to have quickies with me yeah I could this whole room can have a quickie with me yeah actually you know what I I will I will make the quickie for you you don't have to do anything you just sit there and i'll give you the quickies so uh you guys i hear one of you got into harvard yes mr thompson oh great sarah was telling me we're having a quickie the other day what pardon that's your social life done harvard will hear about they'll kick you out especially when it's your friend yeah who went to har to Harvard and not even you. Maybe she's going to, Dad.

I didn't get to that part of the story. Because you didn't ask. Fair. The conversation of also being like, Dad, you just asked me to have quick sex with you. Is also not an enjoyable experience, I imagine. So I have a friend whose dad had to tell him that when they got a leaf blower out it wasn't called a blow job and that was the dad told the kid okay i was gonna say the dad was like you cannot say this and the kid was like oh how old was the kid like seven or eight i think or okay and i don't know

if someone lied to them first and told them that that was what was called as a sick joke or if they just thought like it's a chore it's a job we have to do and you're blowing things it's a blow job yeah i was gonna say if if like a an adult or a teenage had to tell their father that that wasn't called a blow job i was like no that's a dad fucking with you yeah no it's the other way around i just do appreciate that this this dad had to be like sorry this is we're laying down the law you cannot say that yeah that is not what this is so roundabout way to do this find a movie that discusses quickies watch it with him i mean hopefully he learns does this man never watch porn porn titles are so descriptive nowadays for that sweet sweet seo i'm sure at some point in time he must have seen Quickie, you know, in a porn title. Are Quickies even like a popular term for porn, though?

Like, I'm sure he knows what an anal mom is, but like. Yeah, sure. I'm sure there's like, I'm sure if I go on Pornhub right now and type in Quickie, I will get. Well, yeah, but like I don't ever remember scouring it and like Quickies because like what's the point of a Quickie? It's like it's there's nothing sexy about as far as i'm aware could be quickie in a bathroom you got that that voyeur that public danger but then it would just be bathroom sex and i don't think it's fast also quick i don't know then it would be slammed in bathroom stall brisk bathroom banging you're right amateur porn absolutely

really wants to nail down that alliteration demographic. Yeah. I think you have to just be like, dad, do you know what that means? And I think anyone, you know, got any sort of like brain cells to rub together. I think if your kid asks you, dad, do you know what that means? I think you will probably either guess that it has to do with sex drugs or racism yeah and you'll probably stop yeah because even if you're like yeah of course i do you know that you shouldn't say that anymore you know what i mean like even if he pretends like he's completely aware of what

he just said he will never say it again because he's terrified of what it could actually mean funny i don't know if i actually told you this story but my girlfriend's uncle uh went like viral on tiktok recently got like a million views and is a big deal which is very funny because his videos are absolutely atrocious like he doesn't know how to use it so he just puts on like every filter and they're unwatchable garbage it's it's very funny actually um so I don't know how much this is ironic. I'm assuming a lot of it, but some famous person retweeted them and he's getting like a million

views a video. But everyone just keeps calling him a dilf. And her parents were like, what does this term? What does this mean? And she told them it was dad I'd like to friend, which I think is going to come back to bite everyone in the ass. Because it's the opposite of this situation, where she's telling them this term is okay yeah oh 100 at some point

in time dude they're gonna be like you know at a friend's house and be like oh yeah you know my brother is a dilf yeah everyone on the internet just just effing them up. Yeah. Or even just like, oh, yeah, your husband, he's a dilf. Pardon? Pardon? Or even worse, your dad, total dilf. Yeah. Oh, your dad sounds amazing. Really?

He did all that when he was younger? Man, he's a total dilf. I'd love to be friends with him. So don't do that. That's my advice. Yeah. I think all you really need to do is be like, dad,

do you know what that means? Do you know what you just said? And either he'll be like, Oh no, what, what did I just say? Or he'll be like, yeah,

yep. And never say it again. Yeah. And the thing is, if he asks you, you can just be like, look it up. You'll figure it out.

Or just tell him, depending on your relationship with your dad, either way, you don't want them saying this for any of your friends. That's social suicide. Also, it's not even in front of your friends imagine like he's at work and you know the two new interns or you know younger female staff and he's being nice and being like you know gonna run out and grab a quick coffee or something and he's just like hey you two uh you two interested in a quickie or like a quick smoke break or whatever you know

what i mean like yeah oh you're late for your interview to become you know to get your promotion sorry i was just having a quickie with your with your daughter like maybe quick chat before i come in you know yeah maybe maybe helping her but he's like yeah i had a quickie with your daughter it's like cool how about get fired yeah oh me and the secretary yeah we just hammered out a quick quickie out quick quickie oh quick quickie that's an it's an even faster quickie all right hit me with a question we've solved this it's blown off the internet i'm gonna delete it off reddit right now boom there you go i've had a few people ask me about this um so it's a collective question and it was regarding the uh when i was saying that I would ask people very quickly on Tinder.

And a lot of people have, or a few people messaged me. And then I actually found another question on Reddit about this as well. So I was like, okay, this is the universe telling me to talk about this. And so I'll read the Reddit question. Now that's from Reddit user Qsec, get to know them first versus get off the app ASAP. On one hand, tons of posts about how you can't just ask for a number or date ASAP after matching. On the other hand, tons of posts say that you're supposed to get off the app ASAP.

So which is it? That's a whole question. That's a whole question. Personally, I did it in what I would say is a middle ground where I would chat for a little bit and get off the app. Or at the very least, I and get off the app. Or at the very least, I think getting off the app should happen pretty quickly and then getting the date can happen shortly thereafter. But for me, there was definitely a period of chatting. You know what I mean? It wasn't like, okay, I've met you. Let's just go out and have our chat

there. There's still a bit of chatting, but a day or two, if you guys have some kind of rapport, a good bit of back and forth, I think we mentioned it last week. There's absolutely no benefit to waiting. All right. So that's the thing I want to stress here is when I was saying that I was, I was meeting up with people quickly or getting numbers quickly or asking them out quickly. It was after like a moment of me being like, oh, this is actually someone I really want to meet. And I mean that beyond the sense of being like, hey, this person's super hot and I like their profile. I would love to meet up with them. No, this was I've had, you know, an interaction, whether it is like a couple hours or whatever.

I would need enough information to be like, OK, this is someone I want to invest my time. And usually it was very easy to discern who these people were, because as we've mentioned before before there are a ton of people who give you like the one letter or the one word answer and there's no back and forth and it's like well i will passively maybe try to meet up with them because i do find them attractive or whatever yeah like you'd be available if a you up text came around you know exactly um but for me it was like when the people who really struck a chord with me i would put in the effort then to expedite the process and that doesn't mean being pushy it doesn't mean you know having a you know uh well we've sent 12 messages each now is the time to do it like we are so set on trying to like show that people get out of like the seduction and pickup artist

technique of like, here's the guide and here's the path. And here are the steps in order to make this successful. That doesn't work. That doesn't exist. So I don't want people to take what I said as like a guide or as, as like a hard and fast rule one, it worked for me and it's not going to work for everyone else. You know what I mean? Like, I think my text game is pretty good and that probably helped. You will know when the time is right, I think. And if you don't, if you feel like this is a conversation, like the conversation you're having right now is one that would be really good if you had it in person. That's a great indication that you should ask him out.

It's hard to quantify what like what point you should kind of move on which is why we didn't give a hard and fast and we're not going to give one but like for me it was like you had to have had like a proper conversation you know i mean not just like hey how are you oh not too bad like you know real like basic shit and then text back five hours later and it's like oh just got home from work me too and then like you know six hours later like if you had a good back and forth and you guys are enjoying yourselves and you're actually engaging with each other, it's like, you know, you, you should know at that point, whether or not your personalities gel, because already you've decided that how, how they look and how they present themselves in their profile have gelled. So when all those three things hit, like what more are you waiting for?

Really? The, the important thing with this is this removes the anxiety of not knowing whether someone's into you or not they've matched you you're chatting with them they're there on a dating platform you know i mean so all the sort of like check marks are there you it's not like you met someone at work or you met a cute girl in your class or whatever and you're like i don't know if she's into me i don't know she's just being nice i don't know this blah blah blah one these are people you don't really know so if you ask someone and they're like how dare you ask me out on a dating platform then you know fuck it it's not your problem move on yeah you guys are there for the same thing you guys are currently engaging

and if you feel the spark to ask them out ask them out there's no harm in it yeah 100% i'm like on top of this don't just do it immediately like don't get a match and be like here's one number message me because you're gonna seem like a bot and don't be like let's go on a date because they're like no so like there's definitely too soon as well yeah and also like don't be afraid to like throw it out on the table quick and this is something that I would do where it was like I would I would either like bet something like if someone asked me something about something for example my tinder profile i've mentioned before way back when i was on it and this was still relevant i my tinder profile was

girl i just want to sit you down and explain game of thrones to you most of the time people would either be like yes please or bitch i know everything about you know tarth and i could recite the complete you know order or like whatever metal on the chains of the the maesters mean and blah blah blah and what i would do from there is if someone said they would want me to explain to you that's a great opportunity to be like great i know a great bar let's grab a drink and i'll happily do it and it's and it's such an easy way to like introduce the idea even if they're like haha okay don't press it move on throw your card on the table and if someone's like oh oh, I know everything.

It'd be like, cool. I will, you know, I'll bet you a drink. If I can ask you a question, you don't get it. Do fun things like that. Have the like playful banter about what you want is no harm. Trying to shoehorn it in every fucking five seconds is not cool. Yeah. Playing your hand once and being like, there it is.

Tip of my hand. I would like there it is tipping my hand i would like to ask you out on a date i'll do it later but now you know yeah one thing that always bothered me about online dating is like every now and then you will get someone who seems surprised that you want to meet up you know what i mean like oh like you want to go out and like in real life you know like like yeah that's kind of the whole fucking point of this and like i think I think you will get people who are like that, who are just, I don't know, like maybe they're shy and they're waiting on something that they don't know about to like kick them out of that. Or they really do want to get that like five week conversation in before they make up their mind. And it's like, fine, if that's what you want to be, or if that's who they

want to be, that's cool. But like, if you're not that you want to realize what, you know, you want to get out of that as soon as possible. if you ask and they say no then you kind of know where you're at you can just move on yeah i i have a pretty strict like one ask for a date you know what i mean like if if i ask you out and you're like i'm not too sure then it's like all right bye yeah exactly it's again don't do it too soon and And at that point, like balls in their court, if they want to change their mind, sure, they can message you. If not, fuck it, like plenty of fish out in the sea. So I wanted to just clarify that there is no, like, whenever I say I would like to do something or this is what I did, it's what I did. I'm telling

you anecdotal experience and you can hopefully integrate that into whatever you're doing and however you approach things, but don't. And this is for all advice, especially when it comes to dating, there is no rules. There are no surefire ways to get results. Everything is different for every person. Because even if you find something that works for you, great. It's not going to work for the guy next to you. Or if you find something that works with a woman, it's not going to work for everyone. Don't focus on that shit.

Focus on, you know, authenticity, honesty, fun, charisma. Like, focus on yourself and focus on being authentic. And you will find far more positives and far more results than if you tried to focus on some bullshit like method. Yeah. If there was a method, this podcast would be over after, like, what? The five episodes where we, what, the five episodes where we just told you the five things to do? Yeah. You know, like, there wouldn't

be 12 million fucking competing bullshit pickup artist ideals. Like, there would just be one guy being like, oh, you do this. And everyone like, oh shit, it's that easy. Like, that's not life, you know? Pickup artist as an industry wouldn't exist if this was the case. Exactly. It's built around the fact that people are so lost and they life you know pickup artist as an industry wouldn't exist if this was the case exactly

it's built around the fact that people are so lost and they sell you the lie that like they've got that quick fix you know they've got that one foolproof way you know and it's just all bullshit diet pills and shit like diet fads right it's like oh you don't want to work out you want to keep eating everything great you can keep doing that but here's this thing that'll work it's like no it's not even just the fact that like working out and dieting and all those things are difficult you know and difficult things they they are difficult like that's what they are so they're lying and being like i have a way you don't have to do this difficult thing right you're like okay cool which hey it would be great if it worked but it doesn't all right you ready yep my 27 year old

male girlfriend 27 year oldyear-old female, suspects I'm cheating when I'm actually planning my proposal to her. By throwRA84923582. My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 10 years, and our relationship up to this point has been wonderful. We never had a major fight, and we've always had complete trust in one another. Naturally, we began discussing marriage a while ago. We've both agreed that's something we want in the future.

Given that, it's no longer a question of whether or not we'll get married, but rather a question of when. A couple of weeks ago, I began planning the proposal. Due to COVID, I couldn't do anything particularly special for a birthday. And since we both love surprising each other and overly romantic grand gestures, I was determined to make things as perfect as possible. Do note that where I live, we're pretty much back to normal so we can gather, etc. Lucky. Unfortunately, the issue is I'm terrible at keeping secrets. Whenever I plan a surprise for a family or a friend, they've always managed to find out beforehand. So in the past few weeks, I've come to realize I've been doing a pretty shitty job of keeping things discreet.

It started off with small things. Whenever I was browsing for rings, et cetera, on my laptop and my girlfriend came up behind me, I closed the tabs quickly to hide my screen. Whenever I was on the phone, I keep looking behind my shoulder to make sure she wasn't watching. Once, when she was out to run errands, I decided to go check out a potential venue for the proposal. She came back early, found I wasn't home. She asked when I got back, and although she was skeptical about it, I managed to come

up with an excuse. Final straw was yesterday. I told her I was meeting up with a friend to watch a movie, bad idea, but I was actually ring shopping with my sister. She knows my girlfriend well and has good taste in jewelry. Went to a nearby mall and browsed several stores before giving up. I then dropped her off at her place and drove home. Unfortunately, her friend was also at the mall and didn't recognize my sister and told my girlfriend she'd seen me with another woman, that she'd gotten into my car, etc. My girlfriend found out and confronted me this morning. She was

furious. She yelled at me, something that's never happened, and accused me of lying to her and keeping secrets. She demanded an explanation, and since we both had to head to work, I told her I'd explain things when I got back from work. I have no clue what to do. I genuinely want to surprise her with the perfect proposal, but obviously I've done a bad job of hiding things, and naturally she is suspicious. As far as I know, the only way to prevent this from getting worse is just to explain everything to her, but that'll mean my proposal is ruined. Obviously I value our relationship much more than a stupid proposal, but at the same time,

I still want to surprise her. I don't want to lie to her again either. I'm sure that once I explain everything, we'll both have a good laugh about it and there won't be any hard feelings, but at the same time, I don't want to ruin my plans. I've already booked the venue

and invited guests. All I need was the ring. Is there anything I can do? Okay, this is some sitcom level bullshit. Yep. You know what's great? Could have just been like, I'm going out with my sister. Yeah. That would have. Yep. You know what's great? Because it's just been like, I'm going out with my sister. Yeah.

That would have been easy. You know what I mean? Like that's a far easier lie because it's not really a lie. That's the thing. The thing about lying is you always need an element of truth. I know this is a terrible thing to say on a dating and sex life. But like in this case, it would be very helpful. Like you kind of fuck you know you screwed the

pooch i think your big plan i think now it's it's an engagement party whatever you're planning at this venue it's an engagement party now it's not a proposal spot also don't propose in front of crowds that fucking sucks unless this is one of those people who wants to like maybe the girlfriend said it one day because i know some people who are like really into it friends of mine got engaged on a cruise ship in front of like 30 000 people or something that fucking sucks i hate that um and this might just be yeah this like this thing i for me i don't even like the institution of marriage so um i'm a little i'm a little biased in that sense your plans don't have to be don't have to go to shit it can still be a surprise party you know what i mean like you can still bring her out to this like incredible engagement party that you've planned because guess what if you show up at a

fucking venue filled with a bunch of people for no fucking reason she's gonna figure it out right like i like i wish i knew what the plan was, but if you have this big venue and you bring her, like, she's not going to be like, Oh, I wonder what's going to happen along that line. It's like, yeah,

like she doesn't like the surprise is one thing, right? You can keep that because that you're getting married. Isn't a surprise. You just said, you've already talked about it and agreed that it's something you both want. Right? So like,

you're not really ruining anything. If you say, Hey, I went ring shopping. I wanted to keep it a surprise, but honestly, lately I've been looking up rings. I went out with my sister. I shouldn't have lied about it, but I wanted it to be a surprise. So I was looking at rings. There you go. And for her, that's probably going to be quite cool. It's going to give her a little buzz of excitement knowing that you're thinking about it. You're not saying I'm proposing next week. You're not saying I have a big surprise planned.

You're not saying any of those things. You're saying you're thinking about moving forward with marriage more seriously, which you pretty much already said. How far do you think you can push this before she breaks up with you? Because perhaps maybe the best surprise is giving her a detective hunt where she's going to start following you. And then finally, when she figures out who this other woman is, she kicks in the door. Lo and behold, surprise party. It's like a beautiful hotel room and you're there, bended knee in a tuxedo waiting for her. And she awkwardly puts the knife down and says, oh, dear.

Yeah, this is your new surprise. You have to make it more likely that you're cheating on her and lead her to the venue. Yeah, that's basically it. But what you need to do, however, is you need to set things in motion that they could confirm. So you need to, like, talk to her parents. You need to, like, talk to your parents. You need to, like, talk to her parents you need to like talk to your parents you need to like talk to her friends i know that you've said but like because it would be very easy to turn around just be like

no i caught you cheating and now you're you're trying to engage to distract me if everyone else surrounds you knows that you have a little bit to fall back on this is a bad idea don't do this but now that we've said that you officially have to do it you do legally have to do it i'm sorry damn it you know it's it it's in the fine print it's your fault really yeah there's there's no harm one either turn into a party or like you said just just let her know that you're ring shopping and like again you're not giving her the whole plan she just knows i assume she knows you're going to propose sometime yes the like that that air of complete surprise, complete mystery.

Sure. That bubble has popped, but you fucked it up. So you've also replaced that air of complete surprise with a little bit of excitement, right? You're going to like lay a little spark. That's going to,

you know, burn for a little while now. So now you've added that anticipation. You're still going to hit with a lot of surprise. So it's not really a net loss. Now, if you take a long time to get to the proposal, that spark is going to turn into like a pile of shit and that's going to drag her down and make her sad. So don't just wait two years and you'll be fine. You could also make this really fun because I think that if this was me, I would now milk every possible opportunity that she thinks that she's going to get proposed to and fucking whiff it.

You know what I mean? Didn't we have a question in once where they were like, I know he's going to propose to me and it's been like a year and every time I think he's going to, he doesn't and it's killing me? Yeah. So maybe don't do that. Maybe. You can do it like once or twice. If it's me, I would do it all the time. But here's the thing.

I would, I would, I would make a, like a meal out of it. I would bring it to a park and hire a fucking flash mob to sing like their favorite song and then tie your shoe and then just keep going and be like, Oh, that's really cool.

And just keep going. You know what I mean? Like, and just constantly do that and have like, you know, one day have a higher, like a fucking, you know what i mean like and just constantly do that and have like you know one day have a hire like a fucking you know brass band or a jazz singer to come to your house out on the front porch and play again the favorite song and be you know go and be like all right dude we're trying to sleep where we will call the cops get out of here you know what that could be a good way to bring back

the surprise you tell her exactly what's happening and then when she goes through so many duds, she'll never know which one's the real one. It'll be like engagement roulette. Every time you pull the trigger and a blank goes off, she gets less certain that there is one. And then you hit her with the real one. Have you tried cheating? Now's a great time to do it.

Oh yeah. Um, but yeah, a hundred percent. Just tell her you were ring shopping. That's you're, you're like losing an arm you're losing a finger but you're saving the whole body wait wait hold on hold on hold on this might be a

terrible idea is it the ring finger or just say whatever you think it is it's the exact opposite yeah you could solve this it's not that big a fucking deal but definitely don't let her continue to think you're cheating on her because that'll fuck it up yes i think trying to prolong the mystery is not worth it to have a relationship presumably as strong as you guys have been together for as long as you are and you say it's great to drive a person to thinking that you might be cheating on them is bad news yeah like like you're you're fucking this up so hard that 10 years of a relationship she's now questioning yeah so so you need to put that fire out asap mm-hmm well she turns out she's like oh yeah you think you're she well i've been cheating first that could be a good way to

figure it out maybe everyone should just pretend they're cheating every 10 years and just really see what secrets come out yeah well. Well, I fucked your brother. Wait, what? I had a quickie with your dad. I have quickies with my dad every week. So what? Wait, what? This is a bullshit question, but I need you to hear it.

Oh, God. So I don't think we need to talk about it, really. Okay. But it just... We'll see. We'll see what happens. This comes from Redditdit user irritatedhound why does this interviewer look away when I look at her had an interview

and it seems when I look at her she turns her head real quick there were four interviews she was one of them not thinking much about it but just curious oh not thinking much about it which is why this post happened why I had to go to the fucking internet and ask the

vaguest question ever about something that's nothing now before you keep going is this the same person that had the staring contest at the train station i'm i don't know but maybe because it sounds exactly like them right you might be a creepy star. Do they just have freaky eyes that just like, I don't know, are your eyes like a crazy color? Like just pure yellow all across? Are they like cat eyes? Are they like slits? Like little reptilian eyes? Do you just like

ooze bad things? It doesn't even have to be anything like that. Like, a lot of people are uncomfortable with intense eye contact. Now, to be fair, an interviewer should be able to look at you. Yeah, but there's also four interviewers. So maybe she was like looking down at your resume or some shit. Yeah, I guess.

I, for some reason, thought it was like four interviews and not four interviewers. No, four interviewers. And she was one of them. Also, in the comments, he did go down to say that she was very attractive, almost like a model or could have been a model or something. So it's like you probably creep her out. Yeah. If there are four people and you're only staring at one, probably a bad call. Yeah.

So anyway, I just thought that was funny and I wanted to bring that. Here's my real question. Okay. This comes from Reddit user. You are strong. Thank you. Having a hard time accepting rejection and disappointment. How do you handle it? Since the beginning of the year, I, 20s male, have had to deal with the end of an almost relationship and now dealing with the consequences of my actions and insecurities that led to someone I'm very attracted to not being into me as I am into them.

It has been hard to accept things as they are. I keep blaming myself and I can't stop thinking of how much I want certain things to work out, but they won't. What are some things you do to deal with feelings like this? so you should really approach relationships kind of like you do anything else in life you know what i mean like if you don't get a job or if you don't get a promotion or you don't win the lottery or you know your laptop fucking breaks or you trip over and sprain your ankle it's like these are all things you wish had worked out different ways but you can't go back to the past and change them so why should relationships be any different there's also the troubling thing for me is the i've ruined an almost relationship yes there there's no such thing like i was really hoping you'd get into more detail on that

because it's like the only thing it seems that they said was that they were very attracted to them cool we don't know what they're fucking like do they even know who you are yeah there's a lot of things here that sound fantastical and by that mean, it sounds like you're living in a fantasy world in which you created something that doesn't exist and then got really upset when it didn't happen. And that's, everyone's guilty of that. You know what I mean? Like everyone's guilty of getting their hopes up about things, just like you said, about like literally anything.

You know, you go for a job you really want, you look forward to it. And when it doesn't happen, or you start pitching yourself at that job and what it can mean for you and your life and blah, blah, blah. And yeah, it sucks. And you're allowed to feel rejected. You're allowed to be sad about it. What you need to do is walk your expectations back a bit and start thinking about things realistically and logically and a little bit more pragmatically. And that's difficult for people. And I get it. The best advice I ever got, I had a huge issue with my self-worth and I've talked about it before. And dealing with rejection was one of the big, big things that I struggled with. And someone pointed out something to me and it really

changed the way I thought. And it was this, think about all the people that you're not attracted to, and then flip it around and realize that all the people you're not attracted to, there are that many people who aren't attracted to you and you not being attracted to them has nothing to do with them. And it's, and it's no fault of your own. It's no fault of theirs. It's just how how it is you're not obligated to find everyone attractive you're not obligated to give someone a chance if you don't want to and that is the same for other people they just might not find you attractive and that is reality and sure it sucks if that's someone you're attracted to or you someone you want to pursue something with but it has nothing to do with you. I mean, like it might.

But the point is, it's something you can't change. It's just a fact of life. And to dwell on it and try to think of how you could change it or think about what it could be if it wasn't is such a waste of time. It's such a futile effort. You could spend that time literally doing anything else and be more productive in making your life better. And be happier. Exactly. That's pretty much it. Like dealing with rejection while dating should be the same as dealing with things not going your way in every other part of life. But for some reason, and probably because like feelings and

hormones and like dreams and loss, they all build up into this inferno sometimes. And that's a pretty big crash to come down from. But you've heard the plenty of fish in the sea adage, and it's true. There are so many other people out there. I've felt that. I've been let down in relationships or had people I was really into not be into me, or even just had things not work out because of none of our faults and countless times. And sometimes you sit there and you feel like, fuck, am I ever going to find somebody like that again? Am I ever going to find someone I like as much as that, or that I lust after as much as that, or who likes me as much as that, or any of these things. And in the moment, it feels absolutely hopeless. But then you go out and

maybe it's a week later, maybe it's a half a year later, maybe it's two years later, you inevitably meet somebody else again, because there are so many different types of people and so many billions of people that it's actually impossible for that not to happen. I will say that it could be impossible if you dwell on things. Well, yes. If you revert into yourself and keep asking yourself the like the question of and i will tell you this i was the most unsuccessful in terms of finding solid relationships i had no problem having sex but that it was such a fucking it was so

unsatisfying i was the most unsuccessful when i constantly asked myself if I was good enough for people. The second I stopped that, the second I sort of like started to accept and appreciate and love myself is when I started making better friends. And I'm not just talking about relationships as a romantic thing anymore. This is when I started accepting like love from friendships. This is when I started realizing that I didn't need to get my self-worth from the affection of others romantically. I didn't need sex to validate myself. It was all, it was like a whole cascade of things to really focus on why you think you're not good enough.

And that's the question. And you might need to get professional help, or you might need to open up to a friend about it, which is what I did. I ended up having some real solid heart to heart talks with some really incredible people. And I listened to them. And that's the hard part of getting over this kind of shit is listening to what people are saying, because it's very, very easy for someone to give you a compliment or to build you up or to give you some hope. And you turn around and say, yeah, but that's not for me. Or yeah, that works for everyone else, but not me. Or you're my friend.

You have to say that. Exactly. Or like, I'm, you know, bearing myself for you. Of course, you're going to say something like that. Yeah. So you really need to sit and find the people that you trust, you know, open up the vein and let it pour out. And I mean, maybe a bad choice of words.

Don't do that. But, you know, like really let yourself be vulnerable in front of people, specifically people that you trust and respect. And I think you really, really need to focus on the why aren't you good enough, like why you think you're not good enough. And when you start tackling that, I promise you these things aren't going to be a problem anymore. Well, they will, they'll still pop up, but they'll pop up in a far less debilitating way. Yeah. And on top of that, it only hits you this hard when relationships or sex have more of an importance to you than they should. You know what I mean? Like if you really need that to, to get your,

your self worth from, maybe you're lacking in other areas in that. Like maybe you don't have like a hobby or a group of friends or like all these things to, to give you back that self worth and to, to ground you and make you feel happy because when these things mean so much more than they should, that's when they hit you so much harder than they should. People can smell desperation. And we've all been there. The

time I get people least when I was single was when I was fresh out of a relationship or fresh out of a breakup or ending something that was casual or whatever. When I'm very specifically on a night out trying to hook up with somebody or meet somebody because I want it to heal like my broken heart. You know what I mean? And I'm thinking about, and I want it the most ever. And that's when I get it the least because they can tell, you know what I mean? It's not very easy to hide the fact that you're really like yearning for something and it comes off weird. You know what I mean? You seem desperate and people don't like it. And like, even if it's, even if you're not being weird, there's still just that energy that you're just not yourself when you're too into it. So if you can ground yourself in things that you love and

that make you feel good, like friend relationships and family and hobbies and building yourself socially, I know it's advice people are sick of hearing but like you'll be better able to not put too much importance on these things and also just enjoy yourself more yeah i will once again stress the importance of realizing that you can be loved and get the same out of it as a romantic relationship from platonic relationships and i I will say this, like the love of my friends now, especially now came into my life at like the perfect moment in which the,

the, the love I felt from him and, and I got from him like, and my other friends at the time as well, there, there was like a core group of dudes who kind of, kind of put me back together. It wasn't their responsibility. I wasn't counting on it or looking for it.

But I no longer felt like I needed to sleep with X amount of people, new people, in order to have any sort of self-worth. That all whittled away when I would get texts from Niall or my friends and being like, we're doing this come out because all of a sudden, or even just like I would mention something and, and they would respond with what I needed to hear, regardless of whether I wanted to hear it. And I can't stress enough how important it is to let yourself be loved and put

the same weight as on platonic love as you do romantic love because it's a game changer and you need to like men especially we need to start allowing ourselves to be loved by our male friends and start loving our male friends you know like i i know too many people who they're so distant with the people that they're closest with. Yeah. I mean, and like, if that's the people they're closest with, then like,

that's just, that sucks. Cause there's a chasm of, of emotion that they're missing out on between them and that person, you know? And it's like, you're socialized not to, not to do that.

You know what I mean? And I hate it. And you will see, I will, I will further this point and be like, you will see that, that men need this and men crave this and men desperately try to find this but don't know how or are too afraid to do it because

what is the first thing dudes do when they get fucking hammered they hug their friends and they tell you they love you yeah and that and that i think is a very very telling sign that this is something that they've that we want to do, but you know, oftentimes don't feel comfortable doing. Yeah. Well, was it, were you there at that time at the one brewery where like,

uh, you were right. Blood brothers when, uh, yeah, that American girl was there and we were like talking to her. And so our friends arrived and like, you know,

we hugged them and we were like all friendly and she just starts giving us all this abuse and being like, what the fuck's going on here? And it's like, really? Because we huggedged our friends like you live a sad life but that that's it it's like socially that was weird to see for her and it's like the amount of times like i usually hang up like when we stop you know playing video games or you know if i if you ever called me on like a night out or whatever and i would would hung up, I would always, always like end our conversations being like, all right, love you.

Bye. Yeah. All the time. The amount of time to put out like a date or something. All right. Love you. And they're like, what the fuck was that? It's not my wife.

Yeah. But like people get weird by that. And it's like, why, why are we getting weird about this? Like, why can't I tell my best friends that I love them? Yeah. Go find your best friend. Tell him you love them right now. Yeah. And that's, I don't care what you feel. I don't care if you're in the happiest relationship. I don't care if you've been married for 40 years. I don't care about any of that bullshit. Your life will drastically improve tenfold if you start accepting love from your friends and and i and specifically men loving men yeah if if you

build that bond with your male friends you will be set you will be in such an amazing position to to do anything literally do anything i know we kind of went off on a tangent there but i think it's important it's important and like it's funny I like, I think we met each other at such a perfect time where we both were pretty vulnerable and we're both in very like strange places. And like, it was, it was just like fate. It was perfect, you know? And you said some very nice things there. And I feel the exact same way because like, I needed you, you know what I mean? And it was great. So, you know, my life wouldn't be what it is right now if I hadn't met you ever or even at that time, you know. So thank you for being awesome.

Yeah. Well, thank you. And I love you. I love you too. Yeah. I think it was one of those things where I think we were like two sides of a scale that we needed to like get on it and balance out. Because like I was, I wouldn't have done half the thing socially and gone out to as many places or even like travel as much as I did. If it wasn't for you, I really don't think I would have.

And I would have been far too drunk far too often. So it's, it's one of those things where I think like we can learn so much from ourselves and all we have to do is unlearn everything pretty much you know i mean like the the opportunity to learn from your male friends and when you accept their love and when you are willing to give them love um is it's so incredible and it's it's not easy i'll tell you that it is not easy especially depending on where you live and like what kind of family life you have and religion and all that like a lot of that stuff is probably scary also people can just be fucking assholes about the whole thing because i don't know why but they decide that that offends them you know what i mean it's just like fuck off it's it's jealousy i think you know what i mean like i think a lot

of any dude who gets hostile about other dudes like being like that are, I think are, are inherently threatened by the joy you have. And I think it's, I think it's rooted deeply in jealousy. You know what I mean? It's like the same way anyone, like if, if anyone starts getting success, that the person who's always quick to be like,

Oh, this guy, you know, it's the dude who's the most jealous. Yeah. I feel like they want to do it, but like whatever internalized, like socialization just won't let them do it but like whatever internalized like socialization

just won't let them do it and then they clash and it just turns into well fuck you yeah well yeah just reach out to your friends tell them you love them i also do think it's very important for guys to be legitimately friends with girls i know we focused really on like man-on-man friendships there but like i cannot stand any person who thinks guys can't be friends with girls and girls can't be friends with guys if you think that you're just so fucked up in your own world do you because you're like saying that men and women aren't people yeah or at least not equal people you know what i mean at the very least they're ineffably different in your eyes which is bad shit that's a that's a whole different topic yeah so just reach out to your friends tell

them you love them right now. Anyone who's listening. Yeah. Like I said, even if you're having the best fucking streak of romance and you've been together forever. Good. Like all the better. You know what I mean? Yeah. Still reach out to your best friends and let them know that you love them and let them

know that you're there for them. Because I'll promise you half the people that you reach out or like half the people that do this, we'll have one of the friends be like, thanks man. I actually need to talk to you about whatever, you know, especially these days.

No one, you never know who's hiding or holding on to things. And they're just, they just don't know who to talk about or, or they don't want to seem too vulnerable. If you open that door, I promise you someone will walk through it. Do I have a quick question?

There's one I have here. That's teen can last and you're an asshole if you tell teens it won't work out. And I feel like that stems from people being upset at like, you know, oh, it's your first relationship or like, oh, you guys got together there. Like, oh, don't worry. Like, and I think that's a very valid thing to say. I don't think people should get offended by that because you're young and you're somewhat inexperienced and you put up with shit that you don't know better about. And I think it's just a weird thing to get very aggressive about. I get it. Like, again, I'm assuming these people are teenagers and everything is an attack and everything is the most dramatic thing ever.

So it's like no teenager is going to listen to someone and be like, oh, your relationships are, for the most dramatic thing ever. So it's like no teenager is going to like listen to someone be like, oh, your relationships are for the most part trivial. And that's not true because relationships, while they might not be the healthiest or they might not be the most, you know, well-rounded. Yeah, there's still important parts. Like I learned a lot from my relationships and a lot of it wasn't good things.

It was a lot of things that I had to unlearn, but that was a process that led me to where I am now. And I'm very happy about who I am. Well, relationships are like anything where practice makes perfect, right? The more you do it, the more you learn about them and you learn the good stuff. You learn the bad stuff. You learn more about you, you know, so no relationship is ever wasted. If you look at a relationship when you're 13 and the biggest deal is you know sneaking a kiss under the bleachers after school and then you pretty much don't talk to each other again until you have the one class you're in together and then you know you kiss a couple times under the bleachers and then don't talk to each other you know i mean like if that's the extent of relationship yeah

that doesn't that's not all that substantial in life. But it's still a great kiss practice. But yeah, it's still something that develops you as a human being. So I know we've been kind of flippant about teenage relationships. And that's not to say they're not important at all. I think they're very important. They're your first steps into romance and relationships. Sure, of course course they're important, but I think what people are trying to tell you is that they're

not the end of your life, which is what it could, what it's going to feel like when you go through your first breakup is going to feel like you'll never love again. And that's not true. Also, a lot of questions we see are like, you know, should I put up with this? It's my first relationship or we've been, first relationship. It's the sunk cost fallacy. We've been together for so long. I think the danger is, and that's why I don't want people to stop saying this

about teen relationships, is that the danger is you stay in them because they feel like everything, but you then put up with shit you never learned not to. Just a quick aside. All right, you ready for some tindies? Let's do it. Every week, we burn through some Tinder profiles and we point out some green flags if they have them and some red flags, which they usually have just in an effort to, to bring a little humor

out of life, but also show you what not to do. So this is Jake 22, my perfect date night. I pick you up in my Kia Sorento. You get in. There's candles in the car. You go, is that dangerous? And I say, yes, but I like danger. We go to your favorite restaurant and we have a fantastic meal. We come outside and we see my car's on fire. You go, Jake, your car's on fire. Aren't you upset?

I pull out a bag of marshmallows and I go, no, I knew this was going to happen. And then I kiss you in front of my burning car. That's pretty good. I knew it was going to be good. The second he said Kia Sorento, I was like, all right, we're in for a ride. A smooth, smooth, quiet ride. Timeless. This broadcast has been brought to you by Kia.

Kia Sorento. We are a flaming Kia Sorento, if you think about it. We really are. And we don't have any marshmallows. Sorrento, if you think about it. We really are, and we don't have any marshmallows. I give this a 10. I love it. It's great. It's fucking hilarious.

I love it. 10 for me. It's like, again, while this doesn't tell you anything really about this guy, you get enough of an idea of his personality. Yeah. You know exactly who this person is. I feel like there are two kinds of profiles that I want to see. Either one where you just really hammer home who you are. Two really funny

bullshit absurdist things that still tell me who you are. Yeah, I feel like there's the two types. There's the showing and the telling. And this shows where it's like I want to get married and have a house. Or like, hey, I'm just here for to eat ass. They tell.

And show a little bit, I guess. Yes, they do. This is Catechus. Ooh, Catechus? Like C-A-T? Uh, no. K-A-T. I was hoping it was going to be full of cat puns. Been single for a while. Now I'm looking for a special man for fun and adventures. I'm an artsy person.

Financially and emotionally stable. Pretty laid back. Love to laugh and be affectionate love board games comedy shows and cool art and museum exit exhibits low carb carnivore vegans need not apply 51.75 cat mom fairweather cyclist looking for a reliable man with goals ambition chemistry connection and communication man it got worse as it went on the very specific height gets me the vegans need not apply gets me and the the special man was weird and also i guess you don't really need to say that you haven't been dating for a while yeah i mean like i don't really care about like the last one eh like that stems kind of being like that's a flex being like i'm not i, I don't have to be here. You know what I mean? It's so weird.

My big thing is the weird of being vegan is, this has nothing to do with you. Yeah. What somebody eats has literally nothing to do with who they are as a person. Well, I mean, I guess kind of. But it has nothing to do with like- It's not a value call, right? Being vegan has no bearing on whether you're a nice person or anything. It just means you eat a certain thing. Yeah.

And it's like, you know, I'm a meat eater and my girlfriend is vegan. And at no point in time has that ever really caused an issue other than when we're traveling and we can't find a place where she can eat. And like, that's not her fault. Not a hold against her at all. That sort of, oh oh i don't want to date a vegan it's like why because you want to eat meat and don't want someone to not eat meat so fucking weird yeah it's it's i i don't know it just makes you seem super ignorant it just

seems so petty it just seems like this is really that's the line you're gonna draw on the sand you could say no racists you know i mean I mean? Like if you're going to choose arbitrary things to not want to date, why not racist? Well, is that arbitrary? You know, if you're just going to say one thing, really you would,

if you have all things, vegan was the one for you. That's bizarre. Vegans. No, thank you. This racist guy though. Like,

cause that's currently kind of the vibe you're putting out being like, everyone's fine except for vegans. Yeah. It seems really strange. Um, everyone's fine except for vegans. Yeah. It seems really strange. It's going to get a three for me, maybe a two. I'm going to give it a three. Also the weirdly specific height. Yeah.

And again, it's like, you've given no sign that you're funny for that to be like a joke. So it just comes off like you're so matter of fact that it just comes off that like you really care about that 0.75. Oh yeah. Which is like, it's like asking someone's age and then being like, I'm almost 30. so matter of fact that it just comes off that like you really care about that 0.75 oh yeah which is like it's like asking someone's age and then being like i'm almost 30 it's like what what age are you just uh you just seem very like uh god why can't i why can't i word right now you seem shit this is g want to sit in your face g a, a guy or a girl? G's a girl. Okay, 10. Yeah, 10. I'm on here looking for, oh, sorry, this is Karen.

I'm on here looking for potential third partners for me and my boyfriend, oh, sorry, me and my partner to enjoy a threesome with. He's a straight cis man and I'm a bi-questioning cis woman. We're open to both men and women. However, there are limitations in regards to same-sex engagement we are willing to participate in. These threesomes would largely be heterosexual 2v1

rather than a true three-way. That's a tongue twister. If you're interested in that, DM. I've got no problems. They're open about what they're looking for. They're open about their genders and sexuality,

which I think is kind of crucial in that kind of stuff. Fuck it. Yeah, I got no problem with it. Yeah, seems like at least they've talked and put down kind of like the road marks, the road map you know what I mean? The rules, which I think

is pretty fucking essential. So sure, it's not very exciting. So other than that, I just, you know, I give it an 8. Yeah, like the thing is, it's not for me obviously, but yeah, I'm going to give it an 8 because it sets out to thing is it's like it's not for me obviously but i'm yeah i'm gonna give it a nate because it sets out to do what it's going to do yeah i think a little bit more a little bit more pizzazz a little bit more personality this seems like a business ad

yeah exactly i don't think there's anything intriguing but at least like they've i guess they're waiting like leaving their pictures to be the intriguing part i'd like a little bit more about the famous of them. Them as people, yeah. Even if it's just the short like, she's a this, this, and this. He's a this, this, and this. Yeah, yeah. And then like, boom, here's the business part.

That's all I would need to make it a 10. All right, this is MN. If they were meant to be in your life, nothing could ever make them leave. If they weren't, nothing in the world could make them stay. I'm not a person you find twice. My ex taught me that no matter how good of a woman you are, you'll never be good enough for a guy who isn't ready to be a man. Flower emoji.

If you are not okay looking, and if you are under 5'8", tall, I'd probably swipe by mistakes. Thanks. Suitman. Star, star, star. Heart face. Smiles. Star, star, star, star.

Heart face. Pretty boy and gals are welcome. Spinning hearts. Soupman? Suitman. star star heart face pretty boy and gals are welcome spinning hearts soup man suit man i assume she likes suit pictures but also maybe soup pictures that would be great i was like what she just really into superman no suit man yeah also a weird fucking thing to say this is terrible she quotes her ex on her fucking tinder profile i don't know if the quote was by their ex but they do say their ex taught them something which i think is a really weird flex most all of it is garbage there's the weird quote which i don't like there's the reference to

our ex which like if you're already referencing your ex on your tinder profile yeah like god you're literally at zero yeah you're at the zero mark and you've mentioned directly fucked up and then also there's a really confusing if you're not okay looking and if you are under five eight i probably swipe by mistakes thanks is that like is that a diss like i probably by mistakes hat, hot wink. Yeah. No, no short, ugly people. You don't need to tell people that if you swipe left on them, you didn't find them attractive. That's the point. Oh,

did you say you've swiped left? Oh, I probably swiped by my style. I thought, yeah, the other way. Okay. I was going to say,

cause that's a weird flex to be like, I don't know why I read it that way. Uh, yeah, this is bizarre. Uh, this is a one, a 1? A 0? Yeah I'm going to give it a 1

I'm giving it a 1 just because you thought I said soup man And that was very funny Okay this is Amy I'm Christian I'm particular on the meat I eat I won't celebrate holidays Including Christmas and Easter I've read the bible cover to cover

I would like to meet someone Christian as well That's like minded Christ I think this might be my least favorite one we've ever read i like there's no better and this is nothing against religious people i have my qualms with religion as an institution faith i don't give a shit do whatever want, as long as it's not hurting anyone. This literally sounds like the least fun person in the world. And here's why. Here's why I say that.

Because out of everything she says that she got out of the Bible, it seems like what she can eat as meat is really the thing that's worth mentioning. Also, like, I won't celebrate holidays. I refuse to celebrate Christmas and Easter. Two Christian holidays, mind you. Yeah, are you sure you're not Jehovah's Witness? Because it sounds like you're Jehovah's Witness. Is this a fairy?

Holy shit. She's Jehovah's Witness trying to find Christians to convert. But also, she wants to find someone who's Christian and like-minded. I think it's going to be quite hard to find a Christian who also hates holidays. I'm a Christian. I'm a diehard Christian. I'd fuck those holidays, though.

It's just the most unfun thing I've ever read. And also, let's fucking talk about it. The sex is going to be either incredible or the worst. What sex? I'm just saying. If you marry her, she's allowed to do her wifely duties and i'm she's either a fucking lunatic or the worst yeah maybe both uh that's gonna be just a solid round zero for me see this is why i gave that other profile one because i'm like there's always someone worse and now i can give this profile zero and not feel bad it's definitely not the worst we've seen because i'm pretty sure there were like racist ones and homophobic ones

but it's garbage also this is just the thing the thing with our ratings at least my ratings are particular to the day. Yes. I don't carry them over because, yes, there have been profiles that have been super racist or super rapey or super, like, terrible

that I would put this above. But today, unfortunately, you're at the bottom of the barrel. It's true. Thank you very much for listening. It is a pleasure to do this every week for you, and we can't thank you enough for being here with us. It is a pleasure to do this every week for you. And we

can't thank you enough for being here with us. It means the world to us. So thank you for spending an hour of your time with us. We love you. We do. We love you. Thanks for coming back. If you enjoy yourself, please consider sharing us with one of your friends, posting about us on Twitter. If you ever see someone looking for podcast recommendations, shoot our name out. That is really the best way you can pay it forward for podcast recommendations shoot our name out that is really the best way you can pay it forward for us we thank you dearly if you guys are already doing that if you have a podcast and you're in canada and you want to vote for us in the canadian podcast awards or nominate us currently that would be great also yeah if you'd like to reach out to us

for whether you just want to say hi or uh send us a, you can hit us up at fbuddiespodcast.com. You can pop on over to the contact section and you'll find a form you can fill out. Also, all of our social medias are there so you can reach out to us any way you'd like. We'd love to hear from you, even if you don't have a question, even if you just want to say hey. Say hey, we love you. Yeah, we're easy. All right. Thank you, Josh Eagle and the Harvest Cities for their

song Paper Stars. And are you ready for some bad sex writing, Dane? I sure am. The mantle of spinsterhood was definitely on her shoulders now. She was 25 and looked it. And so there was no longer any need for her to try to be attractive. Her pale, lashless eyes looked directly

and uncompromisingly upon the world and her thin lips were ever set in haughty tightness. There was an air of dignity and pride about her now that, oddly enough, became her better than the determined girlish sweetness of her days at Twelve Oaks. The position she held was almost that of a widow. Nothing like the old 25-year-old spinster. She's done. She's 25. That's all you get.

Yeah. Fuck. This is from Gone with the Wind. Damn. Yeah. It was written by a woman. Unlike most of the bad sex writing we write. That's rough.

I mean, I guess back then maybe 25 is like middle age, right? I don't know. No, it's not. Thank you very much for listening. My name is Dave Miller. And I'm Niles Bain. We've been your fuck buddies tell your best friend you love them