F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 165 - Slutbot (feat. Brianna Rader)

Episode Date: November 29, 2021

I, for one, welcome our future, sexy robot overlord.  This week we're joined by sexting AI, Slutbot, creator Brianna Rader to talk about all things sexting.  Topics include a guide to great sexting, how to text with women, how to encourage your partner to be a better sexter, how to let down an over-eager texter, a hall pass with a twist and a fresh batch of Tinder profiles.   Find Brianna and Slutbot: https://www.juiceboxit.com/ https://twitter.com/brirader

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller. And I'm Niall Spang. And I'm Brianna Rader. And we're your fuck buddies.

We are a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations and we turn them into sexy, sticky situations. Simply put, we find questions online about sex, dating, or sent in from our lovely listeners and we answer them for you. And this week, you may have noticed a new voice. We have a very, very exciting guest. I would say, and I don't want to like throw the rest of our guests under the bus, but perhaps one of the coolest guests we've had on, Brianna Rader, you have invented a thing called SlutBot. And it has been talked about in the New York Times and Cosmo and Mashable.

And I want to talk about it because it blows my mind and it's one of the coolest things I've ever heard of. So can you tell me what SlutBot is? Yeah. So I'm the creator of SlutBot and also a sex educator. And that's what led me to creating SlutBot. And SlutBot is a virtual lover that you sext with. So it's a phone number over SMS that you text and you and Slutbot go back and forth. It's a basically like interactive erotica, but it's from first person. So it's like a point of view, erotic story. And Slutbot is meant to be a role model. So hopefully you get inspiration for your sex life or new ideas for your sex

thing and just get excited, or new ideas for your sexting and just get exciting new ideas basically is it one of those things that like i guess my first question when i heard about this is what is the possibility or likelihood that it will gain sentience and take us over in the sexiest way possible well the technology behind slut bot uses natural language understanding, which is different from just free form AI. So what we do actually is we come up with the theme for the story, and then we hand it off to an erotic fiction writer, she writes the narrative, and then we hand it off to our engineers to build in the intelligence, basically. So let's say Slutbot asks you, do you want me to go slower or faster? And then we have built various responses for what we predict most people will write. But if you write something like, let's ride a dinosaur to the ice cream store, that has nothing to do with the topic we're talking about. So slut bot isn't going to understand that. So it

doesn't have the intelligence of a human to respond like, what are you talking about? We can't go get ice cream. So it's going to utter one of the maybe like 10 responses that we've written for that point. And it might not make sense. And we are a long way off from any kind of professional AI and sentience. I mean, anyone who has a Google Home, or an Alexa knows that those are the best engineers in the world working on AI. And if they can't even understand the song you want to play on Spotify, we're a far way off. Okay. Then my fears have been assuaged.

I'm much more comfortable with SlutBot existing now. It is, I've talked to a bunch of people about it. And every time I've mentioned it, people have been like, that's the coolest thing I've ever heard. Is that widely sort of the reaction when you talk about Slutbot? Are people as hyped as me and my friends have been? When I tell people about it, it's pretty much universal curiosity. I think everyone wants to learn more. No one thinks it's stupid. I think some people might be a little intimidated at first, like, what do I write?

But the idea is that slut bot guides the conversation. So they're slut bots supposed to be like, your most experienced, most knowledgeable, like friends that you want to hook up with just because you want to learn their ways. Like that's kind of the vibe we're going for. Not something that's like overly teacher focused. Like it's meant to was like I was 13 or something. I met a girl at a Slipknot concert and was messaging her at home. And the scary part was she was using her dad's phone because she ran out of credit. And I was like, this is going to go so poorly

because she's going to forget to delete the messages or I'll message her later or something. But I almost had that nervousness because I feel like sexting is a little intimidating if you're not like doing it all the, like all that regularly, because like it does feel a little ridiculous in a sense, or like at least it's something you're not that used to.

And I felt that. And then like, as you go in, it does kind of like ease you in quite nicely. And it is one, it makes you comfortable too. I think it's actually really good practice if you are ever nervous with regards to sexting at all. And like, on the third hand, it is good that there are kind of generic

responses because like, it means if you are sexting and like you get to it, you know, it like a real person says something you're not really sure what to do with. Even if they are a little bit generic, the responses all really make sense. So it's like you you could just throw one in there and it'll work. Yeah. And if you, if you signed up and tried it out, the very first experience you probably went through, it introduces SlutBot as if it's a person you already know. And SlutBot starts talking about what happened last night. And so it feels like a real life sexting experience. But then we release new stories every single week. And those are various fantasies. So we've done ones where you and Slutbot go on a trip, and you're on the airplane, and then a sexy flight attendant approaches you about going to first class, and have like join the mile high club but we've done

other ones that are more fantasy based like you enter a magical portal and you meet a talking faun and then you go to an orgy with fairies so it really is very like all over the spectrum for everyone's interests and we are inclusive of everyone's gender and sexuality. So Slutbot can be gay, straight, a woman, man, non-binary, et cetera. Yeah, I really appreciate that. I also know I was reading through, I think there's a yoga one as well. Yeah, definitely. I saw an interview with someone who, or not an interview, I think it was a write-up, where they basically talked about that. And interestingly, one of their favorite parts about it was the fact that Slutbot reacts very well to consent. There are moments where Slutbot asks you, like, oh, can I do this? And whatever. And it's like, if you say no, it will... Obviously,

it's programmed well, but they thought that was one, a really refreshing experience and two, just like super positive and a good lesson, you know? Yeah, no. And I think what people don't realize is that it is consent focused, but also it's sexy for someone to verbally say what they're about to do to you. Like that's what nerdy talk is. I think nerdy talk is something they don't really understand, like, has a lot of mystery. And really all it is is consent. That's the thing. It's, like, a lot of people, I think, find consent intimidating. Like, they don't want to, like, take away from the, like, you know, sexy momentum and find it awkward sometimes to, like, implicitly ask.

And, like, Slipknot, I think, is a really good example of how you can very much like ask and have it still be like framed in a sexy way so i think that's cool yeah dirty talk is such a funny thing that like people i think automatically assume dirty talk has to be crass or like crude so you have people who will start using words that they like never want to do i remember being with a woman once uh and she was like, I would like to talk a little dirty during sex. I was like, yeah, for sure. But I don't think she really realized that it, as you said, it is a lot of just sort of like what you're doing or what you would like to do or finding permission to do either one of those things. But she was just being like i want you to fuck my pussy and i was just like you're not those are words that are not

comfortable coming out of your mouth so you don't have to say them so it's fun this is a a way of one teaching people that sexting is is very much like a an erotic novel and that's kind of the point of it not just like i want to fuck you um as we have a question that deals with that later um and a little bit more about like you know building the world around it and and you know not just going right to you know i can't wait to have you naked so we can have sex it's like that's not sexting or it's not good sexting yeah well it's like actual good sex right you don't just jump to like the end there's a such a thing called foreplay so i think you know it's pretty much the same concept right yeah and there's there's tons of tips for

how to sext and how to dirty talk but there's actually Dan Savage made a formula for how to create a sext or how to create a phrase for when you're talking in bed. And it really is only three parts. And you kind of already covered it. But the first part is you just explain what you are about to do. So an example of this is I would love to kiss your neck. The second way to do it is describe what you are doing or what it feels like. And so an example of this is, it feels so good how you're grabbing my hip. And then the third example is past tense. You describe what you just did. So an example is, I love the way your leg shook under me.

And that's all there is to it. Those are the three ways to write a sext. And you can just follow that formula or like write it down. And when you get nervous, is to it. Those are the three ways to write a sex. And you can just follow that formula or like, write it down. And when you get nervous, refer to it. So where did the idea come from? Like what? What was your eureka moment? What led to all this? The background story is that I grew up in East Tennessee. And I had a pretty conservative upbringing, the school system, really conservative. No sex education was allowed at all, meaning they couldn't even mention condoms. It was abstinence only approach. And by, you know, it's illegal.

Like teachers will get fined if they talk about other stuff. So that was my context. And I identify as bisexual. And so growing up queer, I think I questioned a little bit more. And so while I was in college, and I went to the University of Tennessee, given that it was a public university, a lot of the students came from similar backgrounds that I did. And I saw it being a huge problem while I was in college. So I started a local nonprofit to provide sex education to college students. So these are adults. So it was inclusive of different genders, different sexualities and

pleasure. So we talked about safety, but we also talked about pleasure and consent and communication. And so given the political environment, it was very controversial. And the state government actually got involved. So they passed a bill through the state house and Senate legally condemning me and the organization. And then the state defunded our public funding. And we had to privately fundraise it all back. And it basically exploded into this like sensationalized story. So I ended up on the Bill O'Reilly show on Fox News. And for two weeks, it just took over my life and like was all over the news stations. And the organization still exists today. And it did great. But the point is that I learned a ton from that experience and how politicized just having access to information is. So from that, I think it made me feel like this really is my calling. And so I ended up going to grad school, I got my master's, I thought I was going to work in sex education and public health. But I quickly realized that the public sectors are very slow, and not the great places to work with this because

there's a lot of red tape you have to worry about parents teachers schools and so I decided to switch to the private sector and that's how SlutBot was born so I actually originally started a coaching business so it was like sex therapy coaching, coaching one on one all via an app via text. So to make it more accessible, and we treated a ton of different issues and concerns. But regardless of what people's issues were with sex, the bottom line was that no one could communicate. That was the universal issue. And so I felt like what if I actually dropped coaching and just built a tool to address this fundamental issue that people don't know how to communicate about sex without shame. And so that's how SlutBot came about because I knew most people would not, you know, download an app that's like learn how to communicate like that's lame so i wanted to make it fun and erotic so people would keep coming back and since it's text focused it's all verbal so you actually learn how to communicate and it's meant to compete with our country's largest sex educator which i

believe is porn hub so it has to be hot and erotic to compete with the other forms of media that people are learning how to, you know, do sex from. Yeah. I just want to say like, I rewind to the part where you got condemned by the U S government is one of the coolest fucking things.

I'm sure it was very stressful for you at the time, but that alone, like if that ever happens to us in any sort i feel like we would i i would be like all right we've done our job well because i feel like that is is almost quintessentially like why uh people like us do what we do because we notice that the status quo is not enough for what we would like the world to be. And that is generally like safer and healthier and sexier. And, uh, even in Canada, which has a pretty good sexual education system. I mean, it's getting rolled back now because we're all reverting in time for some reason,

but, um, it is, it's one of those things where it's like, it's still not enough. Like when I was in school I didn't know what consent was like I obviously knew what it was but I didn't understand the concept of it or hear the word consent until I was like an adult already having sex so the fact that like things like that are being glossed over is is a reason like why we do this show and and why you're doing what you're doing so it's it's so cool to to have someone on here who's who's like actually you know sticking it to the man so fighting the good fight yeah it's wild that that ever happened it's so upsetting that that's the reality we live in but i think it's really awesome that you you know just did

more you know that's awesome yeah, you know, that's awesome. Yeah. Thank you. No, I'm, I'm very proud of it now. I want to actually get the official bill. You should time. It definitely was stressful. I'm glad I live in San Francisco now. Yeah. I can't imagine what that must have felt like. I do have to ask, is Bill O'Reilly as terrible as he seems? Like actually talking to the man, is it as infuriating as it seems? Well, I'll tell you this. I think I lowered my expectations

extremely before the interview because I wanted to be ready for anything. Like I was mentally ready for him to call me like a pedophile on TV or something. So the fact that he didn't, interview because I wanted to be ready for anything. Like I was mentally ready for him to call me like a pedophile on TV or something. So the fact that he didn't, I think I was like, oh, that wasn't too bad. But I think it was because of that expectation setting. I do think that in the experience I had, it felt like he is a character so when we when we were talking before we started filming he seemed very even-keeled and kind and didn't say anything crazy and then when the tv filming started he

turned it up a little bit so right yeah as i feel like most people on fox news are probably like did he cut your mic off did he do do anything crazy? Or was it really just kind of like a, a fairly even Bill O'Reilly segment? It was not that crazy. I'm like pretty level headed. So I didn't get heated. So I think I might've been a little boring for him. He interrupted me a few times, but that was it. Yeah. Right. Um, it's okay. That's, that's all. Once I heard you're on Bill O'Reilly, I was like, God, no. I do like that you were like, well, you didn't call me a pedophile on national television, so that's a win. Pretty indicative of how Bill O'Reilly works. Right.

Should we get into some questions? Are you ready to answer some questions with us? Definitely. All right. Now, you want to start us off? Sure. We'll start. This is, you want to start us off? Sure. We'll start. This is, you know,

nothing too dramatic. This is by Addicted Depression on Seduction. How do I text girls? I, male, 21, used to get no girls. I was a virgin until I was 19. Never had a girlfriend

until I was 20. Now I'm getting really good with girls. I'm able to talk and basically approach any woman. There's a girl in my school who's into me and straight up told me I was attractive. She's even a model as a side gig. We've hung out twice and made out both times. I told her I'm not really a texter.

And she said, yeah, I noticed. Like she was super mad about it. I'm not sure what to do. Well, I would say texting is not any different from any other form of communication. And also, more and more, especially with the younger age group, texting is where most conversations unfortunately happen now, instead of maybe always in person. And so it's important to be super clear and communicative over text. So I'm also like, I'm not a fan of like the short text responses, or the text without smiley faces and emojis, because you want to make sure the recipient understands your tone. So I would say it's like quite a bit of work, you need to write full sentences, you need to explain what you're thinking, you need to use emojis, you need to make sure that there's no chance that the person on the other side doesn't understand what you're saying.

Now, I think it's also fair for him to say, hey, I actually don't really enjoy texting. I'd prefer to hang out in person more or something like that. But I just think they need to be on the same page. Yeah, I think it's definitely fair to not be like a big texter, you know, because some people, they don't like to text all the time. Other people, you know, some people they don't like to text all the time other people you know i am definitely guilty of this i can multitask and just text while i'm doing whatever you know and i'm very chatty um but you raise a great point where it's like texting isn't like

it's not an alien concept by any means i'm sure this guy texts his friends and his family probably quite quite often every goddamn day so it's like i think part of the issue here might be that he's looking at texting a girl as being something different you know what i mean like it's not just communication it's not just chatting it has to be either one sexy or two more complicated which you know it doesn't always have to be sexy and if it does you got slutbot to teach you there yeah and if it's not sexy just chat like you're chatting to other people like text as you said it's just communication i think the fear is also with with dudes specifically looking for you said

this is from seduction which is if you're not familiar rihanna it is uh like the pickup artist section of subreddit or reddit yeah it's it's a nightmare i've heard of this yeah um i mean frankly i don't enjoy the question at all the question is how should i text people yeah exactly no it's this is like unfortunately this is some of the best content like the most positive you'll get out of seduction. Well, that's kind of my point is I think this person is concerned specifically that engaging in text conversations with women implies that he has feelings or wants something more serious than just sex or whatever he might be looking for. Or it might reveal that there is an actual living, breathing human person on the other end of it, as opposed to, you know, alpha male. I get to I pick up.

I'm not a virgin anymore. College guy. And I think that like that's kind of the vibe I'm getting off this as well, where he's not necessarily not a texter. He's just not a texter of women because he's concerned that it will imply that he wants something more than a booty call. Or he'll let down his tough guy off of a sad. Yeah.

Right. The more you talk, the more chances there are of revealing any sort of personality to someone. And heaven forbid that happens. Also, you can't do Batman voice over text. Two of my pet peeves for sexting or texting in general is that one, it's really problematic for lag time to be used to manipulate. So if you're in a text conversation, and you have to go for hours and hours, it's not cool to play games, you need to be transparent. And you need to say like, hey, I got to work like talk to you later. So the person got left on the other line, spiraling and insecure. My second piece is related. I think it's really problematic to be coy in dating. I think

we're taught growing up that it's sexy to be coy. And it's okay to play it cool and hang back. But to withhold feelings just to manifest mystery is really manipulative. And all it is is fostering confusion. It's not healthy. So the idea of like, oh like oh i'm gonna text less to like make her think i'm hard to get or something like that that's all like super messed up yeah well you say it on the podcast a lot like any games like that it's awful you know what i mean no matter who's doing it and why it's like be straight up and it's like there's not going to be a downside if you're worried that someone's gonna not like you because you're giving genuine interest, then you don't want to be with that person. You know what I mean? Like hiding your interest and faking all this bullshit

just to like get a workaround to, to what you actually want is, is insanity. So we always advocate for like communication and like playing things straight, which, you know, this person clearly doesn't seem like they're doing well i guess like just hardcore advice is just like fucking they're people you know i mean like we've said this a million times just talk to them talk to the girl you're texting like they're a person like they're your friend you know what i mean because they are a fucking person and there's no like alternate magical approach for women. It's just people. And it feels ridiculous to have to say this all the time,

but like, that's the bare fact of the matter. As you stated, Brianna, it's communication and you know, you can do it in person. So you can do it over text. And if you're worried about the sexy stuff,

slut butt. Also it's 2021. Let's get over the idea. That's like texting is non-negotiable, whether you're a big texter or not. It doesn't matter. You do. If you want to maintain any sort of relationship or like, if you want to be any sort of successful in dating, you're going to have to like text every now and then you don't have to text 24 seven or every time your phone bings to run to it.

But you do need to understand that this is an age of instant gratification and instant messaging if you're just going to be like i'm not going to text anyone then it's probably going to be very difficult for you 100 yeah i agree with that you might have to accept it yeah you don't i don't think again you don't have to like run to your phone every time it pings off but a simple like text every now and then isn't going to kill you. And if it is going to kill you, then maybe consider not dating for a while and get your priorities, do whatever you need to do before,

you know, realizing that 30 seconds out of your, you know, hour to send or respond to a text. If that's, if that's too much for you to handle, then you probably aren't ready for any sort of meaningful relationship.

All right. This is from Agent Riverbed. This was sent in to us on Instagram. My boyfriend travels a lot for work, and I've tried to initiate sexting as a way to remain intimate with him while he's away. However, he's really, really bad at it.

If I ask him what he would do if he was with me, it's usually along the lines of, I would fuck you. I try to go with more of a response from him with a how or where, but it's usually met with something uninspired like hard or on the bed. How can I get my boyfriend to put more effort or be more creative when we sexed? Yeah, it is hard to learn how to sex.

I understand why this guy might be struggling with it because we aren't taught. Like sex is one of the few things in life that we don't have role models for because the topic is inherently private. So it is, it makes sense that he feels like he might need examples or role models to learn. I mean,

he can literally copy and paste slut bots text. I don't mind at all. But I think the most important thing for sexting is be really detailed, as detailed as possible. So a lot of adjectives, I think that people if she wants to maybe prompt, she said, what would you do if we were together or something like that? I think that's a great start. And she could probably like try to prompt a little bit more, or she could try sexting first. So that is like one of my main tips is that a lot of people kind of demand in relationships, like send me a nude, send me a sex, blah, blah, blah. And actually, the best way to build trust and grow that is for you to share first. And so I wonder if she could send him a text that's something like, I was at work thinking

about you. I was thinking about how much I want to undress you. I'm remembering that shirt you wore last weekend. It was blue with these buttons. You wore it on our last date, it would feel amazing to slowly pull it off of you, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And you just need to like slowly build up because that's going to be way more titillating. Specificity and things on kind of like the micro level are definitely more important. Because like, I want to fuck you hard on the bed as your entire approach is just so bland and like removed from the entire process as opposed to like you know that's not what would happen you would start undressing or kissing or you know in the living room and maybe you'd end up in the bed or maybe vice versa you know so i

think like really like nailing it down to like instead of like what would you do if we were at home? It's like, you know, I'm lying on the couch and, you know, I'm in my pajamas or that sexy nightie that you like. Or, you know what I mean? Like the more specificity you provide, it gives them kind of more of a field to play with. I would also like to mention that this man is traveling and consider when you're sending these sex because he might be at the airport or in a meeting or on his, you know what I mean? Like there might be a time where it's not a time conducive to sexy time and his focus is elsewhere. So he might be sending these sort of half-hearted messages as a means to not

leave you hanging or, or, or not make you feel like it's unwanted, but he is like in the middle of a a board meeting or some you know something going on so i think also specifying like a time to do this not necessarily you know scheduling your calendars of being like oh it's 6 30 it's texting time but be like hey when you're home and back at the hotel send me a message and you know we we can chat for a bit and that way you know that his attention

is 100 on the matter and if it is still as bad as you're describing then we can move into what niall and brianna are talking about um but it is also important and this is like a thing that i'm guilty of is i work nights which means i am around during the day. So if I ever send a sexy message to someone during the day, I'm like, oh yeah, you're like at your office right now and might not be the sexiest environment to get whatever I'm sending you. And I've, and I've had people, I remember doing it like on a Sunday and someone was just like, I didn't know what they were up to. And they were just like, Hey, I'm at a funeral right now. So now's not a great time.

I was like, Oh, sorry. I agree. I think it's important to be on the same page and kind of get permission. It's going to make it more fun. So yeah. Be aware of time difference schedules.

Yeah. And, and like now I'm Brianna are talking about also mentioned that you want to sext because if you if you are saying, oh, I came up with the idea of sexting as a way to stay intimate. If you haven't also broached the subject with your partner, they might be fucking clueless. And that is a common thing with people is they just might not know this is something that matters to you and something that you are actively trying to do for the reasons that you're trying to do it. So if you say, oh, hey, when you're gone on your trips for work, I really miss you. And I really miss, you know, being sexy with you and being intimate with you while you're away. Do you mind if we sexed? And as another means to sort of

be like, hey, this is important to me. Can you give me a little bit more than one word or two word answers? Well, I think that's important. Like communication is key. It's like, if they say, what do you want? Like,

what would you do to me? Fuck. No, but like where bed, you know what I mean? It's like, you could be like, Hey,

you know, you wouldn't just start there. Like, give me more, like, tell me how you would, you know, explain the floor,

foreplay, floor play, explain the foreplay to me. Um, you know, you can ask for what you want. The communication is key. We say it all the time. The best way to learn, I think is through example. So if she hasn't done the work to send the kind of sex that she wants to receive to him, then I think it's an unfair ask. So I think she definitely needs to like show and tell, but definitely after they're on the same page, maybe she should start the prompts. And I think that this is how we actually

build our slut bot stories, but the slut bot messages are made up of three parts. So the first part is you acknowledge what the person just said. The second part is new content. And the third part is a question to keep the conversation going. So that's the best way to keep a sexting conversation going. And if you include those three parts, you're making the person feel heard and also keeping a new prompt going so that the other person doesn't have to work as hard. Yeah. Yeah. That's great advice. With regards to the formula there, it's like one of the ones I got earlier was just,

I love hearing what you enjoy. I want to hear you whisper in my ear how good it feels. And then what would you say to me? Which is like, you can take that and you can use that kind of anywhere. It's great. You know? And the other thing is we briefly talked about it at the beginning.

It's like that translates so well to in-person like sexy talk like that is something that i would love a partner to say to me like while we are getting hot and heavy um so i i think all these things that like the more you practice with sexing i think or the more practiced you'll be at at saying these things to your partner in person and i think you'll see some pretty good results from it. I do like how a lot of the advice for this question in particular could literally just be go on SlutBot. Yeah. Initiate the way you want to be spoken to, I think is a very good, like it's perfect advice because it's true, right?

They'll see what you want because you're kind of providing it. You ready for another one? is by modern 66 how do i 22 year old male reject this girl nicely hey everyone i go to the gym four to five times a week and right after halloween a girl approached me and asked if i could spot her i said yes and she's basically followed me around ever since i was stupid and accepted her follow request on Instagram, and now she won't stop messaging me. She only stops when I tell her I'm busy, and then is like, did you see my message? It's cringe. Now, this girl is super attractive, but I just don't gel with her personality.

I'm a massive nerd, but don't look like one, and she's just too rude to other people. I don't want to switch gyms, and I don't want to cause drama. I've already told her I just want to be friends, slash I'm not looking for a girlfriend, but she keeps slurring. I'm giving her one word replies and she still won't catch on. I even told her I don't like her in that way. So the direct approach doesn't seem to be working. Lol. People have read it.

What do I do? And in this case, people of fuck buddies podcast. That's hard. It sounds like he's already done some direct communication there. So if he's already made it super clear and said, I'm not interested in you in this way, I'm sorry, can we take a little bit of a pause, hang out less frequently, talk more frequently. If he's already done all that, then it does seem like a really difficult situation. Yeah. It's, this is where,

I mean, it sucks. And this is specifically why there was a woman in my boxing gym that I, you know, I had a little crush on and we got talking a few times and we had run into each other out and about in the city a couple of times. And I specifically made the choice not to pursue anything with her specifically because like the gym is, is a place that I don't want to feel weird. It's already kind of a weird enough

experience for me to, to go and work out or do something. So like, last thing I want to do is also be like, ah, there's that girl that's here that like, it didn't really work out with. So I kind of keep, and i often encourage people to do the same of being like yeah there are attractive people at the gym for sure but let them let them fucking work out don't try to hit on them leave them be let them work out and like if it happens naturally sure cool but like i think it's such a bad bad idea to to hit on people or uh interact with people in a romantic way in locations that you're not willing to give up. Like if you ever asked the bartender out at your local bar and she says, no, it's like,

you got to stop going there. So, so don't ask out the hot bartender at your local. And I think this is unfortunately one of those situations where it's like, you kind of goofed, even though it didn't seem like he really hit on her yeah yeah so i think one of these i think it might just have to either stop responding or block her i think yeah like what i would say block her because it's like at this point you've given them all the options and all the chances to to end things gracefully and it's like at this point if they're not picking up the hint one like a blocking is not all that offensive right but like it also might be the one thing that gets through and either way you're going to stop those messages coming so then you

only have to worry about it at the gym at which point you could just you know wear headphones and just be like no i think i'm just going to do a solo workout today and hope they finally get the message i think that would be my approach until she unclips your weights you drop 500 pounds on your knees well that's true okay well yeah how do you avoid that dame you literally have to get a new gym i mean i i would be so uncomfortable working out with someone that like wouldn't take no for an answer multiple different ways in which i've said no and then i had to block like someone tells me she's not gonna react to this in a cool way maybe maybe like do a like a rolling approach where you first stop replying and if that doesn't do anything and

i've dated someone or like not even dated i hooked up with someone maybe three times and they literally started messaging me all the time to a point where like i kind of said i wasn't looking for anything very similar to this and when i said that they were like oh yeah no worries like it's very funny that you thought this was getting serious because for me it's definitely not serious and i was like oh okay cool i'm glad we're on the same page. And then she started messaging me constantly. And then when I finally stopped replying, she started finding bits of information on like my various social media and like messaging me about like my favorite show

that she just started watching and my favorite book that she just started reading. And it got pretty bad to the point where I had to say it again, very kind of definitively and then block her on a bunch of stuff. And then she broke into my apartment and left me birthday presents.

So eventually she stopped contacting me, but. So you just have to let it get to the point of home invasion and then she'll go away. It wasn't that dramatic. She hoodwinked my elderly landlord, but that wasn't also very chill either. How is that any better? It's slightly better than someone like busting the door down. Anyway, we need to get back to advice. I think I would try to go for the direct communication, then like a slow fade out where I'm just like responding to one every five messages or something like that.

And then if it still didn't work, I would unfortunately remove myself from the situation. So gyms do a block, that kind of thing. I think another suitable way to do it is the next time you go into your gym, put on a fake mustache. And if she comes over and talks to you, you'd be like, Oh no,

no, that's my twin brother. And he's been dead for 20 years and then just kind of slowly walk away from her or just slowly make yourself more and more repulsive i guess yeah start going to the gym and not working out and just slam a bunch of burgers while you're there and reverse workout until she is no longer obsessed with you just like don't shout or like find go to her social media find what she doesn't like and then get really into that he could also like if it's

that i don't know how bad it is if it's that bad he could submit a complaint with the gym yeah i know like if if the in-person stuff is like any way weird, I know a few people who have had to do that at gyms. So like most of the time the staff are pretty chill. So that's definitely an approach. Yeah, I imagine gyms get this kind of bullshit all the fucking time. I know my gym is especially good for this. I've seen there was this dude who was like, I think I've talked about it before, just being the absolute biggest douche of like walking from station to station where women are working i'll be like oh here let me correct your form or you know let me spot you or let me do this and uh to the guys who

don't even work there we're just like big gym guys we're like hey man let me let me help you with your form and then just kind of bullied him into working out with them and then uh and then our gym guy was at the front desk he was like cool uh we're just gonna need your fob and he's like why he's like yeah you're not welcome here anymore and just kick the guy out so i'm sure i'm sure the gyms are used to having to deal with you know minor gym stalkers um this one isn't uh sort of text or anything based this is just a regular good old fashioned question. This is Sheffield Lad 92. Girlfriend wants me to cheat on her.

I don't know how to respond. My girlfriend has asked me to cheat on her and says she wants me to tell her about it afterwards. Obviously, the thought of fucking another girl turns me on. But I feel like if I do it, I might or she might regret it and it might damage our relationship. I've talked to her about it and she says it won't damage our relationship. It's a turn on for her, but I'm I'm conflicted in how I feel. Any advice would be great. that if both parties are aware of the act, it's immediately not cheating. So I think the vocabulary used in this question is odd to me. It sounds like the two people are interested in exploring an open relationship. And that can take many, many, many different forms. I'm in a more non-monogamous relationship where I have had threesomes, I've gone to play parties,

and meet my girlfriend, I actually date people separately on our own as well. And maybe that's something they need to sit down and have a long conversation about what they're looking for, and why and what their boundaries are. So before they do anything, they need to have, like I said, a very long conversation and even make a Google doc or write it down what their agreements. Yeah, I think parameters are key here, you know, because just you can go out and hook up with someone is, you know, very vague. I'm sure that doesn't cover, for example, like, oh, at our place or at their place or with a condom or without a condom or, you know, someone I know, someone, you know, someone we'll see regularly. Uh, those are all, I think things you definitely need to hammer out before engaging in anything like this.

It's also one of those things you have to understand of like, for me, my big red flag for this is the dude says he's conflicted. And I think that if there's something in your gut saying, Hey, this isn't a good idea, or I'm not super comfortable with this. Uh, you have to do exactly what Brianna says and sit down with them and talk about it and get to a point until you are no longer conflicted. If, if, if you get to the point where you can't not be conflicted about this, then this might not be for you. And as much as you want to, you know, sleep with someone else because it'd be fun or, you know, appeal to your girlfriend's fetish or kink or turn on or whatever. If it's not something that sits right

with you, you're not obliged to do it. And until it sits right with you, you shouldn't do it because that's how, uh, that is how relationships get damaged. Because even if she doesn't get weird about it, even if she, this is something that she does want, you might feel real weird about it. And that can manifest in all sorts of different ways in, you know, you could end up resenting her for, you know, doing this thing that you didn't really want to do. Um, so there's a lot of ways that it can rear its ugly head in the future if you're still conflicted. So find a way to not be conflicted or don't do it. Yeah. And they need to figure out, she needs to reflect on why this is a desire of hers,

because maybe she'll realize actually she wants more of a threesome. Maybe she's in the room watching, or does, is it really important to her to hear about the details afterwards because that's part of her desire. And I think there also needs to be realistic expectations around here that if you open a relationship up, it's very rarely one sided. So he's sleeping with people without her, then he needs to be comfortable with her potentially doing the same thing. But this is a very daunting topic, I think for people to start. So what I would recommend is actually listening to this podcast called multi amory. It's a podcast all about non monogamy and open relationships. And on their website, they have hundreds of podcast episodes. So it's a little overwhelming knowing where to start. But on their website, they have hundreds of podcast episodes. So it's

a little overwhelming knowing where to start. But on their website, they actually have a page that says start here. And it lists maybe like six or eight episodes that are very fundamental and help you figure out how to start having these conversations with your partner to see if this is even interesting to them. I think a lot of people have fantasies about exhibitionism, like maybe your other partner watching you fuck someone else. Or people have fantasies even about cheating and infidelity and things like that. And I think that's totally normal. It's just there needs to be a lot of caution involved and a lot of communication yeah one of the things i've i've talked to friends who have wanted this sort of situation and one of the things i've always suggested is uh i was like role play have a fantasy in which

you describe the act that you like make it up you know make up a person be like yeah i met up with a guy at a bar and run through what you guys did in your mind. Make up the scenario and tell your partner and then let your partner see how that feels and gauge their reactions in a more fantastical setting before you do it for real. I know it's not a direct one for one correlation of emotions of being like, well, I know this is fake. So I find it much more hot, but I think a lot of people might also be like, Oh, Hmm. Maybe I'm not as into this as I,

as I might be. Or you might be like, yes, I'm doubling down. And this is definitely something I want to do. So please like now go ahead and find someone for real and do this with. I also think it's important to like, if your partner's telling you something that they want to do or that they love, like to, to trust them in the way, because

a lot of his reticence seems to come from the fact that he doesn't believe that she means what she's saying. Um, and it's like, she's your partner. You know, if you guys sit down and have a chat and, you know, really hammer out the parameters and all that, it's like, if you have a problem with it, but you feel like you can't say that because, you know, a lot of the time men aren't supposed to back away from sex, you know what I mean? Or something or any other reason. It's like, that's fine if it's coming from you. But like, if your only reason not to is just that you don't believe your partner, that seems like also another conversation. I like the role play advice a lot. And I think also there's other ways to explore things you want to do before you actually do them. So maybe watch a porn about infidelity desires,

or like you're saying, role play it out or read an erotic story about it and talk about how it would make you feel. I think there's great ways to just like dip your toe before you go all out. Yeah, and if like, if you do need a space between the imaginary and doing the act for real, go to a bar and be like, okay, that woman, that's a woman that I would cheat would cheat on you with or you know

quote unquote cheat on you with um and that also gives a tangible you know actual face of being like oh okay all right and and slowly work your way towards it as opposed to as brianna has mentioned like non-monogamy is not something you just jump into. It's not a switch that you get to flick after over drinks and be like, yes, we are now non-monogamous. Click without a fair amount of conversation and communication and preparation and talking and knowing what you guys are going to be doing. So to just sort of be like, jump into the deep end, which is I would imagine

this is kind of a more advanced kind of play. Um, it, I would, I would play with more traditional non-monogamy before going right into something like this just to test the waters. Um, so that just about does it for our questions. But at the end of the episode, we like to get on online dating and peruse online dating profiles to comb them for red flags or anything that might be suspicious in an effort to make your online dating experience a little more enjoyable. Are you ready to rate some some Tinder profiles? Oh, yeah. Perfect. Now, do you want to start us off? Sure. I'll go first

with Shannon. About me. Hiking, horror, horoscopes, and alliteration. Ha. Okay, I like that. I'm gonna give that I'm gonna give it a 7. I'm gonna give it a 9, because it's funny and I at least get something about her.

Yeah, I like it too. I agree with a 7. I'm going to give it a nine because it's funny and I at least get something about her. Yeah, I like it too. I agree with a seven. This is Vlada. I have many bilfs in brackets, books I'd like to finish. Can be comparable to a hearty bowl of soup in a shitty microwave. Slow to warm up. I'm a big fan of artsing and craftsing,

walking from point A to B, good food, good company. She, her, vaxxed. That's great. I'm giving big fan of artsing and craftsing, walking from point A to B, good food, good company. She, her, vaxxed. That's great. I'm giving it a 10. I'm going to give it an 8. See, I also have a lot of books I'd love to finish, and I've made a lot of soup this week, so it's also a pretty funny simile. I feel like these profiles are clever, but they have absolutely no information to show me if I want to go on a date with them or what they're looking for.

And I'm all about very intentional dating over just being funny. So I'll give that another seven. I mean, it's a 10 for wit. But again, like these people don't really know how to write a dating profile, I would say. They're just writing like cute little bios for Twitter. Sadly, these are actually the cream of the crop, though. Yeah, Brianna, we've got... Boy, have I got some profiles for you later on.

Okay, I think I'm used to maybe some queer dating world or something. People are a little more vulnerable. I would say that people are a little more vulnerable. I would say that like dating intelligent because they know like where they are and where they want to be and what they want. And like the terminology and the specificity is so different with like gay dating from what I've seen them. Like straight people are fucking,

they just say the stupidest shit. What are you doing? I feel like nine out of 10 profiles that we give a very high rating are from like people, queer people. It almost seems like it is across the board, much better profiles. So I would 100% agree with you. For example, we have Stephanie.

If you're a leftist, I'm swiping left on you and that's it. Oh, wow. Like, I don't have any problem with that but like if i saw that i would think you are just looking for one night stands and you don't give a fuck about who swipes on you because that's like so unspecific yeah it's just like weirdly bitter that's like if that's the only thing you can bring to the table zero um so this is this is this is a profile uh this is jamie michelle my name is monica i'm a separated woman with no hopes of reconciling with my estranged husband i do however share custody of our son

with him so we can co-parent our son i broken. It's been almost two years since we separated, and I think I'm looking to find friends first. If you're looking for sex, don't swipe right on me. I also have two types of cancer, leukemia and uterine cancer, so not very sexual to begin with. Looking for genuine connections, not fake ones. I feel like I'm going to give her an A for vulnerability, but the approach is off. Also maybe the location of the approach also off, I think. Yeah. I think she's going to, I mean, it's just very negative in tone and you're

not going to attract people with low self-esteem and negativity. I think the phrase estranged husband should never be on your dating profile agree i don't think that is that is a like you could say divorced if you want to say you're divorced that's fine i don't also think it's super relevant but if that's something that you need to get out there get out there but the phrase estranged husband paints such a vivid picture to me and it is not a picture i want hanging on any wall there and i think some of the more serious items about children and health you you save for a second or third date yeah for sure also this profile just makes me very sad this poor person i hope someone gives her a hug like right now yeah i mean like i kind wish this was a, like a support app over a dating app.

Like, I just want to have a conversation and be like, you're not broken. You know, you're going through some tough times. That's fine. We all do it. I hope you feel better. I hope you beat this cancer. You got this, but instead it's, it's not, that's not great. So I think, again, I'm giving it a 10 for them to feel better and a zero for me to not

want to date them. Yeah, I think I'd go five because I want them to be OK, but I don't think they're going about it the right way. I agree with the five. This is Natalia. I'm boring. Haven't been here for a while. What's new? Nice. that that specific no in that tone is pretty much how i feel just opening up any dating app these

days just a dejected no just defeated like no one on any profile or anywhere in any you should never call yourself boring if you bore yourself you need to get your shit in order and if you don't why would you downplay yourself yeah i think some people think that i mean self-deprecating humor is funny i like it but it only works if you know the person and you respect them first. Also, that's not even funny, though. You know what I mean? It's like the humor part. They just got the self-deprecating part down, but not the humor part. Right.

No self. I just don't think it works in a Tinder bio. Like, because you don't know the person yet. No. You got to be confident there. Also, like, we talk about not having anything to go by. Literally, like, i'm boring and what's what's new on tinder like what what is that you get yeah one for sure yeah i'm gonna

give it a one as well uh this is jordan i have a tattoo on my butt that just says soup and i'd be happy to show you it's at least like cute if again they're just looking for like a one night stand yeah it's definitely a good hook because it's a little sexy because you get to see a butt possibly it's bizarre because why soup like i want to know more yeah it's at least a i want to ask a question yeah yeah i would definitely be like are it is it just soup and Also, butt soup is not great. So there really needs to be a good reason for that. I'm going to give it an eight because it's funny. And it would like less so that I would want to date them. But definitely I would want to swipe because I need to know the story behind soup.

And they seem funny. Yeah, I would. It would get the swipe for me. So I'm going to give it an eight as well. All right. Hit me with one more. Now pick one or two. Actually, Brianna gets to pick.

One or two. Alright, this is Catherine. Let me sleep in your stupid t-shirts and hold your freaking hand, you piece of shit. Oh my god. This has strong Lola from Big Mouth energy. Yes, it does. I love Lola.

She's great. It's a powerful energy. Yeah yeah it works for some people i'm gonna give it like again it's i don't think it's a good profile but it's one that i would want to swipe right on so i'm gonna give it an eight it does it does its job yeah i can get behind a seven or an eight yeah you know what it's a fun kind of energy it's like probably yeah it's it's weird because it's a mix of a few different ones we've seen that have been negative but it works well this is the thing it's like it's the the phrasing and like what they're saying in it with the negativity is enough to make like actually color it with humor exactly as opposed to other people who are like i fucking fucking hate Tinder and I hope everyone dies.

It's like, okay. Yeah. Now I'm thinking I'm in eight zone too. All right. Well, thank you very much for listening friends. This has been our episode.

Brianna, thank you very much for hanging out with us. You have been a delight and learning about slut, but has been definitely the highlight of my week. And I'm going to tell everyone about it. Speaking of telling everyone about it, where can people find SlutBot? Yeah, thanks so much. I've had fun chatting too. For SlutBot, it's really simple. You don't have to download anything. You just put your phone number in on our website and then the bot texts you and it'll just be like a regular phone number

in your text messages that you can message back and forth with and so our website is juiceboxit.com so just the word juicebox and then an i and then a t.com amazing so if you just google the word slutbot will definitely come up i also love so we title our episodes ridiculous things oftentimes ridiculous shit that we have spiraled into because of tangents and i feel like slut bot has definitely been like could be a title of one of our episodes completely independently of of of having you on or talking about slut bot. Like it just seems like something that, that we would have maybe come up with if,

if we've been left to our devices long enough. Maybe the term, I don't know if we'd, you know, a hundred percent. Yes. The, the term,

the word slut bot for sure. The actual concept would be something way less cool and way less actually probably realized and useful. Do you have anything else going on that you want to talk about? This is your, your chance to, to stand upon our soap box and, and,

and talk about anything that you might want to talk about any, any causes or anything that are important to you? Um, I think I was just going to share that I hope people will kind of think about sex in a more open-minded way. I think being queer, straight people could learn a lot from queer sex and how it doesn't have to be so prescriptive. Not everything has to be like penis and vagina.

Actually, you know, just having oral sex or just fingering is also sex. I think that that's one of the things I'm like really passionate about is helping people expand their minds on what sex is and how they can enjoy sex. So I hope that through Slutbot or even just by listening to this, people can learn about about it and i do want to plug that we have a very sexy holiday story coming out right around christmas so i hope people will sign up now so that by the time christmas comes around they'll be able to participate in the sexy santa role play hell yeah i mean hey there's nothing better like you know if you go home and and maybe you know you're not a big fan of the whole family scene, you could just sneak away to your room and have a lot.

Yeah. Just keep you warm on a cold winter night. Absolutely. Thank you very much for listening, friends. We have had a great time today and we appreciate you spending an hour of your time with us. It means the world to us. If you would like to support the show or send in a question, head on over to fbuddiespodcast.com. You can click

the contact form, fill it out. We'll give you an agent name or you can give yourself an agent name. And if you'd like to support the show, pop on over to our Patreon with the Patreon link for $7. You get an extra episode every month called Pillow Talk where we get a little wild and a little

sexier um so that is a great way to show your sport if money is tight that's cool we get it the pandemic christmas it's wild um just share our link or tell a friend and that means the world to us as well thank you josh eagle and the harvard cities for their song paper stars and at the end of the episode niall likes to read a little bit of and this is something that i think you'll appreciate some really bad sex writing now do i like to read it no one likes it yeah this is by brent weeks he's a fantasy author uh who i haven't read and having read this i may not in fact read him they're great ky, Kylar said. He coughed.

You're greys, that is. Not that you're breasts. I mean, style is perfect for you. Just over the line between sexy and obscene. She refused to take offense. First I take their attention. Then I take their life. It looks cold.

This time, he didn't look at her breasts. Barely. Despite the small attention-getters standing at attention on top of her large attention getters. Yikes. I was like, hey, this isn't terrible until that little gem at the end. So don't hire that guy for Slutbot. I'll avoid it. Unless you, like,

twist off into, like, an evil Slutbot that shows you how not to sex. Yeah, right? It's alter ego. Yeah, Slutbot with how not to sex. Yeah, right. It's alter ego. Yeah, slut bot with a goatee. My name is Dane Miller. And I'm Niall Spain. I'm Brianna Rader. And we've been your fuck buddies. you