F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 166 - Same Ol‘ Titties

Episode Date: December 6, 2021

I've always said that the best part of waking up is just a little bit of salmon semen seeping into my morning coffee.  Topics include a fishy new material, a sneaky novel idea, falling into the sad category, a parental chaperone for a teenage date, date-stealing friends, freaking women out with your mask and the freshest batch of online dating profiles.

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller. And I'm Niles Spain. And we're your fuck buddies. We are a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations

and we turn them into sexy, sticky situations. Simply put, we find questions either online or from our wonderful listeners on the topics of sex and dating, and we answer them for you. You ready for some sex news, Dane? I guess. Sperm is being used to create an eco-friendly alternative to plastic. Cool. Now, the best part is, in the comments of when I found this, someone had linked.

Do you remember there's like one song from Boner Jams about robots harvesting cum in the future? And it's this really like heavy metal, like epic dystopian song. No, not really. I'll send it to you later but yes a new eco-friendly plastic made from salmon sperm has been invented in china it creates a squishy material known as hydrogel which can be molded into different shapes and freeze-dried to remove moisture which makes it solidify they've already made a cum mug and various other things and And let me tell you, it doesn't look great. Yeah, no. I mean, just the phrase cum mug.

Now, okay, I will say, if someone is trying to sell this in a Walmart, not going to work. But if you're selling it at a one-of-a-kind sex show and you've just made a mug that says cum mug on it, I think you would sell quite a lot of them. I think there's a market for that. But I think for your everyday average person,

I don't think someone is going to be like, hmm, can't start my day without a big old cum mug full of coffee. A fishy cum mug. Yeah, there's no way you don't put hot liquid in there and it just leaches off some fish semen into your tea. You're like, wait, did I put milk in this? Now, Dan, I sent you a picture of this cum mug, and tell me, does it not

look exactly like you imagined it was going to look? He did send me... Christ! Jesus! Why? Why? Look, guys, I get it. Science, we've done a lot of science things. But I think it's Jurassic Park where they, you know,

we always asked if we could could and we didn't ask if we should but you're also forgetting nature finds a way if we didn't do this nature would yes the salmon have been also like don't don't fish reproduce by like putting eggs and then just kind of spraying semen at it like they don't have sex if i recall correctly it is like a a drive-by coming is the way that that fish reproduce so like what are they doing to these poor salmon to get to get enough semen fake eggs also like why salmon is there something about salmon semen that is more powerful than others the whole thought process behind this of being like like hey we should make stuff out of cum.

And someone was like, yeah, but who's cum. And then someone was like, you know what? I feel like fish would be a good choice. Hey, there are any crazy bastards that like any fish that do weird shit.

Someone's like a lot of them, but Hey, salmon swim upstream. Cool. Let's take their cum and do it. Like what? Yeah. I would just be like,

Oh cool. Like let's pay teens, I guess. Like, who's producing the most cum? Who needs money? Young boys. This is weird, but you know. Oh, great. Here comes the segment where Niall talks about young boy cum again.

Well, that's sex news. That's upsetting. I assume the new material does have some limitations. The fact that it can be recycled using water alone means it would need to be kept dry. While waterproof coatings could be added, it makes it more difficult to recycle. It could, however, be used for items like electronics. It needs to be kept dry anyway. Add some forms of packaging, researchers believe.

I'm sorry. So you're like, oh, hey, this thing dissolves in water. You know what the best thing to make first would be a mug. Terrible. So for those who can't see the mug, and we'll hopefully post it if I remember next week, it looks like you left a bunch of tissue in your pocket and put it through the washing machine and then used the mangled, snarled tissue remains to fashion a mug. It looks like someone took your old cum and made a fucking mug out of it.

So there you go, Dan. Cool. Really cool. I was going to talk about how it's, you know, the holiday season is upon us and how the festive season and sex mess is just around the corner,

but no, you've sullied it with cum mug. Well, Hey, if you're looking for a present for that special person, what could be more unique than with cum mug. Well, hey, if you're looking for a present for that special person, what could be more unique than a cum mug? It's a great gift for someone you care

about and also a great gift for someone you absolutely hate. That's the thing about fish. They're versatile, you know? You can swim down river or up river. I mean, only very specific fish do that. Hey, Dan, shut your mouth. I'd say fish are actually pretty non-versatile. Hey, shut your mouth. I'd say fish are actually pretty non-versatile.

Hey, shut your mouth. There's flying fish. There's fish that can go underwater. That's very versatile right there already. You ready for a question? Yeah. You ready? After my beautiful logic defeated you? Yeah.

This is from... Okay, this is from everywhere everywhere because it did the rounds writing twitter was very upset about this okay this was like written into an advice column i guess that was then co-opted and posted on reddit and then this person was ripped apart uh my wife wrote a secret book my wife is an accomplished author who holds down a full-time job in an unrelated field mostly for the benefits when we had our first child last year, we agreed she would pause her writing career. Something had to go with a new baby at home. Except it turns out she didn't pause it. She got a great idea for a new novel, wrote it secretly during her lunch at work, and sold it for $100,000. I feel so many things right

now. It's hard to be mad at someone when they casually tell you your son's college education is paid for, and her lunch hour is technically hers to do with as she wishes, but she went against our deal. She could have been home an hour earlier every night this year if she hadn't done this project. When I think back on all the times she's been tired or grumpy, I now blame the book, even though it could have been just caring for a newborn.

How do I trust her to keep to her word? How should I feel right now? Like a fucking idiot. Yeah. The nice thing, and this isn't to disparage writers or anything, but like. Whoa. You be very careful what you say right now. Writing is something that you can do, like, as this person has demonstrated in any free time that you have.

You know what I mean? Like, if it's something that you're passionate about, you can find time to do it. It's not like she, you know, snuck off to, I don't know, like another state to do gigs while you were like she you know snuck off to i don't know like another state to do gigs while you were sleeping you know i mean like as a musician like but like dan it's like no for sure people shouldn't have to give up their their passions or their art or their hobbies or whatever and like yes you are correct sometimes you do have to make sacrifices when you bring a child into the world where like you know know, things are going to change. But like this woman, I imagine, would be pretty capable of writing while the baby napped or while the baby was in a playpen in front of her.

You know what I mean? Like there's so many instances that she could have also been writing on the weekend or whatever and not having to just write on her lunch break it just makes no sense to me that so this idea that like like what did you give up a hundred percent something had to go did it because this clearly didn't you didn't even know it was here for for first things but secondly it's like what the fuck did you give up like are you just being like well my wife has to sacrifice something because babies that's a wife thing yeah that's fucked i mean like even baby aside like regardless like if you guys moved in together or like there's a lot of that that behavior of oh something has changed we need either more money or someone has to get a new job or something it's like well you know i i do this

and you're doing that so we have to make a decision of which person has to cancel their gym membership or something. And the one partner always seems to lose out in that exchange. And I don't understand why people feel like it's necessary. You can usually find a way to maintain your life albeit you know with tweaks so i don't understand why this guy is one even upset and two like had to think that something had to go in the first place i feel like he's probably upset because it like emasculates him or something you know what i mean but also i just think he's a shit husband. And I will draw your attention to the line. Her lunch hour is technically hers to do with as she wishes.

No, dude, it is factually hers to do with as she wishes. What the fuck? And then he says, could have been home an hour earlier every night to see her if she hadn't done this project. It's like, yeah, if she didn't take lunch. Yes. Like, you're like, oh, you tried to do a novel? Well, it would have been so much more important if you just never had a lunch break and then spent more time with either me or the baby like and presumably i'm gonna go on a limb and guess that it's not him yeah so that you spent

more time looking after the baby so i didn't have to exactly like is this guy working like does he have a job because she's working two fucking jobs. Because let me tell you, writing is not easy, you know? Especially writing a book that you can spell for a hundred grand. Yeah, exactly. So, like, this person's working two jobs, did another thing that took absolutely nothing away from you, to the point where you didn't even know that it happened. And now you're bitching and moaning about it because what she made your lives massively easier by giving you a hundred grand like yeah go fuck yourself dude get over it how should you

feel right now you should feel like a dumbass forever posting this this was the kind of thing you delete before it's made yeah this is something that like by the time you hit the final period and you read it back check for spelling and grammar you you'll be like, oh, hey, wait, this is nonsense. This is the stupidest thing I've ever written. In fact, it never should have gotten as far as you even writing it down. If the thought ever crossed your mind, you should have been like, well, I'm an idiot. How do I trust her to keep to her word? Like, you're acting like she cheated on you

or like she, you know, unveiled your darkest secret. You were saying, like like the baby needs to get looked after and the baby still gets looked after either way she was having her fucking lunch break and if you want her to not have her lunch break you're a piece of shit yeah i would love to know what like this guy does outside like because it never mentions like oh i'm also working and like the whole idea of being him saying oh every time she was grumpy was that because of the book yeah no you also said what if it's like you guys are new parents to a newborn child oh and she's working two jobs and not really getting a full lunch break so yeah and also she's

married to you which i imagine is probably a fucking chore i'm guessing that's probably it really imagine working a full-time job and then coming home also meanwhile writing apparently a very good book and getting home and then him being like oh it was such a hard day today and this isn't again to disparage stay-at-home parents uh you know i know like that's not an easy job either in fact i would probably much rather go to work. You know what I mean? Then have to stay home and take care of a kid because that's, that's exhausting work. But it's like, it's the same coin, same side of the coin of like, they're working, you're working.

So, you know, one person isn't doing more or less than the other. And in this case, she seems to be doing more. Yeah. isn't doing more or less than the other and in this case she seems to be doing more yeah and like imagine having to write in secret because your partner is that unsupportive like what should be happening is you get home from work you're like oh i managed to write a bit on my lunch break and your partner's like oh did like did you get to take a break though like here i'll make fucking dinner like you sit down and relax you know what i I mean? Or like, hey, I'll cover the baby and you can go write for a bit. That's how you're a good fucking supportive partner.

Not this weird like, we made a deal. You do not write. You cannot write. How dare you make us money? Sacrifice your lunch. The idea of someone in a perfect world or in a healthy relationship, it should have been like, hey, I have this really great idea for a book and I in a healthy relationship it should have been like hey i

have this really great idea for a book and i want to see where it goes and the like yeah for sure we'll make it work yeah that's how it should have been instead of oh we're having a kid you can't write anymore yeah i don't know how you think writing is going to fit into being a parent, but it won't. Absolutely not. No writer has ever had children. Well, that is true. She's the first mother to ever write a book. And that's the thing. And like, hey, let's say the writing does interfere with things.

Then you say like, oh, hey, you know, yesterday was really tough because I had to do all the, you know, the baby work. Can you fucking pitch in a little bit tomorrow? Boom. And then as a good partnership, like, yeah, I'm sorry I got carried away. Yeah.

Fucking make it work. And then you make it work like that. It's so simple. This is the opposite of that, which is shut the fuck up. And like, I don't know. Fix yourself,

son. Like, what are you doing? Yeah. You suck. Your wife sounds like a fucking hero. That's all I say here. this comes from savage cabbage oh i love that villain in dnd 617 by the way uh sexual drive lost due to breakup i a 17 year old male just got out of a three-year relationship

that included sex i was dumped my sexual drive has decreased, mainly due to depression, but I have little moments of being horny like crazy, but even when I try to do something with myself, I get really sad. I have no urge for the most part and it's making me

question myself. What should I do to keep myself mentally healthy in terms of my drive? Your drive's your drive, right? If you're not feeling it, I don't think you have to force yourself

and I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing. I think it would probably be more harm than good if you tried to like force yourself into something you're not feeling you know what i mean like sex and pleasure are all very mental so it's like if you're hurting over your relationship and you can't even masturbate which to be fair i don't personally understand but that's cool like fuck it focus on what you're sad about on moving forward and you know doing healthy things and getting over the breakup more so than that and it'll it'll come

literally and figuratively i mean yeah you're 13 you had this relationship when you're 14 at that age we've talked about it before everything is heightened everything feels like this is probably your first relationship, probably your first sexual partner. And the hormones that are in you right now are losing their mind. And you don't have the worldview or the life experience to know that, like, this is probably going to happen again to you. And it's probably going to hurt a lot more as adult relationships tend to develop a little bit more, you know, get a little bit more ingrained. High school relationships tend to be a little bit more surface level, again, not to diminish what you feel or how you felt about this person.

So yeah, man, like I get it. You, you're sad and you're depressed. So take a a second as Niall said to work through those feelings because if you start if you start thinking about like forcing your breaking through this wall of sadness that you have to masturbate you might end up really fucking up how you view pleasure and sex and masturbation and the last thing you want to do is correlate depression and sadness with pleasure and also like then you're not dealing with your issues either right you're just kind of ignoring them so you can wank yeah and that's like let me tell you it's not gonna help no so like i think a lot of people deal with breakups in one of two ways they get either very very sad or they're like i'm gonna fuck everything

you know what i mean like i i think that is kind of like the two universal tactics of dealing with heartbreak and you seem to be in the sad category so really take a moment what it's the way you said it was like it's just funny okay it's just like it almost sounds like a burn you know like and you just seem to be in the sad category yeah i mean like you're you're in the depression camp after a breakup and that's fine which is hey that's exactly what they'd say like it is totally fine like you're you should feel your feelings you're allowed to you know it's it's a thing that is upsetting like and everyone's upset by this too it's not just you like look at any taylor swift song she's a whole career about being upset about this look at olivia rodriguez she's miserable yeah like it's rare that people are like hell yeah we broke up it's it's a pretty universally

shitty thing to to go through so maybe reach out to your friends and talk to them about it and don't be afraid to be vulnerable about it and you know don't be afraid to to open up to people that you trust and care about and and you know talk it through have it have this sort of like dialogue and give yourself a moment to grieve give yourself a moment to heal and then i promise you that there's a probably a very very good chance that your sex drive will come back to you once you get yourself in a in a better headspace yeah 100 and like take this opportunity to to better yourself you know i mean we said it before but it's like if you're kind of in this you know if you're down and you're kind of out this is the perfect time to to get back to basics to get build on yourself you know like put that

energy somewhere right go to the gym pursue a hobby you know what i mean these are all things that are one gonna make you feel better to start to get your mind kind of like back on track and three they'll stand to you in your future relationships because people hobbies are interesting people who go to the gym are more fit etc you know what i mean like but don't you dare even think about writing a book. Don't you fucking dare. Although, if you got a lunch break and you can... Don't tell Dan I said this, but if you got a lunch break, you can slip it in there. He'll never know. He'll never know.

I'll know. Until you sell it. Maybe start a hit, like, Olivia Rodriguez-esque singer-songwriter thing. Start crying because, like, you can't drive past her street anymore or something. Hey, that's driver's license. Is that a song? Do you not know Olivia Rodriguez? I know that one song that sounds like Paramore.

Oh man, her first song is like how her and her teen lover and that sounds weird, but they were teens together. Here's the part of the show where now I'll talk about teen lovers. Wanted to get their driver's licenses together, but then he dumped her, and now she has her driver's license. And instead of driving together, she just drives alone past his street.

Damn. Damn. Damn, I'm a teen, and this was deep. And now what Paramore song does that sound like? It sounds like Pilot's License. The classic Paramore song about Hayley Williams wanting to get a pilot's license with her boyfriend. And then she flies past his airbase.

Yeah, I mean, my man, take care of yourself. Focus on the heart and then worry about your dick after you'll be okay it's not the end of the world although it feels like it i'm sure there's also like no you know healthy or like healthy sex drive or whatever you know i mean people sex drives are wildly different they rise they fall you know what i mean it's you know if you have kind of an ongoing issue sure go see a doctor. Maybe it's a hormone issue or something, but you're young and you just went through something depressing and you said you're sad when you try to do it. And let me tell you, sad wanking ain't

great for anybody. So you're good. Just try to get yourself okay with what happened and everything else will follow. But there's nothing abnormal about what's happening here are you ready yep yeah let's stay in the teen sphere this is by it's swabby is it weird for parents to go with me 16 year old male on a date last night they said that when i go on my date with a girl which is tomorrow they said they're going with me i told them there's no reason for it and it would be embarrassing but they said it's normal am i right on my stance uh i wish i knew what the date was but you know i don't know i don't think so i think it's 16 years old as long as you're not doing anything fucking wild i think you should be allowed to go on a date with a girl with a modest amount of privacy and independence now dang that's basically you saying that there is

some wild date that they should be allowed go on but only with parental supervision i'd love to hear what that is i don't know fucking bungee jumping that yeah i know that's not a 16 year old date and we both know it you don't know i do know and even then it's like if you're a 16 year old and you can go and you can do a bungee jump your parents shouldn't be there if it's a date that's fucking weird what if it's the parents bungee jump company then they go home early and you do it yourself now let's say is he right in the stance that's that's the driving question here yeah yes of course i i think like my parents never i remember getting getting very, very angry. Like when my dad picked me up on dates, he would text me where he was in the parking

lot and I would go and meet him. There were like very few times where my mom would come pick and she would like walk up to the theater and be like, hello everyone. And it's like, oh God, mom, come on. Like, again, my dad would like tell me, he he's like i'll be there in 15 minutes and he was there in 15 minutes and i knew like when when that time was up i was i say goodbye and i leave like i remember one time she came pick me up at probably my girlfriend at the time's house and she like came and knocked on the door and like talked to their parent i was like mom you're fucking

killing me right now you're actually murdering me now do you think she did on purpose no my mom is just the sweetest person and is so happy to just talk to people so i think like in her mind she she just wanted to say hello and wasn't thinking that like she is the loveliest person i can confer as a third party i think as like uh as a she didn't think of what she was doing to embarrass me or that what she was doing was embarrassing. But Hey, let me tell you as a teenage man,

two years boy, I was embarrassed. Yeah. I just feel like this cannot happen. And Hey, if for some reason by Dane's crazy logic, you are doing some book wild first date thing that you don't do something simple.

You could just be without your parents because you know what? That's not going to work. That person will laugh about this a long time later. Hopefully you'll be able to too, or this will be like that needle in your psyche that starts your dating career off to a terrible, terrible course. That's,

I think that's what you need to explain to them. You need to set them down and be like, Hey, look, I'm 16 years old. If you're okay with me dating, which you should be, then I think you need to also trust me to go on dates by myself.

And you know, like most kids have cell phones at this time. I'd be like, I will check in with you every hour or something. You know what I mean? You figure out whatever works for them and be like, I will text you, let you know that I'm okay and where we are and what we're doing, but I don't

like, I will be so uncomfortable and so nervous and so embarrassed that like this date won't go well. If you come on this date, you will ruin it for me. And you need to do it in not like a teenage way of being like, you ruined everything! You fucking

asshole! You're not my real mom! I hit you wrong! You need to explain it calmly and and logically and be like look i'm very nervous about this first date and it is it is my first date is it a first date yeah yeah so be like i don't need you guys lurking over my shoulder making me more nervous about this if you're worried about my safety here are the things like let's talk about things that i can do to put those worries to to rest and even if it is something it's like you know maybe you guys go down the basement and watch a movie together at your house so they know you guys are safe you know i mean if that's the case do that or if you're going to a movie like be like hey i'll text you the the theater like you'll know where i am at theater

you can come pick me up and you can drop me off like figure out something that works that puts their mind at rest and but be like you're not no you're not sitting behind me at the theater or you're not sitting at the table over next to me at the restaurant like absolutely not and the thing is now i've delved into the comments and this is funny considering what we just talked about he waited five months to ask her out after they talked about it because he wanted to get his driver's license waited five months to ask her out after they talked about it because he wanted to get his driver's license first so he could take her out so they trust him to fucking drive what what did they not trust about this situation and i don't think there's any harm in asking like you know what like what is it that makes you feel like you need to come

along you know well tell me you still do it if they come and then they definitely won't hey you think you watching me is gonna stop me from fucking this woman look at my pornhub history and tell me if that checks out mom yeah i'll make eye contact with you dad i i will look at you while i finish but yeah i feel like that's something you want to be a part of dad if it's sex just be like i don't know and also the fact that you've told them you're going on a date like i love that that's a pretty cool kind of level of like openness and honesty as a kid i didn't fucking tell my parents shit you know what i mean it's like i was out with friends all the time some of those friends i was fucking some

of them i was drinking witten parks you know what i mean it was it was not an honest situation and you know the fact that you have this it seems really shitty that they're now fucking you over and like not honoring that honesty you know it's exactly that because you know what guess what next time he has a date he's gonna be like hey i'm gonna go hang out with mark and and then you have no idea where he is you don't know who he's with and you have like you know i mean like so you've now like opening this just makes it more unsafe yes because he no longer trusts you he's not going to tell you the truth and you're gonna have no idea what's going on in his life either so and if you get upset about like oh like if this becomes a thing and something does go wrong on the date he's not gonna going to want to call you. Cause he's going to get that.

Well, we told you, you know what I mean? It's like, it's you've sullied the well, the well has been shat upon. My parents always told me, uh,

like it literally probably every time I ever went out as a teenager. And honestly, even as an adult now, they always told me, they were like, no matter what happens, you can call us. And that was like them saying like, because they're like, we would rather come pick you up in the middle of nowhere while you're fucking hammered.

Then you get in a car with someone who's also drunk. And my parents made it very clear from like day one that like, no matter what's happened, no matter how embarrassed I am or how much trouble I think I might get in, they will be there to get me and to not rely on like an unsafe way home or whatever and i think like that and let me say i didn't drink until i was 22 you know i mean and and it's not there was i didn't have any need to like rebel i didn't have any need like so i always felt like if I wanted to drink, I could. I never wanted to. But you just foster a relationship of trust and your kid will be better off for it. As opposed to being like, I'm going to watch every move you make. Because that just means you're going to teach your kid how to be sneaky. Yeah, like me.

Look at Niall. I was drinking since I was 13. That's terrible. So talk to your parents ask them why they don't trust you or what they think is going to go wrong and like again like dane said don't devolve into teen angst and and an argument and hey i get it i get that's very easy to do so yeah my thoughts go with you here but try your best and like you know let them know be like look i've been honest with you i'm telling you about this like i'm trying to do everything right here and like i just know it is going to be terrible and embarrassing and awful if you come with me it's like the thing is these parents can't be that old right like unfortunately we've gotten

to a point where people you know not that much older than us how old is he 16 yeah he's a 16 year old i mean yeah they could be my age yeah they could be dane's age and like it would have been weird back when dane was a kid if this happened too so it's not like they're from some other era where like everybody you know maybe it's a cultural thing i don't know but either way they should have enough wherewithal to know this is fucked up so you, you know, talk to them. It could be one of those things where they're not all that serious, but kind of are. And like, once you talk,

they'll have to acknowledge it. But like, you know, if it doesn't work, you could always hang out with Mark. Yeah. I would love to like, one of my moves would totally be like,

cool. Like, did your parents go on your dates? Oh, oh, you didn't tell your parents. You snuck out of the house to meet up with your girlfriend oh okay cool cool i didn't know that was an option no i won't tell you next time

let's see how they fucking react to that oh my google was recording me when i said that google's like you're gonna sneak out huh no my watch you're not going fucking anywhere it's like that demon seed movie uh there's some like movie about an AI robot that falls in love with like you. Sorry, I think you're misremembering. It was Salmon Seed. The seed of a salmon. I'll never let you leave. Because you're stuck to your own mug and you can't leave with a cum mug just

warping in your hand. This comes from Reddit user Summertime. Best friend matched and spoke with a guy I was dating on Hinge. Do I have a right to be mad? So I had my first date with this guy from Hinge two weeks ago. Do I have a right to be mad? So I had my first date with this guy from Hinge two weeks ago. Had a great time. We organized date number two towards the end of the date. Afterwards, I called my friend about it and telling her how I was really into him and how we kissed and I had gone back to his place, but nothing further happened.

I sent her photos of him prior to the date to get her opinion on him and she seemed super happy for me. I told her we had a second date lined up and that i would let her know how it went fast forward to next weekend the saturday night which happened to be the day before i was seeing him for date number two she messaged me saying hey did you end up meeting with this guy do you mind if i went on a date with him and sends me a photo we matched on hinge and are chatting i replied saying are you serious and i haven't spoken to her since nor has she apologized all she's done is act like nothing's wrong and has continued to message me about random other things uh nothing at all against the guy for messaging other girls on hinge he can

do what he wants as we've only gone on one date however am i overreacting that's completely shady for my friend to have done that well first let's applaud the fact that she's not pissed at the guy for talking to other people on hinge because you know right when i read this question i was like uh and i was like oh okay you're you're mad at the friend and not the guy because you know that's how it works he doesn't fucking know this person's your friend presumably unless all the pictures are of you two together yeah maybe he just thinks he matched with you again yeah maybe now i would like i'm giving the friend a little bit of leeway here because yes you said oh you talked to this guy and you sent her pictures and all this shit right the person probably looked at the pictures were

like oh cool and like didn't really pay attention to them you know what i mean especially if this happened before you guys went on a date and then after you went on this date you just kind of mentioned that you like you did well with a guy like depending on how many people you're dating they might not have put two and two together you know well i might not remember the photos from before she asked specifically did you go on a date with this guy well yeah which that's what i'm saying that happens later so she might be like oh i recognize him or whatever or she might not know what's the same guy like that's all i'm saying is like happens later. So she might be like, oh, I recognize him or whatever. Or she might not know it's the same guy. Like, that's all I'm saying is like, do you ever have like, you know, when friends fucking tell me shit, unless they have very clear, like, you know, descriptions of the person, like the puppet guy or acrobat girl. You know what I mean?

It's like, it's very hard to keep track of who's dating who because I don't give a fuck because they don't exist yet. Yeah, but it's where that like we send pictures. True if you sent me a picture i would probably be like oh yeah they're hot and like wouldn't necessarily recognize them even that day if i swiped on them you know i mean i think i would i think yeah but like a week later yeah if you send me a picture of someone and then i came across like that exact same picture from their like with their name presumably because it was like a screenshot of like their profile i would i would put two and two like i would be like okay yeah this is the same person you just sent me if it was like that week maybe or like that day maybe that week two weeks later probably fucking not again unless this

was like the one and only time you like dated someone. Yeah. Right. But if you've like sent me five that month, I probably wouldn't know. And the thing is the girl did message and go, Hey, did you date this guy? Which, you know, could very well be like sneaky, snarky, like, oops, like look at me absolving myself of whatever. But at the same time, if she was unsure, is this not exactly what you should do? So this is, yes, this is my point is all you said was are you serious and she could have with text all that could have been is like she was you were being joking like are you serious can be something very serious or very very comedic you know she

could have been like oh okay of course no you wouldn't have dated this guy because you know you know what i mean like that's how she could have read it been like you could have been like are you serious i would date that guy it's like oh okay or like are you serious you wouldn't have dated this guy because, you know what I mean? Like, that's how she could have read it. Been like, you could have been like, are you serious? I would date that guy. It's like, oh, OK. Or like, are you serious? You don't know the guys I've dated or are you serious? We were talking about a different guy or like it could be anything. Yeah.

So it's like this person, you know, they ask you a question. If they're being a fucking snake, you know, it's a very easy way to shut this down. You say, yeah, that's the guy I'm dating. I actually wouldn't like if you did that. Right. And then they have two options and it's to back the fuck off and back the fuck down or be a shit friend at which point that's your decision made for you whereas now you're in this weird gray area of like shitness where you don't really know where they're coming from they don't really know where you're coming from it's probably going to seep into your relationship with this guy because now you don't know what they're doing. And the whole situation is just kind of murky.

Yeah. It's, it's one of those things where you, and like the fact that she's still like sending you and talking to you normally, I don't think she got the hint. So like the onus on is on you at this point where your friend has been like,

Hey, did you see this guy? Did you end up going on a date with this guy? And your answer should have been like, yes, I had a great time. He was the one I texted you about the other day. Because that's the thing.

Like, they could be innocent. You know what I mean? Like, I'm not going to throw them under the bus. It's possible they're also being shitty. But like, if they are being shitty, you've given them enough gray area to go with it. You know? Yeah. I mean, yes.

So you definitely need to be very clear and be like, Hey, yes, I'm actually really into this guy. And I would prefer if you didn't, I like you and I have actually been in the situation where, where we've both been interested in the same person and we've been hanging out with that person. And you've texted me, been like, Hey,

is like, where do you stand on this person? Is it cool? And I've been very specifically like, actually like I am actually really into them. Yeah. I did nothing. So there you go. Like, it easy like that's how that's how friends work and it's not i want to make it very clear that it's not like a bro code or any of that kind of thing it

should just be a mutual respect for like one another like if you know that your friend is into someone you shouldn't pursue them that's not to say that like if you guys are both interested in someone and someone has reciprocated feelings towards you that you need to be like no actually my friend saw you first you know i mean like that's the thing like dibs isn't a thing this isn't fucking dibs it's just like being aware of other people's relationships and it's like you know even if you're into this guy your friend also had like they have a deeper relationship with this person. They've been on dates. They've talked to you about them.

You had all this prior knowledge. So it's like you should step aside. You should be a good friend. You know what I mean? Like they have like they have more in this scenario, you know? Yes, because at this point in time, there's no onus on the dude because he doesn't know that you guys are connected because like at the end of the day i think that like if if this guy's a cool dude if it was me at least and i was saying it and you were like oh yeah you actually matched with my friend i'd be like oh yikes cool and i would probably chill on that other person because you know what i mean like it makes no sense to

probably implode two relationships as opposed to focusing on like the one I'm actually really enjoying. Cause like, cause it's not going to go well, no matter how you do things, you know what I mean? Like best case. It can go very well.

Yeah. Every now and then you got to slide in a, well, feel free to invite them. Wink face, wink face, just joking. Lol.

But am I? LOL. That's, you know, that's just guy code. That's guy code right there. Hey, but yeah, threesome that's you know that's just guy code that's guy code right there hey um but yeah threesome if you don't ask for it it's true it's true um so you know be clear there's you've nothing to gain by being like you know vague and petty and bitchy

kind of like behind the scenes and being upset like this is gonna ruin your friendship whereas like if you were clear you know things get kind of cut and dry it's like if they then go out and date this person then you probably shouldn't be friends this person so don't give a fuck about you whereas right now if they do they could turn around to you and be like oh i thought you meant like are you serious like of course i wouldn't like oops you know and they have all this kind of like gray area to hide in that like you know might even be honest you know that's the worst part so don't let this happen be specific you're fucking friends you should be able to communicate yeah 100 yeah the the message should have been like yes i did i went on a date with him and i

really like him and i'm seeing him tomorrow you can even just like that's the guy i told you i remember i sent you his picture and she you know like, like, just be clear. Like this vagueness doesn't get anybody anywhere. Yeah. All right. Hit me with your super funny question. It's probably not going to be as funny, but this is by FXVP. And don't worry, we're going to get some solid seduction comments in this one. I'm new to this.

I have a question. Masks? How the hell are you called a pro to wear masks on? They freak the fuck out. They can't see I'm smiling. I'm a beginner go easy on me that's it they freak the fuck out hey man what kind of mask are you wearing just like a fucking jason mask they freak the fuck out but you're like oh hey hey girl like damn like okay so yeah how do you how do you call the approach for the mask on dane i talk to probably like i would say like 25 strangers a day at work uh i see probably

hundreds of people a day at work and i'm wearing a mask the entire time they're usually wearing a mask for most of it as well i've i don't think i've freaked anyone out i don't think i've ever freaked out because they're wearing a mask everybody is wearing a mask so there is something else that you are doing that is unnerving to them because if if a mask weirds them out i guess hey guess what they're having a really really hard two years yeah that's the thing everyone's wearing masks everyone's interacting like when you go to the grocery store and you're like getting your shit rung up by a cashier who's wearing a mask and you're wearing a mask no one's screaming and clawing at their face like it's a pretty normal thing by now and guess what it was even when it

began you know what i mean like this didn't really change interactions so maybe look at the fact that you're fucking cold approaching people and just stop now however we do have some maybe better advice in the comments okay just when you get up to them just take your mask off oh yeah damn why didn't i think of that i'll do it in the grocery store too so they can hear me. How about this? This is underground, fucker. Men with masks are less attractive. Women look at it like submissive men and weak.

Plus, it make you look shy. When I uprock women, I never use masks. If you're afraid of virus, don't get to clothes or stay home and use social media to pick girls. If you realize masks that you're seductive game weaker, then you know the answer. P.S. Don't approach to clothes or stay home and use social media to pick girls. If you realize masks that you're seductive game weaker than you know, the answer PS don't approach women using masks. They are avoiding virus and won't get new relationships. And it's hard for you to know if she's ugly. Good luck. Nice.

Pretty cool. This is a whole new camp of anti mask rhetoric that I didn't even think about. That's the thing. We were like, damn, it collapses your lungs and gives you panic attacks. But fuck you also can't game bro yeah um this this is cool this is a really cool thing to man covert just ruined everything huh even even fucking cold approaching women i love what kind of world is it where i can't harass a woman doing her shopping?

This is, I hate it. I hate it so much on so many levels. Yeah. My actionable advice for you is one, stop cold approaching women. It fucking sucks. No one wants it. Two, this is just a life lesson for you as a person who has to wear a mask on a semi-regular basis nowadays learn to smize right get those you if you if people can't tell you're smiling through your eyes you're smiling

weird yeah also like maybe it's the fact that they have to look him in the eyes and now his like fake practice smile like you can see he's just cold eye shark staring you in your soul. You know, there's so much falsehood in, in cold approaching and all this bullshit that like, you know, when he pauses those three seconds to laugh, you can see his eyes never change.

You know? No, you can see them frantically counting the seconds. True. Yeah. If the only thing on your face that changes when you smile is your mouth uh you're a murder you're probably very scary unless of course you have a physical disability that has like a facial paralysis thing i'm not trying to throw you under

the bus but if you have full range of motion of your face and the only thing that's moving when you smile is your mouth you're probably very very unnerving that's a scary thing to think about because i'm i'm trying to do it right now in my room and uh and i i'm scaring myself i can't see my face i don't like it yeah yeah the thing is i can tell when people are fucking smiling because your entire face moves and you can still kind of see shapes through the mask either way the mask isn't the fucking problem don't take it off stop harassing women in public and like just chill get one of those really cool like uh masks that have like the window the mouth window so people can see yeah because those are

real great i'm not talking about like an actual hole i'm talking about like the the ones that people use for uh uh in like deaf communities and stuff so they can lips do you know get one of the uh like get a custom printed mask and the custom print is just your face smiling right yeah so you can wear your smile and then you don't even need to so i'm like i'm saving your face some effort yes at the end of the episode you know what we like to do we like to go on online dating platforms peruse profiles such as uh tinder bumble hinge and seek out some red flags and some some some good ones green flags in an effort to make your online dating experience a little more enjoyable

now i'm gonna hit you a one that was posted on the Tinder Reddit, asking for suggestions and advice. Okay. There's a young man whose name is not here, and he has, there's like nine pictures. I'll get into the pictures in a sec. But he says, about me, I enjoy

martial arts. I'm a second Dan in Taekwondo. Let's go watch dumb YouTube videos. Future astronomer and Norwegian heritage. If you want to know how tall I am, you have to tell me an embarrassing fact. Like tongue emoji. I'm not looking for hookups or anything. I'm looking for something genuine. Okay.

I actually don't mind that. Right? That's a pretty good profile. I like that they're playing a game with the height thing. That's pretty playful. And I think they're actually quite tall's pretty playful and i think like they're actually quite tall as well so it's like they're not like it's not an insecurity thing as well which i think is is nice um but even if it was it's like the whole height thing is bullshit anyway

so yeah i'm uh i'm into it i would say the norwegian heritage thing it's like there's probably a more exciting way to say that you know if it's it's like, I can speak Norwegian or like, you know, I can make a Norwegian dish or some shit. You know what I mean? Like if you're just because I think they're they say later on the comments that they are American. It's just like they're descendants of Vikings. There we go. That one's fun. I just feel like no one really cares unless there's a point to it.

And it's like if you say you can make a fucking Norwegian dish, that's exciting because it's like, oh, make me that dish. If you say Norwegian heritage, I don't think anyone cares yeah you'd be surprised like literally everyone fucking puts their ethnicity and heritage on so like yeah i don't think it's enough to i just think you could make it more exciting is what i'm saying yeah um now he does have pictures four of them are in his gi practicing karate with nunchucks cool one is him in his living room uh or his bedroom with like also with nunchucks holding a uh like a tom not a tomfa a fucking like a stick basically across his face i forget what they're called okay like a kelly stick almost yeah exactly so five of the nine nine are very heavily martial arts related.

And then there's a few of them just kind of chilling. So I would maybe tone down the karate ones is what I'm saying. Yes, I would pick one very cool one. Maybe like you smashing some boards. There's a very cool one of them doing a kick. There you go. I think that it's like you have it in your profile have a picture to confirm that you are actually karate man um and leave it at that because like i think what niall is suggesting is the more you present on your profile but one thing the more

it seems like you are just that one thing 100 like like one or even yeah one if you've nine pictures two isn't unreasonable but like one is perfect i think because like oh that's really cool and interesting and then you see the rest of you and you're fleshed out if you have five pictures in a row of karate you're gonna look like one of those mall ninja guys yeah and also i don't know how many women are super thrilled to see another dude with weapons yeah right. Right. Like, I think, I think we could leave that at the door too. Karate is one thing,

or like, you know, martial arts is one thing to, but also to be like, I have a ton of weapons is that's a red flag for me. That's actually a very good point. But yeah, you know what,

what do you give it? If, if we tone down from a base, I'm going to say it is a solid like seven or eight. Or sorry, right now I'll say it's a six or seven. If we tweak the pictures and remove some of the weapons and the martial arts from it,

I think we get up to a solid eight. Yeah. And you know what? That's pretty damn good, especially considering the ones we see in here a lot. So, you know, new the dating game and you're scared to post, but you shouldn't be because you're doing pretty damn good job. the ones we see in here a lot so you know new the dating game and you're scared to post but you shouldn't be because you're doing pretty damn good job so go you yeah hell yeah um this is dream fun girl smiley emoji 100 real snapchat slash instagram easy to talk to

your discretion is assured they're not real at all are they no that's the second they're not real at all not even one bit the second someone says they're 100 real i immediately become a captcha you know i mean i become a i become a human captcha i'd be like oh you're gonna have to point to three fire hydrants before i believe you yeah no that's a zero this person person, hey, if they are real, they're going about the wrong way. Mm-hmm. Zero. Are you also giving a zero? I guess. Okay, let's do this. This is Cassandra. Tattooed, reflective, writerly type, getting over words and looking to commune in moans and whimpers instead. Seeking cuties with a kinky side or a muse to inspire sleepless nights.

Like space snacks, nihilism,ism dislikes deciding where to eat was this a man or a woman it is a woman okay i don't know why that changes things but i think the language would have you know what i think if you say you're a writerly type getting over words and looking to commune and moans and whimpers and you're a guy you seem like a douchebag yeah if you're a girl it's like a little hot it's a little sexierier. Yeah, I think a little less douche chili and a little more like, okay. At the same time, I think it is a little heavy handed. Definitely still douchey. Yeah.

Fucking writers, man. I bet you she writes on her lunch break and everything. Oh, fuck. Does she have a kid? Because that's a deal breaker for me. Not that she has a kid, but that she's writing with a child. Oh, yeah. Something has to go. Something has to go, fuck. Does she have a kid? Because that's a deal breaker for me. Not that she has a kid, but that she's writing with a child. Oh, yeah. Something has to go. Something has to go, Dan. That's always got to be writing.

If they were smart, it'd be the kid. All right, child, you're on your own. Good luck. Mama gotta write sci-fi. I'm going to give it like a five. Okay. Yeah, it is a little much. Like, it seems, you know, like the I am very badass Reddit. It almost seems like I am very sexual.

You know, it's like you're trying very hard to seem sexual, which makes me feel like you're not. Yeah. I think like a six is, yeah, a six. Also, I have a hard time believing that you're into nihilism if you're on to online dating. You know what I mean? It's like, this is Shannon. She's 22. Just kidding. It's Shannon,gan and quinn in order just three toxic girls looking for three toxic men to take advantage of our therapy sessions

i don't know how i feel about this i don't know what it really means i assume it's one tinder account for three girls who want to find three men. It seems like a bad way to do it. No, no, I understand that part. But what does it mean by to take advantage of our therapy sessions? I assume it's meant to be like a daddy issues. Like, oh, we need therapy. So I don't know.

Like, after we're done therapy, we need to fuck or, like, feel better about ourselves or something. I don't know. It just sounds like they want someone to come in and, like get therapy in their place you know i mean be like we're gonna take advantage of your therapy sessions we're you're you're paying for therapy hell yeah we're in here maybe uh yeah it's weird there's also better ways to go about this why would you make one profile for three people yeah because the likelihood that three guys are sharing one Tinder account. Hey, I would imagine unheritant. Did I ever tell you at the time I went on a triple?

Sorry, I didn't go on it, but I witnessed. I was actually on a date and right across from us, because it was like a circular bar. So on the other side of the bar was a three-girl grouping who all knew each other and had each brought a different guy off tinder so it was like a three-way date but like it was very strange very strange you spent our whole date watching them and like it was fascinating i wonder if it's the same three girls i'm really really bummed well they're 22 so i don't know how long ago this was, but it was definitely a while ago. Yeah. Um, I, I'm bummed that the,

like that group Tinder thing. Do you remember that? Like the, I don't remember what it was called, but that lasted for like a week. I'm, I'm really bummed that we never, like it didn't line up with like our, our prime time singleness.

Yeah. Like, I really feel like that could have been fucking hilarious. It probably would have been garbage, but it would have been fun for sure. That's what I mean. Like, I don't think anything ever... Well, you know what?

I don't know. I really don't know how it would have panned out for us. I think it could have been a lot of fun. But yeah, no. It would have been fun one way or the other. Yeah. So, you know. But yeah, these triple people,

they're trying to make group Tinder happen and they're doing it the wrong way. I'm going to give it a two. Yeah, I'm going to give it a two as well. Also, I just don't like when people fucking say they're toxic. Yeah, also seems shit. The whole thing is very down on themselves. They're like they're toxic.

Take advantage of our therapy, which, again, sounds very like we have daddy issues, which is like seems like a real weird thing to say about yourself this is Sam people must think I'm a very strange person this is not correct I have a heart of a small child it's in a glass jar on my desk oh huh it's kind of funny in a gross way but is it

I feel like I would need to see their pictures to like gauge what level of like weird they are. And they're just your type of weird. I like that's specifically why I'm saying this. I feel like this is. And so I it's not a great pro like as a profile as as us hunting for red flags. I can give it like a two because it's not good.

It's it doesn't tell you anything. Well, I think it tells you enough. Yeah, that's that's the thing. It does also tell you a lot. But like, I don't know. I assume it's a quote. It's not. I don't know.

It's probably just like an old like dead baby joke, which I think like for me, I fear that this is one of those people who feels that they desperately need to be so edgy and like think dead baby jokes are really funny because I don't have any filter and that's it's not even a dead baby joke though really it's like it's like a pun on like oh at the heart of a small boy like and you're like

oh wow which also I don't want to think of anyone I'm dating having the heart of a small boy thank Thank you very much. You know, I think it would actually be less creepy if they did have it in a jar on their desk. Yeah, I'm going to say it's a two. Yeah. But like with some really hot spooky pictures, I could give it a nine too. I don't know.

I just sent you one. So there you go. I know you're going to say yeah. Yeah, it's a nine too. I don't know. I just sent you one. So there you go. I know you're going to say, yeah. Yeah, it's a nine. I knew it. This is Ren. About me. I'm blue.

If I was green, I would die. Abadie, Abadie. Eiffel 65. New to the city. Same old titties. Tinder is terrible. I don't know. I give up.

Oh man. It starts blah, gets really good and then gets really bad. Yeah. New to the city. Tame old titties. That's great. Same old titties.

Yeah, I know. I, I like stumbled over my words. I like bit down on my own lip. I just said, okay, mold,

uh, new to the city. Same old titties. That's great. Can that be our episode title uh that's very good but the like giving up and like misery at the end blah matt like you lose three points at least for that maybe four and then the iphone 65 it's like i don't know why you're saying that so it gets Uh, yeah, the same old titty saves it. It's gonna get a 5 as well.

Mm-hmm. Um... Okay. One more each. Oh, man, I got so many powerful ones. Um... Alright, you know what? I'll let you do the last two, then. You sure? Yeah. Their name has been removed. Honestly... Oh, it is a guy, though. Honestly,

I'm a mess. I'm traumatized. Damaged. Little bit psycho way too rich for my age way too many female friends i'm free as a fucking bird always skip drama have a serious hate for standard people get way too much attention and most of all get bored really fast just don't fall in love with me and we'll all be fine this is i would love to know who this works on you know what i mean because i i'm sure it does i'm sure it does work on people i need to live in a world where this doesn't work on people like i'm in my mind that's never worked and i don't want to ever hear otherwise and the thing is there's a there's a sliver of me that believes

that this man is telling the truth hey for some things mass traumatized damage psycho sure way too rich for my age probably not wait i believe it i believe it man i believe this guy's probably like you know either inherited a shit ton of money or you know his parents gave him some investment properties and he's been able to make a like i i believe it there's a part of me that believes properties and he's been able to make a... I believe it. There's a part of me that believes that everything he's saying in here is true and that he is... Just don't fall in love with him.

Just don't fall in love with him. Hey, don't worry, man. I don't even want to be in the same room as you. This is a zero. That's a zero for me as well. All right, you got two left. Pick one, one or two. Two.

Two? Okay. This is melanie open relationship small biz owner soon to be realtor uh bicep emoji love meat meat emoji contrarian weird face emoji every feminist worst nightmare let's grab a drink and play some pool i might even let you win it's like again this is the same sort of energy where i'm like someone this is working on someone i'm sure but i can't i don't want to be a part of a community or society where women are like hell yeah i want to be with a contrary man who hates oh sorry this is a woman oh this is melanie oh a lady yes every feminist worst oh now i'm just confused i know i mean i guess that's the contrarian part right but even well let's let's deal with that that's i think that's a giant red flag if it just says contrarian ever it's like

cool you just disagree with shit for shits and giggles like i can't wait till someone opens up about like you know the time someone's racist towards them and you go actually yeah actually do you know that white people are also discriminated against yeah like there is no benefit to be had in being against things for the sake of it yeah you know like ever you know what i mean as someone who used to be a contrarian back in my uneducated stupid youth days i can tell you right now there is no it i there was a there's a great article circulating around how devil's advocate has no actual merit because all it does is give the wrong side ammunition to use you know what i mean like when you argue on behalf of something you believe is wrong your logic then gets put as ammunition in

a side that you don't believe in so if you're like oh well actually here are these here are these facts you're pretty much just being like here ben shapiro talk about trans people yeah it's garbage and it's like i think a lot of people like i definitely have been in situations growing up where like someone says something you're like well and like you don't necessarily care about what you're talking about or believe your side but it's like you win because you have like this cool bit of and it's it's so shitty and i remember i did it in a in a situation basically where someone was talking about something like that personally upset them and like they kind of like were very kind to me and we're like why like this doesn't mean

shit to you so like why are you basically doing this for no reason when this means a lot to me and you're just being an asshole but like very nicely to me and i was like yeah yeah you're 100 i'm just being a dick for absolutely no reason um and i don't believe what i'm saying and yeah it was shitty so it's just a really shit thing to be or do so you're 33 melanie you should be over that shit and you definitely shouldn't be boasting about it yeah because i was really hoping this was like a 19 year old profile yeah it's gonna be a zero for me yeah it's definitely a zero uh that's gonna do it for our show thank you very much for hanging out with us we are nearing the end of the the year and hey let me tell you right now, I'm pretty sure our last episode of the year is going to be episode 169. Oh, nice.

I think this is 166. So, yeah, we'll get there, right? Oh, yeah, we will. 27th, 169. Do we have to revisit 69? We might we might have to do a 100 episodes later. Talk about the old 69 nice um if you would like to send us a question we are looking for holiday themed questions it could be any of the wonderful

winter holidays that we celebrate throughout the month of december and and earlier and beyond or it could be sexmas which is our own special holiday that is super sexy and has a lot more fucking than any other holiday um you can hit us up on fbuddiespodcast.com and you can go to the contact form you can choose your own agent name or we'll give you one ourselves if you'd like and ask us a question we'll answer it as soon as we can if you'd like to support the show fbuddies.com and click the patreon link. And that'll bring you to our Patreon page, which gets you a free episode every month if you donate at the $7 level. Hell yeah. I think we just released our new Patreon.

I guess it'll be four days ago, the new Pillow Talk, when you guys hear this. So if you haven't yet signed up to our Patreon to support your favorite boys, if you do that, you'll also get a brand new episode on New Year's Eve. As well as all the previous ones. Yeah. That's something to keep in mind. We'll do your little countdown for you. It'll be a sexy countdown. We'll rhyme every number we can with something sexy.

Well, Spotify Wrapped has told me that I believe it was 11 people listened to us on New Year's Eve. That's actually awesome. Yeah. I love that. So if you want to support us, go to Patreon and check us out there. We have a few tiers with some various things that you earn. I'm not going to get into them. I'm going to leave it a mystery.

But we love you guys. And thank you Josh Eagle and the Harvard Cities for their song Paper Stars. Ready for some bad sex writing? Yeah. Now, you know the way we dealt with Dan for a while? Mm-hmm. You know, and every now and then just like seduction kind of became a thing that like stuck around for a while and sadly still remains. I feel like Haruki Murakami, despite the fact that people love him.

He keeps popping up time and time again. I've never read his shit, but some people have told me he's great, and my god, do I just not believe it. This is from one of his books. Women are all born with a special independent organ that allows them to lie. All women tell lies, and they lie about important things. They can still have a clear conscience and never lose sleep over anything they say. I mean, yeah, that's true. That's what the clitoris is.

Yeah, the female orgasm is a lie. Yeah. My name is Dave Miller. And my name is Lying Spain. And we've been your fuck buddies. you