F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 167 - Secret Sin

Episode Date: December 13, 2021

No one must know of or lay eyes upon the evil ichor my body produces whence thou givest me pleasure.  Topics include hitting your partner's nudes with an ol' thumbs up, verbiage for when you have to poop, my celebrity boyfriend's top secret jizz, a not-so-tall tale, accepting that you're someone's flavour, the connotations of catching feelings, simple and easy steps on how to seduce your wife.

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller. And I'm Niall Spade. And we're your fuck buddies. We're a sex and dating advice podcast where one host is a terrible person the other is very professional the other one is not uh we turn your sticky sexist

intuitions into sexy sticky situations oh not so easy to say is it i've almost nailed it spicy energy today boys what do we do then simply put put us simply right now we find questions online or they're sent in from our lovely listeners on the topics of sex and dating and we answer them beautiful you hey you nailed it that's a really hard line and you did good job thanks buddy hey you know what guys i'm kind of riding high off a bunch of wonderful messages everybody sent in today so you know who you are and thank you you might know who you are because we are recording this in advance like further in advance we usually do but yeah spotify wrapped came out and some people are sending in some really lovely things and i

fucking love you it's very nice thank you very. You know how to make our year. Now, dang. You want to start us off? Sure. Cool. We'll just get right on into it. You don't have anything? I don't have any semen-related sex news. Okay. Because I do see that your name is Cum something. I can't see the rest. Cum Wallet? Cum Wallet. Yeah. I wanted to strike the fear into you.

Okay, cool. We're gonna start here. This is Chocolate Candy Cake, and they ask, I sent him nudes. He responds with thumbs up. Yesterday, I sent my boyfriend a new picture of my breasts. This was the first time I've ever sent anyone anything like this, and I was obviously really anxious about his reaction. He replied with a thumbs up. Thought that was really awkward. Today, I told him I was sad about his reaction. He tells me he's not a boob man. The picture didn't do anything for him, especially since he has gotten better or so many nudes in the past that were way kinkier. Example of girls masturbating, a boob picture just isn't his way. I don't know what to think now. Damn, I was like, thumbs up

is fine, I guess. You know, he's not doing the best job, but it's not terrible. And then we got to there. I knew you were going to be on team thumbs up because that's what you send all the fucking time. And it drives me crazy. Thumbs up. It's not an acceptable answer.

Thumbs up. For anything. Except for just a casual thing of being like, I'm almost ready. Okay, cool. I'm acknowledging this. But if someone sends you a naked picture, even if it's like the amount of times I've gotten pictures of someone's close up vulvaup vova which isn't really my fucking speed you know what i mean like i don't find that particularly sexy but i was once sent the worst video ever which was i think i mentioned it before but it was basically like a close-up of someone just going to town on their clit like to the point

where it was so close and so furious you didn't really know what was going on and then they would frantically like jerk upwards you could see them like staring down at you with like the triple chin going on and it's like we all have triple chins when we're in that position you know what i mean when we're looking straight down so i'm not again no shade but like it didn't make for the best video and it would just alternate frantically between those and i was like what what are you doing it doesn't matter like at no point in time do you receive unless it's unsolicited you're welcome to like trash someone for sending you a picture that you don't want but if it is your partner attempting to send you a sexy photo that you guys have you know are are allowed to do a thumbs up is no and especially

when when the if someone then corrects you and says hey that's not the reaction i was looking for you know it kind of bummed me out that that's the way that's what you sent me and then being like well just wasn't good enough yeah so what i was going to say dan was that like if you're dating and you get this like picture it's different than when you're like starting to see someone like if you've been together for a while and it's like you get this you know and you're busy maybe you could almost see where a thumbs up might be okay even though it's still not great was what i was going to go with but then he just threw all chance of me saying that this guy might just be an awkward socially inept person who who might have tried and failed and now it's just like this

guy sucks because that's such a shitty thing to say to someone to not not only be like, no, it didn't do anything for me. I'm not a boob guy. It's like, cool, but they're my boobs and you love me. And it's like, way to fucking shit on me. And like, on top of that, to be like, well, other girls like, dude, what are you doing? This is awful and garbage. And you're mean and cruel, especially because this person did what we always want people to do which was communicate and it sounds like they did it in a very mature and like emotionally like correct way like and you fucking threw it in

her face yep you suck dude like what were you trying to were you trying to like effectively nag her into sending you more explicit shit because that's kind of what it sounds like that's something that you can talk about if you do want something more or different or anything else if they if this you're allowed to not be turned on by this photo that's totally fine but telling them that like i've gotten better is not the way to go about getting what you want like you should have said at that point in time this dude should have been like hey thank you for the picture very sexy next time can time. Can I get this? Or next time you're feeling frisky,

I would love a shot of this. And that lets your partner know that like, that's what you're into as a, cause right now you haven't said what you're into. All you said is what you're not into, which is this, which like then leaves her be like, well,

should I do my butt next? But I don't, if it's, if it's not, if you're not a butt guy, anything next. Oh yeah. No, this much of a dick. You know what it's not if you're not a butt guy anything next oh yeah no this much of a dick you know what i mean if you're like oh this is hot and i want more it's like cool someone might be encouraged to do that as opposed to this where you literally just stuck

your middle finger in her face and like grins to yourself and probably wanked over that yeah it's uh this is not the way to do it. And you need to listen to your partner, especially when there is a, a like admission of, Hey, that made me feel bad. And here's why, if that's ever something your partner says to you, you shouldn't backpedal as to why you are right. Like, cause he kind of was like, well, like the reason I did, like you don't have any right to be upset because the reason I did it is, is this.

And it's like, well, no, you need to listen to your partner and be like, hey, OK, I'm really sorry that you felt that way. Like at no point in time does he apologize for it. He just doubled down on it. Well, yeah, it's like if somebody comes to you and like it's hard to be like, hey, I'm upset or I'm hurt or like you kind of feel like a shitty person doing that, which you shouldn't, but you know, so when someone has the like emotional fortitude and like courage and kindness to fucking step up and put themselves in an awkward position just to kind of like deepen your relationship and make sure things are going well and all this shit, it's like you don't take that as an opportunity to be shitty to them. You should take that as an opportunity to help them, to make them feel better and to like become a better person better

relationship all these things it's wildly fucked that this is your response so get better even the thumbs up was already bad not that bad it was pretty bad terrible it's unforgivable no it's definitely not it is thumbs up literally takes more effort to give the thumbs up than it does to double tap the photo to like it you know i mean like even like again if you're not into it just like it there's no harm in saying like hey love your tits even if you're not a breast guy it doesn't fucking matter you should love your partner's tits the thing is it's like being a like breast guy doesn't mean you hate everything else it just means like that's your favorite so it's like the fact that someone will be like here's my tits you're like i'm not a guy though it's like oh shit sorry i didn't realize you hated them or like you had no feelings.

It's like, what the fuck? I would probably count myself as a breast guy as much as I hate that whole like pigeonholing system. I fucking love butts and I fucking love legs and I love everything. So it's like, you know, I would never say this. It makes no sense to me. This person is just being a dick for no reason yeah so i think you need to sit down with this guy and explain to him one more time be like i went out on a limb here this is the first time i've ever sent a picture to you or anyone of this nature and your response makes me never want to do it again so i need you to understand that what

you said both times upset me once like you know the first reaction and your explanation to that reaction was a compound sort of kick in the teeth for me and we need to talk about it and if you do want something else let's talk about that but you need to express or learn how to express yourself like a fucking adult yeah and without putting me down or without comparing me to other people. And if you're not capable of doing that, then guess what? You're not going to be getting anything from me because we'll be done. Yeah, I think there's a strong case to be break up with this guy.

But, you know, if you want to give him a chance, say what they said. You ready? Yep. This is by msing539. How do you tell your significant other you're going to take a dump? In terms of phrasing. Like, I'm going to take a dump in terms of phrasing? Like, I'm going to take a crap, shit, dump, poo, dookie squat. Surely there's creative phrasing for this.

Why? I don't know. I wonder if it's someone who isn't in a relationship who's like just, you know, because like young people especially, and some people in general are like really like, like I know people who've gone through entire relationships, not farting near their significant other or like hiding if they have diarrhea or like anything like that. So some people are just so fragile about that or like scared about that. And I wonder if it's like, damn,

like you've been dating someone. Like, how do you do it? I can't like, why, why do they need to like, if it's a medical issue or like, you know,

you guys are going out somewhere fancy and you're like, hey, I've been pooping like every 30 minutes. I don't know if I'm going to be able to go to the theater tonight. Sure. That's important communication thing. But it's like, if you just have to go poop, just go poop. And if you need to, like, inform someone, like, just say, hey, excuse me for a second. I'm going to go to the bathroom. You don't have to, like, detail what you're doing in the bathroom.

Like, no partner at no point in time have I been like, huh, really wish my partner told me what she's doing in there. Yeah. But are you one of those people that never says you're going to go poop? I mean, I'm sure I've said it, but like at the same time. Dang, are you weird? Is this the thing you're weird about? I'm not weird.

I poop all the time. Yeah, I know you poop. That's not that's not what we're talking about here. That's not what's being examined. So being examined is, are you weird about telling someone you're going to go poop? I mean, you know,

I say it all the time when we play video games. To me? Yeah. But I'm not your partner, am I? No, do I? If I'm,

if I have to go to the bathroom, no, I don't find Amanda in the house and say, Hey, just so you know, I'm going to go poop and then go poop. Are you weird about it? Cause it kind of sounds like you're weird about it.

Why? No, it just makes no sense. So I, again, I'm not really sure why they're asking this question. Maybe it's just general fear of having a partner and being like frozen in indecision if they somehow discover you've pooped. For me, sometimes, you know, when you know you're going to have a bad shit. Yeah.

Yeah. It's just be like, hey, do you need to go to the bathroom? Because I'm going to go just rock a terrible shit. And then they're like, yes or no. Or you know what I mean? Like, oh, you need to shower. I need to go shit. Maybe you should run in go just rock a terrible shit and then they're like yes or no or you know what i mean like oh you need to shower i need to go shit maybe you should run in to do that you know i mean i feel like there are times you can do it but like kind of what dan's saying is like it doesn't fucking matter you know what i mean i think the main point is to not be hung up on it because like it doesn't matter it's like if you have a partner and they can't handle the fact that you poop you should probably date someone who's old enough to realize people poop because honestly i think it would be worse the other way around if

someone came and told me like hey i'm gonna go piss okay cool i guess like like if every time someone i lived with or someone i was dating had to inform me of what was they were about to expel from their body i'd be like okay cool like i don't care go for it but yes you're right like there are times where i will be like you know if a man is getting ready for work and i have to poop i usually be like hey are you done in the bathroom because last thing i want to do is make her late because she has to go and brush your teeth or do her hair or something and at which point she'll just be like oh hey cool i'll grab my toothbrush and toothpaste and let you do your toilet crimes 100 that's the thing it's like it's not a big deal and it's just like you know occasionally you're gonna have to be conscientious

of the person you're with but like in general you should be totally free to say it or not because it doesn't matter but like you definitely shouldn't live a life of hiding it no you know all right hit me this comes from okay perception 1870 my boyfriend doesn't come in me. I'm sorry for English, not my first language. I'm 24 years old from South Korea. Started dating this guy for almost six months now. Everything has been good and really fine. When we started dating, he didn't want to have sex for like two months because he wanted us both to run for blood tests and normal checkup, which I agreed. Now we have started going at it. He uses protection. Sometimes after sex, he hides the condom to make sure he takes it home with him. The times he doesn't use protection, he always

pulls out when he's about to come and releases in a toilet roll or whatever that is around, and he makes sure to take it with him. Even when we are having sex in his house after sex, he still disposes the used condom or whatever he releases on by himself, then asks me to wash up properly while he watches me at first i thought it was probably because he's an idol which means celebrity yeah she clarifies that in the comments he's just trying to be careful i have no idea why he does this anymore it makes me feel really nervous and insecure about myself and i want to talk to him about it but i don't know how and i want him to release inside me sometimes or come in my mouth when i'm giving a

blowjob but i don't know what to say to him or how to talk to him so he wouldn't feel disrespected. Please help. By celebrity, is she... Is it James McAvoy? Is he bringing it back to bolster his cum box? Maybe. Is this James McAvoy's cum box too? Could be.

Man, it's so funny because i thought this question was going to go a very different way and i'm very surprised that the question isn't guy i'm fucking takes condoms home with him after because that's that's the wildest part i think the toughest part about this question is we don't really know what the sexual climate is for young people in south korea you know what i mean like we don't the only sort of like korean you know pop culture thing that i am invested in is squid game which doesn't really have to do a lot with well the second last episode is all about that it's all about yeah that's the last game hi game is whoever has the most used condoms in their pockets hide your siemens in yeah so like i'm assuming it is like he just doesn't want you to get pregnant kind of deal or like

maybe it's a gold diggory fear where he's like if you get pregnant like you know because if he's wealthy right like you could be baby trapped quite easily you know what i mean it's like then you have money and you have whatever and maybe it fucks up his career because i know like k-pop like female idols are just like treated so horribly to the fact where like everything about them is controlled and like their like their image is like just insane so there's so much to with that that i don't know if like a guy is a similar thing where like a baby scandal might be, you know, really severe on his, uh, his career, let alone the fact that like money and all these other obligations. So, you know, it could be that

on the other hand, it does also seem like maybe he doesn't know a lot about how people get pregnant. Cause it's like, you're not going to take a jizz tissue and get pregnant that way. i honestly don't even think squeezing it out of a condom is going to work very well for you i think maybe he just is paranoid and overbearing but might have some legitimacy with regards to his career his status or his fears as to what you could say to him you could be like hey come in my mouth you know what i mean and if he says no you could be like oh why yeah it's tough to like like if because at the end of the day if he's just like i don't want to okay that's kind of the end of the conversation unfortunately because and i think you're right i think it does come from i think there is sort of this fear that you know if you're a celebrity that maybe there is someone out there who's like oh i'm gonna try to get us

pregnant and then and then it's like now you gotta pay me forever for 18 years kind of situation or you know like i think that i think you're right i think that's probably the fear of him being like i don't want a sex scandal on my head because again if it is like an actor or something who has the reputation of being like the baby-faced guy, the last thing that they want on their thing is like an illegitimate, you know, sex baby. That's just a baby. It's just a baby. This is the part of the podcast where Dane talks about sex babies. So, yeah, I think you're right.

I think you do need to sit down be like hey so i noticed you're very protective about your condoms i just want to assure you that like you know i'm not going to do anything weird with them and that's exactly what someone who's going to do something weird i know it's like textbook textbook condom stealer fucking line like look i'm looking up right now condom stealer's playbook first line i'm looking to do it weird with your sperm give it to me maybe just say like maybe just ask him be like hey what's the what's the whole like hiding condom thing about um like the thing is i don't i don't think that's the main problem it's weird but like fuck it not coming

in your mouth you know what i mean like that's very different because you literally that is one act you can do together and secondly it's like that there's no way the sperm is still alive after that we've dealt with this i think in the oh in the episode angel right where it was like if they come in me and we make out and they go down you know um it's almost impossible if not completely impossible so it's like if you talk to them and just be like hey i noticed that you're you seem very like i'm not sure what the word is i want to say intense but maybe that would be offensive but like you know it's like you seem very focused on like your semen and like getting in the way and it's like i just want to like get to the bottom of that because like

you know maybe if they explain let them know you understand where they're coming from but like it would be nice for you to have an answer too i think because for all you know something fucked up happened to him in the past. And now he's being, you know, double careful. Like I had somebody lie to me about birth control before. And that freaked the fuck out of me because we had unprotected sex. And thank fuck nothing happened, but could have been. And I literally don't know why they would have lied if not to maybe have a fucking child.

And that's terrifying. And like, maybe it's an std thing too at the end of the day i think this is 100 as we mentioned a image thing because he you know made sure that you guys got tested and made sure you guys were clean before having sex because again last thing you want for your baby face k-pop star is you know oh no he's got aids or something because not that there's anything wrong with having aids or anything but like you know in a controlled image it would anything even if they were just like oh yeah chlamydia it's like yeah unfortunately certain people are like desexualized as well you know what i mean like other like some celebrities are hypersexualized

others are desexualized or it's like if they have sex at all everyone's like what you know like and if he's been pigeonholed like that it could be it could even be like a fucking agent above him or something you know i mean like i've heard some pretty messed up shit about the like idol scene over there so so i i think yeah at the end of the day you just you do have to just kind of be point blank and ask him about it and from there you'll have to make the choice of being like hey is all this sort of like cloak and dagger espionage semen stuff worth it like is it is it enough of a thing to like weird you out that you don't want to do it anymore like don't just stay with this guy because he's famous right like yeah like if you're not happy you're not happy yeah i'm worried you're gonna be like what but he's famous and that's why you'll stay with it even though you're not not you know into it so make make that hard call if if you're cool with it if it's fine like if it has no sort of

bearing and you can come to terms with the fact that he probably won't you know come inside you or come in your mouth or whatever then carry on if you're also if you're not on protection as well which you haven't mentioned you know what i mean i can understand fully why he won't come inside you i i think you're gonna feel better no matter what if you talk to him and understand why because either he's gonna say something you're like oh you're insane and you're gonna be out hopefully or he will say something and you'll get it. Whether or not you'll be happy that he'll continue to do it or not is one thing, but it's like, if you know where he's coming from, it'll, I think, be easier for you to get your mind around it.

But as Dane said, 100%, you know, if you're unhappy, you're unhappy. And if that's not going to change, either is your unhappiness. So do what's best for you, but I think you just got to talk to him. It's like, if he can't have that conversation with you do you really want to be with someone like that no yeah he's this secretive but a semen what else is he gonna hide from you what else is he hiding and where is he hiding it does he have like plastic lined pockets to put them in yeah the idea of going home with a used condom in my pocket. Fuck, it sucks.

Hey, I tell you, as someone who used to have sex in people's houses when their parents were in the next room and would get stealthy amounts of tissue and wrap the condom in and put it in my back pocket and dump it on the way home, it's not easy and it's not nice. So sex as a teen is not great in that regard when no one has their own place and it's Ireland and you're 15. So the fact that this person is doing it as an adult, I assume he has a good reason for it. And if not, get out.

And even if he does, if you're not happy, get out of there. But I think communication conversation, definitely the way to go. Guideline about height by B2425. His profile said 5'11", but when we met, he was maybe two inches taller than me, and I'm 5'5". I obviously didn't bring it up because it's not a big deal, but it's sad he felt he had to lie. Would it be weird if I mentioned it because he's insecure? I would reassure him and tell him it's not a problem.

I think if it's not a problem for you, I wouldn't bring it up. But at the same time, I don't know. It's one of those things where we've talked about it before it's like if he's willing to lie about something so obviously not true the same way like if someone uses old pictures and they've put on weight or they're much older or younger you know whatever you're

gonna be like i i can see that this isn't true these pictures don't line up of you and then you in real life. Also, you're not 5'11". So why did you tell me you are? Like, there's also like some guys might just like, I know people who are like, yeah, I'm 5'9". It's like, nah, man, you're you're like the same height as me. I am not 5'9". So like some guys, I think, get it in their head early on that they're a certain height. I just don't know that they're not.

So a hundred percent. I've had people do that before on both ends of the spectrum where like people think they're one height and they're like taller or, you know, think they're definitely taller and they're not. And it's like, I kind of get it because you know, the last time my height was measured,

probably when I like went to high school the first time, like I don't measure my own fucking height yeah does anyone I mean I'm sure there are but it's like also it's not like your your weight that fluctuates if you know once you hit a certain age you really kind of don't get any taller so yeah I mean yeah it could be one of those things where you know his buddy who thinks he's tells everyone he's 5'11 or you know I'm 5'9 and you're he's two inches taller than his buddy he's tells everyone he's five 11 or, you know, I'm five nine and you're, he's two inches taller than his buddy. He's like, Oh,

then I'm five 11. Yeah. I would say, yeah. Like Dan said, if it's not a problem, don't bring it up because bringing it up makes it seem like it's a problem.

And I don't think it's going to make him any less insecure. So it's like, if you like the guy and it's not an issue, just keep dating the dude. And it's like, maybe in a year or two, it'll be like a funny story because at that point it'll be clear that it didn't matter and it wasn't a problem whereas

like right now if you bring it up it might be kind of upsetting i don't think it's a like devastating lie even if he was aware because i know a lot of people are super insecure about their height and especially like look at half the fucking profiles we look at. It's like guys only X heighten up. I get it. So, you know, if it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter. Yeah. This is a garb hilly from Reddit. Hate those garb hills.

Goddamn garb hilly. They ask what makes sex good. My boyfriend has had many, many girls in bed. Some of them really hot. But he says that sex with me is insane. He's feeling things that he never felt before. He says that sometimes it feels like he's on ecstasy. I believe him because it wasn't

always quite like this. He always said he found sex with me especially nice for some reason. Thing is, he took my virginity in the beginning. I was just lying there trying to get used to the feeling of having sex. But now oh man, he's making noises, pulling faces, laughing, crying, lol. now oh man he's making noises pulling faces laughing crying lol whoa and again he's had girls that are exciting hot experience exactly his type etc

i really don't do anything crazy or different in bed my body is pretty average too so what makes sex good is it hormones and pheromones i'm just wondering i like how they seem to think that having a good body means better sex that's not how it works you know i mean like maybe you're a little bit more turned on or whatever but again it's like if you're attracted to them you're attracted to them full stop that's you know kind of where it's at if you are in love with someone the sex is generally better if you're closer to someone like i don't know if he's been in relationships with these people or not but it's also like if you're fun and he can like let his guard down and you listen and you guys work together and all these things these are all things that make sex good yeah like it's it it doesn't just matter like exactly like you said

attractive doesn't equal good and bad. I would say probably some of my worst sexual experiences are with some of the most attractive people I've slept with. Because, and I don't know if there is a correlation for that. But for me, I have the best sex with people that I connect with. And it doesn't really have anything to do with. What they look like or their body type. Obviously I'm attracted to them. So I'm having sex with them. I wouldn't have sex with someone I wasn't attracted to.

But having that extra layer of. Irresistibility. And it's the same way of like. Again you might not look like Megan Fox. Or Scarlett Johansson. But there might be that little quality that you have. That something. That je ne sais quoi.

That he's never come across before. And whatever it is about you, that you essence drives him crazy. And like, that's what makes good sex. Whatever that little spark is, it doesn't matter if you have like the biggest tits that he's ever seen or, you know, the smallest waist or whatever other sort of arbitrary value you've assigned to these other women they might just not have had your spark but also it's like you know you could lie there you can be the hottest person in the world just lie there like a corpse that's not good sex you know you could literally be oh fuck we found her it's the hottest girl you're having sex or oh she's not doing shit oh she's lying there she seems disinterested damn this sucks you know what i mean like that's more important it's like how into it you are how like receptive and responsive and like what you're doing as well and like again your comfort levels

and like your energy and like sometimes just like your smell and your taste and like all these things all combined to good sex you could look like your looks don't factor into it again aside from what we said we're like you're not gonna sleep so you're not attracted right that's the important part but that only gets you in the bedroom and then everything else takes over also does it matter in a sense you know what i mean like you're killing it so that's great yeah like absorb this into your confidence it. It's rare that we get like those really, I mean, maybe this is more of a dude thing, but it's rare that you get to feel like you're doing a good job in sex in the sense that like men's sexual performance usually boils down to penis size and stamina.

That's usually all that's ever really talked about in terms of whether a dude is good in bed it's like either his he's got a big dick or he can last forever yeah right like at no point in time do you ever really hear that like oh he's you know he's excellent at dirty talking or he's you know he does exactly what i want he's really good at going down on me like those things i think is pretty fucked up i think it's a lot of why men are so insecure about literally those two things size and stamina because like everything else is thrown out the fucking window when it comes to men it doesn't matter by that i'm saying it does matter but the way you'd see it on television or hear people talking you would be forgiven for thinking that

they don't fucking matter right yeah and i don't know if it's the same with ladies um but but this is an opportunity to to bolster your confidence to be like hey i'm doing a great fucking job i'm sexy i'm i'm doing something right and and it might just be a natural talent of yours maybe you're just good at fucking like that could be an option for you and you should be proud of that that That should be something that you, you enjoy as opposed to trying to overanalyze because I'm worried the more you try to figure it out. It's like me with bowling.

Those first, that first couple of frames of me bowling when I'm just fucking hucking that ball, strike, strike, strike. But the second I started thinking like, Oh,

okay, that's the technique. I'm in the gutter for the rest of the game. A hundred percent. thinking like oh okay that's the technique i'm in the gutter for the rest of the game 100 that's why i get good at pool once i drink just enough to like just fucking hit some shots and not really think about it yeah but then once i either get so drunk that i'm just bad or start to sober up and start to think again about it too much i start fucking up so don't worry about it i'm like fuck these other people because I can kind of feel the insecurity. Like,

Oh, they're hot. They're his type of, they're not the one rocking his world. They're not the one in his bed. Like it doesn't matter if someone's hot in your eyes or just his type in your eyes. It's like,

obviously you're it for him. So like, fuck it. And let's, let's talk about this guy for a second. The fact that he's, he's not bringing these women up. It doesn't seem,

it seems like you're comparing yourself. he's been very sort of singular focus of being like hey you're incredible you're very good in bed so take his word for it like if you yourself is like damn he has a ton of experience and he slept with all these people and all of them are so attractive put don't make that an insecurity thing. Make that a sign that you're... Out of all of those people, he's gushing about you.

Literally and figuratively. Damn it. Gooshy. You're killing it. Get that fucking insecurity out of your mind and continue to have good sex. Try to make it even better. That's your real task. Get that fucking insecurity out of your mind and continue to have good sex. You know what? Try to make it even better.

Yeah. This is a real task. This is like the fun part of sex is when you find someone that you just like click with and the sex is inherently good. Then you get to like play. You know what I mean? You don't need to worry about fine tuning the basics. If you've got those things covered and you're inherently on the same wavelength now you get to like play some games now you get to sort of like kick it up a notch and and figure out like what really like what really is gonna blow his fucking mind and what he can do for you

as well you know what i mean like if you know you have this power over him use it make this a time and be like all right like i'm not gonna do this until you do this for me and obviously don't make it a toxic thing make it a fun game thing yeah don't use this to bully him or withhold sex or like you know no but you could definitely like i don't feel any mention of you saying he rocks your world yeah does he that's what i'm saying don't communication you know what i mean you could be like hey thanks i'm so glad i do blah blah you'd be like hey what is it that i do that you really like one for your own knowledge and two so you can keep doing it but then you could

turn that conversation into a you know what i really like when you do and nail home what you really like what he does and maybe even suggest some things and turn it into incredibleness for both of you yeah play the game of being like cool i'm like let's say you write as you know you being on top is his favorite thing and you do a great job doing that be like cool i'm not gonna i'm not gonna ride you until you make me come with your mouth or something you know what i mean like and that that sort of like power is a fun thing to play with. And it's also a good motivator for him. He's got the idea of being like, cool, I'm going to make you fucking come so hard that you're going to want to ride me. You know what I mean? It's that sort of fun playfulness that I think I hope our show helps provide other people.

I want the world to be fucking like you guys. I will say, I remember we got that feedback once we did the like deep dive into blow jobs and hand jobs and they were like our sex life is so much better because of you guys i'm like that's great that's so cool this is what i want from this i want people to have better sex because of us yeah i know we talk a lot about you know the toxic side of relationships and there's a lot of, you know, us being like, break up with this asshole. But at the end of the day, like, I hope you can listen to the negative parts of this. Learn whatever we're trying to teach or whatever we're talking about. Implement it onto yourselves so that you don't find yourself in that situation to begin with.

But then also like this conversation, like if you ever find yourself in a situation of being like why does he like me so much that's not the question you're asking the question you're asking or really the statement you should be saying is this guy likes me a lot like that's that's what it should be if someone says hey i'm really really into you the question shouldn't be why it should be a statement of like, hell yeah, he is. Yeah. It should be like, okay,

cool. Thank you. And if you're into them to reciprocate those, those words, like stop second guessing yourself. I guess what I'm saying is, you know what I mean? Like just really sort of lean back in your accomplishments in the things that

you're good at. And if you ever find yourself in a relationship, sexual or otherwise, that feels good and is healthy and you guys are having a great time, don't worry about the exterior forces. Focus on yourselves. Have a great time. Have great sex. And fuck everything else.

This is by Mousy. I wish catching feelings wasn't viewed as a negative thing. If I've been seeing someone for a while who I begin to care about, why is that such a bad thing? I wish that in the dating world, it wasn't viewed as a touchy topic to begin to get feelings for someone you're dating slash seeing. It just seems natural to me.

Yeah. I mean, I don't know. I understand that it does have like a bit of a connotation that it's like, oh no, this person caught feelings. But I think that's only if you have specifically said that you're not looking for anything serious. Yes.

Thank you. Because dating and seeing, and they're very broad terms. You know what I mean? If you're fuck buddies and you catch feelings, yes. Because you have a mainly physical relationship, that changes the dynamic. But if you're seeing someone, if you're going on dates, it isn't an issue. And I don't think I know anybody who that has been an issue for. Yeah. Like I've had situations where there have been people I've been very casual with who have then been like, oh, hey, actually,

I've started catching feelings for someone else I've been seeing. And I kind of want to see where that's going. And like, I'm like, hey, that's great. That's good news. I think the question or rather the connotation that catching feelings is a bad thing is only for people who don't really respect that some people don't want to date exclusively. I think the people who are like, no one wants to be like, everyone just wants to fuck around and no one wants to be, you know, no one believes in monogamy anymore blah blah blah i think if that's your your stance on dating or that you think that like you know once you start seeing someone you're not allowed to see other people if these are your stances then yes i understand why you think catching feelings would be a bad thing if you're ignoring other people's you know preferences to remain non-committal or remain open or remain you know

slightly less exclusive well i think it's it's literally like if this is a problem you're having the problem isn't that catching feelings is a bad thing it's that you're not specifying or you're misconstruing what your relationships are or you're just never having that chat because if someone just wants something physical, then yeah, you catching feelings can complicate things for sure. But if you guys are like working towards possibly dating, etc. Catching feelings is definitely not a bad thing. Even if they're unrequited. It's not like oops, you transgressed. You know, it's like, oh shit, I'm sorry, I'm not there yet. Or like, I don't have them back. But catching feelings themselves isn't a negative thing. So I think you just really need to look at the relationships you've been in where this

has been an issue and realize that like, it's probably just because you haven't specified or you've misconstrued it. I guess it also is something to examine in your own life is when you're catching these feelings and how it's happening. Like, are you catching feelings after one date and getting really, really intense with people? Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, are you like, oh, that's it. You're the one.

All the sparks are there. Time slowed down. The rose petals fell from the sky. I'm in love with you. And it's like we had coffee. Yeah, that's a very good point as well. Like catching feelings can be negative if it's wild and too soon, etc. They're saying, hey, I'm not really looking for anything serious right now. Are you still being like, oh, no, I caught feelings. And now I'm going to try to date these people, even though I know they don't want to date exclusively.

Because, yes, that will come across as bad for you. They'll probably be like, oh, actually, I'm not looking for anything serious. I did tell you that. So I'm going to back off. So it's like, oh, that's bad. Bad connotations. It's like, no, that's just the nature of the game. Unfortunately, I guess. And like the other thing's like, no, that's just the nature of the game, unfortunately.

I guess. And like the other thing is like, when are you catching them? If you're catching them way too fucking fast, way too intensely, that's also troublesome. But in general, it isn't an issue unless you're in those situations or you have someone shit, you know what I mean? But like if you guys are both working towards presumably dating, it's like even if they don't, you know, feel them back, there's nothing wrong with feeling them at some point because that's kind of the goal. Okay, let's do this one. I think this is fun. This is my help me seduce my wife. Ooh.

I, 36-year-old male, have no game, but my wife, 35-year-old female, wants me to seduce her at a bar. Can you help me? I'm 36. I've been married for seven years. I never really have problems getting into relationships with women. I know that sounds strange, seeing as I have no game, but I'm a nice guy and people like to hang out with me. I'm sure I'm on the autistic spectrum, but I've never been diagnosed with anything. When I was a kid, my parents forced

me to do social activities. So I always had male friends and female friends, which helped a lot. As I got older, I stayed in the habit of doing activities with people, meeting people at jobs, et cetera. Even though it's uncomfortable for me to talk to people I don't know, I pushed myself to get to know people over time. I'm more comfortable in front of a computer than striking up a conversation, waiting in line at the store. I always start sweating when I'm trying to make small talk, and it's so awkward. However, as I get to know someone, I become much more comfortable. They start to like me. Furthermore, I've never been able to pick up a girl at a bar without already knowing them from something else. I've never been able to ask a girl out on the street or pick them up at a club without having some kind of friendship or relationship where I report with them already.

I assume they mean have rapport. Mm-hmm. But they said have a report. Somehow, I've been able to convert this into relationships or sex, and to be honest, I have no idea how the mechanisms work. I would like to learn how to pick up a girl, brackets, my wife, at a bar or a club. My wife asked if I could try to seduce her at a bar or a club and pretend I don't know who she is. Problem is, I think I'll embarrass myself if I try to seduce her because I don't actually know what I'm doing. Is there some website or something I can research how to do this? I exercise, so I'm

in good shape and I have nice clothes and colognes, which my wife picked out for me. I also make a really good salary, so my wife already likes me. I don't think she'll be much of a problem to pick up. However, I'm nervous because what if she realizes I was never able to pick up a girl without knowing them? If someone can help me get better game, I'd appreciate it. Also, my wife knows I'm bad at small talk, but she asked me to do this because she thinks it'll be fun and sexy. I want to try to do this for her to make sure she's happy and having fun being married to me, even though it's causing me a lot of anxiety. If you can give me suggestions, it would be very helpful. Thanks. Okay. All right. This is actually really, really fun. It's also kind of wild because the amount of times he's like, man, but I can only pick up people I know. Yeah, dude, it's your wife. I hope you know her by now. Well, I think he's more

saying that like, if they're, they're pretending that they don't know each other, but you still do know her is the point. Sure. Yeah. Okay. Here are some, I think some, some tactics that you can use that will be fun in this scenario.

Knowing that, knowing what we know. Can I go first? Yes, absolutely. Batman voice. Batman voice. That's,

I mean, that was pretty much the only thing I had. Sneak up behind her when she's not paying any attention. Rip her headphones out of her hair and say, hello. Now, the only thing is, sorry, I should have prefaced first. You have to get in and make sure it's not a cute bartender or Starbucks barista who might smile and speak in a deep, seductive voice because it's a hundred percent running away. If that's the case.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I would like to know, are they going out with friends or is it just like, is she picking up bar and then he has to go there? I would hope not going out with friends.

That would, I think would actually make it weird. Yeah, I guess. Okay. So here's, here's what I say you do. And this is something i like to do

hopefully she's like at the bar like the actual wood of the bar and you go up to order your drink beside her and while you're waiting for your drink you have very small talk you look at her you say oh hey how's your night going as you're waiting for your drink or as you're waiting for the bartender to go you shoot the most casual shit ever and be and when you get your drink be like all right great hope you have a great night and you walk away 100 but this actually works very well for actually picking people up at the bar no i i think this is our like our chance now to walk through how to seduce someone for this man and also for everyone. And the, I think the key here is one to keep it very friendly,

keep it very light. Don't comment on what they look like. Don't give her a compliment. Don't. And again, this isn't a like negging thing. It is just meant to be as non-threatening and as light and as fun as possible.

This is you waiting for a drink and killing time. This isn't you making a play on this woman so you're there you get your drink and then you say all right great uh lovely chatting with you have a great night boom and you walk away and you got to do it confidently and i think that's the thing probably is going to be the struggle for you what would you do after that now well i think you go up for another drink and then when you're up for your next drink then's the time where you can like shift it a little bit so you'd be like oh what are you drinking and if she's like oh it's uh manhattan be like oh you know maybe i'll try one or whatever maybe even buy her a drink i was

gonna go with a whole gambit where like you just play up the whole cheesiness of the situation and like come in with like a ridiculous like business card and toss it down in front of her or like go to the bar and be like could you send that beautiful woman a drink for me and like work the cheesy like movie angle because i think it would be funny and fun then if it didn't work out you wouldn't have to be embarrassed because it's obvious that you're like being a little cheesy i'm worried that like i see i would double down on the seriousness of this i would take this so seriously and not like too seriously because the thing is, as much as I agree

what you're doing and I think it could work, I feel like maybe the wife will be like, wait, where's he going? And maybe he's going to freak out when he has to walk away and bide some time before he comes back because like this is already an anxious man. Yeah, he doesn't need to train. He's got a wife.

But okay, that you're missing the whole point of this. In this scenario, he does not have a wife. Yes, but in reality, he does. Sure. And he's very anxious. And I'm saying walking away and having to, like, you know, presumably finish that drink should, but will it? Because this man's very anxious. I don't know.

You continue. You continue your thing. What would you do next? Yes. You don't know. You continue, you continue your thing. What would you do next? Yes. You, you take your time. You don't necessarily have to finish your drink or whatever, but try to get somewhere where you can,

can still see her and make eye contact. Maybe on the other end of the bar somewhere, you know what I mean? Like somewhere where you could still every now and then catch glances, not weird staring, not no, no, no.

You know, while you're taking a sip of your drink maybe you're watching the the game on the tv whatever you put your drink down you just happen to catch her eyes and then i think it's fine to be a little bit more overt with your like check out check her out you know i mean give her give her a little once over not creepy this might be something you need to kind of like work on and fine-tune But I think like a full sort of like, okay. Yeah.

I think it's time for the cheeky grin at that point too. Yeah. And then at that point, I think you can make your move. You can go over and just be like, like you said, I think now's the time that you can buy her a drink or offer to buy her a drink.

I would wait, wait for her to, you know what I mean? Like strike when the drink is low, head on over and be like, like you said, what are you drinking? And that that's the thing if she's reading the same thing this is also a good time to be like oh like what are you reading this is the time where you change it from like oh this is friendly passing not really serious to like oh i'm taking a step further i

want to kind of get to know you not the time to be like you got nice tits you know because no one gives a shit no one wants to hear that it's a personal and like interesting take that you're gonna gonna bring to the table you know what i mean what are you drinking what are you reading or like you know anything but it's you're gonna like actually be able to have a conversation now because presumably you've exchanged pleasantries she knows you're not a creep at least a certain amount you know you've kind of gotten like that tentative safe tick bringing it a little deeper and then like if you buy a drink or like say oh do you mind if i join you you know these are all very easy ways

to like get together and guess what it's not gonna go wrong because she's your wife that's the thing like it would be a powerful move she's like no sorry not interested i'm married um but like i i think that's like once you're at that point once you've established sort of the the like oh you're you're you're playing this game i think there's no harm in asking fun questions like are you here by yourself like where's your husband i think like like that kind of like cheeky fun cheesiness i think, is where you can start like kind of poking her a little bit and being like, huh? And then, yeah, I think top of that, it's like, you know, this person so well that like, you don't have to pretend you don't know them necessarily. You can have fun by like,

I'd say they're reading a book and they're like, oh, it's pretty good. You can be like, oh, well, you should check out this person and like name drop her favorite author. Or like if she's drinking wine, but you know, she loves, you know, old f know old fashions then be like oh do you mind if i get you a drink and be like old-fashioned and be like i don't know you just kind of look like you you'd like this drink yeah you know like you have all this insider information i think that'll be sexy as well just like because you're playing a game at that point and there's like a little bit of fun so here's and here's my my closing move for you you sit there and you think and you say one you need to plan a bar closer to your place a bar that you like a bar that's like maybe a little darker a little more intimate a little quieter

a little sexier and you then hit her with the i bet if I can guess your horoscope sign, you've got to come have a drink with me at another place. Now, you need to make sure you know her horoscope sign. Make sure you fucking know her horoscope sign. Or anything that you can like, I bet I can guess your favorite color. Now, you know what would be funny is if you flip that and be like, if you can guess my star sign, I'll take you for a drink at this other place I know. Because that's funny, because it puts the ball at her court and she knows it.

Yeah, and then you go to this other bar and now you're in the driver's seat. You know what I mean? She's going to pick this bar and she's there being like, I want to be picked up. But now you're taking her somewhere else? I'm just saying, if that was me, I'd be like, okay, you're taking her somewhere else if that was i'm just saying that was me

that would be i'd be like okay you're in control now i don't know where we're going and then you buy her another drink you have some conversation and then you say hey my place is nearby my place is just around the corner boom ah you're done you're done you've won your way over you're done now double married married. Married. The sequel. Married Requiem. Married. Reloaded. Married.

The Two Towers. Return of the Marriage. That's the third movie, you idiot. Yeah. It's the second bar. First bar is Return of the Marriage. Or no, The Two Married. Shut up. Oh my god.

So that's how i would do and that's how i that's how i operate as a as a person trying to seduce people you know as a as a man in the wild and i think that's how it works as well it's like you know you're not being threatening you're not being creepy you're not being weird basically find the seduction website do everything that's not like the opposite and like i don't think as you as you progress throughout the night i don't think like a playful like hand on the hand on the knee when they say something funny and you're laughing i don't think like a hand on the knee and like a squeeze of like the thigh and a quick release like make it deliberate make it intentional but i think like showing signs of physical affection that are mostly harmless.

Don't go upper thigh. Around the knee, I think, is a good place to be like, ah, that's funny. And you kind of give that. Or a shoulder. Moments like that where you can actually add some physical intimacy. And I think things that could be fun to play with

is if you have to get up maybe lean a little bit too much into her personal space and this is this is specifically for them now i want to make that clear this is for the married couple not with people who are with strangers but like you know lean in almost like you're as you're getting up off your bar stool almost like you're going in for a kiss and and dip out just just fun things like that like if she wants to be seduced and teased i think you need to like really lay that on and be like moments of if if say she likes you know like the back of her neck touched or whatever just just hit her with one of those very subtly every now and then to to get her going and the

thing is i think what's important to realize is like this is her fantasy or her like role play game that she wants to play so it's like make it about her you know i mean i think that'll help you get out of your own head as well this isn't a test this isn't like oh i gotta make also like we never really addressed this the fact that you're worried that your wife will see that you weren't able to pick up girls and will rethink her marriage with you that's insanity my friend what she's really doing is she wants to play a fun game with you yeah you picked her up that's it she's not like shit he got me to the point that we've been married for seven years but damn i realize he might not have been able to get someone

in this weird situation so you're right i should divorce him that's that's an impossibility that's not gonna happen so like make it about her make her feel good. Make her feel desired and sexy. And that's the point. You know what I mean? And also, you could play a persona. You could pretend you're a businessman in town who's like, you don't have to be yourself, right? Maybe specify what you guys want to do. Maybe that's not what she's in for maybe you need like a little bit of a talk but like in general have fun with it make her feel good and that's the name of the game yep at the end of the show we like to peruse online dating platforms like tinder hen gen bumble i was it's so hard like i always want to say hinder do that

maybe i will just do it um to peruse online dating platforms and profiles looking for red flags what works what doesn't work in an effort to make your online dating experience a little more enjoyable simply put it's tinder time tinder time uh this is jasmine remember when people used to tell you don't judge a book by its cover boy were they wrong okay i hope there's pictures to i don't know i don't know what's happening here i'm gonna say this is like a three i don't know well i don't know i think eight because it is kind of funny it's also just like remember when they used to it's like it's not an outdated saying it's not like yeah books are extinct books don't have covers anymore yeah it's uh i'm gonna give it a

three yeah i think i'm about there with you maybe a two it's just so, I'm gonna give it a three. Yeah, I think I'm about there with you. Maybe a two. It's just so, like, are you saying we should judge you by your cover? Because, like, the picture I'm seeing is kind of bland. Are you bland? Is this a bland profile? Are you letting us know? Um, this is Pia.

I'm not like other girls. Oh, God. I'm allergic to avocados. Let's flirt for a bit. Okay, nine. I like it. Yeah, it was, it's very good. It's funny, and I do want to flirt for a bit. I do like it yeah yeah it was it's very good funny and i do want to flirt for a bit i do yeah uh ready for bliss versatile no socials solo living henny sipping

not a rapper p.s if you expect quick responses constantly when i work long hours abaha was respectfully what i don't know no needy men please skull emoji and then they have my name my real name is nagia and then new year's 2022 what i don't know i'm gonna give this a one because i don't understand half the things that are happening in this profile i like that they had to clarify that they're not a rapper i mean that's good why because they're out there because they said so we'll live in henny sipping yeah i guess uh yeah i'm gonna give it like a one because i'm i'm perplexed yeah um this is maya in quotes maya is a metronomic pulse on the face of the wound that makes you want to garrote yourself on an idle sunday morning dash mb that's a one yeah

i don't know like i don't know who mb is is it her because her name is maya mb or nb i thought it was non-barnum no mb as in like the quote is from someone with the initials mb it's a weird quote though i don't love it and it also has absolutely nothing to do with dating, presumably. Yeah. And it would be impossible to go right yourself, so. That's what you think. Mm-hmm. One.

Okay. This is Mary. Want to hook up? Swipe left. Unless a total dumb kinky freak. JK, JK, not trying to hook up with anyone. Want to hear some small talk style BS about how perfect the world is? Swipe left. Book emoji, music emoji, bed emoji, leaf emoji, fart emoji. with anyone when here's some small talk style bs about how perfect the world is swipe left book emoji music emoji bed emoji leaf emoji fart emoji or wind emoji or weed emoji i guess

is that what you said it was it's yeah i think it's smoking weed p.s not thick just fat peace sign kiss emoji it's gonna be a one as well because one you're not joking about that dom thing at all that's very specific thing to be like oh no just kidding it's like yeah that's that's what you're looking for but for some reason are too much of a coward to say it well that's the thing we already said the whole i know hookups is kind of a bit of a red flag and they've said it twice so it's like damn also small talk bullshit about how perfect the world is swipe it's like i don't want your negativity i'm sorry good yeah this is saya i go crazy for hedgehog dinosaur she goes crazy for hedgehog yeah 10 i also go crazy for hedgehog? Yeah, 10. I also go crazy

for hedgehogs. I love hedgehogs. Hedgehog, comma, dinosaur. Oh, that doesn't make any sense. No. Damn. I assume she means hedgehogs and dinosaurs. Maybe it's like she thinks stegosaurus is our hedgehog dinosaurs. Maybe. Because they got those spiky backs. Maybe.

Yeah. We have like a particularly bad batch because a lot of them were just nonsensical it's not even like they're offensive it's just like what yeah it's like a two i guess because she likes hedgehogs yeah i'm gonna give it like a three because what sophie i respect honesty above all else even if you're an asshole non non-monogamous. Eh. I'm going to give it a three. It's so bland. It's like cool.

Like you're good with assholes, I guess. Like, no. Respect yourself. Yeah. This is my last one. Julia. Hiya, brand new in Toronto. I've been traveling for a while and I always lived at the fullest of my life.

I cannot say more, so you gotta find out, winky face. P.S. I'm Italian. I, yeah, like, maybe I don't want to sound bad, but the fact that the grammar is so horrendous, it takes a lot out of me. I give it like a five. See, the, I can't say more, so you gotta find gotta find out makes me really nervous why can't you say more that's kind of what i wondered i figured it was like a character limit no not at all we've we've read far longer thanks to this it's true it's true i don't know my that is a little intriguing i will admit but it's still a five it's see for

me it's not intriguing for me i, I'm like, what are you hiding? Terrifying? Yeah, I don't like it. So it's gonna be like a 2 for me. Okay. This is A. Looking for someone who's not injected and not joining the booster loyalty program. I guess the universe takes the reins

on this one. Christ. It's a 0. Yeah, that's... A 0, I think, is being kind being kind okay i'm doing this last one very quick barbara chilean brain please and it's a brain emoji now are they talking about oral sex brain i assume they're a zombie oh maybe either way i'm gonna give this a zero because it's not or maybe they're from the wizard of oz maybe yeah if i only had a brain all right thank you thanks guys uh let's see the show friends we've made it we did it thanks for sticking with us thanks for hanging out with us uh y'all are crazy and and we love you for listening

to us and growing the show with us um our spotify rap gives us so many warm feelings when we see uh there are our people that that like this as much as we like making it so thank you very much 116 of you listen to this podcast more than any other podcast and that is a crazy thing to hear and i love it and i love you if you have a question for us please head on over to f buddies podcast.com hit the contact form fill out your question We'll answer it as soon as possible. If you'd like to support the show, same website, fbuddiespodcast.com. Click the Patreon link.

It'll bring you to our Patreon page, at which point you can pledge whatever you're comfortable giving. At the $7 level, you get a free episode every month called Pillow Talk, where we get a little loosey-goosey, a little sexy. It's a fun, fun, intimate time

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share it on your Facebook or Twitter. Or if you see someone in a sub Reddit talking about dating, send them our way. We're happy to help. And, and, and sharing it is, is the best way to grow the show. And we greatly appreciate you guys giving your trust to us to guide your friends. Yeah, 100%. Thank you to Josh Eagle and the Harvest Cities

for their song Paper Stars. And it's bad sex writing time. This is Sweet Blood of Mine by John Corwin. Wow, I said. Did you just call a guy hot? Never expected that from you. I am a girl, stupid. Although not batting for the other team,

if that's what you were thinking. She wore way too much pink to be a lesbian or a goth, for that matter. Not that I was an expert on either. I glanced at the approximate location on her nose where she usually wore a stud, wondering how large a hole these things left, but her skin looked perfect, unbroken. Couldn't spot any holes in her lips either. The studs must have teeny tiny pointy things on them, for some reason that made me feel better. It'd be a waste to mar such great skin with a bunch of holes. It's a gross thing

to say, but also, pastel cloth exists, and let me tell you ladies i'm here for it also lesbians can wear anything you dumb ass absolutely not i forgot if you wear too much pink you magically become straight fuck damn it ah beans that's all i wanted to do was dress different so my wife could pick me up at the bar and now i'm straight oh all you gotta do is just put on a bunch of flannel makes you gay again oh fuck thank god it's easy enough to flip flop back and forth once you know the once you know the styles you need to wear to get to there

for me it's like if I throw on a mesh tank top instantly gay yeah if I'm kind to my friends oh gay gay my name is Dave Miller and I'm Niles Spain we've been your fuck buddies