F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 170 - The Year Where Nothing Goes Wrong

Episode Date: January 3, 2022

You can curse us for jinxing this year only if you thank us for saving it.  Topics include Dain's predictions for 2022, a new contender for longest question answer ever as we discuss the intricacies of navigating the "seeing multiple people" dilemma of modern dating, how to deal with the jealousy of other's success and looks and Niall brings a new batch of dating profiles all the way over from Ireland.

I put my trust in you, and when I'm trusting, I love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love I put my trust in you, and when I'm trusting, I love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller And I'm Niles Payne And we're your fuck buddies We are a dating and sex advice. And we're your fuck buddies.

We are a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations and turn them into sexy, sticky situations. Simply put, we find questions either online or that are sent to our wonderful listeners in by our wonderful listeners, not sent to them on the topics of sex and dating. And we actually know we're switching it around this year. Yeah, we're going to send you guys new year, new new approach uh check your fucking inbox yeah you answer the questions see how you like it now because we're just telling you now uh we don't have an episode for you because you haven't replied yet so really i'm professional guys yeah come on we've delivered every week since we've started and you you can't even do this one episode you weren't warned about? Hey, welcome to 2022.

Mm-hmm, where we pounce things on you. The year where nothing can go wrong. No, stop it. No, you see, I thought about it, and I was like, chances are this is going to be another dumpster fire of a year. In which case, sure, blame me all you want, but like, hey, I didn't do the past two years. So there's no precedent. But if this is a really good year.

Oh, then I get blamed on you. I can claim credit. Nothing's ever going to go wrong. We did it. Nothing's ever going to go wrong. This is 2022 year. The perfect year. That's the thing.

Betty White was like, damn, I might die next year. And I don't want to ruin the perfect year. So I'm going to dip out today. Right. We think it's a tragedy but she was actually once again gracing us with her majesty you know what i mean like she was like you know what no i'm not gonna ruin 2022 2021 is a bullshit year so yeah fuck you 2021 i got a few more hours i'm not gonna do it to them bye guys by the way rip betty white lovely woman uh incredible we're not not going to do it to them. Bye, guys. By the way, RIP Betty White.

Lovely woman. Incredible. We're not making light of it. I think she'd want us to make this joke. No, it was like when Macho Man died to avert the 2020 or 2012. Whenever he died. Remember when it was supposed to be like the end of days? Macho Man died and we're all still here. Coincidence?

Mm-hmm. Don't think so. Well, rumor has it Harambe's coming back to save us all. He's going to be Harambe the White. He'll have risen. Just an albino gorilla. Let me tell you, if a fucking albino gorilla shows up in whatever fashion, I don't know why or where. But if all of a sudden we see this fucking white gorilla is here. Everyone loves this white gorilla.

Everyone loves this big guy. I'm just saying, we're prophets. I was just going to say thank you to everyone. I had COVID. I got the COVID. I got the Omicron. And a lot of people said... The second I leave, you get it.

You were the only thing protecting me. It's true. I'm sorry. I took my protective shield with me. Yeah. But everyone sent very lovely get well messages. I was very lucky. Thankfully, I was vaccinated.

My symptoms were very mild. It was pretty much just a cold. And it's all thanks to science because of that, because I've heard of people having a very rough time, even with the Omicron which is a little milder um so if you haven't gotten vaccinated go get vaccinated if you can get a booster go get your booster it's as someone who's had this it still fucking sucks it's not a fun time um but the vaccine makes it much much easier much more manageable um and and again thank you very much for everyone who sent out uh lovely get well wishes and and checked in on me it was very very sweet and i appreciate you hell yeah thanks guys um now you'll never hear me shut up about the fact that i survived a deadly disease oh me yes i'm a survivor i've had so many fucking tests in the last two weeks because i decided to travel just when the

world fell apart but somehow so far fucking touch wood I'm still going strong. But I am waiting on the results of my random testing from the airport. So I'm currently isolating. Who knows? They might email me while we're on this call. So happy new year to me. Yeah, let's do some questions. Yeah, this is by Aqua Not Capri. And there are some very specific questions in this question. I think I might just ask you them, I guess maybe at the end, we'll see. How do you manage dating multiple people and sexual expectations? Okay. So I've learned almost everyone dates multiple people at a time. I'm still having a hard time understanding it. How do you know who you like versus someone you just feel lust for? Is that the question number one? Yeah. I feel like I'm going to go through

them as we go. Okay. Yeah. I don't think there's a difference, really. And you will know. Like, it should just let yourself feel what you feel for these people. Don't try to manufacture anything. Don't try to, like, sort them into categories. That's a weird thing to do. If you enjoy spending time with someone and you enjoy having sex with them, then you will inevitably, most likely, start developing feelings for one person more than the other.

Or not. That's also a fine situation to be in. But trying to be like, oh, you are a sex person. And you are a person that I care about. You should care about all your partners. And it might be different. And on different types of caring. It might be in a different manner of caring but you shouldn't reserve treatment for one person over another

also it's like you're you're gonna know right it's like if you see someone and you're very attracted to them but like you can't stand them, that's probably someone you just feel lust for. But there isn't, as Dane said, it's not like a black and white, like you are a sex person, you are not a sex person. There are 50 shades of gray in between. But no, for real,

you can like someone quite a bit and be massively sexually attracted to them, but not want to date them. And onto infinity, there are various different permutations of that so this kind of like categorizing is maybe harmful all right ready for next one how do you handle competing for someone's attention okay i mean this is i think this is sort of the number one problem once people get past the idea of like not not necessarily polyamory but non-monogamy once people get past it idea of like, not necessarily polyamory, but non-monogamy, once people get past it, like,

Oh, I'm jealous. Or I would never be okay with this. I think the other thing is like, well, how do I like, when is it okay to let people have their own time in their own space? I think that is,

uh, once you deal with the jealousy issue, the idea of, of splitting your time. And I think it's important if you are in a relationship with someone who's like a primary partner, I think specifying what your time requirements would be off the bat and being like,

hey, let's make sure that we always have, before we make plans with anyone else, let's see if there's a day that works for both of us and that will be our day. You know what I mean? And that way you're not being like, you're not filling your schedule and then hoping that the one day you can't see other people will also line up with another person that you're trying to see. So if there is someone who is your primary partner, give them or choose, be like, okay, cool. Hey, these are my days that

are free. Any of those work for you? And if they're like, yes, Tuesday, it's like, okay, great. Tuesday, we are going to hang on tuesday and then fill your schedule with other people's availability you're gonna want to try to fill your schedule to the max to maximize your you know dating time potential but don't worry about that that's gonna make you feel real weird and it's gonna make you feel you know kind of shitty if you know that like one of your partners is on a date and you're not on a date it's not a competition in that regard now i think you're coming at it more from a polyamory angle as opposed to this person i think is just you know when you start seeing someone but like you know like we give this like advice all the time where it's like when you're dating you don't

just go on a date with one person you're like well this is it see how it. See how it goes. You know, you, you date other people and whatever. And it's like that period before your official where you're dating multiple people. And I think this comes more from the like seduction terror of like, I'm competing with every man out there. You know, you handle competing for their attention when you know, they're like dating other people.

Okay. Um, so then I would say this falls back into the jealousy category. I was like, you, you skipped way past. I'm like, Oh, you're so kind. They're not there yet. Um, yeah. Okay. So the first thing you need to understand is one, if you're dating other people, other people are dating other people and you need to understand that there are going to be times where that person will want to hang out with you you but you will have other plans and it's not necessarily a competition you're not competing and they're not competing for your time at least they shouldn't be it shouldn't be a competition that you're setting up of being

like well this person's hotter so i'm gonna give them like fuck that if that's what you're doing don't yeah fuck in terms of competing for time. You need to, I think the attention competing for attention, like that's, I think we can both, like we've had questions similar to this. It's like, you're not,

you know what I mean? Like this, the world isn't this like battle Royale. Like you're not in war, like against every other man or woman or whoever, there's nothing you need to do. Like, it's not like,

Oh shit. Yeah. You're out there. Like if you don't do these five things, you've lost the war. And the person that's, you know nothing you need to do. Like, it's not like, oh shit, yeah, you're out there. Like, if you don't do these five things, you've lost the war, and the person that's, you know, you beat you. Because, like, if you're not being you, you're probably fucking it up. Or, if

God forbid, you actually succeed while not being you, then the resulting relationship, I assume, is what you're competing for, is gonna be fucked, because they're like, oh, I like this person that wasn't you. And also, think of the, like, maybe you might just have to if if you find yourself not getting the same level of commitment or enthusiasm or effort from a partner then maybe it's not worth pursuing like if you're trying to hang out with someone and they're constantly canceling on you last minute

and you think that's because you know they found something quote-unquote better to do then that's not really a partner you should be pursuing it doesn't matter like how great the sex was or or you know how attractive they are or like any of these other sort of like qualities that tend to mar people's decision making abilities and like if it is someone you would like if if the sex was great or if they are very attractive and you still want to you know pursue some don't make it your you know i mean like make it a casual like hey what are you doing this week and then like you know if if they happen to be free great if not then whatever like if that's how you want to pursue but like match the amount of energy you're getting back from someone or the amount of effort from someone and the same thing is ditch them you know yeah if you're not getting what you want out of this and the best thing is

this situation is exactly why dating multiple people is good because if this person isn't giving you what you want or need or deserve or whatever great you haven't wasted your time because you've got greg and ben who you're also seeing yeah you know like it's it's not like shit this guy fucking sucks. And I've just sank four weeks in. Damn, I should have gone out with Greg and I should have gone skiing with Ben. Fuck. And on the flip side, don't do this to other people.

If, if there's, you know, if you've created, and I'm worried that you probably have based on the first half of this question or the first part of this question is if you have like a hierarchy of like, this is my first choice. This is my second choice. This is my third choice. And you sort of relegate your, your number three as like, Oh, if one and two cancel on me, I will hit up them. And if I have plans with three and one and two hit me up, I'll cancel on three. You know what I mean? Like don't, don't hierarchy people. You can have primary partners and stuff like that. That's i mean like don't don't hierarchy people you can have primary partners and stuff like that that's okay but don't base someone's worth on how much you would rather

see someone else over them if that's like treat people how you want to be treated i think that's like good advice in general you know what i mean like put yourselves in their shoes like you can't be like oh i'm worried like i'm competing for people's attention when like you're doing the same to them. That's the good thing about dating multiple people and all that. It's like, you know, there's, there's no like freaking out if you're also doing it because you should be able to look at yourself and be like, oh wait, these horrible thoughts. I'm worried that like, they don't care about me and they're using me or like, oh, it's

like, wait, I'm doing the same thing. And I still like that person and the other people I'm dating and there's nothing sinister happening here. So like I can take a breath and realize that it's not that bad. All right. Next question. Are you waiting until your exclusives to have sex? Wait, is this, is this someone being like for people who are seeing like, that's up to you really?

Well, I'm asking you specifically. No, like I, and if not, are you having sex with everyone you date? Yes. I mean, like for me, if I'm dating someone, it's usually specifically because I'm interested in a sexual relationship with that person. But that doesn't necessarily mean that's what you have to do. If you want to pursue dating someone before you want to have sex with them, I think waiting until you're exclusive might be a bit extreme because at that point, like if you guys, if

you date for, you you know six months or whatever and then you're like actually let's try being exclusive and then you have sex and you guys don't mesh sexually like if your sexual chemistry is not good then it's like what's the point i i don't understand like if you are hesitant about having sex or if you are a little bit more timid or or reserved when it comes to having sex with multiple people then that's fine maybe reduce the amount of people that you're seeing to reduce the pool of people that you're sleeping with to a level that you're comfortable with. But having sex is having sex is having sex, regardless of how many people are in the picture. Whatever you're comfortable with, and that's your comfort level, then just do that.

Yeah, 100%. Same with me. It's like, I don't wait till I'm exclusive to have sex. I think it's a pretty bad idea for a lot of the reasons that dane said and also because like it almost feels like like incentivization you know what i mean it's like i wouldn't want that to be part of the process you know like oh well if i say yes then we get to fuck no it's like and also by that point it's like how you shouldn't get married before you move in how you shouldn't move in before you've been dating it's like these are all steps of a process it's like how you shouldn't get married before you move in, how you shouldn't move in before you've been dating. It's like, these are all steps of a process. It's like, as Dane said, if you start dating and the sex is awful, it might not mesh. And that's like, oh shit, we get a breakup immediately.

That's insane. Are you having sex with everyone you date? Sure. Why not? Like. Yeah, if you want to. Waiting till your exclusive sex is kind of strange, maybe. I don't know.

But anyway, it's up to you. There's no rule book. That's the great thing about this. It's like, it doesn't matter if I have sex with everyone or half of them or none of them, because what I do has no real bearing on what you want to do. So if you have a hang up on sex, that's cool. You can explore that or work through it or not, but you don't have to do what I do just because I do it. Also, remember, regardless of what kind of relationships

you're pursuing or what kind of relationship structure you're pursuing, whether it's seeing multiple people, seeing one person, whatever, communication is the way to success. So if there is, like if you do have a reservation

about having sex early on in a relationship, let people know that so that they're not fucking spiraling and being like why won't this person sleep with me is it something i'm doing like just let them know be up front and tell people like hey just so you know i don't like to have sex very quickly or very soon into a relationship i like to get to know a person a little bit more just so you know you know and i don't want because like it's also you're training a partner early like if

if they're like oh hey come back to my place you're like uh not tonight but you don't tell them why yeah and they're it's like eventually they'll either be like okay cool so this person has no interest in me or they start spiraling being like why won't this person come back to my place like just let them know yeah 100 and then final question apart from the actual question i guess uh if the person you like the most doesn't want to have sex until they're exclusive with you but you don't want to be exclusive because you're not sure do you continue to see that person have sex with somebody else okay this is starting to get like a fucking you know if a train leaves a station yes why not

um i think again going back to what i just said clarify with that person as to why they don't want to have sex with you and be like what's the difference between us seeing each other now and like what changes when we become exclusive is it a concern of like scds is it a concern of you know the fact that we're in a pandemic and the more people you have the more likely but like you could still you know just being close is, is you're just at much of a risk there. So I'm not sure. I think you need to clarify what their expectations are in terms of a

sexual relationship, because if it is literally just the arbitrary designation of like, oh, we're exclusive now. So now we can have sex, be like, why, why is that thing?

And don't be pushy about it. You know, you're not trying to challenge them or change their mind. But understanding why, because it could just be like, oh, I just, you know, I want to be more comfortable or I'm concerned about STDs. And then you can have a conversation and be like, cool. Well, you know, I always wear protection. And if you want, we can do regular STD texts. Yeah.

Like we you can open the conversation. And I think a lot of people who have these relationships kind of pretend like they're not doing it and therefore they know everyone knows that there is other partners but they don't talk about the fact that there's other partners and heaven forbid you talk about having sex with someone else yeah and i think a lot of the kind of like the jealousy and insecurity brought up in this question are reasons why people don't do that like we should live in a world where like if you're dating someone they can bring up the time they either

had a great time or a terrible time with their ex or if you're dating someone you should be able to be like oh i'm seeing you know some other people and not have that be a problem especially when we all know what's happening you know yeah like it's not like a fucking surprise yeah i think it's always super important to like if you're just kind of like seeing everyone like if you're just on a on a tinder binge and you're seeing a bunch of people new people that's fine but like if there's someone that you see on a pretty consistent basis who who does sort of you know take up a fair amount of time i think it's worth mentioning it to new partners and being like hey i, I am seeing someone else just so they, they know,

and that they know that there's going to be some time restraints and that you guys will have to work with a schedule to see each other a fair amount of time. Now, per this question, if the person I liked the most didn't want to have sex, so they're exclusive and you weren't ready to be exclusive. Would I continue to see that person?

If there was like nothing sexual on the table, probably not. Because realistically, the way I work, and I think it's similar to the way you go, it's like, I don't jump into a relationship for no reason. I don't jump into it quickly. For me, I would generally be seeing someone for quite a bit because I take relationships very seriously. And sex is a big part of a relationship. And it's like, I'm not going to be exclusive with you. You know what I mean? Personally, if we haven't had sex or done stuff like that, because as we've already stated, it is a very big part of a relationship in my eyes. And on top of that, it's like, we're just hanging out and you're refusing to do like anything.

One, I'm probably going to think you have some kind of hang up on it and maybe like a massive insecurity or like lack of experience. But secondly, it's like, I'm missing out on the things I'd need to know to make a decision about the relationship. And I'm just kind of like, I don't know if you're like i want to be exclusive now so we can have sex but it's way too early and i feel like the weight of being exclusive is going to hang over us hanging out even if hanging out is great so i just feel like at that point it would probably just fizzle out um and would i be having sex with other people yeah of course because it's like what's the point of me like we're not going to be exclusive,

but I'm not going to start sleeping with other people because then you're basically exclusive. Yeah. You know? So just to answer that. And now the final bit. I'm talking to someone and I've discovered he has multiple women he's entertaining. I told him it's fine, but sex is off the table.

I want to be exclusive before I have sex. My reason, a man won't like me, but of course he'll sleep with me until he gets the woman he really wants. He says he's a sexual person and now believes I have a hang-up on sex. I don't think I do, but I don't think anyone should have full access to me and my body when they aren't even sure about being with me.

I finally keep running into this. Why do people want full access but can't figure out if they want commitments? Oh, man. The idea of full access? You're not... It's not full access. You're not, it's, it's not full access. This is something like you are having sex with someone. Like you should also be getting something out of a sexual relationship.

You know what I mean? Like, it's not like if I'm about to have sex with someone, I don't open up my sex bazaar stand and they pick and choose what they want. Yeah. Like that's not how it fucking works. They don't, you know what I it fucking works they don't you know what i mean like they don't just sort of you know supermarket sweep put their hand out and just

fill their cart with my sexual goodies and then i i pack up sit there and like look off into the distance like you know not part of it it's such a sad way to phrase this yeah and honestly it's like you you say that you don't have a hang up on sex but it sounds almost immediately like you do and i know that uh that you're you you know this is necessarily helpful to be like oh you have a hang up on sex um but it sounds like you you view sex as inherent to your worth and also something not for you like it's something for the boys you know like oh i have to get something before i give away the sex that like you know like somebody gives you you know the money and you say cool the drugs are in a bag down the end of the hallway and you

fucking speed off in your car you know what i mean like it feels very much like you get this they get that and it's like one they should also get something out of the relationship you know what i mean relationships are too fucking way street but you should also have something out of sex you know what i mean like i don't there isn't like the relationship is the thing you want but he doesn't but you kind of get him in there and the sex thing he want but you don't but you give it to him grudgingly that's awful yeah miserable it's it's something you need to figure out on your own time. I think,

I don't think like you should be dating until you figure out what, what it is about sex that you have so many reservations about, why you think that having sex with someone diminishes your value. Because I think that at its core is what's happening here. I think you've decided that like, Oh, if I have sex, I'm less of a person or I have less value to someone as a romantic

partner or as a you know a sexual partner or as a human being which if that's the case you're sleeping with the wrong people yeah and like yeah there are some people out there who once they have sex you will disappear but like i'm sure there are also people who will go through the charade say they're exclusive have sex you and then fucking disappear just because they've done those steps and said that thing doesn't mean they're not going to cheat on you or be shitty. If you're worried, this person is so manipulative that the second he has sex with you, he's going to treat you poorly. Why would you want to date him? Why? Yeah.

Why would you? Why is that someone you want to be exclusive with? And why do you think that if that is their moral center that even after they've become exclusive with you that that's going to change exactly because like you know it's almost as if being exclusive is the cure for all these things but it's like have you seen half the people dating half the people out there like dear god and it's only worse when you're actually exclusive because now like one you've sunk up on a bunch of like time and emotion and effort in but like secondly it's like a betrayal on a whole different level and it's it's so much worse so yeah i don't know i just like i would like for you to enjoy sex i would like for you

to realize that sex is a thing for you as well and i would like for you to have relationships based on like you know mutual enjoyment and like, not just, okay, now I'm worth something. Yeah. I think what you really need to do, I mean, this guy seems to be on the level of being like, hey, I'm seeing other people. You know what I mean? Like being upfront about that kind of stuff.

That's a good sign. Is a great sign. That's a good sign that he's willing to communicate with you. He's not hiding anything from you. He's not pretending like you're the only person in the picture. I think you really do need to sit down and be like, figure out what would make you comfortable. What scenario would make you comfortable outside of being exclusive? Because that is really a fairly arbitrary reason to have sex with someone.

If it is, if you're uncomfortable with the fact that he's sleeping with other people and you're worried about STDs, talk about protection. Talk about STD tests. Talk about that kind of stuff, like what protections are being put into place in order to not uh you know transmit diseases between partners if you're worried about a commitment level talk to him about that be like hey I'm worried that you know once we start having sex I will be diminishing value in your eyes and it's something that I'm I'm concerned about and see what he says about that because it seems to be the main concern here this seems to be the main issue here and if he's like no absolutely not like I'm you know I mean like the the conversations need to be had about sex you can't just go in and be like this is my

rule no sex until we're exclusive it's like well then you're probably going to be very lonely or have really shitty relationships and also even when you get in these relationships, is the sex going to be good? Because it seems like to you, it's transactional and miserable. Yeah. Now I will say, the comments, awful. Why do I keep running into this? Because men are only interested in commitment if they meet their fantasy girl that checks every single box. So in the meantime, they'll sleep with the women who aren't sports illustrated supermodels with three

boobs and a magic kitty until they realize that woman doesn't exist. Then they'll finally decide to settle for the runner-up in the harem of girls they've been stringing along. I'm sure you're pleasant. I feel like this is the fear. That's the fear, right? Like that is when people don't want to participate

in seeing other people, they assume this. It is so buck wild. It's insane. And by the way, that's not one. It's every single response. And she's like, oh my God, thank you. I thought that was crazy.

Oh my God, thank you. There was me thinking, it's like, oh, cool. Her learning moment could have happened. He's just keeping around for casual sex or a backup. Yeah, I'm dumping him. It's like, okay. Hey, this is great news for this guy. It's good for him. moment could have happened he's just keeping around for casual sex or a backup yeah i'm dumping him it's like okay like hey this is great news for this guy it's good for him yeah yeah yeah so like look you don't have to have sex if you don't want to but like you should be like you should know i don't know it's just it seems like like one sex should be fun like that's just a

fucking flat out and secondly it's like you should, like, things are, like, don't make everything miserable and transactional. Like, there should be things in it for both of you. That's how dating relationships work. Okay, we should move on. Okay, so this is, you know, in the same vein. This comes from Fraudulent Paternity. How do you deal with envy of your more attractive friends and just more attractive people in general that have a lot of success in dating? So I'm 20 in college and really struggling dating. And I'm beginning to face the idea that dating may not be for guys

like me. I'm not a good looking guy. I do the best with what I have, but my best really is enough for girls at my level. I have a lot of friends who seemingly have no issue getting dates or just hooking up and I feel so much jealousy over this. Like it makes me feel good to hear that maybe one in five times my friends gets rejected. I'm also incredibly jealous of strangers i know i cannot ever be enough to catch a girl's eye but i see that happen all the time to other guys and it makes me feel like such shit about myself how do i make myself not jealous of a life i really want which is realistically unavailable to me uh it is not unavailable to you i'm gonna say that flat out uh but your jealousy issues and that's probably your biggest hurdle ironically and you probably don't know it and not unavailable to you. I'm going to say that flat out, but your jealousy issues.

And that's probably your biggest hurdle, ironically, and you probably don't know it and you're just putting it down to looks. I know people who are incredibly attractive and completely useless with women. I know people who are, we have a friend that we call useless Superman because of this. Yeah. There's not a box.

He couldn't take, um, people really over like they put they over that they put too much importance on looks. You know what I mean? They put too much importance on height. They put too much importance on all this bullshit. Like I read a poster in the week. I didn't bring it because it was just so miserable. But like somebody literally listed out all the reasons why they should be dating women where they were like i have a car i have a job i go to the gym and i weigh x amount and can lift x amount i uh was

voted most unique in high school i blah blah blah like literally just list list these things which one i don't think that's a good thing dude just by the way um but secondly, it's like, cool. You don't have a resume. Like a girl's not like, oh, damn, most unique in high school, car. And he can lift this arbitrary amount that I definitely care about. That's not how it works. So many things can be glossed over or, hey, it fucking helps. Don't get me wrong. If you walk into a room and you're six foot, whatever, and you're shredded and you know you drop five thousand dollars out of your pocket by accident and when you bend over to pick them up your ass just looks great in your life your absolute dump truck ass just i mean like you know these are all

things that fucking help and yes sometimes it'll be enough for people but the core of any dating experience really is your personality and like how you interact with people and all this shit. And that's like, if you're insecure and jealous and miserable, people can pick up on that. And that sucks because that just breeds more insecurity, jealousy, and miserableness, but like, don't underestimate your personality. And it's like, if it's not working, it's very possibly that there aren't an arbitrary list of things you can just tick off you kind of just need to vibe with people and like i don't know i know that's not great it's literally the opposite of every like pickup artist approach because it's it's hard it's hard to work on that

there's nothing really tangible there but like life would be so much easier if you could just pick up one of these bullshit books and be like hey growl like batman at them boom it works i yes yes to all that i would say but like i get where this guy's coming from i remember in high school there was a guy who was he was my friend wasn't a super attractive guy uh at least not in my opinion but like women fucking loved him like anyone i ever had a crush on also had a crush on him and i was just like why what is with this guy and to this day i still like he was kind of a dick and like to be pete davidson although pete davidson apparently is a very nice guy well i i have much respect for him because like you know remember watching that stupid fucking those asshole boxing brother people yes and he was

just like going around ripping the piss out of the whole thing it's like it seems the most well-rounded person there because he was like this is ludicrous and these people suck you know but i appreciate that i'm glad you brought up pete davidson because everyone is so bewildered by this of being like how is pete davidson with is he kim kardashian he's with right now i can't remember but also fox who wants to build kim kardashian right yes but like the idea that there's this guy who's like this dopey looking you know mom's basement living looking guy you know like that's sort of the pete davidson persona and we'll be like how is he getting these hot women like it's like this isn't a new thing no right this is just sort of like the first celebrity instance of it but even not really

like i'm sure we could go and look at celebrities who are like one's very very attractive and one is very you know quote unquote unconventionally or conventionally unattractive um but also like i think one of the key things to remember here is like he's a fucking comedian you know what i mean so it's like he has the intelligence and like charisma to on the fly, you know, come up with all these things and be funny and like be charismatic and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Like being funny, being charismatic and being able to fucking hold a conversation, I would say are probably the three most important things. So this is, this brings me to my point. I think the most beneficial thing that this guy can do right now, and this is something I will recommend almost to everyone.

I think it is important if you haven't taken an improv class in your life and you struggle with social situations, specifically talking to women. If you're a dude or like, you know, of lack that confidence or charisma in social situations improv classes will be a game changer for you because one of the most important things you learn in improv is to listen and how to pick up your cues on where to take a conversation next like at its fundamental level that's what improv is is listening and responding yes and no but and it's like that's how you have a conversation a lot of people go in like pickup artists will teach you oh here are your lines here are your openers here you're this but like if you don't have the the charisma or the social awareness or ability to continue after you've used your cool lines then most people are like oh i fucking fell

flat on my face that's the thing it's like you have your lines you'll have their fucking lines so it's like they can say whatever and it's like if they say something unexpected like maybe they're down and you weren't ready or maybe they have a funnier like rejoinder that like you know if you don't reply to that you look like an idiot and they kind of like, you know, if you don't reply to that, you look like an idiot and they kind of like laugh you off. Whereas if you had something equally as funny, they're probably like, okay, I appreciate this. Without a doubt. You're in college right now. You're 20. I promise you there is an improv group that you can join probably for free. Or if not look around, see if there's a, like a comedy club that offers improv classes.

I'm sure you can find one in almost any city. Comedy is huge everywhere. Take an improv class. And one, you're going to make friends with the people in your class. So right off the bat, you have a new group of friends, a new social circle. And maybe there are people in there that you're attracted to. Maybe you're not. Don't worry about that.

But you now have people to go to comedy shows with and meet new people and have, you know, a group of people that you can now talk to new groups of people. Your social circle is going to improve. Your social confidence is going to improve. Having friends that you enjoy hanging out with is also going to boost your confidence. Like all of these things. And also fundamentally learning the principles of improv

is going to teach you to be a better conversationalist. You're going to be funnier. And just like I recommend this to people all the time. And I literally think teaching improv should be like part of a curriculum. Like it should be part of like school

because like how much of our jobs when we grow up is is talking with people and if you don't foster those social skills you're fucked like the people who are most successful in business are the people who can like charm the pants off you yeah and the thing is it's like even aside from all this it's like getting like doing improv is scary and it's hard it's like getting up in front of a bunch of people and doing silly things or doing things you know it's all scary and these are all taking you out of your comfort zone and making you more like confident when you do them and confidence is also a huge part of dating so it's like that alone is a benefit it's all a benefit like i just hate reading these questions where people are like oh there's no hope for me you know and

i don't want to you know i don't want to drag people down. Be like, look at that fucker. He managed to date. You know what I mean? Because that's not nice for whatever fucker I might pick. You know what I mean? I feel bad for Pete Davidson that the entire world is like

this piece of shit can, you know, it's like, that's not cool. So I'm not going to drag people down to make this point. I'm not going to, there's so much more to dating than being attractive. You're not the one to tell you

how attractive you are. People are attracted to everything, every single thing under the goddamn sun. Like, yes, there is kind of a commonly agreed upon like mainstream attractiveness, but one that changes. And two, it's like, not everybody's on the fucking same page as that. So it's like, don't lose hope, but like, you know, work on yourself and don't just be jealous. You know what I mean? If you're jealous and shitty, you know, either internally, externally, or both, it's not going to help your case. You know, if you sabotage a relationship with these friends or try to like, you know, cock block them or just get weird when they're around, it's like, no, like these people, if they're doing well with women, like, and you're hanging out with them, women travel in packs. They rove across the plains.

You know what I mean? But like, if they have friends, that's prime time for you to talk to some people. Having a friend that's good with girls is not a bad thing. I just like, I don't want to see people get poisoned by jealousy. I don't want to see people beating themselves up over things that they can deal with. It makes me very sad. You've got this. I know it's very easy to say as someone who isn't you.

And it's not very easy to hear. And I get that. And we don't want to just be up here spouting off about how fucking easy things are because it's not easy it's not easy being jealous it's not easy being looked over it's not easy feeling bad about yourself but none of these things are reasons to stop and nothing is impossible how many times have we talked about the fact that like we've met people haven't been attracted to them got to know them been like oh actually actually though and like that could happen with you right like if if someone might not initially be attracted to you but then find out you're

incredibly funny and charming and very sweet and romantic and blah blah blah blah blah blah like those opinions change man i've i've had it said to me a million fucking times or it's like someone being like oh yeah no when you walked into the party like i didn't even notice you but like when we talked later on like you know i was very into you i rarely have ever been like oh yeah when you walked in like fuck i just saw you across the room you were just so hot it's like no that's you know it's like i i talked to you and like i forgot about everyone else at the party and it's like cool like that's where i shine it's not that i'm like i'll walk in the room and turn heads but it's like i could talk to someone

and usually that's it so you know like honestly i think that's a better place to be in i would much rather earn attraction than like walk in and be you know this fucking zach efron and everyone sort of like trip over themselves to to like garner some of my attention that sounds fucking exhausting i want to be able to like scan a party talk to a bunch of people and eventually find someone that like i enjoy talking to and then you know invest my time in them like also it meant i didn't have to go to the gym for years honestly let's face it i wasn't a very attractive person or like you know teenager i was awkward and weird and but like that taught me how to be funny and how to develop a personality and how to like talk to people like that.

I'm glad that I wasn't this, you know, those super hot guys in because like you look at their Instagrams now and I'm just like, your life is so boring. And like, yeah, you look fucking great with a shirt off but like like nothing you post seems interesting at all and now i'm sure there are interesting sexy men with great physiques out there dang of course don't degenerate people now i i promise you if you go out to a bar especially in toronto you will often find people where like your basic or your sort of initial instinct is like looking to be like how the fuck did that happen and it goes both way men and women you know what i mean like or any any pairing it doesn't it's not necessarily like less attractive guys with more attractive women it goes both ways you know the time i've seen people sit at my bar i'm just like

oh fuck what happened here i'm glad for it i love it and i immediately think more of them because of it yeah so just you know don't give up hope don't fall into jealousy again easier said than done but like if you put your mind to it i fucking believe in you do an improv class make some friends also you're fucking young man that's great some people have never had sex at 20 you know what i mean or for another 10 years like you have so much time you You're still blossoming. You're only half out of your chrysalis. You beautiful butterfly.

You've got the time. Once you don't like internally just fall to shit, you're fine. I will say good on you for clocking this and recognizing it and trying to do something about it. That's a huge step. Just don't spiral. Take the time to figure out what you need to do

to boost your confidence. And if it is, you know, improv class is my suggestion. Go to the gym, you know, join some clubs, join some groups, pick up a sport, start streaming. I don't know. Just do something that finds your voice and finds your confidence. Now, I know we didn't do a whole lot of questions today, but it is the end of the show. And which means we start looking at online dating profiles. We peruse profiles from Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, and other online dating platforms in an effort to make your online dating experience a little more enjoyable by looking for red flags, saying what works and what doesn't work. All right. Well, this is, I got a few choice snippets from ireland right so this is a hinge

snippet i don't have the name they say change my mind about is the prompt and they say everything i'm distinctively anti-racist and i would love for you to change my mind about that everything like that would be exhausting because one you'd need to figure out where their mind's at in the first place but then you'd have to like i don't know research it maybe you don't agree maybe you're on the same page myself it's like shit now i have to get her to feel the opposite and presumably you have some values that aren't garbage like are you a feminist do you believe in in the equal rights of of women like smashing do i have to change your mind about that? Because I don't want to do that.

And if you don't, then like, I don't know if I want to put in all this work for someone who's that shit. Right. Like if you already are like, no, fuck, I hate feminism. I fucking fully support slavery. It's like, OK, you suck. I'm not going to spend the time to change your mind on everything. It's just it's a zero out of 10. What does that mean?

It's going to be zero for me as well. This is Lola. Hi, I'm Lola, angel emoji. Not looking for a boyfriend, smiley emoji. To be perfectly honest, I want a guy best friend who likes casual sex and snacks. Doe-eyed emoji, heart emoji.

My ideal date would be watching crappy reality shows while we both scream at the TV. Snacks may be involved. We'll get along if you're progressive, but also make me call you daddy. Big guy emoji. Would love to meet someone amazing. Damn, I like that.

Right? When I first read it, I was like, eh. And then I was like, wait, actually, this is actually pretty on the level. The emojis kind of detract, I think, a little bit for me. But in general, it's like, i appreciate someone who can be honest and come out and be like hey one this is what i'm looking for two this is what i'll do it's a little sexy fuck yeah yeah yeah 10 out of 10 i'm gonna give it a 10 as well all right here's another snippet from irish hinge i want someone who shares pasta with me because eating it on my own can get kind of lonely. Oh.

Now, did they say kind of lonely? Like, kind of lonely. Yes. But like, yeah. Yeah. I thought it was very funny. Yeah. I mean, it's also very sad, because it's true.

I think it's very funny. It's a 9 out of 10 for me. Yeah, I'm going to give it a 9 as well. This is Margo. Where's my enemies to love her arc? Is that it? Yeah. as well this is margo where's my enemies to lover arc is that it yeah now it does call to mind romance twitter which is hella toxic so i'm already scared about this person yeah i like enemies to lovers is a weird trait in general because it's often really toxic i love the meminess of it i like i like the tropiness of it but i also don't know where they stand in terms

of seriousness yeah i'm gonna give it a six, because it's pretty funny. Yeah, me too. This one doesn't even make any sense, I'm not gonna read it. Okay. Dating me is like, this is Irish Hinge, dating two Malamutes. I'm gonna

give that a nine, because if there's anything that's like golden retriever energy it's malmute energy sure i'm gonna give it a four because it just sounds chaotic and scary maybe i don't know so legal this is maddie and now you're gonna have to go with me here because it's a fucking brilliant profile but it does take some like visualization okay it says i'm normal exclamation mark exclamation mark bunch of exclamation marks and then she writes down normal like you know how it's like n is the first word yeah so n nine years ago and oh old witch cursed me with an amulet. R, M, A, L. Love it.

This is... I super like this person. Oh my god, it makes so little sense. I fucking love it. Yeah, 10 out of 10, for sure. It's so good. It's all I need to know about this person. And it's wonderful.

I loved it. This is another Irish Hinge snippet. My most controversial opinion is is if I say it, I'll die alone for sure. Oh, Hey, that's not something you put on your dating profile because just because you haven't said it doesn't mean you don't think it.

And now, you know what? I'm filling in what you're going to say with like the worst shit. Cause I'm going to be like, well, if you think it's so bad that you'll die alone, I'm going to assume you're a horrible person. Yeah.

Because you haven't told me it doesn't make you any less terrible. Like if I was, you know, a child murderer, just because I haven't confessed doesn't mean I'm not a child murderer. Yeah. And because you haven't said it, I'm going to then rack my brain for what it could be, which might worse than it is yeah or not i don't know but either way i'm gonna think

you're a fucking garbage person the only reason i might swipe is to ask you which like if you don't want to tell people anyway are you gonna want to tell me i don't know um this is abby you have to rate it oh yeah that's a Yeah, it's a zero. This is Abby. She's 19. I'm grown, but not grown grown, which means I know how to ride a dick, but I'm still not sure how taxes work. I like it, but it is a little creepy almost when they're like, like I'm not grown grown in a way. You know what I mean? Yeah, there's a little bit of like young baiting.

Yeah, it's a little, but it young baiting but yeah it's a little but it is it is funny and also taxes suck so yeah I'm gonna give it a 7 I might just keep going through Irish Hinge um this is weirdest gift I have given or received and they said adopted

a willy his name is Chody X X as in like E X no as in like x like kiss oh like a willy means a penis in irish yeah okay that's what i figured an irish but yeah i don't know what the fuck that means at all adopted the willy his name is chody yeah i i'm so confused it's like are you caring for someone's penis is that what's happening yeah it's a weird way of you saying like you have a current relationship. Yeah, I don't know. I'm going to give it a zero because I don't understand it.

Yeah, this is going to be my last one. This is a hinge prompt. The one thing you should know about me is if we're dating, you can't go ghost for a day. This is like a job. You miss a day. You are fired. Not 420 friendly. Why would they say not 420 friendly in there yeah that's like obviously getting ghosted for a day sucks but like this

energy is i don't know there have been days where amanda and i haven't talked and we've been together for like seven years yeah but i assume the like for me it's like the the difference between not talking and ghosting is that like i don't know it feels needy like for me it'll be like if you're not talking you understand but i guess you guys probably aren't like hi i'm not gonna talk to you today so it would be in this person's mind ghosting either way it's a zero because this person sounds awful yeah you know what's not fun jobs so it's like i don't want my relationship to be a job so this is from agent deep blue sea and it's i'm gonna read the whole the whole thing right so bear with me it's his hinge so the prompt

first prompt is let's make sure we're on the same page about knowledge is knowing that tomato is a fruit wisdom is knowing not to put it in the fruit salad then my most controversial opinion is i think a tomato is a fruit and finally believe it or not i don't eat tomatoes oh man it's at first i was like oh that's a really cliche like i was like yeah we could we could do better than that but then the old one two i know it's great it just gets better the further it goes down yeah and see i i fucking love profiles like that where it's not like we're not just answering prompts there's actually sort of like a i was like oh you've you've put some thought into turning this into a joke and i appreciate that so i mean like this is gonna be a 10 i might be biased because i know who it is and

i love them dearly but uh it's still a great profile yeah i it's funny because when i asked them about it they're like okay read it but like you got to read the whole thing and i was like okay like calm down so i like read the first bit and i was like oh i don't have the heart to tell them that this sucks and i read the next bit and i was like, Oh, I know I get to the end. I was like, Oh my God, this is fucking hilarious. Yeah.

So yeah. 10, 10 for me, you beautiful bastard. And that's going to be our first show of 2022. The year where nothing can go wrong. 2022. It's perfect for you.

Oh, well, we're, we're getting into dangerous territory there. Oh yeah. Oh shit. That's coming up soon. Huh? you. Oh, well, we're, we're getting into dangerous territory there. Oh yeah. Oh shit. That's coming up soon. Huh?

Yup. Um, thank you very much for listening. It's been, uh, 2021 was a year that happened. We did a whole like a new year's thing on our Patreon. I think it's probably one of the most fun episodes we've done.

It was, we did an AMA, which is an ask us anything or ask me anything. That was fun. And it was, it was great. We talked about our favorite sex positions. We talked about what we smelt like.

It was, it was a really, really fun episode. And if you would like to get your little ear holes all over it, head on over to F buddies, podcast.com and click the Patreon link. At the $7 level, you get access to all of our additional podcasts, our bonus podcast called Pillow Talk,

which is a little bit more loosey, a little more intimate, a little sexier. And you get access to not only the New Year's one, but all the other ones. I think there's four other ones, just five total. And at the end of every month, we add a new one. So there will be a brand new one on the end of January. And we're not afraid to get fucking weird with it. We get

so weird, guys. So weird. We just get to see in-depth how each other smelled. Let's just leave it at that. Thank you to everyone who has supported us this year. We only launched a few months ago, but we have a few people on there. It means this is the first year we haven't not only, you know, put the work in like Dane edits these every week and does a phenomenal job.

He puts in so much work. You know, we get the questions. We, you know, portion off time to come on here. And it's the first year we haven't paid to do it. You know what I mean? Yeah. And that's phenomenal. Like we really appreciate the fact that we're not losing money for once

and that's great. So thank you so much. It really means a lot to us. Thank you for, like in general, everyone we've talked to this year has been phenomenal. Everyone we've interacted with,

everyone who supported us and shared our stuff and we got nominated for two awards. You know what I mean? We're in the top five of every podcast in Canada in two categories. That's insane. We can't thank you enough. You know what I mean? We're in the top five of every podcast in Canada in two categories. That's insane.

We can't thank you enough. We just can't. So thanks. And on that line, your support on our Patreon and everything else has allowed us to do a brand new project, which we finally have a release date for. We can finally talk about. We have a new show coming out on January 5th, Wednesday, January 5th, there is at this date, probably already two supplementary episodes up

that you can listen to. Hopefully if iTunes doesn't take forever to index us, we're doing an actual play podcast. We are playing a game called Starfinder, which is essentially D&D in space. It's Niall and myself who's jamming the game and two of our very dear friends who are joining us on the cast. We've recorded a bunch of episodes already and I got to say friends,

it gets fucking buck wild. And I've never been as proud of, of a product and a, at a something that we've made as much as I am proud of this. So January 5th, we're launching it it's called no quest for the wicked yeah 100 i'm so excited for people to hear it i know we've been teasing it a little bit uh dane has done a phenomenal job just in general like i can't believe the amount of work

he's put in and it's fucking great uh if you like us you're gonna love ryan and terry because they're fucking angel humans and on top of that like if you don't know what actual play podcasts are just a brief description, it is kind of like narrative meets improv in a sense, because it's almost like listening to an audio play, but it's all kind of made up on the spot following a extensive set of rules. If that sounds crazy, give it a listen. It'll make more sense,

but it's, it's good. It's fun. I think you guys will really enjoy it, and if you support us there, we'll also love you even more. We're already reaching the human limits of loving you guys, but it will increase it, so thank you.

I will probably do a feed drop, so the first episode will probably pop up on the Fuck Buddies feed for you guys to listen to and get your ear holes on. But yes, no quest for the wicked. You can find us on social media at no quest cast. You can hashtag no quest cast that's on Instagram and Twitter.

So head on over and check out some of the supplementary stuff. We're going to be talking about this a lot for the next little bit because we're very, very excited. So thank you very much friends. We've done all the, the podcast stuff, right? We talked about it. I think you still have to thank our boy.

Oh, thank you, Josh Eagle and the Harvest Cities for the song, Paper Stars. Amazing. Let's end this bad boy. Are you ready for this? Yes. One icy day, this is bad sex writing, coming at you live. One icy day, Owen and I accompanied Miss Brinker Smith to market, taking turns pushing the bundled up twins in their double se, and even carrying the groceries into the Brinker-Smith apartment after a trip in such inclement weather that it might have qualified as a fifth of Miss Tubulari's winter pentathlon.

But did Mrs. Brinker-Smith bring forth her breasts and volunteer to nurse the twins in front of us? Alas, she did not. God damn it. This is a prayer for Owen Meany by John Irving Fuck Damn, I hope this woman shouldn't even pop out her titties And there's some babies Look, look ma'am Do you want me to shovel your fucking driveway?

I'll shovel your driveway, just let me see them titties And like Probably the least sexy act You can do with titties Which is sustaining human life. Yeah. Uh, my name is Dave Miller and I'm not Spain.

We've been your fuck buddies and we love you.