F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 171 - Syrup or Lube?

Episode Date: January 10, 2022

Every man has a secret, powerful syrup that imbibes him with a power beyond mortal comprehension.  Topics include how many rejections should you take before giving up and dying alone, a really stupid trip to the zoo, the date worthiness of the spookiest profession, an angry ex interruption, the potency of your boyfriend's magical syrup, processing the guilt and shame of an STI, succumbing to jealousy instead of logic and quite possibly the worst batch of dating profiles we've had.

I put my trust in you, and when I'm trusting, I love you. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and when I'm trusting, I love you. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller. And I'm Niall Spain. And we're your fuck buddies. We are a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations and turn them into sexy, sticky situations.

Basically, we're a sex and dating advice podcast where we find questions either online or sent in from our wonderful listeners, including you. Not that you've sent something in, but that you are wonderful. Yeah. And hey. Maybe you should send something in. Yeah, maybe you should send something in yeah maybe you should and if you're thinking oh but my life is so perfect and my sex is great and my relationship is great all right cool way to brag about it you can let us know that too we'd be happy especially if you then say because i

listened to you for the last three years yeah exactly if you did even if you've never listened to us and you're just like you're coming you're like damn people need to listen this my life's perfect i'd like to give you a high five i don't know and i also want to say nothing's perfect you could always make something better oh shit yeah and that's the thing a perfect relationship would always want to be made better to be fair i feel like a perfect relationship would actually be terrible no because then it wouldn't be perfect exactly exactly all right you ready for a question yeah actually you know what i kind of want to do only two questions this episode again oh really no let's do no let's do a lot and by a lot i mean yeah let's go okay this is just seduction. This is by Forever Bronze.

Now, dang, they don't want BS responses, right? They say this multiple times. How many rejections in a row is too much? Be honest with a numerical answer. No BS responses, please. At this point, it's just sad. Ever since I left Massachusetts and moved to New York, I haven't been given a chance by any girl I'm attracted to.

There's no way in hell they all have boyfriends. And no way in hell, even if they do, they're all loyal to them. Oh, that's a cool way to think, dude. Well, no BS. Seven. Seven rejections in a row? Yeah. It's too much. Well, the best is someone does give him an answer, and then he goes, and then what?

Just die alone well that's that was my question was going to be like what happens when you hit that like what's the what's the alternative like what's the the final game of like well i hit my seven my seven rejections like what's the next step yeah someone goes 999 if you can't get results by a thousand maybe this isn't for you and he goes what do you mean this isn't for you like i should die alone and he does see there is an edit and it's note when i say rejection i mean initial rejection like first five minutes i was trying to get girl's number and she says can you get away from me please i honestly didn't think this was possible i saw guys go up to girl in high school and they would say ew and i never thought something similar would happen to me this is crazy i can't

get a single number i might as well be an incel here i hate to break it to you sir but it kind of sounds like you already are um okay so let's stop being mean to this man for a brief moment because he's dealing with some severe insecurity issues which i feel like most of the people on seduction do um and you're feeling kind of shitty that you know you're currently dealing with a lot of rejection i think what you need to do here sir is check your approach on how you're trying to get these numbers and why you're trying to get these numbers. Is it literally you're walking across the street or you're in a cafe or a bar or something and you see someone you're attracted to and you're like, that person owes me their number because I'm attracted to them.

If that's your logic and that's your rationale, then yeah, you're going to be consistently met with rejection. I think if you're now actively trying to engage in people that you already know, or, you know, finding non-threatening ways to instigate a conversation with people you don't know, and you're not finding results in terms of, you know, people reciprocating interest, that's going to happen. And that sucks, but perhaps you need to like, really, really think about where you're approaching people and how you're approaching people. Yeah, well, let's be fair. If someone's saying, can you get away from me, please? You're doing something so wrong that they feel threatened and

scared. Because a lot of people will say, oh, I have a boyfriend, which apparently is not a sufficient answer for you, which again, tells me a lot about you and your approach and why this isn't working for you. Because that's a kind way of putting you down. And clearly you don't believe or care about that. And you push it to the point where people move on from the kind thing and say, can you get away from me, please? You know what I mean? These are all signs that you were doing things so wrong that you're scaring people. And that's awful for you, for them, mostly them. So yeah, maybe take a step away from a lot of seduction because you're not meant to ambush people in public or just jump on them in the street or just harass people because you see them and they're attractive. You've moved to a new place

and that's scary and it's hard and settling takes quite a while. So work on getting settled and work on... I imagine these rejections are hitting you a lot harder because you probably don't have a home in inverted commas and quotation marks yet there. Because if you've just moved, it takes a while to get settled, to have your friends, to have your rhythm, to have your, you know, your local haunts, et cetera. So it could be you're putting the cart before the horse, because I'm sure if you had a girlfriend or whatever you're aiming for, you would feel better, but it's going to be harder to get if you don't feel settled anyway. So stop trying to make yourself better that way. If that's what's happening, work on yourself, get some friends, go out and like meet people in reasonable places like bars and clubs and yeah and i mean clubs is in like sports clubs as well you know if you have a hobby or if you start doing something that you like because these are

non-threatening ways or non-threatening situations to approach people in then you need to work on approaching them in a non-threatening way yeah i mean like at the end of the day this question really is how do i talk to women you know what i? And we've addressed that and like a thousand times. And it is like now said, join clubs, find hobbies, you know, go to places that you enjoy and build a friend group and start connecting

through their social circles. Because like now said, it's scary to move to a new place and it's going to feel like losses of any sort are going to feel worse. You know what I mean? Like if you don't get the job you were looking for, it's going to suck more when you don't have your sort of like core foundation of, you know, your home friends. win or lose or rejection acceptance kind of thing that you're doing with women right now and focus more primarily on yourself um getting yourself in a position of confidence where you feel good about yourself and that every time anyone says something negative about your approach

or whatever your knee-jerk reaction isn't so i should just die alone because no no one is saying that no one is saying that that is the option but you definitely need to sort of reconfigure your entire mentality and your approach about this and i think the the best way to do that would be to take a hard pause from seduction because it's not working for you yeah well honestly the question is how many rejections in a row is too much and i'm imagining it's whatever number for you. Yeah. Well, honestly, the question is how many rejections in a row is too much. And I'm imagining it's whatever number brought you to making this post because you're not happy. You know what I mean? You're not doing well. Obviously, if you're talking about being an incel and you're complaining to everyone, those boyfriends, there's no way like there's this kind of conspiracy that everyone's out to lie to you

about boyfriends and people are telling you to get away. And obviously you've reached a point where things aren't good right now. So take a break. You know what I mean? And I think that's, that's what you should do. When you hit that magical number, that's too much. You don't give up. You take a break. You recalibrate how you approach, which clearly you're doing wrong. You work on yourself and you let yourself breathe because you don't want to spiral and keep getting bitter. So take a break right now. Whatever many rejections you've gotten right now, that is too much. And rejections happen, and they always will.

But, like, you don't want to get to this point. And when you do, take a break. Absolutely. This comes from Reddit user MyFakeAccount90. Someone tell my friend this is a terrible idea. He found a profile on a dating app. He thinks him and this girl would get along. She's cute, etc.

In her profile, she mentions that she works at name of city zoo. He says he's just going to go to the zoo this weekend, find her and try to get her number slash ask her out on a date. I've told him this is a horrible idea. Even if she never finds out that he found her on a dating app, it's weird to flirt with someone while they're at work, no matter the occupation. And that he's going to seem like a creep because the zoo is 45 minutes from where he lives and he's going alone. This is a terrible idea and you need to stop. Yeah, if you need someone to tell you this is a bad idea, here's two boys right now telling you this is a bad idea. It's hey, it's it's a bad idea. Your turn, Dane. It is a bad idea. Yeah. So my girlfriend has a story where a guy, I guess on Tinder or whatever, didn't match with her, but was able to find her through social media and effectively comment and was like, oh, I saw you on Tinder, but we didn't match. But I think we'd be a great fit, which is a far less creepy than showing up in person, but is one of her top creepy stories of men. So if that's going to get that reaction,

how do you think this whole zoo stalking scenario is going to go? Well, I think the, I don't think he's going with the move of being like, Hey, I saw you. I think he's meant he looks, he's trying to know,

but he's still, he's still doing it. Oh yeah. No, I mean, what I'm saying is if it ever comes out, because if you're this oblivious and it ever goes well, in the third act of this weird, twisted rom-com, he's going to unveil that that's how he met her. And she's going to think it's creepy and they're going to break up. And then eight years later, they're going to meet in a coffee shop and awkwardly end together.

And everyone's going to hate the movie apart from idiots. Yes. So the, the friend here brings up a lot of great points in the sense of like, people don't want to be ambushed with romance at their workplace, especially not from strangers. Like I'm sure this person is probably like slopping the muck out of some, you know, cage or is busy feeding penguins or,

you know, giving medication to some sick fucking animal like you have no idea what they're doing over the course of their day and or where the fuck they are like it's hard zoos are big and as dave said very large work happens behind the scenes where you're literally not allowed to go so what's your friend going to do awkwardly wander around the fucking zoo hoping to find them and hope to find them in a way that's reasonable and then like it's absolute insanity because like best case scenario they do find them and they're doing something and they don't mention what they did and they're still just like hey i'm walking up to you and i have like

you know 20 30 seconds to kind of give you my number i guess like that's super weird so i think like what we really need to discuss here is the we've talked about it before with like people who have conversations and they plan out how the conversation or how the conversation is supposed to go and then when it doesn't they get upset you're like well i said this and my boyfriend didn't say this back to me it's like okay okay, cool. You've created this sort of atmosphere that, you know, you're going to go to the zoo, run into this woman by chance. Uh, and then all of a sudden have this amazing spark and connection. And like, that's a lot of unfair pressure to put on a complete stranger and so you're also stalking yes and i

think a lot of people do this with online dating where they see someone and they're completely enamored by which is fair sometimes you see someone and you know their picture you're just like holy shit this person and like i think we've all felt that when you're on online dating where you're just like god damn but you need to have the sense of reality of being like they're on this app the same app i am if they don't say yes to me it's not my job to track them down and try to manufacture this elaborate completely made up event to go exactly and it's like the only thing that's going to happen is one, you're going to creep them fuck out or two, you're going to really let, you're going to break your heart every 30 minutes.

Every time you find someone on a dating app that you'd like that, you're then going to try to like hope that you bump into at the laundromat. It's, it's really, really toxic in your treatment of this person, but it's also really, really bad for you. It's super dangerous as well right because it's like sure I can hope your friend isn't a fucking psychopath but again I don't think normal people do this

and on top of that it's like let's say three people do this but the fourth person you know what I mean like if people started to make this normalized this would be so much more terrifying because there are really terrible men out there who do really bad things with far less like ability. And then I mean like knowing where

someone works and all these things that like it is stalking and it's creepy and it's awful. And it's like, even if you have good intentions, even like normalizing it as awful. And the fact that like your good intentions mean shit. because you're still kind of like completely going against this person's like privacy and everything it's just fucked so you're a good friend tell your friend they are entirely in the wrong and it's like fuck it sometimes you just don't get the person if we got every person we thought was attractive we'd all be dating every celebrity most people can agree that like tracking down someone at their workplace that they have not even told you about like you have just discerned this information from profile or whatever

even if they've told you about it i don't think it's great you know on this thing expressly ask you to come to work that sucks man don't do it this is bad but also we need to stop like hyping ourselves up or like creating these fantasies of people. I would say specifically that we don't know, but even people that we do know, like how many people have probably have a crush on a friend. And then once they find out that their friend isn't this perfect person that they've created in their brain is all of a sudden like disillusioned and broken hearted and like starts treating them a little differently because they're no longer that incredible fiction. Yeah. That you've created in your head. It's like,

we need to stop doing that. And I think if we can, if we, if we bite that behavior in the bud, we'll have less people wanting to hunt down people at their workplace because they will have the rational behavior of being like, Oh, I'm projecting a lot onto this stranger and it's

super unfair of me to try to act on it oh hey it's definitely a problem but i do also think the whole stalking thing is very much more of a problem but they go hand in hand in this case especially that's what i'm saying is is if you like the root problem is this guy being like she's my dream woman and i need to find her if we treat that we won't have people stalking except for malicious stalkers now the thing is how good's that tinder profile damn like you know i've rated a few out of 10 but would i go to a zoo to stalk them i wouldn't then again i wouldn't go to a zoo to stalk anybody but if your friend does come to their senses get them to send over that profile because, you know, I want to see what they've done.

I mean, I'm going to bet that it's probably pretty bare bones. It's just someone's hot. Yeah. Yeah. Just be a good friend and tell your friend. Like, don't just say, oh, this isn't like lay down the law and be like, dude, this is fucked. You know what I mean? Don't let them have even an inkling that it's not fucked.

You need to really let them know. I get the sense they've had this conversation and now they're looking for reinforcements. I hope so. All right. You ready? Now, this one's specifically for you, Dan. Okay. Because you are.

Cats and butts. As we all know. Hmm? Cats and butts. Cats and butts? Nope. Cats and butts. That's the answer. Oh, yeah. No, it is cats and butts. As we all know. Hmm? Cats and butts. Cats and butts? Nope. Cats and butts. That's the answer.

Oh, yeah. No, it is cats and butts. So this is by throwawayese989. Would dating a girl who works as a funeral director slash mortician be a turnoff? Serious question as someone who is in the field. Oh, because it's spooky. It's peak spookiness. No?

I mean, as long as they're not doing it, as long as they haven't taken the work from home, like, you know, current trends. Seriously, no, I don't. If you're super uncomfortable with the idea of death and people touching death and like that kind of stuff, then, yeah, probably not a great fit because they'll probably want to talk about their day every now and then. But other than that, no, fuck it. it yeah i don't think so at all i actually do know someone who's in training to be a funeral director and she's hot as hell and like it's actually very interesting talking to someone who has something that's like different because the only person i know who like studies that and has that as like an end goal uh i think it's actually pretty fucking cool so no there's gonna be fucking cool. So no,

there's going to be fucking weirdos out there, but that's the same for everything. So you should be fine. Yeah. I mean, I know people who, who don't want to date like bartenders and servers cause other guys like stare at them.

You know what I mean? Like you're, you're going to find people who have stupid ass backwards views of, uh, women in the workplace, regardless of what work you're,'re doing you know i mean like i know that there are people who are like women don't belong on construction sites women don't belong here or you know any number of things so like yeah you're gonna find people who are

fucking idiots about it but you're also gonna find people who don't care and i feel like that's probably gonna be the majority thing i think there might be an initial shock for some people to be like oh wow but whether or not that's going to be a turn off I don't think so like I said I think if you have hang ups about death and the dead then you might have a hard time being able to like you know unwind with this person

if they want to be like oh yeah today this happened I don't know fucking dead guy did things I accidentally burst a client yeah oh no I put the wrong I put the expanding fucking dead guy did things. I accidentally burst a client. Yeah. Oh no, I put the wrong,

I put the expanding liquid in. No, I popped, I popped Brian. Um, but yeah, other than that, whatever.

Um, one of our friends actually, uh, his ex wife, uh, had their family owns a funeral home and whatever. She worked there in the summers and stuff like that when she was a teenager yeah like realistically it's like if you're dating a fucking doctor or nurse and they had to go cut up a cadaver it's like what's fucking different

i would say that dating a doctor and a nurse are going to see far grosser shit and far more wild shit than someone who's a mortician or a funeral director. Until the zombie apocalypse. Because they're first to go. Doctors will deal with that way worse. I don't know, because I guess it depends what kind of zombie reanimation is it. As they die, they turn, or are they

just going to be raised from? Yeah, you're right. Okay, you're good. You're safe. A 28 Days Later situation where it's more of a crazy feral thing where they don't actually have to die. I think doctors would be still. No, you're right. You're right. You're good. Everyone, go date this funeral director right now. Everyone, break up with whoever you're dating right now and go date a funeral director.

This comes from Mr. McJenkins. Girl's ex-boyfriend showed up to my house while we were making out. I heard this loud pounding on my door and he asked if she was there. I said she wasn't and he said he knew she was there. He stood outside my house yelling at us. She went out there and argued in the front yard. So here's the rub. I'm kind of scared

to see her again. I mean, I kind of like her, but I'm not willing to get into a fight with a much bigger dude over her. Am I a... I'm assuming this is supposed to be woos, but it's woos. Am a woos am i a woos anyone got any polite ways to say i don't want to see her again okay um well one that's a reasonable thing to feel absolutely two there are other ways to go about this than just oh fuck i have to either see her and fight this guy or not see her ever again. And thirdly, fuck it.

If you made your decision, that's fine. You know, but like, you know, you could call the police or not answer the door or talk to her about the situation. Because like, why was he there? Did that ever get resolved? Oh, so yes. In the comments, apparently he followed her from her gym to his place. That's cool.

That's real cool. I love the amount of stalking we got this episode. Maybe talk to her about calling the police and getting some kind of restraining order because that's not normal or cool or good. Maybe call the police if he shows up again. But hey, I can totally understand you not wanting a part of this, especially if it's

new, you know what I mean? Sometimes it's not just worth the stress. You don't really need to tell her why, necessarily. You can just tell her it isn't working out you could just tell her that like the whole boyfriend situation is a lot for you to deal with and you you know don't want that kind of drama at the start of a relationship it's like i'm sure they'll get it it's gonna suck for them that their boyfriend's ruining this shit too but there are a lot of pretty reasonable ways to do it you don't have to be like oh i'm dumping you

because of your ex-boyfriend yeah i i don't think you're in the wrong here to be like yeah i don't really want a jacked up angry dude banging on my door at whatever hour of the night even if you're here or not you know what i mean like he now knows where i live and he now knows that we hang out like so if he doesn't know where you are i could be stop number one for him to be like and like you've already lied to him so what's to make him stop why would he believe you if you say he's not there she's not there next time yeah so it's like now you're gonna have this dude fucking burst into your house like tearing your place apart looking for her i so like a lot of the people in the comments were like you need like you need to take it upon yourself and call the cops on her behalf and i'm like

no i don't think you do. Because we've talked about this before. It's like, well, that might be the, I don't know, quote unquote, right thing to do. It also puts you in a lot of danger. You've now interposed yourself into a relationship that you have no idea what it's like. You know what I mean? For all you know, this is a common thing where they break up every couple weeks. She finds someone new.

They do this song and dance and then they get back together. You know what I mean? It's like you don't know the intricacies of their relationship and interposing yourself of being like, I called the cops on her. I'm going to press on him and I'm going to press charges. It's like you've made that very complicated for yourself and you don't know how it's going to shake out for you. Well, I think at this point with him not at the door, yes. Then again, if he comes back, I think you don't know how it's going to shake out for you well i think at this point with him not at the door yes then again if he comes back i think you shouldn't hesitate to if somebody's going to show up and like be threatening and aggressive and stalk you yeah no everyone was

suggesting that he takes like after the fact you know call on her behalf and no because that's that's a her thing you know what i mean if she wants to or not if he comes back and it's about you sure for her right now maybe talk to her maybe express concern but that is kind of on her yeah but yeah like as for kind ways to say you can just be like hey it was a lot and i don't really want that drama this that much drama this early in the relationship i feel like that's pretty reasonable well yeah but i feel like it's nicer when you say it that way. I think you being like, Hey, I don't like having people show up very angry at my apartment. Now, you know what I mean? It's like, there's a lot of boundaries being crossed for both of us and I don't want to be involved in this. So I I'm

very interested in you. I like you, but but i if i would like you to resolve this situation before we move forward yeah i think that's it and don't again don't hesitate to call the cops if he does start causing shit for you yeah all right one more i feel like we're blasting through them this week we're making it up to you guys uh this is by lingonberryTimely397. Boyfriend told me he can't have kids because of some syrup he took. Yeah, everyone knows this, but okay, continue. I explained to him that the only male contraceptives are condoms and a vasectomy, so I'm upset because I feel like it's something he's not telling me. He keeps saying he knows he can't have syrups because of this make-believe syrup.

You mean he can't have babies because of this make-believe syrup? Did I say syrup? Yeah, you said you can't have syrup because of this make-believe syrup. You mean he can't have babies because of this make-believe syrup? Did I say syrup? Yeah, you said you can't have syrup because of this make-believe syrup. Damn, syrup is just dripping through my mind all slow like. Yes, he keeps saying he knows he can't have kids because of this make-believe syrup. If this was me,

I'd be like, you need to show me this bottle. Not because there's a chance that it's correct, but I would love to read, like, just read it. It's whenever you see, like recently I was showing the boys AlphaCon, which is like some douchebag Instagram influencers, alpha male conference thing. And I think at its core, it's like a finance thing of like we teach you how to invest i think he's one of those like uh amazon crypto grows i don't think it's crypto i think it's the amazon like buy and sell thing i don't know if you've ever seen those things anyway it's very obviously

like a pyramid scheme and the list of disclaimers when you go to sign up for this AlphaCon are almost longer than the page to see what it's about. Of being like, we're not a finance institution. We're not advisors. We have no legal responsibility if our advice costs you severely. Yeah, blah, blah blah blah like also you know this conference is subject to change and the things you buy aren't subject to be rewarded or like you know and just like so it makes me so like i would love to see this syrup bottle because i imagine it probably has the same amount of disclaimers of being like hey this isn't medicine this is just something that we've put in a bottle and

and sold to you uh we have no legal responsibilities to you whatsoever if you have children. I imagine the bottle is a very, very funny read. And that is what I would want to see if I was this person. Yeah. And then if you have it in front of you, you can Google it. And then when it says, oh, this is an absolute scam, you can be like, hey, look. Or drink it yourself. Yeah. A lot of people seem to think

he's drinking spermicidal lube he doesn't understand how it works uh which is possible i mean does he have a very slippy throat i mean you could probably get flavored spermicidal lube right so like he's probably getting like the cherry flavor and thinking the flavor is meant to enhance the taste of it as opposed to masking. So the thing is, you have two unfortunate situations here. Either one, he is dumb enough that he believes this or is drinking spermacidal lube. And that should maybe have you thinking about what kind of man you want to be sleeping with. Or two, he thinks you're dumb enough that you'll just be like yeah let's fuck i mean i think that's that's probably what i would lean

towards is that he probably read this on a fucking subreddit of being like hey guys wonder wait which which one do you think hmm hmm where hmm what's toxic and hmm to be honest i don't think it would be seduction. I think there's too many people seduction not actually having sex. Is there a worse? There probably is. God damn it. I'm sure there is.

100%. Yeah. I think you need to straight up be like, hey, regardless of whether this syrup exists or works, and let me tell you, it doesn't. We are not having sex without a condom. So you can keep guzzling whatever the fuck it is you're drinking and probably give yourself some sort of horrible disease like those you know the anti-5g things radiating everyone and giving them cancer just be like at the end of the day i don't care what else you're doing if you we want to have sex we're wearing a condom you can guzzle

down whatever syrups you want that's not going to change my stance on this it doesn't matter even if he had a vasectomy but you still want to use a condom that's fine you're allowed impose your own limits because even if he has this magic this magic syrup does it stop stds too there are so many reasons to use condoms and appropriate contraception that like even if this magic shit was real which let me tell you it ain't you could still be like no wear a condom like he doesn't just oh oh i've got my trump card though i have magic syrup boom and you're like shit he outplayed me now i have to do it raw like no that's not how it works i forgot he had semen ambrosia i pull my blue eyes white syrup yeah you and like it goes the same thing with like women who are on

the pill who don't want to use condoms like if you're a dude and you want to use a condom use a condom regardless of like what other contraceptives are being used you know i mean like you said that what you said contracentives. That's what it is. Okay, that's just funny. It's an incentive to have sex. But it's contra. So it's a contra incentive. Yeah.

Contra like the NES video game. It is, you get to play, if you have sex with a condom, you get to have sex and also get to play Contra. Which, to be fair, was the best marketing by Contra ever. And also condoms. And condoms, yeah. It's all about branding, right? We need to rebrand things so that people care about them. Call condoms

penis dragons. Dane's right. Just fucking impose your own limits. Use a fucking condom. And also, get this bottle and send that in. We need this magic Tinder profile. We need this fucking magic syrup it's a lot of magic to see it i need to fucking see this bottle because i imagine it's done in like ms paint and like the wrong resolution you know i mean it's like when when you used to print out images as a kid and they would come out all pixely because you you stretched it to the size of the paper like and it's just stuck on with sellotape as well oh yeah it's not even a sticker it just says no condom spelt wrong magic

this is like the fucking michael's secret stuff equivalent of contraception this guy being like i well fuck man i need to know what the syrup is it's all i'm gonna think about now i'm so sorry it says here snake oil because my dick is a snake yeah and if there's one thing that kills babies and kids it's oil snakes oh um this is a new question because i can't spend the rest of my life thinking about the syrup which i I will. Realistic Beyond 860, I got chlamydia and the shame is killing me. Do I need to share to future

partners that I had it? So I, a 23-year-old female, got chlamydia from a guy that I really liked, but it turned out he was just using me for sex and dumped me. Before I found out, I actually went on to have another relationship with a guy, 26-year-old male, who I passed the STI to. We broke up for other reasons. He told his best friend that I gave him chlamydia. And now I just feel like everyone is going to know and they're going to look at me like some dirty cheap slut because I got chlamydia and passed it on. I just feel so much shame for ever getting chlamydia. And I'm wondering if I'll ever find anyone to love me after getting chlamydia. As men, would you like to know if a girl you met has ever had an STI? I mean, I'm all treated now and I'm all clean, but I just thought that I once had an STI is just embarrassing to say the least.

Please give me some sensible advice to help my current state. Wow. So many things to say. One, it is no reflection on you, whether or not you get an STD, STI, whatever the current, which one is it now? STI? STI, I believe is the, yeah. It is like, it can happen to anybody. Yes, you could be unsafe and get one. You could also be very safe and get one. It is no moral judgment on you, whether you get it.

It's like getting a fucking cold or whatever. Like the only thing you should ever feel is if you were like very unsafe and you feel bad for being unsafe. Sure, whatever. But like, don't beat yourself up just use that to make better lessons or make better choices next time i guess if you want but also just because it happens doesn't mean you even were unsafe like nothing is 100 even condoms even whatever so get that out of your fucking mind because that is one of the main problems with stis

and stds is because of that shame people People don't talk about them. People don't get them treated properly or get themselves checked regularly enough. All the stigma and all the bullshit surrounding them, everyone's so scared and so nervous and they tiptoe around them, but it means nothing to you in terms of whether you're a good or bad person. And that's unfair to feel. So don't feel that way. Two, you're clean. You're better. You're not currently going to pass it on. There's no reason for you to tell someone you had it back in, you know, the day. That's like every date you're on being like, oh, I was sick.

I shat myself once. I had diarrhea like three times. I blah, blah, blah. It's like if it's not relevant to right now. Hold on. You're saying there's someone out there who's only had diarrhea three times? Last week. I don't know.

Maybe. Maybe she has an iron stomach. You don't know, Dan. I guess. But like, that's the thing. It's like, if it's not a current concern, it doesn't matter that you had it three years ago. You know what I mean? No.

No, not at all. So get that out of the way. Yeah, it sucks that you gave it to this guy. That's awful. I'm sure you feel terrible. And again, like, you're not, you know, I'm not saying you. So get that out of the way. Yeah, it sucks that you gave it to this guy. That's awful. I'm sure you feel terrible. And again, like you're not, you know, I'm not saying you shouldn't feel any of these things because obviously you're going to. It's realizing that you're not a bad person for getting it or passing it on.

Obviously, you would try to be safe and try to get tests and all these things. But it's like if you don't see a symptom, I can totally understand. So just don't be so hard on yourself and you don't have to disclose it and of course people can love you because you had a mostly harmless std back in the day that you're over yeah chlamydia is so treatable and like you said it's like it's gone you like you don't need to disclose things that don't matter by all means if you want to share your sexual history with a partner that's fine like if someone ever if the topic comes up, you're allowed to we're not telling you to not divulge the information. But as now said, it's not important or pertinent to new relationships.

Whereas like if you had something like herpes that persists and comes and goes with outbreaks, it would be important to tell your partner and be like, hey, I recently had a herpes outbreak to let someone know and make a informed decision as to whether or not they wanted to pursue a sexual relationship with you. By all means, yes, that's an important thing to do. And if you were still infectious, if you still had chlamydia or were in the process of treating it, yes, that's when you tell your partner about these things. But to tell someone about that you've had it in the past that no longer pertains them no you don't need to do that it's it's unnecessary stress you're more likely to run into people who haven't uh you know dealt with the stigma of stds and it's it's only going to make your life more difficult i appreciate your willingness to be

front or be up front and forward these things, but completely unnecessary. Yeah. And that that's it. That's the answer. You know what I mean? Like, don't be so hard on yourself, but it,

it isn't really pertinent to a relationship that you had at once. Um, yeah. And it's look, you're going to the guilt. If you're a decent person, the guilt is always going to be there because no one wants to feel like they've put someone else in danger or,

you know, even if like, if I was feeling a little under the weather and I gave someone a cold, like I'd feel shitty about that. Of course you would. But as long as you didn't, like I said, like as long as you didn't have symptoms and you just ignored them because you were embarrassed or worried that it might be something more serious. If you just didn't know you had it and you passed on the STI, sucks, but you didn't do anything wrong. If you were aware of it and slept with someone and didn't tell them, then you're a bad person.

Yes. But this doesn't seem to be the situation here. So you don't need to dwell on it too much. Like Niles said, feel these things. Absolutely. But then also take a moment to roll back like the rational brain and be like okay did i know about it no could i be held accountable for it not really you know what i mean because you didn't know so try to try to

rationalize it a little bit for yourself and take the blame a little bit off yourself um and then try to figure out how to move on from it and if you have trouble with that maybe talk to a like a health counselor or a sex therapist because i know a lot of people after getting stis get this get the skin crawlies you know i mean like they still always kind of feel like it's a part of them until they learn how to process it properly and talking to a professional about it might be beneficial to you it's eminently treatable and i think most mature sexual partners know that like stis are just a risk you know what i mean like there is no 100 guarantee you take your due

precautions but it's like if it happens you deal with it and you don't be a shit bag to to other people and that's how we should all strive to be as sexual partners this is don't believe just watch the girl i've been seeing for two plus months just completely revamped her dating profile on the app we matched on uh male female both early 30s first month of us dating was great second month was not so good still hanging a decent amount but texting is much less fun oh sorry it's so much less that was the first month hung saturday night after not seeing each other for 10 days due to holidays, and things seemed great. Good convo, laughing, hooking up, affection.

This morning I was curious. I know I look into things, but I see the first thing she did this morning, we haven't talked yet today, was change all the responses slash prompts on Bumble. I'm going to back off today because even though we're not exclusive, it pisses me off because I want to be exclusive. Would you call her out for this next time I see her slash talk to her? Uh, no. You're not exclusive.

You said it. If you want to do anything, maybe have the conversation with her about becoming exclusive. No, Dane, you secretly pack it down deep inside your soul. You never let it out. But then you get angry anytime she does anything that goes against that secret. You've never told her. Like, cause I didn't miss that, right? He never, they never had the conversation of being like, oh, I want to so like no don't get angry at her she's just doing like for all she knows you're also changing your bumble profile how do you know it was the first

thing she did that's a weird fucking thing to say too yeah because it it very much seems like oh i was just curious today like are you checking her Bumble profile every day, dude? Because that's not normal. That's not cool. You need to chill on that. But as Dane said, you are not exclusive. Calling her out and getting pissed off and not talking to her. Are you a big baby? Are you a big human-sized baby? Maybe she's treating him like a chump. No, but for real like that that's not how you do it we just talked about being mature dating partners mature sexual partners you need to fucking learn the realms in which you fucking occupy you are not in the realm of exclusivity so you cannot be pissed off for her not doing exclusivity things you know what i mean that's

absolutely wild backing off today like no like if you want to be with this person, be with this person. If you're okay being casual, be casual. If you're not okay being casual, ask her to be exclusive if you want. It's been two plus months, so maybe it's not too early. I don't know. But like if she doesn't want to be, that's totally cool. Don't call her. Okay.

If you call her out, that's all your chances out the window because she's going to think you're a psycho. Also, what are you calling out like what what specifically like hey i know we're still dating people and i still have the app because i'm able to check your profile um but uh i noticed that you updated your profile yep yeah and she's like okay one it's very weird that you're doing this two what are you trying to be upset about? The thing you just said is real, that we're not exclusive and can see other people? Yeah.

Why are you upset about that? Because I don't want you to. Oh, you never told me before. Well, it's a secret deep dark down in my soul. Okay. How am I supposed to know that? Fuck. Like, what are you doing?

This is one of those, like, really great teachable moments where you get to level up. You know what I mean? You get to take your jealousy, which this is what it is. You're very jealous that she could be potentially seeing other people. And hey, let's be real. We talked about it, I think, yesterday or last week, where if you're seeing other people, you're seeing other people and you should just assume that they are just flat out. That is that is a universal truth. But now you get to, look at this be like oh

hey why am i jealous oh it's because i actually really like this person and would like to be exclusive with them as opposed and like that's the healthy procedure of of feeling these feelings being like oh i'm jealous why am i jealous oh i really like them oh i'd like to be exclusive with them then you have the conversation of being like hey hey, so I realize that I really enjoy spending time with you. And then you have the conversation. You open that dialogue of being like, would you be interested in becoming exclusive with me? Because the alternative, as Niall said, is how you fucking like tank this fucking relationship. Yeah.

If you come at like, what would you like? Think about what you would rather be addressed. Would you rather have someone be like, oh, hey, here's my feelings and my honesty and everything. So I'm like, I'm opening myself up to you and being vulnerable and taking a risk. And being very complimentary in the process. Or would you rather have them come at you defensive and angry and accusatory for things that they're not even as well. Yeah. Like what do you think, like what path do you think is the better way to go here, friend? Yeah.

It's like, you need to grow up. You're in your early thirties. I'm sorry, but you need to get out of this mindset that people like should secretly be dating you, even though you haven't talked about it. What? That's insane. So don't call her out. Don't be pissed.

By all means. Look, if you, if you feel that and you're like, oh, I'm a little jealous. I'm a little whatever. You can feel that. But part of being mature and part of being a good lover is rationalizing that what you're feeling is valid, but unfair. You know what I mean? Like you could feel it, but that doesn't mean they've done anything wrong.

You can feel it, but then you need to get over it because they're not exclusive to you so they haven't done anything wrong so you're being irrational and you're feeling a thing which is then a you problem and you get over that you don't take it out on that yeah so 100 just please and also you're like second month not so good you're hanging a decent amount and then you hung immediately after the holidays and things were great you're like second month not so good you're hanging a decent amount and then you hung immediately after the holidays and things were great you're not texting as much one it was the holidays and two maybe just the texting has fizzled somewhat you know what i mean like everything else seems really good so take a breath all right let's do some tinders now some of the comments i'm not getting good yeah but you can imagine uh yeah, let's Tinder it up. Let's Tinder it up.

At the end of the episode, we like to peruse online dating platforms such as Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, and comb the profiles for red flags. Figure out what works, what doesn't work, in an effort to make your online dating experience a little more enjoyable. This is Hannah. In their picture, they're wearing a fake news crop top. Conservative. Music, media, arts, nerd stuff. Swear I'm not here for clout. I don't even link my Instagram, but I don't know why I'm here. Conservative. Music, media, arts, nerd stuff. Swear I'm not here for clout. I don't even link my Instagram, but I don't know why I'm here.

Cool. I mean, like, there's a bunch of red flags. No, this is, I was trying to be like red flags because I'm not a conservative, yada, yada. But like, it's just a bad profile. It's not good. So I'm going to give it, I'm going to give it a two. I'm going to give it a one. The whole, like, I don't know why I'm here.

Be a mature fucking grown up person. Admit you're on a dating site to date. What the fuck? If you don't want to date anyone, then don't be here. Yeah. I hate. I absolutely hate the whole I don't want to be here.

You're here for a reason. We all know it. We're all here for the same reason. Even more more importantly it's like going to an anime convention like i don't even like anime like even though you're wearing an anime t-shirt it's like you're there you're wearing a t-shirt like a minute i do that we're all here for the reason too no i do that i do that for sure hit me let's stick on this train. I'm confident and insecure. I'm an introverted extrovert. I'm a friendly loner. I'm a glamorous hobo.

I'm funny and serious. I'm cold and caring. I'm feminine but anti-feminist. I'm smart and stupid. I'm a walking contradiction. Yeah, I'm agreeing with that. I'm just me. Cons.

Hashtag hate pizza. Hashtag anti-kids. Hashtag anti-rel hate pizza. Hashtag anti-kids. Hashtag anti-religion. Hashtag anti-liberal. Hashtag no hookups. I am shockingly filterless. Heavy drinker, smoker, 420, drugs, religious, vegetarians, vegans are massive deal breakers. No kids.

No small dogs either. Hashtag not vaxxed and don't care about yours. Wow. I think it might be the worst profile we've ever had. It's other than the ones that are like super rapey and violent. Yeah, I think this, I think this DS, this is definitely probably one of the worst ones we've had. Damn.

Like they really think they're deep with their oxymorons. Right. They really, let me tell they really let me tell you let me tell you there is nothing i like more on this than the anti-kids because it's not saying that she doesn't want kids she's saying she is against children just it's just the concept of kids she fucking hates them i'm anti-kids hey do we want to protect kids from covid absolutely not get them in there get them sick i don't care if they die i'm anti-kid what on one hand i hate sick kids but it's funny because in an oxymoronic sense i love sick kids you know yeah actual ill children also i like how they think you can be funny or serious the opposite of funny is not funny you know what i mean it's not like oh man this person's serious but wait they cracked a joke it's like god just minus 20 yeah real bad

like you oh okay this is anita i'm looking for someone bulgarian with an fl mindset p.s if you have to ask what fl is or are not bulian, we will not be a good fit. I wonder if they're Bulgarian. I don't know. It just says lives in Toronto. Yeah, okay. I mean, sure. Do you think FL stands for Froot Loops?

I can only assume. Yeah. Fast Light? Fart Lamp? For real, does it stand for Florida? I don't know. We are obviously not a good fit. Yeah. Fast light, fart lamp. But like, for real, does it stand for Florida? I don't know. We're obviously not a good fit. I'm not even slightly Bulgarian.

I'm not even close to Bulgarian. This is Sophie. I might be lactose intolerant, but I can handle your milk. I don't like it being described as milk, and I do love all the lactose, so I'm going to give it a 7 because it's kind of funny actually a 6

it made me laugh as someone who does have lactose intolerance it definitely tickled my funny bone so I'm going to give it a 7 ok I've had a few people be like can't wait for your milk I'm like ha I've never had a human say that to true. I do like anytime I've had a few people be like, can't wait for your milk. I'm like, huh?

You know, milk. I've never, I've never had a human say that to me. And I'm glad I'm like, you know, milk men don't produce milk. Right. So like, so milk is so watery that like, yeah, it's like pissing instead of coming. Yeah. This is a no injections and no membership in the booster loyalty program my booster shot is a daily scoop of chlorella universe work your magic oh boy yeah i think i actually have this

person or maybe booster loyalty club is a common phrase i don't know it is it is common um this is gonna be a big old zero for me but don't worry chlorella is an algae so side effects of which include bloating diarrhea fatigue gas green colored stools nausea and stomach cramps is it safe to take it every day no apparently it's literally when i look up google immediately it's like oh cool uh this is jody um she has her whole name which i'm not going to read 28 years victim very single let's chat victim right no clarification on that one victim and very single are like you're single or you're not very single just has kind of weird negative connotations, I guess.

Yeah, I never know what that means. It seems a little desperate almost. I don't know. Victim, that's weird. I don't know what you mean. Like, I just, I'm sorry. It's probably nothing good, though. You know what I mean?

Oh, yeah. It's something serious, and this is way too flippant of a way. Because, like, I don't know. It's just kind of unfair to throw that on someone and weird but or it's not in which case you're kind of making light of people who are victims either way it's not good yeah I'm giving this also a zero yeah

bad bash today I know should I try find a good one we only have time for one more so I guess I'll hit you with Alex in Toronto to visit my best friend, just looking to swallow someone's kids. That's good. That's good.

I mean, like, yeah. It does its job. I'm going to give that a seven. Yeah. I guess what it needs to across. Yeah, I'll give it an eight. Perfect. That's going to do us friends thank you

very much for listening we appreciate you spending your your time your hour with us that's very kind and we appreciate you uh forever and ever thank you josh eagle and the harvest cities for your song paper stars and also just thank everybody for being here we've been getting even bigger numbers than usual uh which we really appreciate and i'm sure it's because a lot of you have told your friends or spread the word somehow or supported or reviewed or anything. And if you have done any of those things, thank you so much. And if you haven't, feel free to because we love it. Get the hell out. Get the hell out.

Yeah, we got the numbers. We don't need you now. If you could spare a moment to review us, Spotify now lets you review. So I'm sure a lot of you listen through there. If you want to give us a five-star review, we would love that. If you don't want to give us a five-star review, you can skip it. It's okay. If you don't want to, get the hell out.

No. Also, we have our Patreon, which our last episode has been getting some pretty nice reviews. People really enjoyed it. It was actually one of the most fun ones we had to record. We did a little Ask Me Anything on various topics, including how each of us smelled and our favorite sex positions.

If you're interested, for $7 a month, not only will you get a new episode every month, but you will get our back catalog of episodes. I think four at this point. Five total. Five. Holy shit. every month but you will get our back catalog of episodes so i think four at this point um that's five five total five holy shit there's a new one added every month um also seven dollars is like the middle tier if you wanted to show your support uh we have a a smaller tier at three dollars which uh goes a long way as well like we said i think last week we mentioned uh last year uh or 2021 was the first year that we covered all of our expenses which is incredible and it's all thanks to you guys

on top of that uh we have just launched a brand new show it is a uh star finder which is kind of like dnd in space actual play show which is us playing the game together um it is story driven it's a lot of fun it's niall and myself as well as two of our very very good friends who are incredible angel human beings um and it's it's something we're very very proud of and it's something that's like kind of popping off so if you want to uh take a listen or check it out, head on over to noquestcast.com We also did a feed drop, so when you've heard this episode, there's

a good chance you've already seen the first episode. It'll be in our feed, so if you want to take a listen, you don't have to go anywhere. You can just check it out. Honestly, it's been super fun to make. It's been very exciting to launch. We had a phenomenal response the day we launched. I don't know how many of that was you guys, but if it was, thank you also for that.

And if it wasn't, go check it out. It's a lot of fun. It's like part narrative, part improv, kind of just like listening to a radio drama. And I can say that because Dane created and crafted the whole thing, basically. I just kind of like I'm along for the ride. So check it out. Let us know what you think. We love you guys guys if you ever wanted to hear what happens in my brain this is a great way to do it it's a lot of screaming uh you got some bad sex ready for us

i do but i threw the one i had out the window because it was a little too grim okay you know i just i wasn't really sure so i I threw it out. That's fine. Okay. Well, here's one that's interesting. This is Barry Sherrill on writing Tammy Winnett's song, Stand By Your Man. I always wanted to write a song about a woman talking to another woman. And I figured if a woman talked to another woman, why would she tell her? Sometimes it's hard to be a woman giving all your love to just one man.

You'll have bad times. You'll have good times and all that so if you love him you'll forgive him so stand by your man nice can you imagine a woman talking to another woman dear god what might happen hey let me tell you the bechdel test exists or exists for a reason and it's more rare than you'd think yeah at least for real media well i just love how this person it's as if like he just plumbed the depths of his artistry to find, you know, just wow. What a,

what a fucking trendsetter. Maybe one day we can all do things for women. Talk to other women about men, about men, which fails about how hard it is to love men. And I'll forgive them all. Thank you very much for listening for us. My name is Dave Miller. And my name is narspin we've been your fuck buddies