F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 176 - The Shrink Shift

Episode Date: February 14, 2022

Ah jeez.  Just looked at my schedule and I'm working the shrink shift four times this week... those women are animals.  Topics include how long do you have to kick it before someone will date you, taking your first steps into exhibitionism, a career ending decade old one night stand, letting him down easy after moving too fast, a spicy mother-daughter connection, hooking up at work when there's an age gap, what it means when the neighbours hate her.

I put my trust in you, and when I'm trusting, I love you. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and when I'm trusting, I love you. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dane Miller. And I'm Niall Spain. And we're your fuck buddies. We are a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations and we turn them into sexy, sticky situations.

Simply put, we're a sex and dating advice podcast that finds either questions online or from our wonderful listeners. And we answer them on topics of sex and dating. There it is. That's what I was waiting for. I knew it. I could feel it in the air. Pregnant pauses of expectation there was a brief period of time where i would anytime i wrote anything i would really make sure to call whatever i could pregnant like if it was about to rain it would be like you know thick clouds pregnant with rain well i think this podcast is currently pregnant with good advice.

It is. About to fucking burst. And we're going to birth it out onto you and your brain. We're going to... And your... Mostly your brain, to be fair. You got anything, any sex news or anything for us? Or are we just going to jump right on into this bitch? I think we're just going to get into it, honestly.

This is by Farn Straw. This girl thinks it's okay to see other men while trying to work up to being in a relationship with me lol. Met this girl three months ago. We kicked it for a while and shared feelings etc. Told her I fell for her and she said some things but also said she isn't ready for a relationship. I told her to take her time and I'll be here. Recently I find out she doesn't consider us exclusive. When I asked her if she's going to see other men during the time she's thinking about getting into a relationship with me she was hesitant to say no. She basically implied and said if she wants to see other people she should be able to because

she's not ready for a relationship it's just me or is that messed up and obviously i'm done with the girl no way am i gonna learn to love someone when they have another man's meat in their mouth lol jesus that was uh i mean we've talked about this so many times at this point it's one you know we'll we'll go over the basics of, hey, you're not exclusive until you're exclusive. And if you're not exclusive, the people you're seeing are 100% within their rights to see other people. And whatever that may mean, if that means putting their meat in their mouth, then yes, they're allowed to do that. Well, the thing is, they did kick it for a while. And also shared feelings you know like i

just wanted to make sure you heard that part that does change things a little bit so to take back what i said about meat being in your mouth not allowed to do that if you've if you've kicked it for a little bit if you've like only just started kicking it then you can have the meat in your mouth but if you kicked it for a little bit now does it depend on the feelings you've shared like no if you just shared the feeling of being hungry? I'm hungry. I'm hungry too. Shit, we're exclusive. Damn it. No more man meat for my mouth. Shit. Fuck.

Shouldn't have kicked it so fast. We kicked it too fast to furious. I also love it's just like I asked her if she wanted to be on my relationship and she said no. And then she says we're not exclusive? Like what? Yeah, man. Yeah, dude dude that was the question you asked which she said no yeah it just goes to show that like it's there's such a big disconnect between what people think they're entitled to in terms of like another person's time and effort and how that's viewed as like like this person is

is like i want to be in a relationship with you and this person was like no but they still went on to assume that that meant that like their time was exclusively theirs which is such a which is such a garbage thing to do to another person it's like good for you for being brave and and taking a step and taking a chance and asking someone to be exclusive with you that's's awesome. And you should be proud of yourself. Unfortunately, they're not ready. And at that point in time,

you have to be like, okay, cool. And there are two things I think we need to talk about. One, you said you would be there. And we've talked about before about waiting for people and being like, Oh,

when it like, you know, when you're ready, I'm here for you because by the time that person's ready, they might not want to pursue it with you during this time of discovery and exploration. you know, when you're ready, I'm here for you. Because by the time that person's ready, they might not want to pursue it with you. During this time of discovery and exploration, they might find someone else they would rather pursue a relationship with that isn't you. And then you're going to feel slighted, you're going to feel lied to, you're going to feel manipulated. But it's none of those things, because they were honest with you and saying,

hey, I don't want to pursue a relationship with you right now. And it's like that might change, you know, during the course of whatever we're doing now, that might change. But that could also be true for other people that they're seeing. So reserving yourself for one person thinking that, you know, your time will come is a surefire way to get hurt in my opinion it might work out for you yeah i feel like look you have two choices really and it's to end the relationship there or to continue you know casually and maybe or not like maybe it will work out or it won't but like you can't like there's a possibility that they will not be ready, and you need to be ready for that.

You can't get bitter and weird and shitty. The thing is, if you think that's going to happen, end it. Yeah. Yeah. It's just like you have two choices, and that's you're okay with seeing the person casually, and it may or may not work out, and that is fine, or you end the relationship. That is it. There is no third option.

So if you continue to see them, you have to be okay with the fact that this may not work out like fair fucks this person for answering you honestly and being straight up about the fact they don't want a relationship yet um no fair play for you for listening saying it's cool and then being a fucking weirdo about it afterwards yeah and like that's the other thing is that you know the first thing is being like reserving yourself for person and expecting them to come around when that might not happen, as you just said. And the other thing is, yeah, you're not exclusive. They are allowed to see other people.

And if you don't want to sit there spinning your wheels, feeling like you're wasting time, see other people as well. It's a two-way street. You're allowed to see other people. And if you're not the kind of person who enjoys doing that or has the emotional capacity or the time to see multiple people and you think this might be a waste of your time or they're not respecting your time or whatever you might feel, then don't see them anymore. You shot your shot. It didn't go through.

They've given you a very honest answer, whether it's a rejection or a we'll see them anymore. You shot your shot. It didn't go through. They've given you a very honest answer, whether it's a rejection or a, you know, we'll see what happens. If that's not enough for you, then perhaps you try to look for someone who does want the same things for you and who is ready for a relationship, but it has nothing to do. It is not a judgment or a value statement about the other person who isn't ready or doesn't want it. I kind of bring this up because I've had it happen to me before where I've had people be like, hey, do you want a relationship or like you want to be exclusive? And me be like, no. And then then be like, okay, but do you want to just like see only each other and only sleep with each other? I'm like, okay, but that's being exclusive. And that kind of what seems to be what this person

did where it's like oh you won't be really should we know okay wait we're not exclusive it's like you can't just rephrase it and have it mean the same thing and like then the situation i was in they were really upset they were like oh you won't even do that though and i'm like no but they are the same thing they're like no like in one sense like you're not committed to me it's not like we're official like we're not boyfriend girlfriend you're just only seeing with and sleeping with me and i'm like yeah that's you're basically telling me to do it but put less effort in like no it's the same shit um this comes from a reddit user a non-throw account and the question is safe ways to practice voyeurism however they've immediately edited it

and have been informed that what they're actually looking for is an exhibitionist kink and not voyeurism okay um so 19 year old female i'm into public stuff not that experienced overall just into the kink i've done some flashing at concerts like nudity at parties and once joined in at strip clubs for fun apart from these i don't really know what to do i'd like to do more hardcore stuff masturbating slash having sex in public like out of park sounds ideal but it could lay me in trouble so i wouldn't like to go down that path fellow voyeurs slash you know after correction exhibitionist how do you safely practice the kink because okay so i've had a lot of like public sex and stuff and i was gonna launch into that but i don't know if it's appropriate for me to do that because i guess realistically what this person is

saying is completely true and it's like if you are doing something like this, you could very well be caught. And depending on who you're caught by and where you're caught, that can be, like if a kid walks around the corner, not so great. Or if a cop walks around the corner and you end up with whatever, maybe I shouldn't be the guy to tell you to go do it. Yeah. I mean, there are also tons of safe places and okay places to do this, such as sex clubs. You are of age, you're a consenting adult. I don't know necessarily what the age restrictions are for sex clubs in the States. It might be 21, like the drinking age, but I imagine if the age of consent is like 19 and that's a legal adult, I imagine you'd probably

be allowed. You probably just wouldn't be able to drink or whatever. So you might have to check with your local laws. But sex clubs are a great way to do it. You're in a, you know, predominantly safe place. Everyone is there for the same reasons. It is legal to do it. And there are fun, different ways, depending on the club you're at, to you could do it like, you know, just right in the middle of the floor. If you wanted to, you can do it in front of people. There are often rooms that have windows in it so that

like double-sided mirrors so that you can't see people, but you can assume that people are watching you, which is also sort of like, you know, a niche part of the fetish of like, you know, wanting to be watched, but like not knowing if you are. so there's there's tons of safe ways to do it in that regards like a lot of sex clubs cater really well to women as well or at least like my experience with them in toronto has been really good where like they really take care of women and it's like access for women is really easy you don't have to like a lot of the time if you're a male you have to be a be partnered or you have to pay a lot of money or both whereas like as females you can usually come solo if if that's the situation this person's in um and like consent and safety is usually a huge like massive part of everything so it's like it's also a really

positive environment for you and like if you wanted to just go and like be a little naked or like play with yourself and have people see like or or as Dane said, like the window thing I think is particularly, you know, handy for this. It will probably be a really good idea. And you're also going to enter into, you're going to find people who know a little bit more about it. You know what I mean?

Like people at sex clubs are very friendly as you might imagine. So, you know, if, if you find a partner or go with a partner who, you know, likes to be watched as well, you might find other people who are far more experienced in it, have way more advice and tips on it.

You know what I mean? Like, this is a great chance to meet people who also share your kink or at least live in that world where you can be mentored by people who have the experience. Another thing to think about is leaving your your curtains open at your place. You know, I mean, like have sex on the have sex on the balcony. You run the risk there of people taking photos and videos, which might not be ideal for you, depending on your career or how you feel. But, you know, that's that's, you know, risk and reward. You do have to to think about that kind of stuff. If you are kind of worried about that, consider getting some fun masks and stuff or wigs and like really like play up a part, which I know that some exhibitionists like to do as well as a means of like extra level of safety from people who are looking to exploit you from afar. I also feel like, you know, there is, you can definitely do things and have

the trail of being, you know, exposed in public and maybe being watched while also not being watched and being safe. If your balcony is like, you know, high up, not in view of other people's balconies and you do it at night, like the odds of you being seen are quite low, but you're still going to get a lot of that trail. I've done on the balcony before and we were in the penthouse. So there's literally were no other balconies that could overlook us. And there are like big barricades between the other balconies. So no one could see from there. And we did at night.

So it's like we could see down on other people, but like no one could really see us. So that was super fun. And aside from that, it's like if you're in public, it's all about like not being an idiot. Like, you know, don't do it in a very obvious place. Don't do it in broad daylight. Don't do it by a school or, you know, someone's home. And it's all about like easy access and deniability. You know what I mean? Like, so don't strip off your clothes and lie down on the grass in a park. It's, it's more of like, wear a skirt and no underwear. Pull it up and be subtle and if worse comes to worse, you can smooth down your dress and nope,

we weren't doing that. I think they're all pretty easy things to follow if you're careful and that's the point. You really don't want to get caught out doing stuff like this. I've done it a whole bunch in a lot of different places and never been caught, so I think you can be fine if you're smart about it.

Yeah. And there's also plenty of places you can do it. But like sneak off to like a bathroom in a bar. No one's really going to give shit about it. If you get caught, all you're going to get is like the bartender will bang on the door and be like, hey, fuck off. I highly doubt anyone's going to be calling the cops on you in those situations. No, I don't.

I don't know necessarily how much of it is the thrill of doing things out in public or how much of it is being watched so like you do have to kind of you know obviously you can't fuck at your your local bar on the bar um but if you like the idea of like just being out and having sex in public a bar bathroom will will do it and there's probably bars and restaurants i know there's a few in toronto that like actually encourage it and or don't care about it yeah there's one particular one for valentine's day where they're like yeah go fuck in the bathrooms just like we won't bother you so yeah other options are uh you also have like there are plenty of websites that like you know you could go on like streaming websites if that's what you want to do and do like a live show again this is something you need to take very seriously and consider what would happen if your identity is revealed um so consider masks consider you know stuff like that that helps

conceal your identity yeah exactly any sort of identity or identifying features on yourself maybe consider that if you have a very recognizable tattoo or birthmark or something like that, maybe don't do this, but it it's an option and it is a good anonymous. The likelihood of being doxxed by it, I think, is pretty low because of the sheer amount of options there are

out in the world, but it is a risk. So consider that as well. So yeah, you know, be safe, have fun, but I feel like we've given you a few little seeds to start growing your kink yeah it's by throw me away x y got a new job where i work with a woman with whom i had a one-night stand 10 years ago i'm married with a kid now so i finally managed to find a job but a woman with whom i had a one-night stand works there i don't know if she recognized me but i did recognize her i'm married and have a kid now Dude, this was a decade ago.

I mean, there's a good chance she might know who you are but unless this was a horrible experience or you know you took advantage of her or you know you were horrible or you know like unless it was a an absolute like nightmare scenario they either don't give a fuck or they don't remember because if i ran into someone that like i had hooked with, and they got a job at my bar, there might be a moment of like, oh, hey, what's up? But I would be weird about it after that. Unless they got weird with me first.

It's such a non-issue until it becomes an issue. And if it does, you work at a job. You can go to HR and be like, hi, this person is being very weird with me yeah this is the biggest non-issue ever because like one obviously you say finally managed to find a job so i'm assuming getting a job here is important for you why the fuck would you get a new job like again unless there's something we haven't been told about it going horrendously badly either on your on your behalf or her behalf. If like this has happened to me multiple times, I'm like, oh, hey, like I'm usually on pretty damn good terms with them.

Grow up. You're 32. It doesn't matter. You're also assuming that like she hasn't moved on with her life either. Like there's a good chance she's married with kids, too, because it's a decade after you fucking hooked up. I don't think she's been you know sitting looking out like a rainy window waiting for you to call for the past 10 years what does the fact that he has a wife and kid mean is it wise that my wife knows why would it fucking matter if you're in a relationship where

your wife is going to punish you because you slept with someone 10 years ago before you even knew her then you shouldn't have married this person yeah you know and if not then you're good and like i understand like there i don't think there's any harm i would certainly like probably tell my partner if someone i used to hook up with showed up at work i'd be like oh hey like the new person like i might mention it in passing just so like you know i don't like people being the only person in the room who doesn't know kind of situation yeah and like if it came out at some point or if they told your partner it would be kind of shitty of them to have not known the whole time and then it might almost seem like you didn't tell them for a reason and like it's easier to fucking you know but i think a lot of people's relationships aren't

positive enough or like you know healthy enough that you can't share that information you know which i think is fucked and i think you should share it and if they have an issue with it then that's probably a good indication that you have a unhealthy relationship and it should be shared in like the sense that it's funny and not a like okay babe i have to sit you down here's a cup of tea so this happened at work today you know what i mean like it's not a serious thing to be like like just be like hey so the weirdest thing happened the new like The person at my job. It's not even weird, though. That's the best part.

It's like, it's not even a big deal. Like, I have worked with people I've slept with either in the job or before or, you know, a whole range of different things. It just doesn't matter. No, I know. So, like, I don't think you necessarily need to keep this a deep, dark secret. Also, like, I would love to know what kind of job it is, because it's like an office job where you might see them every now and then at like the lunchroom to grab a coffee or, you know, I mean, like, are you interacting with this person on the daily? And if they don't seem to remember you, then like, fuck it. Like, it doesn't matter. Move on.

You're fine, dude. Yeah, I feel like you got to take a breath. You're good. Tell your wife, like, oh, actually, no girl I hooked up with like 10 years ago actually works there. There you go. Boom. Easy.

It's very strange to me how like how weird people still are about sex and how weird people are about like imagine being this anxious over having sex with someone 10 years ago that. Yeah, that makes me so uncomfortable. But like at the age of 32 as well and like being like hey strangers on the internet should i quit my job it's like what you you seem like you like anybody i think shouldn't quit a job over this again unless there's some crazy circumstances but like you seem like you're really grateful to have gotten this job and maybe have gone through

issues in the job market previously because you said finally managed to find a job. You have a family. A job is very important anyway. You're okay. You'll make it through this. No one cares. Now, the real thing is, how's he going to break this to the kid? Because you got to tell them too.

You have to have the talk if the kid doesn't know about sex too. So you're like, damn, we got to have the talk. But now I also got to tell you about this person I slept with 10 years ago. Meanwhile, the wife's in the corner crying. No, no, no. Niall, this is a vice podcast. Stop giving bad advice. You wait until take your kid to work day and you do it all at one go.

You have her explain what you guys did together. So there's the talk. Explain what we did. Tell them our dirty night a decade ago. What did we do? Say it. It's like that scene from Twilight.

What did we do? Say it. Then you get, then the kink gets the talk. This is when you find out about your father's vampire kink as well. Explains all his glitter drawers. Yeah, you're fine.

Don't worry about it. This comes from Reddit user Vulgar Lady. How to let him down gently. I've been talking to this really nice guy. However, not feeling him. Don't want to continue things with him. We met online and haven't met in real life yet. And we've been talking for about a month.

He doesn't necessarily seem into me. More so he just wants a relationship with somebody. And I happen to be talking to him. He's taking things way too fast and I need to put the brakes on for now. He already told his friends about me by name, has offered to give me financial assistance, told me extensively about his exes and just in general seems overly trusting of me already. He's one of those nice guys who's like everyone leaves me or gets bored of me. I think it's just the way that he goes about talking to women that may turn them off what should i do it's a very confusing question he goes he's moving way too quick we've been talking for a month and haven't met up okay he doesn't like me okay but he wants to give me financial assistance and introduce me to his

friends what well i think you're you're skipping like the the qualifiers for each one of those points like she's saying that like he doesn't seem to be like into her specifically he's just What? Well, I think you're skipping, like, the qualifiers for each one of those points. Like, she's saying that, like, he doesn't seem to be, like, into her specifically. He's just actively trying to, like, shoehorn a relationship out of anyone who will give him attention. And, like, what do you mean? That's what she says. Yeah, I know. I just, like, we see evidence to a bunch of stuff.

I don't see evidence to that. So I'm just, you know, I can't comment on that. Because it seems like a wild leap a wild leap i mean i'm gonna trust the person who wrote the question in this case that's fair yeah i was just talking about these things because it's like moving slow like moving way too fast but you haven't even made each other it's been a month that's crazy but i think that's what she's she's saying that it's moving way too fast that the fact that he's trying to like give her money and shit well that's fair i guess it's both moving too fast and not moving fast. If they haven't even met up. I think her concern is that like,

we've been talking for a month and he's already been like, Lord dumped his whole ex's history on her is trying to like give her financials. Like if I hadn't met someone and I had only been talking to him for a month, I wouldn't be offering them fucking money. I don't think I would. So this is not,

well, it is kind of related there's the thing like a bunch of documentaries coming out at the moment like the tinder swindler and uh other ones like that about people using tinder to like effectively extort people for a lot of money and one of the things i heard about was like this guy who asked for like thousands because he uh was in debt And these people who barely knew him were like, yeah, sure. It's like, I would barely give anybody in my life thousands. You know what I mean? It wasn't even like money they had.

It was, will you go take out a loan and send me these thousands? If a good friend of mine asked me for that, I'd be like, I don't know, man. That's a crazy thing for me to do. Yeah. So I don't know. That's some advice right there. Maybe don't do that. Anyway, back to the question. Don't let them give you money. Don't let them get any kind of claim

on you. But like, if you want to let someone down easy, just be like, hey, like, I think you said that at the very start where you're like, I like him, but I'm not just I'm just not really feeling it or whatever. That's kind of enough. Just be like, hey, look, you know, it's been really fun getting to know you. But like, I'm not really feeling that spark. Sorry, but it's been it's been a pleasure move on you move on you don't have to tell them to move on but you can you can if you want i also think like look if you're actually you know really you know are into this dude in the sense that like you you've spent a month sort of communicating with him i don't think there's any harm of being like hey i've i've enjoyed you you seem like a really nice guy you've just come on really strong and it's not sort of the vibe

i'm looking for right now maybe like take it a little slower with people uh as just a means to like send him on his way with a little bit of advice because you know like if he's if if he's gone to the point where like you can quote him and saying like oh everyone just leaves me or gets bored of me you know he's like it's just gonna snowball in the in the sense that like oh this is just another woman who left me or got bored of me so maybe giving him just sort of like a breadcrumb of like i'm not getting bored of you or leaving you you are actively repelling me but doing that in a nice way yeah because the thing is i imagine that he has probably after each rejection doubled down on what he's been doing which has led him to this point where he's like take my money please so when you do this he's going to now double down

and give even more money to the next person or try to it's like the the tinder profile we had where they were like i'm so tired don't waste my time you know try to it's like the the tinder profile we had where they were like i'm so tired don't waste my time you know i mean it's like this is the this is the guy who wrote this yeah so look if you want to do this man a solid by all means do that i am worried that someone who kind of comes on this strongly and seems to have, you know, this woe is me. Women don't know how, you know, great I really am. Won't take it that well. And it's possible you feel the same.

So it's like if you want to do this, great. I think it's a really nice thing. If you don't want to do this, you know what? You don't have to. And if he gets weird, just block him and move on. Hopefully you've exercised proper internet caution and haven't told him where you live or any personal details before meeting up with him and vetting him for yourself. So hopefully if he does get weird, you can cut ties and just kind of give him the block and that'll be the end of it. Let them down as easily as you want.

And if they get weird, just cut and run. You don't owe this person anything. If you want to give them the favor of letting them know the weird things that they're doing, by all means do, but your safety is paramount. Yeah. You ready for a spicy one? Mm-hmm. This is by throwaway312878. I used to have sex with my girlfriend's mom. I want to come clean clean but her mom thinks otherwise

whoa we haven't had one of these in a while i know i think i fell too far down the seduction hole uh long story short i 23 year old male used to work as a stripper and used to have sex with this woman who just happens to be my current girlfriend's mother i've left the stripper business a couple years ago and i've been dating my girlfriend for three years now today i've met my girlfriend's family for the first time. Obviously, things were awkward when I met face-to-face with her mother again. My girlfriend knows about my past, but doesn't know the situation about her mom and I. I want to come clean about the situation, but her mom has told me she doesn't want her daughter to know the truth and thinks it's best to move on.

What should I do? Sorry, I'm trying to get the timeline. Was he dating her when he was fucking the mom? Nope. Or was he fucking the mom prior to get the timeline. Was he dating her when he was fucking the mom? Nope. Or was he fucking the mom prior to dating the girlfriend? He was fucking the mom prior to dating the girlfriend back when he was a stripper. Okay. And then they haven't hooked up since he started dating the girlfriend.

Nope. And this is the first time he's made the connection that, like, the first time they met. Okay. All right. This, I wasn't sure if it was one of those things. Also, like, three years without meeting the parents? That seems. Okay. All right. This, uh, I wasn't sure if it was one of those things also like three years without meeting the parents. That seems like a really long time.

So apparently they were doing long distance. Okay. Okay. Yeah. I mean, I guess that like makes sense. Also, you know,

if, if their family doesn't live nearby, I've always, yeah, either way, whatever. That's not really the point of this question. Oh boy.

I mean, here at the end of the day, I guess it also depends on like, either way, whatever. That's not really the point of this question. Oh, boy. I mean, here, at the end of the day, I guess it also depends on, like, if your mother was married to someone or was in a relationship with someone during this time, too. Like, will this also imply that she was cheating on her dad? Yeah, so that's one thing I was very worried about. So I scoured the comments, and they did say that the mom was divorced at the time. Okay. So that was my main thing because that would be a consideration where it's like if you were about to shatter this family, there's a little bit more to consider. Yeah, this is a tough one because your sexual history doesn't really have much bearing on your current relationships.

However, because right now, however, exception to the case, when your sexual history also includes your current partner's mother or family member of any sort, I think it kind of does. So unfortunately, like you're in a relationship with someone and I think they 100% deserve to know the truth and make their own judgment call. Now, this sucks for everyone involved because one, the mother obviously wants to keep this a secret. Two, you might lose your partner because she might hate this idea and it justifiably so. You're probably going to lose your partner. Let's be fair about that and three your partner is gonna now have to deal with the fact that like one your mom used to go to strip clubs and have sex with strippers which there's nothing wrong with that but it's not something

most children want to you know conceptualize with their parents yeah most people don't like to think of their parents having sex with their other parent, let alone with the guy you're fucking or, you know, strippers on the reg. By the way, this mom clearly can hang. It's a cool mom. Oh yeah, this mom. This is a Stacey's mom situation for sure. Throwaway's girlfriend's mom has got it going on. She's in the club. Something that rhymes with club. I was gonna say, did you just forget how that song went? Because the only thing I could think of that rhymed was pub. And I was like, you're already at that bar. You're not going to the pub. And I was like, if they're 23, they were having sex with this woman probably when they were 18 or 19.

If this person has been dating his girlfriend for three years, you know what I mean? At least 20. It could have happened just previous to their relationship. So, I don't know. We both know it's going to suck, but you have to tell. Yeah. Because if this ever comes out and you didn't tell them then it's gone from like this is shit like this is a bad situation but like you know sucks to be you to like oh you suck and you've ruined everything and everyone and this poor woman's gonna be traumatized and they hate their mom now because now their mom's been lying to them for years and you've been lying for them

and they've sunk all this time and effort into relationship and like that's some life-ruining shit right there yeah it's like i think no matter what happens here no matter how this shakes out one or all of you or you know any combination of you are probably going to need some sort of professional help some some therapy sessions to work through this because this is a circumstantial and really terrible situation to find yourself in. But yes, I think you absolutely have to tell your partner. I think you need to be fully prepared for this to go tits up and for your partner to never want to speak to you again,

even though it's not your fault. But you do have to understand the emotional reaction and implication that they're going to have to this. I think the good thing is like no one's done anything wrong here right like yeah you slept with someone that's cool the mom slept with someone that's cool you and the daughter are dating all good right the only thing that becomes wrong now is if you lie about it or lie by omission and again it'll probably come out at some point like i doubt she went to these strip clubs alone one of her friends is gonna come over one day drinking wine and be like hey

isn't that the guy you know like it there's ways it'll come out or she'll talk about like your secret donald duck tattoo and the girlfriend will spin around like how do you know it's on his inner thigh like shit my love of donald duck the person always said it would be my downfall your mom will be you know making like long island iced teas and ask for you to start with your dick yeah because she knows it's just the perfect size you know the dickster what's the thing that people do i don't know why okay didn't know that yeah it's a i don't believe it's a strip club thing really i wouldn't want a dick in my drink and i don't think i'm Okay. Didn't know that. Yeah. It's a, I don't believe the strip club thing. Really?

I wouldn't want to take in my drink. And I don't think I'm saying that just because I'm straight. Like I wouldn't want someone to stir. I don't know. I don't know. It just wouldn't. I mean, it's the same thing.

It's like, I wouldn't want a woman to stick her fingers inside of her and then dip it in my drink. You know what I mean? Like, I don't want that. I don't care who, what relation I have with you especially not a stranger to do that on top of that if you were if you were my partner i would

shrug it off i wouldn't like it but i wouldn't be disgusted i'd just be like what are you doing but like if it was a stranger i'd be like yeah no i don't think i'd ever ask for it i wouldn't ever want it no but on the flip side i also wouldn't want to stick my dick in someone's drink either oh i would hate to stick my dick in someone's drink like do you ever like open a can of coke and the sprays in your hand and your hand sticky like i don't want that on my dick but like you're currently performing with the dick being the center point and now you're sticking in a glass full of cold liquid that's not the most flattering it's gonna be sticky as well yeah i don't know you're gonna have like cold pool dick just on stage like no one's gonna be like yay it got smaller

small and sticky that's how i like my dicky make it shrink make it shrink i hate working the shrink shift god damn wait hold on what time is it? I'm going on an 8 Fuck It's those weird people who just want my dick to get as small as it can go Fuck It's a niche market but someone's got to do it The god damn shrink shift I hate it

You got one for me? This is Historical Judge Would I be a creep for being friends with benefit with a girl quite a bit younger than me sort of feeling conflicted about this i'm a 26 year old male and there's this girl that is 19 year old female she's currently a nursing assistant and i'm currently temporarily working it at the clinic she works at we talked a few times at the clinic but it was just friendly conversation a few weeks ago she needed a car ride home and she shares a car with her friend and asked me if i could since she trusted me. So I did. So we got a lot closer and

she said, and we started talking more at the end of work yesterday before we left. She pulled me over to the back room as she wanted to talk to me. She basically asked if I wanted to be her friends with benefit as she hasn't had sex in a while. And I'm the only guy she trusts and she doesn't mind the age gap. Honestly, for selfish reasons, I want to, as I haven't had sex in over a year since I broke up with my ex. She's also overly intelligent, beautiful, enjoyable to spend time with, and we're both consenting adults, but still not sure with the seven year age gap. So would this be inappropriate? I would just appreciate hearing you guys input on this situation. Now, age gaps are always weird because there's a lot to factor in. It's not just a number versus a number. What I like about this situation is that he is not in a position of power over her. She's not a student. She's in her own field anyway, at the very least. They don't work together. He doesn't have that kind of power over her. she's obviously legal which is very important and but the sounds of it better communicating the most people we fucking hear about because she can

actually go up be straight up and talk to someone i don't think 26 to 19 is all that egregious yeah no i don't think the age gap necessarily is the issue here but i do think there is an issue okay and that is she is for all intents and purposes, very young. And I think most people, should this come out at work, that this is your arrangement or even that there is something happening between you. I think depending what the age range of those people, people who are much older than you or slightly older than you, I think you might get a short end of the stick and be seen as predatory. Regardless of the fact that you two are consenting adults, and regardless of the fact that she was the one who initiated it, I think you do run the risk of being the older guy going after the new 19-year-old. And you have to sort of think about how that's going to impact your work, how that's going to impact future jobs or your reputation within the field.

And you really do have to play the pros and cons of it because at the end of the day, this could be a really fun sexual experience. But if everyone treats you like a gross dirt bag and you know, the word gets around and be like, Oh yeah, maybe don't it. Cause it seems to be a temp job. So it might be one of those things that I don't like, I worked with him and he like immediately went after the 19 year old at work. So it's like, he's kind of, he's kind of creepy. Yeah, I guess the thing I liked that you guys didn't work together, but you kind of also still like you're not directly like, you know, you work in the same building. So it's the same for the bad purposes Dane's talking about, even while it was true for the good purposes in that like, you're not holding a position of authority over her. I don't think there's anything ethically wrong with this. I do not think that like you two shouldn't have a sexual relationship together outside of the fact that you work together.

I think working together, it poses a lot of problems more from a social standpoint and how it might impact both of your work. Because like, also you don't know what kind of like people these are either. Like maybe they're going to slut shame her and be like, wow, it also you don't know what kind of like people these are either like maybe they're gonna slut shame her and be like wow it took you you know a couple weeks before you started fucking anyone here it could go poorly for her the thing is honestly given like how society likes to treat man i think it'd be probably more likely that it would go badly for her so i

think it's one of those things if this is a temp job depending depending on how temporary it is, perhaps just be like, Hey, I'm so, so, so interested. Like, you don't know how interested I am, but I don't like, I don't want to put you in a position where you're not taken seriously as a young professional because it comes out that we're, we're sleeping together. Um, and I think if you phrase it in a sense that like, you're, you don't want this to go poorly for her. there's a very good chance that it could be like, look, the second my contract is done here, you're going to get a call from me because I am interested. But but like, you know, in good conscience, I can't take the like any relationship to do with work is worth considering in this light because it can affect people's careers, your own, theirs. So, yeah, just have that conversation. Again, as Dane said, if you are only working there for a short amount of time, it probably won't be too hard to to put something off like that.

But yeah. And hey, maybe maybe just go look for a better, better job somewhere. Get a better job situation. Yeah. Get a little promotion, get a new job and still get to hook up with the person you're interested in too it's it's great and that way you don't have to worry and no one has to worry about any sort of like negative ramifications of it because like i said like just think about how all that kind of gossip gets mixed around when people are of like a similar age. Now twist it with like a new employee and a temp employee and a, you know, age gap.

Like it's, it could go so fucking bad for both of you so quickly that it's almost not worth the, the temporary, you know, enjoyment of it. But I mean, that's something you got to think about.

It's something you have to weigh the pros and cons of. If you think that's a risk you're both willing to take, well then, you know, go for it. But something worth, worth think about it's something you have to weigh the pros and cons of if you think that's a risk you're both willing to take well then you know go for it but something worth we're thinking about beforehand got a little seduction in there right oh god this is by ta689323 my neighbors hate me is the uh the title you're invited to a girl's apartment after a date on your way to her place she says her neighbors hate her in a flirty way. Was this her way of saying she has a lot of guys over? I mean, yeah, probably. I love just like the seduction.

It's like all they want to do is sleep with people. You know what I mean? That's their goal. But they're all so warped and like just, I don't know, that finally this is is going to happen and they say this and he's like oh shit is she saying she gets around and it's just like having this like slut shame spiral like yeah nothing like like desperately

wanting to have sex with a woman and then somehow like realizing that women have sex like it's this weird sort of like Schrodinger's box of like I want to fuck women but that means that women fuck i can't have that oh no oh boy yeah maybe she's literally just having an argument with her neighbors that's been ongoing maybe it's

about the garbage bins out front or a parking space now i mean i will say that's a pretty fucking wild thing to say to someone you're about to bring home just being like man i fuck so many people and i'm so loud about it that my neighbors hate me that is a strange move maybe she is literally warning him like oh my neighbors like hate me like in case you get out of the taxi and like they're like oh fuck you tisha and you're like someone someone fucking vibe checks them just like jumping off the roof looking to get them without like kevin bacon style dirty dancing not dirty dancing footloose style drop kick just like damn it you're not gonna get me today yeah maybe she was literally just like warning you to like keep it down or something you know what i mean like there are a

lot of ways to go around or maybe she's just trying to like tell you she's really loud maybe that's what she's warning you about but why would her neighbors hate her if she wasn't always having sex maybe she just fucking goes to town on herself every night she's got one of those high tech she wants i think we can probably guess i'm gonna say it really doesn't matter i do think it is a fucking weird thing to say though it is kind of weird i think like we've covered it before where it's like as much as people should be chill with the fact that yes you have had sex with other people and presumably will have sex with other people it's still kind of a weird move to be like bringing it up to people when you're dating them or like starting to you know what i mean like there's a

time and a place and that's a conversation you have together not just a i'm gonna talk about someone i fucked right now you know what i mean like there's a difference between being open to your partner having had a sexual past and rubbing your sexual history in someone's face yeah it'd be like me getting up to go to get a condom and like pick up the box be like damn i just bought this a couple days ago and i'm almost out it'd be like yeah 100 that would be like okay what are you doing what are you trying to aim for here um yeah so like yes, this could be weird. It could be normal and you're reading into it. But either way, it's like, it doesn't matter.

Yeah, I mean, it doesn't matter at all. And it's like, if you are uncomfortable with the idea that your potential sexual partner is a sexual person, then perhaps you might want to, like, figure out your priorities. Because in order to have sex with someone, you need to have sex with, they've got to want to have sex. And usually if they want to have sex with you, that probably also means they will want to, or have had sex with someone else. this specific lock in the sense of like this woman she only person she could sleep with was the one and you came along and you body rocked your way into her into her loins i like that you're using body rock from last week i mean that's my only that's the only move i assume seduction is using now and literally all i can think about it is just like a just kind of like

a boxer's you know bounce kind of thing just Just ducking and weaving. Let's do some Tinders. At the end of the show, we like to peruse online dating platforms such as Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge and comb through profiles for red flags, figuring out what works and what doesn't work in an effort to make your online dating experience a little more enjoyable.

I'll start you off with Hannah. Kind of hoping to match a psychiatrist. This shit getting expensive. That's, I mean, mean it's funny It's funny It's funny but it's almost A little troubling A little upsetting But I don't know I always try to take these things as like

You know the people who are like I have a glass of wine everyday after work I'm an alcoholic You know what I mean like a little hyperbolic with that kind of stuff But again it's not a great profile at all So I'm gonna say it's like a three a three okay i was gonna give it like a five or six because like it's funny but like yeah i guess a chuckle isn't exactly great uh i'm gonna give it a five there's enough people who joke about their mental illness on there in a much funnier way. Or, you know, that,

that I think that like, this is a very lazy latch on to that sort of like meme culture. I think there, I need more, I need more personality and I need it to be funnier for me to give it higher than a three. Fair. This is Lena. Fitness includes diet,

training, sleep, three aspects. I hope I have a good body and make myself more perfect this is my goal okay this is giving me strong bot energy maybe or someone who doesn't realize this is a dating app for other people and not for herself because i mean it sounds like she's right swiping the shit out of herself which great for you but like there's got to be more to you than trying to become omega lena but even just like i hope i have a great body it's like can't you look down and tell

don't you have mirrors well all of our pictures were mirror mirror selfie so yes she does have a mirror she got she got the mirror uh i'm gonna give it a three because like all right two sorry i gave it a two because it's boring as fuck and it gives me absolutely nothing about you other than that you like fitness, I guess. Yeah. Yes. This is Jolin.

Part-time Torontonian slash raccoon lover slash transgender slash cock worshipper foot slave throat goat looking for a dom partner tongue emoji. Oh, that's a lot.

It's a lot. It is a lot. I don't, I mean, I think it sets a very specific tone as to what this person is looking for. I think, you know, I, I think there is a very specific market for that. And I think, you know, what, what they're putting out in there is very clear. It's very specific. I don't think it's a necessarily gives me a whole lot about personality, but it also gives the sense that i don't think

they're looking for much that requires personality if that makes yeah that's the thing it's like for what they're looking for which is an obviously sexual relationship it's like does it really matter that they like long walks on the beach no it doesn't yeah they also get points for throat goat which is an incredible term uh i'll give it an eight. Yeah. I think for what it's attempting to accomplish, I think an eight is appropriate. You gotta remind me if I've done this one. Sure. I hope I'm pronouncing this correctly. Uche, on our first date, I'll carve our names in a tree.

It's the most romantic way to let you know that I have knives. That's pretty funny. I'm going to give that an eight as well because i think it's funny it took me for a journey but i'm second hand traumatized by your experience with knives so there's a chance it's it's that same person so an eight it's it's definitely not the same person so i can i can confirm that but i i mean my ptsd in this situation is going to bump it down to a seven. I do think it's very good, but I am worried that you'll try to cut me. That's fair.

Yeah. Also, it's like, look, it's funny. I really like it. But at the same time, should we be talking about weaponry in our dating profiles? I assume it's a girl, so it's better. It is a woman, yes. Because it could be more of like, you know i'll defend myself like just think about it but at the same time i don't know if weaponry is the way to go with dating profiles

yeah it's never something i'm excited about ready for jewels yes need someone to mount me and my tv oh boy now see i'd be very excited to do one and terrified of the other i know like i love putting tvs up on walls but damn vaginas scary i i i'm desperate to buy a new tv i really want to buy a new tv but i'm terrified that the the wall mount that i have for my current tv is won't be compatible and so i might just have this new one in yeah so i might just have this tv forever yeah i i also live in a place with crazy walls so i got four different stud finders to try and mount a hangboard in my apartment before giving up and calling a friend who can actually do diy shit at which point luckily they were like no you're good it's just your apartment has crazy walls that don't follow the

normal rules of anything. And they just use specialized equipment to drill it into my walls instead. So I don't know if I can do this or not because the one time I tried, again, crazy walls. But I do find it very funny. So that's a nine. Yeah, I will say, look, I'm hoping my mounting you abilities will exceed expectations to the point where you don't need me to mount your tv you can find someone else for that you can just be like well i know you already have a stud finder because you swiped right hey yeah i'll give it again i don't think it's i'm gonna give a seven

okay all right um i'm out of profiles it would seem all right i still got a few uh i'm gonna hit you with this one because i know you'll really like it this is rebecca your friendly neighborhood ha ha ha not into hookups grow up kid you're friendly what i feel like what happened here was someone was typing things and then their phone froze and didn't registered their you know their key marks and then just kept going and didn't bother to read so there is a full coherent thought in there but for some reason the necessary words required to make it coherent are just you know aren't part of it because i can't believe that someone intended to write this yeah i don't know what happened now there is an exclamation mark between neighborhood and ha ha ha

but that doesn't make it any better because your friendly neighborhood why are you a neighborhood yourself that is in fact friendly because i don't think that's possible shit what was their name was it a name of a neighborhood it says it says blordale village we gotta we gotta keep our fucking neighborhoods off the dating apps i know we've been trying but they're just gaining like mass sentience also not into hookups grow up kid it's like okay no yeah and on top of that they fucking have their blood type goat yeah thank you yeah so you know you can put like little like you know non-smoker dog bachelors pisces which are the other four things they have then they have blood type ab the fuck tinder i know or it's like speaking of vampires like is this an option

so the whole thing's just very confusing she's also her job as businesswoman at my own company okay hey i believe fully yeah all right more for me? Yeah. Yeah. So I'm giving this a zero because it's nothing. One three. Okay. So we've got Danielle here. Instagram. Blank.

Satanic hell slut. No daddy doms or conservatives. Definitely no cops or military people. Thanks. Lol. Now, sorry. Hell slut or health slut? Hell.

Oh. So they have their Instagram. Then they say they're a satanic hell slut then the rest yeah i mean i yeah okay this is probably the the most sort of like personal info we've gotten from anyone this which doesn't say a whole lot but and the fact you know no conservatives and they're you know anti-militaristic. So yeah, I also, I'm going to give this a six. I still think like I,

I want more positive things out of dating profiles as opposed to saying like, no, this, I want like people to find a, a language that isn't like, by all means, I'm not saying, Oh,

you have to like, you know, people you're not into or things that are opposed to your moral beliefs no just like phrase phrase the things that you are looking for as opposed to the things you you aren't i guess but either way i'm gonna give it a six yeah i don't know i feel like it you get their vibe and you know they're looking for something sexual so it's at least clear it's not very exciting aside from that so yeah six and then lastly we have amy uh pregnant but still want to have fun looking for someone to have fun with no

strings attached okay hell yeah amy again like i i want a little bit more like it's great that this is this will get you the swipes i'm glad you're being clear as to what you want, but give me a piece of personality. And maybe that's just me getting older and stuff where it's just like, maybe me as a 20-year-old would be like, that's all I need to know. But I would hope that we're being a little more choosy with our sexual partners than just people who want to have sex. Yeah. You know what I mean?

I think it's good that you're getting the pregnant thing out you know front and center because i think that's important information for people to know uh i like that you are looking for fun with no strings attached and you're getting that out front and center cool but like why stop there you're still a person fucking yeah give them something to work with also it's like at this point all you're gonna get is like hey babe like oh you know like there's no one's gonna message you anything other than yeah you want to suck this dick you know what i mean because it's like they don't really have anything to comment on do they like hi i was being pregnant you know like give people shit to reply to all right that's me perfect so that's gonna be our show friends

thank you very much for spending your time with us. It means a lot to us. Time is very limited these days, and we're all very busy. And the fact that you chose to spend an hour of it with us means a lot. We love the hell out of you guys. Thank you for tuning in. Our listens have been going up all the time, which is wonderful. Twitter

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a few friends through the show. And if you'd like to become one of them, it's pretty easy. Just reach out and if you'd like to become one of them, it's pretty easy. Just reach out. If you would like to reach out and get a question on the show, please feel free. Head on over to fbuddiespodcast.com. Also, to access the Patreon that Niall mentioned,

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sex writing yeah oh no i just realized we were supposed to talk about your last bad sex writing? Yeah. Oh, no. I just realized we were supposed to talk about your last bad sex writing. Damn it. Well, next week. Next week. Next week we'll do it. Now, this is a new treasure trove I've found. So this is going to be the blurb on the back of a erotic novel. Meet Vernita Ernestine Washington, a feisty 76-year-old woman who doesn't care what you think about her ways,

especially for a woman her age. Yes, she might be a senior citizen, but she'd be the first to tell you age ain't nothing but a number. She's convinced the honeycomb between her legs doesn't taste a day older than 40. Don't let the gray hairs fool you now. A retired employee of the Illinois Department of Motor Vehicles, Mrs. Washington runs the mean, cold streets of Chi-Town, messing with all types of young thugs with multiple felonies. A widow for some time now, Vernita is determined to make up for her stale marriage. However, when a major health scare sets her back, she finds herself losing everything. Reality sets in that her time on Earth is about to come to a close.

Now faced with a death sentence, Vernita seeks to live out her remaining days being the biggest old super freak. She gets her mojo back and begins living her life again, but a major surprising twist will throw her life into more unpredictable chaos. Read more in Old Thought Next Door. Old Thought Next Door. Other than some of the racial stuff in this, I don't hate it. You know what I mean?

Like, if this old lady want to get fucking down, that's okay. I'm alright with that. I don't like honeycomb. I don't like the word honeycomb being used to describe genitals. Yeah, that's pretty grim.

That paints a very unflattering picture. I like that aside from the honeycomb and the super freak. It's mostly, you know, a reasonable enough, like there's nothing too crazy about it. And then it's just like, read more and old thought next door. Yeah, the fucking title is incredible. And let me tell you, it would make me pick that book up. If I was walking through a store and I saw Old Thought next door, yes please.

How do you think I found this? I will say this person, this author who is Quan Mills has incredible titles. Well, don't. I don't want you to burn them. If you mention them now, you're never gonna... Don't. Don't.

No. Save them. My name's Damian Miller. And I'm now Spain. And we've been your fuck buddies.