F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 177 - Tooth Pervert

Episode Date: February 21, 2022

At least if you date a tooth pervert, there's a good chance you'll have plenty of change for the bus.  Topics include the importance of context, your partner's secret apartment, dating an ex-friend's ex, processing the jealousy of your partner's new hobby, dating with weird music tastes, men don't owe you sex, insecurity about your not-so pearly whites, a fast-food folly.

I put my trust in you, and when I'm trusting, I love you. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and when I'm trusting, I love you. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dane Miller. And I'm Niall Spain. And we're your fuck buddies. We are a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations and turn them into sexy, sticky situations.

Simply put, we find questions either online or through our wonderful listeners on the topics of sex and dating. And we answer them for you right here in your ears. And then we take it back. Everything we give you, we just take it all back, leaving you dumber and empty and alone with even less advice than you started with more questions hey you ready dane yeah hell yeah let's do it because this is pressing so we need to start with a question from krypton252 is a girl resting her hands on a guy's thighs supposed to be a sexual advance there was this girl who placed her hand on my thighs and kept it there for good 20,

30 seconds. We were not having any conversation. How do I interpret this? Man, I would love to know, like, who is she? Where were you?

What were you doing? Do you know her? Was this the bus? Obviously these things are not important. Like I would say if, you know, you were hanging out and there was some flirty banter and whatever, uh, at some point. And then all of a sudden, you know you were hanging out and there was some flirty banter and whatever uh at some point and then all of a sudden you know the conversation wasn't including you guys and a

hand went over there yeah that could be that could be like a little a little hint a little advance if this was a woman sitting beside you on the bus i would say maybe this is assault that's that's fair i was gonna say i can't really think of many times this wouldn't be some kind of advance but yeah it definitely could be assault you're right context is key i'm gonna say that to everybody again when you send us something give us some give us some context this fool did not put any context but i would imagine if you guys were at a party say with friends and this person is sitting beside you and they put their hands on your thighs they're either completely oblivious to all social cues or they're trying to you know wink so yes you could probably assume it's some kind of sexual advance it makes me laugh like the

amount of times where like i find a question that's almost good like almost a good question but it's so fucking vague where i'm just like this is an impossible question to answer because you've given like i i don't know why people think that dating is like so black and white and like the interactions between people are so black and white of being like i looked at her and she smiled does that mean she likes me i do you know her is there any sort of background history or is she just being polite because you're staring at her like there's so many things like it's not black and white people stop trying to think in like these absolutes and ignore the fact that there are almost an

infinite number of reasons why something has just happened i just thought it was very funny i guess that's it you want to hit me or do you want me to do another one yeah give me another one okay this is by footballLate9072. Girlfriend is pregnant. I've never been in her apartment. So my girlfriend of four months has told me she is pregnant, but I've never been in her apartment. She seems to make excuses to keep me out of there. Says I can go in, but never makes it happen. We're always getting together at my place. We are both in our 30s.

Now I'm starting to pick up on things. She never takes flowers in that I get her. She leaves them in her car. What do I even start to approach this situation? She's not far along, obviously, in the pregnancy. I mean, I don't understand, like, is the question, like, do you think it's your kid? Like, I'm not sure what the question is here. Yeah, like it, again, it's a pretty spicy question, but it's also just so contextless. Have you talked to her? Have you said, again, it's a pretty spicy question, but it's also just so contextless. Have you talked to her? Have you said, hey, why have we never been to your place?

Because that's a very simple way to start, I would imagine. I just, I don't understand what her being pregnant has to do with anything. Yeah, I guess maybe it's like he's inferring that he's realizing now that like, oh, wait, not only can I not go to her apartment, but maybe this isn't my baby, which it's a he's inferring that he's realizing now that like oh wait not only can i not go to her apartment but maybe this isn't my baby which it's a wild leap the very simple way to get over that is to go hey i've never been to your apartment can let's hang out there next time and if she comes up with excuses you say okay we haven't done this in four months this seems very strange is there something you're not telling me or like like, you know, what's going on here? But also, this is like tangential, I guess.

But like, you guys need to talk about the pregnancy and whether you're going through with it. And if so, what this means, because four months is a very short amount of time. And this is a huge thing to have to deal with. I'm still trying to figure out what this person like what what he's what he wants what do you want sir i don't get it do you want us to be like oh yeah she probably has like a secret family that like and a husband that she doesn't want you to see and that's the baby like i just i don't i don't know what i'm doing here i've walked into a party and everyone's wearing like furry costumes and i don't know and i go get yours from the boot of

your car and get get furry dirty i guess for dirt but i don't i don't know in this case i don't know what being a furry means yeah it's it's like i assume there's a general miasma of like distrust and fear but like is this not simple to just be like hey why haven't i been to your apartment can i come and if they then start making excuses and being weird then yeah you probably know something's up and if you go and it's like oh she has an annoying roommate or like her place is kind of a dump then okay like is the problem solved or is the baby also the problem here i mean it sounds like he's already done that though because he's like oh she keeps saying i can come in and then it doesn't

happen so like i just i guess like there's a lot of things you need to talk about and i don't like i would say this apartment situation is at the bottom of the list as now mentioned you need to talk about this baby and what it means. And I don't know, there's, there's a lot here that like there seems there's, there's like a lot of questions on my end and none on theirs. You know what I mean? Like,

it's just kind of like, this is it. This is my situation. It's like, are you talking about lack of context? This is a great example. Yeah. It's very provocative,

but it's hard to answer. But the thing is, it feels to me like what they're saying is like, oh, I not, I've talked to her, I've raised this issue and it hasn't happened. But like, she's mentioned like, oh, we can go to my place one day. And then just like, it hasn't happened. So I hate, I hate it so much because we see it all the time where like people come to Reddit and they're like, damn, what can I do? And it's like, you haven't really talked it through yet. Because even if you have have if you still have these questions you haven't you need to talk to them get a firm answer and either nail down a date and go to their fucking

apartment or realize that things are really wrong here you know what i mean like this isn't a hard situation you talk to them you make it happen and if it can't happen obviously there's something awry and you get to the bottom of it you leave if it's bothering you you need to get that out of the way before presumably you can talk about this whole pregnancy thing but that's also a giant issue you need to talk about and avoiding it and being like oh well we kind of mentioned it one day that that's not it you need to have an actual fucking conversation one that leaves with you having answers i mean i would say that like if this is such a strain on your relationship that it's probably not really a relationship you should be

in in the sense of like i i understand having like you know especially at the beginning of a relationship like sudden kind of sussing things out but like if if you're having a breakdown of being like i haven't seen the inside of where she lives and if that's sort of like the all-consuming thing about this relationship for you i got bad news for you that's like that's not a good way to start because like it's either a severe distrust that you think something nefarious like she's got a meth lab in there or you know a family of four that she's keeping secret from you or it's just like like what other reason is there to hide i don't know like it just this shouldn't be the problem that you're asking about you know what i mean yeah i i just yeah i don't know but you know what no harm in getting it out of the way and then

dealing with your other shit you know what i mean because again it should be a simple fix it should be like hey i've never been to your place maybe she doesn't realize how weird it is that you've never been there maybe there's something she's ashamed of maybe you have a nicer place than her maybe she has roommates that are weird you know what i mean like there are reasons that you might not have been to hers and it could be that she just hasn't thought of you know how weird it might be for you like maybe she's like oh he doesn't mind it should be an easy fix though yeah you talk to her you nail down a date or she gives you weird vague shit at which point you say okay that's really strange hey you want a question that we can like actually answer because they've given us details we've've answered that technically. There's no question.

I don't think he asked a question. I hate when things that can be solved with a very simple conversation become this spiral. And it happens every week. We see it all the time. Sit down. Don't leave until you get an answer. And if people don't give you an answer,

then leave. I know that's contradictory, but I mean, if you can't get an answer to what you're you're asking or something that is causing you this much distress, then it's not a relationship that you want to be in. Communication is the most important thing. We say it all the time. Like at that point, it doesn't matter if she's cheating on you, if she has a secret family, if she's got a dismal apartment she doesn't want you to see, if she has shitty roommates. Because all of these things, it doesn't matter if she won't even give you an answer. Even if it's something like not so bad, it's like, oh, I'm ashamed of my apartment.

If she cares more about how ashamed she is of her apartment than you coming down from this spiral, that's not a fucking relationship. So get out. All right. You ready for context? Nope. This comes from user LOL Bashy. Should I or should I not go for an ex best friend's ex? I know.

I know. Bro code. Hear me out. Me and this guy have been friends since early high school, six years and lived together for some time after high school. He had a girlfriend and I had a girlfriend at the time. My ex and I broke up a while ago

and I found out that not too long ago, they broke up as well. Him and I stopped being friends because I found out he was screwing me out of utilities slash move-out fees. Every month he charged me an extra $30, so a portion of his was paid

and then he charged me $400 on move-out, which covered his portion of the fees. He got mad when I didn't help him move his stuff out and I just said, fuck off. He's currently moving across the country from what I understand and him and his ex, who I basically live with,

broke up. Her and I have been pretty close, not as close as we used to be. Same interest, always got along really well, want to live in the same area upon graduation and the same general career path. She did hint in the

past before they started dating that she was interested in me even throughout their relationship i felt like she'd eyed me a bit uh when i was with my ex and she'd sent me some suggestive tiktoks she recently slid up on one of my snapchat stories and we've been snapchatting back and forth but i haven't initiated conversation a whole lot because i'm not sure if i should go about this much less how i would i know it's a dangerous game but honestly the't initiated conversation a whole lot because I'm not sure if I should go about this much less how I would. I know it's a dangerous game, but honestly, the guy screwed me a bit.

I forgave him, but don't consider him a friend. He's leaving. She's around. We've already, we're already comfortable with each other and have a good time. It's like someone calling dibs at a bar. No one owns anybody else.

If you like this person, the danger would be pissing this person off, but you're not fucking friends with them anymore, so it doesn't really matter. So I say it's completely fine to go for it. Again, once you want to and are doing it for the right reasons, once you're not just doing it to, like, piss that person off,

or, and once you're ready for the fact that she might be doing it to piss that person off, but, like, realistically, it doesn't matter. You're not friends anymore they're not dating fuck it that's the thing if if you guys were still very close buddies i think it'd be i think it's a little below board you know what i mean like if you and your partner broke up and then for whatever reason we started chatting and i was like yeah i think i'm gonna date her i think that's a shitty thing to do to a friend yeah and that's what i would be saying in this question is like you're sacrificing a friendship to do this very possibly you know what i mean and that's not cool and at the very

least you'd have to talk to them but then you run the risk of like them saying no it's fine and it isn't you know what i mean and that's a whole fucking thing but right now it's like what are you sacrificing i guess the only thing to keep in mind is like is your friend a loose cannon like will this set him off and you might end up in danger which is a you question that you can consider but other than that meh because at the end of the day like unless someone has never dated anyone before which is a possibility there's always like another person out there that has an attachment to them you know what i mean and you don't go and ask permission from people's exes if you can date them if you're not friends with them or if you don't know them

right so it doesn't make any sense for you to now be like well i don't think it's appropriate that i date this person because i know the person that she used to date. It's like, it doesn't matter. Like, this isn't fucking feudal times where you have to ask permission in order to date someone. It's her choice. If you guys want to date and she wants to date you, you don't need permission from someone else. Even if there is like the quote unquote bro code that you want to talk about. Like, at the end of the day, if someone wants to date you, they can date you. And if you want to date about like at the end of the day if someone wants to date you they can date you and if you want to date them you can date them there is the societal stuff of being

like you know you don't want to step on your friend's toes which i totally understand and i respect that but there isn't this sort of you know unwritten rule of like oh her agency doesn't matter until i know that this dude's okay with it yeah Yeah. 100%. It's like, you're not friends. Once you're doing it for the right reasons, once she's doing it for the right reasons, go for it. 100%. Like, whatever. Easy. So good luck. Have a good time. Date the hell out of her. Alright, you ready?

Mm-hmm. This, the name has been removed from this for some reason. My 32-year-old male girlfriend, 30-year-old female, is obsessed with bouldering, and it's ruining our relationship. About a year ago. Hmm? Hmm?

Hmm? What? Hmm? No, I can just relate. That's all. Okay. For those who don't know what bouldering is, it's like climbing without a rope indoors. Or not necessarily indoors, but with a mat that you fall on.

The podcast where Niall talks about bouldering for... About a year ago, my girlfriend got very into indoor bouldering. She came across posts on Instagram about a new gym that opened near us and decided to check it out. I've gone with her before, but really didn't enjoy it. The guys are really obnoxious and congregate around female climbers and the girls were close to nothing, which makes me uncomfortable. I happened to fall a few times too, and that made me feel unsafe.

We've been dating for about two years before this started. Within a month, she'd start going without me, bought shoes, signed up for a membership, and made a bunch of new friends at her climbing gym, who she DMs daily. They're in a group chat. Her climbing outfits have become progressively sexier. Cut out tops, TikTok leggings, crop tops. She also wears makeup to the gym. Recently, I've noticed her climbing friends are almost exclusively men. They spot her, talk to her incessantly over text about climbing, techniques, holidays to take. They'll pour liquid chalk on their hands and smear each other's palms with it while they're wet. They spend hours talking, planning, and reminiscing about climbing.

I'm starting to feel like I come second. She'll start going with them three to four times a week and we'll spend two to three hours at the gym hanging out and climbing last night she mentioned she and the climbing group had spent the evening watching a climbing documentary over beers after their session she didn't think to invite me as i don't like climbing or text me during the film is this normal behavior from her should i cut my losses and run i kept waiting for like like the shoe to drop you know what i mean like i kept waiting for that like oh here here it is but like every time it was like oh they keep talking about climbing and they hung out after after their thing to watch a climbing documentary oh i wasn't invited because she knows i don't like climbing like every you know every time like it just made sense as

like i get like you know i would be a little why are you dressing up and putting on makeup for the gym? But like at the same time, if whatever, if that's what, like, if you want to do that, that's fine. Go for it.

The thing about like the sexy clothes that they're talking about, it's just general gym attire. Like women literally wear tights and leggings and fucking, you know, crop tops to every gym i've ever been to practically 100 so it's like sports bras are aren't like full body fucking parkas exactly so i think step one of advice is get the fuck over that you know it's like wearing makeup it's like cool like women or people in general fucking wear makeup going outside the house because they don't want to

look bad it's not necessarily like you know what i mean they're not like oh i need to look sexy it's like i don't want to look not like i don't look ugly or whatever you know it's like it's just a confident like if she likes it that's what i mean you're not necessarily going oh i want to impress chad like climbing chad it's like i don't want to go out and feel bad about my appearance or i want to go out and feel powerful it's like most people who wear makeup, we're kind of all the time, at least at a certain point when they leave the house. Yeah,

I would say, I mean, like definitely leave this person for their sake because, oh yeah. And you know what? Like I, I kind of understand the thing where it's just like, if all they do is,

is talk about climbing and like, if you are trying to hang out with them and they're constantly on their phone texting their climbing friends like i understand that if that's if that's the issue then you might need to be like hey you know when we're hanging out watching tv or when we're at dinner or whatever like do you mind maybe like focusing on on on being present with me i get that if that's the issue that's fine but and the thing is if that's all they'd said i would have been like yeah okay that's fine. But, and the thing is, if that's all they'd said, I would have been like, yeah, okay, that's fine.

Like, I think ignoring your partner or not being present when you're hanging out is an issue no matter what the reason, you know what I mean? But that, that's not what he said. And it's very much colored by the fact that like, he can't realize what she's wearing is just general climbing or not climbing gear, but like workout gear. You know, he can't realize that like texting about climbing or going for beers after climbing to watch a

climbing video. Like these are all very normal fucking things. And it's just he's consumed by jealousy. Great. I understand maybe you're a little insecure about the fact that like most of her climbing friends are dudes. That's fine. You're allowed to be jealous. I get it. Whatever. Deal with it. You need to process that

you either trust your partner or you don't if you don't trust them then don't be with them if you do trust them then understand that like she is capable of having adult friendships with adult people of any gender so whatever but like all these things like every time he mentioned it like i said at the beginning where it's like every time he gave a reason as to why, like she was doing something like, Oh, she's always texting them. And if like,

if you left it there and you didn't know what they were texting about, where it was just like, you know, or they were sending flirty texts to each other, or she was posing in the mirror with her Tik TOK leggings and sending them like pictures, like mirrors, like sexy mirror selfies.

I get it. But to then go and be like, Oh, they're talking about like how to climb and like where to go climbing and making plans to go climbing it's like yeah dude that's what friends do friends talk about the things they're interested in and it seems like this is a hyper specific hyper focused group of friends who kind of only talk about things relevant to the interests that they share also even specifies that one time it is a group chat. So it's not like her and giga chat or like in the corner, you know,

talking about the pink one in the corner there as an en masse. It's like, you know, like she wouldn't be flirting with people in a group chat or would she, or would she fuck? She did wear leggings to the gym from TikTok. No doubt. Well, have you seen these TikTok leggings?

Oh, of course I have. What do you think I wear climbing? I've always got a pair underneath, just in case. Just in case. I got to rock that booty. So I think real advice is like, look, being a supportive part. Okay, well, firstly, look, the thing you can do to get to end your relationship is continue to do this. You know what I mean?

That's the thing that will drive her towards these people more than anything. So calm your shit. Let your partner enjoy this wonderful new hobby that they have that they're clearly passionate about. Because if you don't, you're going to have a garbage relationship. If there's an issue such as Dane mentioned where, you know, they're not paying attention to you or they're not present and like, be realistic about this. Again, think of how jealous you are and how much this might be coloring your view. But it's like, if it is a problem, just be like, Hey, you know, I really want to hang out with you. And like, you seem kind of glued to your phone. Do you mind if

we, you know, don't do that? And like, presumably there'll be okay with that. But like, if you start being jealous and making side remarks and not being cool with what they're doing, they're going to get sick of you pretty quickly. And that goes for any hobby. You need to, by all means, feel your jealousy and maybe even let them know that you're feeling jealous and why, but like, don't be shitty about it. You know, we always say you can feel it. You kind of have to, like, we all feel it at some point.

It's how you act on it that's important. And right now you're acting on a kind of shit. Yeah, it's a basic jealousy thing you need to process it you need to think and be like hey why am i so upset by this okay i'm threatened by these other dudes is there any reason to be threatened yes no if it's no then problem solved you don't need to be jealous if you think if the answer is yes if you do think there's a reason to be threatened ask yourself what what is that reason and if it is just she's spending time with men, that's not a valid reason. If for whatever reason, you know what I mean?

She's out until 2 a.m. with one dude after doing a climbing session and is really skittish about answering where she was all that time. It's like, OK, sure. But that's not what's happening. It literally just seems like a group of friends doing something very specific and tailored to a new hobby and it kind of sounds like you're jealous because it's not a hobby that you get to also participate in our partners are allowed to have individual lives they're allowed to have a private sphere and this is hers let her have it go find something else that you can do while she's at the gym get your boys together for a dnd session or pick up boxing pick up something else you know i mean like just because you don't like like climbing doesn't mean

you have to like sit at home and look you know sadly out the window as she yeah gets on the bus to go to her climbing gym go find something else that you like to do if your only recourse is to like stew that's like you problem you know if you've nothing to do because she's not home that's probably an indication that you're like a little codependent find something else to occupy yourself and you will feel better about everything if you have a fun hobby or if you have something that makes you happy you know what i mean so try to dial back the jealousy try to support your partner and try to fulfill your own life and if you both find these cool things and have these time away from yourself and support each other,

the time when you get back together is going to be so fucking wonderful. Yeah. I will say, there's a thing called Climbing Circle Jerk on Reddit, which basically takes the piss out of anything climbing related.

So they found this post from the relationship Reddit and the first comment is, poor little Gumby's going to lose his granola girl when she finds a new crag daddy. And it's wonderful. Uh,

this comes from Betty Kong dating with weird music tastes. One of the first questions girls ever asked me is what type of music I listened to. And then I either have to lie or admit that I listened to fucking progressive jazz fusion death metal. Usually this results in a, Oh, interesting.

And then they stop messaging almost immediately. Hey, is it that bad of a turnoff? Seems like the only way to get around is say, don't ask. What do you listen to though? Obviously I should probably avoid anyone who hates metal that much, but I'm kind of just dating to fool around and get some experience. On a different note, if anyone is interested in my weird playlist, I got you. And then they edit it. For those saying I should phrase it differently or that my music isn't death metal, it honestly doesn't matter what I tell a girl. Whether I say I listen to jazz, jazz fusion, degent, metal, hard rock, blues, funk,

they all kind of have the same response if I don't say a pop artist. How often do you get asked what music you like off the bat? Me? Like, literally never. Yeah, I don't think it's ever happened. But like, two two when it has happened i say metal and no one cares you know what i mean so it's like i don't sorry dude i don't believe that you say metal and they're like oh boy you know what i mean and if they are one great like that's good for you if someone's that weird and shallow about something you're clearly

passionate about you're right you don't want to fucking deal with them but two it's like my worry is that you get weird about it because like the fact you're so specific about your genre kind of worries me that you're like i listen to real music or like you know because i think the specificity will be weird to people i would love to know what his profile is like is your profile hyper-tailored to music? Music is my life. I can't do anything without listening to my music. All I do is spend time making playlists that are incredible. Is that the vibe you're giving?

Because I get why that would be the opening question. You know what I mean? Dating 101, online dating 101 is like, like oh ask a question about their profile and if your profile is heavily specific like specific to you know what kind of music you're into and you're very vague about it but seem to be very into music of course people are going to ask you about it so maybe like re-look at your your profile and and tailor it like if this is something that's important to you that's fine you can bring it up at another time when people have gotten

to know you a little bit more. Like that's a great first date thing to talk about music. Cool. But if you're not having success with it online for whatever reason, tailor your profile so that people's automatic question

isn't what music do you like? Because let me tell you i can't remember the last time that someone asked me that and the last time someone probably did ask me that are the same sort of like one answer betty's that don't really put a whole lot of interest or like effort into online dating where it's just like not much you what do you what music are you into you know what i mean it's like there it's such a boring question that you can imagine that like this probably isn't someone that's going to stimulate you in the first place unless like i said you've breadcrumbed something to make people think that that's the opener they should go with yeah and the thing is if you're like my life is music

and then you're like oh crazy jazz metal blah like if they can put two and two together and it's like you say that's all you are and what you are is a thing that sounds confusing and off-putting maybe they're just like yeah it's not for me and like hey maybe that is your entire personality then maybe you should be doing this and giving them that because it'll work out better for you in the long run that they get that ahead of time but if it isn't maybe you're coming off too strong and they think that it is by the way it sounds like a great fucking genre sign me up if there is that playlist dane send it over um see if i can find it again messaging i don't know i feel like being honest to people is good so if you are super into something like this i would love to talk to a girl and have her say something weird like this you know i mean i would much rather

prefer that than like oh i like the weekend yeah like cool wow you okay i like you know the top 20 chart whatever that is i like taylor swift it's like okay i i can't really do much with that it's not exciting someone's like oh i'm into jazz alone i'll be like okay cool like i'd love to listen to some fucking jazz if they're like i'm jazz metal i'd be like hell yeah sign me up so i think you telling this is a pro i just worry that you're either doing what dane said where you're like hyping up your musical passion so much that they're turned off by the fact that this is everything that you are or you're saying it in a weird way that seems like elitist or off-putting one of the things i was gonna say that they mentioned in

their edit is like maybe don't say death metal like say metal but like i don't know there's a there's a part of me that that wants to say like the word death shouldn't be uttered in your first couple messages to someone on online dating like people don't necessarily understand the minute of like different genres if they're not really into them like technically a lot of the music i listen to is melodic death metal do i tell people like that no because they don't know what that fucking means it just sounds a little douchey and maybe super off-putting just a metal if i show them x y and z then they get it and like do you like i would also if if this was me and i found this, I would preface

it with being like, oh, I'm into some crazy shit, like some wild shit and like make a joke of it first. Or like, you know, he warm up the oven of their expectations a little bit of being like, I'm into some crazy shit. I don't think you're ready for it. I was like, I know you want to ask me this question, but I really don't think, I really don't think you're ready for my answer. And like, play it up a little

bit. Like, otherwise you like, like now said, like if you just come out with like a, you know, a seven string word of, of a genre,

it kind of sounds a little douchey. Like if someone gave me that Taylor, I, I think I would be a little bit off put by it. So if someone like pre-warned me and was like, Oh, I'm into some weird shit i'd be like okay now i'm interested and now i'm expecting something fucking wild as opposed to being like

ask me about my favorite music and then someone's like hey what's your favorite music and you're like progressive alt rock dad metal yacht rock billy joel tribute band it's like oh okay if you're a little coy about it like a little self-depreciating in in a like non-guilty or like downplaying way if that makes any sense if you're just like oh you've probably never heard of them no one ever has they could be like well no i'm into music maybe i know and like you can make a joke about be like okay how about this if you can if you know the band if you know my favorite band like i'll buy you a drink yeah and like you know make make it make it fun you know

and then just be like oh it's this and if you're a musician or if there's a particular reason you like this just be like oh i really just like i really like you know fast-paced music when i'm at the gym or you know as a musician just like the sheer kind of complexity, like you can give more that makes it more exciting than just like, I'm throwing a lot of words at you and fucking deal with it. So that could be something I think you're, you're going to be okay. Just if, if your whole thing is I am music and then your response is just word vomit, that's not very exciting. And like, you shouldn't be that one dimensional anyway. So maybe put some other stuff in your, in your dating profile and, you know, play around

with how you deliver it. Yes. All right. You ready? This is by MSKAT. He used to be all over me. Now he doesn't even notice a G string. So my boyfriend losing interest in sex.

He used to adore my body. It's nothing great, my body, but he sex. He used to adore my body. It's nothing great, my body, but he'd spend every evening caressing my curves and telling me how much he loves my body. When the weekend came and went with no sex or anything vaguely resembling sexual intimacy, I asked him to tell me what about me he meant he was no longer interested. I got told him being too tired to be interested wasn't a reflection on my attractiveness. Tonight we get ready for bed. I'm in new new underwear a sheer black bra and matching g-string i never wear g-strings he's always made sure i knew he'd love it if i did anyway i'm stood and said g-string slowly folding

clothes so he has time to look if he wanted he doesn't seem to bat an eyelid doesn't touch me gets into bed rolls over goes to sleep i fucking give up this is so i always try to see both sides of the story and i get you know putting in that kind of effort and really trying to like you know spice things up tease really trying to be super sexy and getting nothing in return not even like damn okay but like the dude literally just told you that he's exhausted. And the, I, what was it like the, what about me? Aren't you attracted to anymore? Because you didn't have set.

Like, I don't know how long you've gone without sex. I don't know if it's literally just like you haven't had sex this weekend. And now you're accusing him of not finding you attractive anymore in such a like accusatory way. Like to be, imagine like not having sex with your partner for whatever any number of reasons for two days over the weekend and then be like so why don't you love me anymore

that's a crazy fucking thing to do and really unfair because if the dude is exhausted and like him being you know straight up being like hey me being exhausted has nothing to do with how attractive i find you that should have put it to bed you shouldn't then try to like honey pot them i guess or whatever you're trying to do here it's so unfair also you have no idea like maybe he's depressed you know what i mean maybe he's got a health thing that he's kind of worried about maybe he's got and then grow hair he's he's embarrassed about you have no idea what he's dealing with. So if you want to discuss this with your partner, discuss it with him. If you've noticed that there's a decline in sex, say, hey, I've noticed we haven't been intimate as much as we used to be. And I just want to check in and see if there's anything bothering you, if there's something that we can talk about.

Because, you know, your sexual desires and needs are just as valid as his so if you're not being satisfied have the conversation because maybe he just doesn't know maybe he is really exhausted have that conversation first before you start like setting tests up for him well that's the thing because this was a test he failed that he didn't even know existed because the thing is like you and the g-string sure hot i guess but like you and underwear is also hot so it's like the difference between you and underwear and you and the g-string not crazy it's not like you blew like you just fucking like reinvented the wheel you you did something maybe slightly sexier than usual and it's like he's obviously not feeling it but like you're folding clothes not exactly very sexy i i argue i disagree

with that doing doing like wearing something sexy while doing something mundane gets me going sure but like you could have approached him you could have seduced him you could have you, it almost feels like you're waiting for him to make advances and he's not. So you're upset. It's like, where are your advances? You know what I mean? Weekend came and went. Nothing vaguely sexual happens. Like, did you try for something?

Because sometimes it's always the man that has to initiate. So it almost sounds like this way you're happening. Like you're passively waiting for something to happen and getting upset when he doesn't read your mind. So it's like one, maybe take a little bit more initiative to take him at his word. He told you he's too tired. And the thing you did was right before he went to bed when he's presumably at his most tired. It sounds like he was very open with you. And it sounds like you kind of ignored that and just were like, well, here's the G straightStraight test. But as Dane said, talk to him.

Don't be accusatory. Don't be aggressive. Don't throw tests at him. Just be like open and honest and compassionate because clearly he's going through something. And maybe try to see if you guys can meet in the middle. Like if he's tired because of work or some shit, like maybe wait till the weekend. Or if he's tired at night, maybe try to do the morning or like you know there are a million things but like putting this pressure on is never going to help the problem it's always going to make it worse you know and it's like as dane said there could be like a testosterone issue there could be depression or you know anything so

attacking them and like leaving tests and just giving up without him even knowing that's where you're at these aren't great things and let me tell you the the best way to make someone who doesn't want to have sex not want to have sex is to like constantly kind of feel like you're you're being badgered to do it you know like if i'm not in the mood and you know, a partner or someone is like crawling all over me, it's so annoying. It's just like, like read the room, get the vibe.

Like if you're not into it, like if they're not responding, maybe cool it. But like to have someone just like pawing at you, it's, it's not great. Cause then you feel like you're like hyper aware of being like, Oh cool.

Like I'm letting them down now as opposed to being like, Oh, they're not respecting my boundaries to being like oh they're not respecting my boundaries of being like i they're not into it then you leave it you don't force it you don't try to like trap them or you know straddle them hoping that it changes their mind it's if someone says they're too tired or not into it well sorry it's not gonna happen unless they you know change their mind yeah and also the feeling of being on eggshells and that like everything's a test and like it's going to turn into being like a personal affront to you. That also just is going to fucking destroy everything.

If you mentioned the G-string thing, now he's going to be like, shit, like what else is a test? Like if you turn around and like yawn and like your breasts push at the T-shirt, like, are you going to be upset that I don't pounce on you because you know, you didn't wear a bra and I can see your nipples or like if you bend over to pick something up, like, you know, like no one wants to feel like they're being examined or tested or like thrown into these situations or like watch your every word just in case.

Like that's not the way to live. It's not the way to do it. So like talk to them, understand like people are allowed not be up for sex anytime they want for various reasons talking to them being understanding and trying to work through it is going to get you there far faster than tests and anger and like being accusatory and all that this is a facet of toxic masculinity that a lot of people don't talk about specifically because it tends to be almost exclusively facilitated by women is the like idea that men are always horny that we always want sex and that we

should always be ready to have sex and if we don't that we're less of a man or we are not fulfilling our duties as a man and it's like no we're allowed to not want to have sex and we don't need a qualifier we don't need to like oh i i worked a long week because I'm a man and therefore I'm too tired to have sex because I did, I did man work and that's allowed. It's like, sometimes we just don't want to the same way that anybody else sometimes just doesn't want to have sex.

A hundred percent. And it's, it's something that a lot of people, like I said, like we don't talk about it often, mostly because it is women who do it. And this is a facet of toxic masculinity that needs to be addressed. And the way you do it is by addressing your partner the same way that you would want to be addressed. Like if you didn't want to have sex, would you want him to be like, you know, doing bicep curls as you're about to go to bed and then be like so uh so you don't love me anymore

huh okay and i was doing i was doing very good bicep curls and you didn't suck my dick so obviously you don't love me like if that was if i made that post in a subreddit people would be like you're a dirtbag but yep and i don't want to make this a when a woman does it kind of thing but it's like there is a clear divide on how men are are responsible for sex and it is it is our duty to provide it when it's needed or wanted as opposed to like the same sort of discussion that we have of like consent being important we kind of skip over that when it comes to dudes and that really sucks because that muddies the water for men going forward as to how to act in sexual situations because it's like if we're expected to always

want to have sex then it's like you know on the flip side it's like well if i'm if i'm the sex provider then i should also be provided sex when i want it yeah well it's like, well, if I'm the sex provider, then I should also be provided sex when I want it. Yeah, well, it's like I've never seen questions where a guy's like, oh, my girlfriend didn't want to have sex once and I'm so offended. But I've seen a bunch of questions where it's like, oh, last night my husband said he didn't want to have sex. What the fuck? And it's like, wait, this is the first time it's happened. Like what? It happened once and you're freaking out like why is that not allowed and again it's one of those things because if as a guy

you say like oh i didn't want to have sex like you're oh you pussy like whatever and like that comes from both sides of the table like men and women both criticize you in that sense and it's like one of these things we need to get over and totally jettison into the sun. Men and women equal right to not want to have sex, you know? Yep. So please, guys, go out and be better. We're asking. This is our plead to ladies who sleep with men or anyone who sleeps with men. If they don't want to have sex, don't make it about you.

Listen to them. Accept it. If they give you a reason that's fine but sometimes they don't need a reason sometimes we're just not in the mood and we're allowed to be don't don't weaponize that against us it sucks we don't want it it makes us feel terrible it makes us confused just treat it as any other person not wanting to have sex um i've got a very quick one this comes from woodpecker okay160. My date for Saturday is not going to like me. What do I do?

I have a date this upcoming Saturday with a guy I really like. We've been talking for a while, for over a week, and really hit it off. Met on a dating app. We have a date Saturday. We were flirting over text, and he said he couldn't wait for me to show off my pearly smile. But my teeth are not bright, bright white. They're an off-white not black or unhealthy but not perfect i'm already preparing myself to be ghosted on sunday what should i do now oh man you took this way too literally i think uh-huh although let's say it is a weirdly specific thing to say i don't think i would ever say it

it's really strange. So maybe, maybe he does have a tough, a tough fetish, a tooth fetish, but you're probably good. No one really has teeth that white. Really? And it's weird when they do like,

as if you've never seen fucking that Chris guy, guy like Chris guy has those like artificially white teeth. And like, there's terrifying. I don't want to be fair. Everything about him is terrifying yeah he's a nightmare human being made in a terrifying lab badly but like yeah you're good like the only way this is going to go south is if you have really weirdly edited photos on your dating app which

maybe will give him the wrong impression or if he's some weird kind of like tooth pervert. If he's a big tooth pervert, then okay, it wasn't going to work out anyway, right? And if you've misled him with images on your social media or your dating app, then maybe don't do that in the future. But if it's anything but those two scenarios, you're good and you're overthinking this and you're panicking. I would love to know if there was a like like issue, a dental hygienist or, you know, I mean, like, was there something that led up to the pearly white? Like, I feel like that's not something that a person says or maybe just have a great smile. And he was just, you know, trying to throw a couple adjectives in there you know what i mean yeah the flowery i think he's awkward or

nervous and like just kind of said that and like it's kind of a weird thing to say i think it's endearing i think he's just trying to like not be like yo what's your sexy butt you know like he's trying to give you a different compliment and like he likes your smile i think that's it i don't think he's saying if your teeth aren't this white you're're done. Yeah. You know, again, if he is, that's super fucking weird and shallow. And that's, you know, you're not missing out. Yeah. Anyone that into teeth is a like one way ticket ticket to like, oh, I'm into the tooth fairy fetish.

What's that? Oh, it's where I rip your teeth out while you sleep. And I crunch on them with my own teeth and you can hear it all night. Then I fill your mouth with quarters. Okay. Now I'm back in. You got me. You ready to do some Tinders?

Can I hit you with a short one? Fuck it, yeah, why not? Because I feel like it's just wonderful. This is from Seduction. This is Skoolie D fan. So a girl at my local Wendy's played me when i asked for her number then after not paying her no mind for a few weeks she gave me her number in the receipt what i'm so confused i don't even like her no more what should i do damn wendy's always be playing

those saucy redheads i'd love to know does he work at the wendy's does she work at the wendy's do they both just frequent the same Wendy's regularly? I mean, this man's got an addiction, and it is to Frosties. He loves himself some liquidy soft serve. So what should he do? I mean, you said it. You don't like her anymore. You're not interested.

Don't call her. Just text her saying, nope. Yeah. That's it. now now hear me out if if the reason you don't like her is because she didn't give you the number the first time then maybe the fact that you were cool in the interim means she's like oh this guy's actually chill he didn't freak out he's not being weird and gave you a number now so if that's the only reason maybe she just realized you're a cool dude in the meanwhile maybe you were a cool dude in the meanwhile and if you if that's the only reason you didn't like her maybe just give her another chance like she didn't play you she just didn't know you yeah maybe i don't know this is a dude from seduction so i'm gonna say leave her alone

yeah just if you don't like her it's like why are you asking us you answered the question yeah hey man i can't stand this person. Should I date him? Should I? I don't know. And I'm not sure. Should I? Let's do some Tinders.

All right. At the end of the episode, we like to peruse online dating platforms such as Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge, and look through online dating profiles, comb them for red flags, see what works, see what doesn't work in an effort to make your online dating experience

a little more enjoyable. This is Bianca. Pizza addict, gym rat, coffee snob, houseplant enthusiast, podcast lover, quick thinker, slow runner, mover, shaker, cocktails and carbs forever. I like her. One, they like podcasts.

That's us. They like us. Two, was a slow quick thinker, slow runner. Very funny. Mover shaker. Hilarious. Some interests, even though they're a little generic. At least I get them.

Yeah, I give it like a nine. I curated today based on what I said last week, and you'll see what I mean. Okay. I'm giving a nine. What are you giving? Yeah, I'm going to give it an eight. Are you'll see what I mean. Okay. I'm giving a nine. What are you giving? Yeah, I'm going to give it an eight. Are you ready for this? Mm-hmm.

Chris, 37. My height starts with a six, and my credit score starts with an eight. Your age needs to start with a two, and your weight a one. Swipe in the direction you vote. Pure blood, looking for the same. Vax demons need not apply.

Oh, boy. As a general rule, single moms are a no, but if there's a reason for it other than I let losers come inside me, I might make an exception. Oh boy. Is the honk a convoy thing? I can only assume. Christ. Jesus. This is... is like it was bad and then just got so so much worse swipe in the direction you vote i mean that's i'm not gonna lie pretty clever yeah but but terrible but garbo yeah my height start with a six my score start credit score is an eight your aging start with a two and your weight a one wow dude get the fuck out he's 37 by the way so oh yeah yeah you know

the latest date is 29 and 199 pounds yeah i was gonna say if she's 5'2 and 199 like i hope he gets the shit kicked out of him by a 5-foot, 199-pound person. I hope so, too. That'd be fucking incredible. Just fucking bench press him. This has got to be one of the worst ones we've ever seen. I would love to know how many people are sweating. I would love to see how many matches he gets and who they are. I would just love to see what single mom would read that and be like,

Oh, I got to explain why I'm why i'm a single mom and there might be an exception oh i hope he doesn't think i let losers come inside me what yeah dude fuck you so hard and by that i feel like no one should fuck him the only way he would accept a single mom is like if the if the father died in the line of service of, you know, protracting, you know, the, the, whatever. Uh, it's a minus 20.

Yeah. Yeah. It's Garbo. It's, uh, yeah, I can't even fathom a number low enough for this man. I have no idea how to say this name,

so I'm just going to wing it. It'll Dico, uh, marketer, photographer, and yoga teacher who is officially addicted to traveling and always looking for new experiences we'll try anything once love kickboxing hiking and being outdoors weak spot for wine chocolate and a cute smile i love it again it's not breaking the mold it's

not spectacular but like you get like specificity you know i mean you have like oh these are the things i like these are things i do it. It's like what the bare minimum should be in a dating profile. You have like an eight. Yeah. So last week I was like, I want people to be positive. I want to hear what you're into and I want to hear what you like more than what you don't want and what you don't like. And this is what

I mean. Like you can tell the difference and like the approachability between like if they were like you know marketer photographer yoga teacher who's officially addicted to traveling and always looking for new experiences and then was like don't like kickboxing hate hiking and don't want to be outside yeah it's like oh it's it's just a yeah yeah or even if it was like you know hate being inside it's so it's such a different vibe than saying you love being outdoors

and i don't like i don't understand why people choose the the the minor key instead of the major key when it comes to dating profiles like use the happy notes when you're come to the right side yeah what are you giving it i'm giving it an eight it's it's exactly what a dating profile should be the only thing i would say that would that i stopped the past two that i've used as perfect scores would be a little bit of like what they're looking for if they had some sort of like description as to like what their intentions are i would i would have given it a perfect score but the thing is you can always get to that pretty quickly yeah for sure um this is nam. It's a bumble profile. We'll get along.

If looking for a game, a GOT type, obviously the last season doesn't count. And breaking bad better be your all time favorites or just move it along. Thumbs up emoji, fake gamer. What? I don't really know.

It was, I mean, there are things in there that, you know, breaking bed is an excellent show. I think it is one of the best written shows after that. I don't, I like, I can't even process what my brain heard other than breaking bad and

thinking they're looking for a game at GOT type. Whatever the fuck that means. I assume it's game of Thrones, but what is a game at game of Thrones type? I guess they just didn't backspace far enough before. I don't know. I don't know. I just think I'm going to give this a one.

If it's illegible. Yeah, it's going. This one kind of kind of strays from from the vibe I was going for today. Soft Scorpio dog and plant mama just out here trying to find my space cowboy double vaxxed and then a bunch of emojis that i'm not quite sure what it's about soft scorpio what dog and plant mama although when i first read it so the reason i i screenshotted it was i thought they were saying soft scorpio dog and plant mama just out trying to push my space cable but upon reading it again i realized

that they were saying they're a soft scorpio dog and plant mama as opposed to a soft scorpio dog i like that you've dogs and plants i don't like that you threw your horoscope in there um it's all pretty meh like it's fine it's Yeah, again, I thought they were calling themselves a soft Scorpio dog, which is why I say. Yeah, I'm going to give it a five. It's you know, I'll give it a six because it's better than that one guy. All right. Ready for Alaska? Yeah.

Very well established. Goal driven. Catholic upbringing. Always up and about adventuring. Good hygiene is a big deal. I love to eat taco emoji, avocado emoji, strawberry emoji, mango emoji, steak emoji. Two dog emoji. One horse emoji.

I like to fuck with the W-O-O star star. If your dick doesn't touch your belly button, I don't want it. French, Italian, Serbian, 5'9". Not crazy to have kids. I do want marriage and monogamy. Want to meet someone also established. Buy a cottage one day on the lake. Does established mean mob?

I don't know. Like, what the fuck does established mean? Established means sounds like they're saying, like, made man. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. I'm connected. Wink. Yeah. I assumed it was like, you know, if you're established

you're like, you've found your feet. You have like, home, job, car. Well, probably, yeah. I mean, none of this is good. I do like the thing of being like, you know, looking for monogamy. Like, cool. Those are great things to put in. But everything else,

the whole, like, dick-sized thing, the whole, like, it's just it's all sort of, like, icky. It's not enough to really be offended by, but it's enough to be like, eh. If there was a guy being like, if your tits are below

a D, I don't want it, we'd be like, yeah, you're a scumbag. So, yeah, you're a scumbag. So, yeah, you're a scumbag. It's a one. Yeah, I'm also going to give this a one. That should do us, though. Yeah? Unless you have one more?

Hey, I got fucking six more, bro. Okay, well, give me one more and then we'll wrap it up. 17 more, bro. Ah, fuck it, let's just do it. This is Nadia. Seeking new platonic friends and eventually a long-term relationship with a worthy gentleman. I will never be impressed by your money, car, luck, social status, or job title. I'm impressed by the way you treat me and other people.

Introverted. Alpha. Free thinker. Lifestyle mistress. BPD. Eccentric. Old soul. Kind.

Sensitive. Empathetic. Self-aware. Resilient. Adventurous. Adaptable. Loyal. Spontaneous. Perceptive. Honest. Open-minded. Whoa. empathetic self-aware resilient adventurous adaptable loyal spontaneous perceptive honest

open-minded whoa i mean a lot of those are pretty cool traits to have but i don't know if i need all of them on your dating profile there's something weird about just clinically throwing down like introverted empathetic advent you know it's like you know show don't tell maybe yeah i need like as great as adjectives are i would rather you kind of like hit like if you're adventurous be like tell me your favorite trip be like oh you know i want to go back to bali cool i okay that's your adventurous not very adventurous but i've never been to bali yeah i know but you're also not very adventurous i had to drag you kicking and screaming out of this country uh i don't know yeah i think what you said like show don't tell like give me give me examples of that and i don't mean like you know do the like grade

school thing of like writing your name down and choosing a an adjective for every one of your your letters like i don't need that i don't need you to be like i'm adventurous i went to bally i you know i mean like it's like fuck it you don't need to do that but give me give me something other than just listing because like anyone can do that i can just list off traits and that's the thing it's like i one there's nothing to comment on you know i mean I mean? Me being like, oh, you're adventurous. That's cool. Versus like, oh shit, I was in Bali, you know, four years ago.

Like you're not giving people stuff to work with. But secondly, it's kind of like why we criticize people like I'm funny or like I'm very attractive. It's like, no, these are things I really get to decide about you. Right? Yeah. It's like if you have a good picture, yeah, you seem attractive. If you make a joke, yeah, you're funny. You know what I mean? Just saying I'm funny. It's like, right? If you have a good picture, yeah, you seem attractive. If you make a joke, yeah, you're funny. Just saying,

I'm funny. It's like, what? Fuck off. So, I don't know. I'm going to give it a five. Because it's not great, but it's not garble. That's it, friends. That is our show. You did it. You made it. We made it. We did it together.

And you know what? You were so great. We're going to let you keep the advice today. You did it. You made it. We made it. We did it together. And you know what? You were so great. We're going to let you keep the advice today. Today, it's yours. Wait, you didn't run that by me, dude. You know, I sometimes just got to make a decision. No, it's fine. Hey, guys, don't don't tell him.

I'm going to take his advice today. Man, I don't know what it is, but like, I can't really. I don't know if I have it for next week. I feel like I just can't think of any advice right now got him again thank you we love you for hanging out with us it means a lot to us uh spending an hour of your time uh every week to to hang out with us is incredible and we love you so very very much if you have a question please head on over to f buddies podcast.com click the contact form fill fill it out. We'll answer it as soon as we can.

We keep everything anonymous. You can either choose your agent name or we will give you one and no one will ever know your secrets. We will take them to our grave. If you want to join our Patreon and help support the show, same website, fbuddiespodcast.com. Click the Patreon link and sign up.

If you activate the seventh the $7 tier. You get a free podcast bonus episode called Pillow Talk, where we get a little loosey-goosey. We have a little bit more fun. We do whatever we want. I usually play a game, but last time I forgot. And this time it's going to be even bigger at the end of this month. Oh. So you don't want to miss it.

Spoiler warning, what are you telling me? I told you last month. Well, I didn't believe you. Thank you to Josh Eagle and the Harvesties for their song Paper Stars. Do you have some bad sex writing for me? So this is a clip from Wicked Trapper, Hunter of Heroes, whatever the fuck that is.

And it's the character saying, I'm sure there's a place deep in her mind that this girl can't oppose at all through reason or will that is lusting after my sperm all right women in quotation marks you see they instinctively crave the sperm of men stronger than them so you don't know a thing about these creatures named women do you good grief good grief good grief i didn't know charlie brown got turned into a manga remember how charlie brown and stupid were always talking about how women wanted their semen?

Well, they didn't because they were weak. But they hit the gym and now women want their semen. That's why it was called Peanuts. My name is Dave Miller. I'm on NOSPAN. And we've been your fuck buddies.