F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 178 - Train to Tiddytown

Episode Date: February 28, 2022

All aboard!  If the topic has already come up, you've got a one-way ticket to Titty Town!  Topics include protecting our LGBT youth, when it's appropriate to add a crush to social media, campus creeper, surviving the first five minutes of a first date, lying about your virginity, unnecessary and controlling transparency in relationships, and, of course, a new slew of Tindies.

I put my trust in you, and when I'm trusting, I love you. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and when I'm trusting, I love you. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller. And I'm Niles Payne. And we're your fuck buddies. We are a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky sexy situations and turn them into sexy sticky situations.

Simply put, we find questions either online or from our wonderful listeners and we answer them on the topics of sex and dating. And I've got sex news today. I don't know. Do you have anything we want to talk about at the top here? No, I don't think so. Hit me. So this isn't usually sex news is kind of fun. We kind of have a good time with sex news.

But this week, sex news is not great. Not great with the sex news. All right, well, let's skip it. So you've probably heard of this now. I'm not sure how much. I know we have listeners kind of everywhere. So I'm not sure how tuned in they are to North American politics. But there are two states currently in the U.S. doing some pretty garbage things to LGBT youth.

First and foremost, there is the Don't Say Gay Bill out in Florida, which is a bill specifically targeting gay students, not necessarily gay students, but LGBT students. And the whole premise of this bill is to, as you might have guessed by the name of it, to sort of erase LGBT education and information and acceptance and awareness and safe spaces. All these things are kind of being stripped from Florida schools. And even more troubling is within the bill, it gives teachers and schools and stuff the right to out gay students. Yeah, I saw that earlier. If you don't understand why this is a big deal, perhaps-

The odds are you suck? Yeah, perhaps you need to really educate yourself on the way that gay youth and LGBT youth have to deal with just for being themselves. And this kind of like opens the floodgates to be treated even worse and for their aggressors to be allowed to do it. It's fucked. Like it's absolutely disgusting. I don't understand how anybody could come up with this,

get it on the floor of any self-respecting government, and then have any supporters. And it fucking baffles me that this is a thing, and it's fucking awful. So hopefully no one listening is a supporter of any of this shit, and if you are, you should probably take a minute and really look at where you're at in life. I don't know necessarily how all this works in terms of the government structure of the US. someone's sexuality, especially a student in an environment that could potentially put them in mortal danger, seems to infringe heavily on people's rights. So I'm hoping that this thing gets squashed by people who aren't garbage regional government people. But even more troubling than that, and you might think, but Dane, that's so garbage. How could it get worse? Well, in the rare occasion where someone tells Florida to hold its beer, Texas has come in with a legislation.

Greg Abbott, I believe, is the one who's spearheading this. I don't know if he's the governor or senator, but garbage human being from Texas who is currently pushing to have trans youth quote unquote investigated and for their parents to be potentially charged with child abuse and with the sort of intention of having these kids removed from there because parents who are accepting of their child's gender identity are, are being considered, you know, harming their children.

And I don't know if the plan is to like take these kids and put them into some sort of horrifying dystopian conversion therapy. I'm not sure what the ultimate plan is. Well, good one way or another. Yeah. Regardless, you're not like,

Oh, we're going to take these kids and we're going to more supportive so these are things unfortunately nile and i are both canadian citizens um so there's not much we can do other than to raise awareness of these so i really wanted to just get off right the top of this episode and say if you are someone who lives in either texas or Florida, or even if you're just a US citizen and you have a voice in the democratic process and the governing process of that country, please comment and message your government representatives and say that this is unacceptable. Take stances in ways that you might be able to reverse this or lend your support to associations like the Trevor

Project, things like that, that look out for LGBT youth, because they're going to need their, your support and our support in the coming months and years if these things come to pass, because it's not great. And that is just what I wanted to, I wanted to get that off before we got into the questions. And I forgot about it it this is this is a nightmare scenario and we need to do everything we can in order to raise awareness about it and like i said if you live in this country uh please please say something about it yeah and honestly even if you don't it's like sharing posts explaining how it's so fucked and like expressing your displeasure at it they might seem like little things but like they add you know, and it might be the courage boost somebody else needs in a more like influential position to to speak up.

Or it might just be, you know, the flood of support for LGBT youth and trans people to like show any scumbags that do support this, that they're in the minority, hopefully. So I think it's one of those situations where like every little help so you know if there's something you can do even if it's only tiny you know do it it could mean a big difference to somebody else you know and even just the people suffering through this i'm sure it's not you know it's not gonna fix anything but it's a little bit of solace knowing that people are out there and are on their side yeah Yeah. Any, any sign of, of support is, I imagine a welcome addition to, to someone's sort of like nightmare scenario here. Cause this is bad.

Yeah. It's fucked. It's just one of those things that should never exist. And it definitely shouldn't in this modern day and age. You know what I mean? Like it's absolutely insane that we're still so fucking backwards. And on that cheery note, shall we get into the show? Sure.

Hit me with a question because none of mine can follow that. Okay. You know, we're going to start soft and easy and softball it. This, oh, I didn't copy their username, so I apologize. But this is someone asked this. What should I do? Hey, everybody. You got to name them. You got to name them. What should I do? You gotta name them.

Give them a fake name. This is Agent... No, they don't deserve an agent name. They didn't submit. This is WonkyJeans42069. Blaze it. Oh, so you did find their name. And they say, Hey everyone, so me, a 20-year-old

male, and her, a 19-year-old female, have been talking to each other for a week now at work. She's always the one initiating conversation, and I involve in the conversation wholeheartedly. I assume they may, like, engage, but whatever. But with all that, I haven't yet asked her about her number or even her social. So for the next two weeks, I'm not going to work, so I would not have the chance to talk to her. But I know her Insta from one of our coworkers. So my concern is, should I follow her and initiate the conversation,

or should I wait the two weeks to talk to her? Now, what's your eventual goal here, friend? I assume dating. I'm assuming a romantic yes. Well, we've talked about the dangers of dating at work. So, you know, go back to our previous catalog and look that up. I'm not going to rehash from here. If you have her social media from someone you've worked, it's only been a week, right?

Been talking to each other for a week now at work, yeah. Yeah, that's not that long. But if you think it would be natural for you to Instagram them, which it probably is, if once you're not creepy subsequently, by all means, add them and, you know, just be like, if you guys talked about something pert by all means, add them and, you know, just be like, if you guys talked about something pertinent at work that you could mention, just be like, oh, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

And then be like, ah, won't be in for the next two weeks, but, you know, we'll have to pick that up again then or something. And then if they're into you, they will presumably message you again. You know what I mean? You can start off naturally,

but I think that's the key here is to start off naturally. You know what I mean? You can start off naturally, but I think that's the key here is to start off naturally. You know what I mean? You don't want to like add her. And then all of a sudden getting your own, like every one of her photos. Yeah. Or be like,

Oh, this is different to us talking in, in work. So now I have to like flirt or I have to like, blah, blah, blah. Like if you keep that same energy,

you know what I mean? It's cool. Like you're continuing what you've already started you know you're you're widening that door that's already been opened as opposed to like opening a different door or kicking the door in so if you continue with the same kind of momentum trajectory like vibes yeah by all means it's it's fine and if they decide just to not mess you and whatever maybe it's just a work thing and that's like work friendship and that's fine but yeah i don't think there's any major issues with you adding them and being normal that's key here don't forget that part i never really really like i never thought

of like this kind of stuff like when i went to school like there was never any of that like granted i don't think instagram existed when i was in college at least it was in it if it was in its infancy but like for facebook and stuff it was like once i met people i would just add them to facebook you know what i mean like i wouldn't ask them or be like hey can i can i add you to facebook it would just be like no we're friends now we've we've hung out so i'm gonna add you to facebook and it's not weird um so i don't know when like all of a sudden like you know even with like msm messenger and shit if shit, if I talked to you at school, I wasn't going to be like, hey, can I get your email so I can, you know, I want to write down your email so I can go home and add you. It's like, no, I just asked one of my friends to be like, hey, do you have, you know, whoever's email?

And they would add, and then I would add them and be like, yeah, whatever. That was back in the Wild West of the internet when we could roam freely through badly constructed sites and we had to make sure our parents weren't on the phone so we could go chat to our friends. I was kind of bougie. And by that, I mean very late to the internet game and never had to deal with dial-up. What? Okay, but you are decades older than me and you still didn't deal with dial-up? Nope. Wow.

Again, we did not have internet for a very long time i didn't get internet i was like in grade six decades yeah like honestly i'm kind of maybe i'm uncouth but like i pretty much add whoever i want on instagram and facebook if and the thing is often it's just because they pop up and it's just like oh yeah that person i know them boop you know once i don't hate you or think nothing of you, I'll probably just fucking pop you on there if you pop up. That's the thing. The algorithm and the surveillance state that is our phone and social media is like, if I've talked to you for 30 seconds, you're going to show up on my like, oh, you might know this person because that's the way the world works now um like so if it's suggested to you if they're if this person is being suggested to you then like it's not weird to have someone follow you i don't

think so i i think we need to take a step back from that and it's like it's as now said initially it's like it's what you do after you add the person that makes or breaks whether you should have added them or not so like i said like if, if you add them and then proceed to like a photo that's 12 years old, that's a weird move. That's a very strange... No, that's a weird move. It's because she's 19. So don't be liking pictures of her when she's seven, dude.

That's fucking strange. Don't also go real hard. Like if she's putting stories or whatever up, don't react to every one of the stories. If there's one thing that you actually want to engage with, great. Stories are an excellent way to break the ice and talk to someone you don't really have a reason to talk to. I do it all the time on Instagram. If there's like a cute lady that I haven't chatted to in a while and they post a story, it's a great icebreaker. So do it. There's no harm in that.

Again, as long as you're not creepy or weird about it. Like if they post a bikini selfie, don't be like, damn, love those titties. That's not an appropriate response. You can be like, it's way too fucking cold to be in that. Where are you going?

Or like, are you on vacation? There's any number of things you can say. Are you going to tell people where? Are you going to know what i mean or like are you on vacation you know like there's there's any number of things you can say people wear yeah you can fucking assume their temperature i don't want to make i want to make sure people aren't getting pneumonia frost now what if what if at work all they talk about is how great her titties are well that'd be weird if he didn't keep that energy up you know what i mean that's why i said same energy if you've opened that door then just ride ride that train all the way to titty town no i think like less is more in this situation as dane said it's like if you comment on every picture and you react to every story it's gonna be fucking weird man don't overdo it the odd one

sure have a chat take a breath and you'll probably get a pretty good idea off the bat whether or not this person is super into you or not because whether like with their energy that they're going to give you will give you a good indication but also this is pretty brand fucking new and you guys are forced to hang out together in work so it might just be that like you match her work energy and like that's where the fun is right you might be the closest in age or personality or interests or even just proximity, depending on where you guys fucking work. So like,

it could just be that, or it could be the kind of thing where you'll chat once or twice over these next two weeks. And you might feel very down on the dumps over it. But once you go back to work, maybe things will pick up. Cause again, this is really fucking new.

It's been a week. So don't expect the world to, you know, shift its orbit just because you guys connected on instagram and and keep your cool and don't be fucking weird yeah it's and like also this we're keeping but like if you feel the vibe and and it's checking out there's no harm in tossing to be like you know it sucks that i'm not in work for two weeks we don't get to hang out and then transition it to be like, you know, do you want to get coffee since I'm not going to see you for two weeks? If you, if you feel like that's an appropriate move to make, this is a great opportunity to actually ask them out on a date.

And now that is a bold move. So I would say, make sure that's where you're at. Like what Dane said, like if that's appropriate and that can be hard to tell. So if you're in doubt, I don't think there's any stress in leaving it out because again, could well be that she'll say that too. And you've all the time in the world. It's been a week. Yeah. So you're good. Adder, don't be weird. This is no head 6984. I've decided enough is enough. I need to get better at approaching slash being flirty with women. So I'm going to crash my former university every Friday, Saturday night and start cold approaching until it starts to

feel natural. Any advice? Now buckle in, it's kind of long. 28 year old male, never had a girlfriend. That was the question title? That was the title. Jesus Christ. 28 year old male, never had a girlfriend. Most of my own fault for not even trying until the last six or so months. Content with being alone up until now, but now I've gotten settled into a career and honestly somewhat boring routine, I decided I wanted to be in a relationship. After being friend-zoned with my last two potential interests after just a couple of dates, I realized I have no game. I was treating them like friends and not potential lovers. No flirting, little physical contact, etc. Flirting aside, I suck in general being a good conversationalist

with both men and women. In the past, I've told myself, oh, it's not my fault. I'm an introvert. Well, even though that might be true, I'm starting to realize it's a bullshit excuse. But don't start getting better at flirting slash approaching women now. It's only going to get harder from here. So I decided for the next few weeks slash months, every Friday and Saturday night, I'm free, which is most. I'm going to go to my former university, graduated four years ago, and start approaching slash hitting on girls with no expectations, just the hope of having a good time, working on my conversation slash flirting skills and hooking up.

I'm fairly young looking, so I can fit easily in with a university crowd. Has anyone else tried this before? I think my strategy is going to basically go around campus looking for social events slash random parties slash beach bonfires etc and start trying to mingle around. The reason I'm choosing this route over say bars or clubs is I feel like it'll be much easier to relocate to a different party slash event if I'm not feeling it at a certain place. I also feel like people are more open to meeting new people at these kinds of events and I like the area. I think it'll be fun frequenting the university I spent so much time in my youth at.

One question I have is, should I lie? Tell people I still go to the university? I imagine it will seem a little weird for someone who's not currently go to the school to be there. I hate lying to people like that, but it's probably not a big deal since I'm not trying to date anyone,

just looking to improve my skills. Anyone have advice for this type of approach? I'd like to hear any pros, cons of doing something like this. How long, sorry, did he say how old he he is like how long he's been out of school he's 28 and it's been four years since he graduated okay yeah 28 so like i don't really if your goal if his goal is specifically just to get used to talking to people and kind of like hone some social skills in a you know a fairly safe space like a low risk place honestly i don't think this is a bad idea going going out to social events and like chatting

because like he's not saying he seems to be specifically saying he's honing skills as opposed to hooking up with people right like it doesn't seem like because he said he's not trying to date anyone yeah but he will say he will go to hook up the hope of having a good time working on my conversation slash flirting skills and hooking up okay and like even then i think we can both admit this kind of a little creep the thing if if he was still a student or recently graduate if he was like you know like one year out I think but like if we're going to assume that the average age of the students are like 19 to 22 and again age

isn't that different but I think when you're inserting yourself into a community that you don't really belong with and then there is the age difference you know considering lying about it yeah then I think that like i think you enter into a territory of i don't think this is going to work out the way that you want it to because

you're not talking to people that you will encounter in your day-to-day life like also learning how to talk to as a 28 year old learning how to talk to college students is that really a useful skill yeah and on top of that it's like he says he's not good at conversation how well do you think you're going to be able to maintain these lies or like explain what you're doing here if you don't lie you know what i mean because and also on top of that it's like if you do struggle or manage to like break through kind of like what dane said they're probably going to be talking about university things which are no longer relevant to you um i feel like it's kind of creepy to insert yourself into this place and just also like i'm just imagining my university experience if there

was like an older guy just wandering around campus by himself showing up to university things with no friends and like just pursuing women and then either lying about going there or you know admitting he didn't go there pretty soon everyone be like oh that's that weird fucking guy you know i mean i didn't go to a small university but it's like the you know the student bars and the parties like you're you get around pretty quickly unless you were so suave or smooth that you know there was never an issue which if that the case, I don't think this would be a question because it wouldn't be a situation that you'd be in. I honestly think this is a garbage idea. I think even if you were just going out to clubs and bars by yourself every Friday, Saturday night to try to practice talking to people, I think that would also not be the best

idea, but it would be a better idea i think step one you need friends yeah like it doesn't in no part of this post you mentioned that you have friends you know there's no like oh i'm going out with my friends blah blah blah it's like you you need fucking friends if you can't even talk to men i'm sure you're even more intimidated by women go make some fucking friends men or women in a place where you can actually talk to people and have it not be weird i.e join a club develop a hobby do do things that are natural and will have people because it's also kind of weird to be like oh i'm just going to use people as like talking punching bags it's not their fucking job to deal with you really you know what i mean so it's like going out and being

like oh i'm getting all this practice in by like blah blah it's like it's kind of unfair in a way because if you're creepy and weird like that has an effect on somebody else right if you're lying about shit and like you need to take into the account into account like other people's situations too so it's like if you join a club that you're legitimately interested in and people are there who you're legitimately talking to you will get better at being a conversationalist. You will get better at being a little bit more open, but you also develop yourself and presumably get enjoyment out of it. So it's like a win-win-win.

You don't have to lie. You don't have to pretend you're a different age. You don't have to like be weird. I mean, I got nothing to add. You covered all the bases in my opinion. Yeah, so I don't know. My advice is don't do this. And if there is somehow some way that you can like go to like a university bar and have it not be weird.

Like my university had to like show your student ID to get in. So I don't know what the fuck this person's doing. But don't lie. You can just be like, oh, I graduated. I was, you know, nostalgia trip. I was coming back or some shit. You know what I mean? I was meeting a friend on campus and I went to get a beer, which I guess is a lie, but it's a less weird lie than no, I go here.

And then if something goes well, they're like, oh, meet us after class. And you're at work like, fuck. So don't do that. Yeah. I like a part of me also doesn't want to discourage people from like stepping out of comfort zones and and trying to talk to people. But I like everything nile said is correct and this is like a bad way to do that but like i don't know i don't think that like going to a bar and striking up conversation again as long as you're doing it

for the purposes of like you know having small talk with the person sitting next to you regardless of whether it's a woman or not like if you're just targeting women to be like hello training simulation here is the words i'm going to say to you um but like i think if you're just out at a bar and you feel the the spontaneous courage to be like you know to the dude next you'd be like oh shit like what beer are you drinking i don't really know a whole lot of the beers on tap here what are you drinking right now and then just kind of like shoot the shit about beer for a bit. I think that is a reasonable way to, but like you need to know the social cues of being like,

oh, this guy doesn't want to talk. He just wants to scroll his phone and have a beer after work. Yeah. Social cues are massively important because all I'm getting is flashbacks to people overstaying their welcome by a long amount, you know? Yeah. So, I mean, like, like you said, the best thing to do here is to start finding friends and learn how to talk that way. Because

if you only have conversations with people for, to, to meet the, the ends of your means, then you'll never really have a proper conversation because it's because you're doing, you're not having a conversation, you're not having a conversation. You're practicing having a conversation. And that, those are two very different things. Despite the fact that it sounds the same, they're two very,

very different things in, in like what you're doing, because like chances are you're not listening to what they're saying. You're thinking of what you're going to say next. And that's, that's not a conversation. So yes, all those things. I'm's, that's not a conversation. So yes, all those things.

I'm like, again, I, you know, I, I don't want to be shitting on this guy for, you know, obviously it's a tough position to be in.

Obviously he's trying to make changes, but it's like, that's not the right change to make. And I think we should be clear about that. And I also think like as good as it is to want to develop your social skills, it's like, I hate this kind of like, I'm just going to go practice on women.

That's like being approached by men is a scary thing for a lot of people, you know, men, women, otherwise being approached by a stranger can, can suck a lot of the time. So it's like, I just want people to consider the impact that they have. It's not just this innocent, like, oh, I'm just doing my thing. Like you're, there is kind of like this human cost or like potential human cost where like you are making someone uncomfortable for your own ends and it's like you can by all means go and talk to people and not be weird or at least mitigate that impact as much as humanly possible but if you're just going out with the intention that like people are

like this punching bag that you can just throw shit off and see what works it's like that kind of sucks i just don't want to promote that like people are still people and if you're going out and you fully understand that great but like sometimes i feel like people especially in seduction do not understand that so i just don't want to promote that either yeah that's fair now this question actually kind of leads into it because i feel like this this advice that someone like this could use. This is from PowerfulAd576. Any tips for someone who struggles with the first five minutes of first dates? Hey guys, I'm a relatively confident and relaxed person, but something about the first few minutes and interaction with a girl on a first date gets me nervous every time. Any tips, advice to put me

at ease? How should I start the conversation should i give her a hug and a kiss on the cheek when we first meet uh how many minutes first five first five perfect hide in the bathroom for five minutes and ten seconds and by the time you get back up that's gone yeah be five minutes late oh great you missed it you weren't even there for it i mean yeah solved it in one like literally unbeatable if you're five minutes late, one, keep them waiting, right? It's kind of like, you know, the way there's like verbal comedy and then there's like physical like slapdash comedy. That's like, you know, physical nagging.

It's like, oh, I don't respect you enough to be on time. Ha ha ha. Perfect. You got it right where you want her. And on top of that, you missed the awkward part. She had to be there for an even more awkward part because you were present. Yeah, she literally just talked to nobody because like once a date starts you do have to start the date oh yeah once

that clock starts like once they hit date begin i yeah you'll lose some points i'm trying to harken back to our dating as points thing but no one's gonna understand it so i'm still let me tell you i don't i don't know what you're talking about remember like when you're on vacation you get 10 times the horny points or something oh yes horny points yeah yeah it was it was a reach even for us yeah we solved it next question ready let's help this man because i think this is i think this is actually where a lot of first dates start to go wrong well i think you think you are right. Like I was being a little ridiculous. We all know you have to arrive for the date to actually begin.

And when you go to the bathroom, they hit the pause on the clock. So you do is you arrive and then you hide for five minutes because then you're not at the bathroom. So they'll hit pause. But you have started the clock and they have to spend that five minutes looking for you, which, to be be fair great icebreaker and there's nothing that gets me i i love when we do this because i love a woman who can like really good find a solid hiding spot and that's the thing it's like they always say oh people love

the chase and like people tend to take that in this weird way where like you know hot and cold and blah blah no they literally mean you trying to find that in this weird way where like you know hot and cold and blah blah no they literally mean you trying to find them in a crowded bar like you dipping from hiding place to hiding place as you see them zero in on you like that's the excitement and if they catch you before the five minutes are up you have to have awful small talk there is someone who heard this question is like oh yeah this is this could really resonate with me i i have this problem too and now they're sad yeah yeah all right i hmm yeah it's it's awkward uh i don't think there's a one-size-fits-all approach for the hug kiss on the cheek kind of deal do you want to know what i've been doing

okay interrupt me that's cool sorry okay yeah fine good no hey no it's it's gone you killed the thought it was barely formed and you just fucking put a gun to its head and well with like a pandemic happening you don't have to like wonder what you have to do you can ask what they're comfortable with right i feel like in the pre-times a lot of people would appreciate that but a lot of people also probably think it's weird whereas now i think everyone gets it yeah like to be like oh hey are you comfortable if i give you a hug and most people are like yes absolutely and if someone is like no then it's like cool you've been you've immediately right off the bat instantly shown that you are conscious and aware of people's space and boundaries.

So like either you get to hug someone or you've shown that you give a shit. And even better, it's like no one's upset that like, oh, I wanted to hug the girl and I couldn't. The fear is I wasn't sure if I needed to hug her or not. You know what I mean? So it's like it doesn't fucking matter if you hug or not once you know whether you were meant to. Like that's the thing. You're sitting down. You're not fucking worried if you hug or not. Once you know whether you were meant to, like, that's the thing you're sitting down. You're not fucking worried. You broke the ice.

You were kind. They gave you a straight up answer. That hurdle is long in the dust. Like you're moving forward and it's wonderful. So I think like, like I said, I think this is where most states start to fall apart because this is out of fear. People default to the interview questions. Like the amount of people that i see within the

first five minutes of a date go through the like oh where'd you go up where'd you go to school what do you do for work how big is your family what's your favorite color like all these stupid bullshit that doesn't matter and i think like my advice and the way i do first dates is to act like you already know the person so don't ask the like questions that you would ask on a first date ask them how their day was first yeah i think there's a certain immediacy that lends to being like exciting and that's exactly what i do but like oh like i talk about like the bar or how their day was or how my day was or like if it's fucking crazy i was even like damn it's like opening up there's a giant thunderstorm like uh

did you order a drink like oh what are you gonna get like I've never been here I have been here I like this drink I hear they do this well you know what I mean like because that's what you would say if you were sitting down with your friend right exactly and it's like that's natural and it's fun and it's like you have to be engaged you don't have to be engaged

to be like I have a sister and a brother and I like dogs and these things will come out and by all means you can ask about things but like you need to get the conversation flowing you need to have things feeling natural and i think immediacy is key that's that's like my big push for everyone to do is like like yes especially like if you're the person who suggested a bar presumably it's a bar that you like and that like have something, have a little quip, have something ready, you know, in your back pocket to talk about it. If it's a bar you love to go to, because as I said, like they make incredible old fashions suggested be like, oh, hey, if you're an old fashioned drinker, don't know if that's your speed or not. But like they make the best old fashioned in the city.

And that's the reason why I come here. And then you can like go from there. You can talk about old fashions. You can talk about the bar. You can talk about their favorite drink. And it's like you're learning things, but you're not doing the questions. It is literally just sort of it's so low stakes at the start that it should just be fun, casual banter that you would have, now said with a friend and i think that

is that starts the date in a way more relaxed atmosphere and that way you can be more yourself they can be more themselves you can have fun you can you can stray from the like the rigidity of of first date mentality that i think a lot of people suffer from. So try your best to not have like a plan or to have like canned lines or to fall into the interview questions. Just react to whatever is currently happening. Yeah, and that's the thing. It's like you do it with your friends

every time you meet up with them, presumably. So like this isn't something you need to learn. It's just something you need to learn to not avoid. Yeah, kind of casual. Next time you hang out with your friends every time you meet up with them, presumably. So like this isn't something you need to learn. It's just something you need to learn to not avoid. Yeah, kind of casual. Next time you hang out with your friends, kind of like just mentally clock the first couple minutes of your your hangout and be like, oh, OK, yeah. Like this is this is so easy. I don't like I'm stressed out about this.

This is exactly how I how I react with people. And I think that would be just try to like you know capture that essence and bring it to your first dates and the thing is it's like if you're this question asker and you can get through the rest of the date it's like yeah the start's important and the start sucks or whatever but like arguably the rest is far more important because no one's gonna leave after five minutes be like you know what you what? You suck. Like, wow, this has been awful. Like, everyone's going to stay for, you know, unless you're atrocious and offensive. You probably got a few hours grace period, if not just the one.

So, like, you'll get to that point where things are more natural. You only really need to get over the first hurdle or two. And it's like with D's little pandemic ask a question advice and a little keep it immediate talk about your day talk about whatever you guys are there for like drink coffee whatever you're so close to that point that it basically doesn't exist anymore yeah you got it simples simple did you guys have that meerkat who said that i don't think so it's like the ad with the meerkat. Never mind. All right. You know what?

Let's let's. Okay. This is you. Time miner. Use your time miner. Lied about my virginity. I lied about my virginity all along. And I got fed up by people's judgment of seeing you as a loser.

I had no problem until now. My very old best friend. I'm sorry. My very old best female friend is about to come my girlfriend. And I am just wondering if I should tell her my truth. I didn't even kiss in my life. And it's not just our first kiss. It's my first kiss.

What should I do? Should I just keep my mouth shut or should I tell her the truth? My age, 21. My best friend age, 19. She's not very old at all. I assume it was like we've been friends for a while. That's weird phrasing. Yeah.

Okay. This is interesting. One, you're still very young. And regardless of that, we've talked about a thousand times, virginity doesn't exist. it is a archaic concept that that is so obsolete in today's society that any weight you put on it is that of of your own and in societies and it really doesn't mean anything so do the kids even still care have we not gotten over it i mean again like these are these are children these are kids tumblr too if you're listening why haven't you gotten rid of this yet? I feel like the whole virgin virginity thing is going to be a non-issue in like 10 years. I think you're still going to have like the toxic people who will be like,

you're a virgin as an insult, as there is always people who are late adopters to social change. But I think for the most part, I think this sort of like you know deflowering ceremony that people treat virginity as when we were kids and and you know older i think that's i think that's going to go away i hope people still you know recognize the importance of sexual relationships and all that kind of stuff but i think that like that sort of weird being like i i've been deflowered and therefore i'm i've lost something I am now different I am now evocably changed by a penis Now, my issue is the lie

So that's the thing, it's like how deep in this lie did you get specifically with your best friend? Like were you making up stories of all the people you've made out with and fucked? Because I feel like that's a much harder, you know, bike to pedal backwards on

than if it's just lying by omission and you haven't told them you're a virgin. Yeah, or if once you were like, oh, I'm not a virgin. Yeah. That was it. Sure, whatever. That puts us in a much better position, I think. Absolutely. And that's the thing.

It's like if that is the case this person's your best friend they also want to date you so they think pretty fucking highly of you so if you say look i was embarrassed about the fact and like i think if you're gonna open up open up fun yeah don't be afraid to be vulnerable you know what i mean if you're just like i lied okay that kind of is weird but if you're like look honestly i didn't like being judged and i felt a little embarrassed and i lied about it i actually haven't lost my virginity i don't know if you need to talk about the first kiss you know what i mean i think in in order of importance right now that's maybe not as important especially because it looks like it's already happened but hey you could also open up about that but like if you're just like

look i was embarrassed i did lie i just want to be open and honest with you this person's your best friend she wants to be your girlfriend she should be cool about it again unless you have a mountain of lies or you're weird and defensive when you bring it up or they suck yeah it's that's really like the answer is you have to tell this person because if you and again like it really sucks if you've really dug yourself a hole in this and really kind of been like, yeah, I've been plowing pussy for years. I'm the best at it. People will detect that lie pretty much immediately because as much as we would love to believe, it's like the first time out is rarely stellar. You're going to be fumbling around. You're going to be nervous, even more so because you're trying to compensate for the fact that you've been lying about this for so long yeah that's only going to make it worse and like

even even as someone who's had a ton of sex like the first time with someone it can be a little clumsy as you you learn their sort of rhythms you learn their mannerisms and stuff it's like there's there's so many times where i've bonked heads with people or, you know what I mean? Like because we're not used to certain movements or transitions or whatever. And it's like that's going to happen regardless of how experienced you are. So I think it really does matter how much you've dug yourself in this hole. And if you have dug yourself in this hole, I think Niall is right. I think you've got to go in with a lot of humility. You've got to go in with a lot of humility. You got to go in with a lot of vulnerability and you really need to like maybe even an

apology and be like, hey, look, I fucked up. I was really insecure about this. I was really nervous about it. It got into my head and kind of spiraled. I am a virgin and I didn't want people to know. So I made up all that shit. I'm sorry. I know it doesn't really mean a whole

lot but for me when i was younger it did and i know now that that's not really a deciding factor of who i am um i'm i'm really excited to explore this with you but please be patient i'm learning but you know again i am i am very excited that you're the person that i get to explore this stuff with yeah i didn't just feel like you know like it was meant to be a harmless lie. Like I didn't anticipate that me and you would get to this point. And like, now that we do, I like, I really need to be honest because I don't feel like it's fair to you moving forward, like with a lie and blah, blah, blah, blah. I think honestly, you need to be even more vulnerable if you do have this mountain of

lies, but yeah, like, you know, i think it's only going to be worse if it comes out that you lied you know what i mean like i think that's the worst case scenario that she's gonna think far less of you if this kind of falsehood continues so worst case you say it and maybe she's not the best and laughs it off or gets upset and you know what i mean like okay that sucks but it's a pretty good indication of who she is and also maybe that you shouldn't have lied so you can move on and learn those lessons and it sucks but it's not world ending best case she hey maybe she's in the same position or maybe she thinks it's very endearing that you're honest and hopefully you guys get to

go on to have a very nice sex life yeah so so good luck uh again don't let virginity hang in your fucking head it it's such a non-thing um so you know be open be honest trust that your partner will encourage you and support you and uh good luck um this let's do this one. I think it's a quick one. All right. Advice about. Oh, no, not that one. Whoa. This is from Diana 20.

Am I wrong for telling him? My boyfriend made me promise to always tell him whenever I got approached by a man. I can approach nearly every day. And whenever I tell him, he gets really hurt and angry. What should I do? I felt so wrong for telling him this this is it okay to tell your boyfriend that you got approached oh man maybe like okay sit him down and be like look you asked me to tell you this thing i would like to know why and secondly you seem so upset all the time like i kind of

don't want to tell you why because i don't want to upset you you know and i don't like this situation that we find ourselves in and just get to the bottom of it i assume it's a weird kind of like i don't know like it's oh it's definitely an insecurity thing you know yeah you not telling him or you telling him doesn't change the situation at all it's like you don't have any control over these men the only thing you have control over is how you react to it and it's like if he doesn't trust you you telling him isn't going to change anything and if he does trust you i don't understand why you need to tell him so just be like this is a weirdly exhausting thing i want to get to the bottom of this but also like do we really need to keep doing this because it's wild i'm guessing they're 18 20 i don't think they have their name or their ages

no they don't this thing is like you you need to sit down your boyfriend and be like, hey, this is kind of a daily thing for me. This seems to really upset you. Why do you care? Is it a trust thing? Do you not trust me? Because then why do you trust me to tell you if they do and if you do trust me then you should know that like being approached by a man is no different than like any other scenario because i'm not going to just rip my clothes off and fuck the first person who comes over and hits on me and if you were why would

telling him about it change anything you know what i mean it's like it's just a weird situation that's kind of shaming you for being approached which has nothing to do with you yeah and it's also it's like so controlling as well um so you need to kind of like lay down your boundaries and be like hi i'm not cool with this anymore and either you deal with it or we move on that's kind of like how it goes i do think there's a very high possibility if you say that isn't like why don't why don't you want to why don't you want to do it anymore what changed who was it who who talked to you who approached you and changed your mind like that's that's that's an excellent thing to do because then you have a complete reason to leave this person yes no i i do think that's a possibility so you know get

ready for that and realize that like you not want like it is wildly controlling it's controlling in a like not not as bad as a lot of controlling or at least not as like openly bad like if someone's like you can't leave the home that's very obviously bad controlling behavior this is controlling behavior in a weird way that almost seems like it isn't bad it's just weird but like it is bad because are you in trouble if you don't mention a guy that hit on you you know what i mean like if you go a few days when it's usually daily and you don't get hit on is he now going to be suspicious that you're holding back like you know what i mean like even just if i was like you have to tell me every time you get on the bus i'd be fucking insane so don't let him do this you also have this like cloud hang so like you know at the beginning of your work day you're on the bus and

someone's like hey i really like your shoes uh maybe we can go grab a coffee sometime you then have to think about be like cool this is going to be a fight tonight yeah yeah or at the very least like that sucks so much yeah and then it's also like kind of shaming you really like if he's getting like upset and like there's even again at worst if he's just like sulking or angry or whatever, like you're the one that has to deal with that. And you're the one that's giving him the news. And you're just kind of like not related to either of these two things, like the guy hitting on you, not your fault. And this guy getting pissy. You're still dealing with the fallout of that.

So it's like shitty because he's kind of just shaming you for existing. And that's not cool. So talk to him. Maybe he thinks this is a normal thing to do. Maybe he watched some euphoria one day and thought that was real life. I don't know. Don't let this happen.

But that will do us for this episode, friends. But before we go, we'd like to do a little thing where we get on online dating platforms such as Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge and peruse online dating profiles to see what works, what doesn't work in an effort to make your online dating experience a little more enjoyable. This is Melody, she's 33. I get bored and or annoyed by people in general so easily.

We'll most likely ignore you. Not suitable for men who get angry easily. And then her Instagram and she says do not contact me if you haven't matched though let me guess they're sagittarius pet free and a non smoker do you have the same one i have this exact same one oh yeah no i don't i i didn't click into the profile it's just like the the main thing it's funny they don't i don't have the don't contact me unless we match part oh interesting yeah mine ends up not suitable for men who get angry easily i guess mine is the new updated one or maybe

too many people who didn't match with them yeah maybe they're taking that away they're like damn message me yeah um yeah it's like awful absolutely awful like what you'd be so miserable it's so like i don't know a fucking thing about this person other than that they're bored or annoyed by people in general easily it's not good thing that's not a good thing at all why like why what what about any of this makes me want to get to know you yeah and even like for their job they have something boring which pays my bills and then more because it's like dot dot dot it just keeps going i'm like okay wow uh like this sucks not suitable for men to get angry easily okay like what does that mean

are you worried about having like an abusive partner or something because like sure but i think that's kind of implicit right and on top of that are you just saying like you're gonna do shitty stuff so people need to put up with it that's kind of the vibe are you just saying like you're gonna do shitty stuff so people need to put up with it that's kind of the vibe that i get is like you're going to constantly like be testing people and and if you if you've got a short temper that you will not match because you do things to anger people purposely i don't know it's like none of this like makes me want to say yes to even acknowledging you exist let alone spend any amount of time of my life interacting with you so i'm going to give it a one yeah i'm giving it a zero it's a little like it's basically just a sign saying do not

swipe like i don't understand how anybody would swipe on that this is die about me happy free confused and lonely oh i just want to like maybe take care of you rather than date you first you sound like some sort of like mystical creature they are super adorable as well it's like oh oh no yeah but like how are you feeling how you feel about this profile I'm gonna give it a four because it's it doesn't really do anything for me it's not particularly bad

but it's just it's like one step away from being completely like center you know what I mean yeah I think it's like you know what I'm gonna go the other way i'm gonna give it a six because i haven't said anything terrible to dip me into the into the below five yeah i think it's kind of got that like oh and like it's like weirdly earnest

even while it's like completely informationless so there's like a little dip of like, oh dear, but there's not really much to it. So yeah, I'll give it a five. This is Vienna, Jeopardy enthusiast, dessert connoisseur, and lover of the seeing two movies in the theaters on half price Tuesday's

experience. Seeking cute, sensitive leftist King to talk shit about the blatant unwillingness of government to ensure people have enough money to live and have democracy in the workplace all vaxxed and boosted now this one rings very true with personality in a very natural sense and i would love to go see two movies on a half-price tuesday this person has specifically checked almost all of my boxes yeah and they've done it a very casual way. Yeah.

Just in the description. Like physical appearance aside. Like if you showed me that profile. I would happily go on a blind date with this person. Yeah. I think it's like a 10. Yeah. I'm also giving it a 10.

I just like. And there's so many levels to this one. They're pretty specific. You know about what they like about what they're looking for they do it in a pretty funny like over the top but still kind of serious way so you know that they have a sense of humor but they also know what they're looking for and you know exactly who they are that's good yeah that's the thing and it's like despite the fact that this speaks specifically to me the things that work for me are you have a blurb about who they are and some of their interests.

Great. That's a key part of that's one of the big things we talk about on this is like, you've told us nothing about you. And then then they look specific or then they go into specifically what they're looking for in a partner. And like, again, that gives you even more information. We learn that they're socially conscious we know that they're politically motivated we know that like these are all things that like are a little little more like below the surface stuff and they're telling us through you know what they're looking for in a partner that's like this is a a textbook 101 of

like how a dating profile should be constructed. Not to say you should use this word for word, but like structure it in the sense of like, give me something about you. Give me some specifics about you. Beautiful. Great. Then go into what you're looking for and still find ways to pepper and

information about yourself. Love it. It's great. Yeah. And it just feels very authentic as well. Like it doesn't look like they found someone's profile and copied it. You know what I mean? It rings very truly of them.

All right. Ready for Eva? Yeah. If you don't really like feet, please swipe left. Looking for something casual, politeness and hygiene are not negotiable, not negligible.

I assume it's supposed to be negotiable. I figured. Yeah. And that's it. I mean, it's, it be negotiable i i figure yeah that's it i mean it's it kind of goes against everything i just said but and the picture is of their feet yeah i mean like when you're narrow casting like this i think you've put all the information you need out i don't think it's a good profile per se i I certainly wouldn't swipe right on it, but I think for what I think for the fish,

this net is trying to catch. You've kind of got, you kind of got the, everything you need in there. So I'm going to give it a six because it, it could use more, more punching up. Uh,

cause you are more than just, you know, two pairs of feet, despite what you're looking for sexually and romantically. But I'm, I'm not angry at it. It's funny. I always thought of foot fetishes from the like person fetishizing the feet.

I'm not necessarily the person who are like, Hey, look at my feet. But this seems to come from the look at my feet side of things. And that's maybe they're just trying to sell feet pics. Like either way, I'll give it a seven because like I like you were saying, I don't think it's a good profile in its own right. But like or I do think it is in its own right because of what it's trying to do, which is very specific. And it's like for that, this fuck all amount of information is probably all you really need.

But it's also not exactly the best. Yeah, this is going to be my last one because I mean, I love it. This is Zorg 26. Hell yeah. Couple things. No, my name is not actually Zorg. It's Taylor and I'm actually 28. How did this happen?

You might ask. Well, a friend with a dream of running an account for a booze hound alien was also or who also thought it would be funny to use my phone number to do it. I'm not kidding. Uh, pet peeve, people who say conversate instead of converse. That's it.

That's it. Uh, I do find this very funny. It's great. There's a lot to talk about. Mm hmm. And I, I find it titillates me in,

in various ways. So I'm going to give it an 8. An 8. 8.5. I think 8 is the right answer. I super like this person and gave me an option to send them a message and I said I need more information about Zorg immediately. I bet

they are in fact Zorg, but you know that's just me. This is exactly what a boozehound alien would do though, right? Exactly. Yeah, like Zorg you're not fooling me. And the reason I super liked you is because I want to chill with you, Zorg. Yeah. Let's have a Zorg chill, man. Rock some tins with Zorg.

Yeah. Let's go. Fuck Taylor. I don't care about Taylor. Yeah. Fuck Taylor. This is Cheyenne, to finish me off. That sounded really weird.

This is my last one, and her name is Cheyenne. As she says, fuck around and find out. That's another one that I had. I'm pretty sure. I mean, I feel like a lot of women have this one. I feel like a lot of people have this one. It's funny. I think the only way I would swipe right on this is if you were actually cute or if I found you cute.

But again, it's not it's not a profile at all. Yeah. So I'm giving it a five because like I said, like this could be funny if I also found you cute, but if I didn't find you attractive, I would, wouldn't care. So I'm going to put that,

I'm going to put it right in the middle. I'm going to say five. All right. Well guys, it's going to do us. That'll be it. I never read. I never read it.

Yeah. I'll give it like a five, a six. I'll give it a six. Whatever. I thought it was funny, but I haven't seen a million saying that yet. So thank you very much, friends, for hanging out with us. That is the end of the episode. And we appreciate you hanging out with us. If you would like to support the show, you can do that.

And it's very easy to do. All you have to do is go to FBuddiespodcast.com and click the patreon link you have an option to sign up on various different levels if you choose the seven dollar level you get a extra bonus episode every month called pillow talk uh at the end of every month uh we release it so it is coming up actually i'm pretty sure the same day this comes out there is a new pillow talk ready for you just wait months in a row um and not only that but you'll get all the other pillow talks that we've recorded from all the previous months that you've missed so it's it's not even like a seven dollars for one episode it's a seven dollars for all of the episodes it's great deal and you help us out if you don't have that kind of extra money

because the pandemic is wild that's fine we have lower tiers and also just sharing with a friend uh posting about us on social media uh recommending us to a friend who you think might benefit from this or would just enjoy the the stupid bullshit that we talk about on this show think of a friend right now who has a similar sense of humor to you, because I'm assuming you have one, right? Send this to them right now, you know what I mean? Because not only will it support us, but then you'll have someone to laugh about our dumb shit with. And this could be the start of an excellent inside joke with your

friend, and everyone will be like, what the hell are you talking about? And then you could be like, I'm not going to tell you, but actually also tell them. Yeah, do please also tell them. That would help us out. If you have a question, you would like to have it on this show, please feel free to head on over to fbuddiespodcast.com and click the contact form.

You can fill out your agent name or we will assign you one. We keep it completely anonymous and we will answer your question as soon as possible. Oh, yeah. Thank you, Josh Eagle and the Harvard City for a song, Paper Stars, and about to rock your world with some terrible sci-fi sex writing. You ready? Let's go.

This is Tao Zero by Poe Anderson. She whistled. Hey, she said. Haven't seen you before in less than a coverall. That's some collection of biceps and triceps and things you pack around. Calisthenics. Mm-mm-mm-hmm. Raymond kissed the hollow between shoulder and throat.

Through the wetness, he smelled live girl flesh. Maybe someday you'll dare... I just don't know what's wet. Through the wetness, he smelled live girl flesh. Yeah, I know. Maybe someday you'll dare trust me. She drew close to him. Never mind now, Carl.

I don't want to harass you. I want you in me again. You see, this has stopped being a matter of friendship and convenience. I've fallen in love with you. Unclad, she could never be called boyish. The curves of breast and flank were subtler than ordinary, but they were integral with the rest of her, not stuck out on, as with too many women. And when she moved, they flowed. So did the light along her skin, which read the hue of the hills around San Francisco Bay in the summer, and the light in her hair, which had the smell of every summer day that was ever on earth damn i imagine that's probably not great no because i imagine

there's probably a lot of a lot of stinky summer days yeah especially in that bay well i mean like the bay i seem it seemed to be like just the curves oh damn every summer day ever on earth yeah that's too many that's too many stinks like it's like wasn't there a while in toronto where there was a garbage truck protest and all the garbage just piled up outside hey hey hey let me tell you that was the year i moved to toronto oh yeah i'm not the only pile of garbage around now probably felt like you were in good company, eh? You fucking sack of shit. My name is Trashbag Miller. And I'm the whole Trashbags fan. And we've been your Trashboys. Thank you.