F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 180 - Elden Ring Daily Wordle

Episode Date: March 14, 2022

You should be extra grateful for this one, y'all, we actually stopped playing Elden Ring just to record it.  Topics include Elden Ring cockblock, cowgirl tips for bigger ladies, how to Inception a woman into being interesting, focusing on yourself during sex, a secret KFC update, sexy singles island, self esteem and dating profiles and Tindies!

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in our love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and then I trust in our love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dave Millett. And I'm Niall Spain. And we're your fuck buddies. We are a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations and we turn them into sexy, sticky situations.

And what was that? You said sexty. Yeah. Okay. This is our sexting episode. Sexting episode. Simply put, we are a sex and dating advice podcast that finds questions either online or through our phenomenal listeners of which you are presumably one. Unless you're reading this transcribed somewhere, I guess.

Yeah, someone has been transcribing all of our episodes, not telling us about it because that is a very valuable service. And just putting them somewhere. On TikTok too. Like LimeWire or something. Yeah. I realized when I said my name name i tried to say it with like importance but just sounded really sad yeah i'm not sad i'm i'm hyped to be here i was gonna ask you what was up no well you did pull me away from elden ring to do this but you also agreed that

this is now an elden ring fan cast so i guess it's all right yeah it's funny i was going to talk about elden ring i don't have anything specific to say i just always want to be doing something in adjacent to if i'm not actually inside of elden ring oh inside of health and ring i like that i like to pretend i've been transported there i go through those little circle gates i would hate that because i die very hard it would suck so much i would get eaten by something. I'd just go dance with the windmill people, honestly. Okay, no one knows what we're talking about. We have to move on.

Are you ready for a question? Everyone knows what we're talking about. Yes, let's go. Okay, oh my God. Why are my questions being weird? Okay, this is from Throray BF No BJ. Last night, me and my boyfriend were hanging out. We didn't get a lot of chances to be together.

We've recently gone about a month and a half without having sex. We finally got the chance to be together and even had a date yesterday. He picked up a new game while we were out and started playing as soon as we got back to his place. I let him play for almost two hours, but I started getting affectionate after a bit since the date was really nice and I was enjoying being with him at night for the first time in a while. He was really engrossed in the game and didn't ask me what was wrong until three hours in. When I told him I wanted sex, or at least give him a blowjob, he just said, oh, I went back to playing his game. I felt kind of bad for mentioning it, tried to stay and watch him for a bit longer, but eventually decided to go to sleep. He was

playing until at least 2am, at which point I fell asleep without even cuddling. I was sure if he ever came to bed. He usually wakes up before me when we sleep together anyway. I tried to talk about it today. He says I shouldn't be upset and should understand, since it's a new game. Which I get. I don't expect sex. But I wasn't asking for something long or even much effort from him. Even if he doesn't feel like it, I wish he'd been more considerate of me and not basically ignore me as soon as we got back from our date.

He's my first boyfriend, so I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable. Should I adjust my expectations, or is there a better way to talk to him to get him to see my side? Which is, from boyfriend, 22-year-old male, ignored me to play a game when I want to have sex with him, 19-year-old female. Now, there's a very important, again, we always talk about context. I need to know if the game is Elden Ring. If the game is Elden Ring, then it's fine. Hey, guess what? The first hundred questions are, or first hundred comments are is that elden ring

though and it is in fact elden ring yeah then you know you'll never compare to the sweet sweet world that from software and george rr martin have crafted for us i'm sorry are you open world are you open world are you like do you have tons of caves and bosses that will just absolutely obliterate me and abuse my morale into the point where I feel like I am, in fact, nothing? Can I make Jarfriend on you? Don't think so. How much crafting material do you have? Do you have any crafting material? Yeah, that's my real question.

Yeah, you know, no one's had sex in the past week and a half because of elden ring and the world's better for it no one's stressed apart from all the stress of failing constantly in the elden ring yeah except for the anger apart from all the anger of failing all the time in the elden ring but no one's been happier than when you finally beat that boss that's true the elation the the euphoria is at an all-time high as well. Fuck, we're talking about Elden Ring again. I knew we would. Damn it. Oh, you know what we also need to do?

What? Okay, we've got a new plan, right? And this is we hammer down on the SEO like nobody's business. So you have to call this episode Elden Ring Daily Wordle. Okay. And that's it. Is that a hot tip you got, or is that just how you think SEO works?

Well, apparently someone, in their episode, Daily Wordle, and got thousands upon thousands of views. So there you go. Okay, well then. Hey, it's happening. It's an experiment. If anyone's confused or annoyed, this is why,'m sorry but we gotta we gotta grind okay back to the question let's try to do our jobs yes this sucks unfortunate look we as you've heard elden ring is incredible i've spent i think i've already put like 80 hours into the into the

fucking game you know what i mean like it, it's a time sink and it's, it's a great experience and it's something that is actually very entertaining to play. And, and we've all been looking forward to a very long time, but there are also responsibilities that you have to your partner. Specifically, if you've said that like,

Oh, Hey, tonight is date night. It'd be one thing if like you showed up unannounced, you know what I mean? And he was kind of been like, well, well you know this is what i'm doing tonight and you're welcome to like hang out if you want but like this is my plan but you're not imposing on him tonight or or in this situation you guys had plans to spend time together so to just immediately ignore you is it's shitty it he's in the wrong here.

You're not asking too much that on a date night that you guys get to spend together. Like, it'd be no different if like you were trying to hang out and he was just on his phone all night. You know what I mean? It's like, you know, you're allowed to be on your phone, obviously, but not at the expense of being present with your partner. Like, especially as Dane said on the date night,

it was just like an average day. And, you know, you guys live together. Like they don't need your attention every second of every day. And I do think playing a game or choosing time to play a game, very important in a relationship. I think being able to not have sex or turn down sex or blow jobs, you know, we talked about this before men are allowed to do that too. That's very important. But one important thing that didn't happen here was communication. He just said, Oh, I went back to his game. That's, you know, that's not cool. And it's all even less cool because you guys haven't seen each other in a while. And it was a date night. So this could be okay. If it was a random day, if you were,

you know, if he had his plans to play his game, if he communicated that he didn't want to have sex, all these things could be fine. But in this current situation, it is not fine. And like the problems I would have had would have been like it was date night. So I deserve sex. But like, that's not the tone you're taking either. You seem to be very conscious of the fact that like, oh, he's well within his right to not want to have sex. And that's fine. And as Niall said, there's no communicating of of that on his end so I think what you need to do is it does seem like you

tried to talk to him again the second time but I think you need to sit him down and just be like hey look we don't get to see each other a whole lot so the time that we spend together is really important to me and I felt like you didn't like you disrespected my time and our time together by choosing to do something that you could do all the time that you're alone while we're together and i'm not asking you to not play video games i'm not asking for you to never play this game again all i'm saying is if we're if we've made plans to spend time together that we spend time together and that we're engaged with one another as opposed to me just watching you do something and like elden ring takes a lot of focus i'm sure he wasn't chatting the whole time it was probably pretty

much like you know laser focus video game time and you just watch followed by shit. Fuck. Damn it. God, I hate you from software. Now I would say, yeah, what Dane says is pretty good, but start off by preferencing that you fully know that Elden Ring is sick. Be like, look, I know this is tight.

I know this is amazing. Let's talk about how amazing it is. And then just do that. I know you still have to have this conversation. Damn it. I'm getting sidetracked by Elden Ring again. Um, no,

for sure. I'm going to play it on PS4 or whatever he's playing it on and become an invader and just constantly evade his shit make a bet with him be like oh my god okay every time you lose to this boss you have to like go down on me and you're just he's gonna eat you fully because he'll lose a lot he will but yeah talk to him this isn't okay. Obviously playing games is fine in, in the general scheme of things. Having time apart is fine. Not wanting sex is fine,

but in any of these instances, you need to communicate and you need to set aside time for your partner. So go forth, be better. Could this be solution? Try fingers, butthole. I will.

No one understands half the things you said this episode i'm so sorry henceforth i will only be responding to these questions via the messaging uh system of elden ring which is revolutionary yeah they haven't needed to change it since the first devils came in i guess it's my turn for a question huh it is i was waiting i can hey i can hit you again i got like 20 this comes from reddit using my personal brain vomit advice about being on top but also being a bigger girl i've heard to like grind on it but my boyfriend said that wouldn't feel good said i need to go up and down but he's smaller than me and his hips dig in and it's not super easy lifting up and down for an extended period of time. I'm a UK size 14 and I feel like a failure because I'm not bouncing on that D like a porn star.

I don't love it on top. It doesn't feel great. So I don't know what to do. Yeah, I will say I'm team don't grind. Actually, sorry. I'm team grind when I'm trying to last longer because it does nothing for me. I mean, I will remind you that sex is a two personperson entertainment process, and sometimes doing something for yourself is worthwhile. No, for sure.

I mean, in my experience, people have always grinded because they thought it's what I wanted and not what they wanted. Because anytime I've been like, you just like, you know, I think it's pretty hot if someone's on top and they get themselves off, you know, using your dick. It's pretty cool. So anytime I communicate that, no one grinds, you know what I mean? I'm sure there are people out there who do. And I would imagine anyone who's listening to this podcast knows we think everyone's pleasure is paramount. So if anything I say is contrary to that, once you're not hurting anybody, ignore what

I'm saying. But in this case, he's saying he doesn't want grinding. She doesn't seem to say she does, aside from the fact that she doesn't like the alternative. Yeah. I mean, the thing for me is you clearly say you don't love it on top and it doesn't feel great. So unless your boyfriend is specifically asking you being like, hey, like, I want you to ride me, then like there's no need to fulfill this like i think it sounds like you're kind of just doing this because it's like a staple of a sexual staple in the the move repertoire like if you're not into it and your boyfriend isn't clamoring for it then like you can just skip it if it's not something either of you are comfortable doing or if it's something that you

specifically don't like you're not obligated to do it yeah 100 now i'm imagining this is coming about because he's asking her to go on top which is fair and you can like you can give it a go like try it out but also like just because you're on top doesn't necessarily mean you have to do all the work 100 yeah so if if he really wants an up and down motion, all you really need to do is brace yourself. So he has a little bit of wiggle room at on the bottom and he can thrust himself underneath. Yeah. A hundred percent. And it's, it's also a lot of best way to do it. Yeah. It's a lot of fun, but it's also all about practice as well. You know what I mean? It's like, yeah, bouncing up and down and like that motion is hard to do but and it might be exhausting and tiring but like so is thrusting like so is going down on someone you know what i mean it's like when i was a fucking young person my jaw would hurt my hip

you know like you put in a lot of fucking effort in the summer if someone doesn't have adequate air conditioning the amount of effort you're putting in fucking sucks so it's like that doesn't come from nowhere you know what i mean that's like practice and time so it's like if this is something you want to do and you tried it once we're like oh that's tough though it's like okay but you could keep trying and practice you know what i mean these are are things that are you're able to do you don't even have to like bounce up and down because i think we've talked about dick injuries before and it's like an uncontrolled balance is one way trip to the hospital especially if you are a larger woman yeah well in general you know like for sure but with a little extra weight added to the to the downward momentum could be even more unpleasant

but and so it's like you don't need to do the porn like chaotic up and down like you can lean forward and you can like move your butt you know what i mean up and down. Like you can lean forward and you can like move your butt, you know what I mean? Up and down and like adjust your hips. You're not like just sitting and grinding, but you're still like getting that up and down motion. You can work with like squatting. You can work with even like having him sit on the edge of the couch and you

like sit on his dick, you know what I mean? Where you have your full range of leg motion and maybe you can lean against him or something else. Like there are a number of different ways to do it that aren't just like he lies there and you have to you know jackhammer him there's yeah i would say my two suggestions for you if this is something that you guys do want to work on as a couple and add your sexual repertoire i would say there are two things. First thing, let him encourage him to do the thrusting. If you find that it is physically difficult

because of your weight or your fitness or whatever reason that you're having trouble with it, then all you need to do is give him a little bit of room so that he can thrust. Now, I know you said he's bony and that's uncomfortable for you. Unfortunately, other than feeding this man a bunch of

burgers and getting a little meat on his bones, there's really nothing you can do about that. Um, second, if you want to be in control of the motion, I imagine if you're talking about grinding and porn star positions, I imagine you're completely upright, which does not lend itself to really great up and down motion motion unless you are doing, as we've talked about, the very dangerous chaotic bounce. So I would say lean forward. Now, this might be a deal breaker for him. He might like being on top or you being on top because he wants to see your tits bounce or see the full glory of your body. But we all have to make concessions.

So lean forward and that way you can rock forward and back as opposed to up and down. But it is the same motion, if that makes sense. And going up and down the deck. Yeah, that's what I was saying as well. So good luck. But again, I do want to stress that, like, if this is something that neither of you are really crazy about and it just you can't seem to get it it to work then don't feel like you're a failure or don't feel like you're obligated to use it like if there are other positions that you guys love and feel great do those yeah 100% like I feel like especially with the influence of porn and things like that you almost feel like

you have to do like a bit of missionary a bit of of doggy, a bit of like reverse cowgirl. You know, it's like it doesn't fucking matter. You know what I mean? The only kind of problem is if one person wants X and the other person doesn't. You know what I mean? Like if he really wants you on top. And I will say with the him thrusting thing, it's possible that like he wants a little bit of a break, which is why the on top thing has come up. You know what I mean?

Because that's still pretty labor intensive, if not more so than regular thrusting. So it's like that might not be a solution depending on what he's all about. So, you know, but talk, communicate if it is a thing you really want to work on. Try the things we've said. Try to alter it a little bit. Like, again, if he's sitting on the edge of a couch or a chair, you can like have a little bit more range of motion because you've got like your legs not by your side you're not on your knees you're not kind of squatting you can like you know move a lot more and i also promise you there is probably videos and or like pictures from, you know,

sex people or people who have like sex people, you know, like sex therapists who that, that are specifically tailored for people of, of larger stature or, or, or, you know,

who are a little heavier. I'm sure there are resources online that if you Googled, you know, you know, cowgirl positions for, you know, heavier women, know cowgirl positions for you know heavier women just just cowgirl positions in general you'll probably get a you know a little bit more in-depth like you know we can't draw you a picture over an audio medium you know so it's like you'll probably get a

little bit more of the like specifics but like work through our shit and then hone it with that and i believe you good luck this is from seduction this is genius artist how do i take the interest out of her she's beautiful but boring i 23 year old male spotted a beautiful girl 20 year old female in college campus i sat next to her we start talking she does nothing besides doing college stuff and hanging out with friends no future visions plans plans, hobbies, ambitions, original opinions about whatever, nothing I could pull a longer conversation out of. We talked for 30 minutes, when the conversation was on the purge of hitting an awkward silence I assume verge. I wrapped up then left, thinking she's boring AF. She didn't even ask me half of

what I asked her for the sake of mutual connection to get to know each other. I didn't enjoy my time with her, but she's really beautiful, and I like the sound of her laughter a lot now i'm thinking what if she has fucked up social skills gotta figure out how to unlock her how do you have an interesting conversation with such women oy vey there is a good chance you didn't pick up on the fact that she was just talking to you to be polite and wasn't asking you questions back because she was not interested wait no it must be that there's a secret to unlocking her that she's deep down interesting if he can just fix her because she's beautiful sorry i don't know if you noticed a bit where he did like how she laughed and she was hot i'm surprised hey this is a step forward in seduction because at least he's trying to have like a connection beyond yeah physical

attraction so like hey you're moving in the right direction it's still like still not right i just like i love that like normal a normal reaction would be like oh we didn't get on you know she wasn't into it yeah instead of like but what secret way can I unlock her interest? Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's not great because, and also like there are like, it's just, I can probably guess that there are so many very attractive people that I will not get along with or that I will not find interesting.

And that doesn't mean they're not interesting people. It just means that like our, you know, the cross section of what we find interesting or our interests or whatever we're attracted to just don't cross over. Hey, and that's fine. Let's be fair. Some people just aren't interesting. That's also true. So, but like anytime I meet those people, I don't immediately think like, oh, okay. How do I inception you to be interesting how do i get

in your brain and like wiggle around some wires so that i activate you know interest.exe in your programming it's it's so it's so frustrating every time we have a question from seduction because it's like i'm so sorry they just don't approach women like human beings and it's it's like, I'm so sorry. They just don't approach women like human beings. And it's, it's very frustrating because really at the end of the day, like every seduction question can be answered with treat them like a human. Yeah. And don't be an asshole. Yeah.

Basically. Either one or the other or both, usually both. But like, that's, that's the answer to any seduction question. Yeah. The thing is in this situation, it is either one of two options. And those options are, I assume a very likely one is she did not want to talk to you and was being polite and not engaging because you're a strange man who cornered her and she wanted it to, if not end immediately, then just go away without it getting worse. Or secondly, she was just kind of boring. In both of these

situations move on yeah it is not your responsibility to to change either one of those things that's the thing it's like if she's not into you like do better at realizing social cues in future because that sucks and if she is just the kind of person you don't mesh with like how demeaning is it to be like i'm gonna make you interesting like that's fucking bizarre it could also be that like dame was saying some people just don't have the same interests that is fine that is life in both situations move on and leave this poor girl alone yeah like there is no fucking third option there's no like oh she's like her secret interest can be unlocked by dancing around her four times clockwise and one time counterclockwise now i will say i'm going to give uh you know undue credit to this person

perhaps she was interested in and perhaps she is awkward or shy or whatever and like the alternative is like if if she was in fact engaging the conversation and wasn't just being polite perhaps just a matter of getting to know them better as opposed to like hoping that the first conversation you have with someone is this you know earth-shattering groundbreaking life-changing you know movie moment like it could just be you guys are chatting and it was the first time you guys chatted so like it was awkward and maybe she was a little shy and maybe she didn't really know what to say. And that's fine.

So if you want to keep having conversation with someone, keep having a conversation with them. As long as like you're not being obscene or gross or like, you know, pressuring them into talking to you. But like if you guys just happen to sit beside each other in class and you guys just chat, then like just chat and see where it goes from there. But like trying to, like I said, like do some weird Christopher Nolan inception shit

isn't going to work. See, I just, I'm so used to everything being the worst possible version of, I always just think the bad side of seduction questions. So it's possible. Maybe they were just nervous. This comes from Gwenny468. How do you focus on you during sex? Weird question, I know. 23-year-old female and had mostly casual hookups throughout college. Now just started dating a guy who actually puts in the effort to give me pleasure. And I'm realizing I don't know what I like. I can't stop myself from thinking about how to get him off always.

Hyperanalyzing every move I make to make sure I'm being sexy enough. Wanting to get him to finish fast so I can feel like I did a good job, as dumb as it sounds. How do I get out of this mindset? I know my boyfriend wants to help, but it's like I can't even access my own pleasure when his is on the table too. Well, you need to figure out what you like. And a good way to do that is by masturbating. Because then his pleasure won't be on the table, which you're saying is the block. So if you know how to touch yourself and get yourself off

you can communicate that to him i think that's a like step one literally you're almost spelling it out um step two he probably doesn't want you to make him finish really quickly yeah that's like the opposite of what men are told to do all the time ever. And also for a lot of guys. That means sex is done. Well that's the thing. So that probably sucks for him. But secondly. Or thirdly. I don't know what we're on at this point. It's like I understand the whole.

Sex has to be about their pleasure. While it's still on the table kind of deal. And I think a lot of men will be that way. Purely because if you come. And your dick. Is no longer erect, then that aspect of sex, which a lot of people consider, you know, the aspect of sex is off the table. So I think like, I definitely am always focused on my partner's pleasure until they have come at which point that I'm like, fine, I can come now.

But until that point, it's very much about them. So I get it. But that's okay for me because once they've come, they can usually come again or are fine to keep going. Whereas if you make him come, I'm assuming his dick takes a brief breather like most penises. If you get them off, then you're kind of stopping that element of stuff. Yeah. And this is something that if you have a partner then you're kind of stopping that element of stuff yeah and this is something that like if you have a partner who now you you feel sexually compatible with and is like as you said putting in the effort this is the kind of time where you get to like talk about sex and have like moments of being like hey so sex with you is really fun and really great and i really

appreciate you know all these things that you do, but like, I'm, I've never had a partner who's done this for me before. And maybe like say, Hey, next time, can we, you know, if, if you're up to it, can we just kind of like take it slow and sort of see what, what works and what doesn't work? Because I promise you, if this dude is a good partner and does enjoy pleasuring you as if a woman asked me and i imagined you as well who was just like hey can we just kind of like laundry list and try out a bunch of things and see what works and what doesn't work for me i would be the best so excited to do that i would like book the day off work and we would get takeout at some point during the day and aside from that we would

spend the day in bed and it would be wonderful yeah because it was like i could try a thing you could try a thing we could just like be naked and comfortable and like chill around each other for the whole day and it's like that is going to be such a fun experience like you're gonna have a blast i'm gonna have a blast like great or even just like you know before every time you guys are about to hook up just be like hey before we like really get going let's try one new thing and so like every time you guys get about to hook up just be like hey before we like really get going let's try one new thing and so like every time you guys get together you know maybe he tries just fingering you uh internally maybe sometimes he plays with your clit with his finger and the next time it's just like he's gonna do a bunch of like oral stuff maybe he'll finger you while he's going down on

you like and trying out just a bunch of different things and you know that like you know quote unquote sex has not started yet. It is not time for, this is exploratory time. This is learning time. This is school is in, and then you get to recess. Which is also maybe try things where like his pleasure isn't on the table, which I guess Dan is kind of hinting at right now, but like where you are maybe restrained or you have your blindfold on or both.

And it's like your job is to lie there and have fun. You can't engage really. And that's that could be super fun as well. And there's something I do want to bring up as well, where you you said you're hyper analyzing to make sure you were looking as sexy as possible. Oh, yeah, you're you're sexy. You're good. Please, I strongly encourage anyone who does this to drop that facade because it usually comes across

as very performative and very fake and is more it takes people out of the the moment far more than if someone lets themselves sort of like crumple over and and allows themselves to have a couple roles on their side or you know what i mean like i would much rather see someone enjoying themselves in an unadulterated fashion as opposed to someone trying to make sure that they don't have a double chin trying to make sure that their stomach always looks flat so i'm trying to make sure that they're you know their ass is always like arched and popped and like i have never noticed someone's roles or face being weird or you you know, any of the things Dane has kind of mentioned there like ever, I have never been with a partner.

I'm like, they let it slip for that brief moment, like glimpse their inner, whatever. But I have noticed people being like stiff and being like unnatural. And that is ironically far less sexy. Like it sucks. Like,

obviously it's easy to say like, Oh, be confident. Like you're fine. Like obviously it's easy to say like, Oh, be confident. Like you're fine. Of course it's easy to say that. And it isn't the reality, but I think if you, you need to hear it, if this is a thing that you do, because you're, you're, you're sexy. You know what I mean? No one in their right mind is going into this situation, expecting that bizarre in human perfection, because that isn't human it's human is is sex and sex is messy and imperfect and that's why it's fucking wonderful but like you are far

more than hot enough as you are you don't need to like get the lighting good so that you know by all means put the good lights on but you know what i mean okay i was gonna say i as someone who's worked in film and has a photographic eye, I, there've been times where I've like gone over to people's houses and they've been like, did you change the lights in here? Like,

yeah, it was not, you did not have sexy lighting. I'm sorry. We had to turn the room lights on. We had to put the lamps on. Hey Dan, you're a weird boy and that's okay.

I, I promise you it's a better experience. That's okay. That's fine. And there's no, there's no better. There there's no whatever but you've just put another insecurity at someone's little insecurity bank well we were trying to get a few out no i mean i'm letting the the weird light freaks know that it's okay chase chase that good lighting but either way don't let that consume you you're good you're 100 good there's no secret that you're unveiling when

you take your clothes off uh there is it's a real good one that's the thing is like you are always going to be far sexier being yourself and unfiltered when when people let themselves like just make the noises they're gonna make and like embrace whatever they're feeling at the time. Like that is so fucking hot. When you get rid of like the, the performative moans and screams, and it's just sort of like actual guttural sort of just like, this is coming from the pleasure that's being derived from the act. It's a fucking hot. It is so fucking hot.

I would take that over the fake porn moans. Even if the porn moans make me feel like i'm a like sex god i don't care i don't want that i want to feel like this is like it's real if that makes sense it's it's so so so sexy to sort of strip away the like social facade that we have to wear on a daily basis when we're out, like sex should be when you're at your most vulnerable. Even if you are, even if you are playing like the dom role, even if you are taking the assertive position in a sexual relationship, you should still be at your most vulnerable because you're trusting your partner. They're trusting you. It's like

you should let those like barriers slip away. The person finds you attractive. They're trusting you. It's like you should let those like barriers slip away. The person finds you attractive. They're having sex with you. So don't worry about trying to make sure that you're picture perfect or airbrush or Photoshop because you can't be. So just enjoy it. And I think trying to step back away from that kind of stuff and just embracing the fact and like it took a very long time for me as someone who had self-esteem issues when I was younger to be like, oh, this person who I'm currently having sex with finds me attractive. And just like reminding myself of that fact was enough for a lot of insecurity and a lot of anxiety involving sex to sort of melt away. Just reminding yourself of that. And it's the same thing. I always say

this about first dates as well. Just being like, you're not trying to like convince them that they want to have sex with you. Someone who goes on a first date with someone definitely finds you attract. Like no one goes on a first date being like, no way in hell I'd ever have sex with this person. Right? Like, it's just not something that we do. So you just have to like, just remind yourself being like, Hey, this person finds me attractive

enough to go on a date with me or finds me attractive enough to have sex with me so don't worry about the little things just bask in that confidence let that confidence ball ball roll a little bit so you you can like you know back it up with allowing your your talents and your your abilities and your passion to do the rest of the heavy lifting. A hundred percent. Okay. So we have an update to the secret room. Okay. It's a long post.

Do you want me to go do the whole thing? Can you calls notes it? They called their parents. Parents came. So he wouldn't die. He went down. There was a bathroom down there. Oh shit. You were right.

The electricity worked. And then there was a room in with survival bunker shit, you were right. The electricity worked, and then there was a room with survival bunker stuff, medical kits, books, a huge box of rations, gallons of water, and a cot that looked new. Some of the stuff seemed heavy, don't know how she got it down, unless there's a different entrance, a small metal door in the wall, interiors covered in cobwebs, like a crawl

space, terrifying. Went back up and they're worried that the girlfriend hid the room because she wanted to survive alone if there was an apocalypse i assume it's more out of shame of being a stumer or survival survivalist but yeah basically it was survival supplies in a bathroom so we kind of covered most of it we did we did also murder in the crawl space so i think we got all three but here's the thing like i think we talked about it a little bit last week where if i was just starting to date someone i wouldn't want

them to know that i had a bunker because if shit does go sour or like south and we've broken up but you know i have all this shit but also guess what kind of person would be even more paranoid about that the kind of person who needs a survival bunker yeah like they've already got every like kind of aspect covered they're covering this aspect too if we talked about this three years ago i would be like this person yeah now i'm like but over the past three years i'm seeing there's there's an old lot near my house that i've been like if this had a little bit more cover this would be a great place for me to start building a bunker so i'm just saying maybe this person isn't quite as loony as we're we're making them out to be considering the state don't think we really said they were that loony honestly although i will i will say that like

unless this thing is lead-lined, just in the basement of your house, it ain't stopping nothing. Do you want me to go for a different one? Yes. This is by Competition Unique 323. Girlfriend wants us, 25-year-old male, 22-year-old female, to enter a reality show that entices couples to hook up with single people. I'm not sure if it's wise to mention the name of the show so I can leave it out to avoid trouble.

The point of the show is to send couples to an island resort where all of them will have an opportunity to mingle with attractive single people, see if their relationship is strong enough to withstand temptation. Based on what I've seen in their previous episodes, many of the partners end up sleeping with the singles and ruining their relationships. I told my girlfriend how uncomfortable I was, the idea of us testing our relationship on a public platform, but she argued we will not be the couple that decides to fuck the first available hot person on the island. I jokingly asked, well, about the second, third, fourth, or fifth.

She encouraged me to think of it as a once-in-a-lifetime experience before she reached into my pants and made me promise to trust her as much as she trusted me. We had sex and filed our conversation under to be continued. It's not that I don't trust my girlfriend or myself or any good looking people, but I'm concerned the show will go above and beyond to create situations that will manipulate us to act impulsively.

It's an island paradise with romantic scenery, horny young people walk around in swim shorts and bikinis, plenty of alcohol, and let's get to know each other vibes. I can see how night after night of that shit can increase sexual chemistry between strangers and lead to hookups. Question, am I being insecure or does this sound like a terrible idea man this is tough because i think it is a little bit of both but i do also 100 agree that if you are not

comfortable like like there's there's a difference between trusting your partner and putting you know like putting everything on the line in a situation where the the trust is specifically trying to be broken by people who are being paid millions of dollars to do that well like the entire point of these shows is for shit to go south and a lot of that is either carefully edited so it looks that way or actively like orchestrated to be that way and they probably won't want you if you guys are solid and if you are solid and you get there not only will you have to deal with yourselves and other people but you will have people actively trying to fuck with your shit because that's their job and if they don't there's no show yes exactly and also you don't want to do

it which is where we needed to kind of end right it's like if you don't want to do it, which is where we needed to kind of end. Right. It's like, if you don't want to do it, you don't want to do it. And that's kind of that. Like, what's the benefit here? The only thing I could think of is if there's a cash reward for making to the end without fucking someone else. Like if you got like a million dollars for being a good couple that I,

you know, I would be enticed to do that. Well, the funny thing is, it's like, I feel like all these shows that do have cash rewards the cash rewards aren't that big anymore it's like twenty thousand dollars or whatever it's like which yeah i would fucking love twenty thousand dollars but like you would get it

you'd be like oh fuck i'm still poor damn it i can't get a house i can't do anything it's like yeah yes it's great but is it worth that and also like if anyone watched the newest love is blind reunion no like i've never seen people who wanted to die more in a room in my entire life everyone was so miserable that one dude dug himself a grave and then threw all the soil back on top of himself and everyone in the world hates it now so it's like you could be painted as the villain even if you aren't one or driven to be one and then things can spiral and you could come out of this like maybe not winning but also maybe just hated you know yeah which is an okay still i think a risk even if you really want to do it you know i think it's still something to consider because it's not

without risk but this is something you don't want to do. And you still have all these risks. Also, how hot are you guys? How hot are you guys? If you, if you guys are just like an average couple, sorry, you're not making it on the show. They don't take average people on here. Well, if they're super fucking hot, then, then we're in trouble. The thing is, I also think you also have to like, think about like what you want to do

in life as well. Like a lot of these people end up being like social media celebrities and stars and stuff. Like if that's not the career either of you want to pursue, like there's really no point to do it. You know, it'd be like going on the circle and being like, I don't want an Instagram or Twitter or anything like,

like I don't want any, any part of me online. And then being like, I'm going to go on the circle, which is like, then you're contractually obligated to do a bunch of online marketing and shit for if she wants to be some kind of social media person because i think it's a lot easier for women to kind of take that sphere as well she's not gonna get there by being a good girlfriend much like you wouldn't get there by

being a good boyfriend because you wouldn't get screen time and no one fucking care yeah you would have to really really hope that the producers are like, this is our angel couple, and we're going to really edit it so it looks like they are the all-American, Johnny and Jessica, everyone loves them, they're high school sweethearts, nothing could ever tear them apart. But then if that's the stance they're taking as someone who knows how film and TV works they would then be like constantly fucking with you in an effort to

raise the tent you know like i don't like you said like it would be like going to a club and being like look i know my girlfriend isn't gonna cheat on me but the fact that there are non-stop dudes constantly throwing themselves at her and also i have women constantly throwing themselves at me it would just be so fucking annoying i'm just being like look thank you you're very attractive i understand that this is the reason you're here but like i have a partner and i'm not interested oh but meanwhile and here comes another one meanwhile the bar and the bouncer don't get paid unless you guys cheat so they're just harassing you also you know what i mean like they're not even trying to fuck either of you but they are actively trying to fuck you both over

i don't know it's it's one of those things i feel like if you weren't a fuck yes this is a no absolutely this is not something you do like tentatively i know i know someone who went and was a reality tv star and she went down a whole fucking rabbit hole and is now a wildly different person. So it's like, do you want that? That's the thing. It's like you guys might be a solid couple now, but like after after the social media gets their hooks in you, you guys might fucking hate each other. Also, like, well, if you go on the show and then you just have it publicly documented that your girlfriend just cheated on you or that you cheat on her i don't know anyway yeah i again i think we summed it up with if this wasn't a fuck yes it's a no and you're not necessarily being insecure i think any reality tv

like even going on the circle it's like that's a pretty big move and that's harmless enough yeah yeah so i'd love to go in the circle i'd love to go in the circle. I'd love to go on the circle. Me and you playing one person. Dude, that'd be fucking baller. It'll be so good. Let's do it. Circle. If you're listening, we're circle Canada. Where is circle Canada?

Let's start. I think there was actually a casting call recently about it. We'll call it fuck circle. If we do it, welcome to the fuck circle. It's like, oh shit. What's the difference? There is not. There isn't a single one not a single difference in fact it's probably in a slightly shabbier building

yeah one of the many empty condos in toronto yeah it's in the houseboat on the island yeah this is from lonely sad bitch should i only use quote-unquote ugly pictures of myself on my dating profiles when i mean ugly i mean no filters whatsoever no makeup no wigs or weave i'm a black girl by the way my natural hair is hideous everyone in my real life says so and i guess there's no point in hiding it very basic clothing jeans and t-shirt i don't want to feel like i'm lying to the men who when they see my profile pictures but i am worried about not getting any matches since in my real life men ignore me completely in my quote-unquote ugly look which in all honesty is my everyday look I don't want to come off as a catfish if I put effort into myself just for them to be disappointed when they see me man your friends suck imagine being like

it's like oh your hair is awful and then like oh thanks when your next friend arrives they're like oh look at your fucking awful hair I'm like okay and then the third friend's like oh i see awful hairs here today it's like wow that's that's insane for your friends to ever say it let alone constantly so that's that's issue one um i think there are like filters get rid of filters right yep no filters i can agree on that no No filters, makeup, hair, whatever. I think what you want to do is try to be as close to how you are in real life. I think it's important that at the end, you're like, oh, my ugly look, which is how I look every day.

It's like, okay, if you do your hair a certain style or, you know, you do your makeup a certain style and you wear certain clothing, I think you should have that in there in a certain sense. I think if every picture of mine was like a filter and I was wearing a tuxedo and like on a yacht, and then my reality is like I cycle to work, wear t-shirts and own a yacht, it's going to be like, okay, you've kind of put out this weird Tinder swindler vibe and that's not who you are. So I think you should tailor it to a certain degree of like how you are on a day to day. But there's no harm having one dolled up picture, you know. But fuck the fuck the filters.

I think at the end of the day, this is not about a dating profile. This is about your self-esteem and a quest you need to go on in order to boost it. One, I wanted to get to that after we dealt with the, you know... Get your fucking friends out of here. They're not your friends. Into the sun. Teleport them into Elden Ring and we'll never see them again.

You're using the word ugly for your basic appearance. And it's, I guess, under the assumption that, like, everyone who looks good on Tinder is, like, that's good on Tinder is like, that's their fake appearance. I like, I don't really know what's happening here.

Yeah. Or they just think they're ugly, which sucks. It's like, don't think that. Own it. And if, if for whatever reason you feel like more attractive,

if you've got a wig on or a weave in, or, you know, a little bit of makeup on, then maybe like consider doing that in your day to day life. Like if it's, if it's not too much work, if, if you know, whatever you do for a living allows for it.

But like, if what you're saying, if you're, what you're saying is like, you have the capacity to be quote unquote attractive and you default to quote unquote ugly, like then you're not ugly. If that makes any sense like if you're saying you have the capacity to be attractive then you're not ugly but also you're probably not ugly in your regular day-to-day shit anyway and like the fact that you're like it hurts me to imagine you being like oh well normal day it's ugly me it's like yeah we could all look better you know what i mean like there are days when i do a little shave and get my hair going i'm wearing nice

something and i look you know pretty good and there are days where i just wake up and you know right now i'm just wearing a t-shirt and some sweats i haven't done anything you know that's not me ugly that's just me not spiffy and going out yet and that's fine but like if i felt ugly every day that would fucking suck and it's like you shouldn't do that because you aren't so i think you need to take a hard pause and figure out what what feels good for you in your skin and whatever that is if you're comfortable in your quote unquote ugly look stop calling your ugly look if this is if that's where you naturally want to sort of settle in and if that's what you're comfortable in and that's what you like to wear and like to look like then it's not your ugly look that is your look so stop

using because i think what's happening here is ugly is being used comparatively to either when they're all dolled up or in comparison to what other people look like you know what i mean i think they look at like you know people who always have all their shit together and they're you know the wigs on and their nails done and their hair done and their makeup done. And like if but if that's not who you are, then fuck it. Like that's that's who they are. Good for them. They're killing it.

But you can still kill it by being how you want to be. take a hard pause maybe from online dating and just kind of like work on you for a second and and figure out what's comfortable for you and and find out what what your what your baseline is and as now said there's no harm in you know putting your for your your best foot forward on online dating for sure and i think there's also a difference between having like six photos of you dolled the fuck up and like that's not what you do you know what i mean it's like if i had like six photos of me with like sports teams and i wasn't sporty i just round up a bunch of boys so i looked that way you know what i mean yeah um i by all means have one fuck the again fuck the filters i think filters are definitely in catfishy territory or at least

there's no benefit to a filter because we're not going to go on a date with a fucking filter on. We might go on a date where I wear a shirt and do my hair. So I think just fuck filters, yeet them into Elden Ring so they die. But like putting on a nice wig and doing your makeup isn't catfishing someone. So by all means, do a nice picture, do some regular ones, find some friends who are less cruel about your hair and own your look and stop calling yourself ugly because that'll probably bleed into how you feel, obviously, if you're making a message like this or a post. So rock that self-confidence and you're good. Yep. All right. Shall we do some Tindies? Hell yeah.

At the end of the episode, before we wrap up, we like to hit the online dating platforms such as Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, and peruse the profiles, comb them for red flags, talk about what works, what doesn't work, in an effort to make your online dating experience a little more enjoyable. Are you ready for Jonathan?

Probably not, but okay. Looking for my lovely ever after. Smiley face. Must be blonde or brunette be fit and toned go to the gym over four times a week be no more than 5 11 no less than 5 4 available at all times give good head able to cook and clean devote as much of your time to me as possible steady income of over 70 000 and theyum, maybe? Oh, yeah, that's probably it. I was like, what currency is PA? But like-

Have your own apartment that I can crash at occasionally. If you fit these criteria, swipe right. I will not settle for anything less. Also not interested in single moms. Why is it always with dudes? Must. Must. You must.

You must have these things. Hey, he knows what he wants. And what he wants is to be a trash human. Yeah. I mean, yeah, this is anytime anyone has a laundry list of like arbitrary shit that you must, you must do. I don't really care what it is, but if someone is just like, this is what I'm into and this specifically, it's going to be a red flag for me and it's going to be a no for me.

So I'm going to say, so last week we talked about you were like oh it's just whether we swipe yes or no i think the scale the rating is should we just go with a yes or no no because there are i think that's maybe i was being simplistic because it is part of it but some people deserve minus tens you know what i mean like this man because that's the thing i think what you're saying like i must on the laundry list, that's already a no. But his laundry list is so disgusting that it's like a triple no. Yeah. So I think the rating system

still stands. If anyone has any different ideas, you fucking send them on in. I would like to know. If you're sick of the rating, you just want a yes or a no, we'll do it. It's going to be a zero for me. Yeah, it's going to be a minus ten for me because that was awful. This adventure doesn't last forever. Supersize your fries.

Book the trip. Buy the shoes. Everything in moderation, though, of course. Except for guac. Never guac. I like the energy. Yeah, this is one of those profiles that I think doesn't really tell me anything but tells me enough. Yeah, it's not like I'm not loving it as in like it's not 10 for me.

But like I get the gist of who they are like i get like a little amuse bouche of their personality and i like it and they seem fun and positive so you know seven yeah yes i agree uh this is robin who wants to tongue emoji my cat emoji question mark why would anyone ever lick someone's cat? All that hair? I know. I don't get it. Also, the cat can't consent. Have you seen the whole thing about pet consent?

What? What are you talking about? How did you get to jorts? The cat, the ginger cat jorts? Oh, okay. So they're cat named jorts? Okay. Yeah, did you not hear this whole thing?

No, I thought you literally meant like Jean shorts. No, there was like a ginger cat in an office. And then a person in the office was putting butter on the cat to try to teach them how to like clean themselves because they felt like it didn't clean itself enough. And then the owner was like, what the fuck? Stop buttering my cat. Is that said you this whole thing? I don't know. Maybe you did.

It was wonderful. There's a whole campaign that I saw of people being like, stop petting your cats. They can't consent to your touches. The only animal in the world that probably does very firmly let you know if they want to be touched or not is a fucking cat.

Don't worry. If they don't want to be pet, they'll let you know if they want to be touched or not as a fucking cat. Right? Yeah. It's like, don't worry. If they don't want to be pet, they'll let you know. Yeah. And they will take a chunk of flesh out of you and probably run away and go somewhere high you can't get. Like, they are masters of escaping. This is Sydney. Just moved to Toronto. I have a film degree, but my parents tell people I majored in

puppets. I love bad movies, dairy products and puppets. I hate good music, dairy products and puppets i hate good music dairy products and puppets acab blm socialist punk believes in science if we matched it's because you have bi-wife energy triple vexed polypandemic okay uh i'm so intrigued by the puppets i what does that mean i love it though it's it's like it's a good joke done well you know what i mean i think it's very funny it's it's like it's a good joke done well you know what I mean I think it's very funny hey and it's someone who's got a messed up stomach I also understand the love dairy products hate dairy products I get it yeah yeah it's good I'm giving it a not 8.5 yeah I'm giving it an 8 this is S Sanya. Random facts about me. Solo traveler.

I foster dogs. Matcha lover. Naps anywhere. Abandonment and commitment issues. Bad texter. Will talk to you like I've known you for years. Nothing like putting your red flags just out there. Straight in the middle.

Like, again, there's nothing wrong with having abandonment and commitment issues. There's nothing wrong with that. But if you're well aware of that, perhaps maybe deal with those before trying to get into a relationship in which those two things will play a huge factor in how that plays out for you. Yeah, it's a little ridiculous because again, as you said,

if you know about them, work on them. And if you're working on them, you probably don't need to put them here this seems more like either they're making a joke that's probably not very funny because people do have these issues and you know you're giving off the wrong impression of yourself or it's more of a this is your problem now yeah this is what you're getting into when they do something as a result of this they can be like oh i told you in my profile and you're like that's not how it works yeah so i liked it up till then yeah it's one of those things where like anytime i see it like it's one thing to be you know to to mention like if you're bipolar stuff or you know like any number of things like i think that's maybe a little too much info right off the bat i think

that's something you can discuss once you get to know someone or you know or if you you know after a first date you'll be like okay we actually vibe so here are some things to know going forward when people use in this case it seems like again they're using a pre-existing issue or problem that they're dealing with as an excuse like you said as in like oh i have commitment abandonment issues just so you know so that when I do shitty things or when I act in regards to these problems, I am absolved of any pain that I may cause because you knew about it. Exactly. So I don't know if it's something if it's that big of an issue in your life that you need to put it on your dating profile. I don't think you should be dating. I think you need to deal with those things because like those are two things that are almost exclusively related to relationships.

A hundred percent. So yeah, I'm going to give this a zero. Yeah. I'm giving a zero as well. Um, this is Cara newish to Calgary, polyamorous looking for love slash sex slash friendship,

vaccinated slash boosted. I like art, anti-capitalism, vegan food, the environment, caring a lot, pop music, traveling when it's not a global pandemic, people who are straightforward and communicative, obsessed with my dog. That's pretty solid. It's an eight. If all those things are accurate representations of this person, I'm going to say that checked almost all of my boxes. Yeah, I could feel it yeah so i'm gonna give that

a 10 a really chill person and like i like they seem to be giving the right amount of information they tell you the things you need to know they tell you personal things they tell you hard stances that they have it's you know what who they are politically you know i mean all good things they seem fun and they also say what they like as opposed to what they don't like. They say what they're looking for as opposed to what they're not looking for. You get their personality, likes, dislikes, political views, and what they're looking for in terms of a relationship as well. So it's like, great. And all framed positively.

That to me is a perfect profile. I don't care what's in there. We can hem and haw over the, the, the, the nuances of like, if this person was like, I, I love racism, you know,

then we can be like, okay, this is a bad person. But in terms of structure, this person nailed it. And I just so happened to also love everything that's in there. So it's going to be a big old 10 for me. Nice.

Nice. This is Val sports, sports, sports, love all of them. Even the weird ones. I love cooking and trying new beers, sports, sports. Love all of them. Even the weird ones. I love cooking and trying new beers. Complaining about how cold it's getting and discussing whether Squid Game is a good show or not.

But have you seen Dope Sick? Prison Mike or Date Mike? Let's go, Brandon. Oh. Oh, no. It was so good until then. Yeah. Oh, no. It was so good until then. Yep. And, like, the thing is, if the profile ended with, I have problems with President Joe Biden, that's okay.

I do, too. You know what? It would still be kind of a weird thing to put in your dating profile because it would be like, okay, it has that much importance for you that you need to put it here i don't it would i imagine hint at a deeper well of of something but you know it still wouldn't be as kind of embarrassing as this stupid catchphrase this is the thing it's like it though let's go brandon fucking bullshit is so ingrained now in right wing like lunacy and like absolute sensationalism that i can't take anyone seriously who uses it like like you've got like i just just say just say fuck biden you know what i mean like you're not on tv you can you can you're a person and a human being who can just say fuck joe biden or fuck liberals like it why hide behind something so stupid like Like it's not catchy. Yeah.

It's like, it's so clever as well. Like there's no deeper meaning. It's just like one dude said a thing at a fucking race, I believe. And it's like the fact that people have glommed onto it with such like fervor when it is, it's like a baby schoolyard thing.

It's embarrassing. Yeah. It's not great. So that it's going to be another zero for me. Yeah. It's going to be a zero as well thing. It's embarrassing. Yeah, it's not great. So it's going to be another zero for me. Yeah, it's going to be a zero as well. Well, that's going to do it for our show, friends. Thank you very much for joining us. It has been, as always, an absolute pleasure.

Thank you for joining us. Thank you for spending the time with us. It means the world to us that you are taking an hour out of your busy life and hanging out with us. We love you very, very much. We love you so much. For. We love you so much for real. Thank you for everything. Uh, stay with us,

please. And that sounds weird. Yeah. What the hell? Stay with us, please. I take that back. Um,

yeah. Oh man. I'm in a weird mood today. You guys are the best. We love you. Thank you to everybody on our Patreon for supporting us in the best way. We love that. Thank you for everyone who has shared us and rated us especially as well.

We've been getting, again, just kind of like a steady little stream of Twitter followers. So if you're not one of them yet, please hop on. If you are one of them, thank you very much. We love you guys. This is the fucking best. If you do enjoy the show and want to support it, as Nell mentioned, we do have a Patreon. Head on over to fbuddiespodcast.com and click the Patreon link to see all of your options. If you get

the $7 level, you get a bonus episode called Pillow Talk every month, which is a little loosey-goosey. We played Would You Rather last episode, and we usually play some games. We do some questions. We do some tenders.

We kind of do whatever the hell we want. It's a lot of fun, and we would love to have you over there. If you have a question that you want to get on the show, just head on over to fbuddiespodcast.com and click the contact form. We keep completely anonymous, and we will answer your question as soon as possible. Thank you, Josh Eagle and the Harvest Cities for their song,

Paper Stars. Do you have some bad sex writing for us? Are you ready? This is by George, well, not by George R. Martin, but it's edited by George R. Martin. It's his, like, superhero like wildcard series. Okay. Which is a cool idea, but they're not that good. In this case, I suppose I could

forgive you, she said in a not very forgiving voice. She gathered her cards together slowly, careful of their age and value, and set them aside on a spider-like table that stood next to the couch. She leaned back languorously, her nipples bobbing on invisible pads of flesh whose warmth and firm texture Brennan knew well. And this is a person whose skin is invisible, but you can still see her nipples just floating there. What a crazy superpower. Yeah. And this is a person whose skin is invisible, but you can still see her nipples just floating there.

What a crazy superpower. Yeah. You can also see, I believe, her organs and muscle and skeleton, but nipples, not skin. Now, you know. Also her nipples. Yeah. Huh. Very, very neat.

At first, I thought it was going to be like, you know, that she had smaller boobs and that was why they were invisible. Because, you know, the male gaze can't see anything smaller than a d cup i guess of course yeah um i thought that was the i didn't realize they were actually actually invisible not fully invisible well very cool george rr martin but you get a pass because you did help create elden ring and as we know it's wonderful that's the only thing that matters in the world right now. My name is Dane Miller and I'm off to not have sex to now Spain because Elden Ring. I'm going to go play Elden Ring Praise the Ring

Praise the Ring you