F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 181 - Anal Mom (Part II)

Episode Date: March 21, 2022

We didn't know we'd ever return to Anal Mom, but here we are. Topics include condom purchase assumptions, getting caught sneaking in the back door, requesting sexual ratings, how to know if you've been cheated on enough, the existence of soulmates, unexpected booty pics and a new batch of Tinders.

I put my trust in you, and when I'm trusting, I love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love I put my trust in you, and when I'm trusting, I love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller. And I'm Niles Spain. And we're your fuck buddies. We are a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations and turn them into sexy, sticky situations.

Simply put, we are a sex and dating advice podcast where we find questions either online or from our wonderful listeners, of which you are one. Now I have a question for you, because I did a thing today and I was like, I wonder if everyone feels like this. And if you agree, then that would mean that everyone does. In fact, because two people is enough to make that claim. So I was buying condoms today. Okay. But I was also buying other things. And you worried that they thought they were irrevocably linked to the condoms? Yeah.

Do you feel that way? Where you're like, oh oh man i just bought detergent and like ice cream bars does this person now think that this is what turns me on doing some weird soapy ice cream sex yeah yeah what's with that i bought a bunch of candy and some condoms the other day and i i don't know they were just they gave me a look and i was like they'll have to be at the same time see i feel like no one's ever i've never gotten a look ever from my my condom to to whatever purchases that's fair multi-pack of condoms a lot both actually really maybe it's just the sheer volume i just i feel the same way with like toilet paper too if i'm buying like because usually like i buy the the largest

available option of toilet paper because you you know, why would I not? But if I feel like if I buy anything else, there's the implication that like, like if I buy like hygiene products, like if I buy like body wash, I'm I feel like they're going to be like, oh, this man shits messy. This man makes a fucking mess that afterwards after using, you know, 28 rolls of toilet paper, he has to get in the shower and hose off. Despite them being two very basic needs that people should get. Yeah, that people get at the drugstore. The same thing is if I buy a food product. If I'm buying, like you said, a bunch of candy, someone's like, oh, this man's going to eat so much candy he's going to shit himself to death. But it's like, no, I'm just at this place and i'm getting two things at the same time as opposed to making two trips

we're probably just weirdos i just wanted to know if i was the only one or if they don't think you are i think we've just proven every single person in the world does it so yeah yeah that's good i know i know it's more of a thing for people toilet paper but i don't i i never really asked about the condoms i feel like condoms are one of those things for like one we don't really talk about buying them they just kind of like we just assume that everyone's got them and they just exist outside of time and space um but yeah i was i was buying them and i was just like i wonder if this lady thinks i'm gonna do some some weird shit tonight and that i'm gonna make an absolute mess of someone or myself's clothing and i'm gonna to have to clean thoroughly.

Like I'm going to have to put whatever I'm doing in the wash, maybe my bedsheets, maybe my pants. I don't know. Maybe the person themselves. Yeah. Just spin cycle them. We did it. We did it.

We did the intro. We did do the intro. You ready? Yeah. How spicy do you want to go from the get-go? Immediately. Just as spicy as we can go uh so i i think i'm gonna institute a new rule right okay whenever you read out your question

title you start it by help just make it way more exciting so this is by yeehaw lex help my mother's boyfriend thinks he's disrespecting me by doing anal super awkward situation okay sorry you said to say no i just needed a second to parse what the words that you just said help my boyfriend's mother thinks he's disrespecting me by doing anal okay super awkward situation my boyfriend 20 year old male and i 20 year old female live together we live in a different state from his parents and different country from mine so they often come visit us and stay in our apartment his parents have been here for a week and obviously while they're here we don't have sex we think it's a little disrespectful but also awkward when your parents are in the room next to you yesterday evening his parents had booked tickets to go see a musical as soon as they left my boyfriend and i

got right to it however about 10-15 minutes later his parents walked in we gave him a spare key during their trip because his mom had forgotten her phone i found me and my boyfriend fucking doggy on the kitchen counter it was awkward enough but unfortunately they were at the right angle and in there long enough they could tell he was going in through the back door they immediately apologized and left the apartment later that night when they came back we talked it out and everything was fine his dad even tried to make light of the situation by saying hey at least my son knows what he's doing awkward but at least he tried we all all apologized. I thought that was that. His mom, however, stayed back after the dad left and told my boyfriend she was disappointed

he was disrespecting me like that. She claimed that is not the way you treat a woman you love and that anal is only for prostitutes. She said she was disappointed in me for letting him do that and she'd not raise her son to disrespect women. It's a nice gesture, I guess, but now we're not sure what to do or say. Edit. I want to add,

his mother has always treated me like a daughter and is usually never this invasive. I know she's good intentions, but everything feels awkward. Edit two. Everyone seems concerned about cleanliness of our kitchen. Let me clarify. First, they were leaning against the counter. I wasn't fully on it, if that makes a difference. Also, it was our kitchen island. We weren't near the stove, sink, or prep area. The island is covered in textbooks and other school stuff and is used exclusively for studying and sex apparently, but not for eating. Also we clean.

Yeah. I mean, anyone who's like sex in the kitchen, but that's where food, it's like, do you not understand that soap and cleaning products exist? Like, yeah,

the more worrying thing is that they're not assuming soap was used, which means do you use soap, bro? Yeah. It's like you can have sex in places and it doesn't irreversibly make them unusable so there's that people fucking relax secondly it's like i i think this is just a case of i mean there's a lot of things here one having your parents walk in or walking in on other people having sex is always going to be awkward. There's no way that it's not going to be a little uncomfortable unless you guys are like in some sort of, you know, non-monogamous thing. But this is a parent-kid situation.

So regardless, it's going to be awkward no matter how it pans out and shakes out. Dad's doing his best. I appreciate it. God love him. It's a weird thing to say, though. Let's be fair. Hey, what isn't a weird thing to say though let's be fair hey what isn't a weird thing to say you know i mean like i'd love to know did the dad say well at least my son knows

what he's doing and then inside go jeremy what the fuck why did you say that or was he just purely in a world where he was like job done he did it again nailed it this situation has been a diffused you just got dadded motherfucker so yes it's always going to be awkward it's always going to be uncomfortable the next time you see them everyone's going to pretend like this never happened and that is in my opinion the way to move forward i think you also have to kind of take into consideration that like look our parents aren't always as sex positive as us. They haven't, you know, grown up in the same time as us. So saying things like anal is only for prostitutes is a product of their time, their upbringing, the repression of sexuality in people who are older than us like it's absolutely untrue anal is not for

prostitutes that's a weird thing to say about people who have anal sex uh you know gay about gay men sex workers yeah you're she's really like being kind of a dick to a lot of people there good job mom like the question master says they understand that the intentions there are pure. She sees anal as something disrespectful and is disappointed in them for it shaking out. Thankfully, you are adults and you obviously care about each other. You don't need her blessing to have sex and you don't need her blessing to have sex the way that you want to have it. So if she's going to be weird about it that's her fucking problem something tells me that this is going to get locked away in the memory bank so that they never think about it ever again i don't think it's going to change i don't think you're going

to be treated poorly at the next family gathering i don't think everyone's going to know you as like anal girl i love my favorite superhero i think that's from 500 days of summer we're like oh everyone in high school called me anal girl i thought it was from episode 111 we talked about anal mom maybe that's not the episode number i can't remember what it is but something like that it'd be pretty crazy if it was though wouldn't it i'm gonna look it up i know this is fucking everything up right now guys but bane can do some spicy editing it can't have been okay i'm on oh 111 it is not it oh it's 115 i was close though it was pretty close that's pretty good that's pretty fucking good right oh man i was so close all right um man where was i even yeah so

i'm assuming like dane it's probably just the shock and discomfort of it all morphing into, you know, meeting her old style views and just kind of coming out in this weird like thing that she probably if like given time wouldn't have done. I'm hoping luckily this isn't even though there was a help in the title. It's not immediate. Now they're not currently still in the room. So it's highly possible as Dane said, this is never going to be brought up again however if this perpetuates i think you could you could do a simple like hey i really appreciate your concern but don't worry your your son respects me massively and we wouldn't be doing something like this without my full consent and then just leave it at that yeah i mean yes like it would be a wild move if this is something

that uh perpetuated you know what i mean if this was if this was something that continued on in future interactions i i think we're both of the same agreement that like we're never going to talk about this again i don't think it's going to come up ever again. And I think, you know, if they were reminded of what they saw, it would be too soon for them. But yeah, I don't see any harm in like if she was so brazen as to be like, you're disrespecting her and you're being disrespected. And I'm disappointed in both of you. If she's got the fucking balls to say that to you, I think you can have the fucking balls to go up to her and be like, yo, this is completely consensual. I enjoy it.

He's nothing but a gentleman and doesn't disrespect me whatsoever. So while I appreciate your concern and I understand you're coming from the right place, what we do in the bedroom is completely none of your concern. Thank you very much, mom. But I understand because she is disparaging both of you very much, mom. But. 100%. Because she has disparaged both of you in this as well, right? Like, I'm disappointed in you for being, you know, like, lesser and all this shit. Like, that's, you know, it's not great.

It's not very nice. This poor guy, he's smashing you the way you want to be smashed. And now he's getting it from his mom. That sounds wrong. No, he can't say that. From his mom. Because we're talking about anal. It's a little too close to the butt. Now he's getting shit from his mom because we're talking about anal it's a little too close to the butt now he is getting in trouble with sodomized by no yeah fuck she's going in the

bat now but yeah just i i don't think this will be an issue it sucks and hey if you're looking for a sympathetic year you got two right four right here i guess because ouch that that's not a fun situation parents walking in is bad parents walking in during anal is just worse right it is I don't like sure I yes I agree what you're saying but like I think I think what makes this worse is

the comments afterwards 100% but I'm saying it already started bad and now it's just escalated like I said there's there's no cool way to have your parents walk in on you having sex. No, 100%. But what I'm saying is it's even worse than that. Oh, yeah.

So I don't know. Just if it continues, you know, there's nothing to be gained by ignoring it, right? If there are comments, if there's any kind of change, I don't think you gain anything by skirting around the issue, right? Best case scenario, it's never brought up again. You guys will probably laugh about it in a few years. Worst case, she continues. And then you have to be like, hey, look, can we talk? And then just kind of drop the truth bombs and leave it at that. And I think either way, it should stop because I don't think anyone wants to relive that in their mind in this scenario, them or you. like they're gonna want an out and if the out is you talking to them they'll be like okay great cool i can wipe this

out of my memory cave my mind palace yeah 100 all right this is from success commercial 151 rating my partner's sexual performance oh sorry! Rating my partner's sexual performance. The guy I was dating asked me to rate him sexually. Basically, he wanted me to tell him how good he was compared to the other men I've slept with. Honestly, it's the weirdest question any man has ever asked me. I'm not sure if it's an ego thing or if he's just curious. Of course, I tried to tactfully ignore the question, but he insisted on an answer. I started explaining to him since it's the beginning stage of our relationship, my rating of him won't be accurate and could change.

For me, having sex with someone I'm in love with or having been dating for a while will rate higher than a new person. Excellent sex for me doesn't just include the physical aspect, but also the mental and emotional components. So the closer I am to you, the better the sex will be, hence the higher rating. Why the weird question? It's one, don't, don't ask people these questions. It's such a shit thing to do. And it's also shit for yourself because the only real answer you want to hear is, oh, you're the best. That's the only thing no one wants to hear. Like, yeah,

there's been 20 people better than you. No one wants to hear that. Right. I mean, even if it was like, oh, yeah, I mean, like you're seven. Seven's great. Seven out of ten is a solid performance, but it's not great to hear regardless. Well, you're talking about just a flat seven out of ten, right? Yes. But the thing is, he asked for like comparisons to other people where even if it was like, oh, you're second best.

No one wants to hear that, especially not the kind of person who asks a fucking question like this. So it's very unfair because you're essentially trapping someone in a room in which the only way out is to say you're the best I've ever had, which one could be a lie. And two, if you're not the best, that kind of precludes progress then. Right. Because if you they turn around like a week later like oh can you do this and then then you're like oh i'm the best you ever had though so do i need to yeah don't really need to though if i'm if i'm the best yeah but also there's no way this guy wants to hear about jeremy who rocked your fucking world in a pizza like nine days a week hey maybe he does though maybe he does maybe this guy is just so like sexually free and loosey-goosey and like just revels in his

partner's own you know experience and and joy you know like this could be a thing i personally don't care really like if it is as long as it's not someone i'm like super close with or like like if i'm just hooking up with someone i don't mind hearing like a sexy story every now and then um now there is a difference between a sexy story and a direct comparison yeah i mean like i for sure i love hearing like about you know other people's stories uh like close to them or not close to them it's like i don't like have jealousy or no sorry i do i definitely have jealousy but like nope niall is perfect no i mean like i'm not the kind like i appreciate my sexual past i appreciate other people's sexual past and like i don't take jealousy from that and like i would be a massive hypocrite too because like we talk

about our sexual past on the podcast all the time right so it's like imagine i could do that and then turn around to my partner it's like don't you ever don't you ever talk about like that's you keep your your whore mouth shut you know what i mean like that's that's insane now of course were someone to be like hey sit down i've got stats and this is how you compare against other people this is true it's a whole different thing and like if this was a question i mean like oh he brought up like blah blah blah and want to know about you know some other time with me i think that'd be a different thing also i think if they were a very sexually positive person this probably wouldn't have been a question they brought to read it probably would have an idea and finally there aren't enough sexually positive people out there which is why this podcast exists

so i i would love to know their ages because my guess here is that you guys are fairly young and he probably recently started sleeping with people. And again, he probably got the compliment of someone being like, God damn, that was great. That was like the best sex I ever had. And now he's chasing that high. He probably got a really, really really good compliment a very glowing recommendation or a very glowing sort of like you did a holy shit that was amazing and is now like desperate for that and if he doesn't get it feels like he's done a bad job

or or i mean just her insecurity and he's looking for like it's kind of like when people like oh this is the biggest dick you've ever seen it's like no one wants that answer to be no so it's like don't ask that question unless you're either forcing your partner to lie or ready for a no yeah it's uh that that is my guess my guess is he's probably had a very nice compliment and is now like now thinks he can get away with that or thinks that like everyone is going to feel the same despite the fact that like everyone's sexual preferences and experiences are wildly different so blowing someone's mind uh could be fairly run of the mill for someone else now i guess to the person the situation what do they I think it's like, I don't think there's any harm being like, I don't want to do that.

I mean, I don't find it sexy to like compare and contrast you to like previous lovers. I'd rather just focus on us. Am I enjoying having sex? You obviously do. We want to have better sex. Sure. Let's try right now. Wink.

Boom. Let's go. See, I think I think what they said was sort of the ideal answer being like, hey, rating systems do not work. They're not a thing that we can do because everyone changes. So it's like, are you better than the first person I ever had sex with? Yes, for sure. But like, did that sex get better as I got to know that person? Yes.

So like you can't like that rating will always change depending on the mood and depending on your your progress and your feelings and like all that kind of stuff so like having someone unless you're going to go every time you have sex and then like add it to the rating scale be like okay well number six was good but that was better than number six so i'm gonna put number six you know down a couple pegs put put, you know, number 19, the one that we're currently on, we're going to slot that is like, it's so arbitrary and pointless. If you need, from this guy's point of view, if you need that kind of reassurance, let your partner know that your love language is, is words of affirmation. Let them know that like

part of aftercare for you is some some reassuring words because then it doesn't necessarily have to be a lie because they don't have to be like oh you're the best i ever had just just something as simple as like that was incredible or i really liked when you did this isn't it should be enough to get that serotonin drip going i imagine uh that was incredible or you're amazing or i love having sex with you is pretty much what this person wants. Yeah. And they phrased it in this trap way where like, you know, it's very possible fucking Jeremy comes up and now they feel like absolute dog shit. You know what I mean?

And that's not what they want. But they put themselves in this awkward position kind of without thinking about it so it's like don't don't do that to yourself and don't do it to your partner because that's awkward unless you're very specifically in the kind of relationship where something like this isn't weird i will say for the grand majority of relationships it is because people are not good at being non-insecure and non-jealous and i'm not saying that as if i'm the exception to the rule you know what i mean but i would also wouldn't i would feel gross comparing someone like all this aside from my point of view. And I think you kind of mentioned it earlier where it's like,

I would feel gross if I was with a partner who was like, was I better than your ex? I would feel so skeevy being like, Oh, you were way better than her. Like that. Yeah. Or even like breaking it down and being like,

well, this part of you or this thing you do versus like breaking it down and being like well this part of you or this thing you do versus like that's it it feels gross to me you know what i mean yeah like i can't imagine a positive setting for that so i just think it's it's just a fucking weird awkward like insecure teen thing to do well like i said i'm i'm guessing pretty strong that they are young or this guy is fairly inexperienced and hasn't really learned the vocabulary of how to express what he wants as aftercare or as a means to keep up his ego. All right. I'm going to shock everybody with a mid-episode announcement. You ready?

Mm-hmm. Yeah, so basically, me and Dan are going to do a thing where we are going to do a live episode if we reach 25 patrons on Patreon. The people on there supporting us already are the best. We fucking love you. And if we manage to get a little bit more, I think we're going to reward you guys by doing a fully live episode

with video and polls and crazy shit. And it's going to be a lot of fun. So if we hit 25, we'll do it. If you want to join the Patreon, head on over to everybody's podcast.com. There's a Patreon link. You can click it. There are multiple different tiers

for all budgets. The $7 level, which is kind of like the mid level. We have some higher, but like most of them are jokes. The, or at least one of them is kind of a joke. The $7 levels that is the level that you get the bonus episode every month, which is, you

know, the, the fun loosey goosey. We play a bunch of games. It's very, I try to bring the energy of like a Kyle Crawford episode to, to the episode. You know what I mean? Like a lot of fun, kind of breaking the mold a little bit. We still do questions. We still do tenders. We still do all that kind of stuff.

But there's usually something else that we're doing alongside that episode. And if you don't know what a Kyle Crawford episode is, you need to go find them and listen. Yeah. All right. Ready for another question? This is by Fandango Bay. Help. Is this cheating enough for me to end an eight-year relationship?

My girlfriend got closer to a male coworker in recent weeks, texting, hanging out a bit. I work evenings, so no issue. But I developed some doubts, and yesterday I saw a text come up on her phone from him after she'd been at work drinks. So hot, it said. I opened it, she said they'd been very naughty, and he'd tasted so good. Naturally, I challenged her, and she told me she'd made a big mistake, etc. Said they only kissed, this had happened twice, and it was just a friendship which went too far. Now I don't know what to do. Is this enough to end an eight-year relationship? We own a flat together and have a cat, so it doesn't feel

simple. Damn, that poor cat. I mean, unfortunately, this isn't a question that we can answer for you. This is something that you have to answer for yourself. You need to ask yourself two questions. No, wait. Dane, you have to consult the cheating guide.

Yeah, the little guide that you press your hand on and it'll raise up. You speak your truth and it raises up and it tells you either cheating enough or not cheating enough. You're like, shit, I'm stuck in this relationship now even though I don't want to because the cheater's almanac told me. Yeah, I think there are two questions you have to ask yourself one can you forgive them and two can you trust them and maybe three do you want to forgive them well i yeah i mean i think they're more like you know i mean like if if you're not in a position to forgive them then you should not continue on with this relationship if If you forgive them, but then can't trust them, you should also not proceed with this relationship. And I think that those are the two

questions you ask yourself. And if either one of them is no, then the relationship should be over. Now, I will say, is it a mistake if it wasn't revealed to you and if she's still talking about how good it is via text and it also happened twice you know what i mean like a mistake is something that happens once and you regret it so if the texts were like hey the other night was a mistake we can't do it again or like hey i'm sorry i have a boyfriend like i shouldn't have done that this would be a lot more believable but the fact that you found them and she's like oh it's naughty and also you tasted so good have you ever kissed someone and told them that in the text that's after being

very naughty like yeah i'm gonna guess that it was a little more than kisses yeah like that's a weird thing to say and i think we all know it yeah i mean like i don't think i say that to anyone even like look if i go down on them i don't think i've ever been like you're delicious don't put it like that maybe i hope you don't say it like that because also you sound like griffin mackerel right there delicious delicious yum yum yum no i've definitely said people taste good because yeah no i think back yeah i definitely would it's it's unreal but not when i've kissed them really especially like if you were at work drinks they just taste like booze. It's yes.

More happened here. I'm sorry to break it to you. And there doesn't seem like you said, there doesn't seem to be a whole lot of regret or remorse over the fact. Like if that happened with me, the like the text, like if you went through my text, it would be like, hey, look, what happened the other night was a mistake. Went a little too far. I apologize if I'm leading you on. I do have a partner. This can't go on. I understand that like, you know, if this is difficult for you,

I understand if we want to take a step back, but like going forward, I need you to like, be very, very clear that our relationship is strictly platonic. And again, I apologize for crossing that line. It would not be, we've been naughty and you're tasty. A hundred percent. Like those two things, two things like yeah in each case it sucks that your partner you know crossed a line but one is just a wildly different shall we say flavor than the other you know it's it's not a good situation and it sucks it sucks that you have an eight-year relationship it sucks you have a flat it sucks you have a cat none of these things are easy none of these things are good unfortunately, if you cannot trust or forgive this person, sorry, trust and forgive this person, then you cannot have this relationship regardless. And it's like, yeah, it is an impossibly tough

thing to do to divide up that life and to move on. But people do it all the time. And the alternative of staying in this misery spiral isn't worth it no cat in a in an apartment aren't grounds enough to remain miserable or lie to yourself or your partner that you are okay yeah yeah so also i think it's fair rule and i think everyone should agree with this if you guys got the pet together as in it wasn't your cat and then you moved in together like if you guys were catless moved in together and then decided to get a cat as a unit i think whoever fucked up doesn't get a claim to the cat that's fair if you're the one that cheated they that's my my stance yeah it's like hey you

fucked up if you wanted the cat you shouldn't have made out with mike yeah should have thought about that me and avocado are out of here how is it fair that you get Mike and avocado, right? I don't get Mike, right? Yeah. So it's like, you've got,

you chose Mike. That's fine. I just get this sweet, fluffy Prince. Yeah. Have fun with Mike. Me and avocado are out here. Maybe we'll start a tick tock together.

Oh my God. There you go. Now you're famous. You did it. But yeah, I think a point to all this is that like, I understand the, like the desire to go ask other people because it's such a point to all this is that like i understand the like the desire to

go ask other people because it's such a hard thing to do but like there is no cheating enough it's up to you you have you always have your own level so it's like no one else can choose this for you and when you decide it is or it isn't if you want to stay what dane said is just one of the most true things we've ever said here can i forgive them them? Can I trust them? And if it isn't a resounding yes to both, or even just a solid yes, you cannot continue. Yeah. Alright, hit me. So good luck. I know the choice isn't going to be easy regardless,

but, you know, it shouldn't be something that you waffle on. It should be something that is clear, but still difficult. This one isn't so much a question, but, I mean, it is a question, but it's more of a thought exercise an opinion piece um this comes from reddit user lucid killer help do you believe in soulmates like do you think they exist or is this just a childish fantasy i don't date someone

seriously if they don't feel and look like a soulmate that's why i only had interest in like two women i still go out with other people, but usually I already know before or after the first date, if we match or not. I only focus on the best 1% for me. Every other girl gets the cold shoulder, LOL. It's pretty lonely, but I think it's worth the wait. What's your experience with this mindset? See, this is weird to me because it's like, I feel like I hate the term soulmate, right? So the fact that they're using it, it's like, to me, if I'm going to date someone, I date someone because I want to date them and I want to date them because I see them as a

viable partner. You know what I mean? I'm not dating someone for the sake of it. I'm not dating someone for like a month just cause. I'm dating them because they tick all the boxes and I really like them and I want to be with them. So it's like, is that what this person says when they say soulmate? Are they just looking for something else?

Because if you're telling me, oh, I only date the people that tick all my boxes and that I really like, and there's other people I don't like that much and I don't date them. It's like, yeah, good. That's how it should be. Why would you date someone you're not fully into? Like, that's insane. You're just describing good partners or compatible partners. Yeah.

So it's like are they just doing this and using the word soulmate or are they like looking for that extra something that i guess doesn't exist now okay well let's let's start simple and like the traditional sense of soulmate do you believe in that uh no yeah i i also don't i think that is one of the biggest problems that hollywood has ever sort of thrown into the into the pool of of romance is this idea that soulmates exist and that in a world of billions of people that they live within you know your proximity and and just that there's one right exactly that you don't change you know like there's a lot of toxic shit to that, I think. And I think it contributes to a lot of people like staying in relationships they shouldn't or like trying to persevere through like situations they shouldn't stay in.

Like it it really breeds this kind of like, fuck, they're my soulmate. I have to stay or, you know, I feel like it is overall harmful. And it's like, oh, without a doubt. Yeah. And like people change and people develop and so the other and the other thing is like your definition of a soulmate if you determine or like does designate someone as your soulmate like they might not think that so it's so unfair to just be like no but you're my soulmate i understand that you don't want to date me right now but we're

soulmates so you like you'll come around because you have to like, that's it. That's so much pressure to put on someone. It's so unfair. But then, like you said, it's like a big reason why I also don't believe in like institutional marriage is because a lot of it is like, oh, are you going to be with this person forever? Will you love them forever? It's like, I can't say that. I don't know. Like, I have no idea who I'm going to be in five years, 10 years.

I have no idea who they're going to be in five, 10 years. Not necessarily that I'm going to hate them or stop loving them, but like the likelihood of us changing directions and changing where we're going in life is far greater than the likelihood of us staying exactly the same, but the same level of intensity. And like, it's, it's so unreasonable to believe that. And the best part is like, if you don't get married, you can still love each other for the next 40 years because there's nothing kind of holding you there, which is like good. It's

not like a bad thing. The only thing with marriage is to just make it harder to leave if you want to or have to it's like that's bizarre and let's not even talk about the like financial uh requirements of getting married or at least you know a traditional wedding like the whole thing makes no sense but we're getting a little sidetracked here so yes i think we both agree that soulmates as a you know hollywood archetype don't exist or at least we we believe they don't it also weirdly perpetuates this like idea of like perfection right where you have like this perfect partner and it's like people aren't perfect you know i mean you're gonna get in disagreements you're gonna have like less than

stellar days etc and it's like if you buy into this, like soulmate ideal, I think a lot of the time you either freak out when things aren't perfect or pretend things are perfect when they're not, even if it's okay that it's not perfect. And if like, okay, you think you found your soulmate, you guys get married. It doesn't work out. You split. Do you then just live the rest of your life? Well, everything else after this sucks it's all second place sorry you know steve i know we're dating and you care

about me a lot but like really you're just a replacement i've lost my soulmate you don't stand a chance you are just kind of consolation prize that's a shit way to like live you'll find people and like i've found like i've had partners who are incredible and it's like were they my soulmate no i assume because it doesn't exist but also because i'm not still with them and it's like does that lessen any of what happened no not all there was a lot of great times and things i took from it and if i thought about soulmates i guess i'd be like well that was a waste of time or like, did one get away or some bullshit? Like I, it's just, I don't think it's healthy. No. And like I've found in my relationship now with my current partner, I'm far happier and

far more in love than I think I've ever allowed myself to be in previous relationships because I'm not chasing after that sort of like Hollywood romance. I'm not chasing after that sort of like Hollywood romance. I'm not chasing after that sort of, you know, storybook love. What I'm pursuing is something real and like grounded in reality. And I'm pursuing like happiness and honesty and communication, like things that are kind of boring on paper. If you just watched a movie of people being like, oh, here comes the big fight. But instead they sat down and talked for like an hour and a half. Candidly, like that's, that's not, there's no sizzle there,

but I don't want sizzle. Like I want something that I know is, is honest and true and real and, and caring and compassionate. Like those are the things that i chase after instead of this sort of like you know burning passionate and it's like there's still passion in my relationship you know like there's still kind yeah but like it's it's the kind that i don't need to feel like uh you know if it goes away that's the end of things you know what i mean because like we can, we can just readjust,

we can address it and then like find new kindling. And I'm confident that we could do that. Whereas like, if I just chased after, you know, those, those flash in the pans, it was like,

Oh my God, it's this person or no one. I feel like the second something falls out of place, you lose it all. Well, like a while ago, there was like discourse with uh like young adult twitter like uh in the publishing kind of sphere where it was like people were

complaining about how all the relationships were like abusive like every single relationship portrayed which were like not meant to be abusive they were meant to be like oh this is what you should strive for you know this is the hero or the heroine and their boo and like you know at the end of the day the story wasn't about them having good relationship and you know moving on the story was like the lord of the rings and they you know were garbage people to each other um and people were like hey why the fuck can't you just portray like a healthy relationship and everyone's like well that's boring it's like what so you're gonna like you know especially for like people growing up and reading about the shit it's like you're gonna

just kind of like say this is okay or like allude to that fact that's fucked and that's just kind of tangentially related where it's like that's not good that's not healthy like good relationships are a very different thing either way if the person here i guess is talking about just dating people they like great if there's some mystery aspect that they're like using to be like oh are you a soulmate though probably not great also don't give people the cold shoulder shoulder just because they're not your fucking soulmate that's a little mean yeah it's like it's okay if like if you don't go on a date with everyone that that attempts to date you like that's fine you're not required to give people like everyone who who walks past you uh

you know your full time and intention but like don't be a dick about it um all right one more yeah i think we do one more uh this is help female friend sent me male 22 a nude out of the blue by jonathan wick so i have a female friend who i used to work with we stay in touch now and again i've always found her physically attractive but just figured we were platonic and that was the end of it did other girls didn't think much about it. Then, after having barely spoken to her in like a month, she sends me an ass pic out of nowhere. Funny enough, we're supposed to grab drinks in about a week. Being a penis-carrying man, I sent her two fire emojis in return. She took her sweet-ass time, maybe four hours, to open my reply, and then just

said nothing. Do I follow up? I've never been in this gray zone with a woman before. Is she messing with my head? Are we gonna fuck next week? am i being played like a fiddle only the reddit community can tell okay i uh i was a little upset by the the ending of that but i think it was yeah like the movie yes i i think it was was tongue-in-cheek and not not necessarily i mean i okay i i think this is your green light that your drinks next week are a little spicier than what you may have originally considered now do i think what you sent was poor choices yes i think if someone if this is the first butt pick you get from someone that you've been attracted to for a long time and they just out of the out of nowhere like here's my is and you're just like fire it seems low effort and it seems like it didn't really have as much of an impact as maybe it should have and i think that

was a misstep in my opinion i don't think it's fatal no i don't i don't either but i think that like i think people need to like that was a that was a bold move on her part. And I think it should have been rewarded with something a little more than emojis and only emojis. Yeah. Now, my fear is that it was an accident. would have been far more of a joke to be like oh my god i'm so sorry that wasn't meant for you i don't think it would have been left as like especially like if you guys have plans i don't think it would be left on like red but because like because you have plans maybe you were just like on her contact list and she accidentally hit you and now she's not replying she's like oh fuck i don't know i mean maybe it's a possibility but I feel like I think I've only ever gotten like one, uh, unintended photo and it was immediately followed with like,

Oh fuck. I'm really sorry. That was not, that was not for you. Um, so like, I don't know that that's really my, my experience with it.

And I feel like I said, like, I think if the, if the rapport is there and you guys are like buddies for what seems like a fairly long time or an extended period of time i think they would have been comfortable enough to be like oh shit yeah i guess especially because you replied in a like in a way that i think if it was an accident it's a good response because it's not like it doesn't make things weird. It's like appreciative, but distant.

She could be like, oh, and that's maybe more evidence to support your thing. Because if he'd just been like, yeah, I want to smash that asshole. Like right now it would be a little bit more awkward for her to be like, oops,

that was actually an accident. But with the fire, that's just kind of like a, all right, good job. Yeah. Like it's almost just kind of like sending the the facebook thumbs up kind of thing yeah which is the best response obviously but and if this was if this was a

someone you've been hooking up for a bunch like a lot and like you got these aspects on the daily and multiple times a day i think a couple fire emojis okay fine you know what i mean like you don't need to write a fucking novel every time but But I think, like, if I mean, you can if you want. I think that, like, if this was me and I had plans to hang out with this person and I've been like, you know, kind of crushing on them for a while and they sent me an aspect. My response would have been something like, you know, well, now I'm even more excited to see you next week. Yeah. Or just be like, like oh should we move drinks to my place then question like wink face anything to sort of back test the waters you know what i

mean because like right now it we don't know you're in like this limbo area of like i don't know what this pic is about but if you had played something sort of like flirty and jokey and kind of like you know in in the gray or like you said like it don't be like yeah i want that on my face right now so i can motorboat it or you know i mean like doing something overtly sexual i think you run the risk of like coming on a little too strong especially if it was a mistake which is something like when someone just sent you a nude out of the blue but still yeah but i think like playing along with the game i don't think anyone's going to be upset about that like i don't think anyone would be like how dare you oh yeah you're excited to see me now that

you've seen my ass how dare you yeah and also what you've done while it isn't bad it's like she did this pretty bold move which like hey hats off to her but then you've kind of just been like thumbs up balls in your court you know what i mean like you didn't reply so it's like she already kind of shot her shot what she wanted to do just do it again like hey that's my ass let's do something you know like no like it's kind of shit for her what she's supposed to yeah what she's supposed to reply to that you know like you're upset that she didn't say anything what the fuck could she say yeah i mean that's the thing it's like you she didn't say anything. What the fuck could she say? Yeah. I mean, that's the thing. It's like you also didn't say anything. Yeah.

As much as we'd like to believe it, emojis are not communication. You know what I think would be funny? Depending on how long it's been, which this was posted almost a week ago. If you replied and were like, you know what? Sorry, I've taken so long to reply. I've been trying to take an aspect that's as good and I just can't do it. I want to show me how when we meet up. Yeah.

Funny, funny. Great. Right. You're referencing it. You're complimenting them. You're acknowledging that you haven't replied while making a funny excuse. Like boom.

Yeah. There, there are always ways to recover in texts. I believe that strongly. Like, unless you sent them like a fucking text of being like, I hate this bitch. It's just like, you know, I think think those that's hard to walk back on but anytime i think three out of ten anytime you

you kind of like make a misstep like this on text i think there's always a way to sort of like bring it back into your court or into a favorable position and and i think this is kind of like something you need to do you need to if you want to make something happen with this lady you definitely need to put some sort of effort into damage control here yeah this was almost like the equivalent of someone being like oh like how was your day and you say good and then you expect them to be like so my day well you know like you've cut it off almost right and you put the ball back in her court i think unfairly right especially when she's gone and you know done a big

move yeah so i think it's your turn to and get to see that butt in real life please yes yes do it at the end of the episode we like to peruse online dating platforms such as tinder bumble and hinge to look for red flags in dating profiles, we comb them, see what works, what doesn't work, in an effort to make your online dating experience a little more enjoyable. This is Adrian. Growing older by the minute. Looking for that special someone.

Either way, I'm good on my own, just as well. I'm one of the rare types that enjoys their own company and can make the best of a situation. Trying this dating app thing again. Not holding my breath. Well, there it is. It's that like bitter sad like the irony here is that they're taking the time to be like i'm not sad i can be

by myself while sounding so unhappy and like they cannot be by themselves yeah i'm gonna give this a three because like just just get just get, just suck that, like look forward to it. Either you want to do this or you don't. And if you don't want to do it, get off the apps. Yeah. If you want to do it,

be optimistic about it. Be, be hopeful, have a little bit of like levity to it. Even if you do have a little bit of reservations about it, you don't need to tell people that. Yeah. Keep that to yourself.

There are some things we don't need to express, especially in writing that you choose to put down and then look at and be like, yep, this is the way I want to go. Yeah, like the only real thing they have there is that they enjoy their own company and can make the best of a situation. That's pretty much the only info

apart from the fact that they're growing older by the minute. Yeah, we all fucking are. Like, oh, it sucks so much is i'm giving it a one because just no this is rachel needs someone to break my heart so i won't have to take pre-workout for the gym anymore big marvel fan and an absolute bitch oh i really like the start because it's pretty funny marvel sure it's a little basic but i also am a marvel fan yeah uh absolute bitch i don't like that no because like even if you're joking like yeah there's it's it's such a boring personality trait to be like i'm a bitch yeah i don't know there's just no benefit to someone saying that

i assume it's tongue-in-cheek could given the rest of it yeah but i don't like it you know um yeah i'll give it a four so i'm gonna give it a six because i feel like the red like i i can forgive the bitch thing a little bit but like this could have been an eight literally if you just took out the like absolute bitch i would have rated it way higher but i'm gonna give it a hundred percent yeah like marvel for me is kind of, it's not adding anything because it's just so generic. It's like saying, oh, I like Netflix or like pop music. It's like Marvel's such a broad spectrum right now. And it's like, you know, they've kind of been the films for a while.

Right. So to me, that's bland. And then the bitch is not good at all. So it's just like the one joke, which I appreciate. So yeah, four for me. This is Catherine. You might not like what I say. And for some reason, you is just the letter.

And there's like random double spaces between words. Bit, this is whom I am. I'm sarcastic, honest. I'm living my life who know when it will end. So I'm living it for me and to meet amazing people smiley face missing interesting night out bumping into fine luck people who can flirt and chat to oh man i hope this is a english is a second language situation and not um judging from the information presented elsewhere on it it is not cool but maybe this maybe it's like it's all kind of vague but i

don't know um either way the uh i like a little bit like i can forgive basic like grammar syntax errors that like i'm like oh okay english isn't your first language so like you know whatever that's fine but like when it's this sort of like all over the place it's very jarring for me because i'm like you've taken probably no time to sort of like work this over or like check it so this like even like literally the spaces there's random like double spaces there's random spaces before punctuation and like some not after but like it's not even like it doesn't even follow the same like if it was the same mistake made the whole way around that's fine it's like okay you're you're not good at that but when it's different i'm like are you so not good at it that you're

not sure so you're gonna hedge your bets and do everything eventually something's gonna be right so also like i also have really no idea what you're saying like what what your point is because you're just like i'm here but i'm also looking to like go out and meet people okay that's fine yeah content wise it's absolutely bland so i'm gonna give this a one because like it's it just does nothing for me yeah i'm gonna give it a one as well i want to rate it higher than the other one, which sucked so hard, but it also sucks, so I can't. I'll give you this one. This is Amy.

It's hopeless. That it? That's it. I think that's our first 10 of the episode. It's the only 10 we'll ever give. It's the only one we'll ever give again. It's amazing. They've done it. Shit. Guys, all of our lessons

can be summed up by this one perfect profile. No, this sucks. One, what are you doing? What are you doing? Go home. There's no benefit to this at all. Who's like, oh yeah, this person's fucking miserable.

This person's giving up? Hell yeah. Just the way miserable hit them up this this person's given up hell yeah just the way i like them they can't even pretend they haven't oh they didn't even try amazing no fuck off zero one zero zero yeah the other two tried yeah at least there is something this is just like i'm gonna make an online dating profile that I absolutely believe zero amount in. Yeah. Then why? Yeah, that's a zero. Are you ready for either love soapy or love soppy about me?

I'm the type of woman you might say is too good. I'll massage a man's feet. Now, for some reason, the two A's in massage are like at symbols for uh like emails sound like it might be no it's probably like they probably get uh shadow band or whatever oh for like like massage yeah yeah i'll massage your man's feet have dinner cooked when he gets home but once they leave the doors closed and the locks are changed wait what i'm the type of woman you might say is too good i'll massage your man's feet have dinner cooked when he gets home but once they leave the doors closed and the locks are

changed i mean direct message me on instagram i just i don't like who's your doors do you think like are you in my apartment are we moving in immediately i would also say that you are not too good yeah it's like you'll massage a foot and make dinner i guess like but once yeah and if i leave you'll either steal my house or i guess ghost me i like yeah i don't doesn't make any sense i would love to know like this person probably thought they were so fucking clever or like that they're they're just like the baddest bitch but i'm just like what are you doing to my locks and it's like also if I'm gonna

say yes like do you think I'm ever gonna let you into my apartment yeah I also just like it almost sounds like it's there like are you just saying you're gonna run away after one day I'm so confused but it's also just weirdly sinister so no I'm sorry but like maybe

maybe one at best yeah i don't uh i don't get it i don't get it one bit um this is victoria oh i'm gonna give this a one as well okay and we're on this week just a well-rounded chick seeking an emotionally aware and curious partner to hike and consume carbs with. Hiking, long walk, softball, weights, travel, books, or travel, book clubs, writing, school, live music, guitar, singing, karaoke, dancing, laughing, Will Ferrell, sarcasm, dad jokes, food, cooking, restaurants,

board games, Lord of the Rings, pub trivia, Jeopardy. You know, I liked it, but then that list just kept going. Yeah, and it's all just sort of stuff that like, yeah, we all like laughing. Yeah.

We're all pretty big fans of food. Yeah. I think you, if you nailed down that list, made it a little tighter, like a tight five. Yeah. Like I'll give you right now,

just choose one from each one. Yeah. You know what I mean? Be like softball, you know, like, cause, cause hiking,

long walks, weights, those are all pretty common. So I also mentioned, mentioned hiking already. Uh, that's true. one yeah i mean be like softball you know like because because hiking long walks weights those are all pretty common so i also mentioned mentioned hiking already uh that's true so let's go with softball then go with travel or book clubs if you know choose one between there hey live music is a lot more exciting than uh travel because yeah i just assume everyone wants to travel yeah then throw in karaoke then if you're if you're such a big will ferrell fan throw in will Ferrell movement. Because like, yes, we all like it.

It's a little weird to me. I mean, everyone likes their things. I'm not going to yuck anyone's yum about Will Ferrell. And then be like, you know, pub trivia. True, but it almost seems redundant in a way. You know what I mean? It's like, I don't know. For me, it's like Will Ferrell know for me it's like will farrell

said so many things he's generally just like liked that it seems weird that you're pointing it out because either you really like him which isn't bad it's just you know i think it's just specificity you know what i mean like i think and then you know like either jeopardy or pub trivia i think like if you just cram those lists down choose choose one from each line, and just be like, these are me. This is it. I think you'll cut a little bit more of the fat, and we can assume that, yeah, you're in Toronto. Of course you like restaurants.

We have great restaurants. And it'd be weird if you didn't. So, yes, I would say this is a six that could be like an eight. Yeah, 100%. It was good, and then it just kept going. Ready for Mariah yeah got manners from my grandma and my parents working as property manager and also have a job as a flight attendant which keeps me humble and connected i don't know why they have job in quotation marks that might be a leftover from the pandemic where they just got dicked around so

hard where it would be hard to say that you still had a job? Maybe. See, that's funny. I'm worried that they're just disparaging flight attendants. Maybe. Or it's like maybe they work on private airlines with a slightly different job description. Yeah. I don't know.

I don't know. I feel like that's a conversation starter. I don't think it's necessarily a particular red flag because it could go either way. So I'm going to give it a seven. There's nothing in there. I mean, yeah, I'm going to give it a six. I think blandness is a problem this week. I mean, compared to the others, it's fine.

But you just told me your job and that you have manners from your parents. Okay. it's it's you know fine but like you just told me your job and that you have manners from your parents okay this sounds like a parent faking an account to like prove a point to a child you know what i mean see hot mariah has manners from her parent you know what i mean like it it there's something like you know that not a cop twitter yeah i feel like this is not a parent wink like what are you talking about your manners? What are you doing? Maybe it's important to them. Which, you know what, I appreciate. But if they'd given me anything else,

like if they had given me a tight tree of rock climbing, sewing, and karaoke, boom. I wouldn't even ping so much on the manners. But all they've done is told me their job and that. Yeah, that's fair. So it's a five for me. I'm still going to give it a six because it skews on the side that like, I don't think there's anything too upsetting. This is going to be my

last one. We'll do Yara. 5'4 in height, 6'6 in attitude. Always looking for my next opportunity to eat an entire bag of cherries in one sitting. to eat an entire bag of cherries in one sitting see i like this person because they're a weirdo yeah um give it like an eight like i would also because like my first line would just be like how often like how many cherries do you eat see i love that because this is a line that is them there's no way they read this somewhere like

oh yeah you gotta put a line about eating a whole bag of cherries in there yeah it's not a copy paste a joke it's not bitter it's just weird and it's them and i dig it uh yeah it's innate i want to meet this person right if you're out there how many times you how many cherries do you eat i need to know are you very healthy or very unhealthy is it like bananas or if you have too much you're fucked jazz mama five who come first easy going loves golfing college football and beer not interested in random hookups so don't bother five kids is a lot to take care of by yourself 32 as well that's fine i don't know they spent a significant amount of their time having kids. That's wild.

Yeah, that's a lot of kids. That's very young for that many kids. I don't know. Eh. Five. People in my high school had two kids by the time they graduated. That's wild. So, you know.

Also, one of them could be twins. So that's two right out the back. Two of them would have to be twins. Either way. I'm more like not the one for me, you know, but like good for you. Fucking taking care of five kids by yourself, presumably, and still having time to date. That's crazy. What I appreciate is they we have a pretty decent idea of what they like, you know, golfing, college football, beer.

Say they're easygoing. Mama five, which I think is important to get out there. And then they said they're not interested in random hookups. So, you know, solid profile. Seven. Yeah, I'll give it a seven as well. All right. No, fuck it.

I'm giving it an eight because, again, I just really respect the hell out of this person. And then finally, this is Amy. They're verified. They're a CEO. And they say, I'm not the kind of woman who can do it in a few words. So if you have other ideas, please don't slide me. Scared to be alone. Huh?

I'm not the kind of woman. No, I got it. Do you want me to repeat it? No, no. It was a rhetorical, huh? I assume by slide they mean swipe. I assume so. But I do have other questions that's almost the point of

this app is if you say that like hey i don't i can't do this in in a short bio but then you're like also don't don't you dare try to find any more information about me but also i'm scared to be alone i mean yes there's that this is gonna be a two see i'm wondering if they're like i'm not the kind of woman who can do it in a few words as in like we'll meet up and fuck so if you have other other ideas don't slide me you know i mean like i'm wondering if that's what they meant like i'm not going to just like do it after five sentences right okay maybe that makes a little more confusing i'm giving up yeah no i was gonna give the four and i don't know why it's it's confusing. I'm giving the... Yeah, no, I was going to give it a four, and I don't know why. It's a one. Scared to be alone?

I'm giving it a two. Never put that in your profile. Just don't do that ever. What are you doing? Yeah. No one needs to know that. Anyway, that's our show, friends. Thank you very much for hanging out with us.

As Niall mentioned earlier, we're going to do a live show. If we hit 25 patrons on Patreon, at any level, it doesn't have to be a live show uh if we hit 25 patrons on patreon uh at any level it doesn't have to be a specific level but the seven dollar level is the one that gets you the bonus episode every month but there are uh cheaper options i believe three dollars is the lowest entry um and it uh you know it's it's uh up the price of a coffee once a month and you would be making And it's so much more than that to us. Um, it's, it's paid for our hosting. It's paid for, uh,

the, the pot, like the website and the podcast hosting. Um, it's gotten us a chance to, uh, improve the gear and some of the stuff we're using. Um,

and start to recoup some of the stuff we've paid in the previous years, which is really, And what the nice thing is, is we'll also be able to use that money into producing live shows we'll be able to do more live shows we'll be able to do cooler things um also the stuff that we've made it has allowed us to make no quest um we've we've been able to branch out and do other projects that are a little more time and uh you know prep intensive like if we weren't able to to make a little bit extra money, we probably wouldn't have been able to do No Quest for the Wicked.

So to our current patrons, thank you. To anyone considering signing up, thank you. Head on over to fbuddiespodcast.com, click the Patreon link, and it's very easy to sign up. And we would appreciate whatever tier you feel comfortable doing. If for whatever reason, you know, the pandemic has fucked a lot of us and times are tough.

Please consider sharing us or writing us a review on Apple podcasts or rating us on iTunes or Spotify or telling a friend, any of those things help the show and help us. And we greatly appreciate it. So thank you very much. Yeah. A hundred percent. Also shout out to chile and honduras because we've been in the top like top 30 in honduras and top 50 i think in chile this week

so anyone listening from there hey welcome and thank you hey how's it going what's going on ready for some bad sex writing after i thank josh eagle and the harvest cities for their song paper stars absolutely so this is a book i've been hearing some people there's been a bit of buzz about it it was released uh on amazon recently and it is by liberty adams and it is called ladies first and it's maga hat 1. Oh! And here's the blurb. When Patriot Mike rescues feminist Ricky from a post-Trump rally riot, the clash of opposites set off sparks between them. But the gentleman giant refuses to leave the side of the spunky half-pint until he and his pickup truck deliver her home, safe and sound.

Ricky attends the rally to scoop the racism of the Trump crowd in a blog post, but she's forced to spin a false narrative when her mistaken assumptions fail to materialize. When Ricky's lies get Mike doxxed and his construction worksite becomes the target of anti-fascist thugs, his righteous anger forces her to reckon with the truth. Ricky wants to fix the damage and regain Mike's trust, but that means facing the wrath of the liberal mobs. Will Ricky find the courage to leave the left for a lifetime of old-fashioned true love oh this is brilliant i'm so angry that we didn't think of this i know because this is this is you might as well be printing money yeah you might as well just have told the you know the the world banks

be like hey just so you know your currency means nothing to me anymore because i have got an unlimited supply of it uh do you want the the author blurb i would love nothing more liberty adams lives in the wide open spaces west of the rockies she writes wholesome light, lighthearted romance about patriots who love America, love President Trump, and best of all, fall in love at the end of each story. She proudly owns and wears several assorted MAGA hats of her own. What a beautiful. I fucking love it. In the way that I absolutely fucking hate it. There's no way this person is sincere.

No. But maybe they are. I don't know 100 someone like us who has seen the golden goose and is now just absolutely fucking just going to town and i respect them first first review one star without an audible addition this novel is doomed to fail frankly the target audience this work is more comfortable burning books than reading them. Oh, boy. Hey, Liberty Adams, get at me.

I want a slice of this pie. I will read these books for you. If you need a voice to put to these bad boys, I'll do it. This is why we need patrons to stop Dane selling out like this. Thank you very, very, very much. My name is Dane Miller. And I'm Niles Payne. We've been your fuck buddies.