F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 183 - The Man Who Never Knew Jealousy

Episode Date: April 4, 2022

Join the Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies?fan_landing=true We cannot beg you enough: do not watch Turning Red.  There isn't a single Jesus in it.  Topics include weight gain during marriage, a forgettable anal experience, navigating the line between consent and nerves, the lifelong curse of an ugly face, the crushing look of your partner's pleasure at the hands of another man and more dating profiles!

I put my trust in you, and when I'm trusting, I love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and when I'm trusting, I love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dane Miller. And my name is Niall Spain. And we are your fuck buddies. We are a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations and turn them into sexy, sticky situations.

Simply put, we're a sex and dating advice podcast that gets questions either off the internets or off our good friends yourselves when you send them in to us. And we answer them. Do you have any sex news or should we just get into it today? Let's just fucking do it. Are you ready for a question yeah this is by boy tat husband lied about not caring about my weight like most i gained happy weight after marriage but that turned into a little too much happiness i asked him if it bothers him or if i look fat he always says no and he doesn't mind but i realized we stopped having sex as often finally got my shit together and started to lose a lot of weight 10 pounds away from when i first met him and i realized we stopped having sex as often. Finally got my shit together and started to lose a lot of weight. 10 pounds away from when I first met him,

and I realized we started having sex more often. Maybe once a week while I was heavy. It's almost every other night, if not every night, like how it was when we first got together. I feel as if he's more sexually into me now that I've lost the weight. If that's the case, why didn't he say anything when I was bigger when I asked him originally? I'm not upset, just lost as to why he wouldn't have told me the truth.

I didn't change because I thought he was okay with it and only chose to lose weight because of a wedding I'm attending in the summer. 30 pounds so far and 10 to go. This is a difficult question because I feel like you have set up like the most classic don't ask your partner this question. Also, don't answer this question truthfully scenario. Every guy from the time we are born we have we are we are educated we are handed a book and that book has one page and it just says if your partner asks if they're fat you say no yeah 100 also general human kindness it's like if if he'd gone the other way and been like yeah you're

fat i don't find you as attractive this would be an entirely different post or be like why is my husband an asshole and it's not even like is there something that might have been like oh i don't necessarily you know maybe i don't find her as attractive but like just because you put on weight doesn't mean he didn't still find you beautiful or wasn't still attracted to you or didn't you know he still loved you like all those things could still be true but you losing weight and getting fit and probably feeling more confident and probably feeling you know more sexy yourself probably also has something to do with having more sex well that's a really good point because it's like if you lose 30 pounds and you're like obviously she's very aware of where she was before and where she is now and like

that awareness doesn't come from nowhere. You know what I mean? So some part of that is is in your mind, either you being upset that you had gained the happy weight or being pumped that you're losing it. And either one of those things is going to change your mood, your self-confidence. I'm sure there's a part of it that's just you either feeling more sexy or, you know, whatever. So like, don't take that

out of the situation because it's got to be there and i would say having sex every week as a married couple again i don't know how long you've been married but i'd say it's a pretty good track record like i think majority of married couples probably aren't having sex as often as you are or at the very least like probably not having more sex than you are currently. So you're probably in the upper numbers for sure. Yeah. I feel like this is kind of a non-issue where your partner was probably never going to, regardless of how he truly and honestly felt, was never going to say, yeah, you look fat. Because it's just like, regardless of how I actually feel about someone and regardless

of I actually have clocked weight gain in a partner, I would never be able to like, I'm the, the champion of honest communication, but like, there's nothing to be gained by saying, yeah, you look fat. Like, that's just, it's just, I don't see the point in saying it. And the thing is, it's like you, like this i don't see the point in saying it and the thing is it's like you like this ends up being the best scenario where you lost weight for the right reasons and those were personal reasons because you wanted to if he had said something you would have been in the agonizing like trawl of losing weight for the wrong reasons which is for somebody else and then that would

always be in the back of your mind and i don't think you'd be having more sex because you would be probably pretty miserable or you would fall into the trap of a lot of people know they should lose weight. And a lot of the times they don't because they think it's pointless or they don't have the confidence to start or any number of reasons. If we're going to live in this scenario where he's like, yep, think you're fat. And I do kind of find you less attractive. You might not have had that motivation to get started because your self-esteem could have gone the other way and you could have started like binge eating or any number of things could have happened here. So like I said, I think this is best case scenario.

I don't think that you should hold it against your partner for not being quote unquote honest because one, you don't even know if it's honest. He might've actually had no qualms whatsoever about your weight and it is your new mindset and your, you know, you're feeling yourself way more that is increasing the amount of sex that you guys are having. You can also still be super attracted to you and think you look great and still think you now look better if that's the case too, which isn't a lie either. But also this was the pandemic, right? You're telling me this happened over the pandemic and it's like people's sex drives weren't

at an all time high because stress, monotony, fear, you know, all these things that were happening weren't exactly conducive to boning down. So there are other things at play here, too. Yeah. This worked out well. You're killing it. Congrats, by the way. No mean feat.

You guys are killing it in the bedroom. You're having even more sex. It seems like it's all positives. said than done but like try not to look at this possible nebulous negative that at its worst case probably boils down to like he just was being slightly kind because it's very difficult and ill-advised to be like yes you're fat or whatever so worst case is not that bad best case is great so skew on the good side i think yeah i i think this is a non-issue for you so good luck congratulations that's a fucking incredible feat losing 30 pounds i hope you're doing it Yeah, I think this is a non-issue for you. So good luck. Congratulations. That's a fucking incredible feat.

Losing 30 pounds. I hope you're doing it properly and safely. But that's a huge accomplishment. So congratulations. This comes from my wife keeps asking for anal. My wife. My wife. My wife keeps forgetting we had anal. Yeah, forgetting is in quotes.

Me, a 30-year-old male, and my wife, a 27-year-old female, finally tried anal after months of talking about it. I came, she came, it was a good time. After we were done, my wife said she thought we should limit it to once a week so we don't get too addicted to it. In brackets, it was a good time.

I figured, cool, more than I was getting before. We're stoners, have been for years. Recently we got some stuff that makes you have the munchies and hits you hard. But other than that, it seems normal. I have not experienced any memory loss from it. My wife, however, gets high, begs me for anal, and then forgets we had it. Therefore, still thinking we have a one-a-week deal that hasn't been satisfied. The thing is, when she forgets, she still seems to remember things around the sex i'm not sure if she's teasing me with the lie or scared to tell me that she likes it or what

guess i'm wondering what everyone else thinks edit i'm now wondering if she's really forgetting am i assaulting her or something whoa this question is weird um one why are you limiting anal to once a week if you guys it, there's nothing wrong with anal. The idea of saying, hey, we found a new sexual experience that we like so much that perhaps we should limit it so that we don't become too addicted to it makes no sense. Yeah. Like it, I don't know if it's a weird, like puritanical, like hang up on the fact that like, you know that anal is bad.

I wonder, is this the parents from the one that caught their son? There's no way that mother. And then they tried it for the first time and were like, oh shit. No way. No way she's a stoner. She was not chill enough. No, but that's it. She turned to weed to get over the trauma of seeing the anal.

No, you're completely overlooking details here. They've been stoners for years. Yes, well, we don't know when the question was posted, do we? Anyway, back to reality. Oops, here comes gravity. Oh, mom's spaghetti. Oh, shit. That's the fix.

Okay, so one, why are you limiting it? Is it some weird shame around anal or something if you guys are doing it safely healthily enthusiastically with consent who fucking cares right don't put yourself in this weird like torture scenario if you don't actively want to be in one because the most likely thing that happened here is that she's just trying to push the button it's like when you're trying to go to bed but you're playing elden ring and you're like i'll just finish this dungeon and then of course that dungeon takes two hours and you're like i'll do one more though

it's like you're lying to yourself to try to to get past the barriers you've kind of like erected i assume that's the case because if it isn't you probably need to go see a neurologist or stop taking the crazy shit that you're taking. I think that's kind of like, I think you do have to have a conversation with your wife and be like, hey, look, we've already had anal this week. And I'm totally down to play the game of you want to have more anal than what we previously agreed on. Like, if you want to play that game, that's fine. We can play it. But I just want to make sure that you aren't having a stroke

and forgetting that this has happened. 100%. We need to have a talk about actual health real quick. We'll step outside of our sexy anal game and I want to make sure you're okay. If you're okay, then we can go back to this like, oh, we haven't had anal this week yet, so here we go, because you want to have more anal.

I'm fine with that. But as long as you aren't having these mini strokes in which you are erasing things from your mind, then we're okay. But if this is an actual issue that is affecting your memory, whether it's the weed or something else going on, then we need to address that before we continue. A thousand percent. It's baffling to me that this person seemingly, instead of talking to their partner about it, went to Reddit and was like, well, because like if I would be highly concerned, I am highly concerned. I even know this person. I would have to nail that down and just be like, look, real talk. What is happening here? Because I am highly concerned. I don't even know this person. I would have to nail that down and just be like, look, real talk. What is happening here?

Because I am very concerned. And it's like, cool. If you want more anal, great. Like if there's shame around it or whatever, maybe talk about that. Maybe, you know, your partners, you've done these things both willingly. It's like there's no harm in both having liked the things you willingly did and enjoyed together. So maybe it's just a shame thing you guys need to step away from. But yeah, you can't leave like possible health problems up in the air.

You really need to clear that. That is my big. And like after that, once you've done that, have the conversation, as I'll say, have the conversation of being like, hey, we need to maybe address this once a week thing. Figure out why we're doing it. If it's a sort of a tease anticipation thing that you enjoy of being like something that really builds sexual tension that we have a big you know anal release at the end of the week or it's no i know that's that go back

like that one bit um you know i mean like if it's part of a a tease game that you're having of a denial kink or fetish that one of you has. For sure. Absolutely. That's fine. Hey, even if that's the case, you still need to nail down this. Oh, I forgot. Didn't we already have it?

Because if one of you really wants that, like denial on that once a week and like the torture, the forgetting and all that is counterintuitive to that game. You know what I mean? So it's like if you're playing that game, you need to talk about whether there are loopholes and blah, blah, blah. Like because that could be part of it. But if it isn't, it's going to ruin your game, too. There's a bunch of conversations you need to have. First and foremost, you need to actually have a conversation about this memory loss with your partner and figure that out. Whether it's something that is a casual side effect of the the edibles or whatever you're hey that's not a casual side effect well yeah um i just don't know it's like maybe it's

so strong that they're like blacking out the same with it you know alcohol well then it's like if your partner was getting so drunk that they can't remember you having sex like every week that's not a good time you know that that is that is getting into like that is itself a problem they're all problems so you need to fix them yeah and then you need to have the conversation about like okay we need to nail down you know this relationship we have with anal because it is very strange and could is is miss like i'm not sure what the role is here. And trying to guess is never a fun thing. So if it is going to be this, you know,

once a week, he, he, it's a game. Sure. Great. But if it is, if there's something more to it,

then you need to address it so that you can have, you can add anal sex into your sexual repertoire without the like, Oh, is it, can we, what, what constitutes as a week is it sunday or is it a week from when we had it like that kind of stuff needs to be addressed and it's like you guys have already talked about anal so it seems like you guys are comfortable having sexual

conversations and like talking openly about this stuff so i don't see why you shouldn't be able to do this either so i hope your wife is okay. I really hope this is some weird game, which is, you know, I think the most viable option. Anyway, ready for flying bird flip? Yeah.

Hell yeah. Just rejected because I asked what to do now. I 27 year old male been dating someone 26 year old female for a couple of weeks. Now it's gone very well for the most part. Seeing each other three times total long walks, dinner drinks, holding hands from first date.

A lot of laughs, generally good vibes. However, I'm a massive wuss when it comes to going for the kiss, even though logically I know it would have been fine if I'd just gone for it without asking. But guys, I know I messed up, and I asked at the end of third date after dropping her home. I kept laughing because I was nervous, so I ruined the moment and it didn't happen. Disaster, I know. So she said, next time, don't ask.

And I'm feeling a bit shot down she texts me after saying thanks for the date and getting her home etc feeling pretty crap regarding confidence but just wondering if i should continue as normal don't bring it up and just go for it next time i feel like that's the right move what do you think this is frustrating for me because one we should not punish people asking for consent ever i have thoughts on that but continue but this is also someone telling you what they're looking for. You know, if you guys are going on another date,

you now have kind of, you know, preemptive consent as troubling as that concept might be to me. They have sort of given you the green flag of being like, yes, I would like you to kiss me, but I don't want you to ask to kiss me. Okay, yeah, go ahead. I worried that this person got the wrong impression I would like you to kiss me, but I don't want you to ask to kiss me. Okay. Yeah, go ahead. I, I worried that this person got the wrong impression.

Cause I think like next time don't ask isn't I'm upset that you asked necessarily. It's more like you can go for it. And I think the issue is that they ruined it by laughing. It's like, if I'm like, Hey, can I kiss you? And kind of just like lose it a little bit while they're just sitting there waiting for that to end yeah it's gonna ruin the the vibes but they didn't kiss right no because he asked and then immediately kept laughing because they were nervous and ruined the moment and it didn't happen no i thought that i thought that was switched around in syntax i thought he was laughing because he was nervous and then asked

i i don't know it sounds like either way it sounds like he botched the the asking to the point where like there was no possibility of kissing. So it's like the asking isn't the issue. I think it's the fact that like the whole thing devolved when he did ask. So it's like a self confidence issue, not the fact that he asked, you know, that's that's how I read this, because like, you know, clearly she's into him. I don't think she was saying don't ask as in I'm upset that you wanted my consent. I think it was more like you beefed

it because you were so nervous and next time you can go for it. It's still weird to not kiss them though. That seems strange to me. Yeah, and that's the thing. I feel like this person Because you and I have both been in situations where people have Yeah. And that's the thing a manly thing to do or that's not an assertive thing to do and she wants someone to take charge as in the situations that you and i and i'm sure many other

dudes have have been in where we've been reprimanded for uh listening to consent or asking for consent you know what i mean that's why i went for this question because i saw the title and i was like oh god like we i think it was last week or it was sometime recently and often where we were like yeah just ask there's if any time there was to ask like now's the best because of covid and blah blah blah blah so i saw this question i was like well fuck but reading it it's not as good well to me it's not as good and dry as that it's not like you were shut down because you asked more that you like devolved into laughter and like self-consciousness and kind of ruined the whole thing i mean yes if you ask someone to kiss or if you ask to kiss someone and then break into maniacal laughter yeah i would also be like no i'm good all right

thank you so like i feel like maybe she was like i'm giving you a minute because obviously you're kind of like you're overwhelmed right now and then they're just like look next time don't ask it's good that's how i feel this went that's how i hope it went because if it isn't i think you're well within your rights to be upset by this person because it's pretty shitty to talk down to you and like reject you based on that alone if she didn't want to kiss you sure whatever if it's like oh i did want to kiss you, sure, whatever. If it's like, oh, I did want to kiss you, but because you asked for my permission slash consent, fuck you, then that's probably a shitty person you don't want to date because you're always going to be walking this razor's edge of like, am I able to do this thing I'm doing?

You know what I mean? The stakes are only going to get higher from here. Exactly. A kiss is, you know, one thing, but sex is far more serious. And if they're not going to give you clear, enthusiastic consent, that's a minefield and a horror show. Especially if their means of consent is don't ask, don't look for it, and you should just go for it. Like, as someone who is experienced in, you know, all having a fairly, you know, colorful sexual history, that is, that is not something even I want to deal with. I do not want a partner who makes me guess whether or not, you know,

certain things are on the table. It sucks. No, not at all. And for someone who's as nervous as you asking for a kiss, like that's going to lead to really unpleasant. Yeah, it's going to lead to absolutely unpleasant sexual experiences. So what you need to do is you need to get more confident and there's no time like the present.

So you're saying, wonder if I should continue as normal. Don't bring it up and just go for it next time. No, fuck it. Bring it up. Be like, Hey,

sorry about that. I got a little nervous. I, you know, I really want to kiss you, but I will make sure I get on that next time we meet or, you know, something like that. Bring it up. Talk about it.

Leaving it in the dark and like pretending it didn't happen is going to make you nervous. She might think it's weird. You know what I mean? Whereas like she knows it happened. You know that. You know it happened. So just be like, hey, sorry about that. I'm going to make sure I'll kiss you next time.

You want me to do it like when we meet up or should I wait till I drop you off again? Like you can be a little jokey, but like you're still talking about it. And then when you go, it won't be this thing hanging over you. I also don't think there's any harm. Honestly, if this if I was in this position, what I would do is be like, hey, so I know you said not to ask, but consent is really important to me and it will always be important to me. So there are going to be times where I will ask permission to do certain

things. And I just want you to know that this is an insecurity thing. It's a respect thing. And, and it, you know, this is a, a very large part of my identity.

And I just want you to know that, you know, going forward that like, anytime I ask you, it is strictly out of respect to you and your consent two things that are very very important to me and see how they react from that because if the reaction is oh i prefer my men to be more assertive fucking walk away yeah 100 and if they're like oh it's cool it's just you know it's hard to get a kiss in when you're like shitting yourself laughing and

having a mini breakdown then yeah yeah, that makes sense. So bring it up. There's nothing to gain by pretending this didn't happen because you're just going to put yourself in the exact same position next time you meet up because next time don't ask is still kind of like vague. It's like a yes, but it's, you know, it's not great.

I think any woman who would be upset by someone being like, hi, consent matters to me. And I would like to have clear and enthusiastic consent from you. If that upsets someone, I think that is more than enough to go on of being like, this isn't a sexual partner that I want to have. If I'm going to be punished for looking for consent and that being important to me, I have no interest in pursuing anything with you. Yeah. And like, again, she texts you after. Thank you for the date. Getting home. being important to me i have no interest in pursuing anything with you yeah and like again

she texts you after thank you for the date getting home it seems like a lot of things went well here give another shot don't bury this under the table work on being more confident and as dane said if it is the kind of like toxic bullshit that it could be which i'm hoping it isn't just walk you don't want to get into that you know you don't be walking on eggs walk. You don't want to get into that. You know, you don't be walking on eggshells. You don't want to be miserable. You don't want to not know where you stand, especially when you're new to this and nervous, because it's going to be so much worse.

And if you're not new to this and you're not nervous, then you should have the confidence to walk away. Good luck, be confident and bring it up and, you know, move forward. We will take a second to remind you guys that we are doing a current little Patreon push to encourage people to join the Patreon.

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we will leave it at that f buddies podcast.com and patreon and that's how you sign up now speaking of our ugly faces oh this comes from reddit user p y t h p f p f p f is it possible to have such an ugly face and voice that no amount of personality can get a woman to love you? For the past five years, I've done cold approaches, all dating apps, parties, mutual friends, random public places, nightclubs, not trying at all and letting them come to me, trying too hard, DMing random girls on Insta from my uni, people from my work, paying people to set up a blind date with someone that they know, snaps slash social medias I added from people's dating app bios, and much more. I can't count from the top of my head. Plus, I don't ask the same female more than once. I also will literally ask out any woman. I have

zero standards. I've been rejected by women using target mobility carts and large enough to take up three bar stools. My therapist told me I should just learn to come to terms with the fact that I might be alone for the rest of my life. I am nice, outgoing, and I can make male friends pretty easily. But lately I've been losing confidence in myself. Is it possible the reason why is I'm ugly and no amount of personality and confidence to get a woman to love me? I will say no. I will also say I cringed at most of the examples and the fact that female. Thank you. And these are all very strong indicators to me that your face is not the problem. says in regards to like anything outside of like biology or medical or science using the term female to you know reference someone in a dating sense who like makes me want to just immediately

throw up but then as you mentioned like all of the adding dming random girls from your university never gonna fucking work right in what world are you living like are you completely so out of touch with reality have women not made it clear that that is not something that they want they don't want random men asking them out also like cold approaching we talked about that before the majority of the things you have mentioned you're never they're never going to work. Or if they do, it's so rare that in general, you're going to be doing the opposite. You're going to be pissing people off, creeping them out. And unfortunately, that's going to have the

knock-on effect of making you maybe a little bit more desperate. And then that's kind of the spiral, right? But I think what you need first and foremost, and like, hey, I don't know what you look like. You might be somewhat unfortunate looking. I don't know. But I think what you need first and foremost, and hey, I don't know what you look like. You might be somewhat unfortunate looking. I don't know. But I think if you look around anywhere in the world at all, you will see people you probably rate as super beautiful with people you probably rate as not that beautiful. It's everywhere. It's the old fucking joke when you're a kid where it's like, oh, learn to play the guitar.

Look at all these ugly guitarists who have beautiful women. And it it's like there's a lot of people out there who aren't luckers and they're killing it um there's a lot of people out there who are beautiful and fucking suck maybe it's easy for the beautiful ones but i don't know i know enough people who are very attractive and just cannot find a partner for shit i think there's no way you can't work through that but i do think your mentality needs a major overhaul because you're doing so much toxic shit. And the way you're talking just seems so miserable that like, I'm just going to go ahead and say that's the issue. It's weird that you are self-aware enough to get a therapist and seek like help that way, but aren't aware enough to be like, oh, hey, maybe women aren't here solely to exist for my pleasure or my companionship because like i think at the core of it yeah like i think the core of this

problem is you're not looking for a partner you're not looking for someone to start a relationship with you're just looking for a woman because you haven't said like oh i want a date oh i'm looking for sex there's like no indication of what you're looking for or trying to obtain you're just being like i have no standards women are objects to me that i will you know i will take any of them their personality their looks none of that matters to me i just want one yeah and then there was the bit where you yourself were disparaging two of the women you got rejected by and it's like you don't need that yeah you need to fix that and the thing is i also think you're misconstruing what your therapist said i don't think he's saying well yeah you're probably gonna die alone i think he's

saying you need to be okay with that possibility because right now it sounds like it's the be all and end all of your shit and it's like that's what's lending itself to this desperation yeah we always talk about the fact that like and it's something that i've always encouraged people do being like you need to be happy solo you you cannot be dependent on another person for your happiness because the second you do that like you need to go into a relationship at 100 and that person needs to be at 100 or like as close as yeah and that like and that's that's how you have a good relationship if you're 50 and you need a partner in order to give you like lend some of their energy so that

you're both at 75 that's not gonna work it's not enough to require someone for your happiness you should be complimenting your partner not a like prerequisite and it's i think like now said i think that's kind of the point that your therapist was making and being like hey you need to really get good with yourself and learn how to be alone and get used to being alone not like, this is the rest of your life. Good luck, Ugo. I think he was being like, no, you need the confidence and the peace of mind of being like, oh, hey, I'm enough. I don't have this weird sort of like woman-shaped hole

that I need to cram any woman into. It's... You mean female, right? Female, yes. And look, there's no way you've approached this many people with the same like genuine, heartfelt, like honest approach. You've probably got something so fucking practiced or so uninteresting that maybe the first couple of times you went over, you actually tried to have like a genuine conversation with people.

But if you're just like throwing the widest fucking net, it's probably like, hi, my name's Steve. Do you want to date me? Yeah. Yeah. And then it's like, no, I don't. I don't know you, Steve. Probably super bitter and just like ready to be rejected the second this starts, because that's what I'm getting from this post. And like, look, I get it.

It sucks. Feeling down, not being able to get a partner, all those things. Like, we all feel some semblance of that at some point. And it fucking is miserable. But being miserable is unfortunately going to fuck up your chances as well. So I really think you need to listen to the fucking podcast. Because a lot of this is the toxicity we try to combat. Realize what your therapist is saying isn't, yeah, you're doomed, doomed you're ugly it's you need to be able to be happy being you because

you said before you tried not trying and not looking for women but we've also talked about this before where i think what you did was you not tried because you were trying yeah your your current attempt yeah your current attempt was not trying, which is might sound completely ridiculous and redundant, but you know, you know what we mean? And it's like, you need to actively be okay.

Like maybe spend some time and better yourself because you know what? Let's say you do have an ugly face, right? Go get fucking trim, go to the gym and like look good elsewhere you know what i mean that's like faces are to be all and end all and again one person's ugly is another person's unreal and we've talked about before where personalities shine through and color so much of what you already have going on that like i think you can do a lot there's like there's a million things

we could point at and it's gonna be i'm not gonna do it because i'm like look at that person's ugly you know what i mean because again that's also all personal right someone i think is ugly isn't going to be someone you think is ugly etc but i think the glaring issue is your mindset in this message or this post or whatever so like just fix it become more positive and i know easier said than done but that's your your issue. Yeah. Also maybe get a new therapist. Cause yeah, I'd love to know what your therapist says about your fucking cold approaching.

I, yeah. I wonder, do you tell them or do you know it's a secret shame? Maybe find a female therapist. Uh, all right, let's do one more question before we head into tenders.

Uh, this is by life. Vermicelli had a male, male, female, uh, like threesome with girlfriend realized we're incompatible her face when she was kissing him and the pleasure in her voice that made me realize we are together for all the wrong reasons it was a somber realization but at least we are not engaged yet was going to propose in may three-year anniversary of our first

date she is with me because i tick the boxes good looking high paying respectable job and no debt and a guy who wants a family. On the one hand, the realization that you are not enough for your partner is hurtful, but it's also a moment of clarity. Maybe she is lying to herself or just suppressing her real self, but we will be a disaster to be engaged and married. I'm gathering enough courage for a breakup, but I know in my heart it's best for both of us. It's not easy though, as I clearly love her a lot. She also cares for me, but it needs to be done. Any advice on how to deal with the least amount of pain possible? Because to her, it will be a surprise.

I love how the basis of this grand realization and tragic breakup is. I agreed to a threesome and she enjoyed it. Yeah. What did you think was going to happen? Like, did you think that the whole time she was with this other person or during the threesome anytime you weren't the one touching she would be like ew oh oh oh hey oh this is okay i guess i guess i'll keep like what the fuck did you think was gonna happen of course she was having fun and enjoying it that's the whole fucking point dude also like people kind of all have the same face when they're kissing someone, right?

Well, here's the other thing. This man is comparing it to the face she makes when she's kissing him, which means this man has his eyes open. Oh, yeah. No wonder she wants to be with this guy. The pleasure in her voice when she said, I'm so glad you closed your eyes. Yeah, like, you have no idea what she looks like unless again you have a mirror nearby every time you kiss and you have your eyes wide open being like how much she enjoying this yeah like this is called jealousy dude have you not

met jealousy before yeah like you is this the first time you've had an insecurity is this like are you that good looking that this is the first time you've ever encountered insecurities like and also this is the most common time and place to have this specific insecurity like this isn't even out of left field this is like the thing this is the thing you talk about and you know you'll have to deal with and it it just sideswiped you. You're like, whoa, who would have thunk? I would also love to know how this came about. Was it an accident?

Were you guys just drunk and your handsome friend was there and one thing led to another? And you're just like, all right, this is cool. Did you not talk about the threesome beforehand did you not do you not know this guy like how did this all come about because there seems to be so many missing pieces for you to go from hey let's have a threesome with another man to i can't believe she enjoyed any of the things that we did in this threesome with this other guy i'm crushed do you have the link like do you have the i like this it's rare that i you know me i never want to read the comments but what

is do you want to know the comments i just want the general consensus who would have thought agreeing to watch your girlfriend get banged by another dude would be a bad idea okay it's everyone just like no one's really like on the i don't think anyone's on the positive side. I think everyone's just like threesomes are bad flat out. Right. You know what I mean? That breaks my heart. Yeah.

A lot of people, most people think this guy's an idiot though. I don't think a single person is on his side. That's all I needed to know. So it's like, look, you were down for this and you agreed to it. I assume base level, right? If you weren't ready for this and you agreed to it. I assume base level, right? If you weren't ready for this, you shouldn't have. If you were ready for this, you should have discussed the possibilities. And no matter what, once this happened, you should talk to your partner about

how you're feeling instead of having a breakdown going to Reddit with this dramatic shit and like throwing your entire relationship away. If you love this person enough that you were going to propose to them either you're proposing to them too soon or you need to get your shit together and talk to them and tell them how you feel yeah there's nothing wrong with again like you're confident enough to agree to a like a threesome with another dude i don't know if you're bisexual or you know sexually fluid i'm not sure so it's hard to sort of gauge that level but then not being able to afterwards be like hey so let's have like a little debrief and you know i felt actually surprisingly insecure i thought i'd be okay with it but watching you kiss the other guy uh really

got to me and that's that's how you have an actual conversation because hopefully if she's a good partner she will reassure you being like well it's it's the thrill of someone new it's the whole point of a threesome it's like of course i was going to enjoy it that's the whole point why would she want to do it if she didn't think she would enjoy it yeah it's and like then she can be you know she can then be like hey sorry you felt that way of course i love you like the that's that's the whole point of having those conversations and that's why it's so important to talk about a threesome beforehand. And even more important to talk about a threesome afterwards so that you can clear any of those insecurities that may,

that you might think you had under control. And then in the moment we're like, Oh shit, no, this is, this is rattling. This is rattling me real bad. But like,

that's what you have your, your post threesome talk so that you can, you can address it with your partner. And then if it's something that you never want to do again, great. You know it. Great. Move on. Yeah. But like, okay, I will say this.

Maybe you shouldn't get married if you can't communicate with your partner on basic things like this, you know, because you should have communicated before the fact and you should communicate after the fact and at this point we don't know if you've done either but like this is a very straightforward reaction to this situation and you seem to have gone nuclear on it i would not recommend getting married if this is your reaction to something like this because you need to be able to talk to your partner because yeah like what other knee-jerk reaction like you've discovered that you didn't like seeing your partner kissing yeah like what other knee-jerk reaction like you've discovered that you didn't like seeing your partner kissing or being pleasured by another man i think that's a pretty common feeling for most people i think that is a pretty universal thing some people are cool with it that's fine but like i don't know this isn't this is not a no dane he realized they are incompatible this isn't an isolated feeling everybody has it also

like the pleasure that she's having is probably at least the situation more so than the person and the situation guess what it involves you yeah like what were you doing during were you just not part of were you in the corner just, like, glaring? Yeah, because, like, that's not threesome, my man. That's just cuckolding. It also is wild to me that he doesn't realize that he was part of this. It's a mess. It's not an isolated thing.

This is what people. But, like, what happens when, I don't know, when you guys are married and you have children and the sex slows down because you guys are exhausted and and raising a child are you then going to be like i've come to the realization that we are incompatible or like a starbucks barista makes a quip at her and you're like oh no game fucking over fuck guess what we're incompatible like is is that just going to be your knee-jerk reaction to every time something doesn't really go your way or you have any sort of insecurity or like are you just gonna be like oh fuck i thought we had it but we're not compatible because my wife got a raise and man, we're incompatible now.

I'm supposed to be the breadwinner. Do you feel insecure? Because, no, we're incompatible. Don't you get it? Yeah. Yeah, you need to talk and, hey, for both your sakes, maybe put off the old proposal. Maybe give it a year or two or forever. Yeah, or maybe do this lady a favor and actually break it off because you seem like a lot.

Yeah, you need to learn how to communicate and you need to learn what jealousy is. And also maybe foresight because this is not like an unexpected consequence. Good luck. Good luck, my man. All right. That is going to almost do us for this episode, friends. But before we say goodbye, we like to peruse online dating platforms such as Tinder, Bumble and Hinge and comb dating profiles for red flags in an effort to make your online dating experience a little more enjoyable. Do you have a lot this week? I kind of have very little, actually.

Me too. I don't know if Tinder has caught on to my my game but they've been sending me some very no like nothing like no profile at all or just like instagram handles and stuff i haven't had like i was on almost all afternoon today and like all of the profiles were you know live laugh love or their snapchats and like that was it and i was like or like i like travel hiking and netflix it's like we've done that we've talked about that we can't i can't let's blast through what we got yeah see how we feel i just think tinder's on to me it's fair it's possible are you ready yep uh i start off with now this one's funny because the person who

sent it to me misread it initially. So this is Hinge and the prompt is my most irrational fear and it's popping balloons. Now they thought it said pooping baboons. Ah. Which I will say I would swipe on because I'd need to know how that ever became a fear hey i mean you probably didn't do this because african lion safari is a ontario thing and you didn't grow up here but there is a uh i don't know if it still exists because i'm sure there are all sorts of animal rights issues at that place but there's a place called african lion safari where you either drive through on your car or on like

one of their buses and the whole thing is like, Oh, here's a place where you stop. And then monkeys just descend upon your car and just lose their shit. And actually sometimes actually lose your shit. So maybe they had a really terrifying baboon incident at African lion safari. That's fair. Now,

what do you think about the, just the real, the real one popping balloons, popping balloons. I mean, I get it. We were at, uh, oh no, this was, I was at karaoke the most, this most recent Sunday, not the time I went with you most recently. Um, and someone had balloons all over the table and they kept popping it.

And like, you know, not my most irrational fear, but certainly startling. It's like, I get it. But like, i worry that they wouldn't be fun to hang out with because any situation where there are balloons which admittedly now that we're not seven happens less and less but but that's the whole thing of a rash or like if it maybe right it's an irrational fear there is no logic to it so i think i think there's a little bit of grace given there you know what i'm gonna give it a seven because it's an interesting enough conversation starter and at least they read the prompt correctly yeah they did answer the question

yeah um now i do want to circle back to african lion safari uh real quick okay because the last time i went was on a school trip it was like a band trip or something. And I did watch a giraffe ejaculate all over another giraffe's face. Oh, fuck yeah. That explains a lot about you. Right? That's why I'm really into long-necked women. The pointiest animal, some might say. That is a narrow-casted joke.

Yeah. Four people are going to get that, and two of them are us. This is Haley. Hot-headed. I have a temper. I'm a good cuddler. I'm generally an open book, unless it's a loaded question. Clinically insane, but who isn't these days?

Trying to find the peace in my chaos. Mother of one. Damn, this got real bad. Saying you have a temper and that you're hot-headed, not great, right? It's like you're an adult you should be able to control your rage around people especially the ones you're dating and not have it be such an integral part of you that you're putting it on your fucking dating profile yeah and saying you're clinically insane and then saying that everyone is and saying you're full of chaos so here's the thing i if you're trying to say that you have

a mental like depression mental health issue that's not being clinically insane that's the thing it's like it seems like you're either trying to make like a meal out of it or you're trying to i don't know like it seems to cheapen it you know i mean like if it is because it's like that's an actual thing you can be, which I'm assuming you're not. Maybe you are, but like, it feels more like you're making this weird cheapening ableist generalization about something you have that is far less serious than,

you know, actual insanity. Yeah. It's a, that that's enough for me to give it a zero. Yeah, I don't, it's,

there's nothing good happening here. This is Vera and it's again, hinge. happening here this is vera and it's again hinge and the prompt is all i ask is that you and her response is be completely try to yourself wait hold on what all i ask is that you be completely try to yourself i mean that is all i try to do you mean that's all you completely do to try? Yeah. I don't know what you're saying is. This has got to be a translation situation here. Maybe. But I mean, it is nothing.

It doesn't mean anything. It's a crazy thing to say. I don't know what it means. So I'm going to give it a zero because I can't respond to it. That's fair. Yeah, also zero. So I just sent you a picture on messenger yeah and it's like i know this is an audio podcast but this i'm gonna try to describe it best i can so it is a

woman bending over showing her what seems to be quite a nice butt you can't even tell though because it's like half a butt yeah the angle it's blurry she's kind of out of the water and the water is tinted red again i'm assuming it's light but it does kind of look like blood yeah it's a little ominous uh a bottle of champagne off off screen but it does look like it's being poured into the water and or on the butt and then there's then there's a shirtless man well i mean he's also you can't see if he's wearing pants either it does look like it's being poured into the water and or on the butt. And then there's, then there's a shirtless man. Well, I mean, he's also,

you can't see if he's wearing pants either. It does look like a naked man hovering above her pondering said booty. Like he's got his like hand on his chin, like, Hmm. And he's looking down like just right directly over the half butt. Yeah. And the funny thing is if the champagne was being poured,

it would be a different photo, but it's just awkwardly like a neck of a bottle poking in from the side and it's like either pre or post pour yeah like the bottle looks more like it's going to be used for insertion as opposed for or it too is pondering yeah it is also just being like hmm it's a very weird picture honestly it's it's an incredible picture for a fucking dating profile because like, who is this guy? Like, what are the things that we, we try to say is like,

Oh, don't have a, like, unless you're a poly couple, which again, I don't think there was any description on this. I think it was just an empty profile. Like,

okay. If you're a poly couple and you want to have your, your partner in there. Cool. That's fine. But like, if you're a poly couple and you want to have your your partner in there cool that's fine but like if you're a single person try not to have another person in the the photo that might be someone who you might be hooking up with like because it just seems strange to do yeah um i don't know this picture again i wish i wish it was it was something we could really show you

but i hope we've described it properly because it's a it's a wild fucking thing to use your dating profile you can almost post it because you can't see anybody's faces which again not great for a a profile picture yeah i can give it a you know what depending on the other pictures it could be a conversation starter yeah i mean for me i'm giving it a seven no because i i there's just something about this butt that i can tell is very good and that's enough for me and and like it's enough for me to be like i need to know everything it is like it's almost renaissance-esque yeah there is a certain humor to it and i appreciate you know i'm bumping it up i'll give a five because it is amusing even if it's a wild choice

yeah uh like it didn't get up there without them knowing it was a ridiculous picture and that says something about the person yep hi are you ready for annalise yeah uh so a-n-n-a-l-i-s-e right and her profile says anal eyes analyze anal lies. Oh, I love it. I love this person. It's great. It's a 10 for me. This person is wild, but she doing it.

Yeah, I'll give it an eight. That's pretty funny. It's so good. This is Jasmine. I'm a basic boring bitch living That's pretty funny. It's so good. This is Jasmine. I'm a basic boring bitch living a basic boring life. Is that it? Yeah, that's it. Just zero.

Just so much zero. Who thinks that's in any way intriguing? I don't know, man. I don't know. Yeah, it's going to be a zero for me as well. All right, ready for this? It's my last one. This is Sabina. Three injection emojis. Five, six plus four inches. be zero for me as well all right ready for this it's my last one this sabina three injection emojis five six plus four inches oh sorry five six plus four inch heel emoji and then it's like

the you know like greater than and less than less than you yes i need to literally look up to you and feel protected kiss emoji looking for a a romantic gentleman and forever best friend that will be up for NSYNC karaoke, including the choreography. Soviet Union baby raised in Israel, Toronto, trilingual. P.S. If you ain't simping, we ain't clicking. Yeah. No, there's things in there that I'm into.

The karaoke reference. Very nice. Love it. But like the overall vibe of this of like like, you know, it's gross. It's skeevy. The whole like height thing. The fucking height thing. Yeah.

Look up to you and feel like fuck off. No, it's a zero. Yeah, I'm going to give it a zero as well. And this is my last one. This is Andressa. I'm Brazilian woman. I love working pasta and red wine. I'm not looking for fun. That's it?

Yep. You know what? I appreciate someone who loves working. Fair play. I don't. I love pasta and wine. I'm about to make some pasta right now. Not looking for fun.

I assume they mean they're not looking for a fling, but. Yeah, I assume they're like no hookups and it might be be like a translation thing, or like, you know, because... It tickles me massively to imagine. They're just like, no, we will not enjoy this. Hey, they do like working, so maybe they're just like, there's no play here. Working only. Yeah. I'll give it like a six.

That's fine. I'm gonna give it a three. Are you ready for a new segment that I'm gonna do instead of bad sex writing this week? Sure. Have you seen Turning Red? Yes. This is one-star reviews of Turning Red.

Oh, no. If you haven't watched Turning Red and want to, maybe. Goodbye. This is a one-star review. I was excited the first movie to come out, but I did not expect these things to happen. The pictures she drew in her notebook were just I can't even explain them. And how she referred to them as sexy, and that laugh

she had under the bed, drawing them under her bed. Is this appropriate, Disney? Is it? Disney movies usually teach kids things, right? Well, with this movie, it teaches you to lie to your parents and keep secrets that are unnecessary to keep from them. Also, sneaking out when their parents don't approve of something.

Please, if you are a kid reading this, do not do anything she does. May turns into a red panda, right? Well, she starts telling her mom she joined a school club, but she's actually making money behind her parents' back to buy tickets she's not supposed to buy. At his birthday party, Tyler's. For once, he was a bit innocent, but I can understand why May, in red panda form, scratches him.

As you can see his arm and face, he did say, though, go back to your psycho mom and freaky temple. Maybe just be a little more chill. I mean, don't fall out and attack people or you're the person in trouble. She threw her friends under the bus. What kind of friend does this? A friend is May. Not only is cringy enough, but this? She basically the goody-goody two-shoes.

But in the end, she twerks for a full-on two minutes. I could barely handle this movie next time. Disney, please make better choices for a movie like this. I am a big movie buff. I like talking about movies. I like discussing movies. I often have hot takes on movies we won't get into, but this,

these complaints about the fucking movie of, of them being like, but, but she's, she's disobeying her parents and she's sneaking out and she's doing it's like if she didn't there wouldn't be a movie yeah like harry potter he's not like well i did all the school rules imagine if like aladdin jasmine never snuck out of the the like fucking palace they would never she would never meet

aladdin and there would be absolutely no fucking movie yeah or if ariel never went to the surface no fucking movie if simba never went to the shadowlands no fucking movie do not watch turning red before reading this review this is dumbest most cringe movie in history completely inappropriate introduces teen years is scary and completely weird instead of this family worshiping god they worship their ancestors on their red panda do not watch stay away too much sex and too much swearing what life did you live that your teenage years were absolutely fucking horrifying

i think i think it's widely accepted that we can all agree that our teenage years are i said where we get our most of our trauma you know what i mean like this is where this is where we become anxious this is where we we develop our insecurities unless you're that one guy who's never encountered them until today i've got one more okay for you because there's a there's a bunch they're all phenomenal a lot of them mention Jesus a lot of them are like, hey Pixar, why didn't you make a Jesus movie instead of going for this weird spiritual panda

I think a Pixar Jesus movie would be great, says one but this is by RobloxGamer2017 Roblox is better nice apparently the parent of a two year old hell yeah, thank you very much for listening friends that is going to do it for our episode Roblox is better. Nice. They're apparently the parents of a two-year-old. Hell yeah. Thank you very much for listening, friends.

That is going to do it for our episode. Once again, if you'd like to support the show and help us approach that live show goal, head on over to fbuddiespodcast.com and click the Patreon link and choose any of the tiers. The $7 tier is the one that gets you the monthly bonus episode called Pillow Talk. If you have a question, please feel free to head on over to fbuddiespodcast.com and click the contact form.

We keep it completely anonymous and we'll answer your question ASAP. Hell yeah. We appreciate everyone who comes by and listens. We appreciate everyone who supports us. And that takes many forms. Occasionally, it can take the form of you know reviewing rating sharing with some friends all of these things count if you aren't in the position to support the patreon

we appreciate any aspect of that we really do and thank you Josh Eagle and the Harvest Seeds for the song Paper Stars my name is Dane Miller and I'm Niall Spain we've been your fuck buddies do not watch Turning Red do what's great We've been your fuck buddies. Do not watch Turning Red. Do It's Great.