F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 184 - The Under Clothes Condom

Episode Date: April 11, 2022

It doesn't matter what you think, if you're not wearing a condom, you're not fully dressed.  Topics include the politics of staying over, addressing racial fetishization, the audacity of unavailability, having and being a big dick, an easy way to get kicked out of your apartment and condom preparedness.

I put my trust in you, and I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller. And I'm Mal Spain. And we're your fuck buddies. We're a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations.

Oh boy, I've lost it. Oh no. Yeah, but I felt it. I felt it like, you know when you're, you've got like a trolley or something and you're pushing it and you're like, you get a hill and you're like, nope, I'm losing it. I'm losing it. We're a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations and turn them into sexy, sticky situations. Simply put, we're a sex and dating advice podcast where we find questions either online or from our wonderful listeners and we answer them for you. Did it.

We did do it. We did it. You would think after 184 or so episodes, I would, I would have that down, but. You've kind of been doing peaks and valleys, honestly. Yeah, I get, I get into like a rhythm. Yeah, you of been doing peaks and valleys, honestly. Yeah, I get in a rhythm. Yeah, you do it for so long, so well, and then you just fucking beef it. I beefed it so hard. You ready?

Yeah. Do you want to start off loosey-goosey or do you want to start laser-focused? No, let's do loosey-goosey. I'm in a loosey-goosey mood. This is a question that has since been deleted? Now I cannot find it anywhere, but the contents, I can paraphrase them because, because the,

the real responses is the question or the real response to the comments. I guess this is by a deleted user. Me, 26 year old male dated a girl and wouldn't want her to sleep over. Now she's mad. I sent her home. Uh, basically they slept together for the first time,

uh, after like coming over for a movie. He had been clear about the fact that he had really early work the next morning. And when it got to it, she kind of like kept putting off excuses about leaving. And then eventually he was like, okay, you have to go. I need to go to bed. And she freaked out and is being really cold. And every single response is like, sex is a big deal. If you're ready to be inside her, then you're ready for her to sleep over. I would like your thoughts on that. I mean, you and I have both. I think we stand on the same side of people staying over, especially new sexual partners. partners but regardless of like the the time and when unless you're living together i think that

like if you still have your own place you get complete control over whether or not someone stays over and people need to stop being weird about that in my opinion especially if there's a legit reason such as hey i have to be up early and i and even if it's just like even if it's just that i gotta get up early i don't want to have to like get you up because i don't know what it's like to wake you up i don't know if you're one of those five more minutes type people i don't want to be late for work because i'm waiting for you to get your shit together because that's the thing so early in the morning you don't want to wake up and be like please go please like you because then like that's its own problem if you're being rude kicking someone out right and if you're a morning shower it's like there's a time where

there is a complete stranger more or less unsupervised in your apartment it's like yeah you've hooked up with them but like how many times have we seen people be like i hooked up with someone and it turns out they're crazy yeah so it's like i don't really want someone who i don't really know that well uh in my apartment unsupervised i don't really want someone who i don't really know that well uh in my apartment unsupervised i don't know what you're doing yeah 100 and that's the thing it's like every single comment is like you owe it to them to have them stay over you like you can't have sex without having them stay over if you knew you had to get up early you just shouldn't have had sex with her that night that's like in the comments he are in the text.

He let her know. And I guess she didn't equate. Oh, I have to get up really early tomorrow with you can't stay over, which, you know, maybe he should have been more specific there. But like, I think if we flipped it around and a guy was upset that they weren't allowed to stay over or were trying to stay over everyone would be like whoa that's not okay that guy's like forcing himself into your like place and blah blah blah blah blah right i think it's only ever really a thing when it's the girl who's being kicked out i know like kind of on the flip side of the coin i know i used to get shit for not wanting to stay over well yeah there's that too but like there's any number of reasons as to why someone wouldn't want

you for me the longest time i really bad insomnia so all that meant was one i wouldn't be able to like you know watch tv or you know be on my computer or do something while i couldn't sleep so i pretty much just have someone unconscious while i just kind of like sit there in the dark and that fucking sucks and also really weird if you wake up and it's just me wide awake like hello how's your sleep going cool i don't know i was really self-conscious about it of being like you know i don't want someone waking up and thinking i'm like doing something or like watching them weirdo yeah yeah like for me it's like i've been in situations like this where i've had a great night and if if I stay, that great night is now going to start to turn into a bad night.

Because like you're saying, I'm going to lie there. I probably don't have my own toothbrush. So I'm not going to be able to brush my teeth before bed. That sucks. Maybe I don't have pajamas or anything to change into. So it's like boxers or kind of the stuff I'm already wearing, which not great. And then I'm not going to sleep. And then I'm going to lie there.

And then in the morning, I'm probably going to leave first thing anyway, because like, I don't want to overstay my welcome. And I'll probably feel kind of gross because I haven't showered or brush my teeth. It's like, I miss let's go home now and fucking rest. And then it stays a good night. You know, not to say I never want to stay over, not to say I won't sometimes. And sometimes it makes sense, but I hate this weird societal thing where it's like you have to or else you're a bad person. Or if you want to leave, you're a bad person. Or if you need your space, they're a bad – no. Sex is great and it means a lot of things to a lot of people, but it shouldn't be this weird like now you're obliged yeah having sex with someone doesn't make anything concrete in

the sense of like just because you had sex with someone it doesn't then give them the right to anything other than being able to have sex with you that one time that you just had you know and i think that is something that like we need to also discuss it being like you had sex one time with one person that doesn't mean that you get to stay over that doesn't mean that they owe you breakfast that doesn't mean that they have to do it again like if now i will say i do think that there is a little bit of onus like if we were out or you were out and she was like, you know, Oh, I, I gotta get home.

You know, I don't want to miss the last subway. And you're like, no, no, come over, come over. And then you convince someone to come over and then you are like,

yeah. Or if like they live really far away and you're like, Oh, sorry. It's midnight. But like, you gotta go. And they're like,

well, if I'd known I would have been able to leave. Yeah. There's like common courtesy, right? Yeah. Um, but I think that goes both ways. You know what i mean like someone's saying i have to get up super fucking early for work you go oh okay cool that's it you you you know be better like just listen to what they say and like take it at face value and it's like there's a lot of people here saying like it's obvious you use them for sex and it's obvious that they're gonna feel disgusted and used.

It's like why would you go there from they have a valid reason to wake up the next morning? I try to anytime I go over to someone's house, especially like if I know that they have like work in the morning or they, you know, it's a weekday and I know they work a nine to five or whatever. I usually like towards the beginning and then I just be like, Hey, let me know. Like when you get tired or whenever you need to kick me out, like, just let me know. Cause like, I'm happy to hang out as long as you want to, because I usually don't have to get up early in the morning or I have the day off because I only work weekends. So it's like, I'm happy to spend time with you and I will enjoy all the time I get to spend with you and I will enjoy all the time I get to spend with you, but please don't misconstrue that as,

you know, feeling like you're, yeah, like you're obligated to entertain me until I'm like, well, I should go home. So I like to tell people like, I will not be offended if you tell me at like,

you know, 1130 that you're getting tired or that you need to go to bed. That's fine. That's, that's great. I would rather leave and let you get well rested than feel, you know, you feel like you're getting tired or that you need to go to bed that's fine that's that's great i would rather leave and let you get well rested than feel you know you feel like you're you know being forced to entertain me and you know feel there's like a little bit of resentment or whatever well that's the thing it's like if that's the case the next time you're around like even if they really

like hanging out with you they'll be like oh fuck like i don't know do i want to feel wrecked the next day at work like and it does add up so it'll be like, oh, fuck. I don't know. Do I want to feel wrecked the next day at work? And it does add up. So it's like, don't be that source of resentment. Don't be that negativity. Let good nights stay good nights. Obviously, if someone never wants to see you apart from having sex and that's not able to stay over once or a few times just be chill and like let them be okay yeah again i think it would be commenting every comment it would be one thing if if the situation also was like you know it's

nine o'clock or you know you you guys like hey let's watch a movie you start they come over at seven you guys hook up and then like the next day you know he goes you know cleans up you both go to the bathroom and he's like well i got an early morning you should get out of here it's like you didn't even watch the movie or anything it's like yeah okay that would be a shitty thing to do so it's like you know there are shades of gray here i think the overarching lesson here and the what the question is really about is like yes you you're like people especially with sleeping like everyone has their own sort of like neuroses and preferences and stuff and it's like yeah i find it really hard to to fall asleep when i have

when i'm with like a new partner it's just it's just a thing and i know that's not a unique or rare feeling. So let people like warm up to you first before sleeping over and don't take it as a personal offense. Just be like, oh, okay, they need their space and I'm going to give it to them. Yeah. A hundred percent have blown off a guy who didn't want me to sleep over after you had sex. It's a big deal. Yeah.

If you're not comfortable enough to let her sleep with you, you're not comfortable enough to have sex with her. Sex is the most intimate thing. If you can't handle any of the other stuff, you shouldn't have sex. Intercourse is far more than having people sleep over. Oh, he's ready for pregnancy and STDs, but not ready to have her sleep over? Like, come on, guys. Why are you all so not chill?

It's so weird again like all this is like so not sex positive because everyone once again is thinking like sex is a be all and end all and it is something that we like it's like no like some people do have sex without this sort of like earth life changing you know earth shattering life changing moments some people just like to have sex. And that is a completely valid way to have a sexual life is to just be like, no, I'm going to hook up with you. And then like, I don't want to stay over. The irony here is that like, if you're a good communicator and you know yourself saying like, look, I have to work tomorrow.

I know I'm not going to sleep. Looking after yourself and being open and honest with them. That's like good, like the sign of a good partner. So it's like you might be spurning people because they have the honesty and self-awareness to actually let you know how they feel and trust you with that information as opposed to someone who's just like,

oh, I fucked her. I let her stay over. God damn it. And that person probably sucks or might suck. And there's also the onus for the person asking the question too. I think it was, it was the woman asking the question, right?

No guys asking. Okay. So like it is, it is also like on the, the woman, the onus of the woman would be like, Hey, you know,

if she does feel upset to be like, Hey, I kind of felt like I was a little, a little underappreciated or whatever. And you know, being asked to leave kind of hurt my feelings, like to open the dialogue on the opposite end of things, instead of leaving this guy guessing or giving him the cold shoulder that

there was there, like there still needs to be communication. Like if someone upsets you or does something and like it, you can talk about it, you can bring it up, you can clarify and be like, Hey, if we're going to sleep together,

you know, I don't really want to be kicked out at certain times and like i it's not i don't think it's the right stance to have but if that's the stance that you have you should bring it up and talk about it as opposed to just being like you should just know i have these weird like arbitrary feelings about sex and sleeping also these weird things of like you owe x and you need to do y because you've had sex they're like not positive things like anyway because imagine if there's a guy who like whatever happened you end up not wanting around you don't feel comfortable or whatever but he's like no i have to stay over we had sex that's like you can't get rid of them

yeah we had sex so therefore i'm allowed I've got 12 hours in this apartment. Yeah, right. Or eight hours. Let's say six to eight hours. That's how much sleep I need, babe. But we had sex, so that's going to hold up in court. You know, just like all these things. Actually, honestly, there's a lot of people being like, if it's not a shitty one night stand, it's decency not over not only sleep over but cuddle and snuggle

and like just guys chill yeah that's right so just i want people to be more open with like if your partner's asking for something reasonable don't don't jump to this wild conclusion don't jump to be like oh i'm i'm an undervalued prostitute which is what a lot of people say in the comments etc it's like just understand where they're coming from and if it's an issue talk about it okay this is from pen we and they ask was i racially fetishized i am a 21 year old female biracial black slash white and recently hooked up with a white guy for the first time it was fun but then the dirty talk got kind of weird i felt like he was overly focused on my ethnic background

that was definitely not discussed before sex. First thing he said was that he never slept with a mixed black girl and that I was like an exotic goddess. That really turned me off and I told him not to call me that. Afterwards I was writing him and he kept saying how my caramel pussy felt so good and that he's my white daddy. The worst thing he said was that he loves my brown nipples and that he wants to fill me up with his white babies so that he's my white daddy. The worst thing he said was that he loves my brown nipples and that he wants to fill me up with his white babies so that he can feed on them. I really, that one,

I'm not sure what that, I don't know if he means like the nipples. I assume he didn't mean he wanted to feed on us. He's not like Kronos. On the babies. This was super weird. I told him again to stop saying things like that. The next day we texted and he told me that he loved our contrast

in bed. I have thick curly hair. Contrast? Contrast. I have thick curly hair and he mentioned that he found it hot how my curls were bouncing up and down when I was writing them. Are these red flags or am I too sensitive? Well, they are all very specifically racialized

comments. I think that's pretty clear you know he's he's in no way shying away from that the fact that you kind of told him to stop and he i guess he might have just taken it very literally and that like he says one thing and you stop that one thing and then move on to something that's the neighbor of that thing it's you know not great but yeah it seems like he very much if if not specifically into that hadn't i don't know was blindsided by it and focused on it fully um i'd love to know what you did talk about like dirty talk wise before sex because or was she just saying she didn't disclose her background i think what they were saying was like

they there wasn't any discussion of like any sort of dirty talk regarding like there was no race play because i know they're like there are some people who have fetishes about you know that kind of stuff and some people are okay with it but like i think she was saying that at no point in time did they discuss using their their ethnicity as a means of like dirty talk. Okay. Cause I was wondering if it was, that was what they were saying or they were just like, he brought this up,

but I never kind of told him I was mixed. Yeah, I know. Cause it said, uh, he's overly focusing on my ethnic background. That was definitely not discussed. I guess I see what you're saying,

but like, yeah, no, I think, I think what they're saying is, you know, he was focused on it and we never really discussed how, like our feelings about it or her feelings more accurately.

So I guess for me, the point then that I was going to make is like to have that discussion going forward and let him know that you didn't like the fact that he commented very specifically on that one thing. If you want to sleep with this person again, but if the very fact that he did fetishize you in this way is enough to turn you off then that's very reasonable as now said the the question the easy answer to this is yes you he was 100 fetishizing you based on your uh ethnicity because i like the amount of of white people that i have with, not once have I ever been like, I love your white pussy. Right? Like, that's a weird fucking thing to say. Adding a race descriptor or a, you know, like a color descriptor before a body part, even being like, oh, I love your brown nipple. Like, it's so gross. Like, it's one thing.

Like, if you want a dirty talk, that's fine. Granted, I think some of the things he was saying are weird to begin with okay i will say a lot of the stuff he's saying is absolutely fucking buck wild it's like look some people are into some stuff that's fine i'm not gonna yuck most yums here if if everyone's consenting and whatever but like to sleep with someone for the first time and talk about getting them pregnant, that's a fucking no-no for me. Yeah. I mean – Is that not a crazy thing?

And again, if you discuss it, sure. That's fine. But I would imagine most people would be massively turned off about any talk of getting pregnant, like in a casual thing. Yeah. I mean like – so let's take the middle thing where he's – how good my caramel pussy felt and that he was my white daddy. If he was just saying, Oh, your pussy feels so good.

Great. That's fine. That's a normal thing to say. I mean, the daddy thing is becoming a little more, but like, again, to qualify it with like,

I'm your white daddy. Like there, there's no gray area here at all. No, exactly. So he's, he's definitely doing the fetishes fetishization. Uh, it is up to you whether or not you're comfortable with that and,

and, or so turned off with that. You never want to see this guy again. And like, if you do want to see him, I think, you know, it's,

it's worth bringing it up and just being like, Hey, we didn't have this discussion, you know, cause I don't know to what extent you guys talked about, you know, what was and wasn't on the table going forward. That's like, if you want to, you could be like, hey, these things are off limits, and I don't appreciate them. And then you'll know for sure

if he ignores that, that it is red flag city and that he is awful. And maybe he just is an awkward person that didn't realize what he's doing. I't know maybe that's me being far too fucking kind but i think it really does like yes he was doing this and i think the balls in your court how you should continue and you'd be well within your right to step away from him because i do think this is also red flags yeah i mean even just the fact that you asked him not to do something and like him not being able to extrapolate and expand on the idea of being like oh sorry you don't like me calling you an exotic goddess but please you're gonna love this caramel pussy bit i've been working on like it's even even just the fact that like you know what it's i think

it's a giant red flag even if you liked these things i think the fact that he didn't have the wherewithal or tact or general decency to run it by you and just jump straight for like kind of racist shit you know what i mean like i i would think like as a baseline you would have to be you would want to be very careful about any of this stuff and it would only be in very specific situations of specific people there where they'd actually be into it and not offended by it right and there's always going to be situations where verbiage that you're used to using can be problematic in certain contexts. Like for example,

I was once hooking up with a black woman and she really preferred to be dominated. She really liked dirty talk and great. Cool. We discussed a lot of it and at one point i think i said like who do you belong to or like you know you belong to me or something like that and like we both clocked it as being like oh nope that's not the right that's not the right thing to say and we talked but we talked about it afterwards and i was like hey i'm

really sorry like obviously i wasn't trying to get into like racist undertones there that is just you know a part of my my vernacular when it comes to you know domination and and controlling the scene and that's the thing if it was a question like that where like there was kind of a gray area or like an honest mistake you know yeah like there are certain terms that kind of come with the territory that like you know you could be forgiven for throwing out there without fully considering especially like in the heat of the moment you know yeah like i've i've had white women uh refer to themselves as like my slave yeah that is that is not something i would do or encourage if i was sleeping with someone of color it is just like it's just not right unless again that is something that

they want to explore i think everything kind of has a caveat of like people can have their own individual kinks but like i think you should generally approach things from a and tactful fucking position where you consider the things you do before you just jump into them unlike this guy so yeah i do think this is a red flag um and again up to the question asker whether or not it is so much of a red flag that they don't even want to pursue this further or just a we'll have a talk and see how it goes you know the problem is it's like i think even if he's like yeah okay yeah no i understand i won't do it again it's like he's probably thinking it and that might be enough like i think that would be enough for me to be like,

yeah, no, I'm not. I'm, you know, I know, I know how you view me and that this is like sort of the, the driving sexual, you know, attraction that you have. And I think that would be enough for me. But as I said, it is a is a 100 balls in your court you can either choose to have the conversation to educate him and give him sort of your boundaries and see if he follows or 100 within your right to be like you'll just peace out that no thank you he's he's done his job here and it was not good yeah yeah so but yeah that sucks this is by save ray monsieur girl sent nudes after she thought I rejected her. What does this mean?

So I matched with this one girl on Hinge a little over a week ago. I sent her my PSN username. We've been playing PlayStation on and off since. Wednesday night, she sent me a message asking what I'm doing. Told her I was seeing a friend. I couldn't play, but maybe tomorrow. She then got super angry and was like, yeah, well, I'm seeing a friend too, you idiot. Then yesterday, out of nowhere, she sent me news. I was pretty surprised because none of our previous conversations were sexual.

Her body was amazing, so I told her I liked what I saw and asked if she wanted to meet up this weekend. She told me, IDK if I want to now. You rejected me yesterday. I explained to her I was just busy. I wasn't rejecting her as a person. If she hits me up last minute expecting to meet, it's probably not going to happen. She should let me know a day in advance. She read my message but didn't respond. That was last night. Did I fuck things up? What should I do next? Just wait it out? Clearly she's pretty interested if she sent nudes.

But also part of me thinks she's nuts if she sent nudes to a guy she thought I rejected. I mean, I think you might be dodging a bullet here, friend. It's that kind of like drastic, like change in, and like, if, if someone can't understand that you aren't available 24 seven at the drop of a hat, then you like, is that what it's going to be like all the time of, you know, they become free. And if you're out with your friends and they're like, Oh, work early what are you up to and you're like oh sorry i'm already

out doing things are they going to get mad at you every time because that sucks it there seems to be a complete lack of sort of like understanding that you're an individual person you guys haven't met up yet so there really is no commitment one way or the other and like even if even if it was like me and my partner who i've been with for quite a while and arguably have far more of a commitment to than this person and most people if she was like what are you up to and i was like oh i'm seeing a friend and like she was like fuck you that would be a big problem you know um and i owe her far fucking more than this person knows this girl so like yeah it's red flag city holy shit you guys have never met and she's pulling this bullshit and it's like it's not even like she said hey you want to do it she's just like what are you up to

and you're like seeing a friend she was like fuck you and then sends you nudes and then it's like you rejected me it's like i don't know man this is this is not going to go well no yeah it might like again it might be a great great time if you can hook up but i i don't think in terms of your your mental health and or physical safety uh is is going to be at the forefront of this relationship if this is how they're reacting within like a week of knowing you and not respecting your boundaries or your personal life and expecting you know 100 control over your time even though you guys didn't have plans it's oh it's not great look i've been there i'm pretty sure you're young enough i there's no ages here but i'm just guessing i know the temptation sex is sex and especially someone sent you a nude and it's a good one i get it but this is a thing you need to learn sex is not worth everything it is not the be all

and end all and there are a lot of times you are going to regret it or put yourself in a situation that's not great when like you could just be in a good situation with good people. So just keep that in mind and maybe give this one a miss. I wouldn't put too much stock in it. You know, maybe if you want, see how it goes, like just putting it on the back burner if it pops up again but like I wouldn't

stress about that you ruined anything. I think you played it just fine. This is from Reddit user SuddenBuddy8043. My partner's dick is scarily big. This might sound absolutely crazy to be complaining about, but I don't know what to

do. I met this really cool guy, and after a few weeks, we decided to start getting it on. We were having fun for a bit until he took his pants off, and I saw his sheer size. It's crazy big, but absolutely terrifying. I feel like a lot of girls would love somebody like that, but I just hate the feeling of something that big inside of me. My gut hurts so bad and it's painful and uncomfortable and I'm

not able to enjoy it. I told him about my issues and he just wouldn't accept it. He told me I was being ungrateful and hard to please, or I led on i have to take care of him but he refused and fabricated plans and left i don't know what to do because i really like him i think he's attractive but my bitch ass is scared of his penis size why am i like this okay i really thought this was gonna be a different question uh it doesn't matter that his dick is scary big what matters is that he fucking sucks yes like i was racking my brains for like workarounds and i thought this was going to be like a positive question but the good news is it doesn't matter because this person sucks and you shouldn't be dating them yeah this is clearly someone who's like coasted on penis size and like that's got

him through a lot of his relationships but never learned to not be a garbage human being because of it you know he's probably just like someone found out very early on in college he got the reputation of like you know big dick greg and ever that kind of like brought it was probably like big dick dermot you know what i mean i think we gotta use a d name big dick declan and then it's just like you know he i mean i think we gotta use a d name big dick dacklin and then it's just like you know he never learned that like oh actually having a big dick doesn't really mean anything if i'm a fucking dirt bag and this man from what what we've been you know given is a dirt bag yeah it's nice to be shown just very succinctly like, oh, I'm a garbage person.

Yeah. So like, don't worry about being scared of his dick. Don't worry about needing to do X, Y, or Z. Like, do you worry about getting the fuck away from this guy? Because like you led me on and you're like the other bullshit. I can't remember. I just remember they were all ungrateful. Ungrateful.

That's a wild move i think anytime anyone ever like i would imagine anytime a dude says that a woman is being ungrateful i would say that maybe like one in 10 times there might be actually be a reason to say it yeah i don't know it's this person is shit and i think that's where starts and ends don't date them someone yeah if you address and it could be any issue regardless like it doesn't have to be a size thing it could be like oh hey i'm i'm really comfortable or uncomfortable riding it doesn't feel great for me and they're like well i did all the work earlier being really ungrateful and it's just like anytime someone talks about their sexual insecurities or something they're concerned about or comfort.

Yeah. Pain. You know what I mean? That's like any of those could have been like that hurt. And he was like, you're ungrateful. Yeah. Like stormed out. Like you, you should be lucky.

You're lucky that you get my massive dick. I don't care if it hurts. You should be. Everyone loves this dick. Everyone loves big dick. You're an idiot. Yeah. That's insane even if it's something simple like oh like I

don't feel great right now you know what I mean like give me a bit of time or anything you know what I mean if someone expresses that they're in discomfort or pain or tries to have an open like positive conversation about sex with you and you're going to belittle them and like aggressively storm out like a child you suck and you don't deserve to have sex with yeah this is

where like i'm glad you brought that up because yeah that is that's the answer to this question there are ways to deal with larger penis sizes absolutely but that's a non-issue because you shouldn't be sleeping with this person no one should be until he figures out that uh one a big penis isn't a be all and end all of being a sexual partner you still need you know technique and empathy and compassion and all the things that make good sexual partners sorry but like a big dick doesn't forgive not having any of those. Second of all, you need to understand that like he has straight up ignored your concerns and then tried to gaslight you for feeling like into feeling bad about bringing them up.

And the worst thing is I feel like it kind of worked because they even say like, Oh my bitch ass, like as if it's like her problem that she can't deal with this dick and not the fact that one you know that like having a big dick is something we could have discussed but now we're just discussing how much he is a big dick yeah and it's i think there's also like the the societal pressure too of like everyone being like oh you need a man with a big dick big dicks are good and you know women like you that's the only thing you should be looking for like if you need a man with a big dick big dicks are good and you know women like you that's the only

thing you should be looking for like if you get a big dick you're the lucky one and it's like well no if you don't like big dicks you're you're allowed not to like it i mean how many times have we seen you know posts about penis size where it usually like the prevailing like thread throughout is like the big dicks I've seen were not good. They were scary and painful. Uh-huh. So it's like, I don't know. It's you.

I think once again, you're dodging a bullet on this one. I say, let him go. Let him. You know what? It's kind of similar to the other one. That's like the other one. It's like, oh, hot nudes. But it's like, is it worth it?

No. This one. Big dick. Is it worth it? Not at all. This guy sucks. Especially because you don't like it either. Yeah.

It would be a different question. It's like, damn, I love this big dick. But you don't even like it. He's a shithead. You're in pain. And he obviously isn't going to do anything to alleviate that. So just set him loose. Yeah.

Because God, this person sucks. And it's even better that she was like, oh, I offered to take care of him. And he was like, no, fuck you. It's like, oh, this person's doing, like, their best and being a nice partner. And this other person fucking sucks. Declan, have a big dick. Don't be a big dick. This is a wise life.

Going for the landlord's daughter. Knowing when to flirt slash escalate. I've been renting a room in the family home for some time now. I've, knowing when to flirt slash escalate. I've been renting a room in the family home for some time now. I've gotten pretty close to owners of the house, their son and their daughter. They've all been a blessing and thankfully really enjoy my company. Now I find myself developing feelings for her and we're actually pretty decent friends. I've been escalating my intentions, flirting here and there, reading social cues, picking up on her body language, implementing keynote, et keynote etc it's been going

good and both her and i reciprocate the teasing occasionally for now it seems to be going in the right direction anyway i plan on escalating just a bit more in the coming days to try and set up more sexual tension before i ask her out however i'm having trouble trying to identify when i can flirt with her teaser only ever done it when we're alone unfortunately her brother and parents are around the majority of the time i mean we all we all live together, so in general, I'm just myself when the whole family is around. Fun, genuine, social, happy. Very rarely is she alone. When she is, I maximize my opportunity. To be brief, she's more of an introvert, and her family is very different towards me, depending on the situation. When the family is around, we are mostly just friends,

socializing with everyone. When it's only me and her, she becomes a bit shy, somewhat quiet, for the convos are amazing and flirty at times unlike suggestive emoji question is as i'm about to escalate should i try to flirt get with her even when the whole family is around or simply during one-on-ones i'm gonna ask regardless but i want to see what would best work in my favor i've never been in a game situation like this thank you all i was like the second you started i was like oh this could be this could be seduction and then they started saying things like escalate and keno and i was like i've been implementing keno this is a bad idea yep because one i don't know what your your living situation is like i don't know about your home situation but like presumably

you know the place that you live is is fairly important and you are currently just kind of like opening up the floorboards and putting cans of gasoline underneath it and then matches yeah and then juggling you know yeah torches like if this could go really well you know this like there is the possibility that if this family really likes you and you really like her and it and it kicks off and it and it's a weird sort of great situation it could be now or i will say though that's very unlikely because even if it goes well with her i don't think it's going to go well with the family i think that is nigh impossible whereas like you and her getting together sure i'm not really convinced based on what I've just read,

but like, that's a possibility, but I really don't think the parents and brother are going to be like, Oh, it's cool. This person fucking our daughter can live here. Even if it does kick off, you're skipping so many steps.

You're going immediately to like, you know, the family, which is a pretty big relationship milestone. You live together. Another big relationship milestone. When do together, another big relationship milestone. When do you have sex? You can't go to one of each other's place because you live together with the family.

There's so much. It's such a quagmire of things that could possibly go wrong. Like every step, it's like, yes, there is a very, very narrow path that you could walk through this minefield and get to the other side okay. But the likelihood of you not blowing your fucking leg off and in this case, losing the place in which you live, very likely.

Or at least making the situation so unpleasant and awkward and uncomfortable that you will be sort of like forced to find a new place. And I will say, I'm a little concerned based on this because like, he's like, Oh, she's social and blah,

blah, blah. But when it's just me and her alone, she like is quiet. And it's like, okay, so maybe she's more comfortable when it's more people around you and doesn't love when it's just you and her.

Also, the fact that he's like, oh, when her family's around, I have to be myself. You should be yourself with her, too. If the family leaves and you fucking flip on a dime when she's by herself, that's kind of terrifying. Yeah, you just have like fedoras stashed all over the house. And just like the second you're alone, you just like crack open one of the wall panels and slip it on put on your cool sunglasses yeah so these things make me concerned uh should you do it when the whole family is around no hey i say yeah go for that see how it plays out yeah maybe that will give you a glimpse into how the rest of this will go yeah i would say advice don't do this as dane said like like there is the best case

is i would say a one percent chance if not less and even then as dane said even if it goes well you're missing so much shit that like i don't think it's gonna go well even if it goes well if that makes any sense yeah going well my books is like the family's cool with it and she's interested and wants to date you but then like like that opens, it's like, cool. You, you got through the minefield and now there's another larger minefield after that. But like this one's different. It's like a vertical minefield. You're like climbing a wall and there might also be mines on it.

Like it's a different one, but it's equally as dangerous. And all the other options are, she is very uncomfortable in her own home, hates you, or she goes for it, but then the family hates you, or you guys briefly do something and then it falls apart. And in a lot of these situations, you lose your home. And the best part is there's a comment and the comment's like, look, man, if you want to go for it, you got to put a backup plan. And he's like, don't worry, I'm ahead of you. So someone's like, like oh what's the plan he's like i'll just move on to another girl in my rotation lol to prevent her being hung up or put on a pedestal and someone's like no i think they meant you getting kicked out he's like i don't

think that would happen though would it yeah so you gotta think this shit through it seems like you have not thought the whole process and and the it sounds like I'm with the pros and the cons, because I'll tell you right now, the the cons are is someone's got their foot on the scale. You know, it's not there's not a finger weighing it down. Someone is like just straight up like leaning on it and and tipping the cons. So, look, again, similar to big dick and nudes. Sometimes your mind is like, yes, I'm horny and this is a good idea. And sometimes you need to think and be like, no, no, it is not. So user a wise life, have a wise life by not doing this.

And it's like we often tell people not to like hook up with their roommates in general because it's not always the smartest choice. But like this is this is that times 10 this is so much worse uh should we do some tindies i feel like it's tindy time right sure well i hate with a quick one before we do that okay yeah hit me with it because it's been kind of on the rotation but like i don't really know when i'm gonna pull it out but i think we can blast through it real quick okay Okay. This is by Relize. If all of a sudden sex happens, what would a woman's reaction be if a guy already has a condom with him if sex was not planned? What would a woman think if she sees the guy already had a condom the entire time?

Sex was not planned, and this could be first, second, third, et cetera, date. Is she going to think the guy's intention the entire time was sex, or better than that, if sex happens, then to go and buy a condom. So there's two answers to this. One, you should always have a condom. If you're going on a date, you should be ready. You should be prepared. And I think that is a very solid thing to do.

I don't think there's anything wrong with having a condom at the ready. Yep. Are people going to be weird about that? Probably. yep are people gonna be weird about that probably like are there some women out there who will think that you are just a sex maniac ready for sex at every moment yes probably and i'm sure we could find numerous questions of women being like he had he already had a condom how dare he or honestly man if a woman had a condom oh yes i think we've gotten a question about that before yeah she had condoms in her bedside drawer so it's like yeah will someone do it maybe

should they do it no if they do it should you sleep with them probably not yeah i like there's absolutely no reason i honestly like feel a bit nervous if there's if i don't have a condom even if there's like i'm i have no condom even if there's like i'm i have no intention i'm sleeping with anyone it's almost like a little security blanket for me knowing that like there's so many times where like i'm not gonna lie i usually carry two because there's nothing worse than being in the moment and not having one and the thing is that's when bad decisions get made that's when you're like i'm so horny fuck it you know i'll do the pull out that'll be fine and then that's just not good so it's like if the worst

thing that happens is someone's like wait a minute did you want to have sex with me you just be like no i'm just wink and say you're an optimist because like the alternative the idea of getting turned on and hot and heavy and someone being like let's fuck and me being like cool let me get my shoes run down to the nearest 24-hour fucking drugstore and it's like if there isn't one nearby like are you taking an uber over to the closest 24-hour drugstore to pick up a condom so that and it's not a condom you're buying a full box of condoms to come back like that's weirder to me to then be like all right i've now got the condom now it's been 47 minutes yeah that's so fucking weird if i did that i'd be like i'm going home this is this sucks now did i tell you about and this kind of

has nothing to do with anything i'll give you two two quick stories one is about people being weird a girl i work with was telling me about a guy she slept with who would leave the room to put a condom on but then would like put all his clothes back on so like he would come in fully dressed but he would have a condom on and then she'd undress it he would already be on and that was his move that's the idea of wearing clothes while also wearing a condom is

I've never done it but it makes me so uncomfortable yeah because like I imagine they would either damage it or at the very least put like lint on it or like little fabric threads and you don't want them up there but it's like not even that all the logistics aside of it the idea of like hat like a condom and then underwear and then pants like this i don't know i like it's just a very visceral like a thought that i don't

want any part of i don't like it a bit so apparently he had a hang-up about condoms and like she never understood what it was because i think they were younger and like she didn't really get into it but then like years later she met someone who had dated him and he's still doing it oh no i would love to know what the rationale behind it is like do you think it's like because i know there's a bit of a hang-up of like people being thinking that like putting a condom on kind of ruins the mood. You know what I mean? Like it's a break in the action. So it's like he really likes the undressing part.

So he's like, I'm going to go fully dressed. We're not going to take anything away from this moment. Well, so if they like, is he just sort of like skipping that awkward? Oh, let me grab a condom moment. But arguably, I would say making it far more. Oh, hey, hey. Yeah, absolutely. I'm not saying this is a good plan. I'm just trying to figure out what he's up to. condom moment but arguably i would say making it far more awkward oh hey hey yeah absolutely i'm not saying this is a good plan i'm just trying to figure out what he's up to i'll like maybe he's also just really fucking bad at putting them on yeah maybe that's it there's any real

but let me tell you like if i if i put a condom on and then get back you know dress back up it's like chances are i'm not gonna be as hard as i you know after after the whole fucking re-putting all my clothes back on it's like after the feeling of my like hard dick getting shoved into my boxers with a condom on and having that weird like interface of different textures no i'm not gonna be i'm not gonna be doing great no because then it's like it just defeats the whole purpose. I don't know. That is probably one of the more upsetting stories you've told me. I find that very amusing.

All right, guys, we did it. We're at the end of the episode. So it's time for Tinders where we go through. You're stealing this from me again, huh? I am, yeah. We go through Tinder profiles or Hinge profiles or any online dating, really. And we kind of give them an old like we suss them out, tell you what's good, what's bad. In the effort of hopefully making you a little better at what you do in the online sphere.

Actually, this was one of the things that was brought up in the 20 out of 20 review we got during the week. So, people like it. People love it. They can't get enough of it. And thank you to Potato Lady Becks for the review because it was great. This is Nicky. Truth-seeking libertarian, not vaxxed. Don't swipe on me if you can't stimulate my mind intellectually

or if you can't handle a high-maintenance, high-quality woman. Shrug emoji, crying laughing emoji, Pisces. Man, you really just kind of like cherry on the top with the pisces at the end there huh yeah yeah i feel like anyone who describes himself as high maintenance should just be left swiped oh yeah you should be shot into the sun um yeah i don't love it i'm gonna give it, I'm giving it a one. There's not a single thing here.

That's good. Yeah. Nothing is good here. Yeah. Zero. This is G freshly divorced. He didn't list with very little self-control suffers from complex PTSD from an abusive relationship and grain daddy issues, imposter syndrome,

why no? And deeply pretentious. Dear God. Hmm. Hey, maybe go deal with those things instead of just being like, well, I listed them. So now it's on you. Yeah.

Like none of these are, I'm trying to be very conscious about the way I talk about mental illness, but like none of those are selling features and it's fine. Like if you're dealing with those things and seeing someone and working through them, that's cool. That's great. I hope it's going well for you but like if this is all you're offering as a dating profile if this is all you're saying like here it is like do you have hobbies are like what what else are you just trauma because if that's the case then it's like then you need to not be dating and just really be focusing on getting well

and feeling better and and dealing with these issues yeah it feels weird to list all your negatives and kind of nothing else yeah and again i think we've talked about this before it's like yeah like there's nothing wrong with having things wrong with you obviously no but like there's you don't burst up to a fucking stranger in the street and be like i'm depressed it's like they'd be like what the fuck or like i have diarrhea right now it's like there are things you could talk about that like they're personal so they're not just an off the bat thing especially i don't know i just feel like list the good shit about yourself yeah i don't need a like a full psychological breakdown of you. We'll get there. We'll figure it out.

If we get to a part where we want to see each other more, sure, bring them up. But right off the bat, let's have some first impressions and not a psyche vow as our hello. Yeah. So I'm going to give this a one as well. Yeah, it's going to be a one. This is Emily. Just looking for the real thing. I'm a Scorpio.

So please be ready to have meaningful conversation. And then their Instagram. I mean, comparatively to the ones we've had so far today, this isn't terrible. It's not much of anything. So I'm going to give it a five because it's not, you know, there's I don't think there's any red flags here. Okay. I'm a Scorpio. So be ready to have me. five because it's not, you know, there's I don't think there's any red flags here. Okay. I'm a Scorpio.

So be ready to have me. Yeah. That's that's a red flag. Hey, I don't know. It's like it's not really like if they were saying like, you know, I'm a Scorpio. So be ready to have a fight every week. Yes. But just be like a giant red flag.

But being like Scorpios have meaningful conversations is just to me not Because it's like, if you're into meaningful conversations, sure. But also, what does that even mean? Like, tell me what you're fucking meaningful. Like, that's such a weird term. Yeah. I mean, like, again, I'm throwing it right down the middle. Five. I'll give it a three.

This is Brie. I'm tall. Cook like your grandmother, drink like your uncle. That's pretty funny. Yeah. I like cooking and drinking. Cook like your grandmother. Drink like your uncle. That's pretty funny. Yeah. I like cooking and drinking. It's weird that it's like second person or whatever.

They're not saying that they cook like. You know what I mean? It seems like almost more like instructions than description. Yeah. I assume they're just going for brevity. I'll give it a seven. I chuckled. Yeah, it's like funny enough, but it's still kind of like bare bones. Are you ready for busier than you?

Sure. She has a picture that says, spoil me with loyalty. I can finance myself. Five, nine. Your height should begin with a six. Not vaccinated. I'm not a lab rat. Independent woman.

Classy, professional, well-spoken. Traveling is my favorite. Intelligence is attractive. Not looking for my better half because I am not a half. No hookups. woman classy professional well-spoken traveling is my favorite intelligence is attractive not looking for my better half because i am not a half no hookups let's go brandon all lives matter maga yikes yikes yikes yikes i'm like i don't think we need to really discuss any of this it's gonna be a zero for me yeah scarbo this is. This is Beth. If you can't punctuate and spell and

grammar as goodly as me, leave me alone. And it is as you can imagine, filled with spelling errors. Is that the whole thing? Yeah. That's pretty funny though. Yeah. I can give it a 7 as well. Yeah. I think 7 is a good one. I feel like

it's got personality and it's fun, and the other one was just kind of bland. So it's like if you mash them together in some weird, unreadable nonsense. Yeah, it's also like it's something I haven't really seen before either. Yeah. I've never seen something like that. You know what your opener is? It's you misspelling something.

Yeah. You know, boom, easy. Like you've done it. You've handed me my intro on a golden platter. Now are you ready for a cooch gobbler? boom, easy. Like you've done it. You've handed me my intro on a golden platter. Now, are you ready for a cooch gobbler? God, yes. Cooch gobbler is 35. They work at Great Oral Given here at All About Your Pleasure.

The picture is a cartoon woman with a glass of wine on a couch with a cream like ball gown on. And she's lifting it up to almost the point where you can see her vagina. And there's a man kneeling down in front of her in a white shirt and jeans looking very hungry. And they are one mile away. This cooch gobbler knows exactly what you need. That magic touch, the drive, dedication, and commitment to your aching, throbbing parts in need.

Get off. Get off again. Get off with something that isn't your vibrator for a change. All without any desire for reciprocation. That means it's all about you. Mid-30s gent here loves going down and does so with gusto. Isn't it time to be selfish for a change? All you've got to do is lie back and enjoy.

You know, I don't hate the energy. You know, he's, but like, you've got to be, there's no way you know what women want if you're going to use the word cooch. I'm sorry. I'm, that is a hill i will die on there is no way you are good at eating pussy if you call it a cooch if you use the phrase cooch gobbler in a mean in a platform meant to attract women you don't know what the fuck you're doing now what would you call it vag mag muncher? My name? That seems like a weird move. Well, I'm not going to assume, like, I'm not going to don the mantle of some sort of cuddling a superhero.

Slash monster. It seems more like he's kind of like a cookie monster for vaginas. Damn it. That's the name right there. No, because again, we've seen cookie monster eat things. Yeah, that's true. And it's not with grace or skill most of the cookies don't even get in his mouth now let's be fair we did read the cookie monster erotic and it was quite nice it was very emotional and sensual and sure he took care of that big bad biker boy so you know uh yeah snatch snacker again i think

anything you do like if you put commander it's bad it's gonna be bad because no woman is gonna be like yes i want a guy who's going going by a like a nickname an alias and doesn't have a picture but he's it put a cartoon what more could you want dane it's yeah this is so like good for you my man i'm glad that you enjoy performing oral sex it's you know it is one of life's greatest pleasures but this profile is not gonna do it i don't think i don't think you're gonna get too. I don't think. I don't think you're going to get too many. I don't think anyone's going to be gobbling down this profile, sir. No, it does also sound a little bit like you're going to kill them. Yeah.

So I'm going to give this a one because like if I read a profile that was like cock gobbler, you lie back and let me just go to town on your knob. Cock collector. I'd be like, no. No, thank you. Even if this is, like, even if I match with you and you're like, I'll be there in 15 minutes. I'd be like, absolutely not. I'm not going to. No. So I'm going to, yeah, I'm giving it a zero because it's nothing but red flags.

And that's us. Or that's me. I have one more. I said that's us. It's too late. This is Olivia. If there was a button, what would you do? Undo it. That's a 10 out of 10 profile's us. It's too late. This is Olivia. If there was a button, what would you do? Undo it.

That's a 10 out of 10 profile for me. It's pretty good. What about the response, though? It doesn't matter. Too busy pondering the button. It's pretty good. I'll give it a nine. I like it.

I really like it for some reason. I wouldn't recommend using it, but I think in this situation, I think it's great. It's also very unique. I doubt they found that somewhere and were like,'m gonna use that that was all them and like they're a little weird but funny and i dig it that's gonna do us for the show this week friends thank you very much for joining us it is always a pleasure to have you and we always appreciate the fact that you have spent an hour listening to us it means the world to to us and it is why we do what we do. So thank you very, very much.

As you know, we are doing a little drive right now for Patreon followers or subscribers, supporters, patrons. So if you want to support us, head over to patreon.com forward slash F buddies. We've got various tiers there. You can get extra episodes if you want. You can get like priority queuing or you can just support us for three dollars a month if you'd like less than a coffee for a whole month for a bundle of episodes and years of content

and we would really appreciate it and if we hit a certain amount of subscribers which is 25 we will do a live episode which is bound to be fun uh thank you josh eagle and the harvard cities for their song paper stars got some bad sex running for me you know it this is a craigslist ad and they're looking for a female who wants to see morbius in imax hello may i introduce myself my name is liam but you can call me severin a little bit about me i have diverse interests and don't live a stereotype life do i have your attention now i have two tickets to see morbius and imax at 9 15 a veranda look cinema my previous engagement dropped out at the last minute grr but if thou wouldst like to see it with me please reply to this ad no thick girls and no

taller than five six need reply no man obviously you will not get a response let's not waste our time i'm waiting i saw this and it is very good it's fucking wonderful i like response. Let's not waste our time. I'm waiting. I saw this and it is very good. It's fucking wonderful. I like to imagine it's not true, but I don't quite know. It's very, very tough, but I'm going to wager that it's fake because I have been seeing some very, very good. Morbius. Morbius. Morbius meme content.

And I think I think it is just like become the new m'lady kind of like I think those are the people who have enjoyed this movie so I haven't seen it yet so I fucking hope you're not going to theaters I I mean I've got my tickets I'm just I'm just waiting for someone to respond to my craigslist ad thank you very much for listening my name is Dave Miller and I'm not Spain we've been your fuck buddies go see more of us