F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 186 - Bear, Bath and Below

Episode Date: April 25, 2022

With the current state of the world, sometimes a man's just gotta grab his shovel and dig a real sweet hole.  Topics include tunneling away from your problems, is bad sex a deal breaker, not being ready to date, catching your husband masturbating, knowing when to pursue a relationship or a foursome and so many new Tinders.

I put my trust in you, and when I'm trusting, I love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love I put my trust in you, and when I'm trusting, I love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller And I'm Niles Spade, and we're your fuck buddies We are a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations and we turn them into sexy, sticky situations. Simply put, we find questions either online or from our wonderful listeners.

We answer them on the topics of sex and dating. What antiquated dick terms do you have for me today? So we have a post-wabbit. Wait, is this actually one? No, we used them all last week. We did it. This is not a history lesson anymore. This is a jumping straight into questions lesson.

Are you ready? Let's do it. This is from SpecialistAd4561. How can I, 27-year-old female, get my boyfriend, 31-year-old male, of two years to stop digging his tunnel? Go on. old male of two years to stop digging his tunnel go on so i know this is a weird question but my boyfriend likes to spend a lot of his free time digging a tunnel on some property he inherited i haven't seen the full extent of it but last i saw it was remarkably deep under the surface he spent roughly a year on it and it's evident the front of the thing is deep wide well put

together the only part i've seen at the front has cement beams electric lights even chairs and a small table. I haven't gone into it, but it looked like the quality severely dropped as the tunnel went further, becoming mostly open dirt with some wood beams holding it up. My biggest concern is his safety. I'm worried he'll dig too deep and it'll collapse on him or something.

I've tried voicing this concern to him, but he laughs it off and assures me he'll be fine. Aside from safety concerns, there's the fact that he doesn't really have a social life because of this thing. I'm pretty much the only person he talks to outside of his job. He doesn't go out and do anything anymore. He used to be here to occasionally head out and do some digging on the weekends, but now he spends almost

all his free time out there. He still comes home, but he barely spends any time with me. I know he isn't doing anything but digging that damn hole in the ground. Can't be good for his mental health, but I don't know how to convince him to stop. He's really happy when he comes back from digging, which is why i haven't really tried to stop him before i was talking to a friend about him and she told me he might be going crazy obviously i don't think he's insane but i hadn't considered the mental health aspect of this and i don't know what to do

can i just say that i get it like i do i don't know how much digging you've done in your life, but I went to visit a friend, uh, up North and she was putting together a, like a garden in her front yard. And she wanted to, she wanted like a little bit of a trench. Cause she was going to be putting in a, like a water feature, kind of like a, a small stream that would run through it. And she needed, you know, some, some verticality to the thing. And I was just like, absolutely. And I just went in there and I just dug for like a good solid, like three or four hours. And it was great. It is.

There's something about digging a hole, even in video games, like games like Minecraft and shit like that, where like you just kind of tune out and just dig. I used to work construction during the summers. And one of my favorite jobs we ever had to do was to mend the foundation of a house where we had to dig like an eight foot hole. That was like long enough to cover the entire side of a house wide enough that two boys with a bit of, you know, material and some fucking nail guns could get in and like patch up the side.

And it was fucking wonderful. It was hot as hell. The person gave us some beer and some free nail guns could get in and like patch up the side and it was fucking wonderful it's hot as hell the person gave us some beer and some free uh cologne which was weird they worked for the bay but hey fuck it uh and we had wings on the way home and it was a wonderful day all we did was dig for like 10 hours so i hear you i you know if i had the ability to just dig all the time maybe i'd do it i that's the thing it's like i i dream about one day owning land and by that i pretty much just mean a house but if someone was like here's a property but you can't build a home on it you can only dig sweet tunnels and or holes whatever you want to do you can just dig here i would probably be just about as happy as if someone was like here's a house. But I will say your concerns of a cave in are very real.

Also, let's be fair. Your concerns of is he kind of losing it because all he does is dig instead of having a social life or spending more time with you. Yeah. They're also very justified. Yeah. I mean, yes, I think doing any singular activity, you know, ad nauseum. Unless it's Eldenburn. At the detriment of, but at the detriment of your social connections, which we play together.

I think, I think anytime you do anything that's a detriment to your social or your any sort of relationship, think yes that that poses a problem so yes the fact that he has shirked his responsibilities in your relationship it seems like and hasn't pursued like any sort of friend circle that's not great and it doesn't matter what he's doing he could be literally doing any other number of things and that would be bad but like honestly i think the biggest like if you're not 100 sure and this might just be my fear of being like trapped underground if you're not entirely sure what you're doing when you're digging holes and like making tunnels that like even if the weight of the like the ground doesn't kill you no one's gonna like no one's gonna be able to find you under your fucking

weird oh yeah no that it's like i i feel like unless this is specifically what you've trained to do yeah and even then i imagine on some dig site there's probably a buddy system where like you don't do it by yourself in case there is a cave-in or an accident or whatever. Like, I don't think even if you're fully trained, this is a one-person job. So I think you're, safety-wise, you're right to be concerned. I want to know what his plan is. Like, is it just to keep digging and see what happens? Because is that the best plan? Maybe not.

You get to hell in Minecraft, so maybe you get to hell here, and that ain't good. But, I mean, the more you more you dig also just like the way structural integrity works, if this man just keeps digging really big tunnels it will collapse because there's no surface tension or whatever. So like the more he digs, the more he is at risk of this thing all caving in on him

and suffocating him. Yeah, but also it's like I think the plan for the tunnel is important like are you just digging forever because you have a weird obsession with digging? Or like, the childhood wonder of like, can I dig a hole to whatever's on the other side of the world? Sure, that's one thing. What if he's building like a survivalist tunnel or a bunker? What if like, you haven't even seen what's at the bottom of this? What if he is a supervillain? villain and like you've just seen the outside of his lair I mean there's I think it's the lovely bones where that guy has this like weird like little murder tunnel thing I think it's the lovely bones where and then he just collapses it

like is he just another thing is like if you don't know what's at the bottom of it what's to say there aren't a lovely collection of bones yeah and and I think again we're you know being a bit fantastical here i think yes you have a responsibility here as this person's partner to be like hey i'm concerned about you i know you don't take my concerns for your safety seriously but like maybe find some youtube videos of tunnels

caving in on them or find like some sort of things being like, look, this is what you're doing and this is what can happen. It's a very real possibility. And if it doesn't stop and you're actually genuinely concerned, I'm sure this is against some sort of zoning law. I don't think you can just dig tunnels everywhere. Yeah, that's another thing. It's like, I'm sure there's a point at which maybe either he crosses from the boundary.

Like, I don't know if it's going straight down either, but it's like, if you cross over the boundary, that's illegal. And like, again, safety issues. And like,

I'm pretty sure there are things where like, like if you dig, let's just say you don't hit a gas pocket or like, or a water pipe and flood the fucking thing. Like electrical wires. Yeah. Yeah. There are a lot of things that need to go into account

for safety and also there's the possibility that there is some kind of mental break and this is just like an obsession of his i don't know i would say talk to him about the tunnel talk to him about like the end goal because if it is just keep digging forever that's probably not you know helpful uh if it is to like build a, you know, a bunker or survival tunnel or something, I don't know that this man, like you should know whether this person has like the professional capability to do that.

Because like, if you build a shoddy bunker and he spends time down there, it also might collapse. You know what I mean? So that's another thing you need to take into consideration and like have an actual real chat yeah 100 and like i said like maybe just shut this all down by uh getting a zoning guy to to take a wander down and be like yeah you can't do this this is super illegal yeah so you're in the right talk to them don't let them laugh off your concerns and maybe research it a bit.

Like, I'm sure if I looked up dangers of digging giant hole, I'd probably get a few. Oh, 100%. And also maybe consider like being like, hey, do you want an Oculus Rift or like some sort of VR so you can like go and dig in Minecraft or. Just buy him Minecraft. Does he know? There's a game called Seven Days to Die, which I've played a ton of, and it's a slightly more realistic kind of version

of Minecraft. It's a zombie game, but you can turn the zombies off, and the man can literally just go and dig as much as he wants. You can build in it. You can design stuff. If this is just a satisfying craving that he needs to satisfy,

maybe bring it into a virtual world where he's not at constant physical and mental risk of, of his weird, you know, tunnel digging. So talk to him, try to get some kind of answer and like, don't let them just laugh off your concerns when they are pretty realistic

concerns. So see, I'm worried about like being like, Oh, tell him to go make more friends because i feel like if if you and i were out and we met a pretty cool dude who's like hey guys we had a great like a lot of fun when i go have we dig a hole yeah i think you and i would be like hell yeah bro let's go dig a hole fucking sweet tunnel i'm like dad dude hell yeah man as go two ways either we'd be like, absolutely not.

You terrify the shit out of us. But if he was chill, I think we would strongly consider helping this man dig his tunnel. So I feel like maybe encouraging him to go out and get friends before you solve the tunnel digging is just going to add more fuel to the fire. Encourage it. Yeah. When we were in Alberta, a really cool bartender suggested these like secret hot springs in the middle of nowhere that you could like drive to at night. So we set off in the pitch black at like 4am to go find them and ended up in what I can only assume is the most haunted place in the world because it was absolutely fucking terrifying. It was like a bunch of like bath shaped indentations cut out into these like runes where like this green cold water trickled from the mountain down across the ground and into them. And there were like metal chairs sitting beside the bath shaped things. And it was horrifying. And then the other one had a live bear in it.

So. Hell yeah. Yeah. I mean, maybe that's what he's doing here. Getting some weird, like, gross underground bath and bear tunnels. Maybe. Bath and bears. Bath bear and beyond.

Bath bear below. I got a question for you. This is from Infinite Bug 8063. Kind of like a discussion question. Is bad sex with a new partner a deal question for you this is from infinite bug 8063 kind of like a discussion question is bad sex with a new partner a deal breaker for you would you stop seeing someone if the first time having sex with a new partner is bad it depends on the flavor of bad uh if it's just like you know a little clumsy a little shy a little you know it didn't quite gel probably no there are things that can be worked on quite easily and

like getting used to somebody else and overcoming your nerves and just like syncing your like styles and figuring out what other people like are all things that happen and can easily be overcome when you see someone more than once. Now, if they were like shitty, abusive, didn't understand consent, weren't fun, you know, all those like problems that were like, I think a lot harder to change and a lot more indicative of like deeper problems. Yeah, probably not. Or if they were like just super unhygienic or like just weird. Yeah, I think that is 100 percent. it if it's if the bad sex is a result of nerves or you know bad timing or uh not getting the right rhythm any kind of like any maybe you've drank too much like that kind of stuff like even if they're just an experience you know what i mean like yeah i i think that those are all forgivable

things and also i've gotten to the point in my life where if i'm sleeping with you it's probably because i'm very interested in you i stopped sleeping with everyone I had the opportunity to sleep with shortly after like my, my big, my big hoe phase. And it was fun. And I don't say there's nothing wrong with jumping at every opportunity that you want to jump at. But I got to the point where like I was having enough sex and enough really good sex that I wasn't jumping into bed with everyone who wanted to have sex with me. If you really are interested in someone, I think it's worth committing a little bit of effort to see if the sex can get better. But if you are just actively trying to have as much sex as possible with as many people as possible for whatever reason, I don't see

the reason why you would go back to a bad sexual partner if you're not looking to cultivate something long lasting. Again, but that's I almost feel like that's a different question where it's like

if you're not coming back anyway. But like, I think there are a list of things that like for most people or for every person should be like hard nose. Like again, if someone's dodgy about consent

or doesn't care about you as a partner. If someone keeps biting your nipples when you've told them repeatedly that you don't want your nipples touched i was actually going to give that exact example yeah yeah like if someone like and the thing is like people can be nervous but like that nervousness can like also be presented in like shittiness you know i mean it's like that's cool don't be shit you know what i mean like be nervous don't be shitty so it's like if i have a bad time with someone and it seems like a them problem and not just a inexperience or like a fit or like a nerves or whatever yeah i'm not gonna fucking sleep with them again like if you suck you suck well i think you said something very important there if you had a bad like if you had a good time with

them and the sex wasn't great i think that is indicative that you should probably give it another chance or like you know you should be open to giving another chance if you had a bad time with them and it was bad sex i think that should be a clear sign that it's like cool this isn't gonna work for whatever reason not gonna try to try to pursue it. But like, you know, if you had a great date and you had like if you had fun and the sex just was like, eh, then like, yeah, there's a very good chance that with like a little bit of communication and coaching and and working together that you could end up having a very fun sexual relationship. I'll put it this way in my mind, and I'm pretty sure I'm speaking right, if you had a bad time or a good time with someone and bad sex, that situation can very possibly and probably will get better. If you had a bad time with someone and good sex, that's never going to get better. Like they're not going to start to become a better person because you're fucking them, right? You're just going to slowly stop enjoying the sex as you realize how much of a shit person this person is.

Yeah. I would be far more likely to not have sex with someone. And when the sex was good, if the person was bad, then vice versa. Yep. I agree. This one is like a whole journey. This is by Loyal Wingman. I'm not interested in dating anyone right now.

Can and perhaps should be interpreted as. I'm not interested in dating you. Context. Met this girl through mutual friends about six months ago. Felt like we hit it off. Hang out on our own quite often and when we would, it would be five or six hours of walking, going out, I'd usually pay if we went to eat, cooking together, playing video games, watching movies. After a while, I fell for her hard. Things are going well and I thought this was the precursor to my first ever relationship. I'm a man, 21. Totally thought she liked me back too. She would say things like, I've never clicked so well with someone like you before. I don't know why I feel so comfortable. And I really enjoy the time we spent together.

Every now and then she might passively mention I looked handsome or would ask about my dating history, non-existent. And we'd sit together on the couch. We'd do this kind of cuddle thing where we'd share a blanket. Our arms and legs would touch. Sometimes we'd do a hammock and she'd fall asleep on my arms. More than one occasion legs would touch. Sometimes we'd do a hammock, and she'd fall asleep on my arms. More than one occasion, we slept together. Only slept, shared a bed, nothing else. I might be naive, but I took these occurrences as a sign she liked me back, too. I decided to ask her out and if we'd formally date.

She said yes, we'd have our date, and afterwards she said we had fun. Next morning, she texted me and said it didn't feel like a date, and I don't think I'm interested in dating anyone right now. I'm heartbroken. Still cry about it months later. I don't push it any further because I don't want to be that guy. Justify it's not because of me. She didn't want to date at this point in her life, which I get.

It's totally fair. She says we can be best friends, and I agree. I want to be her relationship partner. She is an amazing person and friend. Maybe my first mistake, we go back to usual hangouts, cuddles, naps together, etc. And when we go out, I'd still pay. I was happy too because I like to take care of my friends without expectation of anything in return. While back, we're hanging out, and she's using her phone, and got Tinder notifications.

She didn't know I saw them, but it felt like being punched in the stomach, because I took that to me, and she was trying to date, which I thought was weird, because she told me she was not interested in dating anyone right now. Well, she didn't tell me, but she went on a date with this guy. I see his profile, and guess what? This motherfucker has the same first name as me,

even the same hair and eye color, and is basically everything I'm insecure about. Way taller and muscular, with a full beard and tattoos, in the honor school and all that. They're officially exclusive now. I never asked her why she told me she wasn't interested in dating, only for a few months to pass and her to start dating someone else. It clicked.

This dude is everything I am, as well as everything I'm not. Now since I'm her best friend, I literally hear everything about them. I know much more about this other guy's dick than I want to admit. She tells me they're having so much sex her pussy's constantly sore. She always has hickeys on her neck. By the way, I had actual dreams about sharing my first kiss ever with her, and now I have to hear this. Of course, now I feel lied to as well as ugly, as if there's something wrong with me, which maybe there is, but no one has ever told me. Anyway,

that's my story. Someone says they aren't interested in dating. It means they're not interested in you. And attractiveness matters. Expectation or exceptions can be made for attractive people. Man, I kind of feel sorry for this guy. I like,

I do feel for him. I don't think the signals you were picking up were wrong. You know, if I was cuddling on the couch with people and going on dates, I think, you know what I mean? Like, I think I would also be like,

Oh, okay. This person, this person's into me. And to be fair, she did go on a date with him. Like if he'd asked her, she was just like,

no, I think there would be a slightly different flavor to this question. But like, she did go on the date, which means she saw a possibility there i guess the date didn't go well yeah or something you know so there's like there's any number of reasons like could this person just be using you as as like a backup or as that kind of person that like strokes their ego and makes them feel good sure absolutely those people exist it's been known to happen or this person really enjoyed

spending time with you was your friend which is a complete possibility that you know women can just be friends with men and decided to give it a go and it didn't work now is do you think his statement of uh you know if they say they're not looking to date they just mean not looking to date do what do you think about that uh i think if you're not looking to date you could definitely find a person that swap like that changes that opinion yes you know what i mean but also i feel like the question asker glosses over the fact that this happens months later right so it's like everyone who was not willing to date who then changed to being willing to date, could have said that. And then a few months have passed.

Yeah. So that's one thing. There's like I see both sides of this because you're correct. And like that's kind of the stance I was going to take is that like, yes, I didn't want to date until I met someone that I did want to date. And that is how dating works. So you can't be upset if someone says, oh, hey, sorry, I'm not ready to date until I met someone that I did want to date. And that is how dating works. So you can't be upset if someone says, oh, hey, sorry, I'm not ready to date. Then yes, I think there is some truth in saying that, like, what they're actually saying is I don't want to date you. Like with my current partner, when we met, I was not ready to date, no matter

how incredible they were, you know what I mean? And it's like over the course of us knowing each other, which was, you know, decently long uh depending on your metric that changed and like i slowly became so it's like there if there was a point like say three months in that she was like oh like you know date me or i'm gone it would have been like okay bye and this is the person i've been with now for what like five fucking years so it's like it's also not a lie. You know what I mean? Like, I hate this blanket. Like it's, it's tossing that very reasonable thing to say out the window. Now, I do also think that this person, like the, the woman in this scenario also kind of overstepping some bounds of being kind of shitty being like, you know, this dude

is into you. Maybe don't tell him every dripping detail of your sex life. You know what I mean? I think, but they also did be like, Hey, are you cool to be best friends? And that's the thing.

They also say, I, you know, I like to do these things without expectations, but at the same time, they're bitching about the fact that they've done them now that she's dating somebody else. And I think like,

look, let's, let's talk about the guy for a second here. You kind of did this again. We can see where you're coming from. Right. And you did it well, like Fairfax for you to asking her out. Like that's tough. Uh, you did it. That's great. Uh, you weren't wrong. You know what I mean? You weren't missing these signals. These signals are things that I probably would have thought. And again, also weren't wrong because she went in this day for you. She didn't see you guys clicking, which is totally fair. And then she asked,

do you want to become best friends? Clearly that is not a thing you should have done because you're not able to. Especially because like the next thing he said was I wanted to be her relationship partner or I want to be. And it's like, well, then you can't be her best friend, dude. I'm sorry. That's not going to work. Like advice here. here it's like if you're really into somebody you can't just turn that off and be like okay we're friends if you're friends you're friends you know i mean you need to to get over it not get punched in the stomach by tinder ghosts when you see notifications not get upset that he has the same name as you like that doesn't mean anything that means not bring up that you had dreams about sharing your first kiss with her you know what i mean like i get that those things suck but they also have

no bearing on her and her decision just because it's the same name as you like is she not allowed date any kyle's anymore you know i'd love to know what his name is basic ass name it's like john mark same hair and eye color it's like most like most people do you know i mean you're like brown hair and brown eyes it's like that's the majority of people, I'm sure. Yeah. Like we could argue that there's like four eye colors, you know, blue, green, hazel, brown, right? Hazel's brown too. That's the thing.

There really is three eye colors. You have one in three chance of the same eye color as someone. Yeah. That's nothing. So I get it. You're hurt. Get rid of all that shit you need to like respect yourself if you're going to be friends with them be friends with them if you're not going to be friends with them don't do this weird like hang around hoping that one day

she'll see you for who you truly are and date you we see this all the time and it never works out it's not good and what happens to you right now where you're like bitter now after months when it didn't work out and you're kind of like taking the wrong things from this situation that happens to so many people so don't do that if you're in a situation like this if you're if you want to be dating someone and that's not an option they ask you to be friends at the very least take a large break i also don't think there's any harm in taking a breather and being like hey sorry i thought i could do this i i really like you and I didn't want to lose you. Um,

I thought I could do this, but I do still have a lot of feelings for you and I don't think this is working for me. It's, you know what I mean? Like I, there's nothing wrong with being vulnerable and there's nothing wrong with being honest because the options are feel like shit forever and just,

you know, have to stomach all the things you don't want to hear about someone that you have feelings for or be shitty and constantly be like i hope they break up i'm only enduring this because so i have a maybe another chance with someone that's i've already had a chance with and they didn't want anything to do with me meanwhile i'm sure you're dropping like slightly negative comments about this guy every time she mentions it and you're probably also not pursuing other romantic interests exactly right so like how many people have you missed connections with because you're hung up with someone that you told you would be okay being best friends with

you're not okay being best friends with them so you need to back off you need to let them go and yeah i know that sucks yeah i know that. Maybe once you sort of get yourself centered and recover from this, you'll be able to reignite or reignite a friendship. But right now you're way too close. You have way too many feelings for them. And it's only going to end poorly for either both of you or for you. So you need to take a break. You need to be like, hey, sorry, I thought I could do this. I can't

still have a lot of feelings for you i wish you the best i have no ill will towards you we gave it a good shot i want you to be happy but you know i i can't maintain a friendship with someone who i have feelings for um good luck it hopefully i can i can sort this out and maybe we can do this again at some other time. Yeah. And like per your original thing, it doesn't matter if I'm not interested in dating anyone right now is about you or about them because either way you're not dating, right? Yeah.

So looking into it just to get more offended or take it personally is completely like it's an exercise in futility. It's like, why would you do that? You're only working harder to an exercise in futility it's like why would you do that you're only working harder to be more upset so it's like it doesn't matter you've gotten the answer uh you should respect the answer no matter what and it's like you know fuck it be you move on that's it either way move on it doesn't matter if it's you or if it's everybody you know what i mean it's not like if you see through their ruse they have to date you anyway like oh shit you're right it was just you but now that you've figured me out that's the rules i'm yours like no it doesn't matter you've gotten your answer that's all that matters you don't need to

look into it you don't need to doubt it you don't need to feel worse you just need to move on yep and her getting with somebody else doesn't mean there's something wrong with you doesn't mean you're ugly doesn't mean that you were lied to even if it was a lie it was her letting you down easily which was kind and also what we all do all the time yeah uh yeah that just sorry this sucks you were in a bad situation um but you need to move on and not dwell on it because that's how you become incredibly bitter and poison every potential relationship you have from here on out yeah so good luck but you know you need to to breathe and move on um this is from no name 8255 caught husband masturbating but recently i caught my husband pleasuring himself on the nest camera we have in the bedroom to watch our dogs when not home in the

crates i was not home i'm not mad by the way it's the we have in the bedroom to watch our dogs when not home in the crates. I was not home. I'm not mad, by the way. It's the opposite. It turns me on to watch it where now I check every time I'm not home. Then when I get home, I'm a little extra rowdy. I usually run to my girls for advice, but is this something I can talk to them about? I figured if he found out, he wouldn't want them to know. So here I am.

Do I tell him or do I keep enjoying? Guy's input appreciated i think it is only fair to tell him because yeah if not you are spying on him and you know worst case he says i don't like this but then you know he can feel comfortable in his own home uh best case he also thinks it's hot and then he can keep doing it and you can keep doing it and you know win win yeah it is something of a it is an invasion of privacy to watch someone doing something private when they think they're alone and not letting them know that you're doing it as seemingly harmless as it might appear or feel for you there is something kind of gross about watching someone masturbate and not letting them know that you're doing it even if it is your partner i would almost say like i guess i want to say

especially if it is your partner but i think it's just fucked no matter which way you look at it but it's like this is someone who trusts you so it's like to to deny them or to like abuse them of their trust just so you can like feel a little naughty is pretty fucked up so 100 bring it up to them and just be like hey i, I noticed this the other day. I, you know, it was very hot, but I just want you to know because I want to make sure you're not doing this unawares. But like, again, if you want to just let me know next time you're doing it, like wink. And again, they might be chill with it.

They might not be. But the important thing is that they have the option to be those things. And the other important thing is that you respect whatever it is that they decide. So if they say, hey, actually, no, I'm not comfortable with that. Masturbation is something I prefer to keep privately and something that I want to do on my own. That doesn't mean that now you just sneak around on the cameras when. Yes.

You know what I mean? Like if he says he doesn't like being watched or doesn't want you to do it again, as much as you like it, you have to respect that because it is it is such an indiscretion to to ignore, like talk about it and be like, oh, phew, I did it. I did the thing and I told him about it. But now I'm not going to like respect his wishes because at that point, why even bring it up? Yeah, like we all know it will be fucked and I'm pretty sure you know what's fucked. So talk to him, be chill. And like, hey, even if it just gives him the option or like the wherewithal to like turn the camera off if he wants private time. And like maybe every now and then he can treat you to a little show. You know what I mean? Like there are ways this can go down where it's not all or nothing. Right.

But like continuing to spy on them without his knowledge is not cool so don't do it yeah i think i would drastically not or find a significant decrease in pleasure masturbating if i knew someone was watching me like if i knew my partner was watching me masturbate because like masturbation for me is you know like a time where i shut my brain off and just kind of like focus on one thing, which is usually myself. And,

and, and like to turn that now into a performance, like there'd be like, I would just be like, I don't know. This is supposed to be me time. I don't want to perform while I'm masturbating. You wouldn't,

you'd be thinking about angles. You'd be thinking about like, Oh, am I tensing? Am I like, like it's, it's a whole fucking thing. You know, if you're watching porn doing it, you wouldn't you'd be thinking about angles you'd be thinking about like oh am i tensing am i like blur like it's it's a whole fucking thing you know if you're watching porn doing it are you then gonna be like oh is she gonna be cool if i watch this yeah is this okay is that like is that gonna be weird if i watch this like it just automatically makes masturbation not fun well

like to be honest if i i'm like if i knew when i sat down and had a cup of tea and read on the couch i was being like spied on i don't think i'd love that either you know like it would just be in the back of my head and like that's pretty fucking innocuous you know what i mean so i don't know talk to him yeah like you have to this it's not an option yeah you have to hey you don't have don't don't be shit no no don't be shit yeah you have to. It's not an option. Don't be shit. Don't be shit. No, don't be shit. You have to talk to him and you have to respect whatever he decides. Yes.

Are you ready? Yep. We have one of our beautiful, beautiful audience members writing in again. It's the return of Pinoy Boy Toy. Hell yeah. I'm always excited. I saw that he sent this in but I didn't read it because I want it to be fresh fresh ears. I didn't want to ruminate too much on it. But his questions always, they're spicy. This one's super tame. It's very boring. Don't worry. with this girl I used to work with four or five years ago. Back then she was under my charge, so I didn't make a move.

And I was still working for that firm. I had the reputation of being a ladies' man, and most people who worked with me knew about it, including her. This did not help my case with her when we started to go out on dates. As she would constantly say, she thinks I'm not yet ready for a committed relationship and that I might never change. She follows each one of my stories on Instagram and knows I go out with a lot of male and female friends, mostly models. I really like her though, and I would go through

hours of conversation and feel like I still want more at the end of each date. Thing is, she lives two hours away from me, which means I would have to drive a total of four hours just to see her for a day. We'd go on dates infrequently because of this. I want to pursue this, but I don't know where I stand with her. She says she likes to test people a lot to see if they're telling the truth. Her past relationship didn't help as she caught her ex lying several times. Should I continue to spend time with her and with more regularity? Or should I just arrange a foursome

with these three lady models who said they want to do it with me? Two of them are bisexual. The other is curious to explore that side of her. P.S. If you have experience with foursomes, please do share as I only had a threesome twice and I fear I might not have enough cum and stiffness for them all. What is your life?

A pretty good one. Why do you even talk to us? Yeah, I think you need a podcast. We need to message you. Oh, man. He's in the Philippines, right? Yeah. Man, we have to go party with you.

Pinoy Boy Toy. I know we might harsher style your your like model to model to boy ratio who are those who are those awful people standing beside them i'll come to this instagram for model content only uh fuck me man uh so she doesn't get to decide whether you're ready for a relationship or not and if you are you are and if you're not you're not and judging by your hesitancy or or your ability to have a foursome with three models it might sound to me like you're not entirely ready for a relationship because i've always by saying he seems to have not gone ahead and had this foursome which means maybe he is ready maybe he is so we've talked about it a bunch of times and this is how i operate on most of the things in my life especially dating is it's a fuck yes

or to no so if driving four hours doesn't seem like that much because you really want to see this person if not having a foursome with three models is something you're willing to give up to see this person, then those are all pretty strong indications that she is someone that you want to spend time with and maybe pursue a relationship with. If you're like, I like, I like hanging out with her, but four hours, or if you, you know, you're going out you're like i do like that person but like three models i i think you need to gauge it like i can't tell you how much you like this person so i really do think you need to do a a hard stop and and do a little soul searching and be like if i start seeing this person exclusively or pursue an exclusive relationship or a more serious relationship with her?

Am I going to always be like, I do want this for some, though? Because if that's what you're going to be doing, then don't do it. Now, I will say he does say, I do want to pursue this, but I don't know where I stand with her. So I think, you know, and also I am concerned about the fact that she likes to test people a lot to see if they're telling the truth like that screams red flags to me and like i don't want to give you advice that gets you into a bad relationship but dan made a really good point where it's like she doesn't get to tell you you're not ready you know what i mean if you guys have had the relationship thing and she's hesitant uh but you want to do this i would just flat out say look i know where i'm at i know i really want to see you. You're incredible.

And like, if she isn't on board, then that's probably a pretty good indication. You should just go have that force. Yeah. If it's an uphill battle to convince her that you want to date her. And it's not like you trying to convince her to date you. It's that you're trying to convince her that you want to date her. Like, that's a weird fight to have. Like, if I had to sit someone down and be like, look, I'm I am ready to date you and I want to date her, like that's a weird fight to have. Like if I had to sit someone down and be like, look, I'm,

I am ready to date you and I want to date you. And here are the reasons, like here's me proving that I want to date you. That seems like a very tiring conversation because I'm worried that it would then translate

throughout the rest of the relationship of being like, well, I need you to prove to me that you still love me. I need you to prove to me that you're loyal. i need you to prove to me that you're loyal i need you to prove to me that you're not lying i need to prove relationships are built on trust if every facet of your relationship ends up being a test and things you have to like quantifiably prove how much you care about this person you're going to resent that really fucking fast and all of a sudden those three models are gonna look even better than i'm sure they already do yeah and the thing is it's like

the start of relationship should be like great you know i mean that should be like you go home with a big fucking smile all over your face because you're dating the person you want to date that should be how that conversation goes it shouldn't be shitty you know what i mean it shouldn't be a struggle and dane's right like it, if you have to do this, like, no, I promise I prove it to you on this and this and this again, without like any reason necessarily either, then it's going to fucking suck because the first argument you get in, it's going to be like, see, I told you, you know what I mean? Or if something doesn't go their way, they're going to be like, well, so I would have the conversation. If you're certain you want to date them, I would talk to them and i would lay that out and let them know and if they're

weird and if they're hesitant and if it is as we've been talking about like a battle to convince them maybe it's not worth your time because i don't think that battle is going to be solved by them being like okay fine i accept your reasons i will deign to date you right now you know yeah it'll be the first fight in a campaign exactly i mean like it's it's a relationship shouldn't be a war front this shouldn't be your sort of vanguard attack of being like yeah it's it's it's something i think you need to feel out like i said if the answer to do you want to date this woman is a fuck yes then go for it you have our blessing um go forward have the

conversation be like hey i really want to date you i'd like to be exclusive or whatever the parameters of your relationship are that's up to you but as nell said if if it starts becoming like i don't believe you four years ago or whenever i knew you as this reputation like that's also a shit thing to do it's, it's been four years. There's a lot of things there that you need to suss out. And if, if during this conversation of you asking this woman out, you feel like you are kind of like Sisyphus rolling up that boulder and it

seems like a struggle. And that once you get to the top of that Hill and she says, yes, okay, fine. We can date. And that you watch that boulder roll back down hill and she says, yes, okay, fine. We can date. And that you watch that boulder roll back down to the bottom. And you're like,

well, the next time we do anything, I don't have to roll that motherfucker back up. Yeah. I would think strongly against it. Yeah. If she's dealing with trauma from past relationships, sometimes there's nothing you can do to,

to get past that. Like my ex's ex had cheated on her. And like, I thought she was over that. And then later in our relationship, she effectively had this like spiraling breakdown where she thought like everything I did was me cheating on her, including like going to work, which, you know, I would invite her to come to work and hang out at the bar if she wanted to, or like, you know, hanging out with a mutual friend of ours down the road who was a guy.

It was just like, it was insane um so sometimes that's hard to get past and also we don't know this this past of yours so like if you were unfaithful in relationships maybe she also has kind of like something to base it on right which maybe she could do with some actual reassurance in that regard but either way feel it out like we're saying if you want to do it go for it and like you just gotta be aware that like don't let those feelings cloud you when you get to that point where you're like i think this isn't going to go well don't power through just because you like them so much because then you're just it's still gonna suck you're just delaying how much it's gonna suck

yeah we've answered uh question one question two question two let's get let's get into this boys uh you don't need a certain amount of cum per woman there's not a cum quota that you need to fill we don't know what happens over in the philippines maybe there is that's right yeah as far as we know you don't need a cum quota per woman. So get that out of your mind. You don't need to worry about that. Two, you said that two of them are bisexual and want to like hook up with each other too. That's great. That kind of takes the pressure off you a little bit because it's not like you have to always be on satisfying three people at once who have no interest in each other. You so pair off that's the most important thing going into a threesome i've i've had a few and the fun ones are the ones where the women are also into each other the not fun ones are where the women aren't into women and i have to bounce between the two of them and i'm the sole giver of pleasure and you have to make sure each of them gets the exact same amount of time yeah and it's

it's those aren't fun having threesomes with people who aren't also into each other you're in a good situation where a three out of the four want to fool around with each other and there's one person who might be a little shy or or hesitant and feeling it out that's great you but like i i think if you want to go into a four, you need to go in thinking you're not the star of the show. It's a collaborative effort. It is. It is perfectly fine if you need a break and to go grab a Gatorade and chill out for a second on the couch while you watch these three incredible women fool around with each other. I don't think anyone's going to be upset about that. Yeah, I think the things to remember here are hydration is key.

You know, I mean? Bring supplies. Don't feel like you're the star of the show, because again, that's going to add like kind of more pressure onto your shoulders, which might either affect you on the front end or say on the getting it up again. And because that pressure is not great. And three, if you don't have the stiffness or come to go a second round, it's like you still have hands in the tongue. You know what I mean? Just like that. And it's like, have as much fun as you can get them having as much fun as you can and i bet that's gonna help you more than anything lead to more stiffness and calm yeah it's you've got to just relax let everything kind of flow naturally i know what like it's not going to be like this perfect circle

of everyone just you know getting off all at the same time there are going to be ebbs and flows of pleasure for certain people so as long as you understand that it is a collaborative effort you're not the star of the show and that it is okay to take a break and look if you're worried again i don't know culturally how it all works um if you're worried that someone's like oh you're not going to be fucking the whole time if that's kind of the vibe take a dominant stance and be like, it's your like, it's your turn. I'm going to sit back and watch. And like, you know, like take that as a as a stance of like power of being like, all right, entertain me. And just like take a snack and take a breather that way.

And as I quaff my Gatorade. Yeah. As I, you know, have one of those like small little personal fans just blowing on me um there's there's ways to do it you'll be fine i believe in you i whatever option you choose i hope it's incredible yeah i hope it good i hope it works out with this person and if it doesn't hey a foursome is not a bad consolation prize look man if this doesn't work with this person, I have literally no concerns about you. Because every time we talk to you, you're like, I'm drowning in attractive women.

So I'm sure you will bounce back with no problem. But we're, you know, thinking about you. Best wishes your way. And hey, we're coming. We're coming to party with you. At the end of the episode, we like to jump on online dating platforms such as Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge to peruse online dating profiles to see what works, what doesn't work, comb them for red flags, in an effort to make your online dating experience a little more enjoyable. You ready for this? Yeah, I don't think I have a whole lot to be honest.

I have so many. I could just blast them at you if you want. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's go. Okay, this is Matt. God, I wish there was a super no option. Sometimes it don't be like that. But when you're so used to when it do be like that, that you don't give it a chance to don't. If you're out here wearing a mask, swipe left, call me.

Love to grow food, hunt, fish, want a family. Okay. It's, what? I'm going through so many like processes right now. It's like my brain has got the little ball that says not responding currently because I'm just like there's just so many things like why? What makes wearing a mask communism? Being a dumb person on the, you know, observing that makes it communist. Yeah, let's let's look at the super.

No, God, I wish there was a super no option. Yeah, like, so is the idea behind super no like letting the other person know that you said no? Yeah, even more. Like, that's what left swiping is for, dude. Yeah. He just wants to rub salt in the wound. The whole point of a super like is that like when you're swiping, oh, this person's super like me, great.

So it's like nothing like a good ego boost like swiping through and be like oh cool this person's super node me yeah so what matt's trying to tell us is that he's a piece of shit yeah i would like to inflict more harm on complete strangers exactly to finalize this to get through this finally i want your opinions on sometimes it don't be like that but when you're so used to when it do be like that that you don't give it a chance to don't like i know he's doing the fucking meme the you know sometimes it be do like that or whatever it is like the neil degrasse tyson meme but like with the rest of his profile it's hard to really pick that out as as a joke yeah because the rest of his profile is really dumb so it would be very understandable if someone accidentally confused this with what he actually thinks or how he actually speaks yeah even then i i'm just imagining that he kind

of sucks it's very possible he is just silly and and by silly, I mean dumb. So I don't know. It's a zero for me. Yeah, it's a hard zero for me as well. How about Cam? I'm really spiritual. Love exercise. I'm a type of doctor. Love traveling and festivals.

Hey, this would be a decent profile if it wasn't for the cryptic, I'm a type of doctor. Yeah. Hey, why do you say that in the scariest possible way? Yeah. Like you couldn't sound less like a doctor. No, I believe this man has a medical degree. I just think it's in like a PhD in fucking murder. Now, Cam is a woman. Oh, okay, sorry.

A PhD in murder. It's, uh, I assume they're a dentist. Because as we all know, not real doctors. Whoa. Come on. You just lost us all our dentists. I know. Thousands of dentists.

Hey, you know what? I need to start beef with someone. It's fair. And actually, no, it's not going to be dentists because. Yeah, they do a lot of stuff in your mouth. That's pretty essential. Yeah. I'm going to give it a four i'm giving it a three because that like the doctor thing just weirds me out so much well it's like

it's a weird like insecurity isn't sexy right so it's like obviously you're insecure about what it is you actually do but you're trying to be like i'm kind of a doctor though or it's like you're trying to be like kind of a doctor though or it's like you're such a bullshit doctor like you're a homeopathic yeah crystal rubber energy doctor and so you know how much of a bullshit phrase that is and i'm just like all right so then if you're afraid to say it on your tinder profile why are you charging people for your services yeah either way it's not good and the rest is kind of bland so yeah four for me uh but we're going to continue the uh the trend of confusing job titles um which was specifically sent in in a pair these two uh by our wonderful valiant heart uh this is nell runge who's an emotional fitness coach oh that's that's all i got but what do you think that means i assume it's someone who like really gives your your emotions a like a

workout so like they come up to you and you're like hey i've got some great news um i've got your test results unfortunately i've got bad news uh you are dying however it is curable so it's like a lot of roller coasters right like it's it's like emotional hit okay i've got an incredible news you're dying oh did you not want to die damn it i guess it is bad news then but you can be cured yeah okay what if they just get like they're at the front of the room in your spin class and then they just middle of it they break down yeah they just have wild boots like just please fucking just cycle faster now slower right away like my dad did maybe that's it they channel the power of their you know traumatic childhood yeah uh so this isn't really something we can judge cause that's all we got.

Yeah. Uh, so I'm going to go on to Howie Thung. Uh, I don't use what app or WeChat and rarely swipe or text because my eyes and hands will get hurt. I'd love to see you in person. Interesting.

This, they're delicate. This poor glass person. Is it, is it a man or a woman? It is a woman. This poor glass woman just can a man or a woman it is a woman this poor glass woman just can't possibly swipe the smallest the smallest possible movement you don't even have to swipe

there are buttons at the bottom that you can say yes or no tap is less devastating on the human frame than the swipe it's true it's uh i don't like someone who's this concerned like how do we what's hurting your eyes the screen how are we gonna plan a date if you can't possibly look at the screen to message me yeah i'm very confused because all they really say is they don't use an app they like to meet in person and then this vague thing about how they've got i guess crazy delicate eyes and hands and also don't use the app they're trying to lure me into so it's's like, what? Like, yeah, she's Samuel L. Jackson from Unbreakable.

Yeah. She's the fucking, the guy with the glass bones and paper skin from SpongeBob. Yeah. Every night, my heart attacks, lonely to sleep. Oh,

I literally thought you were going to say the glass bones from the movie Glass. Nope. SpongeBob. I was like, that's the same character because for some reason they made that a trilogy. Give us a rating. I'm going to give it a two because i don't i don't have the the fortitude to deal with someone

who is this fragile now maybe someone who's some kind of doctor could deal with maybe yeah if only there was some sort of medical professional who could help yeah i'm gonna give it like a one because it's it's confusing and intriguing in like not a good way it's baffling ah this is kira my therapist recommends i give someone without face tattoos a chance okay i like that that's good i'm gonna give this a yeah i'll give you seven it's pretty funny but i'm worried it's true yeah that's why i'm leaning on the seven i'm leaning on the the oh this is a funny the, oh, this is a funny joke. So I'm giving it a cautious seven.

Ready for an interesting one? Yeah. This is Carly. Really bad at these things. You aren't reading this anyway. Five, six, because that seems important. Not offended by dick pics. Huh.

Hmm. A bold move on a dating app. Now, Carly has since been flooded by penis pictures and has passed away. So, yes, there's no way this woman hasn't opened the floodgates. Yeah, she's definitely changed her profile since. Or maybe not. She loves those little guys. I can't.

I assume they can't even open Tinder anymore. It just crashes on our phone. This, you know what, this, this reads to me as someone who is like making a like modern art piece of unsolicited dick pics and they just needed, they just need something for the library. Either way, it's none of it is good. It's still a very bad profile outside of this comment. So I'm going to give it a two. Yeah, it's still a very bad profile outside of this comment so i'm gonna give it a two yeah it's

not great and i i'm also worried she's just trying to blackmail you yeah uh yeah it's gonna be it's gonna be a one this is tasia rules to an approval dating with me show me your brain before your dick unnecessary words will be blocked and removed i appreciate your understanding this is perfect for that guy with the brain picture right maybe he read this and was like got it no one wants to see the dick pics until they see the brain pics you know those games where you flip over tiles

and you have to remember where one tile was and match it with like another tile I realize like maybe that's what we've been doing this whole time with this podcast is finding people and then later on we find someone else we're like shit that's the time like we have found this person she wants to see your brain he has brain pictures in his pocket we fucking did it i will be connecting these two people the second we stop communicating here today i honestly don't even remember i was just

too hyped about the brain pic i'm so glad that you picked up on that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to give it a five because I've literally forgotten everything else about it. I'm giving it a zero because there's no way I'd get in between these two people. It's true. How many more do you want? Give me one more. How about two more?

Okay, fine. This is bestie. Trying to lose pandemic and work from home fat, like emoji and like sweat emoji. Anyone down to talk? Is talk in quotations? It's in stars. Okay. All right.

That's enough for me. So I wasn't crazy about the weight thing because I'm like, look, we all put on weight. We're all doing our best. That's fine. But now I'm thinking, oh, okay. It's a sign that like talk is physical activity. And that's how you're looking to lose the weight. Which case changes my opinion of this profile greatly.

I probably still wouldn't swipe on it, but I understand the people who would. So I'm going to give this a seven as well. I'll give it a five. And then finally, probably the best. This is going to be a 10 for sure from you. This is Tanya. She, dame, sire, for all you pronoun simps. Government did a good job dumbing down men.

Most of you are losers addicted to dopamine hit endlessly swiping, looking to screw pigs that sleep with three other dudes. Casual is gross. Looking for a long-term relationship to make summer fun, consistent, and leave the city. Downtown professional, well-traveled to remote places. Why would I like this? It was sarcasm. Oh, okay. This person sucks. This is a terrible person.

Also, you're a psychiatrist? Oh, I hope not. Well, that's what they said, right? They say they work in psychiatry. Maybe they're lying. I hope they're lying. Maybe they're like... Maybe they're a psychiatric patient.

Yeah, maybe they're the person being analyzed. Yeah, I feel like that. Or maybe they're like, you know, a receptionist and a psychiatrist. Even then, that's not good. I know. I don't. Minus 10. It's so hard to believe people like this exist.

I know. It's upsetting. But hey, people like you exist. And that's pretty good. Thanks, man. That's all good. Love you too. Well, that's pretty good. Thanks, man. That's all good. Love you, too. Well, that's the podcast, guys.

I want to first reach out and thank the people that joined the Patreon during the week because you're fucking angels and we love you. Love you. For those who are still on the fence, maybe now's the week. Maybe now's the time. If we hit 25 patrons, we have plenty of benefits, including extra episodes of our secondary podcast, Pillow Talk, and also Priority Q for all those spicy questions like good old Pinoy Boy Toy. Pinoy Boy Toy. I don't know why I keep saying Pinoy. I think I want wine.

We love you guys. Thank you to Josh Eagle from the Harvest Cities for their song Paper Stars as well. They now did it all. If you have a question or if you want to join the Patreon, head on over to fbuddiespodcast.com and click either the contact form, fill it out, choose your agent name, we keep it completely anonymous, or click the Patreon button. It'll bring you right there and you can choose between any of the

options and we will love you forever. Do you have some bad sex writing for me? I do. So do you remember the time we gave out to Batman for not going down? Yep. Well, guess who else doesn't? It's DJ Khaled. He says, a woman should praise the man, the king. If you're holding it down for your woman, I feel like the woman should praise.

And a man should praise the queen. But you know, their way of praising is called, how was dinner? You like the house you're living in? You like those clothes you're getting? I'm taking care of your family. I'm taking care of my family. You know, I'm putting in the work. Now, in the interviewer, Dan said,

you're saying you don't go down. No, never, he answered. I don't do that. It's different rules for men. You gotta understand. We the king. There's some things you might not wanna do, but you gotta get it done.

I just can't do what you want me to do. I can't. And it would not be okay if a woman refused to go down on him, he said. Another one. We the best music. Uh, so G. So DJ Khaled fucking sucks.

I mean, I think we all knew that. Yeah. But yes, quantifiable proof that DJ Khaled is not good. Also, I guess some advice. If you make money, you don't need to lick vaginas. Yeah. I mean, Bruce Wayne was also a billionaire.

Maybe it's just a rich thing. Man, I would like, I would hate that. Imagine if you got rich and then they're like, you can't do that anymore. I was like, damn it. Take my fortune. I would literally donate every, so I only ever had like 99 million. Yeah. Just always just whatever I made over that just gets put into a separate like charity

fund that I set up for rich wives to have their vagina taken care of. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, I got to go dig a tunnel. So my name is Dane Miller. And I got to go be untalented and famous like DJ Khaled. And I'm not. We've been your folk buddies. studies.