F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 188 - Protect Roe v Wade

Episode Date: May 9, 2022

This episode we have a very serious chat about some very serious things.  Topics include the importance of Roe v Wade, navigating your relationship with showers in your relationship, how to avoid disappointing your partner sexually, blowjob confidence and Tinders.

I put my trust in you, and when I'm trusting, I love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and when I'm trusting, I love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller. And I'm Niall Spain. And we're your fuck buddies. We are a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations and turn them into sexy, sticky situations.

Simply put, we're a sex advice podcast that either finds questions out in the wild, lurking on the internet, or we get them from our wonderful listeners and we answer them. I thought I had more time to take a bite of my scone. Podcasting 101, Dane. We're professionals. No eating while you record. I was just sitting there looking so sconey. Oh, we're so good at this. Almost 200 episodes in.

We're nailing it. I feel like we've done almost 200 episodes. We've never missed a week. I don't think we've ever eaten on the show it's true i think i'm allowed one one sentence where i'm where i'm having a a bit of a chew now we did record a day late though so no one will know that damn it um we've had a bit of a week i'd stop in the best i would say uh one of us had a slightly worse week and it was me i stubbed my toe this morning because i had to get i had to go to work early i never worked days and

i worked a day shift and while i was getting ready i did i did a toe bonk what about you that's yeah mine i i also had to go to work early the other day and then uh someone ran me over with their car so yeah so i mean like if we had to compare probably me because i don't usually work definitely you definitely won out um and i did survive so that kind of takes you know and i don't think i will i think this is it for me guys um but in all seriousness uh niall did now did get a car bonking he is okay i am my bike is not but uh you know what the world can live without your bike i can't live without you it's so annoying because i just started cycling again because it finally got nice enough out i'm like i fixed my bike up and spent a whole day like cleaning it and like oiling it and getting it all ready to go making a real nice target for drivers a beautiful target and now it's a nice shiny target it's good though because

i was going to get it serviced and i was going to shell out for once i was going to get like the big shiny like 200 servicing and then they were booked out and i was like ah fuck it i'll do it myself so at least i wasn't out that money too that would have sucked and i do want to reiterate like i know it sucks that your bike got fucked up but i am and i'm sure everyone who listens are very very glad that you are okay because thank you we and i fuck your bike i'd rather i'd rather have you well me too honestly it would be really sad if I had – my bike was in perfect condition, but I was dead or I lost my back half, which is – Especially if you didn't leave it for me in your will. Oh, yeah. I actually just changed it. Okay, we got to get into the podcast.

Okay, so on top of our personal troubles, we do have sex news and I'm sure you know and anyone who's in north america knows um the supreme court in america is currently considering overturning roe v wade which is the uh sort of the the ruling that allows um safe abortions uh legal precedent and we've talked i think we talked about it uh with the when texas i believe it was was doing their bullshit i believe we talked about the importance of safe legal abortions but now this is uh potentially i think there are 13 states that have trigger bans which are kind of just like if you don't know what that is it is sort of like a like a hungry wolf that is just waiting for the gates to be opened into the chicken coop.

And that is if Roe v. Wade gets overturned, essentially abortions will become illegal immediately in the states that have trigger bans. That's fucked. You could probably guess the area in which those states uh reside in america the south but the the importance of it and something i'm not going to talk too much about it because i i think you can probably guess our stance on it um but the there are a couple things that we need to talk about in in regards to uh in case there are listeners who are pro-life and are against the abortions, first and foremost, that's fine. You're allowed to have your personal opinion. If you don't believe in abortions, you're welcome to believe that way.

Unfortunately, your religious and or personal views don't have any place in determining or prescribing what other people do with their bodies. So if you don't want to- If you don't believe in them, feel free to not get one. Exactly. And then if something terrible happens and your baby accidentally grows in your fallopian tubes and you need an abortion to save your life, you'll have the ability to change your mind with your own life in mind and stick to your beliefs or not, but the option will be there. Yeah, 100%.

And that's kind of what it comes down to the, what we do need to talk about, however, and what I, a lot of people I don't think realize is, uh, time and time again, we have done studies about, uh, the rate of abortions and that number doesn't change the, the same amount of abortions happen, whether they legal or not the only difference is uh is the survivability of said abortions so the only thing that changes is the amount of women who either die during them or are permanently injured because of them that is that is the only changing factor when abortions are made illegal. Yeah, the only thing you're removing is safe abortions, which is fucked.

Yeah. So anyone thinking that this will stop abortions and or save lives, like the lives of unborn children, you are incorrect. Like I said, practically the exact same amount of abortions will happen. They will just happen unsafely and put the woman in or the person who is currently getting the abortion at mortal risk. Yeah. On top of all the fucking legal risk that America seems so eager to throw on them as well. Correct. And now talk about it briefly there as well. There are a bunch of medical reasons why abort throw on them as well. Correct. And now talk to about it briefly there as well. There are a bunch of medical reasons why abortions are crucial as well. Things such as,

you know, fetuses who are still born that should be aborted before the mother becomes septic times in which, you know, the egg gets stuck in fallopian tubes and they essentially explode and rupture and fill the woman with bleeding. I've seen horror stories from people who work in delivery of the times where abortions were necessary outside of the fact of unplanned pregnancies or unwanted pregnancies. And the amount of women and, or again, people who were giving birth who were at risk and would have died if they weren't allowed to perform an abortion, like an emergency abortion. That being said, I just want to inform people, for people who don't understand the importance

of allowing people to choose how and when they get abortions is essentially there are two reasons of it and and not to get too bleak but it is one control over people with uteruses and two it is class warfare as well it is it is essentially meant to keep the poor poor. Yeah. If you don't for a second think that the fucking rich Republicans cheating on their families aren't getting abortions, you're dumb. Yeah. Mistresses, wives, daughters. Also, like the rhetoric around rape and sexual assault and incest.

In this time, there was a government. I don't remember what position he was running for in michigan i believe who uh said like during an official conference like on air this wasn't like a leaked comment this wasn't a you know an accidental tweet this was something he said during an interview was that oh you know he said, I've told my daughters that if rape is an inevitability, uh, to lie back and enjoy it. And this is kind of the rhetoric. And thankfully he was, uh, squarely defeated in a, yeah. Well, in a jurisdiction that has never voted Democrat, like they've never had a democratic representative. And it was the first time in,

in that district's history, I believe that ever had a, ever had a democratic candidate win. So in Ireland, I don't know if you guys heard much about this, but leading up to Ireland making abortion legal in 2013, which, you know,

not that far ago, there was basically a woman named Savita who was admitted to hospital, having a miscarriage and they wouldn't terminate her private pregnancy not that far ago, there was basically a woman named Savita who was admitted to hospital, uh, having a miscarriage and they wouldn't terminate her private pregnancy because they just kept saying, Ireland's a Catholic country. And five days later she died from severe sepsis and everyone, you know,

took to the streets, marched, uh, had like record numbers showing out for the referendum. Uh, same with when we made, you know, gay marriage legal.

And I'm really proud of my country for, for stepping this backwards-ass Catholicism that has no place in a modern woman's body or life in that regard at all. And I just don't understand how a country can ignore this happening around the world and ignore everyone moving the right direction in history and decide to try to step backwards. I feel like we almost have to have a fucking category in the show called up. America's at it again. It's disgusting. It's an embarrassment. It's insane. I just like anyone listening, just be aware that like this could happen in Canada. This could happen in a lot of countries and like be aware of the people you vote for. Republicans, they, this is their bread and butter. They love this shit. You know what I mean? And I think Roe v. Wade, it has so many more knock-on effects because

a lot of the things it establishes, I believe, protect your sexual privacy and blah, blah, blah. And taking this away opens the door to policing gay marriage or repealing having gay marriage be legal and a lot of other stuff. Since this all came out, I've seen such horror fucking stories and things that break my heart. People having to delete their period tracking apps in America because the government will have access to that information and can use it to criminalize them. That's fucked. Among a million other things. It's impossible to give enough weight to the scope of how awful this is, even if we did the entire episode, which I don't think I'm educated enough to do on the matter, unfortunately.

We're just guys. You know what I mean? We don't know the ins and outs of everything, but we're on the right side of this thing, and we like to hope that you guys are too. And just to keep that in mind when you vote and when you do these things that can have severe repercussions for all the women and anyone who's not like straight white and male. And even then, any one of those who gives a shit about actual people is going to suffer because the people they love will

suffer. Yeah. I mean, it's not an exaggeration when we talk about things and say that like your life has been impacted by people getting abortions. Someone you love or someone you know has had their life drastically changed by an abortion. And it's something you need to realize that like, this isn't something a lot of people broadcast. For a lot of people, it's a very difficult thing. Even if they are 100% comfortable and sure of what they're doing, it's often not an easy thing to do. There's often a lot of emotional impact that

people have, as well as the physical impact that it has on people. So as well as it being a pretty private issue and a medical procedure, and you know, there could be a million reasons why you haven't heard about someone. And on top of that, when you see the amount of people who support the trucker rally, who, you know, many of those of those people they followed kind of like the same rhetoric that you know like you don't know how someone's going to react so of course they might not let you know yeah of course i i saw a very interesting thing and i feel like this will be probably my last point that i want to bring up but i saw an interesting argument or or at least sort of like a depiction as to why abortions are such a hot topic thing for the right wing. And, you know, surprise, surprise, it has nothing to do with the sanctity of life or the...

Wait, what? Yeah, huh? But they fund so many orphanages and birth control and sex education, all these things that actually help, you know? They really care about the children and the mothers after the birth. So I'll say two things. One, I saw a very good meme um and i'm not sure if it was a quote or attributed to the person who was in the picture or not and unfortunately i don't

remember off the top of my head but it's something along the lines of like you know if this was about the unborn why can't mothers get life insurance for unborn children and if something happens during the pregnancy collect off that why or like can't be deported once they're pregnant after x amount of weeks or yeah if life begins at conception why you know then that person is a american citizen the second they are conceived yeah any number of things it's like there are there's so many things that like you can't say that like oh the sanctity of unborn life and then you're fucking have no regard for it after that yeah your hypocrisy is showing secondly so so one of the things is like why the republicans are so uh or the right is so

obsessed with abortions was it all kind of like switched over around in the 1970s when the right no longer had like once segregation became uh less of a thing that they could really harp on. They had to find a new like divide or they had to find a new thing to sort of be like, this is how we, we get our cultural wars in. Like,

this is how we, we win elections by, you know, putting our stake in this before it was, you know, it was like, we have to keep blacks and whites separate. Segreg important like that's how we give america america and obviously as that progressed into not really but like once segregation became very much a thing of

the past they they needed a new thing and and the new thing ended up being abortion which is if you look for the past year like that was that's a big uh talking point for a lot of right-wing politicians is you know being being pro-life so it's also like really handy for them when the unborn have no voice you know like they're supporting people that cannot in any way agree or deny the things that they're saying you know yeah it's uh i know we've talked a lot about this and I know we're almost like 20 minutes in right now, but it's, it's something that's important. And I think it's something that we, we, as men, I think there's a lot of onus on us to add our voices to the cause.

It's a big reason why we started the show in the first place is because we, and I, I encourage other men listening to talk about this, amplify the voices of women and people with uteruses, amplify intelligent, educated people who are well-versed in this subject. Use your platform, use your voice to amplify theirs and speak on it on your own. Say that you support people's right to sexual reproduction freedom and add your your voices to it because it is this is a fight that we have a stake in and it's and it's something that we need to believe in and something we need to fight for so like even if we didn't being a good person should be enough you know what i mean even seeing that other people have a stake in it even if had no effect on us seeing

that it is you know like the be all and end all of some people right now, like I'm, there are so many people living in fear because of this just being proposed. So it's like, even if we were not any part of it. Yes. It's a, it's something that's very,

very important to me and, and Niall and, and to the show. So one, I, I just want to say it here clearly and plainly. We support you. We,

we support the right to choose and we support the freedom to choose and that will not change. So know that you have us in your corner as much as that can possibly mean and know that we will use our platform and our voices to fight the good fight. And we are here for you. And hopefully we can, we can help facilitate change, even though we are Canadian and not American. Uh, I'm sure this fight is coming our way very soon. Yeah. And on that note, let's do some questions, shall we? Yeah, yes. It's hard to do, do jokes now. Okay. Well then here's what we'll do. I'm going to do one where I feel like there won't be a whole lot of jokes. Unless you have a really silly one that can really just... Oh, I have some really silly ones, but I do have one that's...

Did I delete it? No, I have one that's not funny, not not funny, but might be nice. I don't know. Yeah, okay. Give me that one. This is by Asparag... Unless you got a good one. No, mine is kind of heavy, but like...

Okay, well no, this is very neutral, if that helps. This is Asparagus Bowl. Asparagus Bowl says, What do couples do when they shower together? I'm trying to understand. Is this supposed to be a romantic activity or just for general bonding purposes? Tagging not suitable for work,

just in case it's more of the former. If it is the former, I imagine it isn't as sexy as most people imagine, since most of us don't look like the cast of Baywatch and water makes for terrible lube. I'm pretty inexperienced, so tell me me what do couples do when they shower together? Desperately count the seconds until my partner is washed and ready to leave. And I can get back in the warm water?

Yeah. Yeah. You know what? Like I... Go on. You tell me. What do you guys do? Do you shower together? No. Like every now and then yes it you know if it was kind of a sexy morning and and we're you know really feeling it yes um i know my partner often invites me in and i'm just like i don't have a good time if i feel like they they would really like me in there yeah i'll get it because it's about compromise and it's about doing things that make your partner happy but like shower sex sucks it's

not good like you know we where we stand on that also specifically like the question asker says water delubes you and to use a condom in the shower is also pretty unsafe because water breaks down like the the the friction of it all like it's it's not super safe to use that either um it's fun to sort of like tease and maybe like foreplay if you haven't had sex uh yet and you want to build towards it like teasing each other in the shower is great but like nine times out of ten one of you's out of the water and cold or you're both trying to like squeeze under like there was one there's only been one time in my life where i've enjoyed being in the shower with someone because we had a i think it was like an airbnb that had like a fucking like uh like the one fall shower things yeah yeah right so and but like it wasn't just

that there were shower heads on both sides and one from blue or like wasaga beach no this was i think it was in kingston i was in a five-star airbnb before where they had jets in the walls they had like the fucking giant jet in the roof they had everything and it was great and that was the point i was going to bring up is like most of us have tiny ass shitty showers you know what i mean like i think if this question was for you know the billionaires who listen to the show, which, by the way, we do have that higher tier on the Patreon. No, but for real, I think like if we all had beautiful gourmet showers where you could both be in the water at the same time, this might be a different question. But like for real, these days, especially, it's like I find like as the relationship goes on, showering together is less of a, that's like, you know what we usually do to a certain degree,

because if I hop in the shower, I think sometimes it's easier to just be like, okay, leave the water running. I'll hop in after, you know what I mean? Or like I'll pop in, you know, it's not often that someone will be showering and I'll be like, and then like the next day I'll be like, no, now it's my turn. It's like, it's as easy to just go then. But like right now, for example, if we get home from climbing and it's late and we have to make dinner it's like one of us will hop in first and we'll start making dinner and like leave whatever's in the oven or on the pan while we like kind of trade off and then the other person like finishes the dinner that's kind of where it's at or you know we'll listen to a podcast while we're in the shower and it's kind of a bonding moment we can chat listen to that even though

one's in the water one's out yeah i i think i think it's like very much a beginning of the relationship thing uh especially if like if you guys maybe like don't live together yet it's something that feels very it's very intimate it's very like next step like it feels like you kind of live together but if they're just kind of like staying over like that's kind of nice and i understand why people like it i i think it for me i'm much more pragmatic in my showers. Also showers are like a sacred time for me. Showers are very, very important. I do a lot of my thinking there.

I do a lot of my like reflecting and decompressing and like I shower in the morning. So it's kind of like how I start my day. It is like my morning meditation time. And if I don't get that, I feel kind of off. and it's hard to do when you're in there with someone else. So if I do shower with someone, I usually be like, okay, when you're done, let me know. I'm going to stay in for another like five minutes or so just to do my morning think. Because there was someone I was seeing way back when and they they always wanted to shower together and i was just like can i like i need my time i need my i need my

shower thinking time so i do love that someone is like kind of what we're saying we're like we don't uh like sex in the shower is generally shitty and especially like as a relationship goes on it's like maybe teasing is where it's at at most especially i agree and someone's like oh yeah we like one of the cons we don't really have sex blah blah if we are frisky we're doing x or y or like blow jobs i like doing them in the shower because like blah blah and they're like just don't drown if you try looking up at them while you're doing it and someone's like oh life pro trips swimming goggles my girlfriend keeps a pair in the shower for blowjob purposes. And that's just a very funny image for me. Absolutely not.

Now, look, unless those swimming goggles look like librarian classes or something. Hey, let me tell you. Wait, Dan, hold on. We got to throw a big trademark on here because we're about to start marketing sexy swimming goggles for shower purposes. For shower blowjobs. Yeah. here because we're about to start marketing sexy swimming goggles for shower purposes for shower blowjobs yeah i mean like because the only like the second i think like swimming goggles i think of like my swimming lessons when i was fucking you know eight right like i don't think adults when i think swimming goggles i think like preteens and that is the last thing that i like

i want to feel like i'm getting a blowjob i also just feel like they've got to be among the least sexy idols. Oh, they're the goofiest fucking thing. But I love it. I find that very funny. Also, it doesn't change the fact that you're still getting waterboarded. Yeah, there's other parts. Also, it's like the whole point of looking up at them is to... It's like sexiness, right?

Yeah. You're looking up and you can't see anything because there's water pounding your fucking goggles and they're looking down on all they see is you like getting water pounded through your goggles. Like it doesn't work for either side of this operation. Man, good for them for finding this is a solution for them. But the idea of just hate is so good. I hope they're the big, like thick fuckers, you know? I also don't know, like, if this is just me, but like my, I don't know if it's like the sensation of like having water hitting me, but I find blowjobs in the shower just don't feel as good. I don't know if that's just me, but like, like they're great and I appreciate them,

but there's something about like the amount of sensation that's happening from other directions, like the water running off me, the water hitting me. I feel like there's something that combination for me reduces the sensation. And like, I think like, it's also,

it's not a comfortable place because you're probably standing the water's hitting off you they're probably not very comfortable because they're kneeling in like the bath shower area you know like i just feel like they're probably squatting and then they're wearing goggles which is ruining it for everyone also you gotta they gotta make room between the snorkel and your dick that's the thing it's it's when you wear the snorkel or like have the snorkeling gear is that's the real tough one it's fair but yeah so there you go is it romantic sure it doesn't have to be sexually romantic is there an element of sexiness of course because they're naked together but a lot of people just use it to bond or chat or to very practically make dinner as a two-part

team so there you go yeah i don't think there's any harm with you being like hey i don't love cool you know doing doing showering together if you want to like every now and then that's fine but like you know not my favorite thing and if it's something your partner really really enjoys then sure do it every now and then why not but uh you know i don't think there's any harm in like laying down boundaries and times where you just be like actually you know i just like i just want to get a good clean on and it's very difficult to do with another person that's fair you know what i'm gonna go with a a lighter one this is from blinky 90210 or 90210

flow how do you get over the fear of disappointing your partner in bed? In early stages of dating, how do you overcome your insecurities about your sexual experience and prowess and have sex? The fears, e.g. I'm too small. If I don't perform well, she will stop loving me and leave me. Her last dude was a stud. How do you conquer them? And how many partners did you have?

Or how many partners did you become the sexy beast you are today? I don't think the last part is necessarily important. Yeah, because then like one person's journey is not going to be the same as everybody else's, right? So it's like, I don't want someone being like, oh, thank God, you know, we finally hit partner four. That's it. I'm over my shit now. But also, I think it is good to talk about the fact that when you feel these things, we've all kind of been there, right? I remember like, and it seems almost laughable to me now, but it's like when I would finish having sex with, I think it was, again, I guess there's no point numbering them, but like not just my first partner or my second finishing and like staying below the covers

until like either they were busy or they were whatever. And now I would like put my underwear on so that they wouldn't see my soft dick, which is an insane thing because it's like, they just saw it hard. They just had sex with it. If they were to be like, Hey, look, it's small now. Like, or it's soft. Like one, they'd suck. And two, yeah, that's how it works. Right.

Yeah. But try telling that to an insecure teen. Hey, I promise you, it's not just teenagers who are feeling that oh for sure for sure you know like i got in the ring a little early that's fine so yeah like i think everybody feels those things i think it is definitely a good thing to talk about right i think especially men i don't think men usually come on and discuss their insecurities in a way like this you know no we're never encouraged to oh not all to talk about it right like from the time you're from the time like sex enters your life as a man

it is all about like bragging about dick size bragging about how long you are how long you can last like like no one ever really like even if you listen like overhear conversations with women no one's ever like oh he lasted the right amount of time no it's always like oh we had we fucked all night he lasted all night and it's like yeah or he was like a one pump chump or you know whatever and especially like media all media is just kind of mocking man at the performance in bed or they're mr big yeah there isn't any kind of like happy medium usually how do we get over it i guess is the question right yeah for me my big thing was not being afraid to talk about sex with people

specifically the people i was having sex with because uh when i my first sexual partner i wasn't super confident and i my sexual stamina wasn't that great. I did not last that long. And, you know, I look back on it now. It was, I'm glad that kind of happened because I got very good at oral sex because of it. I felt like my sexual performance, you know, when actual penetrative sex, I was lacking. So I was like, hey, then I'm going to make sure I can, I can finish the job with my mouth. So I wasn't leaving them hanging things like that. But I think as I got more

confident, a lot of that pressure gets lifted off you as well. And that's when I think you, you start to feel once you're not getting hung up on it and thinking about it and overanalyzing it and getting all up in your head about it, you're going to find that your sexual performance is going to get better. I'm not going to say that's the magic of being like, you could last forever now. And like, your dick will never have trouble getting hard ever again. Like that. No, it's going to happen again. Whether you're tired or drunk or nervous.

Like there's so we've talked about a thousand times. There's so many variables as to why sex might not be the greatest with you in any point in time. But I think we're also never going to sit here and tell you there is a magic recipe for anything because that's the easy way out. And that's bullshit. You know what I mean? If there was just a way to do a thing,

we'd be doing it. We would have one episode. Yeah. Yeah. We'd be like, Oh, like the reason why pickup artists I think suck so hard is because they presume that there's just like this one magic trick women hate which they do actually yeah that is what they fucking despise it guys yeah i think for me it was like being in

relationships you know i mean like i wasn't just having well usually at least at the start random one night stands it was like with people like my first girlfriend I dated for six months before we slept together. Then I had a very fun one night stand when we broke up in Paris and then, or not Paris, in Nice. And then when I came back to Ireland and started dating somebody else, it's like, yeah, it was still a little while, but we dated each other for like three years or whatever. So over that time, it's like we were very comfortable around each other. And it's like, that made me very comfortable in my own skin. And then by the time there was another partner, it's like those insecurities were mostly gone in a lot of ways, you know, and other stuff you can't change. You just kind of have to learn to live with it. I

think it's a part of growing up in general. You to deal with the stuff that uh makes you insecure so for me i think i think i found my confidence kind of in the opposite is when i was going through my you know my hoe phase and i was sleeping with a bunch of like random people in one night stands was once i found things that consistently worked and things that I was like, oh, okay, this is something that apparently I can do quite well because everyone seems to enjoy it. And that gave me something in my back pocket to be like, hey, no matter what happens, I feel like I can rely on this. And you know what? I think that's kind of very good advice in a number of ways because like for me, I always want to get better at sex. Yeah. When I was a kid of ways because like for me i always want to get

better at sex yeah when i was a kid now for me it's always a thing that i just want to be better at and if you're killing it and your partner's losing their mind it's kind of hard to feel insecure about anything else that's my thing is like like i said i i feel very confident in my oral sex skills so if for whatever like i at least, you know, nine times out of 10, I feel very confident that if I get an opportunity to go down on a woman, I feel like I will be okay. Oh yeah, for sure. For anyone feeling insecure out there, good. And I know, but for real, like put in the work, you know what I mean? Make that the thing. And on top of that, it's like, instead of you worrying, like while you're having sex and thinking like oh like are my stomach folds

showing or like oh is my my dick too whatever it's like you're too busy like kissing her neck while you're fucking her from an angle that you can get a hand round and like work her clit because when you're doing all that you're not going to have time to think about yourself and they're going to be screaming so loud that you also won't hear your own thoughts so so my big suggestion would be find something that works find something that you are good at and again i'm not saying you have to become a fucking you know tongue wizard and do it it's like maybe it's fingering maybe it's like clitoral stimulation. Maybe it's just making out. Who knows? And also like, don't stop there.

No, absolutely not. And then you nail down that one thing, then you become the tongue wizard. Right. But I think if you have something, if you find your thing, that is your like, that's your safety net. That is something where you can be like, cool, I've got this.

And no matter what happens or what they're into, I'm probably all right. And then as Nell said, it's like, use that as your launching pad to then be like, cool. Okay. Now I can figure out, now I can try to like nail down a really great fingering technique. And now I got two things in my back pocket and now I'm going to figure out how to like, like you said, like find a position that I find is good for my, my penis size and, you know, uh, my balance and the way that I can is good for my penis size and my balance and the way that I can move my body. And then it's like, cool, now I've got a position,

I've got foreplay, and I've got a finishing technique. If I come too soon, I can use my fingering technique to get them over the edge. Because really, at the end of the day, that's all we want. Who cares how it gets done? If you get the job done, you get the job done. And the thing is, this might sound intimidating, but like, the sad truth is you don't have to do very much to stand out from the pack. And I'm not telling you you shouldn't.

You definitely should. I think you should do as much as humanly possible. But like, we've seen innumerable fucking questions about people who don't give a fuck. Definitely once they come, they roll over and they're done. You know, they're not trying to put the work in to get better fingering or oral or whatever. So it's like the sad truth is, but it can be good if you're a person that gives a shit, is that a lot of people out there are going to phone it in at best. So it's like you don't have to be phenomenal.

Again, I'm not telling you you shouldn't be phenomenal. I'm saying you should be as best you can be. You don't have to reach like mythic levels from day one. You just need to put in the work and you need to care about your partner and just keep trying to improve, you know, as positively as you can. If you're someone who doesn't get the opportunity to have a whole lot of sex, how do you do this? How do you figure this out? That is when- You watch porn every day, every every second it's so correct they they would never lead you astray they would never do anything that's completely impractical no no i

would say if if you get rare occasions to have sex whether you're a long distance or you know it just doesn't happen for you that often that's fine don't worry about don't stress this is where being confident enough to talk to your partner about sex and being like if you're going down on them and you don't seem to get a reaction there's no harm in being like hey guide me tell me tell me what you're looking for do you want me to go harder faster and like open up the conversation and maybe not do it while you're going down on them but after the fact tell, tell them, ask them what you, what they like, or get them to describe what you like. I find the best sort of guide for this is before you have sex and while you're getting hot and heavy and an excellent way to open that and show

that you're willing to have these conversations and take direction is with fingering before you have sex as a means of foreplay, especially if it's just like clitoral stimulation, gentle rubbing and one, you know, get your positioning, figure it out, you know, orient yourself down there so that when it comes time to go down on them, you have a kind of a lay of the land. But you can like i love to ask them like do you want me to go faster or slower harder softer you get a sense of like what they like but you're also being sort of subconsciously being like i'm willing to take suggestions and importantly you do have to be able to take suggestions as well yeah like you could do these things and you'll seem like it, but then if they say,

Oh, do this and you get pissy or don't do it, that doesn't count. Yeah. I think the thing I usually tell people who get weird about that is like, this isn't me telling you you're not doing a good job. This is me telling you you're, you're doing a good job.

And I want, like, I want more of what you're doing in a specific way. You know what I mean? Like there are times where I will tell women not to use their hands if they're giving me a blow job, because like, that is what I require at that time. I'll ask for them to go faster or slower. And that's not me saying, Hey, what you're doing isn't doing it for me. It's my way of being like, you're going to do that very well based on what you're currently doing.

You know what I mean? And that can change. Like, you know, I feel like, you know, there's sometimes you just like want faster and harder when it's, you're just about to come. You know what I mean? Whereas before that, it was like the perfect pace. And if they had kicked into turbo mode,

it might've not been the best. Whereas like, once i've reached that point that's like just fucking destroy me you know go for it and that's not to say things aren't you know someone says just like that what do you do you stop immediately you go faster that doesn't mean faster that doesn't mean harder yeah that, I think that is the number one thing. Like the second we hear someone say, keep doing that. Our instinct is like, we're doing it. And we're going to do it at home. Yeah.

I will say like, there is a certain like Zen, like when you're getting into it and you're like reacting to everything that you feel and like you're sensing and like, by the way they move and you're like figuring out how you do the good job and like you're just going down on someone and then they say something like that i think sometimes it breaks that spell and sometimes you forget what you're fully doing and then you're it's almost like when someone's like oh think about breathing and you're like fuck now i have to consciously breathe you know fuck i fucked us for the rest of the episode uh so i know this might have seemed like an info dump, and I know this might have been a little intimidating. But what I want you to take away from this is that you're good.

There's plenty of ways to overcome these insecurities in positive ways. And there's plenty of like, I promise you there is something that you probably do very well. And again, talk to your partners. That's how you get better. And I'm not saying that everything you do is going to work with every partner. But getting the foundation of being like, oh, okay, this is my fuck buddy. I'm going to be sleeping with them pretty on the regular. If I know that they like a finger inside them while I go down on them, great.

That's great information to know and then you can then transfer those skills later on of being like hey i have the dexterity and the mental capacity to ease you out while i fingery and that's that's a that's a great skill to have and now you've got it so yeah try to find try to like use every sexual encounter that you have a means to sort of be like oh cool i've learned something here i'm gonna put that in my back pocket so that if there's a time where i'm not doing something like i i can't seem to find the right thing i i've got this like magic bag of tricks that i can pull out and hey sometimes pull out it's not someone's jam and and that's why me and dane aren't saying do this one specific thing. Because people like different shit. What's important here and what you need to take away is the mindset. If you're the kind of person who is open and willing to pleasure your partner and you're paying attention to what they like and what they don't like and you're willing to mix it up and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and kind of roll with those punches while applying things you've learned elsewhere, because you really want to make your partner come. That's great.

And that's all you need. Not the one finger here and the one hand, you know? Yeah. That's, that's the attitude you have to go in. You have to go into every sexual encounter being like, I want my partner to have the best time. And it doesn't, if you, if you come first, that doesn't mean shit's done. No, like, like one of my favorite things to ask my partners is what can I do for you? You know what I mean?

Like after I've come, cause like, you don't know what, for some people it's like, it's fine. I like, I don't need anything. Let's just make out and cuddle.

Great. Okay. That's okay. Some people who are like, yeah, you're going to need to like, just finger blast a shit out of me. Yeah. Or I need some people who are like yeah you're gonna need to like just finger blast the shit out of me yeah or i need your mouth i love when you're like i think you got another one in you and then they do yeah so there's there's plenty of of options that you

can do um in terms of size the easiest thing to do if you feel insecure about your size go on to any reddit post about big dicks and read the majority of the comments. Yeah. That will, that will prove to you that people, the size is not as big of a thing as you might imagine it to be. Are there people out there who are obsessed with it? Absolutely.

But you know, are there also people out there whose worst sexual experiences were people that had big dicks? Yes. Also. Yeah. Um, so there's the majority theme in those

questions or in those answers is i was with this one guy that made me feel amazing no talk of their dick size apart from to you know i guess the question references it but like the important thing there being what we were just saying which is that you made them feel amazing so yes take a deep breath it's the the thought of this question is in the right area. You're worried about disappointing your partner, which means you don't want to disappoint them, which means you want them to have a good time. So I think you need to restructure your thought process. Don't worry about disappointing them. Look forward to pleasuring them. Two sides of the same coin. You want the same thing. You want them to have a great time.

But the change in mindset, I think will put you on the right path because one worrying about disappointing people is going to lead you down a road of insecurity and uncertainty. Choosing to strive to make sure they have a great time

is going to put you down another path. You know what I mean? Does it make sense? Yeah, it's like one is like the dark twin of the other where like they kind make sense yeah it's it's like one is like the dark twin of the other where like they kind of came from the same parents but one is shitty and one is like aspirational positive yeah so you know and and i think it's also important to realize we all have these insecurities it's not just you i think it's impossible to say you can just get

over them but it's like trying to rationalize them trying to think about them and actively realize that sometimes you're being a little silly like what i did with my soft dick right it's like it doesn't make any sense to have to hide that after sex because only a person who's a complete asshole would ever think that and if they did you wouldn't want to date them anyway and it's like did i think that once and then be like aha i'm a'm a confident teen. No, but I think just repeating that to yourself sometimes and thinking it through logically can help. And hey, look, Niall and I have had numerous sexual partners. We've had a lot of sex.

And I'll ask you, do you every now and then still get insecure or self-conscious? Yeah, of course. Yeah, everyone does. Everyone feels insecure or concerned that they're not pulling their weight there's you're always going to feel it there every now and then that that like evil little dragon is going to sneak up on your back and whisper you know shitty things in your ear and you just need to fall back on the reassurance of being like no you know what i'm doing my best. I'm listening to my partner. I'm open. I'm honest. I'm doing what I can. I'm trying my best. That's what you need to remind yourself.

And if you're not, then you know how to fix it. If you find yourself getting lazy, then be like, you know what? Yeah, I'm not doing everything I can to pleasure my partner. I'm going to sort that shit out. You got time for one? I don't know. You know what? I think that was a positive question that we needed to sort of round out the episode.

We could probably, do you have a quick one? You know what? This is kind of on the same line. So let's just blast it real quick. Okay. Hi, Natasha. Is it normal to not do good first time at oral? BJ failure, sad face.

Feel like shit every time I try blowjobs, which which is twice so far because i can't make them come i know i shouldn't be harsh at myself but everyone seems to have no problem with their partners or at least i think actually don't even mind the times i've given them it's just i'll get stressed to think this has been going on too long why they haven't made a noise oh it's awful any support or just hard truths would be appreciated thanks i've never given a blowjob so i can't give technique i mean i can tell you what i like um and i think we have i wish i i remember a one of our best reviews from that episode yeah i wish i could remember off the hand or like off the top of my head our like blowjob handjob ted talk episode um but it's it's out there you can find it i promise. This is very similar question in the sense of like, I think this is where you talk to

your partner. This is where you say, Hey, what do you like? Tell me what you like and maybe give them permission. Like, it'd be like, I want you to tell me exactly what you want. When you want my hand, you tell me you want your hand or my hand. If you want me to go faster, slower. If you want me to use my tongue more like i'm your like like instruct me and i will do everything you ask if if there are things you don't are comfortable with like if you

can't deep throat or have a bad gag reflex or don't like having your head pushed down explain that get that out in the open be like hey here are my my boundaries here are the things i don't want to do but other than that i want you to tell me exactly what you want me to do and I will do it. Let's also mention the fact that she said she's done it twice. Yeah. What, what things have you tried twice that you were very good at? Archery. That's accurate. But you know, like most things when people do them, no matter what they are, you're not that great. So that's a blanket fact. You know what I mean? It's not like, Oh no, blowjobs are a thing that we're just good at. So, you know, do your due diligence. Go find that episode. I think it was episode 31. I had to look it up recently for something and I can't remember why.

Okay. that like listen to you know other podcasts go on tickle.life and read i'm sure they have a few articles about it so like do do your back end work and then like secondly i think not making noises is often a guy thing in general yeah and i don't know whether i don't know what it is it's a variety of things and i think porn has a lot to play into it where it's like vocal female dead silent man because they're trying to pretend there isn't a man there exactly the they do their best to erase the man from the situation yeah like nine times out of ten if there's a vocal dude in a scene the comments in the video are like this guy will shut the fuck up that might not even be a like i'm not the most vocal breed i i try to be you

know i mean especially now but like i'm conscious sure my my yeah i'm conscious of it now but like my first long stretch of hooking up with people i'm probably as silent as the grave it didn't mean i wasn't fucking loving it i was absolutely loving it yeah um and like you're saying like moaning is not a manly thing to do yeah uh and even you're saying that like you're stressed thinking it might be going on too long going down on someone can be pretty uh physically demanding there's been times where i've been going down someone my neck is cranked my tongue is hurting and it's like you know especially in the earlier days and time grinds to a standstill where it's like it's probably been

five minutes maybe less but it feels like an eternity. So it's very possible that that's the thing, right? All to say you shouldn't be so hard on yourself. No one's great at anything at the start. What Dane says totally holds. Talk to them, ask them if they like it, and just like do a little bit of research and, you know, maybe trying to enact new techniques or make sure the ones you're doing are going off well will kind of keep you out of your own head. And, you know, you got this.

Now, this might be a good time. I remember we were talking about Pornhub. You used to have a sex and wellness thing. I did look into it. They still do have it. I don't remember the URL specifically. But if you do go to Pornhub, there's a along the top. There's a thing.

I think it says sex and wellness. And it will bring you to a site that has a lot less nudity. Um, and there is a woman, I can't, again, I can't remember her name who there is a ton of videos, a ton of articles that cover a bunch of stuff. And it is all very sex positive. It's all very, uh, health and wellness oriented. It has nothing to do with porn. This isn't like porn star training. This has everything to do with encouraging healthy sexual wellness. But there are a ton of things there that I'm sure you can find blowjob techniques and things about oral sex. I'm almost positive you can. But yes, I think that's going to do us for this episode.

We're going to do some quick Tinders. At the end of the episode, before we wrap up, we jump on online dating platforms such as Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge to look through profiles, see what works, what doesn't work, comb them for red flags, in an effort to make your online dating experience a little more enjoyable. I have a strange pattern here. I was sent two profiles that both have the two truths and the lie. Okay. And I thought we'd compare and contrast them. Sure. This is me. It's not me. It's me. Okay.

Two truths and the lie. I'm scared of roller coasters. I have a daughter. I like changes. Hmm. And then this is Dejana. Two truths and a lie. I am an only child. I sneeze whenever I am an only child. I sneeze whenever I experience an intense sexual fantasy. I love rewatching episodes of Seinfeld.

Does it say which one is which? No. Ah, man. I feel like I'm very good at this. This is my favorite thing to do on Hinge. Anytime someone has it, I always guess and I'm always like, I'm usually right. I much prefer the second one. Thank you. The first one sucks. like the second one's fun

fun things right one's a little sexy one's standard like i'm an only child whatever and then i like watching seinfeld like those are all there's they're fun they have a little bit of an energy to them you know what i mean there's also like you depending on the answer you get to learn a lot right i'm going to assume it's the Seinfeld. I have a feeling they don't like Seinfeld. Okay, and that's fun, right? And I think that's... Yeah, you learn two fun things.

One, they sneeze during sexual... You know what I mean? So you have something to play with there. And then you also have... Seinfeld is a pretty divisive thing, right? People either love or hate Seinfeld. No one's like, yeah, I watch a little bit of Seinfeld. I don't mind it. Yeah, I don't mind it yeah i don't mind it really i've never really watched it honestly

yeah that's what i mean it's like people like there isn't a whole lot of like middle of the road seinfeld people there's other like people who've never seen it or don't like it and people who love it if like you get this question they don't like seinfeld then you can you can have so much fun with this because you feel like well how about we hang out on friday we won't watch seinfeld but i might make you sneeze yeah wink boom great as opposed to the other ones like scared of roller coasters okay it's not very exciting i don't have much work with there i have a daughter oh okay i like important information, to like bring up regardless. Pretty important,

but not like, you know, and then I like change. It's like, imagine you're talking to them and they're just like, yeah, I don't like change. You're like, oh,

okay. I bet, honestly, I bet that's the answer. Probably. So I'm going to give the first one a three out of 10. And I'm going to give the second one, uh,

eight out of 10. Yeah, I agree. I just thought it was was interesting because I got them one after another And one sucked Here's a head scratcher for you At least for me This is Meg World is probably ending so you'll come over right?

Winky face No hookups looking for real which probably makes me insane Please be vaxxed Yeah well you know it's the song right? If the world is ending you'll come over right oh i didn't know it was a song it is a song i mean regardless at the same time like if you have to ask if they'll come over right it's like not serious if the world was ending i wouldn't have to ask my girlfriend like oh you're gonna come over it's like no the world's ending i think we're

yeah like the world is like inviting a stranger over to your place is pretty to have end of the world sex yeah that that is a hookup so i just found it's a very confusing sort of separate idea like right off the bat i'm just like what are you okay i didn't know it was a song but either way still a very strange, like, conflicting vibe. No, I hear you. It's pretty boring. Also, it's like, I'm pretty sure it's about an ex as well. So it's like, you're my ex, you'll come over and, like, it's kind of toxic and sad and also still a hookup. Yeah, it's going to be a two.

I'm giving it a two as well. I'm sorry. This is Amanda. I could literally put anything here and you thirsty-ass motherfuckers would still swipe right. Birds aren't real. Fight me. There's nothing I hate more than music. Catch me with headphones on listening to silence. If you have a car as your picture, I will assume you are a transformer. If your pictures are shirtless, I will assume you are

allergic to shirts or overcompensating. Neither is good. I almost love this energy. I also almost love this energy. Like, there's something that doesn't really click it for me, but like it's almost there.

It's almost to date me, you cowards. Yes. Yes. Birds aren't real. Fight me. I like it. I am worried she's serious. If you have a car as your picture, I'll assume you're a Transformer. That's funny. Yeah. Nothing I hate more than your shirt. I'm intrigued.

You know what? The shirt thing I find less titillating than the Transformer. I also feel like having the boat next to each other are a little, whatever. It's fine. But I could put anything and you thirsty ass motherfucker would still swipe right. Kind of funny. Kind of bitter. I don't know.

That's the thing. Yes, yes, yes, yes. It's true, I think. I feel like feel like depending on how attractive this person is they could probably literally put whatever they wanted and i i think the same thing like the there's still sort of that same sort of like you're overcompensating is like the wrong spirit of this if they got rid of that if they just left it like i i assume you're allergic to shirts, and left it there, I think it would be funnier.

So I'm a little conflicted, but I'm going to give it a four. I'm going to give it a four out of ten. I thought it was going to go higher. It does enough for me. I'm going to give it a six. Now, how do you feel about the fact that they hate music? Again, I don't. What does that mean? There's nothing they hate more than music.

There's no way that's true. This is Sarah. I'm built diff. Dead ass. No. This account is run by Sarah's friend. We are doing an experiment where I run her Tinder and vet her dates for her. This is not a joke.

It would help me if you could let me know what your deal is, what you do for work and what you're into, where you are at, where you are in life, et cetera. I want to restate. This is not a joke. Fastest way to get a date. If you want one is to hop on a call and just talk to me for five, 10 minutes instead of texting. I realized this is strange. Yeah, it is strange.

I don't want any part of it. Hi, this is where I'm at in life. Hello, stranger to someone. I probably hope to never see again. I would like to give you my resume so that I can date your friend who probably doesn't exist. Who also I don't know if

I like because you won't let me talk to them. Yeah. Which is, hey, a key part. It's essential, in fact. I don't care how attractive your friend is. I would like to know if I vibe with them before I go and spend, you know,

however much on a date with them. Sorry, stranger. This is weird. I don't like it. And this is like popping up more and more than I find of like people being like, this is a joint account or this is a,

a friend run account. We are, you know, we are protecting her. I'm like, I don't want to deal with this. Yeah. No,

thank you. I'm giving it a one. Yeah. One. No, thank you. I'm giving it a one. Yeah, one. This is Maryam. Maidenless? 99.7% of my clothes have cat hair on them. Socializing is hard, and I'm not very good at it. I'm so introverted, I play video games appearing offline

or make secret accounts to avoid socializing. Amazing. Elden Ring reference? Yeah. Got it. Cat hair joke? Let's go. This is a solid 9 out of 10

for me. I'm giving it an 8 because I'm worried that the introversion is that bad, but yes. Yeah. Okay. Do you have one that you're really horny to do? Otherwise we should wrap this up. This is my last one. Their name has been blanked for privacy's sake.

The house next to mine is an Airbnb and for the past several, I've unwillingly listened to people having more sex than me. Rather than be bitter, I've decided to compete against them. Okay, I like it. I'm going to give this a solid 8. Well, thanks, guys. Thanks for coming with us. What are you writing? You know.

You always get mad at me when I don't write. I know forgot uh i'll give it an eight nine i'll give it nine i like it it's funny yeah thank you very much for hanging out with us friends once again we appreciate you spending an hour out of your week to hang out with us and we love you we do love you please haven't been that active on social media stuff again because the insane week but I will try you know get back on that yeah please please send now messages and let them know that you're happy he's alive which I

appreciate but yeah thank you guys for coming we always have the patreon if you want to support us because that makes our day and if you want to show now a monetary amount of how much you're happy, he's still alive. Head on over to everybody's podcast.com slash page.

Nope. That's not it. Head on over to everybody's podcast.com and click the Patreon link. It'll bring you to the page. You have a couple of different options at the $7 level. You get a bonus episode every month called pillow talk, where we do all sorts of things. We get Lucy,

we get goosey. We play some games. We shoot the shit. We talk about it of things. We get loosey, we get goosey, we play some games, we shoot the shit, we talk about it a lot. We're a lot less structured. We still answer questions, we still do tenders, we do all the things you love, but we do it a little more free flow. We also have an update to the whole saga in the last one. Oh, yeah.

If you want to know what happened to the tunnel, the man who's doing the tunnel, we do have a sneaky paywall update. Which was unintentional, sorry. But hey, it's on there now. We've recorded a lot of episodes in a day and it just kind of happened. It just kind of happened. And now it's your problem. No, we love you guys.

Thank you Josh Eagle and the Harvest Studios for their song Paper Stars. And are you ready for one more question, Dane? Sure. Because the question is the bad sex writing okay this is by big boss 919 on seduction women are biologically hardwired to be attracted to men they feel are superior to them i have read this in a book how do i make a girl feel that i'm superior to her just show off how many books you read, dude. It's so easy. Just be like, yo, what up?

Look at this book I read that says, I need to make you feel inferior to me. I bet you haven't read it. Yeah, probably not. My name is Dave Miller. And I'm Niles Payne. We've been your fuck buddies. you