F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 189 - Gym Shrinkage

Episode Date: May 16, 2022

This might be, like... totally random, but would you like to watch this completely irrelevant documentary about why a penis might be small after a workout?  Topics include pet pee problem, the important of consent in consensual non-consent, working out so hard it makes your dick small, repelling intimate behaviour, lying about your location and a new slew of Tinders.

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in our love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and then I trust in our love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dane Miller. And I'm Niles Spain. And we're your fuck buddies. We're a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations and we turn them into sexy, sticky situations.

Simply put, we're a sex and dating advice podcast that finds questions either roaming about in the wild or we get them sent in by our wonderful listeners and we answer them for you. And if they're in the wild, we hunt them down. Oh, grip it and rip it, baby. Let's go. Guys, welcome to the sweaty months. Oh wild, we hunt them down. Oh, gripping and ripping, baby. Let's go. Guys, welcome to the sweaty months. Oh, man, let me tell you. Let me tell you. Already, like, this is the coolest part of the house because it's the place that isn't under a magnifying glass of windows and sun.

And this closet is already, already dripping. I'm being blasted by a nice beam of sunshine that's just poking over the top of the tree right through the window. And I kind of love it right now, but it is very warm in here. It's one of those things where, like, right now, it's a delicious treat because we lived in the frigid cold months where we got nothing but gray skies, snow, and rain. I believe they called it the eternal winter. Yes. Usually it's this weather in like April or like March.

At least a little bit. Whereas like pretty much had no good days at all. I feel like that is an accurate summary of the past two years. Hashtag no good days. But as I declared at the beginning of this year, this is 2022.

A year where nothing goes wrong. And nothing has, you know, not a single thing. I looked at the news. Not a single thing has gone wrong this year. Speaking of things that went wrong, did you see the well, like the initial thing is the thing that went wrong. The thing I'm talking about isn't the thing that went wrong. The people were protesting outside. I think it was either one of the Supreme Court judges or one of the politicians who supports roe v wade and uh they were like outside their mansion protesting and the neighbors made

charcuterie and wine boards and went out and gave them to all the uh protesters skin wine and cheese just like man they must fucking hate this person which i get because if you're that shitty like on a national level you must be a really shit neighbor too. Yeah. I mean, they're probably the fucking people that like are the presidents of the homeowners association and like will come to your lawn and put a ruler and be like, actually, Deborah, I have noticed that your grass is, you know, one eighth of an inch too long. If you could just go and rectify that very quickly for us you're making you know property values yeah but like the thing i think some people who support a lot of republicans don't understand is that like you can't support like removing roe v wade and still

be a good person like they just you can't do both oh yeah no i think a lot of people understand no i don't know a lot of people especially like republicans conservatives they like to be like oh just because i support this doesn't make me i'm a bad person it's like it does anyway you ready i'm feeling good i'm not gonna get into what we already get into for now i just got back from the gym i got a nice beer in my hand. Being sunblasted. Let's go. All right. Let's do it. This is by Not A Public Peer. My 25-year-old male girlfriend, 24-year-old female, wants me to pee in her pet's litter box.

No, it's not a sex thing. Throwaway. I'm already skeptical. Throwaway because it's embarrassing, but maybe it shouldn't be. Also skeptical. My girlfriend is great, but she has a pet fennec fox. Little animal's adorable, but he doesn't like me. Also skeptical. My girlfriend is great, but she has a pet fennec fox. Little animal's adorable, but he doesn't like me. Screeches at me a lot. According to Christine, this is normal for the fox. He still doesn't like anyone new coming to

her place. I try to be friendly, and he's been less shrill since the first time I spent the night, but things are a bit strained between me and the pet. She suggested I pee in his litter box. Apparently in the wild, they're pack animals, and they tend to do all their business in a designated spot. As she explained it, foxes don't have much in the attic and operate in the logic of, if I can smell his pee when I pee, we must be in the same pack. I really like this girl, and I do want to make things work, but I just cannot make myself urinate in a litter box in a corner of her apartment's living room. She keeps telling me, if I just do it a few times, it'll smooth things over with the fox, and she doesn't mind. She's seen me naked before before she doesn't have to watch is my you know addition there's a lot of

things that i would like to add to this but yes let's finish the question i can't fault the logic but i also can't seem to do it can anyone help one how do you get a phoenix fox pet because those are like foxes are my my favorite animal and And Phoenix foxes are one of my favorite. Like they look like Pokemon. They look like if someone actually made a Pokemon in real life, like that is the closest we have gotten. They're incredible. They're so cute. Also, contrary to what she's saying, I believe foxes are incredibly smart.

Like they're I don't think they're super dumb. No, no dumber than like a golden retriever. Well, I mean, it's pretty dumb sometimes. I don't think they're super dumb. No dumber than, like, a golden retriever. Well, golden can be pretty dumb sometimes, I don't know. But, look, you have to hang out with this woman forever because she has a Fennec's Fog pet, and that is the coolest thing ever. Now, the thing is, is it the coolest thing ever? Because they are not domesticated animals. They're not good pets, so having one as a pet, not great for it. It depends on whether or not this is a person that runs like sanctuaries or, you know what I mean?

Like if they have trained, if they've just somehow like smuggled a Phoenix Fox into their home. Yeah, not the greatest because like, I don't know if you follow, there's an Instagram account called juniper juniper fox and it is a woman who hosts or she like has a like a wildlife sanctuary and she fought or focuses on foxes um and these are foxes that usually would not survive in the wild and she fosters them uh either through recovery and rehab until they can be released or you know she, she just brings them in and, and lets them live out their days in like her enclosure and stuff. And like, she makes a very, very big point to be like,

these are not pets. I think like one of the hashtags she uses are like hashtag not pets. Um, and it's, and like, yeah, they're, they're not something that you just kind of like have because they are wild

animals. Yeah. I've been scouring the comments and they are not a like wildlife sanctuary person they just have one yeah which you can do it's just again not advised because these are not domesticated animals and you cannot domesticate them there's that but like i i'm going to assume that what she's saying is correct in terms of like urine is a uh huge way of marking territory and identifying one another do you have to pee in the litter box no you don't if if this is something you actually want to do

next time you're peeing just bring a cup pee a little bit in the cup bring it to the litter box pour it in that's gonna be like into the bathroom and like at no point in time does she need to be part of this equation no being like oh she's seen me naked before it's like i've been seen naked by people i don't want to pee in front of them necessarily bathroom time is private not hot also we're much larger creatures i don't think you understand what's going to happen to a litter box if i just rip a piss in it right like i'm sometimes impressed by how how big of a clump one of my cats have left in the litter box for me. If I went into the, like, if I went to go pee in the litter box, I'm flooding that thing.

It's not meant to. Hashtag all clump. Yeah. It's all clump. It is not meant to withstand the amount of liquid that I produce when I urinate. Now, I looked it up, and it turns out that phanic foxes do not all urinate in the same spot as their family groups. They just kind of pee everywhere. And from what I tried to get from Googling, you peeing is probably just going to upset it and maybe think that you're moving in on its territory, not just bamboozling into being like, well, it's my brother.

Yeah. So this just seems like a bad call in general and i think like it's just one of those things where like a lot of people have pets that don't like the boyfriend uh whether it's because you're new whether it's because they just don't like you in general or because they're protective over the person that takes care of them right and especially if this was not a recent animal like if it was a pandemic animal or beyond they've had two years of fuck all people around this is gonna be extra stressful on them so i think you just gotta take it slow and you gotta do what you basically do with anybody else in this situation which is slowly get them acclimatized to your presence and don't piss on them or their stuff or in the apartment maybe

leave some fucking t-shirts or huddies that smell like you around the place we can get acclimatized to your scent yeah but i feel like they're covered in piss yeah piss all over your own clothes before you arrive damn it that's it that's the answer just constantly be pissing and or covered in piss abp always be pissing we did it oh yeah i mean like i think you need to do some research and not take her word for it as I just did and was immediately proven wrong because I didn't care to look it up. But I, you know, this is this is something that's going to directly affect you. Last thing you want to do is go from being like, oh, it doesn't really like me to being like, oh, it's outright hostile towards me now. Or just like freak it out and drive it away from where it urinates to then piss in other places.

Because again, as a non-domesticated animal, apparently toilet training them at all is very difficult. So the fact that she has a working litter box with this thing to throw that out the window probably sucks. Now, you know what's funny? What's funny? I just wanted to address what you just said, where you were like, you know, you didn't, you said a thing and you were wrong and blah, blah, blah, blah. So someone said to me the other day, or we were talking about the show and they didn't realize that when I bring questions, you've never seen them before. And when you bring questions, I've never seen them before. And I guess it's been a long time since he talked about that. So when I surprised Dane with Fennec Fox related questions, how is

he supposed to know? Just so everyone's aware on the same page because we haven't talked about him probably 180 episodes yeah yes we we tend to we don't like to rehearse the only time i ever i don't think i think there might have been maybe like one question one question literally this entire time where we had we wanted to actually do research so we could talk about it because it was something neither of us really knew and we wanted to like have some groundwork which is a big reason why we don't address like medical questions because neither of us are doctors so we would much rather even if we spent a week trying to research it ourselves we wouldn't at all obviously be anywhere near the level that would be required which is usually like anytime we have a medical question we're using our first thing is go to the doctor yeah go see a professional go see a doctor that's like i've had a question on my list for ages about like is it safe to like prevent yourself from

coming using superglue uh i don't think so i think just like um but there's this whole thing i don't remember what it's called now and this is the reason why I haven't brought the question in of like you come internally and like the semen like pushes. It's called cumin. Like it pushes inside you and like it's fine. It's apparently like it doesn't do any harm. And, you know, there's it eventually just gets kind of like expelled the next time you pee. But like it's a thing that some people do for you know pleasure but at the same time i was like i don't know if what i was

reading is a is a verifiable source so for like i don't want to be like hey guys you just gotta come inside yourselves all the time exactly i don't want to be like yeah guys just like fill your fucking scrotal with jizz i don't think that's where it goes but last thing i want to do is like tell people something because i looked at like a few sources that seem to corroborate it but then it's just like you know oh it's that was one of those bullshit things where you know one guy wrote it and then like the next time someone wrote an article about it found that article parroted it so um i don't remember how we got on this topic but maybe don't don't don't come inside your balls okay unless you have medical professional advice that it's okay man

imagine going to the doctor like hey can i come in my own balls hey doc can i just fill my balls with cum my oh sorry sorry it is my own cum my partner's uh mom is a doctor so maybe i should just ask her yeah i wouldn't want to make it weird like ask a non a doctor i don't know you know yeah yeah you should text them text them right now all right hate me is blocking ejaculation harmful or okay you know we're gonna do this one because i've had it for a while and it was it's a little too heavy to have done last week i just said no bummers didn't they didn't they say i won't feel good and have a good week? Oops. But this is important because I've seen it come up a lot. And I've also had a lot of people in my bar talking about it, which is strange.

This is Reddit user near peer adversary. Adversary. Which is weird because your question was by a peer or something, right? CNC test. What would you have done? CNC for this. Consensual non-consent. Correct, yes. Not cabinet counselors.

Not cabinet counselors. I, a 34-year-old male, has been seeing someone, a 41-year-old female, for a month now, and I've noticed more and more she wants it rougher, slapping, spanking, pinning her down, etc. Those things had been verbally requested by her. A week ago, we were having a drink at a bar

and it came up how in the military, I've received a lot of training on sexual assault prevention, consent, et cetera. That night, after starting out with the usual making out, oral licking, I'm on top, about to go in. Pete is in contact with Labia when she gets a real serious look,

stares me right in the eyes and asks, what if I said no right now? What would you do? I freeze, panic. And I probably had a deer in the headlights look. My instinct was to immediately pull away and tell her that I respect her boundaries. But the look on her face was intense. She asked again, quite insistently, what would you do, huh? What would you do? Would you still fuck me even if I told you no? Would you? Would you fuck me right now anyways, even if I told you no? Holy shit, I've never been so conflicted. I

remembered our conversation earlier, and her body uh slash tone sounded like she wanted me to go for it but large part of my brain as a result of over 30 fucking sexual assault briefings was telling me not to fucking do it if i said no i would reject your non-consent is this a test right now it might have killed the mood if i went and had sex with her anyways or said yes i'd fuck you right now even if you said no i'd feel like a total rapist what would you do in my position or what would you expect to do if you were in her position i still feel conflicted about the situation for the record we are still dating and actively sexting each other's brains out so what pisses me off in this situation is the person sets up their two like possibilities they're like in one's case oh no i killed the mood and the other one yeah i'm

a rapist yeah and it's like okay how is that ever a competition if you have talked actively and thoroughly about this and have a safe word and have all these things put in place and know that this is what you're going to do then that's an okay situation for this to go any other way if like here they ask you a question like that you say yes of course i'll stop and you stop and clarify that they want you to keep going because in my opinion what she's saying is ruining the fucking mood because which like and i don't mean that in a bad way like i'm not saying oh what a buzzkill for talking about consent like i mean if someone is not into it, that is not a sexual situation. And you need to clarify that before you can go forward.

Like there is no gray area here. Well, it's also seems to be forgetting that consensual non-consent. The first word is consensual. Exactly. Which means that you have discussed this prior to and both of you have agreed to it. Because right now this is just non-consensual which is as now mentioned rape regardless of how she feels regardless of what she wants it doesn't matter because at no point in time have you clarified with one another that

this is what you're going to do going forward yeah like if you go forward on this you have to work based on from your perspective guess, sketchy guesswork. And the best case scenario is you guessed right, and it is okay. But even then, it's just fucked. There's no way to twist this positively. If somebody says this, you say, yeah, I would stop, of course. And then maybe that leads to a conversation about they want to get into some CNC shit. But as Dane pointed out as i

said earlier consent is the first part of that and you really need to have exhaustively covered everything that you're going to to do to each other with each other have safe words make sure it's as safe as possible and that everybody's on the same page again there is no gray area i think it's also a pretty fucked up thing on her end to do after you guys had like had a conversation at a bar about sort of like your training and your history and your background in relation to sexual assault. That like if there was ever a door being kicked open to have what could be a fairly difficult conversation of being like, hello, I would like to broach the subject of consensual non-consent. That for a lot of people would be a pretty steep slope to begin sliding down with someone. But like that right there, you have a man who is admitting to being very aware of how consent works and having received, you know, formal training in that.

So I feel like you, she should have felt safe enough to have brought it up at that point in time because i understand there is a risk of bringing this kind of stuff up with someone who doesn't like any old dude who would just be like hell yeah let's do it that sounds hot but doesn't necessarily understand the ins and outs of it but this guy has demonstrated that he does understand so to not to wait until you're in the act of it to spring it on him is super sketchy to me and super disrespectful and i think the sign of an immature sexual partner right yeah and like it's i get it it would have been a very very hot moment should everything had lined and you guys like you know mind melded and knew exactly what you want to do. But unfortunately when it comes to consent,

there is no gray area. It is yes or it's no. Yeah. And even that's an enthusiastic yes or it's a no. Yeah. Yeah. So don't do this. People don't,

don't spring sketchy situations on people in the heat of the moment where they might misconstrue what you're saying. Cause Hey, for all we know, she meant this too, right? Like this is being filtered through his eye of like, oh, I'm pretty sure she was like wink-winking me at the time. It might have been very fucking serious.

You know what I mean? You having the conversation earlier might have dragged up memories for her or fears or anything. And it's like, to anyone in this situation, there is nothing more important than erring on the side of caution. And again, look at what he said. One case, you ruin the mood. Oh, no. And again, look at what he said. One case, you ruin the mood. Oh no. Another case, you're a rapist. It's an easy choice.

The mood will be there next time. Maybe better if you guys actually have a good discussion, right? I've lost sexual partners because there was, I believe I've told this story ages ago, but there was a woman who kept stopping me during sex and i would like stop completely and then she would get annoyed that like i wasn't ready to go the second that she was ready to get back into it but she would like but like every time it'd be like stop stop stop you have to stop it wouldn't be like oh hey can we take a break it was a it was a very frantic like desperate stop that is a very jarring thing for a guy or anyone to, you know, kind of,

kind of go through to, to have someone repeatedly frantically tell you to stop having sex with them. Like, it's just, it's so important that you listen to it every time, but it got to the point where she ended up getting very angry at me for not being able to like get hard on a dime or just being like like there were there was one night where i was just like hey you seem to be dealing with something right now and this is not like i don't want to go further

anymore so like i know you might like you've changed your mind after this but i was like i don't really want to do this anymore and they they, like, they wouldn't want to, they didn't want to see me anymore after that. Because, like, they were annoyed that I was, you know, taking, yeah, taking their consent as sort of gospel. And also not, because, like, for all I know, the only reason she was being like, okay, yes, let's go again is because she felt unsafe and was worried that I was going to flip out if I didn't get to finish or whatever, which I feel like is a very real possibility. Someone might have been in before. Yeah. So it's like, I don't want you to feel pressured to keep having to, to reinitiate sex.

So I'm just going to put a, I'm just pulling the plug on this whole thing. And either we can talk about it another time or you can sort out whatever you're dealing with but like it is not happening anymore tonight so yeah guys no gray area ruining the mood is not that big of an imposition or that like it's not devastating if someone decides that they're gonna leave or not see you again because of you respecting their consent that's hey it might suck but that's not a loss because you need to be with someone who respects your respect of them and their respect of you yeah that's that's it you know i mean it's like worst case if you go that route they get upset and leave and then you've done yourself a favor because you found out that this wasn't going to work out anyway and best case you respect their wishes and you guys get to actually talk about things and maybe revisit fun scenarios

with the appropriate amount of like conversation and respect and like knowledge around the situation. So just no gray areas. Yeah. I'd kill the mood a thousand times before I, you know, disrespected someone's consent, regardless of how, you know, how much, how playful I feel like they're being, it does not matter. This is by Jifhouse777. Elaine, do women know about workout shrinkage? Had something happened today, a variation of the old Seinfeld clip. I was changing at the gym after working out and showering when the young attractive gym manager

walked into the men's locker room unexpectedly to show two maintenance workers to the sauna, full on view of everything, and clearly saw. Stopped in her tracks and said, oh, whoops, let's go this way, and took them a different route to the back of the locker room. That's the question. I think Seinfeld made pool shrinkage mainstream knowledge, but do women know about shrinkage after a heavy weightlifting slash workout session? I've had a few flirty conversations with this girl before, but my god, it was like a tiny acorn. Walked the gym my head down don't know if i can ever go back lol any chance she's giving me the benefit of the doubt oof this sucks a lot is is workout shrinkage a real thing hey look i went to the gym earlier and i didn't know this i mean like i get like after a shower if it was if it was a chilly shower yeah like sure and you know the

the gym isn't exactly the the sexiest of places so also there's no real reason for you to be engorged in any way look regardless of whether this is a thing or not it's referred to as gym dick okay like i i get it i understand like i't, I'm not here disbelieving this dude. I just, I guess I'm not working out hard enough. Either way. I feel like it is bad form for a woman to be entering the dude's change room. I don't change the toilet roll in the women's washroom at work, even though you could pretty clearly see that there's no one in there if you, you know, cause it's very small and it's

right by the cash register but still it's like out of respect you just don't like bust into so yeah i think it's pretty bad form um especially in a place where like you are it's not like a bathroom where like oh you might catch someone if your angle is just right at the urinal like it's a completely different but like a change room at a gym is like very commonly dicks are swinging people are having showers people are getting out of their old you know sweaty underwear and into new fresh underwear so like the the likelihood of seeing someone's unmentionables are very high so i think like that needs to be a policy that needs to change in this gym and i understand your embarrassment i get it like it i would also be incredibly embarrassed and mortified now does she know about workout shrinkage i don't know probably not if we didn't know about them we

have dicks and go to the gym but if she goes into the men's wash or change room a lot. Perhaps she sees many a shrinkage dick. Maybe. So it's possible. Possible. Any chance she's giving him the benefit of the doubt? I mean, what's the benefit of the doubt that like your dick is actually secretly bigger, gigantic? Like, I don't I don't really know what the what the angle is there on the on the good

side of things. Like she went in probably was like, ah, naked person. And like dipped. I doubt she was like, hold on. I'm going to take, I'm going to take a gander.

Yeah. Let me, especially if she was with people and probably knew she wasn't meant to be in there. And the second she saw any flesh was probably like, oh shit. So I wouldn't worry about it too much, but also was this ever going to happen anyway?

She works there. Yeah. You've had a few flirty conversations, which when she had to be forced to be nice to you right that's it's like it was flirty on your end she was probably just doing her job yeah we've talked about before and it's like don't flirt with people at work because you can't really trust the half of the cop the conversation you've hostage them into yeah they will always like flirting with people who are currently working is always going to be like better than if they weren't because they have to be nice to you well like they don't necessarily have to be

flirting back to you but like if you say something a good defensive reaction to not wanting to answer that it's like a fun little giggle the amount of times i giggle i mean not giggle but like chuckle you heard it here first guys i mean hey oh i'll giggle um it's like if someone says something where i'm just like i don't know what to say there's like yeah yeah like i've had people say fucked up shit to me and i'm like i'm like i'm sure as i walked off rolling my eyes and went to tell one of my co-workers that they fucking suck, they probably thought I thought they were the funniest person. Or someone said something really weird to me and they thought I was flirting when I didn't say, what the fuck's wrong with you? You know what I mean? You're working.

It's how it goes. Is this going to have any dramatic effect on your entire relationship with this person? Probably not. effect on your entire relationship with this person probably not and hey if it is do you really care to to know this person to have her do something pretty messed up like walk into a male changing room when she shouldn't spy you naked and then judge you as a result of that do you really want to get with this person and hey let's face it she could either be looking at your dick or your face if she was looking that quickly she probably didn't get a gander the whole situation right like she she either made eye contact with you and it was like

oops or made eye contact with your dick was like oops so the there's a very good chance that she might not even like be able to put dick to face or even just like full scope of your dick unless you were just standing there like legs akimbo arms on your hips like right in front of the door just just on the bench with your leg fucking feet over your head just yeah right like you were probably in the middle of doing something be it changing or toweling off or what like you know what i mean you were probably in motion presumably a certain distance from the door and she got a glimpse and was go up and went away you know like you're good probably like now said even if you're not like even if she did see

and was like oh that guy's dick is small whatever now you know what you know you got to do show her your fully erect dick exactly look it's not small now you're gonna wait in the exact same position exact same place but this time you're hard as a rock and just got hope she walks in or you walk right up to me. Like, do you know about workout shrinkage, though? She goes, pardon? No, but like, it's not it's not small because nothing is sexier than, you know, like it's kind of like how there's nothing funnier than explaining a joke. There's nothing hotter than getting defensive over your penis that you may or may not have really clocked.

You need to be on TikTok or something and have your friend make a video about workout shrinkage. And as you're signing in to get your towel or whatever, oops, your phone falls out. Oops, the video plays. Oops, it's at full volume. Hey, guys, you suffer from workout shrinkage? That's okay.

It happens to everyone. Everyone's dick is a lot bigger than what you saw in the change room sometimes claire yeah 100 do the old like oh wait did i not connect my headphones routine and then when you're reaching for your headphones you just gotta yeah play that video you know what hack the gym speakers and tv and accidentally chromecast to it and they're like oh no yeah due to workout shrinkage we would like to apologize to anyone who's been seen naked in the change room one month free has been given to you on your membership just leave a bunch of flyers around let's say i think shrinkage happens to the biggest dicks yeah it's it yes, exactly.

It's like a bungee thing, right? Like the longer it is, the more you're going to bounce back up. Right? That's how dicks work. So the longer the dick, it's going to shrink even more. That's exactly it. That's science for you, baby. Well, yeah, I say to be.

Remember what I said? We weren't doctors. I am now a doctor. And that's how dicks work. Amazing. But yeah, be wary of the whole flirting with someone at their workplace thing. Also, maybe someone who's a bit of a creep. She got a gander. Just a real change of cover.

She didn't know she shouldn't have done that, right? Again, it's not like there's like, oh, people aren't supposed to be like people come and go in the gym all the time so they like you can safely assume that there's probably someone in the change room at all times yeah yeah it's bad form on her part unfortunate for you hit me this is from a throwaway account i told my boyfriend he was a little too intimate with me but now he's distant my 24 year old female have been dating my boyfriend 21 year old maleyear-old male, for a few months. And about three weeks ago, he tried to initiate sex, and I told him absolutely not. He apologized and he backed off completely, but now things are weird.

He will still sit on the opposite side of the couch from me, and I will have to scoot over to him if I wanted to sit next to him. He wouldn't kiss me unless I asked him to or initiated it. He'll hold my hand still, but wouldn't cuddle with me. I asked him about it last week, and he said he didn't want to overstep my boundaries. I asked if this was some way to have sex sooner and he just said, I may be an asshole, but I'm not that much of an asshole. I like you. So if you don't want to have sex and we won't have sex. But after that, he wouldn't touch me unless I expressly told him that I was okay with him doing so. I feel like there's a space between too much and not enough, but he's not comfortable enough to

even get near the middle. How do I bring this up up with them any advice uh am i to assume that they have not had sex before i assume they have not okay i don't know if they like if they've never had sex or if they just haven't had sex with each other but for sure they have not had sex with each other uh i think it all boils down to how the situation went down like Like, absolutely not. Even just in this brief snippet is kind of dramatic. It almost sounds like aggressive. Whereas like, if she's like, oh, you know what? Not today. I don't know. Not today. Blah, blah, blah. I guess it depends how it goes down. Because if it was in some way where she didn't really explain herself or was maybe like caught off guard and maybe reacted a little harshly. Maybe he is actually concerned about like where kind of they lie with regards to each other and intimacy. It is also possible he's just throwing a little baby tantrum and is like almost doing the withholding sex thing just to try and convince you, despite what he said to the contrary.

Unfortunately, with no more context, it's not for me to say, but I do think, and I think also a third issue is that like, is he the one who's always initiating? Because if he's the one who's always initiating and then like he does get kind of like shot down that one time, maybe he's now realizing that like it's kind of unfair or like he doesn't want the pressure of always having to initiate if he's also the one being shot down, if that makes any sense. So I would look at your relationship, make sure that it's not always on him to be the one providing intimacy and initiating intimacy. But also, I think a very simple solution here is just to talk about it. I know you said you kind of mentioned it before, but it's like, bring it up in specifics and be like, look, ever since that, that, you know, day you've

completely withdrawn. And it's like, the issue wasn't cuddling. The issue wasn't kissing. The issue wasn't whatever. I just said, I wasn't ready for sex yet. I don't know why you've taken it to these extremes. And it's like, I'd like you to explain what happened there for you. And then, you know, you can work on it. She didn't say she wasn't ready for sex she said absolutely not and this is what she's giving us that's that's my initial point was that right so i was working off various if that's the case it does sound very aggressive like what i said and kind of harsh the next time you did talk about it it wasn't it was an accusation of is this just your ploy to get me to have sex with you sooner? Like those,

those are the two things you brought to him. It's so defensive and it is so aggressive. So like you've put him on the defense immediately. Right. So like everything, everything you've done with this. So if you have, if you didn't want to have sex with them,

that's fine. You don't have to, we talk about this all the time. We just had a big question about consent, but if someone initiates sex and you're like, absolutely not, there's no way that you can say absolutely not that makes someone feel good. So if he's like, oh,

okay. If it's an absolutely not, then like, I'm just going to hold my cards close to the chest. And like, I do that too. If I was 21, most likely probably minimal sexual experience on his end end i'm i'm just guessing like he's

young in in a lot of ways like sexual things are all under the same umbrella for me oral isn't very different to sex you know what i mean isn't very different to fingering and whatever so it's like if someone's like absolutely not and like doesn't really get into why or a conversation and seems aggressive it's like i don't think i would feel comfortable going down on them or doing anything else because it doesn't seem like they want me to or like there's another issue or they're not that into me or something so i think that could definitely be part of it yeah and then your next your next means of communicating with with him about the the issue is accusing with, yeah, or you're just trying to

make me feel bad so I'll sleep with you sooner. It's like, that's a horrible thing. This dude's respecting our boundaries and, again, is now making a good point of being like, maybe this is just him being a little baby and being like, well, if you don't want me to if we can't have sex, then I'm not going to do

anything. Yes, absolutely. There's a potential for it, but there's we're getting this from your point of view and everything you've given us from your point of view presumably to paint yourself in the best possible light yeah at best water down at worst actively twisting things you know what i mean yeah right so like the we know that like your end of the of the communication is bad so you do need to sit down and be like hey i feel like the way i approached the situation was a little harsh was a little uh confusing so i would like to like sit down and talk about boundaries with you i'm not ready to have sex i don't know what i will be but i'll let you know here are the things i'm comfortable with i don't mind if we finger i don't

mind if we do oral sex i don't mind if we do mutual masturbation talk about the things you care like you want to do lay out the things you don't want to do and be like i don't want you to feel uncomfortable around me i don't want you to think that like any act of intimacy is going to be hit with rejection just know that like any any advances towards having sex uh i'm not ready to do so if we could just stop that and i will give you all the green lights if i feel more comfortable to progress something further so i don't want you to guess but here are the things i'm cool with here are the things i'm not cool with and if there's any a time where you're not sure if something that we're doing just check in with me

and like this also necessitates that you be chill you know what i mean and not pounce on people and not say things you don't mean and then still be like oh you didn't pick up on this hidden signal or oh but you did this you know which not to say that you can't withdraw consent at any time or you know be in like situations you're not comfortable with. But if you're having this conversation, you also need to mean it. Be a mature enough partner to discuss things appropriately and not have it be a big trap. Which again, the absolutely not in the accusation kind of sounds like you're not the best communicator. Exactly.

Yeah. So you do definitely need to have a conversation where you actually are sort of open, honest, relaxed, not hostile and and let them know what you're cool with and then have them tell you sort of like what their expectations are and what like and if ask them be like, if you want to have sex with me, that's great i know that uh you know but i'm not ready we we will keep working towards it and like maybe let them know be like oh it's it's a comfort thing for me or it's a i'm not ready to do it at all i haven't done it with anyone like just sort of open the doors and give them a a better view of what's going on on your end in regards to intimacy other than absolutely not and are you trying to trick me yeah 100 and the thing is if for some reason you think this is the type of person who is trying to trick you or like that you have to be so like absolutely not then maybe you shouldn't date this person as well

you know what i mean like if that's necessary maybe rethink the relationship if it's not necessarily you definitely have to rethink your communication style that's a very good point if you very good point. If you think that like, if you have to ask your partner, are you trying to gaslight me into having sex with you? Then perhaps you don't trust your partner enough to be with them. Yeah. Because if I was, if that was my position with someone that I was seeing, I would probably not want to see them. No, not at all. So, I mean, you know, do a hard look and see like, was was that you was that your guilt trying to twist it around so that you didn't feel bad for treating him like shit to begin with you know what i mean because that's a it's a pretty common thing to be like oh i treated someone poorly uh i need to

make sure that they're treating me poorly so that it is justified yeah yeah or i feel better about myself and i'll have to face up to my own shit by accusing them of exactly what I did. Alright, ready? Yep. This is by ThrowRABFlyingAboutG. My boyfriend has been lying about going to the gym, so I'm not sure if my boyfriend forgot. But we have each other on Life360, which is a family safety app that not only... Sorry, this is Niall, not the question.

Do you know what Life360 is? Nope. Sounds terrible. Yeah. Family safety app that lets you see the precise real-time locations of friends or families, including the speed at which they're traveling and the battery level on their devices. So very invasive. We both have each other on Life360.

Both often go out with our friends late at night and have it in case we can't get a hold of each other. We get notifications when the other person leaves and arrives from places and have agreed this isn't something that makes either of us uncomfortable. When I'm at work, my boyfriend will tell me he's going to the gym and leave me on read for hours, then text me that he's back and we'll have an entire conversation as though he's gone to the gym. Some days I never get a notification that he leaves or comes back, so he'll just be sitting at home. Some days he will leave and go to some random place and we'll go back home 30 minutes later. Not sure what he's doing or why he feels the need to lie to me but i'm worried if i bring it up he's gonna think i'm

stalking his location but i really just go based off the notifications and every now and then when he's left me on read for hours i'll check to make sure he's okay but he's never at the gym sometimes he'll tell me he's gonna go a second time then he'll actually go to the gym but when i'm working he never goes huh i mean i feel like there's any number of reasons why this could be happening maybe he just feels like shit and like feels like a lazy piece of shit and it's easier to say that like yeah i went to the gym today babe and and he didn't now or knowing one of one of them could be oh i'm gonna go to the gym and then maybe he just doesn't work out at home and puts his phone away yeah if for the ones where he doesn't leave for the ones where he just goes to a random place

it's like i i don't know how to answer this question other than be like, hey, talk to your boyfriend about it. Well, that's the thing. It's like a lot of the time the questions like this are, oh, I don't want to admit that I went through his phone or like, well, but it's like you guys both agreed to get this fucking happen at each other. So you saying, oh, hey, I've noticed this. It's not even weird, right? Like you're not going to get in trouble for it. And if you do, that's probably a pretty good indication that whatever he is doing is sketchy. Because it's like, again, you didn't install this on his phone.

I fucking hope, you know, you both got it. You both add to each other. And it's like, if you actively get notifications, you just be like, hey, I know this. What's going on? And talk to them. But can a man be this dumb to be like, I have an app that my partner sees every time. Like, every time I leave, they see what speed I'm moving at.

They know everything about, like, my location. And I'm going to lie to them on a daily basis about where I am, despite the fact that I know that they can see. Like, surely this guy's doing something that is not nefarious, right? That's, that's the hope. And if that's the case, great.

And if he is really dumb, great. Like either way, it's win, win, right? Yeah. Cause you've agreed.

That's the thing. It's like, if you had put this on his phone, yes, I understand why you'd be like, Oh, I don't want to admit that I'm a piece of shit. Yeah.

But like you guys have both agreed to it. You have the information there. Presumably he's not that dumb. But if he does, again, win, win, win. Have a fucking chat with him. Yeah. I mean, like, that's it. Like, if you want to know what's going on, yeah, ask him.

Or like if you get notifications that he gets to a place, just Google Maps the address and see what it is. One of them is just a random house that he went to for 30 minutes. Like, maybe a drug dealer? Maybe. Yeah, maybe he just went to get some weed, like, you know? Because even then, it's like, you wouldn't really go for a hookup for just 30 minutes, I don't think. Yeah. I guess if you're cheating on someone, maybe.

But, like, even then, that seems very in and out, literally. Wink. Wink. There's got to be some reasonable explanations for this, you know? And I feel like it's just so easy to talk about it. Because, again, you both agreed to get this creepy app. Yeah. Yep.

That's the answer. Talk to him. Be like, hey, you keep saying you're going to the gym, but I can see that you're not going to the gym. What's up? And like, I don't think there's any harm in screenshotting the notifications and having them on hand just in case. I don't know how this fucking thing works, whether it's just immediate information or whether it like stores a log or whatever. There's no harm in having the stuff to hand and also i think there's a lot to be said for approaching this in a non-argumentative non-gotcha thing because again maybe he's maybe he's depressed and feels like he's a piece of shit and by lying about saying he's going to the gym he

feels you know whatever maybe there's something else going on again it seems very stupid for him to have this app and then be like i'm a cheat every day but if they freak out and you're not weird about it then that's a pretty good indication that things aren't going well but like either way get an explanation and vet it as much as you can and make your decisions then but like this is one of those weird situations where you can just fucking straight up ask them because you've both agreed to have this app yep so at the end of every episode, we go through online dating profiles in an effort to, you know, deliver you the cream of the crop and discuss why others might fall short of the mark in an effort to make your profile a little bit better. This is Jenny,

owner of a medical beauty and plastic surgery company with an annual income of seven figures. Don't look for friends with benefits. Don't like like rude people i just want to find true love here if not i continue to be single i want high quality conversations instead of rude sex talk fucking rude sex talk man fucking sick of it i don't understand why i didn't catch on before tiktok but rude sex talk is should have like it has all the necessary things to be to be fair our podcast is basically just rude sex talk yeah yeah what was the first bit about like seven figure she wants someone with seven figure salary she's the owner of a medical beauty and plastic surgery company with an annual income of seven figures oh okay i was gonna be like what do you bring to the table but

i guess it's that i guess you're bringing that. It's seven figures, yeah. Yeah. Which is great because I cannot bring that, so tick. Yeah. Hey, if you want someone with a good car, I'd give you good conversation. I can do it. I can bring you really good conversation. Can you not bring rude sex talk? Because I know you.

I give you three days tops. What I'm saying is I, I would be able to bring conversation much easier and faster than I would be able to bring a $7 million company. Oh yeah. Or a million dollar company. Seven. Yes. For sure. Until our sex talk takes off.

Yeah. I mean, I'm pretty sure my dating profile literally says that like I have a award nominated or I was nominated for a podcasting award for making dick jokes. So like that. So like I already don't have a chance with this person. Yeah. I'm going to give it a five because it's like I don't think there's any red flags in there.

I just think it's very boring. I just don't think there's any personality in it. Yeah. I'm going to give it a four because they're just saying they don't like rude people. I guess they seem weird about sex. And other than that, they're wealthy. It's like, okay, actually, you want to give me a three? It's like, that's all I get from you.

And I don't really care. This is Kaylee. My party trick is memorizing your credit card information. All right, very Malcolm in the middle. That's it? Yeah, that's it. Yeah, you see, I don't find that funny. And it does kind of seem like she is going to rob me. Yeah, it's like I do.

We talk about about a lot we need like we need we need something else yeah this is just kind of like i made a generic joke i guess it's like okay like i don't know i don't know what you're trying to get across here because it's not even funny they are drinking a very large drink filled with gummy bears too which for me that's gonna be to be a no, Doug. I would love that. No, it's going to be like a one. Like, I'm sorry. That's it's again.

It's like you're trying for a joke and you failed there. And then you also gave me nothing else. So I don't get it. But again, also sounds weirdly Robbie. Yes. So one for me. Yeah, I'm going to one as well. This is Lana. Instant gratification and no loyalty are killing this generation

all caps no lazy and out of shape people please i love to go out please don't match if you don't downtown toronto 5 6 and 5 11 in heels single no roommates no kids no drama no negativity no stress nice you know despite the stink you put on it you put a lot of stink on it i think it is you know it is it is a pretty again it's it's very much like the first one i don't think there's really a whole lot of red flags in there yeah okay i'm sorry instant gratification and no loyalty are killing this generation isn't a red flag for you i forgot that that's a huge red flag no lazy and out of shape. It's like, it's pretty red flaggy to me. Yeah, you're right.

Yeah, I'm going to give this a three. No drama, no negativity, no stress. I don't think someone who doesn't have those things has to state that. Yeah, it's like, I don't know. It just seems so middle of the road. Like, this is like, this just seems like. It's bland but sour, you know? I'm giving you that two. is tanisha this is a

hinge profile the prompt is i won't shut up about vegas don't say i didn't warn you oh no i don't want to hear that right like even if someone was like oh i won't shut up about like you know my two-month trip to australia i would far more want to hear that than someone not shutting up about vegas like yeah you did all that cool shit there that's the thing is like people usually don't go to vegas for like it's not like a six-week backpacking trip you usually go to vegas for like a weekend or a bachelorette party and like and you get fucked up in the pool and you gamble and that's about it yeah you get in a you get in a limo with a like maybe you had a really cool limo driver you know because it's all about kickbacks and

shit maybe but like i can't imagine that you have enough vegas content to not shut up about yeah that's a one yeah i mean just the just the eye rolls i'm already rolling my eyes yeah now this one is weird and i'm hesitant to read it because i'm worried that The eye rolls. I'm already rolling my eyes. Yeah. So it's also going to be a one. I know this one is weird and I'm hesitant to read it because I'm worried that like they either just kind of threw random words down. Aloe like Mad Libs or they're trying to get across some kind of weird like homophobia or something. I don't really know. So I'm worried that there's like hidden messages in here. I don't get.

So I'm just going to read it. This is Jennifer. No, well, hold on. There's a very good chance you might be saying someone's activation phrase well that's fine okay maybe we're activating them to go support us on patreon or to kill the president which president well uh no time for poo fugglers or prancy princy boogers peach plum pear flugan meager button that's 100% of fucking activation for us there's fucking we set them off there's no

way it isn't I feel like there's a lot of slurs that I'm not aware of that's the thing I'm concerned that like Prancy sounds like maybe but then Princey I don't think is bad and like booger is like B-O-O so it's not even like B-U-g-g i don't i don't fucking know man poo fuck fucklers i don't i don't know why am i still

saying them yeah man you're like peach plum pear what does that mean i i don't know i like i said like i it's it's either someone's manchurian candidate bullshit or it is just a whole dog whistle for people who are far more shit than I could ever imagine. It's a zero for me anyway. I'm concerned. Yeah, there's a lot to be worried about there. So here's the thing. I do think

there is coded words in there. I think there are people who understand what this stuff means. I think it is a very small minority of people and it's either people who are so fucking harmless. Yeah. Like it's, you know,

it's like a doctor who fucking reference or it's dog whistling in the worst kind. Yeah. Oh man. You know, it's fucking weird. I looked it up. I looked the first line up on Google and got zero response.

There's nothing. Damn. No results containing your search terms were found. Like not even. That's terrifying. That, my man, is activation phrases, right? Because you never want them to ever come up accidentally. I do feel like they're your type, though.

Oh, it's a woman. Yeah. Okay. This is Rianne. My energy is Bam Margera making lasagna i want to scream the lyrics of the boys of summer out your sunroof preferably the atari's cover okay i wonder like i i've never watched a single fucking second of jackass like i wonder is there a scene yeah no oh man that's great there's nothing in there so here's the thing i know that there is a

scene of them doing things to their eyelids and that is actually like my worst nightmare so i i never watched any of it also like anytime i've ever seen anything it's just like them hurting themselves which i don't find funny essentially the entire show yeah like i like i know that's what it is. And like, for me, that's not funny. You weren't 15 ever. I was. I just, I guess, wasn't an idiot. Whoa. Whoa. Got him.

You know what? I looked up amateur making lasagna and nothing came up either. God damn it. Oh, man, we fuck some someone's political structure somewhere in the world is absolutely fucked right now. But like, for some reason, despite the fact that it makes no sense, I kind of get it, and I kind of like it. Now, was he also a skateboarder?

Yeah. Yeah, okay. And making a lasagna is not a trick. Or is it? I don't know, man. I bet if you play Tony Hawk long enough, there is like a cool grind that's called like, make a lasagna. That's fair. Either way, that's cool. I think this is a's fair either way that that's cool i think this is a seven for me um i like her vibes i'm worried that like that much of a jackass reference

would bleed into the rest of her personality so i'm gonna give this a six i don't like jackass that's fine but bamajara did more shit like the bamajara show which was arguably worse because just him bullying his parents. Oh, yes. He was the one who always harassed his dad, right? Terrorized his dad? Not cool. I can never do that to my dad. Well, we did it.

We did do it. Thank you very much for listening, friends. This is going to be our show for the week and we appreciate you spending an hour with us. It means the world to us and we know now that the world is opening up the the weather is getting nicer you time is at a at a premium you get to see your friends again you get to do things so to choose to spend an hour with us every week uh it is incredible and we can't thank you enough so we love you we mentioned the patreon earlier if you want to support us please head over

to patreon slash patreon.com forward slash f buddies or look on our website and come support us because that'd be incredible helps the podcast keep going helps us you know make it better and find the time to do all this on top of that we got episode 200 coming up so if you have some spicy ideas for it throw them our way because we want to do something also now and i do a actual play podcast where we play essentially dnd in space and tell a story um and i think it's pretty good and yeah it's basically like a narrative half narrative half improv space adventure story with us and two of our best friends so it's even better like there's more boys you know more boys like double the boys double the boys um and it's something i'm very

proud of and i think the rest of the guys are also very proud of what we're doing over there so if uh if you're looking for a new show now that you're commuting and traveling again uh check out no quest for the wicked you can go to noquestcast.com and find it on all the major platforms. We would love to have you. And I think you'd enjoy that as well. We had a big week. We just got our first two pieces of fan art. One was a fan animation,

a fan animation, if you will. And it made our week. It was incredible. So yeah, check it out. And we love you guys. Thank you, Josh Eagle and the Harvest Cities for the song Paper Stars. Do you have some bad sex writing for me?

Oh, you know I do. This time it's a tweet. And the tweet is in response to The Man Maker who tweeted out, you're at the college campus. You notice this hot girl checking you out. How do you open? So The Man Maker apparently is a pickup artist. They have 65,000 followers, which is upsetting. And then this person replied, and I don't know if it's a joke or not, which is upsetting. And then this person replied, and I don't know if it's a joke or not, which is upsetting. And no one in the comments can tell if it's a joke or not, but they

do have a very garbage profile where they're very transphobic and shitty. So I'm assuming he's being sincere. And they say, me, oh, hi, I can't help but notice you're wearing pink. Her, haha, yeah, stares awkwardly. Me, well, pink is my favorite color because it reminds me of pussy. Her, haha yeah, stares awkwardly. Me, well, pink is my favorite color because it reminds me of pussy. Her, gets extremely wet. Wanna check if mine is pink too? Done deal, 100 emoji. Oh boy. Imagine it was just a sign, it looked just like mine's bright orange i'm very ill i love when

pickup artists like script like events and conversations that would never happen yeah it's my favorite thing it's my favorite thing i love it so much it's really bad a lot of people say i would do an extended handshake i'm like no. On top of this move or that's just they're open. Just like I'm going to hold on to somebody else. This is I went into the actual like generic comments now that I went away from the awful one. Oh, no. Now, speaking of bad shows from the 90s, again, I can't remember this. I think this is a Tom Green thing where he would just try to shake your hand as long as possible.

It could also be a David Letterman thing. I don't remember, but there was like a, someone would just like stand there and shake the hand as long as they could. And like, people would try to pull away and he would just keep shaking. And there was like a little counter at the bottom.

And I feel like that's, that's now become a pickup artist move of just being like, can't run away. If I'm still holding onto your hand. Yeah. So creepy. I'm not Spain. your hand. Yeah. So creepy. I'm not Spain. My name is Dave Miller and we've been your funk buddies.