F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 191 - It’s About Damn Time

Episode Date: May 30, 2022

Dain is fighting allergies and Niall sounds like just ate some gravel, so let's do it.  Topics include a teeny-weenie bikini meltdown-eenie, a Pillow Talk game makes its main feed debut, club-going hypocrisy, talking about the coolest cartridge based technology, one night stand safety tips, getting over initial hurt to deal with the problem at hand. 

I put my trust in you, and when I'm trusting, I love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love I put my trust in you, and when I'm trusting, I love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller And I'm Mal Spain And we're your fuck buddies. We are a dating and sexify show where we take your sticky sexy situations and turn them into sexy sticky situations.

Simply put, we find questions either roaming the internets or we get them sent to us by you wonderful listeners and we ask them on the topic of sex and dating. Do you have allergies? You don't have allergies, right? You're a full human that hasn't been plagued with. Yeah. My partner has allergies. What an idiot. I apologize if I sound a little up here. You know, up here. My allergies are kicking my ass today.

I'm sorry. I'm sleepy. We can just call it here. That's one minute and ten seconds that they're going to love. They're going to fucking love it. Actually, it's even shorter because i did introduce this show wrong yeah yeah as as our other show which hey maybe you guys should check it out it's called no quest for the wicked it's a lot of fun how about you hit me okay now i do i don't know if this was i do have a game and we've played it before on Pillow Talk. But recently I have been enlightened, I guess is the word,

by some inspirational quotes that my Facebook has decided to show me once again. Powerful. Let's do it. Do you want to start the show off with some man quotes? Yeah. Will that turn people off? Are people here for those spicy spicy questions i don't know you know what this is a gift for the second one let's do let's do a question okay you know i'm gonna hit you with one though okay this is by throw our a javop girlfriend 20 year old female wore a more revealing bikini with her friend 26 year old male than with me 21 year old

male title pretty much sums it up we live an hour from the beach so we usually go one or two times more revealing bikini with her friend, 26-year-old male, than with me, 21-year-old male. Title pretty much sums it up. We live an hour from the beach, so we usually go one or two times a month. Girlfriend has a few bikinis that she wears. They're all pretty nice, in my opinion. A few days ago, her friend invited her to go to the beach while I was at work. She told me about it, and I didn't know an issue. I know her friend, and he's an awesome guy. Then she told me she needed to get a new bikini on the way. I didn't think much of it, but then I saw the photos of them on her Instagram, and her bikini was extremely revealing it barely covered anything up i confronted her about it and she acted dumb and said i was overreacting but she

never wore anything that revealing around me is there something to it or am i just reaching like she said hmm these are these questions are always tough for me because without context or knowing these people i don't know maybe there's a very obvious sexual tension between his partner and this dude that he's not aware of you know i mean there is maybe there is some flirty intentions here maybe there is a something going on between them i find it strange that he wouldn't notice that or have hesitations about that. And then all of a sudden freak out over just a bikini. But again, I also think that like, we also don't know what the bikini looks like. If we're talking about like a, like a Borat situation, you know what I mean?

Of like, of just sort of dental floss covering the bare minimum. I would also be like, that's an interesting choice to go to a friendly beach hangout with but at the same time she's allowed to wear whatever the fuck she wants and it doesn't necessarily have to mean anything yeah and it's like not as if she was being sketchy about the the trip you know what i mean like you knew who she was going with you knew what she was doing she did let you know she was getting a bikini and it's like she says you've never worn it around you but she just got it right and i think that is sort of the the crux of this question of the fact that like if this was something that she had and she just never busted out or she used

to bust it out way back in the day and then you guys started dating and then it got retired and now all of a sudden it's making its grand return, then I think there would be something to be said there. But I think because this is a brand new bikini, for all we know, she's been hitting the gym, she's feeling herself, and she wants to show off a little. And there's nothing wrong with that. I think if she's 100% being like, fuck like fuck yeah you know she listened to a bunch of lizzo and now she's very confident it's about damn time yeah so i think now raises very good points

she told you who she was going with and that she was going she told you she's picking up a new bikini and she posted pictures of it at no point in time was she trying to hide anything be shady about it try to you know it's not like she didn't post any pictures and then, you know, snuck this itsy bitsy teeny weeny polka dot yellow bikini. Yeah. And you, you found out because she'd been sending him pictures of it or like, I don't know. Like, that's the thing. There's, there's very little here that's sketchy other than like she wore something slightly more revealing. And let's be fair.

Bikinis are all kind of revealing. You know what I mean? So unless it is some absurd like, you know, penny-sized circle that just covers the nips, like that would be maybe a little out of character or whatever. It's probably just a different style. And again, i haven't i haven't bought a new bathing suit in a very long time but if you follow like the trends of buying clothes it could be very hard to find like full bikinis these days because let me tell you it's very hard to find like just a normal shirt or a normal pair of pants everything's all fucked up now so you know again

i've never bought a bikini before i've never like been present while the bikinis are being bought so i don't really know the bikini situation of 2022 but probably you know like maybe that was just what was available and the least revealing of the options or maybe it was like a fucking tiktoker that she follows had one or a friend of hers or like again she was just feeling herself like i think given the information they're expensive yeah maybe it was the cheapest one because there's less fabric yeah she was being thrifty dude uh it does seem a little slut shamey and and like that your jealousy issues are taking over here you know but okay let's talk about that as well because i think we glossed over this a little bit

we talk about jealousy a lot and we talk about how it's a rational normal emotion for i mean it's not rational but it is a normal human emotion that we feel that we don't really get to decide when it rears its ugly head but we do get to decide how we deal with it if this instance made you feel uncomfortable and you do recognize you clock a little bit of jealousy tell your partner that be like hey i saw you in this really small bikini and it makes me a little insecure it made me a little jealous and i just need you to know that if you think it's something worth talking about otherwise if you can clock it for yourself and be like oh hey why am i jealous of this yeah you know if it's just because i who is super amazing is it like you know because there's nothing wrong with wearing a bikini and the i think it's very telling that like you literally say i confronted her and she acted dumb. Those are pretty like aggressive terms.

Her acting dumb is as if she is lying to you or like she planned it. And like, this is the next step in her diabolical plan. She can't act dumb about something she didn't intend. Also something she has entirely disclosed the from beginning event and to end of. Yeah, confronting someone as well is very much like ah i would like to know what the confrontation was you wore a small bikini yes dave i did oh don't act dumb don't act stupid with me right like what conversation did you have like i need to know that information like if that is it like if you're just like hey why did you wear such a

small bikini with steve yeah i bought a new bikini and that's what the one i was wearing like don't act dumb yeah like you did it's very strange yeah whereas again if if you dumb what dame suggested where you either confronted your own feelings or brought it up to them in like a healthy way i don't think you would have used the word confronted right or accused them of being dumb because exactly right because someone the thing is you can literally only act dumb about like a plan you have you know what i mean like oh you're caught like oh i gotta keep this facade going yeah something that you like you have to be aware of it if you brought up these feelings of jealousy and insecurity, and they didn't understand or were surprised by it,

that's not playing dumb. That is just genuine being like, oh, I didn't know. Why would I know this? You seem to always got along with this dude. Why would I assume that what I was wearing would trigger any sort of response, considering I'm going to the fucking beach and like i would again i would love to see this fucking bikini and like are all her other bikinis cool or

like all two of them you cannot wear around steve because i will freak out you know what i mean like what what is it that's that's the insecurity kernel behind all this yeah is it just new like i don't know yeah is it bikini or is it steve like that's something i think you need to figure out and be like hey am i being possessive and irrationally insecure about my partner's body and her freedom of choice am i controlling just because i feel less than yeah or am i being jealous and insecure and not trusting my partner to be around our friends? Well, that's another thing. It's like, this is kind of a lack of trust, right?

Because you're essentially like in, in what you've constructed, it's like, she has a plan to seduce Steve by wearing this new bikini or, or some other people, or to like, you know, shame you by being you know flagrant out and like you know what i mean it's it's all pretty distrustworthy right yeah there's there's a lot of steps here that like seem to be jumped or missed or skipped like again if this if this if she bought this new bikini and then like never wore it like if she's had it like you know the first time you're like oh hey that's weird that's a small bikini never seen that one before but you know it's new so whatever and then every time you guys went to the beach together she never wore it but only busted it out when she went to

the beach with solo steve time then again a pattern has emerged where i would be like hey why don't you ever wear that bikini around me why do you only wear it when you're alone with someone else like yeah those are valid things to feel but to be like hey why did you choose this brand new bikini to wear on the day where you didn't have any other bikini to wear like i don't know it's it's all very uh you know from the hip exactly i feel like you need to either one address it calmly and rationally and understand that like this is something you're dealing with, or as now said, like kind of figure it out on your own,

sort of process it and walk it through and be like, Oh, Hey, no, here's the thing. I'm maybe a little jealous that she's with another dude by herself. I, you know,

that makes me a little nervous for whatever reason. Uh, but I do trust her. So I don't really, it doesn't matter what she's wearing I do trust her. So I don't really. It doesn't matter what she's wearing because I trust her. And I know that regardless of what she's wearing, she's going to remain faithful to me. And then you kind of talk yourself out of jealousy. That's what I do.

I take fucking every time I'm jealous. I take five fucking minutes to take a deep breath. I pour myself a glass of water. And I think, hey, should I be jealous? And usually by the end of it, by the end of my sort of like, you know, walking along this carpet that I'm unrolling before me, I'm like, nope, no reason. Now, the good thing. So the question is, is there something to it? Or am I just reaching? Like you said, it doesn't seem like there's something to it.

You know what I mean? Or if there is, I don't think it would be possible to tell from this situation. There's either context you're not telling us or you are just reaching, like she said. But there is a good side to this. There's a really easy way to stop this happening. You get her phone or her vinyl records or whatever, and you get rid of all the Lizzo. I was going to say, get an even smaller bathing suit for yourself. Oh, fuck. And then you go out with Steve.

Damn. And you start listening to Lizzo. Yes, it is about damn time that you and Steve whip out your Borat mankinis. It's about damn time that we catch up to Europe and bring Speedos to the North American shores.

You know what? I think that's exactly the way to do it like fight fire with even more fire um or smaller fire thinner fire but it's it's more fire you know like because that true yeah fucking speed it was gonna be lit as hell um and then just be like hey steve like seemed like you guys are really good time at the beach do you want to come with me and he'll be like oh fuck hell yeah because you said he's an awesome guy so this is good for you too and then like you show up and you're just fucking proud stanced silhouetted by the sun barely barely a scrap between your fucking eager penis and his eyeballs it is just a small thread that crests your urethra yes that's That's it. That's it.

And then you're like, Hey, it's about damn time. And you fall into each other's embrace. You take a picture, send it to her. And then you know what you do? You play dumb.

Yeah. I don't know what you're talking about. What do you mean? I always wear this one thread over my dick. Am I currently gripping just a single thread with my urethra? Maybe. Who's to tell? Who can say? Is it about damn time? God damn right it is.

Alright, you got a game for me? I do have a game for you. I think we're loosed. We're goosed. We're ready to go. You know what? I felt like garbage 15 minutes ago. I don't feel fucking good. It could be this coffee I'm having right now. It's called Death Wish, and it's the strongest coffee in the world, apparently. I feel like that can't be true. Yeah, it says it.

Yeah, if it says it. Speaking of saying things, so a while back, ages ago. That transition. Just take a minute and fucking just talk about that. That's great, dude. Thank you. I've been working on my segues. Nice. Speaking of great, dude. Thank you. I've been working on my segues. Nice.

Speaking of working, continue. So way back, I believe it was in the fall of 2021, I was getting bombarded with quotes. I'm sure you've seen them. You've seen there's definitely someone on your Facebook page or Instagram who are posting these things. You know, I don't see them unless you bring them to me. So I don't know what that says.

I think it's because I saved a bunch of them from a dude to show you guys. And Facebook was like, oh, you like these? You really like these. You don't save, you know, pictures of cats. You do save pictures of, you know, Jason jason statement telling you to invest in a 401k so okay so yes nile has has kind of described so what this is is it is a picture usually a black and white photo of a celebrity a male celebrity and usually looking quite uh sad or very serious or very stern with as men should be as men should be with a quote underneath and it's not a tribute this is not something that these men have said

this is this is something that someone has just decided that like you know what hey it looks like the rock may have said that and i feel like it's it's not as if they said it it's that they physically embody the virtues set forward in this inane quote that they fucking dredged from the depths of the Internet. So I feel like the Statue of Libertations has been passed on. So the game is slightly similar to if you are familiar with it, Minion quotes. I was inspired by that from my brother, my brother and me. And the game is, I'm going to read the quote. Niall is going to try to guess which male celebrity this quote has been

unfairly attached to. And if he gets it correctly, I post it on my Instagram with no context. So Niall actually won the first time we played this. And it was a... So the quote was, if someone tells you you can't, they're showing you their limits, not yours. Do you remember who said that? Was it The Rock? It was The Rock. Yes.

Two for two. I do have that quote forever etched on my Instagram profile. And can I just tell you? Oh, I didn't get many likes. Because I did not use any hashtags. Only 13 people were really into that. 14 people were really into that one. Now, were they all

men? Because this is just drip sheer masculinity, obviously. You know what? Let's take a gander. Let's take a gander. No, almost exclusively women. Damn, okay. I guess the rock is looking good so he's got his goatee he's got his fast and the furious goatee so let me let me hit you with these man imagine if you get multiple ones of these and i have to post them in rapid succession people are

gonna think i'm going through some shit yeah someone's gonna call you and be like can we talk i do i did look up manly actors on google to get a good list because I feel like I was running low. The brain engines were running low last time. I feel like that's cheating, but I'll allow it for this one. Well, I just, I don't know, man. I'm not good at celebrities. But also, do you want to know who the world's most masculine man is? I would love to know.

Other people also ask, who is the most manly man? And apparently it's Tom rosenbauer a fly fisherman you know what i i believe that so i'm going to imagine that it's just him um so here's the first one okay my silence doesn't mean i agree with you it means your level of stupidity left me speechless that's a good one. That's a fucking zinger. If that shows up on your Facebook feed and you don't immediately start rethinking everything you've ever said, it's probably about you.

Is it Tom Hardy? It is not Tom Hardy. I want to say close. I want to say you're close, but it was actually, I feel like they were in a movie together, but maybe not. Yes, they were. I think they were in inception together.

It was Leonardo DiCaprio. Damn it. I think Tom Hardy was in that one, right? Who knows? But yeah, it shouldn't. I should have checked out Leonardo DiCaprio.

He's famously quiet and famously hates people saying stupid shit. Yeah. He's the amount of times someone says something to him and he just stares at them blankly. That's why he's such a good actor. Now, is he holding a cuff link in this picture? Or is he just

staring blankly? It's a very stern look. I think he's adjusting his tie. I think it actually is his character from Django Unchained. Okay. Even more fitting. Alright, hit me again or don't do one after every question i'll tell you i have i have five so i'll do one more here okay if you have been hurt many times and you still know how to smile trust me you are strong okay that's that's nice. This one I feel like everyone should get. Oh, fuck, man.

You just immediately crushed all my self-confidence by saying that. Good. This is a mental game for me too, baby. Fuck, man. Do I get a clue? No, no, absolutely not. Okay, read it again. I'm going to put myself in the image.

If you've been hurt many times and you still know how to smile, trust me, you are strong. Now, is the person in question strong? I'm not answering that. Also, hey, every one of them, every one of these incredible men. They're all so strong. Fuck, man. There's so many good options. It's Gerard Butler. It's not Gerard strong. Fuck, man. There's so many good options. It's Gerard Butler.

It's not Gerard Butler. Fuck. It is actually star of upcoming trilogy ender, Chris Hemsworth. Fuck, man. He was... I almost did that. I was worried. I was very worried.

The names are right beside each other. I was very, very worried. Fuck. Okay, let's do a question. It's so hard to work with these men staring at me so sternly. You can get through all of them if you want. I think we have to. Okay, right now?

Yeah. Fucking hit me. I'm in the zone. Go. Everything comes to you at the right moment. Be patient. Hmm. It's just not true.

But who is a stoic patient man i think this might be one of the hardest ones okay it's mads mickelson it's not but that's a very good guess that's a very good guess it's ryan gosling ah fuck right i feel like i should just guess ryan gosling for all of them because he's gonna pop up he's gonna pop up eventually all right here's a good one. If I lose this one, I feel like this is the best one to lose. Okay, so I'll just

guess Ryan Gosling. If you feel like you're losing everything, remember that trees lose their leaves every year and they still stand tall and wait for better days to come. That's famously what trees do. Oh man, that's famously what trees do oh man that's classic tree move classic they're just so optimistic man even if they're naked oh fuck dude i don't know this for sure but i'm going to guess that this is actually something this actor has said this is a real

quote famed dendrochronologist uh that that only has a brief link to trees uh fuck dude who looks like they would smile through being leafless I wish I could get even just like you know it's not it's not smiling it's standing tall standing tall

okay that's not a hint hmm who's famously tall um I just don't want you to because I'm pretty sure there's a rock movie called yeah I know that's not a hint who's famously tall I just don't want you to because I'm pretty sure there's a rock movie called I know I thought for a second you were hinting is it Johnny Depp is that your guess? it is my guess

it is not it is the voice the famous voice of Knuckles from Sonic 2 is Idris Elba Idris Elba is literally next to Johnny Depp's name I'm like almost there. Chris Hemsworth and Gerard Butler would be side each other too. Damn it.

Fuck. Now this one, I don't think you're going to get this one. Okay, good. But, you know, we'll see what happens. It is amazing how many people are ashamed of their bodies and how few of their minds. This is what we really want to promote in this podcast. More people ashamed of their minds. Yeah, this is what we really want to promote in this podcast. More people ashamed of their minds.

So this actor, this incredible man, thinks we should be more body positive and more neurotic, I guess? He never says he wants people to be more body positive. He just wants people to be less mind positive.

Yeah, I guess he thinks it is amazing. Mm-hmm. You want a hint? I do. Okay, I'm going to give you a hint because this is the last one and I do think it's hard. This isn't going to help you much. Yeah. But there is

a first generation MCU connection. I don't even know what that's supposed to tell me. He's in one of the first original MCU lineups. Just in it? He is in, yes, he's in one of them. I'm not going to give you any more

than that. I'm not going to say if he's the star. I'm not going to say if he's the hero. I'm not going to say anything like that. Give me that. Give me the quote again. It is amazing how many people are ashamed of their bodies and how few of their minds fuck man you threw me with that hint you threw me with that fucking hint i think i'm safe i really do think i'm safe is it eric banner it's not eric banner but that is a deep Marvel pull. It's Jeff Bridges.

Oh, man, I would never get that. Yeah, it was a tough one. That's why I saved him for last. Jeff fucking Bridges, man. You heard it here first. He hates people's brains. I'm pretty sure it's Jeff Bridges. Wait, is it Eric Bana?

Hold on. It is 100% not Eric Bana, so we're good. Are we? I don't fucking know. I lost all trust in you right there. Oh, man, that would have been a good one for you to post, because people would be like, what's up, dude? What the fuck does that even mean? Honestly, I was... Why do you want people to be more ashamed of their minds?

I was really, really worried about the Chris Hemsworth one, because not only is it... Like, Chris Hemsworth one, because not only is it like Chris Hemsworth is kind of like in the zeitgeist right now because the new Thor is coming out, but the text is so bad in it. Like everyone else is like, why just be

I mean, like very close to I'm going to send it to you so you can see the more you send me these, the more likely the algorithm is like oh fuck now loves these boys too yeah i can't get enough of these guys oh it won't let me okay i'll show you another time why won't it let you i don't know it won't let me copy and paste someone okay we're we've been too distracted by these fantastic men hit me with powerful men do you want me to go again yeah you can go again if you want you always always have so many questions, so let's go.

I do have so many questions. Fuck, dude. Now I can't stop thinking these manly men. Pick a number, dude. One to ten. Seven. Oh, I have a lot more than ten. Okay, let's fucking do it.

This is by FearlessAd5819. Please settle this debate for me. My girlfriend says I can't go to the club without her, but she can go to the club without me as i'm not as jealous as her when i said she shouldn't be allowed to go without me as that would be unfair she says it's not right because i'm just being spiteful please share with me your thoughts i think it's bullshit you can't expect someone to follow a standard when you're not willing to do the same regardless of intentions hey i'm gonna settle all the debates you're gonna have for the rest of your relationship and tell you to break up yeah i'm sorry the reason you're not allowed to go to the club

without her is because she's more jealous than you yeah that's fucking insane bro it's it makes no sense it makes absolutely no sense to me of just being like hey i'm really jealous and really insecure so anywhere i you go I have to go with you. But I am going to go do the exact same thing without you. Hey, bestie. It's about damn time that you dump this person. I also do love that you did fully answer this question, Mike. It's bullshit because you can't expect someone to follow a standard.

You're not willing to do the same regardless of intentions. There. That's the fucking answer. Yeah, that is the answer like oh it's so awful and you could do this with anything like imagine being like oh i'm allowed to have sex with other people because i have a higher sex drive than you but you're not allowed it's just a me thing yeah it's it's bad and it's always going to be bad and i think that this sets a very dangerous precedent also the idea that you're having arguments in your relationship about going to the club makes me wonder how I skip that stage of my life of having these conversations.

I feel so blessed, so lucky to have never had a club-based argument. I've been there. It's just insane to me that this person is just spouting something that is just very clearly incorrect and shitty. And then when you're challenging her on it, it's not cool with that. Even if it was just a

brain fart for a minute where she said it and you were like, what the fuck? And they were like, you know what? Hearing it back, yeah, that was not a good thing to say., what the fuck? And they were like, you know what? Hearing it back. Yeah. That was not a good thing to say, but the fact that they're arguing with it and guess what? This is not the end of it. This is step one of bullshit control and abuse. And like,

once you have this kind of like locked in, it makes step two easier, which makes step three easier. And all of a sudden you live in this maze of rules while they consistently just do what they want to do. And I think the kind of person who is this worried about you going to the club without them is probably the kind of person you need to be worried about going to the club without you. Well, here's the thing. It just comes to like, cool. You don't trust me. So therefore we can't be in a relationship. Like if you,

if you can't trust me enough to go to a club by myself, then you don't trust me at all. Which, as we say a thousand times, trust the foundation of every relationship. Therefore, we are not in a relationship anymore. Sorry. So either you need to sort your shit out and learn to trust a boy real quick. Or we should see other people. Yeah. Or you need to take some time off and go to the club all by yourself all you want because I'm not part of this anymore. Yeah. And the thing is, look, it's hard. This is going to suck breaking up with someone, obviously.

But you just got to, like, make like a tree, stand tall and wait for better days. Yeah, man. Sometimes your leaves fall. Sometimes you got to get rid of the leaves. That's the thing. They're holding you back, bro. She's the leaves. You're the tree. Dump her. Hit me. Sometimes you gotta get rid of the leaves. That's the thing. They're holding you back, bro. She's the leaves. You're the tree.

Dump her. Hit me. Thank you. Thank you, Idris Elba. Thank you, Idris, for your fantastic tree analogies. When are we gonna go see Sonic 2? I still haven't seen Sonic 1, so I don't know, man. You're like the biggest Sonic fan. How have you not seen Sonic 1? Oh, I'm the biggest Sonic fan. How haven't you gone and seen what's probably a shit movie? Great gets it got a sequel yeah it's got the cars bro

the cars is incredible you know me i'm a big gearhead i'm pretty sure there's three of them that's what yeah but two sequels okay see what you're saying yeah and i'm the biggest gearhead they're great i do really like the the super dark trailer for the third one. It just gets fucked up, bro. You think Sonic three is not going to be dark? Hey, I hope it,

no. Cause then they're going to put some bullshit like shadow in and he, he's not, he's not from the fucking original ship, bro. You know what they're going to do? They're going to make you, you have to like sit on top of someone else.

It like a, in a knuckles, knuckles and Sonic situation. Remember the cartridge could put the yeah you could it was like a double decker and you could play all the old games as which is thinking back on it now i know we're not talking about sex and dating anymore that was wild to me this is our sonic podcast uh man fucking that's the thing sonic was a trailblazer it was like what has that ever happened before it like i can't think of anything where like that's happened again where you could just be like oh i mean i guess dlc now kind of but like yeah it's not the same kind of like physical construction uh honestly for me it's like the reason i didn't

do it again is because it was perfect right it's like you don't build the perfect car and then go build another car. You're right. There's no Eiffel Tower 2. Thank you. Thank you. That's the thing. How insane would that be? There is one in Vegas, I think.

Yeah. But it's a small shitty one. It's a tribute to. Exactly. Did you ever have a 32X for your Sega Genesis? I never got a fucking sega because i was a poor child you were just a poor irish waif or no for real i never got to play a single sega i got the sonic games when they came out on pc what broke dean's heart yeah man i'm going to i'm

pretty sure i still have my sega genesis at home next time i'm there i'm gonna get, I'm pretty sure I still have my Sega Genesis at home. Next time I'm there, I'm going to get it. I'm going to bring it back. I have all the Sonic games. Let's do it. Let's have a fucking Sonic day and then we'll go watch Sonic 2. You know what? Knuckles fucking loves trees, though. So maybe.

He does love trees. That's why they chose. No, I'm not joking. He fucking loves trees, bro. Does he actually like canonically love trees? He really does. Yeah. His whole thing is about like preserving nature.

And that's right. That's the plot of Sonic three. I can't wait. Uh, is it your turn? It's my turn. Is this your question? It is my turn.

I believe. Yeah. My question is when are we going to see Sonic two? You know what? I just love the, I just love it. Let's go. Let's go right now.

We should, uh, I don't even know if it's it. Okay. This is from EducationalMouse60. Advice regarding dating safety. So I'm asking on behalf of... Is this our best episode yet? It is now. Continue. So I'm asking on behalf of

Female21. Okay. Just say it's for you. It's the internet. It's anonymous. Just say it's you. Come on. Who is interested in exploring sexual hookup slash one night stand type scene? Definitely not me. I wouldn't like that. What? Because they say it's for a friend.

Oh, I see. They also say it's for a female. A 21 year old too. She's pretty inexperienced, but not entirely so and has a very active sexual imagination and fantasy life, which she wishes to explore more. She's worried about safety, and so am I, to be honest, on her behalf. I've been trying to talk with her about sense of precautions, but I'm not all that experienced in this scene, so I have no idea what safety precautions she might be talking about or thinking about.

I know the red flag stuff is important, but not knowing how fast she intends to proceed with the people she's meeting up with, she's not sure that the red flags will be present in the time before she hooks up with them. Can anyone help? What sorts of things might she consider to try to remain as safe as possible while still having the freedom to explore her sexual self? Start with the basics, which is like, you know, if it's online dating and you want to go hook up with someone, we talked about, I think last week, go to a bar or a coffee shop or somewhere public near to wherever you guys want to go first so that, as you state, sometimes red flags can be hidden. But I think the bare minimum you have to do is to at least see that they are who they are and that they're not a complete psychopath. That's step one. Sorry, I'm just going to jump in there to touch on that point because you are correct yes if it's someone you're meeting online there is no harm in meeting up for a drink first to to do a vibe check do it it could potentially save your life yeah now if if this is something

if there is a fantasy of like the idea of you just showing up at someone's house and fucking them or they're showing up at your house and fucking you and then leaving. That's a valid fantasy. But do that with someone that you're already. I'm sure there are people that you want to fuck in your life, and I'm sure there are people who want to fuck you in your life. Hook up with someone that you already know. Yeah. If that is if that is something you want to pursue, that's the only thing I'm going to say about that because like do not use online dating as a you know come over right now that is that is you might you'll probably be okay most of the time but you're just asking for trouble

you're asking for uncomfortable situations of like someone who doesn't want to leave afterwards like it's just do a vibe check before you had invite anyone over or you go over to someone else's place yeah 100 i my first tinder date was like i'm gonna come over to your apartment and i was like no like meet me in the bar down the road and she was like really i'm like yeah like i don't fucking know you yeah i've done it once where i went over to someone's place off of t Tinder and in my, Hey, in my defense,

it worked great. Yeah. For a very long time. You know, one, not the safest thing to do, but two, unfortunately is slightly safer for you as a man.

Yeah. You know, um, which is just the sad truth of the world we live in. Uh, I think on that note, like if you're going to someone's place or they're going to yours, let a friend know.

You know what I mean? Give them the address. Keep them updated. And yes, it sucks that we have to do things like this. But just because something sucks doesn't mean we shouldn't do it. You know? I would even go as far to say as like if you are concerned about your friend, be the person. Offer that up.

Be like, hey, when you're going on a date, just let me know like the bar you're going to the name of the person you're meeting up with and like set up a like a check-in time yeah say like 11 p.m i'm gonna give you a text or a call if you want and be like 11 o'clock will be your rescue time if you need someone to call and be like i will pretend to be your roommate locked out and you have a reason to be like i'm really sorry sorry. My roommate's locked out. She's not feeling well. I have to go home and let her in. Boom. If that's,

if that's the case, it's great. Set that up. Or you can just send a text and be like, Hey, is everything okay? And know that, Oh,

it's 11 o'clock. I need to be by my phone to message my friend. So you need to make sure you don't forget because that can cause a lot of stress and harm to your boyfriend who's trying to help you out. But I think those are some pretty basic ones. Some other things I would say carry condoms yourself. Don't expect

dudes to have condoms because it is a very common excuse to be like ah fuck I don't have any condoms on me. Oh well. Always and like I would say have a latex free one. That way there are no excuses for not wearing a condom if that is something that you want to do we recommend especially if you're going to be pursuing multiple sexual partners that you don't really have a chance to sort of like get the

the vibe for i highly recommend you use protection 100 because it's all too easy in the heat of the moment to make a bad decision because you want to bone down and this will save you and them you know what I mean because either it's a ploy or it actually happened both suck and this is a good way to avoid each case I would also say make sure that you have a means of protection either a pepper spray something like that for worst case scenarios it sucks that we have to take these precautions. But knowing that you have something, you know, if someone's not letting you leave their apartment, being like, you know, being able to go to the bathroom and get a little little

can of pepper spray ready to make an escape would could be the difference of life or death for you. Again, it sucks that these are things you have to think of, but it's better to have it and not need it. It also sucks. I'm not even sure if we should say that because I know in a lot of cases, using a weapon escalates things. And unless you're trained,

you often have it used against you or taken. And like, I don't know. Like that's one thing I would be hesitant of. Another thing is like for me, I would imagine it's safe. Like what's your thoughts? Is it safer to go to theirs or have them come to yours at least yours you know you're kind of in control you know the lay of the land etc but they then know where you live as opposed to going to

theirs if you really don't like them and they're creepy you can bail on the you know but at the same time it's more dangerous because you're on their turf and you know you're kind of walking into the unknown for me yeah it's a tough call i think i think inviting people see i think it's the opposite really i think so because like it's one thing to make up an excuse to leave and and that's the situation but like some people just don't get the hint yeah or want to right like and having someone like being yelled at or like if it goes bad like having that in your home sucks so i think i think i mean at least the way i always did it was just like oh i'm now not obligated to entertain this person or have them sleep over or whatever i

can be like i gotta leave you know i work early it's kind of nice to be in the power where you can just dip as opposed to either trying to get someone to leave or have them like gracefully pick up on a hint. Fair. And then I also think it's also important to state your intentions to let people know that, like, if you are simply looking to hook up and have a one night stand, I think it's important to make that known at some point in time during the exchange, whether it's like on your first date on a dating profile or something like that to make sure that there isn't, you know, the, the question mark of someone who's like looking to,

you know, someone who really likes you and then you just ghost them. That's a, that's a shitty thing. This isn't necessarily a safety precaution, but it is a, a general, if you're not that experienced and thing like being ghosted

sucks and not knowing why sucks but like if i could meet up with someone i know it's going to be a one-night thing or you know a fuck buddy situation i'm in the proper headspace of being okay great also i think like having people on the right page can help like preempt people getting upset which are situations in which you can be in danger right yeah um and on top of that just like remember that you can always withdraw consent there is never a point where like fuck i said this or i did this or we're here or like he bought dinner or like oh i'm worried all up you know what i mean like to know that going into any situation that like if if if needed to you don't pause and you don't talk yourself out of it or or think you're in the wrong or anything like you can always always always withdraw consent and that's

completely fine and fair and you're in the right i would also add for honestly i think this is good advice just in general everyday life watch the substance that you take and if you're unfamiliar with certain substances uh don't partake in them on a time where you're with someone you don't really know. For example, if you know you're a lightweight, maybe restrict yourself to one drink. If you know, or if you've never smoked weed or done a drug, don't do it for the first time with someone you don't know. No, no. Because you don't know how you're going to react. You don't know if it's going to KO you. You don't know, like everything gets don't know how you're going to react you don't know if it's going to ko you uh you don't know like everything gets messy consent gets messy and this is something that protects you and them it's just smart like i hate when i'm on a date

and someone gets like turnt and you can tell that like that's their end goal like if they order shots repeatedly or like pounding drinks, I'm just like, I'm like, whatever, do your thing. But if this is what you need to do in order to like prep yourself for sex, it's not going to happen because I'm not going to sleep with someone who's

fucked up. And on the flip side for you, for safety, like, you know, last thing you want to do is go to someone's house when you're like blackout or do a substance where you're not sure how that's going to respond and you like again if it's someone you know like you don't

know what they've done you don't know if they've laced things with stuff it's just it's just a really good you know standard procedure to watch the substances you take and to to limit yourself if you know that you can be a bit irrational with like how you respond to substances so like if you're fine if you can usually drink quite a bit great fine don't worry about it but again if it's like one of those things where sometimes you know out of nowhere you have a glass of white wine and you're fucked maybe stay away from white wine and even on top of that it's like if you are usually fine and you have a drink and start to feel different or bad, get out of there immediately. Call a friend, you know what I mean?

Don't, like, don't, even if it is maybe, you know, food poisoning or blah, blah, blah. Like, err always on the side of caution, I think. So it's like, don't, like, oh no, sit down, like, I'll get you some water, like, just get out of there. If they're a decent person, they will understand that if you're not feeling well, you don't want to be there. And if they're not, then you should also be gone. And nine times out of ten, your bar staff will have your back. So if you think something has happened to one of

your drinks, and again, this is just a general rule, tell someone from the bar and nine times out of ten, we will do our best to source you out. Yeah. And I think lastly, make sure you go get regular checkups, right? If you're having sex with multiple partners,

it's always just, you know, err on the side of caution, look after yourself, and make sure you are being healthy. Yep. Alright, you want one more? Yeah, we can do one more. Alright, this is by Hela Tossaway. My female boyfriend says he misses sex with other guys. My friend overheard him and his friend, female, boyfriend says he misses sex with other guys.

My friend overheard him and his friend talking about sex and how he misses it with guys. When my friend told me what she heard, she thought they were joking, but I know my boyfriend is bisexual. I later asked him if he was serious and he awkwardly laughed and said yeah. When I asked him why and to explain,

he said foreplay with a woman is about her. Always the man doing it to the woman, but with guys it's mutual. And I don't know, gay guys are way more into the male body than women and sex with men is just easier. to be honest i just don't know how to respond to any of that i'm upset my feelings are hurt i'm not sure how i'm supposed to have sex with him well i think there are two things you can address one the idea that foreplay

is only for women seems like that might be a skewed perspective from his past experiences or your current relationship yeah so if someone told me that i would say all right what can i do during foreplay to make the experience mutual 100 and that's the thing it's like i'm sure it hurt to hear this and like obviously he should have come to you a different way it's funny because he doesn't seem to be blaming you it seems that he just thinks this is a thing all women do which is obviously incorrect so i get that it hurts but you need to step past those feelings and like try if you want i guess but like and try to make it better like this is an opportunity where he's being honest and telling you where there are shortcomings in your relationship so it's like you can react unhappily and defensively to that or you can build towards a better

relationship and the choice is yours i also think there's a misstep on his part of you know just blanket statementing like oh i miss having sex with guys it's like great you are bisexual sure you're allowed you know you're sexually attracted to men and women but there's really nothing your partner can do about that right like they are female presumably and that's not going to change again presumably so to sort of lament your loss of being able to fuck dudes is like then don't get in a relationship or don't get in a monogamous relationship. Then if that's, if that's how you're going to feel again, it's fine to be like, yeah,

I, you know, I miss fucking dudes once or twice. And that might just been an offhand comment, but if it is something that like really does bother you, it's not on your partners, you know, it's not your partner's responsibility to fill in a gap that they like quite

literally cannot fix well i think what he's listed seems to be very actionable right it's like yes is foreplay always about you if so one address that but to like bring it up and be like hey look i'm sorry you feel that way i want to make foreplay more about you like what more do you want and like guys are made more into the male body than women that's just incorrect not every guy's into another guy's body as much as the next guy let alone a woman to the next woman so you know if he feels down assure him that you are super into his body and if he wants more stuff in foreplay like these are all very easy things to address i would definitely press for more information of being like what does that mean more like are you asking for like butt play is that kind of like what you're angling at being

like oh it's it's rare for women to sort of like initiate or explore more parts of men's sexual erogenous zones because if that's the case it's like there's precedent there that most dudes or a lot of like heterosexual dudes don't want their butts played with. Or, you know, are that needs to be a subject that's broached or are hesitant about it or the experiences they've had haven't been great. So if that is what you're aiming at or angling at, maybe bring it up. Be like, cool, here are some things. As we've mentioned before, I wouldn't just leave it as these vague, broad statements. As I said,

choose to push actionable advice and actionable next or forward steps. But I think as you as the partner, I think you also need to press for more information and try to rectify the things that seem to be the problem. Yeah. And like, there's no harm being like, Hey, what you said upset me.

You know what I mean? Like there's a better way to do this than I have to find out because you're kind of like complaining to a friend. And then I bring it up and you make these generalized statements about women. That's like, I'm not just this broad stroke. If you have a problem, you can come to me and like bring it up in a positive way and we can work on it. Like, it's a relationship. There's always that give and take. You can always get better. And so, like, this could be a good moment if you can open up discourse about what will make sex better for you guys.

And on top of that, establish that you're able to fucking talk to each other. But I don't think any of that happens if you just get upset and don't address this yeah you can definitely hit them with the old like compliment sandwich of being like i appreciate that when i came to you you did choose to be honest with me that's that's really important to me points for that yeah and then hit them with the like but i would rather you come to me so that instead of having to find secondhand, we never would have had this conversation if I hadn't overheard you. So that puts a strain on our relationship. So going forward, I would like you to come to me first and foremost if there is an issue so that we can solve it. And then round it out with how can I make you know how can i make x y and z better what can we

do to to make you feel you know less less dejected about not being able to have sex with men because i'm not a man yeah and i guess also be prepared for as dane said like maybe it is like he wants to introduce pegging or like anal play and it's, you need to consider that possibility and be ready for that to be brought up. Because if you know, you never want to do that, then yeah, this might be good to know from like off the bat, as opposed to like being blindsided by that thing,

you're going to do it being miserable and like dragging this out further. Or even if you are down for that, maybe getting out and saying that like openly, right? Like if this is something that excites you, you can bring it too and be like hey if you want to do these things you know but it's like in the moment if you're blindsided like don't do things you don't want to do etc so just like be ready for that conversation but this could be a really good like building moment for your relationship where you guys you know open up about everything let alone talking more about sex which

everyone should do. So, all right. Tinder time. At the end of the episode, we like to jump on online dating platforms such as Tinder, Bumble and Hinge in an effort to go through the profile, see what works, what doesn't work. All with the goal of making your online dating experience a little more enjoyable. So I've got two interests who wants to star soft because it's heavily focused around the picture right the picture is is the product especially in the case of lisa who has literally nothing on her bio and it's just the picture and the picture is you've seen it before a hand presented to the camera on which there's a big wedding ring and in the back blurry lisa is kissing a man

those very typical engagement posts yeah that's it i mean what else do you need that's true so confusing many mixed messages yeah like there's are you in an open marriage are you looking for a third are you selling the wedding ring and think this is kijiji like that that's the thing it's like you i think in general having no information on your profile is a bad call but like this especially i'll send you i'm sending you the picture just so you can like really really double down on it really soak it in yeah i mean obviously this is a zero there's if there's no profile there's no rating so sorry no this is the worst and now the second one this has some text which i'll get to first uh it's a hinge or bumble profile and it's we'll get along if you also have

zero desire to go to burning man and above it is a picture and it's a picture of a gofundme and it's a woman reclining on the beach in a like one piece and I assume it's the woman in question who knows and the caption on the GoFundMe is surgery for my legs because I can't stand you hoes and it's 45 raised of a $60,000 goal $45 yes that's it

it's pretty cool pretty pretty cool I like it I mean it's a funny joke it sucks that somebody gave $45 but it's just it's so perplexing I like it. I mean, it's a funny joke. It sucks that somebody gave $45. But, uh, It's just, it's so perplexing. I love it. That one gets a 5, at least. Because it's, I get, you know, it gets a 7.

Because I get their vibes. They're funny. Yeah. What are you giving it? I'm gonna give it a 6, because it's like, not enough for me to, like, I would still probably say no to this. Alright, this is Victoria. About me. Hi! Roses are red. Violets are blue. I work at a bank. Blink 182. say no to this. All right, this is Victoria. About me. Hi. Roses are red. Violets are blue. I work at a bank.

Blink 182. I like to bike. Where are you? And I'm so sorry. I like to bike. Unintentional rhyme. And I have a dog. But also, like, what's up? Okay.

This sounds like someone I would actually get along with. You know what? In a lot of ways, it shouldn't be a good profile because it's a lot of nonsensical shit and it doesn't really give you much but like gives you enough yeah this is a tough one this is where i feel like i want to rate it high but i feel like that's giving the wrong message what we're doing here i think on the things they're doing well is that's unique and their personality comes through. And I think those are the most important things. Yes.

Like it's more vibes and feelings than it is like specific things we can address. Yeah. Contract or concrete like information. Yeah. I'm going to give this a seven. Yeah. Yeah. Seven as well.

I'm intrigued. It titillates me. This is Jocelyn. She says, would you eat the moon if it were made of ribs? Fuck yeah, I would. Yeah, 100%. I would plunge our world into an absolute nightmare situation if you left me on the

moon long enough for me to do some serious damage. Yeah, because I would not stop. The tide's gone. I fucked them up, but I'm covered in barbecue sauce. I am a full boy. Now. Okay. Here's a question.

Is the moon one big rib and there's just one bone or is it a very large round rib with our multiple little bones? Or is it just like a pile of millions and millions of ribs? Oh, okay. Like some sort of like some like ribs ball. Yeah. Someone made like a magnet that only attracts ribs. Oh, okay, like some sort of like... Some like rib ball. Yeah, someone made like a magnet that only attracts ribs. Yes. That's what I imagine. Okay.

Fuck, I would love some ribs right now. I want ribs so badly now. Fuck, maybe I'll get some ribs after this. Where are you? I want some ribs now. I cannot sleep until I eat ribs tonight. I'm sleep until I eat ribs tonight. I'm going to give it a five, though, because that gives me nothing.

Yeah, it does make me want ribs, so I'm going to give it a two, because I don't have any. This is Fox. Six foot, indigenous, two cats, live at Toronto Island on my sailboat. What am I looking for? Well, I would like to have someone for summer adventures exhibitionism beaches sun canoeing at least some emotional maturity that will last as long as it does my very short hair is pink and neon yellow neon pink okay there's a lot there that that i kind of vibe with she sounds fun yeah you know some fucking summer adventures exhibitionism i'm

titillated by dating someone who lives on a sailboat. It's probably not actually a good thing, but it sounds fun. It definitely sounds like someone that I would be like, as long as you're at port, let's do it. Let's give it a go. Let's have some fun.

Let's fuck around. Let's have, you know, let's have these summer adventures and then, you know what? Have a good trip. Bye. Yeah.

If you want to sail off, that can be the best. Yeah. I think that is that's a very very cool cool situation yeah i like this profile it's fun they seem cool uh give them nine yeah i'm giving it as well and you know what they kind of give out like two things i think i feel like they're they know like they're experienced because they're letting people know their height and that they've short hair that's pink and neon yellow because i think those two things would turn off a lot of

men in a way or like the type of man that would be repelled by that she's gotten it out there and doesn't have to worry about it but she's not weird about it either you know what i mean just yes it so they seem mature they know what they're asking for they seem seem fun. I dig it. Big fan. This is Tadjo. Looking for follower of Christ raised in Canada. Not my first name. Pro immune system. Recently got catfished. All capitals. So be prepared to prove who you are.

Vice versa. Nothing personal. Thank this lost soul. And then they list someone's Instagram and Facebook. Pretending to be a rash Mahajer. Report him. Praying hands. Very cool. list someone's instagram and facebook pretending to be a rash mahajir report him praying hands very cool this is like a whole sort of like circle episode going on in this person's profile

i'm like why do i care about any of these things i don't is the real answer to that question i do not care yeah you got catfished okay that sucks that sucks for you. Why are you telling me? You prefer to prove who you are? It sounds like you're trying to scam me. But like, in general, yeah, that's kind of what people do when they're online dating at some point. And then it's like you're doxing someone. And you have this weird pro-immune system line, which makes me feel like you're unvaccinated. Yeah. Yeah, this is going to be a one for me.

Yeah, it's a zero. That's going to do us, friends. That friends that's our show we appreciate you as always coming to hanging out with us for an hour it means the world to us um and we can't thank you enough if you have a question you'd like to send it in head on over to f buddies podcast.com click the contact link fill fill it out, give yourself an agent name. We keep completely anonymous. So no one will ever know your true identity and we will never reveal it unless you ask us to, for some reason.

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We hit 50,000 downloads the other day. Isn't that cool? That's because of you guys. Do you have some bad sex writing for us? Oh, you know I do. This is Philip Roth, a dying animal. Do you have some bad sex writing for us? you see she knows it. You see, despite the decorum, the meticulousness, the cautiously swung style, whatever the fuck that means, or because of them, that she's aware of herself. She comes to the first class with the jacket buttoned over her blouse, yet some five minutes into the session she has taken it off. When I glance her way again, I see that she's put it

back on. So you understand, she's aware of her power, but she isn't yet sure how to use it, what to do with it, how much she even wants it. The body is still new to her. She's still thinking it out, trying it through. A bit like a kid walking the streets with a loaded gun and deciding whether he's packing it to protect himself or begin a life of crime. That is exactly how I imagine women feel about their breasts. A hundred percent. And like, fuck man, don't play dumb.

I know that you're taking your jacket off and then on again in some kind of weird sex game with me, the man staring at you. I mean, are they in therapy? Is this his therapist? It seems to be a class. Okay. What the fuck?

What the fuck indeed. I'm going to go to the moon and eat some ribs. All right. I'm going to To the moon And eat some ribs Alright I'm gonna go Uh It's about damn time I can go wear a skimpy bikini To Lizzo Bye

Fuck yeah My name is Dave Miller I'm Niles Payne Uh And we've been your fuck buddies Where are you? Thank you.