F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 2 - Infinite Sex Arms

Episode Date: September 29, 2018

We're back for round two! Ring the alarm because it's about to get dirrty. We take a trip to Sex City this episode and focus on all that good, nasty stuff. Topics include rescuing your wayward nudes, becoming a foreplay master and combating an uncooperative penis.

I put my trust in you, and I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello, friends. My name is Dane Miller. And my name is Niall Spain. And we're your fuck buddies. Thank you for joining us once again for our second

episode of our lovely little podcast we are a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky sexy situations and turn them into sexy sticky situations um so here's the thing now our last episode we're a dating and sex advice podcast I feel like we left out a lot of the sex does that mean what i think it means it means we about to get just a little sex oh it's gonna get so sexy so sexy um i want to get like i'm i'm thinking we should replace uh our excellent theme song paper stars by josh evil and harvest city and replace it with ludicrous because we're about to get christina argulera to our dirty oh did he open that song i think it was ludicrous i'm pretty banging tune i'm pretty sure it was

ludicrous work she talks with x tina to uh get that for just this episode yeah she's a big fan um she learned everything from us especially dancing in a thong in a boxing ring and how to get out of bottles god damn it yeah i mean you know what fuck it that oh you have the first question i'm gonna let you go yeah fuck it so this is a question that a friend of mine actually gave to me firstly thank you for everyone who's been uh so good we haven't even released the first episode yet we've got a whole fuck ton of questions. Although, hopefully we'll have released it by now. Yes. Yes.

But anyway, thanks guys for sending them in. So this is a friend of mine, Ali, gave me this. It's a good one. And the question goes as follows. How do you get a guy to delete their stash of nudes that you sent them? Oh. So it's not like previous lovers like oh no it's the ones interesting thing about this story is i think part of the reason why the situation came about

was that he flicked through his folder which contained other nudes to get to hers to point them out in the conversation with her recently i don't think that made her feel the best. I'm going to let you answer this first. Okay. And then I'm going to give my thoughts because I've been able to think about it a little bit. And I know what my first reaction was. Can you plan a Mission Impossible style heist in which you rappel down from the ceiling and steal his phone? It's the only way. But can you also do that on his laptop?

On his iCloud? Oh, God, the cloud. I forgot about the cloud. But can you also do that on his laptop? On his iCloud? Oh, God, the cloud. I forgot about the cloud. You can't grab the cloud. Oh, man. No matter how hard you repel. I don't know if you... You could ask him.

You could say, hey, I'm super uncomfortable with the fact that you've saved these. I've sent them to you. I also think it's pretty shitty to save someone's nudes. Well, I think it depends, like, how you sent them, right? Yeah. Because, like, if you sent them on them on facebook or like an email or some shit like emails dude hey we were all dating 10 years ago um but like you know like sometimes it automatically saves or whatever you know it's if someone's screenshotting them on snapchat that's a different thing but first answers this question fucking use snapchat yeah i mean yeah that's the

thing it's like if you don't want people saving your uh your nudes you've fucking use snapchat yeah i mean yeah that's the thing it's like if you don't want people saving your uh your nudes you've got to snapchat it i know snapchat is for like teenagers kind of yeah i don't know i've always assumed it like i've always treated it as like a sort of a juvenile and literally the only reason i've ever used it is to send cats sexy photos yeah and stupid bullshit pictures of my cats. You send me your pussy all the time. All the time. Yeah.

Oh, man. I would ask him. So wait, back to your asking. Give me the scenario when you ask him and how. Well, it's one thing if you suspect that he... But if he's straight up like scrolled through pages and pages of nudes to be like hey you remember this one i'm pretty sure it wasn't certain that those were other nudes because he was trying to hide them so it was like a quick scroll but furtive and his private folder so we can all join the dots there i mean either way he's he's shown you that he's saved them i think that's

a great time to be like hey i'm really uncomfortable with you having it. Anything can happen to your data, especially nowadays. I don't want that being released. Short of taking his phone and doing it yourself, you really can't make someone... Yeah, well, that's what I was going to say. If you message him and you say, hey, can you delete those dudes? He's going to say, yeah, I did it. You don't know if he did it or not, and I'm going gonna assume if he's that kind of guy he probably won't so i do think asking

short of heisting his phone is really the only way you can do it yeah but i feel like you have to do it while he's there because it's a lot harder to be like sure no and it's also a lot harder to subtly back it up while you're right you know so odds are he hasn't backed his phone up just in case someone challenges on his nude stash and also like it's gonna be a lot harder to just face to face be like flat out no however if he does that's gonna be a really shitty situation because you're just gonna be like well. So I guess be prepared for that shitty, maybe possibility. And I know it's a super shitty situation, but think in advance who you're sharing naked photos with.

And if you don't trust them implicitly, or if you even have the hint that like they would be shitty about it, don't send them naked photos. Like if you're sleeping with them, they get to see you naked. Yeah. So see that. Cool. cool great they get the real deal um if you trust them by all means uh send them naked pictures of yourself but don't put your face in them also oh yeah never put your face in the news don't do that don't do it honestly hide them fucking tattoos that can prove you could be president one day. Yeah. Or prime minister. Or president.

Or president. Of something. Yeah. Glee Club? PTA. Oh, man. Imagine the PTA scandal with that. Oh, fuck. That's so much worse than president.

Your kid would never live it down. Oh, no. Especially if... Well, yeah. No, that's... But yeah, I don't... I think your options are limited. I think you literally have to... I think what you said is a great idea you confront him in person yeah

if you do it any other way he's just you're gonna get a shirt and it's gone like it's on his fucking computer or something i don't know that sucks yeah be careful guys also don't save nudes to your phone yeah your phone could go anywhere anything could happen to it and you're like it sucks that your information is gonna get fucked up. But at least that's yours and your responsibility, whereas if it's someone else's and it's your fucking fault, that's not cool. Yep. I love how we're talking about from a guy with a nude situation, vice versa. Let's flip that script.

If a girl has nudes, you. Oh, wait, she probably already deleted them. Yeah. She doesn't want them. I don't think there's a whole lot of girls who are just like gotta collect i mean i'm sure there are few there's definitely i'm sure they these exist but i really don't think there's a ton of girls just being like oh that's one from my collection i mean maybe if it's i feel like the nudes they would save would

be the ones that aren't just dicks yeah probably like yeah like shower photos and stuff like that like i think i think those might be the ones don't you laugh and be you son of a bitch god i wonder what um dane fact oh dane fact yeah there's a picture of me that exists and i think it's probably the best i've ever looked and it was in a chicago airbnb bathroom so beautiful it was amazing i even showed niall i was so proud like right after he took it um granted there was no dick there's no i think we it's an artful nude yeah or it's not even a nude i guess really no um it's a towley what new term i hate it but people send us your towels no don't don't do that that's a massive joke if it's a dick pic, it's whatever.

Because it could be anyone's dick. Or could it? I mean, unless you have a very distinctive dick. Yeah, no, true. I feel like it's... Whereas, like, I feel like not a whole lot of girls are just like, here's a close-up picture of my vagina. Yeah, and if it's that, fuck it.

Yeah, great, who cares? No one's going to be like, hey, look hey look at this like enjoy picture from a vag no one's gonna like csi zoom in and enhance on your vagina to match vagina lips look at that distinctive clit it's winking yeah exactly i don't think i don't think it's gonna happen um this just goes back to don't show your face in nudes ever don't do it don't do that either don't call people don't show your face in nudes ever. Don't do it. Don't do that either. Don't call people. Don't show your face in nudes. These are the rules. Those are our gospel truths, our commandments. From the fuck buddy bible.

Yeah. Next question. Ready? Let's do it. Slam it. Here's one from Reddit user SpikeSpeakCC. He says, I used to think foreplay was simple. Turns out I, a 20-year-old male,

am just bad at it. Guys and gals, advice on how to take my game up a notch. His little more extra details, he says, I'm not too experienced with sex. In my first relationship now, with my girlfriend who's 19, and we've been having sex for six months or so.

And I'm realizing that one aspect I really fall flat in is foreplay. I definitely don't do it for long enough. I feel awkward doing it. And I really just don't know what works that well. Sure, I can really get her turned on, but I'd like to perform really, really good foreplay. Like begging for the main event to start kind of foreplay.

Like gushing wet kind of... Oh man, this goes on for a while. Gushing. Can we put like a gushing sound effect in there? Oh, yeah. This will be our very tactile episode. We already got whispers. And then he says, the kind of foreplay that...

Man, he goes on. The kind of foreplay that makes the sex or oral that comes after that much more amazing. I really am eager to please and I'm willing to take as long as needed to give her a super awesome experience. First things first spike speak cc good on you well yeah fair play for like being self-aware and also wanting to do better because i feel like that's half the fucking battle yeah and most of the problem is people are fucking oblivious and or don't care yeah also like far plays the best and like i feel like a heavy portion of female pleasure comes from literally. Yeah.

Typically. Although it is weird to me that he seems to not include oral in foreplay. That's exactly the point I was going to say. I think he's thinking foreplay is sort of like before anything sexual happens. Fuck no, man. Foreplay is anything but like sex, sex. Yeah. Before anything goes, like before your dick goes inside of them.

And not their mouth. Yeah, like, you're foreplaying. But there's a bunch of stuff that you can do otherwise. Also, I was thinking about it. I was like, I don't think we've ever shared sex techniques. No. For as long as we've known each other and, like, all the bullshit we talk about, I don't think we've ever swapped secrets like this. No i feel like that's i don't know it's not one of those things

that maybe i'm being like maybe i'm generalizing here i don't know many guys that do yeah you know i can't remember a time a guy has ever in my life gone you know what i do like ever and half of that i'm sure is because they don't understand oral is part of foreplay so yeah but yeah also I think well my first like piece of advice is just like slow it down I'm talking like everything because I feel like especially when I was younger like all these things I guess you're so like in the moment and you're like hyped up and like sex is great you want to get there but like time feels like it's going a lot more quickly than it is so you'll do something for like 10 20 seconds and then all of a sudden you're like oh fuck it's the next thing like fucking take your time that's the main thing

take your time yeah you know like on everything like fucking kiss and like don't think that any part of foreplay isn't as important as the other parts. You could just fucking make out for a while. And that can get people really going. Because I don't feel like people do that enough anymore. Yeah. If ever. Anymore. Back in my day.

Fucking make out. Even undressing can be fun. You know what I mean? Fucking take your time on every part. Play with someone's neck. The fucking wrists. You know what I mean? People can love getting their wrists kissed. fucking take your time on like every part like play with someone's neck the fucking like wrists you know what i mean like people can love getting the wrist kiss i'm fucking like you can kiss like all down them you can go all over their legs honestly how long you take to get to the good

stuff makes the good stuff better yeah and there's also something to be said about uh something that i've always liked doing is restraining them. So pinning their hands above their head and just sort of finding something that they really like, even if it's just sort of small circles on their clit. And then figure out a game.

If they're into sort of a dom-sub thing, not necessarily hardcore into it, but if they like a dominant personality, get them to like have an interaction with them while you're doing that and like make them tell you that they like it and then make sure like make sure they say please and thank you and stuff like that and if they forget their manners you stop and then have them apologize you know what i mean it's like there's a lot of like mental stuff you could do and like very minimal you can like play play games with it i find like

one thing that always amuses me is that like a lot of people or a lot of girls they don't seem to like mentioning things you know what i mean yeah so if you're like like they don't like to name their genitals they don't like to say pussy or vagina or anything so like you could play like a fun game be like kissing somewhere and then like you know when they're getting into it but you're still not going there and they're like oh you know you know they're getting into it and you're like oh what where do you want me to go yeah i just make them say it and they won't but then when they do their words are great yeah yeah like words wordplay is really fun yeah like tell someone to bend over tell someone to turn around. Yeah. And this thing is like, if they, what I like to do is I sort of come up with a punishment and like that's still foreplay.

You know what I mean? It's like, maybe it's like a light pinch on the nipples if that's what they're into or like a spank or something. And like, so regardless of what they're doing, they're getting something that benefits them. But the like, the pleasure reward should be better yeah i mean which which should be like clitoral stimulation stimulation or something so it's like it almost encourages them to disbehave slightly but they're still going to behave because they want the better exactly um and then when they're ready like make them ask for the finger inside of them or for your

mouth or something and then and then again you know i mean like make them really ask for it yeah and that's all about taking your time as well oral is part foreplay oh god yes and also like women or at least most women can orgasm multiple times so make her come then fuck her yeah make her come again that's the thing is like i i don't know the statistics or the numbers, but like most women come from clitoral contact and not as often through vaginal. Yeah. Um, so if you can,

if you can hammer out like a couple orgasms, uh, during oral, like you, you can relax now in sex and there's less pressure on you to perform in sex. And then that anxiety is gone, which means you'll probably perform better than if you thought there was a pressure to make her come.

Exactly. Because then she's also loosened up. If she comes again, fucking great. And also she's going to be more likely to come. She's already came. Yeah. Especially from penetrative sex. Yep.

So it's like win, win, win, win. Yeah. Which is my second point of advice. Enjoy yourself. win win win yeah which is my second point of advice enjoy yourself have you ever had someone go down on you and like either they seem intimidated or disinterested or like you know don't treat it like it's a fucking task because if it is a task you're doing it wrong enjoy it like fucking get in there like people can feel when you're enjoying yourself i'm not gonna make like i've had disinterested blowjobs, and you're just like...

Exactly. Can you just stop? I'd rather no blowjob than a blowjob that you don't want to give. Well, yeah. Or, like, sometimes you know they want to, but, like, they're intimidated or they're nervous or, you know, there's just something, like, I fucking love going down on people. So it's like they can tell like i'd fucking do it anytime

so you know your enjoyment is gonna double triple quadruple their enjoyment and vice versa right you put in a shit ton of effort they're gonna put it in back yeah and if you feel awkward just like just stop for a second and be like you've got a naked person in front of you and that's the fucking best you know what what I mean? Especially, I mean, I'm saying this because I'm a straight man, but like women's bodies are fucking awesome. They're great. So don't feel awkward because you have the opportunity to do what sort of like you pretty much probably always want to do. Um, and just, and just have the best, it's a playground go fucking nuts. And like, like they're they're ready for

you to explore and and enjoy what they what they've got so do it like you have your free reign within yeah obvious you know keep shit in some parameters yeah and don't be afraid to ask questions right that's another thing uh communication is so big and that's on both both sides yeah um and and it's not like don't ask if they like everything um because i feel like that that's a an insecure thing that everyone is like does that feel good is that okay do you like this if you get the inclination that they're not you can always but you can't do it on everything if you think they're not liking everything either you're doing some weird ass shit and like go on the internet it's not that hard you can look up an article about this shit or yeah you know just realize

that you're probably okay but if you get do get like a serious kind of like thing you can always be like hey is this good or whatever yeah and if you're on the other side that don't just go yeah it's fine yeah if you're not okay with something say it yep and like if someone could do something a little bit better tell them and like you know be nice because i think everybody is self-conscious when they're naked or with somebody for the first time or whatever so like yeah learning the ropes yeah or even in general like you're with someone for the first time like that person not your first time yeah there's always an element of insecurity and like you know every single fucking person is different i think that's more true with girls and guys as well like he does ask, is there anything you should do?

It's like, I'll figure that shit out. Yeah. There's like general things for guys. It's like, you could, you could flick us for a long enough. It will.

Yeah. We'll, we'll, we'll be happy. Look at it. But there's, there's a tons of, just listen to it.

Listen to my dick for long enough. Um, do you have any specific moves you want to impart on this gentleman? Um, again, like kisses, like, kisses. Like, start there. You know what I mean? And don't just do lips.

And if you do, don't just do the front of the lip. Kiss the fucking side of the lips. You know what I mean? If that makes any sense. If you know what I'm talking about. The fucking, like, just under the ear. The ear. The ear.

You know what I mean? The best. Some light biting. You know what I mean? Like, go mad. But, like, shake it up. Don't just be furious. Don't just be slow. Like, do a bit of both. You know what I mean like go mad but like shake it up don't just be furious don't just be slow like do a bit of both you know i mean match the tone like you can have like frantic

fucking passionate shit or you can just have really slow lingering shit or a mixture of the both you know i mean shake it up all the time like if you did something today do something different tomorrow that's the start aside from that it's like when you're going down on someone i think this is from what i hear from a lot of people or like just the impression i get everybody has this like again comes to slowing down you want they just want to go they want to hammer it and then their tongue gets tired just like yeah yeah and like there's a time and a place like fucking take your time you know what i mean because then you're not like getting a sore tongue and a sore jaw and a sore neck and everything before they're happy.

But like, you can just start fucking slow and they're going to love that shit. And you're going to be setting them up for later on. Then maybe you want to finish them off with a big, honestly, like this is the tactile episode. Um, yeah,

especially cause like the way the clitoris works, like, you got to wake it up. Like, it's got to get engorged and, like, come out. You know what I mean? It's, like, so if you're just going wild on it to begin with, like, you're probably not even really hitting it. I would also say if you're going down on someone, use your whole mouth. That's the thing that, like, I think a lot of people are afraid, especially if you have a beard, because, like, it gets messy real quick. But fuck it. That's the thing that like i think a lot of people are afraid especially if you have a beard because like it gets messy real quick but fuck it like that's part like if do you think having someone come in your mouth isn't messy you know like if a girl's doing that for you then you can afford to get a little of her juices exactly on your face um so like just don't be

afraid get right in there whole mouth and like, act like you're connected. When she starts like bucking, you're doing a good job. Oh, you hold on. Like don't fuck her. You know what I mean? It's like you get those hands on those hips. Yeah. Hold on and just like do not move.

Lose a tooth if you have to. Yeah. Like. Yeah. Yeah, that's also a good point. And also don't just focus on the clit. You know what I mean? You got a whole fucking area there you know i mean

like go in with your tongue go around with your tongue go like side to side peel back that clit yeah that's one one like you know you you got to work on your positioning mainly in terms of like you don't want to be there with a big like uncomfortable neck you don't want to be there whatever you don't want to be hanging off the bed sometimes you just work that shit out like that can be a very simple thing yeah to make it a lot better for you and her. It's just like how you're actually going to get down there. If you're kneeling down the edge of the bed or something, put some fucking pillows down. Like you need to be able to last physically, you know what I mean?

Yeah. And not be in pain and not be grumpy and not get bored and not whatever and get self-conscious. Make yourself comfortable. Make them comfortable. Peel back that clit. Go to town. You know what I mean? comfortable make them comfortable peel back that clit go to town you know i found a really good way to help with that while you're like doing a bunch of things is if you put your hand

sort of like right above the pubis sort of like right where the vagina starts and sort of like push up yeah um like on it's hard to explain in just audio i feel like you get it though because sometimes if you go directly for the hood it can be messy and slippery and then you're slipping your hand off and you're like fuck and you're trying to get back and that can really mess with the rhythm so you can actually go a bit further up yeah and then kind of like peel back from there yeah and then if you could you can just hold that there um and if you're not too sure ask the girl to help yeah you know what i mean like i think a lot of girls sort of default to helping because uh at least a lot of girls that i've been with have sort of done that naturally and that's how

i learned i noticed that that's what they were doing i was like i don't think i've ever had a girl do that oh really yeah or like you ask them to and then the second shit starts to get really good they forget and you're like god damn it you're back to square one um but yeah totally help like yeah as ask ask your partner to be like hey uh if something starts feeling really good either let me know so i can keep doing it because i think one of the biggest problems for guys is is the second you start doing something right they're like cool next move yeah which means no when you when you start doing something right don't fucking change anything just do that until exactly what you're doing yeah like same speed same pressure same don't change

anything a lot of people sort of like oh this is what they're liking this better go faster better go harder exactly no they're liking this for a reason yeah keep doing that and like sometimes you'll know that like maybe a little more pressure is gonna really or like just when they're getting like wait till you're 100 sure that they're almost there yeah then increase it because you don't want to do it too early. Burn out. Sore tongue. Sore jaw. Disappointing girl. Don't.

Yeah. Don't change tactic when things are working. Keep. Keep using it. Like. Yeah. It's the strangest thing. Because like.

Imagine if you're playing like. A basketball game. And you've found this like route. Yeah. And you can score three pointers. Every fucking time. And then you're just like. You know what.

I'm going to do something completely different. I'm so glad we're such big basketball fans. Yeah don't i don't know what god damn when you're hitting the big three pointers boys just toss it there's kobe sinking the threes yeah no it's true though and also like think about the hardness of your tongue you don't want it like a little fucking spear you want it like you're licking a lot of soft tongue and again you can you can change that up but i think sometimes people are so intense and so nervous that they're going like fucking like beak tongue yeah get that tongue loose like your tongue is the most powerful muscle in your body yeah make it fucking use it work it out work it make it more powerful um some other things i was thinking also sorry no multitasking yeah fucking women's bodies are

playgrounds they got so many things to play with like yeah if you're grabbing nipple while you're fucking going down on somebody stick finger in while you're going down somebody like fucking pull some hair while you're kissing them and finger like just pick all the things you can and learn to multitask yep especially when you're fucking as well like rub that clit while you're fucking absolutely grab a boob kiss a neck do them all at the same time yeah grow like seven hands and just go to fucking wish i had seven hands when i first started having sex there were times where i would just sort of like freeze and be like i don't know where to start it's like i just want i just want everything literally if i had a bunch of hands like that would be my main thought it wouldn't be like i can fight crime or like no i can now grab both ass cheeks both boobs hand around the throat yeah you know what i mean like

hand on the hair and just like rubbing the clit and then also just flexing in the back oh shit well you could even flex every individual muscle depending on how many well if you had them which i'm working on. Here's another idea. Before anything even gets hot and heavy, talk. Send them nudes. Send them nudes with your face in it while you're talking to them on the phone. Just your face. No, recite a poem.

Oh. Do you know a poem? Do you know a poem I'm thinking of now? We all know exactly what poem we're thinking of. If you haven't had the pleasure of this please pause our podcast treat yourself to good evening ladies the buffet by r kelly off of the album the buff or is it just called the poem it's called the poem off the album yeah buffet so it's called the poem it's the first track on r kelly's album the buffet yeah and you need to memorize this word for word intonation, every onomatopoeia sound effect that he says,

every slurp, every need to look them dead in the fucking eye. Yeah. And you need to say that perfectly from beginning to end. And then you need to play sex time while you engage in a little sex time. Yeah. Um, one of my secret tricks,

I've done this once. Uh, I've done this once. I've sneezed directly into a vagina once. Oh, no. Oh, no. Also. I'm not going to give any details. I'm just going to say give that a go.

Yeah. See what happens. That's the thing. You can throw some things in there, right? Literally. No, don't do that. Don't listen. Don't listen to that.

I'll sneeze in that vagina. Yeah, sure. Some people are into it. There's got to be someone out there. If you're into that, let us know. Please. Yeah. We will not reveal your identity unless you want us to. Shoot us a tweet.

Our handle is at fck underscore buddies. That's our Twitter handle. So if you're into vaginal sneezing. Vaginal sneezing. Wait, that sounds like you're sneezing with your vagina which i am into oh man that's true if you're into sneezing vaginally adjacent yeah if you're into receptive vaginal sneezing uh let us know also like have fun like loosen up yeah you know what i mean like if you're listening to a song like sing a word or a line like fart

do all these things that like because people get so tense in sex and like if you're loosened up and like if you're having a bit of a laugh you're having the best fucking time the best the best sex is the sex that you end up laughing in yeah you know what i mean like that's because you're so comfortable you're so relaxed and like yeah that's when magic happens exactly i can't imagine like there's so many times where if you bonk heads or like smash mouths you know what i mean it's like it's so awkward and it's so uncomfortable or if you're listening to a sexy youtube playlist and then all of a sudden for some reason the autoplay switches it to a documentary on caravans perfect like dodge caravans

or like gypsy car like gypsy car that's Caravans. That's amazing. And like, it's funny. It's fucking funny. Oh, exactly. And like, you could awkwardly be like, oh, and fuck solemnly through it or get up, waddle to the fucking thing with your glistening cock out and fucking change back to like, yeah, just, just embrace. Have fun with it. Like absurdity. Also, I know porn is nice and like sexy to watch, but like real fucking is the most absurd.

Like when you like just think about what you're doing, it's the most absurd like nonsense. And like it's so sloppy and like messy and like it's just the stupidest fucking thing that feels so good and is the best and like the most fun you can have with a person. You should be having fun. Yeah. Like if you're not having fun, something is wrong. Maybe it's the partner. Maybe it's you're attracted to. And you should be having fun. Yeah. Like, if you're not having fun, something is wrong. Maybe it's the partner. Maybe it's you. Like, analyze that.

Think about it. Try to fix it because it's the fucking best. Go have fun. I think we helped him. I hope so. Yeah. I mean, worst case scenario, he's using his lover's vagina as a Kleenex. Yeah, exactly.

Do you have another question? If a girl seems not interested, how do you differentiate between I'm playing hard to get, I want you to chase me and leave me the fuck alone? I think that's a very important question because I feel like there's two major issues in this. If she says, leave me the fuck alone, I would, I'd leave her alone. It's if she's acting on this, you're interested, how do you tell whether it's leave me the fuck alone or I'm playing hard to get?

Fuck them either way. I mean, like, not have sex with them. I mean, like, leave them alone. Exactly. That was what I was going to say. If someone's playing hard to get, you don't want to be. That's over.

Anyone playing games or like... Like at least seven? Yeah. Because also don't fuck them yeah don't no don't have sex with seven year olds that's another one

of our rules yeah or like 18 or lower yeah yeah yeah no if anyone's playing

like one of those those stupid I'm playing hard to get yeah fuck them just ignore them and if they want you they'll come

they'll come seek you well the thing is what you need to do is you look look down and you'll find you have a ball and you get that ball and you throw it real hard into her court and you walk the fuck away yep like and one one of two things will happen either they weren't into you cool that's great saved yourself a bunch of effort and heartbreak and possibly awkward situations for you

and her or she is into you and either she'll be like he didn't pursue me fuck him in which case dodge the bullet or yeah she'll be like hey i thought we were getting on and you can be like honestly i wasn't sure because you were acting x y or z and then things will progress yeah it's win-win-win i don't think any mature woman would be like, would be angry at your response to being like, oh, sorry, I just want to respect your space. Yeah. You didn't seem to be reciprocating what I was putting down. And I wanted to give you some space.

Yeah. If any woman is upset by that, then you also don't want to be with her. Move on. Yeah. And the thing is like this whole hard to get bullshit is a really stupid, harmful thing. So the more people who are like, fuck this, I'm out, the less people are going to do it. Yeah. It needs to die.

Ladies, if you play hard to get, you are only enabling people who are persistent and annoying and assholes. Yep. Because you're generating a culture of men who think that the first no is a game. Or the second. Yeah. Or the third. You know.

So if you want to say no to someone, say no to them. If you want to say yes to them, say yes to them. Yeah. You know what I mean? If you say a no and you mean a yes, then you're fucking over every woman who's ever said no. And if someone says no to you and you keep going as a guy, you're an asshole. Yeah. Even if you think they're playing hard to get, just fucking walk away.

Let them learn that lesson. Yep. I think that's pretty definitive. Yeah. I just thought that was really important. Absolutely. Yeah. I'm glad we had this conversation.

Are we back? We took a little pit stop. I didn't get sexy enough for this episode. Now we're... It's all right. I did come naked, though. Yeah, you are not wearing pants. This one comes from a Reddit user, Word Unheard.

And he says, I'm with the most amazing, sexy woman I've ever seen. Wait, he's fucking my girlfriend? Yeah, wait a minute. What? He's fucking both our girlfriends? Oh, God. Damn it.

The description is, She's been my neighbor for the past year, but we only recently started hooking up. She has the face of an angel and the body of a porn star. She has every fantasy I've ever had all rolled up into one woman.

The problem is that I'm having problems maintaining an erection. All I want to do is fuck her all night long, but it's like my penis has turned against me, similar to Ash's hand

in Evil Dead 2. Oh, that's... She dresses up for me and drives me insane. Why is my penis doing this to me? And how can I overcome this? Literally. Yeah, okay. That sucks.

Maybe. I actually went through this and I. Doctor? I know. It's 100% mental. Well, yeah. Like, listen to the way he describes her well i think he feels the most amazing sexy woman yeah she has the face of an angel the body he's

psyching himself out yeah well for me i i've never had an issue like that but i have had a similar issue where it's like if you're for example if you're a little drunk and then you start and you're having sex and you start to think about coming and then you get further away from coming yeah you're like oh i'm tired i'm sweaty i'm very drunk my mouth is dry yeah and then you're thinking about coming and you're not enjoying yourself yeah it's like when a girl's like hey like are you are you close it's like well no not yeah, not now. Yeah. So, yeah, I think 100% it has to be mental. 100% probably feeling again. He doesn't say his age, but I imagine if he was an older gentleman, he would have mentioned that.

He's probably just terrified. Well, yeah, he's he's he's nervous, which is fine. You can be nervous. But here's the thing. She's consensually having sex with you um and we're laughing at the ice cube yeah not consensual sex no yeah she's agreed to have sex with you you have no reason to be nervous anymore exactly um regardless of like what you look like regardless of what you think of yourself she's been like you yeah that like she's not like oh

i'm amazing you're all right well i guess i'll do it yeah she's probably in her head like he's the best yeah if she's rolling her eyes every time you're hooking up okay maybe there's a reason but like probably not especially if this is a like a recurring thing yeah and she's still yeah like yeah don't be okay back to our original thing we were talking about they They can tie in together. What you need to do to get over this is forget all about you, lie her down and make her come. Absolutely. Because once she's come, pressure's kind of off.

You just made this beautiful, attractive, sexy ass, awesome girl come. So even if you can't get up and whatever she's going home having a great time yeah so like think about her please her don't worry about yourself like this that's the thing yeah you have to you have to again this is sort of the same and slow it down focus solely on her don't think about yourself don't think about your dick just you don't have just go to town on her and enjoy her you say she has the body of a fucking porn star and an angel face. Just enjoy it. Like, go to fucking town.

And if that doesn't turn you on, then maybe there's some issues. But again, like, get out of your head. Do everything you can to get out of your head. Because I promise you, the first time you don't have a problem, you won't have a problem again. That's the thing. Yeah, you got to get in the habit of it. And, like, I don't have a problem, you won't have a problem again. That's the thing. Yeah. You got to get in the habit of it. And like, I don't know what you're doing.

Like maybe you're nervous that she's coming over and you want to last longer and you're just like fapping one or two out. Don't do that. Yeah. You know what I mean? Again, if you make her come, she's not really going to care if you finish then quickly because she's already come once or twice or however many times. Don't try to have an erection.

It's going to happen. Yeah. You know what I mean? There's thousands of poor teenage boys just having erections in science class for no goddamn reason. You can probably manage to work one out. Much like they come when you don't want them. Sometimes if you really want them, he's like, nah, he's like a stubborn little fuck. He just wants to be contrary.

Yeah. Don't give him a chance. No. Ignore that little fucker you you have complete control and this this is the thing for like lasting longer like everything is mental so if you if you start reframing your mental the way you approach sex and sort of do what you need to do to alleviate or alleviate some of the really i like that um to alleviate some of the, re-alleviate. I like that. To alleviate some of the pressure and some of the nervous energy that you have. Even again, even if it just means going down on her for half an hour.

Yeah. But like, she's not going to complain about this. I don't know, I don't know what their relationship is in terms of like hanging out, but maybe go have a drink. You know what I mean?

Like if it's, if the pressure is, maybe she's like, they live next door and maybe it's just like, knock, knock, knock. It's go time. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like if it's, if the pressure is maybe she's like, they live next door and maybe it's just like knock, knock, knock. It's go time. Yeah.

I mean, I was in that situation before and it can kind of be a little like nerve wrecking and like great. Like it was great, but you know, usually you're prepped in terms of like, or at least, you know,

like I'm going over to this place later. Like I can shower and deodorant and blah, blah, blah. Or just like, whatever. Whereas if you're at home and you're just like playing fucking PlayStation, all of a sudden zero to 100 it's like at your door in laundry and a coat you're like you know yeah but it's great enjoy that that's like the dream and it's and

it sucks because like if it's if it's one of those fuck buddy situations where you don't want to get if you don't want to impose sort of those date and like dating sort of things on it um but i mean if it's an issue maybe just just pose and be like hey i i you know what i mean it's like she notices she knows this is happening to you or just send her a message like hey i want to come over for a drink wink wink and then have a drink ready when she gets over finish it and then go fuck yeah like it's an easy way to come over and it'll seem natural and smooth and like, get something nice. Nice bottle of wine.

Yeah. Or if you guys are into role play, act like you meet her in a bar. Yeah. Act like you're her Don Draper boss and you're swirling whiskey while she's just like. Yeah. Just be like, hey, like meet me at this place. Eight o'clock. And then like walk in and act like you don't know her.

You know what I mean? Like act. Then fuck someone else in front of her. Yeah. of her yeah teacher just never have sex with her again yeah ghost her cut your dick replace your dick with a dildo oh maybe just get a strap on maybe oh no but also don't fuck it up because she's your neighbor and that's gonna get really weird and awkward so this is all on you don't fucking fuck it up just get it ahead but don't fuck it up don't fuck it up that's gonna get really weird and awkward so this is all on you don't fucking fuck it up just get out of your head but don't fuck it up don't fuck it up it's gonna be so weird just get it out of your head it's gonna be so weird just get out of your head but don't fuck it up no you got this just make her come so many times yeah i i you're already

doing a great job whatever you're doing is enough to have this amazing woman come back to you you got it you have it under control yeah you need to realize that you've gotten past the hard part a great job whatever you're doing is enough to have this amazing woman come back to you you got it you have it under control yeah you need to realize that you've gotten past the hard part to get to the hard part oh he means your dick i do this question actually came from uh one of our friends on facebook one of my friends on facebook her name's mandy how are you um you know we're running out of time so let's's keep this, let's keep this real quick. Oh God. One more to answer.

Yeah. One number answer. What's the average number a girl comes during sex? Rapid fire. Go. Probably 0.5. Seven. Well, like for you or in general?

I don't know. I don't know what she's asking, to be honest. Because in general, yeah, that's a weird ass question. Like, do you ever see those really depressing fucking news articles where it's like, 60% of women in America have never come. And you're like, what? See, this is... It's like 20% of women have, like, only come by themselves. And you're like, what?

I actually... That's 80% of people. I actually looked up two, like, orgasm statistics. One, two. And it's not good. Although, it's better than I thought. Oh, that's good. I think it was... I don't remember anymore. But it was, Although, it's better than I thought. Oh, that's good. I think it was,

I don't remember anymore, but it was like, it was okay. A lot of it was, it was less vaginal, mostly clitoral. Fucking combine them guys. And then there was,

there was another category of being like both. Yeah. That had like a higher percentage. See, that's the sad thing. I sad thing but it's also why i'm telling that guy to make that girl come because yeah sadly it is rare for some people um and it is like just you're gonna be fucking head and shoulders above so many people sex almost always ends with a guy coming yeah and unfortunately rarely does that mean a woman also

has come yeah which sucks so fucking go out there and fix that yes it's not that hard slow down pay some attention on them women if you're having this problem fucking be more vocal talk to people yeah tell them tell someone what they want yeah guys instruct them guide them guys guys would love to make you come it's the fucking hottest thing in the world yeah also like it makes us feel great yeah you know what i mean just being like it nailed it if your partner coming doesn't make you feel awesome then you're doing something wrong yeah you fucked up you are wrong fix yourself um i wonder if mandy asked this question because she either doesn't come or just or comes on stop just fucking all day just well how shaky is her typing uh she did use the number sign instead of the word number oh yeah because that like six letter all in one go

while you're shaking that's hard she just hammered out average and she was like i can't do another word because over six letters she's so stimulated all the time that even typing num is offensive. Oh, yeah. And er sounds like her. Num her, she wishes. She's already there. No. Sorry, Mandy.

I don't even know you. But I feel like I do now. But yeah, the answer is seven. Women come seven times. Every time. Every time. Yeah, it's not fair. Good job, ladies.

Yeah. You did it. Sexual parody has been reached. Woo! They fucking need to, to make it up. I think we're going to wrap this episode up. Yeah, you know what we're wrapping it up with, though. Well, before we do that, let's get some housekeeping out of the way.

Oh, that's fair. First things first. Thank you. Thanks for sending your questions in, guys. Yeah, everybody is great. If I didn't mention your name, that's because I forgot to ask you if I should have or not, so sorry if you wanted your name mentioned, but just

send another question and let me know next time. Yeah. Because we will always default to keeping your identity secret. Like superheroes. Because you're the superheroes of our podcast. Sorry. We've got a bunch of uh other questions that people have sent in but we only have so much time and we will get to them i promise if you have a question shoot us over to us at uh f buddies podcast at gmail.com um or you can hit

us up on twitter at fck underscore buddies or on facebook at facebook.com slash fckbuddiespodcast, or you can just search fuckbuddiespodcast. Yeah. Send us a message, add us, subscribe, and rate us if you can. That would be really nice. Yeah, hit us up on iTunes and give us some of those five stars. Give us every star. Yeah, you can give us six. Give us two less stars than women come every time.

So five. Exactly five. Also, thank you to Josh Eagle and the Harvest City for the use of their song Paper Stars. It's a great song. We've been using that as our intro and outro music. It's great. Appreciate it. I'm also pretty sure their newest album is on Spotify.

Ooh. So go listen to that. In our first episode, we introduced a gentleman named Dan who provided us with some horrible dating advice. And Niall has since then dove into the chasm of Dan's psyche. The Danverse. It's a horrible, horrible twisted place. Thankfully, I know our only... Our advice is somewhat lacking, so thank fuck we have good old

Dan, modern man out there, to show us the true way which such articles as what to do if a woman looks at you. Fuck you, Dan. Come on, Dan. Thank you very much for listening, guys. My name is Dan Miller.

I am Niles Fane and we're your fuck buddies sleep tight you