F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 20 - Ass Treachery

Episode Date: February 4, 2019

We know.  You're absolutely sick of hearing about the Super Bowl, Tom Brady and Adam Levine's nipples.  Don't worry, your buddies have got you covered with a 100% Super Bowl free episode this week.�� Escape all of that big game chatter by catching up on the hottest sex advice available.  Topics include ex-girlfriend dinner date, sext response, no cum/no problem, first date burn out, encouraging a screamer and the ass-blast cease fire.

I put my trust in you, and I put my trust in love I put my trust in you, and I put my trust in love I put my trust in you, and I put my trust in love I put my trust in you, and I put my trust in love Hello friends, my name is Dane Miller And I'm Nospin And we are your fuck buddies Oh, so faint.

No, get away from me. No, you get out. You only get one. Oh, you son of a bitch. We're a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations and turn them into sexy, sticky situations. Hell yeah. We sex questions. There it is.

It's cold. Fuck you. It's so cold. My legs and my face and every part of me hurts because I used to walk here and it fucking is not fun out at all. It's abrasive. Yeah. Yeah, no.

It's, uh, I feel like my brain is not working right now and that might be because I'm tipsy and it might be because it's cold out. Or it might be both. We'll find out, I guess. Yeah. Well, I apologize in advance. I'm going to go journey to get pad thai after this, so.

Ooh. Wish me luck. Ooh. It's the most excited you've been this entire podcast. Yeah, I actually just had a really fucking good gyro. You say it fucking right. You know it. Fuck you. Question time? just get right into it yeah go for it you um this come from reddit user nadine black would you accept this from girls

allowed he oh my god wow i am not into it because i read he 30 million instead of 30 male. It's going to be a rough one, I think. He's really old. Yeah. I don't think I'd accept that. He, a 30-year-old male, told me, a 31-year-old female, he was feeling too ill to come to mine but had just been out for dinner with his ex-girlfriend. I spent the weekend in another city helping a girlfriend through a difficult time. He knew this.

On Friday, he was looking through old photos because he has to do a brief presentation about his life history at work. I was on the train and he asked me to send... What does he work as? I was on the train and asked him to send me his favorite photo. He sends me a photo of him and his ex-girlfriend in Portugal. Good job. Apparently, he thought it was funny because my mom now lives there. On Sunday, I'm coming back on the train to London and he texts me,

I'd love to see you tonight, but my cough isn't fully gone. I didn't have any issues with it last night, but I'm worried it might flare up again and keep you awake. He does this all the time since he wants to see me, but already includes an excuse as to why he might not be able to. Anyway, I told him that he should stay home, get some rest, and hopefully cure that cough. I called him when I got home, and he told me that he had just been out for dinner with his ex-girlfriend, the same one from the picture. They're friends. I then said,

oh, cool, so you're okay enough to come over to mine? And he said, no, I don't really want to catch any more cold air. I think I should stay in. Is this normal slash nice behavior? Would you accept it? Also, we've only been dating for eight months. You know what? Like, I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing. Like, I feel like if you're sick, like, it's very different going to dinner than it is going over to somebody's house to, like, hang out, maybe drink, maybe kiss, get them sick or not. And, like, then cough all night next to someone which is awkward and like sometimes you're sick you just want to be home and also he's telling you he's out with his ex so it's not like he's trying to

keep that from you and i'm pretty sure if there's something to worry about that would be an issue i do think him sending a picture of him and his ex to you unless he did that intentionally knowing it would look bad was the joke if not he's he's kind of a maybe a dumbass i don't know because i know a lot of people who would not take that well uh but no i don't really think it's that bad okay i'm glad you said that because i read the question and then i read the comments and people were like this guy's lying to you he's cheating on you he's doing and i'm like he's not lying at no point in time that this guy if he was gonna lie to you like why would he mention it he wouldn't straight up be like he wouldn't call or you

call him and then he's like oh i was just out he could have just been like yeah no i was in bed all day yeah like if that's what he wanted if that's the game he was playing it would have been very easy to but they're not even a fucking country or whatever yeah um so like it i don't know it seemed like everyone was like so hostile towards this and like obviously she is too judging by like the language that she uses in it but it's like yes sending a picture of your ex to your current girlfriend maybe that's my only smartest fucking thing to do what workplace is like give me a give me a demonstration on your history yeah mccartlet get home and do it like it's like you're like sweating in front of all the suits like and this is me at 15 i went to france like oh yeah what'd you do what'd you do

in france like what bearing does that have on anything that's the best part that's the real mystery um but yeah it's like when i'm sick the last thing i want to do is be sexy and intimate and like yeah presumably she's gonna want to like leave the fucking house yeah like i don't know i think it's it's very different like if if i was still single and like you were like hey let's go grab a beer or like let's go fucking play video games or something i would do that before i would go on a date. Yeah. Cause like that's effortless, right?

If like, you're not trying to be like, Hey, nah, I'm looking well. Like, Hmm, come here.

Taste my phlegm throat. Like, no, you're just like, Hey, what's up? Yeah. It was like, if you're on a date with someone,

you're like, Hey, I don't want to cough and splutter all over you. I don't want to be gross. I don't want to get you sick. Cause nobody likes that. And also like some people don't really care. Like, Oh sick whatever i'll deal with it some people are like you get the fuck away from me like so it's kind of up to you to think about other people's reaction to you being

sick as well you know but it's also like if you're if you're sick and you feel gross like you don't have any obligation to like go and hang out with anyone or like go and like spend the night and also i know when i'm sick being home is sleeping no but anyone or like go and like spend the night somewhere because i know when i'm sick being home is sleeping no but sleeping is like the worst part of the day because you're like finally lying down everything's just like pooling in your fucking lungs and you know what i mean it's like i already have trouble sleeping as it is that's another thing is like i don't sleep very well in other people's places necessarily so like for me being at home like i don't have to worry about anything i have my comfy trousers on i don't have to go fucking how long like we don't know where she lives in

conjunction to him could be like a half an hour bus ride fuck that could be cold outside like today fuck that yeah i feel like that's very reasonable and like coupled with the fact that he's being very open about the fact that he saw someone that his like you know it it's almost like a cliche for people to be like your your ex? Really? But the fact that he is open enough to not hide that and doesn't seem to care, means you probably shouldn't care. She seems to know that they're friends.

So if that's an issue, you shouldn't have gotten involved. You know what I mean? If you're like, I don't like that you're friends with your ex, but I'm still going to date you and be upset that you're friends with your ex. It's the same thing as someone being like, hey, I'm not really looking for anything serious,

and then being pissed the entire time you're with them because they don't want to think serious. Yeah. It's like, if you know the parameters of their relationship and friendship. Yeah. Then you don't really get to complain about it. No. And like, there are, every kind of activity has different levels of doable when you're

sick. Yeah. Like, I always love, like, I remember like in work once when like somebody like they had called in sick to work or whatever and then it turned out that they like went and watched a movie at like a friend's house and people were like what the fuck oh she can leave the house and it's like well let's be fair sitting down watching a movie at someone 10 10 minutes down the road as opposed to going and being on your feet for nine hours dealing with random assholes it's like that's very different yeah also like even if you're just coughing it's like here's your pastor yeah like that no like different actions of

different costs when you're sick yeah and you also like again also a lot of speculation but like what if they went out for ramen that's that's basically medicine i was like what if he's like got like for me i definitely have if I'm feeling ill, yes. Pho, ramen, or even like just going to get shitty food like Subway. Yeah. Like just going to get like. Some nice comfort food. Yeah.

Get something that like, you know, that, that like releases those endorphins. You know what I mean? Yeah. Just anything to make you feel better. And like, for all we know, they went to dinner like two doors down from his house. Right. Yeah. Again, if he took like a two-hour train to go see whatever.

But also, maybe he just ate something that fucked him up. Like maybe now it feels like crap. Yeah. Like, you know, I don't know. I feel like it's a bit ridiculous to go off on the guy like it seems people are doing. Yeah, okay. See, I was like, am I missing something here? But I'm glad that we're on the same page here.

Yeah. I don't know. Are we wrong, audience? I don't know am I missing something here? But I'm glad that we're on the same page here. Yeah. I don't know. Are we wrong, audience? I don't know. What do you think? Yeah, this is one of those questions where I'd like to get other people's opinions. Because everyone was so very like, he's cheating on you. He's lying to you.

He's being disrespectful to you. Well, it's funny. Also, we don't know what time this chick got home at. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Like if she got home at like one, like one in the morning, you've already had dinner gone home and are now making plans to hang out later.

I'm assuming it's at least nine or 10. That's like, again, it could be an hour away. Like it's like once, once I'm home, like, and I've already gone out and I've already,

and I'm feeling like shit. It's like the likelihood of me going out at seven versus me at midnight. Very different things. And like, especially when you feel like shit. And sometimes like the fact that he's not jumping up to go hang out with you just is like, that's how comfortable he is with you. Like maybe he's worried that if he bails on somebody else, cause like they're not as close, they might get upset or whatever.

Whereas like he's comfortable enough with you to be like, I'm sorry, I'm actually sick. Like, and be honest and like, expects that you're going to have his back for that. Unless he's just a cheating piece of shit. I mean, yeah, maybe he's a scumbag, but like, if, if that's your initial reaction about the person you're dating, you shouldn't be dating him. That's the thing. If you don't trust them, just end it now for both your sakes. If you like think he's being a scumbag about this, or, like, if this is something he does all the time.

For that little provocation, it's like, you're sick, but you also had dinner with somebody? Nah, B. Yeah. Like, you've, I don't know. It's one of those things where it's like, you've kind of already made up your mind about this guy, but you're sticking with him for question mark reason? Yeah. All right, hit me. Okay.

My girlfriend baked all my beans. Fuck you. So this is by Giraffe. It's a good callback. You know what movie? This is a really good romantic comedy for callbacks. This is by Giraffe Zits. So he asks,

how do I respond to nudes? I'm male, 28, just got to have a long-term relationship, seven years. I'm trying to get back into dating. of a long-term relationship, 7 years. I'm trying to get back into dating. How do girl want guys to respond to them sending nudes? Only girl to send me nudes was my ex, but now I'm receiving them through Snapchat from others. Particularly one girl I've been talking slash flirting with for a bit.

To be fair, they're more seductive photos than true nudes. And I assume she's sending them to other guys because she's also recently have a relationship and trying to play the field what's an appropriate response dick pic a compliment that's not creepy say something funny what do girls like receiving a response i'm gonna tell you right now this is completely out of my area of expertise i like i really don't know i was i never did like the nudes kind of thing you know what i mean like every now and then a girl i was seeing would send me them and well that's basically what he's asking i don't know i would usually just say like okay well how about instead of saying what to do we'll do what to not do uh i love how his second option is a compliment that's not creepy

as if a compliment that's creepy was also an option that he's like who differentiates like oh i could send this compliment that's creepy or i could do this one that's not creepy like what do you think yeah like yeah don't go creepy i think right I think we can agree on that. This is, like, I never really, like, figured out what my, like, nude angle was other than just being like, here's my dick. Mm-hmm. Which also, like, that didn't make me feel sexy. You know what I mean? Well, yeah, like, I didn't. And also, like, most girls aren't, like, they rarely hear people who are like, yes, a dick pic.

Yeah. And, yeah, that's my thing. It's, like, just, like, a picture of a disembodied dick is, like, I don't know. Don't cut it off first. I don't know. I feel like girls have way more to work with. Even just, like. Oh, 100%.

You don't even need to get nude to be unreal. Exactly. You know what I mean? Like, just a kind of, like, a really nice cleavage picture. Oh, yeah. With, like, the bottom of your unreal. Exactly. You know what I mean? Like, just a kind of, like, a really nice cleavage picture. Oh, yeah. With, like, the bottom of your lips. Yeah, you know what I mean? Like, I'm there.

But, like, unless you're in great shape, which I was not at the time, like, what do you use? Well, okay. I think you don't even need to send a photo back necessarily. You could be like, hey, you look great. Like, you can. You could be like, hey, you look great. Like, you can do simple fucking shit like, hey, you look great. Or like, oh, wow. Like, and depending on your relationship with them, like, if you haven't really done anything with them, I think it's a little soon to be like, you should come over. Or like, oh, I wish you were here right now.

You know what I mean? Again, it also kind of depends on the level of, like, nudity. Because he says nudes initially, then they're not true nudes yeah by the way true nude season for three right now so good i heard true nude season two wasn't that good no but colin farrell was in it so um also like how funny would it be if true detective was just like at the end of all the seasons to vote who was the truest detective that's what they should do yeah that's american idol yeah it sounds like a stupid reality tv show or like i just i don't know that's everything i always think of every time watching i'm like are you a true detective motherfucker um yeah like you don't necessarily have to like just be like dick pic you know

especially okay it sounds like it's somebody he doesn't really know very well or has had intimate relations with or she's not even sending him a fucking full nude so no no dick pick yeah also you spell pick wrong but it sounds like he's picking his dick oh no like a wayward nose yeah yeah no um i would. I would literally send an emoji. Like the drooly face emoji. The eyes. Send the eyes. The eyes?

The side eyes. Like the... Oh. It's the best emoji in the world. I'm a big fan of the drool emoji. What the fuck's the drool emoji? He's like drooling. I don't know.

I posted on all my girlfriend's burlesque photos now. Okay. that's fair it's one of those things you gotta do the eyes man no one knows what the drill means I think people know what the drill means no no

you could be like you could be ill you could have a cough too bad to go over to your girlfriend's place um yeah like I I always always

I always literally just like Drupal's just like fuck like damn yeah that's the thing i feel like you can verbally you can verbally be like oh shit like you look great blah blah blah if they prompt me for a picture yeah sure send one back if you feel like you can send something sexy yeah definitely like you don't even need like i wouldn't just jump to the dick pic because even if that's what they want where do you go from there right if you just jump to end line like what are you gonna start putting

things back on yeah unless you can dress up your dick and novelty gear in which case you're you're years ahead of all of us um i think like yeah you can take a sexy picture of like you know get that arm tense going like lean back in the bed find a nice angle you know what i mean like send a nice picture tell them they look great you know know, work from what they say. Like, it's not rocket science. I think it's easier to know what to not do. Don't jump straight to a dick pic. Don't take a dick pic while you're sitting on the toilet.

No. We've already cured that. Well, we've solved that. I don't know if we've cured it. Um, yeah. Drill emoji. Um, this is posted by Redditdit user man i'm tilted why does it matter if i come or not during sex if i enjoy myself hey guys maybe you can help me out i don't come usually during sex which to me doesn't really bother me all that much but my girlfriend is stressing me out because

she gets upset when i don't come which is super lame because a it isn't her fault and b it's always been like this for me again not complaining i really don't mind all that much but she's making a big deal of it i mean she usually finishes which makes me happy but now i don't even want to have sex because i know i'm going to probably not finish and i know she's going to be upset about it what can i do or why does it matter so damn much well i totally get why it matters right because like you're always like if you look at any media if you look at anything it's always the guys come and the guys usually come quickly you know i've even heard people be like oh at least guys always come on the one night stand you know like man that is so not true for me oh yeah no it's not true for a lot of people

but that's what people say right yeah like i've i've lost count of the amount of girls have been like like you know one night stands for whatever but like the guys always come and it's like yeah it's usually true for me but you know um i think some people like whiskey dick or like first time or like a bunch of things can definitely get in the way of that but like that's where it stems from is just that this it's factual thing that's this wrong this wrong fact that's going around or it's being purported as a fact but it isn't true it's like saying all girls can have multiple orgasms yeah you know like some girls they have one they're done i think the majority of people can and i think the majority of guys do come like often enough you know what

i mean but like and i think it's just those facts that get blown out of proportion i actually had a question well it wasn't really a question it was more of like a vent where someone wrote and was just like can you fucking stop saying and it was after one of our uh one of our episodes where we had basically been like look make her come during foreplay and then get to stuff and make her come again like kind of we offhandedly said that and i was gonna bring it to the show even though it wasn't directed at us where she was basically just saying like can people please stop saying that over and over again because i can only come once and after that i get really uncomfortable and i get really sensitive and i get whatever but every guy everywhere is always like no you're wrong and we'll try do. And it's uncomfortable and it's painful. And I'll literally

say no. And they'll keep going. And like a few people were like, yup. So that's fair. I think it's just, it's one of those things where like, but like we all pretty much think it to a certain degree. And like, everybody's pretty self-conscious in bed and like uh wants to do well and make their partner happy so like you put all those things together that's a clusterfuck yeah i mean it boils down to again like like something like that where where you tell somebody if you're like hey like well we'll go light on the foreplay because you know i'm a one and done kind of girl um i've definitely been with girls where like i've been doing my thing and they're like okay you need to stop i'm like that's kind of like the opposite of what i'm used to hearing yeah okay and they're like yeah no it's cool but like

you know if i if i finish i'm i need that cool down i'm gonna dry up and that's that yeah and i would like to fuck that's the thing like everyone's different but it's like you know what i mean like if if she had just sat there and been like well i guess this is happening yeah it sucks or if you had listened and not believed her either yeah you know and i think like like i was just dealing with the why it's a big deal at the start and i think we all know like we all get it like in any sexual encounter we all well we should always want to make our partner happy um as what we're talking about now is i guess like how to fix it which is you fucking listen to your partner yeah and like the thing that he seems to

say is like he's like i have fun having sex you know i mean and like i totally get where this guy's coming from i i think i have the most fun during like you know i mean like sex for me isn't about coming it's like about having sex you know what i mean like i i really enjoy the time that my girlfriend and i spend fucking oh yeah of course um and it's like if it was like a orgasm thing it's like fuck i can jerk off i can i can make myself come you know what i mean it's like whatever but it's it's like the intimacy and the and the the feeling of like being with someone and exactly yeah and like pleasuring somebody else as well like that's super fun um like there are times where i've had

sex and not come that i've enjoyed more than times where i've come but i'm not sure they've had as much fun you know what i mean like um and i think also like if you know you're not gonna come it's not that big of a deal like if you're just if you're going again too quickly after you already went or if like you're a little bit drunk or tired or whatever but somebody still wants to fuck and you know you're not gonna come and you have sex with them like you're gonna have fun i think if like you don't know and then in midway like again maybe you're too drunk or tired or anything and you realize you're not going to that's when it fucking sucks i find whereas like if you know so this person if that's their thing you know if they're used to it like yeah i totally get it why it wouldn't necessarily be a big deal i think if it came out of nowhere and you weren't

used to it that would suck yeah yeah no for sure yeah it sounds like it's like one of those things where you have to sit your girlfriend down and be like hey like if if i was if you didn't do it for me i wouldn't get hard. You know what I mean? Or, like, I wouldn't be with you. Yeah, it's like you, I am satisfied, I'm sexually satisfied, and just, like, don't equate me coming with sexual satisfaction, is the word I'm looking for.

Satisfaction. Satisfaction. And I think that's a big thing. I think especially for like dudes because we're not seen as like intimate or like emotional when it comes to sex. We're usually depicted as like, you know, a jackhammer finish and like we roll over and go to sleep. Like that's sort of like the the general male like sterile mural that has been painted i like that you like that um but but like i think a lot of guys aren't like that um where we're we're perfectly content being intimate with our

partner and and if it like it doesn't happen it doesn't happen yeah and i think like i think the best way to do would be like draw an equivalency of being like look there are days where i can't make you come and i know that's not like i know that's you know what i mean like i i'm not going to get super upset about that and and like this is just the way my body works and well yeah like and like sorry but like i can't change that and if that's going to be a deal breaker for you yeah sorry but like like i literally cannot change the way that my body works yeah and and that's the thing i think you really have to be open with people and like they're probably in their own head about it they're probably thinking badly about themselves like reassure them because when you don't know any better like if you honestly are worried that your partner is just saying it to make you feel better or whatever, like, you're going to get in your head about it. And, like, you know, reassure them.

Let them know. But, like, be open and just, like, let them know that's what your body is like. So, you know. Yeah, it'd be like if you were dating a girl who was a squirter and you were like, I don't like when you squirt. Don't squirt. You know what I mean? It's like. It's like, well.

Yeah, that, like, that pretty much just puts a whole fucking kibosh on just sex being fun. Exactly. The whole time you're just going to be like, fuck it. I don't want to come. I don't want to squirt. I don't want, you know what I mean?

It's like, and then like, then sex isn't about anything other than that. Yeah. And that's pretty much what's happened to this guy where it's like, sex is now just about him not being able to. Exactly. He's never going to have fun doing that.

Let me tell you, that's going to make him not come. If you're if you tell someone like what you have to come like okay you're gonna be way more likely to come when someone tells you not to what then if someone's like you gotta come right now yeah i've definitely been with people who have been like are you close and i'm like i was but not anymore i know don't fuck that up when people like do that way too early or like kind of like apropos of nothing and you're like great yeah super but then they just get down their knees and they're like you're not allowed to come till i say you're like well this got a lot harder yeah literally literally and figuratively oh shit

um all right hit me with one uh you know what i think i'm gonna do the question you ready yep you know the question though i do because guess what guys this is the first time we have gotten a message over our facebook messenger that hasn't been somebody trying to hit on us yeah it's awesome or like trying to find someone to fuck through us yeah or trying to get us to hack other people's messages for them that that one still weirds me out uh so this is from a friend of the show agent cody wanks i'm sure that joke has been made before it's pretty fun let me tell you i don't think i've ever heard it before and it made me actually laugh so thank you for that yeah uh so their question says i went on a first date with

a girl this Friday. I went to a couple bars. It was great. We hit off real good. Got on super well. Went back to hers. Just made out loads. Sounds like a good date.

Next, that was me, not them. I shouldn't interject. Anyway, the next day, Saturday, she texted me to ask if I wanted to go over to her place and hang out. I'm really into her. So I said yes. We didn't hook up or anything. Just stayed up all night and chatted and kissed a whole bunch again is seeing someone in such a short space of time first date and second date within 24 hours weird i know you should just go what feels right

but do you think there's any real drawback with seeing her so much so soon i assume this isn't usual practice when dating someone that was thinking about whether i should see her less frequently moving forward like i said she's great she really into me as far as i can tell boom here's the thing i'm kind of torn on this question and this is strictly from like my dating experience one i think you're doing it right yep um you're not playing that stupid bullshit like i'm gonna wait i'm gonna do this i'm gonna do that for no reason just other than like arbitrary exactly if there was a reason to not meet up with them and you were like, oh, there's this reason, so I didn't, sure.

But the fact that you didn't just do it because, that's great. Yeah, like if you have a great first date and then like she's free the next day and she's like, hey, I'd like to see you again and you would also like to see her, there's no reason not to hang out. There's no reason not to go on that next date

within 24 hours. No. It also makes me think better of her because she's also not playing by these bullshit rules um so i think you i think you've got like a really solid sort of connection and and communication line here and she sounds cool yeah um also this is a side thing but like did you did you look at his profile picture no let me just tell you his outfit killing it um i was like damn i don't i don't want to say anything about it because i don't want anyone to like yeah that's fair you know what i mean like macgyver out

or figure out who he is yeah um oh you are right though yeah hell yeah so um here's my here's where i got like hung up on it is i definitely burnt out on people um when i was when i was single and like seeing multiple people and going on multiple dates in a week i i would like find someone i really liked and then spend a lot of time with them and then be like well i kind of like i don't like i've i've lost it we burnt, okay. That is a you thing though. Maybe. Yeah, no,

that's what I'm saying. It's like, that's coming from like my, my own personal experience. And I will preface that with, with saying like, um, this was during my sort of like dark period in which I was filling a lot.

I can't wait till we have like dark day in fan art. Um, it was, it was like when I was, I was feeling sort of like my own insecurities and inadequacies and unhappiness with sex and like stuff like that. A few things. One, like I doubt there's anyone you burned out with that you then were like, oh my God, they were perfect. Like it would probably happen for a reason, right? Secondly, there is a difference between seeing somebody too much and in too short.

You know what I mean? Like if they then hung out the next seven days that would be one thing well i mean that's that's kind of what happened like i would see well that's what i'm saying i would go on a date with someone and like maybe we'd kiss but then like they would i would or one of us would booty call the other and then like it would be sort of like a week-long like intense thing and then just like the best and then i would just be like yeah and and that's the thing i think if you went and you hung out with them uh that second time and then they're like oh do you want to see me again tomorrow and you're like yeah cool and then they're like you want to see me again tomorrow i think like the longer that goes on the more maybe a bit of a

break is a good thing you know what i mean i think having like that contact again within 24 hours totally cool i think it speaks good for her and speaks good for the date and i think it's good for both of you that you're not hung up on this bullshit idea i do think yeah if somebody wanted to keep hanging out every day for seven or eight or nine days or whatever like it definitely like the longer it goes on the weirder it might get because like if they have that much time to dedicate to somebody they don't really know um and are willing to like then it stops becoming like oh we get on so much and maybe more of a like they don't have anything else in their life you know what i mean because like i i don't think you can be like correct me if i'm wrong but i feel like if you're

if you're leading like a rational well-adjust adjusted life you have friends and a job and like family and all these things that will presumably get in the way of you being able to spend nine days straight with some person you just met yeah you know unless you're like new to a city and all that stuff but even then you're becoming their crutch for that and what i was going to say is again totally cool seeing somebody within that period but i would err on the side of caution if you're the one suggesting it again you know what i mean like to not seem like you're being too right you know again i don't think there's anything wrong with doing it but uh i do find like there's nothing wrong whatsoever with being like yeah totally let's do it but sometimes it can be can be construed the wrong way if you do present it too quickly,

which I think is part of that stupid, like, wait rule. Yeah, you don't want to seem desperate. Yeah, yeah. Again, I don't think you should ever not do that if you want to, but just I would take caution not to appear too desperate. Yeah, if you're the one making the plans, maybe, like, chill. You know what I mean? Like, if you made the one making the plans, maybe, like, chill. You know what I mean? Like, if you made the date the first time,

and then you were also, like, the next to be like, hey, you want to hang out? And then, like, number three, you really want to see her again, you're like, want to hang out? Yeah, I see what you're saying.

It's like, maybe don't... It's fine to be like, keep the pressure, you know what I mean? In terms of communication, you know what I mean? Basically, what we're saying is, like, don't overdo it. Yeah. On either side of the issue. fine to be like keep the pressure you know in terms of communication i guess basically what we're saying is like don't overdo it yeah on either side of the the issue but i think that can kind of go for everything you know what i mean yeah and i think i think the thing is is like

do it feels natural yeah like like just this seems like it's all happening very organically and that's 100 the way that dating should be it shouldn't be like these weird like 10 years ago when there were these like guidelines of like don't do this after these amount of days and this and this and this and this and like if you're at all thinking like oh okay i have to wait x amount of time before anything you're doing it wrong yeah yeah so like if if you don't have these like weird parameters that you've set you're you're gonna have a better time and it sounds like you're having a good time. So I would say keep doing what you're doing. See, I love how this was a good, like it's a good situation

that we both had to then come up with how it could go wrong because it's good. Yeah. I mean, like we've had to reach to like, think of ways to be like, well, in this scenario, but like, no, it's a good's a good, it's a good thing. And like, I hope it keeps going well.

Your go. Oh yeah, it is my go. Yeah, that was me. Um, this is from Reddit user J underscore DX2. My girlfriend is embarrassed when she makes noise. When my girlfriend, really? Yeah. When my girlfriend, a 25, and I, male

25, are having sex, we always enjoy every bit of it. However, when she is in the moment, she uses all control over her body, including her voice. It starts really slow and will eventually end in screaming. Usually, this is even louder than in porn. To be completely honest, I love it. It really lets me know

that she's having a good time, and it's a great turn-on. However, my girlfriend is always embarrassed after we're done. She's always scared that someone will hear us. I told her that the neighbor will not hear us because he's deaf. And I indirectly asked the neighbor downstairs if she hears us. And she said, no. How can I help my girlfriend to learn that it's all right to let go in the act and that there's nothing to be embarrassed about i will say i once slept with someone and they roared and screamed so much that

it was like porn for the hard of hearing like and it was the worst yeah i'm not i'm not a big fan of like screamers and i will say when it's natural and cool, and maybe this different, this girl, like, for, like, it just,

it seemed so fake. You wouldn't even do anything. She'd be like, like, what? Am I a flame? Are you being burnt by, like, what?

Are you going through stigmata right now? Yeah, no, it was awful. And, like, she, I think her thing, she was like,

yeah, no, like, because we talked think her thing she was like yeah no like because we talked about i was like look i just you know one that heads up like you don't need like because i thought she thought she needed to or whatever she was like no i just really enjoyed doing it and i was like oh god yeah can you just turn that down to like a six yeah you're at like a 16 yeah no like let's turn that down yeah no i was i was once with a girl who um like screamed narration and i was just like i wonder what those walls felt like being painted she thought no he barrel rolled his breast she would just scream what i was doing to her and i was like i i know i'm. And I would really rather my roommate not know every move I'm pulling right now.

Maybe he paid her to get a better in-depth kind of look at what was going on. Maybe. He's like, I wonder what he's doing. He felt left out. He's like, I wonder what he's doing in there. She's like, I could tell you. And he was like, yeah, cool. And she's like, he's walking towards the bed.

Oh, his knees touch the covers. He's looming over me now. He looks confused. He's holding his ears in pain. I will say one, maybe not the deaf nather, but like 100% the person who lives below you. Oh, his hair. Yeah. Also, like, how do you indirectly just be like hey uh you ever hear anything coming

from my apartment you ever hear women screaming from my what okay good keep it that way yeah like they definitely think you're a serial killer now this is the thing it's like if you've ever heard anything from her apartment yeah that's the thing like then gauge what she's doing is she having were they screaming she's heard you yeah it's like i promise you she's doing. Is she having... Were they screaming? Yeah. She's heard you. Yeah, it's like... I promise you, she's heard you. We got these new floors, actually, that are really cool. They let the sounds of plates clinking come through the floorboards, but they don't let screaming go down. It's gravity, actually, but the opposite.

In the first apartment, I don't know what the fuck was going on above me, but it sounded like someone was just, like, every half hour or 20 minutes was just taking a bag of marbles and just being like, and we drop them. Maybe they were. Yeah. That's their fetish. Maybe it was, like, Kevin McAllister,

like, home loading, just, like, constantly. Maybe that's the thing. Maybe someone's like, they're going to reboot it one day, and I'm getting ahead of the fucking curve. Never try and go to their apartment. It's just paint cans rigged up.

Yeah. You're like scalding hot door. You're knocking on the door to see if they heard you and you just die. Yeah. With a paint can to the head. Just like sitting on the top of the apartment, just whipping bricks off it. my uh my ex's apartment i don't know how but there was like a vent or something or or something that we would get the sound of a nearby apartment and it mustn't have been like like we only got loud noises and those loud noises were when they practiced steel drums so like we'd be fucking during the summer and you just hear like and it was so fucking funny for like the next just the rest of the podcast just you oh he would always play under the sea as well uh it was fucking it was so funny because like and no offense to all the steel drummers listening but like it's the least sexy music in the world

there's nothing sexy about steel drum whatsoever like i don't even you're trying to get down and like you can't even you can't have slow sensual sex to something that's and you also can't just like have dirty like passionate sex so like like it's like it's like fucking toophone. Like, you just can't do it. Yeah, there's something about field drums. It was so funny. I don't, like, I don't even equate to, like, the Caribbean. I literally think of, like, what white people think the Caribbean is. You know what I mean?

It's like, it's probably not wrong. Yeah, I don't know. What the fuck is this question? Back to the question. Probably not wrong. Yeah, I don't know. What the fuck is this question? I think, like, let her know how hot you find it. Yeah. Emphasize how deaf your neighbor is. Tell her about those special floorboards, and you'll be fine.

Or what you can do is, like, turn it into a game. Like, cover her mouth. You know what I mean? Like, tell her to be quiet. Like, there are things you can do do for a mouthful of baked beans um like take sort of like control the situation like i used to do uh this thing with one of the girls who was i used to sleep with who was very very loud um and i would i would tell her to like be quiet and if she made too much noise i would stop um and it was sort of like this punishment reward situation where like and and like i think it

heightened the pleasure for her because she was she was focusing more on like keeping quiet exactly and like it's like if someone's telling you not to laugh at something yeah it's going to be more funny you know what i mean like exactly and also like if it's the kind of thing that like you can't necessarily control all that well like then it's going to be more funny. You know what I mean? Exactly. And also like if it's the kind of thing that like you can't necessarily control that well, like then it's going to happen at some point and then all that sexual tension is going to keep getting heightened. Yeah. It is a fun game to play.

A hundred percent. And that's the thing. It's like, and then you like, you're incomplete. Like you don't have to do anything. Like if, if you're prone to like maybe finishing a little too early, like you can literally like just go so slow and like tease the fuck out of her because she's gonna want to do it yeah it's gonna like the better it gets the more heightened it's gonna be for her the more likely she is to be noisy and you just get to have that shit-eating

grin and be like gotcha yeah and then it's gonna be so great for her depending on like the level of like physicality you do it's like there could be even like more you know what i mean like it could be a light slap in the face it could be like a hand over the mouth it could be a slap in the ass like depending on what you're you guys are comfortable doing um like you can incorporate something she's embarrassed about and like that will make her less embarrassed about it i think if she if she finds like that there is a place in your sexual relationship for this thing that she's embarrassed about she'll be like oh okay this is this is like what we what we have now very good way to put that fuck we got man murals we got places in our sexual relationships i think this whiskey i think i've

bonded with it last last week it was i'm sorry i got us some cultured ass fucking whiskey yeah um but no that's totally great. And, but also like, even without doing that, you can just like, if you're okay with it, neighbors are either too polite or too deaf to care. Then fucking just let her know that you're okay with it. Like, honestly, too, that you find it hot because like, that's even better than just being okay with it. It's like that thing turns me the fuck on. And like, you know, like normalize it, like talk about it, let her know it was super hot,

play games with it. Like the more it's not this elephant in the room or like this thing that she just has to kind of like think about by herself, the easier it's going to be for her. Yeah. And yeah, just like when she really gets going, like just let her know just be like i'm like i'm literally gonna make you scream yeah you know what i mean and like yeah tell her while you're fucking like i love hearing i love hearing you more i love hearing you scream like fuck yeah just like let that girl know um but like don't piss off that neighbor your neighbor hears you oh yeah she

honestly your fucking deaf neighbor probably also hears you. He feigned deafness just because it was so bad. We've all done it. Fuck, I can't remember. At one point, the guy who lived above us approached my roommate in the parking lot and was like, Hey, man. Is that you having all that sex, Tim? And my roommate was like, No, it's not me.

That's my roommate. He's like, the guy fucks crazy or something like that and like at that point anytime i would run into him it was like he knew who i was and like i knew he knew who i was and it was just so uncomfortable um that's my story that's uh what i love is like he clearly had no issue or like maybe he was just so annoyed that one day or he had no issue with coming up and asking someone if it was the sex that they had once but not twice because once he knew it was you he never mentioned it to you yeah and he never came up and said anything to you so like was he just so annoyed that day or

did he just have one he was like fuck i got shoes i'm picking him and then he was like nope that's it and to be fair it's like if you if you put me and my old roommate side by side i would totally guess he was the one just like i'd touch him yeah all right you got one yeah divorce on table because husband and i can't agree on baby's name. By throwaway01928351. Have you read this one? No. Okay, great. Hello, Reddit.

This title might look funny, but it's an actual problem between me, a 23-year-old female, and my husband, a 24-year-old male. We've been dating for a year, been married for two years. They got married before they started dating. No, I assume they dated, then married. So it's been three years. They got married before they started dating. No, I assume they dated then married. So it's been three years. Got pregnant seven months ago. So recently we started discussing a name for the baby. Ever since we found out it's going to be a girl,

my husband wants to name it his ex's name. It's not any ex, but the one he dated for a long period of time and loved the most. At the beginning of our relationship, we had many problems because of her, but she moved away and the problems went away. He really loved her and he never hid that from me,

but I thought it was over when she moved away. Now he made it clear he wants the baby to have that name, but I can name the second child. When I asked him why he wants that name so badly, he said just because he and his ex didn't work out doesn't mean he doesn't want something to keep reminding him of her. He doesn't understand how much it's affecting me and keeps saying it's just the hormones yikes is he still

in love with the ex or is it normal that he wants to name our child like that thank you and the first answer to this i knew a fucking asshole yeah like i mean i think this is the best example of why you don't get married after three fucking years or rather one year of dating yeah like what i love is like we had problems but then she moved away how long were those problems before you got married like at least a year i would assume less than a year because they were only dating for a fucking year and then they got married yeah fucking 23 i know like that that was my like i was like okay i know 100 this is gonna end in a spectacular train wreck because you're young as fuck you dated for a year and then got married yeah like there's if you love somebody that much there's no rush that's the

thing the only reason to get married that quickly or whatever is you want a tax break you want citizenship or you're fucking terrified that they're going to leave you at which point don't get the government involved. Yeah. Also, you can get that tax break. Like, my girlfriend and I are almost common law. We're almost, like, legally married. Shit. Do you think I can get that

with my roommate? I mean, yeah. They just found out. They don't have to know. I mean, I think... I think they might have to, like... Actually, I don't know. I'm sure there's some sort of

screening process where they look into it. Because look at that other... Like, me and my old roommate could have been... We lived together for like seven years. I want a tax break. I honestly don't even think there's going to be that much of a tax break. Can we get a tax break for being in this closet for so long?

Maybe. Okay. Podcast tax break? Yeah. So yeah, back to... Okay, I have a question. Is he still in love with his ex or is this normal to say? 100% normal.

You're fine. Keep moving. Just ignore all the warning signs that you did in the first year and just keep pounding through your marriage, you fucking lunatic. I'm sorry. I shouldn't put this on her. It's both of them. They've both made terrible decisions.

And now this poor child is going to enter into the world with these two train wrecks of parents you know what's the worst thing is like this is not going to stop at that name right like he's not just gonna be like oh her name's claire that's done he's gonna be like fucking claire who is clarity no i say clara you fuck i changed it up just for you clara me and you meet me at the woods i don't think i know i don't think i've ever dated or hooked up or even been romantically inclined towards a clara it doesn't matter not that the claras i know are not attractive but i think you all have boyfriends i know at least one congratulations on your engagement it was fast but yeah and uh it's gonna be weird when you name

her kid niall anyway uh no i don't know it's it's an easy name like i should i should shake up my name game uh okay this this x is gonna be rose and the wife is gonna be gemelda and uh the hubby's gonna be john john john john yeah there you go got it um like john isn't just gonna be like hey rose this is a great name now i'm gonna live my life normally he's gonna message fucking grade i forget their fucking life normally he's gonna message fucking i forget their fucking names already he's gonna message oh no he's gonna message actual rose and be like hey look it's my kid it's your name and he's gonna use that as some like flirt with her like he doesn't just want to be like yeah i'm gonna live in isolation from this woman i've named my child after he's gonna like he's gonna message her all the time.

He's 100% going to do this. It's going to get weird. He's going to try and fuck his ex because he named his kid her name. Which is weird. I hope not. It's a weird, weird situation and it's not normal. This is the fucking worst situation.

Gamalda, get out of there. John doesn't need you you or you don't need each other it's bad i'm telling you guys please please please please don't get married after a year don't do it take take things slow because like you're just ruining your life otherwise a year is not nearly enough time to find out how crazy someone is no people are really good at hiding that shit yeah you literally do not know how crazy someone is no people are really good at hiding that shit yeah you literally do not know how crazy someone is until after a year's past yeah but also like you shouldn't even be living together after a year yeah like like if you if you like you're

looking for that sweet tax break if you are having troubles in your relationship because of an ex and less than a year has passed that is not the sign to be going and get married yeah also if your excuse for why it's good is like oh she moved away oh so you didn't solve it or deal with anything she's just far yeah like the taste of baked beans after you freeze them yeah um fuck but see here's like the most upsetting thing is there's a kid involved. Like this kid is so fucked. Can you imagine? It's like, mommy, where's my name from?

Well, that slut. Yeah. It's like, no, your, your dad wanted you to be. I'm like, okay. I honestly, even if like it was some great ex who died, I still think it's kind of weird. Here's the thing. It's like, it's fine if you want to honor something that you've gone through, but like that kid isn't.

Well, that's the thing. You're putting that on someone else's life. That you hang up. Yeah. You know what I mean? And it's also something that like the partner and the mother has to deal with. It's not something you can like just if you want to keep a framed picture of your dead ex on your desk okay cool sure but you know what your fucking

wife doesn't have to go in every day and and look at it and take care of it when it's sick and and fucking love it yeah and like say like hush rose and then grimace every time they say the name that kid's gonna have a weird a weird nickname from the mom. The mom's never going to call her that name. She can be like, Ro. Yeah. Now she's an action you do on the boat. He says he loves her.

Yep. Like that's not going to be a paternal thing for her. That's going to be like. It's all going to be weird. Don't fuck with kids. Like don't ruin. Don't don't make somebody's name anything other than about them. Yeah.

Because, like, you literally have to live with that. Fine, when she's a baby, fuck it, babies don't know shit. But, like, when she's 18 and, like, this comes to light, you know what I mean? Yeah. Like, this kid is going to overhear the inevitable fight that is going to, like, come out of this decision. Or Auntie Rose is going to come visit from Germany. Yeah. And Daddy and Auntie Rose are going to spend a lot of time upstairs in the fucking bedroom

knocking over books and bags of marbles. Yeah. Thank God they can only hear clinking plates from down there. Yeah. And not fucking screams. Yeah. Just like, no. Like, and also if someone has a legitimate concern with your fucking relationship

and you're just saying no it's the hormones shut up yeah you're an ass yeah you're a dick this guy just seems like just a 100 fucking asshole who doesn't care about anyone but himself and his ex yeah is it dan oh my god it It's fucking Dan. That's why... Oh, and this was posted. That's why he hasn't been posting. He's too busy with the baby. That's true.

It was seven months ago. So... But this was posted 27 days ago. So it had already been seven months, which means it's now... She's creeping on the due date. She's crowning.

Yeah. So that's where Dan's been. That's. She's creeping on the due date. Mm-hmm. She's crowning. Yeah. So that's where Dan's been. That's where Dan's been. Oh, my God. Anyway, just like... The thought of Dan having a child. PSA, don't... Don't.

Just don't. Just don't. If there's a red flag in your relationship, do not get married to that person until you bury that red flag. And burying that red flag doesn't mean that they've moved away. Just because you no longer get to see that red flag doesn't mean it's gone. All right, let's do one more. I got one more in me. This is from Reddit user ThrowAYay111.

Disgusted by my own kink. I, 24 female, love it when my boyfriend has sex with me while he's watching porn. I don't mean we watch it together. I mean, I'm under a pillow, face down, so I'm literally just a vagina for him to use for his own pleasure. I fucking love it. I've never been so turned on before. I really struggle with arousal and it's always had to use lubricant but not when he's using me

and using is in quotes I can even come without tensing on my stomach and leg muscles something I have to do to achieve orgasm but afterwards I feel so horrible and dirty I literally let my boyfriend use me for as a sex toy while he thinks about fucking other women it wouldn't be a problem if I could say no more, which is what I do after every time,

but as soon as I get drunk slash high slash horny, I just can't help myself. It is truly the best sex ever, and yet when it's over, I still feel disgusting and shameful. Doesn't help that I think my boyfriend prefers it to normal sex, but then again, I do too. Please help. Okay.

There's nothing wrong with liking to be like submissive and like to you know like what were the words like i want to say degraded or like stuff like that like a lot of people are turned on by that that's very common that's one of the most common ways to be turned yeah like humiliation is like yeah one of the most common sort of like dom sub kinks yeah and it's like there's nothing wrong with that and like even like i don't even think that he's watching porn and going yeah this part like you know what i mean like porn is just a rat a route like you know what i mean he's not going this specific person not you you know what i mean i bet that like if you remove porn from the

equation he probably isn't even looking at that much you do the exact same fucking thing you know what i mean like i think i think porn is more for like her it's like a crutch almost it's one of those those things right it's a way to achieve it yeah you know i mean like yeah i think i think it's one of those things where like i think she is so into being used um and i and i say that in like a consensual yeah like consensual sex like she says she likes it and it's like a thing it's not like i think i think the porn is probably more her part of the equation than it is his you know what i mean because like i'm sure he's like he can he can fucking watch porn and jerk off yeah that's the thing i very much doubt he's like hey you want to put on porn

and i can fuck you she's probably and especially because she even says it's like when she gets drunk, when she gets high, like it's not that she's swayed. It's that that's when she wants it, which is probably just when she builds up the courage to do it because, you know, she's, you know, insecure about it, which is fine. Like, but you're allowed to like stuff like that, especially when it's consensual and it's not harmful. That's the thing. You can like fucking especially when it's consensual and it's not harmful that's the thing and like fucking anything if everyone's on board with it yeah you're allowed to do whatever you want like if once everyone's of sound mind and able to consent yeah like if

you know you know what i mean like slathering peanut butter all over each other sure if you're into that if that's what you want and your boyfriend's like i'm so fucking down yeah then fucking go for it. I feel like some people just like they don't think it's okay for themselves to like that, which clearly is what this girl feels. And that's not true. like a submissive or any sort of humiliation fantasy or anything like that is they're taking sort of agency away from themselves or like degrading themselves as a person as opposed to satisfying a sexual urge yeah and it's like it's a completely different thing it's like a woman who wants to be tied to a post and whipped sexually does not think that she's property

in her like day-to-day life you know what i mean like nine times out of ten i would even wager that like those are probably the more like the more dominant women in like their social lives and they're like sort of like non-sexual life um but but i think people who aren't familiar with or or that experience in like that kind of sexual realm do we know what age they are uh i think she's at 23 okay that makes fairly young that makes sense because i feel like people usually get developed in their kinks as they grow older because like when you're young you don't necessarily want to like you're there's always that fear of blowback or appraisal if you're like hey i'm into this thing and like someone's like what the fuck and then you end up on reddit and we laugh at your

horse fetish on this podcast. We didn't laugh. We did. Anyway. No, we didn't. There was an update, by the way. He bought a horse mask and a dragon dildo and is committed to entering into this fetish with her. Because as he put it, he loves her enough that the discomfort caused by it, like it's not actually harmful. He just was like, fuck it.

I can do this for her if she loves it so much. Yeah. That's cool and i think that i mean i don't know this relationship and i can't like or do you but but like it's it's one of those things where i'm like i pretty much feel like this guy's probably like okay sure like if you want me to do this all right oh this one yeah yeah i'm sure i'm i'm sure he's like you know i would love to know who initiated it, or, like, who, like, how this started. I would love to know the first time this happened. I bet she brought it up while drunk or something. Or she was like, I don't know, it sounds like it was her thing. Or if not, he said that she agreed to it and then was like, I fucking love it.

Yeah, but that's the thing, it's like, what matters is you fucking love it. Yeah, so, like, you love it and you both want to do it so like there's nothing wrong with that i do think maybe aftercare could be a more necessary part of this because like she seems to actually like let the fun degradation then become actual like degradation like oh i bet he actually was this or he whatever so like i'll bet that he doesn't know that you actually are internalizing and getting a little sad about some of the parts and that it lingers afterwards because he's probably just like that was so fun and he's lying there with a happy dick yeah um if you are listening man um i think like just like cuddle her like tell her she's awesome like make

sure she knows that like this was a thing for both of you with each other you know what i mean like make eye contact and yeah like afterwards give her a kiss like tell her she's fucking awesome and like you know turn it for like make sure that you round it off with that stuff instead of just like you know because because i she's clearly not 100% comfortable with it despite liking it. And, like, you know, just mature it a little bit together. Yeah. I mean, like, I've had experience where, like, girls who really liked, like, being slapped and being choked and, like, being called a slut and, like, all that kind of stuff. And, like, this is stuff they wanted from me.

But I've always made sure, like, afterwards, I didn't even think about this, but, yeah, like, that aftercare is super important in that kind of relationship. Even if it's just, like, something as simple as, like, if there's, like, redness from, like, any strikes from, like, on the ass or whatever, like, rub them or, like, kiss them or, you know what I mean? Like, not apologize, but show that, like, that was a sexual thing. Yeah, exactly. And that the care you have for them now is taking over. And, like, now you want to make the things that you did during sex time better. Yeah, exactly. And, like, again, once everyone's down for it.

But just, like, make sure they know that, you know, you still care about them. Yeah, know that there's a line between, like... Sex play and life. Yeah. care about them yeah no there's a line between like sex play and life yeah like like yes you might be a vagina to be used during this kind of sex but like i don't think hopefully he doesn't see you like that i would in the day i would hope not you guys are having breakfast in the morning i hope he's not just like look at this fucking vagina eating her cheerios just shoving cheerios up there oh it sounded like he was flashing his vagina the first one and now she's putting cheerios in hers this is a weird breakfast

but i dig it yeah that's that's what i meant to it's the best cheerios ad i've ever vaginal breakfast. It's my favorite band. Alright. Do you want funny and dramatic or do you want just some horrific seduction shit? Go with your heart. Okay. I'm not going to read the title. There was no cheating and I'm not going to break up with anyone.

Just looking for some anonymous, crowdsourced advice. My girlfriend is rad, fun, smart, and sexy. She's also very comfortable destroying my environment with her farts. I love her. Nasty-ass gas or not, but it's getting old. I'll preempt the usual questions. She rips ass the same amount as any other person. Healthy, fine, nothing wrong.

Problem is, I don't like it when she torches the room while I'm sitting on the couch with her. I try to communicate that, and she doesn't take it seriously. And it is funny, which is why I don't know how to communicate how much I don't like it. To be fair, I rip ass like anyone else too, but I understand my farts are fuego, so I'll generally aim for a window. I don't get that same courtesy, though.

When we're at home alone together, she just releases. No discretion, not a fuck given in the world about my nostrils and watering eyes in all seriousness how do i communicate a ceasefire without coming off as an asshole oh boy um you can't have a ceasefire without a war you need to go to all you can eat sushi you need to figure out what it is that gets your guts rumbling. Eat like seven just raw heads of broccoli. Wait. Bake all the beans.

Find all of her beans. Bake them. But here's the twist. Don't freeze them. Eat them. Eat them. Eat every fucking bean. Every bean.

Every fucking bean. Yeah. bean um yeah no 100 like you have to take her to school yeah and like that's that's the way to do it get it so bad that she's like dude what the fuck and you say i will if you will yeah yeah yeah you know i mean like no one's ever like like no country's ever been like hey you wanna you want to, you want to cease fire? It's like, we're not fighting. Yeah. If someone's just like kicking the shit out of you in the side of the road and you're

just lying in the field position, you don't go, Hey, call truce. Cause that's not truce. That's a, I'll stop beating you and I'll stop being beaten. Yeah. Whereas if you're wailing and he's wailing and you're both just watering eyes and flaming nostrils and you can be like, yo, yo, yo, we... Let's cool this off. Make this a Cold War?

Yeah, this is getting out of hand, or out of ass. And yeah, you need to like boil something special for her, and then invite her into a room, and then just fucking lock her in. Get her into a closet. If you have a walk-in closet. Tell her you... Oh.

Oh. I control the door here, motherfucker. I'm trying to get my phone. You know what you need to do? Tell her you've a horse fetish. Fart in the horse mask and make her put on. Yes! You need to get so devious with your ass

treachery that's treachery uh you know what's really funny though is a few comments down original poster says i thought about retaliation but it's a slippery slope and i'm not sure that's where i want to take this relationship. Yeah, I think, like, let's be real. You got to do it. Like, you got to, like, just, even if you're just sitting on the couch and you just, like, ass up on her face, just right in her face and just be like,

that's the last one. Someone says, are they silent but deadly or loud as fuck kind and then says one leave a lasting impact hold her down whilst you subject her to rapid fire farts and establish your dominance and he goes i mean both the loud ones are funny but the silence slap you in the face ones out of the blue farts are the upsetting ones brutal ground rules a good idea especially the no farting while cuddling i'll try it as for the lasting impact idea I already tried it

but it backfired we were drunk she farted a few initial blasts so I let one brew and released one of the vicinity of her head she climbed up on me like a little monkey

and farted on my shoulder I gave up after that I think she's unbeatable yeah no I think you might have fuck yeah I think you're screwed my dude i didn't i didn't know she was so agile yeah that's the thing right i thought she was just like a ponderous farther but if she's got like a deck score like 20 yeah i don't know man just critical

farting yeah i think that's gonna do it for this week, friends. Thanks for listening. You're welcome. And follow Agent Cody Wank's example and find us on Facebook. Yeah. And send us messages and send us questions because I know you have them. It made us so happy. Yeah, we literally freaked out about it for like a good chunk of time. Oh, no, wait.

We were cool. Yeah. Yeah, it was so cool. We were so cool. We were so chunk of time oh no wait we were cool yeah yeah it was so cool so cool so cool yeah yeah we was we were we're cool uh if you want to find a face group you can find it on facebook.com slash fck buddies podcast if you have a question and you want to keep it uh kind of anonymous and don't use facebook for whatever goddamn reason, you can hit us up on Gmail at fbuddiespodcast at gmail.com or if you want to let everyone know what you're working with, find us on Twitter at fck underscore buddies.

Hashtag tweet these boys. Tweet these boys. And they made it sound like we're not going to keep your shit confidential if you send it on Facebook, but we will. I think he meant just an alternate way that is also confidential. Yes. Gmail. And do let us know if you want an agent name or if you want to be unveiled in all your glory.

Yeah. And we won't do, like, last names. We'll just do first names. Yeah, for sure. You know. Last thing we want to do is get people targeted for creepy shit. Thank you, Josh Eagle and the Harvest Cities for their song, Paper Stars. Yeah.

I need some sex writing. Okay. I'd already jumped straight to the Dan because I fell down the Danvers hole like just so long. You're saying a lot of words and none of them are sex writing. How do you know? Everything Dan writes is sex writing. Oh my god.

Here we go. Yep. I'm pretty sure... Do you remember the question we had in about the guy's first time and he was confused as to why choked yeah yeah pretty sure this is the part the choker and her recount of the night this is against nature by Tomas Espedal. Heloise has lost all sense of how she ought to behave. She practically throws herself at Abelard, pulls him to the floor and straddles him as if they're two boys fighting. She presses him to the ground, pins his hands to the floor. She kisses his face and licks it.

She bites his lip. She bites his cheek. She pants in his ear, shouts his name in his ear. She whips his face with her hair. She stops his mouth hard with her hand and takes his breath away. She rides above him the way she imagined that one day she'd ride a boy, a man, a beast. I love the idea of just screaming someone's name in the air. Darren! Stephen! Stephen! I'm alive!

It's just like the least sexy. And then you just whip them with your hair. Yeah. Start choking them. Like, oh man. Alright, Dan time? Yeah. Start choking them. Like, oh, man. All right, Dan time? Yeah. But yeah, please, please message us.

Please recommend us to a friend. Or a lover. Or a frother. Yep. Well, goodbye. Fuck, I don't even know. I found so many good Dans. And by good Dans, I mean awful.

But guess what? Dan Watch 2019 still know Dan. Yeah, he's too busy getting ready for his baby. I'm going to message him right now. You know, oh, guess what I did on the fucking subway today? I accidentally liked a tweet by Dan. No! I unliked it immediately.

But I hope that doesn't spur him. Yeah, he got it and he went instantly hard. Dan says, should I trust my wife when she is asking for time apart? No. She's taking Rose and she's leaving you.

Oh boy, I'm Dane Miller. And I am Rose. And we're your fuck buddies. Mwah.