F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 218 - Chuck E Cheese’s Sleepy Chicken

Episode Date: December 5, 2022

It's not included in any of the party packages, but if you find the right suspicious looking kid, he'll hook you up.  Topics include constant cheating accusations, no sex two weeks before meeting, really hot bully, a childish first date, sibling only birthday dinner, tired of talking...forever, caught condomless, suspicious co-worker, and cracking jokes about cheating.

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller. And I am Niall Spain. And we're your fuck buddies. We are an award-winning dating and sex advice podcast

where we take your sticky, sexy situations, turn them into sexy, sticky situations. Simply put, we are a sex and dating advice podcast that finds questions either out in the wild or from yourselves, our wonderful listeners. And we answer them right here, right now, in your ears, together, collaboratively, erotically, hilariously, conscientiously,

responsibly. Sometimes. Sometimes, but most of the time. First and foremost, we just decided this right now, like literally three seconds before recording. It's going to be a rapid fire episode. We're going to do it. 100%. You ready? Yep.

This is by cpaul23. Girlfriend keeps accusing me of cheating. I keep going out with my girlfriend for four months now. Oh, I misread. I've been going out with my girlfriend for four months now. She previously had been cheated on by her last boyfriend. I know she has insecurities, but I don't know if last night she went too far. She saw a girl post a story on Instagram.

When I showed her one of my pictures, she noticed a girl on there and instantly accused me of messaging her and cheating. She always makes comments to me like, oh, I bet you're always messaging girls. And why are you lying? Just be honest. I haven't ever texted a girl or messaged a girl since we've been dating. And I never would. I even told her she got my Instagram account and check whenever she wanted. I feel like every week now she's constantly pissed off at me for stories she's making up in her head and honestly breaks my heart. And I don't know how to react as I love her so much any advice okay this is something that happens all of the time it is her problem not yours that is something i'd like to say first and foremost this is her insecurity but you guys are together and if you care about her this is something that you can work through this is something that you have

to sit her down and say hello i understand that understand that you were cheated on, but I'm not that person. So you need to either deal with this, maybe go to therapy, get some help, discuss with a professional, trust issues. But if you don't trust me because of your past relationships, then we can't be in a relationship now until you learn that I am not the person that cheated on you. And it is unfair to hold me accountable for their actions when I've done nothing to warrant this. Yeah, this literally happened to me. My ex was someone who was cheated on in her previous relationship. And this cycle, this like chaotic, awful, abusive cycle

was my life for a while. And it would always be like, oh, you're cheating on me, you're cheating on me. There would be no reason, no rhyme, no anything as to why she was saying that. And it was always just like this crazy thing that was in her head that I would always take all these steps to assure her. And we had issues where she would go through all my stuff and then come back to me all happy and be like, oh, don't worry. I realize you weren't. And stupid me would be like, great, we're past this. And then it would just happen again. So I think what Dane said is true. You need to sit them down.

You need to talk to them, be flat out about how trust is necessary. But you also need to, I think, draw a line in the sand. And that line in the sand is you don't get accused in two weeks of cheating on her for no reason. And if happens you say hey we set this line you're doing it again and it's unfair to me and you either call it then or you give her that one chance and if it happens again you just gotta call it you can't keep dating someone who treats you like this because you will find yourself in your next relationship and you will be feeling guilty about everything you do and i will also, you're allowed to talk to women in a relationship. That is a, there's

no reason, granted, I don't know if you mean by like messaging women. I don't know if you mean by like flirting with them and like that kind of stuff, then yes, obviously that's not cool to do unless that is something allowed in your relationship. But if someone posts a picture of their dog, like a woman posts a picture of a dog and they are your

friend and you're like, hey, that's a cute puppy. That's fine. You're not committing any crimes and you shouldn't be made to feel guilty for communicating with women when you're in a relationship. There's nothing wrong with that. You know, if you're doing something wrong or at least you should, you know what I mean? Like if you're constantly sending hard eyes to people and telling them that you know they look great and blah blah you know i mean like if you're if you're flirting with people or intentionally sort of like flirting with people then obviously yeah you know you shouldn't be doing that don't do it but if you're just communicating with women that's fine yeah if you just have fucking friends

because i hate people who are like oh my partner won't let me, you know, be friends with people of the opposite sex. And that's fucked. Yep. So draw a line in the sand. Talk to them if you need to. And you will need to if they don't change. Break up with them. Because believe me, you are doing yourself a giant favor.

This question is very close to my heart because this sucks. All right. Next question. Yep. This is by HKHKY. Question for guys. All right. Next question. Yep. This is by HKHKY. Question for guys. I emoji. Let's say you get to know someone, brackets, relationship potential, and arranged everything

to meet her in person and travel, thinking emoji, two weeks before your meeting. Would you still have casual sex with someone you know from the past? I'm confused. Are they asking like, oh, you've met someone that you think you might want to date, but you haven't met them yet? Yeah. I assume they like have chatted on Tinder or whatever. And two weeks before meeting, but you haven't met them yet? Yeah. I assume they like have chatted on Tinder or whatever. And two weeks before meeting, would you have casual sex with someone?

Yeah. Yeah. Why wouldn't you? Exactly. It's, we talk about it all the time where people think that like, you know, until you have the chat of being exclusive, you're not exclusive. And you should assume that you're like, people are sleeping with other people or at least going on dates with other people it is even wilder to think that oh i have matched with someone and therefore i shouldn't sleep with

anyone else like you haven't met them you haven't gotten a first date with them you have no idea if you like this person or not to then be like oh i'm not going to sleep with anyone because i might i have a potential date two weeks from now with someone who potentially might be someone I might potentially get into a relationship with is a wild thing to me right like it's absolutely wild and I think that that's it like I don't really think we need to add anything it's like if you expect that you're probably the kind of person that's upset that somebody slept with someone before they knew you like because it's in that same kind of like oh you you used to date someone that's upset like that's upsetting to me it's like i didn't even fucking know you like stop you can't hold what people did in the past against them in

this way especially when like everybody's relationship potential before you meet them because you don't know them because they're nothing there are a few texts on the screen unless they know you're absolute trash by then why i brought this is all the comments are like how could they they're they're not a serious relationship person they're like a scumbag my husband my wife it's like my wife it's just ridiculous yeah i will say the caveat is if you are leading that person you're having sex with on and are intending to never talk like ghost them once you start seeing this new person but then i think question that's that's a different thing i would say like that's the only like if you're just using someone like to fill the gap i think that's

a shitty thing to do but if you're just if this is someone that you have a sexual relationship with yeah go for it also let's face it people cancel dates all the time yeah so if this is your mentality going forward then you might literally just never have sex again if you keep like you match with someone and you're like great we have a date set two weeks from now perfect and then you know the night of oh i'm not feeling very well can we reschedule well it's two weeks you just didn't have sex and now it's like let's reschedule two weeks from now are you then also not going to have sex for those two weeks and just yeah forever not have sex until you have a date with someone

that you think you might want to date eventually and even then it's like this kind of thinking is so bullshit because it's three weeks before okay is four weeks like when's the cutoff point that you're not going to get offended by it and the thing is what if i start talking to you and it's going really well and you're like oh let's meet up at the end of the week and i'm like shit i had sex two weeks ago i did have it's like swimming yeah it's eating before you go to the pool like oh fuck man i can't get in the pool i i ate like 10 minutes ago it's like oh sorry i can't go on a date with you i did have sex two weeks ago right like can you have to be like oh i would love to meet you i will have to postpone it by 14 days though yeah

like i'm good on uh wednesday after 8 04 p.m yeah in 12 days and two hours i'm good yeah yeah so like this you know this is ridiculous stop holding things like this against people and just meet them and go from there. No one's exclusive until you've made the agreement to be exclusive. So stop expecting people to be secret exclusive, especially before they even met you. Like literally, literally more pumping through them. This is by Green Delay 3528. Would you date someone who constantly bully your brother in high school but insanely hot? Genuinely want to know. Is he still an asshole? Look, I will, there's a clarification. Like, is he still that fucking bully? Is he still, or has he repented? Because I think that, like, I don't think it's fair

that we hold people to the standards that we were in high school. You know what I mean? Like, we were all fucking idiots. There was a lot of learning and a lot of growing that can happen between then and now granted i again i don't know how old you guys are but like would i meet someone now and think like oh this is how you were like in high school so therefore unless you were particularly terrible and i don't have any like i do resent you for it then like why would i date you right um i think one it depends on how terrible this bullying was and how badly it affected your brother if your brother was like in tears every night or super

depressed or you know had thoughts of self-harm because of the absolute torture this person put your brother through i think it's weird to be like man he's hot though i think that's shit i think it's a shit position to have i think you should hold yourself to a higher standard if you bullied my brother i wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire yeah like i i would literally tell you to go fuck yourself the only caveat which you kind of mentioned is like if for some reason you had bullied my brother and since then you guys had made up and were cool because even if nowadays I know you're a different person, but my brother still is upset. Right. That would be way more important to me than you being hot.

Because like, fuck that. So 96% of the time, no. 4% of the time, if you and my brother were explicitly cool, maybe. Yeah, if you've gone out of your way to bury the hatchet with my brother. And, you know, he of your way to bury the hatchet with, with my brother and you know, he's, he was, he's understanding as to your circumstances because like, again, we, we know the reasons why people bully. There's usually some sort of trauma that is, you know, exacerbating that situation.

So like, if you do end up being vulnerable and honest with my brother and you're like, Hey, sorry, I was abused at home and I took it out on you and I'm really sorry. And my brother's like, I understand. Thank you for apologizing. You know, we're good. Then like, yeah, that's a potential partner, I think. But if it's just like, yeah, it was 10 years ago. It was two years ago.

It's not a big deal. He's forgotten. No one forgets their high school bully. All right. Next one. We just fucking pounded. Let's fucking go. This is by throwRA2627.

I, 19 year old female, female told him 22 year old male i wanted to go on a date to chucky cheese and he stopped responding yes again uh 19 girl and 22 year old male okay he asked me on a date three times and the first two times i said no then yesterday he asked again and i agreed he asked me on a date three times and the first two times i said no then yesterday he asked again and i agreed he asked me where to go and i said chicky cheese i was being serious lol he didn't respond just left me on read should i double text or assume he's no longer interested lol why why would you say that why would you because, I wouldn't be dating a 19 year old anyway at my age. I think I'm over the the 19 year olds at this point in time. But even even if I was like 22 or 25 dating a 19 year old, the second you're in the teens, there's immediately a sense of immaturity or youth to it, why would you throw gasoline on the fire by being like,

I want to go to a place that is explicitly for children? Yeah. I also feel like if you've said no twice and the third time you're like, yeah, bring me the Chuck E. Cheese, it sounds like you're saying no again. It sounds like you're now, yeah, now you're really saying no yeah and like even if you do want to go to chucky cheese i've never been i don't know what is there for an adult did you have uh like is there an irish alternative to chucky cheese you know what chucky cheese is right pete's okay is that like sort of the same thing it It's like, you know, shitty arcade games where you win tickets to buy, you know, like an eraser. No, but it's kind of like an indoor like playground playground thing.

Yeah, I guess is tricky cheese more like a playground or more like video games? It's it's both. So there's like the ball pit. There's like the little like, you know, thing that you climb around in and stuff like that. Okay. So there's also like was pretty all whack-a-mole like that kind of shit yeah it was fucking rad but would i go as an adult no because they wouldn't let me in it's it's children there's children everywhere and it's for children like i and like that's that's it right like if you want to if you think you're like lol so random let's go to chucky cheese go with your friends right if you if you want to, if you think you're like, LOL, so random, let's go to Chuck E. Cheese. Go with your friends, right? If you want to roll in with like three of your girlfriends and go to Chuck E. Cheese and have a good time and eat some shitty pizza and like play in the ball pit and get all of those sticky kid germs all over you. Great. But the last thing that I would want to do on a date is be one, surrounded by screaming children.

Two, I don't think they serve alcohol at Chuck E. Cheese. They might for the parents. I don't think they serve alcohol at Chuck E. Cheese. They might for the parents. I don't know. And three, imply that you are younger and immature than you already are at 19. So what you do need to do when you go to Chuck E. Cheese is there's always that one really cool kid with like sunglasses. And if you go and talk to him, he's been fermenting chicken fingers behind the radiator. So you can get some hooch from him get some of that chucky cheese moonshine chicken yeah yeah go on a chicken bender he's got the the back of the one of the toilets is like a sleepy chicken

oh yeah you'll definitely get some fucking sleepy chicken off this kid if you don't know what sleepy chicken is it is a chicken brined in nyquil it's also highly poisonous so don't cook it don't say this podcast made you cook it we do not support that okay oh man yeah don't don't do this so the thing is it's like look if you really want to go fine, but you have to realize that as a first date, that's still not a good option. Even if you do genuinely want to go, it's like, you should pull your head out of your ass just enough to realize that like, this is not a normal response. This is maybe like date 12 where you're like, Hey, I have a crazy idea. Let's go to the Chuck E. Cheese. I really miss the chicken fingers or something. And then

like, you guys know each other enough that like you can get past it. It might actually be then fun, but there are some things that just don't go well on the first day. And this is definitely one of them. Imagine trying to fucking talk and some kids literally shitting themselves and crying right there. Yeah. Yeah.

It's like the least sexy environment. It's like, it just makes you seem like a child. And like the last thing I want to do is date a child. I just don't want, I don't want to think about it. I don't want it to be peripheral. I don't want it to, I don't want to feel like I'm dating someone that I shouldn't be dating. And if I'm going to a Chuck E. Cheese with you, if I'm bringing you to a Chuck E. Cheese, I will feel more like your parent than I do your date. And that is fucked up.

Yeah. If you really want to go, as Dan said, go with your friends or go later on when you're actually dating someone, you should be able to understand first dates. There's times and places for those. And Chuck E. Cheese is neither unless you're seven. And listen, I don't, I'm sure there there's probably some sort of adult version of this. Like I know in Toronto, there's a place called Pursuit that has like a ball pit. That's like an adult playground. That's like it's made for adults. It is for grown ass people.

So I try to find something similar to that. Or like if you're yearning for that, you know, youthful something something nostalgia go to like mini putt or laser tag or you know something that isn't so just like ingrained in kid as yeah there's probably like there are adult mini golf courses in toronto that's yeah booze they're fucking nightclubs basically you know what i mean go paintballing go climbing like do something that's not fucking chucky cheese or a barcade or hell even a dave and busters right like that's that's not fucking chucky cheese or a barcade or hell even a dave and busters right like that's that's essentially adult chucky cheese yeah go to like what was the place you went to in boston uh fuck i don't remember either way it was basically a dave

and busters and it was a lot of fun they did good drinks and we got to make a lot of father's father's days by giving them our video game cards yeah our free our free pass all right ready yeah this is okay reception 1297 husband doesn't include me on birthday dinner with siblings husband got invited by siblings for birthday dinner his birthday i was excluded because it's siblings only i was hurt but went along with it then husband's brother wanted to invite their so i want to make it open for all S others to come along, but husband was so upset and clearly didn't want me or any other SO to come. Now keep in mind, I never would or have celebrated my birthday without husband. In fact, just last year when my brother wanted to take me out on a dinner for my birthday, husband was happily invited by me. Am I too sensitive or

overthinking this? I expressed how I felt sad about the situation, how I would have loved to celebrate with husband. I was told I'm being too selfish and it's not about me. I don't know what to think or how to feel. Okay. Two things. You're married, my man. That's the dumbest thing you could ever say to your wife. Like just, just flat out being like, it's not about you.

You're being selfish or whatever. It's just such a fucking terrible way to approach someone being honest and vulnerable with you. You know? Now, i would love to know if those were his exact words or if like right that's her takeaway because it doesn't have to be about her considering it's about him and his siblings he just wants to hang out yeah also you're allowed to do multiple things for your birthday my birthday had just passed you know i specifically went to dinner with my boys right like i Like I didn't invite a bunch of people to dinner

because I wanted to sit and have a meal with you guys and hang out before we then went to karaoke where I went with all my friends. And then I also had a friend of mine made dinner with just me and her. And like there was, I did a bunch of things with different people and at no point in time,

hopefully did anyone feel excluded from those celebrations because you're allowed to have different relationships and different facets of relationships. And so like at no point in time when I celebrate my birthday, like I, there were multiple times where like, we went out for like a steak dinner for our birthdays and it was just us and the boys. But like, that didn't mean that I didn't then go and have dinner with my partner. Yeah. An important thing about this question is it would be very different if he was like, oh, you're not invited. And then everyone else was showing up, but there are significant others. Yeah. And he specifically doesn't want that, which means he wants to hang out with his siblings, which is lovely. Yeah. It might be one of those things where perhaps,

maybe he doesn't like one of his siblings partners oh yeah that's actually a good point i hadn't considered he might just want to spend some time with his fucking family and i really don't think that i think that's again lovely i think that's very nice and as dane said you guys should just do something else give him this time let him enjoy it like you being like oh well i invited him to dinner with my brother that i actively wanted to do you can't say that that means he needs to invite you because that's like saying i had a good date so you must have just because you want to do a thing doesn't mean he wants to do a thing yeah and he you invited him right this is you being like i want to come

it's like exactly okay cool that's very nice this is, this is sibling time the same way that like, you shouldn't try to invade on, on like a boy night. And like, I respect like anytime we have like a guy night, there's many times where you ask if your partner, if it's cool, if your partner comes along sort of that self-awareness of being like, oh, is this a boy night? Or is this a like a everyone can kind of come situation? Because like that stuff is important. We talk about it all the time, how it's important to like live different social lives when you're in a relationship. And if you can't do that, if you have to be involved in every facet of your partner's social life, it can get a bit overbearing and it becomes codependent. And the thing is like the best part, or not the best part, but one of them, anytime my partner's coming to a thing,

they're like, oh, is it a boy thing? Or even like when they hear about it, it's like, oh, is it a guy thing? Like should I not come or like whatever? Yeah. And that's awesome. Whereas this, it's like, look, it's cool that you want to spend time with your husband,

especially on their birthday. Do something else with him and don't be upset when he wants alone time with his siblings. Yeah. Or his family or his friends or, you know, let him breathe. And this goes forever. Not just birthdays, right? Like if there's a night where he wants to hang out with a certain group of friends, let him hang out with that certain group of friends.

I will say you can enter problematic territory if he never wants to do anything with you or as nile said like if it turned out that wives and significant others and whatever were invited and he actively is like no i don't want you there then yes that's a problem that you need to address but if it's just sort of like hey sorry it's just me and the guys going out watching wakanda forever it's just a guy night it's like okay cool me and the guys are going out for wings oh can i come no and like that's not saying no to those questions isn't a bad thing no and i think we need to like normalize the fact of being like no i'm sorry but like it's it's not a partner night yeah or it's just like yeah you shouldn't have to have like you know the old shitty fucking like 20 years ago, everyone referred to their fucking partners as balls and chains. You know, that old like weird, like, Oh, I'm a guy and my wife is dragging me down bullshit. It's like, if either side of relationship can't let the other person breathe or be alone or enjoy their friends or have time to themselves, you kind of are a ball and chain. So it's like, and I don't mean that, yeah, you know what I mean? I'm not supporting anyone who uses terminology like that.

I'm just saying, don't drag your partner down. Don't cling to them. Don't be this imprisoning weird force. They should be supportive of you and your friends and your time by yourself and vice versa. And there are also times in relationships and stuff where like, I know that a partner might not enjoy the things that we're doing, right? Like there have been plenty of times where we've gone over to a friend's house. We've just sat and played video games and drank beer and like talked bullshit.

I was like, you're not going to have fun. I know you're not going to have fun. This isn't your scene. So like, I know you want to hang out, but like, you're not going to have a good time and I'm not going to invite you to this so that you, I'm now going to have to worry about entertaining you as well. Just, this is okay okay let him fly free he'll come back if he doesn't maybe he's cheating on you with his siblings okay so we all love a good question that gives us all the details right love it uh this is by suhit jed have i need She texts me, don't be upset. I'm tired of talking.

What does that mean? How should I respond to this text message of her? Perfect. Well, here's what it means. It means she is tired of talking and she doesn't want you to be upset. How do you know, though? How can you glean that from this message, Dane? I would love to know. It does seem like perhaps there is some translation situation just out of syntax and grammar.

Yeah, maybe. I would love to know if what he said she said is word for word or if it's being filtered through another layer of almost like a broken telephone situation of being like she said something. He interpreted it this way and now is saying it that way but you know what like the simple thing is if someone says they're tired of talking you can be like like if you guys are arguing i could be i could get like look i'm done with this i'm i'm exhausted maybe it's nighttime maybe it's 2 a.m and she's literally tired of talking in which case you say hey no. You reach out when you have the energy or the time. Again, unless you're having an awful argument, you don't want to talk to them again.

What if it's like a Tinder that's just gone on for too long and she's like, I'm sick of talking. Come over and rock my world because that's going to be a lot better. There's no way we can answer this. I think the only question you should ask is if someone says, don't be upset, I'm, what is it? I'm tired of talking talking i would just say forever damn right because that's that's really what you need to know are you are you calling it quits forever or just right now that's a good point yeah yeah that's you know and again without context we have no idea so you can without context i think that's the the only advice i could give you is find out if she means it temporarily or indefinitely.

Yeah, that's a good point, because if it's indefinitely and you're still holding on and weeks go by and you're still, you know, in a relationship with this person, you're going to be very upset when you see her out of town with Josh. Yeah. And yeah, I think we got to end that question there. Yep. This is Instruction Melodic 97. Went on a second date with a girl I like. She was super into me, but I didn't have any condoms. Came back to my place to watch a movie after eating out.

We made out et cetera for a long while. Then she asked if I had condoms. And I said, no, as I didn't think we'd be do anything last night. She was pretty annoyed and I'm worried we might not meet up again. Any chance I saved this or did I mess up bad? I asked if we can meet up again. And she seems a bit more hesitant. The only thing I can think of, again, not a whole lot of detail

here. I would like to know how the conversation went after that. Like, did she just get really cold and like, did the make out stop? For me, if I didn't have condoms on hand, I would be like, hey, doesn't mean I can't get you off though. And then I would go down on her. There's plenty of ways to get sexual release and sexual

satisfaction. Satisfaction. Satisf satisfaction satisfaction there we go without having sex sex is not like the only way to pleasure a partner so you could have had actually a lot of fun and a lot of like anticipation building moments of being like getting each other off you know either through mutual masturbation or oral sex or whatever and then being like great next time you come over i will be sure to have condoms and we can we can fuck because i think like after doing something like that i would be like i want to fuck you so bad yeah 100 i'm like that would also settle apart from other dates because either people will have condoms or which is my fear in this case you either said or appeared like you were trying to fuck her without one how i i would hope that this went would be like no i don't have any condoms on me and unfortunately you know i don't feel safe

or comfortable having sex with that one right because then then it frames it as as you are saying i don't i'm sorry as opposed to being like no sorry babe no condoms but we can do it anyway yeah it's no condoms we can't have sex as opposed to no condoms dot dot dot depending on how it went down if you didn't clarify if you didn't because again you had an option to get her off in other ways if you didn't take that route that kind of sucks right it's like i i would love to know if she did stuff for you and if you did stuff for her because it doesn't sound like you did stuff for her yeah so i don't know but like if you're dating someone and you go back to their place and they

don't have condoms that's not exactly very mature of them you kind of seem like a bit of an idiot oh i mean like any number like you might think you had some or i know but maybe you're not super sexually active so it's not something or you just got a relationship where you didn't use one even then it's like i would have them on hand yes obviously if you're dating you should have a supply of condoms and you should always like don't wait until you're on your last one because you never know what's going to happen the second i get down to like my last three or four i buy another box just in case for sure so it's like it's possible that she either thought you were

angling to have sex without a condom, which is a lot, what a lot of people do. And it's kind of scummy. I'm imagining that's where it mostly lies with. Otherwise, they might just be like, really? We're dating. You bring me back to your house. You don't have a condom.

Like, what are you doing? Yeah, absolutely. I think this is a very good thing in a way because you can literally send her a message and be like hey fixed our problem picked up some condoms wink let me know when you're free next week like that's fun she's giving you a gigantic opening to to do this and if her fear is that you were trying to like swindle away like get get one over and like not do it it's like you expressly being like i have condoms great you can even be self-deprecating

be like oh i fixed my idiotic mistake and now i have condoms so anytime you want to come over you know you could be playful with it you can move on from this and hey if she doesn't want to see you again fuck it that it's dating it happens best thing and now you've learned a valuable lesson to always have condoms on hand yes this is c mcmahon is it appropriate for married spouses to spend weekends away with mixed company? Throw away for reasons. My 36-year-old male wife, 32-year-old female, and I have been together for 12 years, married for eight. I trust her very much. However, she has a male coworker who I have for a long time, felt she has an inappropriate relationship with. They refer to each other as

their work husband slash wife, which bothers me to no end. As an aside, this is such a regular occurrence on Reddit. Everyone is so upset by people calling people their work husband or work wives, and I don't get it. He comes over our house more than her other co-workers, but to be fair, lives very close. I'm also bothered by the way he invests himself in our children. Birthday gifts, candy, etc. Her other co-workers don't do that. Also just discovered she's been driving him to work. That was my most recent discovery, and it set my brain into a tailspin. She's usually very good

about telling me why she leaves for work early or gets home late from work, but has stopped telling me why and has now started saying her late returns and early departures have been the norm forever, but she recently let it slip he was with her when she stopped for gas. I'm an insecure and jealous person. I know that. So I try very hard to push all that to the side because I often feel like I may be giving in to those insecurities and behaving irrationally. Today, my wife told me her co-workers want to rent a house for the weekend away together, party, and get fucked up. Like I said, I trust my wife. Getting fucked up is not something she enjoys even remotely. But all the times I voiced my discomfort with our relationship with this

co-worker, she told me I'm being unreasonable. I trust her, but I do not trust this man. I do not trust her co-workers to urge anyone to do the right thing especially if they're fucked up if we're not for this man being there i would absolutely be okay with it so what do you think should i tell her i'm okay with it or let her know the idea makes me very uncomfortable hmm this is tough because i honestly i think you should tell her about your your discomfort about it but i don't know how many times you've talked about it right like i know you've said that you he makes you uncomfortable or whatever in the past or she says he's being unreasonable so like you have mentioned it before but i still think that it's

better to at least let her know how you feel and be like hey i know i trust you and i know you're not going to do anything. But, you know, there is a part of me that that gets a little insecure and a little jealous of this dude. And I can't help but, you know, assume the worst or worry that, you know, alcohol is going to make him make a move on you or something. Do you trust your wife? Because you're saying she's lying about leaving early and coming home late and gaslighting you and saying she always left that early and came home that late when she didn't, apparently. And, like, if you trust her, you trust her. You know what I mean? Unless you think this person is actively, like, criminally unsafe, it seems like you're just worried that he'll make a pass at her when drunk, in which case, if you trust her, it doesn't matter.

Yeah, that's true it's one of those hard situations where like i understand where this guy's coming from because like i think i think everyone's always felt this way about there's always been one person or like you know circumstances where you're like i don't like that guy you're you're not you're doing something to me that i don't like and you're you're giving me signals i get it and the thing is it's like if you're with someone you trust and that person is worth your trust, they're not going to do anything about that. And I do. I will say I love the line where he's like, I'm insecure and jealous.

I know it. I push him to the side because I feel like I might be giving into the insecurities and behaving irrationally. That's our advice all the time. I love that. I love the fact that he can think about it like that. But at the same time, unfortunately, if you know you're insecure and jealous, and if you've discussed these things before, there comes a time where you need to get over it.

Because if you've had this conversation and she's reassured you and you've said it's okay, I don't know if you can just keep bringing up the same issue over and over again. And like, again, by all means, I don't think you should bottle up insecurities and jealousies, especially if you can talk about them healthily, which I'm hoping you guys can. You know, like you can't just keep beating this dead horse unless you're trying to force them to not hang out with this person, which is kind of controlling. So for me, like my worry is that maybe she isn't actively going out of her way to tell you about hanging out with this guy these times because you always overreact. But at the same time, is that good? Probably not.

I don't know. But I feel like if you trust your wife this doesn't matter if you don't trust her then you've got problem if she is all of a sudden like staying late at work i like i understand where where the seeds of doubt can start creeping in and you know the the trust might be getting a little little strained i get it i understand. So I do think you do need to have like another candid conversation and be like, look, the guy makes me uncomfortable. And it's it's something that I'm really trying to deal with. It's something I'm trying to shake. But I will say, you know, I'm a little uneasy about this weekend. And I've like had this conversation before being like, I don't trust this person or, you know, the way this person

acts around you makes me uncomfortable. And I think that's a fair thing to tell your partner. I don't think that's a manipulative or anything. Cause like we all feel ways about people, right. And we all get vibes from people and some people just rub us the wrong way. And I don't think there's any harm in expressing that to your partner because then they are aware of it and they can tailor their behavior around that person in a way. You know what I mean? Like I would, I would operate much differently around someone that my partner's uncomfortable

around more than I would if I, if I didn't know, if I just assumed they're cool with them, then like, whatever, I'll just business as usual. But if someone says like, you know, if one of my partners tells me, you know, that person makes me nervous or that person, I don't like the way that person interacts with you. I'd be like, okay, great. I'm thank you for telling me. I will be sure to keep that in mind and act accordingly. Right. Tailor my interactions with them while we're together. Now I think they're kind of floating the idea of not letting them go. Right. Yeah. And I think that would be a terrible idea because they're all going.

Imagine being the one person from work not going and it coming out. It's because of your jealous partner. That's going to suck. That's going to suck forever knowing that everyone you work with thinks you're a fucking loser with a shitty partner. And obviously they're not going to be okay with that. It's going to breed resentment between you guys. And

I don't think it's fair on them because they're grown-ass adults we talked about earlier on they should be allowed to have time away with friends co-workers etc so i really don't think that is the way to go i don't think you can go that way no and i think it also starts the precedent of if they want to do something social they just won't tell you about it and then that leads to lying that leads to manipulation that leads to more suspicion and it just it's just a snowball effect that makes the whole whole thing worse so i'd also breathe resentment because like you're gonna resent not being able to go on this thing or you're gonna go anyway and then you resent them for not obeying you you know what i mean like it's it's a clusterfuck i don't think it's an option unless you really want to just execute your

relationship yeah so i think have the conversation let them know your insecurities let them know that like you do you are clocking it but you felt like it's important to be honest and be like hey look i understand that you know i trust you i understand that i've had this conversation with you before but like you know out of the interest of honesty and communication i am a little nervous about this weekend and i because i feel uncomfortable with this guy, but I'm working on it and you've assured me and I trust you. So by all means, go have fun. You know, I hope you have a great weekend, but I just, you know, I really wanted you, I really wanted to be honest with you and really wanted to let you know how I feel about this. But by all means, I do not want to stop this

or stop you from having a great weekend. And look, this is the shitty truth. If your wife wants to cheat on you, she will cheat on you. She'll do it. Her not going to this party isn't going to be like, damn, that was the one chance. The party doesn't matter. You know what I mean? It's not like the only place she's going to get drunk and make that bad decision.

No, if she wanted to cheat on you, she will cheat on you. So, forbidding her to go, if she was going to cheat on you, she's still going to do it. If she's not going to, she still wasn't going to, but now she's pissed at you and your relationship sucks. You know what I mean? So it's like, obviously it's a shitty thing to think about, but it's also kind of a relief because there aren't these magical things you have to freak out about. You trust them or you don't. They're good people or they aren't.

It's not like you have to be ever vigilant for like the occasional social things that'll make her cheat. It's like they're not the problem. The person is or isn't. Yeah. Right back on to cheating. This is by East Funny 3863. My wife joked about cheating on me. She was feeling frisky and began touching my crotch.

She told me to take my dick out. I told her she'll have to wait until tomorrow, December. It was a November joke. That's where she said, keep doing that and I'll find it somewhere else. I told her I didn't appreciate that. She said she was just joking and doesn't understand why I'm so upset. I would never joke about cheating on her. I completely killed the mood and she was legitimately upset I didn't move things along.

She didn't even apologize and I don't know whether I was too stern about it. Depending on how you said it, if you just said, hey, I don't appreciate that joke. That's fine. If you got a little weirder about it or aggressive or shitty or whatever about it, I don't think you've done anything wrong in saying like not really the biggest fan of jokes about you finding another dick to to fuck. You know, like I get that. I understand. And I understand that, like she obviously i don't think meant it you know i don't think she was gonna be like okay if you're not gonna fuck me i'll be back

in an hour you know like i don't i i just it was a bad joke it was a joke and bad taste and we do it we make bad jokes i think you guys handled it fucking poorly or at least yeah you know like in a perfect world she'd be like oh i'm sorry obviously it was just a joke i love you it's the only dick for me boom problem solved and that's the thing it's like sometimes your pride gets hurt and you latch on to something and make it make a mountain out of a molehill but like the thing is you you made a joke too you said like oh you have to wait till December. Like, no, not November joke, which means you're not doing that. So like she replied with a joke of something she's not doing. And yet did she handle it pristinely?

No, it's it's a it's a risky move. Didn't work out. But like, I think we both we all know she didn't mean that. Right. Unless again, maybe she was like, if you do that one more time, I will find a dick somewhere else. Yeah, it depends on how she delivered the joke, too. If she was just straight up being like, hey, are you fucking serious right now? I'll go find somewhere.

I'll find another dick. You think I can't? I'd be like, well. I got dicks on call. Yeah, right now. I could call someone, get a dick in my mouth. Ten minutes. Yeah, I just, I feel like you might have gone too far.

And again, by all means, set your boundaries. Tell them you don't like jokes about that. But like, I assume you don't believe her. And I don't think she did it to be like it's she's hardly upset that you made a no not November joke. You know what I mean? So I feel like it's just taking it too far. Yeah. Egos got bruised and neither one of you wanted to admit you did something wrong.

And it's just one of those things where you just need to sort of be like the bigger person, be like, look, we both made really dumb choices. I'm sorry. I know you weren't going to cheat on me, but I really don't appreciate jokes that imply it. It doesn't make me feel great. And I think if you can't get on board with that, if you don't understand why your partner, why that would make them feel icky and you're like well i should be allowed to joke whatever i want i think you're being a bad partner as well yeah yeah for sure like if this was also just a thing she always

jokes about or says like that's obviously a different issue you didn't mention that so hoping that's not the case but you know we all gotta be kind here if that's her like you know sort of like go-to response to being like oh i'll take the i'll do the dishes in a second and she's like you better do them now or i'll find another dick it's like okay yes i understand why you would be annoyed at it but like now said it doesn't seem like this is a recurring thing it seems to be just a a bad joke that that did not land yeah i think that's us for questions. I think so.

We can move on over into a quick little bout of Tinders. At the end of the episode, we like to hop onto online dating platforms such as Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge. Peruse the profile. See what works. See what doesn't work. In an effort to make your online dating experience a little more enjoyable. Just a little so one of our wonderful listeners who submitted their profile for a few a few weeks ago has since listening to the episode gotten a partner from an online dating site so hey i don't want to say it was all us but it was all us it was us it was 100 us you're

welcome why hey if you you did all the questions i could do all the i've been enjoying my time on uh on facebook dating for this segment so let me i'll close you out with one although we also might have done it okay so you want to go last okay this is in joley mom of two i work nights so my schedule is messed up i'm not interested in hooking up health isn't the greatest but i'm still kicking shrug emoji don't promise me the world because i'm not going to believe you please don't say hi sexy because i probably won't message back just saying i fucked up my life for a bit i became a widow at 30 but i'm 42 and know that i can't be the way i used to be like happy hands emoji and why do guys post pictures of yourself on the toilet barf emoji no. Oh, I'm housebroken. Laughing emoji. Are you?

Jesus, it just got worse as it went. Right? Health's not great, but I'm still kicking. If you sound like you're about to keel over in your dating profile, that's not good for me. Yeah. No, I'm not saying people with health issues. Like, you know what I mean? Like, that's fine. You can do that.

But like, still kicking. That literally sounds like death is imminent. You know, that's fine you can do that but like still kicking that that literally sounds like death is imminent you know that that's worrying for me also like how many people are promising you the world on facebook dating apparently enough who's like hey sexy i'm gonna give you the world oh pass like yeah well don't leave you also the phrase i fucked up my life for a bit i became a widow at 30 yeah that's the thing it's like you fucking up your life means you did stuff to yourself to your life you know choices you made sure but then you immediately say and it sounds linked that you became a widow did you kill your husband right did you do something to your husband like also it's like when you meet someone

you don't trauma dump on them you don't overshare this is your trauma dumping and oversharing already i can't imagine what date one is like if this is your profile yeah if this is your opening volley of like my health terrible i'm housebroken are you what does that mean what yeah what does that mean am i supposed to be impressed that you don't pee on the ground at 42 like i don't like i don't know what that means yeah it's it's all pretty bad i'm gonna give it a one i'm sorry yeah same uh this is vanessa i'm a prime woman looking for a brain match if you are a prime man let's mindset, respect. Makes me feel like smiley emoji, sunglass emoji, heart face emoji. I'm here to connect with people.

Whether you seek superficiality or just sex, swipe left. Peace. P.S. Single people only. Whether you seek those things, swipe left? What? Yeah, I don't think English is their first language. So I think that is.

That's fair. I think that what they're saying is, if that's what you're looking for, swipe left. Yeah. Have you ever watched Always Sunny in Philadelphia? I've seen a few episodes. Yes. So there's one episode where the character, like Dennis's character, like the one that's insane and creepy is not that they're all not that to varying degrees. But he is specifically insane and creepy

when it comes to the opposite gender and dating he I think there's an app that rates like lovers and shit but like he starts getting bad ones because he's the worst and he's just going around being like I'm a five star man I'm a five star man

and that's what prime woman sounds like to me. I like brain match because it sounds like you're going to take my brain. Or like you want me on standby in case you need to swap your brain out. Right. Yes. Like a brain transplant donor situation. It's like, oh, I want an organ donor. Like we need to be a match.

I want your prime man brain ready to be put into my body at any moment so we could become just the prime human yeah but i feel like what age were they again 32 so by 32 you should already have collected all the people with like blood matches and organ matches in your circle by now right like that's it's weird that she still hasn't gotten her brain match look vanessa is the doctor vanessa's monster is the uh i don't like this profile uh yeah i'm gonna give that a hard one i think i'm gonna give it a two or a three purely based on how bad the other one was because they're not equally bad which is like weird because it's not a good profile it's just getting a boost because the dying lady was so terrible. Well, hey, let's keep that trend going.

Always up for an adventure. This is Tamara, by the way. But first things first, red pill or blue pill? Oh, God. I have respect for traditional values. Looking for that top G energy. Top G? What does that mean? That's what Andrew Tate calls himself.

He's the top G. What does that mean? Top what uh andrew tate calls himself he's the top g what does that mean top g top g okay like top gangster i think so you know if you a g you a g and he's the top g there's nothing g about him okay i don't know every interview i've ever seen him he's been shirtless and if that's not top g behavior i don't know what is or is it top gun maybe is he top g maverick oh fuck if you're the top g maverick are you better than the top g could we be top g mavericks maybe all right rate this i've got so many more that's it it's so trash um yeah it's like zero it's it's also one just because it's as bad as the first one actually you know what maybe it's worse ooh zero anyone who's looking for top G energy

anyone who's looking for another Andrew Tate is bad for the world but like this profile I think is either a zero or a ten depending on who you are if you're a big giant trash bag it'll probably work for you

yeah yeah dead one this is Julia who you are. If you're a big giant trash bag, it'll probably work for you. Yeah. One. This is Julia. Julia. Julia. Julia. If my friends had to pick three words to describe me, they would say funny, intelligent, curious, and empathetic. Okay, that was more than three words, but it's fun to break

the rules from time to time, right? Okay. I enjoy portrait photography, reading, playing beach volleyball. I'm a pretty active person and enjoy the outdoors. My kiddos are my best friends. If you have a sense of humor, optimism, and generosity and can assemble Ikea furniture, then we'd be great together. Is that it?

Yep. Okay, I was really waiting for you to hit me with some bad shit. It is weird that her kids described her in the start of the dating profile. No, if my friends. Oh. Yeah, but then she says her kids are her best friends.

That's fair. It's fine. I'll give it like a seven. Yeah, I think it's a good one. I think you've got all the information in there. I think it's a fun sort of like pulling the rug out from under you with the like four words because you're like, oh, no. I was just about to be like this fucking idiot. I will actually i'm changing it it's a 10 okay because compared to everything else you boosted you've you've fucking sandbagged me dane now everything is so good

this might be our first 20 just because of how bad my big red flag here is and this is something i believe strongly in if you have a hard time with ikea furniture i am immediately suspicious of you i feel like that's just a running gag though at this point so i don't yeah when i see that i don't actually believe but maybe i should yeah maybe i should last but not least is is uh yura between two places looking for reliable and real unvaxxed and never will be. I work remote even before the pandemic. I travel enough. I enjoy exploring and taking cool pictures of views, animals and people I care about. I like people who embrace the nerdy and weird sides of me.

I'm someone who likes honesty, no matter how terrible the truth. Speak Spanish, French and English, working on others. on others thoughtful kind and generous individuals only please you're not particularly thoughtful generous or kind though so and also you like honesty no matter how terrible the truth is seems to me like you don't yeah uh it's just like also you're probably uh i just know you probably can't travel to a bunch of places like i went to thailand it was fucking incredible you can't do that if you plan on remaining unvaccinated well i wonder if that's why they say i travel enough as a means of being like i don't need to go anywhere else yeah so like just just know could be hard no there's a

lot of anti-vaxxers on facebook dating a lot of anti-vaxxers on Facebook dating. A lot of anti-vaxxers. Wild. You want me to finish you off now with Redacted? Yes. I don't know if we've done this one. Maybe it's just because I read it. But you tell me.

They say, I used to think clowns smashing cream pie on people's faces was a hilarious prank. Until I realized that I, too, have been creampied by clowns. That's pretty good. That's a good one. I don't know if it's a good dating profile. It's a funny joke. It's a weird image to put in the mind of your potential lover, but it's very funny.

Yeah, I'm going to give it a five, because I feel like I would give you a match and sort of like test the waters and see, you know, your situation. I feel like if you're looking for a relationship, it's not a great profile. If you're looking for a one night stand or something casual, maybe like you get that very sexual vibe out

and you're funny. So, you know, I'll give it a seven. Yeah, I'm giving it a five because it can go either way for me, but it's not enough for me to say no. No, you've just sandbagged me, Dan, so everything is now getting boosted. Getting better? That's going to do it for us this week, friends. Thank you very much for hanging out with us.

We appreciate you. We love you. We really do. If you'd like to support. Oh, I was going to say, if you want to share the love, if you want to send some love back our way, we have a Patreon, and we would love for you to come support us on there. For $3 a month, you can show your gratitude and support us,

and we will use that to maintain our website and our hosting. For a little bit more, for $7 a month, you will get one extra episode the last day of every month, and you'll also get access to all the other ones we've done, which at this point, we're racking them up. 16 episodes, I think. 16 episodes. That's a lot. That's almost a full day of us.

It's true. If you don't sleep. Actually, it is a full day if you want to get a nice eight hours of sleep. So there you go. Who doesn't? So if you are considering, we would love if you are considering, we would love if you could do that because it helps keep the show going and we love you. Also,

if we showed up on your Spotify wrapped, we would love for you to send it our way. Tag us on either Instagram or Twitter and we would, we would love to see it because it's always, always nice to see those things at the end of the year. Spotify wrapped is like one of our favorite. It's our little treat to ourselves at the end of the year. Spotify Wrapped is one of our favorite. It's our little treat to ourselves at the end of the year. To pat ourselves on the back to remember that we're doing this for people.

Yeah, sometimes you can feel very disconnected if you're just talking to your wall in a room. I'm not even in the same room as Dane right now. So who knows who listens? We see the numbers and we're like, oh shit, wow. And it's wonderful. I will say, if you don't want to tag us publicly, you can always send us screenshots. Feel free to edit anything out of them and we'll post them ourselves because we love it. So it's also interesting to see which podcasts we're grouped with up in the top five.

You know? It's true. Yeah. If you got that, send it our way. We would love to. And we love you guys. So thank you. Do you have bad sex writing for us actually i guess we should thank our our sweet musical boy thank you josh eagle and the harvard cities for their song paper stars i think i hit

you with a very quick bad sex writing uh and this is someone i saw someone post this on twitter and they said uh this is a 100 non-serial killer thing to do, and it was someone who had printed these up and put them all over town with black duct tape. And it reads, Okay, ladies, I get it. You don't want a pleasant evening chat. You don't want a gentleman to walk you to your car. You don't want a friendly dude to help you carry your groceries, or hold open the door, or crush the life out of other men who would do you harm. Fine. Fear the good guys. I guess we'll just have to suffer through watching you get broken over and over by the scum you think you harm. Fine. Fear the good guys. I guess we'll just have to suffer through watching you get broken over and over by the scum you think you love. But I want you to know, it's not

easy, and it hurts to see you fall. Give the good guys a chance to help you be less afraid of the world. This reminds me of, I'm sure you've seen them in Toronto, of the elderly man looking for a woman in their 50s to go for walks. I wonder if this man has finally had enough of years of putting that sign up

on street polls. And now he's just like, you know what? Fuck this. It's his John wick moment where like, he doesn't just want to go for a nice kind evening walks. Now he wants to crush the life of other men. Yeah.

That's a wild. And you know, the person that said that is in no way capable of crushing the life out of other men. No, like, I don't know. It's a wild term. Yeah, guys, don't don't do this. If you need to feel if you feel like you need to make public declarations of how nice of a guy you are. Straight pole is probably not the way to do it.

Yeah. In my opinion. My name is Dave Miller. And I'm nowiles Payne. We've been your fuck buddies. We've been your fuck buddies.