F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 219 - The Posture Prince of Cumshire

Episode Date: December 12, 2022

Welcome to our city of Toronto fancast where we talk about our favourite city instead of helping you.  Topics include regrets of key giving, masturbation efficacy, cuckolding gone wrong, when to cancel a date, hot girl phase, My Fair Lady (2022 Remake).

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Tate Miller. And I'm Niall Spain, and we are your fuck buddies. We are an award winning dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations and turn them into sexy, sticky situations. Simply put, we find questions either roaming in the wild on the internet, or we get them sent in by our wonderful listeners and we answer them right here, right now, in your ears, for you, and for your listening pleasure.

Your listening pleasure. I apologize. I don't know if I sound weird, but I feel like I sound weird. Like I feel, and I don't know if that's just because everything from like my, my sinuses up feels like they're filled with all of the stuff. Okay.

Nice. So I have a sore tummy, so I'm going to pretend that's not happening. Yeah. We've, we I have a sore tummy, so I'm gonna pretend that's not happening. Yeah, we're just a bunch of real sick bulls. We're like old dogs that you should maybe take out back and just, you know, tell the kids they went to heaven.

Oh no, they went to live on a farm. But Paul, we are on a farm. It's a nicer farm. It's a sky farm. Sky farm. You ready? I think so yeah uh this is pete's core win pete scores win pete scores win gave girlfriend the key to my house but now she's controlling gave my girlfriend the key to my house and now she's pretty much moved in from her parents which wasn't really my intention we got into a big fight because she lied to me then told me better to live

together to ease my mind she's 21 i'm 23'm 23. I live in Boston. That's expensive. My parents actually help me to pay rent time to time, quite often, when I can't make ends meet. She doesn't pay rent here, but she refers to it as her house or our house. When we disagree, she says, we don't fight in this household and go to bed angry. It's gotten to the point where if we argue, she'll just show up to my house or already be sitting inside when I need space. I tell her this isn't her home, she's not on the lease or pays any bills. She jokes and says, you can have you time, but only for like half a day. You can go out and I'll stay home. I still want to date, but I want her to understand this is my home, my safe space, and she can't show up here as she pleases.

However, on Friday, she doesn't have class and I do, so she said she needs a key to lock up the house in case she leaves to run errands or comes to pick me up from school, which I appreciate any advice. Thanks in advance. And the poster is also a lady. Okay. Ooh, this is something where you have to be very, very clear and very, very careful about who you give access to your place. I understand 100% all of the things you're saying, my house, when I am single, or you know what?

My house just in general, like my space is very, very sacred to me. And so is my like alone time. So I understand the situation you're in and I understand the impact it can have on your mental health and your happiness and all of that. So I get where you're coming from. Unfortunately, you did kind of screw the pooch and not set expectations and boundaries and be very clear as to what this key was for. And I know a lot of people might be uncomfortable with that kind of stuff, but it's things like anything in a relationship where you set boundaries or you set expectations and stuff. Like if you think that you saying like,

Hey, I'm going to give you a key to my apartment, but it is really only for kind of emergencies. Or if you've stayed over and I have to leave early, I want you to be able to lock up and I don't want to wake you up, that kind of stuff. But it's not really a you dropping in. It's kind of only like when I'm around kind of situation. And if you feel uncomfortable saying that with your partner, you have to really think and be like, hey, am I with the right person that setting expectations and boundaries might upset them? Because I don't think it's an unrealistic expectation to be like, hey, we're dating. We are not living together. I'm giving you a key to my place under these conditions.

Also, like someone should be fucking honored to get your key, not like demanding more or like upset that it's not a carte blanche. Right? Yeah. understandable for them not to have set boundaries in a way because like to me it would seem very fucking obvious that like you wouldn't just come over when you weren't wanted or you wouldn't be there all the time or you wouldn't move in or you wouldn't do all these things but the best time was when you gave the key the second best time is now set those boundaries and if they're shitty about it then yeah you probably don't want to date this person. Because like, if somebody doesn't care about your fucking boundaries, it's not going to get better. That's the thing.

It's like, if you now bring it up after the fact to be like, hey, I'm not really crazy about the way that you've been using this key. I really respect my personal space. I really respect my personal time. And the key isn't meant for you to have as as you said like carte blanche on both of those things two things that are very important to me so i i'm gonna either have to ask you to respect these boundaries and lay out however you want the key to be used or give me my key back yeah i think that's it you know you really just need to set hardline boundaries and like you know i was gonna say be chill or be nice or like come at it in a

non-combative way or whatever but like it feels like you've already asked them not to do these things and they've just kind of willfully trampled all over that so i don't have much hope of this going well but like you're not going to be happy if they continue to do this and it's only going to get worse yeah and like there are inherent risks of giving your key out to someone it doesn't say how long they've been dating it doesn't because i think that's like uh giving a key out is when you should be like thinking about moving in yeah right like i i think that is that needs to be the comfort level you have with someone of being like, I would live with you if the circumstances arose. I'm not saying you had to, like, jump into looking for apartments together, but like you should be at the place where, like, if for whatever reason, one of you was getting evicted or one of you had to move or something, you would be comfortable with the idea of being like, OK, well maybe we'll look for a place together. No, I think that's where you should be in a relationship when you give out a

key, because there is this inherent risk of if this person snaps and gets fucking weird with you, they have a key to your place and you have no idea if they've made copies for it. You have no idea what they've done while you're not there. You have no idea if there's cameras in the bedroom, you have no idea what's happened.

So you need to be 100% sure that this is someone that you want to have unrestricted access to pretty much your entire life. And if you have any doubt about that, they should not be getting a key. Yep. Not saying that this is what this person is doing, but I think worth noting.

Well, it's you know it's like everything we talk about in a relationship it's like you you take it slow and you move through steps when it's appropriate to move through those steps giving someone a key or moving in with them or getting married are all huge things that you need to do with the right person for your safety and theirs so if you give your key to someone like you could go and fucking get that cut tomorrow you know easy you could do, like you could go and fucking get that cut tomorrow, you know, easy.

You can do it today. You get like, and then you've, they've got access to your place forever, you know? So it's like, these are things that's like, you need to know you trust this person.

And like, when you're already kind of being ignored and your needs are being like thrown to the wayside, you probably shouldn't trust this person. Uh, this is from Reddit user. Hello world. 2000s.

Why did guys come faster when they jerk off? Do they enjoy it more than having sex? I love watching my boyfriend jerking off, and I've noticed how he comes faster than when he's having sex with me. So I wonder why. We're going to ask him anyway, but I would like to know other points of view. Do they like it more than sex? No.

Again, with the caveat of like sometimes you would prefer it to sex, doesn't mean they like it more than sex no again with the caveat of like sometimes you would prefer it to sex doesn't mean you like it more and i'm sure there are some people out there who do like it more i don't know but in general no why do they come quickly because i feel like well when you're jacking yourself off you know exactly what you want and need so when you need to go a little bit more quickly or a little bit more slowly or a little bit harder etc you don't need to hope the other person picks up on it you just do it and you know yourself very well and it's a practice thing and i also feel like for a lot of guys when they jerk off it's almost like this very utilitarian like it's just done you're not enjoying it you're

not languishing in it really yeah it's very rare that we take the time to romance ourselves or like like there's no foreplay for us we're like a couple slaps to get it hard and we're going at it like really like jerking it yeah it's like there's there isn't there's no foreplay right there's no even like also i'm going to us jerking it it's like if you're electrocuted, your body jerks around. It's not a romantic or sensual or sultry. It's very abrasive and aggressive. And that's not to paint the picture that that's what masturbation is or should be or because like I've definitely had times where I have just really wanted to treat myself, you know, and I've and I've had a very as you deserve it. Thank you. And I've had a very... As you should. You deserve it. Thank you. And I've had a very nice masturbatory experience.

But a lot of the times it's like, I'm very horny and I don't want to be this way at work. So I am going to jerk off before I leave because it's going to be a long 12 hours if I don't. But as I said, it's like, I'm sure most women can come using a vibrator faster than if they were having sex with someone. Or using their own finger. Like if you're playing with your clit, you know exactly. Well, you know, you don't stop going counterclockwise when it gets good because you're bored or whatever. You know exactly to keep going there. You don't like change the pace at the wrong time or go too hard or you're in control and you literally know exactly what keep going there. You don't change the pace at the wrong time or go too hard.

You're in control and you literally know exactly what your body wants. So I'm hoping the same is to be said for yourself. It's like having a psychic link to a sexual partner who knows exactly what you need the second you need it. Of course it's going to happen faster. Don't worry about it. And I assume that is going to be this guy's response of just being like, no, I know exactly what I'm doing. And I've also been doing this probably for years. Yeah, I've got a lot of practice.

A lot of practice. Now, question asker, do not then think that this is him saying that you don't know what he needs. Because again, you are not psychic. Yeah. saying that you don't know what he needs because again you are not psychic yeah and nine times out of ten i would take a blow job that takes a little longer than jerking off i would almost exclusively take those things yeah i'm saying that you know there is as you said earlier as the caveat of like sometimes sometimes sometimes you do want to just jerk off and not have to deal with anything else and it's something we've talked about before with uh and not have to deal with anything else and it's

something we've talked about before with uh and i wanted to really state that because i think unfortunately it is a thing a lot of men get in trouble for where it's like oh he'd jerk off but we didn't have sex and it's like we're allowed to not want sex we're allowed to jerk off all these things we're allowed to do so i just want to keep that narrative at the forefront but like i don't know a single person who's ever said that they like jerking it more than getting the blow job or having sex so don't worry about that uh this is anonymous anani masu throw away 61 damn there's just like a lot of o's and it's it's fucking hard to read i'm not gonna lie I'm just gonna say, assume it's anonymous Maybe they fell off a

A large step Or they said it as they were running by someone Oh yeah My boyfriend, 24 year old male Is mad eye, 22 year old female Slept with his friend slash co-worker 25-ish male After he begged me to do it

My boyfriend spent months trying to get me to sleep with another man Because he thought it would be hot Like his personal porn. I was against it at first, but he kept bringing it up and kept hyping up his friend from work, showing me pictures, and how great did it be? The co-worker was part of the kink scene and pretty open about it, so he'd be okay with us unicorn hunting. I asked him for a one and done. I'd do it once, never again. If he still wanted after that, we'd have no choice but to break up. I love this man. I thought we were going to get engaged soon. I prayed he'd rethink it the closer we got to actually doing it, but then it did happen. The coworker came to our apartment.

I admit, he's attractive. Tattoos, muscled, well-groomed. Probably wouldn't have approached him if I were single at a bar, but I was still uneasy and he noticed. He kept asking if I was really okay with this. I lied and said I was. So we did it. Boyfriend was right.

It was hot, but I still felt like shit afterwards. My boyfriend kicked the coworker out of our apartment as soon as we were done before he held me. After that, he started acting strange. For a month, we argued over tiny shit, things that 100% wouldn't have mattered four weeks ago. We got into a huge blow fight when I tried to initiate sex for the first time since it happened. He started screaming at me, asking who was better and if I'd gone to his coworker's apartment to fuck again. Apparently, his coworker was talking about a cute redhead he'd been with a few days ago at work, and cute and redhead was enough to implicate me in actual cheating. Kept going on and on about how much I'd screamed and moaned with his co-worker,

and didn't for him, how I said his name while with him. I kept reminding him it was his idea to do it. It was getting so heated, I ended up shouting that his co-worker was a better fuck, but I hadn't cheated on him because I loved him and not the co-worker. He kicked me out of the apartment, so I went to a friend's house. A few hours later, I got a text from the co-worker was a better fuck, but I hadn't cheated on him because I loved him and not the co-worker. He kicked me out of the apartment, so I went to a friend's house. A few hours later, I got a text from the co-worker. We exchanged numbers before we did it to chat, talking about do's and don'ts and what I was comfortable with, but I deleted it as soon as he was gone. My boyfriend went to work while he was off shift and laid into him about sleeping

with me. It almost came to blows, but someone threatened to call the police. Co-worker asked if I was alright. I was drunk and a mess, so I might have overshared about the situation, about what my boyfriend and what I said about sex with him. I'm not even sure if I meant everything I said, but that's what came out of me in the moment. But the coworker was a great guy, took my trauma dump, and assured me it was okay. Boyfriend contacted me earlier, saying he quit his job, wants me home again, and he's sorry, and he'd never ask me to do something like that again. But the friend I'm staying with said something I can't get out of my head. According to the coworker, he quit a co-worker, he quit a week ago,

so why is he calling now? He never said we were broken up, so in that week, did he get even and cheat on me? Really, really cheat on me? I'm not sure I want to know. I just want to go home and be with my boyfriend and never think about what I did, and I think he feels the same way, but I don't know what to do. I still love him so much. Yikes, that's a lot. First and foremost, I would like to give kudos to the co-worker he seems pretty fucking cool he does seem pretty cool the idea that like he did check in with you like the idea of like yeah like the the the pre like sharing texts and kind of like figuring out what's what's good that's great and then like him picking up that you weren't into it but or like at the very

least you were nervous yeah yeah yeah you know what i mean like picking up on those cues and and reassure like being like are you sure you want to do this and i guess also even after the fact after the fact too i think that's another great thing of being like if if that happened and then the dude showed up all pissed i would i would also want to check in on her because domestic abuse, it would be very easy for me to believe that, like, okay, if you're trying to fight me, I really want to make sure that she's okay. So first and foremost, I want to sing this guy's praises. Seems great. Second, I think this should be, I know you say that you still love him, and I do believe that that could possibly be true but i also want to say that i think that this is a clear enough indication of what this relationship would be like no matter

what i could definitely believe that you will never do this again and you could probably live a moderately happy life but one this is going to shadow over everything you do forever yeah forever and this guy probably isn't going to let it go i'm going to shadow over everything you do forever. Yeah. Forever. And this guy probably isn't going to let it go. I'm going to guess that every fight you have, it's going to come down to this instance. And is that really something you want to live with for the rest of your life or even any longer than you've already dealt with it? I don't think so. I would say no. I would hope you say no.

And really, I think that's it that's, that's it for me. I think this is a dude tipping his hand, showing it. He begged you to do a thing immediately. Wasn't able to deal with it. And then instead of talking to you about that, like if he had afterwards been like, Hey, that was a mistake. I did fuck up. I did not enjoy that.

I'm sorry. That's one thing, but to, to hide it for a month and then for a month as well yeah and then also try to get physically aggressive with the dude that he hand selected like all of it is red flags you and kick you out of the apartment and lie to you and do all this weird shit like that's all red flags the fact that he wasn't listening to you saying you weren't into this and kept pressing red flags. This man is a fucking flag factory. He's printing these

bad boys. He might as well be making knock-off Canadian flags but skipping the white part and just making solid red flags. If he was a country, that would be his national flag. Magicians, and they pull out the handkerchief and then they're like oh and it just keeps going that's him but it's red flags and they don't stop yeah it's a multi-colored yeah like this guy sucks this guy

sucks at every point in this entire thing and he doesn't deserve you to go back and like let's be fair you probably shouldn't have in the middle of a heated argument yelled he's a better fuck than you kind of you know you you know that wasn't great but i think she recognizes that yeah uh but no fuck this guy and by that i mean do not fuck this guy break up because this guy fucking sucks and as dane said like the behavior shown makes it pretty clear this isn't the kind of issue that's going away now. Like, it's not like, oh, he's good now. This is it.

Wow. We've really crested a hump. This is still there. It's going to be latent. Nothing's going to be fixed. And honestly, I don't know what you can do to fix this because people like this don't let that shit go. Even if he does let it go, even if he has buried this in his mental backyard, he's shown you how he deals with conflict.

He shows you how he deals with emotions. He shows you how he deals with how closed off he is about stuff. As Nell said, he forced you into a situation you didn't want to participate in, punished you for participating in it finally, wasn't open and honest about how he felt about it afterwards, and then reacted violently. Maybe not towards you, but violence was still involved. And hey, next time, if there isn't a third party involved, maybe that violence will be directed at you, right?

You might have just gotten lucky that there was a dude involved that he could have thrown some swings at. Next time, if whatever you've done incorrectly or something else that triggers him, There was a dude involved that he could have thrown some swings at next time. If whatever you've done incorrectly or something else that triggers them, maybe he's throwing swings at you. And I don't think that's worth the risk. I'd like, he also kicked you out.

Do you want that hanging over you? Every time you guys get in an argument that you're going to get fucking thrown out in the streets by this asshole. And on top of that, he's just not a stable person. As Dane said, he went, he threatened violence. He presumably lost a friend. He presumably lost a bunch of friends and connections. And he also lost his job. So it's like, this guy's now unemployed,

angry, violent, upset. Like none of these things are great. I'm assuming he had some friends at work and I'm guessing at this point he doesn't, you know? So it's like, this is not the kind of person you want to build a life with. And depending on what he does for a job, if it's a small community, like, if it's one of those communities where, like, everything is kind of connected, like, people are going to hear about this. And do you really want to go to the company Christmas party and be like, oh, there's that chick who fucked that guy that he used to work with and then they fought yeah and the thing is like if he's talking about like what happened i very much doubt he's gonna be like really angry and enraged and being like well yeah i asked her to do it and then she did it and they're both in the right but then i felt bad about it after no it's gonna be like she fucking fucked him like they cheat you know like's going to paint himself as the victim, obviously. And, like, just societal standards.

You're going to be slut shamed. You know what I mean? Like, even if he does paint the best picture, the glowing picture of exactly what happened, nine times out of ten, you're going to get the brunt of it anyway. Like, you're going to be the fucking, the slut that hooked up with his friend. Right? No matter what the actual context is. So dump this guy.

Yeah, he's shown you everything you need to see and you need to listen. Yeah, you do. Good luck. I'm sorry this happened. You learned a valuable lesson. If something inside you says you don't want to do something, don't do it.

Well, that's actually one thing I did want to mention. Like, don't do things you don't want it well that's actually one thing i did want to mention like don't do things you don't want to do yes i'm all for potentially entertaining partners kinks and fantasies and all that kind of stuff but if there's something you absolutely do not want to do you don't have to do it it's also unfair to the guy because like if you pick up on some nervousness and you check in with them and you're like are you okay and you admit that you're lying and saying yeah it's like they're gonna take you at your word presumably right so yes it's shitty like i would hate to have after the fact found out that that wasn't what you wanted oh i would feel like such a garbage oh yeah sure so like obviously it's not fair on

yourself but it's definitely not fair on them either you know so don't just don't do those things yeah i definitely do feel bad for this guy because like if i found out after the fact that like one this relationship imploded and you know i played a role in that regardless of my innocence in it still played a role which sucks and two being like cool the only reason it happened was because she felt coerced nice like that sucks it's it's such a shitty feeling to feel and and i i feel bad for the dude this is wrong i'm ready user lily and a bunch of numbers i committed on a date that i now have realized i don't want to go on it's tonight do i follow through or cancel he's taking me to dinner at a christmas bar after but i realized

yesterday i'm not into him this This would be date number two. I've never been in this situation and I want to make sure I do the right thing. I've never canceled before, but starting to think that it would be the nicer thing to do. Yeah, for sure. We've talked about this before.

Don't go on dates if you don't want to, because you're kind of just, you're really just going and getting free shit at that point. And I think that's kind of part of the draw. It's like, Oh, I could go and still get these things bought for me, but like,

or like, Oh, I want to protect their feelings. It's like, if you're still going to break up with them, it's probably going to be better if you don't make things go further. And if they, on a purely materialistic level,

haven't put more shit in. So it's like the less they put in emotionally, time-wise and money-wise, the less it's going to hurt. So yeah's like the less they put in emotionally, time-wise and money-wise, the less it's going to hurt. So yeah, at the end of the day, if my option is someone says, oh, hey, I don't want to see you again or ghost me after date one,

or the option is they don't want to see me or ghost me after date two, that's a whole night I could have spent with someone else. Presumably dinner and drinks. You're looking at $100 easy easy you know easy i would rather have my feelings hurt than waste a night and a couple hundred bucks also like you're obviously going to be trying to progress things right whether that's becoming closer or like getting more physical or whatever and it's like there's nothing worse than being out on a date and trying

to like vibe with someone and blah blah and there's like that wall you're feeling the awkwardness of trying to cancel before the fact there's nothing worse than being there and knowing it's going badly and having to kind of like sit it out right or being like oh what did i do wrong you know so it's like no just fucking cancel as hurt as this person will be it's gonna be less than any other scenario really yeah and like look if you don't want to be as blunt as uh hey didn't feel the vibe i don't want to waste your time then like make something up you know if you have to but i honestly think i would way rather get as a guy i I would way rather hear, Hey,

had a nice time. You seem really lovely, but I wasn't really feeling the vibe. Thank you for your time. Good luck. I would rather that than wishy washy. Cause like, if you're like,

Oh, I'm really busy or this or that, then I'm like, okay, should I reschedule? Is this you taking the easy way out? I don't know where I should stand. And then if'm like okay should i reschedule exactly is this you taking the easy way out i don't know where i should stand and then if i like if you keep playing that sort of like vague i don't want to make a firm statement then i'm going to constantly be like should i every now and then just kind of like shoot a shot be like hey what are you up to is there you don't

want to be kind of like a petulant child in a way where it's like if someone's like oh i'm busy and then you cut off contact it's like you could feel like you seem like oh they're busy fuck but like you also might be like oh shit do they just not want to hang out and it's it's annoying having to tread thread that line because like if someone genuinely is busy great like that's fine i'm glad they can reach out and tell me obviously i understand but like if But like, if they aren't busy, I don't want to bother them if they're just done. So be fair to you and them and just make it a clean cut. Yeah. And the more we normalize this, the more people to do this. And the more we do this, I think we're going to find a better dating culture anyway.

Right. If we stop being weird about being honest and whether or not we vibe with people then we'll stop ghosting i mean like you also like dudes also have to be cool and you know everyone's got to be cool being rejected but like let's just let's just get into the habit of this let's just get in the habit of being like sorry i didn't vibe with you good luck out there wish you the best all right this is just understanding i and this is from a different subreddit. This is from Ask Toronto. And guess what? We're fucking Toronto right now.

I, 25-year-old female, want a hot girl phase. I have fun, memorable experiences in my 20s. How do I achieve this? Let me explain. Up till now, I've had a boring life, in my opinion. I always put studies and career first. So I'm in a great spot having two undergrad degrees, a great challenging job with great pay,

and passed my CPA exam. I have so much to be proud of, but it came with a cost. I don't think I made many or enough memorable friendships in uni, nor did I date much. I think I screwed myself over on that. The friends I have all moved away, have significant others now, or weren't close enough and faded. My best friend got married last year at a really early age, and due to cultural things, she just doesn't have time for anything except for family and in-laws now. So I'm honestly in the phase of my life where I just want to let loose, have fun, have cool experiences, travel, just anything where I can look back and feel glad I had certain experiences in my 20s now that I've established my career slash academic situation. I want to work on

creating value elsewhere in my life, but it's hard when I feel absolutely alone and like a loser who's done nothing nor traveled. I live at home with parents still outside of GTA, think about moving to downtown Toronto where my work is, but I don't know if that'll help. I just want a hot girl phase, but when I say this, I even just wish I had friends who would stay in, have some drinks, and watch a movie with or play board games with. So I'd waste another Friday night at home in my room like

a loser literally scrolling through YouTube. Advice? I love this. This is great. I'm excited for you. And here's why. You kind of nailed it at the end for me, because I, my suggestion to you was going to be like, you need to find your ride or dies, right? My life got so much better and so much more fulfilling when I found Niall and eventually, you know, I'm masked my boys and now like, I don't need to think that hard about what I need to do or what I want to do because I have five guys that could, you know, come up with something, right? Whether it's, it's Niall and I going to a new craft beer place or a brewery or going to Boston like we did in the summer. Like, Hey, I know Niall is my travel boy. And then I've got,

you know, we have a, of another really friend who's always like going to see weird movies and shit. Great. Go to see a weird movie, do escape rooms. You know what I mean? Like I've,

I've got like, we've, we've got this circle of friends that they're my experience just by knowing them. And just by doing the things that they're interested in, I get to experience all this weird shit. Like I've seen movies that I would never probably go see. I've gone to breweries with Niall.

And certainly like I would never have gone on that Europe trip that we did if it wasn't for you. Most likely. Right. So it's like a lot of my best stories start with, well, Niall and I or me and my friend and i or you know i mean like it's it's never i did this it's always me and did this and i did those things because of them i think we're saying is one love you two what you're saying is completely the same for me and three this is the most important advice here is is like find the people like the people is the most important part once you have the people this shit will fall there isn't a night out or a crazy whatever

you know not necessarily because i think like solo traveling can be super rewarding and amazing yeah and all this stuff but like i don't think a night out at some club or whatever or anything is going to in any way stand up to even a shitty night with like friends who really matter i don't think you can have an experience is what i'm saying that like necessarily will match up to having these people uh if you do live outside the gta at home with parents by all means come to downtown toronto yes if again if that's something you want to do but it's like you say you're you're doing wellwise, fucking great. You've got a good career. Awesome. Your career is actually down here. You probably will actually boost that then, but two, you'll be where the people are.

You'll be where the things are. You'll be by yourself. You're in your 20s. You need to live by yourself. That's a huge step in your life and it's a very important thing to do. And I think you're gonna find yourself so much more than when you're at home with your parents in the middle of nowhere yeah you need to that that's the other thing is yes you need to move out you need to leave your parents you need to fly free if you have the money get a place in toronto toronto is a wild city in the sense that there is like something for everyone. There is, I mean,

quite literally the best bar in North America is in Toronto. Sure. You've got, you could fucking think of one of the best food scenes. One of like the least pretentious, I mean, some places are pretentious, but like there isn't like we,

we haven't solidified ourselves. It's like foodie city yet. Despite the fact that we are 100 of foodie city it's the cuisine here is incredible the craft beer very good right like there's toronto's got it all and i'm not just saying that because we're we're from toronto we've been to a bunch of incredible places and i have yet to find a place that i would live other than toronto maybe new york and even then I would take Toronto over New York. Yeah. Like Toronto feels like baby New York and not in a bad way.

Yeah. It's a, it's a travelable New York. Yeah. And it also just, again, doesn't have that kind of like douchiness or that kind of like, it's a very open, clumsy, like, I don't know what we're doing, but we're doing it pretty well. Um, So I think, yeah, moving out is going to be really good for you because you're going to start to have independence and really blossom. You'll also have a space to invite people over with, presumably your coworkers. I assume you're working from home, obviously, if you live very far away. So you'll actually get to see them, maybe go to office parties.

But come downtown, do something you love. If it's yoga or kickboxing or you say board games, go to board game nights at fucking Snakes and Lattes. There's everything. You could literally pick anything you want and go find it. And you'll find people who have similar interests. And also, a lot of people in their 20s are trying to either reclaim their old friends or find new friends. It's just one of those things. It's that time in your life when you are no longer forced together. You're not in university, you're not in high school. And people, as you say, are going

different directions and doing different things. And everyone's at different spots. And it's really hard to keep that core group and find good people. And a lot of people give up and that sucks and a lot of people make do with shitty people and that really sucks so you aren't too far off from anybody else's position really and you have the benefit of of working and actively being mindful about these people instead of just sticking with people cause this is the era where you start finding your found family and it is i mean we talk about all the fucking time mostly through like a male lens but for everyone it doesn't matter finding your people is so essential to happiness i will also say if you want this like hot girl phase which i presume is also probably like probably hooking up i assume has has played some role in it like i don't think

i would i would have been nearly as uh sexually active if it wasn't once again for the nights you and i had it right like sure one of the underground and stuff like i never would have done that and it was never our goal as well right and that's like it goes back to who you're with when you and i would go out we were never trolling for women or like prowling right we were just out being idiots having a good time together and that sure like most of the nights most of the best nights are at least a solid portion of them were literally nothing happened and we just had a few beers danced and got some fucking burgers you know yeah or made friends with random guys, you know, like it's, it's all. And that's, I think it does help you because you're not just like, oh, I need to do hot

girl summer shit. It's like, oh, I'm, I'm just having fun with my friends and oh shit, that is hot girl summer. I would say one important thing to keep in mind is make sure you have your hot girl summer or your hot hot girl phase and not somebody else's yes like don't be like oh shit i need to hook up with this guy because i haven't hooked up with a guy in two weeks even though you don't want to hot girl summer or hot girl phase could be as you say playing fucking board games it's just you living your life as best as you can and why. It's not ticking boxes for anybody else.

Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I, I, I could go on forever and ever because this is a topic that really excites me and is near and dear to my heart because it is something I attribute most of my mental wellbeing to. I cannot stress enough how important my found family is and how you and the guys are. And it's one of those things where it's just like the second anyone starts talking about this shit, I just want to like, oh, I'll brag a little bit.

But I also want to encourage and be like, find those people. If you have a dude that you're not super close with, but think is cool as fuck go have a beer with them yeah that's the thing like again everybody is kind of in the same area even one of our closest friends and it's crazy to me he's like a recent enough addition who we met through reddit yeah and it feels like he's always been there he is family but like even if you know someone who has a tight group you never know. You might be the next member. Everybody's out there looking.

I know so many people who would be desperate to find a new friend. So don't think that you're alone in that. Don't do what you don't want to do. And definitely travel. Yes. And if you move to Toronto, which we highly recommend that you do as now mentioned do things go to buy the the five pass at the like you know the fucking spin class thing and go there a friend of two of my friends actually have started spinning and are like now obsessed with it and like have this little this little like

spin girl gang going and i fucking love it so do that do okay class go get a climbing pass for a month and like eventually you'll amass. They don't have to be all the same. You know what I mean? Maybe you'll pick up one cool spin friend and one cool kickboxing friend, one cool rock climbing friend. And then it's like, okay, great. I got three girls or whoever. And now we're going to go do trivia night.

And that's going to be our Tuesday night thing. We go trivia. We're the fucking, you know know i was at a trivia night the other day and it was uh fuck what was the name of the team it was three women and they were like no balls here or something like that no balls about it something like that and like you can be those fucking cool chicks who gets a bottle of wine gets a little fucking tipsy and answers questions wrong that's hot girl summer right there. Hot girl summer.

But like the best thing about Toronto is there's literally everything. Like I went to a fucking thing the other day. It was a cocktail pop-up in a modern art museum that was free. And they reconstructed this bar from Japan down to like the finest details in the middle of the floor. And we're like the artists, like, I love this bar. So I just made it piece for piece in the middle of the floor and we're like the artists like i love this bar so i just made it piece for piece in the middle of this thing we're serving fucking cocktails they had like a rotating group of like random like some of the best cocktailers in the city cocktailers is that the word cocktailers you know i mean all just uh one of which was the best bar in north america

and they had a drag karaoke show while you were looking at art and drinking cool cocktails in this bar. And it was free and it was awesome. And like, that's just one thing. There's literally things every day. So come down, spread your wings,

do fun stuff, look after yourself and don't do what you don't want to do and find some people and be chill. It's going to be great. And the other thing, what we're saying is Toronto is awesome. It's always awesome. It's easy to forget that forget that sometimes but and it's not without its problems but of course it's awesome and you sound awesome too so i believe in you you got this this is a

reddit user what's my accordion whoa what is it who knows going on a date with a guy well above my social class how do i not mess this? Met this guy in one of my classes. He told me certain details about his family slash life that led me to believe that he's very well off compared to the average person. Definitely outside my social class. He's very down to earth and I like him a lot. We were going to a steakhouse. How do I not mess this date up?

Any tips? My table manners aren't horrible, but should I look up some etiquette things? Or maybe work on my posture? I'm usually decently put together, but I don't want him to think I'm some sort of bum. I'm just very nervous. He seems like a very nice guy and he's also super funny and I don't want him to think I'm not classy enough. Edit. Everyone seems to think I want to change my entire personality into meter. This is not true. I'm not used to going to steakhouses. That's kind of a luxury for me. I just want to be appropriately polished and classy for the activity we are doing. I kind of hate this question because it breaks my heart that

this person is, again, it's like you say this guy's really nice and then you're worried that your posture or some dinner etiquette thing. It's like, are you in a Hallmark movie? Is he a prince? Because that's exactly what I thought too. I i was like this isn't the fucking princess dyers what are you talking about yeah and the thing is if that was the case and he was going to judge you based on that thing then he's not very nice and you don't want to date this person because like where does it end i think literally the only thing you have to worry about which i think all dates have this in common is just that you dress appropriately for where you going. So something vaguely fancy because you're going to a steakhouse. That's it. That's all you need to worry about. Yeah. And like, that's every day. Every day,

that's like you don't show up fucking in a ball gown to Chuck E. Cheese. You don't show up in sweats if you're going out to a steakhouse. You know what I mean? Like that's just it. And that is literally all you should worry about. Because if fucker is gonna judge you for something as bizarre as etiquette in your posture then fuck him and let's face it even if this is you know the fucking princess diaries or some sort of hallmark movies the the dude never gives a shit about the superficial shit if anything he wants you to be this like exact slumped over, which was the salad fork. He's going to love that. He's going to eat that up.

He's been dealing with fucking prim and proper women his whole fucking life. He wants to see someone eating the soup with the fucking little spoon. Now, we do need to figure out how far along in the movie this is. Is this the point where you come and you nail the etiquette, but you remind him so much of all his exes that he's done with you because you're just like all the other girls? Until one of your friends sends him an Instagram video that you had private that shows you eating wings super messy, and he's like,

Igads, she's not like them. I must hasten on my stallion to Cumshire, where she lives, and hook her up and bring her to the castle. We are actively adverting the third act big reveal betrayal scene, right? Because if you go in with a fucking wooden board

in the back of your dress to keep you upright and you fucking prod a little earpiece. with a fucking wooden board in the back of your dress to keep you upright. And you fucking. No, we fixed it. Staple yourself to the chair before he arrives, you know? And if you've got like a little earpiece with your ambiguously gay best

friend, but not overtly because we can't do that on Hallmark. Cause Hallmark are sometimes shitheads. I'm saying that because I think they changed it. They have. They have changed it. But if you've got that little earpiece in and a little camera contact lens and he's telling you, oh, not that fork.

The one to the left of that. The earpiece inevitably is going to slip out into the soup. The lemon water you get to wash your hands, but it's going to slip out before she knows that that's not soup. But then she drinks it and that's what wins him back.

We're skipping to the end of the movie where he falls in love with who you really are because you haven't pretended to be anyone else. Yes. Which is also a very good thing to do in every day. Be you. Be you. And if it's not good enough for him, he's not good enough for you.

Exactly. date be you be you and if it's not good enough for him he's not good enough for you exactly it does kind of worry me that she's so focused on the wealth and shit because it's like it almost sounds like there might be ulterior motives to this date or at least you know silver linings and it's like great if that's the thing you're into whatever but it should never ever supersede somebody who's good somebody you can be yourself around somebody who treats you honestly i get the opposite i think it's insecurity about her station i don't think she's i don't think she's angling anything for this dude's wealth or anything it sounds like she's super insecure about where she's coming from and is diminishing her value you know artificially through his eyes of being like oh he's good as good as this, you know, upper class man. He's going to look at me as like a peasant.

Yeah. And hey, if he does, great. You need to not date that guy because. Exactly. But at no point in time, has she given any indication that he gives a shit? It sounds like he's just a, he's just a guy who, who might happen to be wealthy.

You don't even know. Yeah. So I wouldn't worry. I would just go on the date. Again, the only thing you really need to worry about is being yourself and not, okay, a few things. Be yourself. Don't let this, as Dane said, like freak you out and make you feel any lesser and just make sure you wear something steakhouse appropriate. If you want to get really granular about shit, maybe don't order like lobster or crab if you don't know how to like use a crab cracker or you know like how to like open up the lobster shells and all that because that's pretty much the only thing i could see being embarrassing if he orders something fucking weird and you don't know what it is just

be like i've never had this before you're gonna need to show me how to do this because there's nothing people like more than to show people new shit yeah and this thing if he's like oh you can pick the wine you don't have to like freak out about it and fucking be like oh this one you could be like honestly i don't really know i will say if you're going to a steakhouse usually match the protein to the wine so heavier the protein more full-bodied the wine if you're going to a steakhouse, you usually match the protein to the wine. So heavier the protein, more full-bodied the wine. If you're doing red meat, a nice Malbec will usually go down quite nicely. So there you go. A little pro tip from us right there.

Yeah. Or a Cab Sauv. No one's mad at a Cab Sauv. Just don't get a Merlot. Don't get a fucking Merlot. Don't get a Merlot. No. What are you, a fucking divorced 50-year-old?

Divorced 50-year-old peasant? Uh, yeah. A Pinot Grigio with a side of ice? Ugh. Ugh. Get out. Get out. Actually, you're right.

You should look up etiquette. Wine etiquette. It'll kick you right out. No. You got this. You're fine. I think it is time for the end of the podcast. It is time.

But before we do that, we like to get on online dating platforms such as Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, in an effort to make your online dating experience a little more enjoyable by combing through the profiles and seeing what works and what doesn't work. And soon, maybe other profiles, because we've been reached out by a new blossoming dating app in Canada who want to come talk to us. So who knows? We'll see if they're any good. This is a Hinge prompt that has been doing the rounds on Twitter from a local Toronto-based, I believe she's a comedian, among other things. And I asked her if I could use it on the show, and she said yes.

So it's just a prompt that says, let me teach you how to. And this guy has responded, fuck. Yeah. I mean, that's what we do on the show, so why can't he do it on dating apps? Well, because we're award winning, so we have been, I don't know, yeah, maybe hey, maybe he's really good at fucking and teaching. Yeah, maybe he's a teacher of

sexual education. Damn, I hope so. I hope so. I hope so. I am, however, going to give this a two. Yes. Because no one wants that energy right off the bat. It's a little too much too fast. Yeah. If you are a sexual educator,

there are better ways to get across. You don't just seem like a fucking freak. Yeah. This is Sarah. Mostly looking for hookups. Must eat pussy. Must laugh at my jokes. Be a little afraid of me. Ruin my life, please.

80% sexy, 20% disgusting. So, you know, the word of the year is goblin mode. Yep. I feel I get strong goblin mode energy off of this powerful lady. Let me tell you, nothing makes me want to go down on someone who is 20% disgusting. Yeah, that's the thing i was up and down a lot in this in this profile because i like being like oh mainly hookups musty pussy fucking great get it girl then it's like must like must be slightly scared of me and i'm like okay i i hope it's a joke i don't love that energy but whatever and that's like 80 gorgeous or whatever like great

20 disgusting i thought it was gonna be anything but disgusting but it also is kind of charming in a way like i'm curious you know what i mean is it just like she mangles wings and gets sauce everywhere or is it actually worse because it could be so bad disgusting is is a dangerous word to use and 20 is enough is enough to be upset about oh for sure even like i think a five percent disgusting person like you just have one like stinky hand you know i look like if we if we i would say that the like pub region is 20% of a person. I would say a lot less than 20%. So now I have one-fifth of a chance that the 20% of your disgustingness is the area that you are saying I must go down on? Yeah. But now you're a little scared of her, so the prophecy has been...

In true Oed eatable fashion. If it's not that region, like I think I'd almost prefer it to be that region. At least it's like action. I don't want disgusting knees. That's the thing. If it's like the whole foot area and like, again, 20%, that's probably going up to at least mid-tie, right? We're talking just like mass, right? Okay, I'm imagining if you put a person and then section them into fifths. Now, for me, I'm assuming it's like, you know, there's not that much to your legs, really, compared to your torso.

So it would almost be all your legs for their point of fifth. If she's got a big old booty that could be a 20 disgusting ass that's the thing it's like why why aren't you wiping so i don't know the disgusting is really throwing me i'm gonna give it a six i'm okay i'm giving it a four okay it's i'm not i'm not that's gonna be with me all night i hope hope you know that. Good. Ah, this is Brianne. Aspiring geriatric prodigy. Big fan of the rewards of being loved. Not crazy about the mortifying ordeal of being known. No conservatives or landlords, please.

Okay. All right. I like that energy. I don't really understand a lot of it, but I do appreciate the sentiment. I'm going to give this a six. No, I'm going to give it a six. I gave a seven. What do you not understand? There was a lot of stuff in the middle that maybe it's just the cold meds.

It just sounded like words. Big fan of the rewards of being loved. Yeah. I'm not crazy about the mortifying ordeal of being known. That's what I mean. What does that mean? Oh, it's nice to be.

It's for me. It's, it's, it seems more like, you know, I like having good times with my friends, but I don't like leaving my house. You know what I mean? It's like, it's nice to be, it's, for me, it's, it's, it seems more like, you know, I like having good times with my friends, but I don't like leaving my house. You know what I mean? It's like, I love being loved, but like, I hate the fact that I have to go be known to

people. You know, it's, it's funny. It's like charming. Okay. I assume they're joking too, because it's very tongue in cheek. Yeah, I'll give it a seven. Yeah. Uh, this is Lindsay.

I don't think Lindsay's joking. Oh dear. dear busy schedule during the week love escaping on weekends camp enjoys cooking reading and history not interested in photographing everything i do on social media unvaxxed not looking for hookups no miscigeniation what i don't i don't know if that's how you pronounce that word but i did have to look it up it's uh the mingling of races. Yeah, I thought it sounded something like that, and I was like, nope. Okay, instant.

Instant zero for many things. Yeah. Is there more? No, that's enough, I think. And what age are they? Because the boomer energy dripping from this is fucking foul. She's younger than me. She's 33.

Hey, guess what? You fucking suck good job uh zero zero oh get what the fuck's wrong sorry what the fuck's wrong with you not you i love that you've looked up a fancy word to say white people only yeah you've like you've really brought out your thesaurus just to be like i am racist but i want people to think i'm smart it's the thing i love about this and by love i mean absolutely hate is the fact that she's narrow casting such a very specific kind of shit person right like that pseudo-intellectual probably loves ben shapiro like, like thinks that Jordan Peterson is the be all and end all of, you know, intelligent discourse or, you know, like just that like super fake. I'm smart and everything is I say is correct. And I'm actually like all that kind of bullshit.

No, that was Jordan Peterson. Was that you? We finally have a celebrity on the podcast. Yeah, it's bad and I hate it. It's going to be a zero. Yeah, this is Leandra. You win some, you lose some, and only suckers worry. Okay, I'm going to give this a five.

I'm going to give it a four because it's super bland. It's just like nothing. Why bother? Yeah, like you literally like you want to be looser has got to be the most trite cliched beige fucking phrasing in the world only suckers worry is it an 80s movie what are you doing also a lot of people worry for very reasonable reasons so like i would say yes we're currently in a time period where worrying is 100% justified for almost every reason. Yeah.

If you're not worrying, you are probably a sucker. Uh, so a four, because I just don't know why you even tried, but actually, sorry, you didn't try.

Yeah. You know what? I'm, I'm pumping it down to a four as well. Alright. You want one more? Yeah, give me one more. I feel like this is a good one to end on. This is Melissa, 32, about me.

You don't need to worry about impressing my father. Now, okay, hold on. I got a lot of questions here. Are you saying, like, there's a number of ways this could go. One, it's like maybe you're rebelling. Maybe you're in that rebellious phase and, you know, rich dad, Hallmark movie situation

where you're looking for a bad boy to piss off the parents. Okay, maybe your dad's dead. And, like, it's funny because there's a very dark picture of her wearing some kind of like leather or pleather pants, walking away from the camera towards a dark car in a parking lot where like only the, you know, the rear view lights are up.

So it's like red and dark. It really feels like she just sent this to her partner after killing her father. Oh, right. Okay. And that's, that's the vibes I get. I think

Melissa has done a murder. A patricide, if you will. A patricide, yes. But you're right. It gives you just no, just absolutely no context, nothing at all. Is he just super chill?

You don't have to worry about it. He's impressed by everything. Maybe Phil is just hanging by the pool being like, to worry about it. He's impressed by everything. Maybe Phil is just like hanging by the pool being like, yeah, whatever, babe. I trust your judgment. You do great. Yeah. Maybe he like, you know, he walks down the road and it's like, oh, we got roll up the rim. And he's like, wow, how'd they do that?

They printed it and then rolled it down. Or do they have some kind of printer that can go into rolls? Oh, it's like. So you think he's impressed by everything yeah that's it phil is just he's like a golden retriever dad so you do not have to worry you're already impressing him look he's texting me right now love that name brian wow sounds like a real go-getter my roommate in college his name was brian great guy great guy real strong trend of brian's these years i just it's it's so it's so evocative it's almost like you know it's gonna be a summer for 69 for you with that brian huh huh love it be safe i love you it's very much provocative in the same way of

like you know baby shoes for sale, never worn. You know? I think that one is very clear that the baby is dead. Maybe the baby had huge feet, Dane. Do you ever think about that? This baby came out with huge cow feet. Or hooves, maybe. You know? A little

satyr? Hey, before we wrap this up, have you seen what horse hooves look like when they're born? They have a crazy name. What are they called? Fairy Fingers. Fairy Fingers. What? Yeah. I'm sure there's a scientific name, but it's Fairy Fingers.

Because they're like these little pink tentacles. No, they're full slippers. Nope, never mind. That's an actual thing. Fairy Fingers. I'm pretty sure. I saw a weird tiktok about it anyway this has been our show thank you very much for listening we love you and we

what are the things on horses hooves called a horse's hoof is composed of the wall the soul and the frog what's the frog that's someone who's just absolutely fucking hammered yeah anything about horses has been around for a long time. So people didn't really know what anything was.

So we'll, we'll give it to them. True. Thanks guys. We love, we appreciate you. We love you. Thank you for spending a,

an hour of your time with us talking about things, making the world sexier and happier, healthier. We appreciate you coming to us and spending time with us every week or whenever you do you're fucking great if you would like to support us please head over to our patreon and you know sign up we love the support it helps us continue doing the podcast and if we hit 25 patrons i will release the bad sex writing that is christmas themed that i wrote i think two years ago now and it's really bad. It made me shudder

writing it. And not with ecstasy. No, no, it's bad. It's not great. Do you have some bad sex writing for us before or after we thank our great musical boy? Thank you, Josh Eagle and the Harvest Seeds for their song Paper Stars.

I will do a little bit of... This is by Courtney Mom. Oh no, she laughed from the kitchen. It's a job perk at the Tribune. The office gets them sent over and I smuggle And I will do a little bit of... with a recipe book in one hand and a whisk in the other that appeared to be covered in a hot cream cheese. Could you come in here and open the wine you brought? She asked caucasusly. My hands are full. My stomach dropped. I still had time to get out of there, to choose flight over fight. An attractive woman had asked me to open up a bottle of wine. It was a simple request, a turn of a corkscrew. No one had actually screwed anyone. Yet. I followed Lisa back into the kitchen, my guilt and fear dissipating with the bobbing demi-loons of her spectacularly tight ass.

Nice. I always address women by breast size and nationality. Yeah, right? I think that's an important way to classify people, especially women, who need more forms of classification. Yeah, I just don't understand why people hold classify people, especially women who need more forms of classification. Yeah.

I just don't understand why people hold to fuck. What's it called? Um, names, names. Yeah. Yeah. Do you know how many people are named Sarah?

Thank you. Whereas like small tidbit American, I know exactly. I literally know the person they're talking about. I know exactly what you're talking about. Yeah. There's absolutely not multiple ones of those also we all know someone asks you to open wine i love also that like in like the sentence prior it's like oh she has her you know she's holding uh one thing in one hand and another thing in the other hand and she asks my hands are full it's like

it's not seductive man she's just saying just saying, staying in the office being like, I can't whip this hot cream cheese. Yeah, I don't know. Also, like he brought the wine. So it's like, why is he so taken aback by this? Because of the screwing motion, Niall. Yeah, and that's exactly how sex goes. You turn it around, you force it into something that's crumbling. Yeah, until you're about like a little,

you don't go all the way and just never go. Hey, never go all the way through them. Oh, my name is Dave Miller. And my name is Niles Bain. And we've been your fuck buddies. Music