F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 22 - A Clandestine Sniff

Episode Date: February 18, 2019

We're done with themed holiday episodes for awhile now and Dain couldn't be happier!  And sure, we may have said that we were going to be brief (even quoted Shakespeare), but that doesn't mean that this episode isn't one of our longest ones yet.  Don't worry, that just means we've jam packed it with the best dating and sex advice you can get for free.  Topics include how to impress women like an idiot, being too "polite", why online dating matches are boring, what her PROBLEM is, simultaneous orgasms, round two wet noodle, moving on and the sweet scent of vagina.

I put my trust in you, and I trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love I put my trust in you, and I trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller And I am Niall Miller Shit And we're your fuck buddies

We got married Yeah shit and we're your fuck buddies we got married yeah yeah and we are your husband and wife buddies yeah well that's been our podcast thanks guys we're dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky sexy situations and turn them into sexy sticky situations you can't fuck me up. I'm getting good at it.

I didn't. I harmonized you. Oh. Oh. You fuck. Don't drink it. Too late. I'm an alcoholic now.

Look what our marriage has driven me to. Not in front of the kids, please. Not in front of the fucking Timmy. Timmy. Get the fuck. I would never name my child Timmy. Yeah, that's because that was my turn. Technically, we would adopt, so they probably already have names.

What? Unless this is like a junior situation where one of us gets pregnant. Yeah, it is. You know what I'm excited for? To do an episode that isn't a fucking themed episode. Yeah, we got like fucking straight up nothing for the next while. I know. Until our St. Patrick's Day episode.

It was fucking like Christmas and then New Year's and then Valentine's Day. Christmas was fine. It was fine. New Year's was okay. Valentine's, man. I just want to get back

to giving people like Just pure, unadulterated, just giving it to them raw. Yeah, the normal advice. Yeah, unfettered. Also, I want to give a lot of advice today. So let's try to be quick.

Let's try to be succinct. I'm always succinct. Um, do you, do you, uh, as, what's his name?

Polonius. Is that his name? Brevity is the soul of wit. Let's be so witty. What the fuck? Let's be so witty. Uh, yep. be so witty uh yep um are you i'm gonna start us off okay and this is a pretty fun question i think okay uh what is the dumbest thing you ever did to try and impress a girl or guy oh man let me tell you uh when i was in i still

would have been elementary school so probably grade four or five okay for some reason i thought this was a good idea and there was like this huge it was just after a giant uh like snowfall so there's a massive snow bank and then like it was it was sort of like a wall like a school wall or like a portable do you know what a portable is so it's like sort of like extra buildings like prefabs yes yeah um so there was there was one of those and then like a little gap and then a mound of snow sounds great already and i was like i'm gonna jump over that snow bank and like pretend to disappear i don't know what the fuck i was doing so i did that i jumped over the snow bank and kind of like with my back against the the buildings wall um but i didn't think about

the fact that there was well i don't know why i would think this but there was there was a fucking nail sticking out of the fucking wall and i uh i put that nail through my head oh um and then i proceeded to nailed it i proceeded to like you know and you know she was like ha and then like and then we moved on because it was like i don't know what the fuck i was expecting yeah um and then at one point i scratched my head and i was like why is my head so warm uh and then i pulled my hand down out of my hat and it was just like covered in blood and i was so embarrassed and i didn't want to tell my parents that i fucking like concussed myself on a nail so i then hid in the bathroom for like half an hour and just like bled man into a fucking like uh face towel just threw it away our stories are really similar

like what the fuck yeah so like i don't know if it's the same thing over here but like back in ireland like getting your first kiss is like like your first like makeout or whatever you guys call it um it's like a really big deal. It's like losing your virginity. And before you do it, you're like a frigid. It's a very tough time. So I was a little late to the game. And it was very stressful for young child Niall.

And I just started high school. And I was at this like summer camp thing. And it was in this place. It was like this giant water park called the National Aquatic Center I got my first kiss in like this co-ed changing room with this random girl I met there and like everything was fucking great and like I'm like floating high we walk out to get on the bus to go back to like home and uh the bus got delayed for whatever reason and like the girls were over there's like this glass, like, wall on the side of the, like, place, so there's, like, a fire escape

ramp up to it with, like, you know, railings on it, so we go up, and we're, like, kind of, like, yelling at each other through the glass, and, like, I just feel like Zeus, like, I'm just, like, on my first kiss, like, oh my god, I'm just, like, oh, I i'm so pumped and for some fucking dumb reason in my head i thought it would be really impressive to like wave goodbye to her turn around and vault the railing instead of just walking down the ramp because of course girls love men who jump off things yeah as we both know apparently yeah and the worst part is at one point some of the kit like the people were getting on the bus like oh yeah like come over and like i like tried to be like see you and like turn around and fault the thing which i do and i land and i turn around expecting like

just wide-eyed admiration but they were actually talking to someone behind them and literally didn't notice and then it turned out the bus wasn't going so i literally just like walked back up the ramp resumed my exact position and they didn't even know i was gone and i'm like okay okay nobody knows you can do it again next time of course next time they're watching and instead of putting my foot on the lower railing and vaulting all cool i'd like just fucking bail so hard so i go onto the railings i flip over them i go face first into the wall below the railings hit it then my legs flip over i land on the ground i'm so desperate to try and act cool to like get up immediately like a little wobbly just like wave towards the window and just beeline it for the bus my face is bleeding um i like to think that they just

thought i front flipped over it i don't think that's the case though no there's probably a moment where your body went lifeless when you faced probably could they see the bus do they think oh yeah they died they could see they could see me walk it was like a long walk to the bus i was gonna say it's like they couldn't see they probably just like oh he's dead like those girls are fucked up for life because they watched you die. I love, though, like, in my head, like, that was, like, the coolest. Like, no one gives a fuck. Like, what?

Yeah. But in my head, I was like, oh, it's going to be so fucking cool. Like, they're going to think I'm so cool. And then, of course, I just fucking bail so hard. All of our teenage listeners and younger. Oh, just stop vaulting things to impress ladies. Don't jump over things. It's not impressive at all.

No, and you'll probably injure yourself. And like I tell you, I swear to God, any time in any other situation, that would have been fine. But it's just because I was trying to be cool. Yeah. That I just bailed so hard. Pretty funny though. Yeah, I had this big like. Is there any other examples for a more modern man

from dan one of the things i used to do uh and i don't know why the fuck i again i don't know why i would think this was but like i would kind of like casually mention how much sex i was having or like i don't know i would I would actively try to make myself seem like an asshole kind of and I don't know why but like I know a lot of people who do that I yeah I think it's sort of like a thing like I never did you equate it with like being cool I don't know I remember there's one time where I was talking there was this girl uh and I was like almost immediately like hello um kind of thing and within like 10 minutes of meeting her I was like almost immediately like hello kind of thing and within like 10 minutes of meeting her I was talking about how I'd like bailed on the last girl I slept with like I like snuck out of

her house you do that I don't know but that was like I have no idea I yeah no I definitely I would like I never yeah no people don't like to hear that no I know I know that like I knew that when I was saying it but I was just like I don. It was like, I think it was like me literally self sabotaging myself. And, you know, but yeah, don't do that. the other time. Um, I was like hanging out with my girlfriend's friends in like her area and we were at a party and like, I can drink a lot and was kind of like, I don't know. A lot of people were like, Oh, like you can chug. So I was like chugging beers and like beating people in chugging contests. Cause of course, super cool. Everyone wants to see their boyfriend get super messy wasted um and i guess some guy didn't like that or something but he had

like sneakily replaced my pint with mostly vodka and like it was like come on chug chug contest so i knocked that back i don't know if that was so much the whole thing was dumb if i'd known it would have been dumb i I didn't know, but that sucked. That really sucked. Cause I, I knocked it back and like, by the time my taste buds caught up with my, like it was in me. And then shortly it was not.

Yeah. Fuck that. The worst thing is like, I didn't want to puke because like immediately or like spit it out because then I wouldn't seem as cool. Yeah. So I kept it in and Oh, I was drunk. Yeah. I was real drunk. Cause I just necked like almost half a liter as cool. Yeah. So I kept it in and oh, I was drunk. Yeah.

I was real drunk because I just necked like almost half a liter of vodka. Yeah. And beer. And I don't even, yeah, I was so ill. No. Not about that. So ill. Some things that I can also think of that, just to make this somewhat informative, like

don't make your friends seem shitty. I know that's like a pretty popular thing like with where guys like like make jokes at other people's expense yeah i think you should never put anyone down to try make yourself cooler or seem better because like you just end up look like an asshole because like if you're so insecure that you can't be positive around other people then you suck um or like this is another thing i used to do this is more of a like a young me i can't imagine no not that i also never did that i would always try to find a reason why like someone who's doing something impressive isn't all that impressive

like like if i was out at karaoke and someone was doing a really good job i would like you know i would be like hey fuck you if you're singing karaoke and someone talks to your girlfriend or the girl you're on the date with you try and fight them publicly for everybody no that's they never did that but someone did try fight me while he was singing karaoke while we were wingmanning him too yeah like we were doing nothing but saying nice things about him when he came back and wanted to fight now it was so funny because literally like the song came on it was one of those ones i'd never heard and then like none of us knew what the fuck this song was and someone was like whoa in the back so we kind of like looked around and this girl was just like staring

at us we're like was that you do you know this song she's like no but someone does i was like okay she's like oh that's actually the guy i'm on my on a date with like singing though so i should go ask him when he's done there's like oh cool like you guys aren't like we're on a date he's like yeah second date i was like he's bringing you karaoke that's awesome yeah this guy must be so great and i just hear fuck you like through the mic while he's singing so he's like walking as far as the mic can go into the audience and like half singing half like yelling fuck you at me and we're like what It's just like, I think he's joking. It was like the most embarrassing thing I've ever seen, I think. Yeah.

Then he came back and like tried to fight me. And insulted your clothes. He insulted my clothes and told me that I had my hand like near, like leaning on one end of like the big table they were sitting at. I was like, that's my table. Don't touch it. You can't touch my table. It was great. It was good. Yeah. table don't touch it you can't touch my table it was great it was good yeah so don't do that don't do that he tried to impress a girl and that did not work they still left together she didn't look happy about it but

they still left well yeah he was like clutching her um i don't know i feel like i i kind of like learned you know because like i had like a, like, three and a half year relationship. Or, actually, sorry, I had, like, a year and a half relationship, like, after all my really stupid adolescence, like, trying to overly impress people. And that kind of, like, mellows you out a bit because, like, you know. And then when I came back into, like, the dating, like, I did dumb stuff, but more in a general life sense and not in a strictly to impress people yeah i think it's like the more you get comfortable in like your skin and who you are and just like your essence you stop trying to like impress people and just being like here i am and if you don't like me fuck yourself yeah exactly and not even like that aggressively but

like no literally if someone is not do it right now it right now. Bend over. Yeah. Fuck yourself. Here. The vibrator. Yeah. If someone's not, like, feeling your flavor, then you're just like, okay, cool. Like, you've just realized that's not a connection you're going to make. What I would love is for people to send in their stories. Yeah. Because there's got to be some golden ones. And I'm sure i remember any i'll try and uh i'll try and like bring them back to the podcast i'll say them i don't know i'm sure there's some out there

yeah oh for sure here we go this is uh from reddit user strict fisherman right you cod stop that get in there uh i'm very polite during dates, and people keep thinking I'm not into them. Is it polite or plagued? Polite. Oh. I've seen people ask this question before, and the general advice is be yourself and try not to be suave. But I think you need some assistance in this matter. I went on a date a few days ago, and it felt like it went great.

I could tell she was into me, and I thought it was obvious that I was into her. We kissed after the date, and she said she was surprised as she was getting the vibe that I wasn't into her. She said I was very polite. This isn't the first time this has happened. I was raised to be very polite and also spent a substantial portion of my youth thinking I was undesirable and probably got used to acting friendly toward people I'm attracted to as it was a defense mechanism. In any case, does anyone have any tips on how i can loosen up and let the girl know i'm into her should i say something be more touchy-feely um yeah well obviously you can't like never like being polite is definitely uh not okay um so you gotta like

off the bat just make sure they know you're not polite so uh like dash for the door so you get there before her and when she's maybe thinking you're gonna polite so uh like dash for the door so you get there before her and when she's maybe thinking you're gonna open the door just slam it in her face yeah and then hold it shut yeah yeah sometimes you can just lock yourself and walk away and then like point fingers and laugh from the table make sure you reserve one like with eyesight eyeline to the or get everyone in the restaurant be like look at this fucking yeah yeah no call her call her a dumbass and then don't... Like, let a waiter let her in.

And then it'd be on your phone when she sits down. And the minute later, you'd be like, oh, why were you late? Or just pound as many shots as you can. And then just go out and be like, can we get the bill? Get that asshole. Get that asshole to fill up your fucking pint glass with vodka. Just knock it back. Then later, give out to her for using too much shampoo when she's showering you.

Cool. back then later give out to her for using too much shampoo when she's showering you cool um no like okay uh see i've had this problem okay but can we just point out the like issue here is that he's like oh being friendly to people is a self-defense mechanism like as if he shouldn't be fucking friendly to people you can be friendly and fucking polite to people. I think, I think what he was trying to say. Do it on every fucking date. Yeah, no, no, no.

Don't not do that. I think what he was saying was like, he's coming across as like cordial, like, um, not showing like romantic interest. And there's, there's a very big difference between being polite and being friendly and being like interested

in someone. I don't know. I'm not. A hundred percent. I don't think i'm different anytime you are 100 no like i don't know yeah i mean like anytime we went out like i knew when you were interested in a girl and i knew when you weren't you act completely different and like everyone does yeah but like there's a very different vibe that you go for you know what i mean like if you're talking to someone you're not attracted to versus someone you are attracted to, your mannerisms are going to be completely different. Yeah.

But this person, like it's not a polite thing. It's a just lack of energy. I think like you can like being polite is doing like nice things for people and like holding a door and like whatever. It's not being like subdued and like. But I think I think he's using it as an umbrella term where he's afraid that they don't want to be with him. You know what I mean?

Yeah, exactly, but that's not being polite. It's an insecurity thing. Being polite isn't the issue. That's what he's calling it, but you can be very fucking polite to a person you're on your date with. It's like a docile thing. polite isn't the issue that's what he's calling it but you can be very fucking polite to person you're on your date with it's like a docile thing like he's he's obviously like subdued on not putting out any anything yeah you know like if if someone's like oh i didn't think you're

interested it wasn't like oh you were being nice so like being pulled i just we shouldn't call it being polite because that's not what this is yeah no one's like oh he held the door open me for me didn't like me yeah but like let me order first didn't like me i think but it's also like one of those things where like if you're respecting someone's space and not touching them or like not without like a very clear sign that could also be considered being polite and being like a decent person yeah but like it also be if you're doing as but if you're doing everything else they're probably just gonna think you're being polite whereas if you're also just like hey okay like then if you're also staying the fuck away from them they're gonna be like yeah he's not into it but if you're very like if you're giving out energy and you're like interacting with someone like it's clear that you like them, then you staying out of their personal space.

How do you make it clear that you like them? By not being unenergetic. I feel like, to me, it sounds... I can see this guy's problem, though. I can see that you can have an engaged conversation. Because I've felt this on my side, where I've thought a girl wasn't into me just had like a really great conversation and but like there was never any of that sort of like yeah i was coming my way it wasn't just because she was being polite is what i'm saying all i'm trying to say is like let's shift away from saying don't be polite like because that's not the issue

yeah you know i mean i understand but like it's it still is it like you're still being polite like i know what you're saying i understand your the point you're making but like see i feel like this guy's trying to edge around other issues and be like oh i'm being friendly and polite that's the problem that's not the problem and a lot of people do as we talked about earlier where it's like trying to be a dickhead or like trying to act like an asshole to like whatever and i'm worried that that's where he's swaying towards because he seems to be saying like i'm friendly as a self-defense mechanism as as if that's a problem like being friendly to someone is not a fucking problem being polite to somebody is not a fucking problem you can do those things

and definitely be like yeah i think what he's saying is like he tends to be more passive that's what i'm saying but being passive isn't being polite or being friendly right yeah necessarily you can be let's say passive i think passive is that's what i was trying to say was that like sorry this was like a whirlwind but basically i just feel like it's harmful to throw out terms like friendly and polite as like negative things because they're definitely not and they have nothing to do with this situation yeah she might have said polite because she was being polite you know what i mean yeah like i don't think she'd be like oh you just seemed like really fucking passive you know like yeah so i think that's what she's saying and i think that's what the issue is because i don't

really think that people get turned off by friendliness or politeness at all yeah sorry that i just wanted to shift away from yeah calling it that because to me and it seems like we agree it's like in being polite or whatever they're also being this like subdued passive thing i'm assuming is the issue yeah um and honestly i i went on a date with this girl once um who i'd like really liked and the date went like really well i thought but like any time like it should have kind of like taken that next step and not even like even like at a kiss but like you know when you just get like that little bit closer that little bit more like loose with each other and just like or even just like close

the gap physically it just never happened and like we had so much fun and the date went on for like ages but like nothing happened at the end and like she never gave me any indication so i was like hey fuck it you know what i mean sometimes it doesn't work out we remain friends everything and like a year later she ended up one of my parties and was like man like i really liked you what happened and i was like what yeah it's like there was you didn't give me the slightest indication yeah like i think and i think she was a lot more nervous than I thought she was. Again, I think it's, you can do these things really simply with the way you look. And again, like I've, I've mentioned this before for, I think getting like a first kiss

is like, if you, if you like look down at their lips while you're talking and while they're looking at you and they see you do it like that is the the most harmless way to indicate you're attracted to someone and like that's step one then you just like roam their whole body slowly yeah and like get out of the table take a look what's going on down there like inspect it you know if you have a magnifying glass like go go over it like fine tooth comb literally no but yeah like just it's kind of one of those things where like i don't really feel like there's a hard at you know what i mean like you just need to kind of like let go of that fear that's holding you back don't stop being polite and don't stop

being friendly 100 like he said it as like quote-unquote defense mechanism it's like what that translates to is an insecurity yeah he also says he thinks he's undesirable and like that that's the thing it is an insecurity thing it is it's like a fear of rejection or fear of even offending somebody yeah um which i fucking for sure understand like there are times where i've definitely taken like a different route just because i'm like hey i don't want to like make this person uncomfortable or like whatever and later on they're like oh like why didn't you like go in make that move or whatever and i was like i just felt like yeah you know and that's cool it's great that he's thinking that way but you do need to like learn to like take a breath like let loose and like the

thing is we've talked about this before if you're going on a date with somebody like you're already pretty in there like no one's going to date you for no reason i don't know if i've ever not on the podcast put this uh sentiment out on the podcast before but it's like if someone's going on a date with you they've already decided that they're sexually attracted to you or they would have sex with you um and that's not to say that like they're going to have sex with you but like no one goes on tinder and it was like definitely want to sleep with them yeah yeah let's go hang out you know what i mean like it just doesn't happen so like the whole like date is all sort of like whether

or not it's almost like the physical thing yeah it's like so what you're doing on the date is like talking someone out of sex with you yeah or dating like you you're not like trying to build up because they've already agreed they they like you they have an idea in their head of you yeah or or dating like you you're not like trying to build up because they've already agreed they they like you they have an idea in their head of you yeah and you just have to kind of fulfill that or like as in you just need to not fuck it up yeah you just you just do your thing and like if you be you if it's what they were looking for if it matches like the physical thing that they've already said yes to then you're good and if like if for whatever, if for whatever reason, maybe your sense of humor or, like, whatever doesn't click with them, then, okay, whatever.

That's going to happen every now and then. But, like, you're already up there. Like, that's the thing. It's like, you're not starting. No one looks, especially, like, nowadays on online dating, it's like no one looks at your profile and is like, ugh, I couldn't, I don't even want to think about having sex with them. Absolutely. Yeah.

Like, it doesn't make any sense. And the thing is, like, even if you do like people people that's a lot of time and effort to put into things and like people are lazy as fuck so the fact that they're taking time out of their life to go and hang out with you like it's all good signs like realize that and like don't be so like oh i'm undesirable i'm whatever like they don't like me they're not doing this out of the goodness of their heart and women have like infinitely more options than men so like yeah i promise you she could go on tinder right now and and swipe 10 times she could look you in the eye and go match match match match match then just like what up and leave like yeah it wouldn't be a difficult thing to like so if if someone's going

on and i imagine this is the same thing with like women it's like if a dude's going on a date with you then like yeah he's he's you've already hooked him on the like the sex and the physical attraction that's already a thing as long as your pictures look like you exactly and also even if you're chatting and fuck like you've definitely made some sort of contact and that's also gone well like i think people tend to think that like first date it's like step zero i know you're already up at like step 10 like you've done so much shit it used to be like that you know what i mean like if you met in a coffee shop and talked to each other for like five minutes and you're like i don't know it's like even then though like you've met the person you've seen them you chat them to a bit like you you go through all these things you then agree to

go on a date with someone like yeah like that date isn't step zero you've already seen each other and check yes you like how you look talk to each other for however long it took to get that number and organize i'm talking like way before like modern communication you know what i mean like but you still have to meet someone and talk yeah organize but there was no like there was no facebook that you could look up and be like okay is that person actually as attractive as i remember um yeah but also pictures can lie yeah for sure i'm just saying there's like the the weight of the first date comes from a age that we've surpassed now unless it's a blind date i don't think that's necessarily true yes yeah a blind date's a whole different but i mean like back in the day you still met someone and talked to them like it's the same shit it might even be

better because you actually would have literally seen them in the flesh as opposed to like whatever voodoo wizardry they're doing with their instagram pictures either way you're not step zero so just like realize that's a good thing and like take confidence from that and like just do your thing be you like let loose act like you act around your fucking friends like well i mean like yeah that's that's the thing. The best way to treat someone you're attracted to is treat them as if you're not attracted to them. In the sense of in terms of getting comfortable. You know what I mean? A lot of people I find or I hear about, the most common thing any of the guys at work ask me is, this girl just texted me, what should I say?

It's like, well, if your best friend texted you, what would you say to them? Respond that way. Just, like, treat them like they're your friend. Because, like, everyone, like, walks on eggshells because they're worried that, like, they're going to say the wrong thing that's going to make this woman ghost them. And that's the thing is, like, you're you. And if they don't like that, then fuck it. Go find someone that does. Like, you'd better to get that out of the way first.

You know what I mean? But, like, literally treat them like they're your friend. I'm going to double up on questions. Yeah. Because this one, I feel like we're your friend. I'm going to... Double up on questions? Yeah, because this one, I feel like we're transitioning. I already kind of mentioned something. This comes from Reddit user Stella G. Kite. Why are people on dating apps so boring? 25 female here.

I just got out of a two-year on-and-off relationship about two weeks ago and have been going on Bumble, Hinge, etc. to get myself back out there. I'm not necessarily looking for anything serious, so I kind of just joke around with my matches to see if they'll say anything witty or creative back into spark a fun conversation. I feel like every guy I match with seems to be such a drag. I log on sporadically and match with at least ten guys a day, but I eventually end up ghosting most of them

because the people I speak to don't try to keep up with my banter. match with at least 10 guys a day but i eventually end up ghosting most of them um because people because the people i speak to uh don't try to keep up with my banter i don't know am i setting my expectations too high should i just small talk with these guys until they ask me out and hope they're more interesting in person oh okay i will say that was my exact experience with online dating like and i thought it was a girl's thing because like all the guys i know when i see them sending things out and whatever like they ask questions and they do stuff it's not just yeah okay like how was your day good well that's like what the fuck that's why i was so surprised this was coming from a woman but again maybe that's just my experience like i haven't you know i don't

know also like i find like women on on the converse side they probably just get more people being like what the fuck yeah what like i think that's you know and it's also like you can probably assume that she's getting she goes on and like for a couple of minutes and get 10 matches if she's talking to 10 dudes like the energy you're committing to each individual conversation is completely diminished whereas like if a guy is probably gonna get like one match a day or whatever you're gonna be able to spend a little more effort into that kind of thing but maybe not because she hasn't had the experience here's my theory behind this is people are too scared to go out in the land and it's not that i think they've got they've had a checklist

or they've had moves or they've had lines or they've had like conversations or whatever and then women have ghosted them and they have then drawn the correlation of being like, oh, that turned them off. I'm not going to talk about that, or I'm not going to do that anymore. And it's whittled conversation down so little that people just sort of keep it so safe because they're so terrified that they're going to lose the few matches that they get. Yeah, no one wants to commit any effort, right?

But like, I don't know. I don't think it's a lack of effort. I think it's like, I think they're literally scared to say the wrong thing because matches are so, you know what I mean? I think it's like the first time they made a joke and she was like, wow, really? And then like never responded to them.

And the next time they like made another joke, but like maybe not as crass. You know what I mean? And like it's kind of like they've learned all these things that have like not worked out and then have just ruled them off as opposed to like assuming or like realizing that everyone is different and it's not just like a hard and fast rule. Yeah. just like the choice like the ease of which you have choice on on tinder is like you could have like 10 people and like you don't really have the time and effort to commit like a hearty reply to everyone unless you're particularly invested i think if you're a girl that you can get like so many fucking matches that like unless you're really into it like or someone says something

really like it can probably be tempting just like yep good like i don't know well i found like i was just like why bother swiping and replying if all you're gonna say is like good or okay or yes yeah like especially like yeah that's 100 like i and i don't get it's like cool if you're that into me that's great like just block me or don't swipe me or just don't reply like i don't fucking care yeah but the amount of times where it's, like, it's pulling teeth where it's, like, I'm not, I'm just going to ask you a thousand questions to get, like, and then be, like, okay, next question on my fucking, like, survey. Yeah, what I love is when you say something and they're, like, oh, yeah, I did this, I did this.

Like, how was your day? Good. I'm, like, cool. I get the hint. And I stop. And then they're, like, hey, like, where have you been? I'm, like, what the fuck do you think will keep me coming back when you're just like good? Like, am I supposed to be like, OK, well, you know, again, like, do I just have a survey I go through?

And like after 47 questions, you give one word answers to I'm like, well, drinks. Nope. Yeah, it's like it's funny. I have another question that ties into this. Keep going, man. I forgot we were recording today. So it's, it's like, and again, I had like something I have. Fuck.

I think when I left Tinder, I think I had like close to a thousand matches or like over a thousand matches. And I would say out of that, maybe 20 of those people were like really good conversations yeah you know what i mean like or interesting or like funny and like or like actually met my like level of um uh effort or what you know what i mean like they they were like on par and we're like it was a fun spar yeah have that conversation back and forth that's what you fucking want and like if i if i was just like every time someone was sort of like vaguely not on my level and i just never like i wouldn't have met anyone because you know i mean like what two percent point two percent yeah of the women that i match with were interesting to talk to and that's not to say

like when i met up with them yeah they were great you know what i mean it's like um so i think it's just like also like some people should bad at texting yeah um i fucking hate when you're trying to get something interesting going and you're like hey like like tell me something about yourself like what are you into like what fucking gets you going and not like that sounds way too sexual but you know like fucking like do you have a favorite book like do you fucking watch movies like what do you do like what are your hobbies it's like i hang out with friends what really groundbreaking that doesn't count as a passion i'm really into like watching netflix and listening to music yeah oh cool what music i don't like everything but like not metal

our country yeah it's like oh okay cool yeah i'm like uh it's just like guys if somebody asks you something like tell them what you're into if you make fucking like model homes at home just fucking tell them if they're not into that fuck them well don't fuck them well if you want to do but don't yeah they don't deserve it i mean that was like like be like show your passions and if you don't have any get some there's a time where i mentioned that i was like i played uh pathfinder which is like a tabletop rpg if you don't know like get some there was a time where I mentioned that I was like I played Pathfinder which is like a tabletop RPG if you don't know like Dungeons and Dragons

and someone was like that's really fucking nerdy and I was like yeah that's fucking awesome 100% it is best part of my week but like the thing is

I was just like when was the last time like how often you get to have dinner with your best friends because I do it every fucking week every fucking week

I get to sit down and have dinner and hang out and like do things with my best friends every week it's like one of the biggest adult problems is like yeah you stop seeing your friends or it's more difficult like there are memes about that shit it's like i have a thing every fucking monday night i get to see my best friends and have a meal with them yeah that's the fucking made. So if you want to give me shit for that, you can fuck yourself. Yeah. Right now.

Right now. Here's a vibrator. Here's a flashlight, Dave. Do I go on to my next question? Fuck yeah. I forgot we were recording, man. I don't know what's going on. Here we go.

This comes from user JB6. What's her problem? Oh, I know, right? You know what happened? She had a horse when she was younger. It was her first love, but it never requited that love. This is in relation to something you just said.

So I initiated a conversation with a girl I know in person on Snapchat. We talked and she ended up asking me if I wanted to go out and grab something to eat with her. Okay, well, I know what her issue is. In person, he talked to her on Snapchat. Just talked and she ended up asking me if I wanted to go out and grab something to eat with her. Okay, well, I know what her issue is. In person, he talked to her on Snapchat. Just talk to her. Well, he knew her in person.

He knows her in real life. An IRL. I'm being real funny. We picked a place. So I think her pro- We ended up asking her for her number and she gave it to me. We texted and the conversation was going good.

I'd take a little while to text back as I'm busy but i texted back at a reasonable time as did she we got on topic uh about what we want to do with our majors we both attend the same university and she and she told me and asked me the same question i followed up with a response along with a question about her field and she replied with nah what using my best judgment i just What? as I really had nothing to say to her after her dry response days prior. She works at the front desk of my dorm, and every time I walk through the door, she ducks her head behind the computer as if she doesn't want to see me, as if she doesn't want me to see her or something. What's her problem?

Also, we didn't end up going on the date, as I didn't think it was necessary to follow up with her. What's your problem, bud? I actually responded to this, and I was just like, What's your problem? I left her on read. Oh, good problem, bud? I actually responded to this, and I was just like, what's your problem? I left her on read. Oh, good job, bud. Good one.

You did it. Like, no, fucking, you're playing bullshit games. Like, fuck off. If you want to talk to her, talk to her. If you don't want to talk to her, don't talk to her. This is my thing. I was just like, you said you're having a great conversation. She gave you one one-word answer.

I was like, maybe that was just the answer to that question also i would love to know the fucking question i would also love to know what his dry response was yeah i bet it was fucking an asshole i bet it was a the most dickish fucking comment but also like he got the dry response and was like oh i'll reply in kind like surely that's where that interaction ends if he was like, oh, I'll reply in kind. Like, surely that's where that interaction ends. If he was like, oh, dry response, I replied with one, like, move on?

But now he's like, I'm so offended that not only did I reply with a dry response, but then she commented I left her on read and I don't think I should follow.

That's, what do you do? That's the thing, it's like, how bad was this? She has no problem. Like, she gave you

a one word answer and you took it so personally and then you ignored her and failed on a date. That's just a hide behindword answer. You said something dickish. And you took it so personally. And now you're ignoring her. And then you ignored her and failed on a date. And now she has to hide behind the computer. Yeah. I was like, she even tried to re-initiate contact with you and then you ignored her.

I was like, what's her problem? Like, what are you doing? I was just like, it's, I don't know. I was just like. How do you live in a world where you don't realize you're the problem I feel like a real common fucking thing I know but still like how do you type that and go cause you know the way sometimes like yeah

you feel like you're whatever but then you like say it to someone and halfway through speaking you're like shit I was the dick so a bunch of the comments where people being like she's just playing hard to get ignore her she's playing hard to get forget her i was like she's not playing hard to get those men have read the kama sutra she was fucking talking to you and then again tried to talk to you and like if anyone's playing hard to get it's you it's your boy leaving

her on red yeah yeah i was's classic playing hard to get behavior. It's a classic asshole move. Yeah. What are you doing? And then like, oh, we made plans to hang out and then I just didn't talk to her ever again and didn't go on that date. It's like. What's her problem, Dave? Yeah.

What's her problem? Oh, what a bitch. Yeah. He's just like, you're in the wrong, dude. Like, fucking chill. Don't play these bullshit games. Like. Yeah.

Like. I don't play these bullshit games like yeah like i don't know how like if you sent her a picture of your dog and was like your dead dog i was like oh this dog's real cute and she was like nah yeah sure maybe then you can be upset i don't understand like there's not many situations where that response should garner this fucking reaction yeah like oh man do you do you think my parents should continue living nah yeah sure like do you agree with do you oh just like you know like there's there's very few questions where this this three-letter response yeah makes you this pissed off and it's not even like it's literally just like homegirl do you like We The Bix?

Nah, get the fuck out. It'd be one thing if like, if he said, oh, not this time phone. Why do you do this every week? Not this time phone. I almost dropped my phone, but not today.

It'd be one thing if he was like, oh, we like finally exchanged numbers and all she gave me was one word answers. I'd be like, okay, yeah, great. I get it. But even then, like, don't't retaliate don't play these games just get up get over it and move on like cool whatever she's not into you it's cool like oh we had a great conversation

she gave me one one word answer also i just took the whole offensive you are it's like also she's working at the front desk yeah maybe she got busy and she had only she didn't want to leave you on read yeah and so like she sent you a nod on read read whatever um what's our next read it question shut up um you know i mean it's like if if someone sent me a text and i only had time to like send a quick response i'd rather do that than ignore them. I wish I knew what the fuck he asked. Because I bet you it's something like really, really like, you know. I actually said, I was like, your question probably just wasn't good enough. It was probably just like, oh, are you like planning on doing that? Like you're planning on making a career out of that or whatever. It was probably some fucking bullshit thing about her job at the front desk.

She was like, nah. Yeah. I bet you. And then he was like. Like, fuck. Just, just no i could just imagine him just like whipping his phone against the wall and like ripping all of her pictures down that he's like hung up all right do you have a question my chain my combo is yeah i kind of want to go back because i realized we were dropping like a lot of generalizations during

the tinder thing we were like girls do this um and it's kind of just i guess from both of our experiences so like if you're a girl and you have the other side of this story fucking send it in because we would love to hear more from the other side of things but yeah i just wanted to clarify that a little bit i stick by everything i said yeah fuck you guys um yeah so i have actually i'm not gonna fucking go get i'm just gonna paraphrase i have some user submitted questions I stick by everything I said. Yeah, fuck you guys. Yeah, so I have actually... I'm not going to fucking go get it. I'm just going to paraphrase. I have some user-submitted questions.

Why do you... Listeners. Users. We're a drug. Oh, I see. Yeah, you use us. And you're never going to fucking escape this addiction. You bitches.

No. So, user-submitted questions. They did too. I feel like they're kind of in the same hemisphere so i might chain them around uh it's going to be the combo episode oh the one two punch combo question uh this is going to be i think you want an agent name. Agent Wayne is a friendly celebrity chef. It's a weird agent name, but all right. It's tough to crack. So she has two questions. Okay.

First one is, how do you and your partner come at the same time? Oh, boy. Hey, here's a hint for you ladies. Don't tell your partner that you're about to come. Because let me tell you, that's going to speed him up real quick. But that could be handy. Like if you, like, you know what I mean? Because if you're about to come, don't tell him to come.

Or don't ask him if he's about to come. Yeah. That's like, you don't want to get them thinking about coming too much. Because it'll usually go the other way. Yeah. Overthinking anything usually does not help um i i have an idea how you do this and by that i mean i one person has to be in charge yeah it's not two-way street and you need to really know your partner yeah it also depends

on like if your partner takes a shit ton of work like if they if they really need to sort of like activate all the muscles and like really focus in, it's like, yeah, they're the one setting the pace. Well, yeah.

Like someone, someone needs to be in charge because like, like if you're both working on different timeline, like, you know what I mean? You need to fucking focus. And like, you know,

when you're going to come and you need to mediate that while you get them to basically there. Yeah. And like a lot of the time, like people don't come from penetration alone. So it's all clitoral stimulation. So that makes it like a little bit better because you can like keep stimulating them like up and up and up and like give it a rest while you like just do penetration and then like keep doing that. And you do need to kind of like be in contact. Like, you know know you need to communicate

like the girl if the guy's in charge the girl needs to like say when she's close and then you can like lay off that clitoral stuff while you then get yourself closer and like i do feel like one person needs to be in charge you also really need to know your partner yeah like it's not like a first you know one night stand kind of thing but it can happen yeah it could be you could be lucky but like i don't think that's a an acquired skill no because you don't know person you fuck no because you don't know how how their body works you know i mean some people like are wildly different also like you don't know whether they're being performative or not or whatever like you really need to learn how to like have someone's tells work. So once you know how to make your partner come and what like the signs are of them getting closer, then you just need to moderate your own kind of performance.

You know what I mean? I think the trouble with this is like setting that as a goal. I think is counterintuitive because like you're going to think about it and that's going to be like, it's going to be in the back of your head. I do. I do think like you mentioned as your think about it, and that's going to be, like, it's going to be in the back of your head. I do think, like. Especially if you mentioned it to your partner. Yeah, that's the thing. I think it's one of those things. Like, when I've done it, it's been in my own head, but I haven't told them.

I haven't been like, hey, I'm going to make this come at the same time. Because then everybody's thinking about it. Yeah. So I do think, like, if you're the one with this thought and you want to do it you just gotta like play a little game with them just like oh you gotta tell me like when you're like close to coming yeah and then whatever you're doing ease off a little bit while you get yourself up to that point and just play a little game and give and take until you know you're about to you're pretty sure they're about to yeah get them to ask you permission to come yeah and that's another thing which is also

fucking fun yeah you because you like if you're not ready you just tell them no yeah don't don't and then like that's gonna make things great yeah it's gonna make things so fun like every time you lay off of them it's gonna heighten that tension like again don't over fucking do it but like you you need to know yourself and you need to know that also i'm gonna throw this thing because we're kind of skirting the edges of edging um i just found this out. You can do a whole shit ton of damage to yourself by edging. Yeah, I read that earlier on as well. I was like, oh, God.

Yeah, apparently there's like a thing where if you edge yourself too long, you can get the feeling of testicular torsion without the torsion. Your ejaculatory ducts will get swollen, and yeah, it mimics the effects of testicular torsion. Yeah, don't uh don't don't edge too long yeah also i will say there is a point of diminishing return on teasing um i'm gonna put that out there to the women because i haven't had any men tease me but i've had one or two people definitely like start off i like oh i'm gonna you know and then it just goes on too long and i'm like okay like yeah there's a level where it was fun and a tease just now my dick is sad yeah like

yeah but same person same realm what if you both can only come in a certain position and they're different um i would say unless she is incapable of like continuing to have sex uh after she comes i would say do her first because like you know if she can keep going right like hammer those out and then flip it around 100 for him and finish him off because like man these things are synergizing so well i have a question that kind of ties in with this but no that that's like that's pretty much it you know what i mean like if whoever can keep going you know what i mean like if you if the girl can't or like if the guy like you know what i mean you're gonna go soft after you come yeah usually so like if your dick is required for the guy like you know what i mean you're gonna go soft after you come yeah usually so like if your dick is required for the next step you can't be the first one to go um unless

you want to do something else you know what i mean it's like if if again you just gotta know your partner and plan accordingly if it's one of those things where like if you can't then like be prepared to maybe use your mouth to finish them off. Yeah, exactly. Vice versa. Yeah. Or, like, your fingers. Like, if you need to, like, just get the finger in and get her there. Exactly. Yeah, you just kind of have to, like, figure out who is the most useless after sex.

Exactly, yeah. Like, if someone's use stops after you cum come then that's the point at which you need to be the last one to come yeah you know what i mean although i've been with women who like once they come they're just like brain dead and like literally they can keep going but only if you're piloting yeah yeah um oh no i mean like like that you can't keep having sex and then like they're literally just like shaking just quivering messes and you're just like this is awesome this has done wonders for my self-esteem dude you need to stop uh my dick needs more attention i told you to stop using the taser man that's not that's not sex when i said make her shake that that wasn't like

okay so when we're talking when we're talking about coming are we not talking about tasing dude you took the song it's electric by metallica like way too right the lightning is that metallica reference way too literally yes it is but way too literally man are you ready for this synergy question? Girl, I'm gonna make you shake. Cause I got a taser. Posted by 88Brianna88. My husband insists on boning me with a half-hard dick. Oh, I've read that one too. And I'm getting pretty annoyed with it.

Round number one is always great. It's awesome. We both finish. Everything is wonderful. But he always wants to go for more rounds afterwards with no recharge time in between for his dick to get hard again. I've tried telling him I don't need him to always go multiple rounds, and he says, I know you don't need to, but I like to. Yes, I have orgasms from it, but I'm pretty sensitive, as in a strong breeze could probably make me cum in the right circumstances. I'm not exactly having fun post round one, despite having orgasms.

It seems like he's enjoying himself, even though he usually doesn't come more than once in a night. Can it really feel that good to fuck a girl when you're not fully erect though? For me, it just feels squishy and awkward. So I just can't imagine it feeling awesome for him. But maybe I'm wrong. I can't just say, hey, can you stop shoving your half? I can't just say, hey, can you stop shoving your dick in me when it's soft? I don't enjoy it at all. Anybody have some insight as to why he does this all the time or how I could talk to him without sounding super rude?

His ego is more fragile than most, so I need to be gentle about it. Than most? So my confusion is, she says she doesn't like it, then she says she still orgasms, then she says she's not having fun while she's orgasming. Why? Well, I mean, like, orgasms are great. Yeah, but like, I don't know, if you're not mentally in it. But like, see, I'm wondering if she's

just upset because it's not hard. You know what I mean? Like maybe just internalizing that a little bit and being like, oh, like she describes the feeling as squishy and awkward, but she's also orgasming. I don't think I'm orgasming off squishy and awkward. Actually, a little bit. That's like three of my exes no i'm joking yeah i don't know like for me that was kind of confusing i i just be like my thing my thing

is i can't just say hey can you stop showing me it's like you totally can maybe not well maybe not maybe you have to like soften that verbiage up a bit but like you are a hundred percent allowed to say you're not into it yeah say that you're not going to do it like you're and even if you're married even if you're it doesn't matter like you are allowed to say no to things in fact you should if you don't want to it's not even an allowance thing like do it like i think don't allow yourself to be i think this guy's in his head and he thinks that like this is making him a a superhero. And when you're like, Oh, you don't need to, you're like making a concession for him as opposed to you saying, I don't want to.

Exactly. I think that is kind of, she's like, he thinks like, Oh, I don't care about me. It's all about you. Like,

and the irony is that she's not into it, which is like just terrible. Yeah. I think. And like, again, it's going to be confusing. Cause like if he,

if she's coming while he's doing it, he's like, oh, she loves this. Fuck yeah. If I was doing a thing and my partner was coming and it seems like it wasn't even just once, if you're getting multiple orgasms out of a thing I'm doing, I'm not going to not do it unless you tell me because in my head, even right now, even reading this question, orgasms equals yes, equals good. Like, I've never been like oh i fucking had an orgasm eating that pie it's like oh it was good pie no it fucking sucked

what they don't go together orgasms and bad things not my head i don't know but like the thing is you yeah like saying it that way not gonna be the best just be like hey like how about we take a break i'm a little sensitive and i want to like wait till you're like ready to go again yeah or you know just like if it's or just be like oh i am you don't want to yeah you could just be like no like give them enough give them the capital d-o-n-e because like like when i'm having sex, there's the, oh, I'm done. Like, that was my first one, and there's the, oh, I'm done. As in, like, this train has left the station. Yeah.

No more passengers on board. Like, we're going to be late to Montreal. Stop that. I wish you could see the stupid face he just made, because you would never listen to this podcast again. Oh, you would fucking just have a bad orgasm right there um yeah no like you just don't do these things and like it is very easy because like i don't know if he's entirely enjoying it that much and if he is like you could just like manipulate him with your hand or your mouth i almost promise i promise you he's struggling

through to try and make things better for you yeah because because he probably did it once and saw that you came a couple times and he was like fuck i've set the standard exactly so like he there's probably gonna be a sigh of relief where you're just like hey like it's super uncomfortable for me i'm just like i'm too sensitive it's like easy i'm all down for like more orgasms but like I need a breather I'm sorry like you

that's not even about like you're making about you not him yeah like just say like you finished me off like I am complete yeah

like nobody's like that's gonna be an ego boost and then he's not gonna have to like there's nothing worse than when your dick is not fully cooperating and you're like you know what i mean yeah like if you if you finish before someone and you know they're nearly there and you're trying to keep going and it's just getting a little like that sucks i know you know what i mean like yeah it's like trying to fucking put

spaghetti through like a needle hole and you're just like or if you're like there you think you're good again and then you start and you realize you you're going a little too soon. That's the worst. Yeah. It's a fucking shitty feeling. I very much doubt he's enjoying this. No, I promise you. Especially because he's not coming. You know what I mean?

Yeah. So it's like he's... I don't think he's getting anything out of this. No. Like I said, it's probably one of those things where he did it once. Yeah, he's doing it all for you. You came a couple times, and he's like, oh, no. Yeah.

I got to do this all the time now. There will probably be a sigh of relief. Oh, man. He's going to be the happiest. He can roll over and fucking have a Sprite. Yeah. I got to do this all the time now. He'll probably, there will probably be a sigh of relief. Oh man. He's going to be the happiest. He can roll over and fucking have a Sprite. Oh, it's going to be great. Um,

yeah, just like, just make, just tell him, be like, cause I guess it is true. Just be like, yo,

I'm too sensitive. Like I'm honestly, I'm good. Like let's fucking spoon. Let's cuddle. Let's drink some Sprite. I've got some fucking ice cream in the fridge. I'm going to go...

Or freezer. Oh, no. Oh, I put the ice cream in the fridge again. Speaking of squishy and awkward. I'm such a stupid idiot. I'm sorry. I'm too upset to have sex. Yeah.

Oh, nailed it. Put the ice cream in the fridge before you guys bone down. Like, shit, my Ben and Jerry... Oh, fuck. Damn it. Fuck. Oh. Why?

Oh, my God. You're going to blow this microphone. I'm below this fucking popsicle stand because it all melted. Jesus. X left me day after Valentine's Day. Advice for meeting up. So I, 19-year-old female, was with him, 18-year-old male, for seven months. Sure, it's not a long time, but I really cared for him.

He left me last Thursday because I was clingy and controlling. He doesn't realize or believe that he is the one who drove me to that with his cheating and lies. I'm meeting him at a public place this Thursday to return his grandpa's books to him and get the rest of my stuff. Guess I'm just looking for any advice. I'm hoping he will let me buy him a coffee and we can have a nice chat and leave off on a better note, like, Riverdale? I don't know. It's a fucking...

It sounds like a CW show. It sounds like a fucking shitty situation. Do not spend your money on this asshole. Yeah. Don't fucking, like, burn his granddad's books. Whoa. You know what? I bet you he was like, hey, can I get my granddad's books back?

Just say nah. Ooh. Like, this guy cheated on you and lied and then was mean to you when he dumped you. Don't buy him a coffee. Yeah. Give him a shit and leave. Use your grandpa's books and fuck off from my life. Right?

Get him the fuck out of your entire life. He was mean. He cheated. He lied. It just, Valentine's Day just happened. He has to wait at least two weeks after Valentine's Day.

It's a law. It's not a rule. I know. We don't believe in rules here. We don't believe in any fucking rules. Yeah, this Um, yeah, this is, yeah,

one of those things where you just sort of, like, I don't care, like, I don't care if you like the guy, he's a piece of shit. Yeah, that's,

okay, so I have seen this time and time again, where like people, they want to like, end on a better note, or they want to, like, come to terms,

or like, like, you can't change what happened. know what i mean like he still cheated he still lied he still was mean and he still broke up with you like nothing's gonna make that better the closure that you need is like more or less from yourself the closure you need is to get the fuck out of this person's existence yeah it's one of those things where you're like you process and like be like okay this guy hurt me and deal with it like on your own terms. Yeah. And like you don't need anything from him.

No. Because like because he's just going to make it worse. Even if he apologizes, even if he's like if he gives you like a reason or like anything, you know what I mean? Like even if he's just like, hey, I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have done that. It was my fault. I'm a piece of shit. Like, great.

But like it doesn't change anything. He's done it yeah his actions and like that is very indicative of how he feels about you yep and also i'm probably indicative of how he's gonna act in this situation which is probably not great yeah like i don't think he's gonna have a sudden realization like last week he's like you're clinging and controlling fuck you we're done this week he's like oh you're right i was be shit i lied and i cheated and that was unfair on you but like i'm gonna leave out of your life because you deserve that but here's your stuff back intact and i haven't spat on any of it no yeah i think it's i think it's

one of those things where like they're so young she's probably hoping that this works out in like a fairy tale yeah um because that's the. Like he sounds like the kind of, like if you're the kind of person to cheat on somebody and like lie to somebody and then blame the generation of your relationship on them, you're probably pretty manipulative and you're probably the kind of person who's going to see somebody trying to have a chat with you. Um, work that as an angle and like maybe sleep with you again or maybe hook up with you again or like date you again but that's you know i just there's also like a myriad of of issues for people who like want to write that you know i mean like for her there's probably like some insecurities that are like lingering for whatever i like i can't begin

to guess but like like there's a reason people stay with cheaters and that's usually like a codependency or you know what i mean some sort of insecurity or you're just trying to help them or you see the best in them or like they're misunderstood and like you understand like i've been there i've put myself like in front of other people's actions like i'll put myself like i'll put like the words like i will be there for them at my expense because i can rationalize why they do shitty things because i like to think the best people i like to help people and i also don't really particularly care about suffering necessarily like i can suffer through shit to get to better shit. I'm good at working shitty jobs and I'm good at like doing shitty things or like having shitty things done to me.

And I've been trying to get out of that for years. Um, and it's just one of those things you need to just get the fuck out of there. And I learned that. And that's great. It's the most freeing thing in the world. I want to like grab her by the head and just be like, you're better than this. Yeah that and that's great it's the most freeing thing in the world i want to like grab her by the head and just be like you're better than this yeah you and that's the

thing like demand better respect yourself in your life um and and like love yourself enough to know that like when someone doesn't love you they're not worth your time or even if they love you but they're being shit to you oh get the fuck out of there it doesn't matter like oh girl i hope you're good yeah i hope i hope he gave his books back and he was an asshole again you can learn a lesson or he just gave you your shit and you were like cool bye uh this is from reddit user memphalily i think um this may be out there but howunquote normal is it to sniff my girlfriend's panties? Is there something wrong with me? I'm a lesbian female, and I've been with my girlfriend for two years now.

Recently, I've kind of picked up the habit of sniffing her panties occasionally, every couple weeks or so. Is this bad, or creepy, or just straight up not okay? I like to do it because I just love the smell of her vagina. It turns me on more than anything else. I like to smell them when I'm masturbating, but it also reminds me of her and the amazing sakes we have when I miss her. I've learned that I like this pretty recently. I want to tell her, but I don't want to weird her out.

She's into almost every kinky thing and we're extremely comfortable with each other, but I definitely don't want to take it too far. Yeah, like, the smell of vagina is incredible. Yeah. Like, it's fucking so good, but if you're doing it without her knowledge yeah it's a little weird that's the thing it's like are you living together are

you stealing her panties are you do you have them in a jar beside your bed with her fucking used tampons like i think sort of like do you ever worry that someone listens to like this episode but hasn't listened to one that's's like, why would he say that? Yeah. Why did he just talk about a horse? Yeah. What? Why do they keep talking about beans?

What is this stupid movie? What the fuck are they talking about? Yeah. Sorry. Everyone knows what I'm talking about when I reference Shelby. Shit, I will throw this mic through the wall. Here's my super easy introduction to panty sniffing. Eat them first. No, when you pull them off the next time you're together smell them yeah you know what i mean and be like i fucking love that smell and just like tell her right there and be like i would i would do this

every day or even like have her just wear her panties go down like i fucking hate that word uh like kiss down her leg while she's still wearing them like get there smell them while they're still on her yeah less weird then as you pull them off maybe just be like oh fuck like that's an easy way to transition in it's tough and then just tell her that you love the fuck out of the smell of her vagina which one yeah i get it and two she's probably gonna appreciate the fuck out of two yeah Yeah. Also, I dare say she has the same thoughts on the matter. She's already doing it? That's the thing.

If you're like, yo, I've been doing this for months, that's a little weird. Yeah. Or like also just sort of like not, like it's almost lying by omission if you don't mention that you've already been doing it. Like if you're just like, I love this. I would love to like take one of these home with me

so I can like smell it later. You're like, you're Like, if you're just like, I love this. I would love to, like, take one of these home with me so I can, like, smell it later. Is it's... You're, like, you're skirting that line of being, like, you kind of still need to disclose that this is happening.

Tell you, though. I don't know. I... I... I don't know. It is kind of, like... Because, like, what happens if she's like,

no, that's gross? Do you then tell her? Because I feel like you kind of have to or you kind of, like, should. Or do you just sort of be like i've learned my lesson i'm gonna stop doing it i don't think she can stop i think by the sounds of it no it's like every couple weeks she said yes if it was every day that would be different because every couple of weeks to me says that she tries to stop she gives, she gives it time.

I think it's one of those things where the situation has arised. She's like, yeah, I'll give it a go. Nope. She likes it so much that she's like, no, I can't. She's so torn, she's on Reddit. So she does it. She's like, no. A couple of weeks pass.

She's like, fuck. But I'd also like to believe that she would listen to her girl's wishes. I would hope so. If she was like, no, girl's wishes i think like i would hope i would hope she was like no i like that's that's weird it creeps me out i hope that would be enough for her to i'm gonna think the best of her honestly i don't really know where to land on this issue because it's like it's kind of an invasion of privacy but like if they live together i guess like your laundry is usually shared so like i don't't know. It's kind of a victimless crime. But also, it's kind of like...

I don't know. Again, if they were dating. You know what I mean? If they were dating. If it was just my roommate. I'm super into my roommate. Oh, that would be, yeah. But if you're dating and you're already in...

See, that's the thing. Every time I think it's not creepy, I'm like, but it is a little creepy. I don't know. But every time I think it's not creepy, I'm like, but it is a little creepy. I don't know. But every time I'm like, I think there are easy ways to bring it up. As to whether you disclose it is a different thing. Obviously, if she's like, yeah, that's super hot. You could be like, confession. I may have done it before.

And then it'll lead to maybe a super sexy moment between you guys. Or she'll be like, what the fuck? Yeah. I don't know. I honestly, I'm bamboozled here's the thing it's like i don't think this is enough to like ruin a relationship you know what i mean like if it came out years later i don't think it would be one of those things where like um it's it's not yeah it's not like you're cheating on them it's not like you're sniffing someone else's yeah i think a

lot of them might just be like if if she knew that's what you like, maybe she'd wear a pair while you guys are getting hot and heavy and like leave it aside for you. But like, if it's just like the ones she went to the gym in or like the ones she, you know, ate a massive curry and, you know, like no one wants to have like non-pristine, you know what I mean? Like if you're doing- You should let her curate what she's smelling. Exactly, right? pristine you know what i mean like if you're doing let her curate what exactly right because she's probably then gonna get a little insecure and be like shit like you know like i i was running around all day in a fucking hot ass office like and you know people might feel very insecure and like not taco tuesday today yeah yeah um but like yeah so she might be uncomfortable about that um i don't know i think you definitely

have to broach it oh yeah i don't think it's one of those don't just keep it hidden like yeah it's not like a lord of the rings like keep it secret keep it safe don't all right keep your secrets keep your secrets then oh that's me um yeah i would I would definitely do that. I would like, next time you go down on her, just when you're peeling off those panties, like, give them a sniff and, like, let her know you love it. Yeah. And that'll be, like, you testing the waters. Yeah.

Where'd we fall on the telling her thing? Oh, man. I think, you know what? I think I would tell her. I think even if she was like, that's kind of gross, I'd be like, you know what? Like think I would tell her, I think even if she was like, that's kind of gross. I'd be like, you know what? Like I've kind of been doing it and like, and be like, I'm sorry. I'm definitely not going to do it again. Um, it's, it's kind of like my thing. Yeah. I apologize. Yeah. And let's just say like, I'm sorry. I found it super hot. I did

it. Apologize, be open. And if it's a deal breaker, then fuck it. It should be right. Yeah. I mean like, yeah, it's a deal breaker, then fuck it. It should be, right? Yeah. I mean, like, yeah, it's one of those things where I think, like, you being honest is, like, a more attractive trait. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Like, I would respect the shit out of someone who would just be straight up and honest. All right, let's wrap this boy up. All right. What do we do at this point? You usually hit me with some sex writing.

Are we? Are you sure we're recording today? We did not do that last week why fuck I can't remember which ones

oh it's okay I'll listen to a repeat it's like a greatest hits collection okay this one's pretty good I'm pretty sure we haven't done this

tell me if we have you comfy yeah I can hear you rubbing your belly yeah your toned ass fucking abs

by the way good job thanks Dan's been hitting the gym hard um that's fucking impressive as shit so nice to touch now I know Yeah. Your toned ass fucking abs, by the way. Good job. Thanks. Dan's been hitting the gym hard. That's fucking impressive as shit. So nice to touch now.

I know. Okay. This is the martini shot by George Pelicanos. He's done. I love it already. We kissed some more and had a few laughs. While we talked, I slid my hand beneath her sweats, pushed the crotch of her damp lace panties aside,

slipped my longest finger inside her and stroked her clit. It got warm in the room. She lay back on the couch and arched her back and I peeled off her pants and thong. Now she was nude. I stripped down to my boxer briefs and crouched over her. I let her pull me free because I knew she liked to. She stroked my pole and took off my briefs. Then I got between her and spread her muscular thighs with my knees and rubbed myself against her until she was wet as a water slide, and then I split her. Oh, man.

So, the imagery I had for longest finger was just a real long finger. What I love is, like, the way he wrote it, like, I slipped my longest finger inside her and stroked her clit. Like, it sounds like, like, are you using two fingers, bud? I think so. Getting that thumb action in? Because it doesn't sound like it. Have you had sex, George Pelicanos?

Oh, you're thinking he's thinking the clit is inside. Does he think the clit's inside? Maybe his finger's that long. Also, he split her? I like when he compared her to a water slide, because I think of bright colors and children. Yeah. It's fucking great. No. Okay, let's get the fuck out of here.

Yeah, thank you very much for listening, guys. We gotta go play Apex. I know. Oh, man, if you guys are playing Apex Legends, fucking come play with us. Hit us up on Facebook or Twitter and come join our squad. Oh, man, yeah. We haven't won a game yet but we keep getting second place.

I've won a game. What? Yeah, my second game I played I won. Fuck you. Everyone won their second game. I haven't won a single game but I've been second like 23 times. Yeah, come carry us

because we're shit. We're getting better. We're okay. We're getting better but yeah, come fucking play. It's so good. Yeah, send us a message on Twitter with your PSN.

We have to thank people. I won uh so the people who uh gave us some like some social media love some last week we asked for it and you guys came out um some of them are adam who gave us a really nice shout out brent who gave us a really nice shout out uh eighth dimension podcast uh said it was one of the most heartwarming moments in podcast history when we said we loved each other last week. Some other people like Patty, who always likes our fucking Facebook posts. Alana for giving us some good love. Ryan, Chris, Adriana, who's probably our best listener.

She's the best. Sarah, Eric, Sharky. Thank you guys so much. Brian for listening. Our lovely girlfriends. Yeah uh our lovely girlfriends yeah our amazing girlfriends and again shout out to amanda for letting us use all of her shit her laptop and our microphone i use her headphones um we use the closet i use her boyfriend uh uh without this uh we would sound real shit like that one week we fucked up yeah but don't worry

i wrote a poem about it so um yeah thank you guys so much for listening um we still need a few more reviews on itunes i might say all the reviews all of the reviews to get us like officially on the rankings we're still like in the the hidden ranking yeah phase and i think we're like two away oh really yeah oh um i think it's like two away. Oh, really? Yeah. Ooh. I think it's like a certain amount. Okay. So if you want to like head over to iTunes and give us a rating and a review. Five stars.

Five stars. If you could. That would be real good. Yeah. So if you have a question, you can email us at fbuddiespodcast at gmail.com. You can find us on Twitter,

so let us know when you do a review and a rating on iTunes, at fck underscore buddies. And you can find us on Twitter, so let us know when you do a review and a rating on iTunes, at fck underscore buddies. And you can find us on Facebook at facebook.com slash fckbuddiespodcast. Oh, yeah. Thank you, Josh Eagle and the Harvard Cities, for their song, Paper Stars. That is our theme song.

It is. Yeah. Man, it's so weird. I'm so used to listening to just that little bit of clip. I listen to the full song. I've never heard the song. It's so good. I mean, I listen, Josh. Thanks, boy. listening to just like that little bit of clip i mean i listen to the full song i've never heard the song it's so good i mean i listen josh i'm actually you know what i'm gonna post the the whole album because it's uh free to listen online so you can uh you can check that out yeah because

he's uh he's a good boy yeah so every week nile delves into the the deepest pits of humanity known as the danverse where we find uh pickup artist and general piece of shit, Dan. And he tweets out also terrible advice. The antithesis of us, if you will. We hope. Should I read out the tweet or tell everyone if he's tweeted yet? Ooh, I need to know if he's tweeted. Ready?

This is DanWatch2019. Oh no! know if he's tweeted ready this is damn watch 2019 oh no oh no don't leave me like this dan was just powering up oh no dan took january off oh no to become more of an asshole. Mega Dan. I can't write this shit. I had a Dan planned. I'm going to read his two newest, right? Oh, no. Oh, no. Okay, February 7th. Are you ready for this? Yeah. How to get your girlfriend or wife to lose weight.

Oh, boy. February 12th. Are you ready? No, but it hit me. How to deal with your girlfriend on her period. Oh, Dan. What? Dan, I was worried about you.

I genuinely had real feelings and concern for you, Dan. Do you think we woke him up with that tweet? I think it was one of those things where like, yeah, he was slumbered and we'd awoken the elder douche. Oh, fuck. My name is Dan Miller. Fuck you, Dan. Niall. And we're your fuck buddies.

We are.