F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 222 - Year of the Air Fryer

Episode Date: January 2, 2023

I'm sure a lot is going to happen in 2023 or whatever, but nothing will be more important than Dain getting an air fryer.  Topics include taking things slow and casual, blurring out your friends on Tinder, jealous of your partner's online attention, learning to dominate your wife.

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dane Miller. And I'm Miles Bain. And we're your fuck buddies. We are an award winning sex and dating advice show where we take your sticky, sexy situations and turn them into sexy, sticky situations.

Simply put, we are a sex and dating advice podcast. We find questions either roaming the internet or we source them from our wonderful fucking listeners, such as yourself. And we answer them right here, right now, in your ears, collaboratively, positively, and sometimes humorously. Now, I introduced myself earlier as Dane Miller, but I feel like I have transcended that. Okay, you're shucking the snakeskin of Dane? Yes, because I did get an air fryer for Christmas. And I feel like that's sort of a, it's kind of like a Thunderstone. You know, if I was a Pikachu, getting an air fryer turns me into a Raichu. Now, I've had an air fryer for months.

Does that mean I've been lying to everyone this whole time? I think so. But I mean, maybe you're a different Pokemon, right? Like, I can't just go up and hit fucking, you know, Mr. Mime with a Thunderstone and something happens. Something will happen. It just won't be good. Mr. Mime is a real pervert with those Evelation Stones. You don't even want to know.

Let's just say he stops miming and starts doing. Fucking Happy New Year, guys. Happy New Year. It is not 2023 where we're at, but it will be now in your ears uh i want to say thanks to everyone for being with us all year uh we're gonna have also released our special new year's wrap up uh like patreon episode pillow talk which i have some really fun stats for hopefully you don't have the same stats i assume you have pornhub ones i got pornhub yeah do you have Pornhub ones? I got Pornhub, yeah. Do you have Tinder? Because Tinder did a whole breakdown of 2022, and it's actually really

interesting. Cool. Fucking perfect. Love it. I just want to say thank you. We had an incredible year. We have become award-winning. We were featured at Fan Expo. We had fans of the show come out and meet us. Again, we're still not over that. That was amazing. We hit over 50,000 downloads. We

were in a huge amount of people's top 10 for Spotify wrapped. You guys continue to amaze us and be awesome. And honestly, I just want to thank you guys so much because I am flattered and humbled and shocked. You guys definitely don't help the imposter syndrome, but you do help everything else. I love you guys. So thank you. See, I would say that I would agree with all that, but now that I have this air fryer, I do need more. Okay, hey, you know what?

I would like more, or at least a continued level of awesome. Yeah, just like the year before last, we were nominated for two awards. Got none. This year, we were nominated for six. Got one. Next year, or this current year when you're listening, I want to be nominated for six got one next year i want or you know this

current year when you're listening i want like to be nominated for like 20 get five all of them every award i want a golden globe yeah i don't know if we're eligible probably not if we started doing a video side i think golden globes are they movies i'm thinking emmys i have no idea ready for some advice slash questions? Yeah. Unless you want to talk more about your air fryer. Sorry, I did kind of get carried away. I do actually. No, go for it.

Yeah, I just I wanted to start with a with a happy new year. And I said what the podcast was instead. And that made me sad. This is from Agent Ashes, who sends us in saying happy sexmas. Still doing great work. I see. Love you all. I was going to send a holiday gift,

but didn't see a tip button. So I just increased my Patreon level. Totally worth it. Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you. Since the last message, I got married super young,

so I'm not an experienced dater. I started trying the dating scene and I've got to say, this whole accepting that I'm not ready to go all in trying for an exclusive relationship right off the bat and being upfront with women

with my need for casual is a huge thing for me. More so towards sticking to my guns and not folding when I know what I want at the moment, as opposed to caving in from guilt and expectation. My thing is, I've been doing extremely well on short-term dating, but regardless, if the girls I'm seeing are mid-20s or early 40s, after two weeks or so, they either don't believe this kind of casual dating is a thing and start getting pushy and giving ultimatums, or they think I'm stringing them along even though I'm totally upfront. Everything is fun and sexy in the first two weeks. They don't seem to understand that amount of time isn't enough to gauge if we would

make good partners in my eyes. No hard feelings, as if they want something different, I very much would want them to go find that. Am I just having a string of bad luck, or is this type of dating maybe not big in Southern US? Either way, I've taken two months off of dating as of this message to focus on my daughter, my music, and just enjoy my free time in general to figure out where I'm at as a person.

Sorry for the long message. And thanks for being super cool guys. Thank you. It makes me really happy when we get questions like this, because it's the advice that I have for you is so fine tuned because you seem to be doing everything that i would usually paint with in broad strokes well if that makes sense that's what i want to shout out off the bat is like you're killing it yeah like you're killing it you're doing you're doing the good stuff like

yes it sucks that people aren't where you would like them to be and you know and that's i'm not downplaying that that's a bad situation to be in, obviously, but like you can be in a bad situation and be doing the wrong things. And you can be in a bad situation and be doing the right things. That's like, you're communicating, you're respecting your boundaries.

You're doing what's right for you. You're open enough about this problem to go and talk about it. And in the meantime, you're taking a break off and doing positive things. It's just great. It's like, this is what we want to see out there in the world. And I just got to say, shout out to you for killing it. Yeah. Yes. So let's dig into some of the stuff that I guess I can talk about. First, I don't know what the dating scene in Southern US is, but I can imagine that, you know, extrapolating from what I know about the South, that, yeah, non-monogamous or open casual dating might not be a huge thing yet or there for religious reasons, societal reasons. So like when I was dating pretty much every time I've been single, this has happened to me as well. You know, not everybody, but I think this happens everywhere

as well. You know, not everybody's on the same page. And we've talked about before where some people seem to think like, if you don't date them within five dates or six dates or something like that, that it's like an affront or that you don't value them or something like that, which sucks because that's not the case. And I fully agree with you that that soon, if you value commitment, it's way too quick to jump into something that serious, right? So I think that definitely is going to play a part in it where like, regardless of where you are, I think you're going to find there will be an element of luck as to like who you're with and where their personal kind of values lie. Absolutely.

I mean, every time I'm on Tinder or whatever for the show to get profiles and stuff, there's plenty of people who are like, no E&M, no casual dating, looking for something serious, genuine connections only. So it's like,

yeah, it's a thing everywhere. I think there's probably places in the world and in the States that are, you know, the situation is, is much more elevated. You know, there are probably more people who are looking for, you know, a very cut and dried, like we meet, we like each other and now we're on track to get married regardless of how good this relationship could be. So yes, I think, I think depending where you are, your location definitely does play a role in it. Um, that's not to say I'm telling you to move or go somewhere more open-minded or, you know, whatever it, it just, it is what it is. I think, um, maybe look atupid might be a great option for you. While it might not have as many people on it, you can really fine tune your searches to find people who are looking for the same things as you without having to run the risk of putting something on your profile, being like looking for casual and people misinterpreting that as like only wanting sex um because that's that's you know you run the risk when you do things like that like people

interpret uh certain phrases certain ways and a lot of people might not think that like oh i want to date casually until you're ready to to find someone you want to get into a committed relationship with people might hear casual dating and therefore assume that you're just looking for hookups now what are your thoughts on having looking to date casually because i guess they're not right they're just not willing to jump in this soon yeah i think something adding something in your profile along the lines of like uh i take commitment very seriously and would like to date i don't want to rush into any anything serious right away and would like to take my time. Or would like to take it slow and see where things go before jumping into a relationship.

I think that says the same thing without the connotations of wanting to date casually. Because I think there is some negative stink on that. Yeah. And like dating casually, it does feel like you don't want a relationship, right? Yes. Could also imply that you are, you're just, you know, meeting people and when it fizzles out, it fizzles out and it's really no bother, which again, nothing wrong with that style of dating as long as everyone's aware of it and it is cool with it.

And like, honestly, I think a big part of like this issue is like, I like, do you mind if you're with people for two or three weeks and then they bail? Because like, if you're enjoying that interim time, then I think it might just be a numbers game until you find someone chill. You know what I mean? Where I don't even think you necessarily have to change your profiles if they're working or yeah, unless it's giving out the wrong message whereas like if you are upset by this then i think yes you should probably get out ahead of it and like fix a little bit of what you're looking for on these profiles that are working yeah i think that's also a really good point of being like you know if you're meeting people and with the intention of being like hey i'm really interested to see where this goes and then they start hitting you with the like you know

despite the fact that you've been honest about your intentions and honest about the way you want to date and they still are hitting you with the, you know, three weeks in, what are we, are we going to date? What are you doing? What's your intention? Blah, blah, blah. If that's happening, then it's really no fault of your own. But as Niall says, if this is starting to put a emotional or mental toll on your mental health, then then it might be worth as you seem to have done to take a break and and maybe reevaluate or whatever but if you're fine with being like okay that one didn't work out i'm happy to find someone new or move to the next then as now said

like there's no harm in that you're not doing anything wrong yeah if anything they're the ones who aren't listening to your boundaries and so in in general, it's like, I think it makes more sense for someone to not date someone in two weeks than the flip side. You know what I mean? I don't think of whichever one I would imagine would like go without saying it's like, yeah, that's way too soon. Like, I think you're very much on the normal side of things. And also one thing I would say to add to this is like, I'd love to know how you have this conversation with people because how you have the conversation could be an important thing. If they're like, Hey, what are we? Which, you know, we hate, hopefully they're cooler than that.

You could just be like, you know, I just want to make sure you're getting how you feel out there clear, which, you know, if you're just like, hey, I really enjoying seeing you. I think it's like too soon for me to commit because, you know, we just met two weeks ago. But I'm definitely willing to, you know, keep going with this and see where it goes, if you're okay with that. And if not, like, I understand, but obviously, I'm sad. Yeah, I think it's it might be worth also having I don't know when you do it. I don't know if you do it like during text or the initial whatever or after the fact. But to have that conversation in person on a first date, find a natural way to bring it up and be like, hey, just so you know, it's like I'm really interested in like taking things slow and letting things progress naturally and really seeing if a connection is genuine before I jump into a relationship.

So just so you know, it's like, I'm not looking to like, you know, fast track anything. And if you are, you know, maybe not the right guy or whatever, because I think a lot of the times having that conversation via text, I think people agree to it easily or quickly. Whereas when you have the conversation in person, they can ask questions and you can answer in real time and you can kind of like fine-tune and actually like pinpoint and nail down what you

guys are are on whereas like if you're just like oh i'm not looking to get into anything too serious too quickly people like me too despite the fact because like you don't really know like they could be thinking too quickly as in like two weeks but then also want to date after three weeks you know see my problem with bringing that up unprompted is like it almost sounds like i feel like sometimes it sounds like you're giving out the wrong message almost like when you say i want to date casually or whatever right yeah i don't know i find that like most most dates that kind of like comes up somehow yeah and i said like if it doesn't fit the vibe of the date obviously don't like shoehorn it in or wedge it in but like if it if it comes up

if the if the circumstance comes to to talk about that kind of stuff openly and i really do think most first dates should have some sort of conversation about you know what y'all are looking for it doesn't have to be a very serious conversation, but you guys are potentially, you're taking the time and spending the money to meet up with this person. And presumably we're all short on both of those things. So you want to make sure that then if you do see each other the next time,

you're not wasting the time and money going forward. So I think like everyone should have the conversation about like what you guys are intending to do together. Yeah. So I just like I want to make sure that you, you know, when asked or whatever, just present your case in a way that is true to how you feel and also doesn't give them the wrong impression. Just because I feel like some people, once they do bring this up, I feel like they could be pretty raw and like take things the wrong way very quickly so like just getting out ahead of that and being like i like you i think it's too soon to commit but i'm willing to keep going and see where this goes you know and as now said like dating is a numbers game

always right it's it's no different from looking for what you're wanting and looking for a committed relationship or looking to find someone you want to marry, right? Like it's, it really doesn't change the fact that you are looking for something specific and that often rules out a lot of people. So you might have to just see a lot of people and eventually find the person you click with and ride that train until, you know, either one of you wants to get off or you you couple up and get on to a second train yeah yeah like honestly i've had a lot of what i think could have been really good relationships and very much before their prime because people have been upset that i don't want to date them uh within a week or two or three and, I've had a few relationships and they've all lasted a long time.

And those relationships, I think the soonest I ever dated someone was like four months maybe. And the longest was maybe a year or more. And I would not change that for the world because like I was there, I was 100% fully, a thousand percent invested and it showed because they were long, strong relationships. And I think there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. I think, in fact, it's the best way to do things because I'd rather that than jump into a relationship after two weeks and waste time and hurt people and be miserable and shitty. Keep it up. It seems like you're doing all the right stuff.

We're always here, and you're doing all the right stuff. We're always here and you're awesome. And one final thing, taking time off to focus on the things that matter is only going to make you a more desirable partner. Yeah. So don't think of this as like, ah, this is time I could be dating. It's like, no, no, no, no. You're just leveling up right now because you're for all, you know, you know, you're going to have all these memories with your daughter that you're going to create. And that's forging a bond with her and yourself that is irreplaceable and great. But also like doing things with your music. For all you know, you're going to go play a show and run into the person that you want to date. Right? Like you're adding in opportunities and enriching your life in ways that you're just adding more opportunities to be a

better partner, to be a better version of yourself and to potentially find the person by taking your daughter to somewhere and spreading up a conversation with someone. Or like I said, going to see music or going to play a show and you run into the opening act. Is it, is it, you know,

there's a little cute drummer or something that you're, you're into it. Like you, you start actively, like when you stop looking for things, you start adding in pieces that you can pick up. Yeah. And I think you're never really clocking out.

I think is, is what like, this isn't wasted time. Even if you don't meet anyone, you're building yourself up. And if you do, you're meeting them in spaces that are meaningful to you. So,

and worst case, you're charging up your spaces that are meaningful to you so and worst case you're charging up your batteries it's all good and i love the positivity and like self-awareness that is coming through one so you're gonna be fine i know that yeah i keep sticking to your guns because that's it's the most important thing and it's something i'm super proud of you for doing so good fucking job because the thing is it one one moment of like i don't want to say weakness but like you could have said yes to this and then you'd be in a relationship right now with someone who you're not really there with and then it's like what do you do give it two months to really figure it out and by then maybe you're like oh shit this is the one but maybe you're like oh

at this point it's good for now or maybe it bad. And then you've wasted three months and everyone's upset. So you've done the right thing. And it's not an easy thing to do. And again, good job. This is outrageous Apple 420. I, 24 year old male was showing my profile sometime back to a friend, a 24 year old female. And she didn't like how I've blurred out faces in group photos. She suggested I shouldn't. Personally, I care about the privacy and identity protection on the internet. However, if girls or even guys would prefer unblurred photos, I can definitely ask my friends before using group photos. P.S. I don't put heaps of group photos, maybe one or two. And there are also like two or three people in it, Max. Blurring photos is fucking weird, right?

Um, you know what? I actually kind of appreciate it. I appreciate it in that like group photos are a bad call so like if your profile is all group photos you're doing it wrong anyway but like there shouldn't be that many anyway so if you just have one or two group photos like having people's faces in there isn't a bad thing no one's gonna be like i could tell who that person is and where they live just by their face alone. That's not how it works. Yeah. But at the same time, I look at it and I'm like, oh, you're conscious of people's privacies and boundaries.

And that is a green flag for me. But they think in a way that doesn't make sense. I think it absolutely does. What's the risk of having someone's face on there? Because anyone could take a, like if someone who's, you know, is dating dating is an idiot they can like definitely take a picture and be like look your boyfriend's on tinder just change the name or whatever just take a picture of the picture yeah but they could just literally photoshop the photo yeah that's true i don't know for me like that like that level of like difficulty of going in and photoshopping the name to change

you can just put a picture so it's like you're not fixing anything either way i think understanding people's boundaries and privacy and i i don't think it's a green or a red flag at all i don't think if when i see pictures i'm not like that's weird it doesn't really register one way or the other to me if anything i'm just like oh okay cool yeah you didn't ask your friend if if you wanted or they wanted their picture on tinder and you just took it upon yourself to blur it out or like cover it with an emoji or something. I'll say one bit. I think it's weird. I don't think it's like bad weird.

I wouldn't say red flag. I would definitely like cock my head and be like, hmm. But like it wouldn't be a deal breaker. I think it is coming from the right place. I think it is too much, but whatever. I really don't think anyone like I'm I don't know what pictures you've put up. If you have a group shot, I'm probably in one. I don't care. You are. I'm almost positive you're on my Twitter profile.

Did you blur my face out? No. Exactly. Like, I don't fucking care. It would explain all the people climbing up my tree outside and peeking in. Yeah, take a look. Yelling trivia questions about you. So, like, in my opinion, weird. Not a deal- deal breaker not too weird

i think a little unnecessary but you're coming from the right place that's the thing is like i think if anyone looks at that and is like i absolutely will not date a person who's going to think about their friend's privacy i think like whatever you know i think it's weirder to be upset about it than not it kind of reminds me of like, I saw a Tinder exchange on Reddit where someone was like, oh, cute dog, like, what's their name? And they're like, it's my friend's dog. I can't give you the name.

And they were like, what? And it's like, I don't have permission to give you the name. If you want, I can message them, but I don't really feel comfortable doing that. And they were like, this conversation got so weird when I asked you just a basic thing.

And it's like, yeah, that's someone else's information and blah, blah, blah. But like knowing a dog's name again not that dramatic yeah i think those are slightly different situations but i get it i think it's the same ballpark of like you're coming at things with other people's like safety and security and information in mind but like i think it's unnecessary can't google a dog, though. You could definitely Google a dog. All dogs have profiles now. It's true. I mean, maybe that's it.

Maybe it wasn't a weird thing to say. Maybe that dog is a famous Instagram dog. Exactly. Everything about that, so maybe that person was doing the right thing. Therefore, ergo henceforth, blurring faces is fine. They were wet bandit style robbers about to infiltrate this home, and they're like

damn we need to know this dog so we can be like hey rex don't don't do it he won't chomp on their nuts as described or demonstrated here between nile and i some people might think it's weird some people might not think about it at all some people might think like cool i it's it's up to you really and if you are that concerned about the matches you might be missing based on your blurred group photos, take them off. Put on another photo. Yeah. Take them off.

Talk to your friend who are in them and be like, do you mind? I'm sure they won't. Or just fucking leave it on. Because again, for me, I'd be like, that's weird, but it would be a conversation starter. So yeah. Would it? I'd be like, you blurred out everyone's faces. Why'd you do that?

And they'd be like, for safety. And I'd be like, but why? I promise you, you had matched. When you were on Tinder, you blurred out everyone's faces? Why'd you do that? And they'd be like, for safety. And I'd be like, but why? I promise you, you had matched. When you were on Tinder, you had matched with someone. I've never seen that. Yeah. Oh, it's pretty common. Again, I've been dating someone for a fairly sizable amount of time at this point.

So Tinder's a different world from when I was on it. It's true. No one gave a fuck back in whatever year it was. All right. Ready for another one? Mm-hmm. This is by Jsosa1. My girlfriend,

21, is very active on social media and has over 80,000 followers. Sometimes it makes me, 22, insecure. And he's a guy, she's a girl. Girlfriend and I have been dating for some time now. She models for a lot of different types of brands like bikinis that aren't the most conservative and things like that.

I'm the opposite. I don't care much for social media and I'm a very private person. I also understand she uses her social media for part of her job, but at times I can't help it to feel insecure because I know it also attracts the wrong kind of attention. I'm typically not an insecure person, but constantly seeing men commenting and DMing her can be annoying. I know it's common for any pretty girl to get that kind of attention on the internet. However, what makes me feel insecure is that she's also getting DM'd by famous guys, or guys with large following, offer to fly her out slash buy her things pretty often. She tries to reassure me, but it's not like I can know what goes on all the time.

She's constantly getting attention slash validation from other men, whether she craves it or not. It makes me want attention from outside as well, which I hate, because that's not who I am. Relationships are already difficult. Sometimes it makes me doubt the relationship and makes me think I'd be more happy not having to deal with the extra stress. I also don't completely express how I feel because I want to express her privacy

and what she does. On the flip side, she will get upset with me for liking female friends' pictures on the rare occasion I do. Even childhood friends I've known for most of my life. I feel stuck because I'm not completely sure how to communicate how I feel about these things

or if I even should. That last little bit really threw a wrench in the old works. Puts an old bay leaf in the stew, doesn't it? Yeah. One, I think you 100% are validated in feeling a little insecure about, you know, anytime you have a moderately famous or, you know, someone with a lot of public eyes on them. And then you also have a bunch of male models also throwing themselves. Like, yeah, I get it.

Sure. It makes sense. Yeah. The question really escalates when it's like famous guys are messaging her. It's like, damn, like Bruce Willis? Nick Cannon? Oh, if it's Nick Cannon, you got to get out. Nick Cannon, she's already pregnant.

Or like, what's the other guy who's dating everybody? Your man. Funny guy. Pete Davidson. Pete Davidson. Funny guy. Funny guy. If it's Pete Davidson, you're fucked. You're fucked. You don't stand a chance. No. No, it's like, look, I get it. I understand your insecurity for sure.

The fact that you don't talk about it or bring it up, bad choice. But then you also have her getting jealous or upset at you for liking a photo of a random person that you know, like just a normal person. So I think you need to have a conversation with her. Yeah. I mean, one, you either trust her or you don't. And if you don't trust her, don't be with her. We say that all the time.

Every relationship is based on trust. If you don't trust your partner, don't be with them. Simple as that. Two, have a conversation and be like, hey, so we haven't really talked about this. And I think in order to maintain the strength of our relationship and to ensure that we have a happy future together, I really want to discuss the whole social media aspect of our relationship. Because it is. The second you have a partner who's like that ingrained into social media especially with their job it's a part of your relationship like it is ingrained into your relationship as a sort of like third person kind

of and you need to talk about them honestly and frankly about how social media makes you feel and be like hey sometimes i get really insecure with the fact that you are flooded with dudes sending you dms and and like people who are other models hitting on you and offering to fly you out. And it's like, I know that you're reassuring me that nothing's going to happen, but I'm a person with a brain and I can't help, but be like this sometimes. Yeah. And if you approach them positively, again, we talk about this a million times, there's nothing wrong with feeling jealous. It's how you act on it. That is the issue, right? So if you're just like, Hey, I just got to let you know, like, and you discuss it positively,

like that's such a good way to get over your jealousy is just to like, you know, when you have something on your mind and you just fucking, you talk to someone about it and that like lifts that weight off you. It's that, but just in a different situation, especially like the per, yeah, it's good. It's a good thing.

And hopefully they'll be chilled. If they're not, that's a different'll be chilled if they're not that's a different problem but if you're not you know coming down on her or accusing her or being weird or like saying that you mistrust her and again if you trust her make sure she knows you do if you're just expressing that you're feeling insecure about these things i think anyone cool will understand and and reassure you and that'll help kind of lessen that. I will say you're saying that you want to get validation from other sources

which you hate because that's not who you are. Don't do it. Don't do things that aren't who you are and don't do things that'll make you like that's the word. You know what I mean? Especially because it seems to be not necessarily what you want but a means of retaliation based on how you feel. Like you're looking to be not necessarily what you want but a means of retaliation yeah based on how you feel like

you're looking to be like oh i feel insecure so i would like her to also feel insecure which is a kind of shit way to approach a problem especially one that is pretty centric on how you feel and if you then want to like impart that negative feeling to your partner like that makes you a bad partner yeah and the thing is if you were like oh i want to hit the gym so i can feel better about myself that would be fine but you're like i want to do this thing i don't want to do and it's like no that's that's the key is the fact that you don't want to do it and also as dane said it's like retaliatory it's not positive it's not anything and it's outside of what you want and what you do it's gonna it's just a little pit of misery for both of you guys so don't do that and hopefully she's not doing this to hurt you right like this is not like it's a product yeah this is a byproduct

of what she does is a byproduct of her social media following so it's not like she woke up one day and was like hey you know what really fuck Greg up? Is if I got a huge social media following, got a job specifically to torment him to the point where rich hot guys are going to message me. If that was what she did, then yes, I could understand you being like, hey, this sucks. But I don't think I think this is sort of like, you know, that's her job. It just comes with the territory. And then you're like, hey, you know what? Actually, I want her to feel bad, too. That that's shitty especially because it is her job as well like it would be one thing if she was just like super hot and had an instagram that people flooded but like she's a

model this is her job like don't be shitty about her job however it's very important that we talk about the fact that she's shitty about you liking pictures because one i don't think that should ever really be a thing in relationships you know especially not fucking liking friends but secondly her life is being liked by people so it's kind of hypocritical for her to turn around and be like no you can't though it's very strange i had this conversation with uh a friend the other day being like like do you look at who looks at your instagram stories like if if you post a story, do you ever check? Uh, no, not really. If I was like single and I post a thirst trap. Yeah,

for sure. But like, not really. But when you're on Instagram, you just scroll through stories, right? Or do you look for people? No,

if I'm pooping, I just, whatever Instagram shows me, I scroll through and like often if they're boring, I will just tap through them rather than swipe just because I tap through almost through almost every episode like i don't know it's for me i we were talking about this with my friend and i was just like because she was like oh he watches all my stories i was like he doesn't though i was like he might maybe there's a possibility of it but like if everyone who i watched a story of thought i was watching their story yeah there'd be hundreds of people out there being like he's

obsessed right yeah it's like no chances are as dial just said he was pooping and needed to like was just absent-mindedly going through it's like yeah we need to get off this right now and like i know this is kind of off topic a little bit but like just because someone watched your story doesn't mean someone watched your story yeah i don't like you need to fucking chill on that everyone across the board even like a lot of the times when i've watched some story like i don't like you need to fucking chill on that everyone across the board even like a lot of the times when i've watched some story like i don't even want to well i just like otherwise i have to get off the couch and do something or i'm just on the toilet and there's nothing else to do and i'm like tap tap you know or you're on like a streetcar or whatever that's literally how

instagram is made it's just to be like get you get you there and just fucking whatever so the amount of people who think that like someone watching their story means anything because i was like i guarantee you that they didn't watch this they don't care like you posted a picture of your fucking coffee cup yeah sorry that's not that's not what they came here for yeah yeah i'm pretty sure everyone does that too right like i think it would be very bizarre to go on Instagram and swipe through until you found someone's story and be like, there we go. I can't imagine anyone has engaging enough content for you to give a fuck. Right, yeah.

I've never looked for someone's story. Ever. So, honestly, again, off topic. One of the only times I will specifically click on a story if someone pops up is if they're a disaster and i just can't wait to see the next bullshit thing they've posted so it's almost the opposite yeah or if it's someone who like never posts things i'm always like or if they were a very cute dog yeah that'll sometimes get there and i will only do that if they are in like the first couple that you see right like i've never i've never in my fucking life scrolled to the next page of like stories you know what i mean like you know like

they're at the top of the screen there oh no i've i've never scrolled past the like first four or whatever that are on there all right we have gone off topic we have we have gone off topic uh the the point i was going to be making there is people who obsess about like the metrics of their partners like liking photos or liking statuses or whatever while i'm sure there are people who use that as a means of you know secretly trying to get the attention of someone most people all of it is meant to be one or two clicks right a double tap and you're out it's so easy it's so fucking easy to do and takes absolutely no time they probably scroll through saw a picture of them be like hey

i i know that person haven't seen them in a while like move on there's numerous reasons why you might like something if you are friendly with them and support them if you have a friend who you know is very insecure about their weight and they finally post like a bikini picture or something or they post something from the gym or they post their new art or they've got a fucking dog because i'm not gonna lie your pet pics are probably getting a like like you could support people or it could be like oh they rarely post or like oh i missed that part it could be literally anything and wanting to fuck them is just a very small part of it and even then it's still not you still need to go so far

for that to be actual cheating and if you think they're going to do that back to our original point if you trust them or you don't yeah i i will always like like if anyone posts anything that i think a like would boost their spirits i'm gonna like it also there are people on like kyle anytime kyle posts something i like favorite like save it because i know it helps his the algorithm and i know it helps his metrics and shit so like there are people on my on my instagram that i've saved like all of their posts because i know it helps their career yeah why the fuck not it literally takes me four seconds to do all that and maybe i'll throw like a little fire emoji yeah because boom i've liked commented and I've I've saved the post.

That's such a good help. I'm like, I did it. And I've put in zero massive effort. I can't imagine the world in which I have to be like, oh, can I like this photo? My partner doesn't give a fuck. And it's great because that's how I had to have conversations about like being like, I don't want you to monitor my usage because it's weird and it means nothing. If you really do want to talk to me about the way I'm behaving with someone, that's fine.

If you think my actions around someone is inappropriate or are making you uncomfortable, by all means, come and talk to me about it. We'll figure it out. But if you're going to get weird about the fact that I took a split second to click something on a social media site and then spiral because of it. No, it's not going to happen. That's not going to be the way this works. And if it is the way that this works, I'm out. Sorry. The good thing is like what I was going to say, which you've kind of said in a different way is like, you don't have to worry about someone liking someone

on Instagram because if there is a bigger issue, it will present itself in better ways. You know what I mean? And that's the issue. If it's just someone liking pictures, I think you're good. Yeah, I don't think there's any harm in having the conversation of being like, I know we try to keep things light and non-accusatory,

but I don't think there's any harm in being like, look, I also think it's really unfair that you treat me poorly or get upset at me for liking friends photos when that is like the crux of your job is getting people presumably with predominantly men to like your stuff like that is that is the the nature of your business and i think it's kind of unfair to be upset at me when i like my friends posts yeah as opposed As opposed to catering to, you know, 80,000 strangers.

Yeah. And I'm sure some of it might stem from the fact that she sees the kind of messages girls get because she's girls. And that's probably skewed how she thinks men act online maybe, but like at the same time, she trusts you or she doesn't. A friend is not an issue. And of course, before with the liking and everything everything i'm sure there are caveats out there

if your partner has 80 underage people on his fucking thing and that's all he follows maybe that's of course but yeah we're talking about the the normal shit such as for example liking your friend's pictures yeah so you guys need to talk about a bunch of shit you're allowed to be jealous don't be shitty about it hopefully you'll get somewhere and you need to talk about a bunch of shit. You're allowed to be jealous. Don't be shitty about it. Hopefully you'll get somewhere and you need to kind of stop this hypocritical behavior from her. This is from Cloud9 Supporter. Wife mentions she wants to be dominated and I'm not sure what it means. My wife and I were discussing fantasies.

This was the first time she ever opened up about even having a fantasy. So I was really happy and proud. She mentioned she might like to be dominated. i have no idea what that means for her she's only been with me so i doubt she's had experience with it before i asked her for more info on what she would like but it was all she could provide keep in mind this would be a brand new to her and me where should i start so i do it my whole answer has changed because I was going to say what it means to her is very specifically important. And you have gone and asked and she doesn't know. And that's okay.

But I think you're traveling down the right road because you need to know what she wants. So I think it's great. You guys are talking about this shit. So hopefully this won't be an issue i think the two of you need to pop up a laptop look up you know how to be dominant and go through it together and have her go oh like that or not that and like i could list out shit dan could list out shit but if it's not what she's into it's not gonna be a good time i think it might be worth talking about some things as well like from our point of view and our experience because uh but but you've nailed it right like it really does uh the whole kink

and bdsm community is all about tailoring the experience to the people involved in it right if if you're a dom you could have five different subs that you play with that all might like very different things like some people might literally just want to be handcuffed to a bed and verbally degraded. Even just simply told what to do. You can have very light dominance and you can have very heavy dominance. There's a lot of shit in between that

may or may not even cross someone's mind and some shit is probably going to be a hard no and some shit on various ends of the spectrum could be a hard yes. Yeah. I've had people who have only ever wanted to be a hard no and some shit on various ends of the spectrum could be a hard yes yeah like i've had people who have only ever wanted to be you know verbally degraded and that was that was the extent there was like no physical domination at all because they didn't like it but they liked the the safety of having sort of someone above them and and and you know quote unquote misusing them but without the the physical stress. And so it's like,

that might be a thing. So as Nell said, yes, you need to do homework. You need to work on that together. And I think you can even start, this could be the start of that dominance. I think what I would do is I would tell them, I would assign them homework and i would say i want you to find five examples of what you want video pictures stories anything five examples of what you want even if it's an instagram post of like a fucking like leather writing crop that like you know anything anything that excites you and And I want it by Monday. Right. That you've already started the game.

Yeah. And tell them, be like, and if you don't, there will be a punishment. And again, you can find out what that is. You don't necessarily. And,

and even if it is something as simple as like, all right, if you like, don't have to like spank her or whip her or something as the punishment, but you'll be like, okay, you didn't do it. And now you're in trouble. So now I'm going to bring you over to the laptop and you're going

to sit down and we're going to do it together and i'm going to make sure you do it right right so there's still no sense of danger or uh doing something that she might not like or hurt her but there's still a dominant air of it and you're still making sure that what she wants is being done. I think that is a wonderful idea because you're making the process fun and sexy. Yeah. I think that's great. And again, with the lightest, but undeniably dominant way to do it. Yep. I think a lot of people think of being like, oh, I want to be dominated as like,

you immediately think of like being thrown around and slapped and hit and spanked and like a lot of physical aggression. And it's like, nah, that's not how it works. Now, the thing is, in the interim, I think you should do your homework, too, just so you know. Because again, and I think a lot of people have the wrong idea about the like the dominant and the kink community. There are a lot of ways to do it safely and you don't just kind of blunder in and hurt people or do stuff, you know?

So look it up in the interim, you know? Read an article or two. Go to tickle.life. Listen to some of our episodes about it and just make sure that when you come to the day that you're going to do these things, you're prepared and don't be afraid to talk about it and establish boundaries, have safe words. You know, if it is a verbal thing, like Dane

mentioned, make sure there aren't words or terms that are off limits and don't forget aftercare. So make sure you do your homework too. But I think Dane's idea of making her homework be very sexy. I love it. The one thing I can like, just, i can't reinforce enough and i'll just hit it is make sure you are doing it safely and if at any point in time it doesn't feel safe for either one of you you need to stop no matter how deep in the fucking paint you are and how you're really worried it might ruin her fantasy it is better to be sure that your partner is taken care of than to ruin a moment. Moments can be made at any point in time. You can't walk back trauma.

With anything, when you do it the first time, it's never going to be perfect. So don't worry that by stepping back or being unsure or clarifying, you're making something not perfect. That's fine. You'll work towards it. It will be perfect. And if your partner's like, I can't believe you care about my safety. You ruined this.

Maybe they suck. Yeah. And do not forget the importance of a good praise kink. A lot of people forget about that. And aftercare. Yes. And safe words. At the end of the episode, we like to hop onto online dating platforms such as Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge and peruse the profiles to see what works and what doesn't work.

In an effort to make your online dating experience a little more enjoyable. This is blank. They're 27. Looking for a relationship. Or besties. Single mom. I like bad boys. Small peen.

Swipe left. I want to ride on your motorcycle. Gross. Zero. Yeah. It's whatever. It's a whatever profile. But the second we start, again, attributing value based on penis size, I think we just have to start shutting that down.

So I'm also going to give it a zero. Yeah, I don't care how hot you are. I don't care anything. It's like if you're you could be perfect and then put that in your profile. I'm like, OK, you kind of suck. And by kind of, I mean massively. This is Daphna, writer and editor creative funny open-minded socially conscious progressive slash leftist views in my free time i read books spin shows

cook up a vegan storm and explore the city by foot i have two thriving cats and some barely surviving plants fully vaxxed and boosted looking for a life partner no hookups or anything casual smiley face interested in having kids at some point uh this person has done a very good job of listing important things. A little bit clinically, but everything you need to know. And they sound like a cool person. I'm giving it an 8. This is a good profile. I think this is sort of like a good cookie cutter.

Like, look at this. Do something like this. They have given us the information we need in a lot of... More so in the relationship sense. Do something like this. They have given us the information we need in a lot of, uh, more so in the like relationship sense, more like this is what I am. And this is what like I'm looking for a little light on the like personality stuff, but enough.

And yeah, I think they're killing it. Yeah. So eight, same, maybe even 8.5. Uh, this is Taylor.

I trauma share on the first date and then their Instagram. Uh, I mean, again, it's one of those things where I'm like, it's probably a joke, This is Taylor. I trauma share on the first date and then their Instagram. I mean, again, it's one of those things where I'm like, it's probably a joke, but maybe it's not. And therefore, I don't know. I'm not a big fan of joking about serious mental health issues, despite the fact that sometimes it can be cute if it's done right. I'm going to put this at a five because it really doesn't. It's, you know, I'm like, I'm teetering on like, it's probably a joke, but it could not be a joke. So I'm going gonna put this at a five because it really doesn't it's you know i'm like i'm teetering on like it's probably a joke but it could not be a joke so i'm gonna put it right at five i'm giving it a three because even if it's a joke it's not funny okay like if it's real this

sucks and if it's not real it's like that's all you've got like okay like it's such a bland profile with the possibility of it being awful. It's a three for me. This is Brittany. I'm a small town girl living in the big city. I'm an easygoing, free spirited, goofy, weird, emotionally intelligent and self-aware woman. I live my life with the most integrity and I hope to find someone with similar qualities. In my spare time, you'll find me trying out new restaurants, watching a new flick at the theaters, making new treats, catching the sun rays on a boat or at the beach shopping for the best deals snowboarding in the winter

trying to keep fit at the gym or oh and then i guess i guess i got cut off because it says keeping fit at the gym or going just going but maybe maybe she's just going that's maybe it yeah um it's pretty good i'll give it like a 7. I think it's very... It's a little generic. It does exactly what the other profile does. It's there. It gives us information. I feel like enough interests

that you have a launching off point to send a message that actually ties into the profile. Am I blown away by how standout you are? No. I think a 7's good to me it's like the other profile in terms of like it's generally hitting stuff whereas where that one was a little clinical this one's a little generic you know but again it's not not garbage again

stop me if we've heard this one before because i feel like it's i feel like we've had one very similar i don't know if it's an actual copy paste. This is Kendall. Picture this. We're on a date. You take me to a brewery of your choosing. We're people watching, laughing, and occasionally I find an excuse to touch your arm. After a few, we're tipsy and head back to my car. Car's on fire. You're shocked. I'm ready to call 911. You look back. I have two marshmallows on sticks ready to go. We roast and cuddle while my blazing car keeps us warm. We joke and laugh some you lean in for a kiss i chloroform and rob you wasn't even my car on fire i don't i don't think we've had this one i think we've had something i think we've had something similar where it was like yeah i this is great i like this this is funny uh i'm

gonna give this an eight yeah it's funny i i. I'm intrigued as to who you are as a person. This is Uni. This is my last one. Ravenous reader and book collector who was determined to eventually get through war and peace. Hiker and camper who likes wine, scotch, gin, bourbon, stout, and liquids in general. Below average curler and new bouldering addict. A fan of the Oxford comma and obscure literacy references. Can be found hiking, cycling,

cooking, admiring the local pets, hunting for maple butter, or collapsed on the couch. Updated on all vaccines. See, this is like the other two good ones, but better. Nine. I know, this is like someone who's after you specifically. By the way, boulderer gives an extra point. You're right, it's a ten. Yeah, like a reader, a fucking

literacy nerd. Cycling. Bouldering. This might as well be written by you. Get into my DMs. No, don't. I have a girlfriend. Sorry. Ready for my final one? Just a real, real good one

to kickstart the new year. This is Alex, 25. And she says, I'm hot. I'm pregnant. I'm cheating on my boyfriend because he doesn't fuck me anymore. I'm not looking for a new baby daddy. I'm banned from Snapchat.

Have we had this one before? I feel like someone was banned by Snapchat before. I'm not sure. I think they were banned from Tinder last time. Maybe. Yes, they were. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everyone's just getting banned for everything out here. This is bad.

I'm going to give it a zero. Yeah. Honestly, the first two sentences, I'm hot, I'm pregnant. Like, I don't have anything against that. That's, like, honestly kind of sexy, a little bit. Some would just be like, here I am, fuck it. But the whole cheating on the boyfriend bit, it's bad. It's gross. I don't like it. Why did you do it on Snapchat?

It's a lot of waste out there. I feel like Snapchat gets away with a lot of shit. What the hell did you do? I do not know. That's going to do it, friends. That is our show. Thank you very much for swinging by and spending the brand new year with us. It's going to be a big one. I can feel it.

Down into the tips of my toes and the round curves of my balls. That's specifically where I feel it. We love you guys. I want to get that out there in the open. Thank you for sending in questions. Thank you for being awesome.

Thank you for all the support all last year. I think I already did this at Christmas. I don't care. I love you guys. If you're interested in perhaps our New Year's roundup that we did on pillow talk go over to our patreon you'll find the instructions for the various levels whether you want to support us whether you want to be our sugar daddy whether you want to just get those spicy new episodes and our entire back catalog of them it's patreon.com forward slash f buddies. And if you have air fryer recipes, please send them to me. Yeah. And again, thank you. And hopefully

this will be a great year for all of us. I mean, it's already a great year for me. I got an air fryer. Are you ready for some bad sex writing, which is kind of just sex news? Do you have to thank a certain someone before we can? Thank you, Santa. Thank you, Josh Eagle and the Harvest Cities for their song Paper Stars.. Thank you, Santa. Thank you, Josh Eagle and the Harvest Cities for their song, Paper Stars.

And? Thank you, Dane. Ah, and my new air fryer. Thank you, Dane's air fryer. There we go. Thank you, Fry-ee. Thank you, Fry-o-Cook. This is a news article

that was doing the rounds on Instagram. Doctor is warning people of the dangers from viral holiday trend, masturbating with Christmas ornaments. Social media users are raising an eyebrow when a British doctor warned against the risks of ornament masturbation,

which is allegedly a growing fad. There were 13,213 instances of people between the age of 25 and 64, inserting decorating objects in their body alone in 2021, according to statistics from the uk's national electronic injury surveillance system now okay it says decorating are we talking specifically christmas or are they padding out the statistics with like halloween and stuff as well either way 13 000 i imagine honestly i would not be surprised if the number was specifically well i mean like a lot higher of just like injuries related to

people putting things inside of yeah but this is decorating objects yeah i think i wouldn't be surprised if we are in like two to three hundred thousand injuries related to inserting things inside people oh yeah that's fine but the fact that there's so many off this one specific subcategory wild it is it is a lot but i i think a real statistic if we got like the full statistics of people putting things that shouldn't be inside of them i think i think this would look like a very small number well maybe we'll find out on our new year's wrap-up i've been niles spain your fuck buddy my name is dave miller we've been your fuck buddies bye bye love you happy new year