F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 224 - Your Sister’s Porny Exploits

Episode Date: January 16, 2023

While Niall deals with an out-of-body experience due to cold meds, I'll just be over here trying to be Willem Dafoe.  Topics include forcing someone to hurt your feelings, sexually competing with your sister, rough sex method acting, surprise third wheel, your partner's red flag future boss, quiet and creepy.

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller. And I'm Mal Spain. And we're your fuck buddies. We are a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky sexy situations and turn them into sexy sticky situations.

Simply put, we scour the internet for relevant questions, thought-provoking morsels, where we get even more thought-provoking morsels from our wonderful listeners such as yourself. And we dissect them here together for you every Monday. I apologize if there sounds like there is a broken like lawnmower in the room oliver has decided to i can hear him he's so happy to just bust in well i apologize if i'm loopy because i'm on a lot of cold meds and i'm very tired yeah i remember there was an episode where i was on a lot of cold meds. Do I remember it? No. Nope. Well, here we go. This is the coldening mark two. This time it's my turn to be a loop it boy. I already said the word morsels far more than I should have. So there we go. You're going to have to live in that truth. Just think about the word

morsels for the rest of your life. Are you ready for this morsel? I am. This is by a deleted user. I think I ruined the best relationship of my life. I love my boyfriend so much. I'm attracted to him in every way, physical and not physical. Last night he asked me before we started dating if I ever saw a guy I found very attractive. I said yes. He then asked me whose body I found more attractive than his. I hesitated. He told me to be honest and not to lie. So I said, based on pure aesthetics, the other guy. He says he's not bothered by it, but this morning he won't take his clothes off around me and now says I'm not attracted to him at all. I am, though. I keep telling him just because I found someone else's body more attractive doesn't mean I don't find you attractive.

He's 33. I'm 21. Did I ruin the relationship? Please help me fix this. I fear you didn't ruin it. What you've done is turn this person this grown man this full grown man into a 12 year old boy yeah well i think he turned himself into one really this like it's such we talk about this shit all the time where it's like if you don't want the

answer to a question don't ask the question if it's not an important question right like if there are some things that like maybe you don't want the answer to of like along the lines of, hey, did you cheat on me? You know, those are questions that you do need an answer for, despite the fact that the answer might not be one that you want. But asking your partner, hey, is there someone you find more attractive than me serves nothing. What do you get out of that? Yeah, it's awful also like look we would all love to be the pinnacle of attraction and personality and height and dick size and muscle tone and everything is that realistic to be number one in every category yes yes it is so go to the gym is what i'm saying yes if you listen to our new year's resolution

you know that right now we are promoting ourselves. 2023 is the year that we all become the hottest. There's just the pinnacle of masculinity, whatever the hell that means. Yeah, like we all want it, but it is so unrealistic. The odds that you would be the best in every way is insane. And the kind of person that asks a question like this, if you were like,

oh yeah, you're the hottest body I've been with, they would then be like, who's the best chess player? Who's the best cook? It wouldn't end there because people like this, for some reason, they want to delve deep until their misery is unveiled. Don't do this to yourself. Don't do this to your partner. And for God's sake, don't take it out on them when you're the one who did the stupid thing and asked the question you didn't want the answer to because like with this question there's no winning right it is it is the question of like do these jeans make me look fat kind of situation where like if you say no actually i don't find anyone more attractive than you who's gonna believe that because people like chris evans exists like i wouldn't believe it for a second if someone said no i find you the most attractive man in the world i would be like

have you seen other men though because again that's exactly what someone in this situation does my ex used to be like this it would be like oh like am i the hottest girl like yeah really because like this person won hottest girl of the year 2020 and like she's got a perfect body you don't think that body's perfect. It's like, uh, it's like, she's blah, blah, blah. And you're like, okay, yeah, sure. She, you can see her abs and I can't see yours. Like, wow.

So I'm fat. You're like, what? You made me say it. Like, don't do that. Don't do it to the person you're with. Don't force them into this cave where the only way out is that they kind of admit to a fault of yours. And then you latch onto

that and stab it through your heart and fall to the ground you're like no i'm not bothered by what you said but i'll never be naked around you ever and i hate you yeah it's childish it's immature it is uh like it's manipulative it there's nothing good about this move and i don't know what you're trying to accomplish so like one no you didn't ruin the relationship your partner asked you a question you answered it honestly after being pressed to do so yeah and two this is 100 on them if they now feel fucking weird about it and feel uncomfortable about it or whatever that's their fucking problem not yours and if honestly i think this is a a boon in your favor because you can look at this person be like cool you don't know how to process

anything you are bad at dealing with whatever like i don't even like it's not even trauma it's not even bad news it's like you put yourself in a situation that has made you spiral so hard, all of your own design. And now I'm being blamed for it. Like that sucks. I mean, if you're guilty, then it's like it might be worth like sitting your partner down and being like, hi, I noticed that you've been very weird about our conversation the other day. I do want to remind you that you brought that up. And if it made you feel bad, I'm sorry. That was never my intention.

But asking me those questions puts me in the position of one, lying to you, which I don't want to do. Or two, telling you the truth, which isn't something that needs to be talked about anyway, like is completely non-related to our relationship, but then upsets you. So what would like, what would you have rathered me do here in this situation? You weren't given the choice anyway. Uh, like, yeah, this is just all bad. This person is 12 years older than you. They should be more mature than this. One, two, it's the best relationship of your life. I don't want to call out anybody's age. Cause it can seem, you know, infantilizing and arrogant, but you're 21. You have a lot of life to go, hopefully, and you probably haven't had that

many relationships beforehand. Because if this is the best one, look at this reaction. Look at this position you've been put in. It's not great. I can't imagine this doesn't show itself in other ways, right? You will find somebody else. You will hopefully find someone who's a little bit more secure and a little bit less willing to make you a tool of their own insecurity to stab themselves in the heart with. So don't worry about that. And yeah, if you want to have a chat, like Dane says, bring it up. Be like, look, I don't know why you did this.

You obviously didn't want the answer. You obviously, I didn't want to have this conversation. If you feel insecure about something, we can talk about that. Obviously, I find you attractive. I'm dating you. I'm turned on by you. But we don't need to do these weird hypotheticals in this weird, like, accusatory sessions where, like, you ask me stuff that you know is going to go poorly. Because if I was to talk about, like, oh, like, no one's the hottest person in the world apart from maybe one person.

Who is it now? Willem Dafoe. Okay. No, but for real, it's like's like by definition if there is a hottest person there's just one that leaves a few billion people who are going to be answering this question with that person's name like i said i think you need to sit them down have that conversation and see where like i think that's your litmus test of whether or not this relationship is worth trying to salvage if they get all fucking pissy and aggressive and defensive with you when you're trying to be like hey let's let's run diagnostics

here because this went poorly and if you if it continues to spiral and get uncomfortable and they continue to get shittier or more passive or whatever be like i'm really sorry i need someone who's willing to communicate on meaningful levels and also who then is willing to communicate when they are uncomfortable or unhappy on a level that i can i can make actionable choices right like because him just now not taking his clothes off and being all coy and being moody and stomping around the house isn't anything you could do like what are you supposed to do about that there's nothing other than go out of your way and be like, Hey,

I'm really sorry. I just want you to know that like, you really are the most attractive part. Like it's also. Do you, do you take it back and lie? Or do you just apologize that you did what he forced you to do? Like,

there's no way out. And I will say this, like there's not enough time and energy in the world to be with a partner who's going to force arguments. You know what I mean? Arguments suck when they happen. They shouldn't happen often. They shouldn't happen for no reason. They do. If you're in close quarters with someone, there's always going to be arguments at some point, but hopefully they're brief and hopefully people are chill. But if you're with someone who's just making arguments and making time to make your and their life miserable, you do not need that. There's nothing in the world worth that.

So get out of relationships if they're like that and find someone else who can handle their shit. Might I suggest the person you said was more attractive than him? Exactly. Willem Dafoe's out there and he's got enough love for us all. I mean, based on the rumors, that is true. That's true uh this is from reddit user then research 75 74 girlfriend comparing herself to her sister is ruining our sex life any advice oh no basically as the title says we had a relatively good sex life

lots of foreplay with many orgasms for both of us and piv was while challenging she's very tight was enjoyable because we were taking it slow and not too deep ever since her sister came back from uni overseas she keeps sharing about what an amazing guy she found how big he was how she could deep throw him rough sex anal etc she's very sexually liberated and experienced good for her however sharing those details have made my girlfriend insecure about our sexual life i I try to explain to her everything goes all right, and I love the way things are right now in our bedroom, but she just doesn't listen. From vomiting after forcing herself to deep throat me,

to skipping foreplay and impaling herself on my cock in a way that is even painful to watch, our sex life has turned into a pathetic attempt at competing with her sister. Doesn't help she is the next department and we hear her often. She's claiming she's enjoying it, but I can see her expressions when we try something too extreme. I feel like a tool she's using to hurt herself. How do I change things? This is an incredibly unhealthy mindset.

Sex shouldn't be a competition, but she won't even acknowledge that that's what's happening. Talking with her just doesn't work. I was going to make a joke about saying, have you tried asking her if she's okay for 15 years or whatever that last question was, but apparently you've done that and it's not working i think you need to this should be a rule with sex always it's like you have input if something is happening that you're not enjoying you should be able to be like hey i'm not enjoying that let's not do that you know what i mean and talk about things so it's like you don't even necessarily have to for like talk about this competition thing if she's unwilling to admit it but maybe something

that we'll get through is if she's doing something to be like hey i'm not enjoying this can we go back to what we were doing yeah i think that might be a good way to break it out because if she's doing this thing if she thinks her sister is like giving her guy so much enjoyment that her like she needs to change what she's doing but you're telling her i don't enjoy this that might get through to her because she might otherwise think oh he's just saying this because like i didn't get it right or like he knows it's about my like i don't know what the fuck it could be because this is a very uncomfortable situation but like you also just need to sit her down be like hey our sex life hasn't been good lately what changed yeah and if she's unwilling to talk about it you can be like okay cool but i

want it to go back to the way it was or i I want X, Y, and Z to change back and be specific. And like, if she then is like, well, that's what guys like, you can be like, what makes you think that? Also, I am guy and I am telling you. But you need to like, really just have it out with her because you can't, this sounds unhealthy and unpleasant for everyone involved. Yeah, I think it's, I think that's a great point. I think having a conversation and being like, hello, I don't enjoy this is a great way to sort of walk back her projection of what men like. You also said a very important thing of saying like, hello, I'm guy. This is not what guys like because I am guy and I don't like this. And I think that's, I think it's a really important lesson to learn where I think a lot

of people have these preconceived notions, regardless of what they are, that women like this, men like this. And while it might be great to have a sort of like general pool of knowledge to be like oh women enjoy you know stimulation yes like great yes typically sure but there are plenty of women who find clitoral stimulation far too intense and don't like it so to then be like but hold on a second you're a woman therefore you should like this and even like within those two binary choices there are people that really like it when you like bear the clit and go ham on and other people who like when you play with the hood or need a lot of lube or like there's a fucking world of differences even in those two binaries and if i had to choose like i love a good sloppy deep throat blow job you

know those are great but if the woman giving it to me was struggling and having a hard time and didn't look like she was enjoying it or vomiting or vomiting like immediately that no longer becomes what i want i want like i for me comfort and enthusiasm are the two most important things during a sexual experience i want to know that you know you're taking care of um regardless like whatever that means for all i know. I want to know that, you know, you're taken care of, um, regardless, like whatever that means for all I know, if you want to be whipped with a belt, while that might not be the physical idea of comfort, I want you to know, I want you to be comfortable in the scenario that we are currently in. And two, I want you to be enthusiastic about

what we're doing. If you're not enthusiastic about it, I don't want it just plain and simple. And there might be, you know, at that point degrees of, okay, if you're not enthusiastic about giving blowjobs ever, we might not be compatible partners because I find, you know, that is a big part of what is enjoyable for me for sex. So that sort of like message, I think, is really important to get to a person like this who is now created preconceived notions of what good sex is based on the insecurities of talking to her sister. And also a lot of the time when people do speak like this, like it comes from a place of insecurity itself. Someone who's boasting me like, oh my God, I can deep throw them. But it's like often the person speaking

the loudest is trying to make up for something so either she feels insecure about the sister and is like finally i can like stand here or like i've been with people who are like oh by the way like sex with me is crazy like you can't handle it like oh and it's like you get down to and they're like by the way i'm a virgin i've never had sex and you're like oh wow because you've literally spoken about sex more than anyone i've ever met in my life. So like, it's like Instagram. You don't look at someone's Instagram and be like, wow, that's their life.

They live in Santorini. If someone's spouting all this shit and is making you feel so bad, like maybe just think for a minute that like what they say and what the reality of their sex life is might be different. And even if it isn't, what we've all said before trumps all that because what your partner wants is way more important. Yeah. Then the imaginary like construct that you've made because of the, you know, sexual experiences of someone else. Yeah. And like, maybe this is a time to be like, look, if you want to add to our sex life, great. Let's have a day. Let's, you know, make a list. Let's run some stuff by each other, but it has to be stuff we want. You know what I mean? Like if we want to get a little bit more adventurous or like break the mold a little bit, awesome. But again, we're not going to do it based on the very porny exploits of your sister. We're not going to do stuff we don't want to do. It's

going to be about us. I think it's a great idea to sit down and have a conversation and be like, look, recently our sexual lives have changed and I find that it's for the worse. There have been things that you've been doing that I haven't really enjoyed. Not to mention that, or, or, you know, not to say that there are things that you're doing that we could eventually become enjoyable. Like if you want to start deep throating me more frequently, if that's something that you are passionate about or want to do, we can work on that. We can train it, but what you're doing now just seems like it's hurting you. And that immediately makes me not enjoy it. And I don't want to be a part of that. So we need to discuss some boundaries about our sex life because I was really happy.

And now we're moving into territory that I feel either we're rushing into it without enough communication, or there's something going on that is making you inclined to do these things uh you don't want to yeah so it's like have this honest conversation and don't break up the sister right because whether she's whether she's involved or not it doesn't fucking matter because you're not dating the sister, right? You're dating this woman. And regardless of what the outside influences are, if she isn't willing to work with you to mend this sexual rift right now, then it doesn't matter if it's her boss or her sister or, you know,

a spooky ghost that lives in the attic. That's that one does matter. Actually, maybe that one that matters in the attic that's... That one does matter, actually. Maybe that one, that matters a little bit, I guess. But, like, none of those things, none of those things matter. If she won't meet you, or, conversely, if she's gonna listen to you

and move forward in a healthy manner, it, again, as Dane says, doesn't matter about the sister. And bringing that up, like, I guess no one really wants to be called on their shit, so, like, that might be a really sore spot for her, and the fact that you've noticed, it might make her shut down or like, deflect or, you know, whatever. Whereas the issue is what's happening. And what's happening is either be fixed, or if it's not, then you need to move on. And again, those two outcomes don't necessarily depend on whether it was caused by the sister or not what matters is how she's going to act moving forward i.e in fixing it or ignoring you and continuing to make your life kind of shitty in the sex center yeah the old sex center yeah so it's going to be a tough conversation but i think you need to go in with a bit of empathy a bit of understanding that there are outside forces at work here but ultimately what you need to do is convince her

that you guys are a team and that sex is a collaborative effort and that both of you need to enjoy what's happening in order for it to be a successful sexual relationship. And if she's not willing to make those changes, then you need to kind of put your foot down and be like, great. Then until we can figure out why you're doing this,

I don't want to have sex with you. And you are 100% within your right to say that. We need to stress it. You are allowed to say, hey, I want to take a step back until we can sort this problem out because I'm not going to sit here and watch you make yourself sick. I'm not going to sit here and watch you hurt yourself, especially when I'm the tool in which you're using. I won't be a part of that. 100%. So good luck.

Hope it goes well. I hope you figure it out. All right. This is Lumpy Town 4103. I love that show. It's so good. It's a cake to make a pretty cake. If you make it lumpy.

This is my girlfriend loves to agro. I assume they mean argue, but they spell it that way the entire way through. So we can have rough sex. Question is, is this normal? I'm 23. She 22. Told her multiple times, stop starting fights with me. That's not how you're going to get me to engage in rough sex. She knows if it was rough sex she wants, you'll be the licker. I don't know what that means. Arguing with me doesn't make me want to fuck. So today she picked me up. She said we was going to eat and start talking about the bitches in my phone, which I don't have none. I don't even text my mom back. I don't even like texting. And she knows

this. And I'm telling her, please stop. And she goes on and on until she gets her own self mad and starts crying out of frustration. Parked at a rest stop on the highway, told me to go fuck myself and left me there. Blocked my number and after panicking, calling people I haven't talked to in months for a ride, I finally make it to my house, which was an hour and 45 minutes away. And then this girl has the audacity to call me at 8.15 saying, hey, so want to have makeup sex? Is this actually a thing? Is this something normal? She obviously cut off after this, but I just need to know, are other people living this way? Because what the fuck? Are other people living this way? Probably. Should they be? Absolutely not.

I think this harkens back to the question we had earlier. And it's like the necessary arguments suck enough that if you're with someone who wants to make arguments for no fucking reason, nothing is worth that, especially if they somehow think that's the only way they can have good sex. Because like you can go rough without being angry or abused funny there's nothing to say that also like if you do want to do a little role play of being in an argument and then take control and throw around a little bit that's fine that can be fun but to stimulate a real argument and then put this dude in like god only knows what could have

happened to him at this fucking rest stop you know like yeah if if this was again if this was a switched situation where a dude did this to his girlfriend we'd be so we'd be coming down a lot harder on this person it's fucked it's absolutely fucked um best case you're straining his relationship with friends and family who have to go pick him up while ruining his day, putting him in danger and turmoil and everything. It's like it's just so fucked. And that's best case. So, no, this is this is a bad move. This is terrible.

I'm glad you have the foresight to be like, yeah, no, she's done. I'm not going to keep seeing her. You shouldn't. Because anyone who's willing to put your safety and need and time and all of this emotional state. Peace of mind. Yeah. Anyone who's willing to sacrifice that for an end goal for themselves is a bad partner and a bad person. Yeah. And you know what? We would have told you to don't partner.

I'm so glad you have. But no, people shouldn't be living this way and the adjusted ones aren't. So don't get in situations like this. And if you do, do what happened here and bail because it is not worth it. This is Jesh4, my girlfriend. Oh no, sorry. This is Shreddy McFreddy.

Even better. She showed up with another guy. Went to get drinks with this girl last night. We had already been on a couple of dates, including expensive sushi and a couple of makeout sessions. Last night, after driving an hour with an ear infection, she texts me last second and says her friend is coming. I walk in and she's sitting there with another guy, a guy who was very obviously romantically interested. I sat nearby for a couple of minutes. I was pretty upset, but tried my best not to be a dick. I eventually walked to the

other end of the bar and talked with some other folks that I know. She eventually confronted me after spending the entire night playing pool and gambling with this dude. I basically told her to fuck off. Not in those words. Was it wrong for me to get upset? I feel like that is a pretty shitty thing to do to someone. Uh, yeah?

It doesn't seem like the best way to do things because, like, the difference between him being very obviously romantically interested and her being very obviously romantically interested are very different, especially when it comes to insecurity and you misreading situations because maybe he is and that's fine, but that's still not on her that he's into her if they are friends, right? And also, maybe you misjudged it and then you threw a shit fit just because her friend was there. And it doesn't seem like you even went out of your way to find out why the friend was there. Like, you know, it could be they bumped into each other there and it was rude for her to be like, get out of here. And maybe she wanted you guys to meet if she liked you or fuck knows, it could be something. On my second date with my current partner she showed up with a guy and it was very funny because she had not ran this by me uh she

was picking me up from a subway station we were going to do flying trapeze and while i'm waiting there there's a guy standing at the like pickup area with me and like i remember looking at him because he's this tall guy with a big irish head on him and i was like he's definitely irish and then the person i've been seeing uh pops up with the car and like we both walk over to it and she's like oh hey and like we both just hop in the car and i was like what's happening here did i have a shift fit and leave no we got to the thing and it turned out a friend we were meeting it was was her ex from Ireland who was visiting and they decided to invite him because he was in town. Great. The guy's a legend.

We're now friends. We had a great date. We've been dating for years. You and the Irish guy? We have been. Yeah. Don't tell my partner. I knew it.

And like, yeah, was I like, damn, is this like, I was like, did she get mixed up? Did she invite the wrong Irish guy? Am I the wrong Irish guy? Is she Irish blindness? Yeah. I was like, is it some weird like, oh, you're both arrived. Wink. Like pushing for a threesome gambit.

Like what was it? I don't know. I was like, this will be fun to find out. You know, I was pretty bemused by the whole thing. So like, I feel like having a little temper tantrum is never the way to do it, especially when you don't have the answers. So it's like if she comes up, she's like, hey, like you're over here. Like, what's going on? And you're like, oh, well, I got upset because you brought this guy over here.

Like, that's not exactly the most mature response, right? But even then, it's much better than saying, go fuck yourself. Well, he did say not in those words. Yeah, but one go fuck yourself is still a go fuck yourself, right? So it's like, I don't know. I think you were a baby. I think it's worth getting to the bottom of at least why they're there and like erring on the side of compassion.

Would I bring someone to a date? No. I think that is also something we need to talk about because in your situation, you got there and this dude went to go hang out with the friend, right? Eventually, yes. Well, we were all together, you know what I mean? Yes, yeah, right.

So there was like, there was even distribution of attention. And it's like you and your partner were on a date. Those two were either hanging out or on a date, whatever. I think there is something, there is an additional something to, if this was a date, which I assume it was because you've gone on other dates, and just before you arrived, they're like, oh, by the way, brought a random person. I think that's a weird move.

I do. Do I think this guy handled it correctly? No, absolutely not. That's exactly where I'm at. It's like, I want to make it clear that I wouldn't do it because I think that would be very fucking weird. I think it would be very uncomfortable on the person I'm at is like, I want to make it clear that I wouldn't do it because I think that would be very fucking weird. And I think it'd be very uncomfortable on the person I'm dating. Do I have more sympathy for Pete? Like, am I not judging people by how I'm judging myself? Yeah. Like I, if somebody did it, I would assume there was a reason for it. And I would at least

up until the point where I realized why it happened, I would go forward with that knowledge and be kind about it. I don't think that's the wrong way to be i think if eventually she's like oh yeah it's a guy i've been seeing too lol i just wanted to see like you both in the same room to who i liked i'd be like cool i'm not interested the thing that really annoys me here is that we don't get how they what they were doing other than like playing pool and gambling but like that's already after you've wandered off exactly like it would be different if like oh they went and played pool because like pool isn't a three-player game really right like it's it's it's a an even number game kind of thing so like either someone's getting paired up or playing alone so like i like i want to know what

that was like did you get there and then spend like literally five minutes? And yeah, so I like there's, as I said, like both of you have done weird shit here. If this was me, I think I would entertain it for a point to a point where until I felt like if I got the vibe that there was information I didn't have. And not in the sense of like, you know, you getting into a car with another dude, like there's a lot that you don't have there. But if I got the vibe that like, oh, there might actually be something going on here with these two.

Yeah. I don't know why or what. I think I would get to the point of just being, well, this was fun. I'm going to bounce. I don't think I would stay. That's the thing. It's like, like for me, i would put my best foot forward i'm like if it is their friend and if there is a reasonable reason for them to be there and you get on well with them it's gonna go so well for you like

that's all points in your favor and like i love fucking wooing the friends i'm great at it it's wonderful also i think there's far more reasons why it might be possible for them to have brought a friend honestly you know what i mean not in a why it might be possible for them to have brought a friend, honestly, you know what I mean? Not in a shitty way than there are for you to just like fuck off with very little information. Like there's a lot more gray area for them than you just being like, I saw another guy and I left. I would stay unless it was massively uncomfortable or if you were just completely ignored the whole night or whatever. But even then I wouldn't freak out. I'd just be like, hey, I think I'm going to head off. And I would go.

And then we could talk maybe on the night when presumably there were drinks involved. So when we're sober, when he's not there, when we're not in public. Because it's just awkward. No one wants to have a hushed whisper fight with their friends over there. Yeah, I would definitely follow up with the next night and be like, hey so uh kind of weird that you just sprung a friend on me like next time if you ever want to do something like that like let me know and i can invite a friend too that way it's just like i'm not sitting because like it's very rare that when you meet a new person and there is also like like if you're just started dating they've only gone a

few dates and then there's a person that they already know chances are you're going to be on the outside of a lot of conversations yeah right like there's going to be a lot of like conversations of that they're going to talk about people you don't know so it's like it really is like puts you in a passive position which i don't like being on a date like i don't like just sitting there and being like neat and then every now and then maybe throwing a one-liner in so i i think it's worth if you wanted to do this correctly do what nile just said and then follow up the next day be like hey super uncomfortable i was a little confused as to what was going on are we dating like when i ask you out i would like to ask you out on a date um and i would prefer you know until we get to know each other a little better

to like maybe just leave those dates between us um and if would prefer you know until we get to know each other a little better to like maybe just leave those dates between us um and if you are thinking about bringing someone please give me a heads up more than like five minutes before i get there because it is it's a little uncomfortable and like i might need time to like sort of socially and mentally prepare to be entertaining to people especially someone that like i don't know yeah and you can even like phrase it really positively you could just be like it was nice seeing you but like it's a pity like i want us to spend more time together and i felt like with your friend there like i didn't really get that

chance like that's the thing you don't want to flirt with your like someone while their friend is right like it's such a weird move yeah so i think that's the way forward i really don't think storming off like this again unless there's you know if they start fucking making out in front of you yeah great get out of there at that point they're the bad person you know i mean they're the one who's put you in an awkward position but they have their friend there there there could be any reason for that so i think give people the benefit of the doubt at least for a bit but storming off isn't the answer no i was like kicked out throw wah ma. My girlfriend says

it's a compliment when her boss jerks off to her. My girlfriend and I are both university students, and we have a very good and happy relationship. This is my girlfriend's last year of school, and when she's done, she's going to work for someone in real estate. Let's call him G. G is very, very rich, and always invites my girlfriend to go to a very exclusive cigar lounge. This was happening over the past summer. He buys her whatever he wants there, gives her money for pretty much no reason, and she gets lots and lots of male attention. A man once offered her $50,000 for one video of a blowjob, which she turned down. G has made many different sexual paths at my girlfriend, despite G having a wife and kids. She has turned him down every time. When she did turn him down the most recent

time, G said, it's okay. Every time I see you, I just go home and jerk off. My girlfriend then told me this was a compliment since he's not calling her ugly. I've told her I'm not comfortable with her seeing him because of the passes he's made at her and the other people at the lounge who've made their passes, but she still continues to see him because he is offering her job security for this upcoming summer in real estate. The job is also paying a ton of money, so in this sense, she has an obligation to see him. But I, as the boyfriend, hate this man. Every time G is brought up, I i get visibly annoyed she has told me this is something i'll have to get used to because she's going to be working for him once school is done i still don't know what to do about this my girlfriend acknowledged i have my reasons not to like him but i still get

annoyed every time he's brought up i mean yeah like technically is it a compliment that someone likes jerking off to you yes is it a compliment to say likes jerking off to you? Yes. Is it a compliment to say it out loud to someone? No. It's sexual harassment. It's a compliment in the same way that catcalling someone is a compliment. If you're like, hey, nice tits. It's like, yes.

Is having nice tits a great? Sure. Yeah. But not when some creep is yelling it at you and also not when someone who has a wife and kids and is your boss is saying this to you in a way that you can't really act on it without though but yes no it's it's horrible like this is such a gross situation and i do like that she you know actively is like look i get it but i am gonna go work for this guy but like it's so the fact that and it makes me mad that there are people like this who exist where it's like and i look i also understand that the workplace for women is a much different beast than i am

aware of but you're entering into a job despite the fact that you're probably gonna make a shit ton of money do you really think that this man is going to stop sexually harassing you? He's going to see you now on a daily basis. He's going to have complete control over your career, and you are now financially obligated to tolerate this.

Do you think that this is going to get better? And I'm not talking about to the dude. I mean to the woman in this situation. Well, that's the thing. She's already- You're entering a hellhole of a situation. She's already obligated to go to this lounge and to do all this other shit. And that's with the promise of a job in the future. He's not her boss yet. All of a sudden, he's going to be your boss. And it's like, look, I get it. Get that money. It's a tough world out there. We're

millennials. We're never going to own homes. It all sucks. Is money worth this? And as Dane said, it's only going to get worse, you know? So it's like your boyfriend has the right idea here. Because how long until it's like, well, you know, I was going to give you $50,000 for a blowjob video. Now you're going to do it if you want to keep your job. And I know I don't think that was G. I think that was just another random guy. But even even then it's like if that's g's fucking buds like that's a pretty clear indication of what kind of people you're hanging out with yeah or are you gonna then like go to the cigar lounge and be like oh actually no if you want your job you're gonna go you're gonna go hang out with steve over there like is that like it's just such a gross situation that isn't gonna get better and it's

and the more you are actually relying because as we said like you're not necessarily tied to this man at all nothing other than the money he's giving you and the lavish experiences you get when you go hang out with him you could like walk away and the only thing you would lose would be you know those experiences if you're working for him if you're like hey i don't like this please stop he can be like cool hey you remember that degree all that time you spent working at school i'm gonna blacklist you i have a lot of money so now you're fucked you know what i mean like it's it's so easy for people in this kind of position of power and privilege to fuck your shit up yeah and

unfortunately we've seen this happen time and time again and i'm talking all of them talking the uncomfortable like you know sexual harassment at work and the like threats and demands and extortion and like all this shit like it's fucked and this guy is giving you every red flag so i understand where the guy is coming from and i think the the girl in this situation should be really like hesitant to continue because like i would be creeped out if i were in this position as a guy and someone was showering me with this shit and i would be in less danger unfortunately because the world's fucked and it's it's tough to sit here and say like i i know we talk about trusting your partner if you don't trust your partner then you shouldn't be with them and stuff like that. But I think there's also an

additional layer of fear of coercion, right? Like I might 100% trust my partner, but if I knew they were going into work into this environment every day, I like, I don't know. I really don't know how I would feel about that. And knowing that like at any point in time if the risk was high enough and if if my partner was desperate enough that like perhaps they would make a really bad call for the sake of like you know making sure that we could pay rent this month or whatever it's not even the trust issue it's like i don't think any responsible partner wants their partner to be in in danger yeah it's not not like, oh, I don't trust you. It's you're walking through that dodgy alley, but I don't think you should. Or you're like, obviously, that's a very basic, generic, sketchy situation.

But it's like you're going somewhere dangerous. And I'm obviously worried for you. Yeah, sure. You might have walked through that alley every night for the entire time that you've lived here but it only takes one time for the wrong dude to be in there and it's the same thing with like this job where it's like yeah you could go to this job and have to deal with a little you know off-color commentary every now and then from your boss which you might be able to stomach and just put your head down because you're making fucking bank. But how long until it's the Christmas party and he's drunk and he's got, you know, you stay a little longer.

And all of a sudden it's just him and his fucking cigar buddies who are now telling you to take your shirt off or to go in the back room or, you know, and then all of a sudden it's like, well, you know, I just gave you a big bonus. And if you want that, whatever account, if you want that house, if you want that, whatever, you might want to think about it. Also, a scumbag like this, giving you money for pretty much no reason and showering you with gifts and stuff.

They're not doing it out of friendship. The same guy who says, I like, you know, come sleep with me, even though I have a wife and kids, but don't worry. Every time I see you,

I go and jerk off. He's not giving you that money because he likes you. He's giving you that money because he's hoping in return, you will do something for him. And people like that eventually get bitter and angry that the money they've given you hasn't gone towards what they want. Either way, I think we can talk about how this is a bad situation until the cows come home. I don't know. I don't really want to get into it too much because it's pretty grim and disgusting. I just think as this person's partner, I understand the concern. As this person, I would very much be hesitant because as you're coming out of university,

maybe there are other places you could go and work that would have so much less inherent risks. You could also think long game, and if you want to get in the mud with these dirty boys, maybe next time you're at the cigar place, you get a little video. You get a little audio. And, if they ever try to blackmail you or try to coerce you,

you got a little something in your back pocket. Honestly, I would say get some audio. Too sweet just to have some recourse i don't know either way i hate this whole situation it's grimy please be safe yeah so here's here's a thing this is upper programmer 6224 a woman called me a creep i'm an introverted guy i'm just naturally quiet i was talking to a girl she said i'm a creep because i'm quiet but i was just telling her that i'm naturally like that and she didn't care and she told me she's not interested in me anymore.

I was doing my best to make conversation, but she wasn't even trying. Why is it so hard to be an introverted guy? Is it? I doubt she's. Okay, maybe this person does suck and she was like, you know, if you don't know this person, you go up and you're bothering them and you're just trying to explain that you're usually introverted and they don't want to talk to you. They call you a creep. You should just go. Like, you don't stay and defend yourself.

Someone's like, hey, don't talk to me. You're a creep. And you don't know them. You leave or you are, in fact, a creep. As you're just standing there quietly mumbling. Hey, I just I just wanted to say I truly like this. I just want to get really close to you and just whisper in your ear. I'm not being weird. It's just this is how I talk. So please stay and talk with me. The hard part of being introverted is being extroverted, right? So going and talking to people and making conversation. It's not like, oh, you're introverted, you're creepy. Again, as far as i know not necessarily a volume thing either you know

like an x just because you're extroverted i don't go around yelling i don't go around sorry this was an intervention all our all our fans were like hey can dana actually speak for once and not just roar into the mic do you know how much editing i have to do dame to get you in acceptable parameters you say sexual parameters acceptable but also now believe me you're already in those sexual parameters you dog hey let's go uh yeah it's like i know introverts who are perfectly capable of speaking at a normal volume like it's not like oh i'm such an introvert i'm so shy that i can barely muster a voice and i'm sure there are introverts who are quiet yeah for sure absolutely but i But I think it's quiet in the way of not speaking, not quiet in the way of when they do speak.

They're kind of like this. So I'm very confused as to what's happening in this question. And again, it could be you were just talking to somebody shit. But I do get incel-y vibes where like, oh, women hate extroverted men or introverted men. And like- We also need to address the fact that you've told us the volume in which we were speaking, but not what you were speaking. Or where you were speaking to them.

Yeah, there's a lot of details here that could flavor and give us context as to why they were saying you were a creep. If you were in the women's change room yep but if you're in an alley and like you startled them because you are so quiet like you snuck up behind them you're like hey they're like ah you're so quiet you creep like maybe it wasn't your introversion it was you know your stealthiness yeah you following them around the grocery store just quietly mumbling behind them as they try to read the ingredients on the fucking mac and cheese box.

Like there's a number of reasons and situations and context in which it doesn't really matter the volume or what you're saying, but it's just like, now isn't the time to be doing what you're doing. And that inherently makes you creepy. I'm like, Hey, let's be fair.

There is a level at which you are too quiet. And there is a level at which you are too loud. If you go up to a girl and start shouting at her, it's not going to be great. If someone can't fucking hear you, also not great. So I think there's an acceptable level for both. And if that's your issue, then I think you can work on that pretty easily. But like the quietness people talk with in regards to introverts is like not talking. So if you're talking to a girl, you have surpassed that limit. Now you just need to make sure you're talking to them in the right scenario and in the right way. So what we're trying to say is, is being a insert category man here doesn't necessarily make anything inherently harder or that there is like this weird you know conspiracy against you you might have obstacles and hurdles the same way that anyone of any sort

of you know personality trait or whatever might have like i know people who are a little too boisterous and a little like can be a bit much and i know that they have to right here they have to struggle with you know reining it in so that they don't overwhelm people it's we've all got things that we have to to tweak and tailor to act responsibly in a social setting and some people are super well adjusted like there's there's any number of things so like trying to pinpoint the failings especially romantic failings on a certain aspect of your personality and then huffing down and being like it's just it's just so hard being a artistic guy it's just so hard being a you know introverted guy it's just so hard to be it's like it's so even like on reddit i see it all the. It's like short guys just can't get ahead. And it's like, look, yeah, we've all seen the fucking dating profiles.

We're like six foot or over. You know, I get it. That's demoralizing. But also the amount of short people I know with beautiful girlfriends and healthy relationships or who just get laid all the time. It's like you can't then be like, no, but they're, you know, they're the exceptions. It's like, it's an easy crutch to kind of turn back on and also an easy way to ignore the actual problem. I don't want to downplay people's problems, but almost every single time we hear a question like this, the real problem is something else.

Yeah. I had a guy at my bar the other day complaining that like, he's like, you get it, man. You're a short guy too. So like, you know, you know how hard it is out there. And I'm like, but it man you're a short guy too so like you know you know how hard it is out there and i'm like but it ain't though yeah right like i don't think i've ever i'm sure there have been people who have passed on me because of my height i've never really ever felt repercussions of being on the smaller side of things and again it's like it's not like i'm running around at like five two or whatever but you know i'm five eight to the five two people no shade to the five two you know i'm five eight and it's never been an issue for me

so there's it's it's all energy right it's all vibe if you walk around feeling small and therefore your confidence has suffered because of it then that's that's what's going to project out you know it's it's like when someone who walks into the room who might not be traditionally attractive by societal standards but like everyone fucking breaks their necks to look at them because they just like just owning it like that's the kind of vibe you gotta have you gotta find like what makes you sexy whatever it fucking is even if it is just being like waking up and looking in the mirror and being like, you sexy bitch. At no point are we saying that there isn't going to be problems related to things or that you won't meet shitty people who'll be like, you're too short or you're too fucking noisy or you're too quiet or whatever. But like part of being confident is realizing that you don't want someone that

shitty's attention anyway. And just because somebody says a bad thing doesn't mean you have to take it to heart. It's like, why would you, I forget the quote, but it's basically like, why would you take advice? Or like, why would you let somebody insult you that you wouldn't take advice from? It's like, if you wouldn't ask them for the way to do something, why would you take their opinion on a down, like a failing of yours i am worried that was a kanye west quote well that's fine if it is i doubt it is but if it is he's a piece of shit let's get that out in the open right now like i'm sure many fucking people have quoted trying to be deep i'm sure there is a a version of that that is out there that is safe to use yeah either way i just feel like part of being confident is getting into those situations

and realizing that the person who's disregarding you for this small facet of your being sucks. So what they say doesn't matter. And the fact that they didn't want to be with you is a good thing because they fucking suck. Like, so don't let the bad things drag you down because they're from shitty people and work on the good stuff. But don't blame like don't kind of hide behind this. Well, I'm introverted, so it's hard for me because then that's just like an excuse for you not to build on the shit that matters. Yeah.

Or to better yourself or to challenge yourself. Yeah. So obviously we're missing a lot of stuff from this question, but it does really smack of somebody who's trying to blame a third party rather than building themselves. So careful. That's not what you're doing. Uh, that's going to do it friends.

But before we finish this fine episode, we are going to hop onto online dating profiles, uh, comb them for red flags, see what works, see what doesn't work. And enough to make your online dating experience a little more enjoyable. This is Sinead.

I'm tall. So you should be too monkey like see no evil uh emoji three citizenships Canadian Irish and English tattoo free but freckled never married and no kids drive stick happiest in the ocean also there's basically any emoji related to any of these after everything I'm saying I'm just not going to read them all out until we get to interests and looks like yoga emoji, surfing emoji, running emoji, writing emoji, reading emoji, cooking emoji, and plain emoji. Neuropsych and business grad turned designer, INFJ, light eyes, good arms, and trust equals heart emoji, vegetarian, pescatarian, beards, down thumbs up, and then four injection emojis. Did you just call a thumbs down a down thumbs up? I don't even know, man.

I was watching a video earlier with my partner and there was a squirrel on a deck taking cotton from inside a pillow to make its nest, I guess. And I was like, man, why is this cat so cute? And she was like, what? And I was like, this cat is adorable. She's like, that's a squirrel. I was like what i was like this cat is adorable she's like that's a squirrel i was like yeah she's like you keep saying cat i was like oops so i'm surprised we

gotten this far without me saying something book wild honestly because my brain is this floating it's like on a string you know when you're holding a balloon i feel like i'm holding a string and my brain's just up on the roof just in there okay i don't remember much of this profile but i remember not liking it they don't like beards bad bad take incorrect take the the tall thing we've talked about it it's not great but like whatever i understand that there is the insecurity of also tall women dating short dudes but whatever uh i'm gonna give this a four because it's not super offensive, but it's not great. You know, I'm going to give it a five

just because I expected them to also be anti-vax and I was surprised that they weren't. So five. OK, it's OK. Again, if you take out the tall thing and I guess we shouldn't take the beard thing personally,

but it does seem like a bad take. So five. No, I'll give it a six. It's OK. There's so many emojis. I'm giving them a five. Hit me. Should we like really lose our young hip crowd

and start calling them emoticons? I don't think they are emoticons. They are specifically emojis. It would be incorrect terminology. Who knows, man? Who knows? This is from Denver, Colorado. I'm looking for any and all women

who still have milk in their breasts or a lot of it and wouldn't mind feeding a milk- otherwise normal white male 27 years old I will do anything to your wonderful body in return I'll French you for as long as you'd like also while I'm at it I'm a foot worshiper and if you've ever had your toes and feet sucked it's terrific if you have milk and beautiful feet call any time at this and then there is a picture attached, and it looks like he is. It's a bad picture. It's a real bad picture.

It's a man who looks like maybe he's just stubbed his toe. Hmm. And he's got very excited about milk. Yeah, maybe. This is from 1981. Damn. Is it bad that I want to change all my bios to milk hungry, but otherwise normal? Milk hungry, but otherwise not. That is a very good term to change all my bios to milk hungry but otherwise normal? Milk hungry but otherwise normal.

That is a very good term for you. I do love milk. Are you saying that us humans aren't animals? Whoa. This is weird. But hey, he knows what he wants and he will French you for hours. I love that. I love being like, hey, I'll do whatever you want to your body,

but then I will also French kiss you for a very long time, which I think the, the makeout scene nowadays I think is sorely lacking. I don't think a lot of people put enough stock and having a good makeout sesh. So I'm down for this guy. Like it's not my cup of tea and it's very kink centric or fetish centric, but he's very honest. he seems very polite about it he doesn't seem to like get too gross in terms or demanding so i'm gonna give

this like an eight yeah it's very specific but then what it's looking for sure it i do love some of the terms of phrase like do i still have some milk left in their breasts? Like, what a weird way to say it, dude. Or a lot, he's also okay with. Yeah, I guess like a seven, because for what it's looking for, sure, even if it's a weird one. This is blank, but they have six bullet points, and they're numbered. Okay. And they're 21. A little pregnant.

Two, can I sleep on your couch? Three, I have an iPhone 5 right now. 5. I boil vegetables and chicken. 6. I cut my own nails. And yes, there is no 4. Wow, okay. I don't like any of this, really. 1. Do we not all cut our own nails?

Evidently not. Is that pro? Is that a good thing? Is that a good thing? Because I cut good thing is that a good thing because i cut my own nails too i feel like most people cut their own nails on your put on your profile right now not milk hungry but otherwise normal i cut my own nails i the rest of it is all just sort of like bewildering statements that i don't know what i'm supposed to do with not all of it also why did they skip four a little pregnant that's okay can i sleep on your couch no

no you have an iphone 5 i don't give a fuck what phone you have and if i was i think i'd be a shitty person i'd boil vegetables and chicken cool i don't want to hang out with you you make bad food you cut your own nails which i guess is a big deal to you and no none of this yeah i'm giving this a two i'm giving this a two. I'm giving this a zero. Yeah. I don't know you. You can't sleep on my couch.

You seem to change. You make bad chicken. And then the, no, I always try to like reserve my zeros for like really offensive, really shit things. But this is no, I'm going to put a one.

I'm not going to give it a zero. It's getting a one. It's okay. I'll give it. No, I'm giving you a zero just because there's nothing. There's not one thing in this I like. Also, apparently, if you can type in a key bind and get to it, it's still an emoticon.

Interesting. Okay. Emojis are just ones that have no like key binds. So like, yeah, this is what year is this? This is 1987 or 1972. Sorry. From New York. I definitely want you to tell me me when it is after in future.

Okay, fair. Male, 27. Winner, perfect male form contest. Damn. Seeks pleasure-minded women who want to be loved the new way. Wait, is it Willem Dafoe? Maybe. Seeks pleasure-minded women who wants to be loved the new way.

Gentle, soft, warm, endlessly, all over, and with tenderness. Damn. Is that it? That's it. I want to know what the new way is. I guess endlessly, which- He just told you. Well, I know, but it just doesn't seem very new.

Were they just like jackhammering before 79? 72. Yeah. 1972. Yeah, all sex prior to 1971 was just, what is it? Rough, hard, cold, brief, very localized, and with no tenderness. Honestly,

now that I said that out loud, I don't feel like that's a wrong statement. No. I appreciate his apparent interest in the female orgasm. Hell yeah. Endlessly does. I'm just, I'm assuming he's hyperbolic, so I'll give him a pass. Yeah, I like it.

Hell yeah. Why not? You do you, bud. Yeah. Yeah. This is again, not a bad profile for the nine. Cause even in this modern time, we still haven't bridged the orgasm gap. And this man is one of the pioneers. Now here's the thing.

I think if we read this on tinder we would hate it yes yes i am i am giving it leeway because it's the 70s and i assume it to be so much worse uh if this was a real profile and it was like i'm gonna love you endlessly and blah especially if they said the new way now i'd'd be like, what are you talking about, dude? I am going to now, from now on, I will not refer to sex as rough sex or passionate sex. It'll just be the new way and the old, baby. It'll sound like I'm fucking Jon Snow swearing an oath. Damn. And then you'll bend the knee, wink.

I will bend the knee, gobble it up. I'll take us out with Virla. Pierced titties taste like house keys. And there's no place like home baby it's upsetting i know exactly what they're talking about yeah i love it in terms of like like house key taste but i've never i don't really think pierced titties taste like that really you've never got that like metal tang off them i guess but like yeah okay yeah no it's upsetting that i understand the key reference more than I do the pierced titties, but...

Well, I was going to say, I know what they mean. I can taste it in my mouth, but I can't ever tell you a time I've put house keys in my mouth. Yeah, yeah, that's a weird... It's like, what's the reverse of the Mandela effect? I don't know, but it's kind of like, I know people who have had cravings while pregnant for stuff they've never eaten. Isn't that weird? never eaten isn't that weird yeah isn't that weird i know someone who had and apparently it's a regular thing they had a craving for coal and they would put coal in their mouth and suck on it now okay i don't know

if that's safe especially not for a little baby in there well it's just carbon i guess yeah i look it up why do you crave coal when you're pregnant what the fuck uh do you got some bad sex writing for us i guess we have to do a whole thing thank you very much for listening uh you mean the world to us we love that you come in every week it means so much and we couldn't do this without you quite literally we would be just talking to ourselves in a closet yeah uh we might have exciting news coming in the future, which hopefully is just going to be a permanent state for us. But in the meantime,

thank you so much to everyone who supports us on Patreon. If you want to head over to the Patreon, Patreon slash F buddies, I believe. Yes. Patreon.com forward slash F buddies. Thank you so much to everyone who has been signing up recently or increasing their pledges.

You do get an extra episode a month if you hit our middle thing, and we like to think it's pretty fun, and we love you all. Thank you, Josh Eagle and the Harvest Cities, for their song Paper Star. Now I'm ready for some bad sex, right? Alright, this is some Stephen King. It. Then she would be somewhere, at the supermarket maybe,

and she would hear a sudden tittering laughter from the next aisle, and her back would prickle. Her nipples would go hard and hurtful. Her hands would tighten on the bar of the shopping cart they're just on each other and she would think someone just told someone else i'm jewish anytime anyone guesses my like ethnicity or religious affiliation i get rock hard erect to the point of pain yeah a hundred percent like stephen king really nailed discrimination in this one imagine if every time someone was racist or even just a little judgy we were just like oh no oh what did you just call me oh no would the world be a better place probably well

think about it because like being racist you wouldn't want them to feel pleasure exactly exactly right although it'd make high school terrible more terrible yeah this almost as terrible as this excerpt yeah my name is dave miller and i'm now spain we've been your fuck buddies Music