F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 232 - My Husband’s Secret Cool Friend

Episode Date: March 13, 2023

I'll give you anything you want... even these really awesome sunglasses.  Just don't show my family how cool you are.  Topics include cooking up validation, needing alcohol to feel frisky, getting jacked for your big girlfriend, safety tips for casual sex, suspicious sunglasses secrets.

I put my trust in you, and I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller. And I'm Niall Spain. And we're your fuck buddies. We are a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations and we

turn them into sexy, sticky situations. We find questions one of two places, either lurking online or lurking in the dark recesses of your mind when you send them to us. And we answer them right here every Monday and sometimes in person. Sometimes in person. Like this Thursday as of this release. March Thursday the 16th. March Thursday 16th.

Okay. Hey, all the information you need is there. I just got a little creative in the syntax in which I put it. 7.30. Free cocktails. Food. Black Sheep Cocktail Lounge. Food. Friends. Good people. We're almost put it. 7.30. Free. Cocktails. Food. Black Sheep Cocktail Lounge. Food. Friends. Good people.

Toronto. We're almost sold out. Toronto. We're almost sold out. But you know what? We got fucking standing room. And last time people were too scared to use the standing room and it was still rad. Imagine how much fun it would be with that little standy crowd. So be the standing crowd you want to see in the world. It's true.

Now are you ready for questions? I think I'm ready for a question. This is by Throwera Julia and Julia. My boyfriend says I'm fishing for compliments by cooking for people and therefore using a grieving friend. Whoa. That was, I just wasn't expecting that last part of the question. Oh yeah, me too. He's 24. We've been together for two years and living together for two months. I love to cook. I always wanted to be a chef, but I was dissuaded from that path and I work in HR. I love to cook and especially cook things for people I love. It's kind of selfish because I love it when people tell me they like my cooking. Not going to lie, I thrive on that validation, so I jump at the chance to cook for people. When my girlfriend's father's passed away recently,

I offered to cook her some meals so she didn't have to worry about cooking and focus on herself. I made her a lasagna, shepherd's pie, stuffed shells, and some chicken noodle soup. It's pretty much cooking for an entire day, but she has enough food to last her at least a week, probably more, and she can just toss it in the oven and not have to stress about cooking and cleanup. I packed it all up and personally delivered it to her doorstep. Boyfriend was kind of weirded out and finally admitted to me he thinks it's weird that I crave validation so much I would use my friend's father's death to get compliments. I was super confused. Do I love when people compliment my cooking? Yes, but it's also how I show care. He also pointed out I always offer to cook when we

have people over and I'm constantly fishing for compliments by doing so. Again, yes, I love when people like my cooking, but I also just enjoy cooking for the people I love. Am I the weird one here? How can I change this? Should I stop cooking for people? I don't think it's wrong necessarily to do something that you love to do and do things that you want to do and also want to be validated from those things. I think that's a pretty normal thing. For example, cooking is something I also like to do and if i make someone a meal and they didn't say anything about the quality or how much they enjoyed it i would be pretty bummed out but also like you'd get over it you know i mean like especially if say they just had a death in their family oh for sure but it doesn't seem like this person is it doesn't seem like oh i made

them dinner and they didn't compliment me and i hate them now for it no what i'm saying is like there's what you're saying is very normal and it's like unless that is also the case like it would be weirder if you were like oh i made i made them dinner and i fucking hate it when they said they liked it fucking hated it yeah like you're not doing it also making people food when there's is pretty much a standard thing like that's a very it's almost the cliche of how to help someone and i don't think there's anything wrong with it because it's a great fucking lovely thing to do and your boyfriend fucking sucks the only like the caveat here is we're getting it from her point of view so i don't know what she does when she like are you

inviting people over to your house frequently when you're not feeling well so that you can feed them and then like do you get weird if they don't fawn over your food how much does it affect you and if it doesn't happen do you take it out on other people like i like that's the only thing but if you're just making food and you like the validation of people saying, hey, you're a good cook. It's like when I go to karaoke, I love to hear, hey, you did a great job. It's not like I'm I'm only there and only doing it for the validation. Also, I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing to do nice things to feel good about yourself. If that's the way that you sort of ego boost yourself, I don't think there's anything really

wrong with that. Yeah. If a friend of mine was like, hey, you know, when I invite you over and make you delicious food. Yeah, I did it because I really like when you say it's great. OK, cool. Keep doing it like I love it. Thank you.

Yeah, I honestly, unless, as Dane said said there's some kind of like darker undercurrent where like almost like sex addiction where like you're seeking this in ways that are harmful to you and others and like you're neurotic about it or like you're on the flip side if you don't get that validation you become like evil you or to take it further you killed the dad just so you could bring this food over to just get that sweet validation you know there's nothing wrong with this whatsoever and your boyfriend is if none of these things are happening a piece of shit because he's trying to guilt you for doing something that's very kind and he's also trying to like suck the joy out of a thing

you love doing which is very kind yeah i mean there's no difference than like if he you know is a fucking tongue wizard and makes you come during oral sex is it like are you gonna be like oh you only do that for validation because i say you're so good at it like is that what's what's different than like because i love making my partners feel very good. I also love to hear that I've done that. So it's like, I, that's honestly like, isn't that why we, I'm sure maybe a psychiatrist can tell me that like, I'm barking up the wrong tree or whatever, because I'm not a professional, but isn't that why we do pretty much anything that we like is to make it, it's to make us feel good and again as long as it's not manipulative or you know you actually hate doing it but you're doing it to to fill a void i think that can be

problematic but if it's something you like to do and you like hearing that you're good at it and that makes you feel good i think that is just living yeah for real like again if there isn't some kind of twisted undercurrent here your boyfriend's being really manipulative and he's trying to like bring you down for some reason i don't like it that's that like cook for your fucking friends help your grieving friend these are all good things it doesn't get negated because you enjoy the fact that someone enjoyed it yeah just tell your boyfriend he's on his own for meals now. Just be like, okay, that's fine. If it weirds you out, you don't have to eat it.

That's fine. You can make your own dinners now. Kill his dad and don't make him dinner. See how he feels. Exactly. Kill him, don't make his dad dinner. Ooh. Do make his dad dinner. Sleep with his dad. That'll show him. That'll show him. Don't do any of these. Our lawyers are telling me I have to point out this is a joke.

This is the part of the show where we pretend that we give bad advice. I wonder if we could be charged with the amount of times we have suggested to kill someone. You'll see in episodes 1 through 230, there's about a 3 murders per 10 episodes average. What if there's like a serial killer out there who every time we say that does do it I'd feel terrible but as long as I don't know about it I feel fine I just feel terrible for the fact

that they can't take a fucking joke I feel bad that they can't take a life without us telling them to learn to murder on your no okay the lawyers please my lawyer is I locked him outside and he's like biting his way through the door like some kind of Learn to murder on your... No. Okay. The lawyers, please. My lawyer is... I locked him outside and he's like biting his way through the door like some kind of bored husky.

This is from a part pineapple. Oh, he's in. Oh, no. Litigation. That's what lawyers sound like. Objection. This is a part pineapple. Can't have sex without alcohol.

So it seems like nothing happens if I don't drink. It's like liquid courage to make me in the mood and make the first move. But also sometimes even then nothing happens. Lately, haven't been drinking as much. So now my sex life is next to nothing. I wish I had more details. Yeah. I assume like, are they saying they can't get it up? Is it a guy? Is it a girl? I don't know. Or is it just like, if you don't go out and drink, you don't have the have the confidence to approach people or like is it because you don't want to have sex unless you're

drunk yeah uh fuck okay well let's go through them all yeah uh if it is the fact that you aren't confident uh enough to meet people when you're sober like welcome to everybody in a way because like that's kind of why people drink for confidence for social lubricant um i think a lot of people really enjoy that when they start and like for a lot of people it then becomes a crutch and it's like the more you go out and only drink the less able you are to go out and not drink and still maintain that level of like confidence and like chattiness and socialness. And it takes practice. You know, it takes practice.

It takes, Dane has mentioned it before. Maybe not on this, but definitely on this podcast, on both. Take an improv class if that's the case. If you're so like, you know, insecure. And again, I get it. We've all been there. Take an improv class, learn to be more confident and more spontaneous and chat better. And that'll help in that regard.

If it's like you can't get it up or feel aroused, that is going to be like a different issue. And again, I think it stems from lack of confidence. And I think practice will help. But maybe seeing a sex therapist or or therapist a a mental health professional would probably help you with that because anytime there's a uh really there's like two reasons why arousal won't happen there's usually like a medical reason or a physical reason or a mental block it could be repression it could be past trauma it could be nerves stress like any number of reasons as to why you might not be aroused in the moments in which you should be aroused.

And it could be it might not even be a blanket issue. It could be with certain people because of nerves or, you know, whatever. So relying on alcohol ends up getting you into a slippery slope of addiction or of reliance. And the second you start needing to rely on a substance to achieve something that you should be able to do normally, or, you know, I'm not saying like there is obviously medication for arousal things like Viagra and stuff like that. Those are fine as long as they're being used responsibly and prescribed by a doctor and so on and so forth but more of like if you start training your brain that like oh i can only get hard or i

like i can only have sex when i'm drunk start you condition yourself to believe that and if it's not already a problem the more you feel that that's the only way you can do it the more it's going to become a problem yeah um all right if it's that you don't feel way you can do it, the more it's going to become a problem. Yeah. All right. If it's that you don't feel like you want to have sex, then you probably shouldn't be having sex. Or, once again, it's, you know, very similar to the way... More to some kind of like block, right? Yeah.

Very similar in the way that I used to be very, very scared of dancing. I just was not something I wanted to do ever. But the second I got drunk, it's all I wanted to do. I just wanted to dance. And I was like, okay, maybe there's a correlation here of being like, I do want to dance. I'm just very nervous about it. I'm very shy about it. So maybe I should try to figure out, try to break out of my shell and enjoy dancing sober.

And that was something that I worked on for a while. Could be something similar in the sense of like, you want to have sex, but there are mental blocks in the way and the alcohol helps knock those walls down temporarily. And lastly, it could be that the only time you're around people is like, let's say you're at a bar or a party and there's alcohol there. So if you're not drinking, you're not going to these parties. You're not going to these bars. And all of a sudden, where are the people at? So in that case, join a club.

Go do a kickboxing class. Go start rock climbing. Go to an improv class. Like do clay, whatever. Like do something that will take you into environments where you're not drinking and you'll meet other people. And I think we've covered most of the reasons this could be yeah i do also want to you brought it up in the sense of like it might also not be as dire or weird as you might think it is because it might be one of those things where it's just like oh the only time i hook up is when i when I go out and be social. And it's like, yeah.

Same thing with like, oh, I went and got drinks with someone on a date and then we went home back to their place and we hooked up. I think it's like, as long as you're not getting blackout. But if you just have a couple drinks and get a little loose, I think that's kind of normal. I think it's pretty common to have a couple drinks before, especially if you're dating, like to go on a date and have a couple drinks on that date is is kind of like what you do. Yeah, I think like unless you have a different like if you have a problematic relationship with alcohol or you just don't want to drink, it's like if you're having drinks every now and then that's happening, that's fine. But if you have an issue doing it sober and you want to, then I think look into what we prescribed.

Yeah. Like pod doctors. And again, it's mostly practice. I'd love to know the ages as well. I'd love to know a lot of things. But it comes down to confidence, practice, and if it's extraneous, an extenuating circumstance, go see a professional. This is by throwRAextension. My girlfriend likes to feel small by being picked up.

I don't know if telling her the work to do that will make her feel insecure or be sweet. Should I tell her? She's 6'1", I'm 6'4". We're both pretty tall. And one thing she mentioned is she likes feeling small with her partner. Earlier in our relationship, I tried picking her up and other stuff I've done with exes who are smaller and I couldn't do it. I've always been fit and athletic, regularly work out, but at her height, it ain't easy picking her up. So for the past six months when I hit the gym, I've been doing it with the goal of being able to pick her

up and toss her around a bit. Now that I'm confident I can, when I do it, I'm sure she'll ask me where this came from. I don't know if I should mention the time I spent training for her or if that'll just make her feel self-conscious about her size. For background, she is fit but tall, so she's I don't think there's any real benefit to saying, hey, I'm going to the gym to lift you. I feel like especially with the knowledge and the background that she used to have insecurities about her size and her weight. I don't think hearing I needed to do extra special work in order to do it is necessarily a good idea. Yeah. I feel like you want the validation. You want like our cooking friend.

You want her to be like, hey, you put in the work. Good job. You know, because you put in effort. You did this for her. It's sweet. You want the reward of being seen. But I think what you're going to do instead is take away from what you're working towards. So what I think you need to do is tuck that special secret good job because you know you've

done a good job. Look at you. You can do it now. Tuck that into your own little heart and know it yourself, but don't need anyone else to tell you. In fact, I'll tell you. Good job. Go you.

You're going to get that validation, not in a direct way. Exactly. In her pleasure and happiness of you being able to do it is you being like, I did it. So yes, she won't say, oh, wow, you went to the gym to work out for me, to lift me. That's really cool and really nice. You will know that all of those things are true when you, you know, heaver over your shoulder and she giggles and she loves it. That's where you get your validation.

A hundred percent. So like took away the need for that. Know that you did a good job for that yourself and relish mask in the glow of when she tells you in a different way, because the danger of you trying to spell it out is that you say, hey, you're heavy and big. And I had to make a special project to let you know. That's not great. No, no, not at all.

And like, regardless of yes, should you be able to tell your partner something factually true and not in like malicious at all? Like it is a sweet gesture for sure. But like, I think, you know, by mentioning that she does have these past insecurities, I think, you know, that this is a bad idea. Right. Like, you know, it's not a good idea and if you're unsure if something you were about to say is going to hurt someone without any sort of real reason to do it then don't do it like obviously it's the thing it's like it could go well but like why risk it like even if it just takes a little bit of the joy out of it why why

risk it you could set up something in the future of being like, she may never mention this again. This very cute thing that she enjoys might be taken away from her because she might be too self-conscious to bring it up in the future. Being like, oh, I like feeling small, but I'm too big and it'll never happen. Right? The possibility of that happening should be enough for you to be like you know what not worth it i'm just gonna let her live in her world where she wants to be small which is like it's just so cute it's the cutest fucking thing and i love that you've gone out of your way to make it happen fucking hell yeah go enjoy pick her up bring her

to bed have fun i think that's a it's a valuable lesson to to sort of like really think and be like is this necessary to say and if it's not necessary and there is a potential for them to be hurt by it then i think it's better off to not say it obviously there are circumstances where you do need to be you know have to sort of rip the band-aid off on certain topics and by all means like if you have to break up with someone it's like obviously they're going to be hurt by that but you're you know you have to do it those are things those are circumstances where yes someone might get hurt but you need to say it whereas this is someone might get hurt and you don't need to say it yeah this is not one of those moments

this is from chicken chicken doodle how do i stay safe when finding fuck buddies. Hi, female 19 year old, new to the world of sex. I'm still a virgin, but I realized I get horny quite often. I thus am looking for fuck buddies and thought of going on dating apps like Tinder, but I'm not going to do that because I'm scared I'll get an STD. I'm into being eaten out, et cetera. So condoms won't really help with that. If the dude has a cold sore or something, I could get herpes. Also, I don't know how safe it is to fuck a random guy. What if he gets more rough than I want and doesn't respect my boundaries? Any tips on how to stay safe? Also, how y'all find fuck buddies in general? Is it okay to ask for an STD test before fucking? LOL. Any tips on protection? I should know. Thanks. Well, I think we've covered pretty much all this before, but you can never say it too

many times. So let's start with the basics. Don't expect the guy to have protection. So make sure you have condoms on hand no matter what. Don't feel weird about it. Don't think that they're going to call you whatever, because if they do, don't fuck them. Two, have boundaries and stick to them. If someone's like, oh, no, but like, oh, it feels better without that.

Just no. Again, they can put a condom on or they can leave yeah and honestly if they if they're trying that with you maybe they should just leave and you know what i think we're i think we're skipping a lot of steps it's there's a bunch but i'm talking protection in general like these are also basics at the same time and they're very clear-cut so there's no harm i know i just want to start with the finding yeah right like i think i think you seem to think that just because you want to have casual sex or find a fuck buddy that there's no vetting process at all well yes but i was going to get to that but

the thing is for me it's like those are very easy steps we can just be like boom in out done have protection stick to your boundaries and then we talk to the more nebulous stuff which is safety finding people blah blah and what you point out is very important a vetting process you don't just go hey i'm 19 i'm a virgin i saw your face on an app come to my house and we're gonna fuck that's a recipe for disaster yeah i mean like it could work out and i'm sure it has worked out it could but it is also a recipe for disaster but it's it's not a great plan so here here are some things that i would suggest apps are great as as a woman i think you will have no problem finding people who want to just have sex yep i think you'll also find a ton of people that you shouldn't be having sex with. To answer some of your questions, it's 100% okay to ask for STD tests

before you start sleeping with a partner. It is completely normal. It's also completely normal to ask for frequent or periodic STD checks, even if you've been sleeping with the same person for a while. Especially if you're not exclusive. Yeah. And if they get weird about it, and if they don't want to do it then be like okay great i i don't feel comfortable sleeping with you anymore because i i want to i want to make sure that we're being

safe i want to be safe for myself i want to be safe for you i want to be safe for other people that we may be sleeping with right so yes you 100 can ask for std std checks and paper swapping is a a very common uh thing to do within the casual sex environment so cool it's great that you're thinking about it in terms of apps and like just grabbing a random dude don't do it just because you're having casual sex doesn't mean that it has to be detached from any sort of, like, you should like that person. One way or the other. That's the thing I was going to say is like,

your first date and your first time meeting a potential fuck buddy should pretty much go the same. Right? You should go, you should meet them for drinks or coffee or whatever. Talk to them, vet them. Like, you don't want to invite them to your house because as you said said, with a random guy, it's kind of it could be unsafe. The potential for danger is there.

And as Dane said, you want to like this person just because you're fucking them doesn't mean you have to hate them. So you go out, you meet somebody, you see how you vibe with them and you see if you want to sleep with them and you don't even have to sleep with them that first time you can do it as quickly or as not quickly as you want but meeting them in a public place and getting like an idea of who they are essential you can also set the tone of the relationship early on too like if you're willing to talk about you know your sexual boundaries or whatever obviously don't do it in a clinical way but if you're happy to like lay out what you're looking for it sets the tone of being like i'm going to be open and honest about this and i'm going to be communicative about this and if someone gets spooked by that yeah that might not be the partner for you and it probably isn't the partner for you when you're young and horny you can also be dumb

you can still be dumb when you're old and horny but like just because you can fuck someone doesn't mean you should yeah oh yeah absolutely and just because they're hot doesn't mean you should because you know you don't want to trade your happiness in any way so like just try to weed out people who are at flags again you're a girl on a dating app you shouldn't have any difficulty so it's like you don't need to take everything that comes your way. Take what you want. And then be picky about that list as well. Like, you know what I mean? Like be picky the whole way through because it is.

I know you're 19. You know, you're a virgin. I know you're probably looking to experience a bunch of things. Be picky. with a you know a handful of incredible sexual experiences than like a dumpster fire of mostly bad sexual experiences because that also could ruin potential sexual experiences and partners in the future if you become jaded or bitter or you know become expect certain things or yeah yeah like it's it's it's a really slippery slope into falling into the you know all men are garbage all men are trash all men just want sex it's like yeah but there are dudes out there who are happy to be communicative who are happy to give you std checks who are happy to you know respect your boundaries like those all exist you just have to

sort of put in a little bit of extra work and not expect people to be falling at your feet, ready to do what you want. Yeah, I think like dip out when you see red flags and like by being picky, I don't mean being an asshole. You know what I mean? Not like, oh, they're not 5'12 or 5'11,

whatever, six foot. No, that's me being picky. It's like that's superficial shit. And by all means, go for what you want, but don't be picky in a shit way. Be picky in a, oh, this guy's pretty hot, but he's a piece of shit and he won't get the STD test. And he keeps trying to take the condom off and blah, blah, blah. It's like, don't sleep with that person. I think a very important thing to learn is that it doesn't matter if you say, hey, let's go over to mine and have sex.

If you get to yours and feel like you don't want to have sex, you do not have to have sex. Doesn't matter at what point you want to. You can revoke consent at any time. And make sure that your consent is concise and clear as well. Yeah. Don't make people work for it. Don't think that that is like try not to play the games that you think sex might be. Yes. it don't think that that is like try not to play the games that you think sex might be yes enter enter sex and your sexual career with very clear definitions of what is important to you and nile

said that earlier of being like set your boundaries and stick to them and go in being like i want std checks i want protection and i want i don't know whatever else you want and know that like those are the things you want don't go in being like I want this kind of person or this kind of guy because I see it on TV. I want this kind of thing because of this kind of thing, because I saw it on TikTok. I like, don't do that. Do what you want, do what you think is going to feel well, and then tailor it. If you do it and you're like, oh, that was not for me. I do not like rough sex. I thought I might because I like watching it, but I do not enjoy it. Then great. Don't force yourself into thinking that's what it should be because you have taken outside influence. Yeah. Also, like

you might just have fucked somebody who's bad at, you know, so if there's something you think you want and it turns you on and you tried it and it didn't work, depending on how that went, it could just be the person. Because again, you're young. They're probably hopefully also young and inexperienced. Also, don't be mean. Don't be cruel. Be kind. And I think that should be established for everybody. But like if for some reason somebody comes too early or doesn't have the biggest dick in the world or you feel insecure, don't lash out because like you're coloring the rest of your sexual experiences for your life and also theirs so it's like don't let people be shitty to you and don't be shitty to other people and some other basic things uh now i already said it first meeting

should be somewhere in public uh don't be afraid to let people know what you're doing if you have a best friend or someone you're close with be like hey i'm going to meet this guy here's his profile i'm i met him on hump or bumble or hinge or wherever i mean like, hey, I'm going to meet this guy. Here's his profile. I met him on Bumble or Hinge or wherever. This is the bar we're going to and I might bring him back to my place. Yeah, great. And then maybe set in a check-in time if you want as well.

And that way you can be like, oh, you know, I just have to let my, I just have to send a text or, you know, work is calling me or whatever. And, you know, have a signal of being like, everything's good. I'm good. Thank you for checking in. And you know work is calling me or whatever and you know have a signal of being like everything's good i'm good thank you for checking in and you know what i did see a thing also posted by a 19 year old female earlier where they honestly a very similar situation but they were approached by a guy on tinder who wanted to like pay for their bus from like a city outside of

london into london and like put her up for the night. And it's like, try not to put yourself in situations where you're entirely in somebody else's like control. You know what I mean? If he's paid for the room, he's paid for your transport. It's like you want to have your own way out of places. Don't go to the middle of nowhere if they're the only person that can drive you back home. Someone once told me a story about how uh she had met gonna roll you uh she had met someone i think it was on a dating app and she took a like a like a 40

something dollar uber to the suburbs and went up this like long fancy driveway and knocked on the door and this like couple like older couple were like hi and she was like um i'm here for whoever and they're like yeah they don't live here and when she had texted him back he sent a picture of someone reverse cowgirl riding his dick and he was like i found someone closer or like someone got here before you lol but then it ended up being she like reversed google image search it and it ended up being like a still from a porn but like a porn video or something like from a website and uh she was then just like stranded in the middle of like the suburbs and had to take another fucking 4040 Uber home. So yes, be very careful.

But yeah, I was like, why? Like, hey, that's not a great situation, but it could have been worse. Like if you get somewhere and you feel stranded, it's like you don't want to have to make the choice between making big moves, like bucking another train home or like having to buy another accommodation

and sleeping with someone. You know what I mean? You don't want to have to weigh that. Yeah, exactly. So and if you do, don't fucking sleep with them. If someone's I mean? You don't want to have to weigh that. Yeah, exactly. So, and if you do, don't fucking sleep with them. If someone's trying to coerce you or like trap you,

fuck it. Your a hundred dollar bus ride is going to be shit, but like you can make a hundred dollars back. Yeah. I feel like we could probably go through safety tips forever. Yeah. Forever. Yeah.

But I think that's a good starting off point. Uh, keep your boundaries firm and true to you, want and your beliefs uh protection at all times is great stds checks fine you're good i believe in you yeah all right this is by truare on my mind found the expensive gift tucked away in my husband's car and it's not for me yesterday i 35 year old female sent my husband 38 year old 38 year old male to the grocery store pick up bread real quick he came home over two hours later asked him where he was and he said he had to pick up some things for christmas for his co-workers and others co-worker thing made

sense but the wording about others was so weird i was like what others and he was like oh you know you guys the family that's by this man gifts, ever. I handle all the Christmas shopping for the whole family. I buy and wrap my own present every year. I suspend my disbelief and just say, okay. Whole thing seemed more and more like bullshit as I thought about it though. It occurred to me when he came into the house, he didn't bring anything with him, just the groceries. Whatever he bought must be in the car. So I found a chance to sneak out. There's nothing in it but a single bag. It's pretty well hidden behind a seat. It's Dolce & Gabbana sunglasses. I check our bank account. It's a $350 purchase. They are absolutely not for me. I don't wear sunglasses. I wear prescription glasses. I'm super blind. It's never been

convenient to get sunglasses too. Check the model online and I think they're men's? Can't think of a single person in his life he'd buy something this extravagant for i don't think it's for his boss or anything he hates his boss and would have bitched about having to buy a gift for him he would never wear something like that himself what do i do i could ask where the extra non-existent gifts for the family are when we unwrap presents tomorrow but do i really want to start a fight on christmas yikes so the easy thing would be to the christmas aspect i'm just gonna it's like I don't I don't know what to do with that um but the the easy thing would be to be like hey I was looking over the credit card statement and I saw that you bought a 350 pair of sunglasses what's uh where

are those what do you do with those yeah because like at that point in time like no I didn't okay do we have a fraudulent charge on our card? Should I call, you know, MasterCard or Visa? Should I call them? And because like like what else are you going to say? You kind of have to own up to it. Be like, oh, yeah, I bought them for whatever. And then if he says, oh, I never bought them.

You could say, well, you know, I did find a pair of sunglasses in the car. And like at that point, you could be like, honestly, I saw the box. I didn't snoop and I decided to keep it to myself because i thought you're gonna pop them out for christmas when you didn't i know the charges there i know you had them like what's going on here yeah because i think there's a big difference between i thought my husband was cheating so i went through his email or i went through his phone or i went through whatever whatever whatever but the car is a public space it is your shared money presumably and it was an outward lie of of what was being done or at least like being hidden for some reason i think there's a big difference between like hey i went through your phone i found out that

you've been texting someone and it's ambiguous as to like what the relationship is but i'm gonna freak out because i went through your shit but i think it's completely fair to be like hey you're spending money and you bought gifts and they're not here like what what is this what's happening yeah for sure like your team your financials are both of your issues and it's like again unless you hacked into an account if it's your account too right so like you seeing a large purchase and being like, yo, what's up? Totally normal. So for sure. And also like if someone's lying to you and they're spending a shit ton of money,

you can't be like, oh, don't want to start a fight on Christmas. And even if you do, wait till the next day. But like, you're probably going to start a fight anyway if this is all you can think about. You're not going to be pleasant, I'm sure, all day if you're like, well, he's cheating on me. And like, I get it. Especially if you have kids.

Sure. Keep Christmas safe for the day and maybe, you know, bring it up at night when the kids are in bed or whatever. And sort of like because, yeah, no one, no parent wants to be like, hey, kids, remember last year where mommy and daddy had a huge fight and then got divorced? Like that's going to fuck your kids up a little bit, I'm sure. So, yeah, have the conversation again be be calm be rational try to try to keep it like just the facts be like i found the i found the bag i saw the purchase i would like to know what's going on right because i think flipping out and being like who is she is a recipe for nothing to get clear it'll just be defensive people are going to say mean things to one another people are going to say things they're

going to regret and it's going to end terribly it might still end terribly once you get the answer but at least you aren't going to start at 100 because it's like you know an improv scene the second you pull a gun out there's nowhere to to go from there. So I think the second you yell at someone and accuse them of cheating, there's really nowhere to go but up. Okay, now, is your husband Snape? Oh, it could be Snape. He could be Snapin'. Are you going to get a Joni Mitchell CD on Christmas? Because if so, you've been Love Actualied.

It's true. Could be. Maybe he's trying to do all of them. Maybe, like, Christmas Day, he's going to show up with the fucking cards as well. And also a bunch of terrorists and put you in a big tower. Well, I was I was doing Love Actually still, but I thought you meant all of the Snape movies. No, I meant the fucking Rick from Walking Dead with his cards outside the house. Oh, yeah.

But hey, I want you to know i'm fucking my co-worker yeah maybe he's just just straight up gonna fucking alan rickman the hell out of this because what if he's two christmas movies back to back yeah what if he's having like a midlife crisis and he thinks this is his time to get really cool shades. Right? Maybe he's just like, is there a leather jacket? Did he put a down payment on a way too fast sports car or motorbike? Yes, it's the car you found in a white Corvette. Yeah, that he just got. Or does he have a, maybe it's just for his bro.

Maybe he just loves his bro. There's just a really cool friend he has not let you meet because he's just so fucking cool friend he has not let you meet because he's just so fucking cool yeah like 350 sunglasses cool yeah it's just like he's like a man i look i love you i love you more than anything in my life fabian but you know i can't introduce you to my wife or my kids you will instantly replace me. You're too cool. You're just too cool, Fabian.

Here are these sunglasses. This is the tax that I have to pay you to stay away from the people that I love in my life. And she never said they were good sunglasses. So maybe he's trying to uncool Kev. Like he got him shit sunglasses. Kev's too cool to not wear a gift from a friend. And once he wears it it it's like minus 10 to cool tea i don't know man 350 bucks is i mean i guess no a lot of expensive high fashion shit

is actually really fucking ugly so arguably the more expensive the more stupid it looks yeah this is true so yeah i mean those are those are your two options just give your husband a real hard look is he growing his hair out? Get Dumbledore to talk to him. At the end of the episode, we like to hop onto online dating platforms such as Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, and comb through the profile. See what works, what doesn't work. Find red flags and point them out for you to make your online dating experience a little more enjoyable. This is Camila looking for someone to share book recommendations. Ways to my heart. Make me food. Buy me food. Be food. Firm believer in a Kaizen mentality.

My family is a huge part of my life. Is that a Kaizen mentality? Yeah, isn't that an anime thing? I don't believe. Well, Jujutsu Kaizen is, but I don't think a Kaizen mentality is. Oh, Kaizen mentality. You can always make or do things better, even if they seem to work well in a particular moment. Exactly like jujitsu. Yeah, true. I like giving book recs. I like cooking. And under the right circumstances, I could, in fact, be food.

I'll give it like an eight. Yeah. All right. Yeah. Yeah. This has no name, but it's a hinge prompt you should not go out with me if you are not an easygoing photogenic hot lady laughing crying emoji wink emoji i like that he doesn't say he doesn't say attractive he just says photogenic right he says easygoing photogenic and hot

oh never mind so like you can't be hot and chill but not photo well like you can't be hot and chill, but not photo well. Yeah. You can't be chill and photo well, but not hot. It's like that little Venn diagram. Exactly. He wants that bullseye in the middle. Gotta have that middle. This is bad. This is bad. This is not good.

I think, you know, I think we all want to find someone we find attractive. That's the thing that weirds me out is when people are like looking for a sexy guy no shit like yeah of course you are we all are yeah so yeah it's like being the whole looking for someone honest it's like yeah yes yeah i don't think not a whole lot of people on this app looking for just pathological liars uh so i'm gonna to give this a, I'm going to give it a two because it's, it's not great. Like it's, you know, it's maybe,

maybe with the emojis there, they're joking, right? Maybe they're like, ah, they know they're poking fun at, but now it's shit too. This is Beatriz looking to find people with similar interests and see where it goes.

I like to have an active life filled with diverse activities, which include, but not limited to traveling, hiking, concerts, diverse activities, which include, but not limited to, traveling, hiking, concerts, art shows, film festivals, wine and beer, food tastings, and a lot more. Always open to try new things. Mm-hmm.

They're all very generic, but I'll give it a seven. This is my thing. If you're going to do a list like this, I want specifics. Yeah, right? Being like, I want to travel and go to festivals and eat and drink it's like yeah again

isn't that all of us honestly the only one i wouldn't really change is the wine and beer and food tastings i think like that's cool but sure if you want to be like i want to like hiking sure but like say be like you know i want to hike the niagara escarpment cool great concerts list a couple of your bands be like i want to go you know band of horses concert cool great you know like give me give me a moment of like a little bit of personality because like yeah who doesn't want to go to a concert who doesn't want to travel who doesn't want to go eat and drink sure yeah all those things are or whatever but like you know find a moment to be specific if we can teach you anything

sneak specificity in there so if you have a list like this be like i really want to travel europe i want to do southeast asia great obviously that doesn't mean that like our first date we're getting a fucking plane ticket and going to southeast asia or you know going to see ed sheeran in concert but at least i get a a taste of what you're actually into. Yeah, and the thing is, if you just say travel, and the rest are specific, that's fine. You know what I mean? But if none of them are specific, it's just like,

okay, cool, thank you for the color beige. Yeah, I think there's a big difference between if someone's just like, I want to go to all inclusives, I want to spend my time in Mexico. It's like, yeah, that's not the travel I want to do. So that's cool. But if you're like, hey, I want to go to all inclusives i want to spend my time in mexico it's like yeah that's not the travel i want to do so that's cool but if you're like hey i want to backpack through eastern europe hey great that is more interesting to me than wanting to go to aruba every couple of months if you really like a specific genre of music or like you know it it's cool a lot of it like the film festival the art shows it's like do you really like them yeah

like are you gonna i hope so film festivals yeah right it's like i feel like if you actually are into them you would be specific you're giving us bones and we want meat yes thank you oh i like that and they're bleached bones because they're boring it's a two uh this is blank that's a two no i was thinking the other one uh it's a i already said seven blank. That's a two? No, I was thinking the other one. I already said seven, didn't I? I don't remember. I'm giving it a six. You know, like I think it's kind of like right down the middle, but on the positive side. Yeah, you're right.

Maybe I'll take two from my seven and give it a five. I don't know, man. I had like a stroke there. This is blank. I look nice courtside. Five, three, but my attitude, six, ten. Look at me. This is blank. I look nice courtside. 5-3 but my attitude 6-10. Look at me. Look at you. And if it doesn't make sense, keep swiping

stink stink. Now does it say stink stink? It does say stink stink. What does that mean? I don't know. What does that mean? What does that mean? Is that like her cool like catchphrase? Is this just a bunch of skunks in a trench coat? don't know it's like

what does stink stink mean slang great to be thoroughly bad or abhorrent okay okay i mean like i don't like the energy of being like are you hot enough to be with me like that yeah look at me look at you it's like okay are you that basic i like it's not wrong. Like, I think that is something we should objectively do. Nah, but it is though. It kind of reinforces the whole, like, you know,

Oh, they're out of my league thing for sure. Especially cause like all they're basing this on is a fucking picture on a fucking dating app. I think it's wrong to say out loud. Does that make sense? No, I think it's wrong in general.

Like obviously we all do it to a degree right yeah but i'm also a firm believer in shooting your shot exactly and also it's just like if you think all you have to offer is a picture on a dating app then like you probably fucking suck because it's not like oh talk to me get to know me and then see if we you know fit together it's look at this one curated fucking picture i put up look at you and you know fuck off yeah also like five three but my attitude six ten it's like i don't know man i've seen a lot of people who are really tall on tv and they seem quite calm and quiet and like almost nervous i think you get too tall to be confident you know yeah there's a diminishing return i think six", I think you enter into like lanky territory.

Oh, for sure. You're like a spider that's losing half its legs. I think that's when you get into like insecure territory, being like, I'm so tall, look at me. Isn't that like die young, you're that tall territory? Either way, it does. I am mostly joking about this. Shout out to all my big tall people out

there i don't mean it but it is again kind of harmful because it feels like she's super obsessed with height and she wants you to take you to a basketball game it's all shit i'm sorry the only redeeming quality is that she's an entrepreneur she's trying to get stink stink going and i don't even love that so it's a two yeah i'm actually I'm actually going to give this a one, I think. OK, you know what I'm going to give? I'm going to give it a stink stink. I'm going to give it a stink stink. Is that our new rating system?

There's smells good, stink and stink stink. Yeah, this is Christy, TV producer, and stationably curious, prone to be silly from time to time. I love red licorice and dogs. Don't judge me, but I like hot dogs at midnight. P.S. I once broke both my legs at the same time. I love red licorice and dogs. Don't judge me, but I like hot dogs at midnight. P.S. I once broke both my legs at the same time. Hot dogs at midnight. One great band name. Two, it's charming. I love it. And also I'm down. Give me that shitty food. I need to know how you broke

your legs. That's a perfect hook. Good job. Yeah. Like the red licorice. It's a nice little piece of whatever. I like it this is what i feel like it's like you could have said candy i like candy exactly i'd be like okay cool yeah if you said candy and dogs who yeah who doesn't but you said red licorice and dogs and that immediately has more personality and like now said the i once broke my legs i bet she gets the first question everyone asks is probably like how'd you break your legs that's what I'd ask and I'll bet that story is very indicative of her personality

one way or another right and you get the soft flex of being like I'm a TV producer there's a lot of cool shit happening here and I'm killing it it's like a 9 9 slash 10 and again that's it like it doesn't have to be hard doesn't have to be hard I will say also me and Dame were out in the wild last week, and we redid someone's profile.

And by the time they got home that night, they were already being messaged by attractive men who play rugby. So there you go. You're welcome. I did find them on Tinder a couple days ago. The attractive rugby player? No. That's going to do it for this week, friends. Thank you very much for joining us.

If you enjoyed this episode or if you've joined past episodes or if you're looking forward to the next episode, we have a Patreon and you could show your support and your excitement for the show by joining it. We have a couple of different tiers. The middle tier gets you a bonus episode every month called Pillow Talk, where we get a little loosey, we get a couple different tiers. The middle tier gets you a bonus episode every month called Pillow Talk, where we get a little loosey, we get a little goosey, and you can get onto that by heading on over to fbuddiespodcast.com and click the Patreon link or patreon.com slash fbuddies.

And to everybody who's on there, thank you very much. To anyone considering joining, there's a whole bunch of episodes we've done, so it'll be like Christmas Day, but we will have gotten you the Dolce & Gabbana sunglasses, because we would never do that to you. We would never Snape you. Despite the fact that we

release a new episode every month, all those episodes, once you become a member at the correct tier, you get access to all of the past ones as well. 100%. Thank you to Josh Eagle and Arbor Cities for their song, Paper Stars. And again, we got a,

we got to show this Thursday and we would love to have you there. If you can't make it, we got another one next month and we would love to have you there. If you can't make that tell friends to go. And if they can't come, then they're not your friends. That's right. Uh,

March 16th. That's a Thursday at 730 at the Black Sheep Cocktail Bar in Liberty Village, Toronto. And as Nile just said, it is free. All right. You ready? Yeah. I believe this is from Reddit, but it has been deleted. But someone took a screenshot.

I'm honestly giving up on dating apps. I thought I had it planned out, but it turned out to be futile. I haven't been hit on on dating apps for the past four years. Never had sex at university because a lot of females couldn't understand me and preferred the more woke and physically attractive guys who are like six foot because they have the upper hand in the dating market. So today I devised a master plan. Set my pictures as a chat and walked away for 24 hours before doing any swipes.

Changed all my pictures to myself, including changing the bio because a smart female catch on too quickly. I did that with Tinder and Bumble. Matched with well over 200 females and guess what? No one wants to talk to me. These women that swiped right at me had the most perfect body for lovemaking. They're now going to waste their birth years with Chad while a nice and stable guy like me has cry again.

Has cry again. Nice and stable guy like me, he has cry again has cry again a nice and stable guy like me he has cry again well i'm assuming they're talking in like the meme formats like i think cry again is like one of those pictures oh really so i think he's like yeah i think he's literally talking in meme file names he also just keeps saying females and like we've already surprised you're having a bad time out there dude also like who would have thought that lying to a bunch of people and then changing it back

like would maybe not get you responses who knew yeah imagine that imagine being at a speed dating thing and then like sitting down and halfway through the date you tear off your like Scooby Doo style mask and be like,

It was me all along, you dumb female. Nothing I said was real this whole time. Wait, where's she going? What an idiot. She's wasting her lovemaking years. No one understands me. You like woke and attractive men? I love the idea of him being like no one understood me

in college yeah dude probably because you're pretending to be a handsome man with some sort of like you know weird jaw prosthetic on to make it look like you had a jawline i also just love that like oh these guys were more woke than me it's like so you mean like people who are you know empathetic and maybe give a shit about people because like and don't call women females yeah and maybe you know care about lgbtq rights and shit and are nice people like i don't know like unless how is woke a bad thing hey if you've turned on the news you know it's the worst thing i hear hear it's bringing America to its knees. My name is Dave Miller. And I'm Woke Spain.

And we've been your Woke Buddies.