F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 235 - A Pubic Inch

Episode Date: April 10, 2023

There's going to be a part in this episode where Dain gives you an instruction to do something "no matter where you are" and we'd just like to say that in hindsight, it might matter a little bit where you are.  Topics include the relationship equivalent of a pit filled with blades, avoiding fatherhood in the worst way, first date precautions, shouting affirmations at your genitals, a simple birthday request. 

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dane Miller. And I'm Niall Spain. And we're your fuck buddies. We are a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations and turn them into sexy, sticky situations.

Simply put, we find questions either online or from our wonderful listeners, and we answer them right here every Monday for your pleasure. We also have a secret episode on our Patreon, and we do monthly live shows. That's right. We're doing at least one more live show this month, April 20th at the Black Sheep Cocktail Lounge in Liberty Village in Toronto. The show is free. Starts at 7.30. Make

reservations because tables do fill up fast and I don't want you to stand. We like you guys and we would like you to sit in the very comfortable seats and watch all the idiots who didn't make a reservation stand. And laugh at them. Yes. Well, yeah, it'll be in 10 days from the day you hear this episode, if you hear this episode the day this episode comes out.

Or however many days in the past and or future, depending on when you listen to it. Exactly. You do the math. We don't have to. That's how time works. Sometimes. Oh, shit. Well, we want to see you there so please

come this this might be our last one probably won't be but it might be you never know you never know and don't it's not fair to you to take the chance that's the thing for us whatever for you i wouldn't want that for you i wouldn't want it for you you know what i do oh yeah i was gonna say you know what i do want for you i want for you to hear some questions? Oh, yeah. I was going to say, you know what I do want for you? I want for you to hear some questions. Damn. Okay. This is by a deleted user. My boyfriend, 30-year-old male, who I went overseas to meet, ended up being married.

Yet he's still jealous if I, 27-year-old female, talk to other guys. I've been dating this guy for like five months. We met on vacation abroad and fell in love. He convinced me to visit, so I shelled out a lot of money and flew overseas to meet him. It was the most miserable time of my life. I had questioned daily whether he loved me and thought I was going to get an early death. He was not the same person I met. I stayed abroad for six days and only saw him for four hours because he kept making excuses, and he broke so many promises. I started to question whether he had a secret double life and made sure to ask him if he's married constantly, like a crazy person, to which he

said no. He didn't value my time. He left me waiting like a dog even when i had an emergency he was stone cold and didn't want to help me i was questioning if there's something wrong with me i thought i wasn't worthy of love then he gave me a lot of gifts oh he made me give him a lot of gifts and pay for the hotel which he promised he would pay since i shelled out a lot for an international plane ticket well i had to had to pay that. Safe to say I was extremely angry. Well, on my last day here, I did some sleuthing and found his wife on Facebook miraculously. I tried to do research for months, but it was hard

since he wouldn't add me on any social media and made up excuses like, oh, I'm locked out of my account. But anyway, I found his wife. And even though part of me considered he may have been hiding one, I was so devastated to find out the truth in my own two eyes, on my own, when he would constantly lie and say he was single and gaslight me and called me paranoid. Well, we had a little talk and I told him I found out what he was hiding, that he's married with two little girls. I was devastated and angry at him and how he wasted so much time and money only for him to lie about our

promises we've made. A few hours passed of talking, like two, and I pulled out my phone to text a guy. He got insanely jealous to the point he started crying. Bewildered, I said, why are you crying? You have a wife. And he said, because I love you. I don't understand. He also told me to block the guy I was texting. He also begged me never to block him, nor cut him off, and that he wants to still be here for me.

I'm so confused. I'm just especially confused why he's so jealous and possesses of me, even though he's married, and I found out about her myself. What would make a married man jealous and so controlling over a woman who has no business being in his life? I'm so baffled at why he's jealous, even after he broke my heart to pieces. I just want to be like, why do you care?

Not even why do you care. How did you get to the point where you even found out this? Because why the fucking hell did you ever talk to this piece of shit ever again after most things that happens let alone all of them i love her thought process is hey this guy conned me lied to me gaslit me why is he jealous like what does it matter you shouldn't even be thinking about this guy

like what does it matter why he's jealous it doesn't matter if he cried it doesn't matter like and none of you like you were literally falling into his trap again of being like oh but i love you please never block me block all these guys it's like gaslighter 101 that you fell for the first time and hey that's no fault of you you know like you may might have missed some victims here yeah you you you might have missed some red flags you might have missed some some warning signs that's fine we do stupid things when we are enamored with someone but then you you put all the pieces together you have this absolutely crystal clear picture of who this person is and then like a a angry petulant child who's upset at a game you smashed all those pieces to the ground looked at him go i wonder what that looks like when it's done. Yeah.

This guy sucks shit. It doesn't matter why he's jealous. The worst part for me is it does seem like, well, if he's jealous, he really cares, right? Or like, oh, if he's jealous, there's hope for us, right? Because like, that's the only thing I assume this person's trying to get out of this. Yes. Like I said, they're literally falling into this, like they've literally just climbed out of this that yes like like i said they're literally falling into this like

they've literally just climbed out of a hole and are now just jumping back in it makes no fucking sense they got into a hole and then slowly realized they tried to dig and realized right under the dirt was knives and blades and bad things and then they're willingly climbing back into knife blade hole it's so much worse when you know. Yeah. It's, you know, it's like the,

the famous same saying, you know, you know, fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice. Shame on me. This is,

you are being fooled again. And there is no excuse other than you are willingly a participant in this. And like, I would understand it if she was like, oh, I went and I had the greatest time. It was magical. He was so loving. He was so caring.

The sex was great. He took care of everything. He bought everything for me. I would understand it being like, ooh, that is a very, that is a very tempting situation to have a great time. You described it as

the most miserable point in your life that you were also scared you were going to die. I would, I have no idea what i questioned every day whether he loved me and thought i was going to get an early death is it like were you in fear of your life or were you so miserable you thought you just expired well she said she had an emergency right true yeah i don't know but like there's nothing here that makes it even if there was no wife involved. There is nothing here that should ever entice you to even think of this person ever again. I don't fucking get it.

That's the thing. If it was a perfect time and there wasn't even, you know, a wife and he was still jealous and like, oh, don't text the person, block them, never block me. That would be fucking weird. That would be like a decent amount of red flags, right? Because if he lives in a foreign country, unless you have plans to date, then he's being shit. And that is gold, platinum compared to what actually happened, which is horrendous. Do not talk to this guy ever again.

Maybe just Facebook his wife and be like, hey, he's cheating on you because fuck this guy. And then move on with your life, block him and never stoop so low again. Don't do it to yourself. You deserve more than this. Yeah. I feel like if there's ever a point in time where someone tells me, like, don't do this thing. Don't block me. I feel like.

If someone ever says, hey, never block me. That's the equivalent of being like, hey, oh, what's up? I'm not going to murder you. What? Yeah. What? Why would you say that? You're not allowed to get mad at me, hey, oh, what's up? I'm not going to murder you. Yeah. What? Why would you say that? You're not allowed to get mad at me.

Yeah. Wait, what? What do you mean? Never, never get mad at me. That's like carte blanche to do whatever the fuck you want. Yeah. Also only would be uttered by someone who's immediately going to do something that's going to make you mad at them.

Yeah. Who 100% should be blocked and or be the recipient of your anger that's as green of a flag to run as i've ever seen one it's just these these questions upset me so much because it i just i can't imagine being in a headspace where every alarm isn't drowning out any thought i have right like the second you started reading the question i was like bells and whistles were going off in my head and i'm so far removed from the situation that i really don't have a stake in it and they keep getting worse too there's like i can't imagine what more bells we could add to this cacophony i mean short of him like her saying oh and like

again i don't know she did say she was going to die but like short of her saying like oh he you know handcuffed me to the radiator and wouldn't let me leave the hotel and showed me his display of blades and his body bag yeah short of like actually physically hurting her which again i don't know if that ever happened there's really nothing to throw onto this pile to make it smell more like shit. Yeah. So block, run, never contact, and respect yourself more. And look, maybe, just maybe, when you have a lovely vacation fling, don't get invested. Yes. Like, I'm not saying, because I'm sure there are some people who have met on vacation who have made it work and have a

great relationship. I'm sure that has happened. I'm sure it's a very romantic story to tell, but the likelihood of things like people cheating on their partners or not seeing a real glimpse of who a person is because they know they don't have the responsibility to be honest. You're arguably at your best because you're just having fun. And like real life doesn't exist. Like people can become fully different people on vacation if they want to. Hey, there's a reason Vacation Dane exists. Vacation Dane. If you met him, you'd fall in love.

Then you meet the horrible person Dane really, you know. You just keep walking to your house. He'd bring me along. We'd destroy your bed. We'd leave. You'd never stop thinking about us. This is like, you'd be happy. I don't think anyone would want vacation Dane for longer than vacation Dane should be around, which is on vacation.

I would like if I had a vacation Dane button, you know, like those vibrators you can control via your phone. And whenever I wanted, I could just activate vacation dane what if i maybe one day the next time we go out i'll give you carte blanche to activate vacation dane mode for like 10 minute bursts damn a certain amount i'll give you a d6 and you can roll that and that's how many times you can activate vacation day in time now what about level 10 nile fuck man i don't know so just be be hesitant on these little like holiday flings because it's like having a one-night stand with someone and being like we're getting married you you can't do that based on that and if you do you're you know you're taking the short train

to misery choo-choo my favorite band that does sound like a fucking sort of like early 2000s pop punk emo band. I dig it. All right, hit me. This is Craving D, which is funny because this is the question and the username don't really correlate. That makes me so sad. I don't want to be a father. My girlfriend, 24-year-old female, and me, 23-year-old male. When we have sex, she always tells me, take off the condom.

And when I do, she tells me not to pull out and starts wrapping her legs around me. That happened a lot of times, but I don't give up. I love her, but I'm not ready to be a father. I want to comfort her about it, but I'm scared that she'll break up with me, even though I love her. What do you mean you don't give up? I assume he means he doesn't come inside her? I hope not, but it does sound like he's now fighting for his life you know what i mean like he's halfway through it sounds like he goes through with it when then she you know then

they start to to battle in like an epic never mind it just it seems that way i don't give up uh just don't fucking do it dude yeah there's like one way to become a father yes and that is exactly what you're doing yeah it's like i ask her, is it a kink of hers? Is it something she thinks you are into? Is it like, does she want to get pregnant? I would ask those three questions. I would figure it out. And also just like, just don't do it.

If you don't want to get pregnant, don't do it. And that's the thing. If you want to do it, great. But only then do it if you are willing and actively trying to get pregnant. It's that simple. It's like a kid is the worst unless you really want them. And even then, it's tough. Pretty bad.

So you really need to want that. Yeah, it is. That's that. It's like you need to make the decision, preferably now away from horny brain where you're like, well, just as once. Make the decision out of that moment so that you're not battling your hormones and bad urges. And you can be like, no, I've already decided i'm not doing that because i don't want a kid yeah and if they're like oh you suck then great don't date or fuck that person right that's really what it comes down to is you have to have a conversation be like hey i want to wear a condom

the whole time and i will not be taking it off during sex anymore and if that's going to be an issue like if it's going to be a thing where we're having sex and you start whining and getting annoyed and, you know, pissy at me for not taking the condom off, then I don't think this is going to work. And I understand that you, you know,

you say you love her and you say you want to work it through. You also say you want to comfort her. I'm not really sure what you mean by that, because it does imply that like, maybe you're trying to comfort her because she does want to have a kid. Like's that's ultimately the plan there's a little bit of like there's a few pieces of the puzzle missing that make it difficult to really pull this together but if it is something like if she is looking to start a family with you and you're not ready then participating in this is unfair to both of you because one if you're like okay yeah i'll take the condom off

and then you know pull out in time to not finish then it's it's sending mixed signals to her but her also asking you to do something you don't want to do is also unfair so it's you're entering you're you're making a whole mishmash of like intentions and uh commitments that no one's really getting paid off in the end of it. So you need to have a conversation. And like Niall said, outside of a sexual situation, because we all make bad decisions at those points of times, or at least we don't make rational decisions. Yes.

So you need to have a conversation and be like, hey, so this thing that we're doing when we have sex and you make me take my condom off, I'm not super fond of it because you do seem to try to force me to finish inside of you, which is not something that I want. And if she does say, Oh, Hey, well,

I'm, I want to start a family. That's when you have a real conversation about what you guys want and the future of the relationship. And if it doesn't line up, if you don't want to be a father anytime soon, or, or along the timeline that she's looking at, then no matter how you feel about the person, it's not going to work.

Yes. Because someone is going to be unhappy. Either you're going to be forced into parenthood or she's going to not pursue something that is important to her. Yeah. So, yeah, that's really it. And it's like, if she doesn't want a kid either, you still can't do it because it doesn't matter what you want. That's how you get pregnant. This is by Megablite.

Is it safe to meet a stranger I met on the subway for a date? Context. I was on my way back from work yesterday when a woman came up to me, complimented one of my accessories, and we started chatting. This happened in a subway station. We ended up exchanging numbers and are planning to meet tomorrow. I have just moved here, and as a man, something like this has never happened to me before. And having heard about how unsafe Toronto can be, I want to know, is it safe to meet? What I've just moved here. And as a man, something like this has never happened to me before. And having heard about how unsafe Toronto can be, I want to know,

is it safe to me? What precautions can I take? We are planning to meet in a public place, but I'm super paranoid of being stabbed or robbed or something. I mean, I would look, I've lived in Toronto my whole life. Has it gotten sketchier?

Yes. Are you more like if, look, if she was going to stab, you would have been on the TTC, my man. That is, you made it out of the subway without getting, you know, some kind of blade to some part of your body. You're doing all right.

Yes. If you survive the subway on a daily basis. For those of you who don't know, there is a recent string of stabbings of various instruments and violence on our public transit system being lit on fire lit on fire syringes stabbings you know i'm hoping and assuming it's it's just a case of like it feels like it's happening all the time because it's always being reported on and hopefully it's not quite as bad as it may seem but yeah it's it's definitely seemed to have upticked recently and i i don't think there's anything wrong with being leery about meeting a stranger. For sure.

And I think especially we get a lot of questions about this from girls. So it's wonderful to get one from a guy. Yeah. There are a couple of things that I would say. You're probably OK. You know what I mean? Because I feel like if this was a malicious thing, if this was a scam, I feel like it would be like, oh, come over to my house or come over to this place.

Right. And that's where you'll get jumped. But if you're suggesting the place, I would say get there early. If you've agreed to make like if you're actually worried that this is a plan to lure you past an area where someone can ambush you or something. If you're supposed to meet up at 8 30 could throw an 8 15 and that way you can already be there ahead of time and suss out the situation yeah also like there's a difference between oh meet you in this obscure corner of the park and let's go for a drink at this bar right people aren't gonna really try shit in the bar right

unless it's the sketchiest bar so you know if it's somewhere well known and you'll be fine and i would say yeah like by all means be hesitant to a degree but like if you're meeting somewhere public you could also suggest somewhere near yours so you could invite them over to yours if you wanted to right yeah i would just say you know do your due diligence in terms of showing up and then if for some reason something rubs you the wrong way in the date you can always feel free to be like hey i've got early work tomorrow i gotta head home or like oh you know what i'm tired i don't think i'm gonna go back to yours but i would love to do a second date because like again i think if they were trying

to scam you it would probably be then and there it would be like hey you're really cute do you want to go grab a drink or like you know something like that the long game isn't worth it really because like no one wants to just stab you for fun and if they do there's a better way to do it unless you're absolutely bawling they're not trying to rob you for fun that's what i'm saying unless the the accessory she complimented you on was like a 25 000 watch you were wearing yes right so it's like if you don't have some extraneous thing that makes it worth all this additional planning, it's like the longer it goes on, no one's going to put this fucking effort in, right? So you're probably fine, but listen to your gut.

And if they get weird, that you won't come back or that you are setting boundaries or whatever, then it doesn't really matter if they're scamming you or not because it's not someone you want to date. So don't do the thing and don't see them again. You're probably fine. You're most likely fine. Also, this isn't a thing that I've heard of in Toronto.

I know in some places it is a thing where if you go home with someone, they text your address to someone and leave the door unlocked and they fucking rob you. That's not really a thing I've heard of in Toronto. No, I don't think that's really a thing. We wouldn't have any belongings. Yeah. I will also say, I mean, a lot of women in my current dating experience is a lot of people have have wanted to add me to Instagram or some sort of social media

just as a extra precaution of being like, someone with an Instagram has a whole life and you can kind of like vet, you can kind of look through. And also if someone does something, you can tell your friends. This guy. Yeah, it can be like, it's this person.

This person did it. And you also like, you know, you have a digital footprint because even if it is like a fake thing that they've had going for years specifically to scam one person yeah it seems like a lot and even then if it's their face you can still show that to the cops you know yeah and a digital footprint is almost impossible to remove like even if the account is deleted i'm sure there's a record that you can then use to id someone for you know whatever you're doing so you know there's no harm in suggesting swapping instagrams or social medias or something just to to really

solidify that this is a a person with a life and a uh a lived experience that matches what you think they are and just because you're a guy it doesn't what you think they are. And just because you're a guy doesn't mean you can't text your friend and be like, hey, I'm going out with this person, this place, check in on me. For sure. There's nothing saying you can't do that. In fact, I would recommend it. Tell your friend, be like, hey, I'm meeting this person.

I met them on the subway. I'm not sure how I feel about. So, you know, if you could text me at 11 or I'll text you or blah, blah, blah. But just in case, here's their Instagram and where I'm going. And finally, I would say if there was something about that initial interaction that gave you stab vibes, maybe just skip the date entirely. Like don't go on the date because you're desperate or because you'd never go on dates or because this situation was unique and no one's ever approached you before. So you're, you know, kind of like up in your head about it. If there was something that happened and you were like, ooh, I could see this woman stabbing me. Yeah.

Listen to your gut and listen to your logical side and don't just be like, but she asked me on a date. So yeah, cool. Like, you know, I really, really, really implore people. And it's a big thing for me. I don't really believe in superstition and shit like that, but I believe in my gut and I am 100 committed or 100% committed to believing my gut. Like the second I get the sense that something isn't right, I will bounce. You know what I mean?

Like we talk about all the time, fuck yes or no. And that's like across the board for me like if there is something about a situation or a person that i find a little suspicious i probably won't go on a date with you because i i've i don't have the time to potentially waste it on like if my if there's something about you that seems off i'm probably not going to waste my time and hang out with you just to be like, I'll see if my my intro or my gut is right or wrong. Yeah, that's a really good point. I would love to know, is it just the stories of the TTC and your fear of being new in Toronto that has you on edge? Because if so, everything we said before stands. If it's this person in particular, Dane raises a really good point.

And you probably just shouldn't risk it. Yeah. There have been times where like, I've met people out and it was fun at the time. And like we, we vibe, but it was cause you know, we're drunk and we're dancing and we're having a good time.

And like, we're, we're making out and we're getting a little handsy in a bar. Cool. That's fine. But then like, you know, you,

you add them onto social media or Instagram or whatever at the end of the night. And you like start going through their thing. And you're like, Oh, at the end of the night. And you like start going through their thing. You're like, Oh, you're kind of fucking shady. Like the things you're saying and posting kind of like skeeve me out. And I'm not talking about like,

I don't want to imply that it's like, uh, I'm not slut shaming or anything. Like, I don't give a shit about that. Like whatever. It's more like a vibe that you're not, you know,

gelling with. Yeah. And it's fine. It could be a lot of things. So just trust your gut. Try to differentiate between is it like Toronto in general and its aura of fear, which again, Toronto is one of the safest cities I've ever been to. And then just work from there. But again, you don't have to go.

And if you want to go, do what we said. And good luck. Good luck. I'm excited for you. I'm happy for you. It is very rare for a dude to just be cold approached by a lady. That's pretty fucking cool. Good for you. What is this accessory? I gotta know. That's what I want to know. I want to know what this accessory is so I can start wearing it.

You got some dirty accessory game. Maybe it was one of our pillow buddies dangling off his backpack. And if you're not on the Patreon, you won't get that joke. You have no idea what we're talking about. And if you are on the Patreon, you're sick of that joke. No, they love it. They love it. I can hear them right now. Gaffawing.

Gaffawing. This is GNM144. My insecurities ruined my sex life. 18 year old female. Since puberty, I have been really insecure about the fact that I have an outie vagina, which I know is totally normal. I've been fixated on this part of my body for so long, and I'm literally incapable of getting over this insecurity.

I've had opportunities to have sex with people, but I never actually did anything where my vagina was visible because of this insecurity. I cry over this so much, and I just hate myself so much. I'm going to hook up with a girl in a couple of weeks and I trust her with my life, but I'm starting to freak out. I know she won't judge me. I'm afraid she won't find my vagina attractive at all. Does anybody know how to get over this type of insecurity?

Because it's holding me back. Therapy. Yeah. I mean, that's a good start. There is also countless or a vast offering of vagina positive art projects in which vagina and labia have been like molded or cast and displayed so that we can see the wide range of physical representations of female genitalia. Yeah. I believe there's a website that's just literally walls and walls and walls of just pictures of differently shaped vaginas and labias, et cetera.

So I think there's also a sex education episode about it as well. Also, we're here to tell you it's all good. It's all right. I've seen a lot of vaginas. So many vaginas. I have never seen one that doesn't look wonderful. And they all look different. I've never, I mean, there have been times where I've been struck by how perfect a vagina looks.

But that is almost exclusively like while I'm having sex. And I'll look down and I'm just like, that's, I want to take a picture of that and frame that right now. But I will tell you what I haven't done. I've never looked down and been like, oh, yes, I've never done that. Never. And as I said, we've seen a number of vaginas and I statistically speaking, there has to have been a bad one in there. And I guess that just means there are no bad ones.

There are no bad ones there are no bad ones it's it's the same like the the things that make genitalia uh quote unquote bad are almost entirely hygiene based yes right not looking after yourself not cleaning yourself properly uh poor grooming like those kind of things are what i would consider a deal breaker for me in terms of visual appeal. Yeah. That's the thing. I've never ever had somebody say, oh, I was going down someone on their vagina looked weird. I've never, I've never had that happen. However, I have heard people be like, oh, I went down someone and they like, they smell really bad or they tasted really bad. Not that I'm trying to add insecurities, but I'm saying like, those things are manageable.

You can't really change the look of your vagina. And if you try, I believe it's very expensive and traumatic and awful. So don't try because you don't need to. No. Presumably. I'm sure there are cases where there are things that need whatever. But we're talking the general scheme of things with this person who just has an insecurity when they do not need one. Yeah. of things with this person just as an insecurity when they do not need one yeah like you said i'm sure there are medical conditions or or situations where we're physically and for your safety and

comfort a surgery might be required but if it's strictly if we're talking aesthetics if we're talking visual appeal no one is going to be upset about the size or shape of your labia or vagina or whatever else you're concerned and if they are they're an asshole exactly the problem isn't with you it's with them the same way that if i bring someone home and they start laughing and are like oh you're too small your dick is too small or your dick is small or whatever yeah sure that would be a fucking punch right in the goddamn throat that would yeah it would suck but at the end of the day i would like that is their problem because i have i have enough sexual experience to know that like my my dick has has done a good job with other women and there are other women who've appreciated my dick if you're with someone who's that callous and shitty it's like they suck flat out yeah so don't take that

as any kind of criticism on you but like honestly i i know and i know this is a very hard thing to get over and i know listening to two random guys say it for eight minutes isn't going to cure it but hopefully it'll help a little bit because i think like hearing from the opposite sex or anybody in general is good and i think not enough men really talk about this shit i think not enough people in general i think not enough women talk about how women and men should be more caring about like dick sizes and shapes and whatever but like i definitely think more men should be more like open about like how people have insecurity about their like breast size and how people have insecurities about their vulvas and all this shit.

It's like we need more of it. So this is us saying right now, you're probably and by probably I mean 99 point whatever, just because I don't like to speak in absolutes. Totally fine. Well, I want to walk it back to the question for a second where you said you haven't done like no one's seen your vagina. These insecurities are 100% of your own device, right? Like you, you've created this insecurity.

It's not like you hooked up with someone and the first time someone was like, whoa, that's a wild looking vagina. Like that's never happened. You've looked at your own vagina. And what you're probably doing is comparing it to porn and saying mine doesn't look like that. And therefore it's bad. Porn is not real life.

Men do that too. And I'm sure, I'm sure you would look at a dude who is, you know, his ego is absolutely shattered because he doesn't have a nine foot long, you know, Coke can porn dick and be like, you're an idiot. You don't need that. That's not important. That's not,

that doesn't make your dick good. Also, she's hooking up with a girl soon. How do you think that girl feels when, and how do you, how are you going to feel when you pull down her trousers and she has a normal vagina, just like you are you

gonna be repulsed i doubt it so it's like why is it fine for her to have a good vagina and not you or a normal vagina yeah are you going to look at hers if it was an outie would you be upset by it because if you're not that's your fucking answer and if you are you need to examine why i'm gonna go back to niles original thing and talk and speak to a therapist about it this is a thing that you have internalized and you've made a judgment call and a a statement of worth the same way that if you know if i had rock bottom self-esteem because my dick is an eight nine ten inches like a a porn star that i feel like i'm unworthy the same way that if you look at your vagina and

it doesn't look like the pictures of vaginas that you usually see, and you've determined that your worth is rock bottom because of it, it's that is, that is something you need to address and you are young. So address it now. Yes. And like, honestly, if you look this up, you'll find this question on Reddit. I'm pretty sure we've dealt with this question before. You'll find this question on any question section of a Cosmo or anywhere. This is such a common issue. And I know that sucks. And it definitely sucks to have it be around so prevalently.

But maybe you can find solace in the fact that other people are out here dealing with that. And I'm sure if you read their thing, you'd be like, don't need to worry you don't need to worry and i know again that's not going to solve it but hopefully we're giving you at least one more brick to wall it up and it's like you know when every time you see you know the questions on reddit about dick size where people are like oh i have a you know a three inch penis or my penis is only four inches or my penis is only whatever is like, I'm worried I'll never satisfy women or a woman. And then like the comment section is just like my boyfriend's however big and he's great. My boyfriend is this. I don't care.

We don't want I, you know what I mean? It's like when it comes to practicality, when it comes to when the chips are on the table, sex isn't about physical appeal of genitals or size or shape. It doesn't really matter about that. What matters is connection, commitment, enthusiasm. Like those are the things that people appreciate. I work with a lot of women and I've almost, you know, my, my coworkers have been predominantly women for most of my life.

Most of my friends growing up were women. And the, the amount of women who are taught, friends growing up were women and the the amount of women who are taught who will will talk about the fact that like someone has a huge dick most of the times they're like you know oh all he did was one thing he just pounded me and thought like that's what he needed to do because he had a big dick right but you when you get to like hear people who are gushing about like they don't people don't give a shit about dick size if you made them come three or four times right like what would you rather have someone with a big dick or someone who actually wants to please you and i'm not saying that

people with big dicks can't be those lovers i'm just saying we can yeah um and the thing is like maybe this will make you feel better too it's like when i'm with somebody it's rare that i'm just like taking a gander you're you're busy you're you're touching it or you're face deep in it or you're fucking and it's like all of those things you're seeing it from a very specific angle and you're not you know you're doing other shit it's like it's gonna be rare that something like hey hey sit there hold on let me just let me just catch a catch a let me really examine it there now let me tell you, I've started doing that.

You fucking weirdo. And you know, in a way that like, I like to just like right before I'm about to go down on someone or, you know, start having sex with someone. I like to like be over top and just like give them a good once over and just really appreciate them.

And sometimes I vocalize it. Sometimes I hope my body language shows that I'm into it. But like, cause you're winking profusely and nodding and saying, all right. Yeah. Nice. Hey, nice vagina. Which is, I think what every woman wants to hear right before they have sex. No, I think it's really important because i love like i've recently found that like

i like when someone takes a moment to just sort of appreciate my business oh for sure but even then i feel like my point does still stand where it's like you're right yes everybody's standard thing and i feel like when you're in it it's like you're you're too involved to really like i just that was meant to be a reassuring thing, you know? No, I agree. No one's literally, you're not on stage with a spotlight and like, it's not sterile. And like, you're being judged by like a, you know, mean woman in a beret. Yeah. No one's pulling on a measuring tape to make sure that you're measuring up to all the other

standards. You're diving in. Mine, mine wasn't a criticism of yours. You're, you're very, very correct. Nine times out of ten, when I'm having sex, I can't see the vagina because I'm either, you know, making out with you while we're fucking, you're bent over, or my face

is in it. Yeah, it's like you're face-to-face with it. So it's like, yeah, I guess you're getting a very close look, but it's of like a cubic inch. Yeah. Or a pubic inch we did it you're good you're good i know it's not going to be fixed by me saying it but you're good your vagina to everyone listening is probably rad as hell it's so good ladies i everyone i don't care where you are right now take a good look at your junk. Just pull your pants down or up and just get a good eyeful of it.

And I do want to stress, I don't care where you are. Yeah. Selfie mode on your camera. You're on the TTC. And you know what? Yeah, you might turn some heads, but you're not stabbing anybody. So people would just be so happy you don't have a knife. Oh, my God.

So happy. But really, take a moment to appreciate what you got because it's great and i don't care you can feel insecure about it we all do but take a moment and just be like thank you for being great and start to love it yeah this is also a deleted user asked for one simple thing on my birthday and girlfriend made me feel horrible for it. What do you think he asked for? Either anal or a threesome. Okay. He's 30, she's 25. I asked my girlfriend for one thing for my birthday, to talk to her about my research project I've been so proud of for my PhD. I told her it wouldn't take more than 15 minutes to talk about. When I brought it up, she asked if she really needed

to hear about it and used her phone while I talked. And the only thing she asked was when I'd be done talking. I know it's not the simplest subject. It might not be for everyone, but it's something I'm really proud of. It means a lot to me. So it would have meant the world to me to have my girlfriend listen and be engaged. But ultimately, that wasn't the case. She's otherwise a great girl, but this really hurts my feelings. I explained to her why it's so important to me.

She followed up by telling me I ruined my birthday by getting so sad over it. Am I being gaslighted or just overreacting? I don't know if you're being gaslit, but you're certainly not being appreciated. This breaks my heart. This is the saddest thing. We've had some pretty bad questions. I think this is the one that has gotten me close to actually tearing up. Yeah, it sucks. This is heartbreaking. I want to give this person a fucking hug. I want to sit down and let him talk to me about whatever the fuck it is he's studying. Do a PowerPoint presentation, my man.

I don't care how long it takes. I'll sit and watch a two-hour lecture about whatever the fuck you are. We'll have you on the podcast. If you want to let us know for 15 minutes what you're doing, I don't care. If you want to come on, I'll give you 15 minutes of this podcast. I give you a what a quarter of this fucking show to talk

to everyone that listens about whatever the fuck it is you're doing i don't care the thing is i actually don't care either because anyone this passionate about something for 15 minutes they will make me very interested about it i know unless of course it is like you know why white people are the superior race yes if it's something like that um you're not invited on the show i think i would really enjoy listening to it for 15 minutes i wouldn't put on the podcast for fear of you know many things but i would listen to 15 minutes be engaged and then tell them they're a fucking idiot at the end and i think that would be its own reward but no i very much hope that because if this is the case it's still weird that the partner's just like oh are you done are you done being ultra racist i want to celebrate your birthday yeah

this is this is so fucking bad and then honestly it's something i used to struggle with with past partners where i would like i would i would get really excited about either the dnd uh game we were playing uh at home like our home game or uh coming up with ideas for no quest for the wicked and i would i would get excited and talk about it and past partners would like interrupt me or just not seem like like waiting for the next moment where i would be done talking about this because they might not specifically really be interested in the subject and like it sucks because yeah and like it got to the point where i was just like okay like i would be interrupted a certain amount of times just be like okay never mind yeah and then it would be like oh no i'm listening oh no like i want to

hear about it i was like well if you did you wouldn't be changing the subject every three seconds you wouldn't be like oh oops now i feel. You wouldn't be like, oh, oops, now I feel bad. I have to actually care, which is what that is, right? Yeah. My poor partner has to listen to me get excited and shied on about things 24 seven and she's wonderful. So yeah, I think it's, and for partners, I understand that there are, you know, anxiety and, and ADD and stuff like that, where it makes it hard for you to focus, but, or you find it difficult to understand why something so singular and focused is important to someone else, but listen to your partner. And if someone says, Hey, what I want for my birthday is for you to just give me 15 minutes of undivided attention. While I talk about something I'm passionate about, put your

fucking ego aside. And just, even if it's painful and difficult for whatever reason for you to sit still just do it just power through it it's 15 fucking minutes you'll survive i promise you and it will mean the world as demonstrated yeah to your partner and the thing is it's like if for some reason you find it hard to pay attention blah blah blah then don't just be like no be like cool i can do like three five minutes or maybe you do require a powerpoint and maybe make it be like be like okay cool let's make this bigger do a powerpoint like let's make it a thing to just do this fucking sucks and i honestly think you shouldn't date if you can't give this much attention to your partner about

something important i think you gave a really really good thing of being like hey it's difficult for me to zero in for that long so let's do let's make it a trilogy and you can tell me sort of like your thesis and then you can tell me your findings and then you can tell me your conclusion in like three different like i think that's a brilliant idea and if you're not willing to meet someone indicate that yeah that's the thing it like, I'm not saying it has to be 15 minutes. It has to be X or Y. But if someone really wants to do something as harmless as this and you're literally unwilling to do anything, you

fucking suck. There's nothing more upsetting than someone being really passionate and excited about something and the people they love just being like I actively try not to get involved in things that happen at my bar and watching someone like be excited about something whether it's friends or partners or co-workers or whatever and other people like talking over them or not giving like i i remember there's a day it was a concert rush

or something i can't remember what the concert was but it was a bunch of like it was like a country concert or something and there was one woman in a group of three that very clearly i think was just there because her friend wanted to be there kind of thing and it was like a guy a woman and this other woman and she was talking about her i think it was like her world of warcraft druid hell yeah and about how she had like a bear pet or whatever and her friends were just being so shitty about it and i was just like i had to be like are you talking about whatever and i'm almost positive it's warcraft and i've played like two hours of warcraft so i don't really know much about it but i was like are you talking about warcraft right now she's like yeah i was like all right

hit me like hit me with some bear knowledge or whatever and like how happy she was and i was like it's so fucking simple if yeah i just i don't understand why people don't want to do that for the people they supposedly care about whether it's a friend or whatever it's it's heartbreaking be be cool get involved and the thing is passion is contagious i don't think there's a way you can listen to someone unless you actively shut down and not be like this is cool i love when get passionate, especially about shit I don't care about because that's when I need their passion. If someone wants to, like a friend of mine is very, very into obscure movies and shit like that and has all of this useless trivia about these movies

and when they get going about it, I really don't care, but I'm in it. It's so interesting to me that they know all this shit and it's so impressive. And I'm just so excited for them to be as excited as they are to tell me. And like you said, it's contagious. Like let your friends have their moment to shine for sure. That's going to do it for the show. But before we leave, we are going to jump on over to online dating platforms. So just Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, and look through some profiles. See what works, see what doesn't work, and enough to make your online dating experience a little more enjoyable. This is Katie, adult fun.

My man has a small dick, three inches hard. I need a real man to fuck me. Eight to nine inches big is open to discussion. I'm not here to get to know you. Go on dates, dinner, or drinks. I just want you to fuck me. Discretion and being clean are a must. He is a a cook if you don't know what that means you are not for us okay so that last line might change things a little for me i don't love the idea of being like

he's not a real man because of his dick size yes but i'm not sure if that's not part of the game that they're playing together my thing is like sure that could not part of the game that they're playing together. My thing is like, sure, that could be part of your game. But it's kind of like if you're fucking in public and a bunch of people see you, you're kind of bringing them in on your game. You can't just be like, oh, this is our kink. So it's like this is being shitty to a lot of people who can see this out in the wild. So I don't think it's the place for your game. I agree.

So I think here is maybe like I'm in a relationship. He is a cook. If you're involved, that would be great. You know what I mean? Like do that by all means, let people know what's going on. But like you don't need to season it like this because that's hurtful to, you know, what if somebody who did have a three inch dick was swiping and sees this? You know what I mean? And you're just basically being like, you'll fuck you.

You're not a real man. That's very shit. I agree 100%. Yeah that that is it so for me the profile is i'm gonna give it a zero because i think you've missed the mark but it's not for the reasons that i think most people like i'm all for if this dude is willing to watch you get fucked and wants to play with degradation and all that kind of shit cool great but Great. But I don't know the consent of the dude in this. I also haven't consented, as Nell

said, to be a part of that game yet. So it's like, if this is your game, by all means play it when you're playing, but don't throw it out into the world where you're kind of being a dick. This is also a zero. Galia. I'm a graphic designer, so don't be surprised if, when we're walking around, I might stop by an advertisement sign or banner for a minute and admire the well-chosen fonts.

Or vice versa. I love it. Although vice versa makes it sound like an advertisement might stop and look at her. Yes. And appreciate her. I think what they mean is, is like good ones and bad ones but that's not what you wrote yeah when i read it i was just like hold on are you living in some sort of like weird fantasy world where like harry potter world where the advertisements are like

yo girl nice font yeah hey girl come over here let me let me fuck you with my eyes i will say though just off our passion conversation i love love when people are like, oh, I love this. Especially fonts. Great. Love it. I like the idea of it, but I think in practice I would get real. My patience would be short with it after a while. No, I don't know.

I think there's a way to do it right and a way to do it wrong. Every single time I watch a fucking animated thing, my partner's like oh those backgrounds though every time that's that's fine because you're watching an animated thing imagine you're trying to go somewhere and every sign window or a store window they see a sign they have to stop and be like oh this is nice i assume they're being hyperbolic but yes if that's the case it would be a bad thing but right now it's not the case so it's 8 out of 10 for me I'm giving it a 7 because I do like it but I'm

leery this is Aurora sometimes I want to match with all you uggos just so I can help you improve your account so y'all can get some hoes now this is tough for me because it's almost what we're doing.

Yeah. So I appreciate the thrust. Yeah, I like the altruistic nature, but you've done a bad job in terms of the delivery. Intention, great.

Execution, bad. Humor, kind of there. this is also there i'm gonna put it at a five yeah it's a five also like as a dating profile doesn't really give you much to work with unless you want to coyly be like hey can you help me there's this girl named aurora i'm talking to who i really like also roar is a pretty hot name it's a pretty hot name speaking of hot names this is bogdana hell yeah i don't know what it is right now but my tinder and the names of the people they're showing me i feel like i'm in a fantasy world like i feel like i've i've transported myself into castle mall which is where where our Starfinder show takes place. And I'm like, just like

Galia. What? Bogdana. What? Who are these names? You're all aliens and I love it. I have a confession to make. Living in the Arabian Desert, I did not match with the Canadians. Their country is too cold for me. I was thinking, what am I going to do if things would work? I don't want to go there. Well, karma

is a bitch. Hello, Toronto. let's break the stereotypes what a weird journey what well what's karma how did you end up here i don't know i assume really feels like she was like i hate toronto and the mysterious traveler was like well i'm the karma wizard boom. And now you're in the front. Like what? I get it though. Because every time I've ever been like, like I used to make fun of a neighborhood called Parkdale a lot. And then I ended up living there. Then I was like, oh, I'll never live north of a certain street. I'm now living north of that street. And like, I feel like every time I've been like, I would never live there.

I end up living there. You would never live in a mansion after we made all these podcast millions so i feel like it's someone who is like oh i'd never move to canada then get a job offer i like a good job offer and so like i i it's weird but i kind of like it so i'm gonna give it a seven it is it's different at the very least and like i have questions for example how they karma to get here and also it's a very very easy gimme of just like i'll warm you up so i want to be like are you from the arabian desert why are you living in the arabian desert that because like you're not saying you live in a place you're saying you live in the desert and i would like to know what that means all right i'm gonna give it a seven yeah uh this one doesn't have a name but it is a hinge prompt my most controversial opinion is realistically to

sustain the plant at abundance levels at least half of us have to die like right now the carbon offset alone would basically save the planet but no you motherfuckers think lithuanians need to exist i'm sorry if you're from lithuania why but that's why is it so specific that's funny i would love to know if that's a quote because that is that is pretty funny is it was actually thanos thanos yeah that's strong thanos energy you know what like i would need to have a conversation with them to really judge if they aren't pro-genocide and i and this was just a very funny joke it could be it could be funny or they could actually hate lithuanian yeah so i would need to like gauge it and and figure it out because obviously i'm not here supporting any sort of ethnic cleansing but if you are

just making a Thanos is right joke then I'm probably here for it. I'm going to give this a tentative 8 but with a very quick swing to 0 if you actually think a group of people should be murdered. Thank you very much for listening friends. It has been an absolute

pleasure. Once again, we're doing a potentially final live show at Black Sheep in Toronto. A free show for you. So the best way to get tickets for this, and by tickets I mean a table to sit comfortably and eat and drink

happily, is head on over to fbuddiespodcast.com and click the live show. There is a section right there where you can just click a link and it brings you to the reservation site. And that is all you need to do. And you can make a reservation for April 20th, seven 30. So when we start putting butts in seats,

show starts at eight. That's a lot of fun so far. I've said before, we've such a good fucking crowd. It's nice to be in an audience of just very fucking rad people, and we love it. So add your rad self to that crowd. Bask in the radness of those surrounding you. And watch us awkwardly slide our seats in at the start of the show.

Yeah. Are you ready for some bad sex writing after I thank Josh Eagle and the Harvest Cities for their song Paper Stars? I would love for you to. No. Is this bad sex writing, or is it just really deep? I'll be the judge of that. This is from Black Liam on Twitter. I don't think pregnancy is easy.

I just think it's not as hard as women make it out. Because your whole body by design was made to do that shit. Just like knives were made to cut. It's not hard for them to do that. It would be hard for a spoon to cut something, but not a knife. Okay, here's what I'm going to say to this. We will never know. Hey, he doesn't stop there.

All I'm saying is, if basic life skills like cooking and cleaning are difficult to you, of course pregnancy is going to be hard. But if you're not a simple Sally, you should be fine. Like I said, knives were made to cut. Women were made to have children. And apparently cooking and cleaning is part of that. Well, that's only if you're not a simple Sally. Yeah, of course.

That's fair. I look at a woman, I say, knife. I throw a knife through the air, it sticks in the wall. I throw a woman through the air, she has a baby. Obviously. Obviously. Okay, here's what I'm saying. Could it be a female conspiracy?

Everyone was just like, you know, it's like when men get sick and we're like oh it's so tough this is so hard i'm so sick you're not gonna fucking blow the whistle on this and like you know women get pregnant they're like oh my back hurts oh i'm throwing up all the time I want to eat something so fucking disgusting I want to eat coal I was wondering how like every time I've been in a delivery room they're like ahhh and then they look at each other and wink a lot and then they go ahhh ooh ow

oh that's why like the breathing is right it's because it's they're laughing they're laughing at us Black Liam you solved it. Are we spoons? Are we spoons?

Are we spoons? Probably. Oh, I can't cut anything. My name is Dave Miller. I'm now Spain. Now spoon. Wait for your spoon buddies. you