F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 238 - A Taste of Pussy Pie

Episode Date: May 1, 2023

It's a civil war over on this episode as one of the Buddies gets a tasty of the forbidden pie and turns his back on the podcast.  Topics include the LeBron James of not having sex, a tidy bed surprise, the yeast infection insanity loop, keeping your shows safe from your partner, moaning as a man.

I put my trust in you, and I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dane Miller. And I'm Niall Spain. And we are your fuck buddies. We're a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations and turn them into sexy, sticky situations.

Simply put, we are a sex and dating advice podcast where we answer questions either found roaming, the wilds of the internet, or from our incredible community of listeners. And we answer them right here, right now, in your ears, every Monday. This is, I think, officially the first time I've ever recorded this show outside of the closet. I don't think I've ever done it. Well, technically at our live shows. I guess that's true. That, yes, that's fair. But this is weird.

I'm out in my living room because for whatever reason, my setup in my closet. I mean, I left my charger at the live show, so I can't use my laptop. And then I tried to set it up with the PC that I have in there that I use auxiliary stuff for. And it just wasn't working. So now I'm out in my living room and I feel there's so much space. So much room for activities.

I have my arms out right now and I'm not touching anything. Weird. So weird. Now, speaking of our live show, thank you everyone who came. It was a fucking blast. It's also a really cool venue because I can put my arms out there

too. That's true. And not hit anything. One hits me though, but you don't care about that. I don't. You deserve it. Yeah. No, seriously. Thank you everyone who came. We had such a fucking great crowd as we have the entire time. It's like when you look around and you're like, I must be a good person because all my friends fucking rock it's like we must be a pretty good podcast because

everyone who came out was so awesome i don't know what that's like yeah uh yeah no it was it was very very cool it was a lot of fun we had uh some pretty rad people show we had uh folks from the canadian podcast awards were there uh folks from the sonar network were there our lawfully wedded pod wives were there and i don't think we've ever really talked about them on air no but we should and we should and we're gonna if you don't already know 30 going on 13 you should we post about them once or twice they're also toronto locals uh they've been our buds a fan expo and Comic Con. They are incredible. Their podcast is incredible.

They are so funny that they made me laugh to the point where people were giving me strange looks on the street the other day. And basically what they do is they're two stand-up comedians. They go through 2000s and 90s movies and TV shows. And basically just look at the insanity that that all was. And if you've ever seen an episode of Seventh Heaven, you get it. You should definitely check them out. They are wonderful and they've been great friends and they came out to support us and they gave us a lovely shout out. And we should have done this earlier, but we didn't.

And as I mentioned before, we are legally married by the lawful powers of the pod gods. That's true. And we will die and kill for them. Yes. Ready for some sex news sure arizona woman 31 stalked a man after one date sending him 65 000 texts saying she wanted to bathe in his blood and admitted to thinking hitler was a genius oh that last bit i was gonna say that's just what i text 30 going on 13 every night but not not the Hitler part. The woman was found having broken into his house and taking a bath in his bath while he was out. And they also then found a butcher knife in her car. Yeah, but who doesn't keep a butcher knife in their car?

She was arrested. I think the reason why they finally were like, this might be a problem. She showed up at his work pretending to be his wife the funny thing is is like if this was a man they would have waited until he brought a gun and killed multiple peoples because that's that's how it works generally for men is where it's like people constantly be like hey this person is dangerous this person is dangerous hey i'm worried about this person and it goes ignored until that person does something. But I'm glad that in this scenario, she was stopped and or arrested before anything bad happened. Yeah.

Maybe don't do this, people. I mean, I imagine anyone listening to this show. It could be their first time. Yeah. I mean, yes. I really hope. We don't like to talk in hard numbers you know like oh after four dates x but we do also like to say 500 is too many a day especially if you're not

game replies yeah i i would say you know quite definitively that sending 500 texts that that go unanswered is is a bad number i would say even five that go unanswered is a bad number. I would say even five that go unanswered is a bad number. Yeah. Depending on, you know, but I feel five, there's gray areas. There's, you know,

you know, if, if you're seeing someone long enough that like, you know, they passed out and you're just like texting with an update of your night and it's like cute and fun. Sure. Yeah. That's what I'm saying.

But yeah, if, if you've been together, if you, in that same scenario, if you said 500, it would still be bad. I don't think there's any scenario where...

No, 500 is insane. Unless I put a joke. Because I'm good for a joke. If you want to run with your joke and say 500 before they wake up, I'm here for it. Don't do that. Now, have you heard what's been happening over in Incel Land? I can only imagine, and I'm sure whatever is happening over there isn't as bad as what I'm going to come up with. Incel Civil War. Uh oh.

Trouble in Paradise. Trouble in Incel Paradise. So the incels.is web forum, which apparently is a thing with over 20,000 registered users, one of their moderators finally had sex. And when they posted

about it, the reaction was not pretty it's disgusting you betray your community when some chick finally settles for you this is the equivalent of lebron retire oh yeah he's also self-dubbed the lebron james of the incel community now is that because people do want to fuck him or is he because he's so good at being an incel apparently he's so good at being an incel he Apparently he's so good at being an incel. He's sorry. He's not self-described as the LeBron James of the incel community. He's the LeBron James of not having sex.

Oh. Yeah. But he met someone who somehow does know about his incel past and has gotten past it, but now he is also no longer an incel, and a lot of people are very upset. What I really love about also no longer an incel and a lot of people are very upset i the what i really love about this is the word incel is a portmanteau of involuntary celibate which

means that you don't want to be this way it is forced upon you so it would stand to reason that everyone in that community should all be striving to have sex so that they are no longer involuntarily celibate because if they were the the vol cells then i would understand the outrage they are voluntarily celibate this is their choice but it's not their choice this is the problem quote unquote yeah no that's and that's the thing it's like ergo is the hypocrisy of this whole fucking community it's like it's not even that they're trying to have sex and can't, it's all about like relishing in bitterness and like hate. Yeah.

You know? Cause you imagine if somebody did get laid, you'd be like, hell yeah. Nice. You did it. There's hope for the rest of us. Now,

do you want to know some of the comments and some of the usernames of these comments or I don't, but I do. Well, a lot of people are calling us a fake cell oh damn cuts deep cuts deep which i like i love it's like oh if you ever have sex in the future retroactively a fake cell what what does it mean a twitter user called old man boy pussy said one taste of pussy pie and a man will turn his back on his friends just like that

that's just awful all of it and also we could say he didn't he came to his friends to tell them about the situation and they were not happy it sounds like the second you get a taste of pussy pie his friends turn their backs on him exactly thank you uh but yeah apparently it's a whole it's a whole thing some people have been nice some people i was gonna say has anyone like have there is there a like line drawn in the sand where people are championing him and being like look it is possible we can get out of here it doesn't have to be involuntary anymore or is it just mostly people being sad a lot of people are like my son i'm in tears so there's there been some support, and I appreciate that.

Yeah, as much as we can appreciate and support the incel community. I will say, while we're on this topic, I popped on over into Seduction, the subreddit Seduction, which is like the pickup artist subreddit that we have pulled many quagmire of a question. And I was the, the question or like the title of the post was something along the lines of like, when did you realize that it's super easy to talk to women? And I was interested because I was like, I want to know where this goes because I hold that stance. You know,

I do think it is quite easy to talk to women. Yes. Specifically because I just treat them like people. Well, did you see probably the related post of stop telling people just to talk to women like everybody else? You're not fooling anybody. And it's the whole thing about how that's fake advice. I promise you it is a result of this because so many people in the comments and this, this actually really pleased me. I was very,

very happy to see where a lot of people were like, yes, it's not difficult. It's people skills. It has nothing to do with, you know, what cool trick you have because any of those tricks and like pickup artist games and like all that shit and like all these techniques you learn on YouTube and pickup for artist

forums don't work because they're not genuine. No one going to connect with with a fake like obviously fake shitty thing yeah so all you have to do is treat them like a person and have a human interaction and a genuine interaction with them and you'll most likely be fine and i was shocked to see that that was the overwhelming push of people being like no pickup artist is bullshit uh those youtube you know talk how to talk to women guys are bullshit and it was like a pretty hard push against what we used to critique them for i will say seduction's been having a very weird time of things lately and i like to think it's it's a sign that the times are changing because they like rebranded and you'll notice i haven't brought that many seduction things in a while

because they rebranded they started like blocking a bunch of people they started not allowing various posts because they were like people are getting too like woke and too like reasonable and rational not their words the woke thing definitely was and And they were like, we're being invaded. Like we need to do X, Y, and Z. And like they really tried to dial back and double down. And like it just hasn't happened. And recently I've been seeing a few more. And that's like the dying gasps of some people trying to say shitty stuff

and generally being shut down. So I love it. And hey, if you recall correctly, I made a cold shot saying that this is this is what we're looking at in the future. Men are going to start having their own little sexual revolution and realizing that the way forward told since a ton of time that we needed to do in order to attract a a partner uh and just be like a regular person and treat other people like regular people i think we're gonna see a lot more men join this train and it's good it's great news all right ready for a question yeah uh this is a deleted user and it's a simple question guys who

slept over at a girl's house for the first time, did you make her bed for her in the morning? No. No. I don't think so. Unless there was like an actual gag I was doing or a joke that I was making. But there was one day, however, that someone let me sleep in a lot later. This was like in the height of my insomnia phase and uh we ended up having a bunch of sex in the night and then at one point in time i guess i just like

passed the fuck out you've had sex oh fuck um i mean i didn't it just tastes that you just won't taste the pussy pie huh oh i can't even say it but yeah we i ended up just passing out and they knew how hard it was for me to fall asleep and they knew how much trouble i had with sleep so they just let me like pass out prior to that i had always gone home because i was never comfortable staying at someone else's house so i ended up ko-ing and i think they did too like you know they stayed they slept as well but i woke up at like 1 or 2 p.m like it was an embarrassingly like deep sleep and i woke up and i remember them being like hey i made you breakfast or lunch or brunch or whatever and it was just it was so nice that as they were setting

the table i was like you know what i've already fucked this person's day up so much like thrown their schedule off that i did make the bed because I was like, at least that's one thing they don't have to do in order to get their day moving if that is something that they did. So that's the only time I can think that I ever like made a conscious decision to make their bed.

So I feel like, look, obviously it's a nice gesture, right? But I think unless conditions happen, such as they're downstairs making food or they have to go to work and they let you stay over, which I don't think should ever be a first time you stay at their place thing. No. I think those are the times where you have a natural way to do it. And by all means, sure, I probably have. But the majority of times, like you're getting up together or she's right there.

And it's like, if you are weird and be like, hold on, stay over there. I'm just going to make your bed. They're going to she's right there and it's like if you are weird me like hold on stay over there i'm just gonna make your bed they're gonna be like what it's just gonna be weird i think so i worry that people see this because a lot of people in the comments are like oh you gotta you gotta do it that's how you really get in there other people be like i've never thought about i gotta do this next time it's like i think if you really try sometimes it's gonna come off as weird i think if you really try, sometimes it's going to come off as weird. I think if you're doing it as a performative move, I agree. I think it's going to be weird. If you're the kind of person, I find a lot of power in making my bed in the morning. It is a very simple thing that you can cross off your to-do list to give you a sense of satisfaction

and sort of accomplishment right off the bat. I love making my bed. I'm not a neat person. I'm not a huge to-do list person. I'm not like one of those kinds of people, but there is something about making my bed in the morning that really does feel good. And I don't always do it, but nine times out of 10, I do. So I don't like, I don't know if I've ever made my bed. It's something I've recently done. When I was younger, I never did. I did not care. But something about, I don't know, probably two or three years ago,

and especially now that I live alone, it's just something nice that I can be like, ah, I did it. I've done that. No, actually, sorry. I have made my bed. Definitely not in the morning, but when you're single and you're going out and there's possibilities, you want a nice looking bed. Yeah, I'm an optimist. So that would that would happen.

Yeah, that's fair. But yeah, I think, look, if they're downstairs making you breakfast, at least make it neat. Sure. But I don't think over like I don't think worrying about making it your move, because again, if you're all getting up to go to work and you start making the bed and she's like, look, I gotta go. Come on, man. Because a lot of the time when you wake up together, like not even in a bad way, sometimes you just want that person gone.

You could think the world of them. You could be so excited for the next date. You could have had the best night. But it's like you're tired. They're in your space. You don't really know what to do. Maybe you're a little maybe you got morning breath and you just want them to be gone. If they're then like, hold on, got to make your bed.

I'd fucking hate that yeah i don't think i care one way or the other if it was again if they were doing mr call them ubers and kick them out hey that was where those are dark times and that was hey we never got to bed making at that point in time they were not staying over yeah but like you i'm sure you understand the like just the desire to have somebody gone again not even in a bad way but like if they're then overstaying their welcome just to arbitrarily make a bed for you because they've read a comment on this that said you have to that's what i'm saying if it's if it's for a like performative yes thing i think it's weird if someone just does it

like making a bed takes fucking 30 seconds you know know what I mean? So I don't feel like if someone if someone's done it, I don't think you're going to be like, I'll never recover from this. So, yes, I think if if you're doing it for a weird reason, it's weird. If you've just done it because like it is an idiosyncrasy or a habit that you have, I don't think it matters. I don't. I think it's very clear why you're doing it. And I think why you're doing it makes it weird or not. Yeah. And I feel like this way about everything.

If there's ever like, if they're like, oh, you have to do their dishes. You know what I mean? Like, oh, if you go over to their place, do a random chore. Really show your, like, that would be fucking weird. But if I make dinner for someone. If they cook for you. Yeah. You got to offer to do

dishes i think that's the least you can do so i think there's like it's it's like time and place as circumstances and and intention so it with like everything that you do at someone else's house yeah so yeah i would say don't worry about it but if the stars align i think it's quite a nice thing to do yeah all right hit me i'm trying to think if anyone's ever made my bed. I don't think so. I had someone clean my stove once. Hey, it was weird. It was very weird. I went to the bathroom and when I came back, they weren't in the bedroom.

I went to the kitchen and they were cleaning my stove. It wasn't even very dirty. They were just like, oh, I thought you'd like it. It was probably filthy. They probably saw it. I keep my stove spick and span. You know this. They probably saw it and they were like, ugh. Well, they also started fucking cooking food of mine without asking. Exactly.

What do you mean exactly? It was weird. They probably looked at it and was like, there's no way this man knows how to cook. Half of his meals are all over this. I can tell what he had. I'm an incredible cook. How dare you? 90% of this stovetop is sauce.

Bye, guys. Short episode today. You say socks? Yeah. That's what you're always cooking. Every time I go over, you're just boiling socks. Yeah, well, that's how you save money, right? Sock stock.

Sock stock. This is Pantapon, and they ask, Every time I have sex with my boyfriend i get a yeast infection i begin begging him for months to see a doctor to get checked if he's passing the infection to me but he hasn't yet then he complains that i don't have enough sex with him he's allergic to latex so we don't use condom and he finishes inside me i've always told him to wash up first he's diabetic so i don't know if that plays a role in his body chemistry every time we have sex and he finishes in me i start getting itchy within a couple hours, and then within a day or so, it's a full-blown infection with discharge. I treat it

until it finally clears up, rinse and repeat any time I have sex with him, he's like. I've never had any issues with any other sexual partners. Edit, he's not a cheater. He's very opinionated about infidelity. We are both in our early 30s living together. He does care about me deeply. Perhaps he's in denial that it could be even him, though his diabetes isn't well taken care of. Maybe I'm wrong. But like, what the fuck does diabetes have to do with this? I don't know.

I think they're just pulling at straws and being like, maybe his diabetes fucks up his pH balance, which, yeah. I, again, not doctors, so we don't know. Oh, I hate all of this. So, look, let's start with the basic shit. Let's start back at the very end, because we've already begun with the diabetes thing. Oh, he cares about me, yet he won't do the bare minimum to ensure my comfort, such as, you know, going to a doctor when you've asked him, or washing up, or perhaps wearing fucking latex-free fucking condoms. Yeah, I am allergic.

Well, I have a sensitivity to latex. And that's it. We talked about it before. We know these exist. This guy either doesn't give a fuck or just never took a second to look. It sounds like a big bullshit excuse, but the thing is, if I was causing my partner harm in any way or discomfort or displeasure or anything, I would be scouring the Internet for any cure. I would be washing.

I would be doing everything I could in my power. And the fact that this person is like, nah, that fucking sucks. Yes, exactly. And it's not even like, you know, if there was a correlation, if every time we had sex, I gave my partner an infection, I would feel like that would be something that we need to solve before we continue to have sex in the same way. For sure. Insanity is, you know, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result. If I've had sex with you three times, and this is just an arbitrary number I'm using, And every time I've gotten a yeast infection from you, guess what? We're not going to do it the same way. Number four.

For sure. We're going to find you a latex-free condom, or we're going to, I don't know, go to a doctor. We're going to get you checked. I'm going to get checked. We're going to do things. For sure. So it did a quick little search, and apparently diabetes and yeast infections do have a correlation ah the more you know infections are particular problem with diabetes because sugar helps candida

grow high levels of sugar in your blood also mean high levels in your sweat saliva and urine that encourages yeast to grow in places like your mouth and genitals and you can end up with thrush wow it's funny how we've already done more work than this man has. And let me tell you, I searched diabetes yeast infection. Yeah. That was, it did not take me much to, and that was the first thing that came up in big bold text. It did not take much effort. Well, like at one point, myself and a partner, they were getting regular UTIs from us. It seemed from us fucking and you better believe

i was making sure like you know everything was clean everything was you know i'd be like washing my hands like right before we do anything i'd be you know going to town it turned out it was a different thing but i don't understand any kind of partner that doesn't care yes the the the amount of due diligence you have to do to be a good sexual partner is, it's pretty low, but it exists. It's like, it's so essential, but it's so low effort, right? Like this, he could literally go see a doctor. That's nothing. He could look up what you did. So easy. He could wash up. He could literally wear latex-free condoms. These are all so so easy that seems to be the solution here if i'm going to assume that this man is uncircumcised um it would probably be my guess just because of the way that if you're circumcised there's really not a whole lot of i mean i guess sweat is still yeah never mind it i was i was gonna say that like i was fixating on the urine part of things and and

you know foreskin maintenance is essential um but no i i guess circumcision uh status does not matter in this sense it might be a contributing factor in a certain way but like whatever you know either way the point remains that he's not doing shit and he needs to and you're right like literally a latex-free condom could probably solve all of this yes because if the issue is the the sugar from your and especially if they're saying that he doesn't manage it well like if he's not taking his insulin properly or managing his diet and all the other things you do when you have diabetes if that's not being managed correctly then we could safely assume that there probably is a higher sugar content in his bodily secretions.

And I assume I'm going to guess that semen is included in that. It wasn't included in the list, but if it's coming out your body, I imagine it's, it's got the same sort of, you know, chemical composition as the other fluids. Yeah.

So one, I would be like, Hey, you're not going to finish inside me anymore. And two, you're going to wear a latex-free condom. And that's how we're going to solve this problem. And if he doesn't want to, you can even just be like, I want to do some trial and error, and I want to do elimination. So if we do these two things and I don't get it anymore, then we know what the problem is and we have the solution.

And if your partner is not willing to do this, they fucking suck and you don't need to be with them. Exactly. If he says no, then it's like, okay, well, now you're prioritizing your sexual pleasure over pretty much everything for me. My health, my sexual pleasure, my peace of peace of mind probably finances i'm sure it's not cheap to get the medication oh for sure like that's gonna have a knock-on effect to everything you do and on top of that he's bitching about not having enough sex like it's hell all of this is hell and it needs to be solved one way or another and those ways are either working together which again this man seems shit if he's not willing to do what you've already asked for so far.

Or it's solved by jettisoning him out of your life, which I highly recommend. Yeah. If he can't do the bare fucking minimum, get him the fuck out of there. This is Apple Bottom J or Apple Bottom JNZ. My 22 year old female boyfriend, 22 year old male, has a problem with me knowing what shows he watches. So my boyfriend and I have been dating for three years, and recently, he's been having a problem with me knowing what shows he watches. He hides a lot of the things he watches behind my back. Him and I used to watch movies and show together all the time through Discord or Netflix party.

P.S. We don't live together, but recently we haven't, and we only watch like superhero animated shows at night to sleep. We sometimes watch a movie here and there. However, he told me he started watching Jack Ryan and was almost done the show when he told me. And it took me by surprise. So I was curious. I wanted to watch it too because I'd heard good things about it from him and others. I told him I started the show and he got very defensive and mad that I started watching it and said it's his show and I can't be watching it. And if I love him, I should respect that. I found this ridiculous and he didn't give me a good enough reason as to why I shouldn't watch the show. He also has a tab on his phone called entertainment where all the shows he wants to watch on his own are on it. And he got very mad when I said, I want to see it. He said, no, I don't want you watching them. I want to watch

them on my own. Can someone please tell me why the hell he's doing this? Also, sorry for the grammar. I'm too annoyed to care. It is very obvious to me that you are a shitty person to watch TV and movies with. And I will say, here's the reason why I think this, because it sucks when you start watching a show with your partner and then you want to watch it, but for whatever reason, it's hard to light up a schedule. So now you're like halfway through a season and you're like, I just want to know what Jim from The Office is going to do in Spy World and you aren't letting me. I don't believe that's the case.

I do. 100%. She doesn't say she wants to watch it with him. Yes, but here's the thing. She's going to catch up. Well, we'll watch the final season together and then you're waiting. Who knows if Spy Jim meets his Spy Pam? No, I don't believe this at all because there's no there's no point where this was mentioned at all why would you why would she mention it's her question why would you say he never said he never said hey we can't i don't want to watch it with

you it's you can't even know what i'm watching unless she's the opposite where she'll be like oh you have this thing and then she's like oh i can't wait to get to season four where spy jim shoots spy pam right right and then he's like why why would you fucking tell me that i was watching a movie with someone a few months ago and while we were watching the movie someone in the room looked up the end of the movie and said oh this happens at the end to the room and we were like why the fuck would you say that and they were like well i'm stressed out i don't i don't want to have the anxiety. And I was like, well, we obviously want to enjoy the movie. Why did you fucking say that out loud to people?

Do your own hell spoilage if you want. Ruin the experience for yourself. But don't put that on us. And everyone was very annoyed. And I don't know why the fuck I would do that. So unless this is what she does, and if it is, stop. Because I want you to be dumped right now, even just thinking about it. Yeah, in reality, I'm only half joking.

Because I think anyone in a relationship knows that there is a level of frustration that can happen when you start watching shows together. Especially if it's every show. And every now and then, it's nice to find a show that you're watching, that you can watch when they're asleep or they're not around and you can just kind of like it's your show i will say right now the new season of barry has come out and my partner hasn't caught up and like doesn't seem all that excited or not not excited to i don't know they don't seem bothered it's great so i've been watching it by myself and it's like nice when i'm alone i got a nile show because all the other good shows are tied up which is great but when i'm alone i don't have enough right yeah and then i gotta try watch something new and half the time it fucking sucks or it's good and then i fuck myself

over by being like hey i'm watching this really good show let's watch together i'm like damn it could have been a nile show and see this man has learned and he's made a tab on his phone that just is like stephanie not allowed we can't watch this together this is possible i will say that either that he wants to have something for himself or and if you guys don't live together and seem to do stuff online i imagine your schedules don't line up that easily so maybe it is that like he literally wants shows to watch when you're not on Discord. But if it isn't, guess what? And it's a radical new technique I'm thinking of. Are you ready?

Maybe talk to him. Yeah. And ask why. Hey, you seem really defensive about these shows. And I just want to check in and make sure that everything's OK. Why? Like, if you want to watch these shows, that's fine. We don't have to watch everything together.

I just want to know why you're acting this way. Yes. And like, think about your own TV watching behaviors and maybe be like, hey, we don't have to watch them together. I understand it's hard for us to get together, but maybe then when we do get to chat, we can talk about where we're at. And two, if you are a big spoil asshole,

be like, I won't spoil it for you. And put in mind, put in like, you know, things being like, hey, have you gotten this far? And don't be that person that's like, no, it's not a spoiler, but... And then drop a spoiler because... Once a spoiler, always a spoiler. Just stop doing it. So yeah, talk to him. And if he's just like, no, it's my show.

You can't watch it. It's my show. Maybe he's really into Spy Jam. I'm not going to lie. I've been meaning to get to Spy Jam. Eh. Spy Office. There's also a new show coming out with the guy who played.

John Robb Stark? Robb Stark, yeah. That looks good. It looks like it might slap. So I'm kind of excited to give that a go. That looks like it might slap. The night agent sucked balls. So don't watch that.

Yeah, I could tell you right off the bat. Everyone was gushing about it. I saw a thing basically about how it was written, being really positive for the writing community. And I was like, oh, nice. And other people saying it was good, but it was not. It actually called the night agent. Yeah. Yeah.

And now, okay, hold on. Is he a spy? Like, is he a secret agent? No, he's an agent who mans a mysterious phone overnight in the White House. Okay. Which is why he's the night agent. That's a cooler name then. I thought he was, once again, we were sticking to the spy theme.

And they were just like, no, it's too dark out. Day agent can't do it. We have to call the night agent. It's secret. Secret man of the shadows agent. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, man, that sucks.

All right. You got no question for me? Yeah, I got a question for you. I asked for a question. Yeah, I don't care what you want. Here's a fun. This is more of like a discussion question. Who do I have to ask?

Good ask. One, two, two, five. Who do I have to have a with good ask 1225 who do I have to discuss this with me this is a lot of a lot of pop culture references today but you know the scene have you seen Wet Hot American Summer the first one you know the scene where

Jeannie Garofalo makes Paul Rudd clean up his mess I do it all the time at work You know the scene where Jeannie Garofalo makes Paul Rudd clean up his mess? No. I do it all the time at work, and I think it's the funniest thing. And I don't think anyone knows what I'm doing. Probably not. But it's like him just going, oh, oh, and just like walking over and like angrily picking up the stuff that he's dropped or thrown.

I will say, speaking of Paul Rudd, I did watch Ant-Man yesterday. Quantum Mania? Yeah. This is our new podcast where we just talk about the shows that we've watched and or want to watch. We call it Net Dicks because we have penises and we talk about Netflix.

Hell yeah. It's pretty good. It's all right. I enjoyed it. Yeah, I don't know why everyone was upset about it. No. Men who don't moan during orgasm. Curious why?

I find it super hot when men are expressive when they come. Moaning, squirming, gripping, anything. But I've slept with some men who are so inexpressively, you literally have no idea they just came. Like we're having sex and then suddenly we stop and I have to ask them if they're finished. And when they say yes, I just feel so perplexed. Is this conditioning where you feel like it's not manly to moan or squirm or make noise? Is it just something you feel like it's not manly to moan or squirm or make noise is it just something you feel inclined not to do i'm curious for men who are phantom finishers what's going on when you come not judging just genuinely super curious um so back

to netflix have you seen the new spy show the phantom finisher i was gonna say that's a way better name for a fucking show damn uh. We're copywriting that, guys. Just a heads up. I think they're skirting around the issue of what's happening here in that I think it's a combination of things. One, personal preference to a learned behavior of like like in porn. And I think this is a problem for women. Like I've talked about a person I hooked up with once who was like screaming and roaring in the least believable way and i'm sure that was influenced by porn but like men don't do over

the top exaggerated like moaning and whatever they just kind of come often quite silently yeah because the general audience for men or porn is men yeah like the, the male aspect of porn is often sort of relinquished or, or, or reduced down to sort of like penis. Exactly. Yeah. They want as little of the man in there. They wouldn't even have a dick in there if they didn't have to be like,

Oh, well she's getting penetrated. And I think like that, that's part of it. I think it being a learned behavior of you being like insecure or seeing that and like forcing it down and then just getting used to that. But I also think sometimes you're too busy or out of breath, Timon, because you're pounding away. How about that? I feel like the majority of the time men come is through masturbation, right? And we're not going to be sitting there like, oh, yeah, like by ourselves. That's very true. There is a correlation to what we're used to coming.

I imagine that's the exact same for women, though. Yeah. Like, I doubt anyone's just like, ah! You know, it's like your parents are going to be like, what are you doing? Please stop up there. So I, I think there is a combination of like a, like a perfect storm of reasons why a lot of men,

and I think socialization is definitely a big part of it is now talked about. It is very much a thing of being like, we don't make noise. We grunt. And that's kind of it. Maybe, maybe you get a couple grunts out of it i have uh over the course of my life have recently sort of like broke those barriers down and really enjoy coming and and being vocal about you like coming i know it's

it's and and i've i've only gotten positive responses from it and again i'm not going crazy i'm not screaming i'm not doing anything but i'm allowing myself to uh be like have a real genuine reaction and and whatever happens happens um and like like i said like i nine times out of ten actually no i don't think i've ever had anyone have any negative thing to say about it. I've definitely had a lot of people be very positive about my vocalizations, which again, aren't crazy. They aren't very, they're not a lot, but they're there. Not like Saskat when he comes. Yeah, it's always the same too.

I never change the scatting uh you know what we shouldn't talk about scat scatting in bed because there is of course other connotations to that no i was pretty clear what i said when nile scats when he when he comes i'm pretty sure everyone knows what i'm talking about it's true um but yeah i i feel bad for the people because like i don't know it can take you out of it if you really have to focus on making a sound so like i feel bad for people who are socialized or just don't want to to a point where they're not making a sound and then they might disappoint their partners like this you know yeah with any sort of uh likeural, primal response to things, I think the second you force it, it sucks.

And that's across the board. If they're the one doing the thrusting or whatever, flip the script around and you be the one that makes them come. Because I think sometimes when you're in the more passive position, you have the freedom of like focus and energy and breath to actually be more vocal. Whereas like if you're on top and you're fucking pounding away, it's like you're engaged, you're busy. It's like you can't really be also like, oh, yum.

That's OK. Oh, yum. Oh, I believe I said, oh, you said, oh, yum. I did say yum. Yes. OK, but like, you know, they said, oh, yum. I did say yum. Yes. Okay. But like, you know, maybe shake it up that way. I'm confused as to what you're asking.

Who's what are you shaking up? So like, have you never like, let's say you are pounding away. It's, you know, missionary or doggy or whatever. If you're putting in a lot of effort and like you're doing all these things it's like your pleasure is it's not like taking the back seat but there are so many other things going on whereas like let's say they're on top and they're doing the majority of the work and it's about your like they're making you come right i feel like sometimes it can be a lot more like your pleasure is is kind of front and center and then it's you're not distracted by these other things you're not clenching all your muscles while you fuck real hard you can just kind of be in the moment and

be a little bit more expressive sometimes i don't know i think it's the other way around for me i think i'm more vocal when i'm putting in the most effort i think i'm vocal in different ways on both sides just i think i'm trying to like replay some of my greatest hits in my head you ever do that no you have like a really cool vhs player that's just all your cool sex hits nope i sold my vhs mental player for a vhs popcorn machine vhs i meant mental popcorn machine oh well vhs popcorn machine uh so try that stick and don, don't be disappointed if your partner comes away, that is not your ideal way. Because as Dane said earlier, it's like, if you really try to force the issue, it could ruin it. But maybe just say like, Hey, if you want to make noise, I'm open to it.

Or if they make any kind of noise, tell them it's hot. That's it. That's the answer. That's, that's how you do. And Hey, let me tell you right now, they don't even have to make noise because nine times out of ten we're blackout and we don't know what's happening we're just having sex and like we're not paying attention to anything other than what's immediately at hand if afterwards you say hey those noises you were making were really fucking hot i'm gonna have no idea what you're talking about dana you're really advocating for gas lighting right now maybe oh but it's it's good gas lighting it's good lighting you know

like i think just just like saying that you thought their noises were hot or as now said if they do even just the faintest of moans or noises and be like the noises you made when you came were so fucking hot. I like, that's all we need to hear. Yes. Like we've talked about it before where the sense of like, Oh no,

someone like I did one thing and someone one time said that they liked it. I'm going to do that thing for fucking ever now. Oh, someone said they like this shirt. Like a woman said, Oh, I look good in this shirt. Hey, guess what?

This is my shirt. Now I've stapled it to my body. This is the shirt that I wear. So that's all you need to do. If you want positive reinforcement is all we need. 100%. And much like that man needed to do very little to be a good partner in the yeast question, you need to do very little to make a man's day in terms of positive reinforcement.

Yeah. We're fucking starving out here. We just need any sort of attention. Yeah. We're like pirates out here. We just need any sort of attention. Yeah. We're like pirates with scurvy. Just give us a lime. Just give us a lime. We just need some citrus,

some positive citrus. Even a slice. Not even the full one. No. All right. You got one more for me or is it? Is it my turn? It is my turn.

It is your turn, but we should probably go into Tinder's. That's fine. Let's do it. At the end of the episode, we like to jump onto online dating platforms. This is Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge, and peruse the platform to see what works, see what doesn't work, and never to make your online dating experience a little more enjoyable. Are you ready for Kevin?

I don't know, man. Anytime there's a dude involved, I don't think I'm ready. No, the man would never have bad profiles. Now, I'm going to need some info off you because I've been off the dating apps for too long. He's got a blue verification tick. I know what that means. He's verified somehow. What's a golden heart with speed lines coming out the left side of it?

I think that means they super liked you. Okay. Well, Kevin has super liked whoever they sent this to. They work in steel refabrication, and they say, Can't hang out? Don't plan on meeting? Try and dictate anything to me, you'll be instantly blocked. We as men built the world you exist inside of. I'm calling the shots.

My name is Kevin, six foot tall. I'm very masculine. I don't tolerate anything except deep femininity from a woman. Comply or goodbye this is 100% an alien who's been sent down to like figure out earth dating maybe but you know what no because you've no matter the shit no but there are other like things like my name is kevin yeah i i do love that because your name is in big letters up top, bud. Yeah, that is pretty much the one piece of information every profile has. I do love that.

Like someone saying I'm very masculine. I don't believe that for a second. If you say it like that, it's like when people are like, I'm like, I'm unique. Yeah. Nope. OK. I mean, you don't really get to make that call. That's not your call to make.

But like he doesn't tolerate anything except deep femininity from a woman. That must be a hard life, Kevin. You meet a man in the stairwell. Nope. Even if they display deep femininity, they're not a woman. Damn. Not a woman. Sucks for you, Kev.

Still, I'm not convinced this is 100% alien or AI trying to figure it out. Well, it is 100% zero. It is definitely a zero. I got one here. This is Catherine. My dog died, so I need a new bitch. PhD student. Oof.

I almost like the funniness. Like, it's almost funny and good, but it's not. And I'm sad about your dog. And I think as a PhD student, you'd probably have done a better job than this. But I guess you could be PhD for maths. Who knows? It's and we all know if you're good at math, you're you suck shit at dating. Well, more writing.

But yeah, it's a joke that happens. It did make me chuckle. But then, like, as Niall said, nothing gets me less horny than the idea of a dead dog. And more specifically, a dead pet dog like i'm just bummed out now yeah it's gonna be a zero i'm gonna give it a two because like we've had some we've had some zeros yeah i guess but still it's not great uh yeah now this one i don't know if i can read it out i mean i don't know either so no it's so bad though i don't know i always feel like an asshole even for reading them don't like blow-up dolls and I don't know either, so. No, it's so bad, though. I don't know. I always feel like an asshole even for reading them.

Don't like blow up dolls. And I don't have WhatsApp for you scammers. No fat bitches either. And if you feel brave enough to hit me up and you're fat, believe me when I say I'm going to shame your fat ass. No R word bitches either. Gross. The worst.

Absolutely terrible. Minus 20. Not only like the fat phobia is bad enough, but like it's 2023, y'all. Can we drop the R word? Yeah. Like it's so disgusting. It's up there. And like there's a reason why Nell and I aren't saying it.

You know what I mean? Like it's up there with the racist slurs. It's up there with homophobic slurs. I fucking hate it. And I've gotten to the point where I do call people out on it. I usually just kind of like gritted my teeth and like maybe if i was close enough with the person be like hey let's not use that but now even at work if someone says that i tell them it's like that's not acceptable

language to for my bar yeah i feel like we're at a point where if anyone does say it it's always so weird and like it just kind of like the mood gets weird wherever it's been said because like people aren't down with that yeah the end of a cop said to me just it was weird i was like why that doesn't surprise me at all but about traffic minus 20 yeah it bad uh you got one more yeah oh okay they don't have a name so i don't know uh i don't know who it is but astro they're an astro psychologist a massage and reiki practitioner at a place called Truth Incorporated, all capitals. Their education was from the new school. Unvaccinated and pure blood.

What? Really? Unmasked. Free speech. Or free? I think there's a lot of emojis. Do you want me to read out the emojis? No, I can't.

Just imagine a stream of emojis after every sentence. Unvaccinated and pure blood. Unmasked. Free. Pro-life. Pro-America. Pro-justice. Pro-organics.

Pro-homeschool. Pro-small government. Pro-Jesus. Pro-medical freedom. Pro-home birth. Pro-breast is best. Pro-health. Pro-independence.

Pro-law of attraction pro astrology slash spirituality massage therapy if you are a new mom or pregnant i will come to you for massage is this a man or a woman it's i don't know okay now are they saying they're going to massage the pregnant woman or new mom or i don't know what or the massage i don't know what in the world makes you think i would have the answers to that i just i was hoping someone did because i had no now it is interesting that in the additional stuff uh they'd say they have children and don't want more so good luck with that pro-life shit yeah i mean it's all bad the second you said they worked at truth inc i could have guessed what this profile was going to be. Yeah.

I couldn't swipe harder. Though, you know. Yes. You're saying not swiping right. Match it. Swipe up. Super like them? Yeah.

Oh, for sure. We all need a little bit more truth in our lives, don't we? Yeah, we really do. It's going to be a zero for me. Yeah. Yeah, it's a big bag of shit. That's going to do it for our show this week, friends. Thank you very much. Just a reminder, the next couple weeks are going to be the live shows that we've done at Black Sheep because Niall is going on a cool cruise. It's true.

Enjoy them or else. Yeah, enjoy that. I feel like they're going to be longer episodes, which is going to be fun. Yeah, they'll probably be closer to two hours-ish, roughly, maybe like an hour and a half. Yeah, like double probably what we usually put out. So hopefully that's a thing that makes you happy and not a thing that's like, ugh, more of these guys, ugh, ugh. Speaking of more of these guys, if you want more of us,

every month we release a bonus episode called Pillow Talk on our Patreon. It's the same stuff that you love but it's a little loosier it's a little goosier we have a lot of fun over there sometimes we play games sometimes we just talk about our favorite spy shows on netflix um if you are interested in checking it out head on over to f buddies podcast.com click the patreon link or patreon.com slash fbuddiespodcast and join up at the middle tier. Get you access to Pillow Talk and not just a Pillow Talk, but everyone that we've recorded, which is over 20 now, I think, or close to. There's a lot of them there. There's a lot there.

There's a lot of content. So if you're thinking like, oh, live shows, not really my vibe or, you know, for whatever reason. And you want to fill in the gaps. Well, Nala's gone. Consider joining the Patreon. Yeah, we literally do have 20. The 21st, we're about to record right after this. So it's always a little bit more unhinged when we do it that way.

Yeah, our second recording. Yeah, it always gets a little bit more spicy. But also, most importantly, you'd be supporting us and yourself. And that's a great two those are two of the best people to support it's true and the nice thing is is like when you support the show on patreon it gets it lets us do things like do live shows because we get to take a night off of work you get to uh go and do the show we also you know obviously we do hosting and we want to do more stuff and make experience better for you and for us. So it helps us, helps us keep going.

And Dane does so much fucking editing and time to do that. And yeah, so it's amazing. And everyone who does support us, we love you to the depths of our souls. You've been incredible. Thank you very much. Thank you, Josh Eagle and the Harvard Cities for their song Paper Stars. We love you too, in a different way, if that's okay. You ready for some bad sex writing, Dane?

Yes. This was posted on Twitter. Girls who masturbate. The clitoris is not meant for self-pleasure. It's meant for creating a child, you morons. Specifically what the clitoris is for. There is absolutely no scientific proof that shows that the clitoris is the only organ that is meant specifically only for and

exclusively pleasure it is only there for baby making i'm not done oh do you know why you feel like garbage after you masturbate because your clitoris is sending bad chemicals to your brain by touching yourself you are killing your body That's the devil's doorbell. And if you keep pressing it, soon enough, he will answer. He will come to the door and be like, hey. Yo, please. It's been like every few nights for 10 years. It's 3 a.m.

My kid is asleep. All right. If you wake him up, I'm going to be fucking pissed. You moron. My doorbell is to be fucking pissed. You moron. My doorbell is only for making babies. You moron. I know I decided I was going to commit to getting in touch with my cultural white guy roots last episode. with the confidence and brazen ignorance of white men as well of just being like so wrong about things and do it with so much confidence yeah i love when people fucking self-burn themselves like this like i it makes me so happy to be like hey cool you fully are publicly like

you think you're getting us like you think you think you're really dropping some knowledge on us? But all you're saying is, I have no idea how to please a woman. Yeah, I'm a fucking idiot. My name is Dave Miller. And I am now Spain. And we've been your fuck buddies. Go ring the devil's doorbell for us. Ding dong. Music Music Music

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