F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 241 - Intimate Evenings: Kinky Grandma (Live @ Black Sheep)

Episode Date: May 22, 2023

Niall was STILL away on his stupid cruise this week, so here's our last live episode where we spend probably too much time talking about rural landmarks.  We return to our regular schedule next week!

Hello friends! Hi! Welcome to Thirsty Thursday at the Black Sheep. Who here is ready for some live podcasting? Who has been to a live show of Fuck Buddies before? And do we have anybody here for the first time? Oh, welcome! That's awesome. I want you guys to be fully involved and ask the dirtiest, filthiest questions you can. Just lay it all out there because that's how we have a good time. My name's Kyle, but that's not important at all.

I have been on this podcast a couple times, though. And I'm really, really, really excited to introduce two of my closest friends they've been killing it lately we're so happy to welcome date why did I look at the paper like I don't know the names Dane Miller and Niall Spain for fuck buddies podcast I put my trust in you. I put my trust in you. I put my trust in love. Thanks, Kyle. That was a very good intro.

Thank you. Hello, friends. My name is Dave Miller. And I'm Niall Spain. And we are your fuck buddies. We are a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations and turn them into sexy, sticky situations. Simply put, we find questions either online or from our wonderful listeners or from you guys today if you see the paper on the table in front of you. We'll collect those at halftime.

Don't worry. And we answer them right here, right now and every monday in your ear holes and it's 4 20 baby it is 4 20. has anyone been blazing it anyway is anyone oh yeah okay we're calling the cops this has been a very elaborate on their way right now it's been a four year long sting operation to get the one table in the back. Before we get started, a little housekeeping stuff, I guess. If you post on Instagram or whatever your social media of choice is, you tag us, you tag LikeSheep, you will be entered into a draw at halftime to win some shots for your table.

You do have to tag us both. If you only tag one, we won't even look at it. Aside from that, we'd like to shout out a few people who came. Shout out. Very exciting. There's a lot of really cool people here. You're all really cool. You're all really cool. But there are people who are slightly cooler than some of you. Yeah, so no shades of the people

who aren't getting shouted out. Canadian Podcast Awards, thank you for being here. You guys fucking rock. Thank you very much for coming our wonderful friends from sonar network are here too 30 13 ongoing no 30 going on 13 incredible podcast our lawfully wedded pod lives they are our pod wives we are married under the the pod laws of the world. We saw their live show at Comic-Con that was fucking incredible. So you should give them a listen. And last but not least, our adorable and wonderful and incredible talented friend, Kyle Crawford.

Home chef Kyle Crawford. If you like eating, which should be everyone, you should follow Kyle on Instagram and on TikTok, and he will elevate your culinary game to a whole new level. And just your life. So, shout out to Kyle. Also, what an intro. I think it's time for questions. Let's just get into it.

Got any in the ad? No? No. Niall had a dream he told me about a dream he had last night where we just came up here and watched an episode of television yeah i had like it was like a work nightmare but it was a live show nightmare and we just like turned on the tv and we're like hold on we're gonna spend 40 minutes watching something and no one really minded i don't know if we feel it's going bad we are putting on an episode of modern family

and there's nothing you can do about it it's true that's true uh on a scale of one to ten how spicy do you want your first question guys okay you guys are bad at how spicy oh scale of one to ten how spicy you want it spicy not what we asked but okay. White girl medium. Oh, white girl medium. Okay, well, then I'm going back up to the first one. Ketchup. We'll do a pretty spicy one. I think Dane has a very spicy. Anyway, let's get going.

This is from Reddit. It is by ThrowRA, A Strange Gift. And the ages involved are 24-year-old female, 23-year-old male, and a 66-year-old female. Oh. Okay. Okay. My husband's grandmother gave everyone sex toys i felt extremely awkward at christmas with my husband's family the other day his grandmother's gift to everyone was a sex toy of some type the women all got various vibrators and lingerie there was me my mother-in-law grandmother's daughter-in-law sister-in-law

and her girlfriend of fourish months who was also given a strap-on other sister-in-law 16 year old cousin and an aunt cousin's mom the men's gifts were even more outlandish brother-in-law was given a pair of huge silicone tits his wife did not look happy father-in-law a fleshlight she enthusiastically went into detail about how great the design and sensation of the interior is supposed to be this is her son remember when she handed my husband his present she said I thought this would be up your alley it was a vibrating butt plug my husband is into prostate play with her comment I'm wondering if they talked about this at some point how else would she know what's up his alley the more I think about it the more inappropriate I feel it was some of these things might have been fine to give to someone in private. I understand some family relationships

are very open and non-judgmental, which is great, but everyone saw what everyone else got. It was a whole to-do, and two younger kids were also there. I, myself, would really have preferred to not be given anything along those lines. I've only met her once before. I was not told in advance about these gifts. It was a complete surprise. I had no idea how to act. What do you think I should do? My husband never said anything afterwards, so I guess it's normal to him. Still, you'd think I would have gotten a heads up.

Should I talk to him or his parents slash grandmother herself? How long does it say they've been married? Does it say? Because unless this is the first year of marriage you'd think you would have a litmus test of what granny's gonna give you for Christmas

right like if you've been married for two years and first year it's like oh you get sweaters and then year two it's like

here's a really cool vibrating butt plug I would be I would do two things I would be like hey let's get grandma checked that's fair

that might be a tumor and two I mean like maybe check her internet history. Because maybe granny has opened some doors into a world that she never knew. And I don't think we should hold granny back. I was going to say this is, like, a really long way to say you're not as cool as this man's grandmother. This isn't exactly what's being said. I've married someone who's rad as hell and i suck yeah it's like this family christmas is fucking lit there's butt plugs and vibrators everywhere i will say i would be pissed if everyone's getting all this cool shit and you got the silicone tits if someone's like here's

some fake tits for you sir i was like cool i guess like maybe that's his thing though sure if i'm assuming like thing if you yeah she was so on i guess like maybe that's his thing though sure if i'm assuming it's your thing if you yeah she was so on point with everyone else's gifts that i'm hoping yeah i love this rad granny wouldn't wouldn't you over like that do you think the phrase up your alley was it was a euphemism with a granny this cool it can't not be there was no way she did that accident she did it with shades on in front of the fireplace and like a guitar sting came out of nowhere just skateboarding like ollieing yeah grinding on everything like a hollyhock but she did a kickflip she popped a rip out of her bong was like up your alley yeah and like yeah it was great do you think she pulled it

out of her own ass i don't know for For you. Probably. Probably not. She probably pretended to, though. What a scamp. Okay. If this happened to me, and I would be, I mean, I do have a sex and dating podcast. So obviously my, my. Obviously you would never talk to grandma again. What I'm comfortable with skews a little bit more liberal. Progressively. Yeah.

I don't, I, i i understand i understand being uncomfortable with this especially if there's i think the way it was for 16 was the youngest person in the room yeah i understand that maybe that might not be you don't know how kids are going to react and 16 is still very much a child so i understand that is opening a door that makes that could make things uncomfortable i don't see there's any problem with talking to your husband first and being like hey is this something I need to brace myself for for Thanksgiving like is she gonna do some real cool things to the turkey why are they stuffing it with exactly I think that I think there's absolutely no problem being like yo is this what we're

in for is this what is this what's going to happen all of the time? And if so, make an Amazon wish list. Get what you want. Yeah. Like, open up your fucking sex life. Let her know what's up your alley. Yeah, exactly. No, that's great.

I think, like, talking to the granny is weird. You can be like, hey, I'm lame, so I just want to get that out of the way. And this granny is going to roast you at Christmas if that happens. Oh, 100%. If you go up to her and you're like, hey, I don't really appreciate the sex toys for Christmas, you're going to get in the shittiest gift. Everyone's going to keep getting really cool. And you know what I would do?

If someone did that to me, if someone came up to me and was like, hey, I don't like your sex toys, everyone would get a PlayStation 5. Here's a Nintendo Switch. Here's a new fucking car. And here's like a playstation 5 here's a nintendo switch here's a new fucking car and here's like a northern exposure sweater go fuck yourself this is what you're gonna get everyone else gets cool gifts you don't like cool gifts so you get a shit gift yeah i think like by all means talk to your husband be like hey i'm a little little uncomfortable with that but like talk it out and like if he has this really cool relationship with his grandmother you're not gonna

stop that by talking to her right like she's not gonna be like okay cool you're uncomfortable I'm not gonna do it it'll just be like oh okay I guess I'll do it when you're not there yeah like I'll exclude you and you're probably not gonna like that either you know what I mean it's like you're not gonna change their relationship like if they're that open with each other and like hey fair play that's cool like that's not gonna change so if you're comfortable being left out maybe state that next time or talk to your husband but like that's where it should start and then if he wants to bring it up the chain sure but like i don't think this is harmful really i don't think it's in bad taste i think it's yeah my line is the kids i feel like giving sex toys to kids might not be the coolest thing to do.

Not publicly. I think there is. No, here. Phrasing. Phrasing. Hear me out in saying that, like, I think it is important to have a conversation, like, a parent talking to a kid privately about the use of sex toys and how to do it safely. Because, look, I'm a dude.

When we're young and horny, we're going to put our dicks in things that shouldn't oh yeah receive our dicks oh yeah and that's just going to be embarrassing it's going to be unsafe so have the conversation about and the same thing it's like talking about vibrators with with younger women like all those things are important to to talk about yeah sexual education should happen and like just watching people get handed dirty gifts at christmas is not sexy yeah christmas day is not the time to do it as a family i don't think unless everyone is cool with it on board maybe the kids know that's the thing it's not her kid it's very true right maybe they're rad kids too yeah you know so i i it really does have to you just have to tell your husband be like hey i'm not comfortable with this scenario and then progress further and maybe it just might require a little bit of finessing on your part of them being like cool if you're not cool with it then we will give you more traditional gifts uh and if you are cool

with it or maybe like here are some reasons why you could be cool with it just be open to it yeah this granny sounds cool as hell and i wish i had a granny that was like this and also i will say like if he's sharing his stuff with his granny great if you're uncomfortable with him sharing stuff you're very intimate about that's totally fine if you're like hey don't tell him i also like butt plugs that's cool yeah you know you like just because they're close doesn't mean he has to share everything about you so if you have a barrier you can definitely erect that you know set those boundaries. I like that one table laughed when I said erect.

I was going to say something too, but yeah. I mean, hell yeah. When in Rome. It's a good crowd. Yeah, don't shame your cool granny. Don't. She's so fucking cool. So cool.

This is from, I don't know who this is from, to be honest. Either I didn't copy it or it didn't exist. Is there a nice way to tell someone that their kinks turn you off and you don't want them to do it to you anymore? This is a 28-year-old female and a 28-year-old man. I've been dating a really hot, great guy for about three months now. He's the best I've ever had in bed, and I have very few complaints in the bedroom. The only thing I don't like is a kink that he has. He says he really loves smelling my butt.

Like, he wants to put his nose in my butt crack and sniff away. I consider myself super over-minded, so the first time he brought it up, I was a bit thrown, but I said I'd try it. I let him do it briefly, and then we moved on to other things quickly, so I didn't really care. However, it's getting more and more common. On Valentine's Day, he offered to give me a massage and spent like five minutes aggressively sniffing my butt crack through my panties It made me literally queasy slash turned off and I finally awkwardly laughed and said okay Can't really concentrate on the massage with you doing that and he laughed and stopped. I

Don't want to yuck anyone's yums, but I'm definitely decided I don't find this sexy or attractive and it makes me uncomfortable when he does it I don't want to hurt his feelings But it's my body he's doing this with and i want to be and i want to very kindly but firmly say i'm not okay with it anymore tips is he a werewolf of some kind is that a werewolf thing i would i assume she knows he's not a dog which was going to be my first joke but okay werewolves a good like midway i was gonna say is that like a like a were dog dog sniff butts okay that's the funny part okay cool i wasn't sure i was just saying you know way

more about like fantasy actually so werewolf lore that's what i was saying i was like i didn't know if maybe there was some all this came from a very weird time where this very much could have been like oh so in the fifth i love the smell of butts or, oh, wolves love the smell of butts or like werewolves love the smell of butts. They probably do. They're half dogs. I'm sure there's some sort of fucked up Dracula thing about menstruation.

So like, it's not that far to assume that maybe werewolves have some butt war. That wasn't the first time you thought about that, was it? I think about it all the time. Hey, you do you. Hey guys, how do I talk to my podcast host about his weird Dracula kink? Like, the simple, unfunny answer is, like, you don't have to participate in anybody's kink, ever.

You can just be like, hey, this doesn't do it for me. And, like, yeah, it's kind of passive on your part, but you could definitely make you uncomfortable or make you, like you out of the action or like you know make you unturned on and that's totally fine and you can say that and like once you're saying that without being like you big freak it's fine you know what i mean it's like if you get weird and like you start to like talk down on them or like you know yuck their yums then that's bad but if you if you're like, hey, I'm sorry, I don't like it, and you're not making judgment or value calls on them, great. So that answer sucks. Here's my answer. You got to fart. I mean,

that's lowbrow. That's Joe Rogan quality. That would go either one of two ways. He's into that. That's what he's looking for. That's what he's hoping for. Maybe that's why he waited there for five minutes. So I'm saying you go the other way. You find a soap that's like a smell neutralizer so there's nothing there because really if that's the experience he gets then he can fulfill his kink anywhere

because everywhere smells like nothing it's fair right or you know what we're gonna go with this oh no that's not there we go this is by throwaway four four three three three four 22 year old male 21 year old female my girlfriend won't tell me her surname we've been dating for four months now which I think is definitely enough time to know a lot about each other but i just don't feel like this with her i've told her everything there is to know about me but i get nothing in return i know her first name i've seen her i do so i know her first name i've seen her id but with her thumb over the surname she tells me she wants to keep the romance alive with some mystery but if i'm honest this is killing the romance i know she's a private person and doesn't open up easy

but i feel like i'm being made a fool out of it's not just the surname i have not met any of her family she will not let me see what she posts on social media i only recently got to see the inside of our house we usually stay at my place i feel like i'm part of some joke i can't help with starting to fall in love with her but at the same time i'm trying to stop myself in case i get hurt by this so here's where i'm saying if you're starting to fall in love with her i guess the romance is part of the mystery right yeah it's work it's working you idiot fuck she got you so i okay here's the the like cynic answer that i don't want to give but i'm gonna give generally when people are this protective about things like social media and friends and like being able to find them online secret agent secret agent or they already

have a partner they're in a relationship. Criminal. Criminal. That one's actually viable. The criminal one? Yeah. For sure. I mean, like, secret agent was, you know. That was a funny one. That's a funny joke you did. But I think there could be very much like a life that she doesn't want you to be a part of.

And usually that does. Fucking clearly. So you have a conversation with her and you say, hey, the fact that you're hiding your surname and all of these things about yourself is weird to me. And if we're going to get into a relationship, I would like to know a little bit more about you. The fact that you're calling her your girlfriend four months in without knowing anything about her is a wild move.

That's powerful. I think you definitely need to reevaluate like where your goal posts are in terms of relationship markers and i think i wouldn't call someone like you do say i know her first name like that's like that's like that's a feather in your cap it's like yeah dude i know the first name of the people i match with on tinder we're not dating yeah it's like i wouldn't even call I know the first name of the people I match with on Tinder. We're not dating. Yeah, it's like, I wouldn't even call it the bare minimum because it's almost like a step below. Because there's no world in which that's not really a thing.

Yeah. Like, can you imagine dating someone and you're just like, no idea who this person is. Who the fuck are you? It's like four weeks in and they're like, hey, Dane, we finally did it. Her name's Sarah. We did it. It's a big step guys like i'm pretty sure i haven't watched it but i'm pretty sure you at least know the name of the people on love is blind you yeah you can say a lot more than just that yeah first name last name already yeah already you have a better relationship yeah so i would just love to know how the

conversation went where he's like hey like it's's fucking weird that I don't know your surname. She's like, no, it's to keep the romance alive. I guess he was just like, all right. Yeah, sure. Fuck. I guess I better go to Reddit about this. Just be like, hey, no. This is an acceptable answer.

Yeah. Just fucking literally sit her down and be like hey I need I do need this this is a very essential step and the fact that you're withholding it it is very weird and it does make me think you are a criminal secret agent adulterer yeah or married yeah I don't think it's very hard to have a conversation with someone especially especially if you're going to start dating them or you want to pursue a relationship with them, is saying the things that you need. And the surname is a fucking obvious one. But something along the lines of

establishing the kind of communication that you want and how often you want to see each other. All those things are important steps. That you want to sniff their butt for five minutes straight. it's important to you yeah you have that conversation i don't think i've ever had a conversation with someone it might have come up like jokingly being like i don't know your last name and then you know what happens they tell me their last name yeah and that's how it should work and if someone was was like, you guess, figure it out. I would.

Even that is better than what's happening here. Because, like, it's all, like, bad. But then the fact that they're like, oh, no, I did see her ID. I'm like, oh, okay. But she covered it with a thumb. Like, what the fuck? Yeah. That's bad. It's all bad.

Like, it's so. So, yeah. And if you can't have a normal conversation and get to a good end with something this fucking basic shit's not gonna go well ever ever no no because what happens when you have a more complicated conversation that surpasses something as simple as your name what happens if you want to have a conversation about, you know, children or, you know, moving in together or any of those things? Is she just going to be like, I'll take your key. Okay, but are we moving in together?

Oh, I've got your key already. Don't worry. What happens when the FBI fucking kicks down the door, arrests you, and they're like, do you know whatever, like, you know her last name? And you're like, no. And they're like, as if. And they throw you away because they think you're in on it. They're like, yeah, that's fucking reasonable. 100%.

This is not good. It's not good. Either find out her last name or move on. Yeah. Speaking of... No, I don't have to segue for this. This just makes me laugh. This is Ria Tammo.

Imaginary girlfriend is a red flag? If the only girlfriends a guy has ever had are imaginary, is that a red flag? Please tell me that's the whole question. I'm done talking. Maybe he just played a lot of D&D. Okay. I hear what you're saying.

And I'm not saying people who play D&D can't get girlfriends. I'm saying maybe he had in-game girlfriends. Sure. Yes, it's a fucking red flag. How does this come up? How are you like, oh, so yeah, I've dated two people before you. What about you? Yeah, I've dated three, but they weren't real but what wait hold on hey

hey dave what was that oh no they were like fake girlfriends that i made up inside my brain yeah okay no but it's cool though you should really hear the story of how we didn't meet like how do you say that to someone surely if you had an imaginary girlfriend you keep that secret to the grave and hey i'll tell? Surely if you had an imaginary girlfriend, you keep that secret to the grave. And hey, I'll tell you right now, I had an imaginary girlfriend when I was like five. Right? Damn. I wish I could remember her name because it was fucking men.

No, it was along the lines of, I don't know if you guys know this show and if you do, congratulations. It was along the lines of like don't know if you guys know this show and if you do congratulations is along the lines of like shebethany like it was like it was very much a not a real name that i had probably constructed from hot people whose names i did know okay at five i was a horny kid man i was like i bloomed early but five no i was i was yeah i was just into sonic and by that not sexually i don't believe you no one likes sonic as much of you who isn't also doing horrible sex things to sonic it makes me so sad that every time i bring sonic up you bring that up they introduced me to a horrible world of sonic stuff introduced all right dracula um yeah if yeah it's a red flag it's weird it's like it happening isn't even as weird as him talking about it it's the admission

of that's weird the imaginary girlfriends is weird it's one thing like look now I will say there is one way that might be okay okay and it's like maybe they're like hey when I was in high school I was really insecure so I made up a girlfriend so that people thought it was cool and they're admitting this but they're not saying I thought they were real I imagined them that counts as a girlfriend yes maybe they're admitting that they did something and that I think is almost the opposite it's like it's cool that you're now confident enough both in yourself and in your partner to admit something you did that you're admitting was shameful remember like famous football player had that fake girlfriend no there was a from canada i can't remember his no i'm yes manny tio there was a whole scandal of this guy who like he like like it was on Instagram he was like Twitter

he was like having this like and then it turned out that it just didn't exist and I can't remember I don't remember if he made it up or if he was catfished but it was was he it was it a catfish it was a catfish situation yeah so not quite the same thing but I am going to pretend like it is because I do like the idea of a famous nfl player being like here's my cool fake girlfriend deal with it yeah so i do need more context but if it is in the admitting way that's you know i would also like to know ages there's no age oh yeah if it's like it was last year i'm 50. yes if this is a a grown ass man who has admitted to not one

but multiple imaginary girlfriends. Also how many? Yes. Because even two's pushing it but like past two and that's just like did you dump one for the other? How did that work? Did you cheat on one imaginary girlfriend with the other? Yeah. There's probably a whole lore document somewhere.

I would love to read that. I'm not sure I would. Add it to my dracula lore uh so i think it's very probably a red flag but there's there's softening things that might have happened that maybe make it acceptable yes okay i will give you that okay well you know for the day that's in it uh this is by metro maker what does 420 friendly really mean covid lockdown and curfew has me bored and lonely so i've been scanning dating sites some posts say 420 friendly and i'm not really sure what that means does it mean don't be surprised if your date fires one up i'm not opposed to weed but i don't partake because of the paranoia however if someone wants to toke i'm cool or does it mean i'm supposed to toke too

because i am not going there or does it mean i'm supposed to bring weed weed is hard for me to get i have to go to the trap house and put in my order and wait a day sometimes i can get my friend d-boy to sell some of his private stock but there are just so many different kinds of weed og kush fruity pebbles haze sour diesel etc i really have no idea what's going on when i'm buying weed can someone set me straight what the fuck is a track house uh trap trap house i think it's a track house and i was just thinking like like a cool little spot outside of like a high school track that they're selling weed out of which checks out sounds like a place that you buy weed yes i love what is it d-boy d-boy d-boy in his private

stash i can't imagine someone who goes by the name of d-boy not having a private stash yeah yeah um 420 friendly is actually a rating on the friendly scale it's the lower the number the less friendly you are but it only goes up to 518. so 420 is pretty good 420 is pretty good so if you see 420 friendly you know that they're going to be fairly nice people yeah that's it all right moving on um i don't understand like how are you this confused by this well i i do love that we see this all the time where people like they see something and then they spiral just overthink the out of it because like it starts all right it's like, I just mean, don't be surprised if they fire one up. You're like, okay, yeah, that's rational. And then it's like, do I have to bring weed to them?

What? Am I going to have to do an Ocean's Eleven style heist to steal from my boy D-Boy? I need to see D-Boy now? Fuck. Like, why would you think that means you need to show up with weed? How does that check out? I don't know. People freak out about the weirdest things. And now i understand why you don't smoke weed if you're afraid of paranoia and

this is how you're getting absolutely sober this is you fucking like with your mind on straight no it just means they're cool if you smoke weed yeah that's it and like everything in the dating world i'm sure there is a sliding scale of like some people who think who say 420 friendly and they want you to participate and might get weird if you don't and then i'm sure there are people who say 420 friendly who are like you who are cool if you do smoke weed and don't really and but don't do it themselves like i consider myself 420 friendly hey we haven't talked about this i've never done a weed he's never done not even one not a single weed not even one of the devil's lettuces um i really wanted to get

them blasted for the show but that would have been absolutely fucking awful for everyone involved yeah i don't know what i would have done to be honest in the corner i imagine just chilling out having a bad time um yeah i grew up in a place I don't like to talk about this often, but I grew up in a place called Brampton. And I was the correct response. And I was convinced that I needed to not drink and not do drugs because, and it is still a very, it's one of my proudest accomplishments of leaving Brampton without a criminal record or an illegitimate child. That you know of.

That I know of. No, I didn't have sex when I was in Brampton. So there was absolutely no kids. This was in my brain as a teenager being like, no sex, no drugs, no alcohol. Because this is how I stay in Brampton forever. So Brampton is an inspiration, really. Kept you on the straight and narrow. If I ever have kids, I will move back to Brampton so they know how to.

Yes, I will scared straight them with Brampton. Anyway, sorry for everyone who grew up in Brampton. I think the only other person who did is also yelling the callbacks. Yeah, I'm also not saying sorry because I don't want to offend you if you grew up in Brampton. I'm saying sorry that you grew up in Brampton you just alienated all our brampton listeners no they know what i'm talking about no one is there being like this is great having a great time it's fair the thing that we're most famous for is a big blue house that they haven't finished it's just like in development hell that is that is like the

official landmark of brampton if you know what i'm talking about i i have no idea what the you're talking about dublin is famous for they were finally like you know what we're gonna get our like our landmark it's gonna like compete with the eiffel tower and it's just a spike it's just a big stick really like there's nothing to it it's not a tower you can't go up it there's no like you could go up it if you were mulan you know she does the thing on the on the pole yeah if she can do it anyone can do it um but it's also really bad because the street that it's on is famed for like heroin use so it's a giant needle and everyone was like this is not not good so no one really thought that true it cost a ton of money as well this is our new segment where we just talk about

things where we grew up yeah you guys got any any other like landmarks you want us to talk about any other weird landmarks write some landmarks down on the page we're just going to do a geography lesson for the second half of the show all right your turn my turn it's your turn it's my turn i hit you with the old... This is... I hate the name of this user. It's Eyeball Sniffer. It's a female 25, male 30. Now, does the question mean to do with sniffing eyeballs?

It doesn't. Weird. I'm in a friends with benefits situation with a woman that I met online dating site. Her profile made it clear that she wanted a friends with benefit she explicitly stated that now one of the quirks I noticed about her was initially it wasn't a big deal or anything is that she speaks with ghetto English even though her background was growing up from a wealthy Hispanic family living in a suburban neighborhood almost like she became obsessed with rap culture and is trying to mimic ghetto culture in an unintentionally racist way

here's where things get tricky during sex this is completely serious by the way she on multiple occasions has been riding on top of me and when i'm getting ready to come her mouth gets by my ear and she loudly says who dat the first time it happened she got aggressive when i didn't initially call out her name. We'll call her Danielle in this thread. So imagine, who dat? Who dat? And finally, I'm like, oh, Danielle. How can I introduce other dirty talk to her? I just don't care for her shouting in my ear, asking me to state her name.

I feel like it's going to be so awkward to bring it up to her. It would have taken me a while to understand what was required for me in that situation i would have no idea what was happening i'd be like wait is someone here did you hear something yeah i would i would literally feel like i'm in a horror movie and she was expecting me to like go out and check yeah yeah who's that like hold on hold on wait what uh i think you just fight back with your own who dat. You who dat. You more. Who me?

Who me? Dane. There you go. There we go. Oh, man. I'm trying to think of a funny answer, but there's no funny answer. You just got to be like, hey. Please.

We got to talk about it. It's like the, who was here last time with the Borat, the Borat sex guy? They know. It's like that. You just got to be like, hey, there's a time and a place for who that, I guess. And that time and place is not mid-sex in my ear. Yeah. I would, it's like, yeah, I don't want to have sex with the Baja boys.

Right? Like that's not what I'm looking for. And I would. I just feel like even if any dirty talk, if you only have one phrase, it's not going to go well eventually. You're right. Like, you can't just be like, I have one line. That is it. It is my dirty talk.

And then use that ad infinitum unless you keep getting new partners. Yeah. Like anything. Even to me. You're right. Absolutely. The one line, like the one trick pony sucks. sucks yeah for sure um and we get a lot of that like we get a lot of questions where it's like oh they always ask me do you like that or it's like does that feel good and like yes every now and then that can be a sexy thing to ask but if it's the only thing you ask it

gets kind of shitty and who that or sorry who dat I think immediately starts bad and like yeah there's there's no room for it to flourish and there's really no place I don't think in the bedroom at all because it like it makes me think of like like I'm I've walked into a ludicrous song but also like I think a key point here is the appropriation as well alright also it's like if you know's like if, you know, it was a culture that they, you know, grew up in or whatever, like that would be a different thing. But it's like imagine if, like, I put on a fucking German accent halfway through sex. That would be weird. Would it, though?

Let's find out. Yeah. So for me, as much as I hate who dat, it would be the yelling in my ear. That would suck. I'm a very sensitive ear person, so I love a good whisper. But a good... Wait, hold on. Who dat?

Who dat? Who dat? No, you see, who dat just starts bad. So there's nothing you can sprinkle on who dat to make it to make it go down easier you know yeah it's not great so how to introduce new new dirty talk it seems like she has a bit of a dom side right for sure this is if this is coming out while she's riding you and she wants you to say her name there seems to be a dom sub angle that she's playing at, or at least a moment of appreciating being in charge.

That's cool. That's fine. You can play with that. Talk about that and be like, hey, I think it is sexy when you take control. I think it is sexy when you're in charge. If you like me saying your name, I can do that without you doing that or at

the very least come on sorry sorry to say it doing that we're like coming up with other ways to say it as well I just feel like hey seems like you're into kind of like more dominant stuff are there ways you would like to explore this and then also be like I don't love the way we currently explore it yes absolutely there's no harm in saying that doesn't do anything for me like hey much like the ass sniffing of earlier be like it takes me out of the moment and like if your partner gets upset by that and they're not willing to have like that good conversation then maybe you need to reevaluate your whole relationship especially almost exclusively this is when you're about to

come yeah when I was about to finish someone did something that sucked oh that would be the worst I wouldn't want to keep sleeping with them because that is the best part it's the best part and you're shitting on it I'm not in that you know not in the way the first question would enjoy exactly so yeah just talk and again I a lot of the questions come down to communication which sucks because that's not a very exciting answer but it's true and people need to fucking hear it yeah but if they can't deal with that fucking like conversation then probably you shouldn't date them who that dumped yeah who who that not you anymore we got one more we can do one more we got one more quick one okay a quick one a quick one i only got long ones um well now looks for a question i do want to remind you there are slips

of paper on all of your tables uh and we are nearing the halfway point there should be pens as well um if you have a question that you would like us to discuss or talk about or answer, it doesn't have to be about you. It can be a broader subject that you would like discussed. Maybe you know a friend who's doing really stupid things that you would like us to. Why are you looking at me? You know why. There's a number of things you can ask us, and we would love to answer your questions. So this is a great time.

The second half of the show, we will go through your questions. We'll give you some time. There will be about 15-ish minutes for you guys to think of questions, and we'll come around and grab them from you. So if you have a question, please start thinking about that now. All right. This is by a deleted user. And the question is just female 23, male 25.

And the context is please explain the difference between I have a girlfriend and I'm seeing someone because apparently they are the same thing. Please call me crazy for thinking otherwise. Fundamentally not true. If you're seeing someone, this is how is how i operate also this is something you need to clarify with your partner now before you go off do you want the context sure so the girl in the question is upset because their partner rebuffed someone by saying oh sorry i'm seeing someone and she wants them to have said oh sorry i have a girlfriend okay and he claims it's the same thing

okay in that context i don't i think it's interchangeable yeah for sure because the goal well you go you go yes in this context i was about to i was about to pop off and you do it yeah um in that context i would say 100 it is interchangeable because as you were about to say like the goal the intention there is to be hi, thank you for your interest, but I can't accept it for this reason. And the specifics of that reason aren't important in that context because all you need to it is a polite way of saying, no, thank you. Thank you. But no, thanks. the situation of we've gone on a few dates and we are seeing each other yes it would be weird if you were then like that's my boyfriend yes no no we're not no in this like the goal is I am NOT available and the additional information

is because of somebody else yep that's it you've gotten the goal across it doesn't like doesn't matter if you're really detailing how serious because then why not be like oh i have a girlfriend i have a girlfriend of 10 months yes you know like it doesn't really matter you're getting the point across they did their job i would also like to know if this is a constant source of like struggle for this couple because that's another question in itself of being like hey have you discussed what you guys are because you're not boyfriend and girlfriend you're not in a relationship until you've had that conversation saying i believe they are exclusive which is why

they were like why didn't you say girlfriend right you just said seeing someone but i still think it's the same shit in this in this scenario i agree it is the same thing it's the intention is there to to uh rebuff rebuff to to make sure someone uh is rejected nicely yeah and they did it and i think getting upset about splitting hairs like that kind of thing is unnecessary and you pick your battles yeah you know fight for the things that matter and this is not something i think matters well it's like getting upset about those, like, oh, you said that to, like, slightly leave the door ajar. It's like, no, no one's, like, putting a hidden message. Like, I'm seeing someone wink, wink, wink, wink.

But if she's not around, maybe I can sneak in. Yeah, no, that's not it. So that's going to do it for our first half, friends. This is our first act. We're going to take a quick little break. Please grab a drink, some food, go have a cigarette break, a bathroom break, freshen up the butt for a good sniffing. I don't know. Do whatever you need to do. Or unfreshen it, depending on your partner.

And we will see you in about 15 minutes. Get your questions because we're going to come around and get them from you. We're going to swoop and collect them. We're going to swoop so hard. Hello friends, we're back. And we have a wild amount of questions. A wild amount of questions? I'm just going to go from the... Just give me half of these.

Ah, okay. We're going to rapid fire these. Okay. I'm going to start with this one because it's the only one that's open. Okay. Everyone ready? It doesn't matter. It doesn't. I'm so glad no one left that we know of okay this is actually this is great this is landmarks to discuss honest ads r.i.p is that is there a list there's a list

okay yeah we said we would do it so we're gonna do it let's talk about some landmarks honest heads um one of my favorite things and I hope this isn't a spoiler Scott Pilgrim if you've seen the movie it was cut out of the movie but in the books the first time

he fights Todd it's actually a race through Honest Ed's and the first person who can get through Honest Ed's without getting lost wins

and they get so angry they blow it up and that's a little trauma trivia for you that's pretty great I used to live near there it was very cool Giant Gnome Giant Gnome? Giant Gnome angry they blow it up and that's the little Toronto trivia for you that's pretty great I used to live near there it was very cool uh giant gnome giant gnome giant gnome cool rad uh Garrett's

Shack okay now are you just listing places that you know it's not me I don't I'm not I'm looking at you but I'm assuming like okay well let's let's move on to one we obviously know goat boy's cabin goat boy's cabin goat boy's cabin great who wrote these put your hat put your shameful hand up is that is that you over in the corner yeah you said you wanted what the is real landmarks are you just making up no they're all real. In the city? No. Yeah. Much like that guy's girlfriend, these are all made-up imaginary landmarks.

Hey, they're real to them. That large apple on the way to Ottawa. I don't like apples. I know that one. The fact that it's a big one makes me like it less than a normal apple, which is already quite... I fucking hate it oh we're still going you get another one okay go that log where people smoked weed up my high school now this one is a hit love it great weed log

it's also themed to today so you know points really landmarks it's no well I'm gonna have to get the story for goatat Boy Shack. This is, I tried to sell my used underwear online, but I felt too scared. Do a lot of people do this? Would love a crowd poll. Should I go for it? I need the money. All right. Okay.

Hands up. Well, hold on. We're an audio podcast. Okay. Hands up doesn't help anyone. Hands up noisily. Round of applause have you or would you sell your underwear online so I hope whoever is who wrote this I hope you feel supported and embraced by your peers there's

nothing wrong with this no if if I could sell anything of mine online for money. Oh, yeah. I'd do it. I would have no underwear left. We made the terrible decision to start a podcast. Yeah. Famously, no money. Also, like the amount of people I know who tried to innocently sell stuff online and

a guy immediately just appears and is like can you wear it and i'll pay double yeah so you're gonna have a good time it's gonna be very easy and most of the time it's not even closed it's like a poster oh yeah just wrap that around you for like 30 minutes just lie on it 40 more lie on it and sweat yeah you'll you'll be fine round of applause should they do it should they do it love it that's unanimous you're making that granny proud in this economy exactly oh my god hold on hold on this person has impeccable hands incredible right it looks like somebody typed this once again an audio podcast but we're going to talk about they can feel it uh my partner thinks that just because we ended up being in a relationship that automatically means his online dating profile is a 10 out of

10 someone please humble him I realized by extension plus though I realized by extension this humbles me too but worth it 1,000 percent 1,000 times to prove him incorrect now if I'm not mistaken I think this is a profile we helped edit so not only are they 10 out of 10 I guess that means we are too I would say that if we okay here's here's what I'm gonna say if we helped edit this you're wrong he's right yeah 100 cent out if we had nothing to do with it if he had come to us it would have been a tenant there would have been a ten out of ten um hashtag humbled i don't so the i'm just wrapping my head around this question is you met someone online and then started dating them and he was like i nailed my profile and you're like actually

you did an idiot is that what i'm gathering here is that is that the we have to see the profile yeah that's the thing we can't i just checked the email to see if it was sent it wasn't but i'm pretty sure i know the profile and we did in fact did we kill it we must have they're they're dating we're we've done it we're the best the only 10 out of 10 is your guys' relationship. I hope you last forever. Or until you don't want to be together. That's true, yeah. That's okay as well. Dane, since you've never smoked weed and it's 420,

I'd love to know, what do you think it's like to be stoned? I imagine it's much like, so our wonderful pod wives have introduced me to seventh heaven. i can only imagine that the second i smoke weed i am gonna stab someone yeah yeah and forever live in prison yeah you're gonna disappoint a priest stab someone end up in jail and then there's gonna be some incest somewhere that won't be anything to do with you so i imagine that uh what's the weirdest thing you put your dick in slash vice versa for women sorry one more time what's the weirdest thing you put your dick in slash vice versa for women we're not women we can't answer that answer that question we have if someone wants to come up and say the weirdest thing they stuck in themselves that's

cool but what's the weirdest thing i put my dick in um i was pretty well behaved when it came to dick shenanigans yeah um i would probably say i i did shaft nanigans shaft nanigans um i did one point in time uh just put my dick in a paper towel roll yeah it's fair it's fair um and it wasn't for sexual pleasure it was just curiosity i just wanted to see what that was all about i did once in the throes of being very horny construct like like a pillow thing that i thought was gonna it didn't work can you please i need way more detail i think everyone i think everyone in this room needs to hear about your pillow machine well when you put a pillow and a pillow together what what's in the middle

okay a gap so you just put two pillows together yeah basically it didn't work it's like it's pillows are not the texture you need on your dick and that's some advice right here for anyone curious don't go on and replicate this i was young okay it didn't work you know what you should have done i just had normal length yeah but if we if we had known each other at the time we could have joined our brilliant minds together and pillow paper towel roll whoa well i still don't think it would have done it no no i would have been so scared of But hell, it would have been cool. I think this is more landmarks. Mrs. Saga, the Marilyn Monroe Towers? Rowers?

Powers? I hope it's Powers. Montreal's cock ring installation downtown? Is that... Have you seen it? You know about it? Is it great? Is it literally cock rings?

Millions of dollars for a ring. Millions of dollars for cock rings. One? Was a very cool granny involved. Was it a Christmas gift for Ottawa? Okay. Now, someone wrote Brampton, Chinkoosie's Ski Hill. You really got to get me back on Brampton, huh?

We did have a Brampton person arrive after your roast of Brampton. It's not a fucking ski hill. It's a hill that people ski down. Technically, sure. But it's just garbage. It's just garbage that they put dirt over.

And if there was a better way to describe Brampton, it's that. Garbage that we put dirt over. And then there's Sonny's, which is a greasy diner. Toronto Sex Canoe. Sex Canoe, yeah. We know the Sex Canoe. It's a good one. If you don't know it, if you're driving along the Gardner, you'll see it.

It's by the Sky D dome area the city place there's just a big canoe that people fuck in all the time yeah um calgary saddle dome don't know that one all right you guys really committed to this landmark bit oh i really like this because this one starts with a compliment i love that hey you guys are funny thank you love the podcast thank you thank you i swear i didn't write this uh so if you're going on dates with multiple people with the intent of finding a monogamous long-term partner at what point do you have to choose one or get off the pot is there a date count no no no or a physical or emotional bar which once you've crossed it you're like okay got to pick the winner of my monogamous love.

I mean, emotionally, I think yes. Physically, no. I don't think there is a, like a thing of like, oh,

we've had sex together X amount of times. We're not dating. Or in X ways. Yeah. Ooh. Right. It's not like, oh,

we did anal. There we go. We have done doggy style. So now we're married. Yeah. Like, it just does worry me that like you list the emotional thing in the same way you list everything else which is like very

contextless because it's like the emotions are oh i'm in love with this guy it's like yeah great there you go that's it it's not like oh well we did x y and z emotionally like we watched up yeah you don't necessarily have to be in love with. No, not at all. Right. But like, yes, I think there is an emotional step. I think there's a point in time where you you reach a moment with someone and you decide that like, hey, this is the person that I would rather spend. Yes. All of my time with. Yeah. Then split some of my time with.

Yeah. And I think we we use it as a mantra here all the time. It's a fuck yes or it's a no. And that is how you should approach more or less everything in life, but especially relationships. In the sense that if you're waffling even 1%, even just a little bit, if there's a small little voice in the back of your head that says, I don't know, then don't do it. You're not ready yet. And if that voice persists, then you're not ready for a relationship and that might be a blanket statement across just like you're just not ready for a relationship and maybe you should pursue maybe some sort of uh therapy or counseling to maybe find out what

that block is because a lot of us have it whether it's an insecurity of not being good enough which is something i struggled with for a very long time, or fear of being hurt, past traumas. There's a whole laundry list of things that could be an emotional block to stop you from getting to that point. But if you're not at that point of being like, this is 100% the thing I want to do, then you shouldn't be getting in a relationship with someone.

I will say, also, there are times when you should end stuff and it's not on your end, it's on the other person's end so if somebody wants to take it further like become exclusive and you're not there yet oftentimes you should call it quits with that person because you know if you're like not aligned you know they're just gonna get hurt and be miserable and like obviously you should factor in their decision in the equation but sometimes people say oh no i'm fine with this and then they're not yeah so there are times you have to stop it just cause you know what I mean what is that like what's that speaker doing I love it it's very weird you guys it's like it's like ASMR for me everyone shut up for a second yeah so the date count thing though that's

insane so like to put on something that arbitrary is just batshit it's like relationships mean or they should mean a lot so it's like to just base it on like oh fuck we've seen each other five times i guess that's it yeah no don't do that i do i can't tell you how many times i've had to sort of bow out of a potentially really great partner or seeing someone because they've they've had a date count and oh for sure we've been see or or like a period of time where it's been like oh we've been to we've we've been hanging out for months or we've seen each other five times now like i need to know for it's like i don't know yeah i have no idea and if i don't know i'm not it's like well i don't want

to drag you along for the ride so if if you're not on it, then bye. And like if after three months you were like, hey, I really like you and I want to move forward. Say that. Don't say, well, it's been three months. You know? Yeah. There's nothing worse. We talk about it all the time.

There's nothing worse than like, so what are we? Yeah. Fuck that question. If you want to be something, state it. Yeah. Right? So if you're not sure what you guys are and it feels like you might be nearing the point where you can talk about exclusivity or monogamous uh you know

relationship then say hey i've been really enjoying the time that we've been spending together and i would like to be exclusive with you or i would like to be monogamous with you because that takes the onus off the other person because chances are they're gonna try their damnedest to guess what you they or you they think what you want to hear yeah you're also blindsiding them right yes you've obviously been thinking about this and you have a destination in mind so it's kind of unfair to just be like what are we it's like you you've thought about it you know what you want so stay there like be honest be kind to your partner and then if they don't agree with you great you guys are communicating and imagine how much easier dating would be if people just said what they wanted yeah for real

it'd be so much easier so do that uh this is we've got four questions here so we're gonna go quick how did you guys lose your virginity i had sex um no it was it was in my college dorm room. And we had really thought about it. And we took our time. And we were like, yep, tonight's the night. We're going to do it. And we began to have sex. And then immediately when we started, like nine drunk people came into the room next door and started playing, I'm pretty sure, Mario Kart. So it was, we were like, another time but i did we did start having sex so i count that as as me losing my

virginity uh i'd been dating i got blue shelled y'all i got blue shelled i probably shouldn't clap directly into the mic sorry to dane in the future when you're editing this uh i was 15 and i was minding my friend's dog while they were on holidays so hey man weird way to start this story the key being i had a key to their empty house uh so and a very lonely dog oh i i re i want to redo the weirdest thing I've, no. Yeah, and basically the worst thing is my friend's dad worked, my best friend's dad worked in the pharmacy. So I went to buy condoms and he was working there.

And then I was like, oh, I don't want him to know because I was fucking 15 and dumb. So I didn't have one and we still did it. And that is not good. So don't do that. But yeah, we, it was a white leather couch. It was my friend's living room. Fuck, she's probably going to listen to this. I don't know if I ever told her.

So sorry, Yaz. It was her house. Yeah, it was her couch. Okay, yeah. I got paid to do it technically. So hey. Yours. Because I was minding the talk.

Who had the conversation with you about the birds and the bees how did it go were they hot it was my parents so yes so yes um no i remember having a very very frank i so this might surprise you being the host of a sex positive sex and dating show but my parents award-winning always treated uh um treated sex very like they always treated me very adult when it came to this kind of stuff there was never any like analogies there was never metaphors it was always very like men and women penis vagina very like clinical in a cool way. Like it was, it was just very like, they just told me what was up. Right.

And there was no, there was no like the bird and the bee and the, or like, you know, you put your stick in the hole. Like there was none of that. Right. Like they were very respectful about how they talked about sex with me and anytime we always watched me and my brother were always watching things that like we probably shouldn't have been watching at our age and anytime there was a scene of sort of like any sort of like sexual violence or some like gratuitous sex scenes or something my parents would always pause it and like talk to us about it and be

like that sounds like a nightmare it was it wasn't the best but I mean it gave me a very strong foundation of like being okay and comfortable talking about sex which has served me quite well in my adult life but like they always made sure to be like this is what's happening and this is either wrong and shouldn't happen this isn't an accurate portrayal of like whatever like my parents are badasses and so that's that's how I got my my cock my talk damn mine could not be more different in the primary school I was in in Ireland I was expelled the year before they did sex ed and then in the new school I went to they did it the previous year so I missed it my dad once came up to me I was like there's a book and he just gave me like a thin book it was probably made in the 1980s that detailed what sex was if there was a book and he just gave me like a thin book it was probably made in the 1980s that

detailed what sex was if there was a sex scene on tv they would get angry and change the channel so that's that's me that's a that's a different conversation um if you're a kinky person how do you signal to other people on dating apps that that's important to you? I don't. Yeah, I don't think you need to have it that upfront. I think if you're so deeply into the kink community that it needs to be that prevalent at the start, you should probably be on FetLife or something. Like a kink-friendly app.

Yeah, I also don't think there's anything wrong with saying like i i see a ton of profiles yeah saying like whatever whatever kinky whatever or like kink friendly or whatever i'm all for it i just don't feel like i necessarily need to know that because i think it's important like those i don't want to and it's a big reason why I don't want people I match with on dating profiles to listen to the show until we've met. Because I don't want their, their view of what a sexual experience with me is going to be. I don't want it to be colored by anything. Yeah. It's like you want it to come from you naturally and not just to be like something they found out anyway else.

Right. And kink means different things to everyone. Like some people might think that like spanking is kinky whereas other people might the sex canoe yeah whereas other people might think that like hardcore bondage or you know uh consensual non-consent like all that kind of stuff so like kink is a very wide spectrum yeah and i don't want to be like i'm kinky not knowing what the other person's experiencing kink is yeah so i just i just leave it out and then we figure it out once we start having sex and we'll have a conversation because you're gonna figure out that sex stuff anyway so it's like it that's when the conversation comes up i don't know if you need

to like front load it but i i don't think there's any harm in saying if you want to if you want to but dane makes a really good point where it's like kink one person's kink doesn't mean the same thing as another person's so it's like you could be signaling things you don't intend to or know to somebody else or they might be just reading it wrong so yeah it's always a better conversation to have when you can really kind of get into it uh and finally what's the sexiest movie to watch on a date we both have very strong opinions about this stardust and so how many people know what stardust is they all know um i go a slightly different direction and i go donnie darko and some people might say why it's because it because it is, one, a very good movie.

But two, it's a movie so convoluted that no one's going to be upset if you start making it out during. That's the only bad thing about Stardust is it is so good that you might want to watch the whole thing. You don't want to turn away. I always think you're talking about that fucking Brendan Fraser movie with the unicorn. Hey, if it's Brendan Fraser, I think it'll still work. Also sexy. That's my go-to movie i also uh labyrinth is also a go-to for me because i mean you've got two options you've got jennifer connelly or you have david bowie's dick and that's really what more could could get a guy going feel

free to message us your sexy movies after this by the way i got one yeah yeah i'm just i will say well we'll get to that yeah uh as we age our bodies age with us in a culture that values youth how can we age gracefully and keep feeling sexy signed an older millennial aren't we all um that's don't worry about societal standards i think we're getting to a point right now where we're all just kind of vibing. And I think that's like the one strong thing about millennials is we've gone through so many unprecedented times that we're just kind of like, this fucking sucks. Let's have a good time with whatever amount of resources we have at our disposal. Who has time to worry about how young they may appear when we can never afford homes ever? Yeah.

I mean, like, look, the world's going to die soon. Right? So we can complain about getting older, but every day is a gift. Yeah. I think a lot of it is like, you know, obviously it's hard to just be like whoa ignore society or like whatever but like one person's young much like one person's kink isn't another's right yeah so it's like do what makes you feel good and that's where it starts like what other people think if young to you is being active be as active as you can you know what i mean take baby steps if you're you know not if you weren't active previously and

you want to be active you know what i mean like be kind as you're getting into it but like that's it it's like make baby steps where you can worry about the things you can control and like fuck the things you can't you know what i mean like we we're all getting older there's no stop on that and i you know confidence is sexy yes it's it's it's it's a boring sexy thing but if you just like sit in in who you are and and i understand the the desire if if you are feeling uncomfortable in your skin because like i'm probably as out of shape as i've ever been currently and you still look great um it's wild that you laughed at that, but okay. Someone's been waiting to pounce on Dan this whole time.

They're like, this is it. I can't wait to talk about it. But, and like that is something that I've clocked for myself and be like, okay, cool. I know that about me and I'm, you know, doing things to rectify that. But if you look in the mirror or if you wake up and you put on an outfit and you feel fucking good, fucking own that.

Fucking rock that. Because I promise you that it doesn't matter if you're 10 pound heavier than you think you should be or you want to be. Or if your hair is graying or if your hair is thinning or if you're a little wrinkled. Or whatever. No one's going to pay any attention to that if you walk in feeling good. Lizzo is 100% right. If you feel good as hell, everyone's going to pay attention to you,

and that's all that fucking matters. So just own yourself. Own it, love it, and if there's something you want to work on, work on it for you, not for anyone else. Yeah. Thank you. it and if there's something you want to work on work on it for you not for anyone else yeah thank you now this is the best because there is a sketch of us there's a very very good a very cool picture of us that it's probably gonna

get framed at some point in time there's a once again it's a two-parter worst place and time you got a boner uh swimming pool as like a fucking 11 year old and just like swim shorts do the opposite of hiding they accentuate it's just like everything so you're like what it's like yeah it's yeah there's no fucking hiding that so it's like coming up with excuses to stay in the pool, and you're at summer camp, they're like, all right, come on, come on, we got to fucking go, come on. And you're like, in a minute. I'm warm.

I want to stay in the cold water. And then, of course, you're thinking about your dick, and it's like, oh, yeah, I'll stick around. You're like, no, fuck off. And it won't. Yeah. There was a time in drama class where we took drama very seriously in my school. And we would get into like...

Film school? No, this is high school. Okay. I mean, we took it also very seriously in film school. But it was high school. And we would usually, almost like gym, we would change into sweat sweatpants and like uh an athletic shirt to to move around and be active and whatever um and we were doing a scene from romeo and juliet and i was lying on uh the boxes and we did the kiss and i don't know if you've worn sweatpants before

gentlemen also the opposite of hiding a boner but But let me tell you, my dick decided to go camping. I pitched a tent. Yeah. Yeah, you got it. And yeah, so just like in front of everyone, just straight, like lying horizontal. And one part of me was not. And that happened. It's fair.

Just stayed in the pool. You know what? i was just like it happens yeah and i didn't get weird about it and i think that scared a lot of people i don't know if i handled it well but i didn't handle it poorly you never want to scare people with a boner yeah yeah all right what's the next part of that by the way this drawing's fucking tight it's very very good and it will be framed my friend is completely hypnotized by her ex quote-unquote the asshole they've broken up a handful of times but she keeps crawling back to him how can we get her to stay away for good it's fully for her best verbally abusive manipulative bipolar get her to

listen to this podcast oh nice i like that thank you yeah it's very something i'm working with you something i'm you know workshopping uh yeah for sure you can send this into another episode and then we'll pretend it's not from you and we'll just talk about and then you can hear it be great uh this is this is a really hard thing to deal with because a lot of people, and it goes back to the fuck yes and fuck no mentality. A lot of people get convinced that the worst idea is the best idea. And the reason people go back to abusive exes is nine times out of ten a result of a past trauma or an insecurity. and it fills a gap that needs to be filled it's for sure a lack of self-esteem yeah like comfort yeah which is ironic given how uncomfortable abuse is but like it's a really hard thing as a friend to have to be that person to be like hey

this person fucking sucks and like hey you shouldn't do that because often the person you're talking to is like snap like reaction is to be defensive because it feels like by you criticizing their choice you're criticizing them which obviously you're not and i think it's important to get like that clear in the conversation be like i'm not criticizing you this is not you i love you i'm trying to look out for you but this person unfortunately sucks i think for me i found the most success when i don't talk about the other person because it's what you're saying is absolutely correct because when you say that person sucks everyone's hackles get up and they

get defensive and they don't want to do it don't talk about the other person because as you said they're an asshole you don't care about the other person what you care about is your friend and how they feel reacting or interacting with exactly so what i've found i've had the most success in like talking about this stuff with people and people that i care about is i say i don't like how this person makes you feel i don't like how you get when you're with this person you are mistreated you're this you're that and and bring it make it about them yeah and not about the other person because again who gives a fuck about the other person what you care about is your friend like i can't stand seeing you this sad and i have

five times in the last month the last time you dated this person you you know you were abused last time you dated this person you cried last time you did it and that's not something i want to see you go through again so what can i like let's have a conversation about why you think this is a good idea and then try to make it them talking it through with you as opposed to you talking them out of it yeah right if they can give you reasons as to why they're doing this you might be able to get the underlying reason as to why they're going back and then you can suss that out but nine times out of ten i feel like people start thinking critically about this and being like oh yeah there's absolutely no reason

for me to go back because every time i've gone back it fucking sucked yeah it's weird the clarity you can get by speaking a situation out loud in a way that thinking it over never it's why we always talk about whenever you need to have an argument with a partner to not attack them but address the issue and not them right because nothing ever gets solved when you get defensive because then it becomes about – it just becomes like personal slinging and you just start talking about personal shit and then nothing gets solved and you've just hurt each other's feelings and now you're mad at each other and that sucks. So talk about the things that are important to you, which is their safety, their happiness, and hopefully you can get them to see the truth of the matter. Sure. Our friends are furry influencers and want to hang out in public how do we proceed thanks xoxo heart i assume they mean in their fursonas uh which at that point i think you just might have to say sorry there's a dress code oh that's a great one hang out somewhere where they will not

be allowed in in their personas which is everywhere i think a very easy we talked about this in the last two episodes i think where it's like your kinks are for yourself and displaying them in public is you know it's like if someone just decided to right here in the bar they could be like oh i like having sex outdoors you know i like having sex not at home in risky positions and that's great but it's not great when you bring everybody else in on it right you know consent is important for everyone involved and to not that there's i mean like yes there is an inherent sexuality to furry well i was gonna delve into if it's not a sex thing in a second yes if it is just sort of like what they like to do then you might have to be like hey i'm worried that if we go to

this place and you dress up like this that people will make fun of you or it won't be a comfortable situation and i don't know how comfortable i am in a situation because i wish i had the context of what the issue here is. Is it that you're embarrassed to be with them in public? Yeah. You know, is it like that the influencer thing takes over? So it's like, it's not that you're hanging out with them and they're in fursona. It's that you're hanging out with them.

They're in fursona. And they're like, here's content. Here's content. Here's content. And like, you're not really hanging out with them. And then maybe you're just a prop in their instagram following and i think that is its own third separate issue where it's like yeah you can tell your friend hey i don't want to be part of your like instagram side hustle you know i think that's fair so i think there's there's three things there's the embarrassment there's the sex aspect

and there's the you know being used for instagram content and there's yeah I think two of those are very easy to address and the embarrassment is not yeah I mean I think it's I don't think there's any harm much in the way that we've talked about the grandma giving gifts I don't think there's anything wrong with talking to your friends and being like hey I understand this is something you're into it is not something that we're into And I don't think it fits the vibe or the tone of the places that we're going to go. And I think anyone who is chill would be like, yeah, you're right. Cool.

And if you do really like them and you don't give a shit if they do a furry thing, have a house party. Yeah. Right? If you don't give a shit, be like, come on over for dinner. And then just, you know, let's dress up in whatever you want to dress up in as long as you can eat in it or whatever. Like, whatever. But I don't think there's anything wrong with being like, this is. There's only one entrance hole and it's not the mouth.

Yeah, I know. He liked that one. But yeah, have a conversation with them. Be honest. They're furries.'re not gonna get embarrassed uh this is my last one yeah i got one last one yeah um what is grandma giving you for christmas what do you hope she gives you and then someone has drawn out like the old school way of doing a dick on a computer which is a capital b equals equals equals capital d damn you could have drawn a dick y'all

um what's grandma giving you what do you hope grandma gives you um what does grandma give me if it's mine, scones. If it's cool granny, maybe. Why not try something new for Christmas? I don't really know. I think maybe a fun bodysuit for my partner to wear. Okay. So lingerie.

Yeah. I think something like that. Okay. All right. if we're going with what i hope she gives me uh actually i changed my answer uh there's a sex shop in on church street that had this like leather gladiator sexy armor okay and like i always walked by and was like i don't know what it is but it's cool as hell so maybe that maybe my sexy leather gladiator armor i love that honestly yeah i think i would feel pretty cool in it i am frequently infuriated with the lack

of options of sexy clothing for men to wear in the bedroom right yes it is it is so frustrating when someone wears something sexy for me and they're like here's here's some boxers i guess here's the underwear that i wear every fucking day yeah um i would i was like the chippendales like fucking neck and cuffs and that's about it yeah that's like that's there's nothing else it's it's very very hard to find something cool so like yeah i would love for granny to be like here's your sexy leather gladiator armor. Here's your cool armor. Yeah. No, honestly, I wanted it so badly.

I would also happily accept a, I guess bottle is the word I'm looking for. I was trying to think of like. A bottle? Of Fuckwater, which is a Toronto-based lube company that's very, very good. I would love some fuckwater. I ran out of it and I need some more. Cool. So, Granny, if you're listening.

Now that Dane has made it out of Brampton, will he do a weed? 420 what what? No, this is very much like... If we hit 100 Patreon followers, I will do a weed. Stretch goal. I will get there and blast it. No, weed has come to this point

where it's very much like the Avatar movies and Taco Bell where I haven't touched either of them. And they both make you shit. And I now will never touch them out of spite.

Okay. That's just how I feel about it. I just won't do it. If you guys hit 100 Patreon. 100 Patreon. If we hit 100 people on Patreon, I will do an edible. Okay. Alright. Alright.

The third question is just, who dat? You know. You know. And finally, should I get wasted or go to Scarborough? Get wasted. For puss. Oh, okay. That changes things.

That changes everything. That changes things. You zagged on us there. Stay, have a drink or two, then go get some puss. But also, you could probably phrase it better. Don't get too drunk and then go to a booty call that's why i said a drink or two yeah no one wants to babysit you no if you're gonna show up and make their night worse don't fucking go don't do that don't fucking go if you're gonna show up and just

be like but if you're vibing if you're having a good time yeah have a good time also like this is a pretty fun fucking crowd so maybe stick around a little bit i don't know yeah i don't know figure it out you you're an adult and finally we got more landmarks north bay has a house downtown that is covered in junk fridges lights dressers bikes safes etc only interesting thing about the place sad face that says it all doesn't it it is that's how we're gonna finish that bad boy thank you very much for coming it It has been an absolute blast. We couldn't have asked for a better audience. I would like to say a quick thank you to everyone behind the bar

and who has been running around and serving you tonight. Black Sheep does an excellent job. I will also take a quick moment. We signed on to do three shows here at the Black Sheep and this is our last show of our contract. It's true. I know.

If you want to help us out, I would love for you to go on Google and say, we only know about Black Sheep because of the Fuck Buddies podcast. It doesn't even have to be true, even though I know in a lot of cases it is. I don't care if it's true,

but I feel like a lot of people wouldn't be here if it wasn't for us and I want to shove that down their throats so if you if you if you want to keep doing this and you would love to see us back it would really help us out if you if you went on the old Google review or open table if you made a review and left a review on that for us and just be like fuck buddies is a great time thank you you, we love it. We came here because of it.

We'll come back. Something along the lines of that. It would really help us out and it would make us be in a really good position to come back and do another show. And we would love

to keep doing this for y'all. At the end of the episode, we like to hop on online dating platforms like Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge and review online dating profiles. Sometimes so well that people show up with a date that obviously 10 out of 10 profiles we absolutely fucking kill it. And we comb through them for red flags, see what works, see what doesn't work in an effort to make your online dating experience a little more enjoyable. Now, because it's an audio medium, we're're gonna do you you have three reactions available to you boo if you would not swipe or you hate it yay if you would swipe and you love it and meh if it's you know right in

that middle of the road right can everyone do that for us yes excellent uh i'll start us off this is from tinder um this is a man named ct uh his picture is not a picture of him but is a meme saying i'm silently judging your grammar strong strong start don't worry i'm sure it'll get, it doesn't get better. Hello out there. Why should I put a photo up when 90% of everyone else's are fake, filtered, Instagram-like traps? You are not one in a million. You are not one of a million. Have someone, have something in you to shine out from the rest. If I get a chat, great. Quite honestly, could care less.

This place is a source of amusement otherwise. Would you swipe on CT? It's a hard boo it's a hard we're killing CT right after the show CT is done you got some or am I just no you're going oh damn I should have brought more okay so this this is a two-parter same same profile, but it's going to take me a minute to click between windows. So save your judgment. This is Andrew. He's in healthcare. Okay.

This is the best it's going to be for Andrew. This app sucks so bad. At this point, I really don't care about meeting or talking to anyone. Fakes, flakes, social media, sluts. I just want to editorialize this a little bit the s's were dollars they were dollar signs so we're dollars does that make it better but then there's a picture of him and his dog and he says it's a hinge prompt i'm known for compassion and empathy i do also want to note that he has blurred out the eyes of his dog in case you wanted to id him somewhere else he's just really careful about privacy for that that is

honestly a terrifying move uh would you swipe andrew andrew uh now we got bj Okay. He's 38. He's self-employed. Want to know how I know we're all screwed? Because for some reason, most of you ladies make sure to show your butt off in the pictures. There's a question mark. I don't know why. A good bit of the time, it's the first picture too. Don't get me wrong. I like a good butt.

But come on, ladies. Pull yourself together. Act like one. Get treated like one. Anyways, hey, hey. Pull yourself together. Act like one. Get treated like one. Anyways, hey, hey. Would you swipe, Andrew? The really cool thing about this is, I don't know how familiar you are with Tinder, but there is an option to set it so that the picture that people are saying yes to goes to the first.

So I think this says more about Andrew not understanding how it it works yeah i think he was like fine if your butt's the third picture sure yeah first picture absolutely honey you're a real with two dollar signs and then lastly but not leastly we have dina and dina is in a wheelchair and dina says i'm convinced that i'm in this wheelchair because my legs couldn't withstand the weight of my dump truck ass. And there is a peach emoji afterwards. And I got to say, fucking love it. Dina, you're a fucking legend. Would you swipe Dina?

Fucking agreed. Guys, you're all amazing We finish off Does there anything we gotta say Before we finish off this show? Cause we got one more thing You have to thank our Wonderful person

We gotta thank Josh Eagle And the Harvest Cities For their song Paper Stars You might have heard when we came in I promise I never forget to thank him And then we're gonna ride us out Into the The night With a an opening exchange on Tinder.

Because we do bad sex writing at the end of every episode. So this is a man messaging a lady named Julia. So we matched. Okay, what are you looking for, Julia? I'm too old for games. And so far, that's all I've run into in the glorious world of online dating. That's message one message two how's that goal of someday maybe going for a run i've run every day for the past 20 years third message no response no problem i'm sure you

aren't looking for an america-loving trump supporter such as myself best of luck fourth message i'm the oldest of eight Julia I have siblings younger than you get your together I love man I wish I wish I was if you guys have seen the good place I wish I was one of the like the hell architects because it would be almost exclusively men reliving the texts they've sent to women but it's like people they've really respected saying it to them and i think that would be a special kind of hell for these people oh yeah well that man is clearly very confident and together and definitely wouldn't be affected by that yeah it's a while it's it's the thing i love about men is that they are so oblivious to what makes them unattractive

that chances are like like they've gone in he's like oh you haven't you haven't responded to me perhaps i should mention i'm a trump supporter that'll change things. Or it's like now with Andrew Tate, like when guys think that like being an Andrew Tate guy is going to get them laid. And it's just like, as an example, ladies, if someone said, if a dude came up to you and was just like, hey, I'm a big fan of Andrew Tate,

what would your reaction be? Sahara Desert. There we go. Sahara Desert! There we go, there we go. Sahara Desert was one of the answers. Yeah, it's bad, and I love... It sucks, and I hate it, but I do love, as a personal guilty pleasure of mine, watching men not understand why they are so unfuckable.

Thank you very much, friends. My name is Dane Miller. And I'm Niles Bain. And we have been your fuck buddies. Thank you. When you like smoke bombs.