F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 242 - A Ride for the 1.3%

Episode Date: May 29, 2023

We're back, baby!  Niall's finally returned, so we're back in the closet bringing you another fresh episode.  Topics include teaching an old dog new tricks, blowjob trauma, stealthy snack stealing, emotional overload after sex, the things women do for safety, drug trouble.

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dane Miller. And I'm Niall Spain. And we're your fuck buddies. We are a dating sex advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations and turn them into sexy, sticky situations.

Simply put, we are a sex and dating advice podcast where we find questions either online or from our wonderful listeners. And we answer them right here, right now, every Monday for your ear pleasure. And wouldn't you know it, look who decided to show up today. Yeah, it's Dane. Look who decided that he was done gallivanting around the world on his fancy super yacht and

bless us peons with his presence. Like, I just have so much more of a lease on life now that I've experienced the Mediterranean lifestyle. So be prepared for that to be the answer to everything today. The only thing Niall has done is just post nonstop pictures of him in those white houses, the white balconies, you know what I mean?

That every person on their Tinder profile has a picture who's ever gone to the Mediterranean just standing on balconies. To be fair, that didn't happen. It's all he's doing. Are you ready? Yeah. Yeah, you ready? Let's start off with some user-submitted questions. And I say questions because this person did send us two.

Okay. I don't know if they know they sent us two because they have the exact same title, same subject. I don't't know it's pretty much the same question too right it pretty much is now they did put a name for their agent name but it seems like it might be their name should we just give them an agent name yeah let's give let's air on the side of caution and air on the side i'm sorry if you chose this real name as your agent name and now you're like these assholes you're gonna be agent a hockey stick because i can see

a hockey stick in this room uh their subject is am i happily married we have been married 41 years and my husband listens to your podcast hell yeah i'm always horny and he's horrible in bed should i look elsewhere or is he looking elsewhere sexually frustrated and then the next one also am i happily married i'm always horny and my husband's sex drive is really low and he's not good in bed at all. But he listens to your podcast. Should I look elsewhere or is he looking elsewhere? Signed, sexually frustrated. Well, I'm glad we changed the name because if he listens to the show, then we definitely don't want to doxia at all.

41 years is a long time to be with someone, especially if you don't know if you are happy with that person. Yeah. I feel like there comes a point in time, and I'm not saying this to diminish the issues that you're having currently, because a sexual relationship is still important in a relationship. But I feel like there comes a point in time where the hierarchy needs change. And that's why we always talk about things like, you know, after a certain amount of time, the sex that you have with your partner typically diminishes. You start having less sex with your partner the longer you're with them. And that's obviously there are exceptions and there are reasons and whatever, but it's just

sort of like the sex is no longer required to facilitate the closeness that you feel with someone when you've been with them for a long period of time. That's one thing that's going to happen to men's libido starts to drop off. I presume you are at least 41 years old. Well, I'm hoping they're at least 61 years old yeah you know within that margin i'm guessing in like 50s 60s ish in in that area and that's when men if it's a typo and they've only been married 14 years i mean you know what it all still stands 14 years 41 years both a long time well i mean the point i'm gonna make doesn't really stand, but like men's male, the male libido, uh, begins to dip in this stage of life as well.

So that's also something you have to, to understand and deal with. Um, there are obviously medications and things that help, uh, with male arousal, uh, especially as the libido declines, you're also experiencing or have gone through menopause, I also assume, which is also like a sexual awakening for women of that age as well. There tends to be a spike in libido later in life for women as well. So the mismatch there could be just simply getting old together. But I feel like we need to talk about the he's bad in bed part. Yeah.

Well, you raised a really good point. And we all know that the longer in a relationship, unfortunately, stuff like that tends to lag. And I think it's just it's just human nature. I don't think there's anything to be too upset about. I think you can make conscious efforts to try to keep the spark alive, but you need to communicate that. And I would love to know what you have tried to do with regards to communication. Is this it? Try to reach through them through the podcast? Because hey, I respect it, but it's weird if that's all you've done. Yeah. And I understand that you're also coming from a generation, typically, that wasn't super open about sexual needs, especially for women. So I think

what you need to do, as now said, open a line of communication with your husband and be like, hey, lately I've been feeling unsatisfied sexually and I would like to work to fix that. Whether that is, you know, maybe going and seeing a sex therapist or going to see a doctor. If there's, you know maybe going and seeing a sex therapist or going to see a doctor if there's you know a physical medical issue that is preventing him from wanting to have sex or just saying something as simple as like i would like to have a little bit more sex yeah or i would like to have sex in this way and see uh you know what because i i can't guess what he's going to say. Like, maybe he's going to be like, no, I don't want to. And like, okay, then maybe you need to, you have to expand the conversation into discussing why that is.

And I will say, and this isn't my favorite topic to talk about, but unfortunately, sometimes relationships run their course. 41 years is a great run. And if you are no longer happy, then I think that perhaps, especially if you are considering, should I look somewhere else? Well, we got to talk about that in a second. If that is where you're leaning towards, if you are now starting to think that perhaps you would like to pursue sexual or romantic relationships with someone else, I think you

need to end the relationship you're in because it's bad enough to be unfaithful to a partner, but to be unfaithful to a partner you were with for 41 years is it just seems cheap, right? Like it just seems like such a cop out. You have this really tough decision to make. And instead of making that decision and including your partner in that decision, you are just essentially jettisoning 41 years of your life together into the big old garbage dump of infidelity. Like it just sucks. Yeah. It's not a good look. And the funny thing is, I don't really know what the tone of this message is, because there is a like, he listens to your podcast. Is he looking somewhere else? And it's

like, I don't know if you've ever listened to the podcast. So for all I know, she might think we're part of the problem. But I will tell you now, if he's listening to the podcast, we say it all the time. Don't cheat. That's shit. So if he listens, I presume he's not looking elsewhere because we say it all the time and we're going to say it to you. Don't fucking cheat. That's shit. So if he listens, I presume he's not looking elsewhere because we say it all the time. And we're going to say it to you. Don't fucking cheat. That's not the way out. It just flat out isn't.

If you're so miserable that you need to do something like this, break up with them, have a divorce or talk about opening it up. You know what I mean? You don't fucking stab them in the back. It's not a fake shit. Like I said, it's just such a cop out. You were with this person for 41 years. You've given 41 years of your life. don't fucking stab them in the back. It's not a fake shit. Like I said, it's just such a cop-out. You were with this person for 41 years.

You've given 41 years of your life. You can spend, you know, however long this conversation takes, feeling uncomfortable or miserable or unhappy or unpleasant or whatever, to end it. And I understand it's not easy. It's not the ideal solution. But let me tell you, if you get caught cheating, it's going it's not the the ideal solution but let me tell you if you get caught cheating it's gonna end probably in the same way and you're just a bad guy yeah and then you literally are the bad guy yeah and then it's just like you know there's there's no i think a lot of

people would understand being like hi we lived a good life we had a good run i love them but we're just not compatible anymore i think a lot of people would understand that. I think, you know, kids and stuff like that might have a hard time. It might be a tough pill to swallow watching your parents who have been married for 41 years. If you guys have kids. A better pill than I cheat on your dad. Yeah. And I will say that's a last ditch effort.

You know, I think that's if you don't communicate or if you try and it goes really poorly. You know what I mean? I don't think you should jump to that lightly unless you know in your heart that that's what you want. But if you don't try to fix the problem, I think copping out of your relationship, I think it is a cop out if you just bail. So again, I love in the second message, but he listens to your podcast. It's almost accusatory. We are not telling anyone to cheat now it is interesting that she talks about how he's not good in bed you guys have been together

for so long yeah at this point in time if if you haven't dialed that in you know i don't know how successful you're going to be at teaching an old dog new tricks but there's no harm in trying i just would love to know again like have you tried and it's been so long and he just refuses? Cause then, yeah, we got a problem. But if you've never given him guidance and you've never kind of like taken up your half of the effort in bed, which is guiding and letting people know and providing feedback and, you know, working as a fucking team, if you haven't done that, you need to. Yeah. I mean, a lot of the problem when a partner is unsatisfied it's rare that the other person is aware of it we get instances where it's like people are just like hey i want you to go down he's like no i don't like doing that sure um and if that's the case then

you know we have a little bit more to stand on in terms of like the you're not happy you've tried your best it's time to move on but for 41 years you haven't said anything, if you've faked orgasms or if you've never really had a conversation or helped tell him what you like, or if you don't know what you like, then this is this is a much bigger problem than he's bad in bed. Because sex is a two person minimum activity. And if you're not participating on the level that he needs in order to pleasure you, then that is also your fault. And again, I'm not trying to blame anyone here, but hey, he's listened to the podcast. He knows what I'm about to say. But communication is the most important thing. Yeah, that's the thing. Again, like there's a lot more ammunition in the divorce quiver.

If you have had this conversation, he stoically refuses to do what you need or want. But if you haven't had this conversation, as Dane said, that's on you. He can't read your fucking mind, right? So I just communication, open those lines of communication. I feel like we haven't done that yet.

So that needs to be step one. And if you have and everything just hasn't worked, then yeah, maybe divorce is the option. But feel like we haven't done that yet. So that needs to be step one. And if you have, and everything just hasn't worked, then yeah, maybe divorce is the option, but you know, it isn't looking somewhere else and cheating. Yeah.

I don't really know what else to say, but good luck. This is rough. If you're a husband listening to the podcast and you're now in fear, I'm sorry. Didn't mean to ruin your Monday like that. Beat her to the punch. Dump her first.

Yeah. Or cheat on her first. Don't cheat on her. Just kidding. That's all we talk about on this podcast. Welcome to Fuck Buddies, where you get to fuck your buddies behind your wife's back. Now that she stopped listening, let's get into our newest seduction technique. Five ways to cheat on your wife in the worst way possible.

Getting worse from one to five. Start type one while they're at work. Hit me type two dane cheat on her that was already yes sure it's just that five times give me a question uh this is live wallaby am i being unreasonable i an 18 year old male on my first serious relationship with an 18 year old female my girlfriend that i've been best friends with since kindergarten we We are dating for four months. I know it's not a big time, but I really feel very connected with her. Like, she's the one. The problem is that she really likes giving blowjobs, and I'm not a big fan of it because once I was hooking up with a girl and she bit my D and I had to go to the hospital. Since then, I've never really had any blowjobs.

I don't like the sensation, being so vulnerable. I don't feel pleasure from it. When she makes a move to blow me, I try to stop her. She gets mad slash disappointed slash sad. I tell her that I don't like it, but she tells me that she likes it and sex is about giving and receiving, and that I'm not good at receiving. I don't know what to think. Am I wrong in this situation?

Have you explained why you don't like it? This. That right there. Because like one is one is vague. One is specific. Specifics generally work better. And maybe don't even talk about the other person. Just like, hey, once somebody injured it and it's really hard for me to get over that trauma, I am sorry.

Yeah. I mean, sexual trauma is a very real thing. There's a lot of things that people trigger with or don't like or, you know, have had a bad experience in the past. And therefore, that has really impacted their sexual preferences later on in life. And that is 100% understandable and fair. And we get it. So, like Niall said, it's very important to not just be like, no, I don't like it. No, I don't like it. No, I don't like it because that it's hard to believe. I understand like as much as you should trust your partner, but having an 18 year old male be like, I don't want a blow job. Hmm. Seems suspicious. Yeah. Is that fair? No, but no. Is it also what's going

to happen? Yes. And is she going to internalize that and think it's something to do with her? Fully. say like, hey, one time someone bit my dick. Someone really hurt me. And I have a hard time getting past that mental block. And if we want to have enjoyable sex, it's probably not going to start with a blowjob. I'm sorry. And let's talk about sex is about giving and receiving. It is. But you know what it's also about? Consent. Consent. You can't be like, oh, well, you need to receive the anal you don't want like that's not how it works so while yes it is about giving and receiving it is more so above pretty much everything about consent so it doesn't matter i will say it blow jobs are fantastic and i would hate for you to miss out on them because of one bad experience right that really

sucks um i understand that what you went through was probably very traumatic and probably very painful. But I think if you have a partner that you can explain the situation to, you can start easing back into it. Try to maybe talk to a therapist to help you deal with the trauma for sure. Maybe find someone who deals specifically in sexual based trauma and start working through that issue because it does really suck from my point of view to go through life, not wanting to get blowjobs. Oh, for sure. But you know what?

It's never going to get better if you don't have a partner that's like, okay, I trust you. Or like, I respect that. You know, I think that needs to be step one before he can ease back into it. Sure. So try not to cut yourself off from happiness. Try to work on these things instead of just being like, well, that's it for me now. But also you do need a partner you can trust who will respect where you're coming from. Yeah. So I definitely explain to your partner the specifics of why you feel this way.

And as Nelson, I think that's an excellent point or opportunity to gauge how they're going to react to it. Because if they don't understand or if they berate you or if they're just like, well, I'm not that person, I'm not going to do it. It's like, well, I'm not saying you're that person. I'm not saying you're going to do it. I'm saying the reason I don't like it is because when it happens, that's all I can think about. Yeah. I am worried and scared and uncomfortable and none of those things follow logic, right? You have a phobia. It's not about logic. So it doesn't matter if you're not that person. No, not at all. All right. Another one?

Yeah. This is by deleted user. Is it okay to steal food if you're staying over? So if I'm staying over at a date's place, is it okay for me to take their food? I always thought you should ask first before doing so. Even when I had a girlfriend and I stayed at her place, I never felt entitled to eat their food by asking first. Is this a gendered thing? Does it matter if you have to cook the day?

Or does it matter if you have to cook the food? Or is it only for food you can grab and eat? Is it okay to take the last bit of food or only if you leave some? Does this apply to friends staying over or only dates? And this was, I guess, in response to a question about a woman who stole a protein bar, which was a different question. No, don't take things that don't belong to you. It doesn't matter who you are. Yeah.

Or what your relationship is. I can't imagine sneaking off to someone's cupboard and like nicking something while they're like asleep. You know, if they're awake, you ask. If they're not awake, you fucking deal with it. And like, I understand there are, you know, always exceptions. Like if you have low blood sugar or something and you wake up and you he's there asleep and you go and have a glass of juice or, you know, a snack or whatever. That's fine. You know, don't die over it or anything.

Obviously don't die over it. And, you know, then in the morning be like, hey, I'm really sorry. You know, if it is a, you know, a bar or like a something be like, hey, I'm really sorry. I woke up, had to steal a little whatever, you know, next time we're out, I'll buy a lemonade or I'll buy, you know, can I replace it? Like that to me is what I would do. To this day, I would never go into someone's fridge and even like, I wouldn't even open the fridge and be like, can I have one of those? Can I have that? I would always wait for them to offer me something.

Like if I was hungry, I would be like, Hey, do you want to get takeout? Or like, Hey, is there a place nearby we can go? Cause I'm starving. I wouldn't be like, do you have food? That would be weird. That would seem very presumptuous. I think it would make someone uncomfortable, possibly. And also the onus is kind of on them to then make the food, too, because it's their place. Like, there's no way, again, blood sugar problems notwithstanding. Otherwise, like, yeah, maybe it sucks, but you can last till morning.

And if you can't, go home. Yeah. Be like, hey you can last till morning. And if you can't, go home. Yeah. Be like, hey, I'm really sorry. For whatever reason, I became absolutely ravenous and I got really, really hungry. It was really uncomfortable. I was in pain. And so I went home and had something to eat. And if that's you and this happens to you on the regular, bring your own snack.

Pack a snack. Pack a snack. Have a little snack pack. But yeah, I think it's weird. And also like a lot of people these days have roommates because, you know, the economy. So you have no real guarantee if what you're mowing down on is even theirs, which makes it far worse. Nobody wants their fucking, yeah, their hookup to be like eating Dave's protein bars that he spends $5 each on. And it's like you've made it weird between you and your date. And now you've made it weird for your date and your roommate. you've you've made it weird between you and your date and now you've made it weird for your date and your roommate and now you've made it

weird for you and the roommate and like if you ever come over again that guy's gonna be like great and have to fucking lock up my protein bars yeah yeah and he'll know it's you too because you're gonna be so jacked from all that pro just so fucking swole just so indescribably swole. Fuck, here comes his jacked girlfriend. So, yeah, don't. Don't steal food. The very fact that you're using the term steal says it all. That's a crime. That is a crime.

And guess what? We're the date police. You're under arrest. You're under arrest. Hands above your head right now. You think this is a podcast? This is a fucking four-year-long sting operation. Also, the other person. 41-year-long sting operation. Also, the other person.

41-year-old sting operation. Yeah. Or time date cops. It's true. This is from Rich Queen. Hell yeah. I cry every time I have sex. Oh, I don't know. I, female 22, have never had penis and vagina sex, but I have other experiences like anal and fingering. And there's a

certain sensation, it's not an orgasm, that makes me cry every time. Can't help myself. It just happens. And I start crying and I can't stop myself. My current boyfriend asked me if I've been sexually assaulted before, but I haven't. I don't know why this happens, and I don't know if it's related to some sort of trauma. Has anyone ever experienced

this? It's really strange to me that you skipped to anal. I haven't done the other stuff. I would love to know why. I would love to know, because that to me that you skipped to anal. I haven't done the other stuff. I would love to know why. Like, I would love to know, because that to me almost, again, I'm sure there could be reasons, like maybe vagismus, vaginismus, you know, or something. But to me, it almost screams like, oh, that doesn't really count as sex. So I'm not losing my virginity. Wink.

Jesus won't be mad at me. Wink. And if you're super religious or from a super conservative family and that's what you're doing, maybe that's the issue it's triggering. Not yet. You know, 100 percent. That's that was one of my things. But also, so I went to school for acting and there is a specific kind of breath work that you do that like really like is activated by like pelvic floor and like really, really deep in your guts. And any good teacher who does this is like, hey, this is this could fuck you up because I don't know the science behind it, but a lot of our trauma gets stored there. And it's a

part that like we don't really access. And when it's accessed, it just kind of like opens a floodgates of emotion. And there's really no it's not like having a specific trigger towards something. So it's not like, oh, I felt this sensation before because I was sexually assaulted or I felt this sensation before because of this reason. It has no tie to that. Like you could have unresolved feelings about a divorce or a breakup or whatever, and it just sits there. And so I remember doing this class and I, in my opinion, have very little severe trauma. I've, I've lived a very charmed life in terms of like bad things happening. And I remember doing this breathwork class and getting fucked up and just like being overwhelmed and like getting

to the point of, of almost like tears. And I wasn't alone. Like a good majority of the class got really, really overwhelmed by this stuff. Um, so much so that like, there was a student who attempted suicide after the class one year, um, which is why it's like, we don't like, no one really does it anymore specifically because of that, because it is like very much a, with, without the proper, like aftercare of it, it's, it's, it's bad. It opens up like just this floodgate of fucking emotion. And a lot of people don't know how to deal with it. So depending on what you're doing and how you're doing it, this could be the result of some sort of like triggering of this, like pelvic floor

tension area that is just opening up those floodgates for you. So you might need to, uh, there are doctors who specialize in like pelvic floor, um, and pelvic area tension and trauma might be worth going to see one of them and talking to them about it and, and seeing if there is something that you can do and work through to, to help resolve this. Yeah. That's the thing. I feel like we don't have enough information to base things on things, but also we are not professionals. So I do think you should probably go see a sex, but you're fingering and the, the lining is, is remarkably thin between anus and vagina to the point where like you can tear it through enough anal sex. So it's,

it's, it's all the same area and it might be worth going to see a medical professional and then going to see a mental health professional to sort of suss this out. Yeah. So apparently it's called post-coital dysphoria and a surprising amount of women have it. Yeah. Like 30%. It's a lot.

So there you go. You're not alone, but I'm sure there are ways. They don't have it. They have experienced it. Experienced it. Yeah. I'm sure there are ways to deal with this this and treat it at least being aware of it at least talking to a professional like worst case will just reassure you you know what i mean if they're just like hey

this is a thing so people have it i'm sure even that alone will be nice for you to know but yeah i still feel like there's probably a religious aspect to this. Yeah, there's probably definitely a reason why you're avoiding vaginal sex, and that I would not be surprised if it didn't tie into it. Alright. I've got another question here for you, Dane. My girlfriend, 21-year-old female, danced

with a middle-aged man when I, 22-year-old male, was ordering a drink. I'm a 22-year-old male, my girlfriend is 21, and we've been dating for around 11 months. Her and I went to this bar with a few friends. It's mostly filled with middle age to older crowd compared to the college bar we go to. I was waiting at the bar trying to get a drink for 10-ish minutes. When I was waiting at the counter, my friend tapped me on the back and I turned my head and saw her briefly dancing with this middle-aged guy for like 15 seconds or so. She wasn't grinding or anything, but this guy was twirling her around. I asked her why she did that

and she said, he pulled me out of my seat, and I made sure to keep my distance. I knew you would come to rescue me. The guy that pulled her up was a bit tipsy, I could tell, but that doesn't matter. Her reaction does. What makes me mad is why she didn't sit back down as soon as she got pulled up. This has been on my mind for the past few days. This was his girlfriend, you

said? Yeah. I mean, this is just really boring jealousy. Yeah. Right? Like, it is just really boring jealousy yeah right like it is just just straight up you're jealous that another dude had a relatively harmless interaction with your partner um granted he overstepped his bounds for sure you know just grabbing a woman and twirling them around or pulling them out of their seat unacceptable not cool sure i i understand being upset about that but you specifically say that's not the problem you say the problem is is the fact that she didn't you know go into purity mode and be like how dare you touch me and like you know hold on

to her chair for dear life so that you know and like it just shows a lack of one uh trust in your partner to social awareness that like women are scared that's a dangerous thing to do to especially an older guy so a lot of women do things that they don't want to do because it is the safest option for them to do it to be like to pull away from someone is he you have no idea how they're going to react yeah she chose the least the way of least resistance the least dangerous route she got up she kind of did a half-hearted like we're dancing 15 fucking seconds dude then she was out of there right think of it from her point of view all the things she could have done would have to been pretty dramatic like yank her hand out of his hand, immediately

sit back down. These are all things that they're just not socially chill things to do, really. You know what I mean? She knows she'll do them, and it'll make everything awkward and weird, and she has no idea who this stranger is, and they put her in this shitty position, so she's being

polite, but she's being safe, and I don't think you can fault her for that. In fact, I think you really need to not fault her for that. You need to take a minute and empathize and put yourself in her shoes. Yeah. At the end of the day, if you weren't there, it probably would have been the exact same interaction. Yeah.

Right. And if you don't think it would be, if you think that the only reason she stopped dancing with this guy was because you were there then you don't trust your partner and you have you you have so much jealousy that like you think that like what did you think was going to happen do you think that like every time you're not around any man can just pull her off her chair and fuck her yeah and that's the thing do you really think she's trying to slyly hook up with some dude while you're at the bar? Like, that doesn't make sense. And also, let me just say right now, if this is a bar you frequent and you're waiting 10 minutes for a drink, you're probably an asshole. I believe it's what place they don't usually frequent, because they said, compared to the college bar we go to.

Well, either way, you guys are probably being idiots. No one waits 10 minutes for a drink. Yeah, you just got to be fucking empathetic. Put yourself in your girlfriend's shoes. She was put in an awkward position and she did what she thought was best, which arguably probably was best. And now you're punishing her for being put in a bad position. So maybe don't.

Again, it's so much unawareness of the realities that women have to go through. Yeah. And that to me makes me think that like you are probably a contributor to that problem. You're definitely not helping. Yeah. So, I mean, fucking relax.

Stop being jealous. Understand that women sometimes do things that obviously aren't the best course of action, but are the safest course of action because for all they know, pulling away from a guy is going to get them murdered. And I'm not being hyperbolic. That is 100% a thing that can happen. Yeah. So stop being a dick, get over it.

And if you can't break up, because if you don't trust your partner, you shouldn't be dating them. And honestly, if you're going to punish people for being put in awkward positions and doing the best they can, you shouldn't be dating them. And honestly, if you're going to punish people for being put in awkward positions and doing the best they can, you shouldn't be dating them. Yeah. Like I, I, it just, it, it blows my mind. And I'm like, I'm not trying to make myself seem like, you know, the paragon of, of non-jealousy or whatever. But like, if I saw my partner, like if an older drunk dude, you know, took the hand of someone I was seeing and started dancing and they didn't seem like an immediate threat. And my partner didn't seem like they were terrified or hating their life.

I would think it was kind of funny, you know, like I would be like, oh, that's cute. And I wouldn't care. You know, obviously it would change if my partner looked upset or uncomfortable or nervous or if they were just like all over them, dragging them into the back. Yes. Yeah. Right? But like if it was just like a harmless twirl while, you know, a live band played, like fucking relax

dude. Breathe. So just be chill. Be empathetic. Put yourself in their fucking shoes for two minutes. This is bubbly blueberry. Bubbly blueberry. Bubbly blueberry. Bubbly blueberry. My boyfriend told me he started using substances when partying, and it's making me upset.

I, a 26-year-old female, have been dating a male, 25, for a year now. We had mutual friends since high school, but, or we had been mutual friends since high school, but didn't talk until after college. I always knew he'd like going out with his friends to bars and drink. the biggest fan of alcohol but I can't control anyone's actions nor do I want to a while ago my boyfriend went to a rave and when he came home he told me he drank so much he blacked out but it could have been the drugs I was shocked when he said drugs I knew about the drinking but not the drugs I told him that he needed to be careful taking drugs from people he doesn't know he said he's smart and he knows what to do so I left him alone. Fast forward to this past weekend. He went

on a mini vacation with his friends. I again knew they'd be drinking but then he told me that some of his friends brought drugs. Not just like weed but other more addictive drugs. I was extremely mad but kept my cool and told him that I hope he had fun. I'm sure some of you are thinking he's an adult and he can make his own decisions and you're so right. He totally can. My disdain for his drinking and drug use is because he has a history of substance abuse within his family. His brother is an alcoholic and has been to rehab three times. One of his close friends had overdosed on drugs and died. I know I can't make him stop. And if I did, it would drive a wedge between us. But I'm honestly scared for him and his safety and well-being. i don't mind him going out and getting drunk with his friends but now it's going past drunk he's blacking out every

weekend i don't know what i should do or if i should do anything at all well firstly it doesn't seem like you're cool with the drinking even though you're saying it yeah it sounds like you're making a concession of being like you you aren't comfortable with people getting drunk but you understand that like maybe so a little more socially acceptable to drink or like now in face of the other things you're like well retroactively now i'm okay with the drinking but i'm not okay with this and you know as long as he's not driving it is relatively more safe than uh doing certain drugs um especially things like cocaine, MDMA, things that are now currently being laced with stuff like fentanyl that have, you know, are actively leading to a exponential amount of deaths nowadays. Yes, I would be if I had to choose between a substance my partner was

using, I'd rather them go and drink than go and do copious amounts of cocaine with strangers. Yeah, for sure. I think the question asker already kind of knows what's going on here. They can't make this person stop. So the choice remains of can you deal with it? And if not, you cannot date. And if yes, then continue to date, but let them do what they want. You can express your concerns if you want. But like like if they if this is what they want to do, they're going to do it. Yeah, I think it's important. And like I empathize with the question asker a lot because I have a very similar sort of stance, especially on hard narcotics and specifically things like cocaine, which are prevalent in a lot of the industries and circles that I tend to hang out in where I never want to be like if if it's a constant thing or a frequent use it would it sucks to be at home if your friend or your your

partner is out and be like I wonder if this is the night she gets a bad batch dies because like I know none of their friends have Narcan to help deal with this overdose. And I don't really know if I trust their friends to be responsible enough to use it anyway. So it's I understand that concern and that concern sucks. So I think it's worth being like, hey, here's how I feel. I'm worried that no matter how smart you are, I'm sorry, but you can't sniff out fentanyl laced cocaine. You know, you can't look at it and be like, that's not the batch for me. And you have no idea, like,

you don't know where your best friend Dave got his stuff. So it's, there is a level of danger that you take and a level of risk that you take when you start using these kinds of substances. So it's, there's no harm, I don't think, in saying, hey, it concerns me. I I'm really worried about you. I know you're trying to be as safe as you can, but there is a, an element of danger that you have no control over. It doesn't matter how smart you think you

are. You, you can't tell the difference between a, a safe batch of cocaine and a fentanyl laced batch of cocaine. You just can't and see how they see how they react. If they straight up say, like, I don't care. It doesn't matter. I'm going to do it. Then, like, as now said, you got to bounce because it's going to fuck your mental health up so much, constantly worrying about your partner. And the thing is, I feel like a lot of people when they're encountering stuff like this, it's like, oh, you're being judgmental.

You're being blah, blah, blah. It's like you being scared for someone is a thing. If you're scared of someone and you don't want to have to live with that fear, that's fine. You know what I mean? You're only judgmental if you then start judging. Don't be a dick about it if you do break up. But like, I don't know, my ex had a really bad cocaine addiction and it was hell living with that. So I completely understand.

So, you know, if someone's lifestyle doesn't match yours, you're allowed to break up. And you said that you cannot change them unless they're willing to be changed. So by all means, make your case, let them know what you think. But like, if this is a deal breaker for you, it can be a deal breaker for you. Absolutely. There is no harm and there's nothing wrong with protecting your sanity when it comes to someone else's decisions. Yeah.

And I don't think it's now said, like, as long as you're not being a fucking asshole about it or being super judgmental or condescending to someone about their choices, just saying like, hey, I'm concerned for you and I don't want to live my life wondering when I'm going to get the call that you've OD'd. That's that's just not how I want to live my life. That sucks. That to get the call that you've OD'd. That's just not how I want to live my life. That sucks. That sucks for me. That sucks for you. I'm going to be probably more overbearing on you, or I'm going to be more distant with you. And it just makes no sense to continue on a relationship that I have no choice but to assume is going to end poorly.

Or even if it doesn't, like if every weekend you're just terrified or freaking out or like can't sleep, that sucks. Even if nothing ever happens, if you're going to be miserable every time they're out, that's not a good life for either of you guys. That's what I mean. If you're convinced that the only way this ends is a phone call that they've died, then you're not going to make long-term plans. You're not going to want to marry someone that you feel that way about. Either way, if you're going to be miserable, that's not a good relationship. So have the chat with them by all means, explain where you're coming from and then see what they say. It probably won't change anything. And if it doesn't, that's up to you to decide whether it's a deal breaker or not. If it is, break up. If it isn't, you do have to get over it then if you choose that it isn't a deal break yeah at the end of the episode we like to hop on to online dating platforms such as tinder bumble hinge and

peruse them for a red flag see what works see what doesn't work in an effort to make your online dating experience a little more enjoyable and i have some tinder news. And this is interesting. Tinder is changing their community guidelines. And we'll see how much of this. A lot of them I agree with. One, don't use Tinder to advertise, promote, sell stuff, fundraise, or campaign. Sharing your social handles and your bio is also prohibited. So no more linking to Snapchat and Instagram for followers.

Steer clear of spreading false or misleading information. Submitting false reports is also not okay. Either will get you kicked off the app. Sure, great. Don't post screenshots of messages. Now, I don't know if that means within the app or at all. Yeah, I don't know.

I don't know if there is a clarification of that because i feel like that might be them covering their asses to make tinder seem not as bad but i understand like not posting other people's messages and profiles on your profile because that's not okay here's another one that has been a little bit of a controversy. Tinder is not the place to find your sugar relationship. Hmm. Interesting. Harmful behavior like doxing,

sexortion, discrimination, and blackmailing is not tolerated. And finally, another one that has, has had people ruffled a few feathers open and poly relationships are cool, but each party must have their own account. No joint accounts.

Okay. I don't see... Well, I guess it makes it slightly more work to do, but... Yeah, that one I'm fine with. I understand why you do that. Cool. I'm fine with that. Now, I know a lot of people have had problems

with the sugar relationship decision. I guess because it would be the same as being like oh don't like they're a sugar relationship is still a relationship and they're classifying it as as something that is not tolerated on the app and it's like well what about other types of relationships right like it's not it's not like they're saying like oh don't you know anyone looking for you know horseplay also not allowed yeah no it is interesting i wonder how they would even police that i'm assuming it's going to be a combination of like a bot that kind of scans for keywords and stuff words and shit yeah and then also probably for based on reports so you could report a profile if you see them looking for it i don't know i guess like it's their app they're allowed to

say what types of things they're willing to put up with i don't necessarily see it as being too bad and i wonder if like part of it is meant to sort of curb like sex trafficking stuff and and i wonder if this is also their way of like kind of buckling down on the escort service as well and i know they're not the same i'm not saying that sugar relationships are equivalent to these things um but i think it might be a blanket term that they can throw over and just be like anyone looking for money or goods in exchange for sex are not allowed on this platform. So I don't know. They're interesting changes.

I don't think any are particularly bad. And I think some are good. So fair play. Yeah. I really like I'm interested to see what happens with the social handles, like how they're going to maintain that. Yeah. And honestly, I think it's probably a pretty good idea because it means if anyone is there literally just trying to scrape follows they're not going to so that cuts down on a bunch of like fake profiles effectively

yeah also probably safer for people who are like young and dumb and don't think about internet privacy or safety as well yeah 100% where people who you know on tinder also have their instagram open with like where they work, where they go to school. Yeah, for sure. Okay. You want a Tindy? You want a profile?

Yeah. It's funny because I know I haven't read this one out, but I also read something so similar to this. But anyway, this is a guy. All you women suck. You want a guy that looks good and is funny and provides money and security, but you bring nothing to the damn table. Don't be a useless hoe.

Just be a cool person to chill with. If you're worth my time, I'll be worth yours. You ain't number one until we connect, just like I ain't number one either. Stop being stupid. Can't think of a better way to do a profile. That's 10 out of 10. Right? I think, honestly, guys, if you're looking for a profile right there, like, the aggression, the disparagement, the blanket statements,

no details about themselves at all, perfect. Yeah. And I really think that, like, telling potential partners not to be idiots are stupid. Yeah, yeah, that's pretty good. Because, like, sometimes I don't know, right? I'm talking to someone like, should I be stupid? Should I be an idiot right now?

Should I be so fucking dumb? Now, alternatively, I feel like there are a lot of guys on Tinder who probably do need that reminder. You know what? Actually, yes. Obviously, this profile gets a zero. I will say there's one shred of glimmer of hope, and that's where he's like, you're not number one, but neither

am I. I was like, okay. Wow, look at you. Just a shred of okayness. A slight hint of self-awareness. Yeah, yeah. This is, I didn't get their name, I don't think. Silly me. So that was obviously a zero. But I'm going to guess, judging by their Instagram handle, I'm going to guess

their name is Lauren. Their profile says, big tits, even bigger heart. Just a hoe trying to be a housewife. Borderline alcoholic. I'd love to trauma dump. I hate all men, but unfortunately, God didn't make me a lesbian. Sad face. It just got worse as it went.

It was almost good for the first three lines. Trauma dumping, not fun. Borderline alcoholic, are you okay? Not a charming thing to put in your profile. And then I hate all men. Okay, cool. I can't wait to meet you. Yeah, I'm sure you're going to be a blast.

Yeah, not at all. So it's just going to be also a zero. And like my typical first date is I like to go for drinks. I would feel so uncomfortable being like, hey, so you self-identify as a borderline alcoholic. Would you like to go grab a beverage like that? Yikes. Bad. Bad, bad, bad. Yeah.

This one is weird. This is Taylor, 30. The point scale is as follows. Plus five if you own a one wheel. Plus ten if you own two. Plus two if you enjoy music festivals. Plus two if you own a motorcycle.. Plus 10 if you own two. Plus two if you enjoy music festivals. Plus two if you own a motorcycle. Plus seven if you're over 30.

Plus five if you like German cars. Plus 10 if you can work on German cars. Plus two if I determine you're funny. Plus 15 if you're emotionally aware. Minus 15 if you send me multiple messages. 10 if you didn't read the ride. Minus 10 if you didn't read the ride requirements. Minus 10 if you didn't read the ride requirements. Minus 80 for

whatever I feel like. Ride requirements 78 inches or taller. You may be disqualified for any reason at any time. Who measures height in inches? I don't fucking know, man. I'm guessing it's 6 foot. I'm going to say it's probably higher. It's 6.5.

That's so tall. It is very tall. 6'5". That's so tall. I love there was a video going around of a dude. I'm pretty sure it's like a fairly toxic TikTok account, but I thought it was interesting what they were doing where they were going around asking women what their like baseline requirements are so it was like yeah not overweight earn a certain amount this height and they're like cool that's

0.3 percent of the population and then being like uh it's like that those are your standards 0.3 percent of the population um and i thought that was funny especially now there are people being like you have to be six six foot five yeah i wanted to try to find oh yeah so there's only only one percent of men in the world are six five or taller i'm just gonna say i want to i want the statistic on this and like one point one point three so this person is looking for 1.3% of the population, but then wants them to be able to work on German cars. Like, Taylor, do you just have one person you know that you really like who's 6'5

and a mechanic? And this is your like narrow casted attempt to try to find them? I'm sure there are at least seven people who fit this requirement. So it's not impossible. There are definitely a bunch, right? If it's 1.3% of the world, that's quite a lot. But like to have all those things. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, it's bad.

But hey, you do you. Your profile sucks shit. Good luck. Or it does suck shit. If it wasn't for the ride requirements 78 inches or taller one weird that you're calling yourself a ride but okay two i almost like the point system because it's so weird that like i'm sure it's specifically tailored to get you a certain type of person and that's great for you but it's not offensive it's just bizarre right i don't know what the

fuck's a one wheel unicyicycle? I hope so. Because if you get plus five for owning a unicycle, then plus ten if you own two. Is that a bike or is that two unicycles? This could be rad. Just really love those ghost riding unicyclists. Okay, we figured it out. She doesn't want six five. She wants a man in stilts because she is looking for a clown.

Okay. Fair. Um, that's going to do it for this one. Oh yeah. No, it's zero. Maybe.

No, it's a one. I'm going to give it a one. I'll give it the one. Yeah. That's going to do it friends. Thank you very much for hanging out with us. We missed you.

We missed doing this. I promise you, Niall will never go on a trip ever again and leave us alone and scared. Dane told me that's what you wanted. So I did it for you. The worst thing was I was in this closet the whole time, waiting. Yeah, guys, I

missed you. It's the first, we haven't recorded this podcast in like three weeks. It's crazy. Probably longer than that. And also, we're sorry that the last live show didn't work out. We will keep you updated If there's further news on that But we're in negotiations We're working on things

So if you really like the live shows Feel free to maybe send a review On old black sheep And tell them that you miss the fact that last live show Didn't come through What do we do at the end of the show? What do I do now? What do I say at the end of the show? What do I do now? What is, what do I say?

Well, I need to do bad sex writing, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But like, don't we do more things?

Um, if you have a question, please feel free to head on over to F buddies, podcast.com. Click the contact form. Uh, if you'd like to support the show, same website,

F ways, podcast.com. Click the Patreon link. It'll bring you there. You get an extra episode, uh, every month. If you need a little bit more boy,

especially because we've done a lot of live shows this month. If you need a little bit more, more of this, more of this in closet action, the Patreon has 20 or 21 extra episodes just waiting for you. So many, such a powerful amount. You ready? Yep. Ready for some So many. Such a powerful amount. You ready?

Yep. Ready for some absolute bullshit? You have to thank Josh. I'm going to do it. Thank you, Josh Eagle and the Harvest Seeds for the song Paper Stars. And thank you to all our patrons. We're about to record our next Pillow Talk episode right after this, and it always gets a little more unhinged when we've done a recording.

So if that intrigues you, go support us. This is a garbage, awful thing that I found on Twitter. Water is wet, but really. And this is not just a physical thing either. But it's as though anime females are, by design, what real females should aspire to. As a token example, let's say Officer Jenny, which I believe is from Pokemon.

That sense of dutifulness. You know it's from Pokemon. She is naturally helpful and kind to strangers. She cares about her appearance as a courtesy to others, but not in a vain way. Even in rejecting Brock, who is generally a huge creep, she's very polite about it. I know it's silly to ask bio females to try to be an anime character. It's incredibly lofty and offensive to the entire construction of who they were at that point, but they are doing it wrong and need to know it. It's good to aspire. I don't know why mostly it's only nerdy libertarian men that aren't offended by this concept. Men aren't offended that jackdudes exist and occupy

most of the superhero genre. Men are not offended to aspire to something. But these fucking females, they don't because they've got massive big dick energy completely confident that their shit bodies and sjw live laugh love dog yoga personalities what the world should revolve around no the fucking cooks just eat that shit up that's the whole fucking economy right there they don't know what's possible because they don't watch anime it's because of cooks that we don't watch anime and don't set standards that we are in this mess oh sorry it's because of cooks that we don't watch anime and don't set standards that we are in this mess. Oh, sorry. It's because of cooks that don't watch anime and don't set standards that we are in this mess. Did Elon Musk remove the character limit for dirtbag tweets? He actually did remove the character limit.

I don't know how you do gigantic tweets, but people are able to. You probably have to pay for his cool blue checkmark. And hey, Elon, it's working out great for you isn't it it really is my name is dean miller and i'm now spain we've been your fuck buddies be more like a cartoon woman i guess