F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 243- Milk That Mystery Cow

Episode Date: June 5, 2023

Is this a new episode or is this actually the oldest episode?  WHAT A TWIST!  Topics include new friend ban, erecting the tiniest statue, last minute cancellation policy, a question with a twist no one will see coming, how to crowd a dance floor in twenty minutes, a new spin on the Tinder game.

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love Hello friends, my name is Day Miller And I'm Niall Spain And we're your fuck buddies. We are a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations and turn them into sexy, sticky situations.

Simply put, we are an award-winning podcast that finds questions either online or from our wonderful listeners. And we answer them right here, every Monday. And we do an extra episode every month. Shh. Actually, don't. Shh. You can tell everybody. Because it's episode every month. Actually, don't. You can tell everybody. Tell everyone.

If you want to support us, if you want to support yourself by getting 25% more Fuck Buddies every month, go join on there. Join us on there and some other cool people. That'd be great for everybody. Yeah. You just go to fbuddiespodcast.com, click the Patreon link,

and it'll bring you right over there. Do you have any sex news or anything, or are we just getting right into it today? I think we're going right in. I think that's all the foreplay people are getting today. Okay. This is by throwrafriend97. I think my wife, 35-year-old female, set a new boundary on our marriage because she's jealous of my friendship, 38-year-old male. I don't have many female friends to begin with. The ones I do are all married. However, I recently introduced

my wife to a new friend I made, 26-year-old female, that we ran into at a grocery store. My wife now put up a boundary because she's uncomfortable, that being no female friends who are single. She didn't say it, but I think she's jealous of her for some reason. I'm guessing because she's young and attractive. It makes me sad to see my wife react so strongly to this. If in my position, would you take this as an acceptable boundary? I like how you're like, I think it's because of this. I guess, obviously, like the fact that you've never had this conversation. And then the second you're like, oh, hey, meet my new friend.

They're like, new rule. You can't be friends with her. Like, yeah, man, you piece that puzzle together. Your Sherlock Holmes ability have popped off and you've deduced it. Good job. This sucks. This sucks a lot. It is how he's 35.

He is 38. She's 35. Right. You're in your 30s creeping towards the 40s. It is so difficult to make new friends at this age. And especially it's not even necessarily difficult to make new friends at this age. And especially, it's not even necessarily difficult to make new friends, but like, it's difficult to find people that you want to spend time with,

with the limited amount of time that you have. Like you can make a, but you can make a bunch of acquaintances. You can meet people that you're like, Oh, you're cool. I like you. You're nice.

But the fact that like our time diminishes as we get older and to find someone that you're like, Oh, you're cool. I vibe with you. Like, I actually want to carve out time in my life to find someone that you're like oh you're cool i vibe with you like i actually want to carve out time in my life to spend time with you is a difficult thing to do regardless of you

know marital status relationship status gender whatever just it's just hard i i wish we had context as to where he met this friend oh we're gonna get into that keep going though or unless you're done for now i mean like we've talked about it before. It's very, very possible to have friends of the opposite gender. Yep. And it doesn't matter how hot they are. As long as you trust your partner and your partner isn't behaving stupidly, then I think that you can't be upset about who they're friends with.

Nor should you. Yeah. And on top of that, can't be upset about who they're friends with. Nor should you. Yeah. And on top of that, let's be fair. It's not going to change a single thing. If you, this rule, it's not going to help you. Sorry. It's not going to change anything in a good way. I'd be like, shit, now I can't cheat.

She got me with that rule. If you're in a monogamous relationship and that rule is don't cheat. I guess the idea is like, Oh, if they don't hang out together, the feelings can't develop to the point where he would want to cheat. Yeah. Right. I guess that is the,

the idea, the concept that she's working with. It's dumb though. It's not like if your partner's going to cheat, they're going to cheat. Right. A rule is definitely not going to fix that. And you're just just gonna breed resentment and

like be shitty like it's just people are allowed to fucking friends now the reason i was saying we get into where they met them is because in the comments but my god dan how do you think people in the comments feel about this situation oh absolutely anyone a man of his age with a woman her age definitely all he wants to do is fuck her she's trying to steal him right yeah basically everyone's like unacceptable how dare you your wife is a hundred percent in the right you should have no call having female friends at this age let alone younger ones that you met some people are special everyone's like how'd you meet but how'd you meet but where'd you meet but how'd you meet and like it turns out they met while mountain biking there's a group of people

who go mountain biking and she is one of the people so he met this friend while doing a hobby with a bunch of other people i.e the best way to meet someone and also like the least sexy place to me i would get it okay i'm sorry i take that back the mountain bik. Oh, no, I'm not saying that mountain bikers aren't sexy. I'm saying there's nothing sexy about fucking, like, there's no real time to be flirty while you're fucking cranking down a mountain, splashing mud all over the place, doing fucking sick tricks. That's the thing. Mountain bikers do? I don't know. That's exactly what they do.

There's no time between the sick tricks, right? He's grinding muck with his big ridged wheels. And you think he's trying to grind puss? No way. No way. No way. No way. Now that what you need to do.

I've got this tattooed on me because I'm, as everyone knows, a big, thick rim tire head. He's got, Dane, like, sorry, Dane doesn't like me to mention this, he's got the chunkiest tires that you've ever fucking seen. I'm so glad you can finally admit to people on this podcast how fat your tires are because I know you like to play it close

to your chest. Yeah. They call them the motocross of mountain biking. They call them the F1 of the mountains um it's true uh i don't even remember what i was saying because i i just like honestly the comments upset me so much because it's like literally someone's like i'm a man in my like late 30s and i ain't trying to have any more like women friends because i have a wife and it's like cool so you don't respect women as people that's what you're telling me right

women are people it's like oh sorry I achieved woman ergo they're now worthless to me yeah all other women have no purpose in my life that's the same thing to guys. I found the one that I have chosen and all other ones are bad. Yeah. And really, that's what comes down to, right? Like any dude who's standing there with that mentality, it's like, okay, cool. Then you've literally just treated women like dick receptacles your entire life. the the flip side of uh like if if the women and like your partner is like i do not believe that you have it in your body to spend any amount of time with another woman and not want to fuck them it's like how how little do you think of me yeah exactly i would be so upset by this i would be so

offended and so here's what i would do i would be like hey this seems pretty convenient timing now that i've made a friend and i've introduced you to them you know we've been together for x amount of time and this has never been a rule but now that you know that i'm hanging out with someone that fits this category you know i i'm not allowed to hang out with them obviously you are upset about this if you want to talk about if you want to talk about your jealousy about this or if you're uncomfortable with it i'm happy to elaborate what we do and how we hang out and how we know each other but like what happens if you and you know you have a friend who's married and they get divorced do you all of a sudden now that she's single yeah you know all the times with them

yeah and like posit that and be like okay cool so what happens if you know stephanie and mark get divorced am i not allowed to be friends with stephanie anymore because she's single now so do i just have to despite the fact that we've been friends for eight years we have game night every other thursday yeah do i just have to be like sorry stephanie you're not allowed in my house anymore you've got that you've got that single stink on you it's awful awful. I wish I could show you the comments. I mean, I don't need to. I know it. Are you undergoing a midlife crisis?

This is a totally acceptable boundary. If you keep this friendship, you're going to lose your wife. And you want Reddit to tell you she's overreacting? 100% reasonable boundary. I'll bet money you kept her a secret until it was unavoidable and you bumped into her at the grocery store. Of course your wife wouldn't want you to be friends with her.

You don't seem to have much respect for your wife. How dare you put someone before the needs of your number one priority? It's like, just because your wife is your number one priority doesn't mean it's like, yep, well, I can't do anything. And also, like, having friends isn't putting her needs first. It's not like, you you know this would be a much different question if she was like you know oh i had to do all the grocery shopping alone because ever since he met this person he's spending you know he's out with her all day and night and only i only see him at breakfast and bedtime and sometimes even that he comes home at 4 a.m when

i'm asleep like yes absolutely i would be like hey that's suspicious it's like hey your husband sucks because he has abandoned you for this person and yeah if he's spending that much time with this person maybe it's not a friend but like literally you bump into someone at the thing you're like oh this is one of my friends i go like mountain biking with it's like no you can't like fuck off also like does this mean he now can't go mountain biking or does he have to promise to be like cold to her at mountain biking because that's insane i think i mean this is what me and my my mountain boys do is we segregate it into men and women's group thank you like the good old days so that there isn't any

distractions yes and we can focus 100 on our sick tricks yeah that's the thing segregation always the answer oh i remember what i was gonna say i have a tattoo that our sick tricks. Yeah, that's the thing. Segregation always the answer. Oh, I remember what I was going to say. I have a tattoo that says sick tricks over chicks. But it is the drawing underneath it is you doing a sick trick over a chick. So it's not quite the same. Like you launched and supermanned

over her while she's just kind of like kneeling in a ditch. Yeah. Yeah. This question upsets me. And the fact that there's just like an insane amount of people like just being like, how could you? No, guys, come on. Let your partners have friends.

Because like, just imagine living a life where you just like, you just can't just have friends. That sucks. It's not even you can't have it. But just like imagine a life where you chose to marry a man that you think is completely incapable of recognizing women as individual people that have a purpose outside of having their dicks, having a dick put in them. That's what you're admitting to. That's what you're admitting to that's what you're saying you're saying that like i do not believe that my husband could possibly want to spend any time with this woman because the only thing he wants women and and knows that women are good for is fucking yeah but i chose him to marry and spend my time with yeah you picked a bad one then if that's if that's

honestly how you feel about your husband or your partner you've done a bad job and you should break up with them and you should go find a good one and then when you find that good one hopefully you'll trust them to have friends and if if you don't if every man you meet you feel like you need to have this boundary then maybe the problem isn't them it might be you yeah all right hit me with a question okay uh this is his dudeness do clitoris get erect hey i've recently been giving oral sex for pretty much the first time ever and i really enjoy it more than getting a blow job even one thing i noticed was that her clitoris had this little foreskin thing going on and all things considered it was similar to how i imagined you'd suck a penis of course the difference in size has to be factored in but i'm talking about just the head here i'm making this comparison because i noticed the more

aroused she got the thicker and for lack of better word erect her clitoris became the texture when i started compared to when she was finished was pretty different is this just a mental thing i just random unfounded sensation i had in the moment or does the clitoris actually get erect uh well it is made of erectile tissue and blood does flow to it and engorge it as it is as arousal ensues so i wouldn't use the term erect but it definitely does swell i think i think erect is the right term i think think, you know, if we if you took the clitoris and put it through the honey I blew up the kid machine. Yes, but

it ain't through that machine. What I'm saying is, I think the what you just described is you know, what's an erection for penises? It's just getting engorged with blood. I know, but it gets engorged in blood and therefore, and then does a very dramatic standing up. So that is it being erecting, such as when you erect a statue you stand it up

You don't but you know, that's just that's just what I'm saying is I wouldn't say erection in terms of like movement and like What if I have a very tiny statue? I'm still erecting it Yeah, I gotcha. I got you really to my mind mind it's more of a swelling than it is a erecting but yeah we're just arguing yeah um yeah that null is correct yes it is a bundle of nerves erectile tissue blood goes into it when it's aroused and stimulated it gets bigger it gets harder and yes uh the foreskin thing you're talking about is the clitoral hood that is something that uh often kind of like retracts naturally for the clitoris to expose during arousal some people's don't and it needs a little extra love and care to to be pushed up sometimes you don't even need to some people's clitorises are so sensitive that the clitoral hood is really

uh useless it doesn't really stop much of anything. So that's a partner to partner thing. It's even a situation to situation thing. You know what I mean? Like if someone's just come, maybe they're so sensitive that now you got to go back above the hood. Maybe they're on their period.

So they're extra sensitive and like under the hood play ain't working because it's just so much. So like, don't be afraid to shake it up because it's all different types. So like, don't be afraid to shake it up because it's all different types of sensations and like intensity. And I feel like people don't do that appropriately. Yeah. And hopefully your partner is communicative and teaches you what they like and what they don't like. And hopefully they will, you know, if it does get

a little overbearing, they don't try to just like bear through it. They will actually say like, oh, actually, like a little softer or, you know, not so much pressure or or whatever they need to to make it feel good again. But I imagine obviously I don't have a clitoris, but I imagine that like that after orgasm sort of sensitivity. It's kind of like the same thing of like after we've come and if they keep sucking or it's just it's it's very quickly from exquisite to please. Yeah. Like almost like so good. It hurts too good. It hurts or just so sensitive. You're like, oh, yeah, it's funny.

Partners have noticed that, like, I tend to like start laughing because it's just like, obviously, it feels good. Yeah. Yeah. Like, it feels so good. And like, you get kind of like overwhelmed and you're just like obviously it feels good yeah yeah like it feels so good and like you get kind of like overwhelmed and you're just like okay okay okay um and some people like to to go until i start laughing and that is there that is their their cutoff point is it weird i almost said that's what i do no i do dan yeah no i'm i'm the same way where it's like i like mischievous imp yeah i like to

find the the natural point of like when i know my partner has achieved all the pleasure they're going to get out of this experience and it's now i'm going to hit diminishing returns i like finding where that like very narrow line is and being like okay there you go you're welcome kiss on the forehead i will say one thing i hate that this doesn't really have much to do with it, but it's like when you're done, you've just come and they're still going. And again, you don't want them to stop immediately because it's so great. And if you stop the second they come, that's awful. But again, it does hit that point, right? Where you were like, okay, that's enough. That's enough. Like, cause you've, you've hit that thing. And I hate when you do that and people are like, oh,

and they like almost get upset or like or they think they've done something wrong. I'm like, no, it's how it works. It just gives way too much sense of it's nothing to do with you. Nothing you could have done would stop that point from happening. This is quite literally me telling you. Yeah, you've done it. That's it. Boom.

And I just, I hate that moment of like someone, no, it's, you didn't do anything wrong. I don't know if I've ever had that. I don't know if anyone's ever exhibited. I've had had it they almost look like hurt or like oh no and then i like have to explain later and like no it doesn't happen all the time it just has happened yeah i mean i'm sure probably at some point in time and if it has it's probably like i probably haven't noticed because i've just been fucking you know hoovered into a coma but yeah so it does happen does happen. There you go. You did it. That's the answer, right? Nothing else? Was there a parts that we didn't answer?

I don't think so. Okay, cool. This is HingeAlt12345. Am I the asshole for sending this text to a woman that flaked last minute on me twice for a first date? I matched with a woman on Hinge and set up a first date at a bar. One and a half hours before we were supposed to meet up, she texted me saying

she got in a minor car accident and would like to rain check, offering a date later that weekend. I was skeptical, but gave her the benefit of the doubt. I said, of course, sorry to hear about the car and hope you're okay. Let's reschedule to the weekend. We set up another date a few days later. Three hours before we were supposed to meet up, she once again flaked saying, hi, I'm sorry to do this, but I'm having some issues with the person that backed into my car. I don't want to meet when I'm not in a good mindset. If we could, I would like to maybe postpone to next week.

But if not, of course, I understand. And again, I'm really sorry about this. I centered this in response. Hey, again, sounds like you've had a tough couple of days with the car and I hope it works out. That being said, you flaked last minute twice and I've rescheduled reservations. I value my time and have a one time only flake policy before I'm out. I'm sorry. I've always subscribed to the Mark Manson philosophy when it comes to dating.

If it's not a fuck yes, it's a no. I don't want to waste my time with women with low or no interest. Doesn't sound like she's too keen on meeting up. I have another first date later this week and I'm going to hit up my other matches too to set up more dates. Am I the asshole? Are you the asshole? No. Did you do something that you didn't

really need to do? Yes. You know, I don't think like you could have just been like, it sounds like you had a rough couple of days. Hopefully you get it sorted out and just leave it there. Because like if they're not interested, they're not going to keep reaching out. And if they do reach out, just be like, hey, I'm really sorry. But like, I think I've kind of lost the spark or whatever to best of luck. I think that's all you needed to do. I don't think there's anything because could this be an elaborate bullshit to get out of a date last minute?

Yeah, maybe. I hope not. It almost feels too elaborate for that. To not only have the accident. A car accident is pretty over the top, but then to continue to use the car accident excuse, I think, makes it a little bit more. I feel like unless they're really weird, that's too much of a lie to invest into what is a very low effort scenario. You could just be like, oh, sorry, something came up. Yeah, but that's what liars do, though.

I know. That's the thing. So I think given this situation, it's either really bad because she is actually some kind of weird, like, bad liar or it's true. I don't think there's a gray area. Whereas, like, if it was just two excuses, one after another, that were not related like this, I'd be like, yeah, maybe they're just not interested. So, like, I think your rationale is fine. You've tried to set up two dates. They flaked on your last minute. As I mentioned earlier, time is, is valuable these days, especially as you get older, it's,

it's harder to find time. And especially when you're trying to like date in those initial stages of like, where you actually have to do sort of like some real hardcore planning and scheduling in, in the first, like first date, second date kind of territory. I get your reasoning and I get why you don't want to see this person anymore. I just think it's a little too almost like performative for your own sake to be like, here's the reason, you know, but I guess there's no real harm in it either. It's like, even if she is genuine in what happened, it's like, I'm sure she understands

them where it came from. I don't think you're necessarily an asshole i just think it's kind of unnecessary and i will say i wouldn't call three hours before a date last minute i would it's not great but it's also like still enough time that like a lot of the time if i'm going on a first date i would still message someone three to five hours beforehand and just double check that we're on kind of deal. For sure. If it was like half an hour before the date, I would say that's last minute. And I would say that sucks because you're probably on route or there already.

You know what I mean? I think that like after once like the evening has come in. Yeah. I think at any time after that point, like if you have plans to meet up at like any time. I don't know why I became John Lennon there for a second after like four o'clock that's last minute canceling right because like i could have made plans with any one of my friends i could have done any number of things but like i've reserved this amount of time for you on this day specifically for you and now if i do want to make use of my day i have to scramble and it might be easy like

you know me like it might be easy enough like if i was on the day right you know like if i had a wednesday date planned and they bailed on me and i was just like hey you want to go to karaoke tonight and you were like yes be like okay great or like whatever yeah but still yeah i know i just i feel like it is like last minute is bad whereas these are not great you know the first one an hour and a half i think is pretty bad you can't do anything about a car crash if it happened you know like they really like what that's bad and it's not like someone was like ah damn i plan to get this car crash earlier in the day i'm really sorry just really running behind yeah so honestly i think like good on you for sticking up to your

boundaries do you need to spell out those boundaries in no uncertain terms to them via text i don't really think you need to i don't think you're an asshole for doing it really the only way you're an asshole for doing it is if this all happened but even then you didn't say like yo fuck you you just kind of said oh you flaked on me twice so i'm i'm done which is fair so i don't know i don't really see the benefit of it because it's like these people aren't going to like if it is someone lying they're not going to be like damn this guy really shamed me i'm gonna not do this anymore well they like the the reason why you would have this kind of conversation is if you wanted to continue to see them yes like that's that's where i'm like this there's really

no point in doing it because like if you're not going to see them again anymore it doesn't really matter if they flaked on you so just say you're not interested very good point because again we talk about communication and blah blah blah there's no point communicating as dane said because it's like you're you're gone you're done so yeah i don't think you're an asshole but i i don't see the point yeah uh you know we're talking about online dating let's do this one uh this is help i need an adult how do you ask people out on apps so i'm a 25 year old male i've never actually dated uh the thought of it always scared me now i've been trying to get over my fears and try online dating it's funny because they keep saying

like abbreviating it so it just says i've been trying to get over my fears and try old isn't that the new m. night chamelot movie yeah where they're actually all young no isn't it actually though oh i have no idea is it called old it's it's the stupidest looking yeah it is called old it's the stupidest where they go to the beach and they all get really old that's it have you not seen this no they are kidding no it looks so fucking telling me the truth i'll send you a fucking picture right now i think it's like it's like a whole thing where they they go to the beach and i guess it's like time dilation or something so they all start like aging rapidly and like their hair starts growing really long and like they fucking like i think two people bone and then they

get pregnant and have the baby within six minutes and it's just so dumb looking. We should watch it. Sounds great. I bet the twist is they're all young. Okay, I sent you the still. It's actually, oh here's it. You want to know what my guess is? What?

It's aliens. No, it's dementia. So it's is? What? It's. Aliens. No, it's dementia. So it's not a beach. It's like people who have like dementia or Alzheimer's. And this is like their mind palace. That's why time is all fucked up. I bet you. I bet you that's what it is.

Maybe. If I'm right, M. Night Shyamalan has to come on the podcast. Okay, sure. I'll get in touch with his people. We've been talking just, you know we thank you the worst thing about talking to m night shamalan is he always tries to put a twist in your conversation and you're just like no man like can i just talk to you can we just talk yeah you'll be like hey m night you did say you come on the podcast he's like did i and you go back and it turns out like he just put a lot of stuff in there when you zoom in it wasn't even the letters it was something else entirely it just looked like it spelled out those letters or finally you nail him down you're like so you'll come on tuesday and he's like yeah

wink and then you'll see that he put a calendar on like tuesday in like 28 years and you're like oh m night what a twist you actually look and you realize that there's never been a tuesday yeah was episode 17 that he booked himself in on yeah episode 17 is our m night shamalan episode if you if you haven't listened to it it is a lot of fun we're just playing with our boy he's a good friend of ours uh it's great it's it's one of my favorite episodes and i'm really really glad that we were able to like start strong and that's why we don't have a whole lot of guests on you know what i mean because like we kind of did it it's like when m nights your 17th episode i'm like let's be fair that's paved the way for everything that paved the way for our award it paved the way for the live shows like we were kind of talking like hey

live show but and they were like wait you guys are the ones that had m night yeah you're you had m on yeah yeah we got it well we call them m but we call them m like you can't a lot of people think that we're talking about m and m when we say that as well no we call him nam we call him yeah he's and m um i just call him nam but that's our bond again you can't call him that yeah you can't call him that just because we're sharing our cool names for our cool friends doesn't mean you can. I know that's like we talk about it in episode 17. That's one of his big pet peeves. Okay, let's finish this question.

Wait, the question's gone. Oh, M, he got us again. Damn it, M. Okay, I'm just going to start over again. How do people ask people out on apps? So I'm a 25-year-old male, and I've never actually dated, though it always scared me. Now I've been trying to get over my fears and try online dating.

I've gotten a few matches and started talking, but I have no idea how to get it off the app or get their socials. To be honest, it feels kind of pointless when you don't even have the guts to ask someone out. How do you do it? Is the twist that you already read this question last week? Did I? Either that or a almost the exact same question. Cause we had this conversation already.

Is that the twist? Has this been a long con joke? Was it, did we do this on pillow talk? Cause I haven't edited that one yet. Yeah, we did. Okay. I mean, Hey, do we answer it again for the people? No, you know what? If they want to want to hear it they gotta go listen to the episode

but hey I'm glad I did it it's a twist that's a twist so the twist is the answer is actually on our Patreon we've mentioned it already but if you want to hear it just go listen to the most recent episode of Pillow Talk don't you dare try and pretend this was some kind of pro.

You know, you've done, you've done a shameful thing here. Okay. I was kind of waiting for like, I thought you were making a joke. You just kept going. No,

I honestly do not remember. This is what happens when we record two episodes in a day. That second episode is a fucking fever dream. When I edit it, I'm just like, I don't remember any of this. Yeah. I can hit you another one. If you want a minute fever dream. When I edit it, I'm just like, I don't remember any of this. Yeah. I can give you another one if you want a minute. Why not?

Now I'm looking at my questions and I don't know what's real anymore. God damn it. M. M got us. Was this submitted by M? Wait, if... Oh my god. Yes. So if you rearrange the letters of the username... M. Night Shyamalan says, What up, FBuds?

This is by Gman Monty. Girl offers to buy me a drink? I was gaming two girls that knew each other at a bar that quickly turns into a nightclub once it gets closer to midnight. I'm sitting next to one of the girls, and we're talking for a few minutes, and it starts to get boring. So I stand up and try to get both of them to get up

and dance with me. They say no one else is dancing yet, and they go to the bar to get a drink. I stand by the dance floor and as they're going, one of the two girls asks if I want anything. Now I don't drink whenever I can help it, so my response was no thanks. But I'm starting to realize it may have been a better decision to say yes instead. I feel like this was a small investment that I just declined. For all I know, she could be expecting me to return the favor on a future date. Hell, maybe it was a shit test and I just failed.

Long story short, they were gone for 20 minutes. I missed a text from the other girl asking where I was. I was dancing, having fun. I didn't see the text for another 20 minutes. Both of them got stolen from me. So either they were never interested in me or I didn't hook up with them well enough. I'm really curious about this drink thing though. This is the worst question you've ever brought like we've had

some bad questions but this is i i feel like i started sweating from secondhand both anxiety and insecurity and uh you know embarrassment like i like i i had the whole wash of cringe emotions just hit me. With that feeling in mind, which Reddit is it? Which subreddit that gives you? He starts off saying he was gaming, too. I was like, oh, gaming. All right. How did you?

I was like, maybe you're at a barcade. Like, is that? Holy Christ on a fucking stick, y'all. This is. I don't even know where to start. Like, it's a lot lot it's a whole trip it's it makes me laugh because we've talked about it a bunch of times we're like people in the seduction reddit are so close like they're just they're like on the edge of figuring it all out in terms of

their stupid bullshit doesn't work and being a human being is a lot more fun and just so many people like revert to what is safe and which is the you know the security of it's everyone else's fault and game is the only way to go through everything but it's like I love the admission of being like

I missed the text because I was dancing and having fun like it was a bad thing like he fucked up oh no yeah i enjoyed myself no what's what's the bets that he didn't have fun as in he didn't enjoy himself but he was like following the list of like oh make sure you're having fun so he was like fuck i gotta put in 20 minutes on the dance floor now to make it look like i'm having fun i'll bet that's exactly what was happening because like because i feel like he would still be aggressively checking his phone if that was the case i feel like this guy literally let loose and actually started enjoying himself and forgot that the whole reason he came out with or was to like you know hook up with people i think

he actually in my i want to believe this i want to believe that like for a moment he, you know, the clouds parted and he saw the blue sky and he saw the sun for the first time and he was like, this is nice. There's no pressure. There's no thing is then they got stolen from him. His property was stolen. It was swiped by Chad's when he wasn't looking. So now he can never have fun again. That's what I'm saying. You know what? what you know what it might have been because of the drink yeah you know what i mean it's like it's like in those movies where like they finally crest

you know the pollution smoggy sky and they see the beautiful blue sky and then they lose their power and they start you know falling back into and i'm just like guys you were so close yeah like also these these girls sound pretty cool one's like hey i'll buy you a drink the other one's like oh where are you and text them so it's like yeah they seem great it seems like you were doing pretty well in a lot of ways but also like you're saying i was talking to them and i got so fucking bored i was so bored talking to these fucking assholes i'm like oh, oh, please come dance. And they were like, no. And I was like, well, fuck you guys.

I'm going to go dance. And then you're upset. Like, I just do you like them if you're so bored talking to them? Do you want to hang out with them if they don't want to dance? But you do. And you had so much fun. You forgot about them. Like, it sounds like you're trying to do all the things you don't want to do.

That's a good point. I forgot about the saying they're bored. See, again, I don't i don't know if i believe him that he was bored i think he has to tell himself that it's like when you know pick apart like the negging part you know i think that was his neg was like oh this is boring let's go dance and that was his way of like escalating right like i don't know if he actually believes that these women were boring or that he was bored i think he convinced himself of it and was like oh you know we've we've been sitting and talking you're boring

let's go dance you know like i i feel like that's probably i don't know there's there's a lot of stuff that we have to kind of like take for granted and also kind of like shed our seeking light on it's very hard to decipher we've talked about it a bunch of of like the our seeking light on. It's very hard to decipher. We've talked about it a bunch of, of like the, the seduction crew almost cracking the case, almost getting it. And this is,

this is the, one of the most heartbreaking cases of it. Cause it was like, look, they were vibing with you, obviously doing a great job to, you know, talk to two women.

They seem to be vibing with you. You seem to be vibing with them. You invite them to dance for him. They didn't say no't say no they were just like oh no one's dancing yet we're gonna go grab a drink yeah and then you who doesn't like drinking stuck you know stuck to your values and said no thanks and they were like okay great like nothing wrong here nothing that's the thing it's like you being like yes get me a drink that either you're not going to enjoy or is going to make you fucked up. That's not a good choice if you had said yes. Right.

Or you just hold it. Yeah, exactly. Like you did. And also, like, I think no thanks is a pretty confident answer. Someone's like, oh, I will buy you a drink. You're like, no, I'm good. Like, that's pretty cool. I don't think anyone's gonna be like, whoa, weirdo.

I just I want you to breathe because you didn't do anything wrong here. You could have been like, yeah, I'll grab a Coke or like whatever. I think the confidence is key here and the sticking to what you want. And you kind of did that, right? So you're fine. And you even know that one of them texted you. So it obviously wasn't a fucking game changer in a bad way. It wasn't a deal breaker.

The other thing is it opens the door of being like when they come back be like hey once again thank you very much for the offer i just only drank them you know like you get to like actually engage on a human level as opposed to what i imagine is a very surface level of like trying to play the game and as now said you already have their number and they checked in on you like how do you know like do you know they were stolen or did they just go home did they leave or did you find them like making out with other guys also fine can't

use the term stolen thank you very much because they are not yours they are not property a fucking rogue didn't sneak in and pickpocket them out of somebody's cloak yeah you didn't put in your your time tokens and be like these are my property because I spent X amount of time talking to them, so

you can wait until I return them back to their woman deposits. Also, arguably, if we want to live in your awful world of objects as women, you abandoned them. They weren't stolen. You threw them in the corner. You walked away. Yeah.

Yeah, that's true. I'm just making a joke because he's the one be objecty sometimes the siren song of the dance floor gets you and i love that for you dude i do like that that's why i want to believe that this guy's good like i the pure sort of like joy of him just being like i gotta dance and now i'm gonna black out for 20 minutes because look dude i've been there you see it's funny to me because this is not i don't love dancing so it's like this is an alien realm to me where it's like anything else sure i'd be like oh i was talking to that guy or that girl or i was

doing almost anything but dancing and i'd be like oops yeah i get it but like dancing not not the biggest fan of it fucking i don't like there was that night were you there the night where we ripped our friends deep v into pretty much off i believe so um at the country bar at like at one point in time i don't know i don't remember us getting a lot of hats at the country bar no that was that was just a different night i know but yeah this was uh this was canada today where the guy told me to go fuck myself because i thought he was asking for change yeah this is when i i went and i like rolled over the hood of a taxi outside maybe i like how we're trying to be vague so we don't give too much information away about our personal lives um but yes there was there was a night where like i was at that perfect level of

drunk where i remember you guys finally finding me being like where the fuck were you dude like we haven't seen you in an hour i was just like i was just dancing i just i just got out on the dance floor just dance for an hour i guess and that's i get that that's great and i want you to i want you to chase that and not women yes and the thing is you had fun so that's all that really matters and it seemed like you were doing well enough so like i think your block here ironically is well not ironically for those in the know but for you it is these seduction ideals are the thing holding you back yeah because you're fucking spiraling now over a simple exchange that you handled fine

that's not good as you're not going to be good next time either because now i know you're going to freak if somebody offers to buy you a drink. Yes. Yeah. Now you're going to be like, oh, I don't want a drink, but I have to. Don't worry. Now he's going to be like, yeah, I'll have a top shelf scotch. And she's going to be like, I'm not going to spend 30 fucking dollars. What? And then he's going to be like, damn it.

I was too alpha. Just stick your guns. Have fun. Next. Hey, I will say if someone's like there's no one on the dance floor, we're go for grab a drink maybe go with them and then when there's more people on the dance floor you can all go or or live your truth on the dance floor not yet let's get the party started i would definitely be more happy going back to the dance floor more people on it but you know 100 yes and i get that i'd like there are times like if I haven't been drinking a whole lot,

yes, I would not be the person first on the dance floor. If I've got a little bit of that social lubricant in me, this guy didn't even drink, and he's first on the dance floor? Like, that's sick, dude. That's a big boy play. That is a huge play. Especially because I'm assuming if you had so much fun,

you were on the dance floor for 20 minutes, people joined in. Unless you were just on the dance floor for 20 minutes. People joined in. Unless you were just having the time of your fucking life. Maybe it was just him for 20 minutes. And I'm not going to lie. I would leave, too, if I were the girls. But the thing is, they asked where he was. So I assume that he packed that dance floor.

I assume he got the party started. That's the hidden context. He must have gotten the dance floor i assume that's the thing party started that's the the like hidden context is that he must have gotten the dance floor going which also means if we look between the lines he's an incredible dancer he's got it all and he's fucking it all up yeah he in the span of 20 minutes he went from empty dance floor to impossible to find him on the floor and having so much fun he forgot while one of the girls forlornly tried to find him like yeah dude g-man monty you have so much going for you just do it and like look i think what you need to start doing if you want to meet women start going to clan like dance clubs go to a salsa sorry dude you did say start going to clan and I was like, harden?

I mixed dancing and club and what? Clans. Yeah. It's just, yeah, go to a fucking salsa class or like a salsa club. Or just like, again, you're doing a lot of things right? Throw...

They got stolen. Throw, I was gaming. And throw, wait, what is there trying to buy me a drink mean what should i have said throw those out the window and you're probably fucking golden yeah that's what i'm saying it's like you just gotta power wash the fucking seduction seduction stank off you so dust and the seduction off you yeah the seduction off it. Get a good hose down of reality, and you're in the fucking game at a head start. Don't say game. Oh, fuck. You're in the...

You could pack the dance floor of life. I do love seduction because one of my new favorite thing is having people refer to guys they hate as someone's dusty son. It's like, I'm at home watching True Crime while you're out while someone's dusty son slobbers on you. Yes. That's going to do it. Any other question we've heard before? Oh, no. We're done. That's it. That's pretty

much it. I thought I did this last week, but it turns out that i did it on the patreon episode once again you missed a banger guys we we did a lot on the patreon episode so much that i don't remember it i'm like that guy on the dance floor i record pillow talk and i'm he had so much fun that like i was texting me like dang where are you yeah this this month's episode is just me. I'm going to be so offended if everybody joins the Patreon now after you said that.

It's not just Dane. It's not just me, no. Do you have any profiles? Because what I would like to do is I would like to do a state of Tinder again. Oh, you'd like to do a live swipe, which is what we did last Patreon where Dane didn't have anything, so he just went through and we in real time judged people yeah and and it's just it's i don't know what we're accomplishing of it because again i only find uh women on my tinder because i i'm straight but you know there is a lot of people who don't realize how grim

it is out there in terms of first impressions. But let's do your profiles, the ones you have, and then I'll hop on Tinder and we'll see what's up. Do you want to just do it? Let's do a live state of the Tinder. Let's give them a

taste of that Patreon swag. Okay. This is catchy. So what we do is I've opened up Tinder. We're going to see how many profiles don't even have anything and how bad the ones that do are. This is catchy. She's 30.

Her profile. Oh, she does have a profile. So already doing well. Okay. I hear Tinder has a 99.9% success rate. I'm here to find out. See, that can't be true. I don't think that's a true statistic, Kachi.

So I expected it to be a joke, but it's not a joke. So this is a bad profile because you've just lied about statistics and it's not funny. I give it a three. A three is just because it's not offensive. Yeah, a 3 is like a meh. But I'm still saying no. This is Gabriela. Traveler. And then she has a bunch of flags.

Presumably all the places she's been. Coffee. Dogs. Heart emoji. Engineer. English, Portuguese, Spanish. That's it? That's it. Totally fine. It's a six, seven, six and a half. I'd put it at five because, like, it really comes down to the picture.

You're not giving me enough information. But you are giving me something. But, yeah, I'll give it a six. Okay. This is Symmetra25. Oh, man, Tinder's telling me to super like this person, and I won't. Well, hey, that's telling me to super like this person and I won't. Well, hey, that's for us to decide.

Their profile says, more confused than squirrel on the road. Hey, you know what? I think that's incredible. You guys super like that. And I will say, we don't usually talk about the pictures, but their pictures

are, their first picture, they have two. Their first picture is a screenshot of them editing a picture and it is them wearing a big hat covering most of their face. So you kind of just see their two eyes pretty much. And their second

picture is a picture of jeans and running shoes like looking down at their feet. That's what you get. Can you reread the squirrel part? I'm more confused than squirrel on the road. It's honestly poetry. It's something. It's so funny

than squirrel on the road. It's like if they said that that squirrel on the road would not have been incredible. So good. It's going to be a three for me. So good. Gotta be a 10. Gonna be a 3 for me. Gotta be a 10. This is Christy J. Am a hard worker. Love to travel and try new things.

Looking for a long-term partner who's serious about taking things to the next level and having mad fun together. Yeah, it's fine. It's so generic. Having fun together. Likes new things. I'll give it a 6. I'm giving it a six too because this is the closest we've come to someone having a real profile yeah um okay this is shampavi i believe is

how you pronounce it value quality silence as much as quality conversations hate being put into boxes. What? They'd hate me. Hate being put into boxes yet want to feel a sense of belonging in search of still going. Oh, wow. In search of a home away from home. I'm a crazy cat lady who enjoys making art, being in nature, vintage shopping, tarot and crystals, visiting museums, farmer's market, flea markets. I'm a foodie at heart and love to learn about people and cultures through food. Hmm. Feels weird that they need to be put in a box to feel like they belong. And I don't love the tarot crystals, but I'll give it an eight because they actually gave me something.

Yes. Not for me. There's a lot of stuff in there that I'm not crazy about. But in terms of making a profile, this is the way to do it. There's personality and information. You did it. I've got a sense of who you are, Shambhavi. Good job.

Thank you. This will be the last one. This is Claire. So far, no empty profiles. No empty profiles. That's great. Because we got a few last time. It was like almost 50%.

This is Claire. Must love dogs. I was about to say good start but is that it that is it uh five like on four it's a four yeah i almost feel like you know i'm gonna give it a five but like yeah yes you know who doesn't like dogs serial killers yeah i will say like unless you have some kind of weird dog trauma in your past, I don't get it because they are the sweetest, most adorable, lovely angels. But also, that's like saying must be nice person. Because, again, it probably goes without saying. Must not be bad.

Yeah. That's going to do it for us. It's been beautiful. We love you. Thank you very much for listening. Thank you for spending time with us. Wait's been beautiful. We love you. Thank you very much for listening. Thank you for spending time with us. Wait. What if we didn't spend

any time? Em? I swear to God, if you're impersonating Dane again. I don't know anything about M. Night Shyamalan's voice, except for that one time we had him on our podcast. Yeah, that's the thing. You edited them for quite a while, because it was our longest episode ever. It was like four hours.

Longest episode, four hours long. When you get M on the line, you don't rush it. You know what I mean? No, it's the opposite. We did everything in our power to keep him on the line. If it wasn't for his power with twists, if he wasn't able to twist his way out of our trap, we'd still be on the line with him today. It's true. You got to milk that mystery cow for all it's worth we milk em as hard as we can thank you josh eagle nervous cities for

their song paper stars are you ready yeah you got some best sex ready for me oh you know are you comfortable this is a post for a roommate in brooklyn by sonic savior hashtag NFT. And there's a gif of Sonic from the Sonic movie recently doing something on the highway attached to the post. Sonic Savior hashtag NFT says must be female. 18 plus single down for fun. Wink. No drugs, smoking, no socialist political views,

no previous boyfriend. Nice. Like, I love people who think that that they're gonna find a roommate this way because like obviously this guy's like yeah i'm gonna find this hot young like down the fuck roommate i'm just gonna fuck them every day they're gonna give me rent money it's everything's perfect this is a realistic thing that won't go badly or have any effort involved my life is wonderful i'm so smart how has nobody tried this

before no one's figured this out idiots people are just bad i would love to see the m night chamelon twist on just life in which it's not bad. Just kidding. Remember when you thought this was all bad? It's not bad. It's good. It's just called his new movie, Good. Yeah. It's like you go to a beach and all of a sudden it's like,

no, you can afford a home. You can reasonably afford to earn one by working. What? Yeah, maybe one day you will actually be able to retire. What? Hey, podcasts are profitable. profitable what my name is Dave Miller and I'm not Spain and I'm very very poor just kidding I'm M. Night Shyamalan

we've been your fuck buddies you