F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 245 - I Live My Life a Quarter Foreskin at a Time

Episode Date: June 19, 2023

I never really thought that wiping my own ass would give me such an advantage, but here we are.  Topics include sleeping with your hot boss, gay napkin usage, underground circumcision ring, being jealous of 100% of the world, disappointing two women at once, landlord Grindr check.

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dane Miller. And I'm Mal Spain. And we're your fuck buddies. We're a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations and turn them into sexy, sticky situations.

Simply put, we find questions either online or from our incredible listeners and we answer them right here, right now, every Monday, in your ears, for you. And, welcome to our Pride episode. Welcome to Pride. We're welcome to our Pride episode. Welcome to Pride. We're proud to have you here. We got hot and heated about things last week, but this week, I mean, we might get hot and heated about things again. I don't know what's going to happen. But this is our yearly episode where we just say, hey, we're proud of you.

Yeah. And we just give a little bit more weight to the queerness of the world yeah um i don't have any oh i do have uh i fuck hold on let me see if i can find it there's a we talked about it uh last week about how the fact that there are uh tons of so i looked it up uh i mentioned that there was i think i said 187 uh anti-lgbt legislation uh there's currently almost 500 so america that's how much has has changed in the time and span that i looked it up like a couple weeks ago to now uh there's currently almost i think it's like 490 something or 400 and it's almost 500 but there there are states currently passing legislation that make them sanctuary states for trans people.

Was it Denver? Didn't Denver just do that? Yes. Colorado, I believe, is one of them. I think Connecticut also did it. Again, I don't know. Those could be cities. I think Colorado and Connecticut are states, I don't know. Those could be cities. I think Colorado and Connecticut are states.

Dude, dude, I have no idea. We've said before we are not professionals, and this is definitely under that not professional wheelhouse. But there is a very small percentage. I think there's like 14 sanctuary states right now, and New York is in the process of pushing that through their legislation as well. So that's a little bit of good news a little bit of hope there a little bit of hope um so hopefully more states follow suit and realize that uh all that shit's bullshit and we need to protect everyone and not just people that uh represent our voting demographic. So that being said, should we do some questions?

Sure. You want me to start you off there? Yeah. This is by Jack Cubby. Slept with my boss. Need advice. I need advice because I've either fucked up my life or stumbled into something really great.

I, 29-year-old male, have been attracted to my boss, Jake, 36-year-old male, since I started my job a couple of years ago. We work very closely. I've been attracted to my boss, Jake, 36-year-old male, since I started my job a couple of years ago. We work very closely. I've always had good rapport and banter. We've become friends outside of work as well and do a fair bit of social stuff together. I know it's not traditional, but honestly, the vibes are immaculate. We made a big sale and went to celebrate with a couple of colleagues. Got a little bit more drunk than normal and I ended up at his place. It was some of the best sex I've ever had, also more emotionally charged than expected. Woke up alone in his bed yesterday morning and had a mini panic attack because,

what the fuck, why did I do that? Now I realized it was almost 11. Threw on my clothes to make the walk of shame home. Instead, I found Jake playing a video game on his couch. He pointed to the stove. Eggs and sausages are in the oven. You can make coffee with the machine. Bread and butter are next to the toaster. Got my breakfast and ate next to him on the couch. It was very nice and domestic. I felt at home. I planned, so I had to go home, but Jake asked me if he could see me before Tuesday. It's a long weekend in Canada.

Probably to talk about what we're going to do now. What the fuck do I do? I'm of two minds. One, end things now and do damage control, or two, chase what could be a really amazing relationship. Obviously, I'm afraid of ruining my career, but I can find another job. What I might not be able to find is another Jake. The one thing I'm not willing to do is sneak

around. To me, these options are mutually exclusive. If anyone has relevant experience, please help. I think this is pretty cut and dried. I think you've laid out exactly kind of what you need to say to Jake and say it to him. I think, you know, sitting down and having a conversation, especially in situations like this, where you do work together and it wasn't really a planned thing. It just kind of like happened and like, oops, oh no. Obviously there was sexual attraction and chemistry prior to the event, but, you know, we all have that sort of like flirtatious vibe with at least one person we work with usually.

So I think, you know, oops, you fucked the dude that you're attracted to and get along with. Okay. That's, there's no crime in that. It does obviously make it a little bit difficult because he is your boss.

So there is a power dynamic there that, uh, some people could scoff at, but you know, whatever. It also, I really guess depends on what you do for a living and how that would impact your work. But finally, I think you made, you have very clear boundaries of being like, I don't want this to be a, well, we can't tell anyone at the office. We'll sneak around.

Great. It's great that you know that. And that's something that you definitely need to talk about real quick. So if this is something you want to pursue, I don't see, there's nothing in here that tells me you shouldn't. Other than like the usual, like fucking people at work is risky. You know, like we've established that a million times before. And in this case, it is still, it always has that inherent risk because you're shitting where you eat. Right.

Yeah, exactly. So if you're willing to take that risk and you say like, oh, I can find another job. Great. This doesn't sound like it's your dream job. It doesn't sound like something you, you know, worked your entire life to get. Like you're not throwing away decades of of hard work to be where you are. So if you're willing to get another job, cool, great. Then you, you know, that there is a risk, you know, that this could go poorly.

Great. Assume those responsibilities. So have a sit down talk with Jake and be like, Hey, I really enjoyed the other night. It was a lot of fun. It was great sex. And I really like you. Here's where I like. I would like to continue exploring this, but I don't want to sneak around.

I don't want this to be a, you know, a dirty little secret that we have to hide from everyone. I'm not saying we have to go public immediately, but I don't want it to be like, you know, when we're at work, you're, you're, you've got your fucking hand on my face and pushing me away every five seconds. So that no one, no one gives us a second glance, you know, I would be second glancing that all day. Let's be fair.

Why does he keep, why does he keep pushing Mark around by the face? Yeah, man, someone needs to call HR. He's getting really aggressive with him. So I think that's like, this really just it.

You have this conversation you lay down what you're looking for you lay down what you're not willing to accept and see where he is and if he's like hey great i i vibe with all those things then cool explore it why why say no to a good thing 100 that's the thing it's like if this had been oh i you know i can't believe i finally got this job i can can't risk it. I would be a little bit more hesitant. But you're like, I don't care, whatever, I can get another job. Great. You've already done. You've already fucked him. You know what I mean? It's not like you have to worry about like, oh, will it work out in that way? Things are good. You fucked him. That was good. The next morning was cool. And he wants to see you again. Those are all positives. You don't care about your job in a good way. You know what I mean? Like you're saying, I can get another job. That's a good thing. And as Dane pointed out, it's a good thing that you know what you want and you know what your boundaries are. So realistically, you're good. Like it's all good. You just really got to like lay

out what you want and what you expect going forward listen to what jake wants and expects going forward if those mesh fuck yeah if it doesn't cut it off before it gets bad and hopefully you guys can just coast and be buds after this that's the ideal situation is like either it works or you guys both acknowledge we like ah it was a one-time thing you know it was a lot of fun but long term this ain't gonna work and hopefully that doesn't make things too awkward hopefully he doesn't get weird hopefully you don't get weird but really like you don't really know how that's gonna shake out until it shakes out yeah and that's the thing it's like once like once you're aware of this the general advice of workplaces

being dodgy to you know be in relationships through, then you're grand. And everybody knows that. So you're good. Yeah. Good luck. I hope this works out for you. Sounds great. I've got exclusively user submitted questions today.

This comes from Agent Gatekeeper. I'm a gay man that has recently started hooking up with a straight dude that was curious. He continues to insist that he's straight and that he isn't into guys and that he's just exploring. We work together. And the other day we went out with some co-workers after our shift where we met up with some of our few of his friends. While hanging out, his friends frequently called things gay and teased each other for doing gay things like using a straw or wiping their face with a napkin. Damn, are they 12 and in the 90s? Right?

He seemed to clock it was not okay with me, but didn't say anything. At the end of the night, he's just going back to his place, but I declined. Afterwards, I texted him saying that I don't think we should hook up anymore because considering how his friends behaved and how he refuses to acknowledge the fact that having sex with another man is not straight. I don't want to force him to come out or be gay, but I also don't want to be someone's trial run or dirty little secret what should i do now sorry that last bit said that they did send that text yes oh okay because that's what you should do yeah you know i you i i think you've done the right thing it sounds like you've handled

the situation with grace um you've kind of like tried to talk to them but you've let them live their weird denial existence but like you you're right you can't be in a situation where like people are denying objective fact and also his friends sound like shitheads and it sounds like he's not ready for a lot of stuff if he's unwilling to talk to his friends about being shitheads because again like it literally sounds like a bunch of 12 year olds in the 90s it doesn't sound like presumably adult people in fucking the year of our lord 2023 that's that's wild to me that that would happen i spent like straws get over there what the fuck are you doing and like yeah it's weird like he obviously has a connotation of gay being a bad thing i mean that's that's what it comes down to right like you you see it with a guy you're a guy

it is gay like great you know you might not be fully gay you might be bi right but bi is still gay like it's still queer it's in that umbrella term you know so like that's not a bad thing and that's where it the red flags are coming up for me is like, he's unwilling to admit that because clearly he thinks it's a bad thing. And I know a lot of people have like, you know, repressed trauma over like whatever, like, or like self-hatred and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But like, it still boils down to the fact that what you are is something he obviously needs to get over. And it's going to suck if you're the person helping him get over those hurdles, if at all, he even wants to. Right. At the end of the day, this is, this is a therapist job and not yours. like any straight person or questioning person who is hoping that they're going to meet someone of, you know, of whatever they're questioning, whether it's someone of the same sex or opposite sex or, you know, whatever. The fact that like, oh, they're the ones who are supposed to like, this is the one who's going to like teach me or this is the one that's going to like make

everything make sense. And it's not that cut and dry and it's also super unfair for the other person to expect them to put everything in place for you when the reason especially in a scenario like this where like the reason you're having such a hard time swallowing that pill is because you've been socialized to think that being gay is wrong or you don't think it you think it's a bad thing like nile said or you know like there's or you hate yourself because you think you are gay and you've always been gay but refuse to accept it because of you know your friends or family or whatever like you think it means you're less manly than you were like all these fucking things that again it isn't your

responsibility to help them get over as the question asker. And like, hey, if you wanted that, sure. I think it would still be a very tough, long, thankless, difficult road. But obviously you don't want that. So you've done the right thing here. Yeah, 100%. Even if they were cool, if all the other stuff was fine and they still had these shitty friends and were unwilling to talk to them about it, I think I would still be grounds for being like, yeah,

I'm not going to deal with your fucking asshole friends every time we hang out. And also the fact that you can't stand up for both yourself and me and just general fucking society these days. I lose a lot of respect for you. I would say on the flip side too, if I was, if I was queer and hooking up with someone and someone refused to accept that

they were also queer, like if I was sleeping with another dude and they were like, no, I'm still straight. Nope. Completely straight. Not a single gay thing about me. I'd be like,

no, I would be so like, that would be such a turnoff for me that someone would be so adamant that what we are doing couldn't possibly be gay despite the fact that it's quite literally like the gayest thing you can do is a man having sex with another man like that is that is pretty much how you be gay um it's funny because the converse is kind of happening on twitter lately where there's a lot of like right-wing people like breaking down over like a lot of uh like female fitness influencers who are like super

buff and it's like if you like this you're gay and like just all the memes of people like ripping it out and being like guys it's gay to like women now it's like people need to fucking calm down this is funny because i was reading this thing and i saw a guy on TikTok who was making this point and I love it. And I don't know if we'll have an opportunity to talk about it, but I feel like this is a good moment to inject it in here where someone, a bunch of like trans people or like anti-trans folk who are like, there's, there's men and there's women and that's it. It's a binary. There's no, there's no in between. There's no nothing,

but they're usually also the first person to be like, Oh, you're being soft. You're being feminine. You're not being a man. Like you're being less of a man, blah, blah,

blah. So it's like, they're fully capable of understanding that like gender can be a spectrum. Like, yeah, I'm, I am the most toxic way. Yeah.

I'm a man's man because I have a truck and I work out and I eat meat and I, you know, work construction and that's a man, but you, you know, you go and get your nails done and you work in a dance studio. So you're a soft femme man. You're a beta man.

It's like, well, okay. So then you, you understand that there is, is, am I on the spectrum of masculinity? No, I mean, man or men shit. Like, wow. It's funny how your argument immediately falls apart. It was such a great point that I had never thought of before that I feel like is a great

thing to like throw in these fucking like transphobic people's faces. If only logic and reasoning actually worked on them. I i know but it's fun to make them sweat you know like i know i'm probably not going to change a lot of people's minds but it's really really fun to make them look like fucking idiots yeah for sure because like i said last time i was like i know we're not going to crush homophobia or transphobia, but the more they feel like idiots and feel unsafe bringing it up, the better we all are. Hey, that's step one in crushing it. Yeah, for sure. Shut up the people who are the worst about it.

And then, you know, people feel like they have less support, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. But yeah, as per this question, I think you're fully on the right. I'm sorry that things ended up this way because obviously you were sleeping together for a reason and it is shitty when what could be a good thing is ruined by these things, but this person has a lot of issues that they need to

work out and you are right that, you know, you shouldn't have to be the one to work this out for them or with them, you know, and onward to the next person who hopefully could admit that fucking a man is another man is gay yeah i feel like again if they try to push back or like come up with some bullshit excuses or whatever just be like sorry man like i'm i'm a gay man looking to have gay sex and if that's not what we're having i don't really want to

have it with you like if we're not having gay sex sorry that's what i'm looking for i just you know i mean and like it just seems it's so bizarre to me and but like i get it like i understand it i understand why people are like this um but like i said it it's it's this is a therapist job it's not your job you're not being paid by the hour to help this dude fucking either you know work out some fantasy or work out all of his fucking repressed homophobia and self-hatred like it's not your job to do because it's only going to put a emotional burden and tax on your personal life for the sake of this dude who's not even gonna tell his friends to shut the fuck up when they're being absolute idiots and that's the thing that's

another separate issue too if your friends fucking suck and you're okay with that like again like that just it's so bizarre to even hear like again i'm not particularly surprised like people suck look at what we talked about with all the fucking laws trying to be enacted in america right now but like it just still seems so like anachronistic to have someone in this day and age be like we got straw that's gay bro like get the fuck over it i like the wiping of the face i would love to know how that's gay oh yeah well you can't wipe your face are you fucking crazy that that's the only thing i agree with yeah it's like if you eat wings man you gotta you'll wear that fucking saucy beard of pride because you're a man and you

fuck women like now it's but that's the thing we've had questions about people being like is it gay to wipe my butt or like my boyfriend won't touch his butt to wipe it because he thinks it's gay it's like what what are you doing the straights are not okay you know it i as much as I want to fix this, it does as a single man now. Do you know the advantage I have for just wiping my own ass? Like, that's not something I ever thought was going to be a big old bonus for me. Yeah. But the fact that I can be like, yeah, no, I wipe my ass. Hey, every time I poop.

Yeah. Well, back when I was single, my Tinder profile just said, you won't have to wash your couch if I sit on it. You know, like I won't seep through my own jeans onto your fabrics. Because we've also had a question about that for any new listeners. Yeah. Yeah, no, it is actually remarkable how some men really set the bar as low as it can go really yeah i feel like i've entered a like a pole vaulting competition except someone has just taken the pole like the the actual like meter away so i can really just walk across and and kind of flop down onto the cushion at the

other side and be like i did it i've won yeah someone's buried the pole and a bunch of men are trying to worm their way through the ground and you're just stepping over and getting full points yeah not that i incur i'm not encouraging men to do bare minimum but it's good for us you're right but i'm saying you know it is the bare minimum right now is If you're doing that, you're in good shape. No, you should do more, but you should also wipe your butt and not call things gay. You should absolutely. At least not in a derogatory way. Ready?

Yeah. This is Rocco's modern gripe. My partner of six months is giving me an ultimatum I don't think is fair. I, 34-year-old male, began dating Riley, or Rylary, 38-year-old male, about six months ago. Date was good. We enjoyed. I'm just saying your first fucking mistake was dating a guy named Rylary. I assume that's a fake name.

I fucking hope so. Hey. Yeah. Hey, it is a fake name. That's not a name anyone has. Yeah, it's very confusing. I don't know. They have it in like quotation marks. So I don't know.

Does that mean they're quoting him and it's actual fact? Anyway, Ryler is 38. Question asker is 34. Presumably Rocco. Six months dating. Date was good. We enjoyed spending time together. He has never communicated any indication he was unhappy with our sex lives until recently.

He's been apprehensive about oral sex giving. I give more than he does. However, it became real apparent recently as he gave really mixed signals and then fully stopped. I stopped outplay and was generally worried. He admitted that he does not like to give me head. It's not that he doesn't like to give head. He doesn't like to give me head specifically because I'm not circumcised. I was taken by surprise by his comment. He further explained that he doesn't think this relationship will last unless I get a circumcision like him. I asked him what it was about my foreskin that made him not like it. Like, I'd understand if it was because I don't wash or smell, but I keep my dick fresh, clean, and sanitary. He didn't mention any of that. He just said he didn't like the way it looked and didn't like that he had to pull back the skin to keep it from enveloping my head. I've never had a problem with someone not into my penis. I laughed a bit because it seemed like a ridiculous ask, and he got upset for not taking his feelings into account and stormed off.

He called me, said he talked it over with his friends, and either I get circumcision or it's over. I mean, I know my answer. I'm going to be single, but am I wrong on this? Is there something I don't know? Is this a normal request? I'm just lost. No, this isn't a normal request.

One, the idea of circumcisions in this day and age is wild to me just in general. Like, I understand that it is a there is a religious aspect for some people. Okay. It's still crazy to me. And this is coming from like, I am circumcised. I still like, why? Why do we do it i don't know like it is specifically like we want to talk about genital mutilation and shit we do it on the regular and there are people who are saying oh you didn't have a part of your genitals cut

off i don't find that attractive like that fucked up. Like one of the big reasons people are still circumcising or circumcising their kids is an aesthetic appeal. And that's, yeah, which is also like nothing wrong with a dick with a foreskin on it. In my opinion, as an uncircumcised man, but like one,

I've never been circumcised. My dick's fine. You just wash it easy to like, you still have to wash a dick that's circumcised three wait hold on hold on you do oh shit i've been spending a lot of time washing my own butt oh that's so awful no uh you dain won't seep through the couch it says on his tinder profile unless he lies on his front three i cannot i don't know what number i'm on three i cannot imagine the sheer trauma of doing that as an adult at least as a kid presumably you can't remember it i i do not remember my circumcision because that was probably a bippay it was a small bippay the idea of going into a doctor's office and being like hello it is time for me an adult man to have a a fairly sizable

portion of my penis to be removed and it's like why oh this guy i've been dating for not even a year for six months just likes it better that way yeah it's crazy oh well have you like like is hygiene uh no that that's not the issue he just doesn't like the shape of it i guess or something like like no this is fucked now the best thing is from the comments the guy followed up saying he has a guy that he can call locally he'll do it through health insurance and he's been in this situation before because all his exes have to get through it. And some of them have gone through with it. I feel really bad for those guys.

Yeah, because that's the thing. It's like, one, I almost said, like, hey, if you, like, stayed together and got married, that'd be one thing. That still sucks because your partner still was like, hey, mutilate yourself. Ha ha ha. Like, fuck you. But two, imagine doing this for someone and then you just break up anyway. It's like, well, cool. My dick hurts so bad for those, I assume at least weeks of recovery.

Yeah, I mean, I don't really know what the recovery of an adult circumcision is. You know what's crazy? As a kid, that probably sucks. But whatever, you're a kid, you don't remember. When you're an adult, you can also get erections. Imagine you got a boner with your wound yeah ow your partner sucks break up with them i'm glad that you're on

the right side of this that you're going to but no you are not in the wrong there isn't something you don't know this isn't a normal request and this person sucks and i do want to say like you know once again going back to beauty standards and the societal expectation of what we should look like, especially when it comes to like sexual genitals and what we should look like in a sexual existence. There's a lot of conversation about women and body positive for their bodies. And, you know, we talk about loving all shapes and stuff but there really isn't a whole lot of communication and there is a fairly large portion of people who who push back on uncircumcised or yeah uncircumcised men because like no one draws dicks with foreskin on it no kid on his notebook is doodling fucking foreskin dicks it's it's usually

like a like a circumcised penis because that is and like it's pretty much all you see in porn so i think there is like we should have a little bit more of a conversation of being like of normalizing the fact that uncircumcised penises literally are no different than circumcised penises they are they're just dicks so it's really weird because coming from Ireland, unless you had a religious reason to have it done or a health reason, nobody was circumcised. And like not a lot of people needed it done

for health reasons or religious reasons. So like the large majority of people aren't circumcised. So it's only when you come over here and then that's all of a sudden notable. Again, I've never had an issue with it. I never had a partner complain or even really comment on it, but like, yeah, literally never had a bad experience with it. But it's really bizarre to me just that like, it's not the norm. So I don't know. I just think it's important to, when we're talking about body positivity and we're talking about, you know, making sure that

everyone feels comfortable in their body that we don't exclude or, you know, circumcision status in that conversation. Because I do think that, that people do get, you know, hung up on it. I do think people get shook by it. I think people get insecure about it. Um, and I think it's, it's worth, worth mentioning that your dick is fine. Also a partner, like asking you to get cosmetic things to suit their preference. Fucked. That's not cool. It's no different than someone being like, Oh,

you're a little too heavy. Go get a tummy tuck. Or, you know, I prefer Brazilian butt lift, even though it's one of the most fatal fucking cosmetic surgeries out there. Yeah. Or,

you know, I, I prefer women's like button noses. So if you want to go get a nose job done, or I prefer high cheekbones, go get your face reconstructed. Because like, you can't uncircumcise, like, re-circumcise yourself. If you staple it back on there, it doesn't work. No.

No, it's fucked. And also, last thing I'll say about this, the weird like, he got back to me and said he talked to his friends and has come up with the ultimate, like, what? Who is this fucking shitty dusty child and also who's this guy that he's got on like speed dial to do his like under the table fucking circumcisions i want to know like is this just a ring is this just like an illegal circumcision ring and what they're smuggling is your foreskin away skins yeah but like maybe that's just a racket they have like ryler is just super hot

and this is his mo it's like paul walker and fast and furious he gets into your you know your cool friend group he pretends he's a street racer slash cool sexy guy and then just when you think you can trust him he's like gotta cut your foreskin off don't worry bob's on call i live my life a quarter foreskin at a quarter foreskin at a time but it's basically a shot for a shot fast and furious but instead of family he just says foreskin yeah i this guy's got to be getting kickbacks from this he's got to be getting kickbacks i wonder if it's like i think you're onto something here because like we've got blood babies or blood childs or blood boys or whatever the fuck they were. Let's use the proper terminology.

I wonder if there's like some sort of like youth serum that's made from like ground up foreskin or something. There's gotta be. Right? So like they're shipping this off to some far off land who's processing these supple foreskins

that this man has harvested. The far off land is definitely Iowa. Definitely Iowa. Let's be real. It's probably Florida. Iowa, Florida. Okay. We are running out of time, and I have two more questions. Okay.

From people who sent them in. So if I can get in there. Well, these are more important. This one's great, though. Go, go, go. Agent High Visibility Vest. Last year during Pride Month, I, 28-year-old female, fully came out as bi to my friends and family.

Hell yeah. Most people close to me already knew, but it was kind of a big deal for me to officially announce it. My boyfriend was super supportive. Yes, congratulations. My boyfriend was super supportive and loving about it at the time. Since then, he'll playfully ask me which women I think are hot or would point out women he thinks

is attractive to get my opinion it started out as a fun little game at first but it's since shifted to a more accusatory game where instead of asking me if i think people are hot he just assumes that i find random women attractive and that seems to get him upset i've tried talking to him about it but he insists that he's just joking and that it doesn't bother him so a person i know came out with us by and their boyfriend didn't take it well. And at one point I tried to talk to him and I was like, it's not like anything has changed or blah, blah, blah.

And it essentially boiled down. They were like, well, I used to have to be jealous of half the world and I have to be jealous of everyone. And I was like, damn, that's the worst way to go with this information, this new nugget. And it was awful.

And I worry that this person has gone that way. And unfortunately, you tried to do the talking and that's advice that we would give. And they're not meeting you halfway, which means you need to do the talking again and not take that answer. Because if it's something they keep doing, obviously it's bothering them. So tell them that be like, hey, I know you said it's not bothering you, but one, it's bothering me. And two, it really does seem like it's bothering you because you're accusing me all the time and you don't seem comfortable. What is this about? Can we talk? Do you not trust me now that I'm bi for some reason? Because that's an insane thing. Again, it seems to be a thing people do where it's like, I wonder if it's a mixture of, again, doubling the pool of people of potential partners.

But to like worrying that because they're bi, that you're not it for them. You know, I mean, because you're only a guy and they like guys and girls. So now all of a sudden you're like, damn, there are things a girl could provide that I can't. I'm just like that insecurity. But either way, this guy should trust his partner, regardless of sexual orientation. It's funny that like the second someone says they're bi, people just immediately assume they're just like an insatiable whore.

Right? Like that's like the unfair sort of, you know, that or like, like just pick one. Oh, you're not bi because you only, you know what I mean? Like there's like those two vibes that people get like just pick one oh you're not bi because you only you know i mean like there's there's like those two vibes that people get of just being like oh you want to fuck everyone or you're not really bi because you only date men yes i find like by binus is such a bizarre thing because people really like to either be like oh no you're just gay but you slept with a guy once

or you're really straight though aren't you you've got a boyfriend that's, you're just gay, but you slept with a guy once. Or you're really straight, though, aren't you? You've got a boyfriend. That's like. You're just doing it for attention. Yeah. Or something like it's just this weird, like dismissal. So, like, one, don't do that, people. Come on.

Twenty twenty three. But two, you really got to just nail them down and have this conversation. I don't mean that literally. I think what you said is very important of being like, hi said it doesn't bother you but it's starting to bother me yeah i don't like being grilled every time we're out and told that i must find that person attractive it's like you know that sucked it's boring it would be the same thing as like if every time we were in a bar or we went out or whatever i was like oh you're looking at her you're looking at her you're looking like that sucks it's insecure it's not fun it puts me on guard it makes me

uncomfortable and it makes me feel like everything i'm doing is being judged and everything i like you know i mean it's like and it's probably walking on eggshells constantly because like god forbid you smile at the bartender or the starbucks person or anybody passing by or look off in the distance or have someone walk past you like jesus christ so i bet like what and like why this happened i bet it started with him in fantasy mode of being like oh yeah we're a fuck everyone like threesomes threesomes threesomes it's gonna be great and then when he realized that like oh no she's still a monogamous partner who just happens to like both you know be into everyone and doesn't really care you know i mean like doesn't have a preference

one way or the other but defines men and women attractive equally uh and then i think it probably spiraled down into what this other guy was like where he's just like oh fuck everyone is a competition everyone's a threat i could be you know at any moment i could be whisked or she could be whisked away by someone more attractive than me and has like it start like that game started as something fun for him and as he slowly realized of being like oh no it's become more of a, like him checking in, being like, you find her attract.

Okay. Oh, I'm safe. I'm good. I'm all right. Um, and that sucks. That's,

that's a shit thing to do to just because of someone's sexuality, like make a judgment call on their morals or their intent or their fidelity. You know what I mean? Like it, it just sucks. It's like, just be like, Oh,

you're by now, even though you were always bi when I met you and when we were together and that didn't change anything. Now I feel like you might leave me immediately because there is a hot woman at the end of the bar. Despite the fact that there have been hot women by you the entire time we've been together, now

because you've said it out loud and have acknowledged it, now it's a threat. Yeah, and that's the thing. That's such a good point to that's the thing like that's such a good point to raise up be like i'm not just by now i have been by all the time like nothing and nothing has changed and again if you're monogamous and you like men or you're monogamous and you like men and women or you're monogamous and you like women there's no fucking difference between those three things you're monogamous or you're not, and that, presumably,

is the issue. So it's like, why does your sexuality being changed, or at least being, you know, admitted, make you any less trustworthy? It's fucked. Yeah. So you really just gotta sit him down, and if he's trying to fucking fob off the issue, be like, cool, well, it bothers me, so you can't

downplay that, and let's fucking talk about it. Yeah. And you know what? I think that's's fucking talk about it. Yeah. And you know what? That's the angle you got to go. Yeah. And if they can't handle it, fuck it. You got a whole world to fuck. No. Yeah.

You've got a, you got a bars filled with hot people. But like, unfortunately, some people's egos can't take it. Don't be afraid to set limits and boundaries. And if they're crossed to move on, because sometimes it can just be such an agony staying in a relationship with somebody who is so cripplingly jealous or insecure and it's just not good. Don't do what I did. Don't stay

in it too long. Alright, hit me with your one and then we'll see if we can fit my one in. Okay. I'm worried this one might be, this one could be short or this one could be fast. Look at this. Dane doing two questions in a row. This never happens. I know. This is Agent Touch and Go. I wouldn't consider myself bi because I've never been with a woman.

As we just said, not necessarily true. Yeah, I was, yeah. But I've always found other women sexually attractive. You're bi. I think lack of opportunity is the real reason I haven't hooked up with a woman. However, one of my friends, we'll call her Stacy, has recently started hooking up with another woman and they have invited me to play with them. I'm very excited by the idea, but I'm

worried that the pressure of disappointing two women will get in my head. What tips can you give a little bilingual noob on pleasuring women? Oh yeah, I like this question. Firstly, it's a friend of yours, right? Yes. So if you're friends, tell them, be like be like hey this is my first time i'm a little nervous if they're any way cool that's going to be exciting and fun for them and will just hopefully be a big lovely warm cuddly great sexy wet moment for all you guys that is that's what i want to pitch to you i think what you need to do for, and it's going to sound a little selfish, but fuck it, live your best life. Go in and be like, Hey, I've never been with a woman and I'm not really sure what I need to do. Is it cool if I kind of like be the center of attention and just enjoy you guys? And like, I feel like if a woman came to me and I was, you know, if I was with a

partner and we found another woman that we wanted to bring in as third and she was like i just kind of want to be spoiled i just want to be you know what i mean like i you know i've never done this before and i kind of want to be taken care of and just kind of like eased into it i would be so fucking hyped and pumped to communicate with my partner to be like this night's theirs let's like let's just blow their fucking mind yeah and we'll do every you know i mean like we'll do everything for now my worry is if you're nervous that also kind of might seem like a weird slash big ask you know what i mean i don't think i don't think you have to like maybe go that yeah i don't think you have to

specifically ask it for it but i think what you said like i think you do have to be like hey a little nervous i've never done this before can we lower the expectations for me a little bit like how about you guys show me the ropes yeah again i imagine everybody's gonna be very excited like i would love to be that person yes i think they would love to be that person and that's the thing it's like no one's like oh we invited this person who's like an adorable newbie and they didn't fucking walk in and fucking slam me on the bed and rock my world immediate like that's not what they're expecting and i imagine it's not what they want they weren't finger banging both of us like they were a fucking master puppeteer like one of us on both fucking yeah arms just levitate us both just by fingers alone. They weren't lifting us up and bench pressing us.

That's not what they expect. So I understand the nerves, but throw that out the window. They're not expecting that. I assume they're expecting what the reality will be, which is you're going to be there. You're going to be a little nervous, but you're going to be willing to explore, and that's going to be super fucking exciting

for everybody involved, presumably. Two, you're not a newbie because you are, in be willing to explore. And that's going to be super fucking exciting for everybody involved, presumably. Two, you're not a newbie because you are, in fact, a woman. So presumably you have masturbated. So you don't, like, you're not going in blind as to what people like. And yes, everybody's different, literally and metaphorically. But, like, you know how to work a clit, presumably. If men can figure it out and they don't have the parts and they're dumb and they're scared to wipe their own butts, I'm sure you can figure it out. I'm sure you can figure it out if you haven't already figured it out.

Yeah. And that's the thing. Like, I don't even know if we need to get into the details of like where to touch and how, because I imagine that would be like mansplaining right now because you've got a clit, presumably. Yeah. I think the things you need to focus on in order for this to be fun is have it go out, have a drink with these people first and like loosen up a little bit, get to know them a little bit, get comfortable with them because walking in as a bundle of nerves and then trying to just get into sex isn't probably going to be the best way to do it so ask if like you guys can go meet it and like nearby bar have a drink or two chat

with them get to know them joke around with them and i would have a conversation as well separately with just your friend before all this and be like hey as he said like you know talk about the fact that you're new talk about your concerns talk concerns. Talk about your nervousness and what you're worried about and, you know, all that kind of stuff. So that they can relay that to their partner so that everyone is on the same page. And then just go in nice and slow and enjoy every fucking moment. And the thing is, the nice thing about a threesome, if you feel like you're not pulling your weight or you might have a little bit more to learn, there's literally another person in the room who can finish the job for you. And presumably if they're hooking up together, they enjoy having

sex together. So worst case scenario, you give it your best college try. You do your, your hardest, your damnedest. And if, and if you're still figuring it out try you do your your hardest your damnedest and if and if you're still figuring it out you sit back and watch your two hot friends go at it for a bit or you like relegate yourself to support and you kiss her on the neck while her friend goes down on her you know yeah or you just like play with her tits well you know like you can do some very basic stuff that will add to their experience that you, you'll be able to do while her friends rock in her world, or just sit back and enjoy it.

Because if you're like that super hot, they're going to like that too. That's so that's another point I want to make. One of my favorite things that's ever happened to me during a threesome was I was having sex with one of them. And the other one was like lying beside her and just sort of like talking in her ear and like playing and kissing and touching and just talking about how fucking hot she found all of it. And that was to me. I was like, you need to shut the fuck up right now because I'm trying to work here um because i thought i just thought it was so fucking sexy to have someone not only

pleasing the partner that i'm also pleasing but someone sitting there and admiring both of us doing our thing i've never had a threesome but the closest i ever got to was one of the hottest things where literally there was a girl on the other bed in the hotel room and like when we started hooking up, she just, again, was like watching and appreciating very like verbally. And it was very hot. Yeah.

It's great. Just do that. Like there's so much you can do. I will say a few things, right? Don't be like being a nervous wreck. Isn't sexy, but being nervous can be.

So it's like, don't like fall to pieces, but like, I don't think you need to hide it really. You know what I mean? Be honest with your friends, have a chat with them, let them know you're inexperienced, let them know you're a little bit nervous. They'll probably find it very endearing.

And then I will also say confidence is sexy, but you can be like confident in your newness and confident in your nervousness. I don't think you going in there and pretending to be some kind of like casanova like you know what i mean if you walk in and you feign this personality and you try to act like you're the shit like ever it's it's not good especially in the bedroom whereas if you go in and like yeah you're nervous here or whatever but you're so confident like you're willing to own that and like learn and participate and like be loose that's gonna be super hot and cool for everybody because you're gonna be in the moment you're for everybody. Cause you're going to be in the moment.

You're going to be enjoying it. You're not going to be in your own head, trying to be like, shit, act cool, shit, act like you know this, blah,

blah, blah. They're going to know where you're at. And then you're all just going to have fun. Like I, you got this. Yeah. I think that's a really good point of being like trying to pretend like you

have the, like if you haven't earned the level of confidence you're projecting, it's going to fall flat. Like that's not the sexy confidence that everyone talks about. The confidence is the fact that like you are just owning the truth of the moment as it happens. And whatever that is, whatever it means. And like, that's something I really like to do. And something that I get complimented a lot on a lot of people, you know, after I've slept with them for the first time,

or we've hooked up for the first time, they're like, you're, you know, one of the sexiest things about you is your confidence. And it's not like I walk in, I'm being like, I'm going to eat your pussy.

So good. You're going to come in two minutes. I'm going to do this. I'm going to last forever. What it is, is you walk in, you say it's Dane time. And then you play the, the theme tune that me and you worked on a few summers ago.

It's just us going, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. With like, Dane time. Dane time. Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. Sick guitar. Yeah. Yummy. Yeah.

We're actually selling that ringtone on our website, by the way. But you have to promise you're not going to use it in the bedroom because that's Dane's confident, cool move. I will sue you. He will sue you. I will sue you into fucking oblivion. You've got this. I hope you have the best threesome ever and you're going to love it. Let's do your question.

No, I'll just say it for next time. Okay. Let's do it real quick. We'll skip Tinder. Fuck Tinder. This is by fondyke 99 f-o-n-d-e-i-c fundace i don't know it just sounded like i said fondyke and that's not what it is i thought that was the joke because it's pride and maybe it is i don't know but it is a gay guy so anyway landlord demanded proof i don't have grinder on my phone is this a big red flag moved into a new town found the apartment really close to where i worked looked nice not expensive

contacted the landlord and we arranged to meet so i can see the apartment in person engaged in small talk and he was talking about how nice it is to be a grandfather and things like that asked me if i have kids or a girlfriend to which i told him i'm gay so yeah no i immediately noticed a demeanor change and i was like oh oh boy, here comes the homophobia. He said it's cool, he's not posed with it all, but he heard how gay apps are basically DoorDash for sex and doesn't want people bringing someone every day into his apartment

and making his place a sex den. I told him I'm not like that. I'm an introverted guy and don't really like to meet so many people this way. He said he needs proof of it and demanded I show him what's on my phone. I didn't actually have Grindr installed, so I showed him I didn proof of it. I demanded I show him what's on my phone. I didn't actually have Grindr installed, so I showed him I didn't have it. I was going through the apps, and after he saw it's not there, he made

me go to the app store to see if the Grindr page says downloaded or open. I was pretty taken aback by all this, but I like the place, and it's literally next to my workplace. I'm worried, though, that he might do other controlling things that are not legal while I'm staying there. Do you think I should rent the place? I'm staying with my aunt right now, so I don't really have much time on my hands to look for other places.

This is tough for me because I don't know where you live, but I know how much of a fucking hellscape nightmare apartment hunting is, especially finding a place that you like and can afford. So like that's really, really weighing on me and really coloring my answer. I know. Obviously, this is so inappropriate and really coloring my answer. I know. Obviously, this is so inappropriate. This is so shitty. It's homophobic. It's illegal. It's ignorant.

It's bad. It's so bad. It's fucking terrible. But like the thing is, like, I don't know if this guy lives in the building or if you're renting like a basement apartment, he lives above you. If this is just like a landlord that you're never going to see, I don't think it's going to be a problem. Right. But I think if he's going, I think if he's on the premises, I think if he's in the building, I think you're going to have a worse time because it doesn't fucking matter. If you go on one date a year, I bet you you he's gonna see that one guy come home with you

and all of a sudden it's a knock at your door and be like hey where did you meet him where and i promise you he's not checking people's fucking phones for tinder oh for sure i'm sure he's not looking at fucking bumble or hinge and like when i was in my 20s i was the amount of women that were coming over to my place through Tinder was probably more than this guy's frigging home, even if he had Grindr installed. And no one gave a shit. No one grilled me about that. And it's just so scummy. But you do need to live somewhere.

Sometimes you do got to live somewhere now i when i was actually like homeless for the first month i got to canada fucking over a decade ago i saw a place and she had this book of rules and was like you can't bring people over and i was like well that will be happening so i had to leave but she did live in the apartment so that was a different situation and she did try to get me to go to her church uh look is this a red flag yes is this terrible, awful thing that no landlord should do? Yes. If you live here, is the possibility that something like this happens again pretty high? Yeah.

I would take a few things into account. One, like how safe do you feel? Because your personal level of safety is always going to vary. And if you're not going to feel safe in your home, it doesn't matter how reasonable it is or how close to work it is. Your life's going to suck because you're never going to be able to relax. Two, what is the landlord tenant board situation in your city? Toronto has a pretty good one. And I'm not too confident in saying that, but as far as I'm aware, it is pretty decent. So if you do, I would immediately and constantly make detailed notes of every single infringement that he does and bring him to the tenant landlord tenant board if if needs be.

And always record if he comes over and also make sure there's no cameras in your apartment. Thirdly, what granddad knows this much about Grindr? I mean, that's a good point. The fact that he knows the hookup app for gay people is kind of suspicious. He also knows how the App Store works. He was like, oh, I got to make sure you don't have it hidden anywhere else by checking the status. My granddad doesn't know what a phone is. I mean, yeah, I had to email my parents a link the other day, and that was like a whole ordeal.

So, yeah. I can't tell if my parents are very good or very bad with phones because my mom manages to send me custom links. And by custom, I mean she's managed to warp them to make them look like the most sketchyy will immediately steal every ounce of my money and data and maybe soul. Even if they're just like a link to a fucking article on a newspaper. You know what I mean? They always look they're like a million characters long anyway. So this is us for me. I think I think the key here here is as i said safety if you think this guy's gonna fucking

kill you because you're gay don't move there obviously yes two uh the the landlord antenna board is a great great option i would immediately go and see what the status is and and look up things of being like how much right does a landlord have about controlling who's in? I would also take a look at the lease and make sure you're not agreeing to anything. Yeah. Even though lease again, depending on the place you are,

but in Canada, for example, even if you sign a lease, if one of the clauses is illegal, they can't uphold it. For example, not having pets. Yeah.

So just, just take some, just take a quick moment and do a quick like look and see what kind of protections you have on your side because at the end of the day yeah you you gotta live somewhere but like if this guy ends up pulling some bullshit i got a lot of money from one of my landlords who tried to fuck me over so yeah it sucks yes it's a lot of work yes you have to move again but fleecing a fucking homophobe out of some some cash so that you can live in a nicer place not the worst the worst way to for a situation to go poorly you know now i would not move in with the hopes of it going poorly like

that i would just say chip protections if you live in some book wild state in america where landlords could do whatever the fuck they want don't don't do it i don't think i really think they're it's it's so many red flags that unless you have some kind of protection it's not worth it but if you you know maybe maybe it's just that was it and that was his weird hang up and now he'll leave you alone hopefully but i would i would be wary because that's not cool. But that's going to do it for us, friends. We went long with questions, so we're not going to do Tinders, which is fine because I don't want to open Tinder anyway. My landlord doesn't let me.

Thank you very much for hanging out with us. Happy Pride. We hope you enjoyed our Pride episode. If you have a question that would have fit great on this episode. Don't think you have to wait until next year. You can still send it into us every day. Every month is pride month and pride day for us. Every episode is pride episode.

Yeah. We just like to put a little bit more weight on this one, you know? So head on over to everybody's podcast.com. Click the contact form, fill it out. You get to choose your own agent name, like the people who sent in my questions. And we'll answer them as soon as you can or as soon as we can on any episode, not just the Pride one. Also, if you enjoyed the episode and you enjoy the show and you want to help support us,

feel free to hop on over to fbuddiespodcast.com and click the Patreon link. You have a bunch of different options, a way to support us. The middle tier will get you an extra episode every month called Pillow Talk, buddies, podcast.com and click the Patreon link. Um, you have a bunch of different options, a way to support us. Um, the middle tier will get you an extra episode every month called pillow talk, where we, you know, we're a little loosey goosey. We do the same sort of stuff,

but with a lot more, uh, casual, we, we just go into it, have a lot of fun. A hundred percent. Thank you,

Josh Eagle in the Harvard cities for your, the song paper stars, their song paper stars. Uh, you got some bad sex writing for me. Okay. Are you comfortable? Yeah. So this is going to be a short one and this is a woman writing about uh two men having sex and she says he was so horny his ass got super wet i don't you know i don't we're not even gonna talk about it my name is dave miller

i'm now spain we've been your wet ass boys I don't, you know, I don't, we're not even going to talk about it. My name is Dave Miller. I'm Nalspain. We've been your wet ass boys.