F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 25 - Origin Story

Episode Date: March 11, 2019

Holy sweet hell, friends.  We've made it to episode 25 and to celebrate we're poppin' bottles and taking a break from our usual format in order to address our favourite subject: ourselves!  In this special episode, we talk about how we met, why and how we made the podcast, how we met our partners and some personal anecdotes that we hope will not make you hate us.  But for real, thanks for listening!  Here's to 25 more.

I put my trust in you, and I trust in love I put my trust in you, and I trust in love I put my trust in you, and I trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love Hello friends, my name is Dino And I'm Niles Payne And we are your 25th episode of Fuck Buddies. That's right.

Woo! Congratulations to us. And to you. Because you've been here. Oh, those bubbles. We effervescent boys today. Just a couple of buds in a closet with some suds

cheers we're a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky sexy situations and turn them into sexy sticky situations so yeah guys it's been 25 episodes thank you for being with us this whole time it was pretty fucking sick

to commemorate our 25th episode, I'm pretty sure that's the sound of my girlfriend in the shower. And dropping pipes? Yeah, and just throwing marbles into our water pipes. Is she having a champagne shower? Fancy bitch. Is it?

No. That's a golden shower. Never mind. You weird. What kind of fizzy piss do you have? I was like, wait a minute. Oh, man. I'm 100% sure I'm going to knock over this glass. Yeah. I'm going to do a fucking Dane and hold it like a monster.

Like a fucking, here, let's top you up. You know what? We should keep that sound, like, separately. And just any time there's a particularly fizzy question. What the fuck is a fizzy question? I've been dating my ex's dad for the last four months. I don't know if that would call that fizzy. That was fizzy as fuck.

What I'm saying is I don't think fizzy is... I guess it's more chunky than it is fizzy. Crunchy even. Crunchy. Wet. Juicy. The wettest question. You know what? I'm going to start with probably the best question that we got all week.

Well, before we get into questions, do we want to talk about why we started this boy? We're going to do that after we do this. Okay. Because that was how I was going to start. This is not serious, but thank you for making me admit that before I said it. We got that question, I guess, because he seems unsure. Well, hold on. Let's also preface this with, uh, we're not doing our typical episode, uh, this week. So if this is your first episode, uh, maybe skip back a couple episodes and get a flavor of what we usually do.

Uh, this week we are celebrating 25 episodes and we're doing a little, uh, a get to know us episode. Yeah. We figured, you know, we'd shake it up a little bit. Yeah. Um, let you know why, how we make the podcast, why we're making the podcast, and if you guys have any questions about us, why you should listen to us, why our

advice might actually hold some bit of weight or merit. That's the episode where we're trying to do. Will we answer those questions? Who knows? Maybe not. So, yeah, we have... I'm not going to read their name, because I don't know. But they got on to us yesterday and asked us to contact them if we were 75 years old, very, very dark and not curcumcised, which I assume they meant to say circumcised.

Uh, so best question we've ever gotten. Uh, neither of us are 75. So I'm sorry if we felt the first hurdle. I know. I'm not getting the fell at the first hurdle. I know. I'm not getting the answer to the other ones now, because clearly we're not... That's the thing, it's like once you hit an X, it's like... Fuck, it's one strike, you're out. This guy's a... You mean serious business.

I'm sorry we couldn't fulfill your needs. But keep looking, keep commenting on random Facebook pages, cover photos. Yeah, you'll get there in the end. Eventually you'll find the man of your dreams. Yeah. Yeah, no, I think we should definitely start off with the logistical shit. Like, how do we make these episodes? Because I think not many people realize that, like, when I read a question, when you read a question, the other person has no idea what the question is.

Yeah. Like, we do each, like like half completely separately like i bring my questions he brings his we've no idea so we're answering like on the spot every time those things like i think whoever's whoever's question it is has a little bit of an idea what like they want to bring to the table with it sometimes the conversation yeah sometimes the conversation that we have is usually uh are always 100 uh the cuff and like it's not rehearsed it's not we don't sit down and like talk about what we want to talk about this episode it's just sort of or even questions like there's been times where i found like a really good one or danis found

a really good one and we're like fuck i want to talk to you about this question but like i can't so we wait yeah we don't even like there are times where we'll have like discussions about topics and we're like, actually I have a question about this. So let's save that to the podcast. Let's not talk about that. Yeah.

We'll, we'll actually avoid topics in like our, our day to day normal lives. Now we can't hang out anymore. Yeah. We pretty much just stare at each other. Yeah. If it's apex or nothing.

Yeah. Um, yeah. So I guess, yeah, a few people were, like, confused about that because they thought we, like, planned and or rehearsed. What do you think the average amount you edit out of each episode is? Surprisingly, not a whole lot. I take out, I would say probably, depending, like, obviously the longer the episode goes the more i cut out

um but like if we average around like a 120 minutes recording um i usually cut out about like eight to ten minutes of bullshit yeah and like usually as far as i'm aware it's like a lot of weight where's my question yeah it's almost entirely like i don't really edit what we say unless we say something particularly stupid like the rat tangent oh 100 that's in i don't really edit what we say unless we say something particularly stupid like the rat tangent oh 100 that's in i didn't cut it yeah i didn't cut any of that um i cut what did i cut from that episode i don't remember there was i mean like there was in our very first or second episode there was actually a pretty big chunk that we cut out because we were so i think like nervous and like didn't really know what we were doing or have a rhythm yet that like we ended up talking about shit that had

nothing to do with the question and while it was it was like an important sort of conversation to have it just didn't fit and i was like i feel like this is a topic that's going to come up later yeah rather discuss it properly instead of just kind of like as opposed to just sort of like throw a tangent. Yeah. I feel like you were definitely a little bit more hardcore on the editing at the start because we were also probably less good at just chatting. Yeah. That's the thing.

It's like our, our conversations tended to. They veered in. It was tangent city, but like the dark side of the tracks. Yeah. And like, it wasn't like, it wasn't anything worth about. Or we just said the same shit over and over again. Yeah. And I was just like, okay, we've made that point. Yeah.

I'm going to cut it. Which I still think we kind of do every now and then. And, like, but we'll also say something rather important. We'll pull it back in, yeah. And I'm like, fuck, I can't trim this because if I do, I'm going to lose, like, this other, like, good piece of advice. Yeah. And I can't just, like, cut it down and just have you or me throw in that. Because without the context of what we just said, it would make no sense.

Yeah, I'm always kind of surprised by the lack we added, which is kind of nice. And by we, I mean Dane. Because Dane does pretty much all the editing. And by pretty much, I mean he does all the editing. I don't know why I'm qualifying it. So shout out to Dane. Because Dane's awesome. A lot of it, a lot of the stuff that I take out are like I'm qualifying it. So shout out to Dane, because Dane's awesome. A lot of it,

a lot of the stuff that I take out are like ums, ahs, and pauses that like don't seem unnatural in conversation. But? But once you're like, once you're just listening, you're like,

oh wow, that split second that I paused is an eternity. Yeah. I love the like, segment. Pretty much everything we wait. You know like it's not like we have

really like not in a bad way but it's not like we really put much planning in. Yeah there isn't a whole lot of prep. There's like

I usually do like an hour or two of looking up fucking questions. Yeah. And then like a couple hours throughout the week

like doing social media stuff. Yeah which we don't do enough. Which I feel like, yeah. Like if we were going to put time into something. We should. Yeah. Yeah.

Like, you know, like the Dan thing just came about because like, I think like the day or two before we recorded our first episode, I saw someone that shared his like, how to talk to a girl with headphones article. And I was like, Oh my God.

Why? Yeah. And then I realized that sadly there's like seven years worth of his bullshit and it just became a really good way to like show what we're totally not up for like what we're against like and i think that kind of leads into like how we you know why we do this podcast and what you know yeah i mean there's a point like we've we've talked about it we yeah we pretty much since we like met like when we finally started like hanging out and like going out together the amount of times that we would like put ourselves into altercations with

like shitty guys um or like we'd have a great night out and just be like we didn't do anything and we still like hung out with girls and got a phone number and like a potential date the next day or whatever. And like, we didn't do anything. Like we literally just went out, had drinks and had a good time. And it sort of like manifested itself because we weren't fucking assholes. Yeah. And then watching like people be shitty.

Yeah. And also just like hearing like. And sometimes seeing those people like find success. Questionable as it might be. Like it's funny because we at one point like developed almost this like arch nemesis, which was really funny. Because we would go to this like bar and I remember it was when my brother was visiting. Yeah. came to a head where like uh this guy was like the typical like douchebag like pickup artist bullshit person who would literally like creep near the bathrooms not drink wait until late on

in the night when girls were like more drunk literally grab them when they're separated from people push them into a corner and like hold them there yeah and we saw this and we were like what the fuck like this person looks so uncomfortable. And what they're doing looks so creepy, the guy. And, like, at one point intervened. And she's like, no, yeah, this is awful. Like, I don't want any part of this. And he's like, well, you didn't say no. And she's like, no.

Like, no. And he's just being an asshole. And we're like, what the fuck, man? So here's the thing. You're forgetting the thing that, like, made me hate him was I can't remember specifically what he said. But when she said no no he was like uh he said something along the lines of like i could make that a yes well even like initially fucking thing initially when he was just like she didn't specifically say no but she did say oh i gotta

get back to my friends oh i gotta leave or like i'm not in you know a million things and like you know like he's basically using how hard it is to be like i guess it's intimidating to say no to somebody who's literally grabbing you and forcing you into a fucking corner no idea what that reaction is no oh yeah i'm gonna fucking stab you in the dark corner of this club like you're clutching me by the fucking arm and you're forced me into a corner like anyway and then she says it and he was still like like, well, no, it wasn't yet. Like, fuck you. But then, like, over the course of that night, it became a fun game, because that girl then was hanging out with us, and we'd see him do it to somebody else. And she's like, we should go over again. We're like, yeah, fuck it, why not?

So we kept going over, and by the end of the night, everyone, we had gone and basically, like, I don't want to say saved, like where we kind of like helped like because it's easier to literally be like no when you have five people standing there who have your back as opposed to one fucking creep holding you in the corner so we end up hanging out with like eight or nine people and like who we were already with and we had a great night um and that one guy was just so angry but then anytime we saw him doing it over and over again, we just like, fuck it. We'll, we'll go up and be like, Hey, are you, are you okay? Yeah. And they were always like, no, thank you.

Yeah. Um, and just like shit like that developed and we're like, fuck it. Like Toronto, especially I think has a problem with that. Um, yeah, that's the long way of saying that we just kind of wanted to hopefully make a fucking difference yeah because show people that like because you see people and it breaks my heart when they like you know the seduction reddit it's it's generally horrific and people post being like oh i want to like do you know i i have a problem where i don't meet other girls or whatever and they give them the worst advice yeah and the worst shit and they say the

worst things and there's people out there who think that that's what they need to do or it's like they're just making the world worse for everybody and i think like the thing that really upsets me about that kind of stuff is like some of that advice is good but it's buried under so many layers of like this toxic machismo that like it it completely negates the actual like real advice being given like some of the people who who i've seen on the the seduction subreddit will actually be like oh like focus on yourself like find a hobby find like go to the gym find a fitness program that works for you do that and it's like that's great but then we'll proceed to be like don't be a beta don't and it's like, the second you start qualifying and putting men and women into these categories

of sort of arbitrary objectification. Or like, any time you're like, this is the formula. It's like, no, that's not how it works. Yeah. And even like, remember the bullshit, like, hold a good lead, 13 steps. Like, there were nuggets of fucking truth in there like you know go out and have fun like it's not about getting laid 100 but then he's like you have fun or else this thing that's not about getting laid so you can get laid it's like yeah forcing yourself going

out with the objective to have fun well to performatively have fun like in order to get laid is not fun like no the the goal the night no longer becomes about having fun it's about having fun in order to get laid yeah and then therefore the goal of the night is to get laid and you're probably not having fun and then like the yeah the the rest like everything in between everything like your entire night if you don't get laid you've had a bad night yeah exactly and therefore you have not had fun. Yeah. So, like, I wish I could just, like, cut some of this shit off at the knees and just be like, just stop there. Just stop there. Like, let's encourage men to be confident and, like, find things that, like, empower them.

And just also cut out all the creepy shit. Yeah, without, like, without belittling men or objectifying women. It's like, we can do these things like it's there's nothing wrong with being pro man and like encouraging men yeah to be men whatever that means for them yeah like the second boy when you then tell people what man is and it's yeah or like start like treating women as if they are like objects in in the sense that like they're the like objective yeah you know I mean it's like or even just like women react this way to this it's like no like everybody has a fucking different like people that's another

issue is like there is no fucking formula and the fact that these people like not only think there is but then literally sell that and people buy into it literally again yeah it's like insecurity you know what i mean like if someone is it's the whole reason why fucking like the televangelists are so successful you know what i mean like those people are like sort of the the end of their rope and despair and someone is selling them hope yeah no i i get it it just it it also sucks that you're preying on people 100 you know i just feel like you know and also we should just all be better and nicer to each other um so last week we did put out a call for for questions for us and we got a few

of them so now we'll start uh we'll start answering some of those yeah we got a bunch um i'm not gonna read off people's names because yeah i think it'll just slow it down and a lot of the time people were like i don't really want my name put on them. And almost all of them had a PS, what's your dick size? What's your rock and roll? We did actually get another one today. Cool. We're not answering that. Nope.

That was the one question we said we wouldn't. Because the answer's too long. Yeah. We literally cannot come up with a number. Yeah. So I think we'll start at the start. How long have you and dame been friends i mean like real friends or no you and dane me oh that was the question and said how

long have you and dane been friends oh and it's for me uh i don't know it says you and dane how does that mean niall and dane fucking hate you how long have you been friends with yourself that's actually a great question yeah um. Like 2014? Yeah. Those teenage years are rough. Yeah. You know what? I hear you. Probably same time period for me. No.

How long have we been friends? It would have been 2014. Oh. Is that what you said? Did I help you become friends with yourself? 100%. It was meant to be a joke. No.

Don't make it too serious. Yeah. It's been a while, but not that long at the same time it feels like a lot longer it does just because like the pure amount of bullshit that we've done also just like i can't remember i can't imagine a time where i'm like no dang yeah i don't know it's a dark time it's a dark time um yeah we worked together at a bar and then the first night that we met which is the next question how did you meet oh yeah so like we, it was like a staff party for the bar. And I had just started working there.

So I knew one person who I worked with at a bar previous. And he got me the job there. And it was fun. It was like, it was actually a really fucking good day. Yeah. And then, but like, I didn't really know you. Like, I knew you from work. But like.

Yeah, I don't really remember. We had chatted like maybe two or three times. Because this was like, it was like a week or two into working and the staff was huge. Like, I hadn't really met everyone yet. This was when they weren't allowed to do a staff party. So instead, one day they gave all the guys the day off. Yeah. And organized like, guy night.

And then they gave all the girls the day off, a different day, covered for them yeah um so we did a bunch of shit um but like we were at this bar and me and the guy that i had worked with previous were talking to these two girls um and it was going well uh and then niall showed up and he was taking selfies yeah someone ever runs the bathroom so i took their phone and took a selfie with everybody at the party because, I don't know, I thought it would be funny if they came back and there was just everybody's dumb, surprised face on their phone. So I was going,

selfie, and just popping into everybody at the party and taking one. I went up to you guys and was like, and the girls were like, oh, what are you doing? And we kind of got chatting. It was really funny because, well, you can talk. Yeah. So it was like, it was nothing, right? Because like I like introduced now to the girls we were talking to and we chatted for a bit and then now fucked off.

And then I left that night. Like everyone went to a strip club and I had actually gone home with one of those girls. And the next day. Well, what was funny is, like, the second I left. Because, again, like, I had taken the selfie. And the girls were like, oh, what are you doing? And I'm like, explain to them. They're like, oh, you guys are on a night out.

And I was like, yeah. And, like, we chatted for a tiny bit. And Dane was, like, engaging. And it was fine. And it just moved on. And I left. And the second I left, I was like, oh, you were cock blocking. Like, you were first. I was like, what? And they like what they were like yeah like the other guy was so angry like what the fuck and and he literally like well i don't really want to cast this you know he basically

got like he got a little upset about the whole situation and kind of like cut off contact with the girl and then their whole thing didn't work and clearly dames did because they went off and i was just like what the fuck like wasn't cock blocking anyone so in my head it was really funny because like you know from my point of view there's nothing else i was gonna do if they were like oh you're taking selfies i was just like oh shit they're talking to some guys i can't even reply i gotta run away like yeah that doesn't make any fucking sense in my head right like and it's not like i was even coming on some or anything so anyway like the next day i was like shit like i hope dane didn't care because like he wasn't there because he was off with her so it's not like uh

you know but he was a new guy in work and i was like oh i hope that like he was cool so at one point i like i kind of mentioned to you like what it was fine yeah it's fucking done it was like it was a couple weeks later too like like would, we would like be in passing. You know what I mean? I think it was the next day. Cause, uh, definitely wasn't. Cause we had the joke where someone kept being like, God damn it, Dane. No, that was, that was fuck you.

That was the girls. Yeah. So it would have been after that. Oh, okay. Which was like a couple of weeks after our party. Yeah. Either way. It was just funny.

Cause we kind of like bonded over that. Like having the same view that I think is like healthy and not just like, I own these women because I'm talking to them. Yeah. Which is fucking batshit. Because when you came up to me and you're like, oh, like, sorry if I cocked you. I was like, well, you didn't because I went home with her too. It's like.

Yeah. But you were there for like three minutes. Yeah. And like just having a normal chat. Yeah. All you did was talk about like taking selfies and like. I also kind of like talked, talked you guys up. Yeah, I'm pretty sure you wingmaned us.

Yeah, and that's the thing. Anyway, it was... And I think, like, the next thing that took it to the next level was that one day when we were just at the bar and we had, like, the deepest chat about, like, all the bullshit that... Like, you told me about your horrible year. And, like, at the time, I had just... Me and my ex had broken up and we'd been living together.

And then she binned a bunch of my furniture, and then I went through a series of sublets and, like, a whole bunch of apartments. So I was, like, having a tough year. And we would just kind of, like, chat about that. And then we went to the casino? Yeah. And then after that, I think what really solidified our fucking fancy dancing night. Fancy dancing. Dane got roofied and, like, puked all over a yacht.

But it was just, just like a crazy night and then after that we were like how are you not super close after that that is that is yeah that is sort of like the night that's sort of like because that was like that was the start of like dane and nile night too yeah and like it became sort of like infamous more yeah fucking calm like it got to the point where like if we were going out people would try to like insert oh yeah you guys are doing a thing and like we were going and it's like we wouldn't know never knew like it got to the point where like if we were going out people would try to like insert oh yeah you guys are doing the thing and like we were going and it's like we wouldn't know we never knew like it was just one of those things where like if we happen to have work off at the same time like if we ended up getting cut at the same time we would just be like

we would just fucking go somewhere yeah and like bullshit would happen literally all the time and like it would be one of those things where like people wouldn't know either we'd like make a status or like an instagram post or like we would just, they would just see us like leaving together. And the next day it'd be like, what happened? And most times there was a story. There was usually a story. Yeah.

Remember that time we were like in that weird drum circle, like underground? I mean, we have several stories about that. Just that one. That one place. That was the Caribbean birthday party. That was the rap battle. Yeah. That was the drum circle. DJ Fire. That was the, there was birthday party that was the rap battle yeah that was the drum circle

dj fire that was the there was one other time we went there there's too many um yeah if you're ever on dundas street in toronto look for a bar called remix just go underground because let me tell you i have no idea what that fucking bar is because every time we've walked through it every time we've gone through that door it's been it's been but like what i love is the lighting in that place where the dark pools of shadow i don't know the shape of that bar i yeah if someone was like can you just sketch it out sketch the layer of that bar i'd be like i know there's a stairwell down into it and there's a bar like kind of right corner yeah on the right hand side but other than that i don't know like maybe they could tell you where the drums are yeah uh next question yeah uh how do you all meet

your respective partners uh so i broke my like cardinal rule i thought you said you broke your leg i was like what uh yeah i amanda nursed me back to health he was like an injured bird he fell from his nest yeah it. It was actually really romantic. She's the best ornithologist I've ever met. Although she didn't correctly identify Dana as a human. But that's her one mistake.

She still thinks I'm a bird. Shit. Just hoot quickly. That's not a hoot at all. I'm not an owl. Owls are birds. You heard it here first, people. This is a bird fan cast.

Should we get whiskey to continue the episode uh we could um oh can we do an intermission yeah fuck like answer this question then we'll intermission okay um i uh i was working with we should answer each other's questions i mean i know the vaguest details of your me too it's gonna get even better no just go um you guys work together yeah i was working with amanda um and as was i at the time we like i had a very strict like don't sleep with anyone from work policy i did not i had slept with one other person at work um and it was just sort of like i don't't know. I was like, eh, not really my thing. And, yeah, it was one of those things where, like, she had a boyfriend at the time.

So I was, like, she was also very shy and very, like, timid and weird. All the things that I love about her. Some might say spooky. Spooky. So, like, anytime we had, like, a really good crew there we're like we did a bunch of shit outside of work so i'd always try to invite her because like i wanted her to feel like part of a group um which to be fair wasn't just a special thing like you were always super friendly 100 yeah no this wasn't me like making moves on her i knew she had a boyfriend but i also knew she was like super shy yeah or at least like quiet we were always pretty good to all the

new people which i liked you know it was actually like i don't know if it's the same but it was like the tightest fucking crew at that point it was great yeah it's it's it's getting back there um so it was one of those things where i was just like come like bring your boyfriend like it's we all have like our significant others or like the people that do have significant others but we were always kind of a part of the picture so so that kind of happened and then like they broke up um and it was it was like a bad breakup and at one point she was like i need a place to stay and i was like by all means like you can crash in my place if you need to um and like we had had after she'd broken up we had had some like some chemistry um but i was like look you just got out of breakup and like i i was finally getting in a good place in my life and i was like you know what like take some time i am attracted to you and i am

interested in you but like i'd really rather you i'd really rather be there as like moral support right now and as a friend and as someone you can rely on and trust um and then once you're sorted and safe and good you'll see then then we can go for a drink. And it was one of those things where it's like, we just took it so slow. Well, even like that night, she did come over. She slept in your bed. You slept on the couch, right? I slept on the couch, yeah.

Like nothing happened? No, because it was one of those things where I was just like, if you need somewhere safe to stay, I don't want you to think you have to trade sex for safety. And that's the thing, because even if something happened, there's no way in your head that you'd know whether it was like genuine and like i i know yourself it's definitely crossed your mind like that you just wouldn't want to be that person where they're like you wouldn't ever want that question to be there yeah you felt like you had to or yeah because it

would have been our first time sleeping together too and it's like the last thing i want to do is like feel like i'm i'm i'm being a predator or, like, or at least, like, preying on someone who's in a vulnerable position. So, like, I wanted her to know that, like, and again, this was sort of, like, our, we were still very much friends. We weren't really romantic partners at that point. And I was like, if you need a place to stay, I want you to know that, like, you can come here and that, like, I'm not going to be expecting something in return. And that was, like, really, really important to me. And then it was one of those things where like, you know, she ended up making some really good friends at work.

They ended up giving some really good support to her. She got in a good place and we just took it real slow. We had like, we had a very casual relationship. And then we were in sort of like an open relationship where we were seeing other people. And then it got to the point where I was just like, you know what? I'd like, I kind of really rather just be with you and then

then that was that and now we're still together and happy and I love her very much should we get whiskey I always want whiskey Dane let's do it

you even need to be here from my side of the store get the fuck out it's true alright how did I meet my partner Tinder are we matched on Tinder lame It's true. All right. How did I meet my partner? Tinder.

We matched on Tinder. Lame. Nerds. Yeah. We are entirely nerds. That's true. It is true. Yeah, we met on Tinder.

She was super interesting, and we had similar book tastes, for example. For some reason, I thought she was really tall based on her profile pictures um that is not the case at all and yeah we you know what what's funny is i probably suggested meeting up for a drink a little too soon because honestly i fucking hate tinder um like it worked you were not a tinder boy i was the no not really i like i still had a bunch of success on tinder you know what i mean like i never had any issues with it but uh i was always like way better just like meeting people in real life and like that was never an issue um so it's never like i even you know tinder was more of like a supplement than like uh i like whatever i don't think i was particularly good at it either but um yeah we we you know she did later be like he came a little quickly but she

still came on that date so did it matter and i mean like you're literally still with her so yeah exactly so it worked out um but yeah we we decided we'd go on like a little pub crawl and we did we hit about like six seven bars um we played this rolling game of i never um all the way through our first date which is like a great way to know somebody because like not only do you find out some juicy tidbits crunchy tidbits even um you also like you get a good sense of like their sense of humor and like what they're into and what they're not into uh because you learn probably more about people from what they ask in that game than what they answer um and yeah we did that we went on a few bars and like it was really funny because like

we were having so much fun on the date but even in certain bars we'd be sitting at the bar and the bartender at the end would like give us a free drink or like an extra shot or whatever and be like man even i'm having fun like listening to you guys and we were like yeah it's our first date and they were like what as we did that we got some smart food uh because it's the best popcorn and we ended up climbing a crane and i almost died it was a great date and we finished the night off we got home uh we like split ways and went home separately and then text each other like sexy pokemon puns nice yeah cheers cheers to our ladies yeah they're awesome a gentle cheers uh what was your longest relationship

oh man uh four years okay would be and then like i think if you include like from when I met Amanda to now, I think she's beaten the record now. I think we've been... If you include the time when we were open and casual... It's been four fucking years. Almost five now. No. What? I think you're skipping ahead some years.

Amanda from the other room was... No, four years then. At the very least, 2015 is when we started dating. Yeah, but that's not four years yet. No, okay, so we're coming up on three years. Three and a half. Yeah, three and a half. Okay.

Does that sound right? Yeah. Okay. How am I better at this than you? Because it feels like I've been with her forever. Wow, it's that bad? It feels like... It's terrible.

Get me out. Can you always be a voice in the background for these? This is great. Just correcting me? Yeah. I don't know if you can hear that, but Amanda's in the other room getting ready for her show, and she's literally just... She's just shaming Dane.

That's amazing. Yeah, I know. Amanda, you're the best. Love you. Hell yeah. Yeah, I think my longest one was like three and a half, four years. Again, same thing and like i'm counting that just from like the became exclusive time because like i've never really

dated someone before i think at least three months of like casual if not you know half a year or a year or whatever like because i know to me like being in a relationship is really like you know an exclusive one anyway it's like a big deal like i've never cheated on anybody and i don't know, to me, like, being in a relationship is really, like, you know, an exclusive one anyway. It's, like, a big deal. Like, I've never cheated on anybody and I don't plan to. And I think a lot of the reason why people do is because they don't really take it that seriously. But, yeah, like, three and a half, four years. And I was in, like, one that was basically the same as well. So, like, two relationships that are pretty long like that.

What's your most embarrassing date story? Anyone ever done something super embarrassing i mean yeah so like i guess i can cut in with yeah yeah you you do your embarrassing one because like i just talked a bitch i i don't know i don't know where to go with this one because I have one horrendous date and it was on their side. Would you know about? You know about most of them, I'm sure. Yeah, I don't know which one specifically you're talking about. What's funny is if we're speaking faux pas and something that you said actually triggered this, I was once at a party and you know the third part.

This is a three-part story. You know the third part. Yeah, I was-part story. You know the third part. Yeah, I was there. Oh, you know what we're talking about. I do now. So, part one, I'm at a Halloween party. And I'm talking to this girl. She's dressed as a witch.

And she's very attractive. Or, well, okay. I don't know if that's how you would describe her now. Let's go back. I'm talking to a girl. how you would describe her now. Let's go back. I'm talking to a girl. And things are going really well. And I like her. And at one point she walks off.

And let's point out, she was maybe 20 feet away. And a friend comes up and goes, oh, you a witch girl, huh? I'm like, yeah. She's vaguely attractive. And, like, when I say that, I don't mean she's literally vaguely attractive. I meant more of, like, the Irish way way, like she's a bit of all right. You know, she's she's grand. Like, yeah, she was fucking attractive.

But, you know, we tend to self deprecate and just deprecate in general. Somehow she has ears of a fucking hawk. She comes over. She slaps me. Well, no, she says, did you call me vaguely attractive? And I have no answer. But yes, so she slaps me well no she says did you call me vaguely attractive and i have no answer but yes so she slaps me and that's that a while later this is part two i get a message on facebook and it's her and she's like hey did i slap you one halloween i'm like yeah yeah you did and she's like i'm really sorry can i take you on a date to make up for it and i was like sure yeah i'm new to the country i don't really know that many people i'll fucking go uh so i go

and to be fair it's a very fun night we play a lot of pool we drink a lot of sambuca we play darts sambuca is great you shit your mouth is disgusting um and like we have a really good time and uh like i'm having a blast we're on the way home and she's like oh my god like can't believe i slapped you like i'm so sorry like oh i'm such an asshole it's just going off like come on i called you vaguely attractive like don't worry about it she's like what slaps me again apparently she forgot fast forward like five years or something stupid it's my birthday I'm very bad at organizing birthdays uh so I just kind of send out like a Toronto like why well not Toronto wide but like a you know when you're like tag your friends on like the invite list you can just hit Toronto

so I sent it out I'm like yeah this is at about 1 or 2 a.m. after Dane. This is like early morning. Oh, yeah. Like 2, 3, 4 in the morning. Yeah, when Dane literally is like, Niall, what the fuck? Can you please organize your birthday? So I'm like, okay. So I send it out literally that morning. It's a Friday as well.

Needless to say, nobody showed up. Because most people, well, obviously Dane showed up because most people well obviously Dane showed up he's pointing at himself angrily Dane took me out for a very nice dinner and it was very lovely

we had a few drinks we went to the bar which again I don't know why I chose that bar it was the worst choice ever I'm not going to name and shame them

100% they don't exist anymore it's Crown of the Tiger oh they don't exist anymore no every time I'm there something dumb happens someone threw a chair

at me once anytime anyone goes there something bad happens that's probably why i ever had a good time at the crown of tigers been scrubbed from existence uh so we're there and like people aren't showing up and like honestly i don't blame them most of the people invited were in the service industry it's a fucking friday they had about 18 hours notice probably didn't even see it they probably didn't even see it like if you worked a day shift it. Like if you worked a day shift, you woke up, you went to work. And then by the time you saw it,

it was basically happening. If you worked a night shift, you couldn't go anyway. So yeah, but I'm cool with that. It's like another day, not all night. That's going to be fun anyway.

And then I hear, Oh, Hey, how's it going? And who was there? But vaguely attractive girl. And I don't know why the fuck after five years last time we saw each other she slapped me and she showed up and she starts being real weird like throwing money down the table me and like my mom gave me money for your birthday and i'm like

what what uh long story short we leave we're at a bar and like things are actually all right everything seems fine yeah and then we're all dancing and she just like leans in and bites my face like on the cheek like so so hard and it hurts so badly but like oh my god it was awful and like like so badly like i almost by reflex like just like shoved her so hard or like did something that probably would not have been seen as okay like it was it was it was so painful and i was just like what the fuck you cannot do this and in answer she did it again so i walked out of the bar i sat down the curb i didn't even say by the dang because i couldn't and he came out a while later and was like are you okay and like i had a fucking mouth mark on my face i was like no then we went somewhere else yeah i found you you had a

can on your face yeah you're using a drink as a ice pack beer Beer is a great ice pack. Yeah. But like, yeah, anyway, initial and secondary embarrassment was me saying vaguely attractive and fucking up. And that just became a story. So the other one was like, what's the embarrassing thing? It's like someone else did? Yeah. So this isn't really, I mean, it's embarrassing as fuck. But like, so here's, I'll make this story short. I went on this date with this girl who, she showed up and like, I could tell she was

already kind of tipsy, which is fine. I was like, cool. Um, and we were talking, it was actually a really fun date and it was really cool. And it was actually like kind of vibing with her. Um, and she was like, Oh, I just live around the corner. I was like, well, I'll walk you home. Um, and she's like, cool, great. Uh, but she was way too drunk like i had maybe like two or three drinks and like she was several

ahead of me so when i left like after the two and three drinks we had on our date she was already like drunk yeah um and i was not so like i already knew like nothing was gonna happen maybe a kiss good night um but like i was not gonna sleep with her that night um it's like a 10 minute walk home um i get her to her doorstep and she's like oh do you want to come in i was like i would like any other day i would say yes i was like but you know what i mean like you've had more to drink than me um and she had told me that like she was a little but like into the day she was like you know just so you know like yeah you know i mean she kind of did the confession she was like i was nervous and like had a me that like, she was a little bit like into the day. She was like, you know, just so you know, like, you know what I mean? She kind of did the confession. She was like,

I was nervous and like had a couple of drinks with my friends. I was like, okay, cool. Um, so like, I was like, you know what?

I would rather wait until like, we're kind of on a level playing field. Um, it's just not something I'm super comfortable with. And she lost her fucking mind. Like at one point she was like, you're a selfish asshole. You're a fucking asshole.

She threw her fucking garbage can at me. I was going to say, is this garbage can girl? And like, I don't know if these are sort of like the standard garbage cans in most major cities, but like our garbage cans are fucking big. Like wheelie bins. Yeah. Like they're not the sort of like steel trash cans that you see in like movies and shit. These are like industrial, like plastic, sort of like almost wheelbar that you see in like movies and shit. These are like industrial, like plastic sort of like almost wheelbarrow ask. Yeah. So like the moral of the story is like,

not what she did is embarrassing. She's embarrassingly strong. Oh yeah. No, like I would not be able to pick that up. And I was just like, and she was like, I could say,

I could, I could say anything about you right now. I'll have to scream. And my neighbor, I was like, well, you're already screaming. And like, you're currently screaming because i'm not like legally gonna

rape you uh well yeah when someone's not fucking drunk right you know what i mean it's like yeah it's like you're like you can't you're drunk you yeah you're doing a good thing and you got a bin thrown at you that's the thing it's like i was like the whole what um she did message me a couple days later and was just like, I'm really sorry. And I was like, that's fine. But I was like, you understand that I'm not interested in seeing you again. She was like, well, I'm sorry. I had a little bit too much to drink.

Did she yell? And then all of a sudden it was caps lock? Well, she tried to play it off and be like, oh, sorry. I had too much to drink. There's a little bit of a difference between having too much to drink and yelling and screaming and throwing a bin and then accusing yeah or saying you're gonna accuse me yeah i mean it's like because like what happens if we do sleep together and then you like something goes wrong yeah you want you regret it or whatever or even just like you guys break up or yeah stop seeing

each other or i'm just like hey i kind of want to call it quits like i don't really want to start a relationship with someone who i'm terrified of whose first date and who was strong enough to throw a man at me assault and fucking yeah you know what i mean blackmail yeah legal threats like um that was probably and like that happened a few times there was another date date where a girl, uh, booty called me and I was like, have you been drinking? Um, in like a, not so many words, um, or more words. Drinking question mark. Um, and she was like, no, she's like, yes I am. But like, I'm, I'm totally fine.

Got there. She almost fell down my fucking stairs coming into my apartment. Um, and I was like, sorry, I thought you said you got there. And I was like, how did you get there? She fell down your fell down your stairs no no she came to like my place and then like almost fell and i was like i'm really sorry but like i'm not sleeping she didn't took the painting off my wall and hit me with it that's amazing it's like are you fucking kidding me get the fuck out usually i would be like you can stay here i'm not gonna get but i was like yeah no that's that's not okay get the fuck out i had

someone in work the other day hit me with their phone as i passed by because they wanted to order that was fun um i think like a random person like a guest 100 percent yeah no as i'm walking by she was like i was like the fuck and like i was too shocked to tell her to fuck off and she's like and then she turned the phone around and pointed the beer she had on it and was like like i was too shocked to tell her to fuck off and she's like and then she turned the phone around and pointed at the beer she had on it and was like this i was like no nope uh no id there is no id so i didn't get it so that was great um i think yeah i think the most embarrassing thing someone ever did on a date a hundred percent has to be the time when a date and someone cried for a large period of the date um and to be fair it was it was a pretty fun date i'm super into that though to a point no not at all and she kind of sprung a surprise dinner on me when i met her

at hers it was like we meet at hers have a drink kind of go out was what i thought was happening she made a dinner i was really hung over and had already eaten so my appetite was at like a minus so i could barely eat this dinner that was very nice i met a roommate on the way out as i'm going in and they basically said oh i've been sent home or sent away for the night like wink have a good one which again super awkward get in we're eating this meal in deathly silence uh they put on one song and when that song ended it stopped so we're just silence i'm trying to eat i can't i feel really bad the food looked great and at one point they're like oh well what when you want to do you want to like stay in or like go out we've already had a bit of wine like

let's go out like let's you know so i get brought to this place they used to work uh which is empty so it's just me her and a bunch of her ex-co-workers but they're doing karaoke and i love karaoke i'll serve some booze the big issue of the night is every five or ten minutes she likes to look at me and go i really like you which once sure that's nice twice i don't know if it's like starting the end of the night whatever but like constantly it gets really weird so i was like feeling really on edge and like maybe that you know it's the first time we ever hung out maybe she's looking a little bit too into it and like i'd been out of a shitty relationship and like i wasn't really looking for anything

that serious, which again could develop into something serious, but not off the bat. Right. So night goes on. And at one point, like she said, again, there's like, look, I just want to clarify. I'm not necessarily like looking for anything very serious. Like, you know, obviously it's our first date. And she starts to cry. And then she silently wept.

You monster. Yeah. And she silently wept for a while, which would have been horrendous in any situation. But the fact that we were in a empty bar, manned by people who all know her, was worse. What's even worse is you're like, hey, if you you keep that going let's go back to your place yeah just keep crying 100 yeah no then then i was into it that was like wait let's date and then she stopped crying and i broke up with her um no obviously not uh yeah it was really awkward especially when i tried to explain myself and she said i get it i'm not pretty and i was like no that's what and then i was like look and i basically had to explain i was like it's the first time we ever fucking hang out like no one is ever gonna not say that really and if they did they'd be crazy and she was like

well yeah i guess went to the bathroom came back pretended it never happened it was real weird uh this one specifically for me which is weird but, how different was my dating experience in Canada versus Ireland? I will say, very different, because... I'll just be over here drinking my whiskey. By myself. Oh, I'm sorry. So I didn't realize it was fuck buddy. I know.

Uh, yeah, basically... I'm already with that. I can save this for a different day if you want. No, no. That's fine. Uh, it's very different, because inland i had been in a lot of well you know it was like a lot of long-term relationships but also like time in between uh but i was also you know quite a lot younger um i moved here when i was 20 and uh like part of the reason why i was so different

is like there isn't really like that condo kind of like rental market and young people don't really move out unless you're like from Carlow and you're moving up to Dublin or whatever and you're staying in university accommodation so it's like if you want to get down and dirty you generally have to you know like be creative you know there's not really that culture of just, like, one-night stands and just, like, meeting people in bars and just going home and fucking because you don't have a home you can go and safely fucking, really, because your parents are going to be like, what the fuck are you doing?

So there's a lot more kind of, like, park sex and a lot more, like, you know, fooling around in public and a lot more just, like, shifting, which is the irish word for kissing uh like kiss culture is a massive thing back in ireland where like on a night out no one's like oh did you fuck her they say did you get the shift and i was like yeah you know making out with people is almost like your you know number of success as opposed to actual sex which is kind of nice but um so that was kind of different i'd be an irish legend you would be so

that was kind of different also like tinder and stuff ireland's a lot smaller than toronto like or dublin is smaller than toronto you unvariably invariably will find people you know like there's no it it can be i do think we should do a question on, like, when you find someone you know on Tinder. Let's find it. Let's cut this out and then pretend we're real original later on. But, yeah, like, you will find people you know, and then that's its own specific beast. And some people don't want to swipe in case it comes to light and all this shit. Like, it's very weird because everyone knows everybody.

So you do kind of have to be a little bit more careful. But, uh, yeah, that's other than that, you know, like it is a big game changer when you have your own place. It's kind of rude.

They didn't want to know how different it is to date in Brampton. Yeah. How, how is it? I don't, I don't even want to begin to imagine what Tinder looks like in Brampton. So what you're saying is they did you a favor? Yeah.

So they had your back. Thanks. And you're going to give them shit for having your back. Always will. I'm never happy. Biggest turn off? Ooh. Sort of initial.

I'm going to go initial and once I get to know someone. Initial, I think smoking. The second I see someone smoking, I'm just like, I'm going to go, like, initial and, like, once I get to know someone. Initial, I think smoking. Like, the second I see someone smoking, I'm just like, I don't want my mouth in that mouth. Like, I don't want it. That's not how you kiss, but continue. Yeah, you put your whole mouth inside your mouth. Yeah. You actually try to get as much of you as possible in there.

Get a little hand one. That's why it helps if you have a puckered face. Only if you pucker outwards. Yeah. i've definitely dated people who have smoked yeah um but it's like it's if i don't know the person i'm probably not gonna yeah that's that's the thing if i see someone who's smoking i'm gonna be less likely yeah you know um it once i get to know people anything any sort of like ism you know what i mean like if you're a racist or a fucking like if you're homophobic like any of that kind of shit like anytime anyone that's an ist and an ick not an ism i know i guess um i don't know i'm gonna racism homophobism well yeah

like i think okay can we point out that that should go without saying yeah like if you if you if you meet someone who's racist or homophobic, like, that shouldn't be a turnoff. That should just be a get the fuck out of life. Like, if I already know them. Well, I think if you already know them. Or if, like, even just, like, during sex. Like, a big turnoff for me is I'm not a big fan of sharp pains. So, like, biting, pinching, like, any of that kind of shit, like, I'm not a big fan of sharp pains. So like biting, pinching,

like any of that kind of shit. I'm not into. And for some goddamn reason, my nipples are like fucking beacons for women. Me too. I don't know why. I don't know what it is about them. But like every,

like almost every woman I've ever slept with has gravitated towards doing terrible things to my nipples. And I'm just like, can you chill? I haven't been with someone who's done anything dramatic to them but like it's biting everyone always bites my nipples and i'm just like stop it one you've like licked and flicked and everything and like nothing's happened they've not they've not become erect what makes you think oh hey you know it might work me biting well because nothing else worked in maybe if your nipples were fucking more like i'll tell you dress that way you could be the most attractive woman in the world can i you can do whatever you want thank you um and like i could have

the most raging erection like the proudest boner that yep um but the second you start fucking with my nipples i'm gonna tell you that's going all the way to live all the way up no the opposite all the way down yeah i will say like my nipples are not very sensitive at all but they generally have a feeling range from nothing to just vague discomfort it's like whenever you do it's just like, like, I just would rather not, you know? Like, it's almost nothing, which is why it's not really a big deal, but, like, I just, no.

My thing is just, like, like, I require kind of, like, stimulation, and that's not stimulating. So, if you're just going to go to town there, it's like, I'm... You're going to get bored i'm just gonna jerk off like if they like do you want me to just jerk off right now i'll do it sure hey get your hands off my fucking nipples uh yeah no i feel like one of the biggest turnoffs for me is

like when people like confidence is obviously very sexy But when people are unconfident and then put something forward in its stead. Like, I've been with at least three girls where one was a virgin but talked this game. Like, she was, like, she had the most sex in the world ever. Like, she would always be like, sex. And she had this, like, faux confidence that came off as, like, aggression and just, like, meanness. And just, like, it just like meanness and just like it just didn't jibe at all and like at the time i didn't know she was a virgin like i wouldn't cared but it was just really weird i was like god it sounds like having sex you'd be terrible

and at one point like we were back at mine and then she told me and i was like that just makes it worse because you're just talking bullshit this whole time. There was another person who I don't think was a virgin. But again, whenever she talked about sex, she just made everything sound like this weird, unpleasant, like aggressive competition. And then when it came down to it, she was really insecure and like weird about it. I'm like, you're not doing yourself any favors because I don't really want to now, even beforehand. And then you flip the script and all of a sudden you're like you know so i do feel like that kind of like you know if you if you just if you're that unconfident that you're like trying to be confident through like being weird or like

aggressive or like mean yeah you know that's kind of weird i want to add i know i probably didn't explain that properly but i know i know what you're saying. Like, yeah. Anytime anyone, like if I'm a pretty good judge of character, if I know like what you're about and then you are very clearly projecting like another image and like, I get it. I did that for a very long time. Um, but it's one of those things where like,

if you make that your personality, like if you're just the bitch, like I'm, I'm over that. I don't care how attractive you are. I don't care what kind of like chemistry we've got personality, if you're just the bitch, I'm over that. I don't care how attractive you are. I don't care what kind of chemistry we've got. But if you've reduced your personality so it's cartoony bitch character, it's like, meh. I think in general, if you're putting on a front and you can't actually just be like i don't chill is a very weird word but you know if you can't just be like relaxed and like yourself that kills it for me what else

you got on that list uh sexual insecurity got one um i don't know see i feel like it's a it's a different question to answer when you're in a relationship because like if you're sexually insecure at this point then yeah things aren't necessary you know what i mean i'm trying to think if i dealt with anything like i think we've all dealt with like normal shit like when you're younger like you're always gonna be insecure about your dick size you're always gonna be insecure about like you know pretty much everything i think about sex that's the thing is like like like, even like as an adult, there are times where I've just been like, you know, you catch yourself in the mirror and you're just like, I wish that was a little bigger.

But then, like anytime I'd have sex, the like end result, I'd be like, clearly what I'm working with here is getting the job done. Of course. So like, I'm not like, I don't know. I entered a very like, like this state'm not, like, I don't know. I entered a very, like, like this state of sort of, like, maybe sexual overconfidence. You know what I mean?

Where, like... Last time I did that, there was toilet paper on my dick. Well, I've actually had, I've had, I had sex with someone, and I'd be like, hey, you want to do it? And they were like, you know what? It was kind of boring. And I think it was because, like,

I was so, like, into myself. Or, like, and this was someone be like, Hey, I want to do it. And they were like, you know what? It was kind of boring. And I think it was because like, I was so like into myself or like, um, and this was someone like I, I'd kind of wanted to sleep with for like a while or like I was, and it just like never kind of happened. And then it just kind of happened. And I was like, I was ready to like show off and I was like pulling out like sort of like

the greatest hits. And it was, it was a, it was a disconnected sort of experience. That's the thing. Like if you're having your own thing, maybe they're not i think it was sort of like the the female equivalent to women who moan or scream a lot and you're just like i'm not doing anything you shouldn't be making this much noise um i think it was kind of like i think that's kind of what she got from me but like

there was like that overconfidence that's fair uh it was humbling to say the least yeah yeah i know for me like one of the big ones has been like the amount of time like you last especially with like a new partner or like in general like especially like when you get older or for myself it hasn't really been an issue but like with a new person like it's always that like heightened level of excitement and like it's rare that you just kind of hop to it either right so it's like if you're making out with someone and you're like you're doing all these things like the excitement is just building and building and like by the time you get to it you're like fuck like

this is you know and not only are is everything more are you more excited during that first time but like it's kind of more important or at least it seems like it should be because if you go and it's like well i'm done they're gonna like cool let's never see each other ever again especially like all you see in media is like guys with small dicks being ridiculed and guys who don't last long enough being ridiculed yeah thanks missy elliot yeah what the fuck um so i know that has always been a thing with me and like the worst part is even if i'm fine like in general i do know like the first time i'm with somebody there's always that like danger and like it's

very rarely been i don't think it's ever actually been an issue like i don't think a girl has ever commented on or been bad about it or anything like even if it has happened which again sometimes definitely has you know but it's still one of those things where like it's always you know it's always nerve-wracking i feel yeah i mean like when i when i first started having sex my sexual stamina was terrible oh yeah i'm pretty sure like i assume everyone's relationship was i was not great at sex like i lasted mediocrely at best um and then i didn't have sex for like eight months and then all of a sudden it was just like i kind of just lasted forever oh i'm never and like and it and it sort of stayed that way like there were a few rare occasions where like i would you know a

specific girl would do the right things yeah um and but like that was a rarity like it got to the point where at the height of sort of like my bachelordom like i just couldn't finish and that's that's the thing is like i know most people uh when they start having sex they have one or the other issue like it's very rare that anyone's like solidly in the middle where it's like one's a little soon and some people just can't you know yeah i've never had the can't i would even if i'm i would normally be able to get there and like the more i slept with someone i would i would be able to to get a better place because i'd like i'd find that one thing that they did with them like really fucking sexy like whether it was like them dirty talking or them in a certain position whatever like i would figure the i would figure

that formula out um but like there were times where like if if i was sleeping with someone again like i i went through a phase where i was i was having a lot of sex and it wasn't necessarily like sex that i wanted to have it was sex that like i felt like i needed to have for like validation and shit um like some of that kind of some of those encounters i was just like yeah well it's not gonna happen because i don't have that connection you know what i mean um and that was towards the end when i started like petering out and only seeing sort of like the girls that i had been seeing um before i became exclusive i uh it was it was like all i was like i have that connection and I have, I like, I know, I know what we have is, is, is a little more meaningful than just like random sex.

Yeah. And like, I lost complete interest in sort of like that hookup culture and the Tinder and all that kind of shit. I was like, you know what? I would rather, I'd rather wait and, and see the people that I enjoy being with than like meeting a new person or like getting that sort of instant validation of like sex with the first person.

You know what I mean? Like, I don't remember what I'm talking about. Sexual insecurities. Um, yeah, I don't, I like,

like I said, I think like, yeah, when I first started having sex, my stamina, um, and then afterwards, I think i've replaced that insecurity with overconfidence like yeah sometimes unjustified and like i know that seems braggy but like i don't

think it i don't think it was a positive you know i mean like i don't think it always served me yeah for uh a better sexual experience for both partners um i think that like i think i was and like that might have just i think it might have just been like an overarching insecurity about like like self-worth of course yeah which manifested itself as like this sort of like i'm good at sex so if it's if yeah so you know i mean it's like so despite my insecurities i know that i can do this right and here's like this is what I'm like leaning myself forth on. So please, please enjoy it. Because if you don't, that's all I got.

I think that's, I think that's where it came in. Yeah. We were urged to answer this question, honestly. So I don't know why that wasn't necessary, but I think we did. I feel like a lot of guys, like, I think a lot of guys would stray away despite the fact that, like, they might be insecure about their penis size. I think a lot of guys would not say that. Yeah, but I think it's, like, it almost goes without saying. I think almost every, like, unless you're literally rocking, like, a 12-inch dick.

Then you're insecure about how big you are. Yeah. Yeah, no, it's one of those things where, especially, like, when you're younger, like, it doesn't matter if you're good or not or if you're like, sorry, not good. But like no matter what size you are, you're always going to have the insecurity. And I think it's similar to like I'm sure we both had body issues where like you think like, oh, I'm not muscly enough. Like when I was like younger or with other people, like I think, again, in the the relationship a lot of this shit mellows out but like have you ever just laid there and like they you know you're after sex and they go over and they like touch your stomach and you're tensing yeah and then they like move up to your

arm and you're like trying to casually tense try casually tense i don't think there's anything casual about it i i would do that for so much for For some reason, I have this thing where, like, my arm tends to, like, be up when I'm going down on someone. And, like, if they ever touch my arm, I inherently flex. Yeah, of course. And, like, I don't know why I do it. Because you want to see. You don't want, like, that, you know. Yeah, I guess.

You want to, like, oh, feel my muscles. I still do it with Amanda. You know what I mean? And I'm like, this is so stupid because, like, I still do it with Amanda. You know what I mean? It's like, and I'm like, this is so stupid because like she knows what I look like. You know what I mean? It's like she knows what I am on a day-to-day basis. It's like, it's not like she's going to touch me and be like, oh, wow. You know what I mean?

Every time I touch you, I say, oh, wow. I mean, like, she might be impressed. Oh, man, you don't even know how these arms are getting. I do know. I can see them right now. Dane's arms are looking real good for the record. They're working out. Yeah, no, 100%.

I used to lie there and any time I had one anywhere, I'm like dancing. I'm trying to act cool. I would love to know because I assume it was pretty obvious. Maybe it wasn't. Maybe I was getting away with it.

Maybe I was just rigid as fuck. I imagine all the things that guys try to do to be smooth or casual or whatever, 100% are not. Also, the first few times I had sex, and, like, by first few, I mean probably, like, you know, spanning a year or two, I used to, like, when we were done, I'd, like, have a cover or I'd go put my underwear back on. Because I was insecure about people seeing my soft dick. Because then, like, obviously it's not as big

as my hard dick and that would be in my head and like again also like no one dreams about a flaccid dick nobody no one's like

well that's all I dream about do androids dream of flaccid dicks they do my best selling novel yep Harrison Ford

was great in that movie I wish I dream of his flaccid dick all day okay ever had a chance to sleep with a girl and didn't uh yeah she threw a fucking garbage can at me uh I have never turned no of course fuck like I met people who it was their first time and I talked to them and was

like hey I you know I'm not I just want you to know we're on the same page here like if we're gonna hook up it it could just be a one-time thing it could be not what are you looking for and they you know, I'm not, I just want you to know we're on the same page here. Like if we're going to hook up, it, it could just be a one-time thing. It could be not, what are you looking for? And they were like, I'm looking for a relationship. And I was like, cool, because I can't guarantee that because it would be unfair for us. Cause I don't want a relationship. Cause I don't know you that well. So I'm not going to sleep with you. Uh, I've been with people who are too drunk. I didn't sleep with them. I've been with people who are fucking awful. I didn't sleep with them. I've been with people who were fucking awful. I didn't sleep with them. There's one girl.

She was the worst. Yeah, like 100%. There's so many times. And I think if you ever answer this question with a no, it's probably a really bad thing. Yeah. Unless all those chances were. There's a ton of instances where I said, like, again,

like I worked in, in bars almost my entire life. And like, they tend to attract attractive women who are like charismatic and stuff. And it's like, I had a pretty strict, like no sleep. Also a million times when I was in relationships and people went sleep.

We were like, nah, sorry. Yeah. It's a, yeah, it's, it's,

I don't, I hope it's not uncommon. I hope, I mean, like, I'm sure there are a bunch of dudes who are just saying yes to, like, anything that comes their way. But I hope that, like, at least, I hope you, I hope, I just want people to think about, like, the circumstance. Like, if someone is really drunk, don't sleep with them.

Yeah. Just, like, I know it sucks. I've done it tons of times where you just kind of like put them to bed and give them a glass of water and be like well I'm probably not going to sleep tonight but at least you're fucking passed out and snoring you drunken train wreck. I'm sorry. Yeah. Yeah. I mean like yes I've 100%

turned down people. Thank you. Shout out to you. Oh fucking shout out to Iris for being a new listener and to do fucking shout out to iris uh for being a new listener and being awesome shout out to travis who she also introduced uh you guys are great i really appreciate that you're giving a listen and hopefully you make it this far and you get your little shout out because you guys are the best you're the best um thank you for everyone who fucking sending questions as well also thank you for everyone

who's listening for the past 25 fucking episodes. Yeah, that's crazy. I can't believe we've come this far. Yeah, it's actually really nuts. And if at any point we do something that you disagree with or anything, like, let us know. Yeah, if we give bad advice and you're like, hey, don't do that.

Yeah, fucking tell us. Tell us, because we want to learn. Like I said, our first episode, I think we said that, like, this is a learning experience for us. And we're not perfect. And I think this episode's a great time to point out we're definitely not perfect. No, no, no. And I think this episode is a great time to point out we're definitely not perfect.

No, not at all. And I think that's the only way you can give good advice is by fucking up and, like, hopefully learning from your shit. Yeah. And, like, we've fucked up a lot. And we want to, like, let you learn from that. Yeah, we're at no point sitting here and telling you we know it all or anything. So we are back to our regular schedule and regular format next week. So if you have questions, if you need some advice, hit us up,

and we're back to answering your questions. You can hit us up on Facebook at fckbuddiespodcast. Same problem. Or you can hit us up on Twitter at FCK underscore buddies, or you can email us at F buddies podcast at gmail.com. You can only comment on our cover photo. Yeah. We won't look at it if it's not on our cover photo.

Also make sure you have vaguely racist, very specific sexual demands. Yeah, please. Also, thank you to Josh Eagle and the Harvest Cities for their song, Paper Stars, which we both begin with and end with and now we're gonna end as we always end

with a you want sex writing do you want dan should i just skip to the dan we're going right to dan this week i think you know what guys we have we have sex writing for next week yeah we're gonna hit you hard with some sex writing. Maybe too hard. Because I just found a fresh batch. Yeah, we're going to hit you with a gut punch from our good frenemy, Dan.

So Dan asks, should you ask your girlfriend if she's still attracted to you? My name is Dave Miller. And I'm Niles Payne. And we are, of course, your fuck

buddies happy 25th birthday to this podcast