F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 27 - A Shitty Situation

Episode Date: March 25, 2019

Oh baby.  Winter is over and Spring Fever has begun to set in.  But don't you worry your frisky little minds because we're here to offer you another freshly grown heaping of dating and sex advice with a few bizarre trips to Tangent City thrown in for good measure.  Topics include dating's fundamental misery, a poop-time visitor, Niall's CW teen drama debut, claiming virginity, genuine conversations, hook-up culture or common sense?

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love Hello friends, my name is Dane Miller And I am Niles Spann And... We are your fuck buddies I'm Dave Miller. And I'm Niles Spann. We are your fuck buddies.

We're a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky sex situations and turn them into sexy sticky situations. Nailed it. Welcome back. Yeah. Get who's back today. Winter is officially over. Is it? Yep. I mean like officially. Is it? Yep.

I mean, like, officially. I don't know. We might get more fucking snow. We probably will. You're forgetting about third winter. Yes. But, like, in terms of the calendar, spring has sprung. Yeah, boy.

You know what that means? I'm going to get dirty. That means time for all kinds of fucking. Baby making. Yeah, get going. Make a baby right now. Just make one. Just fashion one. Yeah.

See those fresh lambs out in the fields? Ooh. Go cook one. I was going to say, are you making babies out of the lamb? Yeah, no. They're already babies. They are already babies. Cute spring babies.

All fluffy and bright-eyed. There are rabbits hopping around. Yep. There's birds tweeting tweeting and as we know nothing gets you hornier than twitter it's true well that was our topical intro yep uh now we're gonna i'm just really excited because i have like my windows open and it's just i've never closed my windows it's it's so nice i don't i feel like i don't have to wear my big winter coat again oh i put mine away last week and it's been fucking i haven't i've been wearing it just at a protest being like i'm not i'm not wearing anything else until it's

nice i fucking hate that thing so much it's my one not yours yours is quite nice mine is nice too it's just like when i sit in the subway, it like overflows onto the next seat. So it's like it either looks like I'm being an asshole and taking up space or I just can't sit down. Or I just like smother some old granny. No, I'm the same way where it's just like it's just such a big coat that I'm just like I feel like just a shapeless blob. I've been working out. I want people to see my shapes. You're a shapeless blob.

I'm sorry. You're a ditto if you were a Pokemon. I fucking wish I was a ditto. Pretty sweet. Yeah. I could just take the like shape of people. Although,

I would always have my face. So that kind of like defeats the purpose. They don't always have a ditto face. That's the whole point of dittos. Not in Pokemon Go.

They have the little dots. Not in Pokemon Go. Little dot eyes and the straight line. Nope. Well, that's bullshit. I know. It would make catching them a lot No. Well, that's bullshit. I know. It would make

catching them a lot easier. Well, let's go. You ready? You want to start us off? While I start us off? You start us off. Sure. This is from

Dating Advice on Reddit and this is YouMox88101 who asks, does anybody actually enjoy dating? It's such a shitty process for both genders.

Girls have to always double think whether a guy is actually into them or just wants sex. Most guys have a hard time even getting any dates or interest. Girls get too much interest, yelling. Guys get too little interest, also yelling. And that's their sad question. Man, I... Did you actually enjoy dating, Dane? Yeah.

No, what, like, actually in capitals? This kind of question makes me really sad because, like, Dane's fucking great. Yeah, I think it's, like, I think this is the sort of problem with modern dating is people go into it with the mindset that it's terrible you know what i mean like if you wake up and you're like oh today's gonna be shit yeah i promise you your day's probably gonna be shit or if it is good like it would have to be like it has to be so good to be just good then yeah you know it's it's the same thing that like when people go out to like pick up and then when they don't, they go home and they're like, today was shit or tonight was shit. It's like, well, it could have been a great night out if you were just focusing on like having a good time and having fun with people that you like.

Yeah, and also like dating is kind of what you make of it. Like not everybody's dating experiences. Where the fuck did that come from? Hey, don't worry about it. Like not everyone's dating is the same, you know? dating experiences. Where the fuck did that come from? Hey, don't worry about it. Like, not everyone's dating is the same, you know? Like, people want different things, people meet different people, but like, if you're generally fucking miserable about it, yeah, you're gonna have a bad time. Yeah, and if you treat it as if it's like a, like a step-by-step process of like, meet

someone, talk to them for like two weeks, on a date with them date them for like one to three weeks like become excluded like of course that's going to be fucking shit for you like if you do that about anything like if you live your life and sort of like a procedural like by the books by the rule paint by numbers experience it's gonna suck and like i'm sure there are some people who really do enjoy that kind of routine, but like some things are in an organic fashion, like just naturally the dating and human experiences is something that you can't formalize. It's also,

yeah. So you're assuming that that's what they do. Like I probably, probably, you know what I mean? Or like, or they have a very specific expectation yeah and the anytime that isn't met it's it's dating is the worst like dating is how many times you're

gonna karate chop this i fucking hate it so much already my finger hurts um yeah like if even like every date i've been on has been different every person I've met has been different every like era of me being single like even when like month to month you can have a great month you can have like a dry month you can have like remember that time I just kept bumping into virgins like things can like happen and it's it's like it was like my tall girl phase exactly exactly like the only people who would give me any interest were women who are like a foot taller than me exactly so like you i can't go and be like oh everyone's virgins and you can't be like everybody's tall but at the time sure maybe they were so like blanket statements like this they suck unless you're the problem yeah because i mean it can't just be like every

single time anything happened that's completely out of your control. You're probably doing something wrong in the situation if you if you hate it so much. It's kind of like the like the fuck boy sort of thing where like if these are the only people that you are coming across, the common denominator here is you. Yeah. And it's probably indicative of the pool in which you're like fishing in um like if if you're constantly meeting the same kind of people who are treating you the same way yeah and they have the same sort of outlook on life it's like maybe it's time to to grow up and and like sort of uh evolve out of that 100% whatever it is whether it's your social circle or your you know i mean whatever or just come to terms with it and be like this is what I like this is actually what I'm looking for and I want to be dramatic about it yeah

because like there are some people who like who want that you know I mean they want that sort of like drama in their life and that's fine if that's if that's your fucking thing one don't drag other people into it mm-hmm to don't drag people down with you. Like, if a guy is being genuine, don't try to, like, fit him into that fuckboy, you know what I mean, like, persona. And it's frustrating. Yeah. But I think a lot of people actually enjoy dating.

It's the best. Yeah. Or, like, not the best best, but it's, like, the best in terms of, like, so many things are the best. It can be so great. And, like, it's such a cool time to meet new people and do new things and like it's also like you don't have a partner necessarily obviously because you're dating yeah um so it's a time where you kind of grow a lot as a person that's what i was gonna say like yeah dating is a great time to to evolve as a person yeah and you have so much more time to do things. Like, even when you're not going on dates.

It's... It makes me so sad when people hate dating, and like, so many people do. Like, the comments are just like, it's the worst. I hate it. It's the worst. It's like, you need to fix your shit. Yeah. And like, yeah, there are aspects of dating that suck.

You know what I mean? Like, online dating is pretty fucking rough. Getting ghosted, all that bullshit sucks. Even, like, when you meet someone and then it turns out to, like, not be good. Or, like, you taught something of someone or, like, they're mean to you. Or, like, you go through a dry period where, like, nobody seems to want to give a shit about you. And you're like, oh, cool, I'm just undesirable me. I'm going to be over here being lonely.

Like, I'm not saying it's always good, but nothing is. Yeah. You know? And if you think that it should be, you're dumb because literally nothing in the world is always good. Apart from dogs.

That's pretty true. Yeah. Um, sometimes they're bold boys. Sometimes they're bold boys. Bold? Bold. Like naughty.

Oh. Naughty boys. Yeah, but they're still good boys. They pee on the Oh. Naughty boys. Yeah, but they're still good boys. They pee on the couch. Naughty boy. But they're so sweet. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, so I don't know.

I think it's a mindset thing. It 100% is. Ooh, you got all side Mikey on me there. It's one of those things. Yeah, it's your perspective. You know what I mean? Like if you will find, I don't necessarily believe in sort of like manifestation, but like if you, if you have the perspective that like, you're going to have a good day or like try to have a good day. My boxing instructor says something every class and she

says, I hope you guys have had a great day. And if you haven't, I hope it gets better from here. And it's like, it's such a good reminder and something like really, really simple that like a day can change at any point in time or like, or any situation can change at any point in time. And, and your perspective has a big, big part of that, but it also has like, you can, you can actively do something to change things. Well, like lastay was such a fucking terrible day until five o'clock for me i had a terrible fucking awful day and then five o'clock hit and i was like at the fucking best day it's such a good day like everything turned out we all went out for like muscles and beers and like there was such good crew there and then we went and had a really good night playing pathfinder and like everything was great and

being like the best day yeah but before that it fucking sucked balls but like imagine if you just like didn't let yourself enjoy the rest of the night because exactly the first half of the day was shit and i think that is a big point of like why people don't like dating it's like they've had they've had x y number of fucking shitty dates shitty dates or shitting experiences um dating i know well that'll that'll ruin dating for anybody i mean yeah unless you're into it maybe you're into it maybe you don't have enough shitting experiences never think about that everything about that um did you did you am i thinking about it all the time i'm talking to our listeners oh you mean our users um it's uh yeah it's just just fucking relax yeah and and process things in individual things

and understand that like not everything has to be correlated together and like we're in by no point saying that parts of dating are exactly... Like, you're going to have a shit time at some point, if not at multiple points. But, like, by realizing that dating isn't meant to be perfect, that's how you get past those shit times. Yeah. Because it's expected. It's life. You know, that just happens.

But it's not like, well, I had a bad time. Dating is meant to be amazing. Therefore, it must just be terrible. No. But it's not like, well, I had a bad time. Dating is meant to be amazing. Therefore, it must just be terrible. No, like, you'll have ups and downs. But it's up to you to kind of, like, make the best out of it. You know what I mean? Like, meet people and, like, grow and just fucking, like, have fun. Get out there.

At the very worst, you'll probably have some really funny stories. I know. Which we want to hear. Yeah. I want to cycle back to shitting experiences and hit you with my next question. I have so many tie-in questions to this, actually, but not the shitting.

Way to derail the tie-in trail. This is from Agent Lifeline, because I am obsessed with Apex Legends right now. It's the best. They ask, or he asks. Whoa. Well, I know. I work for a fairly large company in a massive office building.

At my company Christmas party, I got chatting to a girl and really hit it off. I was an idiot and got really drunk that night, never got a chance to ask her for her number. However, we recently crossed paths and got her number, and we've been texting for a few weeks before I asked her out. We have a date planned this weekend. But this afternoon at work, I forgot to lock the bathroom door during my after lunch poop. And she walked in.

Oh, my God. This is so juicy. Do I still have a date? Do I pretend like it didn't happen? Did she see me? How do I recover from this? This is great. This is so gold.

I wish we had that fizzy sound effect because this is a fizzy question. It's a fizzy question. I think I need to know, like, what the reaction was. Like, were you just, like, was the person, like, just bare, leaning back, like, boom? Or were they, like, you know, the lean forward, kind of, like, waiting? Like, how entrenched were they? Also, who doesn't lock the door? Come on. I know.

That's a basic part of living. I know. You wanted this to happen, you little poop pervert. I know you want this to happen. You secretly wanted her to see you. Yeah. Maybe not her specifically, but someone. Yeah. And that's okay, I guess. No, don't

bring people into your poop pra- You are popping your peas. I shouldn't have given you so many poop. Don't bring people into your poop parade. Poop parade? There we go. Can I say it from here? Poop parade! you're still popping your piece yeah i don't know i'm getting too excited by this question i'm not in a raunchy way i mean

i honestly don't know can you bring me through the the questions at the end from the last one back up how do i recover from this okay um You need to turn it on its head. You need to be like, well, you've seen me shitting, so... Then he says, yes, do I just pretend like it didn't happen? I don't think so. I think you call it out. I think you say, like, well, that was an awkward lunch surprise for both of us. And then he asks, do I still have a date?

Well, wasn't there a did she see me? Oh, yes. I'm going to skip that one. Yeah, I'm imagining so, unless you're fucking invisible. Well, here's the thing. Do you have like Spider-Man powers of like zoop? I don't know if the, I don't know, like, if you walk in and you just sort of, like, see someone, I don't know if it was one of those things. You know what I mean?

They didn't get a good look. I will say, all joking aside, if I walk into a bathroom and, like, the second I even sense or realize there's another being, I'm instantly like, ooh, like, turning away, shutting the door. Yeah. Half the time, it could be my fucking, like, best friend, and I wouldn't realize until they walked out red-faced you know seven minutes later that's the thing is if you don't mention it she didn't know it was you if she just thought she walked in on some random fucking guy that's true then whatever but if if she did know it was you he knows it was her uh-huh so he must have gotten at least a face full of her which leads me to believe it wasn't a dip open and close the door yeah it must have gotten at least a face full of her which leads me to believe it wasn't a dip open and close the door it must have been like but it's also one of those things like if he

doesn't have to avert her his gaze you know what i mean like he's he's not seeing anything he shouldn't yeah she is so if she saw sort of like wow we're not allowed to see the knees or the pants around the ankles and she was like oh sorry yeah um so he doesn't have to avert his gaze from her true the only thing is you've nothing to lose by admitting it was you unless you were dropping like the worst shit like if if the smell and the experience of being in there for just like that one second was so traumatic that you don't want her to know. Then sure. Other than that, like there's nothing wrong with you pooing. That happens to most people.

Yeah, but it is a bit of a damper for a first date. No, I think it's an icebreaker. Maybe. You know. I think it might be also a hurdle because here's the thing. Anytime you're like, oh, I'm just going to run to the washroom. Then she gets to go like, oh, you're going to lock it? You know what the fucking flashback moment for that is going to be?

Yeah, I think you've got to bring it up. And you've got to laugh about it. Because, again, there's probably nothing traumatic about it. There's not going to be like, oh, you are the guy pooping. What is going on stop exhaling when you say the p pooping pooping pooping i'm not an actor i have a dream well you are a podcaster so you have to fucking learn this i had a dream that i was a uh teen a leaden like at cw teen show the other day and it was really funny because

uh they forgot to pay me apparently and i didn't realize they were just like here's 35 000 and i was like oh boy um one day dirt cheap i know to be a lead well they did like a tv show well i wasn't the lead i was one of the main the main people you know like i was i was still one of the like you know top six um and i was more of like archie's friend with the homelessness than jughead that's the one he's also i was more like that than i was i would imagine he's probably paid one of the top paid maybe now no at the start yeah whatever either way i had been getting paid which is why I didn't realize it. But then I got the $35,000 and I woke up being like, one day I might actually be able to buy property.

And I realized I was real life again. And it sucked. Man, I wish you could pay. I mean, I guess if you were just like, if you were just Niall Spain, like if you weren't like already an established actor. I am just Niall Spain. Yeah, I guess. But also I'd gotten a shit ton of other money which is why i didn't like realize it could have just been like 35 000 for like one episode i don't know it was that's better they were basically like oh a bt dubs forgot this and i was like yay and i woke up and was sad i think that was also monday maybe that's why monday morning sucked so much yeah but

in the dream i was also really confused as to how I was suddenly an actor. I was like, I don't remember. Okay. I just went with it. I was okay with it. They are rebooting Pretty Little Liars. Are they making like a new season or a series or something? I can lie. You're always lying.

I just got a shrink. You just lied about being pretty. Oh, no. That was good. Right, so back to the question. What the fuck are we talking about? Yeah, this might be our biggest trip to Tangent City. It might be. Do you still have a date?

You gotta fucking ask her. I think it's one of those things where, like, you do have to. I think you're right. I think it's an icebreaker. I think it's one of those things where you're going to, like, hopefully four years we'll joke about it be like your first meeting exactly i feel like if uh if she gets weird about it then that kind of tells you all you need to know about her yeah i don't really feel like walking in on somebody pooping again unless you're dropping just like horror fucking horrible but here's the thing it's like harrowing there's a good chance that

you're gonna do something equally fucking weird you know what i mean like there's like pooping is a natural thing it's like at some point in time you're gonna fart in front of her you know what i mean on her on her or if you're doing that danger fart while cuddling um it's one of those things where it's just like like something at some point in time is going to happen and like i understand it's the the tight rope is it's just like something at some point in time is going to happen and I understand it's the tightrope is a little thinner at the beginning because you've got nothing to sort of like can you remember the good times?

But if you guys just laugh about it and move on I feel like this is going to be a really good indication that she's really cool. Yeah. Also, you have just such possibility for puns. If she works you just be like hey later do you want to like shit down and talk about our... Oh, sorry. Oh, I see what you're saying.

Yeah. Let's shit down and talk about our date. Let's get locked on our date. Unlike that door. That's a stretch, I think. Yeah. Yeah, own it. Nothing comes from being shy and weird about it

just stop locking the door and just be the guy yeah be that doesn't that could be your thing yeah get a wedge it's like oh don't go in there i i'm i'm pretty sure i saw steve go in there so whoa whoa whoa new girl's getting steved yeah oh there it is there it is and everyone can do like i have a little chant like like, you got Steve'd. Yeah. Yeah, maybe, like, put a whiteboard on the door. Maybe that's where playing Steve's comes from. That was blowing the...

Playing someone's butt like a tuba. Yeah. Oh, my God. That's a throwback. We did it. All right, hit me with another. All right. All right. hashtag throwback we did it all right hit me with another all right this is from a vampire gross

uh 25 year old virgin female turn off i'm 25 i'm still a virgin technically it was never it was never a religious thing just wanted to wait for the right person i've had opportunities since i was 18 ish but i've never had a serious relationship in my life despite this i consider This is tough because, like, I want to give the advice that, like, it's not a big deal. But, like, I think I would freak out a little bit. I would be concerned because, like, the first time I had sex was with someone who had already had sex. So, like, I have never been a part of the taking, quote unquote, of virginity. Really? No.

No. I've only ever slept with people who had previously slept with other people. I've never been a part of that experience. So, like, I think that would be a little nerve wracking for me. And not like, not like, Oh, you're a weirdo.

You're a virgin. It would be more like, I, I think now, like if, if I did it now, I would be a lot more comfortable just because like, I'm a little more experienced. You're older,

you're wiser. You have a sex and dating podcast. So there's the thing. Um, but like, I think for sort of like the average Joe, um, I don't know if it'd be a turnoff,

but I do think it would be something that you kind of have to take the the reins on and take control of and be like hey this is it uh let's just work through this together you know what i mean and like yeah you just kind of go flip it on the head and be like if someone came to you and was like hey i'm a i'm really nervous uh and like walk them them through it. Yeah, I think. So back to my time where I literally like bumped into, I think I was dating like four people at once and they all turned out to be virgins. And it was like this kind of situation where a few people had told me that it wasn't a turnoff at all. But what it was, was more of a big deal than normal right it wasn't like

you know you had to or at least i felt like you had to think about that because whether or not it's a good thing people do kind of think of virginity as being like quite a big deal um so for me i was always trying to be very conscious of like their feelings in this um and trying to figure out whether or not what they were saying was like true like if they're like no it's cool like if we just like casually have sex like i will be okay and i'm not expecting a relationship necessarily and like blah blah blah and there were times where i didn't actually sleep with the person because i didn't actually believe that them, um, whether or not that was true or not is, is a different thing, but like, I didn't want to hurt anybody. Um, so that was a big concern for me. And I think unless someone's

an asshole, that's pretty much the only re the only thing they're going to feel is like, you know, if, if you're in a, like a long-term committed relationship, sure, whatever. I don't think it's really an issue then. But if it's somewhat more casual, I think somebody might be worried about upsetting you or you getting the wrong idea from it, right? Yeah, there is a certain gravity to the situation. Yeah, and no one wants to be that asshole who took your virginity, right? Yeah. who took your virginity right like yeah i don't think anyone wants you two years down the line or 10 years being like oh first person who would text me they just like fucked off and you know

and and because it's so serious to do it in a casual or at least because some people take it quite seriously or see it in such a serious light it can be a little nerve-wracking as the guy to to be responsible for for that and then like if again if it's not serious you have this casual situation you don't know if three weeks down the line like you guys are still going to be a thing and if you are sure but even then what if you break up you know i just for me i never wanted to like ruin it for anybody if they weren't like you know what i mean like misleading you just make sure everyone was on the same page yeah i think it would have to be like it's interesting

this coming from the woman's side of things because usually it's like a guy being like oh should i do it um i think you have to be very clear about your expectations of your loss of virginia because again there are people who take it very very seriously and put a lot of weight on it and i think that's kind of like it's in the process of shifting right now where people are sort of being like virginity isn't really a thing like it's but we're still in there we are um um but there is sort of like a little bit more conversation about it now which is good yeah um but there still is sort of like a social construct of this sort of like really important thing that like virginity for both genders um or for all genders i should

say um it there's there's like this weight to it so like i think it's i think it's important on a case to pace like individual to individual situation where you're just like hey i've been waiting because this is the reason why i'm waiting or this is the reason why i haven't lost it and this is kind of like you don't need to explain yourself yeah or like at least let them know like your expectations you know what i mean because like some people think you do some people who are like i want to lose it to someone that i'm in love with and if you're like in a casual relationship that might be enough to for a guy to be like hey man like i

i'm sorry but like that's not me yeah like i'm sorry but but i'm gonna take a pass on that because if you want it to be that special or if you have that expectation of sort of a momentous kind of moment for you in your life i'm not gonna take that from you and i'm not gonna cheapen that and that's exactly what i was talking about, where my reservations were because I wanted to know what other people's, it's like, it's funny where like you almost have to take the lead, I think. Yeah. In terms of explaining, I don't think you ever have to explain why you haven't had sex. If you want to go for it, but you do have to explain what you are looking for and what you're okay with. Like if you do want something serious or you do expect a relationship afterwards or you do, again, want this meaning and this kind of like gravitas around it and all that, I do think it's very fair to say that.

And if you're okay with like the casualness and the fact that, as I think most dating should be, like it could go somewhere, it could not, but it's, it's not dependent on this act. This is its own thing. Yeah. If that's the case, I do think you really need to, to be clear about that. Yeah. And then I think like during the act of it,

communication and like good sex is always dependent on communication. But I think now more than ever, cause I think there, there is like, we've been socialized and we're taught like, especially guys were like, we're told it's going to hurt them. It's good. You know what I mean? is gonna happen this is gonna happen it's like most guys don't want to don't want to inflict that you know I mean like no guy I mean I'm trying to like be very careful about generalizations

here but like again a lot of people probably aren't in the, aren't really looking forward to cause you pain. And also it doesn't really like, just because you hear it's going to cause you pain, it's going to hurt. Like it also doesn't necessarily have to, or like they're just because you can't just be like, oh, it hurts.

That's fine. Like, and move on. There are things you can do. You can get ready. You can like use it like lube. You can prepare to foreplay. Yeah.

You can do all these things so i think like definitely be cognizant of that and don't just brush your discomfort onto the table as like oh it's meant to hurt exactly you know i would maybe talk to other women and talk about their first experiences and like look up things online i'm sure there are a ton of resources uh that you can you can look into to sort of uh get a feminine perspective and like a female perspective of being like this is this is a more accurate portrayal of the loss of virginity yeah that you know the the general media and yeah sort of social construct of virginity has put out for 100 i also feel like the concern about being bad uh firstly i don't think anyone is like

oh it's your first time and you're not incredible what the fuck but secondly like you know unless you do something mad you'll be fine yeah um i do think i think that might be maybe it's just because i'm coming from a guy's perspective i do think if this situation was reversed i could entirely understand why the guy would be nervous about that because yeah you're probably likely to either have an issue getting it up or come too quickly or whatever there's there's a bit more social pressure for men to perform during sex where it's like 100 there's like the size of your dick the how long you last you know what i mean like there's i don't think i've ever, like, there's no, like, female performance, like, mockery on TV as far as I'm aware. Not really.

I don't think I've ever heard of it. Yeah. I mean, like, fucking Missy Elliott in the early 2000s made a fucking career out of, like, belittling men's sexual experience. So, like... And I think if it's the other way around and you're a guy or if you're a girl who's going to be with a guy for the first time i think just like reassure them and let them know like you get it because like you know it's not going to be a million percent and like you also know like just you know make your partner feel safe and comfortable because it is no matter

how confident you are as a person like it is one of those scary new things that most people are pretty self conscious about. So I think that's pretty important to just be there for the person, you know? Yeah. I mean like you're both entering in sort of like a dicey waters. So, so take care of each other,

but they can be really fun fucking waters. Absolutely. They should be. In fact, they, they should be a great time, but like it, it,

it's still sort of a little nerve-wracking for everyone involved so like and communication be clear be genuine and honest and uh yeah just you know loosen up too like it should be fun and it you know like don't approach it like it's a ritual or like mass or something like you don't need like silence and like you know i can't like it should be it should be fun you know it's yeah i mean like treat it like a makeout session you know what i mean like and then get your genitals to make out yeah get your fucking juicy bits you're fucking dangling your sloppy bits No. Well, that's from the bad sex writing. I thought that's what you were referencing. Oh, no.

I mean, that was bad sex something. Yeah. All right. Go for it. This comes from Reddit user OneNewbieBoy. Ooh. And he did spell boy. B-O-I.

B-O-I. Okay. So I can respect this. I'm glad we know how many of them The syntax of this question is a bit wonky. Hell yeah. Or is it just Dane being Dane?

Well, I'll let you judge. Are people taken easier to talk to? Okay. Right? Yep. So you see where I'm coming from? For some reason I find it much easier to talk to a person that's already in a relationship rather than someone single. It's mostly because whenever I see a girl that's single, I start doing some dumb crap

that either embarrasses me or makes everyone uncomfortable. Like jumping off things. Yeah, like flipping off things and smashing your head open. Whereas if someone's already in a relationship, I can just be myself without having to be flirtatious. Seeing as they already have someone. Is this normal? Or am I just weird? He answers his own goddamn question.

Yeah. Yeah. Kind of. He knows exactly why it's happening. Everyone's always bewildered at like why all of a sudden you get more attention when you're in a relationship. Or like when you get married and it's like it's not the fucking ring. It's the fact that you're not being an asshole. Yeah. the fucking ring it's the fact that you're not being an asshole yeah it's the fact that you you

are now being a more genuine version of yourself and not for whatever reason projecting a image of nervous either because it's like you know there's no stakes in what you're doing you're just having a chat which is what it should be but when you're trying to like angle for sex or you're like up in your own head it's not just a chat it's you constantly like trying to fucking it like it's like the more you're trying the more you're living like dan in this like battlefield of love where like everything is a game of like maneuvers and cross maneuvers and ambushes and secret tricks and like i do want to be careful that we're not giving dan too much credit. Oh, no, not at all. No credit.

Because we're almost equating him to Pat Benatar. So I just want to be very careful that we don't do this. Maybe Pat Benatar was just seeing Dan from a distance being like, oh, love is a battlefield, eh? I don't know. Yeah. No, never. I will never say a good thing about Dan.

I just wanted to make sure we're not running into sort of like an unintentional. No. Equating. No. Yeah. I mean, like, I remember there was one day at my bar and we were all having a drink after work. And people were the girls were talking about how, like, I had sort of like this, like, sexiness. And like, I'm not you.

I was I've never I don't think ever really been described that way and i was just like people describe you that way well that's their line um no um but it was it was like interesting to hear them and it's like i think it's simply because i'm not i'm i'm far more grounded in who i am and like in my confidence and I'm not projecting as much as I used to when I was like sort of single and insecure I'm talking about like like five years ago when I was sort of like in my like I got all of my validation from sex with strangers yeah kind of thing you know I mean it's like as I got away from that and sort of like now that I'm in a monogamous committed loving relationship where I'm not like I don't feel like i need to be validated by strangers i think that immediately

makes me more confident which then makes me seem sexier yeah well i also feel like that's why a lot of people who try and practice like this like seduction fucking yeah like pick up part of the shit i think that's why it usually is so awful because it's never genuine yeah it's always just this fucking weird ass like try hard performative formula bullshit that like people read from a mile away you're like you're like a bad actor showing up to try out for a cw teen drama to get that sweet 35 000 that sweet sweet payday um and like it's what it's something people don't and like i get it i also think it's like when you're freshly out of a relationship and you're like jumping back in the dating pool why you suck so hard because you're you're out of it and like you you try because you need to try

because you're scared and nervous and like you don't really you know it's one of those things that like the longer you're kind of out of relationship you ease back into just being like hey what's up you know and just like being fucking chill and like genuine and yeah it makes sense it's like why it's easier to talk to anybody who you don't have a stake with necessarily you know what i mean romantically yeah like you could talk to anybody if they're just like you know the dude like that you're not into this is the thing it's like the advice i always give people were like i remember like when we would go out we would like we would talk to like everyone and it wasn't like a thing where it was like we only went for the hot girls

or anything like that it was like if i remember there was a night we were sitting at a poor boy, I think. And there was like an older dude sitting beside me. And like, we had a good, like hour long chat. And then there was like another day where we had that conversation about politics with that one fucking idiot.

Um, but like, that's also like, we were doing that because we like talking to people and like making new friends and like being open to experience. Those conversations were easy because we weren't, know what i mean it's like that like having conversations with attractive women can be that easy it should be um and i think a lot of people like miss that connection of just being like a person is a person if you're nervous about talking

to women and when you're out and about talk talk to fucking strangers. Like, talk to the people next to you. If it comes up, obviously don't bother them. I'm just hesitant because, remember, the whole nine steps to get laid kind of said this? Yeah. It makes me sad to ever repeat that bullshit advice. The other thing is, we weren't talking to strangers because of that.

Mm-mm. Again, I'm not telling you to talk to, like, everybody to, like, enter to like enter what about the flow state or whatever the oh no 100 get in flow state and have fun all right fucking have fun have fun right now be wild be crazy be a roller coaster of flesh oh you have emotions yeah um but it's one of those things where like just if if you get nervous with people it's sort of like the treat the audience as if they're in their underwear or whatever. You know what I mean?

It's like the whole concept of that. Yeah, just start checking her out up and down, imagining her naked. Yeah, imagining her naked. No. The whole concept behind that was to, like, realize that the person you're talking to are just as vulnerable or is, like, just exactly like you. Yeah, it's like taking down the imagined, like, gravitas of this situation and just being like, yeah. And that's the thing. I think that's one of the best advice you could ever get about dating or talking to

anyone is just like, they're people. Yeah. Treat them as such. That's the thing. And in terms of your nerve, in terms of how you should treat them, like literally as people, like treat them as people. They're not like, you know. I mean, like even if you go and talk to like the most attractive girl in the bar she is gonna appreciate whether she's attracted to you or not she would rather someone have a genuine conversation with her for

like a minute then come up and offer to buy her a drink or come up and tell her she's beautiful come up and tell her that you think she should smile more or come up and like grab her and yeah it's like run her around the bar yelling fun if if you guys are standing beside the bar getting a drink at the same time and you ask her how her night's going and you have like a brief 45 second chat while she gets her fucking drink and she leaves and you let her leave without you know doing anything that's that's a better interaction than she's probably had all night. A hundred percent. And that's like what I love is when people like they talk about other people like people being like out of their league or like, you know, I will bet you anything that if you talk to someone who's like out of everyone's league, like the super hot person, whatever. No one treats them like people.

Yeah. And if you do, they'll be like, whoa, what the fuck? Yeah. Which is sad and awful they get like that sort of weird classification of like the hot one you know what i mean and then like all of a sudden that's that's all they're ever treating right all the guys are like either too scared to talk to you or they're like yo uh you wanna you wanna do something tonight yeah and all the girls are like yo fuck you be you, Becky. No, but like, it's just, I don't know. That's 100%.

Just being genuine and not being in your own head about a conversation, of course it's going to be easier and have better fucking results. Yeah. So do it. Like, treat everyone as if, just assume everyone has a significant other.

Yeah. And then, I mean, that's probably not good advice no no just like be cool be cool be cool just fucking relax yeah all right i think we got time for one more one more one more this is by you unclaimed pants 21 is anyone else but me fed up with our sex the first day meeting someone hookup culture it's happened multiple times i brought a guy into my place cough cough from the bar mind you but still and we made out in my couch and he assumed we're having sex that same night like what does that actually get them someone with other girls because who puts out immediately whilst not knowing

literally anything about each other a couple of guys have ghosted me after i said i'd rather not have sex immediately this type of thing even happened with my next door neighbor. He invited me over to smoke weed like we have done several times before except this time he wanted to watch Netflix upstairs instead of the living room and after a bit of laying on his bed he thinks we could start getting touchy with me even though we've never even flirted and been totally platonic. Also I'm not 100% but I think he has a girlfriend. Like, we don't even know each other's last names. What? WTF? I don't think I'm highly conservative about sex. The current hookup culture has me lost and kind of annoyed. I'm a 21 year old female. I've recently moved out of my parents'

house to come to university. I've kissed many and done other things, but only had actual PNV sex within relationships with the five boyfriends I've had. Do you think I'm just meeting a lot of the wrong people? Or is this a common thing everywhere that guys stay fucking around with zero manners? Has me bringing them to my place given them the wrong impression? Do people not just make out anymore?

Hmm. I feel like you've set me up a landmine in which I need to carefully navigate. Yeah, it's a question with some facets. I think the neighbor situation is shitty. I think that, like, if you are just, like, if you just hang out and smoke weed together, and then all of a sudden he's just like, you're in a different room of my house, Now it's time for me to touch you.

Yeah. Well, that also could be a whole separate question of like, maybe you just weren't picking up the signals. And he finally like thought it was a date and he was like, hey, you want to go to my room? And you were like, okay. And then he misread signals. Like, I do think like anyone who is upset with you for not wanting to have sex, they

suck. And then he's angry at you or ghosts you or anything like i think we can all agree that in any of these cases like no matter what happens your consent is never you know it's always yours so yeah any of that shit it sucks on the other hand i do feel like there's almost like you know like if i meet a guy like if i meet someone at the bar and take them back to mine they're probably assuming i'm gonna have sex with them you know yeah and yeah i can still like and that it doesn't matter for my consent later on like it's still mine it's still everyone in the situations and just putting out the assumption or whatever it doesn't mean

shit for that however you can't then be surprised if someone thinks that's what you're doing right yeah because she doesn't seem to be annoyed as much about the people being upset about her not having sex as the people thinking that they were going to have sex which is the opposite i think i think it's fair to assume if someone invites you back to their house or to not assume but to think or maybe you know it's going to cross anyone who like if you meet a stranger and they're like hey you want to come back to their house. Or to not assume, but to think, or maybe, you know. It's going to cross anyone who, like, if you meet someone at a bar and they're like, hey, you want to come back to my place? No one in the fucking world is going to think

that you're not inviting them back for sex. Yeah. And again, we're not saying that you owe them sex. No, no. That's not the situation. And that's why this is a tricky question to answer because we're going to have to spend every two minutes saying, so let's get out of the way now your consent is always 100 no matter what signals sex it doesn't matter what they think or what what's expected even if you say let's go back

to mine i have sex and then you get back to yours and you don't want to have sex that's cool that's fine um so let's get that out of the way yeah but at the same time, if I'm like, Hey, you want to come back to mine? It's pretty, you know, it's almost unspoken. Like it's basically like my place or yours. You want to come back to mine? Like, yeah, it's basically like you could subtitle that as let's go have sex, you know? Yeah. There's yeah.

So I don't think anyone's in the wrong for assuming that or thinking that. Cause the thing is, like if you if you just wanted to kind of like fool around or like go home and make out or like whatever it's like you can kind of do that at the bar yeah you know what i mean like if it's not like a crowded dance floor thing where no one's really giving a shit if you're making out like go to the fucking like bathroom stairwell go to the you know i mean like it's a quiet place and make out and then like do your thing and if you want to go home and do it that's cool but again they're not in the wrong for thinking you want to do more yeah right uh or also like if you if you're like hey i'd like to

make like make out with them at the bar and then get their number and then ask them on a date you know i mean like don't don't make out with them at the bar and then invite them back to your place and then be like you want to sleep with me yeah like don't be like with them at the bar and then invite them back to your place and then be like, you want to sleep with me? Like, don't be like absolutely gobsmacked that that's what they thought was going to happen. That's the issue here is like, I don't think it's wrong of anyone to maybe think that that's going to happen or voice that. Yeah. You know, if somebody didn't take no for an answer, then yeah, issue.

Absolutely. But these aren't what's being brought up here with the other thing again it's it's hard to like comment on it without uh you know like more context but at the same time it's like hey let's go get in bed and sleep smoke weed together that's pretty much the stoners way of being like you know yeah i feel like if you're getting in bed with someone unless you're like super close and like friends with them like then again it's hard to you know it's not as as cut and dry but at the same time yeah it is one of those kind of things where like you you have to be aware of context that you are involved in you know and the situation you put yourself into where again like because that's we're trying i'm trying so hard not to be like,

it's our fault because it's not. And again, there's a lot of context we're missing here, right? Yeah, there are things that happen where like, if you agree to go and like get into bed with someone, there's obviously going to be connotations to that. There's massive potential for them to mix up what's happening.

Yeah, so it's easy for people to to cross wires and cross signals and again there's nothing wrong with you getting the wrong you know within reason if someone's getting into bed with you i think you can maybe if you're not like heavily massively platonic from the get going for a long time assume something more is happening and cool if they're like no and you're like okay that's fine that's an okay situation and they're like oh hey sorry man like that's not what i'm into and you're just like oh shit my bad i've read i've read the signals wrong there it's like okay that's fine that's a very human thing to do yeah so it's not and it's it's one of those contextless questions to a degree. But I do feel like you can't blame people

in like commonly associated situations. It would be like texting someone at three in the morning and be like, hey, come over to my place. And then you go over to their place and then being like, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss. Okay, I'm going to go to bed now. Yeah. Like there's sort of like unspoken expectations or unspoken sort of, like, process of this kind of thing.

Where if you are going to go against the mainstream or sort of, like, what the cultural norm is, then, like, expect a little resistance. Yeah. And, like, again, we're not like how many times can i say this i'm not gonna say it because we already say it yeah but i i just mean you have to be i guess wary or wary aware of like just things you do and places you go like if you go home with a bunch of dudes after a night out they're probably going to assume it means x and if it doesn't mean that then you need to be aware before you do it yeah on guys and girls you know what i mean like yeah i don't know he's just it's one of those things where like this person

is either trolling people real hard online which is not beyond possible or just completely oblivious of social cues and like again i'm'm not going to say it again. You've said it a million times. I don't understand. Does she then expect them to spend the night? Does she make it? Are you going home at last call at 2 a.m. and bringing them home? And then at 3 a.m. you're just like, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss.

Okay, bye. Leave. Are you expecting them to stay over? Because the waters are muddied yeah and again like it just like if the situation got differently um or like some of the situations still ended pretty shitly but she seems upset even just that they might think sex might happen yeah i don't think that's outlandish that's my thoughts on the matter also i was gonna say like she should be like forthright and like honest with

them before they leave but at the same time everybody always says we're not gonna have sex yeah and most of the time they fucking lie and this is what you do to people now people aren't gonna believe the people who don't want to have sex yep stop it i know i was i was gonna say the same thing and be like maybe let them know that like you're not gonna have sex but like the amount of times that people have said they don't want to have sex and then have either chastised me or pressured me. But we've also had that. Yeah. Be careful.

Be careful. Just just be aware of like cultural norms. If inviting someone back to your place carries the connotation that sex might might be on the table. You can't be upset. Don't be upset if someone if someone thinks that sex be on the table you can't be upset don't be upset if someone if someone thinks that sex is on the table yeah but

if someone doesn't want to have sex don't be a fucking asshole because guess what they can say that whenever they fucking want absolutely yeah I mean they could literally say

hey let's go have sex yeah and by the time they're in the bed and naked and you're about to insert yourself into them and they're like you know what

I actually don't want to have sex yeah that is then you put your clothes back on and you go home. Yep. Or hang out, whatever. Yeah, or hang out, whatever. Whatever you want to do. But you know what you don't do?

What you're not doing is having sex, yeah. I just want to make that clear. Yeah. All right. Well, that was a roundabout tornado. Of us, yeah. Yeah. Let's wrap this bad boy up.

Okay. Like a e-group dick. Okay, you ready for some sex writing? Nope. Hold on. Wait, do you want to read the stuff first? What stuff? Like thanks?

No, sex writing comes first. Does it? I'm already comfortable. This is The Affairs of Others by Amy Grace Lloyd. I continued to tell her flesh of its gifts. Such pleasure, gently but insistently given, even biting her earlobe with my front teeth, sweeping her hair from her face, her neck, as she cried and breathed less jaggedly, it hurts, it hurts. I did not stop until it stopped

hurting, until I heard pleasure articulated from her, her throat as open as her body, wet everywhere from tears and the coming, and I did hear it, a long high twisting cry and a twisting in my arms as my fingers dove up and up and into the full expressive wetness of her hold me hold me here and here she said after she came placing one of my hands between her legs to press again another over her breasts hold me tight this was written by a lady well someone whose pen name is... That's fair. I love how they specify my front teeth, as if she's gonna, like... Yeah, get them molars. Like, what the fuck other teeth are you gonna be able to bite an earlobe with?

I'm gonna get my wisdom teeth in this bitch. Yeah, like... And also, he's twisting her? Like, hmm. and and also he's twisting her like i i think the real takeaway here is the fact that he's just whispering at her flesh yeah hey yeah you're doing a great job all those things well i mean he continued to tell her flesh of its gifts yeah so like he could just be like hey man you're doing a great job moving blood from one place to another. Oh man, you... You're just holding all those organs in perfectly.

Oh, you don't have a shitty rose tattoo on you. Oh. Yeah. You're an unruined flesh sack. You're making everything just held together without you. Everything would just fall apart like a gross, sloppy mess. You protect our muscles from radiation. Yeah.

And you slightly darken as you do it. Yeah. Oh, you are new. So often, someone right now is getting so hard. Or wet. Yeah. Wet and hard. Your moist flesh is fleshening your fucking expressive wetness.

Well, I also love just like wet everywhere from tears and the coming what but also this is real gross and if someone says it hurts maybe do stop

how about that thank you so much for listening friends and users and users I hope you've had as much fun as we have and if you haven't well it's not our fault. Or is it?

Nope. Oh, okay. The thing is, unless they are drinking whiskey, I don't think they could have as much fun as we're having. That's true. We don't know. What are they doing? I don't know.

Maybe they're fucking while they're listening to this. That would be weird. Man, that would be so weird. But I'm into it. Yeah. Oh, fuck yeah. Maybe they're fucking while they're listening to us. That'd be weird. Man, that'd be so weird. Yeah. But I'm into it. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, fuck yeah. If you have had PNV bedtime stuff or any other type of bedtime stuff, let us know while listening to us.

You can hit us up on Twitter at fck underscore buddies, or you can find us on Facebook. Don't you hit my fan. You can find us on Facebook. Don't you hit my fan. You can find us on Facebook. Don't you hit my fan. At facebook.com slash fckbuddiespodcast. Or you can send us an email if you have a question or query. If you need our sage advice at fbuddiespodcast at gmail.com. And Joss Eagle, thanks, man.

You and the Harvest Cities for your song, Paper Stars. It's Harvest City I think pretty sure there could be more than one no there's more cities yep I want to thank all of them just in case

alright you got some Dan for us Josh Eagles Josh Eagles Josh's Eagles and the Harvest Cities yeah Dan Times. Great, my favorite.

I feel such shame every time I look him up on Twitter because I don't want that associated with my search history. Someone out there, one of my FBI agents, thinks I'm a fucking douchebag pickup artist. Dan says, New post, how to get your ex back after cheating god damn it dad oh my name is dade miller and i'm lost pain and we are ashamed of that and your fuck buddies we're not ashamed of your fuck buddies unless you're fucking Dan. True. Bye. Bye.