F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 279 - It's Okay, I've Seen Fight Club

Episode Date: February 12, 2024

Support the show on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies Taylor Swift may be causing global warming by flying her private jet from Superbowl to Superbowl, but we're here to teach you how to make out so well that people will be calling you Taylor Shift.  Topics include a weird response to "I miss you," how to date a bad kisser, teaching your son pick up and getting a hall pass. Visit this week's sponsor: Flure Dating: Made for Pleasure - https://flure.com

I put my trust in you, and I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dan Miller. And I'm Mal Spain. And we're your fuck buddies. We are a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations and turn them into sexy, sticky situations.

Simply put, we find questions either online or from our wonderful listeners and we answer them right here, right now, through the medium of your headphones or earbuds or speaker or maybe just straight to your brain. Who knows? By next Monday, that could have been invented it's true we could have like neuro link oh yeah someone did that someone put their thing and musk was like yeah it's going well and it's like yeah that's every game you find that note and it says that but then you find the next note and it's like shit they're eating everyone yeah oh no my brain exploded oops, but you know what? This week we're going to be talking about a weird response to I miss you.

Had a date, a bad kisser. Teaching your son pickup. And getting a hall pass. Should we just get right into it? Let's just do it. Well, yes, I don't. I was going to promo our show, but our show was happening this week. So there is another show coming.

I don't remember what date it is. It's fine. We'll figure it out. I was thinking we do anti promo and we shame the people that didn't come. Yeah. How dare you? You fool. Especially since a good chunk of our audience is in the Philippines and

America. Yeah. I'm, I'm targeting you specifically why you didn't come to Toronto and thank you. So you're a live show. Yeah. It's just a very expensive plane ride away. For shame.

We love you. Okay, this is by Point of Annihilation. I said I miss him while he's away. His reply was so strange. Maybe he, 24-year-old male, is just not that into me, 20-year-old female. I met him through online dating, and we've been talking,

almost just as friends, to be honest, since last May. We haven't moved forward in any way with pursuing a real relationship as he's gone abroad for a year. Said year is over halfway though, and he's coming back to our city in June. I mentioned in a voice message that I wish I could see him, but that it was all right waiting. He said this, I know you said you wanted to see me. Sometimes you have to be careful what you wish for. That being said, from my perspective, it's a good cause for peace of mind if you have an accurate view of the person that i am even a camera can be somewhat deceiving so run for your life like i know what i should take from this at face value but something seems off is this kind of weird is this kind of weird but sincere

or really just a joking not so serious leave me alone because i don't believe in talking online i may in fact think you are the one with net as a persona i feel like i'm maybe not taking the hint here any tips appreciated it sounds like he gave you a fucking ai answer it sounds like you're talking to an ai chat bot what does that any of that mean it sounds like he may be a murderer yeah i get like and none of it sounds correct. Yeah. Like, it literally sounds like someone typed in either, like, in a, like, a translate app. Like, it sounds like he went back in time and was doing, like, a French project and went to Babelfish and was like, I'm just going to type whatever I want. And they copy and paste the answer, even though it's complete and utter fucking gibberish doesn't follow any grammatical rules just a nonsense yeah it doesn't

make any sense i have no idea what he's trying to get at i do love her weird take on it at the end but also like if someone said be careful what you wish for at the start of a message and ended it with run for your life like yeah like i i don't i don't know what like be careful what you wish for would like at first i was like oh is he coming early maybe he's coming early but to end any message with run for your life i don't care like any message even if i was messaging you and being like, hey, what time do you want to record tonight? Oh, 630? Cool. Run for your life.

What? I feel like, well, damn, I finally sent him too many messages. He's just snapped. Ending any message. It's like I always used to joke that my favorite way to end an email is or else. It was just the way I finished almost all of my emails for a very long time because I thought it was funny, but this,

it is funny. This just seems like I, I love that. She is like, I get it, but is it weird? I'm like, what do you get?

What did you take away? Like what piece of information? Like, I mean, I guess ultimately if you really want to like zoom out of what he said it's like it seems like he's like it's nice to be missed kind of i think like it is that but it also has this weird like you've done it this was the message and now i'm coming for you yeah which again i do think he means romantically, but like, it is really weird.

It has this, like this energy of like, that was the straw that broke the camel's back. Like now, now I am coming for you. Yeah. This is like a, like a Manchurian candidate,

sort of like triggering phrase. Like I miss you is what activates him. And he's like, well, you've got fucking 48 hours. You dumb bitch. Cause I'm coming for you do you think because the two options are kind of weird but sincere or joking not so serious leave me alone because i don't believe in talking online and may in fact think

you are the one with an edited persona which one do you think it is i think it's the first one like i don't think he's coming for her i mean i forgot about the whole like oh even a camera can lie like that yeah it feels like he had insecurities about only having talked to her through like long distance but also it's just such a wild message i don't know maybe they've never met right like this is specifically just an online relationship it seems like i think is is what it said yeah okay yeah they met online dating and then he went away i don't know if they met in person in the interim prior to yeah yeah i i don't know like yes is this a weird message to get absolutely would i want clarification like the thing is is it's a weird message to get and maybe he's just bad at flirting and like bad at sort of like being the bad boy kind of thing.

I'm coming for you, girl. I don't think like it's so weird to me that when people get weird messages, people don't follow up with a what the fuck does that mean? Because if someone says something fucking crazy to me, I immediately either play along into the joke and hope that it it pans out and they like they are like haha we did it we joked around or they're like what are you talking about like hey you need to rewind and like reread what you sent because maybe something auto-corrected there or something but like what you said was lunacy yeah there's a difference as well like there's sometimes where someone says something weird and you play along with it because you're like, whoa, that's, you know. And then there are things like this where you're like, wait, excuse me.

What? So what was that? Just fucking clarify. But also, it seems like you have really deep seated insecurity issues that you somehow thought this was him criticizing you yeah i mean it it makes me feel like both of them have not been in like have embellished and perhaps he's concerned that he's not going to live up to his persona and she's concerned that she's also been less than sort of like completely on the level with filters or, you know, you know, angles or older pictures or like whatever. Right. So like to me, it seems like hopefully you guys have done like FaceTime where you can't you don't have a whole lot of ability to to tweak certain things.

What if they every time they do FaceTime, they're just a cat? Just a robot or whatever the fuck I turned into that one time. I can't see it. Dane decided to do some real cool business stuff by becoming a robot for our last meeting. You know. They want us anyway. So maybe it was the right move. It's always the right move to turn into a robot.

Dean's cool robot fucking gambit. Yeah. Okay. I think you need to calm down. Well, in one way, you need to calm down. In another way, you need to panic. Because the message isn't him saying he doesn't believe you're who you are. The message is either him being

awkward at flirting and being like hype that you miss him and this is you know it seems to be he's kind of giving full steam ahead full speed ahead same shit to your relationship here or he is gonna hunt you down like prey yeah it's either uh like hey pack your bags we're going on a romantic trip as soon as i'm back or hey pack a bag because you need to be able to dip within you need to go bag immediately yeah all right uh hit me yeah so just i don't know like again this is the year where i tell people to stop being fucking weird and dumb and useless and if someone says something that you don't know what it means or you're confused ask for clarification

yeah we're like the days of of wondering and being all wishy-washy and like oh i don't want to scare them away it doesn't fucking matter ask them what like be clear and if something isn't clear ask for clarification be like hey what did you mean by that why are you like are you going to hurt me like are you those are you do you to flee? And also like, if you ask someone for clarification, especially when they have kind of threatened you and they get offended, that's a pretty good sign. You shouldn't be with this person. Whereas if you ask for clarification, they go, oh no, that did sound like a threat. I'm so sorry.

I'm excited to see when I get home. That's a green flag. So yeah, that's for me. It's like, you need to like, everyone just stopped being fucking scared of like asking for things. Like communication is literally the most important part of any relationship. If you crumble when it's needed the most,

like when someone says something you don't understand and that scares you. Yeah. Like even if we roll back and get rid of like the weird ai shit if if it was like you and i talking and you said something along the lines of like on thursday we'll do a thing with the thing and that's when we'll do it and i would like me just being like oh i have said i'm sure like me just being like okay and then going on the internet being like what does it mean wait is it a date what's happening are we hanging out i don't know the only person who knows is the person who said it so like i mean it's a failing on my part to not be like hey what are

you talking about then you you get the answers that you need and not just guess because like all this guesswork is just going to lead to more confusion and likely not being able to guess correctly either so and like we have the least ability to guess what's happening in this situation because we've never talked to this person before this could be a throwback to a joke or a movie or something that you watched maybe not again it's it's weird no matter what but like that's the only sane kind of option here so i'm hoping that you guys watched i don't know fucking the runaway or something or like number seven i don't know some some fucking movie where you're being chased and he's like hey

here's my clever funny pun throwback and you're like am i in danger oh yeah stop being afraid to ask very basic information and clarifications this is the year that you do it. You take up space in your relationships. Do it. Also, is he AI? Is he AI? That's really what you have to figure out. And I don't think, hey, if we're going to be bold this year, I don't think there's any harm in asking your partner that you've never met.

Are you AI? I think that's a fair choice because legally AI does have to tell you. This is from Bunny Crush. How do you handle a good date who turns out to be a bad kisser? I've had this happen twice recently. I'm a 32-year-old female using dating apps. In both cases, we chatted quite a bit before meeting. The first dates were lovely. They really put both their best foot forward. We had a great time and mutually expressed interest in seeing each other again. But both times when I kissed him at the end of the date, y'all, it was so grim. Let me be

clear. What constitutes good kissing is of course totally subjective, but I think I'm pretty easy going and open-minded. I've smooched a lot of different people in my life and both these experiences were just not it for me. My biggest kissing pet peeve is when someone is just wiling out with what they think is kissing instead of listening to their partner's body language and taking cues from each other. The guy I went out with last night shoved his tongue straight into my mouth and started whipping it around. It was so jarring and unpleasant. It really turned me off, but I feel uncertain how to proceed because it feels felt like the beginning of an emotional connection that's already there. So I'm not sure. Maybe I'm being hasty. I should give it more time,

though that seems naive. Like if you're not into it now, chances are you're not going to become more into it, right? You'll just have to get more entangled. And if slash when I do end it, whether now or later, it's harder to imagine sending the I enjoyed our time together, but I don't feel the connection. I wish you the best type message. The first guy experiences with it fizzled shortly afterwards for other reasons. Do other people ever run into this situation? Were there other factors that made it feel very promising, but the physical chemistry seems like it might be kind of out of whack? How do you handle it?

It is easier to teach someone to kiss well than it is to make them a good person you get on with. Yeah. So I think there is something to be said for like, if he's doing the old washing machine approach, you just say like, hey, like, slow it down. Or or like guide them with your tongue a little bit more forcefully you know what i mean like or just have a conversation with them and i wouldn't frame it in like hey you're bad at this i would frame it in like oh i personally like x because then hopefully they won't be as offended

because it could just be you as opposed to them. And there's a bonus here. The bonus is if you try to talk to them and they freak shit, that is you skipping ahead into the future and knowing this wouldn't have been a good relationship anyway. Yeah. I mean, this is in some aspects a good thing because, like you said, it's kind of a litmus test because for all you know they're also not all that great at sex or at least at the sex that you want so being able to have a conversation with someone up front about what you prefer in a physical connection and their ability to respond to and adapt to is is very telling and if later on when you guys do have sex and you find that there is a little bit of a disconnect in terms of like sexual chemistry you know that like oh hey we've had this

conversation before and he has put in the work to try to adjust to what i like so now you can be a little bit more confident being like hey next time can we do that i really like this next time i i prefer oral to be a little more controlled a little slower a little you know and like opening up the dialogue because i love like there's nothing better than having someone be up front with what they like even before you've done anything like having someone sort of like during a first date if he gets like kind of like fun and playful and you start talking about sexy things which is a great thing to like during a first date, if he gets like kind of like fun and playful and you start talking about sexy things, which is a great thing to do on a first date because it really breaks down barriers anyway. I love when someone's just like they give you like little clues of being like, oh, I really like having my hair pulled or, you know, I'm really into this.

I'm really into that because it's just like it's such a nice gift because then when it comes down to it, it's like, if you're in any way good at listening and if someone gives you a gift like that, you fucking better be, then you just, you know, Oh great. They love being kissed on the neck. Fuck.

Yeah. I'm going to kiss him on the neck. Like you throw just, you know, just stack those like arrows in your quiver and just like, yeah, they're not always going to be applicable. It won't always be useful.

You know what I mean? Like it's, it's not always the time to sort of like slam them against the wall and like rough them up a little bit. But when that time does come, you're ready to be locked and loaded. Now, now nailed it.

You know, have this conversation with them. And once again, like phrase it in the sense that like, this is what you want. This is what you like. And I, and I agree.

Like, how do you feel about like, like for me, kissing is a huge, huge, huge, huge, huge thing. If like, if it's a bad, much like her, a bad kiss will ruin a great day for me. Oh, for sure. Bad kissing is awful. But like kissing is a really big thing in Ireland.

So like the shift, the shift, getting the shift, meeting someone like no one like lives away from home for like a long time back home so like there's not really all that many place you can really take to fuck especially because the weather sucks so it's like as a kid you go out and that's i don't know if there's the same culture here i don't think there is where you would like shift like eight people in a night and it would just be like everyone's just running around shifting everybody um it's funny because i don't is very important i don't think that there is, but our experience there is. Um, I wasn't very like popular in high school. I was kind of like background.

Like I was, I was well liked for the most part, but kind of like, I wasn't really anything. However, I did get the reputation of being a very good kisser very early on. And I just rode that phone. Like I had people who were like like really hot like popular girls being like so i heard and like the amount of people i made out with high school just because like word of mouth got around that i was a good kid so it's like kissing is a is a a skill i am confident in but i think it's also like it's also something that like i i've hooked up with people who are like oh i don't like kissing until like i'm exclusive with someone and i'm just like

the idea of like foreplay without kissing yes that's no like and i will say why would what would you do that and if you want to do like a game or like a one-off or whatever yeah for sure but that's not worth talking about here. There was a day where someone I was I was hooking up with thought they might be getting a cold sore and they were like, hey, just a heads up. This is a situation. I was like, thank you very much. Those

are that's hey communication. It's really good. But you know, we were horny and we were like, we're we're going to give this go and it was like it was very hot not being able to kiss someone you really want to kiss so like that was fun but like if someone was just like it's too intimate i would be like i would be so out i would like the i feel like that like that is like yes is kissing intimate of course but like in a good way not in this weird like oh let's put

so much fucking weight on it like i feel like you've got some weird you probably got some issues at that point and like you just can't wait till you're exclusive because again well if you suck at kissing i've had people float that every now and then and like i've i've bailed out of dates because of it where i've just been like look if you're not going to want to make out at some point in time without a like an exclusivity agreement with it like it's like absolutely not no way yeah i was with someone before who just like didn't like kissing they were like i just don't like it like i'll do it like a bit and i was like would you like and it wasn't with me like this was information that gave me before we kissed

and i was just like what the fuck is wrong like i could understand you again having had a bad kiss but like to just be like no nothing i enjoy baffles me absolutely baffles me i feel like the art of like a makeout session is it's like a lost art especially like as you get older because i think there's like that inclination that that like kissing is just a precursor to sex. But it's like I would be totally fine with like in the early stages of a relationship to like just have a fucking solid make out. And like, don't get me wrong. I will probably want to fuck that person while we're making out. But like, of course, if that's all it is, fuck.

Yeah. Like, yeah, that's the thing. I feel like you need to be able to enjoy every part of physical intimacy, like separately. Like, not that you shouldn't have one without the other. But like, if you're like, we're only kissing, like, come on, grow up. It's fun. Enjoy for what it is. Have a rad makeout sesh.

Go shift a few people. Shift away. Teach people. teach people i i dated someone uh ages and ages and ages ago who i once again i really liked but their kissing ability was subpar and within like two weeks a week and that's like you know maybe seeing them like two or three more times they were up to my my standard of what I would want a kissing partner to be. Like, it doesn't take much. And again, if their refusal to adapt or change or whatever, based on what you want, is a very good sign that like chances are they're not going to adapt and change much anything else. You know what I mean?

Whether it's a sexual relationship or even just like basic compromise stuff that every relationship needs i feel like this is the thing i want and they're like no fuck you like cool that's information you need to know about this person yeah i've definitely been with people where like a lot of the time i haven't needed to have the talk because it's like it's almost like dancing where it's like if you lead they kind of follow so maybe like try to be i mentioned earlier being like a little bit more forceful. I don't mean like go hard, but I mean like you can guide them. If it's not working, talk.

I think it's that simple. Because again, if you have this physical chemistry in other ways and you have this emotional connection and you get on, this is such an easy hurdle to overcome as opposed to finding an asshole who can kiss well and being like well let's undo years of you being a piece of shit yes yeah 100 like it's as now said at the beginning like it's easier to fix a kiss like a bad kisser than it is to fix a bad person so exactly just take your time sort of try to give this person another chance in a more make out. Cause like, for all you know, maybe the dude was just nervous, right? Like maybe, maybe he's a much better kisser when he not as nervous.

So maybe in like a casual hangout sesh, when you guys are just kind of like chilling at home and the pressure is off, like you've, you've had your first kiss. So there isn't that sort of like nerves. Maybe, maybe it becomes better. Maybe he had a little too much drink,

you know, like there's, there's other factors that could be at play here. So I would certainly say if you got on with this person, give them another chance. Then as now said, try to be, try to like take control of the situation in,

in terms of like physicality. And then if that doesn't work, then you can start bringing up conversations of being like, I want this. This is what I would like. I prefer this. I like this. And then see what happens't work, then you can start bringing up conversations of being like, I want this. This is what I would like. I prefer this. I like this. And then see what happens.

100%. We are going to take a very quick advertising break and then we will be right back. This week's episode is sponsored by Fleur Dating. Exploring oneself and one's desires is great, especially if there's a place where like-minded and open-minded people gather. That place is the Fleur app. Fleur is a sex-positive dating app that prioritizes users' desires. Users are encouraged to openly share their desires and fantasies to find like-minded individuals to explore them with, whether it's for one-night stands,

friends with benefits, sexing, or long-term relationships. There are no forbidden desires, only mandatory respect and consent. But most importantly, it's about the pleasure of intimacy, the passion between people, and the desire to try something new. The app boasts a bevy of unique features, including a safe mode for women, which prevents unwanted content such as explicit images when they're not ready to take things to the next level. It's a way to encourage men to focus on establishing a conversation, flirty rapport, and to discuss mutual interests and desires honestly, making the app safer and ultimately sexier for everyone. Flir Sparks Game is a card game in chats that helps users learn more about each other in a fun way.

It's an excellent way for those who don't know how to ask the right question. The algorithm will do it for you. Worrying about icebreakers is now a thing of the past. Additionally, it has a two-step verification and moderation process for all users, creating a safe space and a sense of community where there's no room for offense, judgment, or scams. So head on over to www.flure.com, that's F-L-U-R-E.com, and download the app today. Once again, that's Flure, F-L-U-R-E.com com to download the app. Fleur Dating, made for pleasure. And we're back. Or we're not. Oh, we're back.

Or we're not. No, we're back. Oh, we're back. Okay. This is by No One Importinde. Or No One Important Indie? I don't know. If you had a son who wanted to learn more about seduction and women, what are the top five tips slash advices you would tell him

that would help him be successful with women? This is from Seduction. Of course it is. Hey, you've come to the right place. We're here to help. Okay, let's start with the big one. Be confident in the sense of, like,

do you want answers to this question or do you want to pull it apart first? I say let's do answers. Okay. Because I think there is answers. I think there is advice that you can give young men that will make them successful or at least be more successful with women. And I think number one is be confident. But with the caveat, with the explanation that it's a confidence in self and not a confidence in like manufactured into what you think confidence is i think a lot of people in seduction think confidence is being loud and

wearing a bold shirt and you know being an asshole and it's like no yes like if you're a reserved person who likes nerdy shit and x y and z and Z. Be confident in that. Be confident in who you are and the honesty and the truth of your life. That's confidence. Not trying to be the loudest person in the room or the most bold man in the room. If that's not who you

are, then it's not confidence. It's fucking false bravado. Yeah, and confidence specifically does not mean arrogance. And to tie into what you said about like being an asshole, there is this whole like, oh, nice guys finish last thing. And I know people who strongly believed you had to be mean or an asshole to women to get anywhere. And that is not true in any way, shape or form. In fact, it's quite the opposite of true,

but with the caveat that being nice doesn't mean just, oh yeah, 100%, yes. You know what I mean? That's the nice guys finish last thing, or the women don't like nice guys. It's when you agree to every single thing they're saying in a way where you're not you. You're just this weird doormat.

So don't do that, but also don't be an asshole. goes back to what dane said be confident be you so i think i think that's i think we can turn that into point two of being like be respectful but true to yourself right so it's like don't go out of your way like if someone asks you a question answer it honestly and answer it respectfully. And also like have your, all your encounters should be respectful. And that's not to say you can't tease people. That's not to say that you can't be playful with people.

You know what I mean? It's like a lot of my successful flirting and like meeting people in public has been us talking shit to each other because I would say it's funny, right? Like a large part of, of dating is that I'm like flirting and like, but that doesn't mean nagging. It doesn't mean being mean. It doesn't mean being cruel.

I'm like, yes, you should be able to tell the difference. And if you can't work on that. So I think like respect is right underneath both for yourself and for the person that you're, you're approaching. And that means like,

if someone is asking you to do something you are not comfortable with, do not say yes because you think it might lead to sex or interest or attention. If it's not something you want to do, if you don't want to go and rearrange a woman's closet because she asked you to, then don't do it. But if it sounds like a fun way to spend time with someone,

do it, right? Like it's whatever. I remember doing that with one of my friends where someone was like, oh, you're such a fucking, like, loser going over. And I was like, one, I'm not trying to sleep with this person. It's not something I'm trying to do. And, like, it's just a fun way. We're going to get drunk and fucking she's going to, like, we're just going to, like, tear her closet apart. Like, I don't give a fuck.

What's weirder is being that hung up that you couldn't even fathom that you know yeah okay so we've got confidence we've got respect i would say honesty and it's kind of tied into the other two because you respect yourself by being honest but it's like people are gonna pick up on your bullshit so like if you pretend oh yeah i love i love football like or oh yeah i love this thing or like they mentioned a band and you're like yeah i know them like yeah that's not exciting or hot or fun and it always comes back to bite you in the ass and people will be able to sense it as well it is much more like beneficial to everyone if someone goes oh i love this band and you say i have never heard of them yeah again genuinely

if it's like kings of leon really who are they like that's not gonna work but like i got bad news for you dude they people there are so many people who don't know who kings leon is anymore that's fine i just mean i fuck kings of leon but i mean in general like don't lie about it but yeah it's it's like it's a good conversation and so many people are so scared that like they'll be viewed as lesser if they don't know what you're talking about or they're not like whatever but there's nothing more lame than me like oh i like this thing yeah me too oh really what would you listen to i don't know like there's stuff it's like i fucking i know you're bullshitting and now i've lost so much respect for you because you're too scared to

admit that you don't know this whereas if you didn didn't know it, I could be like, Oh shit, we should listen to this album. Boom. There we go. Like it's, it's, it opens up so much more doors and you're being vulnerable enough to, to admit that you're not all knowing,

which none of us fucking are. So many people miss the opportunity of like, if you don't know someone's favorite movie, that is the best way to ask someone out. Right? Like it's so easy to be like, Hey, I've never seen that movie.

And I know it's like, I do it a lot because like there are so many classic movies I've never seen. I've never seen the Godfather. I've never seen, you know what I mean? Like there's like, there's all these like, well,

we just lost all our white male viewers. Cause neither of us have seen the Godfather. It's okay. Someone out there is like, that's why, that's why they suck. No, we've seen seen fight club so we're okay yeah my favorite movie of course so i i think yes being genuine in your interest is i think i think a great like new other you know rule or whatever that we want to call these where it's like don't pretend to be into

something if you're not into it but on the the flip side, be genuine about your to be. Yeah. Be genuine in your passions, right? There's nothing I love more than when someone is really excited and passionate about something that one, I probably don't give a shit about, but I give a shit because you care. Like if someone,

if someone wants to go off on like fucking a random niche thing, I'm going to be, I'm going to be so engrossed in that because there is nothing sexier and there's nothing hotter than a person excited about a thing, that and like you're gonna find that it is so easy to have a conversation like a lot of people are like oh what do you talk about like people get nervous and like run out of things to say just figure out what that person is into and ask questions about it because the second someone gets the like allowance especially in this day and age where like we we feel like we're not allowed to kind of pop off about weird shit if someone was like i want to like tell me all allowed to kind of pop off about weird shit. If someone was like, I want it, like,

tell me all about your campaign. Tell me all about your D and D character. Tell me all about your, your home brewed fucking solar system. If someone genuinely wanted to hear those things, I'm like, I could talk all night. And the same,

like the same thing with like, if, if I find something that that person is into, if they want to fucking talk about their love of Dawson's Creek, I don't give a shit. If I don't care that person is into, if they want to fucking talk about their love of Dawson's Creek. Amazing. I don't give a shit if I don't care about Dawson's Creek. If someone's invested and someone's excited to talk to you about a thing, I'm there. I'll listen to you all night.

If you care about it, I instantly care about it. That's one thing I think a lot of people when they're dating, like we had this last week or the week before or two weeks ago, three, either way. It's like if you find dating a drain and like someone is telling you these things and you're not like fuck yeah it's so cool that i'm learning this new shit you need to like reset where you're at because if you don't give a fuck about other people's stuff what are you doing yeah you know okay we've got uh confident respect genuine four shift get the shift learn how to shift well make it you gotta you gotta learn how to how to kiss

well and enjoy it and have fun it's a huge step the amount of people i have like made out with and it's like their attitude before that make out was like good but once it happened it's like let's go let's go home right now like i would further that to prioritize your partner's pleasure and get good at oral sex. Yes, there is nothing like again, I pride myself on my makeout skills and my ability to eat pussy. Right. Like and it's something that was very, very important to me at a very young age to get good at because as as we've said a thousand fucking times if you blow someone's fucking mind before you guys have even had sex the pressure that is relieved off your shoulders like the amount of times where like especially when i was younger i've talked about this before where it's like my sexual stamina was not great i did

not last long when i was a young man but like nine times out of ten i don't want to give us a fuck like like sorry i didn't last that long and they'd be like i but like nine times out of 10, I don't want to give us a fuck. Like, like, sorry, I didn't last that long. And they'd be like, I came like four times. Like I'm good. Like I'm fine. Cause that's like the first one opens the fucking door for all the other

ones too. Right? Like the first one's the hardest after that. They just, the train keeps a rolling and like the more practice you get and the more partners you have and stuff. It's like, everyone's a different puzzle to solve,

but once you have like the rules of the puzzle yeah it's a lot easier i mean it's like starting in the crosswords are tough because you like you don't really have the vocabulary yet but once you do like if you do a crossword every day you're going to start seeing patterns and stuff and that's exactly how like there's the words everyone loves to use there's like weird little linguistic tricks they do. Yeah. And then you have your cunnilingus tricks you do. No, like I think a lot of it is attitude. You need to be the kind of person that wants to make your partner come genuinely and is willing to work at it.

But the best part of this is it's like, one, it's not that hard. But two, every other man out there has made the bar so low for you. So low. That you really don't have to do much to be top tier, which sucks, but it's good for you and it's good for the women that you will know. The bar is set sort of like at knee level, at ankle level. Like it does not take much to stand out if you follow follow like these these very simple sort of like abstract ideas of being like i'm i'm just going to be an honest individual that wants to make you come that should be a profile right there a dating profile that's what anyone wants right and not just like we're speaking as men talking about women because that's who we date and that is our

lived experience but if you're just like i just i'm just an honest guy doing my best trying to make you come like how would you say no to that it's not going to be as impressive with if you're a guy dating a guy or a girl dating a girl because they know how to make each other come it's really straight things only. That's one to four. What's five? Because I think I got it. Okay. Here's my pitch for five is like invest in platonic relationships. That's very good. Maybe let's make it six because I want to say you got to be chill. And by that, I mean, like, don't come on too hard. Don't come on too aggressive. Don't come on in the wrong situations you know

what i mean don't be so desperate that you have to accost that girl at 3 a.m on a dark fucking street i think that's not the time like the but also be chill maybe and be chill when you're rejected like because how you handle rejection be it like oh i don't want to date you or be it hey you're kissing could do with some work or hey, I didn't actually come. If you can handle those things with grace and like, again, confidence and respect. So it is kind of tied in again, head and shoulders above everybody else. Yeah, I think that ties into like the first three of being like genuine, respectful and confident, like have the confidence to take the blow, have the respect to not be fucking shitty about it

and be genuine. When someone comes to you with, with criticism or, or whatever, right? Like, I think, I think you can do a lot with those first three.

Like honestly, if you get those first three, you're, you're already doing very well, but they're all very intrinsically linked as well. Yeah. I don't think you, you can do one and not the other for most of this.

Um, as well yeah i don't think you you can do one and not the other for most of this um but i think it's really important for young men to form platonic strong bonds specifically with other men that become their outlet and women honestly because for sure i think a lot of men have this issue where they only see women as sexual objects so yes don't be like a lot of the men we see where you're alienated and, and you put so much weight then on romantic relationships. Cause it's the only way you can get validation, emotional release, physical touch. That's yeah. And this thing is like, I think like we as dudes get so fucked over so early in life in terms of like, you know're we're told not to to cry we're

told not to you know express emotions like we're we're stifled so early in that way but then the only time we're ever it's ever sort of like ah this is boys being boys is when we're fucking fighting yeah right like there's there's never sort of a celebration there's never like us just guys being guys if we're holding hands or hugging or patting each other on the back or like being any sort of like physical affection or touch like none of that is celebrated none of that is oh comments it was like every time we have a video of me and you on tiktok it's like oh look at them they're fucking and it's like okay like really we we laughed in front of a camera like damn you're right like and again obviously there's nothing

wrong with that but i think there is something wrong with people being so adverse to male friendship that like they see a minute clip of me and dane being interviewed and get like offended how many times have we been out where people are like oh my god the amount they get real fucking weird and real like even just like you know times where like at the end of the night we're like all right man get home safe love you and like it's gotten way better but way back in the day when we first started going out like women would like change on a fucking dime the second we started like we know, said anything along the lines of like, love you, get home safe, like any of that kind of shit. Like the sort of like energy would change because of it. And fucking sucked.

And let's again, I got so much better as a partner and as a man and as someone who like was going out and meeting women. The second I had a strong friend group. The second I had that validation and that affection and that safety net and support from a group of platonic friends, it was so much easier to date. It was so much easier to be a sexual partner. It was so much easier to be a romantic partner because I didn't need any of that. Everything I needed, I got from my friends who were safe and were loving and kind and caring. And so when I finally met people that I was, I was willing to like be romantic or sexual with, if,

if at any point in time it got bad, I could just be like, this isn't, this doesn't serve me. So I'm fucking out. And having this like a choice and a willing addition, as opposed to like a need and like uh you know a desperate kind of like well fuck i'll take something rather than nothing right yeah

and i think that makes you inherently more attractive you know now that we're down at five i think we put an arrow that goes back up to confidence of being like they all you know i mean like they all trickle down like you said like they're all intrinsically linked where it's like the second you've get you get that friend group then you're shifting the homies shift the homies good night they teach you they go down on you you go down on them you know right it's like you you get this like friend group in this support group then it's like all of a sudden you're way more confident to be who you are yes then it's easier to to be respectful because you're not getting all fucking weird it genuinely you're going to be more attractive with friends anyway

because one, you have other interests and it opens your mind. It makes you a better... There are so much benefits to all of this. I think we did a pretty good job on those five. I think we did a great job. Now, I did tease this one question. I think we got to do your question really quickly.

It's going to be very simple, I think. This is from a deleted user. My fiance, 25 year old female, gave me a 26 year old male a hall pass. My fiance is my first. It's created a bit of weirdness in our relationship. Hasn't this been an issue for us?

I've learned to not get in my head about her history, but she has this fear that at some point I'll want to experience someone else. And I'd be lying if I haven't said that I thought about it. She told me if I ever feel like I need to experience something, I could and just she didn't want to experience someone else and I'd be lying if I haven't said that I thought about it she told me if I ever feel like I need to experience something I could and just she didn't want to know about it I've been considering it lately but I can't get the past the feeling

that I'd be cheating on her I don't feel like it's something I need to do but I'm a guy in my mid-20s and it's very tempting it's it's a trap it's it's so like obviously even if it's not an intentional trap even if she did mean this genuinely, you guys have had not, you haven't talked about any of the important shit. Yes. I don't think it's malicious. I think it's fear and insecurity based, which doesn't make it better. Like, oh, there's so much to unpack here. I can't believe you said it was going to be quick.

Because, like, oh, it's created weirdness, but it hasn't been a big deal. Obviously, it has been. If you've talked about if you're mentioning it now, you're saying it's created weirdness and she feels the need to bring this up to you. And you're saying you've thought about it like there's a lot here. So I think step one, you need to get over her history. It doesn't fucking matter. You need to examine why it's in your head and deal with that in a healthy way, if possible. Therapy would help. We know a great therapist.

He was on last week. I feel like that is key. Two, if this is a thing you guys want to do, you can't just be like, if you do it, just don't talk. You know what I mean? That's not healthy. You need to sit down, and if you're genuinely considering it, you need to have a conversation with her. Because my guess is if you sit her down and say, hey, I'm genuinely considering taking you up on that offer and I really feel like we need to discuss some ground rules or whatever, I think she will cry and she will be upset. I don't think she will be like, okay, cool, yeah, let's do it. And I think how she reacts to you taking the offer seriously is going to be a very good indication of how serious she is about the offer. And I don't believe in like tests or like setting things up, but I think this is a good idea. I think like you've mentioned that you thought about it, so it's not necessarily

bullshit to have this conversation. So I think, I think that's a great idea of being like, Hey, we need to talk about this hall pass idea. Um, lately I've been considering it and I will not be comfortable doing it unless we have a conversation in terms of boundaries and rules and X, Y, and Z. And it's like, I understand that you don't want to know about it, but that won't work for me. That feels like I'm being sneaky and manipulative and cheating on you. So I understand if you don't want the details, but I, here are the things that I need to be comfortable to do it. And genuinely think of what that would be. If it is a matter of being like, hey, I'm going to go on a date tonight. I will be home by this time. Even if it's something as simple as that, because being like,

hey, I'm going to be out. I will be home by midnight. Because there's nothing worse than just sort of living as her, as a partner, in just sort of like a void of being like anything could be happening but if you know that like oh hey okay he's leaving at eight he's back by midnight at least then you know right or just like i'm sure there are people that would upset her far more than others if you hooked up with them such as people you both know such as people at your work such as that one girl she has a weird thing about, you know what I mean? I think it is very important to determine, you know, who's off limits, what situations are off limits. Is it you can go out on a date with someone? Because like, I will say as a guy, casually just landing in a situation where you get to just sleep with someone by accident while you're in a relationship,

probably not going to be very easy for you. Are you downloading a dating app? Are you joining a dating service? Like, what is it that you're going to do? Because maybe you getting a dating app is off the table. You need to get into the practicalities and make sure you guys are both on the same page. And, you know, maybe like ensure that you're wearing protection, for example.

Is it a one time thing? Like hall passes typically are like a one one and done situation. So it's like you need to figure out like what that parameter is. Like, is it a I find someone and I'm good? Or is it a standing offer of being like anytime you find something and how frequently can you do it if you find someone is it you sleep with that person once and you can never do it again is it you slept with them you know the first time the you know a month ago and now six months later something else is like can you go back can you double dip

like there's so much you need to talk about with regards to this, that saying like, I don't want, I don't want to hear it is not an answer. Yeah. And also like, are you going to be okay with just sleeping with someone once? Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, and is that actually going to help things? So at this conversation, if the conversation doesn't go well, that is a very, very, very

good indicator that your hall pass is not going to go well. If she seems excited and engaged and is willing to answer these questions, maybe it is good. Like at the end of the day, if it still does not feel right for you, don't do it. Follow your gut. If you feel like it's going to make you feel like you're cheating on your fiance, don't do it. Right? Because it's so simple. You're not going to do it. Right? Like, because it's so simple. You're not going to enjoy it. And then you're

going to have done this thing that could harm your relationship while not enjoying it, which is just a lose-lose. And then maybe you'll be better because you squandered your hall pass. You know, conversation is non-negotiable here. A hundred percent. In depth, like proper one. And if she refuses to have it, that is all the indication you need that this is not a good idea. That is it. At the end of the episode, we like to hop onto online dating platforms to review profiles, see what works, see what doesn't work, effort to make your online dating experience a little more enjoyable. First profile here.

I am a girly girl who prefers to learn and do sports instead of partying, like cute emoji and like a pink bow emoji. Quality time with close friends and family and spontaneous trips to build a fire and relationship fire emoji. Although you plan them because i completely get lost in planning my own stuffs uh disclaimer i'm used to being spoiled and going 50 50 is absolutely not me smiling emoji you provide financial safety and i provide home happiness and emotional security i mean this is the the trouble with dating profiles nowadays is like, I feel like that is something that someone wants. There are men out there who are looking specifically for this.

People who have financial stability and do not know how to translate their social skills into a loving relationship. So I think that this profile serves that well. Do I think it's a good profile? No, because it's not for me. I think someone who is in a relationship and there is a financial requirement, I think you set yourself up for troubles outside of the usual difficulties of dating. I feel like there's no one who is like, I'm willing to be in a relationship and have this additional burden at no cost. You know what I mean? At no, like without requiring anything from you. I feel like there's always a trade off. No one's like, Hey, I'm super nice. I'm super wonderful. I'm charming, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I will enter this relationship.

That's going to cost me a bunch of money. And and that's that's the only change they're gonna be like well because i pay i'm i control you or i'm paying because i'm shit you know there's always a hidden cost to this i think so i don't think it's a good idea in general i also think it's kind of like if you want to talk about it the things you're offering are home happiness and emotional security and it's like happiness emotional security should be bottom line shit you get in a relationship anyway yeah and home is a little bold for date one so it's like at what point do you start to give that benefit you know like it's it's bullshit i think it's a bad profile someone might like it i'll give it a three yeah i'm giving it a three because it

isn't inherently like bad like there's there's no racism or like any of the is in here. But I think that, yeah, everything we just discussed is enough for me to be like, not for me. These are three prompts. Same profile. My cry in the car song is don't take off the bill now. Two lines of tears during the holiday. The hallmark of a good relationship is drinking and telling stories is not intoxicating you should not go out with me if love is the alias of

understanding this is more ai bullshit is this is the profile that got you to date this man right like there's this can't be real right unfortunately there there is yes i i came across a lot of profiles like this where it was like, I think nine times out of ten, English is not the first language. And there's either a misunderstanding of what the prompts are for or just a lack of care. Yeah. Or what you're trying to say. Either way, like these kind of things, like if you're going to use a platform that has this kind of system and if English isn't your first language, maybe make that known because I would be far more forgiving to someone if there's a little bit of janky English. If I know that you speak other languages. languages but to just hit me with this kind of stuff i like it sounds like someone got a hold

of like a foreign chat bot and just copy and pasted the random shit it was saying to them yeah it's gonna be a zero because it's it's nothing it means nothing another prompt here try to guess this about me you could try to guess me perfect excellent and the best thing is i actually don't know if this is ai or just someone being like, I don't understand this. Like, did they just not understand the assignment? I don't know. Again, the prompts, there's a reason why I didn't use a lot of the apps that have prompts because of the complete misunderstanding of like what any of them mean. So yeah, this is going to be another zero for me because this was your, like they set you up a volley to sort of like lightly tap back and you just slammed it into the ground with your bare hand on your own side.

I'm just like, no, absolutely not. I'm giving you nothing. Good luck. Yeah, that's pretty bad. I'll give it a one.

That's going to do it for this episode. Friends. Thank you very much for hanging out with us. It means a lot. If you'd like to support the show and get an extra episode every month where we get like loosey and goosey and just kind of like do whatever the hell we want. It's called Pillow Talk. It's available on Patreon. And we would love for you to support it because the more support we get for the show, the we can we can put back into it uh so please please support us and we love you uh i'm gonna hit you

with some bad sex writing after i thank josh eagle and the harvard cities for their song paper stars this is a twitter thread of a person replying to themselves every once in a while i sit down and think about how every woman in the world young or old ugly or beautiful 2d or 3d has a vagina they just walk around all day with this hole between their legs that only exists so I can put my penis inside it. It has no other purpose. Our entire anatomy, the broad hips, the large breasts, essentially exist around and because of this hole. When misogynists call women the C word, they're not being randomly crass. They're reducing a female to her fundamental aspect. Women are are holes and not just in the physical but also mental sense they want their man to fill their mind and their life and give

it a meaning hence reading a woman's political opinions is like looking at the penis of the man who's fucking her this is also why the progressive idea that you have to respect women cops teachers intellectuals politicians and see them as your equal or even as your superior is so crazy this is this is some dan level shit we haven't we haven't had something this bad in a very long time i know i saw this and it hurt my brain so much and then i was like i'm not gonna bring to the show but then it hurt my brain too much i was was like, this man needs to be ridiculed. This is the person that we need to strap to a chair like a clockwork orange and have listened to our show forever. I hope you're ready for 279 hours of male positivity. Yeah, we're coming for you, sir.

This is terrible. And if you feel this way, you're terrible. And my name is Dave Miller. And I'm Niles Bain, and don't be terrible. We've been your fuck buddies. ... ...

... ...