F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 283 - The Goofing Hour

Episode Date: March 11, 2024

Oh, gowrsh!  We're thinking of renaming the show F-hyuck Buddies.  Topics include not getting walked home, boyfriend gangbang, to be or not to be (single), ribbed for his pleasure. Support the show on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies Flure App: Made for Pleasure - https://www.flure.com/

I put my trust in you, and I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller. And I'm Miles Payne. And we're your fuck buddies. We are a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations and turn them into sexy, sticky situations.

Simply put, we find questions either roaming the wilds or from our wonderful listeners. We answer them right here, right now, in your ears, every Monday. But we also answer them one extra secret time a month. Where's that, Dane? It's on Patreon. it's on patreon it is on patreon and you know what if you wanted a little extra tony pizza in your life and who wouldn't you should go over there and join and you should listen to our last episode and support your boys we had like professional obligations in the first tony pizza episode on patreon we we really get into it. So if you were like, I really want more

of that tasty, tasty Tony Pizza lore, it's there for you. Unfiltered? Unedited? No, it's edited. Yeah, it's edited. It's definitely edited. I don't put anything up unedited. I think it would kill Dane to put something up unedited.

Yeah, just thinking about it right now is sending me into a spiral. Yeah. It would rip a Tony pizza sized hole out of his soul. And just leave him gasping on the floor. Much like getting up this early. It's so early. It's so early.

We did it for you. It's not a time I ever want it. And like guys it's not that early. It's early for us. Don't tell them how early it is. I'm not going to tell us I'm not gonna tell I'm not gonna say it's It's Like it's 3am That's honestly 3am

Will be better than this I would prefer 3am I would be On my top form if it was 3am You know I think you'd be entering goofy territory Not the dog Gorsh If you're Out partying with Dane, it hits 3 a.m. Shit gets weird.

It's when he does his best work. Because that's why Toronto like last call. That's why like you get kicked out at 245. People think it's a weird time, but you just can't have Dane around when that happens. It's a safety precaution for the citizens citizens of toronto the bartenders the the employees the the guests cats anyone doesn't matter this week though we are going to discuss he didn't let he didn't walk me home a boyfriend wanting a gangbang am i the asshole for making out with the guy at the bar when the guy i'm seeing said he was single safe sex masturbation

let's just get right into it okay what what could wake you up faster than listening to damas sanarosa he let me walk home alone at 1 a.m hi guys i'm a girl that had a second and most likely last date with a guy he kissed me held my hand and then asked me if i'd invite him home i said no then he went home and left me there alone in the middle of the night to walk 20 minutes home absolutely alone and he didn't even left me there alone in the middle of the night to walk 20 minutes home absolutely alone and he didn't even text me to see if i actually did get home i'm obviously very upset should i just block him okay i there's a lot here i think the question doesn't necessarily hinge on him not walking you home because it is not really like on a second date it's not really

his job to walk 20 minutes out of his way and then presumably add you know 20 minutes unless you guys are going the same direction because that would be weird oh man that that changes the whole question if you guys are going the same way and he's just like my like he just walks too fast or like takes a detour yeah the whole way home he's just like you could just see him a couple blocks in front of you. Like, I get that. I, you know, it is your responsibility to get home safely. Yes.

At some level, like, take a cab, get in an Uber. If you're not feeling safe, those are your options. I think that's a very good point that we should just sit on for one second. If you went out and this person sucks shit and like left or was themselves sketchy or whatever, it's on you to get yourself home anyway. Right. So it's like you should have the ability and like the plan in place to get home safe. That's just an important thing to remember. Yes. Yeah. Like that's that's a responsibility that you need to have ready to go depending on

any situation, right? Like for all you know, like, Oh, he has to wake up early and he stayed out a little too late. And he's like, Hey, I really got to bounce. Uh, I had a great night, blah, blah, blah. He's not then obligated to be like, now I'm going to spend like, I know I'm going to get home, you know, 40 minutes, an hour later than I probably should, because I got to walk you home. Now, is it the nice thing to do? Is it the respectful thing to do? Is it a polite thing to do? Yeah, sure. But I think the I think the question really hinges on the fact that he was like, hey,

are you going to invite me over? And you were like, no. And he's like, all right, then bye. It is. It is the hinge. But the thing that it hinges on, in my opinion, is like, again, context again context you know like we need to have been there and like actually like because one possibility is that he said hey like like i'd love to know how he worded the thing because it could be like hey can i come home with you or whatever like maybe

he was offering to walk her home and she was like no and he was like oh yeah fair or was it like hey can we come fuck and she was like no and he was like fuck you and like turned and walked away yeah you know what i mean like it could have been just like oh do you want me to come back with you and she was like no in which case i think depending on how it went down it could be very reasonable if you'd be like okay no worries like i'm gonna head off like i'll you know because if you're like hey don't come home with me and he's like cool i'm gonna walk you home like it might seem a little pushy you know that's the thing is like yes if if a woman made it clear that she didn't want me going back to her place i wouldn't then offer to walk her home and that's not me being like oh you're not gonna fuck me then you

know figure it out that's me being like oh you've drawn a boundary and i'm not then going to because i think a lot of women would assume that if i was like, hey, can I come back to your place? And she was like, no. I was like, all right, well, I'm going to walk you home is then going to be like a second option or like a second for sure. A second chance that I'm going to get you home. And then now that I'm there, I'm going to be like, so how about going inside again? Yeah. Now that 20 minutes is me being like, oh uh you sure and then when we get there like oh

can i come up oh i need to use your back like i feel like you would be really uncomfortable with that in this situation so i feel like that's a thing you really need to take into account yeah it really really really does depend on the conversation you had that led there. Because if you sort of made it very clear that you weren't interested in him coming over, then it could have been very much a, okay, I respect your boundaries. I'm not going to push you. You don't want me getting that direction with you. And or, you know, you're not safe or you're uncomfortable, whatever you feel. And I'm going to take that as, okay, I'm going to listen to you and, you know, have a great night.

Get home safe. Now, I do think the not checking in or not asking for because I do that with every date. If I'm not going back to their place or walking them home, I usually say, hey, can you let me know when you get in safe? And I do that with like everyone. Yeah, I think not everybody does that, though. And I do think a lot of people are so scared of the like seeming to come on too strong or be too needy or whatever. You know what I mean? So it's very possible this guy's like, oh, shit, like he read somewhere, can't text her like right after the date.

Can't be like, oh, did you get home? You know, but yeah, should he have done? Sure. I don't think he's an asshole for not having done it again unless the conversation was hey can we fuck and she was like no and he was like oh forget get stuffed and he just grabbed her by the face and threw her into the street yeah he just sprints away i don't think him not doing either of those two things is a deal breaker or should be a deal breaker. I also don't think I know I feel like you're you're you're overreacting a lot.

I think you're going too far. There's a lot of context here that we don't have. I think it would be a much different story. Like, is the neighborhood really fucking bad? Because then maybe there's a little bit more of an onus on the dude to be like, I'm going to make sure you get home a little safe you know like it's it there's a lot in this question that really really hinges on the the way that he asked the way that you said no the you know the the time i guess she said one right when i am yeah yeah so it's like there's so much that's a safe hour that's you have a two-hour goofy window there, you know? Yeah, you get two hours before I'm fucking yucking all over the place.

Yeah, like 20-minute walk, you could do that and back and that and back and that. You could do a few circuits before you have to worry about Dane. And you do have to worry about me. So, I don't know. Again, we don't have the context. If there is more context, then just fucking block them, right? If it is a thing where you're just kind of like shooting from the hip because this just upset you, it's like maybe either one, have a discussion with them or two, like really analyze the context and like what meanings may have been, you know, unsaid because I think as a woman, sometimes you don't understand how much effort some men put into not seeming threatening. If you're a certain kind of person, you do consciously walk on the other side of the road at night. If you see a woman by herself coming and you don't want to make them

feel uncomfortable, slow down or speed up depending on which one is going to presumably make them less uncomfortable or look into something like this and be like, oh, she said she doesn't want me coming back with her. If I then insist on walking her home, that might actually seem threatening. Because if he's also never been to your place, maybe you don't want him to know where you live, right? From his perspective. So I think a little bit of leeway here, again, given the context, if he was just like, fuck you, why are we having this conversation? Yeah. I think if he was just like fuck you why are we having this conversation yeah i think if he was an asshole about the whole situation it doesn't really matter about whether he walked you home or not right like if he reacted poorly or like a dick

to you when you said oh i don't want to sleep with you tonight or i don't want to bring you back home tonight then who cares that he didn't walk you home and that's why i think this might be a little bit of an overreaction because if if the question was like oh he like stormed off and got really mad then i think that would have been that would have been more of a evidence to him mentioned yeah as i said look into the subtext sort of like take a step outside of your expectations and try to look at it from a different point try to look at it from his point of trying to make sure that you felt safe in other ways if there's no way it fits and also if you just don't vibe with it anymore you're not obligated like he might have done nothing wrong

but if this is a big thing for you then you're're also welcome to be like, no, I prefer a guy who's going to walk me home no matter what. Then cool. But if that's the case, make sure you communicate that. Like you could have said, no, I don't want to invite you back to my place tonight, but you can walk me home if you like. Right. Like that's you saying, hey, we're not doing anything. But if you want, you know, I give you permission. I give you consent i'm

comfortable with you walking me home and that way there's no concern there's no anything and then he could be like okay great yes i will or he could not and if he's like oh i'm sorry i can't go 40 minutes out of my way i have to get home like to work sure or if he's like oh i'm not fucking you i'm not gonna walk you home then you you get two pretty decent answers there you know what i mean so be be open communicate this like gray area of like well i'm judging them based on this thing that i didn't you know it doesn't help anybody nope uh this is from special neighbor five boyfriend of two years said he wants a gangbang my boyfriend two years told me that the other night that he wants to have a gangbang with me and several other guys. I have a history of sexual trauma and are struggling with the fact that this is his fantasy, as the idea makes me feel unsafe and anxious.

I also worry that if I don't fulfill this, he will leave or find a partner who will be willing to do that. Should I get over it? Try to be more comfortable with the idea? No. Well, okay. There's a lot here, but I think getting more comfortable with the idea is a nebulous term. Should I get over it? No. Should I get more comfortable with the idea? It depends how much you've thought about it, right? If you just are uncomfortable because it's unfamiliar or whatever, I don't know your trauma or whatever. If you haven't really given it due consideration and you want to, sure. If you have, and you know, it's something you don't want. No, like let's run through these hypotheticals really quickly. If your partner's like, oh,

you don't want to do this fantasy deck because you don't want to, I'm going to dump you and find somebody else. Okay. Sure. That might suck, but also that's not a good partner. So win-win don't do a thing you don't want to do there you go that's it that's it so you're right like we've talked about it a hundred times about like you know don't indulge a fetish if it's not something you're comfortable with you're not obligated to do things just because your partner wants to do it and if they're going to use it as blackmail being like well i'll find someone who will then they're a bad partner and you shouldn't be with them regardless like that's not someone you want to to keep in your life so everyone's blackmail of being like well i'll find someone who will then they're a bad partner and you shouldn't be with them regardless like that's not something you want to to keep in your life

so i brought this blackmailing you with your own relationship like fuck that yeah so i brought this one because i would love to know if he's aware of your trauma because i think if he's aware of it i think it's worth a conversation both right now between us, but also between these people where it's like, sometimes you have to just put things in your back pocket. For example, if I knew my partner had a history of sexual trauma, I might not suggest like, for example, if they were sexually assaulted, I wouldn't be like, hey, my kink is, you know, CNC, you know, consensual non-consent. I want to do that with you. I'd be like, hey, my kink is CNC, consensual non-consent. I want to do that with you.

I'd be like, no. I know they have a history of a traumatic experience that mirrors almost exactly this trauma. I'm going to deal with that in my own way. I'm not going to bring this up. It is my responsibility to foster a safe environment for my partner and their safety and their mental health and respecting their past and their trauma is far more important than me being like i got a kink right like it seems so disrespectful if that kink is so important to you it's not oh well i guess i gotta bring it up and upset them and be shitty it's okay i gotta go find a different partner yeah again there's no harm in

being like you know this isn't working this isn't you know i feel like we may be sort of mismatched in terms of sexual compatibility that's fine you could do that but if you know something would be difficult for your partner because of information that you know or like trauma that they faced or anything like that i think it's really really really important to weigh the pros and cons of being like, is how, how important is this kink and how important is my, my partner's mental health? Now, one thing I'm wondering is, is it shitty to make that assumption for them? I know some people engage in stuff similar to things they've been in as a form of like reclaiming there.

I'm wondering if maybe just not having the conversation isn't the best option sometimes, you know what I mean? Like maybe having the conversation, but being like, hey, I'm aware of X, Y, and Z, and this is not a pressure, and I know this might be shitty, and it's fine, but this is a thing I'm into, and like not doing what this guy did, where again, we don't know the trauma. We don't know if it's very obviously related to something like this yeah you know what i mean which again if that's the case he's not in the wrong if it's like tangentially related um or if he doesn't know or even yeah it doesn't know yeah yeah but like i don't know like i don't want to advocate to people like oh they have trauma just don't bring things up to them you know what i mean that's a really good point yeah you don't want to advocate to people like, oh, they have trauma. Just don't bring things up to them.

You know what I mean? That's a really good point. Yeah. You don't want to treat people with kids gloves just because they've had a rough go of things. But I also don't think being like, oh, you've had a rough go. I got to be, you know, I got to be that person who's open with you. It's open season sledgehammer of everything. You know, I think you have to have tact and grace.

I think you have a great point. I think there is a way to do it. And I think the way to do it wouldn't necessarily be, I don't think it's phrasing it in a way that makes it seem like it's something that you want to do, but rather it's something that you're, you're into and you want to make boundaries so that you don't fall into something that could, you know what I mean?

Like for me, like I prefer to be dominant and, and tend to lean a little rougher once I get more comfortable with a partner. Like if I knew that they had a history of sexual violence, I might want to have a conversation. And I think this is a great idea of being like, Hey,

typically my preferred sort of style or, or, you know, sexual proclivities lean towards a more dominant style and if they've told me about sort of a sexual violence or sexual trauma or something i'd be like i just want to make sure that what we're doing now makes you feel safe and if there are any things that any like hard lines or you can avoid like dangerous areas yeah like i'm a big fan of of sort of pinning hands. If,

if that would make you feel unsafe, I would love to know that. And like anything else that I could completely avoid, these are things that I do kind of like muscle memory. These are things that I just kind of like enjoy doing and tend to bring in pretty organically. Um, how, what can I do to avoid? What can I, what can I take out of the repertoire to not trigger you, to make you feel safe? So I think that's a great point. I think if you do know a part, if you have a kink and if you have a certain sort of, I don't know, sexual vibe, I think it could be worth having a conversation with a partner that you know has and not just hide it or, but I think, I think you do need to sort of like weigh the pros and cons of being like, I know my partner isn't into this or has a strong reaction to whatever. Yeah.

Uh, I'm just going to not, that's the thing. If like there's realms of knowledge, you could be like, Oh, I know they have X or they could be like, Hey,

I fucking hate this. And you can't then be like, well, what about we do it, though? You know? Yeah. So I think just and also when you have conversations like this, the good thing is you don't necessarily have to know, because if you're having a conversation about kink, a healthy conversation is going to include boundaries, safe words anyway. Right. safe words anyway, right? So make sure you do those things because then if there's something you're unaware of, it still gives them the opportunity to maybe not even tell you,

but at least lay down those hard lines and those buffers and boundaries and shit. Yep, 100%. So yeah, this comes to us from a deleted user. How about the asshole for making out with the guy at the bar when the guy I'm seeing said he was single? I know dating colleagues is frowned upon, but here we are. Female, 28. Jack, 29. Who's a male? Met at work. We've been seeing each other for 11 months and we kept it low in the beginning. We didn't know if it was a fling or the real thing. We've exchanged

I love yous, et cetera, and dates are implied. And he spends every weekend at my place and many nights a week too. I know some colleagues are suspicious. It's not against the rules in our workplace. We were out at a work outing with our colleagues at a restaurant. After a few drinks, colleagues started pestering us and asked if we were an item. I looked at him and smiled and nodded. And he said, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Absolutely not. We are not an item. Where did you hear that? To everyone to hear. Then the colleague asked, so you're single? And he replied, yes. I was shocked and he avoided eye contact with me. We had a few more drinks and one of the guys in the bar who'd been looking at

me the whole evening came and started talking when I went to the bar to order. I didn't go back to the table, but spent the rest of the evening in this new company. Guy was very flirtatious. We ended up making out. I heard the colleagues from my table cat calling us. Is this the right word? Jack looked horrified. Suddenly he was trying to have eye contact with me. I didn't look his way. I didn't go home with the guy even if I wanted to, but it would have been for the wrong reasons. Just to hurt someone else, but we exchanged numbers. Jack saw us do that. I went home alone. Jack called me a dozen times, then showed up at my door. He said that I was an asshole for doing this, but was I? He adamantly denied having a girlfriend, even

though he knew how hurtful that was. If he was single, why does he care what another single human is doing? He asked to come inside. I didn't let him because I was hurt. He asked me if I was going to see the guy and I said it was none of his business. Now he's adamant that I'm the asshole. Okay. This is some fucking

Dawson's Creek high school bullshit like this is this is so immature like you said you're 28 is that 28 and 29 was that the ages 28 29 you guys are almost fucking 30 year old yeah like what are you doing what is this high school bullshit like you guys never had a conversation about whether presumably whether or not you guys were like dating right like it sounds like it's kind of yeah it sounds like you just kind of like nebulously like it sounds like you care about each other you've you've said you love each other that's right but you've never had the conversation of being like hey what are we like are we exclusive what what are we moving into

what what is the dynamic relationship take that. What was that first thing you said? Take it back. Never have done. Never have the what are we conversation. But you never DTR'd. You never defined the relation. You never had a clear conversation about what your relationship status is. And then this dude got thrown in the spot in front of all and it's like

you have no idea i mean hopefully presumably you don't i would hope you had some idea after dating someone for 11 months but it's like you don't know how he feels about his the co-workers knowing about this thing it might make him really uncomfortable it might make him scared for his job it might but importantly he has no idea how you feel exactly i think he probably like erred on the side of caution of rather than throwing you like exposing you and whatever in the middle of everybody on a night out went with the safe option which was you hadn't talked about it so he just was like uh no yes that's that's the thing right like if someone asked me a question like if someone was like, are you and your partner

going to get married? I wouldn't be like, yes, if me and my partner had never had a conversation about getting married, right? Like we've never talked about marriage. I don't know their stance on it. And I think it's super unfair to project a answer that involves both of us solely on my, like what I think like yeah that's a conversation that needs to be had even if you wanted to you might say no because that leaves you still in the

like where you were before yeah whereas like yes changes things no is okay maybe they might be like well what the fuck but then what what do you do if you're the partner who hears that no you go make out with another guy at the bar obviously yeah yeah i it's it's like why didn't you talk to them why didn't you like like why didn't either of you i mean he also should have had a little bit of he should have gone up to you and be like hey let's grab a drink at the bar real quick and then you guys go over to the the bar and you have a quick conversation he you know like he fucked up as well like he didn't seem like if he if he said it and then like sort of like a scolded dog sort of avoided eye contact and got all fucking weird then yeah he fucked it up too and he also

let's let's be fair he did and i don't know if this is an accurate quote he did say no a lot he said no like nine times so maybe that was it but you know what when people get nervous they they they lean too far in in the you, me thinks you doth protest too much. What if he was being sarcastic? He was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no. Yeah. I'm single.

He did a big wink. And that's why he's so annoyed. Because you were like, you get sarcasm. So it's like, look, I get it. You felt scorned and you wanted to get back at him. It is a very immature response. Yes. It's such a childish thing to do.

And I'm sure it made you feel very empowered. And I'm sure it made you feel very. For about a minute. Yeah. I'm sure it was very cool for you to do. And you were like, ha, showed him. But. Boss bitch.

But you just tanked a 11 year or 11 month relationship presumably because your feelings got hurt during a very understandably awkward moment yes like surely the context surely you must have known like that like oh hey you got thrown in an impossible situation and either answer was going to be bad like you could have said yes and then everyone was going to know about our relationship despite the fact that we never had the conversation about whether or not we were going to reveal the relationship or you're going to say no and that's going to make me feel like shit but it's like yeah you follow up and he didn't do that so it is his fault as well but you also have the responsibility being like you could

have done the same thing and be like hey let's grab a drink at the bar real quick let's do shots you know shot time and then you go to the bar and be like hey what the fuck man yeah like if you if you kept it light i almost guarantee you him probably be like sorry man like i didn't know if you want to be outed or i'm not ready to tell everyone that we're dating like all those things are valid it's just like you guys just reverted into fucking weird 14 year olds who don't know how to fucking talk 100 and the thing is like society's fucked up that him unveiling your guy's relationship probably would have gone worse for you and work than it would for him yeah which sucks you know but also it's like it really sucks that it like, I think he did do the right thing

without knowledge of, again, one, you guys are, I guess, technically single if you're not. Well, you are single if you never had that conversation. And two, you never fucking talked about this. So it's like, it frustrates me to no end because he did presumably do the right thing up until the point he finished that conversation. And then you both didn't do the right thing by not talking. and then you did the wrong thing by getting pissy and going and making out with a guy yeah because like just because he said what he said like the fact you're completely

ignoring the context of like the situation of being like oh he got thrown on the spot and he didn't know we never had a conversation about any of this you knew your relationship, right? So you chose to ignore 11 months of history and relationship to do this because of a very obviously uncomfortable, awkward and difficult decision to make. But again, like I said, he had an onus to clear that up sort of asap yes and hey maybe he tried and maybe she ran to the bar immediately afterwards i don't know right i will say just to to add a little a little kindling to the fire uh in an edit no we hadn't ever talked about specifically making it official we just were or so i thought not how it works not how it works that's you are you fucked up seven years old now i will say he handled it poorly in the end too calling you a bunch of times and then showing up at your house is a bad look in my opinion yeah i like i guess he was upset and frantic but like not great yeah i'm not a fan of just showing up at people's places ever like especially like what are you doing man go home i'm so glad that there are like multiple

barriers that people have to get through in order to get to my my front door because like absolutely not i don't want people knocking on my door i don't want people dropping by like that was used to be a big thing i'm gonna do it all the time when i was young i'm that's okay i'm just ignoring you i don't have a doorbell. I throw stones at your window. Progressively larger stones. Yeah, like my parents loved that shit where it was just like random people would just come over. Like you didn't plan for this. They're just here.

And I know that was like a thing like back in the day where like. That's why everyone kept getting serial killered. It's true. Right? Try serial killering me, idiots. I won't even let you in the door. It's a good point. N serial killering me, idiots. I won't even let you in the door. That's a good point.

Nile is unkillable. No, don't say that. He can't be killed. You can't find his apartment. I can't be serially killed because there's only one of me. It's true. Are you still out there on dating apps swiping and matching with no luck or, even worse, no fun? Well, not to worry.

This week's episode is once again sponsored by Fleur Dating. And this time, we're going to let things get a little kinky. Fleur is a sex-positive dating app that prioritizes users' desires. Users are encouraged to openly share their desires and fantasies and find like-minded individuals to explore them with, whether it's for one-night stands, friends with benefits, sexting, or even long-term relationships. There are no forbidden desires, only mandatory respect and consent, the way things should be. Most importantly, it's about the pleasure of intimacy,

the passion between people, and the desire to try something new. Now, we all know good communication and consent are both essential for engaging in kink safely, and Flora has you covered with their Safe Mode for Women, which can block out explicit content until you're ready, and most importantly, willing, to receive it. Flora is also available for couples.

The fine folks over on the app are releasing a feature where partners can be added to a user's profile. Importantly, as many partners as you'd like. So if you're ready for a third, or a fourth, and you've discussed what you are and aren't comfortable with as a couple, like we always say, Flora might be the perfect way to start your adventure. And, as we've mentioned before, they still have their Flur Sparks game, a wonderful feature in chat that helps users learn more about each other in a fun and easy way so that worrying about breaking the ice is now a thing of the past. It's a way to encourage men to focus on establishing a conversation, flirty rapport, and to discuss mutual interests and desires honestly,

which makes the app safer and ultimately sexier for everybody. On top of that, they have a two-step verification and moderation process for all users, once again ensuring that their space is safe and that there's a sense of community where there's no room for offense, judgment, or scams. Follow the link in the episode description to download Flur and get matching as soon as possible. FLIR app. Made for pleasure. This is Quest to Nowhere. Oh, shit. Our rival podcast. Do guys find pleasure in any different way when using a dotted slash studded condom for masturbation?

Or did my boyfriend lie about using one for jerking off? Do guys masturbate with studded condoms? Or is the studded part purely for her pleasure? The ones I'm talking about are skin brand. Asking because I noticed one less condom in my boyfriend's nightstand. And we don't use condoms. Monogamous, STD tested, and I'm sterile. Boyfriend said he used one to masturbate, as that is what he does on a very rare occasion,

like once or twice a year, because it feels different. And something about the grip and slide, but no idea what he really means. Or if he's being honest. He didn't mention it was studded. I noticed that myself when opening one to check what they were like today. I have a key to his place. He introduced me to his family and overall didn't think he would go and do something like cheating, but I am having my doubts about a guy choosing to masturbate with a condom. It's super weird and sounds shady to me. Studded condoms sound like they are meant for

vaginal pleasure not penis pleasure so why would he use one to jerk off could there be more that he's not telling me that doesn't involve cheating like could he have some kind of issue or deficiency i would love to know like what deficiency he's he's a stud deficiency because like i was gonna say a latex deficiency but skin is latex free so i don't know i'm not sure what he would be deficient but if he did why would he then use a latex uh also to add he's had these few condoms lying around for months in his nightstand from before we started dating so he has had them there for a while but they expire in two years he did not purposely buy new condoms that i'm now finding out about

still the whole thing sounds weird to me for masturbation i'm thinking he could have used them with someone else but i have no evidence so i'm trying to see if this type of condom tells any story so there's a lot here you like you count as condoms but that's a pretty telling like i think that's a problem whether or not he's cheating it's like you don't trust him obviously unless he just has like three visibly set on top of every you know what i mean this is the thing if it's if he has three i think that is a very noticeable amount if like if you guys open the door for lube or something or you reached over to grab something out of the nightstand you're like oh weird there was three here and now there's two like that i think any number over that i think it

becomes strange weird also even then it's like unless they're like laid out perfectly like a movie set so that you notice there's three and the next time there's two like if they're just scattered in there i don't know how clean this guy is, but bed stands are, you know, I keep my condoms in like a small little thing. I'll just have a loose fucking scattered throughout my drawer. Yeah, but I think a lot of people are, though. I'm in a little treasure chest. Yeah, I had a little little receptacle. Yeah, but like what I'm saying is the amount, even if I had three in there because there are were like some other things i think you would have to like poke through the stuff to be like

oh hmm you know what i mean like you wouldn't just be able to look at it and be like you could like my what i'm saying is i think that the number of condoms is is a deciding factor i think if you had a box of them and you went through the box but it sounds like didn't she say there was a box uh no she said they were strewn oh what would she say uh strewn that sounds pretty messy dane he's had these few condoms lying around for months okay whatever either way that's it's a little sus that you're counting them is a posh wank a thing yeah yes could he be Sure. Does the ribs or bumps or whatever on a condom mean anything in this scenario? No.

Yeah. I mean, like, you're right there. The ribs are not internal on the condom, so I don't think it would have any sort of. I don't know, but I also don't think it would go against it. So I don't think it adds or subtracts from the situation. I think it's just a thing now there is another option that would would be more inclined to be a secretive option and that is using no i mean maybe um she does she's worried about his deficiencies so maybe

he just got a slurper condom he could have used it for butt stuff he could have used it to put it on a toy or a object and used to stimulate his butt with it that would make sense and like look i don't think i don't think the ribbed or the studded anything i don't think that plays into it he probably bought a box of studded condoms for her pleasure you know two and a half years ago and that's just i don't think i don't think that's playing into it one bit whatsoever but there's a very good chance like maybe if he's only using it once or twice a year maybe he has a an urge to do some butt things every now and then and and like that i understand would be a harder conversation to have

to be like yes girlfriend i fuck myself in the ass with a whatever because there is not that there's anything wrong with it i want to make that very clear but there is definitely people aren't chill yeah there's a there is a stigma about men using you know anal pleasure as like oh is he gay because i'm sure this would like that would have been the question instead of like is he cheating on me or like i just found out my my boyfriend uses you know anal stimulation is he gay so like that could be a thing and why he's being kind of shady about it yeah or he had a posh wank or he cheated on you again it's if you don't trust him that's an issue if you do trust him and it's just a sketch situation then

like you can be on your guard or whatever but like you just either gotta trust him or don't trust him that's an issue if you do trust him and it's just a sketch situation then like you can be on your guard or whatever but like you just either gotta trust him or don't in situations like this there is no magic tell there's no like oh wait it was ribbed 100 this answer you know what i mean yeah he used the cheating condom hold on he has two piles and it says for me and then the other one for everyone else. And that's where the condom got missing in brackets, except girlfriend. Yeah, that's yeah. It's it's bad that you don't trust him. And if you don't trust him, then reevaluate the relationship.

That is go to a bar and make out with someone in front of him. One more is my deleted user. My 23 year old female boyfriend, 21 year old male told me he had sex with my best friend, 22-year-old female, while we were on a break. And I'm okay with it. I've been dating my boyfriend for a while at this point. And sometime last year, we had a break. That was purely because I had to stay with my family for a while. I knew my best friend visited my boyfriend at our place a few times. We never really thought of it. The break was only a few weeks long. And right afterwards, we got back on track. I moved back into our place, and life pretty much got back to normal pretty quickly. Yesterday, my boyfriend and I got a little tipsy, and he's always really eager to say

things when he's drunk, so he admitted that he kind of semi-cheated on me. It apparently only happened during the break, but it was like a lot of sex. Talking five times a week, 21 times total, I think. He seemed to think I'd have been ready to break up with him after finding out, honestly i don't really care am i being too lenient with him no to quote the hilarious sitcom you were on a break um that was my really good ross geller impression it was pretty good right david schwimmer somewhere i was like wait oh that was an impression that wasn't just him it wasn't my soundboard that I just have queued up to... Yeah, I thought we just snagged a good guest.

Yeah. David Schwimmer somewhere out there just got a chill, a cold chill running down his spine, being like, who did that? No, it's fine. I'm glad you're chill about this. Honestly, I think you do have a little bit of grounds of being like, well, you did fuck my best best friend i think that is ungentlemanly also not great best friend behavior yeah like if you don't

mind it doesn't matter just like being like oh i'm polyamorous should i be monogamous or whatever you know what i mean it's like the only thing that matters is how you feel about it and if you're chill with it don't be convinced into being not chill with it i think you need to make sure you're chill with it and not like oh i gotta be the chill girl like i gotta be fine or like oh we were on a break so i'm not allowed to be upset or like jealousy's not hot or whatever i think you have to examine and make sure you are cool with it but if you are great that's fine i think if you're cool with it you're cool with it and that's great but i would say that like you need to make that call now because you can't like the next time you get in a fight be like well you fuck my best friend

because like yes if it's an issue it's an issue and that's you know i'm being a little unfair because i think that like you could be okay with things and gradually as you think about them, be like, oh, no, I'm not okay. But the second you're not okay with it, you need to bring it up. You need to like, you can't just like let it stew and be like, well, I said I was okay with it, you know, when I first learned about it. But now I can't say anything about it. But I am going to build in resentment. I am going to build in anger. I am going to build in pettiness.

I am going to build in sort of like revenge by being like oh it's gonna break and then try to fuck his best friend you know i mean like you can't do those things so if if you find with it now fantastic if you start to develop feelings in which you aren't fine with it then you sit them down and be like hey so i know i was kind of cool with it before but i've been thinking about you hooking up with my best friend while we were on our break. And like, I'm starting to get a little uncomfortable about it and like have a conversation about it because I think context there is very important. I think it is kind of weird and kind of shitty to fuck your partner, even if you are on a break. Like if it was a breakup, whatever.

It's on the best friends, like her best friend's side to not sleep with her ex. Yes. Yes. Like, whereas like if you're the, if you're the dumpy, if I want to fuck your best friend, like I have no allegiance to. Yeah. It's like, is it a little slimy or whatever? Sure. But like, whatever, you're done.

It's on the best friend who still has an allegiance to her to not fuck her ex. I think you could definitely get upset about it. I think there is a rationale behind it, and I don't think anyone would hold it against you. Also, like, your best friend just hasn't mentioned it this whole time? Yeah, that seems shady as well. Like, I feel like there needs to be a conversation with the three of you being like, hey, we're all aware of this. This has happened. We need to talk about where we go from there, because I would feel very like if for whatever reason, me and my partner went on a break and I found out that you had fucked my partner.

And that would be pretty fucked up. I would I would be like it would be hard for me to get into a neutral position with the three of you yes for sure knowing that because like even with a breakup i think that would be out of line like we've we've been out on nights out where it's like we're talking to a person and like one of us is like oh hey like it seems like you guys are hitting it off like i don't really want to step on any toes or like we that's how conscientious we are with like a stranger on a night out as opposed to this, which is just,

I'm going to fuck your, you know what I mean? That's wild. I think it's crazy. I love that you're cool with it. If you're cool with it, but why is your friend not talk to you about it? If like,

if they didn't do a bad thing, why are they acting like they did a bad thing? If that happened, like if they didn't do a bad thing why are they acting like they did a bad thing if that happened like if oops you and your partner went on a break and we were hanging out for whatever fucking reason and we got drunk and oh no we made out i would be texting you as it happened being like i'm sorry man i don't know what's going on i can't stop myself like i like i would not be able to see while it happened i'm not stopping either i'm just giving you updates i can't i can't i just teach you to know you know me like i like i would not be able to not tell you yes i also just wouldn't be able to do it probably i mean absolutely not yeah no i yeah i can't like it's i can't remember

what it's called but it's like the second my friends start dating someone they're they just become like just not attractive and like i can recognize like your partner is gorgeous but like yeah it's just like the the veil the force field i don't know there's there's like a a like smoke screen around them uh where i'm just like no eagle stratagem exactly and that's not to like i don't want want to make it sound like I think that like the second a woman is in a relationship, they lose value or anything. That's not what I'm saying. There's just like, there's a difference between knowing someone's attractive and like acting on it. Right.

Yeah. And I think that's it. It's like, no one's like, oh, you're dating someone ugly. But it's like, oh, cool. You're not an option. Yeah. Like the idea of, no, I mean, like maybe, but I know what you're not an option. Yeah, like the idea of... No, I mean, like, maybe, but I know what you mean.

We all know what you mean. I feel like being clinical about anything always makes it sound really weird. We all get it. We all get it. You cool? Do you get it? Do you get it? Do you fucking get it? Yeah.

Either way. It's just like the idea of, like, your partner as a prospect just doesn't exist. Yeah. Like, it's just not a thing. But yes, as we said, if you're actually cool with it, cool, great. Don't worry about it. If you start to become not cool, bring it up immediately. And I think you do need to have a conversation with your friend. I think that just needs to happen.

Whether you're cool with it or not, I think you do need to get it out in the open. Because I think it's weird that you haven the open because i think it's weird that you haven't and i think it's weird that they haven't yeah and i think not talking about it also could breed more of that like resentment yes but yeah i don't know and maybe like i don't know i worry that like i want to think this is super healthy and you're just confident and maybe you think it's cool i don't know i am worried that you're so non-confrontational or you're worried about losing your friend or you're worried about losing your boyfriend or you think like bad things have happened to you in the past and like compared to them this isn't that bad so you'll just deal with it like i don't want that so i want you to

make sure you're cool so maybe just examine just examine make sure you're cool and if you are fuck yeah and if you're not that's fine you're definitely allowed be not cool with this and if you find your best friend hot and now you think that it's hot exactly just bring her in just rope her in and just you know let's get let's make it a thruple who cares let's get to it for our show friends i was gonna say if you have any questions i was going like right to the end my brain was just like we're done just do it at the end of the episode we like to hop onto online dating platforms and review profiles see what works see what doesn't work in an effort to make your online dating experience a little more enjoyable i got a bunch you want me to just hit

you yeah just go through nameless i'm really afraid of fights because i'm really worried i may accidentally kill someone. Movies slash TV references are kind of hard for me, especially before the 2010s. I wasn't interested in media for a very long time. I was studying, without much prompting at all, all of the points on a person that only require one moderate strike. But anyway, violence terrifies me. I would like to meet your cat. Of course, once we both feel like it's been a responsible amount of time.

Hey, my dude, I'm never letting you near my cat. Hey, it's a girl. It's a lady. Damn. Even less likely to let you near anywhere near my cat with your fucking pinpoint pressure point hands registered as deadly weapons. Like, absolutely not. Get the fuck away from me. While you were watching TV, I was studying the blade. I mean, the one inch punch.

Yeah, we are not the same. As with any profile, I don't want to hear how badly you can hurt me. I just don't. I think that if that's your opening, if your whole steez is I could kill you, like that's what you're putting forward. That's your pitch. I'm worried I'll kill you. Yeah. Oops's what you're putting forward. That's your pitch. I'm worried I'll kill you. Yeah. Oopsies.

We might just be playing around. I might go to high five you and I slip on some ice. And then I fucking, like, hit your liver so hard that it explodes inside your body and you die in toxic shock. Yeah. Yeah. Which, like, I hate when that happens. Man, it sucks so much. I assume it's a joke.

Like, it's kind of funny to me, but it's also done. It's written so unfunny also. So I don't know. Did they go for a joke and beef it? Or are they just a weird murder puncher? I think, yeah. If your pictures are completely normal. Oh, the picture's completely normal.

It's just a attractive girl sitting at a bar with a drink yeah yeah but like i think you'd have to like i think i'd need to see all of them because some women have mastered the art of like cute picture cute picture sexy picture and then it's like unhinged nonsense at the back and you're like okay you are a weirdo so i'm now going to like go double down i'm gonna yeah i'm gonna go through your profile with a second glance to be like oh you're you're insane in a good way like you're you're a goofy girl yeah and i now feel a guy goofy girl look oh no oh no i'm man i'm gonna give this a five because like you said like it could be very, but it also could be very bad.

So I'm going to give it a five, and I would need full context. I would need to, like, really spend some time with this profile and figure it out. Yes. Yeah, I think five is, because, like, the truth will veer it dramatically one way or the other. Like, probably at least a two point. If it's a joke, minimum seven, I think. If it's real, maybe a one. Okay, no name.

I'm so picky. This app is useless and underwhelming. The more time I spend talking to random dudes, the more brain cells I lose. Fuck's sake. Again, like, don't be on it just don't use it but like they sound like such a catch that we can't lose them it's true yeah with with someone like that like i can't i just i don't understand like do people it's so upsetting that like you you get what you put in right so if you put in the energy of being like this sucks online dating sucks everyone sucks

it's like all right well hey guess what you're gonna attract like the bottom of the bottom because the people who actually are fun are gonna avoid you like the plague so that's like that's you've opened the door but like the little doggy door for little dog men to squeeze their little pug faces through yeah it just doesn doesn't make sense to me. Why is online dating such a drag to you? How much time and effort are you putting into it? Stop. Use it sporadically.

Put a good profile on there and swipe while you're pissing. You're good. Yeah. You have the benefit of sitting down and pissing. Yeah. You know how dangerous it is to swipe while you're standing? Yeah. One day I will drop my phone in the toilet and then probably piss on it. and pissing yeah you know how dangerous it is to swipe while you're standing yeah someone one day i will drop my phone in the toilet and then probably piss on it that's so bad uh yeah i'm

giving this this this is a one for sure this is nameless they're 31 i need money if it ain't about money or getting money i don't want parts it's stuff out here that needs to be done but i'm fun and i'm a vibe i mean for these things where i'm just like you're not like everything is so expensive if you think i'm adding you to my list of expenses yeah why in this economy in this economy you're fun and you're a vibe bad deal like if this is what you want like there is ways to to date for money like you know that right like if that is what you want like there is ways to to date for money like you know that right like if that's what you want like do that or like start an only fans or something like like make money like i'm not here to yuck your gum i'm not here to like fucking tell you not to be on the hustle on the grind like make your money get it however you want but like dating shouldn't be your source

of income yes and if it is you're probably gonna attract the shittest people that's the thing it's like you you you're gonna enter into a transactional relationship and when i put money in to to the the vending machine that is you like i'm gonna want something out of it and i'm using the eye as a nebulous i i don't feel this way you're personifying shithead with money yeah right like if these guys are going to be like oh cool you you're just looking for money and you're a vibe great i'm gonna give you a hundred dollars and now i own you for x amount of time or i expect this i expect that and it's like that's a good way to get into an abusive relationship

and an unsafe relationship like the second money gets involved into things, things get real fucking dangerous. I just think it's worth knowing that like someone who doesn't need to do this wouldn't. Yeah. So why, why is the person feeling the need to do this? Are you so amazing that like,

Oh shit, I'm the best guy ever. And I also now feel the need to spend money. I'm like no yeah uh so that's going to be a zero for me yeah uh that's gonna do it for us friends uh thank you very much for hanging out and listening thank you very much for the people who came to our live show last month or last week i guess uh and if you would like to support the show head on over to fbuddiespodcast.com click the patreon link link and get an extra episode at the middle tier.

Every month and our entire back catalog. My voice just went. Cool. Just went, just was gone. Ready for some sex writing of the bad variety? Yeah. Now, this is a I can only assume conservative meme because it is posted by people with an American flag in their Twitter handle. It's a weird drawing of a woman and it says the ideal woman and there's a bunch of traits

surrounding them. I'm just going to read them. Has no male best friend. Has only female friends. Doesn't accept flirting. Lives a healthy lifestyle. Extremely beautiful. Knows cooking. Wears decent clothes. High morals. Conservative. Not woke. Feminine. Religious. Talks to males only till it's work-related. Hates degenerates.

Only into marriage. Has healthy relationship with her father. Only into marriage. That's my only interest. What are your interests? Marriage. Hey, so I'm going to talk about things, okay, but only till it's work-related. Yeah, the second it's work-related, I'm out to talk about things. Okay, but only till it's work related.

Yeah. Hey, the second it's work related, I'm out. That's the best part. I know that's not what they mean. Yeah. I will not discuss work, but I will discuss marriage, but not with you. And I do not accept flirting. God, I hate degenerates.

The perfect woman. I think, hey, look, I think we can all agree. I refuse to date a woman who doesn't hate degenerates That's my stance If you like degenerates and you don't like marriage Get the fuck away from me My name is Dane Miller And I'm Niles Payne We've been your fuck buddies Thank you.