F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 284 - Intimate Evenings: My Girlfriend The Sock (Live @ Black Sheep)

Episode Date: March 18, 2024

This weekend was a wild one performing at Comicon, so we're taking a wee break to recover by sharing our latest live show at Black Sheep!  Topics include the least flattering way to describe your girlfriend, enjoying video games with the boys too much, International Women's Day preparations, weighing the power dynamics of a new relationship and more! Support the show on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies

I put my trust in you, and I trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love I put my trust in you, and I trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love Hello friends, my name is Dane Miller And I'm Niall Spain And we're your fuck buddies. We are a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations and turn them into sexy, sticky situations.

Simply put, we find questions either roaming the internet or from our wonderful listeners or from yourselves tonight. You'll notice there's some paper on the tables. Don't worry. We'll collect them later. And they're as anonymous as you want them to be. Other things that we do here. There's also a QR code, which I believe brings us to the Instagram. At the end of the episode, we review online dating profiles as well. So if you want to snap a little screenshot of your dating profile and send it to us, we will critique that as well. We don't comment on photos unless you have an absolutely buckwild one you really want to show off.

We just focus on text. The text, yeah. Really. That's what we're looking at. On top of that, if you share a picture of the show or a video of the show and use the tags or tag BlackSheepTO and our account, FCK Buddies, you will be entered into a shot competition where we will give you free shots. For your table.

For your table, yes. It's easy. All you have to do is share that photo of you guys having fun, of us, a video, whatever you want to do. It doesn't matter as long as you tag both of it so that we can find it. Also, a side note. You might not notice this because they've been killing it

back there, but our bartender called in sick tonight. So we have two strapping young men over there hustling for us. So go easy on them. They're killing it. We appreciate you guys. They came to rescue us because otherwise we'd be doing this show from behind the bar, making drinks ourselves, and you would all be getting shots of tequila which also you should maybe get i don't know uh you guys ready for a question love it hell yeah we'll start with this this is by the user throray honeybee

my 23 year old female boyfriend 32 year old male told me i look like a sock we've been together for one month so it's very new he is respectful affectionate super funny kind I'm at the first time in my entire life I thought I found the one I have to admit that my self-confidence is not always 100% and he's sometimes clumsy with his words we went to the bakery last last time and he told me a girl like her wouldn't be interested in a guy like me about the cashier i thought was a weird thing to say but i didn't mention it at the moment this weekend we were scrolling on the lingerie website because he wanted to buy me a lingerie set and he kept saying whoa they're super hot or omg sex bomb and i felt uncomfortable like

yeah they're beautiful and they're models but please could you not say it every single time yesterday I decided I was going to talk to him I asked him to stop saying it out loud what he thought about all the women he meets because it makes me feel bad about myself I asked him what does a girl like her wouldn't be interested in a guy like you mean and he said well pretty girls wouldn't be into me and I said so you don't think I'm pretty then because I'm into you and that's when he said it man if the next words you're about to say out of your mouth is, you're not pretty, you look like a sock. Compared to other girls, well, you look like a sock. I cried so much and my heart broke.

I couldn't believe he said something like that. I sent him a text saying I wasn't sure I'd be able to pursue the relationship with him because of what he said. And he cried and told me he was sorry. I told him I i needed space i'll let him know in a couple of days i know there are many women much prettier than me and he's allowed to think other women are beautiful but i feel so sad because i'm in love with him and his words really crushed me i'm not sure i can forgive him or forget what he said today my self-confidence is at zero i keep reminding myself i'm ugly whenever i see a woman walk past me and i'm not good enough for him is there any hope for our relationship to survive

this i don't want to break up over a silly misunderstanding or just because he's a guy and he didn't mean what he said. It's very hard for me to know what my next step should be. Thank you. Jesus. You've gotta, look, in questions like this, I don't believe in sort of,

the same reason why we don't ask for pictures when we critique people's dating profiles, because I think, you know, personality transcends physical appearance. But this is the kind of situation where it's like, I would love to know, Do you look like a sock? How sock-like do you look?

Like, do you have button eyes? Yeah. Are you made of cotton made almost two-dimensional yeah how easy is it to put my whole hand inside of you then maybe that's it no that's that's where we draw the line sorry guys okay i'm just testing the water guys i'm dipping my foot in i want to see where we stand so you're a lot of new people your full hand and your foot in though i guess it's it's a wild thing to say and i do love like that she's like he's just a guy and he doesn't mean what he says what are we allowed just call people socks now is that away with it i mean

i think that's male privilege right i think that's i think that's what we've kind of been fighting against for a while now um i you know what I appreciate that this person has the, the wherewithal to be like, she's not jealous that he finds people attractive, right? Like she, she says like, oh, hey, I know that like I'm dating someone who is going to find other people attractive. And that's not the issue. The issue is quite literally, he insulted her physical appearance in a pretty heinous way.

Like that's a pretty fucking wild thing to call someone you supposedly, one, presumably find attractive because why are you dating them if you don't? And two, you're supposed to care about and therefore want to protect their feelings. Yeah. Also, like, they say it's a misunderstanding and he's clumsy with his words, but it's like, there's no misunderstanding this. Compared to other girls, you look like a sock. Pretty girls wouldn't like me. That's pretty fucking cut and dry. Yeah, there's, I don't think there's like a hidden, there's not a whole lot

of subtext. Unless, he fucking loves socks. How much does this man love socks? Right? Maybe his socks are real crusty, if you know what I mean. That's what I'm saying. Maybe he has fond feelings of socks and being like, they're not lingerie, but they are what I want to come home to at the end of the night. Literally.

Oh, come on. Setting the bar real low, guys. Said Mr. Full Hand Inside. Hey, look, I'm owning it. There is, I think, a time in every relationship where you realize that perhaps the person you're dating isn't on the same level of maturity and emotional intelligence as you. And you need to decide if, one, that's okay with you and you are willing to be on the journey of both educating and dealing with the blunders, and two, if it's not okay, and just being like, I am a grown adult, I don't need to watch you blunder and have my sort of feelings and emotional state

and self-worth be diminished while you figure out how to behave like an adult. Yeah, that's fair. But like, did he just wake up from a coma because he also was like on a lingerie website being like whoa oh my god like per picture this is why i kind of that's not surprising this man hasn't had a whole lot of like sexual activity in terms of the sense of like like interacting with other women that aren't socks that's kind of my my vibe right like where it's like i like has he never watched porn before has he never sort of watched a movie if the lingerie

catalog blew his mind this is so i really do think does it have their ages uh yeah it is 23 and he's 32 jesus the only way i was gonna let let this slide if it was like 16. Yeah, no. This man's 32? This man's 32. My God, please run. There's no helping this person.

I mean, there is. Everyone can learn. Everyone can change. We can all educate ourselves. But this person, I think at this point in time, you as a 23-year-old, what, like a 10-year difference-ish? Yeah. You do not have to take the brunt of this person's re-education of learning how to behave and talk to another human being. Yes.

Which, like, you wouldn't have to do anyway, but when he's this old, like, come on. And we've talked about it before, where they're like, oh, hey, I love this person. Doesn't it also say they've only been dating for like a month? Yeah. Okay. That's an issue all on its own. Just run, just run. It's all on its own.

But we do want to normalize. This is something we've been talking a lot about this year and we want to normalize this year. It's one of our yearly goals of being like, just because you love someone doesn't mean you have to stay with them. Yep. It's a hard thing to call,

but like sometimes the people we love are not the people we should be with or are healthy for us. So you might have strong feelings. Or sometimes they just fucking suck. Sometimes they call you a sock and you have to leave them. And I think that is the answer.

Yeah, the only thing I want to say very quickly is you say, oh, it's a silly misunderstanding or because he's a guy and doesn't mean what he said. I don't think either of those two things, one matter or two are true. Like you don't get to just say what the fuck you want and not get responsibility from it. And two,

it's obviously not misunderstanding. You can break up with him. It's okay. Yes. In fact, you should, we give you our full, full fledged support in leaving this person and hopefully going on in the

future times and his future, like relationships. I was going to say generations. And I, going on in the future times and his future relationships. I was going to say generations, and I hope this isn't a generational thing for this man's family. But yeah, move on. And hopefully he learns something from it. And you probably don't look like a sock. I would wager,

unless some sort of crazy, magical witch slash fairy has enchanted you and you are, in fact, a living sock, you don't look like one. This comes from Gamer Cutie. So I chose this one because it has a beginner tag. Okay. All the questions that we pull off of Reddit and the internet will have, like, flair, and they're tagged on certain things, like boundaries or whatever. This one had beginner. And you just let me know if you think this is a beginner move. Okay.

Is it possible to have nose in vagina and tongue on clit? For example, the woman sits on his face with his nose in her vagina and leads forward so his tongue can reach her clit. Is that a beginner move for you? Is that where you would start? Wait, that isn't where you started. That's not where I started. So I always knew. It's the old adage.

It's like, you know, don't run before you can walk. Don't use your fingers before you use your nose. Classic, yeah, but I mean, you say that all the time. I would love to know what happened here. Was someone just like, is it possible though? Or were they like, this is the thing I want, or is it the thing they're planning, or is it the thing somebody asked for?

I think that's like, what the fuck, man? We talk about context a lot, and I wanna know who this is for. Yeah, and why fuck, man? We talk about context a lot, and I want to know who this is for. Yeah. Right? And why? Just why? If my partner was like, hey, get that nose right on in there, I would be suspect.

But I'd give it a go at least once just to, you know, figure it out. You got a nose. How it is. Yeah, that was... I'm going to find that person who's laughing at these jokes and ask them how much i do it for them i couldn't not do that guys uh yeah i just i need to know can we fucking message this person and be like hey why though why why what's the point what the fuck happened here to answer your question i think you would have to do like a 69 situation yeah they would

have to definitely be facing unless they were made backwards unless you are an upside down face person um and you you could you could do it yeah you're in entering into the territory of and again we're not here to yuck anyone's yums. If you enjoy it, good for you. But 69 is arguably the worst thing in the world that's ever happened to sex. That and shower sex. Shower sex and 69. Stop doing it. No one wants it.

And if you do like it, stop lying to yourself. It's a hoax. I just thought this was funny and I just want to talk about it. I guess, yes. I love the beginner tag does add a lot of depth to it. It really does, because I like that this person, I'm going to presume they're a virgin. Just not that you have to be to be a beginner, but I'm going to assume it is. And I like that this is what's taking up the mental real estate in their head. They're not worried about performance or lasting long

or what's gonna feel good or nerves. They're just being like, what parts of my body can I get into specific places and still do other specific things? And good for them, in my opinion. You go. Yes, but I think what I really want, why I brought this question is,

and what I wanted to talk about is, I think when people are inexperienced, whether it's in sex or in specific sexual acts or fetishes or kinks, it doesn't matter how much experience you have, if you're entering into a new territory, don't fixate on one specific thing i think right because if but what if he's got everything else down

and this is the only thing left he's like i know everything else i've read the books but none of them cover this for some reason this is the elusive trick yeah he's been chasing this is his like prestige moment well he like, why would they not mention it if it's not forbidden knowledge? This is what Eve learned biting from the apple of Eden. This is what God

didn't want us to know. We can move on. I'm done with this. He's my paid plant. That's's fair that one got him so good that it almost got me uh my boyfriend she's 22 he's 24 refuses to make noise in bed but is very vocal playing video games what can i say to him using throwaway because he browses Reddit we've been together for two years we have a great relationship and I am content with most things in our life together however I have certain fantasies I've expressed to him before I like it when men are vocal in bed moaning or calling me names Etc I've expressed these to my boyfriend before and he

profusely refused every time saying he's ridiculous for a man to make noise in bed and it is not manly his words exactly recently he got himself a new pc i think it's a special one designed for performance and video games i'm not so sure he's been obsessed with it and i am also this man is moaning it better be i'm also as happy as he is maybe i can get something similar and play together one day however back to topic i've been hearing him being quite loud and excited talking to some people he told me it was his friends who already had good pcs and my boyfriend can now join him while on call with them he seems quite eager and willing i have heard him scream girlishly almost moan and even call someone daddy i do not know exactly what is going on on screen but from what i can tell he mostly plays a game where cartoonish looking cars play soccer he just seems to overly enjoy himself while playing

this game he usually moans whenever he scores a goal the things he says are all i wanted him to say to me and do to me now he can do all of it without any fuss when i asked you about it he argued it was totally different from what would go on in bed i hope so it's two that's a lot of cars uh he said it's normal because it is funny i can understand if it was a joke for a time or two but this started to become a daily occurrence he usually opens calls by hi daddies ready for some gaming with your pookie wookie for god's sake how can i approach him on this topic? Oh, boy. There's a lot in this question where, like, I'm glad that he can do this bullshit,

which I think every dude should be able to do with their friends and be sort of, like, overtly sexual with them. I think that's a healthy thing to do with your, your male platonic friends. I think it helps break down barriers. I think it helps sort of remove the,

the learned behavior of like being a macho guy. And like, we're just got to, you know, locker room talk and all that bullshit. Right. I think it's sort of the inverse of it. But the fact that he then, like, the second he puts down the controller, he reverts back to sort of, like, the misogynistic, the toxic masculinity, the sort of, like, men don't make noises in bed is wild to me.

Like, the fact that you can live in both camps at the same time and it just really depends on who you're talking to and what you're doing, that, like... Well, like, let's be fair. She's his girlfriend, but there are a bunch of cars playing football. There's no competition. It's true. Have you tried... Being a bunch of cars playing football.

Perhaps being a car. Yeah. Get your coolest, sexiest, Lightning McQueen cosplay. Hell yeah. Throw that fucking bad boy on. We finally get to know if inside the car

is bones. We've all been thinking it, right? They're people. What's their oil? Who changes it? Is their engine their heart?

True. What's their brain? Do they bleed? I, yeah, I spent a lot of time thinking about if I could kill Lightning McQueen are there doctors other cars or human like mechanics god so deep I obviously your boyfriend is insecure about being vocal in bed and I think his like his being like oh it's not manly blah blah like that might not even be something he believes it might just be a thing he's regurgitating so he doesn't have to admit that he's scared or nervous or you know yeah

yeah not that it makes it much better but I do think like you know people can be nervous people can be scared people can be uncomfortable he's can be scared, people can be uncomfortable. He's not going about it the right way, but like. There is a vulnerability that you kind of have to, and it's something I worked on. I used to, I've had previous partners way back in the day when I first started having sex being like, I can't tell if you're enjoying things

because you're like dead silent. And it is because, you know, my experiences with like sex up until the point when I started having it were watching porn where typically men are just silent dicks, right? Like they don't make noise. Like male vocal pleasure isn't something that you get a whole lot of. It's changed now, but it was something that like I a whole lot of it's changed now but it was something that like I never saw examples of so I never thought it was something that a

women wanted or be something I could do yeah so it bums me out because usually my first step is like hey talk to him about it but you've done that yeah and he's like no it's not well I think one thing here to look at is like I know I joked earlier about saying you know you're not a bunch of cars but like it is a very different situation you know I mean that's like being like oh I was at a football game and he screamed when someone scored it's like yeah because that's very different you know I mean like I don't think you should equate these things to like oh he'll be loud

for his friends like he's talking to them he's invested in a different thing he does say he does moan though that's hey when you score do you not it's fucking great two hat trick i don't know uh i just i feel like it is so different and you focusing on it is going to be harmful to your mental health and also maybe your relationship. I think you need to double down on how important it is for you, right? Yeah. I think the, and we talk about it a lot,

when you wanna address a fetish or a kink or a sexual desire, it's easier to phrase it in a way that isn't, you're not doing this, rather than this is something i really want yeah and if if you have a conversation and and if like think about like the the way it feels the difference between you going up and being like you're quiet in bed you don't make enough noise in bed that feels accusatory it's yeah it's very quick to to sort of like get your hackles up and get defensive you're on the spot all of a

sudden whereas like if you phrase it being like hey i think it would be really really hot if while we were having sex you you let yourself you moaned in my ear or told me how good it feels or you know give him a almost a script and being like these are some things i'd love for you to call me and i think it would be really fucking hot it would really turn me on and that way you're sort of opening the door into this is for me yes and hopefully the the you can start chipping away at the ego that's stopping him from from being vulnerable enough to make these noises and i think once like once that door's cracked it's going to be easier i think a really easy way to do this as well is instead of hoping he just makes these comments

or does these things kind of like of his own accord, ask him a question, like, does that feel good? Or like, how does that, you know, like you can prompt it in the act and like even if he's just like, that feels great, that's something, right? And then you're breaking that barrier and just like keep going and like, you know,

bring it up, let them know, as Dane said, the better way to have that conversation is saying what you want and like saying, you know bring it up let them know as dane said the better way to have that conversation is saying what you want and like seeing you'll find it really hot not like you're not doing it yes and and it kind of sucks because there is a small performative aspect i would say once you get once you get like an inch like once you once you start making progress really really buy into it like really express how much you like it yes i don't want you to fake anything faking things are is the wrong way to go but be sure to positive reinforcements yeah before be sure to reinforce and be like fuck that was hot yeah

the first time he does it when you're done be like that was so fucking hot when you did that yeah even the thank you you know what i mean if you know they've they've gone out of their way to do a thing for you like don't just let it go under the radar because that sucks and then and then he's like wondering oh did i did i do the wrong thing did i do the right thing was that what you're looking for was it not so so the more you can reinforce and reassure i think you you start moving in the right direction and then eventually you get into a habit and you get into a territory where you start breaking down walls and it's not even an issue anymore yeah you can just do it and it happens yeah but also like the wrong move is to be like well you laugh like a girl with your friends like don't that's not yeah you're not

gonna get anywhere with that i've heard you moan do i have to drive on the ceiling and score a point from midfield to get you to the moment? That would be fucking sick, though. It would be so fucking cool. This is... We're going to do this. We're going to do this one. Always reassuring when you say it like that. I was going to do one question, and then I changed my mind last minute. This is... I don't know how to read this username.

You are... Are Nate Ho? I don't know. It read this username. You are... Arnate Ho? I don't know. It's just a bunch of letters. I have extremely dry hands. What can I do to jerk someone off? I have an autoimmune condition that causes me to have dry everything. Eyes, mouth, skin.

My hands are always rough and peely. I try to keep up with using lotion, but it doesn't always last very long on my skin. I want to become sexually active soon and all this is weighing on my mind and making me insecure but you pretty much have to jerk a dude off at least to get him started and i don't want to hurt him i also don't want to risk using lotion right before because i don't know if it'll cause a reaction also afraid that i'll constantly need to drink during sex due to heavy breathing. Is taking a sip of water abnormal during sex? I'm completely inexperienced, so I don't know.

Have you considered using a sock? I know someone who would work like a charm. They would fucking love it. I do appreciate that they have the wherewithal to know that if they fucking lotion it up beforehand this could be really bad for that dick so someone who isn't sexually active there's a lot of pre-emptive thinking going on yeah I think like the knowing that you know if you have dry rough skin it's gonna feel unpleasant on your sensitive skin of a penis and like knowing not to use lotion yeah like all these things are really really good so you

this is like the yin yang of can i put my nose in the vagina yes yeah i mean this also had the beginner tag so yeah this one i get this one i understand um so lube there is a custom-made thing for this it is lube yeah i don't know the degree to which your hands are coarse so even with lube that might be bad so keep that in mind I would also like I don't want to give medical advice I assume you've gone to see someone about this and have the appropriate medical lotion if not consider that that's what I was gonna say I would say like maybe make an appointment with a dermatologist to see if there's a medicated lotion that you can get to use beforehand to maybe suss it out but if it doesn't because if you're just using store-bought shit that's probably not what you need for this

i don't know not a doctor now there are also other things like we like the sip of water camel backpack hell yeah right look like you're about to go on a fucking hike because if you're not fucking like you're going on a hike, you're not doing it right. There's nothing more confusing than taking off all your clothes and then putting your hiking bag on. Or always have it on. So you're always ready. That's fair.

That's fair. Have it underneath your clothes. A lot of people wear it like an outer thing. Yeah. That's for cowards. Wear it underneath. So at any moment, on a drop of a hat you're ready to be hydrated no one's gonna give a fuck if you like need water i think depending on like if you're in the middle of it and you're like hold on hold on and you go and you leave and you walk down the hallway and

you go to the kitchen and you that's gonna suck but if you have like you've got one of those uh fridges that have the ice and just like down the hall you're doing yeah and it's just like okay if you know you need water yeah if you have a little sneaky gatorade beside the bed have a little something nearby and it's i don't think if you do something with confidence during sex i think you're okay let me tell you if they start to look worried as you're drinking, just start to pour it on yourself or something. Yeah. Always keep them guessing. Never let them know your next move. Yeah. I think if you just reach over while you're having sex and grab a drink of water, and don't, like, as long as you're not like, oh, I'm really sorry.

Don't make it weird. No, don't make it weird. Just do it. If you need a fucking drink of water, get a drink of water. You're working hard. Good for you. They should be honored that you're dehydrated for them. And say that.

Yes. Fucking tell them. Be like, I'm tired. I'm hot. I'm making it work. Let me get a drink of water. It's a sideways hike. I need my camelback.

I know we just said don't make it someone else's problem, but I think you could, in this case, make it their problem. Yeah. I don't think anyone's going to mind. So, if it's really bad sex gloves so sex gloves is an interesting thought expand on that i'm thinking like you you've just got like sexy gloves they gotta go past the elbow because no glove under the elbow is sexy unless it's fingerless um these are the laughters of people that agree okay uh it's just

crazy to me that you've you had that like locked and loaded like you've thought about hey i'm flying by the seat of my pants man i don't know those are the only two gloves i know other than like doctor gloves those are sexy no that's why i didn't say them okay that was the first thought and i aborted quick from that one all right yeah and I landed on I think like the the big like yes like the satin like sort of ball gown just also maybe satin feels good I don't know maybe it doesn't also though especially with Luke I don't know man so sex clubs look it up maybe it's a thing figure it out um there is I I mean like I don't know about you as long as you are careful and sort

of judge the material correctly a hand job through pants or underwear feels dead as like a way to get going i don't want i don't think i'd want it to completion but like a cheeky little like rub through clothing is nice. Sure. Yeah. Again, though, like, you got to be careful because material, it could be worse than your scratchy-ass hands. It's true. Yes. So, the reason I brought this, and I think we need to talk about it, is…

That was a really mean thing to say about their hands. That was a mean thing. I was trying to… It wasn't meant to sound that mean, and then it did. I'm sorry. We play the hands that were dealt. Hey. Come on.

And if you have a situation. Been dealt scratchy ass hands. If you've got a situation where your hands aren't super optimal for hand jobs, then just don't do hand jobs, right? Like you don't, you're not obligated to do X, Y, and Z. It's the same thing as like, if you have a severe problem with your jaw or something, you can't be like, well, I've gotta like dislocate my jaw

every time I wanna give a blow job. You just might have to find a partner who's willing to accommodate, and hopefully if they care about you and you care about your partner You can find ways around it, right? Like there's so many people who don't have The ability to do certain yeah, actually wires add and you just adapt you adapt So if hand jobs aren't on the table, then that's fine. Don't do hand jobs, perhaps blow jobs oral sex um posh wank we've got a lot of

questions about posh wanks lately put a condom on the dick then jerk it off exactly you you there's tons of different options that you can do that don't rely on one specific act yeah and like if someone's getting some they're going to be happy they're not going to be like whoa whoa whoa they're going to be happy once you don't wound them yes don't wound them so it's it's it all comes down to two things where it's like confidence and communication let your partner know be like hey this is the situation I'm sure they're aware of it and be like this is the reason I'm not doing this I don't want to hurt you I don't think it's going to feel good. If you have suggestions, I'm willing to try them. But until then, let's find a solution.

What can I do that will feel good? Here's what I would like to do. And will that work for you? Will you enjoy that? And then work, find a middle ground and move on. Don't feel locked into normal or traditional sexual acts if your situation isn't normal or traditional. A hundred percent.

And like, maybe you're overthinking it. You might be like, hey, my hands are really dry. And they're like, you're fine. You know? And maybe they're willing to work with you. And like, once you've broached it, if you start and they're like, ooh, actually, then cool. You both tried it.

Once they're chill, you're chill. You can move on. But yeah, you're good. I think that does it for our first set, friends. Thank you very much. We will be coming around. If you have a question, feel free to write it down on the old slip. We'll come around.

We'll collect them. We'll do another round. We're going to take like a 10, 15-minute break. So if you need to go to the washroom, grab a smoke, get a drink, order some food, whatever you want to do. Also, don't forget to post a picture and tag us, fckbuddies, on Instagram and blacksheepto. We'll be doing the giveaway at the next break. Yes. During the second intermission, we will do our shot giveaway.

We will see you in about 10, babies. We're back. We're back. Thank you very much for sticking with us. I hope you guys had a chance to go to the bathroom, get a drink, do whatever you needed to do. I just closed everything on my tablet. Hold on. Good job. If anyone is wondering, for those with astute

ears, yes, this is a 100% Pitbull playlist that I play in between acts and before and after the show. And no, I won't stop. That's it. Do you have a question to I'll start off then we'll delve into some audience questions uh this one is nameless I think and I don't

have the name so whatever I love that Hamilton song helpless helpless uh does dating men help with dating women a friend and I went to lunch together and had a great time and some funny conversations. Then we went back to school and just chatted shit about a bunch of drama. Whatever. It was fun and passes the time. But I've been thinking, if that was a girl I was with, wouldn't that have technically been a date? Now I'm thinking back on every one-on-one going out thing I've done with a male friend and I'm looking at it through the same lens.

Please help me out. I've never with a male friend and I'm looking at it through the same lens. Please help me out. I've never had a girlfriend. I there is nothing that pleases me more than when men realize that women are people. It's it makes me so fucking happy when people are like, wait, hold on a second. If I treat women like human beings beings perhaps they would enjoy that the best part is this person isn't even there yet because he was like if i did that with a woman it would be date but it's like you could have a friend who's a woman nope i don't think so yeah no it's it's good you've ruined that when she took the apple from the tree i I don't know what that means, guys.

Does dating men help with dating women? Honestly, so here's my honest opinion. Yes, it does. For sure. We've been talking about this for years in the sense of the best way to reestablish or get your, as a man, to get your dating life kick-started is to invest in your platonic friendships with other men. And women. Women as well. dudes who are on the same level as you and the same maturity level of you as you and are willing to represent or reciprocate the the care and affection that you require then you don't have to rely 100% on your romantic partner to to

give you those things like you to be your be all and end all yeah if you're getting reassurance and companionship and affection and really like all the good things if you're getting that from your friends then you can start looking at your romantic partners far more objectively being like for what they add and not just whatever you can get yes or or the like those those fundamental human needs of like attention and affection and etc etc if you start looking at people specifically your romantic partners and you're just like oh hey sure you're giving me physical affection or emotional affection but you do treat me like a lot of people you say i look

like a sock all the time yeah a lot of people endure that because they're getting what they're not getting anywhere else yeah if that's your only source you'll be like okay i'm willing to put up with so much more because i need whatever i'm scraping out of this right as opposed to if someone's treating like and you've got a bunch of good friends you could be like hey one you can talk to those friends and be like this person's treating them like and hopefully they'll be like you're worth more than that two you don't need them because you can just be like fuck you i'm gonna go play hell divers there we go everyone knows everyone knows what's up um that's what gets me moaning in the night it's fucking shooting a bug right in the face let's go but i think like the amount of questions we see especially on seduction which is a subreddit

from hell uh or just like lonely men posting on reddit is like i have a good job i make good money i go to the gym but it's like what do i do because i'm trying to date and no one will date me and it's like well what about your friends and they're like i don't have any friends yeah okay step one get some fucking friends. And it's something that I've witnessed, like as a bartender, I've noticed after the pandemic, there was a huge shift in the way

that men spend time together. Before, two dudes could sit at a bar for hours and they could be talking the entire time, but not say a fucking thing to one another. They would literally just sort of like parrot stats and just grievances about work and just almost like mad libs of guy chat. And none of it would mean anything. And now I'm seeing a lot of dudes are actually sitting and having conversations. They're not all, like, I'll be honest.

They're not all fucking i'll be honest they're not all fucking nobel prize frost nixon chats but they're far more involved than they were yeah because i think a lot of dudes during the like the pandemic and the lockdown the ability to maintain those really like surface level friendships is gone because you couldn't just go to a bar yeah you're not drinking you're not watching sports. It's just sort of like, you're just there. And the only way to communicate or to,

to interact with your friends was like talking. Yeah. And putting an effort to, right. Um, so I think a lot of dudes realized during the pandemic of being like, Oh shit, I have no friends.

I have people I go to bars with. I have people I get drunk with. I have people I watch sports with, but none of these people, if the chips are down on the table, none of them are coming to my rescue if I need it. And I think a lot of dudes are starting to sort of reinvest. And that's why I think you're starting to see all these guys be like, hold on if if if I talk to a dude this way I could also talk to a woman that way and it's it's like this like light bulb moment for all these dudes and you're just like yes yeah yeah and again that's why seduction sucks so much is because all their like advice is predicated on women aren't people they are this unknowable, weird thing

that you have to figure out this strange, inhuman, uncomfortable approach. And it's like, yeah, that's why none of you are fucking happy. You can't do shit. I mean, we're socialized as men very early on that every other dude is competition and every woman is a potential sex partner and a puzzle to figure out and we couldn't ever know anything about them yeah right like there's like how many fucking joke cards are

there being like everything a man knows about woman you open it up and it's nothing right and it's just like well got him it's so stupid but like that's what we're told. At least, I think it's getting better now. But growing up, it was always like, you need to be jealous of every dude. Every dude is competition. Every woman, you need to impress. But you'll never know what they're thinking. Don't ever talk to them. God, no.

By God, never ask them a question. God, no. Don't treat them like a human being they're also the enemy everyone is the enemy and then we wonder why men are so so miserable and useless so yeah like in a way this is good and positive and right because you're right if you were there with a romantic partner this would be a date and it would have been the same kind of interaction with a little bit of spiciness thrown in but like if you can do this with your friend you could do it with a woman you like you know what I mean things can be this easy they can be this fun and that that's it and one of them I

do hate that you don't ever consider the fact that you could have a woman friend that's pretty up yeah one of the most common questions we also get is like how do you talk to women how do you meet women how do you approach women and it's just like hello is a pretty good way to start a conversation like that's that's usually that's always had great success for me um and it's and then and then you proceed talking to them like you would talk to anybody else. And just that simple step alone will put you so far up the ladder. Because you're not being fucking weird. You're not being aggressive.

You're not being creepy. And you're giving them the respect and space that they deserve. And just already you're going to actually stand out and be memorable. Because you're not being a fucking lunatic. Yeah. And you're not doing magic tricks and using pickup lines and shit. Scooting a fucking blazer over their head and plugging it into a corner, which is actual advice we've read. I will say this was bad sex writing I was going to save for the show.

And I chose something else. But it just really fits here okay uh shaquille o'neal was recently interviewed and uh he expressed that men should never share their emotions with women he said open up to a woman nah never you know why no i'm gonna tell you why once you do whenever anything goes down they're gonna throw it back in your face that's why thanks Shaq good job Shaq real slam dunk worth of advice there for us but like that's that's what you said crystallized in this person who has a platform who's like no this is a real sane normal thing

I should say and that's the thing it's like it's always been like men are raised at least I was raised in the generation of being like everyone is your enemy and you can never relax. And it's so stressful. And it takes a lot of re-educating and a lot of listening and a lot of making bad decisions and making bad choices and saying stupid things and doing stupid things to unlearn those things and I was very fortunate to have a lot of really great friends and a lot of strong women in my life who were like you're being a fucking idiot and I was very lucky for that and I hope eventually a lot a lot more dudes can can get that sort of reinforcement and re-education because it's only going to be more beneficial in the end for us yeah and hey take

your guy friends out on the fucking date why not why not platonic like friend dates are the best you want to pop one of these or you got one yeah let's let's open a question that's a precarious balancing going on i know I've got so many things just teetering on the edge, and I'm not just talking about my drink. My boyfriend won't stop liking other girls' bikini pics on Insta, and it's embarrassing because my friends have all noticed and told me. So cringe. What do I say to him? Am I insane? I just want to get this off my chest every time everyone's like oh they're liking how

do you know that's exactly what i was about to say is there an easy way to know this can we just get if there is an easy way to see who's liking what can we just get a round of applause nope no i think either you're all as useless on the internet as i am or there isn't so back in the day you used to be able to click on someone's likes and it would show you everything they liked but now they don't have that anymore yeah so I don't fucking know so the whole okay okay cool thank you so I'm assuming this person must be doing it so much if like you're just like why am I getting all these bikini pictures Oh Dave liked them yeah

so like I don't know man it's I always hate the like my friends have noticed or my like whatever because like then it's unless it's like a huge issue like hey my friend notice you're cheating on me yesterday you know it does kind of bring uh like it it kind of can derail the conversation because then it's like what do you care about what other people think what do so like i think keeping it about you is far more important than starting with like oh my friends have all noticed i do think it can be a point being like it is also embarrassing because my friends have all noticed but i think you start with like your grievance and be like hey i'm feeling insecure about you doing this why and i guess it also matters like is it all your friends bikini pictures or is it like models that's that's i think there's a distinction between liking professional models or like influencers photos and liking your friends sexy photos

yeah if like claire has 30 pictures and three of them are bikini pictures and he found each one and i was like yeah claire yeah and then he moved on to sarah and he's like yes sir you got two like that's definitely hear him saying that in the next room because i think that's also a problem you I think there are two things one I think it really does depend on what kind of bikini pics they are liking yes you I think it matters why it bothers you yes right is it jealousy because you're allowed to be jealous but I think also people are allowed to consume the content they want to consume I I think there's a a level of like is is he then allowed to go through all the pictures that you've liked and see if anything Peaks his insecurities right like I think there is a a weird line that social media has introduced into relationships where it's like, if a picture of Henry Cavill appears on my timeline,

I'm gonna like it. Yeah. And I'm gonna like every single one of them that appears on my timeline. I don't think at that point in time, like a partner should be like, hey, I've noticed you liking a lot of Henry Cavill pictures. This isn't even a question we got.

I just wanted to bring this up. This is an intervention of me liking Henry Cavill. The audience has noticed that you've been liking a lot of pictures this isn't even a question with god i just wanted to bring this is an intervention of me liking henry the audience has noticed that you've been liking a lot of henry cavill and uh we kind of collectively wanted to ask you to keep going yeah why would you not yeah but like i i think there it's like where is the line between consuming content that is constantly being beamed into our brain and content that you're seeking out for ulterior motives i think it gets into a really murky quagmire of ethics of being like if the algorithm is showing me bikini photos and i'm it takes i've liked a photo i've liked another it takes literally no effort to do that right and am i going to remember that photo that i liked probably absolutely not yeah it's it is a weird one because like again no one's going to be instagram police and be like oh this

is okay they're wearing something revealing but it's sports attire this isn't because now they're in a bikini this is because you know like i don't think there's a way you can get through any kind of conversation mediating someone's intake like that without just devolving into madness yes if it is he's being creepy with like your friends pictures i think that's a conversation you could very easily have 100 if it's just that you don't like being with someone who's going to like any way revealing pictures on Instagram, then maybe this isn't the guy for you because clearly he's into it. I think it's twofold.

I think you're 100% within your right, if anything ever makes you uncomfortable, to voice those, right? To tell your partner being like, hey, a lot of my friends and myself have noticed you liking a gratuitous amount of bikini photos, and it's starting to make me feel very insecure. And be honest with him and yourself why it bothers you. Yes, and I think that is key. It's like you don't want to go into this

conversation not being able to explain where you're coming from, and being able to explain where you're coming from is going to do you and him so much more in terms of like clarity and like arguing or talking about what actually needs to be discussed yes because if you come up to them and you say hey i've been noticing you liking a lot of bikini photos okay like stop is that yeah is that the conversation that you have yeah and it's like you have to then be like it makes me feel uncomfortable and if he's like why you also then need to have a reason if it's like, you have to then be like, it makes me feel uncomfortable. And if he's like, why? You also then need to have a reason. If it's like, hey, well, these women don't look anything like me. And it's making me insecure about my body.

Or it's making me insecure about what you find attractive. It's making me whatever. And hopefully, at that point in time, he will have the intelligence to reassure you. Baby, compared to other girls, you look like a sock. What if he's just liking a bunch of that one guy definitely sock pictures um so i think you need to express why you're upset about this and then again another one of my missions for this year don't be afraid to ask for reassurance if he's liking all these photos be like i need

to know that this isn't like you're not just biding your time until you find someone who looks like this yeah or you wish i looked like that that's what i'm feeling and hopefully and be like i i that's i need to know that that's not what you feel um and then gauge his reaction and then figure out what you want to do because of it right if if he's like well yes they're all hotter than you and i i wish you looked like that then he's a piece of shit yeah and you should be like hey go fuck yourself i'm gonna find someone who finds me hot and not compare me to people yeah if he's like hey i'm really sorry i'm just really in like hot women are hot women they pop on my feet i like it and

then i move on i think at that point in time you have to sort of like and hopefully he'll be like no i find you very attractive i'm i'm with you for a reason blah blah blah um so you need to gauge like the the reaction but you do need to talk to him about it openly and honestly and not accusatorily yes and then if if you're unsatisfied you know you can always move on or hopefully you guys will come to an agreement yes all right got another audience one here I had an ex-girlfriend who constantly needed reassurance I wouldn't leave to me it made me feel like she was questioning our relationship what advice do you guys have for this kind of situation I mean I just talked about the importance of reassurance,

but I do think- You can do too much. There is a limit. Yes, for sure. Everything in moderation. Yeah. I think there is a limit to everything that you can do in the same way that I think if you have a high libido

and your partner also has a high libido, I think there is still a- The physical limits there. Yes, and I also think that every now and then, people just want to not, right? So it's like the same way in this, where it's like if every day or every couple hours or every time I do something that triggers an insecurity,

I have to assure you that I'm not going to leave you, that takes a strong emotional toll on your partner as well. And it is, I can also understand why it would be like, it does make it feel like they're questioning your relationship because it's almost like, how can I fucking convince you? I mean, like I've said it over and over again. It's like, why do I have to still, you know? So I do get that.

I think on their behalf, it's obviously stemming from a place of insecurity or maybe like an inability to communicate what they're actually worried about. You know what I mean? Yeah. Because clearly you're not reaching or they're not reaching like a point where they can let go of whatever it is, which isn't on you unless you call them a sock every time they come and talk to you but you know i think the the thing here is there is an insecurity and i think it's more than okay for you to be like look we've had this conversation multiple times and like i love you i'm not leaving you but like i want to know why you have to keep

bringing it up because like am i not reassuring you in some way you know what i mean be it the conversation we've had or how we go through our day-to-day lives. Like, is there something I'm doing that's making you question this? And if they have like, you know, a fair point to bring up, discuss it. If they don't, then you can be like, okay, if that's the case,

why do you keep bringing it up then? Because it feels to me almost like you're suggesting that there is. Yeah, I think there is a time and a place, and I think there is a healthy way to challenge your partner's insecurities. And I think after you've done this sort of song and dance a number of times, if there is a repeating issue where you resolve it, and then another day later you have the same conversation and resolve it in the same way

and then keep doing this cycle of same problem, same resolution, same problem, same resolution, over and over and over again, then something isn't working. Either the problem isn't being explained correctly or the solution isn't satisfying. And you need to figure out which one it is or both of them if it's if it's a whole situation and then have a conversation and as now said just be like look is there something I can do to actively reassure you in our relationship is it a matter of just like when I wake up say something nice about you at the start of the day, because that's something easy and actionable and something that you can do and just be like, great, that puts my

anxiety at rest. Not that you need to do something like that either, if that's not something you're comfortable with, just to get that out there. I think there is also a conversation to be had where you can say to your partner be like look i understand that you have an insecurity and you're worried about this but this is also taking a mental and emotional toll on me it it's quite a you know it takes a lot out of me to constantly be concerned that anything i do could be misconstrued as me not being interested in you or me not caring about you and also just like it takes an emotional toll to be like, oh shit, like if they're asking me this, are they worried?

Are they unhappy? Like that sucks to think, right? And I mentioned it earlier where I think it's really important. One of my yearly missions is to reiterate the fact that just because you care about someone doesn't mean that you should be with them. And if this is one of the situations where this person is constantly needing reassurance perhaps there's a lot of work they need to do on their own time whether through therapy or self-reflection or whatever they need to maybe separate from you

guys from us for a moment and and go do a thing and you guys live your own individual lives like no one should be waiting for anyone yeah but if if there's a problem that persists and no solution states it then there's there's much deeper work to be done and you can't do that while persisting in the cycle of the problem yeah i think that is counterintuitive to solving it so you might have to be like look i care about you deeply and it sucks because this will sort of be like, look, I care about you deeply. And it sucks because this will sort of be like a self-fulfilling prophecy. Yeah.

Right. But at the same time, you can't live in that. Like I've had exes do similar things where it's just like the same question, the same problem. And it's like, you do your best to solve it. And then it just rears its head. And it's like those first 10, 12 times you're earnest.

And then it's like, I can't fucking keep doing this forever. Yeah know um and and it's you you just have to be as kind and as caring and compassionate as you can just be like look i understand that like i i do care about you but right now that doesn't seem to be enough yeah and i need you to go explore what would be enough in order for you to to one accept the the the Karen and love that I have for you, but also to, to accept sort of like anyone's Karen love, because like it doesn't really do you any good.

If I can finally convince you at the end of the day that like, I care about you, because if we do break up, then what you were worried about has come to pass and will just compound onto the problem. So that the next person you have to deal with, you'll be like, well, my last partner, I was worried they were going to leave me and they left me. And then you start from ground zero.

If you don't fix the foundation, you can't build a house. For sure. So I hope that helped. Quick one? Let's do a quick one You got one? You want me to hit you one? Hit me one

This is by Lazy Daisy Am I cheating on my boyfriend? I, 27 year old female I love these questions Because the answer is almost always so obvious It's either yes or no A quick vote Do we think it's going to be a yes or a no?

If you think it's going to be a yes Round of applause No faith in humanity humanity i love it let's go i 27 year old female have built my boyfriend 30 year old male for a little little over a year from the very beginning i knew he was jealous i thought it was a wound he needed to heal since he was married before and it ended because his ex cheated on him i always had guy friends so i've known since high school and he seemed uncomfortable with that i thought it was no big deal since i hang out with them maybe once every few months among these guy friends is a co-worker who texts me regularly as of recently i have hung out with this co-worker more to celebrate work birthdays outside of work there are group events and they

don't happen very often i've even turned down outings with this guy where i know we'll be alone because i know it'll make my boyfriend uncomfortable however my boyfriend has been expressing his discomfort with me having male friends more and more recently i had a very old friend come from out of town and i had dinner with him again my boyfriend voiced his discomfort he says anytime i hang out with a guy friend it's low-level infidelity because i'm putting myself in a situation that can lead to more i bet you all feel like idiots now don't you he's never explicitly told me not to hang out with them just how he feels am i cheating okay let's do a re reevaluation who thinks this is cheating yeah so glad nobody clapped i would i would have really loved it if that like just at the end, they zagged and they were like, and then I fucked them.

I think, I mean, this is a quick question and it does prove my question right, where the answer is almost always very obvious. This is, no, having a male friend or a friend of the opposite gender or the gender you find attractive, whatever whatever is not cheating i love the rationale of like well you're in a situation where something might happen dude that's every situation yeah that's life unless you're in a room by yourself locked in there hey i could still make it happen even then you got two socks exactly i've got two ex-girlfriend on my feet right now future ex-girlfriend sorry I haven't dated them yet yeah okay but leave me alone in this room and I just might for this next break if Dane disappears if you could all just off for like three minutes. We'll probably be okay.

We're gonna pop into our second break here. It'll be the last 10 minutes before we deliver those shots. So get sharing. And if you have questions, just we'll be around to look at your table and see if they're there. We'll scoop them. Also, don't be afraid to, if you don't have a question,

if you have a friend in a situation that you would like to get advice and like. Or if you're just curious about what your nose can do. Yeah, if you want to know where you can put your nose, let us know. We'll be back in about 10, 15 minutes. We're going to do the shock competition. So you have about another like five minutes before we do those. We will see you in 10 or 15.

Oh lord, we're back. Oh shit. We've got two audience questions. If for whatever reason you feel inspired during this last set, this is your last chance to get a question up to us. If you're like, oh, shit, I just remembered a question that you had, feel free to just run it up to us and we'll do it. We've got our winners at the front row over here with the shot competition. Those didn't last

even one second so and that's the way it should be damn it um thank you and thank you to everyone who shared so let's do a quick uh this is also the the time where we do tinder profiles or or online dating profiles so if you want us to review your online dating profile it could be any platform we don't care as long as you give us a the text we want to see the text um we will review it send it to our instagram just scan the qr code um if you don't have it it's fck buddies on insta uh let's do it you want to go first sure tomorrow is international women's day and i'm not prepared mentally physically or spiritually for the amount of pegging that's about to happen. Any lube recommendations?

Happy fucking International Women's Day is all I can say. Is that a Deadpool reference? I hope so. Lube references. I've got two. Yeah, go for it. I was trying to remember the people that gave us the... Yeah, Gems.

Yeah. There's two Toronto-based lube companies that I really enjoy. One is Gems, which I believe is a female-owned sex company. They're very cool. They sent us a bunch of treats for a live show a while ago, and every interaction with them has been wonderful. And not only do they provide good gear, they also are activists and actively work towards making sex healthier and better,

and it's great. Yeah, they fight for curriculum changes. They fight for sexual parity. It's great. So G they fight for curriculum changes. They fight for sexual parody. It's great. So Gems is an excellent company. Again, Toronto female-owned company. And the other one is Fuckwater. Which, like, with a name like that.

Fuckwater is an incredible, it's a great lube. It's a water-based lube. And it's available at, like, pretty much, I don't know if it's still available. To be fair, look, I'm going to come gonna come clean i fucking hate them they stole our name before i was gonna call the podcast fuck water and then they they got there first it was gonna be our personal branded lube but they they got there first now we gotta call it fuck goop yeah that's not as good fuck slide um i'm sorry those two words should never be said uh yeah so those two i think local they're good people they do good shit and they're reasonable and also like i know it doesn't matter but the gems branding is fucking good so it just looks good that's the thing it's like if i'm i

feel like if you pull it out it's like damn i'm sure that's a mature sexual partner that's not someone pulling out his like yeah i don't know the the gems lube bottle feels good it does like the plastic that they use we're not sponsored i wish we were we're not making money off them for this so we should stop talking about their good material but yeah check those out um yeah i got one here cool is it always a bad idea to date a superior i.e a tutor supervisor team captain etc are there any exceptions i love that you're like the superior like all the things in here aren't the traditional typical yeah tutor and team captain are wonderful i guess supervisor is the closest yeah i was gonna say like a boss teacher but like tutor team captain team captain is great this is some this this person is stuck in like a cw teen drama

yes for sure 100 like tutor is weird because i think in a lot of cases there's like an implied age gap so if you're like a 16 year old getting tutored for your math and they're 20 yeah that's a fucking bad idea and it's illegal you know but if you're like oh i'm learning dnd and my dnd teacher is also 25 i don't know you're fine yes i mean we talk about it a lot especially when it comes to like age gaps a lot of people ask like how old is too old or how young is too young and like a lot of it comes down to maturity and power dynamics i think the the likelihood of a of dating someone who is in a position higher than you the likelihood that something unpleasant is going to happen is far more likely than any other scenario in the sense of being like, oh, if you're dating your boss,

any promotion you get, especially if you're a lady or femme presenting, you're going to be accused of being like, oh, you slept your way to your top. You didn't earn, all the merits of your hard work are now going to be diminished into the sexual relationship you have with that person. And you might even second guess it too.

You might be like, oh my gosh, shit, is that the only reason I got it? Like anytime there's, like if you're dating your boss in a more casual setting, being like, oh, are you getting better shifts than everyone else?

It doesn't matter if you're the hardest working person there or the best bartender or the whatever. Or do they then like pass you over so they don't look like they're being, like showing favoritism? Exactly. And then there's also the risk you run of, oh, maybe this person isn't as good as you may think they are. And now they can use their power dynamic to manipulate you, to gaslight you, to put you in a bad situation as well.

Or maybe they just turn shit when things go wrong. And then if you break up your career is fucked yeah so i think it's always better to err on the side of caution and avoid situations like if i had to choose a way to get home and one way is a well-lit street right down to my house and the other one is a alley filled with a dude flicking a butterfly knife. But that alley will get you laid at least once. The man with the butterfly knife will fuck you. Hey, he's good with his fingers. Yeah.

Incredibly dexterous. Because that's the thing. It's not like a clear street that's dangerous versus a clean one. It's like there's curves. I don't know what's around that corner, but the first five feet, there's sex. Yeah. That's why you go down that road.

That's the thing. It's like, that guy with the butterfly knife looks like Henry Cavill. Hey, now I'm back in. Now I'm back in. It's that guy, and he looks scary, but it would be kind of rude not to because I've been liking his pictures for months. This guy's going to be like, really, man?

I came and stood in an alley. I waited in an alley for you for hours. So you have to weigh the pros and cons and I think almost always the cons in this scenario are going to far away the pros. Yes. Because the way I can see it is like the pros are you really like them and the sex is good. Yeah.

Cool. The cons are like your life could get fucked up. You could lose your job. You could get passed over for promotion. The list of cons is a very, very long one in terms of like I'm pretty sure you could probably find someone who could fit the other categories that don't also have there are a lot of other tutors out there find an ugly one this is find another team captain that's not on your team okay but that causes drama in the team have you never watched one tree hill that's what i'm saying it's it's almost the worst option here okay well yeah i guess you're there you're

looking at nathan scott one also nathan scott you're gonna you're looking at Nathan Scott one also Nathan Scott you're gonna turn away from that I don't know is that a character name or an actor name you know okay uh yeah no I think if you want to do it go in with your eyes open knowing the risks and knowing that you made that choice so that when it goes bad you can be like yeah because it does make it feel slightly better when you're like, I kind of thought this might happen. Yeah. Be willing to accept the consequences of your actions.

Speaking. Oh, weird. What the fuck? What happened there? Damn. I was going to say speaking of eyes open. I was going to say speaking of consequences of your actions. Okay.

Well, let's do mine. Mine's real quick. This is from UnstableCat1803. Genuine question. What is the normal thing to do? Eyes open or eyes closed during sex? If eyes open, am I supposed to be making eye contact or looking elsewhere? I've found I naturally tend to close my eyes or soften my gaze as I find it more relaxing.

But then, occasionally, opening them and making eye contact to check in and be present with my partner is this normal i haven't had sex in five months and i'm aware of this sounds silly i've just recently started overthinking about this overthinking really no you're thinking the exact right amount about this i think it is so like one i think if you do too much of either real weird right let's get that out there if you're too eye contact or just always eyes closed something's wrong and it's not even just eyes closed they're like should i look elsewhere i like the idea of you having sex with someone and they're like they're like a dog that knows they've done something wrong where they're just kind of like looking everywhere but you yeah I think that would

be I think that's the worst option I don't know man like eyes closed sometimes like if you were just eyes closed and the thing is it's also heavily position dependent sure if if we're having sex doggy style I don't really care do whatever yeah it doesn't matter I can't see your face but if my eyes are closed it's kind of weird for the whole thing like i'm not talking like i close them because i'm really enjoying it but if they're just closed the whole time you're not gonna know but it is weird it's true right if there was a mirror and you saw that you'd be like he's gonna kill me or something yeah what is he doing right like if i just like the second she turned around i was like oh thank god like and just never open them yeah that would be terrifying i would just constantly think you're cyclops from the x-men if you do open your eyes i bust

just blow lasers blow my laser load um yeah i you need like a little bit of both a little bit of both close your eyes you know it's almost like the the physical version of what your man did by moaning to his friends on xbox live you know if you close your eyes like yeah you're enjoying it nice if you're just staring at me no but like if you don't look at me bad and the eye contact can be hot eye contact can absolutely be but not too much not too much and like it's it's all you feel it right you the vibe. It's like a give and take. It's a rhythm. It's jazz. It is jazz. It's iJazz. iJazz.

I'm sure that helped someone out there. I'm not sure it did. It just sounds like you made a new app, iJazz. Fuck, I don't even remember. I'm just too busy thinking about iJazz right now. Um, I, as someone who appreciates the physical form of the people that I have sex with. What a normal way to say that. There's. No, keep going, please.

No one's ever survived a sexual encounter with me with the way i apparently we got them boys um police bust in every window yeah i like like you don't have like there's a lot to look at yeah people are like bodies humans are hot yeah right there's all sorts of things and as a straight guy ladies have arguably probably a little bit more to look at but i mean like a chest is a chest is a chest i'm digging myself a hole here y'all and i know it i'm looking for a rope anything you find people hot and i think enjoying the hotness is a good way to give your eyes a break yes from staring into someone's soul if someone if someone wants to just get an eyeful like a full gander of this whole situation and enjoy it great if you're not gonna enjoy it please don't i don't want that can we dive back and i know this is a terrible thing

to do for everyone there was a question we had ages ago about someone who wanted to set up a series of mirrors so they could stare at someone's butthole while they i like did stuff uh-huh i just it's that's all i'm thinking of right now cool we had a ques they they wanted to look at the butthole they had mirrors it was very weird anyway so don't do that either it was uncomfortable for everyone involved i think there's there's a mix of both and much like a lot of sex and dating, there isn't an easy answer. I can't say 10% eyes closed, 90% eyes open, 50% of eyes open.

This person literally describes the ideal situation of being like, you know, I tend to close my eyes and soften my gaze as I find it more relaxing, but then occasionally open them to check in with my partner. Yes, you've described being a human. Yeah.

You've done it. What do you think they mean by soften my gaze? Just dead in the eyes. Just full. Just like looking and then like. And that's it. I hope they don't make that first face. You were so angry.

Yeah. Well, you need to soften, which means you start hard. I think. You can't soften something that's already soft. You can soften a gaze. Like, can you not? I know this isn't something everyone can do. terrible thing for an audio medium yeah but like do you guys know what i mean when you can like blur your vision yeah but that's weird yes like i'm gonna look

at my partner then i'm gonna make him go a little blurry then i'm gonna close my eyes they're gonna look at his dick i send them to blur town that's what i do that's my move it's just unfocused they're like you good and then i like to just give them the old, I squish your head. I'm squishing your head. And that's usually how I finish. You've got a question. Let's do a quick question. I got one.

I got a few. I don't know which one to go with. Let's go with this one. This is by ET1132. Okay. Okay. Any tips on how to get laid in college without actually enrolling in college i'm currently 23 live with my parents have a decent job and i have a car

currently i'm not getting great results from night game which has been the only way i'm meeting new women but recently my buddies in college have been swimming through poon like michael phelps they're not even in fraternity michael phelps even still swim anymore he did though he did he was diving in that poon and they're not even in fraternities i asked how they're getting the results and they proceed to hit me with the same lecture my parents gave me on why i should have gone to college i love that this how cool are your parents your parents are like look we don't give a fuck how dumb you are we don't care about your career fucking wet yeah we don't care about your education we don't care about your future we just need you look son you're a disappointment you're barely

dipping your toes in the poon pool and you're you're a disgrace to the phelps name but at this point i do not plan on going to college because I already have a set path slash career and do not need a degree. Should we guess he's a Twitch streamer? That's my go. Something worse, podcaster. However, no one laughed at that, and that really hurt.

They're like, yeah. I would rather someone look at me and not be into it than what just happened yeah they know they looked at us and they weren't into it uh i do still want to know if there's a way i could dip my foot or a whole body lol into the college social scene and at least somewhat enjoyed the same ease of access to new friends fuck buddies possible gfs etc as the students do without enrolling in college and before one of you tells me to stop being a weirdo by larping as a student on campus you can't not admit that running college game especially in my current situation is way higher roi than hitting up some loud night

club or trying to use dating apps when i'm average looking also my buddies can't really get me into the college social scene either because they're not in any circles or don't go to parties like that. Anyway, would appreciate tips and advice on how to pull this off. Didn't he just say his friends were swimming in poon pool? I don't think his friends want him coming around. Like, oh, yeah, no, we're in the poon pool, but, like, we can't bring you to our parties, bud. It's more of a poon jacuzzi. There's not a whole lot of room in here for you

george phelps um it's like my thing was like just look your friends are all i sorry my mind is racing a mile a minute because like i just keep thinking of like all the dumb things this guy said one i love him he's like this guy's getting laid and they're not even in a fraternity it's like I don't know again I haven't I've never been in a fraternity I don't know if my college even had a fraternity um but I don't know and this could just be the the women that I'm friends with but I can't think of someone who is currently less fuckable than a frat guy right now right like i can't think of of a demographic that women are more universally repulsed by yeah and that again just could be the the women that i hang out with there could be a a large group of women who are well frat ho so when i came here first i went to i'm not saying women are hoes i'm saying they are like a

pirate ship on the poon pool and they're saying frat ho i just want i just wanted to clarify i'm so glad you cleared that up what are in those did somebody spike dane's white claw um no laws baby so when i came here first i was in u of t and they had fraternities and when you went to a lot of the fraternity parties it was them hosting them and then being angry that women were sleeping with people attending the party and not them so yeah yes yeah that's what i'm saying yeah i think this guy doesn't know anything about university except for what he's seen in like 19 like like 90s to that early yeah like old school you know he thinks great movie it's gonna be probably problematic now

also there's a whole movie that solves your problem which is accepted with yes incomparable Jason long long Justin Justin long thank you we were close we almost got there it was a long shot where it's like you make a fake fraternity so then you are in a shot where it's like you make a fake fraternity so then you are in a fraternity it's not even he makes a fake university oh he does make a fake yeah which is my exact advice yes right look although then the power dynamic we just answered that that was the other one written after tudor was fake university president who owns a unit and i know the dean he's hired by the university he doesn't own it are universities a scam yes um i'm re-watching community right now so yeah yeah it's happening

uh it's gonna be fucking weird if you just start hanging around university or trying to go to university parties not knowing anybody not in the university with no friends what do you do it while being like no i did this because my parents said this is how i should get laid i love that's my favorite part of the question i think the the the context here is really telling for you as a person being like look all my college friends all my friends who are in college currently are getting laid like crazy but when i was like hey maybe you know invite me out to a party oh we don't do that okay yeah like do you have friends you can introduce me no yeah it seems like you might be the problem and college is not faking being a college not gonna fix that man i was really i was really trying to pull a

taylor swift lyric out of my ass there because it's you i'm the problem yeah and all i could think of is the the song lyric that i'm incorrectly been singing for the past the sexy baby it is the i had a dream that i was a sexy baby which is not the line in the song you lied to me but it's all i can think about right now okay uh you're the problem dude i'm gonna i'm gonna leave because we gotta go to tinder's but like i think if your friends won't hang out with you why would random women great point and also when you have the opportunity to do the plot of an early 90s late or like late 90s early 2000s movie slash sitcom you fucking you do it you coward for us please it's the same thing when people like oh no i have two girls that i'm interested in you

date them at the same time in the same restaurant across each other yes which costume changes yes that's what you do you dumb sock sorry i got i got worked up you know it's time to review some tinders let's do it this is going to involve a little audience participation. We're going to read out a profile. You are going to clap, cheer, say yay if you would swipe or you appreciate it. You are going to boo if you think this person sucks shit, which, spoiler, some may. This person is 20. I'm not going to read their name for their sake.

They're looking for, still figuring it out, about me. I spit on blind kids and tell them it's raining. If we matched, I swiped on you on accident. If I don't answer right away, I'm probably in jail. My two favorite things in life, gambling, getting pissed off. Man, I was trying so hard not to laugh at that because it was a lot of terrible things, but that last line, man.

I fucking love getting pissed off. I might be in jail. Like, dude, you're 20. What do you guys think? That's a good thing, right? We like booze? Only in this. Why?

If it wasn't for the blind kid thing at the start, man, I fucking like this profile. In the way that I hope it's a joke. Because I think it's my level of stupid. It is so bad, it sounds like it could only have been constructed as a fake profile and however having done this for so long yeah i know it's we're not lying when we say that there's a good chance that all this fucking shit has given us ptsd yeah because it's it's fucking rough it's bad out there we literally don't know the difference between a joke profile and a real profile anymore because it's all bad. Because none of them are fucking jokes.

And they all are. This one is kind of a little rhyme. I'm going to give that last one a minus 10. Tinder is my favorite. What? Is it another Taylor Swift lyric that you tried and failed? No, I was going to say something that I don't think I should. Well, that was great.

This is also nameless. Her age is not on here, but she has written us a little song. Six foot three, drinks on me. Over six one, let's have fun. Below, no. Damn, as a short king, this hurts. Another blow to my self-esteem from a random stranger on a dating app. I love that she's like, those two inches really matter.

Like 6'3", yeah. 6'1", I guess. Well, I mean, arguably, I'm employed. I don't need you to buy my drinks. I would rather, let's have fun. You could probably have fun, but she also buys you your drinks. It's like a cascading scale. I would assume fun is also included in drinks.

Yeah. What do you guys think? Yeah. That's fair. Yeah, we don't like it. It's pretty bad. I'm going to give it a one. Yeah.

Jesus. You're not meant to read these. I know. I'm sorry. This one is is nameless but they do the prompt is unusual skills I can queef uncontrollably while standing on my head hell yeah oh yeah 10 out of 10 I don't know if i like the word uncontrollably right like if you were like

i can queef while standing while standing on my head or even like continuously or on command sounds like it might be a problem it kind of so you know when you like let go of a balloon yeah that's what i'm imagining in terms of like uncontrol on couldn't a stop would be a control it's but I like if I turn you right side up are you like a weird hourglass I assume so it's like she just starts like recharging when you put her up proper I would love to know what a cartwheel looks like and more it's halfway through and they get seated yeah just fucking flies off all right goodbye Stephanie she's also a mechanic, so

I don't know if that adds to it. I think it does. This is nameless. They're 35. They want something long-term, but they're open to short. Not into hookups. What? Navy veteran. I'm not trying to date your fucking dog. Stop

posting their pictures. If you post only group pictures you're the ugly one i don't know about tacos or how tall i don't care about tacos or how tall you are if you post your date meals don't contact me ugly people need loving too just not for me dudes that use filters they're batting for the wrong team i'm convinced that dudes with multiple cats are undercover serial killers why the fuck are you wearing a mask in your pictures? Does your camera have COVID? Cool.

Can you just... I just want to take this in as like a visual thing. There's like... It's like someone went to the Red Flag store and was just like, load her up. Let's just get them all in the back of what i can only assume is the pickup truck you drive and just throw them on in

there no shade to people who drive pickup trucks it's it's pretty fucking beautiful i like that all i know is that you suck shit and you're a navy vet. Great. Yeah. I mean, like, the thing that, like, upsets me the most in all of this, and there's a lot, the cat line coming at me, I only have one. You only have one cat, though. I do. So you're safe. For now. But for most of my life,

I have had multiple. You fucking scary-ass bastard. But the thing that makes me mad is dudes that use filters are batting for the wrong team because there is presumably in your mind a right team yeah homophobia from this guy what a surprise yeah from a navy vet whoa there's probably cool navy vets out there especially in the navy yeah it's gonna be a minus 10 for me I hate it this is this my second last one no name for the sake of time efficiency for both parties I accept

contact exclusively for men who have completed law slash medicine studies daytime mode plus completed internship slash specialization the possession of a diploma itself does not determine an appropriate level of intellectual independence of an individual. Exhibit A, sufficiently high intellectual financial. Oh, they have to also exhibit A, sufficiently high intellectual slash financial level and have clearly defined priorities. What the fuck? You guys like that?

How are we like that, y'all? We love it? She's not doing it for you? People are scared. There's just a look. how we like that y'all we love it she's not doing they're scared this is this is a look we just activated like 40 people in it yeah we've we've got a lot of reactions this is the first time there's like this weird intense kind of like what yeah what just happened what I did feel like I was one of those people sped up at the end of like a medicine commercial words oh yeah there's over

time viciously purple plays a second losing for men who complete law medicine studies daytime on the blazing space the daytime mode what does that mean me it feels like they're trying to sound really smart but then they said daytime mode yeah I may maybe were idiots maybe they are really smart all the doctors in the audience like yeah dude fucking daytime mode yeah I'm gonna give it a fucking zero yeah it's just shit i don't know like this is the anti fun my the best thing is is what they're looking for is new friends and let me tell you if that's not gonna get you a friend or two i don't know what is i've never

seen a friendlier profile uh and this is the last one. This is a hinge prompt. My most irrational fear? Falling. I hate that shit. Just a smiling, crying face. How high do you think they're talking about? I just assume they're very clumsy. Yeah.

Do we like this prompt? I really like I feel like we should start doing like plus like tests where we read the same profiles in different orders at different shows because by the end this is so good compared to the filth you've waited through it's true if I started you'd probably like oh yeah what the fuck what do you this is boring but now you're like yes I take the fuck out of this person this person could barely stand up right and every time they fall it's a queef Joe yes no that's very show yeah it's it's bad we are nearing the end of our show

and first we would like to say thank you to everyone who came out and supported us thank you for the people who didn't know this was a show

and stayed and hung out you guys are fucking kick ass and we love you thank you for our sub bartenders Jordy and Anga you guys kicked ass

thank you very much for subbing in because without them you would all be sober and we would not be funny yeah if anybody is going to be

at Comic Con on Friday the 15th of March we will be there doing a meet and greet we will also be performing with our other podcast No Quest for the Wicked

which is a sci-fi TTRPG podcast so if you're there please come we got a show at noon it's going to be a lot of fun. We're also going to be giving out dice at the booth. Yes.

And that's going to be a blast. Again, thank you all for coming. We do this show online on any podcast place you could think of every Monday. And we've got a lot of episodes out there. So give us a listen if this didn't ruin your day. And we also do this every month. We don't know what our date for our next show is,

but following us on Instagram or any social media is a great way to keep contact with that or follow Black Sheep TO because they will also post about it. I think that's it. And then I send everybody off into the night with some bad sex writing. Today it's going to be brief it's just going to be a news headline um and this is from the national post

are sydney sweeney's breasts double d harbingers of the death of woke We can only hope. I, wow. What does that mean? Her boobs are killing woke cultures, I guess. I don't fucking, I can't even begin. I will tell you one thing she's participated in that she killed. Madam Web and the art of cinema. Thank you very much, friends. My name is Dane Miller.

And I'm Niall Spain. And we have been your fuck buddies.